ESSENCE

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Essence STORIES TALES POEMS Lidia Susana Puterman 2

Revisión a cargo de Julián Díaz Director General Alejandro Castro TAHIEL ediciones 2017 Av. Rivadavia 6743 (Loc.71) (+54-11) 4-632-6146) [email protected] Capital Federal – Argentina www.tahielediciones.com Lidia Susana Puterman 2017 [email protected] Queda hecho el depósito legal establecido por la ley 11.723 Impreso en Argentina Queda prohibida la reproducción total o parcial, así como su almacenamiento o fotocopiado mediante cualquier sistema electrónico o mecánico sin la debida autorización de la autora o de la editorial. Todos los derechos reservados 3

THANK YOU To my mother Felisa To my children Verónica, Esteban, Walter and Milton To my grandchildren Camila, Lucila, Joaquín, Valentina, Micaela, Thiago and Mateo To my great friend Doris To my teachers To my readers 4

FOREWORD \"A deep gaze that flows from the soul, caressing dreams and provoking spells so that the senses vibrate.\" The stories, tales and poems that are embodied in ESSENCE, want to make the hearts of men and women beat and illuminate them to better understand their feelings, such as love, hate, pleasure, deceit, pain, frustration, joy, death, wishes. To allow unconditional surrender, to not stay with the desire and dare to say what they feel, to dream, to search, to find, to kiss, to get excited, to experience, without limits or barriers that prevent it, with the sole purpose to be happy. 5

Halfway Halfway when the forty-five they touch your shoulder weighing your space... you imagine tired of misadventures and silences, you are disturbed by shadows feverish and distant, tears add to you, You have pages left to write. Halfway when the forty-five they sway before your eyes, for every felt child a sunny path opens, for every dear friend a tight hug is expected, for each trace of love a new unexpected cry, intense pain, crazy tenderness. 6

DANCE ACADEMY One morning Melina woke up thinking that in less than six months she would be Ezequiel's wife and she wanted to give him a surprise, something \"special\" for the wedding night. He liked dancing very much and she didn't know how to take two steps together. They had met two years ago and she never agreed to go dancing. She always found a pretext to avoid \"that\" commitment. One day an ad caught his attention “Dance Academy”. To feel confident inside and leave the shame outside First class free of charge Wow that was provocative!!! She did not hesitate for a moment; she called immediately and made an appointment for her first class: Thursday 7:00 p.m. She dressed in comfortable, casual clothes. She arrived after 6:30 p.m. There weren't too many people, which allowed her to feel more relaxed. She didn't want too many eyes watching her. The teacher came over to welcome her and introduced her to her classmates. Among them were two young women and three older ones. There were also some middle-aged knights and one younger one. The latter was watching her as if he were x-raying her from a distance from her, which seemed to get shorter and shorter. It is that first class that she had the opportunity to dance with all the men, even with the youngest, who was at the end of the entire row. At the end of the class, everyone agreed to return the following week. Melina was very indecisive. She liked the class but she had a very hard time following the lead of the men in the dance. Franco, the youngest, tried to convince her to continue. She was thinking about it. Then she insisted on accompanying her to her house, that way he would have the opportunity to continue getting to know her. Melina preferred to go alone. 7

When she arrived, she mentally reviewed everything that had happened that afternoon. She felt that she wanted to continue with the dance classes. She wanted to learn, she had to. By Ezequiel, to give him that surprise. And for her too, she had promised herself, and her word had value. When she was about to go to bed, the phone rang. She was surprised because of the time it couldn't be Ezequiel since she went to bed early and got up at dawn. She answered worried and... Franco was on the line!!! How had she gotten his number? She spoke a few words and immediately apologized because she had to take care of her daily tasks and… she cut the communication as if the device was red hot. Again, she was thoughtful, she felt uncomfortable with everything that had happened in the class and now the discomfort with that call continued. She proposed to face him in the next class, explain her situation, her upcoming marital status, her only interest in dancing... .and cut everything to the chase. That's what she would do. The following week she arrived before class time to speak with Franco. He hadn't arrived yet. The class started and he didn't come. She was calmer, she was able to learn some steps and practice them with her classmates. Luckily it was a pleasant and uneventful afternoon. At the end of class, she went to her house and before reaching her door, she saw him standing like a statue awaiting his arrival. She couldn't believe it!!! First the phone call from the week before, now she was waiting for her at the door of her house. But what audacity of yours!!! He came out to talk to her. She flatly refused, he wanted to take her hand and she immediately broke away, turned on her heels and entered her house. Distraught and gasping for air, she sank back into the chair. She burst into tears uncontrollably. 8

That night she slept badly, she woke up several times, she had nightmares. She decided that she had to put an end to all that, but in another way. She made a decision she had to tell Ezequiel everything. He was going to be her husband. She had to find out about all this. She had to know. She had to help her. Yes, she was terribly afraid of telling it and that he would be angry, but... it was worse that way. She couldn't handle that situation alone. It was intolerable. She visited herself pretty to impress him. Perfumed, made up and in high heels. She would be surprised to see her like this. She who lived in low shoes and jeans... She entered the office greeting the secretary. She asked for him. They informed her that she was in a meeting but that she would not be late. She decided to wait for him reading a magazine at the reception. Behind her, she heard a voice that was familiar to her... she didn't want to turn around to see whose face had that voice. She discreetly took a mirror out of her bag to look at it and... there it was, it was Franco, he was hanging around her again. It was at that moment that Ezequiel left the meeting room and saw her. He moved closer to her to hug and kiss her. Franco, his driver, watched them. 9

