MASH-2017

MAJESTIC ANNUAL SPUDS HANDBOOK VOL 1 NO 1 - JULY 2017 BROUGHT TO YOU BY OUR OFFICIAL SPONSORS: Royal Australiasian College of The Society for Perpetuation of CascaMde*A*S*H 1 ‘Remier League United Debauchery and Shenanigans & Pipps Cup

Contents 20 BANTER LOGISTICS 6 THE A-Z OF SYDVENTION Your Alphabetised Guide to Survivng Sydvention CPC Logistics 2017 FOREWORD/ page 4 CPC Logistics 2017 / page 6 What, Where, When, and How? The History of CPC / page 8 LOTM/Medal Squad of 2017 / page 10 History Time: AMSA 1995 / page 11 RACRL Report / page 12 RACRL Founders and Fellows / page 13 Tinder: Meet the Medallers / page 14 NHA Report / page 16 Highest ‘Ables of the Nation / page 17 A-Z of Sydvention / page 20 Why AMSA is Wrong About ‘Rem / page 23 ‘Rem Roadtrip: A Retrospective / page 24 2 M*A*S*H

ART 37 SKILLS 28 ‘REMMING SWIFTLY COSTUMING IN DETENTION The TayTay Cover that swept the Nation Let Shugg learn you a thing about the Art of Convention Costuming. at TacoVention 2016, by the incomparable Musical Genius, And the Little One Said. RESEARCH 39 SummerVention: Beach Roadtrip / page 26 Costuming in Detention / page 28 History Time: The 70s / page 36 ‘Remming Swiftly: An ATLOS Poem / page 37 Sydvention Bingo / page 38 Abstract: The COPPAFAG Trial / page 39 History Time: Our Ancestors were SPUDS / page 42 The COPPAFAG Trial ‘Rem ‘hilosophy: How Do We Move? / page 43 Essential Research into the Effects of copious Schmeer consumption on objective ‘Remier League Skill M*A*S*H 3

Foreword Welcome to the inaugural edition of MASH, the annual SPUDS magazine for all aspects of convention culture not supported by AMSA, including but not limited to chanting, ‘Remier League, CPC (Cascade & Pipps Cups) and intervarsity banter. The Society for Perpetuation of United Debauchery & Shenanigans (SPUDS) is an organisation that was created in order to preserve the, less AMSA-palatable, aspects of convention culture. It is this part of the culture that I (and many others) fell in love with and drives us to come back year after year. SchmAMSA’s Bans In recent years, the Australian Medical Students Association has taken a more political stance and has, in the authors humble and mildly biased opinion, lost connection with the medical students they represent. This came to a head in 2015, when in the lead up to that year’s Convention in Melbourne, the AMSA board officially banned two activities from their events and volunteers. The first, was removing the Cascade and Pipps Cups boat races from Convention, despite the fact that these boat races had been a part of Convention for over 30 years. This was also against the wishes of the 2015 Melbourne Convention Executive at the time who had planned their event to include these boat races. The second, was formally banning the drinking game known as ‘Remier League at its events as well as banning its volunteers by being involved. This was especially politically minded, as at no point in AMSA’s history had ‘Remier League caused any issues. Whilst these ‘bans’ were misguided, and in the context of ‘remier league, hilariously ineffec- tive, they did actually serve a purpose. Since its exile from AMSA the CPC boat races have annually been run underground by a group of invested students ensuring that this long-stan- ding tradition continues. By making CPC a separate and optional event it has concentrated the enthusiasm of devoted delegates who support it, making the atmosphere within the private venues used comparable to that of a national sporting match – packed with raucous drunken supporters chanting their team’s superiority in the face of any adversary. So, whilst AMSA’s actions have sought to limit these integral parts of convention culture with their official bans in 2015, this has only strengthened them, free from the political restrictions. Whilst you’ll never hear me say it, AMSA did good (by accident). 4 M*A*S*H

Whilst I personally have strong opinions about AMSA (especially regarding their loss of focus on goals of supporting medical students and instead focussing on political advocacy for a broad range of issues that aren’t always relevant to medical students) I concede that the orga- nisation is a nexus for interstate friendships and shoulders the financial risk of the skulduggery many of us enjoy. Whilst I hope it can return to its roots, until such a time SPUDS is here to make sure our culture is never forgotten SPUDS Purpose So, what is SPUDS? True to its name the Society for Perpetuation of United Debauchery & Shenanigans (SPUDS) was created in 2017 to ensure that these key aspects of convention culture did not fade into myth and then legend but instead persist to enable future medical students to FSU and have a good time. SPUDS as an organisation has multifaceted purpose. First and foremost, it is to protect long standing aspects of convention culture from the needlessly restrictive influence of the AMSA board. Secondarily it is to provide a platform for intervarsity communication and banter, as one of the greatest derivatives of convention is the national community of medical students it has created. Without the interstate friendships created through convention it would not be what it is today, and whilst AMSA can create these connections in an official format these relationships truly flourish in the unhindered looseness of convention. Finally, SPUDS has the added benefit of being a convenient hub for logistical organising of non-official or interstate events (such as CPC, RACRL exams, Roadtrip & Summervention). MASH Magazine But why a magazine? Well Why not? Superficially this magazine is simply a bit of comedic reading for a convention ranger, keeping them up to date with the underground workings of other subterranean spuds, from updates on CPC & RACRL exams to entertaining ramblings of a conveteran. On a deeper level, however this is an effort to preserve the history of some of the best facets of convention culture. As you will see shortly, reading over similar reports form our medical stu- dent ancestors is a hilarious view into the past. A few decades from now who knows what con- vention will look like, and what they will think of us heathens and our hedonistic tomfooleries. So, I hope you find some nostalgia or enjoyment from this collection of reports, ramblings and guides from current conveterans. If you have something you’d like to add keep an eye on the SPUDS Facebook page for opportunities to contribute in 2018. Schmeers, Evan “Lily’ad” Garrett Inaugural MASH editor 2017 M*A*S*H 5

CPC LOGISTICS 2017 WHAT, WHERE, WHEN AND HOW WHAT “The Cascade [and Pipps] Cup is, was, and forever will be the premier intercollegiate competition between Austra- lian medical students at National Convention” WHERE The Coopers Hotel 221 King St, Newtown NSW 2042 WHEN 5pm, Wednesday, July 5th Straight after Sports day and before the Social night. The first race will be at 5pm. The event will finish at 8pm. There will be no clashes this year and you will be able to get to the social venue before lock out at 930pm. 6 M*A*S*H

Drink specials: Beer $6 - Base spirits $8 - House Wine $6 HOW 1. Make sure you head to sports day until 4pm. 2. Once sports day finishes catch the convention transport to Redfern train station. 3. You will arrive at the train station by 430pm. 4. From here you have two options a. Take a 1.8km walk to the venue (see map) (should be much quicker than 23 mins) b. Catch public transport 5. Arrive at the venue and enjoy the drink specials 6. Races will finish at 8pm 7. You can then head straight to the social venue. The theme of the social night is sports day costumes so no need to go back to your hotel and get changed 8. You again have 2 options to get to the social venue a. Catch a $15 uber/ taxi b. Catch public transport 9. Make sure you get to the social venue before 930pm lockout! TRANSPORT OPTIONS M*A*S*H 7

1972HISTORY TIME: THE CASCADE & PIPPS CUPS 1974 BY DR. BOOMSHAKALAKA 1978CONVENTION ENTHUSIAST, AND CASCADE CHAMPION 2011-2016 1989CPC is an institution amongst Australian medical students, and has been since the donation of the “Cascade Premium Cup” from the Cascade Brewery in Hobart in 1972. Worth $42.50 at the time ($421.33 in today’s money), this Cup was the centre of many great rivalries between Australian medical students from its inception until this day. The AMSA Convention has had a history of many intervarsity competitions, many of which have fallen by the wayside including a talent night, “best convention song”, the Iron Man/Maiden competition and even “Escalator races” (yes, this was an actual competition in the mid-70s). The skolling competition was present as a competition at Convention in 1971 but was not formalised with the name “The Cascade Cup” until 1972 after this donation was made. Archival photos show evidence of both male and female competitors from its inception, however there was a split (likely mid 1980s) into two competitions: Cascade and Pipps. The Cascade and Pipps Cups (hereafter “CPC”) both maintained their relevance through strong interstate rivalries and friendships. Whether it’s the infamous story of Melbourne University stealing the Cascade Cup from Adelaide in 1978 (after which the Adelaide team legitimately drafted and submitted an official supreme court injunction through the help of a QC) or stories of teams sabotaging the outcomes of the final by physically breaking all of the cups at the venue (circa ~1981), the folklore of CPC has grown from one ta(b)le to the next. 8 M*A*S*H

After 44 years of being one of the most consistent features of AMSA 1999 & 2003 as an organization, a decision was made to officially disassociate themselves from this competition, citing it to be a “drinking game” 2010 that “perpetuates unsafe drinking culture”. In true Convention spirit, this was a decision that was met with great opposition, especially as 2015 it was less than a month before the 2015 Convention was to start. 2015 In a last ditch effort to save the future of CPC, a team of ragtag enthusiasts from across the country, calling themselves “The Faceless 2016 Five”, made phone calls and interstate trips to garner support for CPC to be run itself as an independent entity. Large donations were made by doctors and students, t-shirts were printed and a facebook page created. Known as “Pipps and Cascade” for many years amongst AMSA circles (often spoken as though it were a dirty word at AMSA Council), the event was rather unimaginatively rebranded as CPC to begin the new era. In a setting reminiscent to the first Cascade Cup, the Eureka Hotel in Richmond (500m from the Carlton Brewery) was the venue for the first independent CPC and brought approximately 300 delegates along for an afternoon of revelry and university pride. Songs were penned, with highlights such as versions of Beastie Boys (“you’ve gotta fight for your right, to skoll beers”), INXS (“(AMSA) you’ll never tear us apart”), The Jackson Five (“CPC, it’s you and me girl”) and a completely reworked “Cascadian Rhapsody” (“skollileoooo!”). Needless to say, the aptly-named Eureka Hotel was the setting of a fantastic rebellion against the culture-fearing AMSA Board. A similarly ridiculous event was held in 2016 at the Commonwealth Hotel in Townsville. For many years, the winning team often celebrated CPC with a nudie run in the nearest park or body of water. The celebrations in 2016 weren’t the Swan, Yarra or Derwent Rivers of years gone by, but instead was the small outdoor pool at the Commonwealth Hotel, with the victors also donated a palm tree (in true Townsville fashion!) by the publicans. Since going “underground”, Cascade & Pipps Cups is in as strong a position as it has ever been. The bonds that connect all Australian medical students haven’t been broken since the competitions began almost 50 years ago, and will continue to thrive for years to come. Get out to CPC this year and continue to be a part of the history! M*A*S*H 9

