Essence

BREATHE. passion for equity, not just inclusion, in the The mission she owns daily requires Whether you’re facing trials or triumphs, workplace and marketplace. This is reflected in her to ensure she’s functioning in as close to her efforts to ensure that Target’s team of over optimal health as possible. A few years ago she your state of mind can always benefit from the 400,000 reflects the representation of its discovered yoga—its origins and its benefits— power of breathing. The practice of breathing is millions of guests. The core of who Kiera and committed to practicing it and teaching core to the practice of yoga—which has African Fernandez is aligns to her role at the it as well. Here, she shares how the practice of continental origins and is at the center of how corporation—where she has additional yoga not only keeps her connected to people, one of the highest-ranking Black women in a responsibility as a founding member of the purpose and peace, but also fuels her $100 billion Fortune 50 company does well retailer’s Racial Equity Action and Change continued ascension and success in the many with her wellness. committee, focusing on equity for Black team roles she plays outside her professional life— members, guests and communities. She hasn’t as a mother, aunt, daughter, cousin, wife As the Chief Diversity and Inclusion Officer just led the efforts; she has had incredible results. and friend. and Senior Vice President Talent and Change at the Target Corporation, Kiera Fernandez has a “When you get into these jobs, the very first thing that falls by the wayside is your activity. You have to eat and sleep, but everything in the middle is negotiable, in theory.” Caroline Wanga: Who is Kiera Fernandez? Fernandez: My whole life I wanted to be a lawyer. I can Kiera Fernandez: From the day I came into this space, I remember watching L.A. Law, with female lawyers, was breathed into with deep life and affirmation that gave and they were ballers. There was a really clear moment, me confidence and courage. I grew up with both sets of though. My mom and most of her siblings, went to my grandparents, [and they] had very different Arizona State. We went to the Rose Bowl one year, and backgrounds. On my mom’s side, my grandfather is from Arizona was playing Michigan. They were playing Mississippi and my grandmother from Louisiana—so I the game, and I saw them run out with their helmets, had the very traditional Southern, African-American and I thought that was awesome, and I was very excited experience from the Jim Crow era, where they had to make about it—and that’s how I picked Michigan. And hard choices and decisions about how they were going to when I got there, I got a cultural immersion, being 45 be raised and how to raise their family. On my dad’s side, minutes from Detroit and around other people with my grandmother is from Wisconsin, and my grandfather different experiences. was born and raised in Hawaii. All these experiences create the sum total of the tapestry in which I was raised. I’m on spring break one year, and I’m with my cousin Marcus at a job fair, and Target was there. I’m walking Wanga: Out of all your identities, there’s something by and I say to the recruiter, “I’m sorry, I’m not interested different about how you feel about your Black identity in being a cashier.” And he said, “Well, do you have five and how it plays a role in the way you show up. Why? minutes for me to tell you about the experience?” And Fernandez: We’re sitting in a yoga studio. When my he pulls out the magic ingredient, and it’s a paper that’s grandmother Annie was my age, she wouldn’t be able got a career path on it. And so I’m looking at this very to walk in that door. This wasn’t designed for her. That’s sequential progress, and I’m like, Wow, that’s amazing. So not my other grandmother’s experience. I know who I see we leave the job fair and go to the closest Target possible. in the mirror every day. I see a Black woman who was And I walk in with a different set of eyes. I think to myself, raised by a Black woman, who was raised by a Black I think I could work here. I think I could do this. The person woman. There are some people that have a multiracial that was on campus ended up being one of my store background that, based on their optics, can make a directors—that’s the way the universe works in tandem. choice. I know what I look like, and I know where I’m centered and where I’m from. Wanga: One of the things that I know about you is that part of what helps you thrive is being healthy and well. Wanga: What happens after childhood, in terms of You sit in a very high-ranking position in a very stressful where you choose to go to school; and how do you end job. You sit in the types of roles that have killed people. up in Minnesota at Target? Literally. From heart attacks, strokes and so on. You’re the »second-highest ranking Black woman in your CULTURE JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 49

corporation—and you have a full, active family, a full, active faith life and a full, active marriage. How do you stay healthy? Fernandez: It’s a learned behavior. Because my mom, my sister and my dad were very active and athletes, I played sports. In my mind, I’ve always felt better when I was physical. But when you get into these jobs, the very first thing that falls by the wayside is your activity. You have to eat and sleep, but everything in the middle is negotiable, in theory. I remember a point where I said, “I’m so tired right now, and I don’t even know what to do.” So I decided I’ve got to figure out a routine. My really good friend Courtney and my assistant now, Julie, were both telling me I should try yoga. And I said, “No thanks, not interested.” I had a perception of what yoga was. I said, it’s bad for your hair. It’s too slow. I’m an athlete and I need a real workout. And Julie said, “I have a real workout for you—go to this class.” I finally said, Okay, I’ll try it. And I did, and loved it. I went and got all of these yoga books. And I discovered: What most Black women or people of color don’t know about yoga is that the practice is rooted in Asia and deeply rooted in Africa. Like so many other things, the perception of yoga has “What most Black women or people been appropriated. So if that’s what’s of color don’t know about yoga is perpetuated for the masses, why would I that the practice is rooted in Asia and ever believe that I ever belonged there? And I discovered it was the exact opposite. deeply rooted in Africa. Like so Wanga: What happened throughout your many other things, the perception career that got you here? of yoga has been appropriated.” Fernandez: This is actually where the real lessons came in. My career pathway to being a store team leader was fast, but the rest didn’t go how I thought it would. I expected that everything was going to be the same way, but that was not the case. Moving to headquarters was supposed to be an accelerant. I thought, I’m going to go learn how a corporation works, and then I’m going to come back into the field and do all these big jobs. And that’s not what happened. The path to where I am sitting right now had a whole bunch of traps and trick doors. When I got into my new experience at the corporate location, I literally felt like I was working for a new company. The nomenclature was different, the acronyms were different—I felt like I was working for a new company, because I was. Everything about the experience was radically different. All this incredible onboarding that I had gotten when I worked in stores was not what I got when I stepped into this new role. You had to figure things out on your own. And I didn’t have anyone who could help me figure things out. My leader was great, and he was doing the best he could, but it was still really hard to make connections with people. I felt like an outsider. I remember I called my grandfather, who is my book of wisdom, and I told him, “It might be time for me to go somewhere else.” He asked, “Do you feel like you’re doing the right thing?” And I replied, “I do.” So he goes, “Well, if you feel like you’re doing the right thing, why are you going to leave?” And here I am today. 50 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023 CULTURE

ENOUGH TO SHARE DOESN’T M EAN YOU Have to More kicks of f lavor. More smiling snackers. ®/©2022 Tyson Foods, Inc.

Lori Harvey wears Ferragamo red JAN–FEB 2023 cotton gabardine jeans covered with crystals, $9,000, ferragamo .com, and a Bvlgari ring. Shoes, stylist’s own. 52 ESSENCE.COM

Written by Photography by Styling by Tre’vell Anderson Emmanuel Sanchez Yashua Simmons Monsalve The It girl is unattached, unbothered and unconcerned with what anyone else thinks I t’s easy to assume you know Lori Harvey. Her name’s always in the headlines and on the tip of everybody’s tongue—most often in regard to the men she’s said to have dated. It’s easy, almost expected, to think you’ve got her figured out; that you know what the 26-year-old daughter of a noted fashionista and King of Comedy is all about. We can thank, or blame, the celebrity gossip and news eco- system for that. And up to this point, Harvey’s been fairly silent about all that’s come through the grapevine. “Because I’ve been so quiet this whole time, the Internet has created narratives for me,” she says, with clarity, on a recent winter evening in Los Angeles. “People are just taking whatever bits of gossip and rumors that they have, and then creating that as a truth. In reality, the majority of the time it’s so far from the truth. So, it can be tough.” Harvey’s saving grace has been a piece of wisdom from her mother: “For those who know and love you, no answer is needed. But for those who don’t, no answer will do.” “That’s where the strong sense of self comes into play,” Harvey explains. “Just understanding and really knowing who I am, and not letting the outside opinions or »noise affect me internally.” JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 53

On Harvey: a Laquan Smith JAN–FEB 2023 Spring Summer 2023 top, not for purchase, vintage Celine jeans and Bvlgari bracelet $30,000, bulgari.com. 54 ESSENCE.COM