Smiley hug Your hug will surprise me and my smile will burst with glory... it will be the beginning of the story that we will write together, beyond time, without haste, caressing our soul, with silences that speak and words that silence. 10

CORNERED He woke up sweaty and shaking. He didn't quite know where he was. He looked around… it was his room, but he didn't recognize it. Something had changed...But what? He didn't really realize it…yet. His head ached, as if a herd of horses were pounding in his temples. Had he drunk that much the night before? He didn't remember. He lay in bed for a while longer... he had to clear his mind, try to remember step by step... slowly. He got up slowly, his body weighed about 1000 kg and his head was about to explode. He reheated the coffee from the day before and took a few sips. He dumped it in the sink, it tasted rancid. He looked for milk in the fridge and when he went to serve her he saw that she was beaten. Devils!!! he thought he. He had to have something for breakfast... his entire body was almost screaming for it. He decided to get dressed and go out to find something to eat. He looked for his keys and his wallet. Where was his wallet? He always put both things together, to avoid losing them, so he wouldn't have to look for them but… there were only his keys. He sat up on the bed. He had to remember that he had spent the night before to know how he had gotten to this moment and in this way. He had gone to have a few drinks with Luis and Juancho, his usual friends... then Richi, Flaco, Carlín and Manu, Lili's brothers, joined him... Lili didn't come, what a pity, she had a bad cold, he would have wanted her to come anyway, he appreciated her so much, no... actually he was in love with Lili, madly in love with Lili, but she didn't know it... yet. They went out to celebrate... Juancho had graduated as an architect after six long years of study and everything was 11

valid. There were no excuses or limits that could stop them, they had to celebrate in a big way. And they did it big!!! Bar with drinks, dancers, poker table… He didn't even know how to play poker, but they insisted and he tried and learned to strike out and…. It didn't go very well… I think he lost, he lost everything he had, and he doesn't even remember how he got home and… things are missing at home, his wallet is missing!!! Doorbell??? Who can ring the bell at…he doesn't have his watch either!!! He doesn't know who he will be but he doesn't want to find out either. He quickly went down the five floors by stairs. Upon reaching the ground floor, he saw three large figures that were seen through the glass of the front door. He froze. He hid on the landing to avoid being seen through the glass… Who were they? What were they looking for? Surely him... but why? His heart seemed to be coming out of his mouth... What could he do? He had no escape. They would look everywhere until they found it. He wanted to think but his head hurt a lot... he thought about his friends, about Lili, dear Lili... the festivities... the drinks... the game... His head was exploding! Suddenly he remembered something and knew what to do... He climbed the stairs again, as he could, tumbling, but with the clearest ideas... He reached the terrace, looked around as if looking for a way out... There must be one!! And he found her… her terrace communicated with Lili's terrace… and she was there, hanging her clothes… she could smell her fragrance from her terrace! He could calculate the distance, measure the speed of the wind, and take a great leap to land on Lili's terrace…! Only a few meters and a few seconds separated him from her!! He could do it…he had to do it…there were no alternatives. 12

He heard quick footsteps coming up the stairs… they were coming for him… there was no going back. He had to jump… he could do it… he HAD to do it!! He went to the bottom of his terrace, jerked and ran with all his might… .and jumped waving his legs and arms as if he were a puppet… he tried to grab hold of something or someone…… And the great emptiness caught him! 13

Caresses A dream caresses me, heady and warm, that surrounds my desires, that disturbs my soul. I sense you in the distance like a scream that drowns me and annihilates me Little by little it comes to me little by little he hugs me with the fire of the dawn that is born 14

APPEARANCE She wanted him so badly it ached. Every afternoon when she returned from work, she would go through the same streets, see the same businesses and even meet the same faces. It was a constant sequence, always the same, without change, day after day, until boredom. Determined to get out of my eternal and apathetic lethargy, I changed course and crossed the downtown square. The business lights were beginning to come on, highlighting the shop windows. The garments looked with a different splendor, as if touched by a magic wand, shining with silver reflections. The moon was gaining space and light in the sky of Olavarría and my eyes delighted in ecstasy looking at the mannequins dressed in elegant party clothes and cocktails. I thought my wedding day would arrive soon... and I didn't know which dress could be the right one. Even less how to pay for it. A purple light caught my attention, I turned my head and there I saw it... the mannequin was majestically dressed in the suit of my dreams. Just as I had imagined it a thousand times in my head. It seemed as if they had guessed the design, the princess-cut neckline, the snowy white shimmering silk fabric, the headdress with fine pearls…it was perfect. She wanted him so badly it hurt. I entered the premises almost without thinking about it, I was like in a trance; It was a dream from which I did not want to wake up. 15

I looked at it and admired it from all angles, I asked to be allowed to try it... and there I was looking at myself in front of the gigantic mirror. The image was so pleasant that it shook me from the insides…. It seemed to me that the mannequin was looking at me with some suspicion; It must be my crazy imagination. I slowly took off the dress, vowing to find a way to save the money to buy it at any cost. I made an effort during the three months that were left before my wedding, gathering up to the point of delirium. I borrowed from my parents, brothers, uncles and grandparents and I did it!!! I went back to the store, and there was the incredible dress adorning the mannequin… waiting for me. They wrapped it with great care. I hugged the package delicately as if I were carrying a newborn child. I could feel the mannequin's withering gaze burning the back of my neck. Was I going crazy? She wanted him so badly it hurt. A crash was heard behind me. The naked mannequin had been shattered. 16

