1000 truyện cười song ngữ

["149 he went. The doctor asked him a lot of questions and c\u0169ng ch\u1ecbu t\u1edbi. B\u00e1c s\u0129 h\u1ecfi anh ta r\u1ea5t nhi\u1ec1u c\u00e2u h\u1ecfi v\u00e0 ghi him a lot of questions and wrote Mike\u2019s ansewers l\u1ea1i nh\u1eefng c\u00e2u tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi c\u1ee7a Mike. down. \u201cAnh th\u01b0\u1eddng \u0103n g\u00ec v\u00e0 bu\u1ed5i s\u00e1ng?\u201d, b\u00e1c s\u0129 h\u1ecfi Mike. \u201cTr\u1ee9ng, b\u00e1nh m\u00ec, b\u01a1, m\u1ee9t qu\u1ea3 v\u00e0 c\u00e0 ph\u00ea.\u201d Mike tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi. \u201cWhat do you eat in the morning?\u201d he asked him. \u201cB\u1eefa tr\u01b0a anh d\u00f9ng g\u00ec?,\u201d b\u00e1c s\u0129 h\u1ecfi. \u201cEggs, bread, butter, jam and coffee,\u201d Mike answered. \u201cTh\u1ecbt, c\u00e1 v\u00e0 b\u00e1nh m\u00ec.\u201d \u201cAnd what lunch do you have?\u201d the doctor asked. \u201cTh\u1ebf anh \u0103n g\u00ec trong b\u1eefa t\u1ed1i?\u201d b\u00e1c s\u0129 h\u1ecfi. \u201cMeat or fisd and bread.\u201d \u201cTr\u1ee9ng v\u00e0 b\u00e1nh m\u00ec.\u201d Sau \u0111\u00f3 v\u1ecb b\u00e1c s\u0129 ph\u00e1n: \u201cAnd what do you have in the evening?\u201d the doctor \u201cH\u00e3y \u0103n hoa qu\u1ea3 h\u00e0ng ng\u00e0y v\u00e0 \u0103n c\u1ea3 v\u1ecf c\u1ee7a ch\u00fang n\u1eefa. asked. V\u1ecf c\u1ee7a ch\u00fang r\u1ea5t t\u1ed1t. Anh th\u00edch lo\u1ea1i hoa qu\u1ea3 n\u00e0o nh\u1ea5t?\u201d \u201cEggs and bread.\u201d Mike cau c\u00f3 tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi: \u201cQu\u1ea3 d\u1eeba.\u201d The the doctor said. \u201cEat some fruit every day, and eat all the skin of the Ch\u00faa tr\u1eddi fruit. The skin is very good. What fruit do you like \u00d4ng v\u00e0 ch\u00e1u g\u00e1i \u0111ang ng\u1ed3i n\u00f3i chuy\u1ec7n v\u1edbi nhau th\u00ec c\u00f4 b\u00e9 best?\u201d h\u1ecfi: \u201cC\u00f3 ph\u1ea3i Ch\u00faa tr\u1eddi \u0111\u00e3 t\u1ea1o ra \u00f4ng kh\u00f4ng h\u1ea3 \u00f4ng?\u201d Mike was not happy. \u201c\u1edc, Ch\u00faa tr\u1eddi \u0111\u00e3 t\u1ea1o ra \u00f4ng,\u201d ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u00f4ng tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi. \u201cCoconuts,\u201d he answered. M\u1ed9t v\u00e0i ph\u00fat sau c\u00f4 b\u00e9 h\u1ecfi ti\u1ebfp: God \u201cCh\u00faa tr\u1eddi c\u0169ng t\u1ea1o ra ch\u00e1u n\u1eefa ch\u1ee9?\u201d Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when \u201c\u1edc, Ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u0111\u00e3 t\u1ea1o ra c\u1ea3 ch\u00e1u n\u1eefa,\u201d ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u00f4ng tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi. she asked, Sau m\u1ed9t v\u00e0i ph\u00fat, khi c\u00f4 b\u00e9 \u0111\u00e3 nh\u00ecn k\u1ef9 \u00f4ng r\u1ed3i l\u1ea1i ng\u1eafm \u201cDid God made you, Grandpa?