Welcome Aboard Booklet 2023

Admiral R Hari Kumar Integrated Headquarters Ministry of Defence (Navy) PVSM, AVSM, VSM, ADC New Delhi-110011 Chief of the Naval Staff MESSAGE The Indian Navy draws its strength and substance from the men and women who don ‘Whites’ with pride and élan. Together with their families, they form the Naval Community, that has been the part and parcel of the Indian Navy’s evocative journey from its humble beginnings to be a multi-dimensional, multi-spectrum, networked and gender-neutral Navy today. The Naval Community is supported and propelled by the ‘naval spouse.’ In addition to keeping the home and hearth together, naval spouses are increasingly playing a leading role in championing transformational initiatives and comprehensive support networks towards wider societal development. They have stepped forward gladly and voluntarily to take on that responsibility, despite their own careers and personal challenges. In that regard, the Navy Welfare and Wellness Association (NWWA) has been the torch bearer and driver in synchronising and synergising the collective potential of naval spouses. On behalf of all sea warriors, it is my singular privilege to welcome you to the naval family and NWWA, and this book is the starting point for your eternal journey with the Indian Navy. This book will be a handrail for you to adapt and attain ‘sea legs’ with ease. In addition to the information and guidance on customs, traditions and etiquettes integral to naval community living, the book also paints a broad canvas of the naval way of life. It also contains some of the path breaking initiatives of NWWA towards women empowerment and wider community development. As you grow from being a novice to an experienced and expert elder in the community, this book will remain as a companion and guide for you, while helping you to mentor new naval spouses for settling them into the naval family. This book is also a reflection of the evolutionary changes embraced by our naval community, and has accordingly catered for a contemporary naval spouse – be it lady or gentleman, young and old. No community can grow, develop and prosper unless the members contribute to it through philanthropy. We expect each one of us to contribute in some measure – big or small, be it in terms of expertise, time, effort, skill or resources. Only then can we be a vibrant community that is capable of looking after its own, especially the families of unfortunate shipmates who make the supreme sacrifice. I am confident that this book will be a harbinger of happiness and harmony among the Naval Community. I express my gratitude to every member of the naval family – be it proud parents, supportive spouses or charismatic children, who remain as the pillar of strength for our men and women in whites. My congratulations to the editorial team and all the volunteers who have worked on this project and created ‘Welcome Aboard’ that is in sync with today’s Navy and naval way of life. Jai Hind and Sam No Varunah. Date: (R. Hari Kumar) Place: New Delhi Admiral

PRESIDENT NWWA’S MESSAGE As a way of life, the Armed forces are unique and within the Armed forces Navy is even more distinctive - with its unique traditions and customs that have evolved over the years. In order to nurture the social fabric of our very fine service, we need to preserve this legacy as well as incorporate changes that define a modern society. The community-centric life in the Navy is what sets us apart and helps us to build lifelong friendships, providing rock solid support to everyone in time of their need. Over three decades ago, responding to the need of creating a resource for familiarising the new members of the Naval family - the young wives - with the Naval way of life, the first edition of Welcome Young Lady was published in 1996. As the Nation progressed in leaps and bounds over the next two decades, the changes and growth was mirrored in the Indian Navy as well as the naval community. A revised and updated second edition of Welcome Young Lady was published in 2014. Both the earlier editions carried the wealth of wisdom and was the outcome of hard work of the teams that put it together, under the able guidance of the then Naval leadership. Fast forward to 2023, the Indian Navy today is a blue water force to reckon with. The inclusion of women across all ranks and arms of the Indian Navy has been a trailblazer and as the Navy stands poised to be gender neutral, the need to review this book was felt once again. The title Welcome Young Lady needed to be changed to reflect the gender neutral aspect of the Navy, the content needed to include the new, path breaking initiatives of NWWA and a digital version was more suitable to reinforce our commitment to adopt environment friendly practices. This aptly named edition of Welcome Aboard is a work of collaboration and an excellent example of teamwork. It retains the core content which is timeless. The many new initiatives of NWWA and pieces of information that will be useful to the younger generation of officers and their spouses have been incorporated in it. And the digital format will allow future updates more easily and without additional cost. I appreciate the inputs from NWWA Presidents -Mrs Charu Singh [WR] Mrs Sarbani Dasgupta [ER] and Mrs Madhumati Hampiholi [SR] for their useful inputs in the initial planning stages, which helped shape the final book. I firmly believe that one can never do great things alone, but together we can do wonderful things. I compliment the team that has put together ‘Welcome Aboard’ and I am sure that this will be a useful road map for the many young men and women as they become a part of this wonderful naval family. Date: Mrs. Kala Hari Kumar Place: New Delhi President NWWA

EDITORIAL NOTE It has been a privilege for the Editorial Team to be entrusted with the responsibility of reviewing and updating ‘Welcome Young Lady’ in the context of several recent changes in NWWA as well as the Indian Navy. The main objective was to incorporate all the relevant new aspects of the naval way of life, make it contemporary, gender neutral, and make it available in a digital format. The unstinting support and guidance of Mrs Kala Hari Kumar, President NWWA, has been invaluable and helped us navigate uncharted waters. We are proud of this revised version which is now aptly renamed - Welcome Aboard. When we started to work on this project there was a distinct feeling of being overwhelmed by the magnitude of work as well as by the importance of the task entrusted to us. Following the timely recommendation by Mrs Kala Hari Kumar, we reached out to the very competent and willing NWWA teams in each of the Commands. The enthusiastic contribution of the teams in each of the three regions, Mumbai, Kochi and Visakhapatnam, was a key factor that has made ‘Welcome Aboard’ a shining example of a truly collaborative project. We are thankful for the valuable reviews, input and feedback received from all of them throughout the process and would like to place on record our deep appreciation and gratitude. “Life is not a list of tasks but moments of experiences.” Being a part of the project of transforming Welcome Young Lady into Welcome Aboard is an experience that we will cherish forever. We have put our best foot forward to bring forth the contemporary version of this publication, and we hope that it will help the younger generations to carry forward our fine traditions in the most authentic way. The Editorial Team Editorial Coordinator Deputy Editorial Coordinator Mrs. Shagun Sobti Mrs. Shefali Nair Dr. Dhiru Sharma Content Review Team Mrs. Sheetal Prabhu

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS “Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organisational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.” – Andrew Carnegie ‘Welcome Aboard’ would not have been possible without the unconditional support and hard work from teams spread far and wide across the country. It never fails to impress me what a dedicated and enthusiastic team of volunteers can accomplish even when they may not have exactly the right training for it. The tremendous creativity, deep understanding of the context and commitment to do the best we can has been the key to our success on this ambitious project. At the outset we would like to thank Mrs Kala Hari Kumar, President NWWA, for having faith in our ability to give shape to her vision, supporting us throughout the process, and giving us the freedom to move ahead with the task in a way we thought was most effective and efficient. The content review team in Visakhapatnam comprising Sapna Pradhan, Geetha Rajeev, Rajee Menon, Dr Paromita Ojha and Prathibha Sreekumar; Rangoli Dhingra, Archana Raghuram, Punam Kapur in Mumbai and Fanny Chakrabarti in Kochi helped us with multiple reviews of the content to ensure that we retained what is relevant and modified wherever it was required. We could not have moved ahead without their prompt and insightful inputs. Our heartfelt thanks also to Vice Admiral Sanjay J Singh, Vice Admiral Krishna Swaminathan, Vice Admiral Tarun Sobti and Rear Admiral Arjun Dev Nair for helping us review the Know Your Navy section and ensuring that we put out accurate information. A big thanks to Mrs Zarine Singh, Vice President NWWA, for reviewing the first draft and sharing with us some very astute observations. Finally, many thanks also to Mrs Shefali Nair for designing the very elegant cover page. Conceived as a digital book that will be hosted on SamUha, we are also indebted to Rear Admiral Ankur Sharma and his team at WESSE for helping us translate the raw version of the book into a slick, digital format. Last but not the least, we acknowledge the work done by the editorial teams of the first and second editions of Welcome Young Lady - their hard work on the previous editions was the foundation on which this edition has been built. Welcome Young Lady was the wealth of content on which we have successfully hoisted Welcome Aboard. - Shagun Sobti



Table of CONTENTS SECTION I: THE NAVAL WAY OF LIFE 1.1 YOUR NEW TERRITORY AND NEIGHBOURHOOD 1 1.2 A PEEP INTO THE NAVAL WORLD 5 1.3 PACKING AND MOVING 7 1.4 NWWA AND YOU 10 1.5 COMMUNITY LIVING AND CAMARADERIE 18 1.6 CIVIC SENSE, SECURITY AND SOCIAL MEDIA 19 1.7 CAREER AND THE NAVY LIFE 21 SECTION II: SOCIAL GRACES AND ENTERTAINING 2.1 SOCIAL GRACES AND SKILLS 25 2.2 THE WRITTEN WORD 33 2.3 FINE DINING AND DINNER ETIQUETTE 35 2.4 THE FINAL WORD - HOLDING HANDS 41 SECTION III: 45 KNOW YOUR NAVY



SECTION I: THE NAVAL WAY OF LIFE



1.1 Your New Territory and Neighbourhood “Where thou art, that is home.” — Emily Dickinson For a naval family, movement is a constant possibility. Although the prospect of packing and moving, and settling down in a new place may seem a daunting proposition initially, you soon get used to it. Before long you realise the full import of the phrase ‘home is where the heart is’ as wherever your family goes and stays together, becomes your home. The Indian Navy tries to make your stay and residences as comfortable as possible. Here, we acquaint you with your new territory. RESIDENTIAL AREA Generally speaking, the residential area for naval officers is referred to as NOFRA (Naval Officers’ Residential Area) in Mumbai; NORA in Eastern Naval Command, Visakhapatnam. There are different types of accommodation, categorised as Type A, B, and C depending on the nature of the housing; for instance, whether it is permanent or temporary. These houses are allotted by the concerned Quartering Officer and handed over by the Barrack Store Officer (BSO). The buildings are maintained by the Military Engineering Service (MES). When you are allotted a house, the MES carries out basic ‘welcome maintenance’ that may include a whitewash and repair or replacement of any broken piece of furniture, windows, meshes, etc. ACCOMMODATION Married accommodation is divided into standardized categories, and is generally governed by a similar set of rules and regulations in different naval stations. However, sometimes some stations may have specific rules pertaining to their set-up. Married accommodation is divided into various ‘pools’, the details of which are available in the station guides. It is advisable to go through these in detail whenever you are transferred. Housing is categorised in the following manner: (a) Government-owned Permanent accommodation: (i) In eligible pool Type ‘A’ (ii) In lower pool Re-appropriated/Type ‘B’ (iii) Government-hired accommodation Type ‘B’ (b) Government-owned Temporary accommodation Type ‘C’ TRANSIT ACCOMMODATION Although housing has not been able to keep pace with the rise in the number of personnel joining the Navy, efforts are being made to meet the rising demand through newer projects. Therefore, it is possible that you may not be allotted a permanent residence immediately Your New Territory and Neighbourhood 1

upon transfer or moving to a new station. But the Indian Navy does ensure some temporary arrangement by way of what is called ‘transit accommodation’. Some stations have separate hostel-like two-room units to accommodate those in waiting; alternatively, your family can be accommodated in the cabins at the Officers’ Mess. In such a case, it would be prudent and worthwhile to have a ‘ready-use box’ that will contain kitchen essentials and personal household items for immediate use. The Officers’ Mess is a formal place with rules and regulations, and codes of conduct that you will be well-advised to conform to. It is important that you adhere to mess timings for meals or any clean-ship activity to enable smooth and efficient running of the Mess. While the Mess may be a temporary home, it would be out of place to walk into the dining room or club area dressed inappropriately. KEY ON ARRIVAL Key on Arrival is a major initiative of the current leadership, in order to ease the settling in process that emerges from frequent transfers. This has been actively pursued by all Command Headquarters of the Navy spread over 45 naval stations across the length and breadth of the country. This initiative essentially involves providing a roof overhead to every married officer and sailor when he or she arrives at any station on permanent transfer with family, be it a transit, hired house or below scale accommodation. Whilst this has been achieved at all minor stations, barring the exception of Mumbai, all other major stations i.e, Delhi, Kochi, Visakhapatnam & Karwar have made suitable arrangements to ensure immediate availability of transit accommodation for families of incoming officers and sailors. ALTERNATIVE ACCOMMODATION In the absence of immediate temporary accommodation, naval personnel are known to share accommodation with friends or move into unoccupied houses of friends who are on postings abroad. However, many among the new generation of double-income couples prefer to rent houses outside the Navy, in civil areas. It is an individual choice. Here are a few points to keep in mind in case you decide to move into a friend’s accommodation. After all, you would not want to upset them or jeopardise your friendship over it. • Keep the house spic-n-span while staying and when returning it, without giving the owner reasons to complain. • In case you utilise the service of the domestic help be extra courteous and generous. • It is better not to take up any repair or servicing without bringing it to the notice of the owner. • Make judicious use of electricity, water, and other facilities, and maintain the house as though it was your own. Remember to do good to someone else, just as somebody did to you. 2 Your New Territory and Neighbourhood