Lap of the Map/Medal of honour squad 2017 Charlotte Cox, Deloshaan Subha- Daniel Hack, Holly Richter, Lachlan Cook, Thomas Everin- Doug Roche, James Harris, Bond Uni, Flinders Uni, Flinders Uni, gham, Flinders Griffith Uni, Griffith Uni, MoH (4) haran, Bond Uni, Flinders Uni, MoH (4) MoH (4) Uni, MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) James Davies, Neralie Shuker, Nicholas Snels, Ryan Perkins, Zachary King, Mitchell Pryce, Jane Collinson, Annie Collinson, Griffith Uni, Griffith Uni, Griffith Uni, Griffith Uni, JCU, Monash Uni, Adelaide Uni, Adelaide Uni, MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) LOTM MoH (5) LOTM LOTM Druva Mitra, Evan Garrett, Jonathan Chou, Luke Vater, Matthew Fischer, Maya Todd, Monica Venuti, Nathan Shugg, Adelaide Uni, Adelaide Uni, Adelaide Uni, Adelaide Uni, Adelaide Uni, Adelaide Uni, Adelaide Uni, Adelaide Uni, LOTM LOTM LOTM LOTM LOTM LOTM LOTM LOTM Alex Buckby, Manon Audigé, Matthew Bright, Helen Quach, Edward Bellemore, Isabella Williams, Jenna Mewburn, Maggie Allwright, Adelaide Uni, Uni of Melbourne, Uni of Melbourne, Uni of NSW, Uni of NDS, Uni of NDS, MoH (5) MoH (4) MoH (4) LOTM Uni of Newcastle, Uni of NDS, MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (5) MoH (4) Tesni Pattiaratchi, Christopher O’Ka- Sonia Sahni, Honor Magon, Daniel Kopinski, Kieran Muir, Mason Habel, Nicholas Bayfield, Uni of NDS, ne, Uni of QLD, Uni of QLD, Uni of QLD, Uni of Sydney, Uni of Sydney, Uni of Tasmania, Uni of Tasmania, MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (4) MoH (5) MoH (5) Rebecca Civil, Aiasha Saikal, Oluwasen Kolade, Trent Stapleton, Angie Brescia, Jarrod Bradley, Let it be noted that together, Uni of WA, Uni of Wollon- Uni of Wollon- Uni of Wollon- Western Sydney Western Sydney these delegates have spent MoH (4) gong, MoH (4) gong, MoH (4) gong, MoH (4) Uni, LOTM Uni, MoH (5) ~$216,000 funding AMSA Conventions over the past 6 years (not including flights, costuming, and various courses of antibiotics). If you see them, give them a hug/ high five 10 M*A*S*H

History Time: AMSA Report 1995 Thanks to Dr. Boomshakalaka Johnston for providing this excerpt. What a difference two decades can make to a culture! The juxtaposition of today’s schmAMSA and the AMSA of 1995 is startling. You’ll find more ancient contributions from this esteemed doctor’s collection later in the magazine. AMSA 1995 In 1995 the AMSA executive travelled down the Hume to Melbourne, and a home in the offices of MDAV, who maintained their sponsorship of the AMSA through CAMDO - the confederation of Australian Medical Defence organisations. CAMDO gave AMSA about $20K per year and in those days was our major sponsor. The AMA continued to fund the position of National Coordinator - about $1400 per month. The AMSA president was on AMA Fed Council, was a voting member of the newly formed AMA Doctors in Training committee, and was a member of the AMA Ethics and Public health committee and the AMA Women in Medicine committee. Brendan Nelson was AMA President and purported to support students wholeheartedly. Despite this he, along with David Brand, Peter Joseph and Michael Bollen at the RACGP were largely resposible the next year for shafting us all through their implicit support for the provider number legislation. The issues for AMSA in 1995 were gradually changing the blokey, beer swilling party image of AMSA council (not to mention conven- tion) and to introduce words such as “financial accountability” and believe it or not “budget” into the AMSA lexicon. Much of this work of professionalising AMSA was started by David Evans and his team in 1994, and was continued in 1995 and 1996. The relationship between convention and council was formalised, the advantage being that convention “Go sick in Vic” was held in Melbourne in 1995, and the convention coordinator was also on the executive. This was the first year of the alcohol optional night at AMSA, with a voucher system in place. Convention was a roaring success, with “Remier League” making its first national appearance thanks to the work of the boys from Adelaide and of course “Joke”, “Farce” and “Introitus”. In its original form it was required to be (p)ants down or bras out in order to (p)lay, and the chair had absolute authority, only challenged by the word of the “thumbmaster”. Our time was occupied with opposing national registration of medical students, the introduction of voluntary student Unionism, and on- going fights with the RACGP, who were at that time going through the “Hey we are a specialty” and continuing to decrease the number of training places that they offered. The National coordinator of that year, Andrew Eakin, explored the concept of a national rural medical students alliance, and the council voted to introduce a rural/aboriginal health essay prize. The AMSA also went “online” in 1995 with the purchase of a “modem”, which when connected to our top of the range Macintosh 2ci let us connect to the “internet”. We splashed out that year and also bought a third computer to go with our desktop and our laptop - exciting! AMSA also paid for a mobile phone for the president, but not for the executive. Compared to how AMSA looks today, we were essentially rank amateurs, but the seeds had been planted for AMSA to take off. Good financial planning, a more accountable attitude and better record keeping and archiving meant that when AMSA went to Qld in 1996 and the provider number issue reared it’s ugly head, the organisation was well placed to step up. By Chris Merry AMSA President 1995 Note that this is direct and unedited from the original source. The editor can confirm the original font was Times New Roman, it is doubtful that there were many other options for font in 1995… An interesting fact that a disappointingly few delegates realise is that Convention came before AMSA. In fact, AMSA was only created in order to coordinate the increasingly successful event known as Convention. M*A*S*H 11

2016 RACRL EXamination report The annual Royal Australasian College of ‘Remier League examinations of 2016 were a magnificent success. With a focus of the year on extending the reach of ‘Remier League across the nation (including the other side of the vast Nullarbor ‘lain, where skeletons live), the exams were specifically designed to ensure that any ‘layer felt comfortable timing into the exam ‘rocess. With upwards of 60 individuals ‘articipating, a “Great Success” was deemed had by the National High ‘Able. From the start of Tacovention, both Scarlet Fever and myself had multitudes of ‘layers saying they “forgot” to register yet would still like to sit the exam. After many a shot was had (read: Tropical Job. You heard it here first; Miduri, Malibu and ‘araiso all in one shot), these individuals were welcomed into the examination fraternity. Told to meet at a ‘ark nearby to the Convention Centre, little was known about what would take ‘lace. One can only describe the subsequent hour and a half as “an experience.” With 60 questions to answer in 90 minutes, the membership candidates had ‘lenty of time to sit back and have an enjhoy during events such as the first (also ‘robably the last) ‘Remier League Beep Test and the thoroughly satisfying Great Motion of 2016 (*sploosh*). Unfortunately, my thoughts were otherwise ‘reoccupied on the dwindling amount of toilet ‘aper remaining to recall what occurred simultaneously to the Great Motion, but I heard there were some low-key shenanigans happening. NALAshhh. After a swift marking ‘rocess (fingers in the middle to the invigilators for staying behind to assist with said ‘rocess), it was determined that a record number of BJBJ Viva Voce examinations were to be undertaken at Tacovention 2016. As the morning of the viva voces arrived, the examiners awoke early (and hungover) ready to be split across BJ rooms. Unfortunately, one room’s first candidate “slept” through their scheduled time and caused logistical havoc for yours truly. Fortunately, with some hard work and good communication from the senior examiners, they were able to be “slipped in” at another time. Alas, I could only exist at one ‘lace at one time and was only able to witness one room’s examinations. However, I learnt many a good thing, including a mesh chair can make a grand guacamole if you “avocado the chair.” Many of these things (read: all but that) have subsequently been forgotten as the strong candidates noticed my ‘ersonal Bon Jovi’s (terrible by me). As the examinations concluded early in the afternoon after a solid school’s day, the examiners met to deduce the results. The Board of Examiners meeting went long into the dusk, and as the room warmed up (20 drunk individuals in a hotel room, it got stuffy), so did the discussion. Each room identified a candidate to be nominated for the award given to the top candidate: The Floppy Cock Rocket Award (FCR). There were two clear standouts, with Knifey Spooney and And The Little One Said ‘erforming exceptionally, albeit through different means, in their respective examinations. As a consensus was difficult to achieve, the chairs ‘ulled infallibility and declared Knifey Spooney the FCR for 2016! However, due to the nature of And The Little One Said’s examination, the NHA determined that she would receive the inaugural Coppafeel ‘Rize for Ingenuity and ‘Rogression! Another record number of 2Tk Fellows were formally inducted into the Royal Australasian College of ‘Remier League, from all across the nation. Of ‘articular note, Dr Moaning Myrtle (who had received membership status in her final year ‘rior to graduating) happened to be in town(sville) at the same time as the Viva Voce examinations and was eligible to sit one, and subsequently successfully obtain her fellowship! This ‘recedent may allow any Graduate Member of the College sitting rights to a Viva Voce, should they be able to attend on said day. This is of course always at the Chair’s discretion, as the chair is indeed infallible. As for the 2016 Examinations, it is time to time out and leave it in the ‘ast! Scarlet Fever and myself look forward to where the examinations go in the future and cannot wait to see what the highly respected, highly esteemed Fellati Boy has in store for 2017! Chow, Historectomy. RACRL Co-Chair 2016 FRACRL  12 M*A*S*H

Founders and fellows of the royal australasian college of 'remier league M*A*S*H 13

Every year, an elite group of people with more money than sense are awarded a prestigious honour. Traditionally, Lap of the Map medals have been given to delegates who have attended 6 Conventions (one in each location – prior to the introduction of the “rural” location), and Medal of Honour medals have been given to those who attend Convention every year of their medical degree. This year brings the introduction of Sevensies (people who have attended 7 Conventions) and Eight is Great (people who have attended 8 Conventions). We managed to track the 6 people down on an unorthodox social media. Would you swipe right? REDACTED 14 M*A*S*H

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NHA REport JULY 2016 - JUNE 2017 The NHA is the governing body of all ‘Remier League in Australasia, and indeed, the world. It consists of an elite team of ‘layers from all states* in Australia who dedicate themselves to identifying any conundrums or queries that arise within their state which require dialogue and ruling upon, such as to improve the general understanding and therefore quality of ‘Remier League. This year in the NHA we have had a number of meetings facilitating discussion of various important issues surrounding the culture and con- tinuation of ‘Remier League (outcomes of these discussions are noted below). Our goals in the future are to continue to uphold the finest traditions of ‘Remier League, to ‘rotect and ‘romote our great sport, and to consume vast amounts of schmeer. ‘Otare Ut Sciamus, Inception NHA Chair 2016-2017 MOTIONS ‘ASSED BY THE NHA IN THE ‘AST 12 MONTHS 1. “Donald Trump is forbidden from naming anyone.” 2. “Anyone wishing to change their name/be renamed should contact their state HA chair, explain the reasoning, and the HA chair is responsible for ‘resenting it to the NHA for it to be reviewed.” 3. “It is forbidden for anyone to consume anything from the suction unit in theatre. Ever.” BJ. “It is forbidden for anyone to take a motion via skype whilst timed in to a NHA meeting.” 5. “Mario Kart whiz moves are clean slate.” 6. “There will be a yearly ‘Remier league AGM/open meeting, at which anyone can join and ‘ectate.” 7. IMPORTANT: “The official name of the RACRL (Royal Australian College of ‘Remier League) has now been changed to the Royal Australasian College of ‘Remier League.” Tk. “Deck Chairs are officially condemned by the NHA” 9. “NHA Naming Recommendations updated on 02/03/2017” IJ. “The NHA officially condones Clyde ‘Armers biscuits.” 11. “The war between the NHA and the NALA is officially over” NHA 2015-2016 NHA 2016-2017, FROM LEFT: Ry “Timed Out” Martin (WAHA), Evan “Lily’Ad” Garrett (NHA), Nas Arvind “Scarlet Fever” Jothin (SAHA), Manon “Not à Trois” Audigé (VHA), Mitch “Fellati’Boy” “’Enis Envy” Abdul (NSWHA), Arvind “Scarlet Fever” Jothin (RACRL), Pryce (RACRL), Sonia “’Lay Offs” Sahni (QHA), Jess “Inception” Dalwood (NHA), Sam “Hal- Brian “Histerectomy” Gue (RACRL), David “Lindt” Titchen (THA), Jess fway There” Roberts (NSWHA), Nick “Epistaxis” Bayfield (THA), “Inception” Dalwood (SAHA), Tom “Diesel” Randall (QHA), Ella “Highly Competeny” Giudice (WAHA) Matt “Scooby Doo” Bright (VHA)

