Standing Proud 2021

PSTRAONDUINDG ANTHOLOGY 2021 FROM STANDING PROUD - LGBT+ WRITERS’ GROUP



Inroduction We started The Word Association CIC three years ago, fuelled by our passion for helping isolated individuals from marginalised communities to tell their stories, in their own words. Our first project was Words To Live By - a free writing course aimed at those on a journey to better mental health. In our second year, we wanted to extend our reach and work with more groups. I loved the idea of an LGBTQ+ writing group and spoke to my friend Nicola Longworth-Cook about it. Nicola has been engaged with the Word Association courses from the start and is a wonderful poet. Nicola and her wife, Sarennah are also the driving force behind Out2gether, the LGBT+ group in Worcestershire that focuses on friendship, support and community. With Nicola’s help, in February 2020 we set up a ten week writing course that was open to members of Out2gether and anyone else in Worcestershire who identified as LGBTQ+ or was an ally. When the pandemic hit, we moved online and quickly realised that the group was essential for many of our vulnerable and isolated participants. We kept the sessions going beyond the initial ten weeks. I stepped back in November, in preparation for the birth of my second daughter. To my delight, the group continued without me, creating their own writing prompts and keeping the same spirit of sharing and openness that is so important in these spaces. Seeing this group become self-sustaining, has made me incredibly proud. I rejoined the group in April 2021, delivering a more focused course that explored various poetic forms such as villanelles, tanka, sonnets, nonets and ghazal poems. New member Michael Swindells also delivered a fascinating and inspiring session on flash fiction! The book that you’re holding in your hands is a result of these sessions. This

project has been generously funded by The National Lottery Community Fund, as part of our larger anthology project. It’s so heartwarming to know that in the spaces between the concentrated projects that we focus on each year, that the group will continue to meet, write and grow together. We are all immensely grateful to Out2gether secretaries Chris Cox and Steve Martin for steering the ship during these times. We have plans for many more projects involving the Standing Proud Writing Group. I‘d like to take this opportunity to thank them all for their honesty, vibrancy, inclusivity and compassion. This book celebrates the glorious creativity that exists in this group, and the impactful and important work that they create. If you are interested in joining the group, then please get in touch with The Word Association or Out2gether – you’d be so welcome! Holly Winter-Hughes Founding director of The Word Association CIC and Standing Proud founder and project facilitator The Word Association is a collective of writers and artists from different backgrounds who are passionate about using art to make a social impact, offering free writing workshops and publishing opportunities to marginalised communities. www.the-word-association.com Out2gether is an LGBT+ charity who promote and support the wellbeing of LGBT+ people and those affected by LGBT+ issues in Worcester and South Worcestershire. www.out2gether.org.uk



First published in the United Kingdom in 2021. © The Word Association 2021 Each writer has asserted their right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988 to be identified as the author of their work. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. First published in the United Kingdom in 2021 by Bite Poetry Press. www.bitepress.co.uk First Edition Cover image by Al Design by Gerard Hughes www.gerardhughes.co.uk Printed and bound in the UK by Biddles, Castle House East Winch Road, King’s Lynn PE32 1SF

STANDING PROUD ANTHOLOGY 2021 Featuring the work of: Sophie Ridge, Al, Dawn Wright, Corinne & Daisy, Rachel Burgin (Burgs), Chris Cox, Kathryn O’Connor, Nicola Longworth-Cook, Steve J Martin, Jay Rose Ana, Oliver Bliss, Becky Leonard-Dixon and Michael Swindells. Generously funded by The National Lottery’s Community Fund Produced by The Word Association with

CONTENTS 15 AL My Gender Is 16 Pouring Poems 17 Late Night Conversation 18 Queerness 19 Cloud 20 Things I Have Noticed About You 21 Self-love 22 Soon To Bloom 23 Ageing 24 Future 25 27 SOPHIE RIDGE 28 Tanka 29 Villanelles 30 Abyss 31 Scrubbed 32 Sense Of Us 33 Transition 34 I Don’t Exist 35 I Don’t Exist 36 Cloud 39 DAWN WRIGHT 40 Reeds And Teasles 41 Clerihew 42 Blind 43 The Ambassadors 45 Untitled

