Whimpy kid-Last Straw_clone

During a timeout, we all joined the huddle. And when the coach got an eyeful of Mackey and Manuel, he told them they were excused and to go to the Creaveys’ car for the rest of the game. Hop hop So Mackey and Manuel got to sit in a heated suv, while I had to sit on a cold metal bench in my shorts. And I know for a fact that the Creaveys have a tv in their car, so I’m sure those guys were totally living it up in there.



Monday I have definitely got to start keeping on top of my laundry. I’ve been out of clean underwear for about three days, so I’ve been wearing my bathing suit as a substitute. Today we had Phys Ed, and when we changed into our gym clothes, I totally forgot I was wearing my Speedo underneath. Ha Ha! Ha Ha! Whup!

It could have been a lot worse, though. I have a pair of Wonder Woman Underoos that I’ve never taken out of their wrapper, and this morning I was pretty tempted to wear them just because they were clean.

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Believe me, I didn’t ask for the Wonder Woman Underoos, either. This past summer a few of my relatives asked Mom what I wanted for my birthday, and she told them I was really into comics and super heroes. So the Underoos were a gift from Uncle Charlie. We had another soccer game after school, but it’s

been getting a lot warmer lately, and I wasn’t worried about the cold. At school, me, Mackey, and Manuel agreed we’d all bring some video games tonight, and for the first time we actually enjoyed ourselves at soccer.

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It didn’t last long, though. Twenty minutes into the game, Mr. Litch called all three of us off the bench and told us to get on the field. Creavey! heffley! gonzales!

Apparently, some parent complained that their kid wasn’t getting any playing time, so the Rec League made a rule that now every kid has to get in the game.

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Well, none of us had been paying any attention to the game, so when we got on the field, we didn’t know what to do or where to stand. A couple of kids on our team told us the other team had a “free kick,” and that we were supposed to stand shoulder to shoulder to make a shield to block it. I thought the guys on my team were joking, but it turns out they weren’t. Me, Manuel, and Mackey had to line up in front of our goal. Then the referee blew the whistle, and a kid from the other team ran at the ball and kicked it right at us. Tweet!



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Well, we didn’t do a really good job of protecting the goal, and the other team scored. Mr. Litch pulled the three of us out of the game the second he got the chance, and he yelled at us for not standing still and blocking the ball.

But I’ll tell you what: If I have to choose between getting yelled at or getting hit in the face with a soccer ball, it’s no contest.

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Thursday After the game last week, I asked Mr. Litch if I could be the backup goalie for the team, and he said I could. It was a genius move on my part, for a couple of reasons. First of all, goalies don’t have to run laps and all that stuff during practice. They just do individual goalie drills with the assistant coach. Second, goalies wear different uniforms than the rest of the team, and that means Mr. Litch can’t put me in the game when it’s time to block free kicks. Creavey! gonzales!



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Our regular goalie, Tucker Fox, is the star of the team, so I knew there was no way I was gonna see any playing time, anyway. These last few games have actually been kind of fun. But tonight, something bad happened. Tucker hurt his hand diving after a ball, and he had to come out. So that meant the coach had to put me in. Well, Dad was really excited I was finally getting some real playing time, and he came down to my end of the field to coach me from the sideline. It’s not like I really needed it, though. Our team kept the ball on the other side of the field for the whole rest of the game, and I didn’t even touch it once. Make sure you bend your knees, Greg!



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I think I know what Dad was up to, though. When I used to play tee-ball, I had a really hard time concentrating on the game. Tonight Dad just wanted to make sure I didn’t get distracted the way I used to get when I played right field. Quit playing in the tulips! Puff Doink

I have to admit, it was probably a good thing that Dad stayed on my case tonight. There were about a million dandelions down at my end of the field, and in the second half I was starting to get a little twitchy.