Highest 'Ables of the nation South Australian High ‘Able - By Scarlet Fever The South Australian High ‘Able (SAHA) is ‘robably the oldest (and therefore highest) ‘able in the world (citation needed). Its origins can be traced back almost a decade ago, following the creation of the NHA back in (f)Melbourne 200Tk. Since then, the SAHA has experienced tremendous growth and change. SA has traditionally been one of the strongest contributors to ‘Remier League culture in the ‘ast, with more living (albeit geriatric) legends than can be counted with one set of Ikj fingers (equivalent to approximately 2 hands). However, recent years has seen a slight decline in ‘Remier League within the SA community than in ‘ast years, which has been a source of some consternation and within the SAHA. After much discussion (we have come to the conclusion that ‘erhaps we need to go back to the roots of how ‘Remier League culture was back a few years ago. While ‘Remducation at MedCamp has caused an increase in general competence within the SA ‘opulace, we suspect that this may have inadvertently taken away some of the initial magic ‘Remier League created for newer ‘layers; the magic which has kept us such avid followers all these years. With that in mind, the SAHA has decided this year to revert back to a minimalistic teaching attitude towards ‘Remier League, and rather than trying to didactically teach ‘Remier League, to instead ‘romote ‘rinking and learning, which really forms the essence of what ‘Remier League is all about. We also strongly discourage unsportsmanlike chairing (referred to as being a DeckChair), and feel like this, more than anything else, is what can drive ‘layers away from our great game. We will continue monitor how this affects ‘Remier League and will report back when we get more information. SAHA 2017 Arvind “Scarlet Fever” Jothin (Chair) Jess “Inception” Dalwood Evan “Lily’ad” Garrett Vinh “Wallaby” Thoi Nathan “Detention” Shugg Monica “Sample Size” Chen Erick “Firing Squad” Urdevics Nathan “Loose Ship” Dignham New South Welshian High ‘Able - By Halfway There T16 marked the reformation of a complete NSW High ‘able with representation from 3 different universities and equality across genders. This forward progression started with ‘rem roadtrip BJ held in Sydney last year, and with a lot of convincing (despite the name) new layers were introduced into the culture. From then interest has continued to rise with ‘remducations across the state, record New South Welshman getting involved with RACRL and roadtrips/summervention and just simply getting amongst it. With Syd17 just around the corner this can only mean bigger and better things for NSW. NSWHA 2017 Sam “Halfway There” Roberts (Chair) Beckie “Safety First” Singer Jack “Back Draft” McDonogh Haisley “Flying High” Formosa Phoebe “Just Trippin” Macintosh-Evans Andre “TBA FRACRL” Coulshed Lucy “‘Ublic” de Kantzow) Olivia “Lesbihonest” Chang M*A*S*H 17

Highest 'Ables of the nation Victorian High ‘Able - By Not à Trois The Victorian High ‘Able had a ‘hysical ‘able before even existing. After many rejections by the NHA, the VHA was finally ac- cepted when our founding fathers the HEHR Dr. Herculean and Dr. Jif included in the ‘roposal that the VHA would be separate from the City of Melbourne (FM). Although it saddens FM students to have to reject our love of avocado lattes and unicycles for the sake of the VHA, we understand that it is necessary. From our moral rejection of wife-slapping to the highly advanced Victorian Special, you know that Victoria does it Better. Any doubts about that? Time in with us and find out for sure. VHA fun facts: - The VHA is one of two state High ‘Ables to have a ‘hysical ‘able, built by the HEHR Dr. Herculean - The initials of both VHA TokenDeakins are BW. - The 2015 chair Scooby Doo used to be called Hammerhead - We elect our new VHA members and vote on a new chair every year. *gasp* democracy! - Both award winners from last year’s RACRL exams were Victorian, the HEHR Knifey Spooney taking away the Floppy Cock Rocket award and the HEHR And the Little One Said (AtLOS) the inaugural Coppafeel Creativity Award VHA 2017 Manon “Not à Trois” Audigé (Chair) Matt “Scooby Doo” Bright Gavin “Telescopic” Wayne Michayla “Daisy Chain” Doherty Lexi “Femme Fatale” King Michael “Back Row Bandit” Zhang Sarah “And the Little One Said” Marshall Clare “Baewatch” Vincent Queensland High ‘Able - By Sonia Sahni The Queensland High ‘able is an amazing group of ‘eople who over the years have seen its highs and lows of ‘rem. From having zero attendees at Summervention 2015 to having almost enough ‘layers for a full boat race at ‘rem roadtrip 2017. An honored member of the coalition of distant states, Queensland has now initiated a Queensland ‘rem roadtrip to fulfil the needs of our thirsty first years who cannot get enough of ‘rem and our culty modes, with one ‘layer asking “When do I get to consume the flesh of Thom?”. Us Queenslanders love our wives and hence do not hesitate to disciple them with a good wife slap, however we only condone respectful wife slaps, and any disrespectful wifeslapper will be forced to be the buffalo with the wrath of the entire ‘able unleashed upon him. QHA 2017 Sonia “’Lay Offs” Sahni (Chair) Ed “Bon Jovi ‘ly” Thornely Zac “Vivid Imagination” King Orla “Anticlimax” Barry Chris “Schapelle” O’Kane 18 M*A*S*H

Highest 'Ables of the nation Taswegian High ‘Able - By Epistaxis The Meriam-Webster Dictionary defines ‘chow’ as a noun, intransitive verb, and pronoun which originally was short for ‘chow- chow’, and dates its original use back to 1856[1]. This original use was by the Tasmanian High ‘Able of ‘Remier League, and the afore- mentioned ‘chowchow’ a relic of ancient ‘lay, as the founding members had two heads and thus were unable to chow only once ‘er turn. Assembled in the early 1900s, the Tasmanian High ‘Able of Remier League Initially consisted of zero FRACRLs and a supervisor Fellow who was never heard from again. Yet, from little things big things grow, and thus both game 63 and general envy for Taswegia consu- med Australian ‘RL. Application fees are $BJBJ0 and ‘ayable to the chair. ChowChow. Ref: 1 - Merriam-webster.com. (2017). Definition of CHOW. [online] Available at: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chow [Accessed 21 Jun. 2017]. THA 2017 Front Row: Dr Crossing Boundaries (Grad) Dr Lindt NHA (Grad) Epistaxis NHA (Chair) Dr Moses (Grad) Back Row: Booty Call Rude Awakening Gaseous Exchange Fire Escape Bro Down Coitus Interruptus Close But No Cigar Western Australian High ‘Able - By Highly Competent The WAHA was once (apparently?) a stronghold of ‘Remier League culture in Australia - however, over some years a once thriving WAHA somehow became a reclusive WALA of sorts. Having ‘layed for less than a year at the time of writing, I am largely unfamiliar with what I’m sure is a colourful history of deviance and debauchery. Although ‘Rem is largely dead here in WA, death is indeed a big business. As the Necromancer and WAHA Chair I can say the only thing I’ve learned from my predecessor is that “what is dead may never die,” and from this death we indeed have been reborn in a sexy Phoenix-like fashion. This past year there have been some exciting developments - Countdown gaining fellowship of the RACRL, and Timed Out overthrowing the most loved WAHA to head some sort of NALA (the NHA supports continuity with change?), and gene- rally getting lit at summervention and RRT. I was initiated as the WAHA Chair after only laying for a few glorious days at TSV Convention 2016, I couldn’t have asked for a better group of guys to be thrown under the bus by. Long live the WAHA. WAHA 2017 Ella “Highly Competent” Giudice (Chair) Ry “Timed Out” Martin Cameron “Countdown” Payne Alex “’aper Boy” Armstrong Rama “Slam ‘oetry” Chidambaram M*A*S*H 19

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Why 'Remier league should be condoned by amsa Flashback to my first ever convention. I was young, naive, and my few first-year UQ friends had missed out on accommodation tickets. I arrived at the first social night without my friends, ridiculously sober, and very lonely. I decided to try and make friends with someone in the drinks line, and after we both had obtained our schmeers, he invited me back to what I then called a table. Needless to say, my memories from that night are vague at best. This, however, isn’t the point. ‘Remier League isn’t about getting blind drunk, nor is it about bullying newbies into ‘rinking, it is about the friendship that can be built between an ‘able of ‘eople who have never met each other before, live on opposite ends of the county, and are about to become bonded for life through a simple ‘rinking game. Now, AMSA has some valid arguments for why they no longer condone ‘Remier League, but I argue that medical students who in a few shorts years will be responsible for patient lives, can surely by given the responsibility of handling their own alcohol. Welfare is an excellent and vital part of convention social nights, and yet how often do you see someone who was ‘laying ‘Remier League end up in welfare? Barely ever. Why, you ask? Simply because while ‘Remier League is a ‘rinking game, it isn’t a game where you are constantly skolling (unless you halfway there – then you deserve it). As such, most ‘layers, especially skilled ‘layers consume their schmeer at a responsible rate. Now, if you were to compare this to an average convention social night attendee, you’ll find that their way of drinking is much more dangerous. A non- ‘layer would arrive at social after having copious amounts of alcohol at predrinks, and then head straight for the bar because they need to top-up before they hit the dance floor. This usually results in them using all Bon Jovi of their drinks tokens in one go – usually on shots. Once these are consumed they hit the D-floor, or start chatting up an unsuspecting Grifftafe. Burning up the D-floor and trying to seduce Grifftafe are both exhausting tasks, and so these non-‘layers get thirsty and go back to the bar. Naturally no one wants to line up twice so they get multiple drinks at once, down them, and then move on to an unsuspecting Montrash. The process then repeats, and due to the simple fact that non-‘layers have nothing to occupy their attention with they end up drinking far more than ‘layers. Hence, they tend to end up in welfare. The crux of the argument is that banning ‘Remier League will not reduce the amount of people who end up in welfare, nor will it change the drinking culture of convention. This drinking culture has existed far before ‘Remier League and it will continue to exist even without ‘Remier League. So why try to ban a game that forges lifelong friendships? The friendships that you make when you accidently Schwartz for the Bon Jovith time, or when you when you correctly ‘lay a Beelzebub-bub-bub, or when you finally get named and you get to chair your very first ‘able. These memories, moments and friendships wouldn’t exist without ‘Remier League, and by trying to take it away from us AMSA is losing more than they are gaining. - The UQ Ranger M*A*S*H 23

