1918

II~© ©~\"!.!:::1=~~~~AUTOGRAPHS ~ ©© (g~l ~~ ~~ ~(gl II~© II©

Mr. Turpin-What arc the most essential stable foods of today?James A.-ITay, corn and oats. That's all our horse gets. ln a history class the teacher was telling the pupils somethingof Russia. \"Now who cant ·11 me what the ruler of Russia is called?\" \"The Czar,\" bellowed thr class. \"And what is his wife called?\" \"The Czarina,\" came from a few. \"Good,\" said the teacher. \"Now l wonder i( you know what theCzar's children are called?\" There wa a long pause then a weak voice piped up, \"Czaradiues.'' \"Why docs Mrs. Hamilton call her husband a picket fence?\" \"\iVell, she says he's easy to see through and he's very usefularound the house.\" Mrs. Brammer-Say, Donglas, did yon feed the furnace? Mr. B.-Well, you could hardly call it that. L gave it a lightlunch, so to speak. The Kiss.ButNoJustNoOnceNoPleaseN-Jlcnry, why don't you shave?Mr. Airel-Virginia, hasn't that young man gone Yet?Virginia-No, bthcr, but I've got him going. •

Mr. Merrill-} Ierman, do you know where shingles were firstused? TI. H. (modestly)-l'd rather not tell. LeeS. (in the cafeteria)-What is this stuff? Ernest G.-Taste it and see. Lec-I did, that's what aroused my curiosity. She-[f I should tell yon that you could kiss me on either cheek1\ hat would you do? r[e- l'd hesitate a long while between them. Mr. l\1 illerberg-By gosh, I wonder when this war is going toend? Leonard-If you can wait till tomorrow, papa, I'll ask Mr. Jorg-enson. One small boy had been given a penny with a hole in it. Hand-ing it to another hoy he dared him to buy something with it. Jim-mie took the penny to a bakery and said: \"1 want a doughnut..'' Jfe picked up the doughnut, laid downthe penny and started out. \"11 ere,\" said the girl, ''this penny has a hole in it.\" \"So has the doughnut,\" shouted Jimmie as he ran off. \"Mercy, that radiator makes an awful racket,\" said 1\Iiss Ander-son, holding her nose. \"Br-r,\" shivered Mr. Hamilton. \"It makes me think of one ofShakespeare's plays.\" \"The 'Tempest' I suppo. e.\" \"No. 'Much Ado About Nothing'.\" Mrs. Dewey-William. Hill-Yes, mother. Mrs. D.-What arc you doing? Hill-Playing royalty. I am a knight o( the garter and Tom isSaturday. l\1 rs. D.-That is an udd name for royalty. Bitl-Oh, that's only a nickname on account of his title. 1\f rs. D.-What's his title? Bill-(K)night of the hath. Roland S.-My birthday is on the same day as my mother's. \\'alter U.-Twins, ch? \"Oh, no,\" soliloquized Bert ~L, \"there isn't any favorites in thisfamily. If I bite my finger nails I get a rap over the knuckles, but ifthe baby cats his whole foot they think it's cute.\"

Veri W. was writing and Una and Claudia were singing a beau-tiful ballad. When they had finished Claudia said-Verl ,don't youthink we sing lovely? Veri-Yes, but please don't sing anymore. The harmony jars mypen. Lucile P.-There was once a girl who r ceived the swellest letterfrom a fellow and o[ course she answered it. They kept correspond-ing for a year and at last he asked her to marry him. She consentedand went to the depot to meet him. When she got there she foundhe was a negro. Vera A.-Oh. for l1eavens sake! Did she marry him th ·n? Lucile-\1\fhy, of course; she was a negro too.Antomina-\Vhat wonld a man l>e called who l1t1gs an old maid?Rozilla- T don't know. \Vhat?Antomina-A lemon squeezer.Lucile-Rieharrl. you remind me of spring.Hich-vVhy?Lucile-lkcausc you're so green. Erma L.-Mamma, I want a clark l>rl'akfast. l\Irs. L.- Dark lm·akfast, what do you mean? l~rma- Why, last night yrn1 told I ~ea trice to gi vc 111 e a 1ight ~up­per and r didn't like it.Mr. ?vic·tTill \re you acqtwinterl with Darwin?1\Tiss rr(Jrst· --Oh, )Oll can't kid llW. Darwin's dPad.Frosh- \\'hat is worse than a giraffe with the sore throat?Soph-A centipede with corns.I laze! C. Anrl wl1y should l givl' ynu a kiss?Newel 1\.-\\'eJI, J just paid y<•ur little hrothn liftv cents to sta,·out of tl!e ruum. I'd like sum(• n·tmn on the investment. ·\"\Vhat would your mother say, little hoy, if ~he could hear vonswear like that?\" ·\"~he'rl be tickled to death if sbe could lll'ar it,\" answered the lnd1>oy, \"s11e 's <Iea f.\" '::when do you ~hi1~k this can.wullaging will reach it's height?\" vVhcn the dcvtl htdcs Ius tad t11Hlcr a swallow tail coat.\"