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Monday Well, yesterday we had another soccer game, and luckily Dad wasn’t there to see it. We lost our first game of the season, 1-0. Somehow the other team got the ball past me in the last few seconds, and they won the game. So that ruined our perfect record. After the game, everyone on my team was in a sour mood, so I tried to cheer them up. Well, it’s just a stupid game, right, fellas?

My teammates thanked me for being positive by pelting me with orange peels. Back at home, I was nervous to tell Dad about the game.

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I guess he seemed a little disappointed, but he got over it pretty quick. mm hmm. But OAtonp i“gphBto, lrwothuwenn nDia”tdy got home from dinner, he looked really mad. He plopped the newspaper Red Socks goalie dowGtna kreeingso arfy br Hroeneafktf l feroyofm me on the kitchen table, and the action as a fifty- hereyD aawrwda gkssi cmtkh idbefy i eDpldiecemtr ounre on the Sports page — Did you James Byron rolls in. bendT hye osucrore ended the Socks’ bid for an undefeated season. knees?



Apparently, Dad found out about the paper from his boss at work. sonGreat you got there, frank! ok, so maybe I didn’t tell Dad All the details of the game. In my defense, though, I didn’t really know what happened until I read about it in the paper myself.

Dad didn’t say a word to me for the rest of the night. If he’s still mad at me, I just hope he gets over it pretty quick. Twisted Wizard 2 finally came out today, and I’m kind of counting on Dad to float me some money so I can get it.

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Friday Tonight after dinner, Dad took me and Rodrick out to a movie. It’s not because he was trying to be nice, though. He just needed to get out of the house. Remember how I told you that Mom got on an exercise kick a few months ago? Well, she quit after her first class. Dad took a picture of Mom decked out in all her exercise gear the first day she went to the gym, and tonight the pictures came in the mail.

The photo place gives you duplicate prints, so as a joke Dad wrote labels on the two pictures of Mom and put them up on the refrigerator.

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Before after Well, Dad was pretty proud of himself for coming up with that one, but Mom wasn’t so amused. Heh heh.

Anyway, I guess Dad felt like maybe it was a good idea to put a little space between him and Mom tonight.

We went to the new movie theater that just opened at the mall. After we bought our tickets, we went inside and gave them to the usher, who was a teenager with a crew cut. I didn’t recognize him at first, but apparently Dad did. your tickets, sir. I read the teenager’s name tag, and I couldn’t

believe my eyes. It was lenwood Heath, the bad teenager who used to live on our street. The last I saw him, he had long hair and he was lighting someone’s trash on fire. But now here he was, looking like he just graduated from the Air Force or something.

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Dad seemed ReAllY impressed with Lenwood’s new look, and the two of them struck up a conversation. Lenwood said he’s been going to Spag Union Military Academy, and he’s just working at the movie theater for Spring Break. Then Lenwood said he’s trying to get good grades at Spag Union so he can get into West Point. And all of a sudden Dad was treating Lenwood like his new best friend. Which was really crazy, especially considering the history between the two of them.

before after

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Anyway, Dad kept chatting away with Lenwood, so me and Rodrick just got our popcorn and went in the theater. And it wasn’t until halfway through the movie that I realized what was really happening. If Dad saw how military school could make a man out of a juvenile delinquent like Lenwood Heath, then it wasn’t a stretch to think it could make a man out of a wimp like me. I’m just praying Dad isn’t having those thoughts. Right now I’m pretty concerned, because after the movie tonight, Dad was in the best mood I’ve seen him in for a loNG time.



Monday Well, it’s just like I feared. Dad spent the whole weekend reading up on Spag Union, and tonight he told me he’s gonna sign me up. Here’s the worst part: “New recruits” have to report on June 7th, when I’m supposed to be on summer vacation. Dad tried to convince me that this would be a great thing for me, and how Spag Union would really whip me into shape. But going off to boot camp was not the way I was planning on

spending my school break. I told Dad I won’t last a day at Spag Union. First of all, they mix kids my age in with teenagers, and that can’t be a good thing.