Bounce Back and Beyond Booklet

BOUNCE BACK & BEYOND STRESS RESILIENCE BOOKLET Learning to become more resilient in the face of life’s day to day obstacles

1 Bounce Back & Beyond Stress Resilience Booklet Learning to become more resilient in the face of life’s day to day obstacles How’s this for a take on stress, minimisation and resilience building. We kick Richard Carlson says, off with a short but horrid reality check on what excess negative stress might be doing “Stress is nothing to your long–term health, under The Dark more than a socially Side of Stress plus we do our own little acceptable form of Myth Busting exercise. Then we bring you up to speed on how to recognise your own mental illness” personal warning system and what to do once you get to that point of acute stress. Well yes and no, stress is not all bad – On page 7 “0 – 100 in seconds” we stress can positively impact our lives as a outline the bizarre but completely real dodgy motivating force as well but its negative thinking that helps to perpetuate stress e.g. side, well we can just about do without! suddenly you believe you have the ability to read people’s minds or with absolute This booklet is all about up-skilling, so that certainty predict the future! you experience less of its dark side, the potential Stress Mess that can infiltrate Stress is in the Eye of the Beholder your life and steal half your lifetime. And no, talks about how our perceptions are central this is not a stylish elaborate and beautifully to our stress tolerance but so too are some put together (if we do say so ourselves) other crazy things like temperature and brochure in disguise for buying property in other external factors. the Bahamas! You don’t need to quit your job and run away to significantly reduce the We talk in–depth about The Big R negative impact stress has in your world. (Resilience) which is central to how you You don’t necessarily have a choice can reduce the negative stress in your life about what life dishes you up day to and finally we ‘re going to give you a whole day but you can choose each and every bunch of really practical ideas about how time how you respond. So read on to find to B.O.U.N.C.E back from adversity. out the latest and greatest on stress And along the way, there’s plenty of laughter (one of the greatest stress–relievers of all time) and some amazing facts. So sit down, strap in and get ready to decompress!

2 The DARK SIDE of Stress If you stop and think about all the phrases that we use to describe stress when it peaks in our lives, on closer inspection the language you use can be quite revealing and a little scary! How many of these have you heard yourself or others say? I feel like I’m I just feel I’m drinowitn!ingbeing buried alive! swamped! tIhte’ssinclakikpinteagbineshinoipgf! a kilTlhiengstmreecs!astrIcichgiashnmt’ytnbeorvwee!anthGosh! Scary! By the sounds of things, seems like extreme negative stressis a threat to our wellbeing and perhaps even our survival. Well, guesswhat? That’s not far off the truth, check this out!Several large international studies have found that chronic moderate to high stress willincrease your mortality (or hasten your death not to put too fine a point on it!), particularly inyoung men aged <55 yrs and regardless of whether they have lots of other healthybehaviours such as being physically active, not smoking and having a normalblood pressure. The increased risk of dying was not just as a result of heartdisease, which many people associate with stress, but from a wide lifeacsTrycleep“erolarIencifunnGclyreuchoinfisheliulcseedprmthd,srteeo.yet”adsboerauatehbrnldyrange of issues including suicide and cancer. Scientists believe thereare quite logical explanations linking increased stress hormones withonset and progression of these diseases.Perceived Stress and Cause–specific Mortality Among men and Women:Results From a Prospective Cohort StudyNaja Rod Nielsen, Tage S. Kristensen, Peter Schnohr, Morten GrønbækAm J Epidemiol. 2008;168(5):481–491.

3 Lbeyt’grseeastttli!anrgtLet’s start off by debunking some common myths about stress.Check out some of these:MYTH DEBUNKED“Don’t tell me about stress Stress is a subjective and individual experience and it’s important– I know about stress” to be familiar with your own earliest warning signs of stress and to also be aware of how you are likely to behave in response to thisPeople have little control so that you can stay mindful and keep making choices that are inover how much stress your best interest rather than switching to autopilot mode andthey have in their lives heading for destructionStress is always While we don’t necessarily have a choice about what life dishesa bad thing us up day to day we can choose every time how we perceive each incident and then also decide on the most constructiveSome people get really way to respondstressed and others don’t;it’s just in their make–up We all need a level of stress to be motivated; to function.OR Both too little and too much stress hinders effective functioning.“My mum/dad was atotal stress–head so it’s People who are better at managing stress have differentjust genetic!” perceptions and employ strategies that reduce the level of stress they experience. This may have been learnt early in life through good role modelling but often it is developed later in life.

