CHRONOSHRED: The Adventures of Stardust Lazerdong

WRITING TEAMLEAD WRITER PHILIP DOCCOLOSCRIPT ELI BREITBURG-SMITH, JOHN DE CAMPOS,LYRICS CHUCK GREEN, ARAN KEATING, JARED MARGULIES, JOHN MARRA, JEN TYDINGS ZACK BRANCH, JOHN DE CAMPOS, PHILIP DOCCOLO, JACK SOSSMANA NOTE FROM PHILThe character of Stardust Lazerdong was created for a BROS street performance in2012. Since then, he has appeared in several promotional videos and events, establishinghimself as fixture in BROS mythology. Part of his appeal is that his hyperbolic ego forcesus to acknowledge the part of ourselves that yearns for recognition and approval. Thisstrikes a special chord with artists, who must consider how the pursuit of credit factorsinto the creative process. Lazerdong has an insatiable lust for glory—he wants everyoneto think he is the coolest, and that is why he makes music. He is not the hero of his ownstory; there are no real heroes in his story. Rather, the central theme is that the world isa mess of competing egos, with everyone stepping on each other, trying to be the bestat something.The crass tone, juvenile humor, and phallic imagery belie a story that addresses manyrelatable topics. In a very obvious way, it explores individuality vs. conformity whileserving as an indictment of hyper-consumerist culture, overly powerful corporations,and the modern obsession with celebrities. It also analyzes the motivation of the artistin creating his art and, in a broader sense, asks us all to examine the reasons behind ouractions.This story is told through a series of episodes, like a cartoon show rather than a theatricalproduction. This structure is more than a ploy to induce nostalgia in our (mostly 20s–30s)peers. It is a way to justify a world in which absolutely anything is possible and to providethe audience with a unique and immersive experience. Enjoy!

PRODUCTION TEAMCO-DIRECTORS PHILIP DOCCOLO DANIELLE ROBINETTESTAGE MANAGER ASSISTANT STAGE MANAGER KATIE HOSIERINTERIM PRODUCTION MANAGER CHUCK GREEN SR.PRODUCTION DIRECTOR NAOMI DAVIDOFFMOVEMENT DIRECTOR TECHNICAL DIRECTOR DEBRA LENIKLIGHTING DESIGNER & LIGHTING DRAGON SARAH “FLASH” GORMANPROJECTIONIST LASER ORACLE CARLOS GUILLENLEAD AUDIO TECHNICIAN CHRIS ALLENLEAD MOTHERTRUCKER INTERIM VOLUNTEER COORDINATOR MATTHEW “HACHI” REIDVOLUNTEER DIRECTOR NISHA RAMNATHFRONT OF HOUSE CO-LEADERS CARLOS GUILLEN AJAY MENIUSFINANCE OVERLORD DEBRA LENIK MIRIAM CCR EATIVE MIKE RIDGAWAY KIM STANBRO KERRY BRADY TEAMMUSIC CO-DIRECTORS ZACK BRANCH JOHN DE CAMPOSCO-CHOREOGRAPHERS JUDY KURJAN-FRANKCOSTUME AND ARMOR DESIGNERS ERIN REID MATT BEALECOSTUMES DEPARTMENT CO-LEADERS ALLISON HICKS MATT BEALEHELMETS DEPARTMENT LEADER KATE SMITH-MORSESOLDERING & SMALL LIGHTING WIGS HAIR & MAKEUP DEPARTMENT LEADER MIKE BULLSETS DEPARTMENT DESIGNER & LEADER ALAN SCHNITTMANPROPS DEPARTMENT CO-LEADERS AMANDA BOUTWELLGUITARS/INSTRUMENTS DEPARTMENT LEADER ZACH YAROSZCREATURES DEPARTMENT LEADER ANNA PLATISPUPPETS DEPARTMENT CO-LEADERS JEN TYDINGS ELI BREITBURG-SMITHLEAD GRAPHIC DESIGNER JOE MARTINLEAD VIDEO DESIGNER JACOB DILLOW CHUCK GREEN SHANNON LIGHT HADLEY BOB ROSE

