House of Cards BY SUDHA MURTHY_clone

remember—a childless mother consults many doctors and you shouldn’t get upset. It is the desire to have a baby that makes them take multiple opinions. You should exploit their weakness and make money.’ Mridula did not like conversations about money and such advice being given to her son. But she kept her thoughts to herself. Sishir was intelligent and secured a merit rank in the medical entrance examinations. But he lived in his own world. After a few days, he asked his parents for a car. Mridula was against the idea because Sishir was still a student and she wanted him to use public transport and live the life of an average boy. But Sanjay said, ‘Mridula, we went through such a tough time because we didn’t have money to make our lives a little easier. At this age, children have lots of desires. Our desires disappear when we grow older. So let him buy a car. Why do you want to stop him?’ They argued this way about everything and Sanjay always ended the argument with, ‘Why not? We can afford it.’ Mridula was worried that there was no discipline in Sishir’s life. She tried to talk to Sishir: ‘I was young once and my parents were wealthy and could afford everything I wanted. But I listened to my mother and learnt to keep things simple.’ ‘Oh Amma, that’s your old thinking of Aladahalli. It doesn’t work here in Bangalore,’ Sishir said. Sanjay agreed with his son and that hurt Mridula tremendously. Mridula’s cook, Sakamma, made different and delicious things every day. Mridula was indifferent to the variety but Sishir was fussy about food and his father indulged him. Sanjay told Sakamma to make whatever Sishir asked her to. Mridula advised Sishir, ‘You should adjust and not complain about food. It isn’t good to be stubborn.’ But Sishir did not listen to her. Often, Sakamma would cook something complicated on Sishir’s instructions, but after it was made, he refused to eat it and instead had only cereal and milk. Sakamma wondered, ‘There are only three people in this house but I have to cook so many things. Sishir’s a difficult child. But Madam is kind and looks after me well. Sometimes, Sishir brings many friends home for a meal—and sometimes he eats alone. When Sishir brings his friends for a late dinner, Madam sends me home and serves them herself.’ One day, Mridula was waiting for Sishir. Sakamma had made several dishes, all of which were Sishir’s favourites. He was supposed to come home with his friends for dinner. Sanjay was also waiting for Sishir. At 10 p.m., Sakamma left and Mridula called Sishir. He said, ‘Sorry Amma, I forgot to tell you that today is my friend’s birthday and we’re celebrating at The Leela. I’ve had dinner and

is my friend’s birthday and we’re celebrating at The Leela. I’ve had dinner and am leaving right now.’ Mridula objected, ‘But we’ve been waiting for you. Your father’s also here and he hasn’t eaten anything either.’ Her son interrupted her, ‘Amma, I’ve said sorry already. I can’t help it.’ He disconnected the phone. Mridula was upset. She was worried about what she would do with all the food. There were only two people at home. She could store it in the refrigerator but Sanjay wanted fresh food every day and he would not eat the same food tomorrow. She thought, ‘Sishir is not a child. He’s a young man. I’m unhappy with his negligent attitude.’ Sanjay looked at her and said, ‘Mridula, please don’t start anything. He’s only a kid and he wants to enjoy himself. He’s even apologized to you.’ This made Mridula all the more upset. She said harshly, ‘You always support him. If he’s not disciplined now, he’ll never be disciplined.’ ‘Mridula, times have changed. If you try to control him, he may leave the house and go live separately. He’s our only child. You should try to learn and adjust with him.’ ‘I’ve been married to you for twenty-four years. Have I not adjusted to everything you wanted? Have you ever tried to adjust with me? You think that whatever you want is right and he’s learnt this from you.’ ‘Yes, whatever I think is right. That’s the reason for my success. What do you know about real life? Your world is limited to your school. Look at my colleagues. They’re still rotting in government service. But look at me. I made the right decision at the right time. I’ve been successful without anybody’s help.’ Mridula became angry. But before she could answer, Sishir’s car entered the driveway. So she kept quiet. They tried to minimize their arguments in front of Sishir. It was an unwritten rule. Sishir came in whistling a tune. He had bought some fifteen expensive shirts. He said, ‘Dad, how do you like the shirts?’ ‘They look good. You have excellent taste.’ Mridula, however, was still upset. Angrily, she said, ‘Sishir, why do you have to buy more shirts when you already have hundreds at home? I see many poor students in my school wearing the same shirt every other day. Don’t become a spendthrift.’ ‘Amma, you can give them my old shirts. I don’t have a problem with that.’ ‘Sishir, that’s not the point. Don’t get used to buying unnecessary things. Once the fashion changes, you’ll just put the clothes aside. Try to buy a few

Once the fashion changes, you’ll just put the clothes aside. Try to buy a few things at a time and enjoy them. You must learn to save. You don’t know when life may become tough for you.’ Before Sishir could reply, Sanjay raised his voice saying, ‘Mridula, don’t keep arguing about small things. Sishir’s a child and wants to enjoy life. I work hard and earn money from morning till night. I earn the money for him too. Don’t spoil his mood. I just want to come home and spend some time with my family but you always start something.’ Mridula felt like she had been slapped in the face in front of their son. She turned around so that the men in her life could not see her tears and walked to her bedroom. Sishir went to his room upstairs, still whistling a tune, and Sanjay started surfing the news channels on the television. The relationship between a son and a mother is very different from that between a daughter and a mother. When the daughter becomes a young woman, she becomes a friend to her mother but the son becomes a stranger. Sishir looked like his mother but his voice, mannerisms and thinking were Sanjay’s. He was not too attached to anyone and not idealistic at this young age. In her bedroom, Mridula wondered, ‘How is it that this young generation is so practical?’ She recalled a conversation that she had heard between Sishir and his friend. Sishir was advising his friend, ‘There’s really no profit in medical science these days. And on top of that, we have to work really hard. But if we study engineering and find an IT job, then we can make money easily. After a few years, we can start our own company. It’ll be to our advantage to marry a software engineer. My mother’s cousin Sarla’s husband, Prasanna, earns almost two lakh a month.’ Mridula could not help but notice that they were focused only on money and how to earn more of it. There was no emphasis on the nobility of the medical profession. Mridula did not talk about these things with Sishir. When his friends came home, they told him, ‘You’re lucky that your dad has a great practice and that you’re the only child. You needn’t struggle like us. You are a born prince.’ Sometimes, Sanjay joined Sishir and his friends’ conversations. Sishir was proud of his famous father. The young boys treated him like their friend without hesitation and Sanjay liked that. They greeted Sanjay and said, ‘Hi Uncle, how’s it going?’ The only conversation they had with Mridula was about food. They said, ‘Please don’t give me too much rice, Aunty’ or ‘Why did you make dessert for us? It has too many calories’. Mridula missed the days at Aladahalli when

us? It has too many calories’. Mridula missed the days at Aladahalli when everyone talked at the dinner table about a variety of topics. She recollected what she had read long ago: ‘At twenty, if you are not an idealist, then you don’t have a heart. And if you continue being an idealist at forty, then you don’t have a brain.’ She thought that these children had no heart while Sanjay thought that she had no brain. One day, Sanjay advised his son, ‘People respect successful people. You keep your focus on your goal and work towards it. Remember, there are no permanent friends in life. Instead, the more successful you are, the more enemies you have.’ ‘Dad, is it possible to remain at the top?’ ‘It’s difficult. The only way to stay at the top is to learn about the latest developments in your industry and stay one step ahead. It’s easy to get to the top, but much harder to stay there.’ ‘Dad, how do I recognize and judge people correctly?’ ‘Don’t believe anyone straight away. Trust very few people and check on them regularly. If you expect everybody to take advantage of you, then you’ll be aware of what’s happening around you and you won’t be disappointed. Money is the most important thing. Almost everybody has a price.’ ‘How can you say that, Dad?’ ‘Sishir, everybody has a price at which they are ready to compromise their principles. For some, it is ten thousand rupees and for others, it may be ten lakh. Money is most people’s weakness. When I was in school, children made fun of me because of my arm. Today, the same people call me “Sir”.’ Somehow, Mridula could not control herself when she heard this. ‘You shouldn’t say such things,’ she burst out. ‘Children are young and innocent. Their intention was not to hurt you. You were just different and that’s why they talked about you. When I was in school, I had long and thick hair and everybody made fun of me and called me a snake-girl. I used to get upset at the time but now, I laugh about it. If money’s so important, then all rich people should be happy. But that’s not the case. Don’t teach wrong things to our young son.’ Sanjay looked at Sishir and replied, ‘Mridula, the helplessness of being without money causes a lot of suffering. You have never known it because you were always protected. You are the principal of your school and you have all the power. That’s why everybody listens to you in school. Actually, your views are impractical.’ Mridula felt humiliated and went to her room. There, she realized that Sanjay and she were about to complete twenty-five years of their marriage in less than a year—but she felt unhappy. She could not pinpoint why she was feeling restless. She remembered that Sanjay had told her that he would ensure that a part of his earnings was donated to the poor. But he had done nothing about it. Whenever

earnings was donated to the poor. But he had done nothing about it. Whenever he donated money, he wanted his name to be associated with the charity. Only the rich could afford his fees. He charged as much as twenty-five thousand rupees for a normal delivery. What had he done to help the poor? Sishir’s typical day started at eight at night. He did not care for his mother’s words when she told him that he should go to bed early and wake up early too. Instead, he got irritated and said, ‘Amma, stop it. You and I have different opinions.’ Sishir told his father and friends, ‘My mother’s like a broken record. She keeps repeating the same things over and over.’ Sanjay sometimes joked about it and said, ‘Well, then think about how I’m living with her.’ At times, both father and son talked about Mridula like this, but Mridula believed that they thought the same way too. She was extremely sensitive to their comments and their words hurt her terribly. Sometimes, Sishir realized that his mother was feeling bad and said lightly, ‘Amma, be a sport like Dad.’ Sanjay laughed at Sishir’s words. He was aware that he could be rude to others but not to his son. A son is a shady tree in old age and parents must take care of the tree when it is a sapling. One day, Sishir was idling in his bed. The cuckoo clock indicated that it was midnight. Sanjay had bought the clock for him from Geneva. Sishir reminisced about his first trip abroad when he was in the final year of school. As usual, Mridula had objected to his travelling. She had said, ‘You shouldn’t send a child alone for a holiday abroad when he’s still a dependant.’ But Sishir did not care. He thought that that was precisely the reason why he should go alone. He would see different countries and be able to absorb more of the culture at a younger age. He thought, ‘Travelling is also a form of education and we can afford it. Dad is well travelled and he knows the world better than Amma.’ His phone rang. It was Neeta. She was in his class and her upbringing was modern. His mother did not like Neeta’s modernity but his Dad did not mind. Neeta said, ‘Hi Sish, what’s the plan for tomorrow?’ Sishir already knew that Neeta must have something on her mind. So he replied, ‘Why?’ ‘Do you want to go to the disco at The Leela Palace?’ He paused and said, ‘I wish I could but I have something else to do.’ ‘What’re you doing that’s keeping you busy? Come on, Sish, can’t you spare