4 HOW TO RECOGNISE YOUR OWN‘DANGER WILL ROBINSON!’ I“cWahne’trefianrdemmyykkeeyyss!?“ DDAANNGEGRER!docu“mWehnetr/ed’isartyh/actar?” can positively impact our lives as well but its negativeI swear it was just here and now it’s gone! side, well we can just about do These catch cries are like my without! own personal warning system. It alerts everyone around So step one in (including me) that my normal coping not letting stress mechanisms have failed and the ‘system’ is close get the better of to meltdown, something very similar to, “Danger Will you is to get really familiar Robinson!” Lost in Space Style (see 1960s American TV series with your own personal with dodgy robot –all flailing arms). The reality is that my warning signs – that way, keys/diary/car are all exactly where I left them and that the when we notice these less–stressed version of me would be more than able to things beginning we can calmly locate them and not lose precious hours and a good become mindful and dose of sanity in the process. Stress is not all bad – stress take the time to take a step ‘DwtwahahrneearagnaarteeinlpntlryshcegyWwelosoosyupieuslAilrgrlteepssRhnkrtitmosinohsbkaiaeygirntoyehsouto–unr ’ back and choose a different course!

5 Signs and Symptoms (tick the ones that apply to you) of StressWater, dairy, Behavioural Physicalsugar all ina cup!! Who Appetite disturbances Headachesneeds food? Eating less Migraines Eating more Muscle tension and problems e.g. neck and shoulder issues Making poor choices e.g. sweets, snacks instead of meals Vague aches and pains Increased reliance on caffeine Nausea Social withdrawal Reflux Less contact and time spent Constipation with friends and family Diarrhoea Reduced talking/sharing/ connecting with your partner Digestive discomfort and/or kids Shakiness Increased use of ‘Crutches’ Sweating Increased alcohol Palpitations e.g. sense of a More cigarettes racing or irregular heart Using other drugs Quickened or altered breathing including excess Disrupted sleep pattern yawning and sighing Difficulties with sleep Reduced libido or diminished onset or staying asleep sexual performance Allowing inadequate Irregular menstrual cycles time for sleep More painful periods Over–sleeping Increased dreaming especially vivid and unpleasant

6Where aremy keys!Cognitive Emotional Memory difficulties Moodiness e.g. fluctuating from one mood to another and feeling Misplacing simple objects less able to choose how e.g. keys, documents you’re responding Forgetting arrangements and plans Agitation Forgetting how to do things you Reduced tolerance of others are familiar with Irritability Forgetting people’s names and other details Increased arguments at home and work Loss of focus/poorer concentration Increased tension with Impaired work performance people around you Indecisiveness Hyperemotional responses (think PMS on steroids) Making hasty decisions Reduced self–confidence Impaired judgment about decisions and choices Worrying thoughts that may be Reduced optimism unnecessarily repetitive or recurrent and may be intrusive, occurring at inappropriate times Hypernegative thoughts Feeling ‘down’ about everythingchFsalysiscsteektepOaamknihndesaaaonfciddnbudtetpoeceooTsrusmhttroeewinnsSahgstlaramwtewstaaosarnnrdaMeiogneoegnsfmsesyixeoFgtnuinrttrsso. toWirsAweaiaandnllct‘yKartiloirtateicrocsmaunolt’lpvftie1ors8itt? Don’t even ask!