STAGE CASTSTARDUST LAZERDONG GREG BOWENAMPDROID SQUIDDRUMMER GRIFFIN STANBRO KATHY CARSON JULIA PICKENS SINEROCKY C-MO MOLLOYHELIOS NOVALUX ELIAS MAYS SCHUTZMANNEBULOUS ERIC POCHAGENT MERCURY MELISSA LAMARTINAT.I.M.E.C.O.P. SAMY HAYDERHOLODONG TIMOTHY OLEWNIKCOXXUKULENT MICHAEL ZICCARDIDOG MANAGER BOBBY HARRISACTUAL DOG HARRISON FORDDR. MACHINA MICHAEL ZICCARDILAZERDOCENT RACHEL RECKLINGDANCERS HANNAH FRIEDLAND, BLAIR HAGAN, MORGAN AMANDA MOSES-ALLEN, CAITLIN RIFEENSEMBLE BOBBY HARRIS , TIMOTHY OLEWNIK,VIRGIN MARY ERIC POCH, RACHEL RECKLING, MICHAEL ZICCARDI MEG MERCIECASTAGE CREW CHUCK CLASSIC, DEBRA LENIK, JOHN MARRA, JOE MARTIN, MIKE MARTINO, AJAY MENIUS, TYLER “DIRTY” MERCHANT, ALAN SCHNITTMAN, ZACHARY YAROSZ, KATELYNN ZIMMERMAN THE CHRONICSHREDDERSMUSIC CO-DIRECTORS ZACK BRANCH JOHN DE CAMPOSGUITAR JOHN DE CAMPOSGUITAR JOHNATHON SMELTZERGUITAR BASS REX ANDERSONKEYTAR / TALKBOX / GUITAR ZACK BRANCHDRUMS JON BIRKHOLZSAXOPHONE COREY TAPPANPIT SINGERS / CHOIRSHREDDERS DANNY BENBOW ARAN KEATING JESSICA KEYES ANNIE BOBBITT, MATTHEW CASELLA, SARAH “FLASH” GORMAN, MEGHAN TAYLOR

VIDEO TEAMMULTIMEDIA DIRECTOR BOB ROSESCRIPT SUPERVISOR KATELYNN ZIMMERMAN3-D BACKGROUND ARTIST KEVIN BLACKISTONEILLUSTRATIONS JOHN MARRAGRAPHICS SHANNON LIGHT HADLEY, JABARI WEATHERSANIMATOR - TIMECOP SEQUENCE JOHN DECAMPOSANIMATOR - COXXUCULENT EXPERIENCE TONY CELANOCAMERA CREW NICK BALDWIN, KATELYNN ZIMMERMANSOUND ENGINEER REX ANDERSONSOUND CREW CARLOS GUILLEN, ARAN KEATINGAUDIO COMMERCIALS EDITOR REX ANDERSONVIDEO CONTENT EDITORS GREG BOWEN, JULIA GOLONKA, DANNY GRAHAM, COREY HOLLAND, MATT KELLEY, KYLE YEARWOODSHARK VIDEO SOUND DESIGNER CHRIS LAMARTINAPILOT SOUND MASTERING MIKE WALLS VIDEO CASTMIDDLE MANNY JOHN BENNETTALBERT EINSTEIN TED ALSEDEKLAZERDONG’S OLD BAND RICH KOLM, CURT SCHMELZ, MARK SINEGORILLA AJAY MENIUSGORAN BRAD BUKOWSKYSCARABEL LAWRENCE BRYANTPRIEST JUSTIN GETKALAWYER JON DALLASKID NOVALUX LIZ CHRISTMASMACHO NACHO PATRONS KRISTINA GREEN, EDDIE LEE, SARAH DANGER UNDERHILLSPACE PARTY BABES & DUDES LAURA DVORNICKY, VIOLET GRAY, RAJANI GUDLAVALLETI, MICHAEL HARKER, SARAH HEIDERMAN, CHRISTINA HOLMES, MOIRA “GOLDIE” HOROWITZ, SHIAH IRGANGLADEN, TYLER “DIRTY” MERCHANT, LORI TRAVISTHE WALL ANNIE BOBBITT (VOICE), MATTHEW CASELLA (VOICE), LIZ CHRISTMAS, ABBY COCKE, JOHN DE CAMPOS, PHILIP DOCCOLO, SARAH “FLASH” GORMAN (VOICE), HUEY HESSON, MARK MILLER, MATTHEW PIE, BOB ROSE, SARAH DANGER UNDERHILL (VOICE), BARBARA ZEKTICK (VOICE), MICHAEL ZICCARDI (VOICE)