46 November 47 Dad’s Globe 48 Cornelia 49 Saint Vitus Dance 50 When I First Met Dawn 51 Marianne 53 CORINNE (AND DAISY) 54 Out Of Order 57 RACHEL BURGIN (BURGS) 58 Looking For A Fe(male) 59 Ode To The Lost Lesbian Bars Of The 1980s 60 Daffy 61 A Nonet For Nanette 62 A Nonet On Harassment 63 My Favourite Stereotypes 64 Friducha 65 Sister Suffragette 66 Larger Than Life 67 Villanelle 68 Valentine’s Day 69 Tanka The Elephant 70 The Daisy And The Dandelion 71 Grin, And Bare It 75 CHRIS COX 77 Standing Proud 78 On Identity 79 Leathermen At Pride 80 The Seed

81 Ancient And Modern 82 Lost 83 Triple Feline Haiku 84 “On Poetic Forms - The Sonnet” 85 “Tooth Mice From Hell In A Villanelle” 86 Avian Remains 87 Queering The Fairytale - The Three Little Pigs 89 A Tanka For 24 July 2021 90 Sunrise Or Sunset? 91 Riding To Pershore On A Foggy Day 93 KATHRYN O’CONNOR (KATHY) 94 Time Passing 95 At 8 96 I Am Me 97 Me 98 Breathing 99 Happy Me 100 Time 101 Why? 102 I Had It All Planned… 103 In Peace And Freedom Land… 105 NICOLA LONGWORTH-COOK 106 Shared Thoughts, Shared Times, Shared Spaces 108 Yes, IWould LikeThis Registered As A Hate Crime... 109 Recipe For Loneliness 110 Coming Out As Bereaved 113 STEVE J. MARTIN 114 15th June 2020 – A Good Haul 115 Battenhall Park

116 GLISK 117 Dungarees 118 Escape 119 Gone 120 Rainbow 121 I’m Not Feeling It 122 I Will Still Be Here 123 RESPECT 124 Mycelium 125 Soup 126 The Chicken Of A Certain Age 127 The Ring 128 Triangles 129 The World In A Day 131 JAY ROSE ANA 132 Homeless LGBT 134 Come Over Here 135 Can I Have A Quiet Word, Please? 138 What Is It Like To Be Transgender? 139 Who Am I? 140 You Are Alone 143 Take Me Whole 144 1981 Arthur Not Martha 146 What Will You Be? 147 Poetry Releases The Hurt Inside 148 Destination Dysphoria 149 Sitting On The Shelf

151 OLIVER BLISS 152 A Word Square To Live By 153 The Journey Home 154 Insatiable 155 Pride 159 BECKY LEONARD-DIXON 160 Things That Make Me Smile 161 Things That Fuck Me Off 162 Pride 2020 163 Pride 2021 164 Gaga for Gaga 165 Ally 166 Awkward 167 In And Out 168 Joe-Joe 169 Labels 170 Standing Proud 173 ANONYMOUS 175 Shame 177 MICHAEL SWINDELLS 178 Old Advertising 179 Flightpath 181 An Age Of Innocence 182 The Jubilee Line 183 Tide and Time 185 Aunty Ivy 187 Gone Fishing



14 STANDING PROUD

AL (Pronouns: undeclared) My name is Al, and I am so pleased and proud to have my work included in this anthology. I have written about identity, queerness, clouds, death, and healing. After the loss of my sister, a relationship breakdown and tons of trauma, I felt very alone, and this writing group helped me immeasurably. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful, creative queer people and I am so grateful to be included alongside their beautiful work. STANDING PROUD 15

My Gender Is My gender is the moon, shining lovingly, The sun, beaming warmly, And clouds, lightly dense My gender is rain thundering gently, A breeze, fluctuating refreshingly, And a flower, upwardly blooming My gender is a back, sloping softly, Legs moving powerfully, And hairs raising on a startled arm My gender is And isn’t Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms. 16 STANDING PROUD