7FROM 0–100 IN SECONDS!So let’s think back to a time before you started reading thisbooklet and getting all wise on the whole Stress Mess…Picture thisIt’s an important day for work. For some scripting huge fire and brimstone scenesreason, your alarm doesn’t go off and you’re between your boss and you later on. Then yourunning late. Everything is going wrong. Your find yourself wondering how exactly you aretoast burns. Your partner forgot to buy milk going to find another job when he sacks you(again!) and so coffee is out. And to make and how when you get home you’re going tomatters worse you’re running late. So late! If tell your partner that it’s clearly all their faultyou don’t leave now you’ll miss your train, but e.g. no milk. You start to contemplate turningyou’re barely dressed. So, you decide to drive. round and going home – ‘there’s no point, I’veThat will give you a few extra minutes. Ah, you blown it all anyway’ you’re thinking and thebreathe a sigh of relief. Things will be OK. By boss has never liked you, you decide, he’ll bethe time you’re in the car, you’re feeling calmer. happy to be rid of you! Arghh!! Why does thisAnd then you pull onto the freeway, well, try to always happen to you on big days at work.get on the freeway. It’s a long-term car park. Why can’t you get a break? You are such aEvery man and his dog is driving to work loser! Now you’re going to be late and frazzledtoday. What is with the traffic? It seems to be and just not at your peak today. All your hardgetting worse! Your imagination takes over with work for nothing, Great! Thanks a lot world!all the grim prospects for the day – you’re Thanks for nothing!Does any of this sound familiar? As humans we can make theleap very quickly from perceiving a threat to losing our head entirely!Consider the following unhelpful responses many of us have to stress:• Feeling your emotions take you over • Trouble relating to or seeing the - sometimes to the point where you viewpoint other people sense a loss of control • Viewing the problem as something• Acting on your immediate impulses that can’t be changed, something – which leads to doing or saying that always happens to you or that something you regret will happen again in the future• Feeling as though you have no control So what can you do differently or don’t have the skills or confidence next time around? to do what needs to be done If you get more familiar with your Personal• Difficulty thinking of a way to solve a Early Warning Signs of stress and quickly problem, or difficulty thinking creatively identify the negative spiral you’re heading or flexibly around the set back down and CHOOSE a different, more constructive path – not the one that leads me into head-on traffic on the freeway!

8Check out these Unconstructive Thinking Styles which everyone can be proneto and see how we can a) recognise and then b) amendUnconstructive What you The Antidote – Often involves taking a stepThinking Style tell yourself back and asking some probing questions!All or nothing Either I do it all Challenge yourself to find the grey in between the blackthinking (also called perfectly or I and white. What are the mitigating factors or theblack and white have failed non-absolutes in the situation? Think about Michaelthinking) Jordan’s quote - the reason he succeeds is because he’ s prepared to fail over and over againOver–generalising Everything is always. This comes from our natural skill for playing drama kings and queens. Have a quick reality check by askingDisqualifying the No, that good yourself, “Really? N-O-T-H-I-N-G or E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-positive stuff doesn’t I-N-G?” (which ever one fits the story you’re telling yourself) count! Force yourself to count the good stuff!! It might beJumping to I know exactly helpful if it’s related to the area of stress e.g. remindconclusions where this is and acknowledge yourself about the good things in going, I know other areas of your life e.g. at home, sport, friendsCatastrophising what she’s/he’s(also known as thinking. The 2 key qualities needed for this one are Mindmagnification) Reading and Fortune Telling. When you stop and Everything reflect on how many times your predictions have is ruined/ not in fact been correct you may take the current awful/bad! one with a grain of salt!Emotional Because I feel Take a deep breath or 10 to calm down and askreasoning like this it must yourself, “Is catastrophising helping me or the be true situation in any way?” The answer is always, “No”,Labelling which means you should choose a different strategy - I am such a, OR one that includes perspective, gentleness. he/she is such a. Contemplate some other feelings, that shouldn’t bePersonalisation This is all my/ mistaken for truths! Emotions are not facts, truths or your fault! even in line with reality many times – so make sure you keep them in their place! Labelling is easy prey for the critic – force yourself into broadening your view about yourself or others and ask yourself who does labelling benefit and who does it harm? Typically the 1st answer is no-one and the 2nd is YOU! Try and take a step back from the situation and ask yourself would you really be so critical and blame someone else for the same thing you are so keen to blame yourself for, or would you feel empathy and understanding.