‘What’re you doing that’s keeping you busy? Come on, Sish, can’t you spare an evening for me? Shall I come and help you?’ ‘Yes, you can. I’m going to a temple with Mom. Will you come too?’ Sishir knew that Neeta did not like to go to temples and he could escape this way. He thought, ‘I rarely go out with Amma. When I was a child, I went with her to a temple often. But Dad was always busy and never came with us.’ The tunes of Metallica wafted out from his music system and Sishir started headbanging. He recalled spending very little time with his father during his childhood. His mother was his true companion then. He thought, ‘When Amma went to school to work, Kantamma Ajji’s family looked after me.’ He lovingly remembered Kantamma, whom he affectionately called Ajji. She was a generous woman with grey hair. She had a big kumkum bindi on her forehead, flowers in her hair and red glass bangles on her wrists. She was dark in complexion and smiled all the time. He could never forget her red bangles because she used to make him sit on her lap and would prepare ragi balls with her hands. He had sat on her lap like that for many years. She wore little jewellery but looked charming. Even now, when he visited her, she embraced him with the same affection, as if he was still a toddler. He had never felt that affection from any friends or relatives. Despite the cold winter, he was filled with warmth. It had been a long time since he had seen Kantamma Ajji. He regularly visited Muniyappa and Kantamma annually on Ugadi and Deepavali, except this past Deepavali: he had gone to Singapore with friends and missed the festival this year. He thought, ‘Next week, I must go and see them and take a gift for Kantamma. I should ask Amma to buy a nice sari for her. The last time, I told Dad that I wanted to give her a pair of gold bangles. But Dad said, “Sishir, when you give expensive gifts to people less rich than you, their expectations increase and you may not be able to match them every time. I agree that they have looked after you extremely well. So you should give them a gift that they’ll appreciate and, yet, not think of as a burden. However, if you still insist, I can ask Rosemary to buy a pair of gold bangles today.” Dad must be right because he has seen the world. I can’t understand why Amma can’t think like him.’ Metallica changed to Yanni and Sishir felt hungry. Though he liked the food at home, he wanted a change every few days. Mridula always said, ‘Home-made food is the best and the healthiest. I get upset when you don’t eat.’ So Sishir did not know what to do. His father told him, ‘Eat a little bit in front of your mother and make her happy. Then go out and eat whatever you want.’ For his birthday, his father had given him a new credit card. Now, he had all the freedom in the world.

the freedom in the world. When he had first started asserting his independence as a teenager, his mother would get scared and cry. He felt bad for her but then he thought, ‘I’m not responsible for anybody’s happiness. I have the right to live the life I want.’ He would rebel against his mother but not his father. His father was a friend with whom he could talk about anything, including girls. But his mother was so different. He thought, ‘Maybe it’s because she was brought up in godforsaken Aladahalli, where obedience is considered a virtue. I think she spent her entire childhood obeying everybody.’ The next day, Sishir wanted some money for petrol and when he asked his mother, she told him to take it from her purse in the drawer. When he opened her purse, he found a lot of money in it, but he took only as much as he needed. He told his mother how much money he was taking. Many of his friends argued about why he needed to tell his mother but Sishir looked down upon that attitude. His mother had taught him about honesty and hard work and he shared those values with her. As he was about to close the drawer, he saw a photo album. Though he had seen it many times before, something seemed different as he opened it now. He said to himself, ‘Amma was so beautiful when she was young. Had she been taller, she could have entered the Miss India pageant. She’s wasted her beauty by becoming a teacher and a housewife. Had I been in her place, I would’ve pursued modelling and probably made more money than Dad and taken less time than him. She could have become a lady doctor and joined Dad and they could have built many more nursing homes together. Amma would have also been famous. She’s spent so much energy on teaching children in government schools.’ Sishir closed the drawer and took his car to the gas station to fill petrol. His classmates Neeta and Naren were partying at a bar. Since they had been drinking, they asked him to pick them up and drop them home. When he went inside the bar, he was surprised to see Sarla Aunty, Prasanna Uncle and their daughter Dolly having beer. The last time he had met Sarla Aunty was at a temple where she was dressed in a traditional nine-yard sari and wore exquisite gold jewellery. Though he had nothing against women drinking, the two images of Sarla Aunty were jarring. Sarla Aunty became pale on seeing him. But she smiled and said, ‘Come, boy, join us.’ ‘No, Aunty. I don’t drink.’ ‘Then your first peg will be a whisky,’ Prasanna Uncle joked. ‘Well, that time I’ll call you for company.’ Sishir quickly said goodbye and walked away.

walked away. When he came home and told his parents about it, Sanjay happily said, ‘You set them right.’ His mother, however, was worried. She said out loud, ‘It’s wrong. Sarla comes from a conservative family. If her mother gets to know about this, she’ll faint.’ Mridula’s words annoyed Sishir. He argued, ‘Amma, what exactly is wrong? Is going to a bar wrong or is drinking with your daughter wrong?’ ‘Well, she’s a woman and she shouldn’t drink.’ ‘Who said that you have to be a man to drink?’ Sanjay wanted to support his son and said, ‘Sarla’s worked hard and made loads of money. She has a right to enjoy it too.’ Mridula got irritated. ‘What do you mean? Haven’t I earned money with hard work too?’ Both men knew that this might lead to a scene, so they got up and went to their rooms. Sishir thought, ‘Amma and Dad have lived together for so many years, but they are poles apart. Maybe their upbringing and professions have influenced their thought processes. Thank God they aren’t similar. Otherwise, I would’ve had a tough time. This way, I can take advantage of Amma or Dad depending on the situation.’



20 The Ways of the World While Sanjay was driving to the nursing home the next day, he thought about Mridula. He knew that she was upset about the previous night. Recently, he had observed that she often talked about impractical issues. She told him that he was not helping poor people as he had earlier promised. He said to himself, ‘Yes, I’m aware of my promises, but I was inexperienced at the time and I don’t have to fulfil the promises I made then. Mridula doesn’t understand this. In fact, she’s blunt and speaks her mind freely. In today’s sophisticated society, it isn’t necessary to tell people what’s on your mind. When someone comes to invite us for a wedding, sometimes she immediately tells him or her that we won’t be able to attend the event because we’ll be out of town. It’s so rude. She defends herself and says that she’s being straightforward and honest. But honesty isn’t needed everywhere. She just doesn’t get it.’ When he reached the hospital, Rosemary greeted him with a warm smile and handed over a list. When Sanjay saw the list of patients and their scheduled operations for the day, he remembered his father’s words: ‘See God in your patients.’ Yes, he did see God—Goddess Lakshmi in fact. Every patient was a source of income to him. In government hospitals, the patients were dependent on the doctors. But in private practice, if he and his doctors were not good to the patients, they would go to another doctor and spread rumours about the nursing home. That would be enough to spoil the reputation of the nursing home. It took several years to build a brand but you could lose it very quickly. He kept his personal relationships and money separate. That was why he also kept Shankar at a distance and Shankar understood that. His phone rang. The receptionist told him that Dr Vasudha was on the line and wanted to talk to him. Sanjay recognized who she was. He told the receptionist, ‘I’m busy. Tell her to call back in the afternoon.’ A queue of patients was waiting for him. Mechanically, he got up and washed his hands. Since he had become famous, patients from other states also came to see him. Some people said that he had a magical touch, but Alex said it was his super-salesmanship. Sanjay’s thoughts continued to trouble him. Bheemanna had said long ago that

Sanjay’s thoughts continued to trouble him. Bheemanna had said long ago that Mridula’s horoscope would bring her husband riches. Today, Ratnamma wholeheartedly agreed and proudly told everybody, ‘My daughter-in-law has brought luck to our family.’ It was rare for a mother-in-law to pay her daughter-in-law such a compliment. Lakshmi, however, had a different opinion. She said, ‘My brother, Sanjay, is a hard-working and brilliant doctor. That’s why he’s successful.’ Surprisingly, Mridula agreed with Lakshmi, despite the fact that the sisters-in- law did not get along too well. Soon, patients started walking in and Sanjay forgot about Mridula. By the time he finished his rounds and OPD, it was 2 p.m. He thought that it was better to eat in the canteen and check the quality of food there. Rosemary arranged for his diet meal. Sanjay was conscious about his diet. Though he was fifty and had a few grey hairs here and there, nobody could guess his age correctly. Most of his friends were jealous about his youthful looks and pestered him to share his secret. Sanjay diplomatically said ‘your friendship’ but he knew that regular exercise and diet were major factors. Rosemary ate in the canteen every day. She knew the difference between Sanjay’s and her position and ate at a different table. Sanjay appreciated her gesture. She was the head nurse and knew instantly when patients tried to fool her. During her first year, she had once asked for fees from a patient who said, ‘I’ve given the money to the other nurse.’ Rosemary assumed that it was true but after checking the accounts, she realized that he had never paid. Some patients would tell her, ‘Oh, we know the doctor well. He told us not to pay.’ So she thought about what to do and came up with an idea. She decided that she would give pink and green paper slips to Sanjay. If he signed on the pink slip, the consultation was free and if he signed on the green, the patient would have to pay half of the total charges. No matter what the patients told her, she charged them based on the colour of their paper slip. A few years later, patients had started playing new games. They would get their operation done elsewhere, come for the dressing and say, ‘Your nursing home has forgotten to take out the unclean cotton swab from the wound. That’s why my wound isn’t healing. I’ll sue you.’ Rosemary had discussed these things with Sanjay and introduced a new computer software where the details of the patient, operation and everything else was recorded and the patient’s signature taken. In the afternoon, Dr Vasudha phoned again and Sanjay asked the receptionist to put her call through. Vasudha said, ‘Dr Sanjay, I hope you remember me. I

to put her call through. Vasudha said, ‘Dr Sanjay, I hope you remember me. I was your classmate at BMC—Bangalore Medical College—thirty years ago.’ Sanjay had not forgotten her. It was the same Vasudha who had said that she had sympathy for him but not love. He said, ‘Sorry, I knew three Vasudhas in college. Which one are you?’ ‘I was in your batch and also Santosh’s relative. I used to come to your house too.’ ‘Yes, I remember now.’ ‘You’ve become so popular in Bangalore. I’m proud that we’re good friends.’ Naturally, she remembered him because he was successful today. He purposely did not call her by her name. He said, ‘Yes, Doctor, what can I do for you?’ ‘My husband is a member of the Rotary Club. They are starting a health camp and you’re the perfect person to inaugurate it.’ Sanjay knew that this was a lie—she either wanted a donation or a professional favour from him. He was not upset. Though he knew that he wouldn’t go for the inauguration, he asked, ‘When is it?’ Vasudha knew that if she gave him a date, he would refuse saying he was otherwise occupied that day. She smartly said, ‘You can pick any date convenient to you.’ Without even opening his diary, Sanjay paused and replied, ‘Sorry, my secretary says that I’m completely booked for the next two months. Please call up later to confirm.’ He did not want to seem rude, though. He asked her, ‘How many children do you have?’ ‘I have two daughters. One is in her final year and is studying computer science at RV College and the other one is a first-year student studying commerce at Christ College.’ He could sense pride in her voice. She was telling him the names of the colleges as a status symbol. In return, she asked, ‘How many children do you have, Doctor?’ He noticed that she did not use his first name either. ‘I have one son—Sishir. Haven’t you seen the name of the topper in the medical exams? He’s my son, S. Sishir.’ Vasudha had, of course, but she said, ‘I’m sorry. Since both my children are not in the medical line, I don’t follow the latest updates in that field. What does your wife do?’ ‘She’s very intelligent. Sishir has taken after her. He is not like me.’

