Dear New Zealand

Dear New Zealand New Zealand, 2016 “Attention passengers on flight TG644 to Thailand is now ready for boarding, please board at gate 11, Thank you.” An announcement in the airport gets my attention away from my phone. I pick up my stuff when my phone buzzes from a message. [When you arrive at Suvarnabhumi Airport, call mom. She will pick you up in my stead. I have some work to do to see you at home. Dad.] I roll my eyes knowing that he is going to say something like this. I text him back, turn off the phone, and put it away. I walk to the gate, check my ticket and find my seat. I hurriedly put my luggage in the overhead compartment and took a seat. My seating is not very far from the main door so I can see passengers follow one another walking inside the plane. It feels like yesterday I have just boarded in New Zealand. Four years in New Zealand is a precious time in my life. The starting point of living here is because my parents divorced and with all of their busy business they designed to send me to New Zealand and I live with my cousin. For me, who has only lived only in Thailand with a little English in my head, having to live in New Zealand without family is a nightmare. From that nightmare who would know that it would turn out to be a good dream. I can’t say it is a sweet dream but more like a bitter-sweet dream. Even though it's bitter more than sweet, I still don’t want to wake up from this dream. “Lady and gentleman welcome to flight TG636. I am captain…” The announcement from the captain let me know that the plane is ready to take off. I fasten my seat belt and look outside the window seeing the plane moving to the runway. A few moments later, the plane ran faster and faster and took off to the sky. The view outside the window is very beautiful. The whole island of New Zealand is showing in front of my eyes. The plane is flying further and further. Finally, the island is hidden by the clouds.

Seeing the island out of my sight is making a lot of feelings, sad, frightened, lonely, and…missing. Although I went back to Thailand every semester break, this time is not the same. When the plane is flying stable, the beverage on flight starts to serve. “Coffee or tea or juice?” “Tea please” The air hostess put down tea on the table. I stare at the yellowish-brown tea with a soft smile appearing on my face. It’s funny that I think this tea colour is yellowish-brown now. It has been a long time since I had an argument with him about the colour of the tea. I said it is brown but he made it complicated by saying it is a yellowish-brown colour. Thinking of him makes me feel like there is a heavyweight in my heart. His messy blond hair and light brown eyes with a huge smile on his face always make me warm in this lonely place. When I came to New Zealand, I felt very lonely and wanted to go home. It is really hard to make a friend because of my English speaking skills. But thanks to that it made me get close to him, Tyler. He made fun of my English in the very first class we attended together. Even my speaking is bad but I still understand what he says. I punched him in the face and we ended up scolded by our teacher. He didn’t talk to me after that incident and other friends also ignored me. I sigh out when I think of myself at that time. I was such a hot-tempered person with a willingness to fight if someone harmed me first. What a bad girl I am. “Oh!… Is there something?” I was surprised when the person sitting next to me tapped on my shoulder and the air hostess looked at me. \"What do you want to eat miss? Rice with fish or pasta with chicken?\" The air hostess repeats again with a smile. Is it time for a meal now? I think to myself and look at my watch. Oh, it’s late now. \"Rice please\"

She hurriedly put the tray in front of me and hurriedly moved on to the next seat. The smell of a fish makes me feel a bit hungry but then a small box of fruit salad on the tray catches my attention. ‘What is this?’ I in the past four years asked and glanced at the boy’s face which still had a bandage on his cheek. He looks uneasy and grabs my hand to put the box of fruit salad on it. ‘It a gift…’ He said but it was more like he mumbled to himself. After five days of not talking to each other, he manages to say sorry to me by giving me fruit salad? Well, yeah he was wrong to make fun of me but it was also my fault to punch him too. ‘I take it as a sorry gift and I am also sorry to punch you. Are we okay with each other now?’ ‘Yeah…’ He looks at me with uneasiness and sighs. ‘Sorry, I don’t know you live here alone and your parents divorced. So sorry to make fun of you’ ‘You aren't as bad as I think. From now on can we be friends?’ ‘If you don’t punch me again’ He points at his cheek and laughs. I smile and look at the fruit salad box ‘Hey, why do you give me fruit salad? Why not give me chocolate or other sweets?’ ‘My mom told me that Thailand has a lot of fruits. So I assume that you like fruit. You don’t like it?’ ‘I like some fruits but not these fruits that you gave me.’ ‘Don’t be so picky. Fruit is all the same.’

The memory of that moment comes across my mind. What a good memory... Sigh! No no no no! If I still look at everything and think of him like this I will end up feeling sadder! I put my tray away and decide to sleep. ‘Lady and gentleman, we will arrive at Suvarnabhumi airport in 15 minutes. Please fasten your seat belt and adjust your seat straight. Thank you. ’ I wake up with a little bit of pain in my neck and look outside the window. The view of the complex road and tiny house show in my sight. The plane lands at the airport and then stops at the gate. I start to get my belongings and follow another passenger out of the plane. I walk past the immigration and wait for my baggage. I open my phone and a bunch of messages from my friends send in but the one that caught my eyes is… Tyler I open the phone and read his chat. [Why don't you tell me your flight was changed? Why are you always like this!? Last time you told me a week before that you will go back to Thailand and now change flights without telling?! Sigh… Whatever, have a safe flight and contact me back when you arrive in Thailand.] I feel guilty for not telling him that my flight was changed but it would be bad if I saw him and didn't want to leave. After a long 4 years of friendship, I start to know that I love him but not as a friend anymore. It was such a pity of me to run away like this when he got a girlfriend. Even if I’m not crying because of my experience in a heartbroken situation like my parents divorced, it still hurts to look into his eyes and say that I am really happy with him. I can remember how painful it was when he brought his girlfriend to meet me. But it is more painful to know that I am the only one who thinks he has the same feeling as me. He didn’t make anything that made me more special than other friends. It was not his fault. It is a dream that I make it sweet and make it bitter on my own. Well, I think I am at my limit both physically and mental. Last year both my father had financial problems and my mother wanted me to go back to Thailand. At that time I didn’t want to go back. So I have to work at my cousin’s restaurant after school and on weekends to stay there. I didn’t think it was hard work until I found out he has a girlfriend.

I pick up my baggage and check up on all my stuff. I glance at the phone and design to put it away without texting him back. It should be alright if I text him later. I shake my head to stop thinking of him and I walk toward the arrival exit gate. If I get out of this gate it means that my life in Thailand is going to start. I am such a coward but someday I hope I can look into his eyes and say that I am really happy with him without this pain in my heart. ……The End……