\u201d k\u1ef9 m\u00ecnh trong g\u01b0\u01a1ng, trong khi ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u00f4ng \u0111ang ph\u00e2n \u201cYes, God made me,\u201d the grandfather answered. v\u00e2n kh\u00f4ng bi\u1ebft c\u00f4 b\u00e9 \u0111ang ngh\u0129 g\u00ec trong \u0111\u1ea7u. Cu\u1ed1i c\u00f9ng c\u00f4 b\u00e9 m\u1edbi ch\u1ecbu n\u00f3i: A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, \u201c\u00d4ng bi\u1ebft kh\u00f4ng, c\u00e0ng v\u1ec1 sau Ch\u00faa tr\u1eddi c\u00e0ng l\u00e0m vi\u1ec7c t\u1ed1t \u201cDid God make me too?\u201d h\u01a1n.\u201d \u201cYes, He did,\u201d the older man answered. Qu\u00e1 ng\u1eafn \u0111\u1ec3 ch\u00e1u\u2026 Trong m\u1ed9t h\u1ed9i ch\u1ee3 xu\u00e2n, m\u1ed9t \u0111\u1ee9a tr\u1ebb 4 tu\u1ed5i b\u1ecb l\u1ea1c \u0111ang For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying kh\u00f3c. Ng\u01b0\u1eddi b\u1ea3o v\u1ec7 l\u1ea1i g\u1ea7n an \u1ee7i n\u00f3 v\u00e0 n\u00f3i: her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, \u201cN\u1ebfu ch\u00e1u kh\u00f4ng mu\u1ed1n b\u1ecb l\u1ea1c th\u00ec ph\u1ea3i n\u1eafm ch\u1eb7t l\u1ea5y v\u00e1y while her grandfather wondered what was running m\u1eb9.\u201d C\u1eadu b\u00e9 s\u1ee5t s\u1ecbt kh\u00f3c: through her mind. At last she spoke up. \u201cNh\u01b0ng m\u00e0 v\u00e1y m\u1eb9 ch\u00e1u qu\u00e1 ng\u1eafn \u0111\u1ec3 ch\u00e1u n\u1eafm.\u201d \u201cYou know, Grandpa.\u201d She said, \u201cGod\u2019s doing a lot \u0110\u00e0i b\u1ecb h\u1ecfng better job lately.\u201d M\u1ed9t \u0111o\u00e0n l\u00e0m phim \u0111ang \u1edf s\u00e2u trong sa m\u1ea1c. M\u1ed9t h\u00f4m Too short for me\u2026 m\u1ed9t c\u1ee5 gi\u00e0 da \u0111\u1ecf t\u1edbi g\u1eb7p tr\u01b0\u1edfng \u0111o\u00e0n v\u00e0 n\u00f3i r\u1eb1ng: In the Spring fair, a 4 years old child who got lost was \u201cNg\u00e0y mai tr\u1eddi s\u1ebd m\u01b0a.\u201d crying. A security guard came to console him and said: H\u00f4m sau tr\u1eddi m\u01b0a th\u1eadt. M\u1ed9t tu\u1ea7n sau, c\u1ee5 gi\u00e0 \u0111\u00f3 l\u1ea1i t\u1edbi \u201cIf you don\u2019t want to get lost, you should have gripped g\u1eb7p tr\u01b0\u1edfng \u0111o\u00e0n v\u00e0 n\u00f3i: \u201cNg\u00e0y mai tr\u1eddi \u0111\u1ed5 b\u00e3o.\u201d Qu\u1ea3 nhi\u00ean h\u00f4m sau c\u00f3 m\u1ed9t tr\u1eadn b\u00e3o l\u1edbn. your mother\u2019s dress\u201d. \u201cNg\u01b0\u1eddi da \u0111\u1ecf \u0111\u00f3 th\u1eadt tuy\u1ec7t,\u201d \u00f4ng tr\u01b0\u1edfng \u0111o\u00e0n n\u00f3i. The boy cried sniffingly: \u00d4ng n\u00f3i vi\u00ean th\u01b0 k\u00fd thu\u00ea ng\u01b0\u1eddi da \u0111\u1ecf \u0111\u00f3 \u0111\u1ec3 d\u1ef1 b\u00e1o th\u1eddi \u201cBut my mother\u2019s skirt was too short for me to grip.\u201d ti\u1ebft. Tuy nhi\u00ean sau m\u1ed9t v\u00e0i l\u1ea7n ti\u00ean \u0111o\u00e1n th\u00e0nh c\u00f4ng Radio Broken kh\u00e1c, c\u1ee5 gi\u00e0 da \u0111\u1ecf \u0111\u00f3 kh\u00f4ng xu\u1ea5t hi\u1ec7n trong hai tu\u1ea7n. A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day Tr\u01b0\u1edfng \u0111o\u00e0n l\u00e0m phim cho tri\u1ec7u \u00f4ng ta t\u1edbi. \u201cT\u00f4i ph\u1ea3i an Old Indian went up to the director and said, quay m\u1ed9t c\u1ea3nh r\u1ea5t quan tr\u1ecdng v\u00e0o ng\u00e0y mai,\u201d \u00f4ng ta n\u00f3i, \u201cTomorrow rain.