‘She’s very intelligent. Sishir has taken after her. He is not like me.’ Sanjay did not say what Mridula did and before Vasudha could ask him any more questions, he said, ‘Okay, Doctor, keep in touch. Take care.’ He disconnected the phone. Sanjay felt bad. Though Mridula was a good- looking girl when they got married, she was not a doctor. Had she been one, they may have had fewer differences. Now, he strongly believed that it was better if a couple worked in the same profession. He was advising Sishir to get married to a lady doctor too. A husband–wife team could build a great business empire together. But Sishir did not seem to care. At home, Sishir was waiting for a pizza delivery. To pass the time, he stood in front of the mirror and looked at himself. He knew that he was handsome and that there were many girls who liked him. He had everything—money, good education and a great future. Naturally, any girl would love to marry him. Neeta was one of them. She called him all the time and got his mother worried. One day, Mridula advised him, ‘Sishir, don’t get too friendly with any girl. You’re a boy and if something happens, nobody will blame you. But the girl’s name and future will get spoilt. We aren’t living in a Western society.’ This really upset him. He did not say anything to his mother but he thought, ‘If the girl herself isn’t bothered and when her parents themselves send her with me, then why does Amma care? Times have changed but she has stayed behind. Sarla Aunty also pushes Dolly towards me and Prasanna Uncle is no less. Sometimes, he calls me for lunch, leaves Dolly with me and disappears after giving a lame excuse. But I’m aware of their intentions. There are many girls more intelligent and beautiful than Dolly, so why should I bother about her?’ The doorbell rang. It was the pizza-delivery man. Sishir went downstairs in his T-shirt and shorts to get his pizza. Mridula was already paying the bill and looked disapprovingly at Sishir.



21 Shades of Grey Ambuja, Mridula’s colleague in school, distributed her nephew’s wedding invites to the staff and insisted that everybody must attend. As soon as she left the room, another colleague, Leela, commented, ‘Do you realize how shrewd Ambuja is?’ Mridula replied, ‘I don’t understand.’ ‘She invites us for her nephew’s marriage but not her niece’s because for a boy’s wedding, the lunch expenses are borne by the bride’s side of the family, but in a girl’s wedding, they themselves have to bear the expenses.’ Mridula had never thought of it this way and, at times, she wondered why she could not think like other people. She asked Leela, ‘Are you planning to go?’ ‘I don’t want to. But I will.’ ‘If you don’t want to, then why will you go?’ ‘That’s etiquette.’ Again, Mridula was unable to understand the word ‘etiquette’. Ambuja’s nephew’s wedding was on a Sunday. The girl and the boy both belonged to rich business families and there was a long queue of people waiting to congratulate them. Mridula decided to sit in a corner until the rush subsided. Suddenly, she saw Lakshmi; she was a little surprised to see her there. Before she could get up and go to her, Lakshmi had got lost in the crowd. She was dressed nicely and was wearing a diamond set which was shining in the bright lights. She had not seen Mridula yet. Usually, whenever Lakshmi visited Mridula, she wore only one plain gold bangle. The lady sitting next to Mridula saw her looking at Lakshmi and said, ‘Do you know that lady?’ Mridula stayed silent. The lady continued, ‘Look at her jewellery. It’s beautiful. I saw her buying something at a jeweller’s shop just the other day.’ ‘How do you know her?’ ‘We are members of the same chit group. Lakshmi pays the highest chit. She invests twenty thousand rupees every month.’

invests twenty thousand rupees every month.’ ‘I see. Is she that rich?’ ‘Haven’t you heard of Dr Sanjay from the Sushruta Nursing Home? She’s his sister. Twenty thousand rupees is nothing for her.’ Chit groups were not unknown to Mridula because Ratnamma was also a part of one. Lakshmi was her daughter after all. Mridula thought, ‘How can Shankar and Lakshmi afford such a huge chit? They stay in a rented house in Malleshwaram. Lakshmi doesn’t work either. Though I’m younger than her, my heavy silk brocade sari and minimal gold are still too much for me. But Lakshmi’s dressed like a bride.’ By then, the queue had shortened and Mridula went up to congratulate the young couple. She ran into Lakshmi on her way towards the newly-weds. Lakshmi was shocked to see Mridula there. But she composed herself and said, ‘Oh, Mridula, I didn’t know that you were going to be here. Are you from the bride’s side or the groom’s?’ ‘The groom’s.’ ‘Oh, I’m from the bride’s side. I didn’t want to come, but they insisted. You know how it is.’ Then Lakshmi lowered her voice and said, ‘Mridula, you know that I don’t have much gold. So I feel awkward whenever I have to attend weddings and functions. These days, you get a lot of fake jewellery that glitters more than the real thing. I bought one fake diamond set to wear during weddings. Everyone thinks that it’s real. Look at it. Don’t you think it looks real, too?’ Mridula did not know what to say and kept quiet. She thought, ‘I should give her the benefit of the doubt. Since I’m not sure, I won’t say anything.’ When Mridula reached home, the phone was ringing. It was Ratnamma. Sanjay picked up and spoke to her on the speakerphone. Ratnamma said, ‘MLA Adikeshavaiah wants to start a women’s cooperative bank in our village. The government also helps in such projects. Because of my experience, they want to elect me chairman. I need to deposit ten lakh rupees for this. Please send a DD for that amount in my name.’ Sanjay said, ‘Give me some time. I’ll get back to you.’ Mridula found it strange. She had always thought that Ratnamma did not care about position or status. Sanjay was quiet after the call. Mridula asked him, ‘What do you think? What should we do?’ Sanjay replied, ‘I don’t think Amma should accept this position. I’ll call her back and talk to her later.’ Mridula felt happy that Sanjay was thinking on the same lines as her. Every year, Mridula’s cousin Sarla held a big Satyanarayana puja at home.

Every year, Mridula’s cousin Sarla held a big Satyanarayana puja at home. After that, she arranged for a luxury bus to Tirupati and invited all her close relatives to the trip. It was something similar to the Purnima celebrations in Bheemanna’s house. Bheemanna normally joined the festivities. But now, he did not want to leave his home and go anywhere. After Rukuma Bai’s death, he had lost interest in life. In recent years, Mridula’s brother, Krishna, and his wife, Vatsala, had started coming to Bangalore for this function. They came a week in advance for sightseeing and shopping. Every year, they stayed with Sarla in her house and that hurt Mridula. They visited Mridula only once for a few hours— like she was a mere acquaintance. This year, Mridula could not control her grief. She tried to share her thoughts with Sanjay. ‘Vatsala and Krishna should stay with us. I’m Krishna’s sister. Isn’t our relation to them closer than Sarla’s?’ Without lifting his head from the newspaper, Sanjay replied, ‘Relationships are maintained not just because you are related by blood, but also by keeping in touch.’ ‘But I’m his sister.’ ‘Even Lakshmi is my sister. I haven’t done anything wrong to her. And yet, she never comes and stays with us for a holiday.’ Sanjay was shrewd enough not to take his mother’s name, who refused to come to Bangalore. Mridula did not know whether Sanjay was saying this to blame her. He acted polished in front of others but in front of his wife, his words could be brutal. Mridula replied, ‘I’ve never ever told Lakshmi not to come. She’s involved in activities like ladies’ clubs and chit group meetings. Unfortunately, we don’t share common interests. We are neither enemies nor friends.’ ‘Sarla and you were best friends once. But even she doesn’t come to our house. What happened?’ ‘Sarla is busy working or travelling. How can I expect her to come and spend time here?’ ‘Sarla isn’t like you. She’s practical. She works hard and makes money and understands the ways of the world.’ This upset Mridula even more. Sanjay appreciated everyone except her. She snapped back, ‘I think I should have been more like your sister and spent all of my husband’s money and brought him to the streets.’ Sanjay did not bother replying. He had wanted to push Mridula’s buttons, and he had. He started whistling. Mridula continued, ‘Lakshmi puts all her money in chits. Her friend told me. I saw her at a marriage last week. She was wearing at least ten lakh’s worth of jewellery and she told me that it was artificial.’

least ten lakh’s worth of jewellery and she told me that it was artificial.’ Calmly, Sanjay said, ‘Mridula, you must meet Dr Ramaiah.’ Mridula was taken aback at the change of subject. She asked, ‘Are you talking about the famous psychiatrist? Why should I meet him? I don’t have a health problem.’ ‘Yes, you do. That’s why you should get yourself checked. Just because someone told you that Lakshmi is involved in chits, you believed that person. I have known my sister longer than I’ve known you. She doesn’t care about money. In fact, she wants to help people and loses money in the process. Why will she lie to you? Had she had your inclination to save money, she would’ve been wealthy today.’ Mridula felt bad that her husband had more faith in his sister than in his wife. He was not ready to think for a second that his sister could have also done something wrong. On top of everything else, he taunted Mridula for saving money. Lakshmi was known to spend all the money on herself without a thought for her family. Mridula cried, ‘What a reward I get for saving for our future! I should’ve been a spendthrift instead.’ Sanjay did not want to deal with a sobbing wife and left the room. Suddenly, Mridula felt that there was an intense vacuum in her life. The huge nursing home, this big house and its servants were of no consequence to her. Money had taken away her happiness. She could not even raise her son the way she wanted to. Her husband did not understand her. What was the use of this life? Later that night, Sanjay was unable to sleep despite the cool air-conditioning. He thought to himself, ‘Mridula disagrees with me about everything. She has a good house, servants, plenty of money, a great son and a famous husband. Both the men in her life are intelligent and we don’t have bad habits. People must envy her.’ He thought about Lakshmi and felt sad for his sister. Her husband was not in a top position and their son, Anil, was not academically inclined. Sishir had told him confidentially that Anil was a chain-smoker and frequented bars. But still, Lakshmi was happy. She was enthusiastic even when she made a small gold purchase or bought a silk sari. He recalled the last time he went to Chennai for work. He had brought back two silk saris and given one to Mridula. She had told him, ‘I don’t feel like wearing silk saris these days. When I think of how the silk is made, I feel sorry for the silkworms. Such a waste.’ So Sanjay had hidden the other sari and given it to Lakshmi, whose happiness knew no bounds. She had thanked him many times and talked about its excellent

knew no bounds. She had thanked him many times and talked about its excellent colour and texture. She had promised to wear it during the next festival. Sanjay thought, ‘Mridula must learn how to live life from Lakshmi.’