She is, quite literally, unconcerned with the rumor with people and set it up, and I’ll just slap my name on it and go about my day. But I mill—and instead has directed her attention inward. really wanted to learn the ins and outs of the business. I wanted to be very hands-on Because, to borrow RuPaul’s famous phrase, “If you with everything I was doing, and I wanted to make the mistakes, so that I could learn can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love some- from them and really know how to be a businesswoman at the end of the day.” body else?” The result, Harvey says matter-of-factly, is that “this moment is about me.” And she’s just getting started, with plans to branch out into television, digital content, acting and producing. This is the other side of Harvey that many don’t see We’re seated on adjoining pleather couches in the or talk about. Her drive to be more than a pretty face, or the daughter of a celebrity dressing room of a South Los Angeles studio. Harvey’s couple, is overshadowed by an obsession with her love life. Over the years, more legs are crisscross-applesauced. She’s calm and all attention has been paid to who Harvey is dating, or not dating—a soccer player and smiles, having spent the day shooting her first an R&B star; a rapper and hip-hop mogul; that mogul’s son and People’s Sexiest Man ESSENCE cover. For the “Black Love” issue. With no Alive. Many women, especially Black women, know this microscope all too well, par- man on her arm. She’s proud, and palpably so. “I feel ticularly how it judges those with an apparently robust and active romantic life more like it’s always been about me attached to something harshly than their male counterparts. or someone,” she says. “This time, it’s about me. Self- love, self-care, self-reflection. I’m being a little selfish “It can be tough at times, especially because I’m a super-private person,” Harvey right now. It’s my time.” admits. She doesn’t particularly care for her personal life to become gossip fodder or the latest news item, and she has tried to protect her privacy as much as possible. But Harvey was born in Memphis on January 13, 1997, people still talk. One social media discussion pitted Harvey against fictional Cosby when Toni Braxton’s “Un-Break My Heart” ruled the charts. By age 3, she’d already booked her first model- »Show matriarch, Clair Huxtable, asserting that her assumed dating history makes ing gig, for a kids’ clothing boutique called Cotton Tails. The ad ran in a local newspaper. In 2005, her mother, Marjorie, reconnected with comedian Steve Harvey, whom she’d first met at a Memphis comedy club a decade before Lori was born. The couple married in 2007 and blended their families; Steve adopted Lori and her two siblings, creating a family, seven children strong. As Marjorie and Steve’s individual careers and level of visibility grew—hers as a fashion blogger, designer and socialite, his as a “self-help” author and game- and talk-show host—their kids were largely out of the spotlight. It’s said they had as normal a child- hood as one can, considering the circumstances. Young Harvey first fell in love with fashion when, as a preteen, she started attending major runway shows with her mom. Later, her passion became competitive horse riding. She wanted to go to the Olympics and was training to do so when, at 18, she tore her MCL and suffered a serious back injury in a riding accident. Begrudgingly, she accepted that she’d likely never ride competitively again and, with a face card that never declines, she returned to fashion and modeling. About a year later, she walked her first major run- way show with Dolce & Gabbana, going on to star in a number of their campaigns. Today, Harvey is an indus- try It girl with almost five million followers on Insta- gram, and she signed with IMG Models and WME last year. But she’s also a businesswoman, having launched her skin care line, SKN by LH, in 2021—with no financial support from her parents. “That has arguably been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, but also one of the most rewarding and fulfilling,” she says of SKN, “because this is the first thing that I’ve really been able to call my own, that I built from the ground up. It would’ve been very easy for me to just ask my parents to connect me JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 55

Harvey less wifey material than the character and maturity,” she points out. “So I don’t think I played by Phylicia Rashad from 1984 to 1992. would say I regret anything.” The conversation centered on respectability, ultimately saying more about the (mostly) men Recently, audio from comedian Mo’Nique’s contributing to the discourse than about Harvey 2007 special I Coulda Been Your Cellmate! has herself—or about any other woman or femme surfaced in tens of thousands of social media whose desirability gets filtered through cis- videos. The joke describes the Queen of gender and heterosexual male gazes. Comedy—who revealed she’d been divorced twice and was days away from marrying her “I think a lot of times, people are project- third husband at the time of the film’s taping— ing,” Harvey says about the online chatter. expressing her commitment to love. “Never give “Typically, what I have found is when it’s guys up on love,” she says. “I’m a bitch that believes— who feel that way, it’s because they know that if one ni**a don’t work, get another one. If that they can’t meet you at your standards. Which ni**a don’t work, get another one. And if that is okay, too. Everything ain’t for everybody. ni**a don’t work…get two ni**as!” But what I would love for people to know is that I am a young woman just trying to figure While on the surface the bit is about pur- it out—but I’m trying to figure it out in the pub- suing love, but what it’s really about is being in lic eye,” she adds. “That magnifies everything. constant pursuit of one’s own happiness. And It magnifies your mistakes. It magnifies the even now, after 15 years, Mo’Nique taps into ups and downs of just navigating your life and the attitude of a certain type of Black woman figuring it out for yourself.” or femme. The type who puts themselves first, refusing to have their confidence tethered to Harvey has been a public figure her entire speculation and hearsay. The type for whom adult life thus far, and during her early twenties, settling for someone who doesn’t meet their no less—a time of general self-exploration for needs is antithetical. The type that is most people. But few of us have had to contend undaunted by the journey to love, because it with the watchful eyes of millions studying our puts them most in touch with themselves and every move. Yet Harvey has no regrets—and their desires. It’s bad bitchery by another name, no shame. “Every decision that I have made has and Lori Harvey—whose own alleged relation- got me to the place that I’m at in my life, as a ship journey is captured in at least one fan- woman—and the mindset that I’m in, and the created social media video, with Mo’Nique’s growth that I’ve made, and this level of clarity »words as the score—is solidly in her 56 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

Harvey is wearing a Tiffany & Co. Elsa Peretti® snake necklace in 18k gold, extra large, $53,000, tiffany.com. JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 57

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Harvey wears a Dior dress and earrings, prices upon request, available at Dior boutiques nationwide. JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 59

Hair: Ray Christopher using Ray Christopher Co. Luxury Clip-Ins Makeup: Leah Darcey Pike at ICA Nails: Chaun Legend using The GelBottle Inc. at The Only Agency Set Design: Jesse Hoffman Set Design Assistants: Vivian Hicks, Deondre Davis, Jesse Clark Digitech: Mikayla Jean Miller Photographer’s Assistants: Jupiter Jones, Elliot Smith-Hastie, Walker Lewis, Mikayla Jean Miller Stylist’s Assistants: Julian Mack, Stef Contreras Nail Assistant: Misheelt Khosbayar Tailor: Tatiana Sali-Souleiman Production Manager: Perris Cavalier Production Coordinators: Alaura Wong, Zhane Santisteban Production Assistants: Frankie Benkovic, Alani Waters Shot at Studios 60 With Thanks to L’Ermitage Beverly Hills & Heirloom LA Production: The Morrison Group 60 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

bad-bitch era. “It’s not about being arrogant or about feeling like I’m too I know my worth, and good, or too this or too that,” she clarifies. “I know my worth, and I know I know my value. I’m my value. I’m not going to compromise that, or settle, or accept anything not going to compromise less than what I know I deserve.” that, or settle, or accept anything less than what I It might not seem like it at first, but such a positioning is actually know I deserve.” a radical form of love. It’s one that challenges and bucks up against how we’ve been told Black women should move through the world for others. It doesn’t have to be framed as an egotistical or mindful romantically, if not also professionally and socially. She’s also decen- unwillingness to prioritize the needs and desires of others. In a nec- tering of a type of love rooted in a patriarchal version of Black wom- essary rewriting of the rules, being most concerned with one’s own anhood. Harvey knows that she is the prize. And she’s part of a happiness isn’t negative in the slightest. generational shift-in-progress, in which many young, Black women in the public eye are making their own new rules. They’re claiming as It often is the greatest act of love. their own a personhood that is as complex and nuanced as the totality “Put yourself first,” Harvey sums up. “Love yourself. Put yourself of human experience. As many Black women before them have done. on the highest pedestal, and don’t ever come down.” There’s Cardi and Megan and Latto, whose raps unapologetically On Harvey: a Chanel embroidered calfskin champion female sexuality. There’s Lizzo, who as a fat, Black woman top, $550, embroidered calfskin shorts, boldly resists anti-fatness, and therefore anti-Blackness—triumphantly and defiantly loving the skin she’s in, and twerking, ass out and Sasha $5,500, and necklace (as a belt), $300, all at Flute in hand, every chance she gets. select Chanel boutiques nationwide; Wolford tights, similar style available at wolfordshop. And then there’s Harvey, who by the very nature of embracing the trial and error of life, despite what public com; Panthère de Cartier watch, and Cartier perception may come, models a definition of High Jewelry earrings, $5,000, all available at love many won’t understand. In some ways, she’s even rejected the “Act like a lady, think like Cartier boutiques nationwide. a man” mantra from her father’s New York Times bestseller, which became a Will Packer movie in 2012. Rather, she’s acting like a boss and think- ing like one, too. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want love. In fact, when asked about what Black love looks like to her, she speaks longingly of her grandparents’ marriage of over 65 years. She describes a love that smells like peaches and cream or honey; a love that feels like fresh air or a warm hug, or like listening to your favorite song. “My experience has taught me that I need somebody who respects me—somebody who understands and respects my standards and my boundaries and is a supportive, God-fearing man, family-oriented, and makes me feel at peace,” she says. “That’s where I’m at in my life right now. I’m not compromising my peace and happiness for anything or anybody. And so if I see any signs of that happening, I’m like, ‘Got to go!’” She’s also praying, she says, “to be the best versionof myself,sothatoneday,whenIamready, I will be the woman that I need to be for that union to be successful. But right now, I’m just praying to better my life for myself—growing my businesses and brand, growing my relationship with God, growing into a stronger, better woman every day.” Lori Harvey is being selfish. But not neces- sarily in a traditional sense. Being selfish doesn’t have to involve a lack of consideration JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 61