Pouring Poems My creativity, previously untapped, once lying dormant Awakens again. A stop has been unplugged and now I pour freely An unending gratitude for the creatives I surround myself with flourishes within me I will take this gratitude, this creativity, and create anew I promise STANDING PROUD 17

Late Night Conversation Hi Hey What do you think happens when we die? I think we become stars. I think our bodies stay here as a gift to the earth and everything else that makes us who we are drifts up and becomes part of everything. Oh Yeah Okay What do You think happens when we die? Oh um I don’t know. I don’t know for sure and I like that I don’t know. But what I like to think is that... yknow giant fluffy clouds? Yeah? I like to think that those clouds become places for people who have left us to sit with a cup of tea and a good book and to look down over us. I like to think about that a lot with the people I’ve lost. That’s really cool Yeah? Yeah, really cool Cool 18 STANDING PROUD

Queerness I am attracted to queerness I am attracted to an earring with a strong jawline and soft skin beneath a patterned shirt The other The outside The community found in the out This is where I find my belonging STANDING PROUD 19

Cloud A cloud can be white or pink or orange or gold A rhino or a dragon or a face or a flower None of this changes the fact that it is a cloud Beautifully changeable, Constant and redefinable, No matter what you call it or how it looks It remains a cloud 20 STANDING PROUD

Things I Have Noticed About You You are queer You are a sunflower You are a loving sibling You are an amazing friend You are a refreshing breeze Your soul is light blue like the sky You look great in dungarees and nice docs Your future will be as bright and loving as you are STANDING PROUD 21

Self-love My life is for me I have created it Built this house brick by brick I have crawled from the mire, desperately slipping raw fingers From now on, my life is mine I allow water to flow over me, cleansing, healing Pushing painfully out of the bloody chrysalis and beginning afresh 22 STANDING PROUD

Soon To Bloom I am my protector I am my parent I fight for what I need I dry my desperate tears I am nearly thirty and Nearly twenty and Nearly ten I hold these past versions of myself with firm gentle arms “You will be okay” I can see the future because I live it After an eternity lying barren My heart has begun to bud Soon to bloom STANDING PROUD 23

Ageing Ageing is a privilege Not afforded to all “Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present” Except it is I will live every day for myself In honour of those we have lost I bless the wrinkle between my eyes as it is proof that I have lived And loved And frowned And survived There is grit and pain and loss in every crease of my skin But there is warmth and joy and hope there too I cannot wait to see What my next wrinkles are made of 24 STANDING PROUD

Future I want to see the sunrise I want to set up my life in such a way that I can wake when the world does Looking out as the darkness gives way to pink and blue and white and gold I want to be prepared for my day I want a solid routine Building on what I have to improve my life I want to be the yellow sunflower stretching up towards the sun I want to be the clouds drifting sumptuously across the sky Creating the life I was always supposed to lead STANDING PROUD 25

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SOPHIE RIDGE (She/Her) Transitioning in more ways than one. I am really enjoying learning new forms especially 50 word Flash fiction, I wish I had found it earlier. STANDING PROUD 27

Tanka Intently staring, Focused my heart is racing, I see the needle, It punctures the skin smoothly, First person vaccinated 28 STANDING PROUD

Villanelles We are all so gay, At Saturday writing group, There is nothing more to say. The words we write are clay Complex rhymes like soup: We are all so gay. So much fun today Villanelles are like a loop: There is nothing more to say. Even when we stray We are not jumping through a hoop We are all so gay. It is soo much fun to play When it rhymes we whoop There is nothing more to say. Like sunlight shining rays Others writing is a scoop: We are all so gay, There is nothing more to say. STANDING PROUD 29

Abyss My Eyes flicked open. Which way is up? My torchlight catching objects in the darkness as I float, weightless, rotating freely. A blaring siren brings focus, I am alone, lost in space. A flash in the torchlight, movement. Then more, all around, a slow hissing echoes in the darkness. Fractured, rainbow, prisms. I watch them grow like tree branches, captivating me completely. The low thud of a piece of debris starts another cascade of latticework over the cockpit glass. As the spider’s web like cracks meet, I look into the inky black of space and take one last breath. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Rapid, precise, rotating up and down 45 degrees. Involuntary movement of the subconscious mind. Head, chest, head, chest. His eyes dart up and down. I am suddenly faceless, invisible, absorbed into a silent sea of women. My words projected from a disembodied chest. But I pass. 30 STANDING PROUD