22 Sweet Revenge Sanjay’s phone rang. He thought that it may be an emergency and reached for his phone. But it was not a call from the nursing home. It was Prakash Kamat, the sales director of a pharmaceutical company. He was not unknown to Sanjay. When Sanjay was working in the government hospital, Prakash was a medical representative and used to frequent the hospital to give literature and samples to Dr Saroja. Prakash had never paid attention to Sanjay then. Over a period of time, Prakash had reached a senior position and he was calling Sanjay to discuss the next contract. Sanjay knew that big deals and contracts must be a win-win situation for both sides. He thought, ‘By recommending Prakash’s products, I must also gain something. If two similar products from two different companies are equally good, then I should think of what’s advantageous for me. In any business, a win- lose situation equals exploitation. And if it is a lose-win, it’s plain foolishness. Mridula won’t understand these complicated issues.’ Prakash said, ‘Sir, today’s the last day. Please let us know your final decision.’ ‘Let me think about it.’ ‘Sir, our product is good and the field results are favourable. You don’t have to worry.’ ‘That’s easy for you to say. If something goes wrong tomorrow, the patient will catch hold of me and not you.’ ‘Sir, we have tested it thoroughly.’ ‘Then I want to see the field trial results.’ Prakash Kamat realized that things were not going to be easy with Sanjay. He began his sales pitch: ‘Sir, how many drugs from our company do you use every year? We’ll work to get you the best discount. We can’t give discounts directly but we can arrange to get you four international trips or something like that.’ ‘Your company isn’t the only one that can send me abroad. Other companies are willing to give me a direct discount. I want to know the final discounted amount. Please send it to the nursing home.’

Without waiting for a reply, Sanjay kept the phone down. He recollected his past, ‘Once, I was desperate to get a sponsorship and my case was a genuine one. I had approached many people—Chikananjappa, the Health minister’s PA and others. I remember waiting helplessly in the corridor of the government office. But ultimately, Dr Suresh got it because of his father’s ministerial connections. I could have resigned immediately and started a private practice. Why didn’t I have the courage to do so earlier? Wasn’t I aware of my own potential?’ Sanjay felt ashamed of himself. He realized that the real courage of a person lay within himself or herself. ‘I’m my best friend and my worst enemy. I know that the courage I have today didn’t come overnight. As I started getting successful, I became more and more confident. Alex gave me my first break but the ultimate success is mine. Yet, my wife doesn’t respect me. Had she been a doctor, she would’ve been proud to have a husband like me.’ Sanjay sighed and went back to his routine. The next morning, while he was shaving, the maid told him, ‘Dr Saroja is waiting to meet you downstairs.’ He recognized the name. She was the same Dr Saroja who had humiliated him in front of everyone. She had added his name in Kempunanjamma’s case even though he was not responsible for it. She had been ruthless about his transfer. The incidents flashed before his eyes. He thought, ‘A sensitive person in my position might have committed suicide at the time. How dare she shamelessly come to my house?’ He knew that she wanted a favour. He told his maid calmly, ‘Tell her to wait in the veranda. I’ll have my bath and then meet her.’ He took his time shaving, bathed unusually slowly and finally came out of the bathroom. Mridula came in and said, ‘Why are you taking such a long time to get dressed today? An elderly lady has been waiting for you for a while now.’ Sanjay did not answer her. He knew that she would not understand. Mridula’s world existed only in books. In textbooks, idealism occupied one line and took a minute to preach. But real life consisted of different kinds of selfish people. An intelligent person was one who managed all of them and got his work done with minimal conflict. He finished his breakfast in his room and came out and found Dr Saroja eating at their dining table. She stood up when she saw him. Mridula explained, ‘She was waiting for you in the veranda. I called her inside and gave her breakfast even though she was reluctant to eat.’ Sanjay felt sick of Mridula’s foolish hospitality. He thought, ‘If Dr Saroja had

Sanjay felt sick of Mridula’s foolish hospitality. He thought, ‘If Dr Saroja had come to the nursing home, I wouldn’t have offered her a drop of water. There’s no place for hospitality with her. But if Dr Kamala ever comes to see me, I’ll never make her wait.’ He did not show his true feelings, however. He smiled and said, ‘Mridula, you did the right thing.’ Then he looked at Dr Saroja and said quietly, ‘Please feel free. I was your assistant once.’ Mridula excused herself and went to the kitchen. Dr Saroja started talking to Sanjay. She said, ‘Sanjay, I’m proud of you. You were in my unit once and it’s my honour to have had you in my team.’ Both of them knew that it was not a heartfelt statement. Sanjay did not waste any time. He asked her, ‘Doctor, why did you think of me now?’ Sanjay did not call her ‘Madam’ and Dr Saroja noticed it. She said, ‘My niece has delivered in your nursing home.’ ‘What’s your niece’s name?’ ‘Kamalakshi.’ ‘Then I’ll go and see her. I must give her more attention now that I know that she’s related to you. Doctor, names and people play an important role in life. I haven’t forgotten Kempunanjamma’s name.’ Dr Saroja had either forgotten or pretended to have forgotten. She asked, ‘Who is Kempunanjamma?’ ‘Do you remember the case where two babies were switched and my name was suddenly added in the case without reason?’ ‘Oh, sometimes these things happen in government hospitals.’ ‘But I learnt a great lesson from it—the name of the doctor who takes care of the patient before, during and after delivery must always be written down.’ ‘That’s an excellent practice.’ ‘Okay, Doctor, see you.’ He cut off the conversation because he did not want to talk to her any more. As she watched, he drove off in his Mercedes-Benz. Hearing the car leave, Mridula came out with a gift and a coconut for Dr Saroja and helped her get an autorickshaw. She thought it was rude of Sanjay not to offer to drop Dr Saroja to an auto stand at least. When Sanjay reached the nursing home, Rosemary was arguing with a patient about money; he called her to his room. He did not discuss money matters in front of patients. Rosemary explained, ‘This patient called Kamalakshi says that her aunt met you and you agreed to give her a discount. I told her that I couldn’t give any discount until I saw a slip. So she’s arguing with me.’

give any discount until I saw a slip. So she’s arguing with me.’ ‘That’s smart, Rosemary. The case was complicated. Please charge them more than the usual.’ This was the best way that he could vent his anger and make Dr Saroja pay for her breakfast. Rosemary nodded and left his room. When he returned home that evening, Mridula said, ‘Prakash Kamat has called three times for you. He says that it’s important and you must return his call.’ Sanjay pretended not to hear. So Mridula said loudly, ‘Why don’t you respond? He’ll think that I haven’t told you about the call. What’s happened to you?’ Without getting upset, Sanjay replied, ‘Nothing’s happened to me. You just don’t have any sense. I don’t know how you got an academic rank.’ ‘What did I do?’ ‘Please know that neither Prakash Kamat nor Dr Saroja are personal acquaintances. They had business with me. Prakash wants business from me and for that, he’ll call me thirty times; you, on the other hand, serve them breakfast and lunch as if they’re your relatives.’ Mridula kept quiet, went into the kitchen and brought coffee for Sanjay. She said, ‘They may be your acquaintances outside this house but when they come here, they’re our guests and I have to do my duty. I overheard your conversation with Prakash yesterday. Isn’t it wrong on your part to take financial benefit from a drug company as an incentive to prescribe their medicine?’ Sanjay slowly sipped the hot coffee. He said, ‘Nothing is black or white in this world. The cow gives milk for its calf. But we drink that same milk. Isn’t that wrong? Trees have life. But we cut them down and use their wood. Isn’t that wrong too? Mosquitoes and bugs are also living creatures. Don’t we kill them because they trouble us? A big fish always eats the small fish. Is that right?’ ‘I can’t argue with you. I just know that it’s wrong to prescribe medicines like this.’ ‘Prakash Kamat doesn’t help me out of the goodness of his heart. If he gives me a discount of one rupee, he still makes a profit of thirty rupees. Once the business is over, Prakash won’t look at me until the next deal comes along. If you’re an idealist, emotional and sensitive, then you can become a schoolteacher and nothing more. You need toughness to succeed in the real world.’ Sishir came down the stairs. He said, ‘Dad, my friends and I have decided to go to Kodaikanal in our car. Is that okay with you?’

go to Kodaikanal in our car. Is that okay with you?’ ‘Of course, you must enjoy yourself. But don’t take our car.’ Mridula added, ‘I don’t like the thought of you boys driving the car for that long to Kodaikanal.’ Sishir did not bother to answer her. He looked at his father for approval. Sanjay said, ‘Sishir, I’m not refusing to give you money for the trip. I’m not stopping you from driving a car either. But your friends shouldn’t think that they can get everything from you. Never allow them to take you for granted. You should pool in money, take a train to Kodai Road and hire a taxi from there and share the expenses. That’s the practical thing to do. However, the decision is yours.’ Sanjay knew that whenever he left a decision to Sishir, he did what his father told him to do. But if Sanjay forced him, then Sishir did the opposite. Sishir thought for a second and said, ‘Dad, you’re right as usual!’ Sanjay paused and continued, ‘Sishir, I know that in a few months you’ll be going to England for higher education. There, you’ll have to manage everything on your own for the first time in your life. You should be simple, but not a simpleton. In a sacrifice, it is a goat that is always chosen—not a tiger. That’s because the goat is a small and meek animal. Nobody dares to touch the tiger because it’s powerful. In this world, every relationship depends on its usefulness. If a person is useful to others, people will mourn the death of that person. Getting an academic rank is good but it doesn’t ensure success. If you don’t have common sense and aren’t shrewd, people will walk all over you.’ Mridula did not like Sanjay’s advice to their son. When a child leaves home for the first time, it is important to give him love, teach him compassion and the value of good habits. She could not hold herself back. ‘Sishir, when it comes to family, you need to give and receive love to have peace in your life. In any relationship, compassion binds people together. A successful person dominates others and people obey him only to keep the peace. That’s the reason great emperors were headstrong. They were powerful and people were scared of them. But the Buddha stood out from the rest because of his selfless and compassionate nature.’ Sishir was confused and irritated. He said, ‘Amma, I can’t understand your lectures. I don’t care for a history lesson, so please don’t try to teach me. Dad, will you drive me to Neeta’s house? She’ll drop me back later.’ Sanjay and Sishir left like two friends and Mridula was left standing all alone on the porch.