\u201d \u201cv\u00e0 t\u00f4i tr\u00f4ng c\u1eady v\u00e0o \u00f4ng. Th\u1eddi ti\u1ebft ng\u00e0y mai nh\u01b0 th\u1ebf The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, \u201cTomorrow storm.\u201d The next day there was a hailstorm. \u201cThis Indian is incredible,\u201d said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn\u2019t show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. \u201cI have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,\u201d said the director, \u201cand I\u2019m depending on you. What will the","150 weather be like?\u201d n\u00e0o?\u201d The Indian shrugged his shoulders. \u201cDon\u2019t know,\u201d he Ng\u01b0\u1eddi da \u0111\u1ecf nh\u00fan vai. said. \u201cRadio is broken.\u201d \u201cKh\u00f4ng bi\u1ebft, \u0111\u00e0i b\u1ecb h\u1ecfng,\u201d \u00f4ng ta tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi. Handwriting Ch\u1eef vi\u1ebft tay \u201cSir\u201d hissed the lawyer, \u201cdo you swear this is not your \u201cTh\u01b0a ng\u00e0i,\u201d lu\u1eadt s\u01b0 r\u00edt l\u00ean gi\u1eadn d\u1eef, \u201cng\u00e0i c\u00f3 d\u00e1m th\u1ec1 signature?\u201d r\u1eb1ng \u0111\u00e2y kh\u00f4ng ph\u1ea3i l\u00e0 ch\u1eef k\u00fd c\u1ee7a ng\u00e0i kh\u00f4ng?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d \u201cIs it not your handwriting?\u201d \u201cV\u00e2ng\u201d \u201cNope\u201d \u201c\u0110\u00f3 kh\u00f4ng ph\u1ea3i l\u00e0 ch\u1eef vi\u1ebft c\u1ee7a ng\u00e0i sao?\u201d \u201cYou take your solemn oath that this writing does not \u201cHo\u00e0n to\u00e0n kh\u00f4ng.\u201d resemble yours in a single particular?\u201d \u201cYes\u201d \u201cNg\u00e0i th\u1ec1 danh d\u1ef1 r\u1eb1ng ch\u1eef vi\u1ebft n\u00e0y kh\u00f4ng h\u1ec1 gi\u1ed1ng ch\u1eef \u201cHow can you be certain?\u201d, demanded the lawyer. c\u1ee7a ng\u00e0y m\u1ed9t ch\u00fat n\u00e0o ch\u1ee9?\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t write,\u201d smiled the man. \u201cV\u00e2ng\u201d Lucy \u201cSao ng\u00e0i c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 ch\u1eafc ch\u1eafn nh\u01b0 v\u1eady?\u201d, v\u1ecb lu\u1eadt s\u01b0 h\u1ecfi. A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people \u201cT\u00f4i kh\u00f4ng bi\u1ebft vi\u1ebft.\u201d ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u0111\u00e0n \u00f4ng m\u1ec9m c\u01b0\u1eddi. in the world. One evening, she was giving her small B\u00e9 Lucy daughter her tea before putting her to bed. First, she M\u1ed9t b\u00e0 m\u1eb9 tr\u1ebb cho l\u00e0 ph\u00ed ph\u1ea1m th\u1ef1c ph\u1ea9m trong khi c\u00f3 gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked nhi\u1ec1u ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u0111ang \u0111\u00f3i tr\u00ean th\u1ebf gi\u1edbi l\u00e0 m\u1ed9t \u0111i\u1ec1u r\u1ea5t sai tr\u00e1i. for some jam on her bread as well\/ M\u1ed9t t\u1ed1i n\u1ecd ch\u1ecb cho c\u00f4 con g\u00e1i nh\u1ecf d\u00f9ng b\u1eefa \u0103n nh\u1eb9 tr\u01b0\u1edbc Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then khi cho b\u00e9 \u0111i ng\u1ee7. Tr\u01b0\u1edbc ti\u00ean, ch\u1ecb \u0111\u01b0a cho b\u00e9 m\u1ed9t l\u00e1t said, \u2018 when I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was b\u00e1nh m\u00ec n\u00e2u m\u1edbi \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c ph\u1ebft b\u01a1, nh\u01b0ng c\u00f4 b\u00e9 n\u00f3i l\u00e0 n\u00f3 always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.