The Brilliant World of Tom Gates_clone

And Mrs. Mumble keeps interrupting the lesson with announcements that no one can understand. “Did anyone understand that?” M r. Fullerman asks. Then she says it again, but it’s no n e v erclearer. (This lesson is going to end!) M r. Fullerman leaves the classroom to check what’s going on. “It might be important,” he says. (As if.) While he’s gone, I have a BRAINWAVE! 194

MOVEI stand on the table and the hands on the clock forward so the lesson is nearly finished. (This goes down well with my classmates.) HOORAY!Hooray,hooray! Mr. Fu l lerm a n loo ks s l ight ly confused when he comes back. He checks his own watch. “Is the clock fast?” “NO, MR . FU LLERM AN.” “Has anyone touched the clock?” “NO, MR. FULLERMAN.” He notices the clock is slightly wonky on the wall. Mr. Fullerman is not convinced. He stands on I t ’s a d i s a st e r !a chairJoItuftsoftmpataushtkeeMtschrMhes.arc.iMlroFucuamkllnebdblremacaomknnatktjoeousmttaphhn,eeoatrfnhigdleohrothrae.tniwnmooeub.nbcleesment. 195

W( n e v e re’ll get out of this lesson at this rate.) Not that I’m being unsympathetic. But this is EVERturning out to be the longest lesson . Mr. Fullerman is wincing in pain and takes TWICE as long to do or say anything. And the rest of the day doesn’t go any faster. (It’s like someone knows it’s the concert tonight and is deliberately slowing the world down.) M ath P. E.is a drag. tak es forever. I’m getting changed out of my P.E. kit in the locker room when there is another really loud B L A R I N Gnoise that starts out of the speakers. (Not Mrs. Mumble this time. Something even louder .) 196

M DRILL!Fr.ullermans ay s it’s a ALarm FIRE “Leave everything and exit in an orderly fashion. DON’T RUN! Go outside.” I manage to grab my shoes and follow everyone else outside to the playground. Even w a i tthough we have to for attendance to be taken and wait for all the other classes to come out. Time suddenly seems to be F LY I N G by. Mainly because Ma rc u s ha s left h i s pa nts behind and is standing in the playground in just his briefs. M Nrs. ap gives him a sweater to tie around his waist. Now it looks like he’s wearing a skirt. 197

It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages. 198

Mr. Fu l lerm a n s ay s we c a n all go h ome HOORAY!slightly early now. I ’m telling Derek all about what happened to Marcus on S h a m e ! t h e way h o m e ( e s p e c ia l ly t h e sweater/skirt bit), when he tel l s m e h e’s got a proper na m e fo r h is dog now. I try to guess what it is. “Rocky?” “R over?” “Fa n g ?” he says. Rooster, ” “It’s “ROOSTER? That’s a kind of chicken, isn’t it? You ’ re n a mi n g y our dog after a ch ick en? ” (I suppose I’ll get used to it.) CLUCK HERE WE COME! 199

D erek has brought Rooster over and he’s running around our house looking for Delia. She’s already gone to meet her friend (boyfriend, more likely). Derek and I are wearing our T-shirts and looking cool. Dad is wearing another terrible T-shirt and horrid pants. He doesn’t look cool. Mom agrees with me and makes him change. “And no crowd surfing,” Change. she tells Dad as we leave the house. 200

Then DAD remembers the tickets were in his other pants. So he goes back to get them. But he can’t find them ANYWHERE. This is dreadful . Don't panic. I Derek is trying not to panic. We look around the whole house. In Delia’s room, my room, the kitchen. “Don’t worry, they’re here somewhere,” he says. He checks his pockets. The bedrooms, the F R A NT ICbathroom. We are officially Where are the tickets? . Y YAP! AP! YYA P ! AP! YAP! Rooster is running around chasing us from room to room. It’s really annoying because he is barking and yapping and it’s making everyone stressed. 201

M om sends Rooster out to the garden. I’m checking my room again when I look out of the window and see Rooster playing with some b it s of pa per. Th e bits of paper look lik e THE TICKETS!they could have been . . . “BAD Rooster!” Derek is saying. But it’s too late. The tickets are all mangled and covered in teeth marks and dog drool. “I’ll stick them together,” Dad says. “It’ll be fine.” But it’s not fine. The tickets are ruined 202