DESIGN AND PRODUCTIONSET DESIGNER & DEPARTMENT LEADER ZACHARY YAROSZSETS DEPARTMENT SUB-LEAD MEG MERCIECASETS TEAM ASHLEY BALL, SCOTT BRENNER, GREG CHAPRNKA, MEES FIX, BAMBI GALORE, JASON FARRELL, BECKY HACKERMAN, WINSTON HARGIS, MIKE HARKER, JEN HERCHENROEDER, JUSTIN HIGGINS, JOSEPH LONG, MIKE MARTINO, TYLER “DIRTY” MERCHANT, ALAN SCHNITTMAN, DANIEL SNEIDERMAN, JESSIE WISMER, TOM WRIGHTPROP DEPARTMENT CO-LEADERS ANNA PLATIS, JEN TYDINGSPROPS TEAM BRAD BUKOWSKY, ASHLEY CAVEY, MIRIAM C, JASON FARRELL, SARAH “FLASH” GORMAN, HEATHER GRAHAM, SAM GROSSMAN, WINSTON HARGIS, MARGARET HART, JUSTIN HIGGINS, CLAUDIA FREEDLAND JOLIN, DAVE K, TRIPP LAINO, KIM LE, KELLI MANSURE, MILES PEKALA, ES TAYLORINSTRUMENTS DEPARTMENT LEADER ELI BREITBURG-SMITHINSTRUMENTS DEPARTMENT SUB-LEADS INSTRUMENTS TEAM WILL GEE, MILES PEKALAMASTER GUITAR WORK MIKE BULL CLASSIC, MATTHEW CASELLA, JOHN DE CAMPOS, MARK MILLER, HANK VOHRER MILES PEKALACOSTUME DESIGNERS MATT BEALE, ALLISON HICKSCOSTUME DEPARTMENT CO-LEADERS MATT BEALE, KATE SMITH-MORSECOSTUME DEPARTMENT SUB-LEADS JACOB DILLOW, PHOEBE TROIANICOSTUMES TEAM SASHA BASKIN, TAYLOR BURCH, SCOTT BRENNER, MIRIAM C, GREG CHAPRNKA, JACOB DILLOW, CAT YARD-DUNNE, NICOLE FREEH, RACHEL FRIGOT, SARAH GILCHRIST, REBECCA HACKERMAN, WINSTON HARGIS, SUSANNAH HORROM, CAITLIN FLORY, RACHEL FRIGOT, ROMY SMITH, ES TAYLOR, KATELYNN ZIMMERMANWIGS HAIR & MAKEUP DEPARTMENT LEADER AMANDA BOUTWELLWIGS HAIR & MAKEUP DEPARTMENT SUB-LEAD HEATHER ENGLANDWIGS HAIR & MAKEUP TEAM HANNAH FOGLER, BAMBI GALORE, SHANNON LIGHT HADLEY, SPENCER HALL

DESIGN AND PRODUCTIONCREATURES DEPARTMENT LEADER JOE MARTINCREATURES DEPARTMENT SUB-LEADS SAM GROSSMAN CHRIS REUTHERCREATURES DEPARTMENT JASON FARRELL, SAM GROSSMAN, TRIPP LAINO, MIKE MARTINO, MEG MERCIECA, C-MO MOLLOY, MARGARET BROMILOW PETERSON, CHRIS REUTHER, LINDEN TEA, KATELYNN ZIMMERMANPUPPETS DEPARTMENT CO-LEADERS JACOB DILLOW, CHUCK GREENPUPPET MAKERS MIKE BULL CLASSIC, AMELIA CARROLL, JON DALLAS, KRISTINA GREEN, MIKE HARKER, SUN HASHMI, JEN HERCHENROEDER, ROBBIE HOROWITZ, AMELIA HUTCHISON, BAMBI GALORE, SAM GROSSMAN, JUNE KEATING, EDDIE LEE, DEBRA LENIK, MIKE MARTINO, JOHN MARRA, MARK MILLER, AMY REID, PATRICK STASO, KATELYNN ZIMMERMANHELMETS DEPARTMENT LEADER MIKE BULLHELMETS TEAM MIKE BULL CLASSIC, MIRIAM C, JIM STOLZENBACHSOLDERING DEPARTMENT LEADER ALAN SCHNITTMANSOLDERING TEAM TED ALSEDEK, MIRIAM C, SCOTT BRENNER, JAKE CAPLES, MICHAEL COLLIER, JESSIE DELAPLAINE, MEES FIX, REBECCA HACKERMAN, WINSTON HARGIS, JEN HERCHENROEDER, SAM LEHMAN, J ALEXANDER PILON, JIM STOLZENBACH, KATHY VARYMARKETING & PR COORDINATION SHANNON LIGHT HADLEYMARKETING TEAM TYLER “DIRTY” MERCHANT BOB ROSEGRAPHIC DESIGN SHANNON LIGHT HADLEY, JABARI WEATHERSPOSTER AMANDA BOUTWELL, SHANNON LIGHT HADLEY, JABARI WEATHERSBROS PHOTO DOCUMENTARIAN TOM MCCONLOGUESTREET TEAM BARONESS CLAUDIA FREELAND JOLINBROS STREET TEAM AMANDA BOUTWELL, GREG BOWEN, MIRIAM C, MATTHEW CASELLA, ABBY COCKE, DALE DAVIS, BAMBI GALORE, SAM GROSSMAN, PAM HOBBS, KIM LE, KELLI MANSURE, MEG MERCIECA, STEPHON MERNICK, MARK SINE, PATRICK STASO