9 Stress In the Eye of the BeholderPceaevnrecerchpytatihnoignnegTo be ‘stressed’, first we must Things that influenceperceive something to be a what we perceive tothreat to us. be stressfulThis first part of the stress response The nature of the stressor itselfmight seem automatic and invisible Our beliefs and valuesbut just like understanding your Past experiences and memoriespersonal early warning signs it is really Other people’s responses and perceptionshelpful to understand that stress is in Environmental factorsfact mostly in the eye of the beholder. Our own Internal environmentNaturally, our perceptions are spot onand can help us avoid real dangere.g. the edge of the cliff, stepping intobusy traffic etc. But often we twist ormisperceive reality to imagine thingsthat are relatively innocuous to behighly threatening as well. So we needto know what influences the way wesee things and perhaps what we cando to alter that when necessary.

10This one seems a complete no–brainer right? But you think DID YOU KNOW?about it, there’s a new bloke at work and he seems alright,pretty switched on but every time you work together you That Negative Ionsfeel yourself being intolerant. Why does he get under my Create Positiveskin? Then one day he calls you by your nickname but hemust be about 30 years younger than you and known you Vibes? Seriously!!for five minutes – you feel like such a old fuddy duddy butyou just dont like it! Negative ions are odourless, tasteless, andPicture this: Your kids normally catch the bus but about invisible molecules thata month ago when you had to drive your kids to school a we inhale in abundancecar ran into you and caused a major accident. Every time in certain environments.now when the kids need a lift in you realise you feel a Think mountains,creeping apprehension about the trip. Do you think your waterfalls, and beaches.threshold for perceiving stress will be higher or lower Once they reach ourduring these times? bloodstream, negative ions are believed toCan you think back about a situation when you were with increase levels of thesomeone (a friend, a colleague) that got really stressed? mood chemicalHow did that impact on you? Chances are that at least serotonin, helping tosome of that stress rubbed off on you. However, if you alleviate depression,were in exactly the same situation with someone who relieve stress, and boostcoped well – do you think you might also have perceived your daytime energy. Youit to be less stressful? may have experienced the power of negativePicture this: You’re talking to your teenage son about ions when you last setwhat’s happening on the weekend and he’s going beyond foot on the beach orhis usual grunting, being quite articulate and reasonable walked beneath ain his response but you feel yourself getting more and waterfall. While part ofmore angry and agitated, if only that horrible noise in the the euphoria is simplybackground would go away – maybe this conversation being around thesewould end quite differently? Sure would! Did you know that wondrous settings andbeing too hot or too cold can have much the same effect. away from the normal pressures of home andPicture this: You’re in a work meeting that’s run over time work, the air circulatingso it means that you’re actually REALLY hungry because in the mountains and theyou didn’t have a good breakfast – it’s not what they’re beach is said to containtalking about that’s particularly stressful but you can feel tens of thousands ofyourself getting more and more agitated as you wait, negative ions – muchfiercely staring at the clock, for the meeting to be over. more than the average home or office building, which contain dozens or hundreds, and many register a flat zero. So next time you notice your stress levels rising or you have to have a difficult conversation with someone, head to the beach, a lake, any large body of water, it will really help you out!

11 OUT WITH THE IN NEW OLD AND THE WITH A Better Understanding of Stress Remember the good old days when buzz–word around the workplace. women wore shoulder pads that Well it took another decade or so and made them look like a small aircraft some smarter folks than the ones that wore hangar and this was called ‘power the shoulder pads to realise that educating dressing’ (No? Well, let me tell you, people about Stress Management is like you didn’t miss much!) sending out the fire brigade to inform you about what to do when your house burns That was about the same period of time down rather than how to prevent it when everybody in business was talking happening in the first place! Stress about the new kid on the block: ‘Stress Management is reactive by nature – Management’ employers and employees it says give me a fire and we’ll have a alike got to go to Stress Management crack at putting it out! Essentially waiting Training sessions and it became the for problems and stress to appear before doing anything about it, is an exhausting and ultimately less effective way of dealing with stress, we may sometimes succeed in quelling the flames but in the process how much energy did we expend, how dirty did we get and how much damage has happened in the interim? Check out this for a fresh perspective: Rteohmledemgdaobyoesrd? “Not just a feature of extraordinary people but the ability of ordinary individuals to bounce back from set back and adversity to achieve success.” Luthans, F. 2002. Journal of Organizational