History Time: 'Remier Roadtrip On the 3rd of February 2013, I was lying on my best friend’s living room floor. It was the day after her 21st birthday ‘arty, we were watching True Blood and lamenting the fact that we were both hungover and no-one would go to maccas and get us hash browns. What happened next would change my life, the lives of many Australian medical students, and the culture of ‘Remier League forever. Because shortly after starting the next episode, my ‘hone rang, and a well-known HRHE former AMSA ‘resident was on the line. She asked me if I’d be interested in coming to Melbourne over the Easter long weekend and bringing some Adelaide ‘Rem ‘layers with me to teach some of her Monash and Melbourne friends how to ‘lay, as Victoria was woefully under skilled*. I said great, I’d love to, will ask around and see who was free. Easter Friday saw me driving East. I had managed to get together a crack team of BJ skilled (if a little green - but what they lacked in years/experience/facial hair they made up for in sheer keenness) ‘layers with me, and we were all ready to and ‘romote skill, interest and enthusiasm in one of our favourite sports. We didn’t know what to expect, but we weren’t expecting one of the most fun weekends outside of Convention. Contrary to what we had been told (FM) the Victorians were fun, skilled at ‘rinking, and did not attempt at any time to smother us in our sleep and consume our brains for superior skolling knowledge. But I digress. Roadtrip the first 2013 - FM Our ‘Rem night was a huge success. “Ducker” was kind enough to host a house ‘arty for us, and over the night ‘eople ‘rank and learned, TBA’s were named, friendships were forged, the term car-e-oke was coined, and a tradition was started that has grown from its humble 20-30 ‘eople start, to an annual Easter event that is AMSA’s BJth largest (unofficial) event every year. Roadtrip the second 201BJ - FM 201BJ saw our first ever Sydney delegation of 3 ‘eople attend, and was also the last year we attempted to hold it as a house party after we spilled schmeer on our gracious host’s ceiling (don’t ask), destroyed her lovely cream carpet (don’t ask), and her only two rules – don’t go upstairs, and don’t have sex in the house – were simultaneously broken (really don’t ask)… Melbourne 2.0 gave us karaoke, onesie dance ‘arties, and the first official annual inter-uni Chow Cup boat races. Roadtrip the third 2015 - Bendigo For 2015 we decided we had to find somewhere where we could fit many ‘eople to accommodate growing interest, and also be as far away from any neighbours/witnesses/’otential noise complaints as ‘ossible. We spun a globe and eventually landed on Bendigo, Victoria. For those who have never been, it is a small but lovely town, most accommodating to visitors, surprisingly even those who crash their Easter family festival day, lie on the grass in varying stages of hungover, then attempt to stand in a big circle and scream and wave at each other for apparently no reason. Bendigo saw the (regretful) conception of Ben Cabbage, the continuation of the Chow Cup, watching a lunar eclipse and the introduction of daytime activities (cards, Settlers of Catan, group viewings of the latest episodes of “The Flash”). *Unfortunately, despite our best interventions, we have yet to raise Victorian skill level to that of South Australians. 24 M*A*S*H

History: 'Remier Roadtrip Roadtrip the Bon Jovi-eth 2016 - NSW In a first in 2016, the 3rd ‘Remier Roadtrip moved away from Victoria. A convincing argument was ‘ut forward that NSW was in need of some necromancing, and so we headed to a school camp at Wiseman’s Ferry. This year we managed to get over 70 attendees (despite losing a few on the way), and had our first ever QLD and Tassie contingencies. In another first, we introduced a group costume night where everyone brought a bag containing enough of a costume to ‘revent arrest for ‘ublic indecency, and we took it in turns taking a bag until everyone had something to wear. We continued the ‘ast traditions of boat racing, various daytime activities/games, and consuming enough alcohol to preserve all the Pharaohs in Egypt, and added to our repertoire the ability to make a 10-foot-high fire out of nothing more than some newspaper, leftover bread products, and about 2 tonnes of native wood. Roadtrip Quinquennium 2017 - SA Most recently, it was decided that for our lustrum/quinquennium anniversary we would bring it to South Australia and save ourselves a drive. For the first year Inception and Lily’ad stepped away from organization roles and handed the reins to Detention and Wallaby. This resulted in not only a significant increase in costume nights and celebration of the human form, but also in trips to the emergency room and mince. Overall however, it was heralded as a success, and all attendees enjoyed the excellent location, the novel inclusion of both spinach and milo into ‘eoples Convention shred, and the convenient ‘rivate sleeping area in each cabin. With every year that ‘asses, ‘Remier Roadtrip is growing larger than we ever INFO FOR NEXT YEAR: imagined. With our delegation coming from all around Australia, we ‘redict that sometime soon we may be able to claim it as the 3rd largest (unofficial) WHO: Medical students and doctors from all around Australia AMSA event. But it has also grown in the culture it embodies; no longer just – SA, WA, Vic, NSW, QLD, Taswegia, maybe even our traditional about teaching and discovering ‘Remier, it has become an opportunity to token German or our first ever NZ delegate? meet and spend time with incredible, motivated ‘eople with similar WHEN: Easter Weekend 201Tk (always Easter weekend) interests, to see old friends more than once a year at convention, and to have WHERE: TBA a much needed holiday from the stressors of medical student life. It has also WHAT: To ‘rotect & ‘romote ‘Remier League in all its forms, to meet spawned further events, such as Summervention and NYE-vention, as well new ‘eople and foster friendships that will last a lifetime, and to get as countless smaller group trips interstate to ‘lay ‘rem, do medical elective rascally drunk and FSU. ‘lacements, and visit friends. WHY: Why not. FOOD: all ‘rovided, although hopefully less mince… So for all reading, whether conveteran or convirgin, skoller or ‘layer, BEVERAGES: We filled a trailer with empty bottles and cans. Oops. Melbournian or anyone else, we encourage you to get amongst ‘Rem ACTIVITIES: ‘Remier League, Skolling, Karaoke, Careoke, Dancing, Roadtrip next year. It’s an experience you won’t regret. Wizard staff Battles, Croquet, Mafia, Articulate, Disney sing-alongs (I am Moana…), Cards Against Humanity, Organ Attack, and many Chow for now, more. May also include swimming, burning heathens, removal of clothes, and helping fellow medical students finish their written Inception assignments/case write ups. NHA Chair 2016-2017 SAHA Chair 2016 RRT Convenor 2013-2016 Summervention convenor 201Bj NALA Chair M*A*S*H 25

Summervention: Beach RoaDTRIP A BRIEF HISTORY OF SUMMERVENTION Starting in 2014, Summervention was, is, and always will be an excuse for nudity in a warmer environment - now running into its 4th consecutive year. Starting from the gathering of 9 layers in the Mornington Peninsula, Summervention was born from an impatience we all know too well – waiting for convention. From its humble beginnings, Summervention rapidly grew to around 30 delegates in 2015 and then a total attendance of 91 in 2016 – taking place in Port Macdonnell and Waratah Bay respectively. Summervention is traditionally a 4-day event held in late November at a venue close to the sand & sea. As with convention and roadtrip this consists of general philandering during the day and general debauchery at night, or vice versa. Many traditions have arisen from the frivolities of these occasions – Goon Jesus, Shia LaBeouf and related timing, “Shame! Shame! Shame!”, the obsession with erotica, multiple fires, Christmas thievery, violent Uno, Wizard Staff Duels, the des- truction of local fauna and of course many others already established at RRT have grown. Every year at Summervention there is an evening of gift giving. An evening where everyone brings a gift as a delicate re- minder of the friendship we all share. Often this evening ends in tears and sadness as newfound loves and obsessions are torn from ‘layers hands. Everything from a children’s accordion, to homemade cross stitches and guaranteed convention registrations have been up for grabs. This event has grown from humble beginnings to one of the highlights of the year, with the most recent one not only full of outlandish shenanigans but also of close friends, new and old. I could not recommend attending highly enough – or if you think you have the mettle to organise such a venture look on the next page for how you can get involved! 26 M*A*S*H

Summervention: Beach RoaDTRIP SUMMERVENTION 2017 – CONVENOR APPLICATIONS Summervention only continues through the voluntary work of ‘layers around the country. I invite anyone who loves facilitating the shenanigans to give a thought to convening this great event and taking it to places, figuratively and literally, it has not been before. Send a summary of your idea for the trip to me at [email protected] or apply via the SPUDS facebook page later this year. Hope to see you there this year! - Knifey Spooney SUMMERVENTION LITERATURE: Erotica first came to the forefront of Summervention in 2015. It was a warm South Australian evening and ‘layers were opening their Christmas gifts they had forcefully acquired from one and other. One ‘layer opened her gift and beheld two of the finest forms of literature ever gazed upon – two novels of medical themed erotica. Group reading sessions quickly ensued and the trip became obsessed with The Dalton and his propensity to thrust. The idea arose that we could indeed create our own tale of medical themed lust. Netflix and Kill – A Whole New Thrust was Born. The ‘remise was simple, everyone got a line, no one could see the previous authorships. An excerpt is available below. As he moved closer his manhood grazed her hips. It reminded him of his lonely childhood as a fencing champion. “Touché”, he winked. Melanie blushed, the warmth of his heath fire filled her. “You pinned me!” Melanie smirked; she flipped herself around, skillfully swapping their positions so that she straddled his powerful, quivering hips. “But I know how to handle a sword” she quipped. She leant closer, licked his ear and whispered “and much more besides that”. The Dalton felt a storm brewing – he felt his sack tighten and leant back in anticipation. He quickened his pace, the finishing line was in sight. In addition to literature, Summervention has also been the origin of many memorable quotes such as “This is what happens when you run out of virgins, you have to start sacrificing skanks” and great artworks of naming’s such as the one pictured right. M*A*S*H 27

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mSBtSTStm‘BwO‘hhCoIoEunEaCaaeeOCteGgrrKynmeNhtOuiIEycfenaNeiaVNNrdyordwamnNuEoeIDtvNono luNIeaeaNn“moAGnlsnChT,ttG.NlbIoodamoybOsgvDfWoeeneNteeCfausuTttI”onsCrhmTmHcuneeoHAeaIelvbvsrRyymN”e ete‘ouCD.ucrnDraunT’om.taroFrhdmi‘at‘foiACeietdnsnwpenrOVegslnathCesSO,trrdo,tIiayTtcUeeahsinUhcidnRtanwdlMueLdvItCiTmwaoetioEpsEhphnticrSonshfeoaWv”ougpedtaertAaOniriisfnysetrRtilRhoeetiimcmoEouDdektn.oea6SM,ot,ahd,tgyYnheeoet.eutrb.y M*A*S*H 29