23 A House of Cards A few months passed. Anita had stopped visiting Mridula. She had become depressed, quiet and moody. Mridula was worried for her and tried her best to reach out to her. But she failed to bring her back to normal. Anita spent most of her time reading the Bible or going to church. She had turned vegetarian and lost all interest in the upkeep of her home. Julie had finished her twelfth grade and got admission in LSR College in Delhi. So Anita moved to Julie’s room and did her prayers there. Alex and Anita hardly talked any more. Conveniently, Alex spent more time on his new company and travelled a lot. Even when he met Sanjay, they did not talk about their personal lives. Meanwhile, Lakshmi and her family continued to live in Bangalore. But Lakshmi hardly ever met Mridula. Mridula did not know if this was on purpose. But whenever they did meet, Lakshmi did not wear any jewellery at all. Frequently, Mridula would tell Sanjay, ‘Lakshmi and Shankar are getting old. They may have their shortcomings but they must own a house in Bangalore. Or maybe an apartment. Sanjay, you may not give them the entire amount for buying a home. But let’s give them at least 75 per cent. Anil and Shankar can take a loan for the remainder so that they’ll be forced to save and pay it back. They can’t continue spending all their income on vacations and gold. God alone knows how much is real and how much is fake!’ But Sanjay never showed any interest. He would say, ‘Anil has a good job and they must learn to help themselves. We mustn’t make them too dependent.’ One day, Shankar came on a scooter to take Sanjay’s signatures on some official documents for the nursing home. Mridula felt bad and said, ‘Sanjay, I don’t know when they’ll be able to buy their own house. Why don’t you buy Shankar a car? The hospital is quite a distance away from his current residence.’ ‘Well, why don’t you buy him a car and gift it to the family? They’ll be delighted.’ Mridula did what Sanjay told her and it made Lakshmi ecstatic. She said, ‘Mridula, you’re more than a mother to me. My mother doesn’t care about me

‘Mridula, you’re more than a mother to me. My mother doesn’t care about me this much. I don’t know how to thank you. Now, Anil can use the old scooter.’ It is human nature that when you help someone, a few kind words in return make you very happy. Mridula was easy to please and she was overjoyed at Lakshmi’s response. One day, Mridula was waiting for her driver at the Jayanagar 4th Block shopping complex. Unexpectedly, she saw Anil driving a car that she did not recognize. Anil had not seen her. When she came back, she told Sanjay, ‘I saw Anil in a different car today. I didn’t know that he had a car. Lakshmi didn’t tell me.’ ‘It must be the company car. That’s between Alex and him. I asked Alex to hire and keep Anil if he works well. I don’t want Alex to feel any pressure to retain him just because Anil is my nephew. You know how I am in business. But Lakshmi may not know about it.’ Mridula thought that this must be true and dropped the topic. Life went on. Sanjay was away for four days attending an international conference in Malaysia. Mridula received an urgent call from the nursing home regarding some documents for the new pharmaceutical company. She told the clerk, ‘I don’t know anything about the documents.’ ‘Madam, this file is usually with Shankar sir or Anil. When both of them are unavailable, it is with Doctor sir who keeps the file in the nursing home. May I get it today? It’s important.’ ‘Well, in that case, you can ask Rosemary and take it.’ ‘Madam, Rosemary is not allowed to open Doctor sir’s cupboard. She has the keys but doesn’t operate it on her own.’ Usually, Mridula did not go to the nursing home except on Ayudha Puja day. But she felt sorry for the clerk and said, ‘Don’t worry. I’ll go to the nursing home and search for the file.’ A few years ago, Anuradha had had a baby in their nursing home. After trying to conceive for a long time, she had finally become pregnant and had a normal delivery. Everybody was happy. Sanjay had assisted in her case. Mridula had told Sanjay, ‘Please don’t charge Anuradha anything. When we had no money, they looked after Sishir without any expectations. I never felt hesitant to leave my child with them.’ ‘Of course, Mridula. Whatever you say. I won’t charge them a rupee even though a normal delivery costs fifty thousand rupees. I respect your feelings.’ Mridula was happy that Sanjay was listening to her, at least this time. At the baby’s naming ceremony, she had given a gold chain to Anuradha’s baby boy. Kantamma had welcomed her and made ragi balls especially for

baby boy. Kantamma had welcomed her and made ragi balls especially for Sishir. When Mridula was about to leave, Kantamma had thanked her and said, ‘Your husband’s a nice person. In spite of being such a senior doctor, he came for the delivery in the middle of the night. He also gave us a concession of ten thousand rupees.’ Mridula had been taken aback. To reconfirm, she had asked, ‘How much did you pay?’ Muniyappa had said, ‘The actual bill was fifty thousand but Sanjay gave us a green slip with ten thousand written on it. So I paid forty thousand rupees.’ When she sat in the car, Mridula had felt disgusted. She had thought, ‘How can Sanjay take money from them? At this stage of life, forty thousand doesn’t mean much to them. It was just to show them our affection. Doesn’t Sanjay understand?’ When she had come home, Sanjay was talking to Rosemary over the speakerphone. Rosemary was asking, ‘Doctor, how much discount should I give the Transport Secretary’s daughter? She’s getting discharged tomorrow.’ ‘Rosemary, don’t charge them anything. Write a complimentary slip and send them a nice bouquet. He may be of great use to us later.’ Mridula’s anger had known no bounds. After he had finished his call, she had asked him, ‘Why did you charge Anuradha for her delivery?’ Without batting his eyelids, Sanjay had said, ‘Because Anuradha wanted the bill.’ ‘Of course, she would’ve asked for it, but you should have refused. You have done wrong.’ ‘What’s wrong in taking money from them? Anuradha and Arun have senior- level jobs and each of them takes home at least one lakh rupees. And their company will reimburse them this cost. I have still reduced ten thousand rupees.’ ‘Then why did you lie to me?’ ‘Because you would get upset.’ ‘Well, I’m even more upset now.’ ‘That’s your problem.’ Sanjay had gone to the other room and started making his office calls again. After that day, Mridula had stopped going to the nursing home except on Ayudha Puja day. She felt that the nursing home could run without her help. Neither her words nor her presence had any consequence. Today was a first after a very long time. Though Rosemary was just the head nurse, she was Sanjay’s right-hand person. She knew how to invoice, whom to bill and how much to charge different people. She knew which doctors to call in Sanjay’s absence. But Rosemary was aware of her limitations. Sanjay did not allow her to touch his personal documents in the cupboard.

allow her to touch his personal documents in the cupboard. When Mridula reached the nursing home, she asked Rosemary for the keys. Rosemary said, ‘Here you go, madam. But I don’t know what’s in the cupboard. I’ve never opened it.’ Mridula opened the cupboard and searched for the file. She found a bank passbook first. She was surprised—all the passbooks were supposed to be at home. When she opened it, she found that the passbook was from Sanjay and Lakshmi’s joint account in a bank in Malleshwaram. Mridula did not know about this account. She was under the impression that she was looking after all of Sanjay’s accounts, at his own suggestion. The account balance was close to fifty lakh rupees. It was not the money that astonished her, but the fact that she blindly believed that nothing happened in her house without her knowledge, particularly since it was an unwritten understanding that money matters were her domain. At that moment, something inside her just shattered into pieces. When the foundation of trust cracks, how can a marriage remain the same? Mridula felt like she was drowning. Her thoughts haunted her. ‘How can Sanjay open an account without telling me? The date of the first transaction is five years ago. I’ve been cheated for the last five years and I was not even aware of it. Isn’t this infidelity too? Alex cheated on Anita in one way and Sanjay has cheated on me in another. He’s the one who said, “I don’t want to handle money. You manage it and I’ll manage the nursing home.” I guess the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree. When my mother-in-law is desirous of money even at this age, what else can I expect from her son?’ Mridula wanted more information about the account. She saw the counterfoil of a Rs 10 lakh DD sent to Ratnamma. Sanjay had sent the money to his mother but he had told Mridula that he would not send it. Mridula realized that he was a practised deceiver. She found a gift deed of a car given to Anil. She recalled how easily Sanjay had told her that it was a company car. Apart from that, there was a joint fixed-deposit for fifty lakh in Sanjay and Lakshmi’s name. But the most important paper was lying at the bottom of the cupboard. Four years ago, Sanjay had bought a house for Lakshmi and it had been rented out. Lakshmi was probably collecting rent every month and was staying in a house paying lower rent instead. Mridula also found numerous cheques made out to Pratibha Jewellers in Chickpet that came to around five lakh a year. Now Mridula realized that all the gold that glittered on Lakshmi’s body was real. Every year, she had been giving Lakshmi ten thousand rupees on Gowri festival without knowing that Lakshmi was collecting five lakh from her husband on the side.