12Response R is for Resiliencestrategies We all know or have met someone in our lives who has this quality.It would be crazy to invite the fire brigadein for a friendly chat on fire prevention over Maybe it’s a colleague, friend, someonea plate of scones when your house is in your family or someone else you knowburning down, rather we do need to know within the community. Probably you (andhow to put out a fire when one is raging. others) have said things about them like,If you read the rest of this jam–packed ‘they really stay cool under pressure’ or ‘it’slittle book you won’t need to pull out like water off a ducks back to them’ or eventhese fire extinguishers quite so often! ‘I don’t know how they do it!’ When you contemplate all the plates they keepManagement spinning in their lives without seeming to drop one or even break into too much of astrategies sweat. In fact these are the individuals that often we perceive are coping with more thanThe idea behind stress management is us, perhaps a chronically sick partner orthat we can prevent the ‘spot fires’ that child, a disability themselves or a substantialsometimes punctuate our working days financial burden and yet they are stillfrom all connecting up and making one cheerful, have time for a hello and a chathuge roaring blaze. A concrete example and even, ask after your wellbeing! Howof this is diarising ‘firebreaks’ into every do they do it?? Well it’s not magic or someworking day – these are 20 minute blocks superhuman gift that was bestowed uponwhere you commit to closing the office them so let’s take the time to think aboutdoor, taking the phone off the hook and these individuals more closely in an effort todoing something (meditating, napping, understand what makes them tick and whatswimming, knitting! what evering!) that helps are some of the skills that come together toyou to reboot the ‘computer’ (so to speak). create this much–desired quality. So, ask yourself the following questions aboutPreventative the resilient individual(s) you know:strategies 1. How did you recognise them as being resilient? E.g. what is it about themThese are proactive skills, tools and that gives you this impressionresources that you can develop that willchange your perception of stress and 2. Do you think these factors are innateimprove your resilience, so that the flow (instinctive, not learned, possibly hadof your day to day life, and the hassles and since birth) or able to be learned?stressors that comes with it are less likelyto affect your wellbeing – this is essentiallyabout you building the house the big wolfcan’t blow down!

13 Emotional Awareness and Control Reaching Impulse Out Control Empathy 7 Realistic Optimism factors of resilience Self Flexible Efficacy Thinking People who possess high levels of positive psychological capital, defined as being resilient, optimistic, confident, hopeful: • Have better physical and psychological health and wellbeing; • Are more satisfied with their job; • Perform better at work; • Are less likely to be absent from work • Are more authentic, values–driven leaders. References: Avey et al. 2010. JOHP. Vol. 15, 17–28. Avey, Luthans et al. 2010. JOM. Vol. 36, 430–452.’ Avey, Patera et al. 2006. Journal of Leadership and Org. Studies. Vol 13, 41–60.