M “ aybe Uncle Kevin and Auntie Alice will sell us their tickets?” Dad says. “Don’t bank on it,” Mom says. “We’ll think of something,” Dad says. But I ’m too stunned to say anything at all. We go to the show anyway. “I’m never going to get a dog,” I say to Derek. Which is a bit unfair, I know, because it’s not his fault. I’m just really angry with his stupid chicken dog. GGGGGGGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. BAD Rooster 203

Amy is already there waiting with her dad. “Let’s see if they’ll take the tickets anyway?” says Dad. The man at the door takes one look at the bits of ticket and shakes his head. “ So r r y , p a l . Ca n ’t t a k e th e s e , they’re all mashed up.” Just when things couldn’t get any worse . . . Marcus and his dad turn up clutching four V.I .P . t ic k ets . Turn s out th at th ey now h ave two spare V.I.P. tickets. And Marcus's V.I.P. T Marcus’s dad suggests that Dad ickets we could have them. (Marcus doesn’t take after his dad, who seems quite nice.) I want to go SO badly. But my DAD says that Amy and Derek should go. “Because we might V E R Ybe able to get in with Uncle Kevin.” I am brave. I tell Amy and Derek that I really don’t mind and that I’ll be fine. Then I watch all four of them go off to the concert. (Inside I can’t believe Derek and 204

ARM C U S ! )Amy have gone with TONIGHT T h i s i s te r r ible . U A Ancle Kevin and untie lice are waving and calling Dad. Uncle Kevin is looking particularly pleased with himself. Dad tells him what’s happened and how we can’t get in now with the mangled tickets. Uncle Kevin says, Typical you! w h i c h m a k e s Dad c ro s s . U n c le Kevin (being a salesman) has actually sold their tickets for three times as much as he paid for them. He’s very happy and they’re going to dinner instead of the concert. (I think the cousins would rather have seen the band.) 205

Great, this is turning into a nightmare. I ’ ll never g et to s ee my favorite band now. Dad sees I’m REALLY upset. S“ tay he re, do n ’t m ove,” h e say s. “I’ll get some t ic k et s, do n’t y ou w o rry , Tom.” SOI’m miserable. I sit on the floor and look really fed up. The concert is about to start and we’ve got no chance of seeing them at this rate. Then I have an idea. It ’s a lon g s h ot, but I ’ve got nothing to lose. I’m desperate. 206

I find a paper bag, and I already have a pen. Then I get writing and drawing. 207

GUILTY

I’m attracting a bit of attention, but no tickets as yet. A lady walks past and says “Poor you,” which is nice. Then I’m suddenly aware of a man in leather pants reading my note. He’s shaking his head and looking at me. SADI put on an extra face. Then he starts walking toward me and there’s something very familiar about him. I’m sure I’ve seen him before. Then he asks me a question. “Is this your new hobby, Tom?” he asks, and it suddenly dawns on me who it is. . . . 209

B li m ey , iT’s MR. FULLERMAN. AGH! leather PANTs! HA NED he’s wearing leather pants! What’s doing here? It’s a terrible moment, bumping into a TEACHER outside of school. You don ’t rea l ly th i n k of th em h aving a life out s ide of bei ng a teac h er. It’s a shock (especially the leather pants). 210

Dad comes back, with no tickets. He ’s NOT p lea s ed to s ee m e be gging. YOU’RE BEGGING? \"You told m e it wa s a m ade- up story , Tom!” “It was. . . . I was desperate!” I say. “Stop begging right now! There must be another way to see .” T he n Mr. Ful lerm a n s ay s, “Hello, Mr. Gates. I think I might be able to help.” And Dad looks as shocked as I am to s e e it ’s M r. Ful lerm a n (wearing leather pants). I ’m w on de ri ng w h at M r. Ful lerman is doing at a show in the first place. And guess what? 211