WELL Power-suiting is the decades-old concept of using tailoring to enhance the femme form—creating an armor of sleekness, ferocity and power. Iconic suit warriors, from Joan Clayton to Grace Jones, paved the way. But here’s how to incorporate suiting into any wardrobe, aesthetic, vibe and occasion today SUITED By Shelton Boyd-Griffith Photography by Philip-Daniel Ducasse Styling by Solange Franklin 62 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

Model on left is wearing a Luar belted trench, luar .world, and Esor Marie sandals, esormarie.com. Model on right is wearing a Luar blazer »and shorts, luar.world. JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 63

RACY 64 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

Opposite page: Model on left is wearing a Gucci blazer and pants, gucci.com and Theophilio top, theophilio .com. Model on right is wearing a Theophilio blazer, top and skirt, theophilio.com. This page: Model on left is wearing a No Sesso skirt and pants, nosesso.la, Selina King earrings, selinaking.com and Alexander McQueen gloves, alexandermcqueen.com. Bustier, stylist’s own. Model on right is wearing a Valentino top and skirt, available at Valentino boutiques. The allure of suiting and tailoring is that it can be worn in a myriad of ways. In a more oversize fit, pair it with a sequined blouse or a bib tuxedo shirt; or reimagine it as a crop top paired with a black maxi skirt. » JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 65

This page: Model on left is wearing a Proenza Schouler top, proenzaschouler.com, Lionne skirt, lionneclothing .com, No Sesso bra, nosesso .com for information, Bliss Lau body chain, blisslau .com and Khiry earrings, khiry .com. Model on right is wearing a Diotima blazer and shorts, shopjudith.com for information, Khaite top, khaite.com and Third Crown earrings, thirdcrown.com. Opposite page: Model is wearing Alexander McQueen blazer, top, trousers and sunglasses, alexandermcqueen.com and Alan Crocetti earrings, alancrocetti.com. 66 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

CHIC There is no definitive way that suiting needs to be styled, so feel free to play with proportion and scale. Experiment with a cropped jacket and high-waisted trousers, or pair a cardigan with hot pants. » JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 67

CLASSIC There’s nothing more classically stylish than a navy pinstripe. With origins in banking, it’s a power combo that signals you mean business. Wear it as a full suit or try a deconstructed iteration of the look. Modeling, Nyagua Ruea at Women Management. Hair, Mideyah Parker using Pattern Beauty at Bryant Artists. Makeup, Mimi Quiquine using Maison Quiquine at She Likes Cutie. Nails, Aja Walton using Essie at See Management. Stylist’s Assistants, Ore Zaccheus, Chardonnay Taylor. Photo Assistants, Mouhamadou Seck, Alex Demarco. Tailor, Zunyda. Casting, Shahriyar Ghobadpour at CVILIAN. Production, The Morrison Group. 68 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

Model on left is wearing a Gucci blazer and trousers, gucci .com, HOME by Areeayl bracelet (on left), homebyareeayl.com, Third Crown bracelet (on right), thirdcrown.com and Alan Crocetti earrings, alancrocetti .com. Model on right is wearing a K.ngsley top and bottom, k.ngsley.com, Proenza Schouler socks, proenzaschouler.com and Louis Vuitton shoes, louisvuitton .com. Sweater, stylist’s own. JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 69

From jumping the broom to exchanging ZACH BARRON wedding rings, we have imbued traditional symbols of adoration JAN–FEB 2023 with special meaning. 70 ESSENCE.COM

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS In our culture, “Black love” is more than a slogan—it’s a way of life. And how we express it has deeper roots than you might know By Dominique Fluker A mid economic turmoil, political unrest, public JUMPING THE BROOM health crises and general global strife, love— especially Black love—is a grounding force. Black couples have been engaging in this custom at weddings since Every time we express love, we honor the 18th century. Tyler D. Parry, Ph.D., the author of Jumping the Broom: our ancestors who dared to love deeply and The Surprising Multicultural Origins of a Black Wedding Ritual, noted fearlessly. Even with the threat of being that our enslaved ancestors weren’t free to marry legally, so many forcibly separated from each other, and with the inability to establish adopted the tradition of jumping the broom. As Parry shared in a 2022 comfortable homes, our people embraced one another, with the New York Times article, this rite was once practiced by marginalized singular faith that things wouldn’t always be so bleak. Their decision to communities in Europe. It was later introduced to enslaved people in make room for hope and warmth has grounded and sustained us. America by White plantation owners. I’ve experienced the full spectrum of Black love—from arranging In The Journal for Southern Living, Patrick W. O’Neil includes a flowers with my grandmother in her backyard to riding with my father on chapter called “Bosses and Broomsticks: Ritual and Authority in his tandem bike in the afternoons to catching up with my mother on our Antebellum Slave Weddings,” which observes that most slave owners daily homegirl phone calls. I also know love’s more difficult side, as I used the broomstick to deem Black marriages transitory and embarked on the merry-go-round of a romantic relationship that often unimportant—and to assert authority and dominance over enslaved left me riddled with despair. I’ve listened to a lot of Keyshia Cole and Toni households. But for us, jumping the broom signifies a new beginning; Braxton. Two tracks, specifically—Keyshia’s “Shoulda Let You Go” and sweeping out the old, if you will. It respects the families of each partner Toni’s “I Love Me Some Him”—helped me navigate my emotions, heal while acknowledging the holy union the newlyweds have undertaken. and, later, self-soothe. After surviving the highs and lows of Black love, I know it intimately; and the familiarity deepens my appreciation. Over the past several hundred years, the tradition has endured; it is still a feature at Black American nuptials. After the newlyweds Now, make no mistake, it’s work. Lord, it’s work. Consistently exchange vows and kiss, they hold hands and jump over a broom to seal choosing someone can get difficult, especially when egos come out to their union. A family member can make the broom, or it may be an play. But that’s just the thing: It’s a choice. You wake up every day and heirloom passed down through generations. decide to love on your mate. Even though painful love may be a thing of the past, we can’t pretend like some days aren’t get-out-of-my-room- My mother was the designated broom creator for jumping-the- and-hit-the-sofa type days, with a you-a-mess cherry on top. Still, we broom rituals in our family. I’d watch her meticulously apply white and show up and try again, because the I-need-us days outweigh all. silver ribbon, custom-made satin bows and fabric to the broom handle. She would then adorn the broom’s base with dried lavender, pearls and Aside from encompassing strength and resilience, our love can eucalyptus. It usually took her three days to decorate the broom. With also be intentionally tender. Although Black love can be complicated pride, she would deliver her creation to the bride and groom, hopeful and nuanced, at its core it is joyful. Even in terrible times, it is luminous, their love and bond would be eternal. For Black families today, jumping forcing out the grim realities of being Black in America and bringing the the broom marks the leap of faith needed to embrace Black love fully. light. Today, as we honor the past and create space for the future, we count all the ways in which we continue the legacy of Black love. PAYING FOR A FULL SET »Black nail art can be traced back to 3000 B.C., with Queen Nefertiti JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 71