TAKING OVER There may be times when your spouse has to ‘take charge of’ their job immediately upon moving, and then the job of ‘taking over’ the house will be solely your responsibility. Be prepared for such an eventuality. But do not worry—in the Navy, you are never alone; there will always be friends, acquaintances, or neighbours around to help. Do it once or twice and you will do it more effortlessly. Here is what you must know about taking over a house: Administrative authorities have reported that a large number of breakages and damages are observed while handing/taking over of houses. Therefore, exercise extra caution when taking over. Check furniture and fittings (electrical, bathroom, etc.), cupboards, windows, and doors minutely for damages, breakages, and dilapidation and bring it to the notice of the clerk who is handing over the house to you. It is further advisable to ensure the following before you take over your house: • Inform the naval base Barrack Stores Office [BSO] of taking over of the flat one week in advance. • Get the house whitewashed, particularly if it has not been done in the past one year. Even otherwise, a touch-up is permitted. • Repair or replacement of unserviceable kitchen or bathroom fittings. • Repair or replacement of damaged mosquito proofing/wire mesh. • Repair of damaged doors and/or windows and glass panes. • Woodwork, if due. Else, painting of the main door and kitchen woodwork. • Repair of damaged plaster or flooring. • Check/repair the main switchboard. • Check if all electrical and water supply fittings are in working condition. Since most naval stations are by the coast and have humid climate, it is advisable to disinfect the newly allotted house of pests, termites, and other bugs. On being allotted a house, book an appointment with the Station Health Organization (SHO) immediately to get your premises disinfected. The SHO runs a full schedule, so it is best to book well in advance. While these are certain simplified guidelines for taking over any accommodation, it is by no means an exhaustive list. There are other aspects that need personal attention and monitoring at the time of taking over such as exchange/return of unusable/broken MES furniture, connection of personal electrical gadgets such as washing machine, air conditioner, internet router, phone (this can be done by company customer support services or private services, if available), and so on. MAINTENANCE AND CIVIC ISSUES It is only when we maintain our house well, taking care to keep everything shipshape, will we inherit a well-maintained and livable dwelling. Therefore, it is important to approach MES authorities periodically to attend to maintenance issues that may crop up. Also, do refrain from making drastic changes to the interiors or ‘depositing’ (returning) furniture as it may inconvenience the next occupant. As responsible and conscientious denizens of naval areas, it is our duty to keep the property in fine fettle to perpetuate congenial conditions and comfortable stay. Your New Territory and Neighbourhood 3

A few suggestions: • We should keep the basic structure/painting/flooring of the house intact and not go in for too many dramatic changes; after all, we are only temporary residents. • It is advisable to keep the common areas/staircases/balconies free of litter as it could pose a health hazard. Also avoid drying clothes and leaving stray luggage in the common areas as it can be not only be an eyesore, but also a major fire hazard. • Garbage disposal bags are provided by the AO regularly. Many naval areas are experimenting with garbage disposal through waste segregation. In such stations, residents are advised to segregate wet and dry waste and pack them separately to aid appropriate disposal of the same to solid waste management facilities by the authorities. DOMESTIC STAFF QUARTER As the domestic staff quarter forms an integral and indispensable part of our accommodation, it is our duty to ensure that it is maintained equally well. This will be possible only when we aid them in the upkeep of their premises. It is our duty to report damages and breakages to fittings and furniture allocated to their quarter too. The domestic staff quarter should not become a dumping ground for broken furniture; such furniture from our house as well as the attached quarter should be promptly replaced. It is also in our common interest to educate domestic helps in aspects of garbage disposal and hygiene or even public health. We should encourage our domestic help to send their children to balwadis or bal patshalas, where they will learn their first lessons in hygiene and cleanliness. If domestic help are indispensable cogs in the smooth functioning of our normal lives, then it is our bounden duty to ensure their welfare. HANDING OVER The wheel turns and comes full circle. When you take over a house, you expect it to be in a clean condition; now it is your turn to return it to the same state. Thus, handing over a house is as fraught with details, formalities and procedures as taking over is. A quick run-through of a checklist of dos and don’ts: • Obtain B/R (Barracks/Repairs) and E/M (Electrical/Maintenance) clearances from respective MES complaint cells prior to obtaining final clearance from the BSO office. • Rid the walls of nails and plaster them, if required. If every occupant were to put nails all over we would have pockmarked surfaces for walls. • Check unused spaces and niches such as lofts, garages, and cabinets for personal belongings that may have been left out. • It may mean you overreach yourself a bit, but it would be a pleasant welcome to the succeeding occupants if you were to leave a small note informing them of the issues and intricacies regarding the house, which they may look into. • Leave a forwarding address behind as mail may still find its way to your old address long after you have moved on. This will help the new occupant to forward important letters or bills that may come by. 4 Your New Territory and Neighbourhood

1.2 A Peep Into Naval World “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — EM Forster The Navy knows that its personnel work best when their families are well cared for; when their home and hearth run smoothly while they are away. The naval base, therefore, is a well-equipped and self-sufficient domain where basic facilities and amenities are not wanting. It provides educational, medical, recreational,and social facilities, which help in fostering a harmonious and happy community. Here we acquaint you with the standard structured facilities available at most naval bases. ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICE All administration issues concerning Naval Residential Areas and its denizens are governed by Administrative Offices. The Administrative Offices and the Naval Police Station within the base can be contacted for complaints, issuing and maintenance of entry passes—both for Officers’ and domestic help families, for cable TV and Internet connection, etc. The Administrative Officer (AO) is thus a facilitator for comfortable existence in the naval areas. On our part, we should cooperate with them and their staff by paying the monthly dues/ subscription on time, by being vigilant about cleanliness and maintenance of common areas, domestic staff quarters and other public premises, and by bringing to their notice any discrepancies. The AO is approachable and can be contacted in case of urgent or pressing problems, but it is always a good idea to seek an appointment. CANTEEN STORE The Indian Naval Canteen Service (INCS) facility has grocery and liquor sections and is housed within residential areas in most naval stations. Both officers and sailors can avail of these facilities. Command canteens are much larger, mall-like facilities that house a multitude of brands and choices catering to myriad tastes and needs. Outlying units and smaller units are well stocked too. Multiple extension counters, smart cards, and availability of ‘non-canteen supply department’ (Non-CSD) items have made shopping at naval canteens a smooth and an essential experience. HOSPITAL AND CLINIC All the three Commands—Western, Eastern, and Southern—are equipped with multispecialty naval hospitals with advanced technologies and facilities to cater to the medical needs of officers, sailors, and retired personnel. Besides, smaller stations, outstation units, and other units have well-stocked MI Rooms for OPD procedures and emergencies to provide primary care. The hospitals and clinics are managed and run by highly qualified medical specialists, doctors, and support staff of medical assistants and nurses. The ‘white uniform’ and the familiar faces around make a visit to these hospitals a less-daunting prospect, unlike that to a private or government hospital. RECREATIONAL CLUB All naval stations have clubs—big or small—that serve as social networking hubs for the personnel to unwind and wash away their work blues. Membership of a club allows you to A Peep Into Naval World 5

avail of its facilities that may be present in different naval stations. The immediate family of the personnel too are provided with dependent cards, required for admission and to avail club facilities. SPORTS COMPLEX Sports facilities form a vital part of life in a naval base. Whether they are parks or playgrounds for small children; tennis, badminton, squash, and basketball courts; swimming pools or multi-specialty gymnasiums; or golf courses; naval stations have them all. Cutting-edge sports facilities are available to naval personnel and their families just for a nominal fee. However, to best enjoy the benefits of these facilities and to improve them for our own use, we must strictly adhere to the rules, follow timings, and be courteous to service and civilian staff employed for our assistance and help. SHOPPING COMPLEX AND FOOD COURT Most naval residential areas are self-sufficient when it comes to providing products and services to its residents. Most of these shops and services are provided under one roof or in the vicinity of a shopping complex. Shops for fresh vegetables and fruits, grocery and provisions, tailoring, hair salon, stationery items, etc., ensure that families are never left wanting for these facilities. In addition to these, vital services such as banks, ATMs, cyber cafés, cell phone services, libraries, and food courts have also been set up within naval bases, making life easy. RATION IN KIND (RIK) ENTITLED RATION The Government of India allows officers of the three Armed Services to draw ration in kind according to a prescribed nutritional scale. All the naval bases are equipped with well- stocked RIKs, which issue the entitled free ration to families. Generally, fresh rations are issued once in ten days and dry rations once a month. The entire ration is the entitlement for the officer alone. For this reason, if the officer is away on temporary duty or at sea, the family will not receive his ration for those days, as he is consuming it elsewhere. PAYMENT ISSUE In addition to RIK, families are entitled to buy ration on payment from Base Victualling (BV) yards, and in bases where there is no BV yard, from Army Supply Corps (ASC) depots. Items at fixed prices are sold here, and as they do not take seasonal quality or price fluctuations into consideration, the prices can be much lower than those in the market. However, the payment issue is incidental and an additional service and not mandatory. Shopping here is optional, an individual preference. NAVAL SCHOOL Depending on their size and population, all major naval stations have a network of naval schools run by an independent education society. These are situated in the vicinity of naval residential areas. The Naval Transport Pool supplies buses to pick up and drop children to school, for which passes are made annually. This ensures the safety and security of children. The schools cater to the academic and co-curricular needs and follow the CBSE curriculum. Hence, providing a familiar and comfortable environment for the children. 6 A Peep Into Naval World

1.3 Packing and Moving “Life moves on and so should we.” — Spencer Johnson J ust as you have taken over your house, done up the place and are beginning to feel cosy, just as your children are getting established in school, and you have made your circle of friends, your spouse gets a new letter of appointment. Postings and transfers are an occupational hazard for the naval officer. Naval families, therefore, lead a life of gypsies. From coastal places to uplands, cities to small towns, from crowded places to quiet cantonments, you will traverse the length and breadth of the country. If luck favours, you may even find yourself posted abroad. Moving can be fun, but practically speaking, it is not without its perils. When it is time to pack and move, you must have a plan of action ready, especially as you will never have enough time on hand. ON TRANSFER Even before you start packing, it is important to organise your thoughts. It will help to jot down the jobs to be done even as you go about your routine work; this will help get a good idea of what needs to be done and how to prioritise. Begin with the children’s school; you will need to give adequate notice for necessary paperwork to obtain a school-leaving or transfer certificate. Even if you are moving in the middle of an academic session, you will have fewer problems for school admission at new stations if your children are studying in a naval school or a central school. However, if your children are studying in private schools, it is not as easy to get new admissions at short notice. CLEARANCE OF DUES Prepare a check-off list of dues to be cleared as you will have to get a ‘no dues’ clearance from offices of respective residential areas, NOI and Club, library, and cable TV, or any other facility you might be using. This should be done while in station as it is cumbersome to do it long distance. If you inform the post office of your new address, they will redirect mail free of cost for three months. Clear all pending bills, especially water and electricity. TARIFF AND BILLING While on the subject of electricity and house rent, it is imperative to know the rules of tariff and billing. • Meter readings are taken monthly and the LF bills (Licence Fee, which is a token amount of rent that you pay for your dwelling unit) are sent on a quarterly basis. • The tariff structure is based on the prevailing rate adopted by the electricity board of the state concerned. Smart metres for electricity are gradually being adopted at all naval residential areas • A time gap of one-and-a-half to two months is inevitable for the issue of bills as it involves reading of meters and preparation of bills. Packing and Moving 7