Oh! The glory Oh! the surprise of having found you It intoxicated me with happiness for not having expected it, and if it was accidental or premeditated, I look forward to your happy arrival. Oh! the obsession that time did not know how to appease He bit me again with the force of a hurricane and there were no distances, vain waits That my crazy desires diminish from seeing you. Oh! the wild impetus that throws me into your arms closes old wounds that the soul undoes, fury of kisses, rain of caresses They invade my being with sublime delight. Oh! love spills out full of senses, fever that devours, shared fire, Is it the truncated dream that has been consecrated? Is it the glory that has reached me? 17

WITH THE MINUTES COUNTED I left in a hurry, I was in a hurry, I didn't want to look back…I didn't want to see what I was leaving, rather, what I was abandoning. A stage of my life, truncated, that I would never forget. And how it hurt... on the skin, on the soul. I tried not to think, I had a lot to do ahead of me; I still didn't know how. Time would take care of it. I looked at the clock, it said 6:30. The lazy sun was still sleeping. I went into a bar. Few people at that time. I sat at a table next to the window. I always chose those places… I liked to watch people go by, I was curious to look at their faces, guess their thoughts… I ordered a cortado with croissants and… suddenly the phone rang. He knew who it could be at that hour…no need to look at the number. I didn't want to answer…What for?....... The phone rang again…I would have to answer but…what was I going to say to him… You lied to me!! Again... like so many times. Promise, promise, but never keep your promises… Say what you say, I couldn't believe you anymore. And again, you were going to apologize, and again you were going to swear by your mother, and again you were going to leave me waiting... And I, apologizing for your late arrivals. More excuses were added as my patience wore thin. The phone rang again…Not this time. I couldn't trust again…not again. I would not fall into your nets again, in your tender smile, in your warm embrace, in your kisses... no, no, no. She stopped ringing the phone... she finally got tired. I got tired a lot before… 7.15, I asked for the bill. I had to go to 18

the bus station. A ticket, a 9-hour trip and back home, my place. The spa was beginning to fill with tourists with the spirit of summer on their skin. The air was filled with aromas of salts and sunscreen… I got going. He dragged the suitcase through the dirt streets. Little by little I detached myself from the sound of the sea, I moved away from the bustle of the vacationers... I felt as if a piece of my body was being torn from me, as if a piece of my life was being detached from me...... And I wanted to cry, shout to the winds everything the pain that burned inside me like a fire, suffocating, consuming me... I stopped dead…I needed to breathe, I needed to gasp for breath, I felt like I was suffocating, I couldn't walk… I sat at the entrance of a house with my breathing agitated... I waited, I waited until it normalized... I don't know how much time passed... The truth is that when I stood up, I had made a decision. I had to talk to him. Tell him everything he thought, what he really thought. Without keeping anything silent, without forgetting any detail, any fault. Nothing should be overlooked. I shouldn't leave without doing it. I shouldn't...... I retraced my steps to his house. Inside my head the thoughts were shaking like lightning. I walked and my ideas came out loud. I had to have everything well prepared so as not to make mistakes, so as not to allow him to speak, so as not to make me doubt. Almost without realizing it, I suddenly found myself at the door of his house. It was open. I entered without announcing myself, I looked for him, I called him….He wasn't there, he simply wasn't there…. Thoughts choked me in the back of my throat...a knot became in my stomach...and I couldn't take it anymore......all the accumulated crying gushed out, until the 19

spasms arose... I felt my eyes swollen...my knees buckled and I fell... I just fell I felt all the weight of the world on my chest and a great emptiness at the same time…. until my misty eyes widened as a silent hug engulfed us both. 20

Toast to hope I will pay one by one my faults and cowards of the past days Who annihilated? the dreams of becoming then I can feel my bones relieved and my soul will own of the long-awaited calm to continue. I will leave little by little to feel the lived, to mourn the lost and long for impossible that secretly they played and withered... I will erase the traces in your clear gentle eyes like a soft pool and in you I will sink. 21

OVERFLOW In the city of Benemérito de las América –Mexico- Adela got up earlier than usual. He wanted to reach the town before the sun began to bite the flesh. The kitchen clock hadn't yet struck 6:00 when he started out, wearing sandals and a straw hat. From the neighboring house, the gardener saw her come out of it. With a wave he greeted her with a smile. Adela barely looked at him. She was engrossed in her business. They expected her like every Thursday at 9.30 and she had a long way to go. She had to cross the town with its long two leagues of parched land, avid for water... urgency for water. More than 40 days without rain and without sights on the horizon. Adela walked slowly, heavy, almost reluctantly. They were waiting for her but she did not want to arrive. It was very difficult for her to participate in those meetings. No one really wanted to talk…but they had to. “For their good” that's what they told him. It had been 3 months since she drank, she felt better. She was sober, so what, the money problems continued and worsened. The debts hurt more than the lack of alcohol. She arrived exhausted; the heat left her exhausted. She reached for the pitcher of water, took a glass from the table and poured herself, over and over again... until she felt relieved. She sat in the wheel; Martín began the talk. -Welcome! Thank you all for being here, how was your week Adela? -Calm, quiet…well, not really, I had to do some paperwork- Adela said doubtfully. \"Were you able to solve your affairs?\" Martin asked her, knowing her shortcomings. \"Almost...halfway, there's still a bit to go...a week maybe,\" Adela said fearfully. 22