painting her fingernails and toenails red to mark her royal status. Full heart, full set. According to Nails: The Story of the Modern Manicure, some Egyptians adorned their nail beds with artificial extensions made of ivory and bone. These days, getting our nails done serves as a rite of passage to womanhood. Every Black girl who has stepped into a nail salon remembers the first time she went with her mother, grandmother or auntie. Having the creative autonomy to select nail designs that are true to you is liberating—each design encapsulates a specific cultural aesthetic while accentuating Black women’s personalities. But if our nails make a personal statement, that declaration can be rather pricey. A full set of gel nails, for example, can easily go for $50. So when someone pays for a complete set of nails for us, it demonstrates love—by honoring our culture and accepting our creative choices and personhood. WEDDING RINGS Wedding rings are an emblem of “With modern soul food, we devotion. The symbolism behind them celebrate our foremothers’ has much to do with their circular shape, which represents wholeness and timelessness. Circles have no beginning culinary creativity. Out of great or end and, like love, are limitless. struggle has come wondrous innovation. With each plate, we As with nail art, ancient Egyptians pioneered the wedding ring. They believed the band represented eternal life, love and, ultimately, a spiritual portal. deepen our love for one another.” Thus they would exchange rings of love made of woven reeds or leather. Today’s wedding ring symbolizes the promise of love, growth and oneness. And for Black couples, it’s also the beginning of a journey rich in African history. These days our wedding rings are decorated with platinum, black bands and large, F R O M T O P: B R I A N A B A R T L E T T; A M Y A N A I Z P H O T O G R A P H Y. O P P O S I T E: Z U N L E E. colorful diamonds. And from canary yellow to Ruby Woo red to powder blue, even engagement rings are now more modern in their look. Our rings reflect our community’s current styles, economic empowerment and singular passion. COOKING SOUL FOOD Black love is not monolithic. Soul food is a staple in Black households. We whip it up to celebrate special occasions—or just to encourage togetherness among family and friends. From collard greens and macaroni and cheese to candied yams, cornbread and catfish, each dish proves that the way to anyone’s heart is through their belly. In his book Hog and Hominy: Soul Food from Africa to America, Frederick Douglass Opie points out that our enslaved ancestors in the South had to make do with the food provided, which influenced our current eating traditions. The rations usually included discarded meats or dairy products—nothing could be wasted. They decided to take those scraps and create a phenomenon. With modern soul food, we celebrate our foremothers’ culinary creativity. Out of great struggle has come wondrous innovation. With each intentionally crafted plate we fix, we deepen our love and respect for one another. 72 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

How do you and your partner show each other love? Let us know by posting about it with the hashtag #LetMeCountTheWaysESSENCE. JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 73

PDA is an ongoing series about BIPOC KADAR R. SMALL queer community normalizing displays of affection in public and domestic spaces. JAN–FEB 2023 Photographer Kadar R, Small, who captured this happy scene, explores tenderness and intimacy within various relationships. 74 ESSENCE.COM

GREASING OF THE SCALP Libation ceremonies are a way to honor family and friends who have passed on. Nature’s Blessings was the name of the hair pomade my mom used In the midst of demonstrating a couple’s on wash day every Sunday. It was emerald green and smelled like love through a wedding, we are sure a mixture of rosemary, sage and peppermint. After blow-drying to remember those who are not here to my hair, she would sit me in the kitchen, pull out a mustard-colored celebrate— especially when they’ve rat-tail comb, part my hair into sections, and then grease my scalp. profoundly impacted the couple’s lives. This was a sacred ritual for us. Every week would be the same routine. There was a sense of closeness and intimacy as my mother applied the grease to my tender head and smoothed my edges. It was a loving gesture, meant to nurture the health of my hair. Many Black kids experienced the same custom growing up. Without access to their usual herbal regimens, our enslaved ancestors were forced to innovate new treatments that would moisturize and protect their hair from harsh weather conditions, fleas and parasites. Many of them used bacon grease on their scalps. Centuries later, Madam CJ Walker created a pomade that was a modernized version of the hair grease our ancestors had invented. Her 20th century scalp-healing formula led to hair grease developing its own identity and category—and generated a market for a Black beauty boom. Similar to braid take-downs, hair greasing, as it relates to romantic love, can be artful and sexy. Your partner not only signs up for an act of service but shows their willingness to see and accept you in your most bare state. It’s an invitation to deeper connection through a private act of intimacy, one that can be erotic even. Black women don’t play when it comes to our hair, and for us to trust our partners with helping to care for our tresses means everything. RALSTONRSMITH LIBATION CEREMONY “Every week, it would be the same routine. Although wedding ceremonies are joyous, There was a sense of they can also have an air of somber reflection. closeness and intimacy As partners celebrate their union, they also as my mother applied honor deceased loved ones who passed away the grease to my tender before the special day. Through a libation head and smoothed ceremony, Black couples pour out a liquid as my edges. It was a loving an offering to a departed person’s spirit, deity gesture meant to nurture or soul. the health of my hair. Many Black kids The observance isn’t limited to weddings experienced the same and romantic ceremonies. Spiritual-libation custom growing up.” occasions are often held among close friends to honor loved ones who have passed on. On Tupac’s 1994 track “Pour Out a Little Liquor,” he describes how he’s choosing to remember his lost friends and family by performing this rite. This tradition exists not just in our communities but globally. It is practiced in Africa, Israel, Greece, Rome, Asia and South America, to name a few cultures that share in the ritual. As with all expressions of love in action, the libation ceremony is a call for uniting. In this case, the deceased and the living unite again through love. JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 75

LOVE Without a LIMIT 76 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

Black trans and queer people navigate identity and acceptance with living family—but how do queer and trans people mourn their homophobic relatives? In this op-ed, Ericka Hart explores how hard it is to lose a loved one who never embraced your truth PHOTOGRAPH BY JEREMY GREIR F oraBlackperson,grief nighttime prayer was so morbid. You just is all too familiar. And for said it on cue. a Black queer/trans/ nonbinary person, it is Although religion was important to my intertwined in the very immediate family, they weren’t super strict fabric of our existence. about it. It felt ritualistic—more like a habit We live in a country that does everything in and a hope for connection, as opposed to a its power to render Black queer and trans necessity for salvation. Attending church felt people invisible and obsolete. This inevitably like a practice passed down by the ancestors, leads to mourning our queer and trans without much explanation of why we needed friends and “chosen family” members—who to dress up, attend, sing and then go to either no longer see existing on this plane as Grandma’s house for dinner. Yet every an option or who cease to exist because Sunday without fail we rushed out of the someone made that fatal decision for them. house to make it to services on time. Legislators have taken time out of their day to create laws penalizing students and For my mom church was definitely a teachers for even saying the word gay in space she went to worship God, but it was classrooms, increasing barriers for trans also an outlet for her and her kids to stunt in a youth who seek to access gender-affirming new outfit. I think it also fulfilled her childhood care and using barbaric medical tests to dream of being a famous vocalist. Church delegitimize trans athletes. Unfortunately, became a place where she experienced legislation is not the only realm where worship and celebration. My dad, on the agreement has formed to say that our other hand, went to church when he wanted existence is wrong and should be corrected. to or when my mom made it clear that we It starts closer to home, quite literally. should show up together as a family—on major holidays, and so on. He always made a Family members are often our first point point that he didn’t need to be in church to of contact with homophobia, queerphobia honor God. He was raised Pentecostal, which and/or transphobia; and this can come up required that he be in church four or five days well before we even have the language to of the week. Continuing that practice was not name our own identities. We learn very something he was interested in, and when quickly what is valued as “normal”—through given the choice of whether or not to attend gender corrections like “Act like a lady” or church, he chose not to. “Boys don’t cry.” We hear it through jokes, conversations about popular culture and For his sister Judith Snowden—my Aunt even gossip about other family members. For Judy—on the other hand, church was a me, these messages came through mostly necessary pathway to her final resting place: in a religious context. Christianity played a heaven. Aunt Judy was barely 5' 2\", thin, light- prominent role in my life growing up. We skinned, with hair that was clearly greased went to church every Sunday and prayed with blue magic, as the bunted ends sat before every meal, and every night before faithfully on the back of her neck as if they’d bed we recited: “Now I lay me down to sleep, been glued in place. Her laugh reverberated I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die with unwavering conviction about every- before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” thing, but especially about God. She never I don’t say this prayer anymore and haven’t wore pants—always a skirt or dress, well since I was about 7, but it’s still cemented in below her knees, with nothing form-fitting my memory. In my Black household, you and certainly not showing her cleavage or absolutely did not question why our even her collarbone. She was a part of every church board imaginable and would invite us »to her church at every opportunity. JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 77