• BSO staff does door-to-door metre reading, prepares bills, and forwards them to AAO BSO. These bills are then forwarded to the Naval Pay Office (NPO) in Mumbai for recovery. Subsequently, NPO deducts the amount from the officers’ pay and allowances PACKING The preparation and actual process of packing may seem a herculean task the first few times. But soon, with practice, it will become second nature and you will find your mind ticking effortlessly when you have to move. There was a time when one started preparations months before. Today, most naval stations in metropolitan cities have professional packers and movers, and you can outsource everything. It is a good idea to engage them. It is advisable to pack expensive items such as clothes, jewellery, valuable knick-knacks, watches, etc., yourself and carry them along with laptops, mobiles, iPods and gadgets, in personal baggage. HANDY TIPS • Keep a handy kit of small and large cardboard cartons, old newspapers, string, sticky tape, scissors, and packing cases. • Separate your belongings so that the breakable and delicate items, and wooden and metal articles are packed separately. • Books weigh an enormous amount. Pack them in smaller cartons with gunny stitching to hold them compact. Also, see to it that these cartons are covered in waterproof film. • Delicate flat objects such as glass picture frames and glass tops pack well between linen. • When packing cases are filled, make sure that the gaps are stuffed with newspaper rolls to hold the contents secure and prevent them from moving inside. Old newspaper or thermocol chips can be used to cushion articles. • Keep a small trunk spare for items accidentally left out after everything has been packed and secured. Experience shows that such an ‘OMG box’ always comes in handy. DOs DON’Ts • Throw a handful of naphthalene balls, • Don’t stuff the fridge with odonil sachets and some aromatic heavy, sharp metal object pouches in your suitcase and moth which will damage the repellents in cartons interior or the compressor pipes. • Pack your personal bags prior to packing your transported luggage. So, • Never pack valuables in that if you miss something it can be unaccompanied luggage. transported in luggage • While travelling with your baby talk to a doctor to get tips and make travel easy • If you have a pet, necessary documents are required to travel by train. Keep all documents handy to make your travel easy. 8 Packing and Moving

READY TO USE BOX • Prepare one box to contain all essentials to go with you as a ready-to-use box. This ‘ready duty’ box can contain basic linen, crockery, cutlery, kitchen utensils, etc., which will be of immediate use at the new station, even as you take your time to unpack the rest of the baggage. • Though most transit accommodations are equipped with tea/coffee makers, put in a few sachets of tea, sugar, and milk powder for an instant cuppa, anywhere, anytime. DEPARTURE • Put everything in writing by maintaining a ‘baggage book’, which goes in last in your handbag when you shift and is retrieved first when you move into a new place. • Keep a written record of the cartons and their contents. Keep a separate bag or box for keys. It helps to write key numbers against box numbers in your baggage book. • The baggage book can help you organise how cartons should be stored so that heavy book cartons are not erroneously loaded on top of the fragile ones with glass or electronic equipment, or linen at the bottom of the pile in a garage prone to flooding. • The baggage book can help you organise your stuff according to the type of accommodation, whichever is available, to avoid unnecessary labour in opening the baggage not required. ARRIVAL When you leave your old duty station, you will also be leaving behind friends who would have helped you in your departure. But, rest assured, old and new friends will be waiting at the new station with a smile of welcome and a helping hand to ease your heavy heart. Is it not wonderful to be welcomed with a hot cup of tea on your arrival? Return the courtesy and build relationships. While the excitement and thrill of exploring a new place is unique, there are certain set procedures to be followed to make your stay comfortable and your transition smooth and effortless. You need to get cracking on basic necessities such as gas connection, school admissions, bus pass application, monthly subscriptions, etc. The following tips will come in handy: NEWCOMER’S BRIEF • Carry sufficient number of passport-size photographs of individual family members for the several forms that need to be filled up. • Carry a multi-city cheque book with you. • Get vehicle passes issued from the Naval Police Station. However, this is not mandatory at all stations. • Dependent identity cards apply to all stations and are valid unless expired. • Activate gas connection (you need to get a transfer voucher from the previous station). • Get from the AO a copy of the local telephone directory that contains all naval exchange numbers. • Some high-rise buildings are entitled to a garage. You need to register for the same at the Administrative Office. While no amount of experience or handy tips are enough to make the movement and transfers completely hassle-free, following some of these recommendations can reduce the effort and labour considerably. “Every journey is a revelation”, similarly, every transfer should be treated as an opportunity for growth and evolution. Packing and Moving 9

1.4 NWWA and You “We only have what we give.” — Isabel Allende From meeting over a cup of coffee at small gatherings to lending a helping hand in a show of support and solidarity to each other when the officers were away, the Navy Welfare and Wellness Association (NWWA) had its modest beginnings as an informal club, as early as 1967. Today, it is a full-fledged voluntary organisation at par with any NGO in the corporate world or civil society. NWWA started as an association of the wives of Indian Naval Officers. It was registered under the Society Registration Act XXI of 1860 as Naval Officers Wives Association (NOWA) on 27 January 1967. Subsequently, on 14 February 1986, the name was amended to make it a better representation by including the wives of the sailors. Transformation of NOWA to NWWA (Navy Wives Welfare Association) NOWA was rechristened NWWA on 14 February 1986 by the then NOWA President Mrs Meera Tahiliani, wife of the Chief of Naval Staff (CNS), Admiral RH Tahiliani. She was also the NWWA President-in-Chief during 1986-87. Under her stewardship, NWWA was also registered as a charitable society under the Societies Act XXI of 1860 on the same day. Accordingly, 14 February has been celebrated as NWWA Diwas since then. The evolution from NOWA to NWWA marked a significant stage in the process of democratisation of the association. Sailors’ wives were now integrated with equal rights of membership. A second major development was initiated by Mrs Lalita Ramdas in 1991, when the organisation became truly professional with multifaceted welfare and development programmes. NWWA supplements the efforts of the Indian Navy in the areas of community welfare, empowerment and development, particularly with respect to families. The Navy extends its encouragement and support to NWWA’s various programmes, as the fulcrum of the Services’ well-being rests on the welfare of the families. NWWA plays a vital role in ensuring that naval families are empowered and secure at all times. It is imperative to keep these networks thriving so they can be relied upon in times of war. The organisation operates on an all-India basis and is headed by the wife of the Chief of Naval Staff (CNS) based in New Delhi. The wives of the three Commanders-in-Chief in Mumbai, Visakhapatnam, and Kochi, monitor and coordinate NWWA activities within the respective Commands, and are designated as Regional Presidents. KNOW YOUR NWWA When you stay in the naval neighbourhood, you simply cannot miss NWWA’s presence and reach. Be it recreational classes—aerobics, yoga, and dance; hobby classes—art and craft or karate—for children; the pre-school ‘Little Angels’ for toddlers, or the highly subsidised, but best-in-class beauty parlour, NWWA is involved in almost everything. On one hand, NWWA brings home contemporary services for families, and on the other, it empowers the members of the naval community, and makes them self-reliant by providing 10 NWWA and You

them opportunities for developing and upgrading their skills. NWWA spans a spectrum of activities from engaging dependent parents and running schools for special children to conducting vocational courses for sailors’ wives. NWWA - Vision and Mission NWWA has kept pace with the evolving times, and expanded its welfare and wellness activities in newer domains. New avenues of empowerment have been introduced and several pathbreaking education related initiatives have been undertaken by NWWA. More importantly, as more women are inducted into the service NWWA has been proactive about this and taken appropriate measures to synchronise the organisation’s goals and functioning to make it gender neutral. NWWA’s vision is to aid and support naval families, to look after their well-being across different life stages. Its mission is as follows • Promoting community and camaraderie. • Implementing programs for community development and well-being. • Facilitating development of academic and vocational skills. • Rehabilitation of families of deceased naval personnel. • Relieving hardships of people affected by natural disasters. Evolution to Present Name - Navy Welfare and Wellness Association With the Indian Navy becoming gender neutral as well as the scope of the organisation’s work expanding to include naval families across the life span; the organisation evolved to keep in sync with the changing times. Mrs. Kala Hari Kumar, current President NWWA has been instrumental in ensuring that this important aspect is reflected in the new name - Navy Welfare and Wellness Association. Mrs. Kala Hari Kumar revealed the new name on 28th April 2022, post a Pan Navy competition to choose a suitable new name. While the name was changed, the acronym remains the same signifying both - continuity and change. NWWA Logo The NWWA logo is a creative description of an anchor symbolising steadfast commitment to welfare, empowerment, gender neutrality and wellness. The head of the anchor is a circle with a hand that signifies care, strength, protection and welfare - a protective cradle. The human figure depicts family wellness and the leaves represent growth, hope, renewal and revival. NWWA is then placed bold and strong as the stock of the anchor thus signifying integrity. The fluke of the anchor at the bottom is a symbol of secure, solid and meaningful ties amongst all naval personnel, emphasising its gender neutrality and inclusivity. The tagline ‘Anchoring Lives’ signifies stability in life and strong bonds that inspires us to act with a broader purpose.The logo in its entirety represents the welfare and empowerment of families of the Indian Navy through NWWA. NWWA reinforces its commitment towards empowerment, gender neutrality and welfare. Building upon our pioneers’ legacy that changing times bring with them changing roles and needs, Navy Wives Welfare Association is now Navy Welfare and Wellness Association. NWWA and You 11

This is a giant leap towards acknowledging the all-encompassing welfare role played by NWWA in various aspects of naval community life. The redefined vision of the organisation is reflected in the new NWWA logo which is an amalgamation of many components symbolising commitment, care, integrity and inclusivity. The core values of NWWA are empowerment, welfare and wellness. NWWA prides itself as being an organisation that has always been in sync with the changing times and constantly responsive to the needs of the naval community. EMPOWERMENT INITIATIVES TARSH - Block printing unit NWWA’s block printing unit has been a runaway success. It nurtures the traditional Indian textile art of block printing, and provides a training ground and creative outlet for talented women. With the two-pronged approach of swavalamban (self-sufficiency) and laghu-udyog (small-scale enterprise), these units have been set up in all NWWA branches across the country. The voluntary efforts of a few naval wives with expertise in fine arts and fashion designing have given a professional boost to this unit. Under their able guidance, many have gained experience and have taken up block printing as a profession. These women take up orders for custom-made products and also create their own designs. The finished products are sold through NWWA shops. UDYOGIKA -Tailoring and handicraft unit In some stations where the unit operates, NWWA employs persons trained and experienced in tailoring and embroidery to undertake orders for stitching garments at reasonable rates. It provides them with income and helps them gain further expertise and confidence. PRAGATI - Vocational training The spouses of most naval personnel may have to stay at home because of the peculiar nature of the job of naval personnel. Pragati steps in to nurture their talent and help them explore and discover newer skills. It conducts hobby classes, beautician courses, and vocational training in tailoring, jewellery-making, embroidering, painting, and so on. Short and long-term diploma courses in adult literacy and spoken English are also held. After successful completion of these courses, certificates are given, and these members are often engaged or employed by NWWA. The idea behind Pragati is to equip the community members with skills to start their own small-scale enterprise later in life, if they wish. ANUBHAVI The wives of retired personnel who have built the foundation of NWWA are certainly looked up to and respected. A special function is held annually at all naval bases to facilitate the interaction of these former NWWA members with the present generation. BEAUTY PARLOUR The NWWA beauty parlours are run by talented and professionally qualified naval wives. Several courses of different durations are conducted to train women and enhance their job opportunities. 12 NWWA and You