side. For a second, Mridula was upset with Lakshmi; then she thought that when her husband himself was manipulating her, why should she blame anyone else? Was it her ignorance, foolishness or Sanjay’s cunning nature that had encouraged all these activities? Mridula did not even care to close the cupboard and walked out without speaking to Rosemary. As soon as she could, she ran to her car. In one moment, Mridula had lost all her confidence. She reached home without tears and did not let her driver know that anything was wrong. She went inside her bedroom and closed the door. She was so hurt that she could not even cry. She was filled with shock and anger. ‘I can’t believe that Sanjay has cheated me like this,’ she said to herself. ‘I’ve lived with complete belief and trust in him ever since we got married. How am I going to live with him for the rest of my life? I don’t know what to do.’ Soon, Sanjay came back from Malaysia. It was late at night when he reached home. He felt at once that something was amiss because Mridula did not get up to talk to him when he lay down next to her. Sishir was also absent since he was in Delhi with his friends. Early next morning, their driver, Nanja, told Sanjay that Mridula had not been to school for the last two days. Something was definitely wrong. Sanjay thought, ‘Mridula is talkative and doesn’t stop talking even in adverse situations. A few friendly words to her will make her herself again. I’ll go talk to her now. In spite of the servants at home, she makes coffee and breakfast for me every morning. My mother and Lakshmi would never do that for their husbands. Shankar really doesn’t know how to get respect from his wife.’ When he went to their bedroom, Mridula was staring at the ceiling and had tears in her eyes. As soon as she saw Sanjay, she went to the guest bedroom and locked the door. He did not get a chance to say a word. When Sanjay went to the dining table for breakfast, there was nothing to eat. The cook, Sakamma, came and he told her to make him a cup of coffee. She asked him, ‘Sir, what do you want for breakfast?’ ‘Why’re you asking me? Ask Madam.’ ‘No, sir, she hasn’t eaten anything for the last two days. I’m really worried. I think she’s unwell. I’m relieved that you are back.’ Now, Sanjay got really concerned. This was the first time that something like this had happened. He got up and knocked on Mridula’s door, but she did not open it. He did not want to create a scene in front of the servants. So he quietly left for the nursing home and met Rosemary there. She said, ‘Sir, what’s wrong with Madam? I’ve been calling your house but I keep getting the answering

with Madam? I’ve been calling your house but I keep getting the answering machine. She had come for some documents a few days ago and I gave her the key to your cupboard. After that, she just went away without locking it or telling me.’ She handed over the keys to him. Understanding finally dawned on Sanjay. Mridula had seen the files and learnt about Lakshmi’s assets. But he was not too worried. He thought, ‘What’s wrong with what I did? Lakshmi is my sister and when I didn’t have anything, I stayed in her house for two years. She has a useless husband who can’t afford to buy her a house. Anil is also not a good son. Besides, I have only given her black money. Mridula will complain that I didn’t tell her. But why should I tell her everything? She’ll say that everybody should earn his or her own money. But that’s her theory, not mine. I am Dr Sanjay, Bangalore’s most successful doctor and I’ve made the money on my own. I don’t have to explain it to anyone. I’m not responsible for Mridula being upset. She’s not short of money either. I have the right to decide what to do with my money.’ At the end of the day, when Sanjay was going back home in his car, he mentally prepared answers to Mridula’s potential questions. But by the time he reached the house, Mridula had shifted bag and baggage to the guest bedroom and locked it again. There were no questions and no accusations—just a strange silence. Over the next few days, Mridula stayed locked in the guest bedroom whenever Sanjay was at home. She did not feel like getting up from the bed or combing her hair or going to school. She felt like crying all the time and did not want to meet anyone. She stopped feeling hungry as well. She wanted to talk— but there was nobody to talk to. Her father was old and she could not trouble him with this. She could only confide in Anita who herself was facing personal issues. Still, Mridula decided to visit her. When she reached Anita’s house, there was an uneasy quietness everywhere. Anita hugged her and affectionately put her hand on Mridula’s shoulder. Then she said, ‘There must be something going on that you’ve come to see me. You look disturbed. What is it?’ Feeling Anita’s genuine concern, Mridula could contain herself no longer and wept loudly. Sobbing, she told her the entire sequence of events. Anita smiled and gently said, ‘Mridula, don’t cry. What exists must perish. Sanjay has deceived you. But I believe that this wrong money won’t help Lakshmi in the long run.’ ‘Anita, it is not about money. Money can be earned and lost. It is about faith

‘Anita, it is not about money. Money can be earned and lost. It is about faith that a wife has in her husband. That’s more valuable than money and gold. Faith sustains a marriage and brings joy to the family. Without it, we have nothing. How can Sanjay destroy the faith and trust I had in him?’ ‘Mridula, you don’t own Sanjay. He has emotional attachments to other people too. He has to keep everyone happy.’ ‘Anita, I know that. That’s why I have maintained a relationship with his family, even when they are cold and when they ignore me. He should have told me about his intentions. He knows that I always give in at the end. Why did he cheat me like this?’ ‘Money, women and land are the three things that can ruin a family’s happiness. We have both been cheated in different ways. Only faith in God can restore your peace.’ ‘But how? I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like staying in my house. I don’t want to talk to Sanjay either. Where should I go? And what will Sishir think of all this? Sometimes, I feel like dying but I know that that is not the solution.’ ‘Listen to me. Turn to God. Pray to Him to show you the right path.’ Mridula realized that there was no point in talking to Anita further and she left. Her agony had not reduced. She knew that she must talk to someone older who loved her like a daughter. She wanted to cry and tell that person how she had been deceived and how much she was hurt. She decided to talk to Kantamma. A few days later, Mridula went to see Kantamma who welcomed her. ‘Come, come, Mridula. I’m seeing you after a long time!’ Mridula went inside and sat on the couch. Kantamma smiled and said, ‘How is Sishir?’ ‘Fine.’ ‘Mridula, you look pale. Is there a problem, dear?’ Mridula started crying the moment she heard these kind words. She wanted to share everything but something held her back. Kantamma asked, ‘Mridula, why are you crying? Did you fight with your husband? Your husband’s such a nice man. He couldn’t have said anything to you. He hardly talks. Did Sishir say something? Oh, children at his age definitely talk a lot and don’t realize what they say. Forgive him.’ But Mridula did not say a word. Kantamma waited for her to speak. When she did not, Kantamma made coffee for her and continued to talk. ‘Ups and downs

are a part of life. But women must have more patience. Only then there is peace at home. Look at Sita. She suffered a lot but she persisted. Look at Draupadi. When goddesses themselves suffer so much, what are we? You know how my husband is. He was a principal for a long time and was strict at home too. My children never cared. But I had to obey him no matter what.’ Mridula was disappointed with Kantamma’s value system. She knew now that she would only be told to adjust. Kantamma would not understand her grief. But Mridula could not stop crying. Kantamma quietly and firmly said, ‘Crying is not the solution. Be courageous. God has been kind to you and the doctor respects you. Your mother-in-law also doesn’t stay with you. Look at other people. Most people are worse off than you. Be happy with what you have.’ Mridula wanted to change the topic and asked, ‘Where is Muniyappa sir?’ ‘He’s gone to Kolar. We had a hundred sheep and his brother used to look after them. Just the other day, when we asked for the accounts, his brother said that the sheep are all dead. We don’t know whether he sold them or not. My husband’s gone to check. I told your sir to forget about the sheep and not get into any problems, but he doesn’t listen to me. I pray to God to take care. He’s been kind to us.’ Somehow, Mridula could not stay there any longer. When she got up to leave, Kantamma gave her flowers, a blouse piece and kumkum. Mridula hesitated to take them. Kantamma affectionately said, ‘Today is Friday and you’re like Mahalakshmi. When you came to Bangalore, your husband had nothing. You’ve brought good luck to him. Giving you this kumkum is a good omen. Please don’t say no.’ Kantamma’s love brought tears to Mridula’s eyes again; she accepted the gift. With the same broken heart, she returned home. The moment she entered, the phone rang. It was Sarla. Her aged parents had come from Hubli and wanted to see Mridula. Sarla insisted that she must visit them and said that she was sending Satish to bring her. Mridula did not feel like going anywhere but Sarla would not take no for an answer. A few hours later, Satish came to pick Mridula up. When the doorbell rang, she was crying. She quickly washed her face and opened the door. Satish was observant enough to notice that she had been crying but did not ask her why. He could not. There was a distance between them now. He thought, ‘When Mridula was a young girl, we shared everything except the fact that I loved her. But today, she is somebody’s wife.’ Satish said, ‘Mridula, you must come for lunch today.’ Mridula was in no mood to go. She said, ‘Satish, how are the preparations for Tirupati going on?’ ‘Good. Prasanna has outsourced all tasks including the god’s darshan. So

‘Good. Prasanna has outsourced all tasks including the god’s darshan. So there’s not much for us to do.’ ‘What time are you reaching Tirupati?’ ‘Early morning, but Shyla and I are going to walk up the steps.’ ‘Why?’ Hesitantly, Satish said, ‘Last year, Shyla was unwell and I prayed and promised that I’ll climb the steps to Tirupati once she recovers.’ ‘Then you must do that, but why is Shyla climbing the steps?’ Satish blushed and said, ‘Come on, Mridula. She’s my wife and my better half. How can I go alone? She knows that I get bored without her.’ Mridula thought, ‘There is charm in their marriage even after more than twenty years.’ For the first time, Mridula was envious. She wanted to know how they lived. She asked, ‘Do you do all the work together?’ ‘Yes. Shyla works too. So we divide the chores between us.’ ‘How do you manage your expenses?’ Satish was surprised by this question. Quietly, he said, ‘We aren’t rich like you, Mridula. We live on our monthly salary. We calculate our expenses together, save some money and spend the rest. We have two daughters. They must also learn household work. It’s important to learn to be independent. Each of my daughters is assigned chores and they are paid for doing them.’ Mridula fell silent. Such schemes would not work in her house because Sanjay could afford everything. Satish continued, ‘Every morning, we go for a forty- five-minute walk during which we discuss our home matters. Then we do yoga at home together. In the evening after dinner, we spend fifteen minutes telling each other what we’ve done during the day. Shyla’s been my best friend through the years.’ ‘Really?’ ‘It’s true. My parents are old and are in their own world. My daughters will also go away in time. I’m a friend to Shyla and she’s a friend to me. That’s the absolute truth. Do you remember reading the Yaksha Prashna together when we were children?’ Mridula did but she said no. She wanted to hear more from Satish. Satish continued, ‘There is a question in it: “Who is the best friend to a man and a woman?” The answer is: “A wife to her husband and a husband to his wife.” Now, I agree. A husband and wife must share everything with each other and sit and sort out conflicts. Otherwise, how can a relationship develop? How can a family be happy?’ Mridula decided not to go for lunch to Sarla’s house in her current state of mind. For the first time, she was thinking about another man. After Satish left,

she wondered, ‘Had I married Satish, I wouldn’t have been as rich as I am today, but I would have had a contented life. If Satish had expressed his love before I met Sanjay, things may have been different. There’s no relationship between money and happiness. The fact is that Satish shares and Sanjay doesn’t—not even his emotions or sorrows. But Satish is content. That’s why he’s still a college professor. A content person distributes happiness. An unsatisfied person like Sanjay distributes restlessness.’ Mridula felt like a cuckoo in the Aladahalli trees. Even though mangoes grew around the cuckoo, she was unable to eat them. Maybe the cuckoo was truly unhappy. Mridula silently sighed.