Rule #1 It is not without reason that Convirgins are often told to stick to “Bodypaint and Underwear” when first designing costumes. Nothing says Convention like young professionals clad in toasty Less is alcohol-blankets and little else running through prestigious cities in order to scream on busses More before grinding to bangers in tokenly-themed nightclubs. For first-timers, each Costume should cost no more $20. More than that is overkill until you truly figure out what a Costume is and can broaden your purview. Even the most seasoned Conveteran should aim to keep costs as low as possible. Costuming is about ingenuity, not about throwing money around. As such, bodypaint truly is your friend, as it can take your plain black underwear to dizzyingly traumatising heights of awesome. If you have issues with nudity in costuming, stop being such a religious suburban white soccer mum about it. There is only one thing more satisfying than wearing little but paint, and that is walking into a packed nightclub where EVERYONE is wearing nothing much more than paint. Bodypaint is the vessel upon which we sail to such a glorious dreamscape; the Optimus Prime on the surreal highway to the dangerzone. We all know you aren’t leaving that Venue with your costume intact regardless, and the less you wear the less you end up taking off to furiously mack in the middle of the D-floor, and you get a bonus of leaving an amusing trail of evidence when your bodypaint rubs off all over your chosen saliva receptacle.. JUST THE TIPS: Bodypainting for Business and Pleasure 1. Prep your skin: Lard, yes lard, is your friend. It’s like uber-moisturiser except it sits ontop of your skin! That sounds gross, but it’s the best thing in the world to prevent your bodypaint from cracking. No one likes a rampagingly intoxicated semi-green being seeding flakes of dried paint like confetti throughout the dance arena. 2. Apply correctly: Repeat after me - “Swipe, then DAB”. And no I’m not talking about the obnoxious dance move some douchebag plebian will inevitably pull out unironically on the DFloor despite it being fucking 2017. Fill in spaces with large swipes, then use small circular dabbing motions with a respectable amount of paint to block them in. This covers large areas, and ensures a silky smooth, streak free appearance. 4. Pack surplus paint. No-one respects that guy who ran out of paint and hopes no-one would notice that his body is just a series of randomly applied skid marks. All or nothing. 5. Remember to buy application sponges, or for the efficient Rangers, a small paint-roller. Resorting to using hotel linen/towels/carpet to apply paint may be hilarious, but quickly lo3se0s it’s cMha*rAm*wSh*Hen you realise the hotel has your credit card. 6. At the very least, look in the mirror before you go to the academic program the next day.

Rule #2 JUST THE TIPS: More is Capes are the most glorious multi-purpose items More-er ever invented. Perfect for wings, or for those who want to be a little more covered up, and As Conveterans get older, they may aspire to more they function as a handy blanket when you pass than tactfully placed ducttape, and begin to feel it is out face first in the gutter on the way to the AP. their desire, nay, their responsibility to sacrifice the nihil ad rem human comfort of both their own bodies and M*A*S*H 31 those in close proximity on the dancefloor for the sake of looking fucking FIERCE. These Costumes are about EFFORT, and that means you should NEVER buy a costume. Honestly, there is no way to come back from that shame. Shame. Shame. These costumes are essential to Convention, for they elevate the room, spreading enjoyment to all present, however, they are not without drawbacks. THE CONS: a. Reduced dancefloor ergonomics b. Face and genital restriction: The “Cardboard Chastity Belt” Phenomenon c. Time consuming construction requiring a modicum of skill d. Increased Price e. Your costume being attacked due to the intrusive nature of your massive wings, cardboard box, giant trunk penis etc. THE PROS: a. Elevated bar ergonomics (i.e. “get the fuck out of my way I am a thirsty robot”) b. “Oh my god that costume is epic!” c. Winning Best Costume gives you glory Aim high, bonus points for light-up, musical instruments, edibleness, and kinky paraphernalia.

Rule #3 Group costumes are the norm for the majority of minimally-cerebral delegates. They are a great delegate bonding experience, both before and during Convention. A Group always elevates a Combine this with the “Less is More” aesthetic, and you become infinitely more awesome, for costume who doesn’t love a mass group of mixed-gender strippers,. However, coordinate your mates into a no-holds-barred “More is More-er” Extravaganza and you have the makings of legend. Even that little bit more effort goes a long way. 32 M*A*S*H SIMPLICITY 32

JUST THE TIPS: Masks. Masks are Awesome. Truth: Being Unrecognisable is Awesome. If you’ve been to a few Conventions, you know your drill, and probably have a close group of Convention mates to hang with. But you haven’t experienced the true Convention until you break free of those bonds and go on an adventure across time and space, making new friends and minimal memories along the way. The best way to do this is with an Identity-obscuring costume. Be a convirgin again, or a seasoned conveteran, no matter your experience. Try it. And remember, it’s ok to do a runner at Maccas if you’re wearing an awesome mask/facepaint. Rule #4 For the elite few, the Solo Costume is the Holy Grail. Snubbed by lower mortals concerned with petty things like ‘ease of creation’ and ‘socialisation’, these costumes are the next step in Solo-Costumes Human Evolution. Dedication is the name of the game, and the gumption to say “Fuck you” to Are where the those you call “Friends”. Because sometimes an idea is so good, so risky, and so worth it, you Experts Play have to dive in face first, tongue out. Go crazy. Nay. Go wild. Go deranged. Use this as an excuse to play out your bizarre fetishistic fantasies! Whatever you choose, just make it epic. For here lies the most coveted prize of Costuming: The Best Solo Costume Award. Stop resting on the laurels and attractiveness of your peers, shove them out of the limelight and take your rightful place on stage. However, ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP. That costume you took 3 weeks to create comes rife with risk of confiscation by airport security for resembling an assortment of industrial pipe-bomb materials. M*A*S*H 33

Rule #5 Just the tips: Don't be tokyo drift guy. Improvise Seasoned Rangers take their costumes #Seriously. Paper mache across Australia is drying as we speak. However, there are those who leave costume planning to the last minute. Call them disorganised, lazy or just bravely optimistic, these individuals, deliberately or otherwise, embrace the inspiration of the moment. While others use the precious few hours between the close of the day’s academic proceedings and the opening of the night’s utopia as a joyous twilight of pre-drinking, crotch-stuffing and paint application, these ‘last-minute’ delegates engage in a frantic quest for costume apparel. It is however, under such stress, that many of the most unique and imaginative costumes are born. Too often Costumes stray from the (literal) bare bones of Convention Costuming, which is to strap as little to your body as possible while still satisfying the theme. When underprepared in the wilderness of Convention Social, you must utilise your surroundings. Anything is a costume. A bedsheet. A promotional water bottle. A small shrubbery. In the wild, nature always provides. Remember, your Convention Pouch has the most Costume potential of all. 34 M*A*S*H

Rule #6 JUST THE TIPS: Never be Obvious THE BIPOLAR FACETS OF THEME THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON OF ALL. THE SPIRIT OF THE THEME: Whips and Chains was a BDSM Sex Party, Dungeons and DragQueens Think about the themes. What’s your first idea? And your backup? Ok now discard is a Fantasy Sex Party, you get the drill. them they’re shit and obvious and you THE WORDS OF THE THEME: should be ashamed. Unleased at rAdelaide 201BJ was meant to be a Horror theme, but Being dull is the Cardinal sin of Convention, Unleased also relates to animals, or carnal desires. As such, Unleashed and trust me, an unoriginal or staid Costume is as obnoxious as a lager belch bubbling became a Bestial Sex Party. through a bucket of lukewarm jizz. EITHER OF THESE INTERPRETATIONS ARE RIPE FOR COSTUMING Instead, treat the Convention Themes like the Pirate Code: More like Guidelines. WITHOUT BEING #OBVIOUS Also, pretty much everything can (and should) be interpreted sexually Always aspire to evoke a chuckle, or an “aaaah”. Creativity is next to godliness, and if you think long and hard about it. if you want the most success, go one step (or nine) from the theme. Remember, Wittiness wins always. Now go forth, my pretties. It’s time to make yourself proud. And everyone else a little nervous. Each and every one of you is a special snowflake in the yellow snow of this world, and your unique, nay, revolutionarily absurd ideas help make Convention live. You are armed, now get into the fight. And never forget the base, fundamental creed of Costuming: Less is more, unless more is more, and to thine own self, be wicked sexy. SMIM*AP*LSIC*HITY 35

History Time: Blurred snippets from the 1970s TIME FOR ANOTHER INTERVAL WITH DR. BOOMSHAKALAKA TO LOOK BACK TO OUR ANCESTORS, THIS TIME IN THE 1970’S WHEN THE CASCADE CUP WAS THE TALK OF AMSA 1974 An early mention of rAdelaide’s skolling supremacy, a legacy spaning over Bon Jovi (4) decades. But it’s ok, I hear Montrash have started skolling training… 1979 Another mention of Sports Day with the Cascade Cup. However, it would appear this was prior to the development of the traditional post-Sports Day Convention Pub-Crawl. 36 M*A*S*H

just TIME IN and 'lay ‘REMING SWIFTLY: THE STRUGGLE OF THE TBA To “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift So, you made it into med, Now whenever you ‘lay ‘rem It’s not exactly what you had in mind, TBAs all look to you Crammin’ knowledge in your head Cause whenever it’s your turn You can take it no more, You know just what to do You go out, to PFA, (Tally 1) You’ve got your own style of antlers To make it through this hell some way, And special Schwartz you ‘lay, You see a game, You wanna play (Tally 2) ... (‘lay) At out parties (Tally 3) in Med School, You still don’t have all the answers ‘Remier League is what we like to do, Why’s 4 Bon Yovi? (Tally 6) Wondering about the rules? So, I guess you’re in the cult now, Well nobody’s gonna help you. Was it worth all the schmeer you went through? ‘‘Rink and learn’, is what you hear When you screw up, you’ll down your schmeer, You could prob-ly (Tally 7) get out somehow Your Med concerns will disappear, But I don’t know why you’d want to Cause Baby, learning ‘rem is the hardest thing in first year. Now that you’re a named ‘layer When you volunteer to ‘lay ‘rem, No longer TBA There’s no need to remducate baby, You’ll start off so confused, Just time in and ‘lay You’ve no idea when it’s your turn, ----- And can’t decode which hands to use, You think you’re getting Whiz and Antlers, Oh Spiderman, you know it’s coming for you Just Say you love it, when it comes towards you Your Viking game’s okay, Oh, Spiderman, you know they’re cumming for you None of your questions get you answers Don’t say I didn’t say, I didn’t warn you Why’s 4 Bon Yovi? (Tally BJ) ----- You might not feel like you’re winning, When you first learned to ‘lay rem But take these words from me, You were just so confused Though it’s hard in the beginning You’ll pick (Tally 5) it up eventually. Now whenever it’s your turn, You’re at an ‘able of named ‘layers, You know which hands to use, You trick ‘eople with antlers, You’re just a TBA, And though you’ve learnt to ‘lay For you, they will ‘remducate baby, Some things just don’t have answers Why’s 4 Bon Yovi? (Tally TK) So, time in and ‘lay. You still don’t feel like you’re winning ----- But now I’m sure you see Skills improving game by game, Though it’s hard in the beginning, But there’s still so much that you don’t know, You ‘ick it up eventually You are hoping to get named You chair an ‘able of named layers, Cause now you hardly ever ‘lay You see a TBA, Toilet hands, it’s no surprise, And now you must remducate baby, You don’t get caught for Chinese eyes And you’ve mastered which way’s horsewise (That way) So, time in and ‘lay! (CS: ATLOS) Now to ‘rove your competence, BY AND THE LITTLE ONE SAID Can you chair and keep up with the ‘ros? EDITOR’S NOTE: Do you know the difference? And can you chow chow chow chow chow? This song was performed during ATLOS’s RACRL Viva, resulting in her being awarded the inaugural You don’t say what’s after three Coppafeel ‘Rize for Ingenuity and ‘Rogression. Your skills are where they ought to be At the request of many fellows ATLOS has since You understand that Remier League recorded a rendition of this which is available on the Is kinda like a sex dream crossed with an OSCE Facebook group ‘Remier League Forum. It is beautiful. M*A*S*H 37