COMMUNITY SUPPORT KALA KENDRA - Cultural centre In line with its welfare initiative, NWWA runs various short-term hobby classes for women and children in music and dance (both classical and western); art and craft—painting, origami and decoupage; fitness—yoga, aerobics and zumba; and in various other domains. In recent years, spouses who are qualified teachers have volunteered or are engaged at these centres to conduct tuition classes for children at subsidised fees. CUDDLES - Day care centre What started as a modest crèche in metropolitan Mumbai’s naval base has today become a benchmark for such services elsewhere in the Navy. In fact, the centre was initially outsourced to a professional group, but it was made operational in-house within two years. Cuddles is run in a highly professional manner and is a haven for the children of working mothers. Age-appropriate activities are conducted to keep children productively engaged. In a ‘home away from home’ atmosphere, children discover themselves, and also learn a few concepts in the process, though that is not the mainstay. The nutritional needs of children are also taken care of. SANKALP - School for special children Sankalp is a school for children with special needs in the naval community. Abiding by its motto of ‘Together We Can’, it endeavours to create a loving and caring atmosphere for their all- round development. The school has skilled and professionally trained teachers and dedicated volunteers who help in assisting and rehabilitating the differently abled children. The children are trained, both in academics and vocational subjects, with the help of sensory aids and other teaching tools. Children of Sankalp interact with those of the Navy Children School (NCS) on an ongoing basis, thus aiding easy acceptance and integration into the society at large. The primary objective of Sankalp is to make these children as independent as possible. They learn to make greeting cards, incense sticks, paper bags, and envelopes as well as receive training in crafts such as woodwork. These products are sold through NWWA shops. Sankalp also provides continuous guidance and counselling to the parents of special children. ABHINANDAN - Orientation capsule This initiative for young spouses facilitates a smooth transition into the naval way of life, with its focus on the nation, community and camaraderie. The first one was conducted in Delhi in 2017. They are an annual feature of the NWWA calendar across all NWWA regions. This ‘Welcome Aboard’ an updated version of the erstwhile Welcome Young Lady, a NWWA publication geared at supporting the young spouses reflects the sensibilities of the current generation and the gender neutral character of the Indian Navy. AASHIRWAD - Senior citizens’ support group Many of us find ourselves having to support and care for ailing or ageing parents. Even though we may provide medical care and family support, old people crave the company of their peers, which is not always possible at home. This emotional need is catered to by Aashirwad group. It, literally, transforms old age into a ‘golden era’ for the parents of naval NWWA and You 13

personnel. It does this by facilitating spiritual discourses, bhajan sandhyas and outdoor activities such as harbour cruise, temple visits, picnics, or visits to orphanages. Aashirwad Parks provide the perfect space for senior citizens to ‘walk and talk’ with their friends in the evenings. Aashirwad has set up recreational rooms and libraries for them, and also conducts periodic health check-ups and physiotherapy sessions. SAHARA -Widow rehabilitation Untimely demise of naval personnel can mean a life of hardships for their spouses and the bereaved families. Sahara works towards providing emotional, financial, and moral support to such families in their hour of need. Sahara provides ex gratia payment, even as it helps them with the paperwork for obtaining pension and other dues. It aims at rehabilitation by providing them employment opportunities and helps them stand on their feet as soon as possible. Contact programmes are also conducted to guide them on children’s education, scholarships, pension schemes, medical aid, etc. By maintaining close contact with them, NWWA aims to encourage them to become confident, self-reliant, and independent. SAKHI - Counselling centre Constant movement, change of place and social scene, and long periods of separation from the spouse can cause stress. This, in turn, can lead to domestic disputes, disharmony, and even marital discord. Sakhi is a trusted confidante who lends an ear to the issues shared by the aggrieved spouse. They do the initial counselling and act as a liaison person between the aggrieved party and senior officers of the respective naval unit within the Command. Given their delicate nature, the cases are handled in a sensitive manner. Sakhi gives guidance, but refers the cases to counsellors/psychologists in naval hospitals. In all this, the identity and privacy of the aggrieved spouse is kept strictly confidential. It is only upon receipt of a written complaint from a naval spouse that issues are taken up. SAMUDRI - NWWA Shop NWWA shops are boutiques with a difference, and exist in most naval bases. They stock textiles, handicrafts, and artefacts from all corners of India. They also stock products designed or made in NWWA’s own units such as Tarsh, Udyogika and Sankalp, which are committed to the creation of economically viable products. It also provides a unique forum for naval ladies to exhibit and sell their creations. Working on the principle of ‘no profit, no loss’, it aims to provide quality products to the naval community. SANCHAR Communication plays a key role in the successful functioning of any organisation. In the past NWWA’s Sanchar team has been entrusted with the role of ensuring effective communication of NWWA’s activities across the various regions via periodically printed magazines -Varuni and Veerangana. However, as with everything else, the role of Sanchar has evolved along with the dynamic changes in NWWA as an organisation itself. The conventional printed magazines are now redundant since almost all NWWA activities are showcased on the various social media platforms as well as on SamUha -the Indian Navy’s website. Hence, going forward, NWWA’s Sanchar team now bears the primary responsibility for preparing media briefs of NWWA events for the appropriate social media platforms keeping in mind 14 NWWA and You

the laid down media policy. The media team also helps oversee the SamUha team in ensuring that NWWA events are uploaded on a timely basis. EDUCATION RELATED INITIATIVES LITTLE ANGELS SCHOOL- Pre-school for toddlers Little Angels, founded by NWWA, brings quality pre-kindergarten schooling to the children of naval personnel at most base stations of the naval command. Its genesis can betraced to more than 40 years ago when like-minded naval wives got together and started Navy’s first play school—Bal Kendra. Over the years, it rose in stature and became Tiny Tots; it was further imbued with a high degree of professionalism, and evolved into its current avatar. There has been no looking back ever since. Little Angels is run by professionally trained and competent teachers, most of them from the naval community. They are mothers, psychologists, teachers, playmates, and helpers— all rolled into one. For first-time parents, the prospect of leaving their ward at school can be anxiety-ridden and scary. In such a scenario, a school with familiar faces within the community as teachers and caregivers can afford a greater level of comfort. JAGRITI Jagriti serves as a bridge between educational institutions such as NCS, and the NWWA and the parents/naval families. It provides incentives such as scholarships and cash prizes for meritorious children and young achievers. At NCS, Jagriti conducts and supports extracurricular activities such as debates and inter-school quiz competitions. BALWADI NWWA not only provides educational facilities to children of its own fraternity, but also goes beyond it to accommodate the educational needs of the children of domestic helps. As there is a sizable population of domestic helpers within the naval residential areas, NWWA shares the responsibility with the local Indian Navy establishment and provides basic education—free of cost—through its Balwadi programme. The programme is designed to help the children in all-round personality development, and impart to them value education and basic hygiene. Currently, NWWA is supporting this facility on a need basis in naval stations in Mumbai, Goa, Visakhapatnam, Ezhimala and Kochi. HEALTH CARE, OUTREACH AND ENVIRONMENT AROGYA - Health awareness The naval families are highly privileged to get cutting-edge medical facilities through its hospitals and clinics, free of cost. Arogya supplements these benefits by keeping the families educated and aware of medical issues through talks, workshops, health camps, and seminars. It facilitates workshops on stress management, cancer awareness, lifestyle diseases, nutrition, etc., from time to time. It also conducts blood donation camps and health check-ups, periodically. Arogya’s activities are directed towards all sections of the naval community including naval personnel, women, children, and senior citizens.Arogya volunteers often act as a bridge between patients admitted in the naval hospitals and their families, offering them succour and comfort. NWWA’s Arogya group coordinates the ‘Swasthya Saheli’ lecture series on important health topics; the Well Woman Clinic for monitoring health status and early detection of diseases. The NWWA and You 15

Well Woman Clinic was first held in February 2017 in New Delhi. These are now an annual feature in the NWWA calendar across all regions. SPARSH - Social outreach Through its outreach programmes, NWWA also reaches out to the underprivileged sections of society outside the Navy. Sparsh seeks to benefit individuals and institutions, be they fishermen or weaver communities, orphanages or old-age homes. It supports various causes by providing financial/medical aid, and fulfils the emotional and employment needs of people. Its volunteers interact with residents of social organisations and teach them skills such as yoga. Rations, clothes, stationery, medicines, blankets and other utility items are donated to meet the daily requirements at orphanages and old-age and destitute homes, regularly. PRAKRITI -Nature club All naval bases are clean and green, as environmental well-being is an article of faith with the Indian Navy. Whether it is greening the premises through plantation drives, or disposing garbage through waste segregation, the Navy is at the forefront of environmental housekeeping. NWWA’s nature club, Prakriti, strives to bring these initiatives closer to the residents, especially children, by creating awareness and encouraging their involvement. It does this through indoor and outdoor activities such as slide shows, documentary films, nature trails, and contests. More importantly, it promotes environmental education through periodic workshops, interactive sessions, and talks by experts on topics of environmental conservation such as water harvesting, global warming, and pollution control. CURRENT PAN NAVY NEW INITIATIVES F.A.M.I.L.Y. (Family Welfare, Aspirations for All, Marital Harmony, Insured Future, Learning and Skill Building, Young Minds) forms the bedrock of all NWWA initiatives geared at community and camaraderie. NWWA’s focus under the stewardship of its President, Mrs. Kala Hari Kumar has been to introduce new avenues for women empowerment, environment protection and embracing technology, being ever responsive to the changing needs and growing aspirations of our dynamic community. SamUha- Indian Navy Digital Platform The COVID 19 pandemic heightened the significance of community and the importance of leveraging technology to ensure the community remains connected. This was the catalyst for the launch of the Indian Navy Community website - SamUha. This is a one stop digital platform where naval families can access information, find support and engage with each other. Soft launch of SamUha happened on 22 April 2022 and the community launch of the website by the Chief of The Naval Staff; Admiral R. Hari Kumar and President NWWA, Mrs. Kala Hari Kumar on 02 November 2022. NWWA, the beating heart of the Indian Navy finds its rightful place on this platform. Each NWWA region has its own section on the website. FAMILY LOGBOOK Launched in August 2022, this is a personal financial record book to be used in the event of any unfortunate casualty. The motivation behind this was the struggle some members of our community experienced when they tragically lost their loved one. 16 NWWA and You

SSB MENTORING PROGRAMME Initiated in Mumbai followed by Delhi Kochi, and Visakhapatnam this is another unique effort to mentor our youth to prepare for Armed Forces Service Selection Board Tests. The initiative is conducted by ex-servicemen in respective Naval Childrens’ Schools. CHETNA- Early Intervention Centres (EIC) EICs were established in Mumbai (INHS Asvini, September 2021), Kochi (INHS Sanjivani, May 2022), Delhi (NWWA Kendra, Chanakyabagh, August 2022) Vizag ( INHS Kalyani, Nov 2022) with the aim at early detection and intervention for developmental disorders in children below the age of 6 years so that at a future stage, they can be a part of mainstream learning. Chetna is run by experts and professionals in this field and functioning fully subscribed in Delhi, Mumbai, Kochi and Vizag. It also has one of its kind sensory park that helps in improving the physical and mental health of intellectually challenged children through play-way methods. It provides naval families access to intervention from multidisciplinary professional teams - all under one roof without having to travel large distances and spend huge amounts of money to access high quality services. WELLNESS WEBINARS Using the digital platform as a mode of communication NWWA Wellness team organises a series of webinars conducted to address various challenges faced by the naval community, especially during the isolation phase during COVID19 pandemic. Voices and Choices was conducted in collaboration with Association for Adolescent and Child Care in India (ACCI) to empower parents of adolescent children. These webinars were especially useful during the pandemic when the community strictly adhered to social distancing norms. This format is also used for other information sessions, from time to time, which have a pan Navy impact. MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING One of the key thrust areas of NWWA in recent times has been to partner with institutes of higher education and provide fee waiver for wards of naval personnel at these reputed universities. Under the present leadership NWWA has signed MOU with Kalinga Institute of Industrial Technology (Bhubaneswar), SRM University, (Chennai), FLAME University, (Pune), RPS Group of Institutions, (Haryana), Shiv Nadar Institution of Eminence, (Greater Noida), Indian Institute of Public Health, (Gandhinagar) and Rashtra Raksha University, (Gandhinagar) to facilitate admissions for wards of naval personnel, especially of Sahara families, at highly concessional rates to provide the deserving candidates an opportunity to pursue higher education in some of India’s leading universities that provide world class education. THINQ - Nation-wide School QuizCompetition To commemorate 75 years of India’s Independence, NWWA in collaboration with the Indian Navy organised an annual nationwide quiz with an aim to familiarise school children with the Navy and its many different aspects, hoping ultimately to inspire them to join the prestigious Service. The widespread participation of schools in this National level quiz also aimed to increase maritime consciousness among the citizens of our country far and wide. This is now an annual event, and in 2023 it is being conducted in partnership with G20, and will see participation from schools from G20 nations. NWWA and You 17