DESIGN AND PRODUCTIONFRONT OF HOUSE CO-DEPARTMENT LEADERS MICHAEL RIDGAWAY, KIM STANBROFRONT OF HOUSE TEAM KAT ACOSTA, BRAD BUKOWSKY, MIKE BULL CLASSIC, MIRIAM C, JESSIE DELAPLAINE, SARAH EDELSBURG, AIMEE FREEMAN, LUCAS GERACE, KRIS HANRAHAN, SARAH GRETCHEN HEIDERMAN, CHRISTINA HOLMES, CLAUDIA FREELAND JOLIN, DAVE K, JUNE KEATING, RICH KOLM, KIM LE, V LEE, KELLI MANSURE, MEG MERCIECA, STEPHON MERNICK, AMANDA RIFE, BRIAN SCHNEIDER, LAURA SCHNEIDER, MARK SINE, AARON TRAVIS, KATHY VARY, KAY-MEGAN WASHINGTONVOLUNTEER COORDINATION MIRIAM CVOLUNTEER COMMUNICATIONS COORDINATOR MICHAEL RIDGAWAYCRAFT SERVICE CHAMPIONS MIRIAM C, ERIC CHURCH, JESSIE DELAPLAINE, HEATHER GRAHAM, SHANNON LIGHT HADLEY, MICHAEL HARKES, CLAUDIA FREELAND JOLIN, ARAN KEATING, MELISSA LAMARTINA, KIM LE, MARGARET BROMILOW PETERSON ANNA PLATIS, AMANDA RIFE, MARK SINE, KIM STANBROThe Baltimore Rock Opera Society is a passionate community of artists who createunforgettable experiences through live original rock theater. Without the time anddedication given to us by our members and the support of the Baltimore community,we would not be able to fulfill our mission. We express our utmost thanks toeveryone inside and outside of BROS who has supported us as we move forwardinto a glorious, rock-filled future. Your name shall ring out in the Hall of the Dragon King for all eternity.In addition to the countless hours put in by our production team to makeunforgettable masterpieces of rock theater, BROS relies on the year-round effortsof a dedicated group of both full-time and volunteer administrators. Without the leadership of the following Brojans, our 7,000 year mission would be for naught:ARAN KEATING ARTISTIC DIRECTORSHANNON LIGHT HADLEY MANAGING DIRECTORDEBRA LENIK PRODUCTION DIRECTORMIRIAM C VOLUNTEER DIRECTORJOE MARTIN DIRECTOR OF HQ OPERATIONS

SPECIAL THANKSCAT AND RYAN DUNNE • HEATHER KEATING • MARIAN, JAIMES AND MIKEAT GUPPY MANAGEMENT • GUY WERNER • THE ARCADE BUFFETT • MILLCITY AUDIO VISUAL LLC • CHUCK CLASSIC • ETHAN O’TOOLE • KINDERHOOK SNACKS • THE BREWER’S ART • JOE SQUARED • THREAD COFFEE SHOUT OUTS!REX ANDERSON AND CARLOS GUILLEN FOR GOING ABOVE AND BEYONDTO HELP WITH ALBUM RECORDINGS.HUEY HESSON AND JO ANN ROSE FOR THEIR EVERLASTING SUPPORTFOR THE VIDEO TEAM.GREG CHAPRNKA AND TED ALSEDEK FOR THEIR AWESOME DEDICATIONTO LOAD-IN.MARK SINE FOR DONATING OVER 100 EXPIRED CONDOMS, THANKS ALOT BUDDY.THE OTTOBAR FOR HOSTING OUR NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY!GREG COTTON FOR LENDING US HIS SUPERB MAC BOOK PRO LAST-MINUTE.THE BALTIMORE THEATER COMMUNITY FOR LETTING US BE A PART OFONE OF THE THINGS THAT MAKES THIS CITY GREAT! SUPPORT THE BROS!As of April 2015, the Baltimore Rock Opera Society has become an official501c3 not-for-profit Arts Organization! This means now more than ever weneed your support to keep our lights on and engines running as we continue togrow into the most inclusive volunteer-fueled theater company in Baltimore.And hey, now your gifts are tax-deductable!In-kind gifts of goods and services are also invaluable to BROS. If you are alocal business or passionate individual interested in supporting the BaltimoreRock Opera Society, please consider making an in-kind donation to our weirdand wonderful organization.To arrange a gift in-kind, please contact our Managing Director, ShannonLight Hadley, at [email protected]. Donations can be acceptedat the merch table, as well as through our website – baltimorerockopera.org/donate. Thanks for helping us keep on rockin’ for the next 7,000 years!