14RESILIENT PEOPLE TEND TO HAVE A NUMBER OF SKILLS OR CHARACTERISTICS All of which are developableEmotional Awareness advantages to looking at the Self–efficacy – Developingand Control – Being world through a positive lens confidence in your problem–‘blissfully unaware’ can get and focusing on the things solving abilities and trustingyou through a bad day but that are good. However, it’s your instincts helps to buildit’s not a very wise long–term certainly not helpful to put a resilience. People with highstrategy. The ability to identify positive spin on everything self–efficacy – that is, thoseand express feelings, being or pretend that things are who believe they can performcomfortable with all emotions fine if they’re clearly not. So well – are more likely to view(not just pleasant ones!) and perhaps the best of both difficult tasks as somethingalso being able to separate worlds is to be a realistic to be mastered rather thanyourself from your emotions, optimist – someone who something to be avoided.particularly when facing tends to maintain a positivemajor hurdles, set–backs outlook, but within the Empathy – Often confusedor adversity or when it is constraints of what they with sympathy, empathynot an appropriate time are know about the world. refers to the capacity toimportant skills in resilient understand the viewpoint andpeople. Flexible thinking – Resilient emotions of another person. people are able to alter their This is not to say that youImpulse control – this is one perspective, consider agree with the person or thatthing separates us from our alternative points of view you feel the same way, butancient ancestors and the and change their minds w that you appreciate where therest of the animal kingdom. hen the information no longer person is coming from or whyRather than responding to supports their ideas. To do they may be feeling the wayimmediate impulses, we this, first we must be aware that they say they are orcan plan, we can evaluate of rigid thinking (e.g. black appear to be feeling.alternative actions, and we and white thinking) and tryingcan refrain from doing things not to jump to assumptions. Reaching out – Is aboutwe’ll regret. Ultimately this is Miscommunication and being socially connectedan important ingredient of problems can often arise with family, friends and yourwisdom and willpower and from people being overly community. We know thatenables us to make the right committed to a certain way social inclusion is a key factordecision rather than always of thinking or approaching in the promotion of mentaljust the first one. an issue. Being flexible health, and so it is important means you’re open to to have quality relationshipsRealistic optimism changing your mind, to with genuine people who– Automatic, pessimistic considering alternatives, you care about and feelthoughts can harm wellbeing weighing up options and connected to. Beingand reduce resilience. then choosing the best way connected may start at homeOptimism which is the forward. Often the effort to with improving the way youexpectation that, generally, see alternatives will help to engage with your lovedmore good things will happen generate a better solution ones and extend to yourthan bad, in contrast, than your first idea community via participatingcontributes to making people or habitual response. in a sports team, fundraising,happier, healthier and cope local church or school.better when times are tough. Resilient people also knowSo there are a lot of how to reach out for good quality help too!

15 THEPRrEoSItLeIEcNtCiEnEgFFwECTe:llbeing Another dictionary definition of resilience in humans has been likened resilience relates to this quality to a ‘wellbeing setpoint’, the place we in objects rather than people and return to as we recover from an adverse it says that it’s the ability of an event. Australian research has shown that object to regain its original shape most Australians score 7.5 on a 0–10 scale or position after bending, when asked “how satisfied are you with stretching, compression or your life as a whole?” (Cummins et al. other deforming influences. 2010. The Australian Unity Wellbeing Index. Survey 24). It is normal for us to This is perhaps an even better definition feel somewhat positive most of the time. for us to work with because it comes with Although wellbeing can be affected short such a strong image, of a stress ball or term by life events, it returns to our set point a pendulum. In this way the quality of over time i.e. resilience. The more quickly and completely we make the recovery the more resilient we are deemed to be. Stressors and Bills, running late, illness, day to day hassles workplace issues Personal Adequate sleep, good food, good resources friends, enough “me–time”, good planning, boundary setting etc. Sense of Realistic optimism, Emotional wellbeing Awareness, Flexible thinking, Empathy etc. (Cummins et al. 2010. The Australian Unity Wellbeing Index Survey 24).