“Respect is hospital to pray over her in the same way she a complex came to our house. Maybe we were more subject when similar than I realized; maybe the idea that you do not see opposites attract in romantic relationships someone’s has some truth in familial relationships as truth as real.” well. Whatever it was, I felt held and loved by my Aunt Judy—until I realized our I didn’t realize the contrast between the relationship was contingent upon my not way we practiced Christianity and how Aunt identifying as queer, or, as she saw it, yielding Judy did until later in life—but it eventually to “the temptation of the devil.” became evident that religion looked quite different for her than it did for us. My mom I kept my queerness from my immediate would say, “Your Aunt Judy is coming over! family until I was 22. I introduced partners as Y’all getting anointed tonight.” Aunt Judy my friends, lying for fear my family would not would commute an hour from Baltimore City, accept me. At this time, I had no plans of in her minivan filled with Bibles and coming out to my Aunt Judy. Unfortunately, pamphlets explaining the scripture, just to one of my cousins outed me to her after pray over my little brother and me. She spoke seeing me share about my sexual identity on in tongues throughout what felt like a solid social media. Suddenly, I rarely heard from 30- to 45-minute prayer. We rarely heard Aunt Judy—beyond a Bible sent to me in the people speak in tongues, so it always took mail, bookmarked and pointing to the exact something to be mature and not laugh. We scripture that allegedly claimed that who I knew the prayer was coming to an end when was “choosing” to be was wrong. She sent she placed olive oil on our foreheads; by the me testimonies from people like Donnie time it was about to drip down our chins, she McClurkin, who talked about being saved would say “Amen.” from being gay. (I guess one of my favorite songs by him, “We Fall Down,” was about a To this day, I am not entirely sure why my lot more than I’d realized.) Sometimes Aunt Aunt Judy and I had a pretty tight bond. We Judy would send me emails saying she were essentially polar opposites. Maybe it would pray for me to change—and making was the way Judy cared for my mom as she suggestions on which churches I should join battled breast cancer, coming to every in the area. We didn’t speak for 10 years. It was a conscious choice on my part, as it felt counterintuitive to have people in my life constantly working against my existence when the world around me was doing overtime in that department. No one wants to be around someone who is not accepting of who they are. Queer and trans people are often left to overexplain basic tenets of respect, as respect seems to be a complex subject when you do not see someone’s truth as real. Over the course of 10 years, I wished my Aunt Judy would call to check on me. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, she sent well-wishes and prayers through my dad. When I met my partner, I spoke highly of Aunt Judy; and he recommended that although our once-close relationship fell apart, it might be worth reaching out to see what could be salvaged. I reached out to my Aunt Judy, and she acted as if no time had passed and she was just waiting for me to call. I didn’t attempt to bring up why I hadn’t spoken to her, as she clearly knew. After that, I carried on a 78 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023

PHOTOGRAPH BY AARON BURDEN COURTESY OF UNSPLASH relationship with her for my own sake—not hiding my queerness by any means, but setting the boundary that I was not going to ESSENCE.COM 79 try convincing her that I was worthy of love. She still found ways to be homophobic, outright denying that I am queer and saying only a cold “hello” when she met my partner for the first time—the same person who had encouraged me to reconnect. When my aunt became sick, she didn’t tell anyone but her brothers and daughter until long after she had received the diagnosis. She kept her illness a secret— claiming that Jesus makes the final call for our lives, not man. Although our relationship hadn’t been the best, I still made the three- hour drive from New York City to Baltimore to spend time with her. We laughed and teased each other like we always had, but there was also a guaranteed debate about my sexual identity. She later told my dad that she didn’t want anyone to know what she was dealing with healthwise, as she didn’t want anyone to treat her differently. After wondering what we had in common, I found it both fascinating and heartbreaking that we shared the desire to keep an aspect of ourselves and our lives secret, out of fear of relationships changing. Black queer and trans people are quite frankly some of the most forgiving people on the planet; it’s a miracle that we are still connected to love, when all odds are stacked against us. I respected Aunt Judy’s bodily autonomy all the way up to the day she passed, although the same consideration was never given to me. It wasn’t easy for me to choose a relationship with my Aunt Judy, but some part of me was willing to put myself in emotional harm’s way to preserve our connection. When she died, I didn’t know what to feel. How are queer and trans people supposed to mourn their homophobic family members? Does the grief process begin when they don’t accept us? Do we continue to protect them even in death? I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I will continue to ruminate on them as I cherish all the good memories we shared. Aunt Judy always ended her texts to me with GET READY FOR THE RAPTURE, in all caps. I hope that in her transition, she discovered there was really no need for me to prepare—that God is love and does not command me to change any aspect of my life. The truth is, I will always love my Aunt Judy, although she did not love all of me. JAN–FEB 2023

Talk to a Bringing Communities therapist from of Support to Students the comfort of your own home. At Communities In dchools, we are working to ensure students have everything they need to reengage in learning whether they 200,000,000 are staying home or returning to the classroom. With you on our side, we will be there for them, all day every day, providing therapy interactions facilitated emotional support and resources like school supplies, meals, and access to technology and learning materials. Now more than 3,000,000 ever, we’re being called on to reimagine public education and find new pathways to equitable learning conditions. Join us as clients helped we go #AllinforKids in schools, in communities, and beyond. 25,000 Learn how you can support our efforts at CommunitiesInSchools.org therapists on the platform © 2022 Communities In Schools, Inc. Get started with 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/emag

The Realities of a Recession By Jasmine Browley Illustrations by Rich Chance For months, analysts have waffled back and forth about the possibility of an American recession following the economic tumult caused by COVID-19. Now, there’s no more question of “if,” it’s “when,” and a large number of Black Americans are woefully ill-prepared. THRIVE & POWER JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 81

Entrepreneur As Mark Twain said, “History never repeats after the states’ shelter-in-place mandates Cedric Nash itself, but it does often rhyme.” This is have been lifted, they are still struggling. encourages particularly true of the disproportionate racial people to take slant of every economic downturn the U.S. Although some steps—such as the a hard look at has experienced. In the years immediately proposed forgiveness of a portion of student their finances— following the American Civil War, a recession loan debt—have been taken by the Biden and find ways caused panic across the country—but it administration to relieve the strain of affected Black Americans most severely. economic inequity as we near another to protect This isn’t surprising, given that we have faced recession, it has been proven time and time themselves systemic oppression from the time the nation again that the government alone is not against the was founded. Although enslaved people going to save us. gained legal independence with the signing looming of the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863, Daryn Dodson—a former Stanford recession. the loss of free labor drove the South into a Business School Dean’s Management board “We really downturn. For years after, Black people member, and managing partner at the asset have to buckle worked as sharecroppers for White management firm Illumen Capital—regularly down and plantation owners for little or no wages— examines how systemic racism impacts cut back all which helped create the vast racial wealth Black financial security, particularly during unnecessary disparity we see today. sweeping economic crises. “Generally spending,” he speaking, during the subprime lending crisis, advises. He Following the first World War, few were the racial wealth disparity grew throughout also suggests safe from the economic devastation of the the country,” Dodson points out, “and the net that people Great Depression in the 1930s—but no one worth of Black Americans went down explore creative suffered more than Black workers, who were massively. A lot of this was because of the ways to generate already relegated to menial, low-paying jobs. systematic stripping away of home-buying passive income, The hard times further exacerbated their equity. And a lot of what I study is the way adding that poor treatment in the workforce, as Black that even when Black companies and Black safeguarding Americans saw their wages cut. The Black entrepreneurs and Black fund managers are your financial community experienced the highest outperforming, systemic biases push back future “can be unemployment rate of that time. against them and leave money on the table. So whether it’s the government or the private done.” Fast forward to the recession of 2001, sector, I think the notion that no one is the eight-month economic slump coming to save us is true.” prompted in part by the Y2K scare. White unemployment rose from 3.5 percent in Despite this sobering assertion, Cedric 2000 to a high of 5.2 percent in 2003. During Nash, an entrepreneur who has built a that period, Black unemployment rates multimillion-dollar business portfolio, says soared from an already high 7.6 percent to there’s hope. He points out that although 10.8 percent. And just five years later, during many analysts project that a 2023 recession the Great Recession of 2008, Black people is 100 percent likely, he agrees with their once again had the highest unemployment predictions that it will be mild in comparison rate, at 10.1 percent, compared with 7.6 to those of the past. “What’s really percent for Latinx groups, 5.2 percent for interesting is that in hindsight, some of the White people and 4.0 percent for Asian- recessions are actually shorter than what Americans. The year before, the Black they felt like,” says Nash. “For example, the unemployment rate had been an already 2008 Great Recession only lasted about high 8.3 percent, which was more than twice 18 months technically—but it felt like it went that of Whites. on forever, right? And the same thing with the whole COVID situation.” The pendulum has swung in much the same direction for more than a decade, But Nash also cautions that even with and now we’re staring at yet another forecasts indicating this slowdown will be economic crisis following the COVID-19 softer than previous ones, Black Americans pandemic. It has been well-documented should safeguard themselves. “A recession that Black businesses suffered the most is still a recession,” says Nash. “And during the lockdowns; and more than a year companies still will lay people off and cut back on their spending, which has an 82 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023 THRIVE & POWER