His hands were sweating. A slight tremor shook her body. She settled into her chair as if to suppress him. She shook her head indicating that she preferred not to continue speaking. The meeting ended around noon. Adela went out into the street and the sun clouded her vision for a few moments. In the distance some gray clouds threatened. omen of storm \"It seems that at last the blessed rain will come,\" said a cracked voice behind her. \"What are you doing here?\" Adela asked, frightened. \"I want to collect my debt\" the voice answered sharply. -But there are still a few days left...I still don't have everything- Adela said more scared. \"Well, I'll take what you have!\" said her voice arrogantly, holding her by the arm. Adela managed to get free and began to run, without seeing clearly, blinded by the sun. Reaching a corner, she stumbled and buckled one foot. As she could, she kept running, limping from time to time, not knowing where she was going. A series of thunder rumbled in the sky and the rain poured down with all its fury. The drops looked like needles and merged with her tears. Someone who found the straw hat and sandals near the meeting place shouted -It was the rain's fault!!!-. The Negro river overflowed its bed. The sky dressed in mourning and the earth was impregnated with fertile sap. 23

Face to heaven facing the sky I declare myself free... no strings attached, openly, with the impetus that moves the mountains and sweeps with the weeds. facing the world I declare myself a woman... and I hold my head high chest up, the open soul, with claws and teeth, unprejudiced, without taboos, with fullness. 24

DISAGREEMENT -It's time to cheer up- Rosalía said to herself, taking courage -I have to learn once and for all. It can't be that difficult!... But why is it so hard for me? Is it a denial? Not that... it's just fear... .no, no fear... it's panic- she concluded. - Yes sure, it's panic. But really, I don't quite understand why. Has she had a mishap as a child? A fright, a blow, a fall? It could be... Many are traumatized after an accident... Anyway, I hope that at least I try- I thought -At least I have to try!... Let's see, tomorrow is Sunday, good weather has been announced, sunny... I can go to the river, stay and have a picnic. Well, let's prepare the basket- Rosalía said to herself, encouraging herself. Early in the morning, Rosalía loads the groceries, some fruit and cold water in the portable mini-fridge. She dresses in a leotard, shorts, a t-shirt, and comfortable sandals. And we went out together, like old acquaintances. The path is downhill, which makes walking easier. -Finally! Finally! I cheered up and I did it...great...it wasn't so difficult after all. Now to enjoy the day,\" Rosalía exclaimed euphorically. To enjoy the day, we settled on the banks of the river, under the shade of a willow tree. The sun is at its peak. Rosalía spreads a mat on the soft grass and places the basket and the mini-fridge on it. The air is warm and a bit stifling. She approaches the river bank, takes off her shorts and shirt and takes a big dip. The fresh water of the river delights her for a long time. She then decides to go out to eat her lunch. While she does it, she loves to listen to music. She puts on her headphones, turns on her MP4… and forgets about the world. I observe this panorama with infinite pleasure, until… suddenly I feel mobilized by strange hands. The willow shakes in amazement and fury at the outburst. Rosalía is 25

unaware of my disappearance and I have no way of letting her know. I want to make some noise…but fear silences me completely. -This music is wonderful! soft and relaxing...special for a day like today...to relax me from the bustle of the week. I feel heavy… I didn't eat much… a ham and cheese sandwich, a piece of fruit… It must be the heat… With the uphill climb I'm going to digest right away… But where is my bike? I left her leaning against the willow! - Rosalía said to herself, alarmed -I keep rolling through the streets aimlessly. At a short distance I see an abandoned house and they lead me towards it. Here the grass is high and my walking is difficult. The stranger decides to leave me. She throws me into the big yuyal while he runs and disappears into the house. I feel helpless. What will become of me now? Rosalía will be looking for me but... How will she find me? There is a terrifying silence in this place- I thought saddened. -Someone stole my bike... I didn't see or hear anything... Oh I see... she was so absorbed listening to music that I didn't notice anything. But how stupid! Well let's see…he must have left tracks, let's see…yes, here I see tracks, I'm going to follow them, I have to find my bike, it can't be far, it can't be far- Rosalía thought hopefully. -I'm not very far from the river. It's only been a few minutes to get here... but it's been a long time since she entered the house. Maybe he will forget about me... I hope he forgets about me! I want Rosalía to find me! She has to find me! She can follow my footprints...sure, sure she will see my footprints....but they threw me in this yuyal...how will she do to see me? If she could give him some sign! -She asked me restlessly. \"If she could give me some sign! ..... But if I'll be stupid, it's a bicycle. How can she give me any sign if it's a bicycle?\" 26

Wow…the tracks reach here… This is a great yuyal…. And now? - Rosalía said to herself, very worried. \"I'll honk my horn, the sound will follow and she'll find me,\" I thought enthusiastically. -I hear the sound of a horn! No, I'm not crazy. It sure is my bike. But how is it possibly? I don't see anyone...and yet...I'm hearing a bicycle horn...But where? I hear it but I don't see it! - Rosalía thought terrified. -I hear Rosalía screaming…but I don't see her! A big yuyal separates us! 27

Heavy load I carry on my back the sleeping soul of empty waits, not resigned, of dreamy desires, unrealized. The weight hurts, lethargic, like an anchor in the buried bay, moldy over time, without protection, punished by the seas, by the winds. She has no peace, so mistreated, she has no owner she wanders tired, prisoner of fire, with the wings borrowed from her, she wants to take flight. 28