24 The Silent Cry Mridula stopped getting up early to do her chores or look after the house. She continued to cry at the drop of a hat and felt depressed. She got out of bed after Sanjay left for work, had a bath, and sat in the veranda and gazed at the sky. She got angry at everybody and remembered how she used to run the house when they did not have money. At the time, Mridula knew everything about their finances. Now, she did not know what to think. To this day, Sanjay had never taken any money from the accounts that they had without her knowledge. She was under the illusion that she was managing all the financial transactions. But in reality, Sanjay was maintaining parallel financials elsewhere. He acted like an honest husband but he had stabbed her in the back. She felt trapped in her marriage. Then she thought about Rosemary and got angry with her too. In the documents in the cupboard, she had seen Rosemary’s signature on some of the bills. She thought, ‘That means that Rosemary was aware of everything but didn’t tell me. In spite of everything that I’ve done for her, she kept quiet and didn’t give me a hint. But on the other hand, why should I blame someone else when my own husband’s at fault? He didn’t think of me at all! Sanjay has his walls around him. I feel all alone.’ At the same moment, in the nursing home, Rosemary’s shift was over but she had not yet gone home. She did not want to. Her useless husband was busy betting on horse races or sitting in bars and her daughter Mary Shashikala was in Ooty in a boarding school. Before marriage, Rosemary used to dream about having a loving family, but that dream had remained just that—a dream. When she was changing into her regular clothes, she thought about Mridula and felt helpless. ‘Ever since Madam opened the cupboard, I’ve been feeling restless and sad. Did she find the files and documents in the cupboard? It isn’t Madam’s nature to walk out without talking to me. She always inquires about Joseph and Shashi. Madam and Dr Sanjay are poles apart. Madam is genuine and has an infectious smile. She understands and forgives people’s mistakes.

and has an infectious smile. She understands and forgives people’s mistakes. When Shashi used to fail in her class, Madam personally gave her free private tuitions at home. Then Shashi got good marks which helped her in getting admission to the boarding school. Madam also knew Joseph’s drinking habits and convinced him to let Shashi stay in the hostel for her better future. She was right. Shashi is now happy and excels in studies. When my sister Saira was abandoned by her husband, it was Madam who bought her a sewing machine and helped her start a ladies’ tailoring shop. Once Saira started doing well, her husband came back as the shop’s manager. But now, both of them don’t acknowledge Madam’s help. Only Jesus knows the real truth.’ Rosemary got out of the changing room and went back to her desk. Her mind wandered to Sanjay. ‘Dr Sanjay is the only person who can run a tight ship and keep control of his subordinates. It’s difficult to please him. He gives good increments and salaries but doesn’t help any employee personally. It’s nice to have a boss like him but difficult to live with a husband like that. How does Madam stay with him? He doesn’t forget anyone’s mistake for years. He wants things done his way and in his time. Maybe all successful people are selfish. But why should I look at what’s happening in other’s people’s lives? I should acknowledge what’s happening in mine. Joseph is very stubborn. He was okay when we got married. As I started earning more, Joseph picked up bad habits— buying lottery tickets and drinking. So when Sanjay sir opened a new account with Lakshmi madam, I felt like telling him not to hide anything from his wife. Had he told her the truth, she would have respected him more. But I couldn’t speak my mind. He keeps our relationship completely professional.’ Suddenly, Rosemary realized that a patient’s relative was standing in front of her with a cheque. The cheque was for a new patient admission. The rule was that at least 50 per cent of the fees had to be given in advance by cash or DD. When Rosemary told the man to pay by cash or DD, he said, ‘Why can’t you take a cheque? Do you think we won’t pay?’ ‘It isn’t that. It’s a rule.’ ‘We’re close to the doctor. Can we talk to him?’ ‘Of course.’ Rosemary pushed the phone towards him. She knew what Sanjay would say. But the man muttered something, opened his wallet, pulled out a wad of notes and paid in cash. After taking the payment, Rosemary left the hospital. A few days later, Sishir came back from his holidays and Mridula did not say anything to him. She did not argue with Sishir or Sanjay but cried in bed every night. Sishir got busy packing for London—his flight was in a few days. As a young man, he was enthusiastic about getting a chance to be independent. Sanjay advised him, ‘Sishir, you must remember to behave differently with different people. The less emotional you are, the better your chances of success. You

people. The less emotional you are, the better your chances of success. You should not have a personal relationship with your subordinates. Only then can you fire them whenever you need to. You must also know your boss’s weaknesses. Don’t share everything with close friends. In a sentence: you must think only about yourself.’ Soon, it was time for Sishir to leave. It was the first time that Mridula and Sanjay were going to the airport to say goodbye to their son. Otherwise, going to airports for goodbyes had become a forgotten custom. Sishir had accompanied his father on international conferences several times. But this time, he would be alone in England until he completed his course. His parents would see him often, though, since he planned to come back during school breaks. Mridula was unusually quiet as she saw Sishir go.



25 Connections After Sishir cleared immigration, he learnt that his flight was delayed by two hours because of bad weather. He had a business-class ticket and went to the business lounge. It was full and there was no place to sit. He came out and saw Neha sitting in the economy lounge and reading a book. He was surprised to see her. He said, ‘Hello, Neha.’ She put down the book and looked at him. There was no surprise on her face. Sishir asked, ‘Where are you going?’ She smiled and said, ‘England.’ ‘Me too. Where exactly in England?’ ‘Oxford. What about you? Are you on vacation?’ ‘No, I’m also going to Oxford.’ Sishir sat down. ‘Is it for another chess championship?’ he joked. ‘No, it’s for my higher education.’ He smiled and reminisced. A few years ago, two groups of college students had been selected for an all- India youth competition. The competition was in various fields such as dance, drama, oration and chess. There were two groups from Karnataka: one from Bangalore and a rural group from Chitradurga. The two groups consisting of five members each met in the office of the government Youth department in a colourless and lifeless building. Every student had excelled in at least one field; Sishir was a good orator and had been chosen from his medical college. When he saw the group from Chitradurga, he thought, ‘Are they really up for a national competition? They would’ve been chosen because it must be mandatory for one group to be from a rural area.’ As was typical for a government employee, the department Secretary walked in late and started distributing forms. Without apologizing, he said, ‘You have a five-day stay in Delhi. The government will take care of your stay and travel. You’ll travel by train in second-class AC at a student concession and you’ll get a daily allowance of five hundred rupees. Your food and accommodation will be

daily allowance of five hundred rupees. Your food and accommodation will be taken care of in the government quarters. Since you’re all adults, we are not responsible for any extracurricular activities. Remember that you represent Karnataka and you must bring glory to the state. Please sign the form if you accept these conditions.’ It was the most uninspiring and unmotivating speech that Sishir had ever heard. Everyone started signing their forms but Sishir said, ‘The rules are okay with me but I won’t travel by train. It’ll take two days for us to reach Delhi from here. That’s four days back and forth. I can’t afford to waste that much time. I’ll arrange for my own accommodation and transport. Is there a problem with that?’ The Secretary knew who he was and looked at him with disdain. He thought to himself, ‘This boy is so arrogant.’ But to Sishir he said, ‘As you wish. By the way, are you Sanjay Rao’s son?’ ‘Yes, how do you know?’ ‘I saw it on your application and address form.’ Sishir did not waste any time and walked out of the room but before he did, he noticed that there were only two girls among the ten participants. One was from Mount Carmel College in Bangalore. He knew her since they often met at various competitions. The other one was an ordinary-looking and simply dressed girl in a salwar kameez. Her hair was in two plaits. He had seen her smile when the department Secretary and he were talking. While going back home in the car, he browsed through the participant list. He learnt that the simply dressed girl was called Neha. He wondered, ‘Why does the government select such girls who’ve probably never seen a city like Bangalore before? How can they hold their own in national-level competitions? She doesn’t look like she came to the competition through connections.’ Then he became engrossed in his own thoughts about a party with his friends that night. There was a big farewell for him. Sanjay and Mridula attended the event with him. Everybody cheered as if he had already brought the trophy to the college. Mridula said, ‘Why are your friends celebrating so much without even going to the event? Enhancing the pressure will only affect the performance of the participants. Do you know that in the olden days in Greece, the Olympic Games took place and the winners got only olive-branch crowns. That made sportsmanship healthy and natural. There were no endorsements, no gold medals and no television. There was no doping either.’ ‘Amma, stop it. This isn’t a history class,’ Sishir replied. ‘Mridula, please stop. You don’t know how to encourage the youngsters today and give them confidence. I don’t know what you teach in your school,’ Sanjay

and give them confidence. I don’t know what you teach in your school,’ Sanjay said. ‘I teach my students to have equilibrium in both victory and defeat.’ ‘Amma and Dad, stop giving me lessons. Both of you are wrong. I don’t know whether I’ll win the medal or not. I just want to enjoy the glory before I go. That’s my perspective.’ Everyone laughed. That’s how he had met Neha for the first time. They had gone to Delhi for their respective competitions. Delhi was not a new place for Sishir. The first time that Mridula brought him there was when he was still a child. She wanted to show him the monuments and museums—just like a teacher. Though he did not like Delhi much, he enjoyed the kulfi, the roadside shopping and the air- conditioned Palika Bazaar. During the competition, Sishir realized that the group from Chitradurga outperformed theirs by a large margin. Their music was rustic and folk but the tunes were undiluted, original and mesmerizing. Their dancers wore matching and colourful outfits. Sishir was surprised and felt a little ashamed of his prejudgement. Neha did not participate in either the dance or music competitions. Sishir learnt later that she was in the chess competition. This time, he thought that he should not underestimate her. Sishir did his level best in the oratory competition but he knew that he could not defeat the Delhi youths. They were excellent. It was a tough competition and he was happy with a consolation prize. Neha came third in the chess competition and he was duly impressed. Out of the five days that they were in Delhi, all of them got a day off and they went to visit fashion studios, bars and Chandni Chowk. Everybody knew that Chandni Chowk had a paratha shop from Shah Jahan’s time and wanted to see and taste the food. But Neha did not participate in the group outings. Sishir was curious to know where she had gone. When he saw her later, he asked, ‘I didn’t see you in the bars or in the fashion studios. Where were you?’ ‘I went to the national museum.’ ‘What’s so great about museums? Have you come to Delhi only to see them?’ ‘No, I came for the competition, but I want to see all the museums while I’m here.’ Neha did not say any more. Sishir smiled and said, ‘You’re like my mother. She loves museums too.’ ‘Does she? What does she do?’ ‘She’s a teacher in a school; but my dad, Dr Sanjay Rao, is a leading