1.5 Community Living and Camaraderie “Discretion is the better part of valour.”— William Shakespeare Long sailings or temporary duties (TY) mean enforced separation for the spouses and families of naval personnel. It has its own downside, but you get a chance to build relationships with your neighbours and the larger fraternity. Community living is the cornerstone of naval life. Apart from naval families, civilians, domestic help and other members of society also reside in naval bases; they may not be as conversant with the naval values and rules as you are. It is our duty to co-opt them into the larger community by making them feel responsible, while simultaneously ensuring their comfort. It is our duty too to ensure that security and civic sense are not compromised at any cost. Naval bases and residential areas everywhere are ‘clean and green’ as environmental upkeep and well-being is an article of faith with the Services. Initiatives such as tree plantation, waste segregation and proper garbage disposal, good conservancy practices, pollution control, etc., ensure high standard of living in naval bases as compared to civilian neighbourhoods. As denizens and custodians of such places, we must contribute to its maintenance. We must educate our children and domestic helps on the virtues of the same by setting examples. We must observe rules while driving, park vehicles at designated places, walk on pedestrian pathways, keep public premises such as building lobbies and lifts clean and free of litter. Timely payment of society dues is the expected norm as is adherence to the timings at various public offices like complaint cell, etc. Since we live in close proximity to each other, the need for sensitivity to other people’s space is paramount. Avoid playing loud music, talking loudly on the phone or to acquaintances in public places, especially during the quiet hours. Lifts are an essential and common facility thus following lift etiquettes is expected. Holding lifts at a floor, pressing buttons unnecessarily and scratching or defacing the interiors should be firmly discouraged. If you hear a lift alarm ringing, rendering help is the expected norm. Over the years, the pet population, particularly dogs, has risen in the naval fraternity. It is our duty to look after our pets. Dog owners must take responsibility for their pets, particularly while walking them, and ensure that footpaths and walking trails are left clean. A clean environment is our collective responsibility and also a legacy that we hand down to future generations. When the officers are away at work, spouses should not hesitate to take up issues regarding cleanliness or conservancy with the administrative authorities. Good neighbourly relations hardly need emphasis. We should deal with people on a person-to- person basis and should not let confines of rank or unit affect our dealings. Extending a helping hand fosters friendship. 18 Community Living and Camaraderie

1.6 Security and Social Media Today, , battles and conflicts are not restricted to war zones; they have come into our homes. Security is no longer the domain or purview of the Armed Forces or security personnel alone; it is the bounden duty of all citizens, especially us, naval families. We have to be always vigilant, and should cooperate with security exercises and measures such as checking of I-cards at gates and entrances. Our brief also extends to sensitising other residents to matters of security. What indeed are the specifics of security sensitisation? Let us see.  SHIP TALK Time and again, we are told to be careful while speaking over the phone regarding work- related issues concerning officers—appointments, transfer, and especially sailing schedules. We are told to refrain from divulging details. Despite the publicity and importance attached to these issues, there are times when we inadvertently divulge information which might sound ‘innocent’ and ‘personal’, but is, in fact, delicate and confidential. The scourge of social networking, in recent times, has brought in a new dimension to this aspect. We tend to overlook security aspects, in subtle ways.  Let’s see what these dos and don’ts are: • Casual conversations with friends in marketplaces, canteens, parlours, etc., where you discuss the whereabouts of your spouse or particular ship are one of the most common, though inadvertent, slip-ups. Avoid it. • Also, avoid speaking about such matters—with your spouse or friends—loudly on the cell phones in public places. • Networking sites or cyberspaces are now replacing public places as new hazard domains for information leak. Social networking sites are littered with public display of private and sometimes even sensitive information; this can jeopardise not only security, but also your spouse’s career! You must exercise caution. • There are many ‘pages’ or ‘groups’ on social networking sites that look like or impersonate official sites. Beware. These could be of dubious nature and may be traps to ensnare you and your families. • Do not upload photographs of official naval functions involving ships, submarines, etc., on these sites as it might amount to compromising national security. • Media is always on the lookout for ‘sensational news’ and ‘hot gossip’, to which the Forces are certainly not immune . It is inappropriate to upload personal pictures with objectionable or controversial content. • Do not share operational information such as station/unit of transfer, details of ships and their location, sailing programmes or planned exercises, and deployments. Such information could compromise the security and safety of naval personnel and assets. • Never post confidential or personal information (date of birth, proof and service particulars, address, and bank and credit/debit card account numbers). Do not register on any networking site that asks for this information. • There is no blanket ban on using such sites as such, but utmost caution must be exercised in eliminating the risk of exposing your profile or particulars to misuse. Check your settings regularly and set strict privacy controls. Security and Social Media 19

• Do not download unknown applications. Some of them may have been created to access or penetrate your profile or account. FOREIGN NATIONALS It is mandatory for foreign nationals—friends or relatives of naval families—to take permission from the Headquarters of Commands to enter naval bases. Inform your guest that he or she needs to give you enough time to get the requisite permission for you to meet or host them. There are certain official guidelines pertaining to interaction with foreign nationals. These include aspects of receiving hospitality, invitations, gifts, gratuity or rewards from foreign nationals, and also regulations and procedures for inviting them at home or accommodating them as guests. Exercise discretion while communicating with family and friends abroad via e-mails or telephone calls, both mobile phones and landline. CIVILIAN COMPONENT Just as we, as residents, are subject to scrutiny through various measures (such as identity cards) and have to toe the official line with regard to safety, security, and propriety, domestic help too have the onus of falling in line. Just as the errant amongst us will, without a doubt, be booked for wrongdoing, domestic help and civilian members in the naval neighbourhood too are answerable to the authorities for any misdemeanour and breach of trust or law. Without casting aspersions, it must be underscored that domestic help are the weakest link in our community as they are a floating population and are hence more susceptible to create a breach in the security blanket. Therefore, when hiring domestic help, particularly if she or her family is a new entrant to the naval base, you must check the credentials and antecedents stringently. Here are some precautions you should take, as it is better to be safe than sorry: • Most naval accommodations have domestic staff quarters attached. It is advisable to check the background of all family members of the housemaid before appointing her. • Domestic help are subject to police scrutiny and verification and only if they have no criminal record or other transgressions against their name will they be given ‘no objection’ clearance. You will have to then get official passes made for them. • MES staff and other civilian helpers are facilitators for the specific jobs they are appointed for. Avoid making them do petty jobs and do favours for you. • Payments to domestic help or other helpers should be made in cash (or cheque) only. Remunerating domestic help and service providers with any other form of inducements or in kind is a strict no-no; it can be a punishable offence. Do not abuse your privileges to save yourself a few rupees. ● Poaching of domestic help by offering a higher remuneration or employing those who have been blacklisted is unacceptable • Last, but not least, be mindful of all precautions mentioned under ‘Ship Talk’, even more so in the presence of civilians. They may not have the same understanding or regard for security as we do. • When it comes to matters of civic sense and security, it is absolutely vital to sensitise our children to all of the above points. 20 Security and Social Media

1.7 Career and The Navy Way of Life In keeping with changing times the Navy Wives Welfare Association felt the need to widen its reach to include a larger segment of our community. Thus NWWA, continuing to remain NWWA, transitioned to the Navy Welfare and Wellness Association. With ‘welfare’ and ‘wellness’ at its core, NWWA aims to guide and support the men/women in white and their better halves to lead a wholesome, fulfilling and a balanced family life. NWWA highly encourages the naval spouse to focus on personal growth and fulfil any professional aspirations that they may have. As most naval bases operate out of big cities and towns, the naval spouse with a career (or looking for one) is at a greater advantage of being incorporated into well-known companies and institutions. Needless to say, it becomes a bigger responsibility and perhaps a greater challenge when the spouse too is a working professional. It requires a stronger support system on the home front and it is here that the community steps forward! Support is provided in the form of helpers, easy availability of essential commodities, canteen facilities, ‘Suvidha’ centres etc. Proximity to hospitals and schools, availability of crèches, parks and care centres within the naval campus ensure that the families of naval personnel are safe and are meaningfully occupied. However, the naval spouse also has a crucial role to play in nurturing the family unit and the community at large. Towards this there are some unique aspects that set a naval spouse apart. Life in the Navy is unparalleled in experience, exposure, opportunities as well as challenges. Be it for the officer or their family! Transfers are an intrinsic part of the service and regular movements may mean breaks in career for the spouse. However, this is not unexpected and to deal with the impact of this unique aspect of service is something that is best left to the officer and their spouse. While the officer moves home to their new city of transfer, the spouse may opt to retain their current occupation or choose to give up their job and move together with the family. ‘Service before Self’ is a principle the officer lives by and more often than not, this sense of commitment envelops the family as well. A life replete with privileges brings along some responsibilities too and the naval spouse shoulders these responsibilities with grace and pride. There is no dearth of opportunities for the naval spouse to showcase their talent and capabilities. Transfers to smaller stations often turn out to be a blessing in disguise. No longer bound by the constraints of a regular job, the naval spouse can make use of their work experience or can impart training to others in their area of expertise. Alternately a plethora of courses conducted at the kendras throughout the year become their gateway to explore new areas of interest and possibly pave the way for lucrative entrepreneurial ventures. In encouraging spouses and families to strive for personal betterment and growth, all of these activities also promote healthy community engagement. Building bonds within the close-knit naval community is perhaps amongst the most important responsibilities of a naval spouse. Staying away from immediate family, it is our community Career and The Navy Way of Life 21

that stands us in good stead and relationships within must be nurtured. While the officer keeps away from home for long periods of sailing and ‘Ty duty’, the neighbours, friends and course mates are the ones who form the much needed support system. Sharing a cup of tea with a neighbour, running an errand for a friend or checking on the well-being of young families of officers who are out sailing go a long way in building life-long friendships. Taking the time to reach out to others, lending and seeking support from one another strengthens the very fibre of community life. If a naval spouse is unable to take up a full-fledged job because they have young children, but they would like to work for personal satisfaction, NWWA can offer them an alternative. It offers innumerable job opportunities through its various initiatives. The naval spouse will find themselves in well-appointed spaces where learning, teaching, and working is fruitfully nurtured. They will gain experience and knowledge to progress further in their chosen field. NWWA can perhaps engage them as a doctor in family clinics and as a teacher or counsellor at naval schools. Soft skill trainers can share their expertise in NWWA centres and kendras to prepare the aspirants to meet the demands of corporate work culture. Many schoolchildren are in need of academic guidance or tuition. And this becomes their chance to give back to the community in the best possible way. NWWA is an organisation for the community and is run efficiently by volunteers from the community. For a naval spouse volunteering for the organisation, it can provide valuable work experience and make them eligible for a job in the capacity of an administrator or office supervisor, elsewhere. It can actually enhance their work profile, and add to their credentials. The privileges a naval spouse enjoys, should act as an impetus to work for the community. They will find their participation in NWWA activities a rewarding experience, and one where their efforts are recognised and appreciated. They can have the proverbial cake and eat it too. Navy is a ‘job’ like no other, thus it is a life like no other! WELCOME ABOARD. 22 Career and The Navy Way of Life