LIBRETTO LIBRETTO FOR THE BALTIMORE ROCK OPERA SOCIETY’S 2016 WINTER PRODUCTION OF CHRONOSHRED: THE ADVENTURES OF STARDUST LAZERDONGStardust Lazerdong is the personification of swagger, confidence, narcissism,and rock n’ roll. The band for CHRONOSHRED, the Chronicshredders, is themusical equivilant of swagger, confidence, narcissism, and rock n’ roll. Ourmission when crafting the shit-kicking, undulating riffs of Lazerdong and hisband was one of deep personal and artistic exploration. CHRONOSHRED is BROSat its most indulgent, so what music could possibly complement this over-the-top character and his drug-fueled, sex-crazed misadventures? Guitar-driven,foot-stompin’, catchy licks that make you wanna destroy a hotel room and blameit on bad weed laced with something weird you got from that guy with the whiteleather jacket at the bar. This whole score went to rehab, got clean, relapsed, didan intergalactic tour, died, came back again­—and now it’s the fully-developedcross-genre rock odyssey you are about to hear. While musically this score isfirmly rooted in rock n’ roll, you will also hear booty-shakin’ club tracks, 80s-erathrash, hair metal, and of course... cock rock.We did not reinvent the wheel on this one, but we painted the wheel neon pink,gave it lazer spokes, encrusted it in jewels, and sent it hurtling down a drugmountain until it hit top speed, crashed through your front door, and got someonepregnant. WE DID NOT DO ANY DRUGS WHILE PRODUCING THIS MUSIC. Prepareto have your lazers charged!Thanks for being here, thanks for listening.John, Zack, & The ChronicshreddersWARNING! READING THE FOLLOWING LYRICSBEFORE THE SONGS ARE PERFORMED COULDCLUE YOU IN TO PIVOTAL PLOT POINTS ANDGENERALLY AWESOME PARTS OF THE SHOW.DO NOT PROCEED UNLESS YOU LIKE SPOILERS!

OPENING THEME We all traveled here in singular unityMusic by John de Campos Our purpose is clear, we all agree:Lyrics by Philip Doccolo, Jack Sossman,John de Campos and Zack Branch Fuck all the dinosaurs!It ain’t easy, traveling through time I’m gonna kill em, I kill all the dinosaursTo save a life, or solve a crime I’m gonna crush them all with a meteorTomorrow always follows todayUnless you’ve got a Chronoriff to I control the cosmosGuide your way! I control the course of time Every desire –(Is it science?) Who knows? Whatever i want is mine(Is it magic?) Who cares?(Is it faith?) Hell no! You know who this is?Is it – Stardust Lazerdong! It’s motherfucking Mary, Mother of Christ!And the Galacdicks! You see how pregnant she is? My sexy behavior sired your savior!He’s got the world’s biggest ego(Lazerdong!) Repeat after me: Bizco sucks!And a functioning libido (Bizco sucks!)(Lazerdong!) They can suck my butt!Gonna bring down Bizniz Corp (Can suck my butt!)(Lazerdong! Lazerdong!) The system is dumb!With the power of the Chronoriff (The system is dumb!)He’ll be there and back in a jiff! Galacdicks are number one!Shredding licks–giving time a warp! (Number one!)(Lazerdong! Lazerdong!) We are so fucking awesome! Yeah! Squiddrummer, Rocky, and the crew Eat some nachos soon!Won’t stop until the party’s through! In our ship, with some dip You been rocked by the Galacdicks!!!Travel through timeWith the power of rock! UNDER CONTROLThey’ll never fail Music by John de CamposIf they listen to his ...dong! Lyrics by Philip Doccolo, Jack Sossman and John de CamposStar! Dust lazer! Dong!And the Galacdicks! Now, i don’t hate Stardust, truly, I don’t He’s the one filled with hateFUCK ALL THE DINOSAURS! He hates us – misguided, to be sure –Music by Zack Branch, John de Campos But what isn’t up for a little debate?and The ChronicshreddersLyrics by Phillip Doccolo, Jack Sossmon, He rails against the systemJohn de Campos and Zack Branch Against its rules so precise I’ll share the pieI’ve done so much awesome shit If i get the biggest sliceIt would blow your mindIn fact it already has It’s not about rock music or salesA thousand times! The users know their role Market share means nothingRocking through time and space The profits just keep comingRealizing my will If you’ve got it under controlGuided by my awesome bonerI don’t need no pills We lack the ability to fail When he tries his schemes