DISTRACTION Where had he left them? Had I lost them? Laura was pretty, thirty-something, with brown hair and a slenderness that was enviable by her colleagues. She had worked at the company for more than 3 years. She always kept in her position as a calm and reserved person. She didn't talk much with her classmates. She kept a low profile and tried to go unnoticed. Her shyness won out over her willingness to make friends. On the first Monday of April, the sky opened up without clouds and with the promise of full sun. She arrived early, as was her custom, and she settled in at her desk. She rang her cell phone and saw on the screen that it was her husband. She answered reluctantly. -Hello Lau… I'm already boarding in Madrid. The flight is 16 hours. I call you when I arrive in Buenos Aires. Kisses dear-he commented. \"Kisses dear,\" Laura said without much enthusiasm. She did not like that her husband traveled so much. She was left alone for a long time. She felt lonely for a long time. She came to think that in her company she was also beginning to feel lonely. She got up annoyed, with annoying thoughts haunting her. She took the folders with the budgets finished and neatly ordered to deliver to her boss…. The clash was inevitable. The papers flew through the air like white birds. Laura fell to her knees on the carpet and her cheeks turned pink as she realized what had happened. Even more so when she saw that her boss was also on her back on the ground. No one could utter a word. They just looked at each other and both burst out laughing. The tensions loosened and it was as if they had just discovered each other. As if they were seeing each other for 29

the first time. She was left in the environment floating a sweet and fragrant aroma. Sensations and hidden desires of delayed encounters. Laura looked down with sudden embarrassment. He helped her gather her papers and handed them over to her, taking her hands. She gently withdrew them and her cheeks flushed even more. She went back to her desk and sorted her papers with visible nervousness. He approached and murmured in her ear -I want to see you alone... please- She just looked at him and nodded with her gaze. That night he entered her house. He intoxicated her with her warmth and sweetness. She just allowed herself to be ecstatic. No questions, no doubts. They just let themselves go with pleasure and without guilt. Laura's cell phone rumbled in the silence of the night. They both shuddered and came out of their loving lethargy. With trepidation Laura answered -Hello love… I'm already in Ezeiza. I'll be home in a bit. Kisses - said her husband with marked emotion. -Well… kisses- she replied with little spirit She silently looked at her boss. He understood and tenderly kissed her on the cheek while he said -I'll wait for you in the office in a while...see you later sweetie- Laura remained sitting on the bed while he left her like a shadow. A taste of honey remained in her mouth and her skin was fresh with lavender flowers. She lay awake, sleepless. The frenzy of the moment was turning into apathy at the thought of her husband. She closed her eyes as if not to think, as if not to feel... Where had he left them? Had he lost them? Laura's boss wondered. He couldn't find his glasses and he could see little without them. Laura's husband found them on the bedside table. 30

Beginning and end The beginning of everything, the end of everything, first picture, last look, first sensation, last breath, without your empty soul I remain, nothing. With your name hitting my temples my wait beats in silence, silent, the rhythm of my desires accelerates, they envelop you they caress you, crazy. The beginning of sleep, as a latent fruit, grows within me, sweet priceless, your balm, my fire, are linked, they explode, they are lost in venerable union. 31

THE LUMINOUS SIGN The eyes of the night called his attention… they attracted him like a magnet…. I wanted to escape, far away, but…everything was noise and confusion, loud music, long drinks, alcohol without measure, stunning women, forced laughter, disdainful manners, many looks, some boring, others elusive and one… if there was a “special” ” that from a distance highlighted his interest. He wanted to get closer to her, but the crowd prevented him. The bright lights of the dancing confectionery were beginning to blind him, added to the alcohol he had consumed, his vision was becoming more and more cloudy. When he managed to focus in that direction, the \"special\" look had disappeared behind the dense smoke of the place. He decided to leave, listlessly, with a laxity that immobilized him. He had a hard time walking the few blocks that separated him from his house. He arrived almost without strength, staggering, with several drinks on him, consumed with anger... for not having achieved even... a simple chat with that furtive glance. She entered slowly, took off her shoes and walked on tiptoe, moving from one side of the living room to the other, trying not to make noise, as if she were in someone else's house... well, she was almost someone else's, because at this point in the events He was more out of it than living with his wife...yes, they were like two strangers after so many years of marriage. Without realizing it, he lay down on the opposite side of the bed, the one that his wife always occupied... his wife, who was not now... there, in bed. Sunday morning, the sun wakes up very early in the spring of the Montserrat neighborhood. Almost seven in the morning, and his eyes refuse to open. Not even four hours have passed since he went to bed passing out like a storm, impregnated with smoke and alcohol. Dizzy and with the 32

sure exhaustion of a busy night, he opened one eye looking out the window. The sun hurt him with the strong glare from it. He rubbed his eyes trying to focus to recognize where he was. Yes, it was the bedroom in his house, of that he was quite sure. He didn't remember how he had gotten to his bed… his bed without his wife… But where was she? He got up slowly, trying to control her numb muscles, moving almost like a robot. He almost fell back on the bed. He shook his head to wake up. From that corner he could see the note. He took it with a shudder, thinking of the worst, but…it wasn't quite like that. She told him that he should go visit her mother because she had a high fever, and her asthma was making it difficult for her to breathe, and he… felt relieved, as if all of his concerns had suddenly vanished. The best thing was to take a bath with hot water to clear his head and get rid of the drunkenness that was crushing him like a bulldozer. He dressed in casual clothes and went for a walk, aimlessly, he just wanted to get some fresh air in the morning, buy the newspaper, have breakfast in a little bar on Av. De Mayo, then get lost among the people at the San Telmo fair, look at the trinkets, the antiques, the relics, where it seems that time stopped... and time stopped, and his heart seemed to stop too, and he couldn't believe it... he looked again, carefully... and there he was, he saw that \"special\" look from the night before, almost barely perceptible, absentmindedly observing a stained glass window. He sneakily hurried trying not to lose sight of her, making his way through the people at the fair, who did not buy, did not even ask prices, they only looked, they only got in the way and prevented him from advancing, and… he lost sight of her again, just like the last night. Could it be fate that doesn't let him arrive? Will it not have to be? Will it be a mystery forever? 33