Sydvention Bingo CALLING ALL CONVETERENS AND CONVIRGINS! Have you ever been at Convention and need to pass the time while be- tween debates/EMC rounds or waiting in line at the bar? Then look no further than the official SPUDS Sydvention Bingo! The first person to complete this card and yell Bingo at either academic/ sponsorship hall/sports day/social/mid-hook up/other wins 1 alcoholic beverage of my choosing* at that evenings social**! SCHMEERS, Jess “Inception” Dalwood * Alcohol content may increase with embarrassment factor from yelling “Bingo” **Only valid if verified by 2+ other SPUDS or caught on camera/video. ‘Lay ‘rem or skoll a Attend academic Wingman for Dinner is: Your costume is 15% beer at CPC session for: someone (ensure they - Curry fabric and 85% body - Pasta paint/glitter/ drunken - Dr Sally Cockburn have protection. - Too spicy to eat with - Dr Kathleen Thomas Safety First when alcoholic gastritis self confidence -Osher Gunsberg Riding Hard) Someone wearing The accom tells us Drink from a goon Visit sponsorship hall One of your uni’s their gold Lap the we are on our final sack on Sports Day and talk to 1+ pre-clin delegates crying or boffing Map/Medal of warning sponsor/s (get the outside a social venue Honour medal merch to prove it) Last person/group on There is fire. Intended Hawaii 5-0 comes on. AMSA Rep in orange Running for the last with an earpiece in bus to social the d-floor at social or accidental. Dance! looking stressed Morning tea is: Your uni wins at Someone says “Hold There are fairy lights Mack a past or - Scones debating/ EMC/ my beer” at Gala Ball current AMSA - Muffins Australia’s brainiest Convention convenor medical student/ - No idea, never go to academics 3MT “Everything is fine!” Do something AMSA Lap the Map ;) Consume maccas Someone in an aca- wouldn’t approve of. and/or mi goreng demic session who is Narrator: Everything asleep/still wearing was not fine. FSCHMAMSA last nights’ body paint 38 M*A*S*H

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE ESTABLISHED IN 2017 JULY 2017 VOL. 1 NO. 1 Analysis of the relationship between SCHMEER consumption and Subjective ‘Remier League skill: The introduction of the Lily Staging System and its implications for appropriate bolus & maintenance doses of SCHMEER Received: November 2017 L. Ad (‘HD ‘Rem, MBBS, FRACRL) ‘MID: 23306990 Accepted: June 2017 ABSTRACT BACKGROUND Whilst there is an abundance of anecdotal evidence regarding the impact of SCHMEER [Systemic Catalyst of Higher Marked Enjoyment & Efficiency in Rem] has a direct impact on subjective ‘Remier League skill there is a disturbing and frankly irresponsible gap in formal research. To this end the CHAIR [Chief Highly Admirable Infallible Researcher] has designed this study to analyse this relationship. This is in order to establish guidelines for appropriate administration of SCHMEER to maximise time in CHOW [Complete Harmonisation & Oneness with the World] to optimise tangible health benefits and minimise time in COCK/WHOOSH [Collapse of Cognitive Kapabilities (with a K)/ Wasted Humungous Overdose Of SCHMEER causing Harm] to minimise the debilitating side effects. METHOD RESULTS A cohort of research participants (n=20) who suited eligibility criteria The results of the data analysis were as the CHAIR, various RACRL were assembled in small groups in various locations across Australia alumni & academics long suspected: over the course of 2015-2016. Ethical approval was not required as the CHAIR is infallible. - At unmedicated [read: sober] baseline participants had a moderately lower During each research session participants had baseline unmedicated level of ‘Rem skill, but a moderately higher level of cognitive function objective cognitive and Subjective ‘Remier League testing prior to With introduction of SCHMEER via oral route there is an initial decrease doses of SCHMEER. Following this they were instructed to consume in inhibitions, which results in an initial increase in both ‘Rem skill and >2 standard drinks per hour for 5 hours, during which they had cognitive function hourly cognitive assessments (Frontal Assessment Battery, Reaction - As the bolus dose of SCHMEER takes effect, ‘Rem skill continues to Assessment, short term memory evaluation, lexical fluency) and increase, however cognitive function begins an ongoing downward trend hourly subjective ‘remier league assessment (skill, number of errors, - ‘Rem skill peaks or plateaus after the bolus dose is completed, at which enjoyment, banter). point the candidate is actively loose, however still retains sufficient (low) The research approach was modelled after the patented triple blind cognitive function approach (double blinded trial in which the supervising researchers - However, if the candidate overdoses on SCHMEER then there is a resultant get blind) established by the CNUT trials of 2010/2012. collapse of cognition, in which both basic cognitive function and ‘remier Collected data was input into complex spreadsheet programming league skill plummet (Microsoft Excel) and interpreted with binomial logistics regression - A few participants, continued to utilise SCHMEER after overdosing, which analysis in order to determine correlation between variables. resulted in violent emesis, unconsciousness and severe orofaecalosis [the subjective feeling of someone having shat in your mouth] the next day. M*A*S*H 39

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE RESULTS (CONT.) This brief overview of results can be witnessed in Figure 1. However, this is quite naturally an overwhelming amount of information, with multitudes of different degrees of benefit vs. side effects of SCHMEER. Thus, the CHAIR created a simple staging system which is outlined in Figure 2. STAGE 1: BOTSQUALI Figure 1. All Variables over Time (Complete Data) [Baseline Of Terrible Skill Quasi Associated with Low Inebriation] The first stage is one that the mundane live in day to day, in which, whilst maintaining high cognitive functioning their ‘Remier League skill is impaired. Whilst BOTSQUALI has its purpose in the hospital, the high inhibitions and often low enthusiasm associated with this condition or stage must be medicated with SCHMEER stat, in order to maximise health benefits (both mental and physical) and enjoyment when it is not illegal to do so. STAGE 2: BOUNCE Figure 2. The Lily Staging System [Bolus Obviously Unhinging Neuroloosiology Centres Effectively] STAGE 3: CHOW (CONT.) This second stage is a near universal stage, which many people The side effects of SCHMEER have taken hold at the point, both enjoy. The initial bolus dose of SCHMEER has been orally the positive side effects of impaired inhibitions resulting in quality administered resulting in a rapid stimulation of activity in the shenanigans and macking prowess – however the price is paid via Neuroloosiology centres in the brain. This results in subsequent impaired balance and diminished cognitive function. secretion of Looseness Hormone [LH – not to be confused with This is the target stage, as circumstantial evidence suggest that ovulation causing Luteinising Hormone] which is haematologically increased lifetime exposure to CHOW results in higher mood & life disseminated throughout the brain & body. This results in mildly satisfaction, but furthermore is hypothesis to increase life expectancy reduced inhibitions, which has a dual function: 1) Improving ‘Rem at a ratio of 1 hour of CHOW equating to 1 additional month of life skill with more confident and faster reactions and 2) improving expectancy. cognitive functioning and processing speed. Therefore, the goal of all ‘layers should be to utilise boluses of In this stage objective cognitive tests peak and subjective ‘Rem skill SCHMEER to reach this stage, and once CHOW is attained, SCHMEER begins to increase. utilisation should be moderated to a consistent maintenance dose to optimise time spent in CHOW. STAGE 3: CHOW [Complete Harmonisation & Oneness with the World] This is the optimum functioning one can hope to attain, a ‘Rem nirvana as it were. In stage 3 the bolus of SCHMEER has reached maximal efficacy, with prime levels of looseness. Here ‘Rem flows naturally, confidence is at an all-time high and as a result the patient experiences simple happiness. 40 M*A*S*H

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE STAGE BJ: COCK CONCLUSION: It’s initial proposed objective was to prove a relationship between [Collapse of Cognitive Kapabilities] ‘Remier League Skill and Looseness. The data supported the ancient Ideally, all ‘layers should avoid being hit with COCK. This Bon Jovi- hypothesis that looseness initially improves low sober baseline eth stage, unsurprisingly associated with that most hateful number, ‘Remier League skill (BOTSQUALI – BOUNCE) before reaching an represents collapse of not only cognitive functioning but additionally optimal concentration at which ‘Rem skill is highest (CHOW) before ‘Remier League skill. This is unequivocally due to an overdose of getting too loose to function at which point ‘Rem skill plummets SCHMEER, a sadly common occurrence due to patients and treating (COCK), sometimes followed by emesis & unconsciousness medical officers not understanding the complex interactions (WHOOSH). As a result of the COPPAFAG Trial there is now clear between a unique patient’s tolerance and the medication itself evidence to support this pattern, in addition to delineating it via the [ further research is required] Lily Staging System. It should be noted that if a patient hits COCK, then the patient never actually went through CHOW at all, but instead was merely However, after the data was collected, during analysis it became clear experiencing a TIP [Temporary Inspired Performance] which is the that there was an endless potential to the figures, and that they could first symptom of SCHMEER overdose. Just the TIP, of the COCK, is have a direct effect on ‘Remier League itself. To this end, the data often pleasurable and difficult to distinguish from CHOW. However, was analysed with a secondary goal in mind: To identify the optimal after [the] TIP comes [the] COCK itself, the stage in which the bolus and maintenance doses of the medication SCHMEER in order patient becomes an obstruction rather than an asset to the ‘able, to reach and remain in CHOW whilst avoiding COCK. Through with low quality, toilety and slurred rem results in frequent errors linear regression analysis guidelines for oral administration rates of and disruption of the games flow, impairing the enjoyment of others SCHMEER for both male and female populations were developed as at the ‘able. Don’t be a COCK. seen here: STAGE 5: WHOOSH MALE FEMALE 3 [Wasted Humongous Overdose of SCHMEER causing Harm] Recommended Bolus BJ (4) 2 WHOOSH is a shameful state. It is not shown in the data as this was dose of SCHMEER 1.5 a population study of esteemed and respected ‘layers, who all knew (SD/Hr) 2 Hrs after 6SD their limits. WHOOSH consists of the situation in which someone plows through COCK and their SCHMEER overdose is so severe it Recommended Duration 3 results in WHOOSH syndrome, a retrospective collection of the of Bolus Regime (Hrs) following triad of symptoms are often observed: Recommended 2 1. Violent Emesis Maintenance Dose of 2. Loss of Consciousness SCHMEER 3. Oralfaecalosis Onset within 24 Hours (SD/Hr) WHOOSH is a shameful state in all aspects. Not only does the WHOOSH perpetrator require regular assistance (holding hair back) Average CHOW 3 Hrs after 12SD and monitoring (maintenance of airway) which dramatically impacts Achievement Time (Hrs) on the quality of surrounding ‘layers enjoyment, but also has a direct negative impact on health both in the short term orofaecalosis and If these are utilised effectively by the community it will result in long term. Long term side effects of WHOOSH are the exact opposite significant increases in time spent in CHOW and equally prominent of CHOW, with increased time spent in WHOOSH resulting in severe decreases in the amount of COCK. This will have a flow on effect morbidity and decreased life expectancy. of reducing both medical and psychological morbidity whilst Additionally, WHOOSH was officially condoned by the National increasing the life expectancy of the members of the ‘Remier League High ‘Able [NHA] in 2010. So don’t WHOOSH. Ever. community.