We’ll destroy his dreams Spacepeños from the pitsIf there’s one thing to know of desert planet Chili 6We’ve got it under control Sacred beef and bacon bits Piled on a flavor blitz!Tried bombing his mail to no availTried smearing his name, Guacmole and blackbean slurryHe just got more fame Drizzle on the top (yum yum yum)Tried buying contract, our lawyer smacked Get them now and in a hurryAnd every copycat has just fallen flat Before production STOPS!We attacked his character, Megamunchie macho nachos are here for aHis body, and his mind limited time only while supplies last. MuscleWe used all the power and leverage growth may vary based on sex and species.we could find Biscorp is not responsible for any freakishWe’ve exhausted every resource, monster-like traits that may follow theAnd in that there is no doubt consumption of Macho Nachos.But with this new planThere’s nothing to worry about MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS! (Regular food... your days are OVER!)Machinations in motion MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS!Our power only grows (Ride the crunch!)Majestic to beholdIf there’s one thing to know NOVA ONE HITIt’s that we’ve got it under control Music by Zack Branch, Jon Birkholz and The Chronicshredders.We’ve appealed to his ego and every desire Lyrics by John de Campos and PhillipWe know what he covets DoccoloThis star shall soon plummetThe best way to control a man... Baby bouncing in the business clubIs through his stomach. Gonna tell me what shoes to wear I don’t wanna smell your bad perfumeMEGA MUNCHY MACHO NACHOS I just wanna shake-a-derrièreMASTERPIECEMusic by Zack Branch and Jon Birkholz Fancy pants, so I gotta strutLyrics by John de Campos, Phil Doccolo and And I know you’re looking at my buttZack Branch Gonna flex on the dance floor more Cause I gotta keep up in the cut, oh!MEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS! You never moved before like you do tonightCorn picked from planet Maise I know you want some moreBaked under gamma rays And I’m gonna do you rightNine suns roast awayFor twenty thousand cheesy days! We burned the sun away So we dont have wait for it to raiseBlasted to the volcano I dont ever quitOf the spicy flavor gods! (So hot!) Come on everybody its the Nova One Hit now!These nachos are so insanoThey’ll explode your quads One thing about me babe I’m on the channels you can seeMEGA! (They’re friggin huge) I’m totally legal, and I do mean literallyMUNCHIE! (They got attitude)MACHO! (Your muscles will grow) Drink shots till the bar is shotNACHO!S (These are NOT CHOS YO) Gonna wait till they close the door Then I kick it open in their faceMEGA! MUNCHIE! MACHO! NACHOS! Till they beggin me play some more, oh!

You never moved before like you do tonight AGENT OF VENGEANCEI know you want some more Music by Rex AndersonAnd I’m gonna do you right Lyrics by Phillip Doccolo and Jack SossmanWe burned the sun away I was orphaned back in ‘83So we dont have wait for it to raise BizCorp destroyed my familyI dont ever quit They stole our label; stole our songsCome on everybody its the Nova One Hit now Help me fight them, Lazerdong!Now shwey, then swoopy wooopy wee My parents ran an Indie label (It rocked)Shuffle back and slap the rack Local artists in their local markets (Lo-cal)Go haaaaaammm and slippy roll BizCorp bought us out and set me upEverybody ride that slippy roll (Biz-ness) 401k, dental, and also killed my parents!If you move like I doBizcorp will love you They think I’ll complyAnd yes they love you I’ll take them down from inside!Dance until we die! Cuz I’m an agent of vengeanceMovement is our lives Let the system beware,Kenetic energy I’ll take their market shareFuels BizCo batteries Agent of vengeance No more royalty fees, I’ll set music freeYou’ve never seen a star like me beforeTheres never been a star like me before I’m starting a labelComin at ya straight from BiznizCorp And you’re gonna work for meWith the only music you can absorb Young Novalux you are misguided (Stu-pid)Helios, I’m brighter than the sun Seeking fame as a corporate slaveHelios, more prime than the number one (Sell-Out!)Planets try to revolve around me, And Lazerdong, you’re wrong to work aloneBut I’m too bright so you all cant see mee! (Join Me) Don’t wait to see which way the recordYou never moved before like you do tonight plays!I know you want some moreAnd i’m gonna do you right We’re fighting a war Let’s fucking burn down BiznizCorp!We burned the sun awaySo we dont have wait for it to raise Cuz I’m an agent of vengeanceI dont ever quit I’m not fucking around,Come on everybody its the Nova One Hit! Pull the Billboard charts down! Agent of vengeanceYOUNG NOVALUX PRODIGY MINI SONG Rip out their spines,Music and Lyrics by Zack Branch, Jon And bathe in their blood!Birkholz, and The Chronicshredders I’m building an armyThere’s someone coming, he’s called Helios And you’re gonna kill for me (For me)You know it’s me ‘cos you want me the most You’re gonna work for me (Vengeance) You’re gonna bow to me!Fuck BizCo! Come to my show!Eat nachos! Watch me rip! OLD FASHIONED X-TREME FUTURE LAZERGUITAR SHOWDOWNBurn! Burn you with my Licks! Music by Zack Branch, John deLick you with my Chops Campos, Johnathon Smeltzer, and TheChop you with my Chronicshredders.Cosmic super nova dick! Lyrics by Phillip Doccolo and Jack Sossman