He didn't want to resign himself, he wanted to keep looking for her, now he was even more furious than in the danceable confectionery. It was his second chance and he had lost it. He would have to find a third… and he was going to look for it. But where? On the street it was very difficult, almost impossible, among so many people, on a Sunday morning, there in San Telmo. No, he wouldn't find her there. Probably in the confectionery, that is. There he would be, sure. He prepared himself for the night. He put on his best clothes, he wore a blue jacket and white pants for the first time. He polished the soft leather shoes, special for the dance. He perfumed himself a little more than usual and went to the confectionery. It was early, barely ten at night. He ordered a glass of white wine and sat at the bar… to wait. And he waited almost an hour, when all of a sudden, he saw her come in. She was wearing a crimson bodycon dress, high-heeled shoes, her hair falling below her shoulders in a wavy blonde cascade. And her eyes fixed on his... and he felt them like incandescent iron, they burned her body, they reached her soul. He had her only half a meter away…. to her completely… .to her, her woman. 34

Who do they dream of? Who do you dream of? caress your hands What on my skin do not slide? With whom do you imagine kiss your lips? Why don't they land in my mouth? Come... don't delay more your desires, my skin is on and my lips await you. 35

THE COLECTIVE Ema slowly fell asleep. The dream stretched an invisible web around her. Her eyelids wanted to stay open, but a superior force made them fall on her eyes. Her head was tilted on her right side and every once in a while, her body would rise again trying to stay awake. Hard braking from the bus propelled her forward, jolting her roughly. She adjusted her skirt and smoothed her hair to make herself feel better. All the passengers began to look at each other, puzzled, restless. They felt that something had happened, but they did not realize what. The bus had stopped. Curious they approached to look through the windows, pushing each other. There were no traffic lights, no cars, no people. They hadn't crashed or hurt anyone…. Actually, there was no one around!! Where were you?? How had they gotten there? They were in the middle of nowhere… in the middle of the night It had gotten cold. They began to talk among themselves, asking thousands of questions. The voices became agitated. The adults spoke softly so as not to frighten the children. The children screamed and climbed into the arms of the adults. Suddenly someone from the back went to ask the driver but…. the driver was not there. Where would he have gone? He couldn't have disappeared, could he?? Fear began to fill the spaces with silences and the words came stammering out of their mouths. No one dared to get off the bus to find out where they were, or what was happening. Someone hinted that they should start the bus and get out of there. Someone agreed and approached the driver's seat and looked for the key to start it……There was no key!! Someone yelled for everyone to get down to push and…there was a big rush towards the doors but…they 36

were locked!! They tried to open them with the mechanism but it was impossible. They pried with tools that a mason had in his bag and…Nothing!! Someone yelled to break the windows. They started kicking them over and over again. Someone picked up the fire extinguisher and threw it against the rear window. The passengers in the back ducked just in time. Glass flew everywhere. Everything turned to shouting and confusion!! A large man dared to go out first by climbing onto the window and taking a great leap. They all watched expectantly. No one dared to imitate him. No one wanted to take a risk... panic took over everyone. Someone lifted up the passengers one after the other and handed them over to the large man who was helping them down. A cry of anguish tore from Ema's throat and she began to tremble helplessly. Someone took her by the shoulders and shook her firmly. I was startled!! Weeping bathed her face. He covered his eyes so as not to see, so as not to feel…. Someone hugged her tightly, kissed her tears... Ema opened her eyes... looked around her... She sat on the bed 37

I will grow I will grow like burning fire looking for horizons, of golden and blue flames, in confusion of hugs with the sky, my arms swayed by the wind, They will fill the immensity with light. I will grow like water in torrents, overwhelming, painting with sea salts, to the last corner, and I will be foam embroidering the distant beaches, and emerald the color of my soul. I will grow to infinity with my dreams embodied in you. 38

THE SEA I had to travel... get to the sea, see the sea, feel it all over my body, bathe my skin in foam and salt. It wasn't a need, no… it was desperation. How much secret energy the sea hides! He imprisons her, locks her up like a great treasure. Leticia was exhausted, on the verge of stress. Her work consumed her: more than 10 hours a day. To that she had to add the travel time, the quick and scarce meals, without forgetting the daily bustle of the company and shopping for the house. In short, she... needed a break... urgently. She searched for various options online. Brazilian, Caribbean, Mediterranean beaches. She found out prices for flights and hotels: days and times of departure. But not back. She still didn't want to think about going back. Only in the sea... The sea! She chose the Caribbean and prepared the trip. Her flight was leaving in 48 hours. She finalized work details in the office and took care of her personal grooming. She arrived at the airport well in advance, handed over the documents at the counter, and checked the baggage. From that moment her body began to relax. The flight was smooth with a stopover in Chile. She arrived on time and without complications in Mexico. She took a taxi to the hotel. \"Welcome to the Royal Caribbean\" greeted the concierge. -Good afternoon, my name is Leticia Medina, I have a reservation- he explained \"Wait, please, she checked on the computer,\" he asked. Wow! \"What's going on?\" Leticia asked. \"The system has crashed,\" said the concierge with a smile. \"And what does that mean?\" Leticia asked in a worried tone. 39