History Time: Our ancestors were definitely Spuds INTO THE 1980’S NOW AND THE CORRELATION BETWEEN OUR FORERUNNERS AND MODERN DAY SPUDS BECO- MES CLEARER THAN EVER. WITH GREAT INTELLIGENCE COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY, BUT ALSO THE ABILITY TO CHANNEL THAT INTELLIGENCE INTO SOMEWHAT MISGUIDED RESEARCH. ARGUABLY THE EARLIEST PARODY RESEARCH DONE BY AN AUSTRALIAN MEDICAL STUDENT, A TRADITION THAT OTHER SPUDS CONTINUE TODAY. 42 M*A*S*H

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE ESTABLISHED IN 2017 JULY 2017 VOL. 1 NO. 1 Received: May 2017 ‘MID: 44928234 How do we move? Getting ‘hysical with AIS and the ‘roposition of TI F. Boy (Hons ‘Rem, VHA, FRACRL) Wallaby (Hons ‘Rem, SAHA, FRACRL) Accepted: June 2017 LITERATURE REVIEW *TO READ THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENT, ONE MUST INVESTIGATE HOW STEEP VERTICAL SCHMEER IS, IN THE SPIRIT OF ‘RINK AND LEARN* INTRODUCTION Within the current, ever-evolving milieu that constitutes ‘Remier League it is often ‘ertinent to revert from hyper-complexity to the familiar caress of the one, the only, ultra-fast, ultra-elite (UFUE) ‘Remier League. The ‘ractical reasons for such a transition are ‘lentifold: whether timing in a new ‘layer, leading ‘Remducation, a simple change or if the chair has consumed one-to-many a schmeer – everyone’s favourite game is always an option. However, despite the familiarity, the comfort and the good, inebriated ‘ast-times, there are questions that need answers within the basic foundations of a UFUE game. What defines a move? When does it start? When does it end? Is support included? Or is that separate? The implications of analysing the literature and conducting a ‘ilot study (AIS) are numerable both within the theoretical and ‘ractical realms of UFUE and hyper-complex ‘Remier League. CONTEXT In light of this discussion black list, one must ‘onder on the As the game of ‘Remier League advances and evolves, creating ‘hilosophy of ‘Remier League to in turn answer questions. One subsets and combinations increasingly more intricate it is essential such ‘hilosophy is simply what is a move? that one remembers the chair is always infallible. However with great infallibility comes great responsibility - a responsibility to The ramifications of what constitutes a move have many grow, to enjoy, to understand and to delegate consumptions with an implications regarding REDACTED, and the realms of the chaotic iron elbow… and to get things as right as that sexy right knee. anarchy that is Game 62 and it’s extremely backwards cousin Game 63. The basic ‘remises of the seven games of ‘Remier League should be understood in a concrete and unified manner. While for the And while ‘ondering the ‘hilosophy of a single move of ‘Remier most ‘art this has occurred, there are certain complexities such League is largely an academic rumination on semantics, it does as REDACTED that require further discussion of what may not be have significant ramifications. Thus discussion can and hopefully discussed. In conjunction to this solid confirmation of the results of will bleach uncertainties and clean certain instances of toilety said discussion, the one which can never occur, need to be verified chairing. and approved by the National High ‘Able (NHA). M*A*S*H 43

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE AIM AND OBJECTIVES To define the start, end and ‘hilosophy that defines a ‘Remier League move and explore its ramifications The secondary objective is to compose a theory that can be applied to difficult concepts and hyper-complex ‘Remier League to quantify difficulty, and appropriateness to new ‘layers AIM AND OBJECTIVES The ‘rocess of analysing the literature defining what constitutes a move has been approached in a formal and systematic manner. Included articles have been ‘ublished in ‘eer reviewed journals taken from databases of ‘ub’ed, Ovid ‘edline and the ‘Remier League Forum. Minutes from the NHA and State High ‘Able (SHA) meetings as well as recorded history of ‘Remier League have also been included. Journal articles have had their abstracts screened by two ‘layers ‘rior to inclusion and minutes have been reviewed in detail. Author consumes. A broad scope approach to the literature will be utilised to include any ‘otential ‘eer-reviewed data regarding the question at hand. As such the only search terms included shall be “ ‘Remier League” and “move”, joined with Boolean operator “AND”. Author consumes. All articles will be included without regard to date of ‘ublication and language of ‘ublication as ‘Remier League does not discriminate. For reviewing ‘edical knowledge in the context of ‘Remier League the ‘layer will consume for each article abstract read. This will occur TK hours ‘ost initial screening as heavy consumption ‘rior to a Research Department hurdle ‘resentation is as hilarious as it is foolhardy – though ‘otential for future research on this topic is noted... FOR SCIENCE. All results returned will form the basis for a thematic discussion over Facebook, Skype and Google Hangout. As this is an academic exercise, all knowledge gained by the authors must be secondary to ‘rinking and learning. RESULTS Analysis of minutes starting from the NHA, showed interesting A thorough review of the results ‘ublished in ‘ub’ed revealed 17 advances regarding the state of ‘Remier League across the nation. articles, which resulted in 17 consumptions. Discussion focussed on While direct delineation of the conundrum, ‘what defines a rheumatoid arthritis, epilepsy and sporting injury with no mention move?’, was absent multiple references to the infallibility of the of ‘Remier league; though it may be useful to consider the ‘otential chair and the rules of ‘Remier League as defined by the chair’s for future implementation of a similar system to Major League home state was noted.1 It is uncertain whether this knowledge Baseball’s Health and Tracking System in our glorified game. Author was covered in the thoughtful, thorough and inspiring ‘aragraphs consumes. of recent NHA minutes2, as the author is unable to interpret windings. Regarding SHA minutes, discussion of ‘hilosophy Ovid ‘edline was even more disappointing. Though the scope was was too often scarce. Little information was ‘rovided on the true broad, it would seem luck was whiz-ing against the flow. No results nature of a move. However one gem was uncovered in the SAHA were returned and Ovid was as lost as a convirgin seeing REDACTED- Clarifications and Ratifications document. TED-TED for the first time. An initial screen of the SHA’s minutes revealed 7 articles adequate Regarding the moves throw antlers and throw viking masters it is for ‘erusal. Noticeably absent from contributions to the literature are known that: “a throw is a throw is a throw, but not that a throw is NSWHA, QHA and WAHA. An additional 5 articles were included a throw is a throw is a throw.”3 While this may seem an enigma at from the NHA minutes. Thus a total of 12 articles were included for first glance, it is solid evidence that may ‘rovide a foundation upon Review. which further discussion may be had. 44 M*A*S*H It is also noted that VHA shares a similarly thought ‘rovoking discussion to the NHA regarding all facets of ‘Remier League in their inaugral meeting.BJ

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE DISCUSSION THE ANATOMY AND ‘HYSIOLOGY OF A ‘RL MOVE A move in ‘RL has two elements: a ‘hysical gesture and a vocalisation. The crux of any move is to change the ‘osition of the ball through ‘lay. This change is often to someone else, however it can be to oneself. It is ‘ossible to visualise this as a shift in control of the game. For completion, if the move is to oneself it is also essential to observed that the state of the game has changed - either a new game has been ‘layed or one of the numerous “floating” counts will have increased or reset. Now for a move to be determined as different from another move, either the ‘hysical gesture or the vocalisation must be different. The direction or target of a move is not to be considered to define a unique move. To demonstrate what makes a move unique, the fact that a full vessel consumption is warranted for BJ consecutive moves was used to give evidence to these claims. 1. Different gestures Compare CBg vs Bg 2. Different vocalisation Compare Ch vs CBg 3. Different targets not important Zooming BJ different targets is a ‘eBJ A ‘layer who Whizzes BJ successive times regardless of direction is a ‘eBJ BJ. Different functions are important (only applicable to throws) According to the SAHA clarifications regarding antlers, “a throw is a throw is a throw, but not that a throw is a throw is a throw is a throw.”3 BUT WHAT OF SUPPORT? To fully elaborate on this ‘oint, consider a game of UFUE ‘RL. Supporting should not be considered a move in itself. Though these In the utmost UFUE circumstance, support for antlers would be ‘lays have the anatomy of a move, you cannot choose to support: it ‘layed at the exact instance of the leading move. Now consider is obligatory. One should never be called to consume for a ‘eBJ for translating this to ‘ractical ‘RL, this is highly unlikely to occur, repeating the same support. and instead the ‘eriod of time after the leading move and before support is best conceptualised as lag time. Chronologically speaking, support is almost always ‘layed after the move which requires support. IN SHORT The ‘layer with the ball must always “Wait for Support” To summarise this ‘roposed definition of a move. A move: However in ‘RL ‘uzzle notation, the support for antlers is scribed Alters the ‘osition of the ball (this may be to oneself ) in ‘arentheses, and this may suggest that they moves are ‘layed Alters the state of the game with the Antlers themselves. An example of this is during the move Differs depending on vocalisation and/or action ‘ass Antlers, where the ‘asser is supporting the ‘assee as they begin Is the same disregarding direction Antlers. Is incomplete without its support M*A*S*H 45