‘She’s a teacher in a school; but my dad, Dr Sanjay Rao, is a leading gynaecologist in Bangalore. Do you know about the infertility clinic called Samadhan? My dad started it.’ ‘Oh, I haven’t heard of it. Sorry, I have to go now.’ Her sharp words were like a needle that pricked the balloon of his enthusiasm. After that, Sishir had met Neha for the second time in Bangalore. One evening, Mridula was getting ready to go out when the phone rang. Sishir picked it up—it was their driver. He was calling to inform Mridula that he was ill and could not come to work. Sishir was about to go out with his friends but when he realized that his mother was taking out the scooter from the garage, he called out to her and said, ‘Amma, it’s about to rain. Don’t worry, I’ll drive you to wherever you are going.’ Mridula happily agreed. When they were in the car, she said, ‘Sishir, how will I come back?’ ‘Amma, if you don’t spend too much time at your friend’s house, I’ll come back and pick you up in half an hour. By the way, where do you want to go?’ ‘To my colleague Chandrika’s house in Thyagarajanagar. She has Varalakshmi Puja today.’ When they reached Thyagarajanagar, Sishir realized that the lanes were narrow. He had never been to this part of Bangalore before. Though Mridula was giving him directions, he found it difficult to manoeuvre his car. He felt uncomfortable when Mridula said, ‘Most of my colleagues live here. It’s near the school and affordable on a teacher’s salary.’ They reached Chandrika’s house; it was at a dead end. Sishir got irritated: ‘Amma, how will I reverse the car here? There’s no space in these small lanes. Will you tell someone to open the gate of the house? That’ll help.’ Mridula got down, went inside and told the first person she met to open the gate. To Sishir’s astonishment, Neha came out. She opened the gate and Sishir drove in and reversed the car. He smiled and said, ‘Hello, Neha. What brings you here?’ ‘This is my cousin’s house. I’ve come for the puja.’ Still sitting in the car, Sishir asked, ‘All the way from Chitradurga just for a puja?’ ‘My sister Neerja stays in Bangalore too. So I thought I’ll meet her. Why don’t you come in?’ ‘No, I have to meet a friend.’ Neha found it strange that he did not want to come in and take prasad. So she said, ‘At least come in and take blessings.’ He could have refused but by now, other people had come out of the house and were looking at his big car. He felt awkward and got out. When he went in,

and were looking at his big car. He felt awkward and got out. When he went in, he saw that it was a simple lower-middle-class house with cramped rooms. There were too many people there. But Mridula was happy to see that Sishir had come inside and introduced him to her friends. Neha came with a plate full of mithai and namkeen. Sishir said, ‘No, I don’t want to eat anything. I had a late lunch. Please excuse me.’ Even though he wanted to talk to Neha a little more, he did not get a chance and both mother and son left the house soon. On the way back, Mridula asked, ‘Sishir, how do you know Neha? She is Chandrika’s niece. I really liked meeting her. Both her parents are working in LIC and they have two daughters. The older one is married to a software engineer.’ ‘Mom, I don’t want to know about her family. I know her because she was one of the participants during our competition in Delhi.’ Sishir was rudely brought back to the present when there was a loud announcement from British Airways. He realized that this was his third meeting with Neha. She was packing her handbag and getting ready to board the plane. Sishir said, ‘Well, see you in Oxford. Give me your email ID.’ She nodded her head and they exchanged email IDs. A few minutes later, he boarded and settled down in his comfortable business- class seat. He wondered, ‘How does Neha feel when she’s going to a different country, especially with her background? Unlike me, it isn’t easy for Neha to go from Chitradurga to Oxford. My life is like sailing on a boat under clear skies. I’m intelligent with good connections and great guidance. I appreciate Neha’s hard work. She must have got a scholarship and taken a partial loan, at the very least.’ Sishir felt quite happy about the turn of events. Thirteen hours later, the plane reached London. Neha and Sishir met each other again at the baggage claim. Sishir’s bags had priority tags on them, so they arrived almost immediately, but he decided to wait with her. Unfortunately, Neha’s bags did not come and she looked worried. Sishir went to the airline counter and registered a complaint. He was asked to wait for another half hour. When Neha heard this, she said, ‘Thank you for your help, but I don’t want to hold you up.’ Sishir smiled and did not reply. Instead, he asked her, ‘Is this your first trip to London?’ ‘Yes, in fact, it was my first plane ride.’ ‘How do you spend your vacations? Where do you go?’ ‘I go wherever my parents are. Both of them are in transferable jobs. They try to stay near Chitradurga—sometimes they are successful and sometimes they aren’t. Depending on the circumstances, I make a trip to visit them. Otherwise, I stay alone in Chitradurga.’

stay alone in Chitradurga.’ ‘Isn’t it difficult to stay in a small village by yourself? It’s different from staying alone in a big city like Bangalore.’ Sishir had the independence to live alone but it was the first time that he comprehended that he liked staying with his parents. He might not always like their advice or suggestions but he knew that they loved him unconditionally and he loved the attention he got from them too. Neha interrupted his thoughts saying, ‘Sishir, it is not difficult. I have extended family there and my dad has also built a house. It may be small but it’s our home. I like living there. I enjoy the company of my relatives and I participate in festivals with them.’ ‘What are you going to do in Oxford?’ ‘I’m pursuing my studies in sociology and human behaviour. I have received a fellowship for two years.’ ‘Are you going to continue to play chess?’ ‘Of course! It’s my hobby.’ ‘Do you have any friends or relatives in the UK?’ ‘No. Almost all my contacts are in Chitradurga and I have a few cousins in Bangalore.’ ‘You must be away from your family for the first time for this long.’ ‘Yes.’ Sishir felt sorry for Neha—a girl who had never gone out of her country was going to stay on her own in a place like England without any relatives and with limited income. He suddenly remembered his mother. She had told him, ‘Sishir, when I came to Bangalore, I cried for months. My Kannada and background were so different from the norm in Bangalore. It was as good as going to a foreign land. Many times, I wanted to go back home but I realized that your dad had a better future in Bangalore. So I started making new friends, learning their habits and the culture. But my heart lies in the village. For me, home will always be Aladahalli.’ Sishir thought, ‘Neha must be feeling the same way Amma did all those years ago.’ He said, ‘I’m going to be in John Radcliffe Hospital near Oxford. Please let me know whenever you need any help.’ Neha’s bags finally arrived. As they walked out of the airport, Sishir asked, ‘How are you going to Oxford?’ ‘The college website said that I should get down at Heathrow Airport, take the tube into town and then a bus to Oxford. I’ll follow their instructions.’

tube into town and then a bus to Oxford. I’ll follow their instructions.’ ‘Why do you want to do that? I’m taking a taxi. I’ll give you a ride.’ ‘No, I don’t think so. I have troubled you enough. I can manage on my own.’ Sishir was a little annoyed and said firmly, ‘Neha, try to understand. This is a new country. It is not even remotely like going to Delhi. I’m an Indian student like you who’s going to stay here for four years. There’s grace in accepting favours sometimes. Let me help you.’ Neha was silent for a minute and then said, ‘Okay.’ They went out of Heathrow Airport and got into a taxi. Sishir knew the ins and outs of London. As the taxi got going, Sishir noticed that Neha was looking on either side of the road, like a child looking at a beautiful toy for the first time. Her face was usually calm but he could see that she was excited now. He liked seeing her enjoy London. When her destination arrived, Neha got down with her bags and said, ‘Thank you for the ride. I’ll go to my room now.’ Sishir laughed. ‘Do you have the keys?’ ‘Oh, I’m sure there’s a chowkidar who will show me the room and give me the keys.’ Sishir was amused. ‘This isn’t India, Neha. There’s a different system here. You need a special kind of key to get into your apartment.’ Sishir got down, talked to the apartment office and got the keys; Neha followed him quietly. Finally, he dropped her to her room. As they were saying goodbye, Neha felt alone; Sishir could see it in her moist eyes. A week passed by and Neha sent Sishir an email giving the details of her apartment and her phone number. She said that she had started her classes. Though she was intelligent, she found it a little difficult to follow the British accent. Adjustment for Sishir was much easier. He had two seniors working in the same hospital but their shift timings were different. Apart from that, in one year, his seniors had also found girlfriends for themselves. Sishir called Neha that evening and politely asked if they could meet on Saturday. He wanted her to have someone to talk to. Within a month, Neha had become a fish in water. She had adjusted well and made new friends. But she always felt the most comfortable with Sishir and liked meeting him. Sishir felt the same way. He had grown up an only child and had never had anybody to share with, to fight and reconcile with, to help hide his secrets, or compete with. Though he was friendly with both boys and girls, he preferred to keep to himself. For the first time, he felt a strong connection to someone whom he really respected.



26 Learning to Survive A team of teachers came from Mridula’s school to visit her. She had never taken such a long vacation and now, she had applied for medical leave. When they came to see her, everybody gave her different advice. Some said, ‘Madam, since you are unwell, you should go to a hill station and rest. The change might be good for you.’ Others said, ‘You should go on a world tour since you don’t have to worry about money.’ But Leela said, ‘I attended a swamiji’s discourse in Jayanagar. He teaches relaxation techniques and I found it useful. Maybe you can try it.’ ‘Do you think my mind will be at rest after that?’ ‘I think so. I’ll give you his address if you want.’ Mridula decided to enrol for the course and went there the next day. There were people from different age groups and everyone had a problem. Finally, the swamiji entered. He was young, lean and clean-shaven. He had a calm face and was wearing a white robe. He said, ‘The main reason for unhappiness is disappointment. Disappointment disappears with detachment. Detachment comes through knowledge and knowledge is gained by dhyana. So you should learn the technique of dhyana.’ Mridula did not understand a word. She just wanted to be happy again. A devotee asked, ‘Swamiji, I get upset quickly. How do I control my temper?’ ‘With your mind. I can’t tell you a specific method because every individual is different and you have to find out what works best for you.’ Mridula thought, ‘If I knew how to control my mind, then I wouldn’t be here. I want to be the way I was and enjoy life and its beauty. But now, I dread the thought of living another day.’ Disappointed, Mridula came back home. The next morning at 10 a.m., the doorbell rang. She heard the sound but continued sitting on the sofa. The cook, Sakamma, opened the door. It was Vani, a former student of Mridula’s. She was looking happy and holding a bunch of wedding cards in her hand. When she saw Mridula though, she stopped smiling. She knew that something was wrong. She said, ‘Madam, what is it? What’s the matter?’ Shocked, she sat down right next to Mridula.