\"I can't confirm her reservation,\" he mentioned, broadening her smile. \"But I did it over the phone and they confirmed it to me online,\" she explained, looking uneasy. \"Yes, of course... I understand... we have to wait\" she commented softly. -Wait? Until when? -She asked annoyed. -Until it is restored…. I invite you to the dining room for a snack, free of course. They'll call you when the system works. In the meantime, her bellboy will properly keep her luggage,\" she explained to reassure her. She headed for the dining room. She ordered a cortado coffee. From the window she could see the sea. She stared at him spellbound for a long time. A sign posted on the beach caught her attention “Diving Lessons” she loved the idea! While they were confirming her reservation, she went down to the beach to find out. Almost without realizing it, she was wearing a diving suit. The instructor explained that it was very simple. \"She just has to let go,\" she told him. And she launched herself from a small platform specially prepared. Ah the sea! The sensation was wonderful. She felt an indescribable pleasure. She could see and touch the bottom. She was diving next to the schools. She saw stars and corals. She caressed them delicately for fear of hurting them. It was sublime! The color and temperature of the water changed as she progressed. A strange sound startled her. She didn't know where she came from. She looked around her but she didn't see anything. She listened to him again with more intensity. It was high-pitched, vibrating, like a train whistle. Her ears rang and she shuddered all over her body. Her oxygen tank had run low. 40

When I remember you When I remember you... my soul is filled with partying and I no longer have deserted hands, I am invaded by laughter and singing and crying escapes from my eyes, there are no empty spaces or shadows, nor possible silences appear, fantasies return to my mind, my whole life calls you and feels you, like the flowers that the earth kisses my heart imprisons you, locks you up, and keep your intact memory jealous. Oh!!!! When I remember you 41

THE NIGHT LAMP I woke up drenched in sweat... I was shaking like a leaf, even though it was summer and the thermometer read 30 degrees. A nightmare shook me from the bowels, I managed in the dark to turn on the nightstand on my bedside table but... it didn't turn on. Annoyed mulling over intelligible swear words, I wondered what had happened to the lamp. Before going to bed I was reading and it worked perfectly. And now that? I tried to calm down and got up in the dark, stumbling over the edge of the bed, which made me repeat the insults. I groped my way to the kitchen looking for a glass of cool water to try to calm myself down. When I got back to the bedroom the nightstand was on!! But how?? Surely the bulb was loose... the best thing would be to adjust it, I thought. When I got ready to do it and without touching it, it turned off by itself. I didn't understand anything... nothing at all. Was I dreaming or was it really happening? I was going crazy with so many questions and wow...it was 3 in the morning and I was going around like a carousel in the plaza. I decided to leave everything as it was. I would fall asleep either way, with the light on or off. I already didn't care. Tomorrow I would check what to do. I got up as best I could at the usual time, hardly sleeping, showered and dressed like an automaton. I stormed off to the office. I needed to numb myself with work so I wouldn't think about the horrible night I had. Lots of cars, lots of movement on the street with people going in all directions, horns, lights, infernal racket. The work was no better than other days. Purchases, sales, computers, telephones, greetings and hugs to colleagues, whispers in the corridors, quick lunch, runs in the banks... the same as always, without changes, without news. 42

I got home at sunset, when the sun declines its light on the horizon. As I entered the apartment, I was thinking about what I would make for dinner and... it couldn't be... there was a light on in the room... but I left everything off when I left this morning. How was it possible? I went straight to the room and saw the nightstand on. I approached quietly, tried to turn it off and before my hand could touch the button... it went off by itself! No, no, it couldn't be! I tried to analyze calmly... It turned on and off by itself without me touching it....as if it had a life of its own.....but that's impossible.....it's an object...it doesn't have own life.... And then? I stopped to look at the porcelain doll next to the button. It couldn't be......he had his eyes closed. But how... I remember that when I bought it, I looked at it and my eyes were open....... And now that I think about it, when I bought the nightstand with the porcelain doll, on the shelf where it was located, there was another table with a porcelain doll that seemed to look at her with infinite love, with incredible love. I'm delirious...This can't be happening I decided to unplug it. Surely it was broken. I would have to take it to be fixed. The plug would be loose...If it was surely that...I would take it to be fixed and everything would be solved. The next day was Saturday, I didn't work, so I could take care of taking the nightstand to be fixed. There was an electrician a few blocks from home that the doorman had recommended. I left the nightstand for him to check and if possible, he could fix it as quickly as possible. I didn't explain what was really going on. He would think me crazy...... It was better for him to draw his own conclusions from him. It probably wouldn't be complicated at all. They were probably all my imagination. I was very tired from work, the house, the...... the truth was, I had no idea what was happening. 43

He called me a few days later telling me that the nightstand was beyond repair. He didn't understand anything. What could have happened? As soon as I could I went to the electrician's business. Surely there must be an explanation, logic of course. Upon arrival he looked at me saying \"I did everything possible and also the impossible, but I couldn't fix it\" I approached the night table and looked at it carefully. The porcelain doll's eyes were open and small tears rolled down her cheeks!! 44

Decision If you come back here, look for me behind the horizon you will find me, dazzled by suns, of foam, of breezes, you will see me. If you come back, you will find me here, with the colors of laughter painted under new moons or dawn, of warm fragrances impregnated. Don't stop your steps, go away, try the taste of other kisses, of another skin his trembling, look at yourself in other mirrors. Delight your hours away, bite yourself with rage or vibrate with excitement in other eyes, listen and speak. And then, if your body He wants to drink the fire from my cravings, don't stop your steps, come back, I will always be, at any time. 45