SECTION II: SOCIAL GRACES AND ENTERTAINING



2.1 Social Graces and Skills “Life is short,but there is always time enough for courtesy.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson In today’s frenzied life, basic niceties often become the first casualty. The way we conduct ourselves, the etiquettes observed, our manners, conversation, body language, bearing, dress, and appearance— all these constitute social graces. Adopting social graces as an inseparable part of one’s personality goes a long way in forging friendships and fostering relationships. The aim of this chapter is two-fold. Firstly, to provide guidelines on the many uncertainties that beset what is considered as polite behaviour. Secondly, some manners that are characteristic of the Services and naval etiquette have also been discussed. The Services demand of officers that they be well turned out on all occasions and as their counterpart it is imperative that you too must follow the same standards in dressing and grooming. Surely, you already are all that, but a few guidelines may be in order. SOCIAL GRACES The first impression makes an indelible impression, and it is formed by one’s appearance • It is of utmost importance that during a formal gathering, the three ‘T’s—tongue, tone, and temper—are paid attention to and kept in check to avoid any faux pas. We should know how to address and converse with seniors and the different levels of formality involved while interacting with senior officers and women, course mates and juniors. An even, pleasant tone and an agreeable way of disagreeing can go a long way in cultivating a pleasant personality. • Along with this, if you cultivate timeless grace, charming manners, a person will make a statement in any surroundings—be it an office, a marketplace, or a grand social evening. It is not enough to just realise the virtues of good grooming; you should make graciousness a part of your personality and be graceful throughout your life. IMAGE MAKEOVER Poise Poise has a lot to do with demeanour and movements, which include posture, gait, and body language. One does not necessarily have to go through rigorous training on personality development, but one could certainly re- learn the basics of good posture and deportment in the quest to achieve poise. Posture Conscious self-evaluation highlights many undesirable mannerisms that you can get rid of. Social Graces and Skills 25

Develop the following habits until they become second nature: • Always stand tall, head high, shoulders down and back, midriff pulled in. • Sit back in the chair, spine straight and supported by the chair-back. • Women may cross their feet neatly at the ankles while sitting in a chair. • One should sit with the knees together and arms close to your body. Men should sit with their back touching the back of the chair and feet planted firmly on the floor or the footrest. Body Language All endeavours to appear poised and dignified would be in vain if you have a deadpan or overcast countenance. Learn to maintain a pleasant expression with a hint of a smile playing around the lips; this is bound to add a touch of magnetism to anybody’s personality. Attire Clothes, if rightly chosen, can set a person apart; they can reveal a lot about your tastes, individuality, and mood. Conduct a frank and honest examination to see whether the clothes reflect the image you wish to project. It is far more important to dress comfortably and in a presentable manner rather than be a slave to fashion. One should not be obsessed by clothes or appearance; they only project a part of your personality. To quote Oscar de la Renta, ‘Fashion is about dressing according to what is fashionable. Style is more about being yourself’. A good outfit does not necessarily have to be expensive. If the clothes are clean, ironed, and fit well, the basic purpose is achieved. Dressing Up Most of us have our own personality. Some of us may wear casuals on all occasions from work to a wedding, while others would be unwilling to even leave the bedroom without getting dressed to the hilt! The middle path between too casual and rigidly formal look would be a better balance. For a formal function, usually, you will find mention of a dress code on the invitation, making it simpler. Otherwise, it is perfectly reasonable to call up and consult the hosts. For a less formal event, again, it would be a good idea to ask the host or even another guest. Revealing and unconventional clothing should be avoided on formal or semi-formal occasions. An understated look is better than over doing it. Within the naval community, it is important to be always dressed up, may be in elegant casuals, especially when stepping out of the house as one is bound to meet colleagues and friends during one’s visit to the canteen or any other social place. Fashion Fashion follows the flux of time, and changes with seasons. Just being fashionable is not enough, and it does not necessarily result in elegance. There is a fine line between being trendy or stylish and appearing improper or undignified. Fashion is much more than a few yards of clothes stitched to drape our bodies. A famous designer had remarked: “Fashions fade, style is eternal.” This brings us to the most crucial factor in fashion—developing a 26 Social Graces and Skills

personal style. Confident people develop their own distinctive style, which is elegant and most flattering. One should never fall prey to transitory fashion trends. Accessories add a stylish touch to one’s appearance. The secret of transforming the most basic outfit to polished is the art of accessorising. Awareness about right accessories for any outfit is what separates the boring from the fashionable. Once one learns how to do it, one will always look effortlessly stylish. The rule of thumb would be (not to colour coordinate, but) to complement the various components, to strike the right note between the monotonous and the gaudy. Jewellery Jewellery adds elegance and timelessness to attire. How one accessorizes is once again a matter of individual taste. The more understated you are, the more elegant the effect is. Footwear Footwear need not be a neglected part of the ensemble. When it comes to footwear, comfort, feel, and fit are more crucial factors than just a fancy attribute. You will be required to attend many parties onboard a ship’s deck, where you will have to weave in and out of projections and contraptions that may lurk in your way. The gangway or the ramp that you need to climb to reach the deck, is certainly not for the faint-hearted. Like in the case of dressing up, it is advisable to be more comfortable than stylish. DRESSING FOR THE OCCASION A well-dressed person is one who not only has good taste, but also knows how to dress appropriately for an occasion. A particular occasion demands a particular set of clothes. For instance, an informal visit to a friend’s place may be the perfect occasion to get togged out in blue denims and a casual shirt, but it would be greatly amiss for a more formal evening, even if the dress code mentioned is ‘casual. ’For visiting a grocery store or going to the bank, one would wear simple, practical clothes, but certainly we would dress chic if we were going to a coffee shop or visiting a snazzy boutique. You should always dress in accordance with the nature of the occasion. It would make you feel more confident, responsible, authoritative, and trustworthy. Dressing Right If you thought uniforms simplified life; you are in for a shock. An officer wears different uniforms for different occasions: working dress, evening dress (casual and formal), ceremonial dress, and summer and winter uniforms. You will quickly learn the naval hieroglyphics of No.8As, No.6s and No.2s. Ask your spouse to decipher them for you. Civvies The adage ‘dressing well is a form of good manners’ is relevant for all times and occasions. Deciding between a beach wear and a lounge suit is as much a matter of propriety and decorum as it is of your knowledge of Service regulations. The confusion arises when it must be ‘informal’ and ‘casual’ wear on a call or at a function. Typically, ‘informal’ is a lounge suit and ‘casual’ is a tweed /blazer and trousers combination. T-shirts, trendy clothes, denim jeans, walking or sport shoes and chappals will make officers stand out for all the wrong reasons, attention they could do without. If you must, err upscale of the dress propriety. Social Graces and Skills 27

The one thing you must always remember is that your spouse’s uniform is a badge of pride and part of a proud service. Clothes indeed reflect the persona of the wearer and while it may pass muster in other walks of life, a shabbily dressed naval officer would be an anomaly. The blemish would be on the entire Service. Here are some guidelines to be followed when civilian dress is to be worn: Formal :Men - National dress( bandh gala, jacket, and trousers) Lounge suit. Women - Saris, salwar suit, long dress, formal pants suit. Informal : Men - lounge suit, shirt and tie or shirt without a tie, close collared sleeveless jacket. Women - long dress, knee -length cocktail dress, salwar suit. Casual : Men - Open- necked shirts, bush shirts, kurta pyjamas. However, casuals do not extend to T- shirts, which are purely sportswears. Women- Suitable salwar kurta, jeans/trousers with top/blouse, long skirt etc. SOCIAL SKILLS Social norms in the Navy are not different from that in the civilian world. Etiquette is all about common sense, and being sensitive to the needs of other people. Social occasions are to be enjoyed, not suffered. The Armed Forces lay great store by social graces and courtesies. While these attributes are universal and an integral part of a pleasant and wholesome personality, certain skills may be more specific to the Services and its personnel, particularly the Navy. A little understanding of this is required to get along in a hierarchical social structure where protocol and respect are the cornerstones of interpersonal communication skills. CONVERSATION STARTER You meet a lot of people at parties and social functions, many of them for the first time. Introductions facilitate interaction and it is everyone’s job to perform them. Either you can wait to be introduced to someone you do not know or you can offer to introduce yourself by stating your name. In a group, where a friend is new, you can introduce them to various people. Introductions should not be cursory or a mere formality; always indicate the interests of the person who is being introduced. This will ensure a more meaningful engagement. Remembering a person’s name and recalling him or her the next time you meet shows your genuine interest. GREETINGS “How do you do?” is a thing of the past. A more informal, “how are you?” or an informal, but warm ‘hello’ or ‘good evening’ would be just right. People may choose to shake hands or not, and no one thinks the worst either way. However, it would be ill mannered to ignore a proffered handshake. In India, men usually shake hands with other men and greet a woman with a namaste. You may reciprocate with a namaste or namaskar, but it is all right to offer a handshake too. It is desirable to greet senior officers and their spouses with a simple ‘good morning’ rather than a ‘Hi’ during casual encounters. COMPLIMENTS Only a true cynic will disagree if you say it is a pleasure to receive compliments. Not only does one feel happy on being complimented, but one also develops a soft corner for the person paying the compliment. If you find something praiseworthy about another person, by 28 Social Graces and Skills

all means say it. Do not hesitate. Get into the habit of observing and detecting good qualities in others and complimenting them about it. Be generous with your compliments. At the same time, avoid flattery. For one, people can see through it. What is the difference between appreciation and flattery? See what Dale Carnegie, the guru of social skills, had to say: “… That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.” Receiving a compliment is an art. You must learn to accept it gracefully. One could simply say a ‘thank you’ and mean it, or make an appropriate rejoinder. One should accept compliments in the right spirit. APOLOGIES We all make social gaffes or faux pas and have our foot-in-the-mouth moments. Except for some that are grave, most can be set right with an apology. Offer one immediately, if circumstances permit. Depending on the gravity of the discourtesy, it would be appropriate to follow up with a verbal apology or a more formal, written one. EXTENDING APPRECIATION The strange thing about a ‘thank you’ is that people expect it naturally, but are not always generous in dishing it out. A simple ‘thank you’ to someone is an acknowledgment of the fact that the person’s effort, contribution, help, etc., were worth the while. It is most courteous to thank people for everything—for an invitation (even one you have turned down), a present, for a weekend at their house and so on, preferably in writing, by sending a ‘thank you’ note. A written ‘thank you’ is preferable, also if you are thanking a family or a group of people, as it can be passed around; a telephonic message may not reach everyone concerned. SPEECH The human voice is capable of conveying various emotions. When one speaks clearly with deliberate enunciation of words and sentences instead of mumbling, people sit up and listen. Speech and the manner of speaking, which one takes for granted most of the time, is something to be pondered and possibly improved upon. However, the fact still remains that your conversation will sound interesting to the other person if you are a good listener too. SOCIAL MEDIA ETIQUETTES Social Media is an effective tool in today’s global connectivity. We take telephone/WhatsApp conversations for granted and seldom realise they are sensitive instruments. These can be the basis for your impressions about that person. You may be impressed or end up misunderstanding the person. Sometimes, a distracted voice/message may make the person sound cold and abrupt; but to your pleasant surprise, you may discover on meeting the person face to face that the impression formed was quite misleading. You must not forget that while speaking/messaging you cannot be seen and will therefore be judged by the emotional quality. So, your message/voice should carry the right touch of confidence and assurance. If someone calls when you are in the midst of entertaining guests or in a meeting, you may drop a message implying the same and call back later as soon as it is convenient. Social Graces and Skills 29