impact on small businesses as well as on African-American people.” He notes that despite warnings, Black consumers currently seem to be engaged in a delayed-spending trend, in which individuals splurge on items and experiences they feel they missed out on during the COVID-19 lockdown. “What’s also really interesting is that our community has really kind of doubled down on luxury spending, traveling, buying luxury items,” Nash continues. “A perfect indication is how Bernard Arnault, the owner of the luxury-goods company LVMH, grew his wealth to over $100 billion during the pandemic. During that time, African- American spending reached $1.6 trillion, but our net worth dropped by about 14 percent.” He says that as we approach the coming decline, Black Americans, even those who are doing well financially, should be careful not to allow their “spending to get the best of them.” Brittany Applegate, who ran her own advertising consultancy and résumé-writing agency full-time before the pandemic, returned to the corporate workforce in early 2019 to shore up her finances. She couldn’t be more relieved. “Although I own two businesses,” she says, “at the time I wasn’t generating enough on my own to sustain everything, so I chose not to ignore any LinkedIn job notifications coming my way.” Nash encourages people to take a hard look at their finances, much like Applegate did, and find ways to protect themselves against the looming recession. “We really have to buckle down and cut back all unnecessary spending,” he advises. He also suggests that people explore creative ways to generate passive income. “We’re in a world where there’s a lot of opportunity to freelance—whether it’s doing hair, or helping small businesses with their computers, or maybe you’re a teacher who can tutor kids who are in need of special assistance,” he says, adding that safeguarding your financial future “can be done.” But though it’s imperative that we stay cognizant of the economic downturn ahead, one thing is sure: History has shown very clearly that Black people are equipped to fight nearly any challenge that comes our way. THRIVE & POWER JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 83

Locals dance the night away at a bonfire on the beach in Costa Rica. An expat family enjoys the beach in Puerto Viejo. Surf the Jungle owner and instructor Misael Brown, with peer Darshan South, helped Aishah White conquer her fear of the ocean. 84 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023 THRIVE & POWER

WORTH In early 2021, Aishah White, SVP of Media and Strategic THE Development at Warner Records, took a vacation to TRIP Puerto Viejo de Talamanca, Costa Rica. She was searching for peace for her mind, body and soul. She After a rare condition almost took her believed that the stress brought on by her hectic work life, a voyage to Costa Rica sent music schedule in Los Angeles, the policies of Donald Trump exec Aishah White on a healing journey and the various racial tensions they created were factors that could have contributed to her suffering a life- By threatening brain hemorrhage in 2020. Jessica Herndon Photography by The killing of George Floyd made things harder. In Ocean Morisset its wake, White and many other music-industry heavyweights drove efforts to ensure equality and equity for Black artists in music. For White, devising initiatives while processing the trauma of the killing was an extremely heavy task, especially when paired with the effort to help her preteen daughter understand what was happening in the world. Still, White kept pushing. “I was trying to be everything for everyone,” she remembers. “I wasn’t taking the time to see what I needed and to give myself grace, love and care.” While on a retreat in Sedona, Arizona, in December 2019, White came down with an awful migraine after a hike. Since migraines were rare for her, she figured the altitude had caused the pain. A few hours after taking Aleve, she felt fine. But the next day, the migraine kicked up again—and the pain was ten times worse. “It was to the point where it was blinding me,” recalls White. “I couldn’t see. My whole body was shaking, and I was sweating. My head felt like it was going to explode.” The pain lasted for hours. “I was screaming,” she recalls. “I had stripped out of my clothes, and I was like, God if you’re going to take me, take me now, because I can’t take it.” Away at a remote location, White didn’t have access to immediate medical attention. But with the help of her cousins, who put wet towels over her eyes to try to calm her symptoms, she felt the throbbing pain in her head start to ease up a few hours later. Upon returning home to L.A., White underwent craniosacral therapy to help relieve compression of the bones in the head. The bodywork offered some relief. But not long after the CST session, her pain started to flare up again, and she went to the E.R. “They did an MRI—and kept me there because they saw a bleed,” she says. A week later, she was told she was lucky to be alive after suffering from a rare condition called reversible cerebral vasoconstriction syndrome, caused by the sudden constriction of the vessels that supply the brain with blood. She was connected to specialists at UCLA, who suggested she take blood thinners. But she was told there was no way to ensure this type of bleeding wouldn’t happen again and that there is no known cause of RCVS. “For me, that wasn’t enough,” says the 41-year-old. “The only thing I thought of when I was in that hospital bed was »my daughter and not being able to be there for her. THRIVE & POWER JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 85

Aishah White enjoying the warm, healing water at Cocles Beach, Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica. “The only thing I thought of when I was in that hospital bed was my daughter and not being able to be there for her.” I want to see her get married, have kids, get old. So, I started to I was able to home in on what I needed to do for myself—which do a deep dive into self-healing and neuro research.” was pursuing a combination of physical, mental and emotional wellness.” An initial step was reevaluating her diet. She visited White became moved by the “Heal your body with your Juice For Life, a Puerto Viejo smoothie and juice bar, where she mind” ideology of Joe Dispenza, who has a doctor of was guided through a cleanse by herbalist Joseph Hodgson, chiropractic degree. “He talked about environmental risk, and whose motto is “Let food be your medicine.” Hodgson custom- factors that play into this, and being able to get in a place of made juices for White, using local goods like spinach, meditation that is healing and renewing to your body and brain,” bitterroot, sarsaparilla and sea moss. “He cleaned my blood she says. Launching into a self-care plan, she put more focus on and body with his food and positive energy,” says White, who her meditation practice. Then something came to her. She adds that his spirit was emblematic of the wider Puerto Viejo remembered a three-week-long trip to Costa Rica with her community. “The people from there treat you like family,” she daughter the previous year. She recalled how free she had felt says. “They’re so warm, giving and loving. My family’s from there, how she’d been warmly embraced by the people, and how Jamaica, and the Caribbean culture is very prevalent there. It she was pulled in by the harmonious beach and jungle, feeling felt familiar. They took me in.” an intense connection to nature. “My spirit was like, You need to go back to where you were and how you felt there,” she says. While in Costa Rica, White conquered her fear of the ocean, “That’s what you need to feel right now.” learning to swim—and surf!—with the help of local professional surfer and Surf the Jungle owner Misael Brown. “The water and White returned to Costa Rica in January 2021 and stayed waves—there’s such a connection with nature and a healing for six weeks. “Going back took away outside distractions, and 86 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023 THRIVE & POWER

Simone White, a Black in Punta Uva to host others looking for a American transplant, respite. “It’s a grounding place where you can created @StayCasaMona feel God all the time, regardless of your beliefs.” to host other travelers In 2014, Davia Shannon moved to Costa seeking serenity. Rica from L.A., after being constantly passed over for promotions while working in finance. energy,” she says. “That was something I was After moving to Puerto Viejo, Shannon says, missing in my life.” She also tackled another she felt “safe, protected, loved, cherished and fear: getting close to snakes. “I literally almost appreciated—I’d never felt that before.” The sat on one,” she recalls, “and had to just face it owner of Life-A-Holic Costa Rica, a company right then. But I had a spiritual moment where dedicated to helping Black expats relocate to I felt a connection to this being, and it changed Costa Rica, Shannon says that because of her my perspective and released my fear.” move, she can provide her kids with generational wealth. “In Costa Rica, I was able Remote-working near the beach or in to accumulate four properties in just seven coworking spaces in Costa Rica allowed her to years,” she says. be incredibly productive. The soundtrack of the land’s wildlife and views of its plush Now a picture of vitality, Aishah White greenery were a far cry from the urban returns to Costa Rica at least four times a year; landscape outside her office in downtown L.A. she is developing a luxury rental property and “In my office, I’m looking out the window at recording studio there. “I did go back to all of industrial buildings, graffiti, dirt and trash those specialists to do tests again,” she says of everywhere,” she says. In Puerto Viejo, “I was follow-ups with doctors to check on her able to work with greater peace of mind.” condition. “They said I’m in amazing health. I’ve been living my best life.” For White, finding a deeper level of healing also required that she put distance Her healing journey has given her a whole between herself and the U.S.—where the new lease on life, she adds. “I’m much more energy for Black folks is often “so heavy, hopeful,” she says. “I eat better, and I’ve taken murky and dark,” she says. “When you up surfing! Before this point in my life, I had remove yourself from all that, and you go been thinking, This is the start of the decline. somewhere where there is light, natural But you can do whatever you want, no matter beauty and tranquility, you can’t help but see your age. I’m still peaking. I’m still on my way up. there is a better quality of life.” That feels amazing.” White isn’t the only Black American Davia Shannon, owner of Costa woman who has traveled to Costa Rica for Rica Retreats, helps Black serenity. Real estate developer Simone White expats find a new home—even as (no relation) planned to visit for three weeks in she builds generational wealth 2020—and never left. She now calls Costa Rica for her children. home. “It’s a culturally rich, diverse community, and everybody is committed to being happy,” Herbalist Joseph Hodgson, owner says Simone, who renovated a luxury property of Juice For Life, a Puerto Viejo smoothie and juice bar, helped to create cleansing, custom-made juices for White. THRIVE & POWER JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 87