INCIDENTAL ERRORS As every morning, Marisa arrives late at the office because of the alarm clock, which has been announcing its malfunction for a long time, and she can't decide whether to repair it or change it, it will be that the budget is not enough for either of the two options. She looks at the calendar with annoyance, day 4 and still no news of receiving the meager salary that barely allows her to make it until the middle of the month. She sits down at her desk with a dejected sigh. She lives upset, sleeps badly, she has nightmares and the worst, an empty stomach that she no longer has many expectations. She sits listlessly at the switch, quickly sipping the cold, unsweetened coffee that fails to fool her stomach one iota. She looks in the mirror, the dark circles are a bad symptom and a permanent witness to her restlessness. Makeup tries to work miracles, but the impossible is not always likely. It's Friday, she should be happy with the expectation of the weekend, but as usual she has nothing planned with anyone; logical, without a penny it is not easy, not even for a magician. Maybe she could ask her mother if she is going to see her on Saturday... but no, now she remembers that she went to Santa Fe for the weekend to see Aunt Cata who had a cast for Her fall. No, if it is fate that she is denied at all... She hardly has any cigarettes. Suddenly reality calls insistently through the switch. Her lights wink red at her with intermittent sounds that don't stop for a second. Her phone cord wants to connect her to the rest of the world she doesn't want to hear. She Wants to sink into any hole to stop listening to it!! She wants to be thousands of kilometers away from this place!! But she can't, she must plunge into the tangle of cables, which look so much like her boiling bundle of nerves. 46

Calls begin to emerge like a tombola, while at the same time, almost fifty calls are requested by the inmates with important companies, banks, hotels, airports, conference rooms, clubs and annexes to achieve meetings and appointments that only they lead to interest-free conventions or credits for their own benefit, or talks that no one listens to. Marisa is fed up with so much hypocrisy, which is only useful for others, and for her it doesn't even bring a good salary. The world moves through the wire of the telephone, as if they were headless puppets that think with their pockets. It is almost twelve noon and just when Marisa was getting ready to have a snack, crackers and cheese, her boss asks her to communicate with Mr. Luis González, Sales Manager of Novic & Association. After unfortunate attempts, almost an eternity of busy, finally manages to communicate. The secretary asks you to wait on line Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't realize the time that has elapsed, until she hears broken voices from the other end, like almost incoherent murmurs, and while trying to decipher them she listens... TONIGHT I'LL DO IT... WHEN OLD GONZA RETIRES ... I TAKE THE KEY... I TAKE THE PACKAGE... IT WILL BE EASY. Marisa doesn't understand much or doesn't want to understand, everything is very confusing, she remains in a trance, it's too incredible, it's too terrible. She suddenly realizes that they announce the pass of the communication with the Manager, she begins to hesitate, bites her lips, tries not to tremble, tries to stammer a word, until she finally manages to pass the communication with her boss. She is left as if in her limbo, her thoughts rushing in with the force of a whirlwind, she can't think straight. She has to do something, it's the only thing she knows for sure, but what? Poor unfortunate telephone operator 47

immersed in such a discovery!! She must alert him in some way, it is essential to think quickly, with a cold mind and tempered nerves. As if the inner earthquake suddenly subsided and an invisible curtain was drawn back to allow you to see and think clearly, the big idea arises. The only possibility. He will send you a note to alert you, without a signature, to remain anonymous, surely, he will know how to take the pertinent precautions. He types a few lines and... but how the hell does he get it to her? He reacts quickly. Marisa calls Rubén through the intercom so that he comes to her desk. She's still shaking, she should calm down; she asks the switch and her heart is about to explode. Rubén listens to her attentively. He takes the envelope with the letter and runs out. Is it a matter of life or… Saturday morning the newsboy wakes up Marisa early. It was totally useless to sleep with all the events of the day before The newspaper!! She takes it and reads: «A robbery attempt at the Novic & Association company was frustrated. Yesterday afternoon. The treasurer, Gonzalo Cespedes, was intercepted by company personnel, who tried to steal the salaries of the employees. Thanks to an anonymous letter received by the sales manager, Mr. Luis González, he was able to alert the police, who acted quickly ». Marisa is stunned, speechless, she can't believe it, she reads it again, but she still can't believe it. Gonza, Gonzalo, González, it seemed like a tongue twister... What a mess it must have been. It was fate or a fortuitous error that contributed to bring about a happy outcome. What a great interior relief she feels now, as if living really made sense, from that moment on. 48

Marisa arrives at the office on Monday wanting to take the world before her, with a spark of mystery and mischief in her eyes, defiant and smiling as on a holiday. Everything is the same, the same smell of reheated coffee, the flickering and loud switch that she insistently wants to call her attention, the heavy jokes of her colleagues, the insipid talks about soccer or the weekend dances. Marisa is floating in a cloud where some letters written on newspaper that mention an \"Anonymous Message\" shine in gold. Her heart is about to burst with joy and she has her conscience at peace. She wishes she could shout it out to everyone so they would know what she was capable of, so they wouldn't hide like scared ostriches when outside pressure requires them to give their all to help others. But she better shut up herself, who is going to believe her, who would be interested in knowing that she was a hero to a simple and total stranger. Marisa immerses herself in the routine of the switchboard, the correspondence, the tasteless coffee, the greetings without due courtesy and the hands on the clock that seemed static. At eleven in the morning, when the bustle in the office is at its height, the guard sends a messenger to her desk. He brings a sealed envelope with no sender or recipient. Marisa looks perplexed at the envelope, trembling like a leaf. Her heartbeat rumbles in her temples. She wonders if she should open it.... At last she makes up her mind. Inside it is a letter, an envelope and a check. She doesn't know which one to read first, she's scared, it could be a bad joke and she doesn't want anything or anyone to ruin her day. She's scared, she doesn't know whether to read it or not. .... But if she doesn't read it, she remains curious and that's much worse. Take the letter first and read: \"I am sending you the envelope that you sent me with the \"Anonymous\" which luckily arrived in time to avoid a tragedy. You 49