16Beware the Resilience Robbers Resilience BuildersIf our personal or physical resources are Specific resilience building strategieslow or we have too many stressors or very will be unique from person to person;severe stressors (trauma and adversity), however some general ideas for buildingour buffers can be overcome. This can resilience include:cause our wellbeing to drop and ourresilience to be impaired. These include • Making time to regularly catch upthings like: with friends and family and ensuring that this is quality time spent together• Inadequate sleep • Scheduling time for yourself,• Poor food choices and to reflect and to contemplate nutritional deficiencies • Making sure you spend some time• Excess alcohol, coffee and cigarettes regularly engaging in enjoyable activities (e.g. listening to music, spending time• A ‘pleasure deficiency’ with pets, working in the garden)• Illness • Relaxation techniques (e.g. breathing, progressive muscle relaxation,• Successive significant trauma meditation, mindfulness) and adversity • Using tools to help you plan and organise NASTThYatwshoautn’sdtshat? your time/work (e.g. to do lists, diaries, Bot‘hnfafiilestnlheiogcedusartltlthyohcinuandgtpoosnturudweprogt’euiuwnlrolgeahvriuecelynsh, otawhunegedhall setting realistic goals/timeframes) • Utilising a problem solving framework / planned approach to working through challenges or getting past obstacles. Ad‘epfliecaiesnucrye’There must bequite a few things thata hot bath won’t cure,but I don’t knowmany of them.Sylvia Plath,The Bell Jar

17 Learning how to...Remember that a resilient object returns to its original shape quickly no matter whatit endures – a bit like throwing a stress ball as hard as you possibly can against anysurface, guess what, it bounces back! So come on team, give me a B, give me an Ogive me a UNCE! Are you! Is for Be fully present Is for Own your Emotions in the moment and U is for Understand your Emotions One of the best ways to minimise stress is to be present in each Owning your emotions in the heatmoment. Dalai Lama style, no but seriously, of the moment is about being big enough towe’re not talking about needing to become say to yourself (not aloud or someone mighta meditating monk, it’s just that in most of call for help!) “Yes, I am feeling really angry/hurt/our busy lives, we tend to spend a lot of time happy” but right after that you also need toanywhere else (past, possible future) other ask yourself these questions so you understandthan here! Right here! When your mind is not your emotions as well:in the present moment that’s often when stressmanages to sneak under the radar and ambush • Why? Try to identify the thoughts behindyou. How many times a pretty good work day your emotional response and ask yourselfbecomes another one for the scrap heap whether these are reasonablebecause you can’t help thinking about thecrappy one last week? You can’t be in the • How is it affecting my behaviour andmoment all the time but you can try and come thinking right now? Are you in reactionback to the present more often. This allows you (an emotional reflex) rather than responseto accurately judge whether you are facing a real (a conscious considered decision)?threat in the current moment or whether you’reconcocting one from somewhere else in life. • Is it appropriate to express that emotion now? Sometimes the answer will be yes What can you do to feel more but many times we could all benefit from connected with people in your life? a little space and perspective. Is it about spending at least two evenings a week with your family? Is it about having • What are the likely consequences for regular girls or boys nights out? Is it about me and everyone else involved if I launch starting a new hobby? Supporting other into an emotional reaction when it’s people and feeling like they support us is an not appropriate? important source of meaning in life. It is often why we get up in the morning. But even Answering these questions for yourselfthough we know this, we can sometimes get doesn’t take long and soon it starts to too busy or stressed to spend time with the become automatic. Just to be clear, owningpeople who are most important to us. At the and understanding your emotions are the end of our life, it is likely to be the people opposite of denying them. Just as much as we’ve shared it with that have made it being over–emotional disturbs your ability to most worth living. So what can you do to think and act, denying emotions tends to lead to adverse outcomes for you and strengthen your relationships? those around you as well.