POWER This start-up PLAY is changing the dating game for professional Black women By Kimberly Wilson Illustration by Rich Chance 88 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023 THRIVE & POWER

COMPUTER LOVE L ike many Black women, Naza Shelley had We interview experienced the frustrations of what felt like a and meet never-ending dating game. A couple of years, every single about 100 dates and no viable options later, person in our she decided to hit the online-dating-app trail. Unfortunately, in searching for a site specifically tailored “ community,” to professional Black women, she hit a dead end. After explains Sali all she’d already been through, she resolved to stop Hama. “Talking leaving her fate up to chance and instead taking the to our members odds of finding a love match into her own hands. In that and learning more moment, CarpeDM was born—because if there’s one about them...is thing a Black woman facing an obstacle is going to do, how we can help it’s find a solution that will help us all. them find love.” —Naza Shelley CarpeDM is a tech-enabled matchmaking service and video-based app designed to change the future of CarpeDM combines traditional, human-led dating for professional Black women. Per a 2019 Pew matchmaking with the convenience of modern online Research analysis, Black women are the demographic dating. Instead of swiping for hours on end, users set most likely to be unmarried—so Shelley’s app is not only their match requirements and are sent both handpicked necessary, but right on time, following a global pandemic and algorithm-created matches to either like or pass. during which many were confronted with the loneliness of lockdowns and quarantines. “We interview everyone, so we get to meet and see every single person in our community,” explains Hama. Though Shelley is based in the Washington, D.C., area, “And that has been incredibly valuable, not just for her dating experience is shared by single girls across the people as a service, but for us as professionals, too. country. CarpeDM is fighting against the stigma that many Actually talking to our members and learning more Black women face online, where they are considered less about them and their challenges is how we can help them desirable than White women, according to data from a 2014 find love.” study by OKCupid. After looking at millions of interactions on the site between 2009 and 2014, researchers also found While there are many positives to online dating— that Black women received the lowest ratings of all women such as the chance to meet the love of your life—it would on the OKCupid platform. Almost a decade later, the be naive to think that uncomfortable situations don’t discrimination remains much of the same. arise. According to a Pew Research Center survey, many users of other mainstream dating platforms, such as A successful attorney, Shelley maintained an Tinder and Match—and particularly younger women— unwavering belief in herself and was determined to build report being harassed or sent explicit messages. The a dating platform that would benefit Black women. “I team at CarpeDM is determined to protect the lives of come from a family that gives me permission to bet on the Black women who use the app, so all registrants must myself,” she reflects. “But I always had the mindset that be verified for security purposes. These factors include whatever I’m losing while betting on myself, I can get it background checks of identity, employment, income, back, right? So I was like, I’m putting all my savings into sex offender registry and criminal history. this—I was able to save it one time, so I can save it again.” As the CEO, Shelley is a living testament to the All the hard work that Shelley and her bestie from power of what she is building, as she’s road tested it for Howard University of Law, Sali Hama, put in is paying herself. “I dated someone from our app for a little over a dividends. In September 2022, the matchmaking duo year and a half,” she reveals. “And even though that closed an oversubscribed $1 million pre-seed round, led relationship ended earlier this year, it was really cool to by Elevate Capital—a rare and difficult feat for Black use myself as a guinea pig to assess both our algorithm women founders. and our matchmakers’ matching process.” “I almost had a skewed view of how hard it was to If you’re a Black woman in the position and phase raise capital, because my first raise was actually friends of life where you’re open to and able to receive matches and family,” says Shelley. “Sali was one of my first and dates in a meaningful way—maybe it’s time to investors, and she gave me $1,000. So I went around to CarpeDM. all my friends and family, and I was like, ‘Will you give me $1,000 to start this company?’ And through that process, I raised around $118,000. It wasn’t until we moved to trying to raise institutional capital through a venture and angel round that I really realized—like, Wow, this is very difficult.” THRIVE & POWER JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 89

Choosing Freedom ImaniBashirreflectsonthe duality of being a Black Muslim woman exploring life abroad At peace in Egypt. abroad has been easier, but what I will say is it does come with privilege. I’m a Black Muslim woman who wears a hijab, and people don’t see me as American at all until I open my mouth to speak. I find that this accent means something of importance to them, and it’s placed on a pedestal in some ways. The biggest challenge is remembering to breathe easy. I feel like in the U.S. you can never breathe easy, and you always have to keep your head on a swivel—but abroad you can find a good balance. By ESSENCE: Safety concerns are usually Danielle Pointdujour the main hesitation for Black women looking to follow in your footsteps. Do you feel safe Blaxit, the term used to describe the exodus of Black people from America living and traveling out of the country? to destinations across the globe, is nothing new. However, with racial Bashir: One thing I am happy about in my tensions on the rise in the States, more Black people—in particular Black American-ness is that I am constantly aware women—are seeking their peace abroad. Due to the relative safety and of my surroundings and people. Women are lower costs of living, plus career and romantic options, Black women are targets around the globe, so I don’t ever moving everywhere from Guatemala to Ghana. This is the choice Imani forget that, no matter how comfortable I am Bashir made, and she is thriving. With a one-way ticket in hand, she set off on in a place. I believe it’s important that you a journey to find her freedom. Here, she shares lessons learned; the build community, learn what neighborhoods countries she thinks are safest for Black women; and why she stands with are a no-go and learn to speak a bit of the fellow hijab-wearing women in Iran on their right to choose freedom as well. language, so that people aren’t planning to rob you right in your face. I think safety is ESSENCE: You’ve spent the last seven years like China, where it’s not easy to translate relative to the individual, but for me, even in living abroad in several countries, most Mandarin into an app or navigate the culture hijab, I do feel a level of safety because I keep recently in Mexico. What has the experience as a Black person, will truly show you what myself aware. been like for you, and what have you you’re made of. The most important lesson discovered along the way? I’ve learned is that many cultures have six ESSENCE: What countries specifically have Imani Bashir: Having to learn new languages, degrees of separation, and we’re really more you felt safe visiting or living in? customs and just how other people live can alike than we are unalike. Bashir: Cancún in Mexico has been safe be very trying on your spirit. However, it’s like to live and travel through. I felt extremely the saying about New York: “If you can make it ESSENCE: Is living overseas easier as a Black welcomed and safe in Poland and also in here, you can make it anywhere.” I have American woman? What are the challenges? China. But Southeast Asia has to be my all- applied that to being an expat. Somewhere Bashir: I wouldn’t necessarily say that living time favorite place on the planet. Malaysia and Thailand have some of the kindest people I have ever come across. ESSENCE: How do you feel you are perceived as a Black Muslim woman, especially when visiting Arab countries? Bashir: Arab countries really don’t recognize Black people in Islam, although we have 90 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023 THRIVE & POWER

Breathing easy in Pilanesberg, South Africa. existed since the beginning of time. They Fly in London. act as though we can’t be Black, American and Muslim, so they’re always questioning our existence. Although the Arab world acts like gatekeepers of the faith, they don’t own it. It’s as much mine as anyone else’s. ESSENCE: You’ve said on social media that for you, wearing the hijab is a choice. What led to that choice? Bashir: When I was figuring out my career path, I understood that as a woman in sports journalism at the time, I’d be at a deficit, and I’d always be challenged in my field. But I wanted to make sure that I could make my mark in media, and I realized that it was imperative for my Islam to be visible. I wanted people to recognize that this is organically a part of me and to be the example that many young Muslims desperately need. ESSENCE: Currently in Iran, following the death of 22-year-old Mahsa Amini, we are “The biggest challenge is remembering to breathe easy. I feel like in America, you can never breathe easy, and you always have to keep your heard on a swivel—but abroad, you can find a good balance.” C O U R T E SY O F DA NIELLE P OIN T D UJ O U R (3) seeing women of all ages—especially are consequences for certain choices, world, lives her life and is unapologetic is a young women—protesting and calling for but those consequences are not left to man, movement unto itself.” the right to choose whether or not they wear and they certainly don’t require beating a a hijab. What are your thoughts on this woman because you think her headscarf ESSENCE: What would you say to Black movement? isn’t being worn “properly.” My way of women who are looking to find change and Bashir: Islam holds women in a very high supporting the women is to continue to freedom in a foreign land? regard. Throughout texts, women of the show up in spaces that people expect us to Bashir: I would say, do your research, find book are spoken of with reverence—but be restricted from. People have these false a community you can trust and remember unfortunately people conflate culture expectations that as Muslim women we are that your problems don’t magically disappear and Islam, and they’re not synonymous. supposed to be docile and uneducated, and because you’ve created a new life abroad. I Everything in Islam says we have a choice, walk 10 paces behind a man. I certainly am would also say to them that they absolutely because as humans we were given free not that woman. So being a Black woman in deserve a soft life and all that it entails, will to do or not to do. Allah just says there hijab who’s outspoken, who travels the including peace of mind, body and spirit. THRIVE & POWER JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 91