Scrubbed Bright blue scrubs are my disguise, A surgical mask hides surprise, But can they see it in my eyes, Past sleepless nights my allies. I want to do my very best, But can I stand up to the test, I hold these fears to my chest, I am so very, very stressed. But it’s not like I’m untrained, Revising knowledge is maintained, I know it, live it, it’s ingrained, Deep breath, next patient, composure retained. STANDING PROUD 31

Sense Of Us Between two genders Blur the lines Confusing bureaucracy I’m doing time Forever labeled Will I come to my census in time? 32 STANDING PROUD

Transition Walking down a corridor, A connection between two worlds, I am not yet at my destination, But I have left my past behind. Is the light so bright my destination? Or is it someone else’s? Will I find my way? Or be lost forever in limbo? While I am in transit, I am outside the world, Stateless, not belonging, My life packed in a case. How I long to unpack, Settle into my new home, Let my life run free, To belong. STANDING PROUD 33

I Don’t Exist I don’t exist, It’s strange somehow, I was a person that I am not now. I changed my name, Realised my Gender, I finally found good feelings tender. But the NHS, They cannot see, The hurt they cause by missing me. My surgery booked, It is in peril, It really is so very sterile. Ten small digits, Not changed in error, Leaves me living in abject terror. The constant battle, It gets too hard, In my side like a barb. If it’s cancelled, They cancel me, My life ends then, I cease to be. 34 STANDING PROUD

I Don’t exist I don’t exist, It’s strange somehow, I was a person that I am not now. I changed my name, Realised my Gender, I finally found good feelings tender. But the NHS, They cannot see, The hurt they cause by missing me. My surgery booked, It is in peril, It really is so very sterile. Ten small digits, Not changed in error, Leaves me living in abject terror. The constant battle, It gets too hard, In my side like a barb, If it’s cancelled, They cancel me, My life ends then, I cease to be. STANDING PROUD 35

Cloud Floating in the sky I am at the mercy of the wind. It shapes me, guides me, my path is determined by forces unseen. I never touch the ground, silently skimming mountains or lurking in valleys I get close, but it is always out of reach. It is my bringer of life, evaporated vapers of clouds past sustain me, assimilated into my whole without question or judgement, it helps me grow. But with that growth comes burden. Soon I am inky greys and purples, I cannot contain the torment, I cry out in light and sound, longing for relief. Then it comes, slowly at first, before I even realise it, I am crying My emotions run free, giving back to the earth, I am a friend to the flowers. There is one thing that always brings me hope, no matter the difficulties I experience, the sun always shines on me. 36 STANDING PROUD

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DAWN WRIGHT Writing has really helped stave off the negative aspects of the Covid pandemic. Also blurting out my ideas, and receiving feedback from other group members has been invaluable: thanks guys. “Writing is 1% inspiration and 99% elimination” - Louise Brooks. My buzz word at the moment is “gratitude” - I am so grateful I live in a country that still values free speech, tolerance, democracy. Politically I am Conservative; but‘Monty Pythonic’by inclination! “Life is a beautiful magnificent thing, even to a jellyfish” - Charlie Chaplin. I hope some of my poetry helps remind people of this. STANDING PROUD 39

Reeds And Teasles There’s a tiger at the door, with a tear in her eye, and a dead man on a gurney. You were hiding in the sky, but I saw you, as the memory birds flew by. Curse this guilty rain, that stings my innocent eye. Bless this innocent rain, that soothes my guilty eye. Slept an owl, awoke a cuckoo. 40 STANDING PROUD

Clerihew The case was solved by Sherlock Holmes The chemist dissolved the victim’s bones The clues were in the table Elementary and unstable. STANDING PROUD 41