NOVALUX Why do i feel so broken?Just wanted approval My core’s corrupted, aimless and direNow I think you’re a fraudI’ll settle for removal Is this a copy errorOf the reigning “rock god” Or a cruel phishing bot? Could this be love? Or...LAZERDONG Err, no... Probably notYou call that crap playing?I’ve left better shits in the commode My heart’s blown a gasketNow bask in this slaying Like the battery’s run lowOf the mixolydian mode Like hugging a magnet My spark no longer glowsNOVALUXThat mode’s super stale Moment to momentIt’s just a glorified blues scale Commands pulse through wiresYour technique is way lacking Past, future, present, our tasks never ceaseNow check this sweet two-handed tapping! Until we all are “retired”LAZERDONG 0100, 0010,Yeah, “great” – what’re you, twelve? 0101, 0101,Keep that shit to yourself 01010100,You’ll go into histrionics 01010100For these fucking pinch harmonics Moment to momentMERCURY Commands pulse through wiresYou can’t escape that easily! Spending each new cycleAnywhere you go, I follow At our operator’s heelYou’ve got no choice but to join We follow her desiresLets take down BizCo – you cant say no! Your memories intactNOVALUX No broken disk driveYou think you’re so great, You are not yet scrappedBut you actually really suck – We can make you aliveMERCURY Without you, operatorI can follow you through space It’s like nothing computesThrough any time, any place I need you, operatorThere is nowhere you can go Reboot. Reboot. Reboot.That I can not follow LAZERDONG / HOLODONG DUETT.I.M.E.C.O.P.’S EXISTENTIAL CRISIS Music by Jon Birkholz and TheMusic by Rex Anderson ChronicshreddersLyrics by Phillip Doccolo and Jack Sossman Lyrics by Phillip Doccolo and Jack SossmanLeft without purpose HOLODONGNo one at the controls The universe is made of lazersDo i have value? And sooner or later you’ll see what I meanMetal without a soul Ive been there, and I’ve been then I know how it begins and how it endsAlways followed ordersEver since i was made; LAZERDONG HOLODONGMy purpose is to serve So, you are me? And I am you.Till a new upgrade BOTHMoment to moment Together there’s nothing we can’t doCommands pulse through wires

LAZERDONG HOLODONG For brain controlWe won’t do We haven’t done? From our extrasensory ooozeBOTH And then, to keep their secret,And the best is yet to come This megacorporate deviantWe are more than they know Bombed us to deathThey can hardly comprehend From orbit... but...HOLODONG Though the death toll was planet-wideHow the river of time does flow I escaped the genocideAnd what’s around the bend! Rode the explosion through spaceBOTH While you were blasted adrift By your first ChronoriffWe’ve been there, and we’ve been then, That’s when our bodies interlacedWe know how it all begins and how it ends I’ve been the laser in your dong Keeping vengeance in my plansLAZERDONG HOLODONG I gave the world your song And it turns out I love bein’ your dick, man.So, you are me? And I am you. Our junk is now seamlessBOTH And i’ll let you in on a secret That evil corporation was BiznizCorpTogether theres nothing we can’t do You know life is better when i’m aroundLAZERDONG HOLODONG Been with you through thin and thick! Let’s bury BiznizCorp in the groundLazerdong And Lazerdong! I love bein’ your dick –BOTH Please don’t be a dick –We know how it begins and how it ends I wanna keep being your dick, man!Kicking ass in the future and the past,We will always be best friends! BIGGEST BANG Music by Johnathon SmeltzerLAZERDONG HOLODONG Lyrics by Phillip Doccolo and Jack SossmanLazerdong And Lazerdong! Everyone tries to control meBOTH Or ride my awesome wakeWe know how it begins and how it ends So I’m rewriting existenceKicking ass in the future and the past, Cause it was always mine to takeWe will always be best friends! I’m more than my junk,THE COXXUKULENT EXPERIENCE – Done with the codpiece facadesI LOVE BEIN’ YOUR DICK, MAN No longer LazerdongMusic by John de Campos and I’m becoming Lazergod!The ChronicshreddersLyrics by Phillip Doccolo and Jack Sossman AGENT OF VENGEANCE (REPRISE) Music by Rex AndersonImagine, if you can, a planet so pure Lyrics by Phillip Doccolo, Jack SossmanWhere crevices and crannies were filled and John de CamposWith a kind and gentle folk I wanted to destroy BizCoWho never knew war, strife, or pain Then you went and killed meFor we could communicate with our brains If that’s the thanks I getSharing every thoughtMeant we were the same, until...An evil corporation, hell-bent for profitDecided to make a productFrom our telepathic juiceBy removing our genitalsThis business developed the chemicals