Clarence N.-\\'hat's all the hnrrv? Roland S.- l\fr. !\rammer is overcome with gas . C. N .-Coing for the doctor? 1\. S. No, more gas. The Nerviest People In the World. The guy who IH1rrm\ s your drcs~ suit to take your girl to thedance. The tcachc·r who borrCJ\\'S your pencil to mark your paper D. The man \\'ho asks hi<> barber for a dollar loan in order to buy a~.afety razor. There ''as a man \"ho fancied That hy driving guod and fast, I k 'rl get l1; s car acruss the track I:e iurc the train gut past: lle'd mis..; the engine by an inch And make the train hands sore. Tlwre \\'.ts a man \\'ho fancic·d this; There J:·m't any more. -Judge. 1\liss Staines (in g)lll) \ttcntion. lift up ;our left kg aud holdit straight ottt in ir1111t of you. One of the girls held up her right leg by mistakr. This broughther cmnpanion's left lc·g and her ~>\\'11 right close togetbcr. TlH' tt·aelH•r o11 seeing this. exclaimed: \"\Vho is that over then•lwlc!tng Lt]' buth lcgs ?\" --------- llazcl C.- :\lamma, \"here i:-. papa going-? ~Irs. C.--Tu a stag party. I laze]- \\'hat's a stag party? J\liltun-'l'hat's whne the: \"tagger. Didn't you know? l\1 r. Bram111cr- Send tilt' up t\\~enty-fivc cent:; worth of boiledham. Hntcher-;\11 right, anything else? l\ !1·. 11.--Ycs, my wife isn't home. Tell the boy to put it throughth(' key hole. If a h(Jdy meet a body, Loaded up \\'ith rye, Shonld a body greet a body, Or just sidle by? ll is wife. Oh! look that man i:; drowning. lie is calling for help. T he Jcw· ,\ch, he's vorrying about somding dot don't cost him accn t.

\"PREPAREDNESS PREVENTSPOVERTY.\" An Education is the best insurance against dependance in old age. The world has a place for the trained and success attcnds their efforts. In the courses oiiered by the UTAH AGRICULTURAL COLLEG£ you will be able to secure a training that will prepare you for life. FIELD OF CHOICE: School of Agriculture School of Commerce and Business Administration School of Home Economcis School of Mechanic Arts and Agricultural Engineering School of General Science Mi1itary Training and Physical Education ar requisites to graduation. Write fur information to the Office of the 'President, UTAH AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE Logan, Utah.j ----------------------------------~-I -----·---------- Frosh-What's a foot rule? Junior-Walk the straight and narrow way.: Western Arms & Sporting Goods Co. Inter-Mountain Distributors Wilson Athletic Equipment The Highest Quality Athletic Merchandise Manufactured Also a complete stock of Fishing Tackle, Kodaks, Outing Clothing, Sport Shoes, Etc. Western Arms & Sporting Goods Co. Salt Lake City, Utah

BIRTHDAYSl\1ark the milestones of each personslife. Make the occasion memorablewith a gift from our store. A piece of jewelry, a watch ordiamond is a constant pleasure.Our modest prices make buying easyBOYD PARK rOUN0£.0 16()\"' MAKERS OF JEWHRY106 MAIN ITR.EET SALT lAKE CITY In 1922. 1Jazel Cnndick was the nurse of a rich family's baby. Employer-What, Ilazel, the baby crying for an hour and youreading? JJaz 1-0h, but madame, be doesn't bother me.When it is a goodPhoto you wantTHE AMUNDSEN STUDIOWill guarantee to please youDon't Forget Our Number249 So. Main St. Phone Was. 950