Blind I can see the flowers Through eyes I cannot see You could talk for hours And show them all to me And if I cannot hear you It’s just because I’m blind Every time I’m near you Your flowers blow my mind Your words are just like flowers You planted in my heart They’ve got magic powers To blow my mind apart And if I didn’t tell you It’s just because I’m scared Until you brought me flowers I never thought you cared But now I see Your love for me, The thought that I am blind Is so far from my mind, I see. 42 STANDING PROUD

The Ambassadors Synaesthesia has cast her spell Through an ontological mist And now in a land unknown to me Her charms I can’t resist She kissed me in the twilight And the stars began to sing Legerdemain was nature’s gain And my winter turned to spring The softest silken threads of perception Embroidered all my thoughts So well adorned, yet misinformed Her tailoring distorts She led me up the garden path To a sphere devoid of truth I rest a lot, convert a plot Amuse an ancient sooth Now no taboos are closed to me I need not bite my lip With every tasteless revelation I’m compelled to take a sip But for an ounce of common sense Would I swop this decoration? But aporia’s ungainly game persists Through this mad intoxication STANDING PROUD 43

Insoluble solutions Within their cultures grow Clairsentient sticks the needle in I feel, that I may know Ambassadors from two foreign states With relish no doubt will boast How once they dined on squibs and fibs And grilled their bloated host. 44 STANDING PROUD

Untitled Spake, post the membranes drill A trellis here no bulb to fill A ladder’s voice incorporeal Past linseed cherry trill Tender blest the busted corps That twisted lay alone Now I will want no other love To pick on Argyl’s bone Once twice the grief slept underneath A ginsters whirley crime Quick whipped, out skipped, a Bellybones Exotic and sublime So now the nithing’s sting is stung Confounded by love’s licwiglung And ain’t it ripe? And ain’t it grand? To bleed so much for thee Yet still love the guts A drill bequeathed To unexpected me. STANDING PROUD 45

November November wears a golden cloak And highlights a ruddy complexion Throw a yellow scarf around my throat And recall an old direction Over leaves that tell a story In a park I call my own See the rain reflect stale glory As I crunch my way back home November the most mystical of months A moth month A crispy, damp, mulling things over month She is best remembered When you are old When you are cold You learn to love the fire You learn to love your home You learn to love your family I understand alone. 46 STANDING PROUD

Dad’s Globe You gave me the World I gave you an ornamental globe When you left, I thought your part in my world was over I salvaged your globe from the attic Now it sits by the bookcase in my lounge It reminds me of you You were a sailor Your ship went down a year ago in the south China seas. I follow your journey with my finger, gently slowly caressing the globe I find the place where you were last seen... My finger rescues your memory STANDING PROUD 47

Cornelia Cornelia, oh Cornelia my love If I should ever tell you how much I love you And how high the pedestal I have placed you upon It is so high I can hardly see the top Aphrodite holds the base Athena is her prop Oh, Cornelia please don’t go and spoil it all By telling me you want to live in a council house in “Rotherham!” In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure dome decree... But it’s got nothing on Rotherham Now Cornelia lives with me. 48 STANDING PROUD

Saint Vitus Dance Is this a slice of bread Resting on my head? A crusty piece of toast To commemorate a ghost I’ll share my crumbs of comfort With one who came to weep A mother who once moulded me Within a womb so deep But now she sleeps beside me Her perfume stale from rye The staff of life is broken Beneath a moonlit sky Yet within this sacred garden We abandon fate and form When Saint Vitus comes and joins us We all dance upon his lawn. STANDING PROUD 49

When I First Met Dawn I can’t remember when I first met Dawn She was always with me, just in another form She knew me before I knew her I was scared at first She was such a disrupter It took time to realise that she loved me I let her in, slowly And now I am sort of “gone” I find it hard to remember that chap named Don. I can’t remember when I first left Don He was always with me, just in another form I knew him before he knew me He was scared at first It wasn’t easy, I had to be gentle I had to disrupt or how else was I supposed to breathe? I knew he loved me But he wouldn’t let on The distant past, belongs to a chap named Don Now the future belongs to Dawn. 50 STANDING PROUD