18...BOUNCE BACK! Is for Notice negative types of scenarios that in the moment your thoughts and replace emotional reaction convinces you are really them with more optimistic meaningful and important to you. That’s why interpretations if you can reframe your hassles in the context of your values, many of the so–called ‘stressors’ People are often too quick to dismiss that get a rise out of you, become greatlyoptimism in others as wishful thinking or diminished, often to the point where theynaiveté. But while unrealistic optimism is not are laughable! Now what about connectinghelpful we should be checking in with ourselves with OTHERS? We all need to invest in ourmore often about who’s winning the war relationships a) because they are often centralbetween our own negative and positive to what gives us meaning b) because they formthoughts. Automatic, pessimistic thoughts can our primary support in life when we’re facingharm wellbeing and reduce resilience. We need hardships – they’re the physio, doctor, coachto develop more optimistic thinking, just like come drinks–boy that run onto the field whenstrengthening a weaker muscle, optimistic we go down in the game – so we need to putthinking can be learned through use! Here some effort into making sure these relationshipsare some simple ideas to get you started: are healthy and well–nourished.• Notice and eliminate thinking traps Is for Engage in appropriate action:• See set–backs as temporary hurdles Be proactive rather that can be overcome than reactive• Find other people and even perhaps Control your impulses. If you’ve a mentor who is naturally optimistic managed to run a red light back at owning and understanding your emotions and you• Find meaning in problems – link back still feel like blowing your top, think again! to your own values We all experience impulses to do/say things that may not be in our best interest (or C is for Connect with helpful or kind to others). Impulse control is yourself and others the ability to STOP and THINK before acting or speaking, this last ditch hand–brake on Let’s start with the YOU bit! Our our reactions can save a lot of carnage values are what give us meaning in from the resulting Stress Mess! life. How do you know what yourvalues are? Easy, ask yourself “What gives me a slfoarwse“ti–lFnLieailogyfcTr,odtmtionrlinywg n.”sense of meaning, purpose and fulfilment inlife?” or, “What really motivates me, inspires me,nourishes me?” or perhaps even “What would Imiss most if it was not part of my life? “It’sunlikely that your answer is getting a seat onthe train on the way home from work or, gettingthe car park closest to the shop or getting goodservice at a restaurant. And yet it’s exactly these

19 The Stress Mess First Aid Kit 21.RN .grh teTeepraoaayCalahoebaboptaohlsxoedouplietqeufutuyeuiadsctvgturlrmenokthetofihhoscametriyf,irtsksem.sitokvhee?swheeuoiltinietenrrh5itukytlphgptcianSohoo.fthpuiurgifAioienlmg?nsasnrkro’hsgk?pipiptmogn’syl–leargBhe.oecc‘AYuoteit–esScorinnvostTtwtueeiheopevh,hlemoetwfpoiaerlmr‘yueasnri?ssegyidcsaorhthytwnimhwitgocaoseaee,nuhtnihwltnlnctohtceefoaoialntrnuloymknogyweIovefnwfayoeaiuscoycremruehulttamhoatttlaoheihnisntrteigheeandeilwknlay.iknayg When should my worries worry me? Ioifltqef’ysuvtoheatuiellmsifbiseeweydgimttoihmnpdyettoioodsmuciecrusxadspllsoiepscyrtreiotoeodfunerrcbsoessertilaorooenntwshyasel:r 43. . tdsPhotBeoeirnntwrnogesssbnahleaoloitetnwohrmattuieonrttgesiosmbromuamreeltnav.adfaleltuenhlalredilnynnsglgidom–tbnhsOpgeeelfcentttoeeisnrnmrtegmewaepyslghsoisoe.sutahnFriclaosbwlc;lrgoeeubowasraaet.rholaeCsinknos–gottnh.rnPceineesrigsnosetrridtaietoesr; • Insomnia iFs5os. ruftCreihimeshantmocdmiacselaedlaksiLnaedi–tfyeefSoalhiuamneyfeiell‘ypenoilowfno’tihv1ttoeeh3ryel1sovat1aerrdeen1est4asdss.okmSirnecegtontbmtoaoomlumhnitdmeuaacerlhnitehtsosfwyiothu. ••• DLIanealccpcrokreehaososfsliinioongnrteodretehspeterinnddrlieufengcse on •• PSaunicicidaatlttahcokusghts • Hallucinations Some Resources to Check Out for Further Information & Support For immediate help with stress & mental health issues call Lifeline on 13 11 14 Mayo Clinic Stress Basics http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress–management/MY00435 May Clinic Stress Management http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress–management/SR00038 The Happiness Institute http://www.thehappinessinstitute.com/ Mood GYM http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome www.healthatwork.net.au The information in this publication does not provide medical advice for Tel. 1300 245 203 individual problems. Should symptoms persist then speak to a doctor or health professional. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be re-sold, reproduced or copied in any form. © Health at Work