\u2019 kh\u00f4ng th\u00edch nh\u01b0 v\u1eady. B\u00e9 \u0111\u00f2i ph\u1ebft c\u1ea3 m\u1ed9t \u00edt m\u1ee9t tr\u00e1i c\u00e2y Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity l\u00ean tr\u00ean b\u00e1nh n\u1eefa. in her eyes and then said to her kindly, \u2018 Aren\u2019t you M\u1eb9 b\u00e9 nh\u00ecn b\u00e9 m\u1ed9t l\u00e1t r\u1ed3i n\u00f3i: -\u201cKhi m\u1eb9 c\u00f2n b\u00e9 nh\u01b0 con, pleased that you\u2019ve come to live with us now?\u2019 Stone and Stone- Breaker Lucy \u00e0, m\u1eb9 ch\u1ec9 \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c \u0103n ho\u1eb7c b\u00e1nh m\u00ec ph\u1ebft b\u01a1, ho\u1eb7c b\u00e1nh A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers m\u00ec ph\u1ebft m\u1ee9t, m\u00e0 kh\u00f4ng bao gi\u1edd c\u00f3 b\u00e1nh m\u00ec v\u1eeba ph\u1ebft b\u01a1 whom he had to train. He had never seen them before, v\u1eeba ph\u1ebft m\u1ee9t c\u1ea3.\u201d so he began: \u201cMy name is Stone, and I\u2019m even harder than stone, so Lucy nh\u00ecn m\u1eb9 v\u1edbi c\u1eb7p m\u1eaft th\u01b0\u01a1ng h\u1ea1i trong gi\u00e2y l\u00e1t r\u1ed3i do what I tell you or there\u2019ll be trouble. Don\u2019t try any \u00e2n c\u1ea7n n\u00f3i v\u1edbi m\u1eb9: -\u201cTh\u1ebf m\u1eb9 c\u00f3 h\u00e0i long l\u00e0 m\u1eb9 \u0111\u00e3 t\u1edbi tricks with me, and then we\u2019ll get on well together.\u201d s\u1ed1ng v\u1edbi b\u1ed1 v\u00e0 con b\u00e2y gi\u1edd kh\u00f4ng?\u201d Then he went to each soldier one after the other and \u0110\u00e1 v\u00e0 ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u0111\u1eadp v\u1ee1 \u0111\u00e1 asked him his name. \u201cSpeak loudly so that everyone can M\u1ed9t s\u0129 quan nghi\u00eam kh\u1eafc n\u00f3i chuy\u1ec7n v\u1edbi m\u1ed9t s\u1ed1 l\u00ednh m\u1edbi hear you clearly,\u201d he said, and don\u2019t forget to call me m\u00e0 \u00f4ng ta ph\u1ea3i hu\u1ea5n luy\u1ec7n. \u00d4ng ch\u01b0a g\u1eb7p h\u1ecd bao gi\u1edd. \u2018sir\u2019. \u00d4ng n\u00f3i: Each soldier told him his name, until he came to the last one. This man remained last one. This man remained \u201cT\u00ean t\u00f4i l\u00e0 Stone (ngh\u0129a l\u00e0 \u0111\u00e1) v\u00e0 t\u00f4i c\u1ee9ng r\u1eafn h\u01a1n \u0111\u00e1. silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at him, \u201cWhen I Cho n\u00ean ph\u1ea3i l\u00e0m \u0111\u00fang nh\u01b0 t\u00f4i \u0111\u00e3 ra l\u1ec7nh, n\u1ebfu c\u00e1c anh ask you a question, answer it! I\u2019ll ask you again: What\u2019s kh\u00f4ng mu\u1ed1n g\u1eb7p r\u1eafc r\u1ed1i. \u0110\u1eebng t\u00ecm c\u00e1ch \u0111\u00e1nh l\u1eeba t\u00f4i. your name, soldier?\u201d Nh\u01b0 th\u1ebf ch\u00fang ta s\u1ebd tho\u1ea3i m\u00e1i v\u1edbi nhau h\u01a1n.