STUDENTS! When you leave school you will still want to read GOOD BOOKSIf you can't come in to our store, mail us your order. It will have our careful attentionSUNDAY SCHOOL UNIONBOOK STORE44 East on South Temple Salt Lake City Mr. Srnitl1 (in physiology) Why does a snwll cavity seem solarge to the tongue? Egert L.-.Just the natural tendency uf the tongne to exaggerate,I guess.Why a Check Is Better Teach your dollar tu have more cents. Than Cash FARMERS There are three reasons why it is bet- IMPLEMENTter to pay bills by check than with cash. COMPANY First The checl~:, after collection, is re· Farm Implements, Buggies, Wag-turned to you and forms a receipt for ons, I rarncss. Extra n·pair partsyour money. for all kinds of machinery- Stoves and llardwarc. Second Your stubs make it easier tokeep a record of expenditures. SANDY, UTAH Tbird-ancl not least paying bills by Phone l\11 idvalc 203 P. 0. Box 162check helps you to establish credit. It provides you with a bank reference. And Vve have it can get it or it if the time ever comes when yon need to borrow money for inveslm'1nt, your prob- can't be made. lem is immensely easier if you nlready have a goocl standing at some strong bank. You won't have that standing then un- less you begin to acquire it now. Comein and talk it over. Sandy City Bank Sand, UtahWe Pay 4 Per Cent on Savings Accounts

A Message to theGraduates of theJordan High SchoolThrough its University. the State of Utah is offering the young men andyoung women of the \\'est an opportunity to prepare for leadership in theprof c~sions. At the present time the demand for en- gineers, legal, counselors, dentists, trained business men and teachers is great. This demand will undoubtedly increase during the reconstruction pe- riod after the war.The University of Utah has now adopted the Quarter Plan. Each Quarter isdivided in to t 1\ u terms n f six weeks. The Summer Quarter hegins June lOthanrl ends \ugust 30th. l lnder the present arrangement, the student may con-tinue his 1\ ork during the summer months without interruption.Now is the time to begin your preparation for your life's career. It will be<.listinctly to your advantage to prepare at theUniversity Of Utah Salt Lake CityJOliN A. WlDTSOE, Pres. ELBERT D. THOMAS, Sec'y-Reg.

QUALITY - STYLE SERVICE CLOTHING FOR MEN AND BOYSGARDNER & ADAMS CO. SALT LAKE CITYLegrand S.-I've been thinking of just notl1ing all day.1-:Tattie F.-Oh, take your mind otT oF yourself.Mae W.-You s.eemed worried, Bill, what's on yonr chest?Bill D. (hoarsely)-Can you smell that d - d liniment way overthere? · You can do betterwithTH£ ALVA HANSEN J. C. Penney Co.DRUG CO. IncorporatedP R E SCRIPTION DRUGGISTSWHE RE THE CAR STARTSSANDY, UTAH Murray., Utah

E rm a L.- \Vas Jack cool during t h e fi re last night? E dith G.-Wh} he w:~s so cool his teeth were chatter ing a ll thew h o le .STATE DfPOSITORY We carry a complete s~ock of all the officially adopted grade and high school text-books COMPLETE SCHOOL EQUIPMENT Labo ra to ry, manual training and domestic science furniture; AmericanSt eel school desks, opera chairs, church pews; Milton Bradley kindergartensupplies.MCMILLEN PAPER & SCHOOL SUPPLY Co.178-80 We t 2nd South St. Salt Lake City, UtahEagle Publishing Company PRINTERSM u rra y, Utah. This Book Printed by Us.

It does notInotteril,.it isOI'le (>r o num\"ber ofcutsyou woof reoIquick'TheMultipleSy:~tem\"ofpftoto-engrovin€_; jssurest and fmettoJ ofen·~~.-:::.._~nown, only -~-,-\"...a..SuitLaLe Ly •D~BoTime waits