ADVERTISEMENT Wherever you go, goes with you! HAIR: MIRNA JOSE USING AMIKA, MAKEUP: ZOLA HEADLEY USING E.L.F & GLOW RECIPE, PRODUCTION: THE MORRISON GROUP Leaders of the Theresa Chromati will be New Art World showing her paintings at this year’s Art Basel Miami. Meet the Black women artists, curators and collectors at the forefront of the evolving art industry BY KOVIE BIAKOLO PHOTOGRAPHY BY ELLIOTT JEROME BROWN JR. 41 ESSENCE MAGAZINE NOV — DEC 2022 CULTURE Visit essence.com/digitalaccess to begin enjoying your digital issue today! iPad and iPhone are trademarks of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries. Samsung Galaxy is a trademark of SAMSUNG. Kindle and Kindle Fire are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. Google Play is a trademark of Google Inc. Windows 10 is a registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation in the United States and other countries. ESSENCE® is a trademark of ESSENCE® Communications Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries.

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iyicAFnotosEtumBewMmRdnieuUeslrncAilciitRucgdyYraieytOtvitheUiooiTnnysLborOwemueiOcotltoKnrlhm—toeehgnF.rocEaaoETldbuLhoeerSentaLcgttgIoeKeiemrErmetiLbsloOneogVtevaoEmeibrssartnodarriceuvengaidgtnslheouea!nc.tcFUenessebeswrfutvuahelreryessni7oto,lrnaeiroptfr’eescynloaeiuuprgrssr,eeelagtftoo atamnifadmtneeiprfutetowshtifatatmlailygnontiueontwaliacocntvteieno.weniCr.tlghWeyhaf;erutlhler Sag(iNttoYavoreuioum’vsbreseerer.ewao2Ytslh2ohuvauartesttvoshhibayeaDvevoneoeeaudcrnpem,mpIymaelbobdaawuueenuitrrslybeltto2uheu1stcesr)ihotnamtsieteitmsmaoybsennoa.cyucfe.“kodTrcYelhloserfeueaoiardwgwrvihi,mentle.gialnnttgfdohieifntsoahplleaklcsyk”getunsruyeponcpuewoowiMhgrli(afntlnATviiagpsenbzulryaeereibsuncdletscoi.eeims2nmae0ylnfsotoooeuotrpcripoMtcmonahiirdyCendtmgnd2au.al0pnhte)irYouitcownriouaeeyrmrsonae.wuso’tTrvyhhkeoieuswa’pilmrelwoeolanpyitlnsnheot.tbraeNorgeedoontuuwcnaoedrdktiontrgtuhswitisOtalehs(dnAaydVbuoepuiguarrsugvoisaoopntsroes.2sse3assRlsetp—.loabyrYuStootenunpyetwtoreihusmlemmbloaaerpyyreifkt2nenui1eoro)lcnnkhvoeoifsnctityhtoooarusniretoudyasoob.ouorut (December 22 to January 19) L(RtteiJcoIrhonuamtyoslneistiynneewsog2aatwo2dsthkwnootoae’ofyadtlrooApnbvuuotiuegtthtiutalytsiattootnlusgli.b2u,ne2upC)paaehonrokaddhoaaetsylyroe.e.ouatgSrcohtnaopbehpeexotfwiveonurtcdliouenosfelriire.nnaagibYntlooeeounlny. Aries All confusion has been removed from your sight, lddatamotSoy(enetsMee-ba,at.nerriityIcnmgofhgabhusdrt’y2eelo1ap,wluraitearnbmontgeaodiAnnccepayoestrgofl.hieufeel’ebtrerco1e!aa9htl)tMaiehonnnerdgdnlaoiyernno.etguhrDtbeeousscsugeiiceslnctioeeotnssnhgsssewwnjoieortebkhd causing you to feel like you have 20/20 vision. It’s time to take control of your life, as events have been moving too quickly for your liking. The energy you have been preserving was for this moment. Everything is about to change for the better! Ge(mMianLyiigy2ho1tulritssotowthmaJeateyunth.ncoatesasPbopneao2edsuR1cwlst&)iheiBaotsolhhnfaeiasenmttoed.semleeanaomnibnbdgoerhu.aettcnsSejyhoaAoatywurh(qaeesiJutTwthtalaretehonreyehigvitousuaseeiuoaasttvmmncryrkaeeooeeyysoinmaowultitytp2aurhnloshoy0gruseewswsyeritisoelwttoeuohlfohsfff.rFse—leejeydblsoo,ryuui.iatdfrYebyoysuuoe1tur8hvy)aceovaueni.tso!BonelCmyokumicapnhcadcreteirapslttoeonntthiastto noLib(rSHaeaplstiTekyhmeaoibusAyberorrmmsueluou2aecnrh2kfhtpat-hrtvfnioerpmesoaaeObemlydcemvetetoadonhbfcbeefRlaesee&etrenrRni2dfoiyi2iintos)nncuigahosnianmcnnooitgnnoah?epletyDphrwooeleaeresysthfp.uotionrytabytnN(iiSaohensootzOncfueeidyoutdcoenbin’etratiwr,rsqplvoloriauueiaigbetonptntihe.hpatdibttrkoae?eeesrtsneo2t.okimni3senvt.tetrarooeAyfallNitolfonavovgymiweointmlupgobyeetmaoirhnopmidolp2sdefr1ro)Frtiveeioebngrdshysueto.aeurnTrhhyoseoweytw?lohfaEa,smvvhaeeyoznnowiouant’sigvceed— btthaY(PoahanoFirkassduenectrbyseurtposnvuateuloalooroirepccmynblkeatae1kscti9ek.khsn,atsUoytoosbwomeuhuMeytiratodrrhiugdceetrieham’fnln!st2ap.0mumo)opeLtn.eeteanoyYrtoniyouaofhlufho.awtyvTooethuomerwahnhuknaeonseattloiatdwmsnvSuioeduled(rtrorerJatCokweausilabrnmens-d.eeceoerwY2trvno2oeuateranonldfjlJrosuiyytleoayrnuyed2cshc1oal)anvonnesdeeacfcttaciomonihmglopywmlieihtsathhvheepides,moimpasolnsnedetdyhto.ayukoSeui.t HOROSCOPE BY AMBER LITTLE JAN–FEB 2023 ESSENCE.COM 95

LOVE Celebrating Black “Relationship objectives should RULES! couples is in be big, long term and approached like a business,, with SMART Our staffers share relationship goals to aim the ESSENCE DNA. goals—meaning goals that are for—whether you’re already boo’d up or still This January Specific, Measurable, Attainable, searching for The One Relevant and Time-Based.” 1973 issue still —CLARENCE MCGANN, SALES inspires. STRATEGY MANAGER, BEAUTYCON “This is true love: Freedom to ESSENCE ARCHIVES be my full, authentic self. Safety in each other, so we can evolve to the highest versions of ourselves. Strength in our union to withstand the creation of a new world.” —IMANI NUÑEZ, MOTION GRAPHIC DESIGNER “My desired partner will help elevate my personhood by inspiring and pouring into me. We’ll be aligned mentally, spiritually, emotionally and sexually.” —DOMINIQUE BRIELLE FLUKER, CONTRIBUTING LIFESTYLE EDITOR “Trust, open communication and mutual support are what relationships are all about.” —BROOKLYN R. WHITE, FEATURES EDITOR “My goals include faith in each other, passion and a healthy dose of spontaneous fun. From random dance sessions in the kitchen to having uncomfortable but necessary conversations to creating generational wealth, I hope my relationship goals are always rooted in respect, loyalty, joy and love.” —BRIDGETTE BARTLETT ROYALL, SENIOR RESEARCH EDITOR “Relationship goals look like mutual respect, adoration and compassion. It’s like a comforting blanket that has you feeling loved, secure, protected and stable.” —TIFFANY JOHNSON, ASSOCIATE ACCOUNT MANAGER We want to hear from you! What do you think couples should prioritize to achieve a healthy, happy partnership? Use the hashtag #RELATIONSHIPGOALS to let us know. 96 ESSENCE.COM JAN–FEB 2023



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