CALLING ON While most of us are always ready to visit friends and acquaintances, the custom of calling on seniors which is a tradition seems to be fading away these days. It would be a daunting task to get acquainted with the naval fraternity if it were not for the aforementioned custom. You also have a chance of being introduced to your spouse’s Commanding Officer or Senior Officer in an informal setting. Another is that you can now invite them because no one invites a stranger to their table. Calling on a senior colleague may have no direct advantage other than expanding your circle of acquaintance. Your spouse will either sign in the Senior Officer’s book or Request Time Convenient (RTC) to call. This should be given within a week or so of coming to the station. Do resist the temptation of leaving them to make the call alone. The call is a formal occasion; dress appropriately. Do not stay longer than half an hour or less than twenty minutes. Children do not accompany you on a call. INTERACTION WITH SENIOR OFFICERS AND THEIR SPOUSES The Armed Forces, classically, have a rigid hierarchical structure and formality associated with interaction between their members, especially of different seniority, but the navies, particularly the Indian Navy, makes allowance for a greater level of flexibility, especially when it comes to social occasions. This is so for two reasons. Firstly,the small size of the Navy, especially in yesteryear, meant that everybody knew each other. Secondly, being located in metropolises and urban areas, navies are affected by the mores of the metros. Almost all newly married Navy spouses find the so-called ‘protocol of interaction’ so confusing that they often tend to avoid the little pleasures of warming up to good social company that the naval service offers in abundance. This protocol may seem downright silly or even autocratic, but it has a certain purpose. For the officers, a guiding principle to be kept in mind is that ‘a junior can only linger on the borders between formality and informality notwithstanding how casual the approach by the senior is’. But to apply the same template for interaction between spouses and officers would be incorrect. The spouse of a woman officer will be expected to follow a formal protocol with all ladies other than a friend or course mate’s wife. ADDRESSING AN OFFICER AND THEIR SPOUSE • In case you are meeting the officer for the first time or even otherwise, it is better to address him by rank and name such as Lieutenant Jain, Commodore Joseph or Admiral Joshi. A naval officer may also address the senior officers as ‘Sir’. However, a woman need not address any officer as ‘sir’, irrespective of her husband’s rank or seniority of the officer. But she may choose to use the salutation ‘Sir’ while addressing a senior or eminent personality such as a war hero or a veteran(retired/elderly officer). The preferable way to address a senior lady is Mrs. and the last name such as Mrs. Jain, Mrs. Joshi, etc. and not ma’am and definitely not the first name. The men may address all ladies as ma’am irrespective of seniority. • Unlike in the Army, in many cases, the senior officer in the Navy may address a spouse by their first name. This is not intended to be disrespectful; on the contrary, it is in recognition of their unique identity distinct from the spouse and his rank. This also reduces the element of extra formality and helps them feel at ease. 30 Social Graces and Skills

• While it is not a normal practice for a naval spouse to address their spouse’s senior officer or senior lady by their first names, there can be exceptions or special cases. For instance, when the senior officer or lady may themselves choose to be addressed by the first name to avoid making them feel awed by protocol. In circumstances when prolonged social acquaintance leads to greater bonds of friendship, the formality of rank may be dispensed with. However, when in doubt and/or in a large social gathering, it is prudent to stick to the formal usage; reserve the informality for smaller gatherings. ON SOCIAL OCCASIONS While social occasions are an opportunity for interaction and fun, some of them invariably tend to go along stereotypical lines wherein the men talk ‘shop’ and the ladies are perceived to talk ‘shopping’! To avoid such situations, it is always good for men and women to interact on issues of mutual interest. Points to remember: • Under normal circumstances, it is the duty of the officer, particularly the senior, to break ice at a social gathering. However, it would not be wrong or out of place for a junior officer’s spouse to go and strike up a conversation with a senior officer or their spouse. • It may seem frustrating, at times that your spouse indulges in‘ship’or‘shop’talk, but you should understand that the ship or their office is much more than a workplace for them and it is possible for the conversation amongst officers to gravitate to ship talk. But with patience and some sparkling conversation, you will be able to find your way through. • If you go to events such as sports functions, receptions; hosted by senior officers and their spouses on board a ship or in a Base, please do remember to thank them just as you would have done at their home. Do remember that the officers, their team would have put in a lot of effort to make the event possible. This small courtesy would go a long way in acknowledging the effort. • As a conversation starter, it is not correct to ask:“What is your good name?“It is a corrupted literal translation of vernacular lingo. • It is not against regulations for a woman to greet a gentleman first, especially if they are known to each other. It is a welcome gesture if a woman or a couple of them were to walk up to a gentleman or a group of them and initiate a conversation. In fact, it helps to break the ice and breach the ‘clusters of same sex’ that seem to form at social functions. • Often in sit-down dinners or quasi-formal functions, it is observed that women bunch up together on a single table for dinner. This is almost a social taboo. It would be proper to occupy a seat leaving the one between you and another woman vacant for a gentleman. • The golden rule for any conversation is to listen and listen carefully and not just keep talking. The best way to win friends and influence people, as Dale Carnegie would advise, is to be genuinely interested in people and their lives without being nosey. • Humour is the bedrock of social conversations, but it is also the trickiest trait of all. Use wit to lighten the moment and spread cheer, but also ensure that it is tactful and not derisive or sarcastic. • Do not stick to a group of friends at social functions. Circulate and meet as many people as you can; that is the purpose of such gatherings. Finally, when in doubt, a gentle smile and normal social courtesies would save the day and the officers would go out of their way to make you comfortable. So go along and just warm up to the company of a fine community. Social Graces and Skills 31

INTERACTION WITH SAILORS AND THEIR FAMILIES Rules for formal interactions are quite clear. There are accepted norms, which one is expected to conform to. Social decorum within the Navy does not have any ambiguous boundaries. What remains to be clarified are the informal encounters, especially when you as an officer’s spouse meet the families of the sailors on occasions such as the barakhana and other get- togethers. It is extremely important for you to put them at ease and talk to them. Encourage them to tell you what they feel about the Navy, the ship or the establishment and about their living conditions in general. This must be done with subtle tact. These are the occasions when you can gauge the minds of the sailor’s families, their problems, and aspirations. The Navy is a fine service and a great way of life and while your spouse makes efforts to make a sizable contribution towards building it, you can focus on social matters and guide sailors’ families towards better life and living. RECEPTIONS AND BARAKHANAS Receptions and barakhanas are held by ships or Commands to commemorate anniversaries, or some special occasions, or to meet visiting dignitaries. They are formal occasions and your spouse’s uniform will give you an identification of how to dress. The time of the reception will be indicated on the card. It is important to be on time. The organisers will have asked the chief guest to arrive a few minutes after your time of arrival. There is no excuse for arriving after, or at the same time as the chief guest. Your tardiness will be noticed and frowned upon. If there is a receiving line, wait your turn and then greet your hosts, giving your name clearly. A receiving line is not the place for long conversations or goodbyes. There will be other opportunities for a chat. A number of official functions such as naval band concerts, cultural shows, fleet or flotilla evenings and many other similar functions are commonly held in the auditorium. On such occasions, as the chief guest arrives while all men rise the women are not expected to rise. Do move around and meet as many people as possible. It is not necessary to stay too long at a cocktail party; however, you do not leave until the chief guest has left. When newly married naval spouses go to receptions or cocktail parties, they are likely to be among strangers and need a little help from their spouses to start with. The officers should introduce their spouses to others to make them feel at home. To attend or not to attend these receptions and functions is a big question. There could be a pressing family commitment or simply late hours at the office; the Service does not compel the spouse to be present at these functions, always. But do remember, as a part of the larger naval family, you have an obligation to attend these functions too, and should decide wisely. VISIT BY FOREIGN SHIPS Warships of foreign Navies often visit Indian ports on ‘State Courtesy Calls’. Apart from the day’s schedule and fixtures, which are essentially of official nature, evenings are generally reserved for receptions or banquets. These functions also double up as showcases to our culture; therefore, it would be appropriate to wear Indian attire, serve Indian food, and play Indian music. You will always be at an advantage if you get an update on some facts worthy of praise about their country that would make conversation smooth and interesting. During conversations, we must take extra care that we never run into any unpleasant arguments with them. Once again, use your judgement and act wisely. 32 Social Graces and Skills

2.2 The Written Word “To write is human. To receive a letter is divine.” Susan Lendroth In an age of virtual reality, the feather-light touch of a printed word on paper is fast losing its rightful place in the world of personal connect and bonding. Yet, thankfully, when it comes to social correspondence, the credo in the Services remains steadfast – to try and send a personal, hand-written note more often than not. Although the ease of sending an e-note scores over a personal one, the charm remains unmatched. While all of us are conversant with social correspondence (ranging from invitation, thank you notes, congratulatory messages, condolences, etc.), there are a few salient points to remember when it comes to communicating ‘in a letter’ within the Forces, if and when the need arises. The golden rule for invitations and acknowledgements is to write them in the third person. The message should be brief. The letter/note needs to be mailed well in advance to give the invitees sufficient time to make plans. Similarly, a response too requires certain detail. While one may share a rapport with the host/hostess, the etiquette of social correspondence demands that the reply to a formal letter be equally formal. The response has to be a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and not a vague ‘may be’, ‘we will try to make it’, etc. as this would leave the host/hostess guessing. Certain occasions also call for a letter in response. The simpler ones would comprise small, gracious ‘thank you’ messages on receiving a gift, a goodwill gesture or on being hosted, warm and congratulatory letters for promotions, success in examinations or receiving an honour or distinction. The most difficult are the ‘condolence’ messages. Words are inadequate to someone whose loss is irreparable. But a sincere note of sympathy and emotional support can go a long way in alleviating the feeling of utter desolation and loneliness that the person might feel. On a lighter note, although the art of greeting cards for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. is nearing extinction, sending a surprise one to wish for a birthday or an anniversary could do wonders and only add joy to the receiver. A greeting card also serves as a great way to keep in touch with personnel who have retired and have settled far and wide and who continue to remain friends. After all, the Navy is a close-knit community and one of the hallmarks of this institution is that it cares for its retirees and veterans as much as the serving personnel. Personal notes are relevant and all effort should be made to retain the magic of these. But the fact remains that there is an increasing dependence on social media, namely WhatsApp, to connect and to send messages and invites. The best way forward then would be to bridge the gap and to take a few cues from the finer nuances of letter-writing and inculcate these. The Written Word 33

THE ART OF GIFTING It is in giving that we receive and this sentiment holds the key to the art of gifting. The childlike joy in giving and in receiving gifts is precious. In the Services, it is a good practice to take a gift for the host/hostess, when you are invited for a private dinner by friends or colleagues. What you give the host is more a token of appreciation and love; therefore, gifting is not about its price tag. Thankfully, in an eco-conscious world, the trend of gifting a plant is fast catching on. Gifts can also range from hand-made products, books, candles, paintings, photo frames, wall hangings, decoupage items, to culinary delicacies, keeping the friend’s or couple’s interests in mind. Gift-wrapping it thoughtfully and adding a personal note and or a gift tag would make a world of difference. The NWWA shop Samudri serves as a good source for products made within the community and for handicrafts. 34 The Written Word

2.3 Fine Dining and Dinner Etiquette “There is no love sincerer than the love of food.”—George Bernard Shaw In the initial years of your spouse’s career, your first few parties would be the ones related to their unit. You will be ‘dined in’, which means that your spouse’s unit will formally welcome you in your first official/formal function. Thereafter, you will have ample opportunities to attend and host social occasions, both formal and informal. Social interactions among officers and their families is a long-standing tradition in the Armed Forces. In the Navy, you will see a wide range of naval traditions in play at these functions, in terms of uniforms, conduct, speeches and so on. And as you attend more such functions, you will learn a lot about social dos and don’ts simply through observation and experience. FORMAL DINNER It may seem to be a relaxed affair on the surface, but a sense of protocol is never far away. Command Receptions, Mess Nights, ‘At Home’, Navy Night, unit or ship parties, and other occasions bring out the style and splendour associated with the Navy. It is therefore important that we accord them the right degree of formality, both in our conduct and attire. INVITATION For formal social engagements such as command receptions and other such parties, your spouse will do the needful in terms of replying to the invitation. The acceptance of these invitations is presumed. However, if you have received an invite to a private party hosted by a senior officer, do ensure that either you or your spouse acknowledges the invite. And it is at this time that you convey to your hosts any dietary restrictions that you may be observing on the day of the party. The hosts can be called and thanked for the invite and then tell them whether you are fasting that day, you are a vegetarian, etc. This is not just a courtesy that you extend to your hosts; it will ensure that they are not put in an embarrassing situation where there would be nothing on the table for you because of your dietary restrictions. Invitations are usually forwarded almost a week in advance to avoid the guest from feeling that he or she is a last-minute choice. The invitation carries information regarding the occasion. On receiving an invitation, it is one’s duty to acknowledge it promptly out of consideration for the hosts who must plan the details in advance. Convey acceptance or regret either by letter or over the telephone depending on how formal or informal the invitation is and how well one knows the person sending the invitation. WHAT THE INVITATION TELLS YOU The invitation stipulates the dress code for officers/men, but women have to bear in mind the nature of the occasion. The attire should have an aura of formality and not convey an attitude of casualness. The time for the party is also mentioned, and it is considered good manners to arrive on time and always before the chief guest in case their time is indicated. Fine Dining and Dinner Etiquette 35