\u201d The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied. \u201cMy name\u2019s Stone-breaker, sir\u201d, he said nervously. R\u1ed3i \u00f4ng ta \u0111\u1ebfn ch\u1ed7 t\u1eebng ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u00ednh h\u1ecfi t\u00ean. \u201cN\u00f3i to l\u00ean cho m\u1ecdi ng\u01b0\u1eddi c\u0169ng nghe r\u00f5. V\u00e0 \u0111\u1eebng c\u00f3 Because of absence qu\u00ean \u2018th\u01b0a ng\u00e0i\u2019 \u0111\u1ea5y nh\u00e9.\u201d T\u1eebng ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u00ednh n\u00f3i t\u00ean c\u1ee7a m\u00ecnh, v\u00e0 r\u1ed3i \u0111\u1ebfn ng\u01b0\u1eddi cu\u1ed1i c\u00f9ng. Ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u00ednh n\u00e0y \u0111\u1ee9ng im. \u0110\u1ea1i \u00fay Stone h\u00e9t l\u00ean: \u201cKhi t\u00f4i h\u1ecfi, anh ph\u1ea3i tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi. T\u00f4i h\u1ecfi l\u1ea1i: t\u00ean anh l\u00e0 g\u00ec, anh l\u00ednh kia?\u201d Ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u00ednh t\u1ecf v\u1ebb kh\u00f4ng vui nh\u01b0ng cu\u1ed1i c\u00f9ng anh ta c\u0169ng lung t\u00fang tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi: \u201cT\u00ean t\u00f4i l\u00e0 Stonebreaker (ngh\u0129a l\u00e0: ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u0111\u1eadp v\u1ee1 \u0111\u00e1), th\u01b0a ng\u00e0i.\u201d V\u00ec v\u1eafng m\u1eb7t M\u1eb9 : \u201cT\u1ea1i sao con l\u1ea1i b\u1ecb \u0111i\u1ec3m th\u1ea5p nh\u01b0 v\u1eady trong b\u00e0i","151 Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test? ki\u1ec3m tra \u0111\u00f3 h\u1ea3?\u201d Junior: Because of absence. Con trai: \u201cB\u1edfi v\u00ec v\u1eafng m\u1eb7t \\\\\\\" Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the M\u1eb9 : \\\\\\\" Con mu\u1ed1n n\u00f3i r\u1eb1ng \u0111\u00e3 v\u1eafng m\u1eb7t v\u00e0o ng\u00e0y c\u00f3 b\u00e0i test? Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was. ki\u1ec3m tra \u0111\u00f3 \u00e0 ? \\\\\\\" Con trai : \\\\\\\" Kh\u00f4ng, \u0111\u1ee9a v\u1eafng m\u1eb7t l\u00e0 \u0111\u1ee9a ng\u1ed3i c\u1ea1nh con Little Johnny Boy c\u01a1. \\\\\\\" A new teacher was trying to make use of her B\u00e9 Johnny psychology courses. She started her class by saying. M\u1ed9t gi\u00e1o vi\u00ean m\u1edbi v\u00e0o ngh\u1ec1 \u0111ang th\u1eed \u00e1p d\u1ee5ng m\u00f4n t\u00e2m \u201cEveryone who thinks you\u2019re stupid, stand up!\u201d. l\u00fd c\u1ee7a m\u00ecnh. C\u00f4 b\u1eaft \u0111\u1ea7u b\u00e0i gi\u1ea3ng b\u1eb1ng c\u00e1ch n\u00f3i: After a few seconds, Little Johnny stoop up. \u201cEm n\u00e0o ngh\u0129 r\u1eb1ng m\u00ecnh ngu ng\u1ed1c th\u00ec h\u00e3y \u0111\u1ee9ng l\u00ean!\u201d The teacher said, \u201cDo you think you\u2019re stupid, Little Johnny?\u201d M\u1ed9t v\u00e0i ph\u00fat sau, b\u00e9 Johnny \u0111\u1ee9ng d\u1eady. \u201cNo, ma\u2019am but I hate to see you standing there all by \u201cEm ngh\u0129 r\u1eb1ng em ngu ng\u1ed1c h\u1ea3, Johnny,\u201d c\u00f4 gi\u00e1o h\u1ecfi. yourself\u201d \u201cKh\u00f4ng, th\u01b0a c\u00f4, nh\u01b0ng em kh\u00f4ng th\u00edch ph\u1ea3i nh\u00ecn th\u1ea5y c\u00f4 \u0111\u1ee9ng \u0111\u00f3 m\u1ed7i m\u1ed9t m\u00ecnh.\u201d"]