T Murns out that r. Fullerman actually went to sc h ool M AT ES with M A N AGE R ! They are good friends. (M r. Fu lle r m a n i s NOT j us t a c rusty old teach er Hafter all.) Thanks, man. No problem. e speaks to someone Nice pants. backstage who gives us all NOWspecial passes. SQUEAK! I can watch the whole show from the side of the stage! I w ou ld H UG M r. Ful lerm a n if h e wasn’t my teacher (and wearing leather pants). It’s th e B E ST v i ew ever! 212

is absolutely brilliant and I can see EVERYTHING. I see Derek and Amy and wave. Derek and Amy wave back. Marcus has his mouth open like a goldfish in shock. (It’s almost the best part of the show. Ha, ha!) Then I spot Delia in the audience. She’s with her boyfriend. So I point him out to Dad and stir things up by saying he’s got a VERY bad reputation around town. What a fantastic night I’m having. p l ay all their best songs. Then right at the end . . . it gets better . . . 213



I’l l never wa s h ag ain. 215

I’m still buzzing when I get home. Dad has forgotten about my begging (phew). He’s too busy worrying about Delia’s dodgy happyboyfriend. and relive the I go to bed whole gig in my head. 216

T h i s i s probably th e

In the morning, Delia is slopping around the house sulking and being miserable. Grrrrrrrr Apparently it’s all my fault because Mom and Dad want to meet her new “friend” now. (I am a GENIUS.) mmmmmmmmmm Dad is humming songs at breakfast. Mom is wearing a T-shirt. It’s SO em ba rra s s i n g ( old people trying to be trendy). I can’t get out of the house quick enough. D e re k a n d I go to sc h ool tog eth er. SOHe’s wishing he'd stuck with me at the concert now. 218

S Meeing r. Ful lerm a n ag a in in “teach er” mode is weird. The first thing he asks me is, “WHERE’S YOUR HOMEWORK, TOM?” M“I was at the concert, sir, remember?” r. Fu lle rm a n s ay s th at’s no excuse and I’ll get a detention unless I bring it in first thing soin the morning, which is a bit harsh! (He’s back in teacher mode.) With all the excitement about ,I completely forget about the school concert, which apparently is today. 219

I’m not worried because I’m not in it. Mrs . Nap(No choir, which is a relief.) Phew. is looking for helpers to put chairs out in the hall. Helpers get to miss class, s o I vol u nteer. All I have to do is show the little kids what to do. hard is that? We get all the chairs out when they start to me s s around . I g et and suggest a quick game sosnging of musical chairs, which keeps them happy. The re ’s no m us i c  — s o I my “Delia’s a Weirdo.” 220

Delia’s a l iWa e ird o De she's a FReAK It s’ all going VERY well. The little kids all join in and sing along with me. “Delia, she’s a weirdo! D e lia , s h e’s a frea k! ” (Very catchy ch orus.) Then I sing the verse . . . 221

an d t hat's w h en M r. Keen pops h is h ead round the door to see how we’re doing. We all pretend to be arranging the chairs. (Little kids learn fast.) “That’s a jolly song, Tom,” he says. “ Really, Mr. Keen ?” “Are you performing in the concert today?” “ No, Mr. Ke en . ” “Why not? You should be! I’ll have a word with Mrs. Nap to give you a slot at the end.” “ No, Mr. Ke en , it’s fi n e. . . . R eally , I don’t want to sing.” 222

“Nonsense, that sounded excellent. Don’t you agree, children?” And all the little kids cheer and say, “YES!” Groan . . . that’s ALL I need. This could be very humiliating. C orrection. It WILL b e very humiliating. I do n ’t th i nk M r. Keen Fool heard all the lyrics to the s o n g , eith er. 223

“Are you M AD? Of cou rs e I don’t wa nt to play in the school concert!” NO WAY! Derek says. He thinks have to plan their first gig very carefully. (In other words, we’re still a bit rubbish and Butneed more practice.) he does come up with a BRILLIANT p l a n that will get me off the hook a n d s ave m e from serious h um i l iati o n. 224

T onlyhe good thing about the school concert is we get to go home early to “prepare.” (Eat caramel wafers, Min my case.) om says, “What do you mean there’s a school concert tonight?” (I forgot to tell them.) “And you’re in it?” M“Sort of . . .” I say. om and Dad planned to meet Delia’s dodgy “boyfriend” tonight. “I’m not leaving them here on their own,” Dad says. “They’ll both have to come to the concert, too.” 225