DINNER ETIQUETTE When the hosts take so much trouble to entertain, it is the responsibility of the guests to fall in line with them. They can do so by exuding bonhomie at the party. By being charming, pleasant, and considerate, one can help to make social gatherings a delightful affair. Parties will seem more interesting once you start mingling with everyone and making new friends. MESS NIGHT/SIT-DOWN DINNER Nothing matches the elegance and splendour of a Naval Mess Night, with a naval band in attendance, as all dressed in their formal attire, attend a sit-down dinner. And yet, there is no strict formality about the event. Invariably, a light-hearted vein runs through the atmosphere. A dinner night or any formal sit-down dinner, for that matter, is preceded by cocktails. At a large banquet, a seating plan may be displayed at the entrance of the dining hall. Arrive well in time and check your placement on the dinner night layout. Find out who the people next to you are. It is better if you know them; if not, cocktails are the best time to get to know them. The spouse will be, in all probability, escorted by the Officer to their seat (your name place card will be there). Spouses sit down at their places and officers remain standing until the chief guest arrives. On his arrival, the chief guest will ask the officers to be seated. A useful tip for formal dinners: Do not place your purse or any other item, however small, on the table. Put it on your lap, or on your chair, if that is possible. If you can, simply avoid carrying a purse on such an occasion; it can be cumbersome. While seated at the table, care should be taken to adopt the correct posture. Slouching in the chair, resting an elbow on the table, and leaning against it are unbecoming. Sit up straight, yet be relaxed. Politeness demands that equal attention be paid to those sitting on either side even if one holds more interest than the other. Avoid talking with a full mouth. Between mouthfuls, you must place the cutlery in use on your main plate, facing downwards. One should not play with it, or point it towards others while conversing during the meal. If the number of guests is only a few, one should wait till everyone is served before beginning to eat. After serving oneself, the serving cutlery should be replaced neatly for the convenience of the next person to be served. Food should be eaten silently and neatly without the clatter of cutlery on the plate. Remove an unwanted object such as a fish bone or a fruit seed from the mouth as unobtrusively as possible and cover the mouth with one hand while removing it with the other and then transfer it to the plate. The dinner night begins with the starter. Soup comes next. The main course is served along with wines. Normally, red wine is taken with red meat and white wine with white meat. NAPKIN DRILL As soon as you are seated at the dining table for a meal, unfold the napkin and place it on the lap. Do not wait till the first course is about to be served. Napkins are unfolded only in half and spread on the lap. Napkins are not to be used as hand towels. One should only dab one’s lips and gently wipe the fingers as and when required. 36 Fine Dining and Dinner Etiquette

The napkin is not to be placed on the table until one leaves. If, for some reason, you need to leave the table during the meal, place the napkin on the chair and not on the table. An unfolded, soiled napkin on the table is not a pleasant sight for others. Even if you have finished eating before others, you must keep the napkin on your lap. Even if everyone has finished eating, but are lingering over coffee, the napkin should remain on the lap. It is placed unfolded on the table only while getting up from your seat. DINNER CUTLERY Cutlery is kept in the order of usage-starting from outer to inner side. You always start the first course with the outermost fork and knife on either side of the plate. This aids to avoid confusion about which cutlery is for what course. Few additional tips to note: • Fish fork is smaller than the meat fork • Fish knife is blunt and has a pointed tip. • Meat knife looks like a regular knife, though it is not as sharp. One starts with the cutlery that is farthest from the plate on both sides, or sometimes with a single piece of cutlery such as the fork for the hors d’oeuvres, or a soup spoon for the soup. Whilst eating, a fork is held in the left hand and a knife in the right. Accordingly, fork is placed on the left-hand side and the knife on the right-hand side of the plate. The fork tines should point inward while it is held. To cut food, pierce with a fork and hold the piece that requires cutting and then gently cut away the piece by the knife from the outer side of the fork and not the inner. The knife is also used as a support to press or push food onto the fork. When cutting food, cut one piece at a time and eat it and then cut the next. CONTINENTAL STYLE In the Continental style, the fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right. After cutting the desired piece of food, it is picked up by the fork which remains held in the left hand and taken to the mouth. The placement of knife and fork will tell the steward about the diner’s intention, whether he or she is merely resting or done with the meal. When talking, drinking, or excusing yourself from the table, keep your fork tines facing down, crossing over your knife. If one is not going to use the knife for some time, it can rest at the top right-hand side of the plate at an angle to the table. Generally, when the food is soft, one need not use the knife and can use only the fork held in the right hand. Rice, mashed potatoes, vegetables and patties should be eaten only with a fork. A knife should not be used when the food served does not require to be cut. But here is an exception. If a plain curry and rice is served and one finds it difficult to mix them with a fork alone, one may use the tablespoon. In this case, the spoon is held in the right hand and fork in the left. This type of table setting is an Indian improvisation to facilitate eating typically Indian food, which may primarily consist of rice and gravy dishes. One should never bend towards the plate while eating COURSE OF ACTION Soup Soup is served in soup plates or bowls. Soup should only be sipped from the side of the soup spoon and not from its front. One should slightly tilt the plate away from oneself when Fine Dining and Dinner Etiquette 37

nearing the end of the contents. However delicious the soup is, one should never scrape the bottom of a bowl. On finishing, the soup spoon is placed in the centre of the bowl with the handle resting on the edge and pointing towards one self. If soup is served with a saucer, the soup spoon is placed on the saucer or plate on which the bowl is resting and not left inside the bowl. Desserts Desserts are eaten by holding the fork in the left hand and spoon in the right hand. Cakes and similar desserts are eaten with a fork, while ice-creams, puddings, mousses, custards, and anything else that is wobbly is eaten with a spoon. The knife is used for desserts with a hard crust or for fruits. Closing Plate When you finish eating, the knife and fork should be placed parallel and close to each other in the centre of the plate or a little towards the right with the handles resting on the edge of the plate. The tines of the fork should face upwards. The sharp edge of the blade of the knife should face inward. In a formal dinner, you close your plate after every course, as the dishes are then taken away to be replaced by another set. As a mark of respect or courtesy, you may close the plate only after the senior-most guest on the table finishes the meal and closes the plate Finger Bowl A traditional Indian meal served in a thali and some continental cuisine also requires the use of hands. Finger Bowls are brought at the end of the meal for the guests to clean their fingers, and to save them the trouble of queuing up at the washbasin. If fruits such as grapes or berries are served as dessert, it is thoughtful to provide finger bowls. Finger bowls, as the name suggests, are meant only for dipping fingers and not for washing hands thoroughly. After dipping and cleaning the fingers in an unobtrusive manner, pat them dry on the napkin. Coffee & Toffee Coffee and toffee may or may not be served after dinner. Usually, sugar and milk are served separately. Toffee is kept in a bowl and passed sequentially across the guests. Help yourself to it and then pass it on. RAISING A TOAST The ‘Mess Night’ usually concludes with raising a toast. Although this is no longer practised by the Navy, it is worth being aware of it, should there be an occasion such as attending a reception onboard a foreign ship or in the presence of a foreign delegation. While it is an ancient Greek and Roman custom, nowadays, a toast is raised to honour a person, to wish him or her well by way of good health, happiness, and prosperity. For every formal banquet and ceremonial occasion, a person is appointed to officiate as the toastmaster. If no one has been appointed, then the head of the organisation proposes the toast at the end of the meal and before any speeches are made. 38 Fine Dining and Dinner Etiquette

MESS NIGHT PROCEDURE FOR DRINKING TOAST When the decanter is placed in front of you, you should lift it off the table and half fill your wine glass. Once you have ‘charged’ (half filled) your glass, slide the decanter so as to pass it to the person seated on your left, keeping the decanter between you and your wine glass. Do not lift the decanter off the table while passing it to your left. When the Chief Host raps the gavel three times, upon the gavel rest, rises and says “Mr./ Miss Vice, The President”, everyone rises and holds their glass in front of them, at the waist level. The National Anthem of India will be played by the Naval band. Upon completion of the national anthem, Mr/ Miss Vice will say, “Ladies and Gentlemen, The President”. All in unison say “The President”. Drink the toast in one gulp, place your glass back upon the table and sit down. Note: In case a second, personal or subsequent toast is proposed, the toast has to be raised while being seated, in pre-filled glasses, placed in front of you. ENTERTAINING AT HOME The Ideal Host Hosting a dinner party is an enjoyable way to catch up with friends and to ensure an unforgettable evening with everlasting memories, follow these tips:- • Work out a guest list of like-minded people, preferably a mixed group of varied seniority, branches, civilian friends etc., and send out a clearly specified invite well in advance. • Plan a tried & tested menu and finish preparations well beforehand. Be vibrant and ready to entertain the guest upon arrival. • Involving your children in the preparation is necessary to teach them how to be good hosts. • Invite the number that your house can accommodate comfortably and allow for easy conversation among your guests. • Plan for a buffet as required and politely ensure that spouses are not sitting together and ladies/gents are not segregated in groups. • Care and planning are essential to host those senior to you. It can be an occasion to pull out your best table linen, your prized dinner set, to adorn the house with fresh flowers and even some candles, but do not go overboard in terms of expense. Take it as an opportunity to showcase your creativity and your social skills, instead. Remember, a Fine Dining and Dinner Etiquette 39

home is a reflection of the people staying therein, it speaks volumes about the kind of individual you are; a peep into your house is, literally, a peep into your life! • Alcohol, wine etc., if served, should be offered to all–including ladies. Do not insist if the guest declines and offer a soft drink or a juice, instead. • Spend quality time with each guest & don’t “talk shop”. Listen more and pay attention to particularly shy and quiet guests. • Do call your guests the next day and thank them for any gifts or flowers received. Here is a quick checklist for the day before a party and on the day of the party: • Get the dietary preferences of your guests and cater for it. • Decorate the house adequately and declutter the entrance. • Clean and keep glasses for drinks and see that the beverages are chilled. • Check ice cubes for the evening after charging the ice pail prior arrival of guests. • Place ashtrays at vantage points for smokers & coasters on the various tables. • Keep adequate peg tables placed in the guest area. • Keep adequate and easily accessible paper napkins. • Keep all bathrooms clean and place a small flower arrangement in the bathroom as a touch of style and ensure that air freshener, toilet roll, clean hand towel and paper napkins are also placed. • Make sure the waste-basket in the bathroom is emptied. • Keep your kitchen clean and free of clutter. • If you are hosting a big gathering, bring in an extra trash can. • Set up a room for children in case you are expecting some of your guests to bring along theirs for the party and cater to them in terms of food and snacks. The Ideal Guest As a guest, you have equal responsibilities just as a host, to ensure that your company is appreciated and eagerly solicited next time! So, there are some points to be remembered: - • A good guest should comply with “RSVP” Respondez S’il Vous plait”, which literally means “respond, if you please”. Call the host, thank them for the invitation and do confirm/ regret your attendance. • Take your children only if they are specifically invited. Please do not call to check if children are ‘allowed’ if they have not been invited. Do make necessary arrangements for your children at home. Be sure to leave your telephone numbers behind so that you can be reached easily. • Be punctual and carry a gift or a bouquet of flowers for your host. If the invitation specifies “No Gifts”, respect the host and don’t carry anything. • Be a good listener and converse pleasantly. Avoid ‘shop talk’ and ‘gossip’, alike! • Compliment the host sincerely for the efforts taken in organising the party, their beautiful home and the delicious food that is served. • Do not overstay. Take your cue as the senior-most guest leaves and follow suit. • Call your host the next day to thank them once again. 40 Fine Dining and Dinner Etiquette