Then here’s my guarantee It all becomes so clearNow BizCo shall fall Here before timeIn the future, I’ll rule you all Allowing no one near The only loss was mineI’m an agent of vengeance The only loss was mineI will rewrite time, now the future is mineI’m an agent of vengeance Before evil or goodYou’ll never exist cause I’m super pissed Before effect or cause I was destined to do thisMy kickass bodies cybernetic To become a godAnd your lazer prick’s just pathetic An awesome LazergodBIGGEST VENGEANCE Power isn’t in your actionsMusic by Johnathon Smeltzer and It doesn’t come from strengthThe Chronicshredders Everyone divided into factionsLyrics by Phillip Doccolo, Jack Sossman Keeping others at arms lengthand John de Campos You won’t achieve fameThis rock breathes new creation If fame is your only goalA fresh dimensionality Wanting to control artWe’ll use this moment Will surely drain your soulWe’ll make a free reality I was misguidedListen up, everything Shortsighted and insecureI’m about to create you all But now I can seeI’ll be your Queen What it means to be meGet on your knees and crawl Supporting those around youKnow my family’s legacy Building your friends up strongWhat it means to be a Mercury The power of togethernessIs to bring music to the masses Is greater than any songBizCo tried to buy me,So I kicked their asses I could have fixed every world Instead i sought my own blissListen up, infinity Now I have so much powerI’m the new taste-maker The only thing I can do is thisGet in my wayAnd I’ll be your undertaker Reshape the very universe It’ll all be better soonDefining the whole music scene I can fix everythingI’m the start of everything Make sure it’s all in tuneMy will knows no boundsAll existence made from my sounds No longer misguided My wrongs will be righted for sureLAZERGOD And now I can seeMusic by John de Campos and What it means to be meThe ChronicshreddersLyrics by Phillip Doccolo, Jack Sossman Supporting those around youand John de Campos Building us all up strong Everyone shall be unitedAdrift, outside of time In the echo of my songBefore there was spacePower, so sublime ~FINPower without grace

POSTERS, HANDBILLS, PROGRAMS AND ALL PRINTING DONE BY WORK PRINTING AND GRAPHICS IS A FULL-SERVICE PRINT SHOPSPECIALIZING IN PERSONALIZED SERVICE AND FAST TURNAROUND. THANK YOU, BREWERS ART FOR BREWING THE CHRONOBREW!

VISIT JOE SQUARED AT THEIR NEW 33 W NORTH AVE LOCATION AFTER THE SHOW FOR 10% OFF YOUR BILL! JUST SHOW YOUR TICKET!



SMALL BATCH SNACKS MADE IN BALTIMORE W W W. K I N D E R H O O K S N A C K S . C O M







The Baltimore Rock Opera Society is a passionate community of artistswho create unforgettable experiences through live original rocktheater. BROS was founded in 2007 by a small group of friends sitting ina basement dreaming an impossibly enormous story that would be toldthrough the awesome power of rock. Since that time, BROS has become a powerhouse of Baltimore’s cultural landscape. MARCH 12 THE SWANKTACULAR II Our annual fancy fundraiser MARCH 31-APRIL 1 CONVERGENCE MAXIMUS AT LIGHT CITY A titanic musical event in partnership with Concert Artists of Baltimore (FREE!) JUNE 10-26 AMPHION A new production of our 2011 original epic tragedy FALL 2016 BRIDES OF TORTUGA A blood-soaked action-adventure on the high seas For more information please visit w w w.B a lt i mor eRo ckO p era.or g