H h Da, a! elia will be I hate you delighted! A romantic night out . . . at my school concert. She’ll be so cross it’s almost worth being in the concert. Derek and I run through our plan one last time on the way back to school. B It has to work or I’ll be stuffed. ack at school, the hall is already packed with people. Mom and Dad sit at the back, which is a relief because Mom has on her T-shirt and Dad is wea ri n g g a rdeni ng gear. Patches NOTDelia and her “boyfriend” look jolly ( ). Derek and I run through our plan one last time (I hope it works). 226

The lights go down and the concert begins. First, there’s some (slightly boring) poetry. The s t a r was b right. frigh t . We got a big night. That Then we have to sit through some songs a n d, of cou rse, th e ch oir. Watc h i ng M arcus and Sol id swaying from side to s ide i s h ilarious. Amy is very good (of course). Sw aying There’s a play by Year Th ree. ( Q uite funny .) A n d a dance by Year Six. ( It’s rub b ish .) 227

Then Mr. Keen makes a speech about what a good term it’s been . . . bla h , bla h , bla h . And I hear him telling EVERYONE how he heard me singing and thought I should be in the concert. It’s AWFUL . . . I can feel myself getting nervous and sweaty. Now it’s my turn. Mr. Ke e n a s ks m e w h at my s o ng is called. De“ ' l ia ’s a We i rdo , ' ” I say. Which makes everyone laugh . . . apart from Delia, who’s giving me the EVILS. 228

I sit on the stage and clear my throat. Everyone is looking at me and waiting. So I clear my throat again . . . and wait . . . and wait . . . and strum a little (like I’m warming up). (M r. Ke e n i s g la ri n g at m e now.) So I’m thinking I might have to actually st ar t s in gin g if Derek’s pla n doesn’t work. . . . When at long last . . . 229

AVERYLoud ONOiSE goes F F. Mr. Fullerman tells everyone not to panic. I t’s just the fire alarm! We all have to leave the hall straightaway. The concert is abandoned. 230

R E S U LT ! Derek is a G E N I U S ! He gives me a THUMBS-UP as we leave school. Better still . . . Delia can hear some little children singing my song . . . DELIA, she’s a weirdo! DELIA, she’s a FREAK! She’s not happy, but her boyfriend is laughing. He w on ’t b e h er boy fri en d fo r long at th is rate! What's funny? 231

Mom and Dad think it’s a shame I didn’t get to do my song. (I don’t!) “Maybe next time, don’t write about your sister, though,” Mom tells me. “It only upsets her.” ( E XAC T LY ! ) Dad suggests writing about someone else who annoys me instead. “Like Uncle Kevin,” he adds. Which makes me laugh. But Mom is giving the EVIL EYE now. ( U h -oh !) 232

When we get home, Dad and I escape to h i s s h ed to eat h is secret s ta s h of c a ra mel wafers. (TR E AT! ) It’s the last day of the term tomorrow. So I MUSTN’T FORGET. I only have tonight to finish my review homework. (It’s the last thing I have left to do.) I know, I’ll review the school concert. That won’t take long! Just eat the last wafer biscuit and wrap it up for Delia first. . . . Ha, ha! A n d d raw a few m o re pictures. THEN I’ll start my homework. . . . 233

. . . . . . . in the morning. LOADS(I’ll have of time to do it if I get up early tomorrow.) This is a good idea. 234

sqIduRaioosbtho-int g An Idiot (Marcus)

Mr. S OFullerman, I’m sorry about my REVIEW homework. As you can see I DID do it. Let m e ex pla i n . I was on my way to school when I was followed and attacked by a V IC I O U S dog. I defended myself with the only thing I could think of. My notebook. 236

LU C K I LY I s urv i ved (jus t) . But my REVIEW HOMEWORK didn’t. . . . Sorry again. . . . OIhrYwetodaIhanugedesoeaiWrtnwrStblhth,georeiaaeaeloertTbltiktamomtdayij.kmanuu.coe.ngkcus.aettneefd(tvhdoaieamrnbnbvwdyeetya,fyGurdaolIdleloAuitlNert’iisonfTthesShfao.ioygmnopaaeueilnwl yhyoooarvuvkee)r.dnoenx’ tt Mr. Fullerman 237

(Result!) 238

Dog drool My Review By Tom Gates Vicious teeth marks More dog drool The End







WARNING!(BEADY EYE ALERT . . .)