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE THE ‘ROBLEM WITH REDACTED REDACTED is the most highly guarded secret of traditional ‘RL. The ‘roblem encountered is that it is unclear how many moves REDACTED consists of, the issues regarding BJ consumption with REDACTED in ‘lay, and the earliest one may ‘lay REDACTED in specific scenarios. There are many ways to interpret REDACTED. The most commonly seen interpretations are the single move REDACTED and the BJ move REDACTED. We will call these ‘aradigm 1 and ‘aradigm 2 for ease of reading. First and foremost, it is important to recognise REDACTED as a move in itself as it has a satisfies all of the criteria for a move. If it were not a move in itself, Then if the subsequent ‘lays are considered moves, the move immediately ‘layed afterward on many occasions would constitute BJ moves in a row And if the subsequent ‘lays are not considered moves, the ‘layer utilising REDACTED did not make a single move despite having the ball. ‘ARADIGM 1: SINGLE MOVE ‘ARADIGM 2: BJ MOVES REDACTED is a move that changes it’s own function. The function of REDACTED is a move that changes the function of other moves. the move is REDACTED. The moves in question are REDACTED. In current ‘RL ‘uzzle notation, REDACTED is written by scribing There are distinct gestures and vocalisations for each subsequent REDACTED followed by REDACTED in ‘arentheses. This is similar to ‘lay. support transcription. As discussed, the function of a move does not influence the identity NOTE: As ‘reviously discussed, support does not constitute of the move for BJ ‘urposes a move in itself The ‘layer has agency on which moves they ‘lay, therefore they NOTE: the authors are not saying that REDACTED’S cannot constitute support constituents are support, that would be sheer gibberish. Instead, the constituents are neither a move, nor support. EXAMPLES OF ‘ARADIGM 1: EXAMPLES OF ‘ARADIGM 2: ‘resume only two different gestures are made ‘resume only two different gestures are While this next example may appear in the following example. Each individual made in the following example. ridiculous at first, it follows the same logic move is given its own line for the sake of C: Chair as the ‘receeding example. ‘resume only two WRP ‘Remducation. NGI: ‘RL different gestures are made in the following BCO: Chair C: Chair 1: Wz (-h) example. WRP 2: Wz NGI: ‘RL 3: Wz C: Chair BCO: Chair BJ: REDACTED WRP 1: Bsq 5: Wz NGI: ‘RL 2: Bsq 6. CS (BJ) BCO: Chair 3: Bsq 1: Wz (-h) BJ: REDACTED ‘resume only three gestures are made in 2: Wz 5: Bsq 3: Wz 6: Bsq the following example excerpt. They are BJ: REDACTED 7: Bsq 5: REDACTED TK: REDACTED Wz (made twice), αp and REDACTED 6: ‘lay continues 9: ‘lay continues 46 M*A*S*H BJ: REDACTED 5: αp 6: REDACTED 7: ‘lay continues

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE FURTHER CONFUSION Assuming ‘aradigm 2 to be true, does one of the ‘lays count as a move? This brings forth quite an ontological question; what does it mean to be a move in ‘RL? Is it sufficient to just have the anatomy of a move and also agency? Can a ‘layer become one with ‘RL and be added to the game ‘ermanently? No. But for the other questions we do not have the answers. EXAMPLES LEGAL IN ‘ARADIGM 2 (ONTOLOGICAL NULL): THE ‘ROPOSITION: Thus with three ‘otential candidates for the official move ‘resume only three gestures are made in the following example REDACTED, it comes to a choice. Ultimately this must be made by the NHA, however from the outlined discussion on the existential excerpt. They are Wz (made twice), αp and REDACTED nature of the move, the author would ‘ropose ‘aradigm one (1) as the most appropriate candidate BJ: REDACTED 5: αp 6: αp 7: REDACTED TK: ‘lay continues THE TELESCOPIC ‘RINCIPLE AND INDEX Regarding variations of ‘RL, the authors believe that for any variation, the ease of chairing the game is directly ‘roportional to the number of concepts necessary to know. This ‘rinciple is known as the Telescopic ‘rinciple: the more telescopes one requires to ‘erceive the rules of the game, the less the game will be to comprehensible. Let us take Möbian ‘ortals as a ‘rime example of the Telescopic ‘rinciple. To understand the ‘lay, one must: Define an inverse and an outverse Understand complex topology Assume the ‘osition Manage to not ‘erform violent emesis while doing so Have a chair with complete disregard for the concept of mercy Comparing with a game such as Mario Kart, one must: Know mario-related things In ‘ractice, games with a low Telescopic Index (TI) are ‘layed more commonly, and are more friendly to newer ‘layers. A system that could be implemented would be a quantitative TI for each variation of ‘RL, which would be released in the ‘Remier League Forum. This would enable chairs to easily decide if they would like to introduce a new variation to a rookie ‘able, if they think the ‘able is ready. A scientific way to measure the TI of the variations would be to gather ‘layers uninitiated in a certain variation, and count the number of rounds it takes for a ‘able of TK ‘layers to learn the new variation through ‘rink and learn. Each successive game ‘layed before competency adds a value of 1 to the TI for simplicity. Hypothetically if we take Through The Looking Glass and assigned it a value of BJ and Vic Special and assigned it a value of IJ, we are thus saying that Vic Special is 2.5 times more difficult on the TI scale. Amusingly, it was worth noting that The One, The Only (TOTO) ’RL would theoretically have one of the highest TI in the modern game. M*A*S*H 47

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE THE INVERSE GAMES To the authors’ knowledge there are six variations that can be considered among the “inverse” games of ‘Remier League. Alphabetised they are the following: Eugael Reimer’ Game 62 Game 63 Möbian ‘ortals Through the Looking Glass Victorian Special To the experienced ‘layer, one variation is easy to interpret, and there is no ambiguity on how to ‘lay this game (until you add an imaginary ‘layer and ‘lay antlers or viking master, then chaos ensues). Similarly, Victorian Special has also been ‘layed in a UFUE style once the concept is understood in its entirety, and conceptual simplifications have been made. In a completely different direction however, rather than mentally simplifying one must ‘ositionally simplify the game when considering ‘laying the recently NHA ratified Möbian ‘ortals. The author would ‘ostulate that Möbian ‘ortals is only confusing if one does not ASSUME THE ‘OSITION, so that the either ‘ortion of the game, for the most ‘art, is no different to ‘ortals ’RL. However, Game 62 and Game 63 have continued to be a source of confusion to ‘layers across Australia, regardless of experience or qualifications. Notably, Game 63 was invented by ‘layers who misinterpreted the rules of Game 62 which in its current form has evolved from a misunderstanding of the original Game 62 - the true nature of which is not understood. The following discussion explains the core concepts of the two games, in order for there to be no further arguments as to the legality or ‘rocess behind the moves ‘layed. GAME 62 In TOTO’RL, the ‘layer with the ball is the only ‘layer with the ‘ower to control the next move. This is not the case in Game 62. The core concepts of Game 62 are as follows: -Anarchy, chaos and the reason why we can’t have nice things -Any ‘layer has the ability to control the ball ‘osition towards themselves OR change the game state at any time, by acting on the ball directly or indirectly So the question to be asked is, ‘How does a ‘layer control the ball when it is not in their court?’ The simple answer is, ‘By stealing the ball.’ But what about changing the game state? A ‘layer may force the ‘layer with the ball to make an action in certain circumstances. See Appendix 1 for an example game. While REDACTED may be ‘layed without issue in Game 62, regardless of the ‘aradigm used, ‘ass antlers and ‘ass viking master have been abolished from Game 62 as the concept of giving a delightfully vocal move to another ‘layer is at odds with the core belief of the game. Instead a ‘layer in ‘roximity may brutally burgle the unwitting ‘layer of their horns or their antlers, leaving the ‘revious controller in a state of sorry support. ‘reviously Game 62 was defined as ‘make a move to take the ball from a ‘layer’, however this was confusing regarding the rulings of indirect actions such as alley-oop, and restricted beginning with support. The TI of Game 62 has been reduced as a result of redefinition. 48 M*A*S*H

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE GAME 63 The core concept of Game 63 is as follows: It is a game of ‘RL conducted at a speed of Takahashity-Takahashi miles ‘er hour. Each step of the round is conducted in reverse chronological order This also takes in consideration normal lag time, and thus moves requiring support need to consider reverse lag time To chair the game, for any action, it must be ‘ossible to ‘layback each the entire round so far in reverse order and have continuity. A ‘layer consumes if they break the flow of time. See Appendix 1 for an example game. ‘reviously, the concept of Game 63 was that the move order is ‘layed in reverse. ‘rior to the definition of a move and of lag time this was confusing due to the fact that support is not considered a move, and therefore there is no obvious time to ‘lay the move. Further confusion was how to implement REDACTED given it’s demonstrable ambiguity. The correct way to ‘lay REDACTED in Game 63 is no longer dependent on the ‘aradigm. The TI has been reduced as a result of redefinition. EUGAEL ‘REMIER LEAGUE Eugael Reimer’ is an extremely ‘erverse game, whose rules are REDACTED. The Telescopic Index of this game is undefined: Eugael Remier can never be comprehended from ‘rink and learning before the chair and/or the ‘layers around the ‘able quit trying to learn it. However this does not mean the game cannot be learned. ‘erformed correctly, Eugael Reimer’ is one of the most satisfying games to ‘ull off collectively as a ‘able, and all involved in a successful game of Eugael Reimer’ should be given ‘rizes and salutations, and will have their names transcribed forever on the ‘ables of Valhalla. CONCLUSION Having indulged in the ‘hilosophical side of ‘Remier League, one FOR THE FUTURE can move ‘ast a basic understanding of the seven underpinning 1. REDACTED ‘aradigm to be decided by the Games Master, and games. The definition of a move has become essential in hyper- subsequently only taught through ‘rink and learn to the NHA, complex ‘Remier League, ‘articularly within the inverse genre. Now to then be trickled down to the SHA through ‘rink and learn, we wait with bated breath for ratification and ‘otential approval and subsequently ‘layers across Australia through ‘rink and of the ‘roposed definition of a move, the appropriate ‘aradigm for learn REDACTED and implementation of the Telescopic Index. Regardless 2. ‘romotion of the inverse games in all states (Game 63 ratified of the outcome however, one is safe in the knowledge that the chair by Tasmanian High ‘Able recently) is infallible, doo dah, doo dah. 3. ‘lay Eugael Reimer’ only with ‘layers of the utmost knowledge, understanding, and love for the game BJ. Regarding ‘Remducation, nation wide science on the Telescopic Index of variations to direct ‘rinking and learning M*A*S*H 49

The AUSTRALASIAN JOURNAL of ‘REMICINE REFERENCES AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Inception – For all her work towards interstate organised fun, without which there could be no BJ am creative shenanigans Halfway There and Napoleon - For late night shenanigans and commitment to storyboarding and ‘laying BJ-1 ‘layer Game 62 ‘Remier League Telescopic – For inventing the foundation of Game 62 and Möbian ‘ortals as we know now and always ‘ushing the boundaries of hyper- complex ‘Remier League The Taswegian High ‘Able – For their rigour in ‘ioneering Game 63 through completely understandable ‘oor comprehension of Game 62 rules REFERENCES 1. National High ‘Able. Meeting Minutes. Royal Australian College of ‘Remier League ( July 201BJ). Available on the ‘Remier League Forum. 2. National High ‘Able. Meeting Minutes. Royal Australian College of ‘Remier League (March 2016). Available on the ‘Remier League Forum. 3. South Australian High ‘Able. Clarifications and Ratifications. Royal Australian College of ‘Remier League (April 2013). Available on the ‘Remier League Forum BJ. Victorian High ‘Able. VHA Inaugral Meeting. Royal Australian College of ‘Remier League (November 2015). Available on the ‘Remier League Forum The authors also acknowledge countless hours ‘rinking and learning that shaped their understanding of ‘Remier League to what it is today. C O N TA C T For further discussion, to ‘rink and learn ‘hilosophy or to ‘ut in ‘ractice over Skype, ‘lease contact Fellati’ Boy (Mitch ‘ryce) and Wallaby (Vinh Thoi) on the ‘Remier League Forum. 50 M*A*S*H