By: Alanna Buechele
Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Fall, 1927 Today was a very exciting day, considering I’ve never been outside. A new worker came today. His name is Esteban. He has a Spanish accent and says Spanish words such as Senor. His tanned skin and dark hair tell me that he isn’t from Montana, but somewhere exotic and far away. He is so lucky to have been outside. I still remember his face exactly when he looked down at me, into my crib. His face didn’t contort into disgust or displeasure, except he smiled and asked of my name. I wish I could have screamed Petey up at him, so he would know I could understand. But, I couldn’t. Instead I would flail my arms and gurgle in pleasure. He stopped by my crib everyday, talking to me. I could understand every word he had said, but I couldn’t respond to his questions. It was like a small voice was stuck in my throat, and couldn’t come out. One day, in particular he was extra kind. He was eating a large, square, and brown brick that smelled nice. I had never seen such a strange thing to eat. I usually ate whatever the ward gave me, which was mashed up or made into a liquid. But, before he walked away he asked me a question. “Do you like candy?” he asked. I had never heard of candy before, but it sounded better than the other food I had eaten, more exciting. I broke off a small chunk and placed it in my mouth. It melted almost instantly. The flavor was delicious, like nothing I had ever dreamt of. It was sweet and rich. Esteban could tell I had liked it. Now, he brings me candy everyday. But, I always have
to do something for him first. I don’t mind, though. Candy beats the food here any day. He made me jerk my head up and down for the chocolate. When I finally did, he gave me the whole bar. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Fall, 1927 Esteban is gone. He was only here a short few weeks, but now he is gone forever. The only charge nurse I had ever liked, who had ever liked me. My only family, the only person I knew, is gone. But, I don’t have the right to be sad; because I am the reason he is gone. People had gone to the ward to view the patients and living. A man walked past my crib and glanced at the others. “What a bunch of freaks,” he had muttered. I wanted to yell at the man, but Esteban beat me to it. He yelled, “They are not freaks! They are poor children.” Oh Esteban, why did you have to leave me? Warm Springs Insane Asylum: 1929 I went outside today. I’ve never been outside before, not that I can recall at least. A man, who was appalled by my appearance, hefted me up into a wheel chair. He told me I was moving to the men’s ward. After all, I was 10 years old. I wasn’t an infant anymore. He pushed my black wheelchair, all the way out of the door. Oh boy! The second I got outside; I was greeted by cool
wind and large beams of light, that blinded my eyes. He pushed me on and on. I had never traveled so far without hitting a wall. A strange noise had alarmed be. I big, black vehicle raced past me with a beep. It surprised and confused me. Why would anyone ever need something so big? The man once again spoke, sarcasm evident in his voice. He told me, “In this new ward you’re gonna meet some real meet some real stooges, kid.” What did he mean by stooges. There is only one way to find out. To the men’s ward I go. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Late Fall, 1929 The men’s ward is strange. People are big, scary, and mean. Well, some are. They ask weird questions, and tell you even weirder stories. One man, named Joe, claimed he was the president. But, I managed to make a couple of friends, even if they aren’t human. They are called mice. Every night as I sit in my wheelchair they scurry up to me and eat crumbs out of my bed sheet. I even named them, William, Cloud, Blackie, Sally, and Esteban. Sally is fat and clumsy. Esteban is my favorite, tough. He always curls up next to my chest and spends the whole night there, with me. I love my new mice friends.
Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Winter, 1929 Recently, a new patient has come to the men’s ward. His name is Calvin. He is in a wheelchair, like me, but he can move it by himself and he can talk. Lucky him. But, nevertheless he is not good at driving his wheelchair. He asked me to be his friend, and I was overjoyed. He even moved his bed near mine. Life is good. The only hard part was not being able to talk to Calvin and tell him about my mice friends. But, one day he asked about them and I squealed “Aeee, aeee” in delight. That day we decided to make a language for each other, using words yes and no. Calvin is my new best friend. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Spring, 1929 Something horrible is happening. The other day while I was getting changed and cleaned, the attendant found rat droppings on me. On no! They said they are going to use rat poisoning to kill them. I can’t let that happen. Sally just had babies. If she dies they will all die. I am going to have to get rid of the mice. They are my only other friends. Calvin is in on the plan. He said he would stay up with me and help get the mice to go away. How
could I have been so stupid? I may be diagnosed as an idiot, but I should have known better. Bye-‐bye mouse friends. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: 1937 Joe a new attendant started working here. He has taken a liking to Calvin and me. He took us to a cowboy movie and now we all pretend to play guns. He is such fun. He is also really nice. He says his muscles are weak, though. He grunts in pain when he lifts me, and I want to tell him he doesn’t have to, but I can’t. However, him and Calvin can understand a few words I say, such as yes, no, good, and bye. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Christmas, 1937 Joe told us about a holiday called Christmas. I had never heard of such a thing before. He told me a big, fat man who wore a red suit came and brought the kids candy and toys if they were good. He even bought Calvin and I plastic guns! Now we can really play. He also filled our stockings with a bit of candy. Calvin and I hadn’t gotten him anything, so we each took some of our candy and gave it to him. He seemed to appreciate it because
he smiled down at us, a sincere smile. I haven’t seen many of those in my lifetime. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Late Spring, 1937 It has happened all over again. Joe told us it was going to happen, but it still hurts. His muscles had gotten too weak. He said he had to leave, to go home. I wanted to yell and scream at him for making me feel this way, but I am nothing compared to Calvin. He only sits and watches TV. He doesn’t talk to me much. The nurses think he is depressed. I hope he goes back to normal soon, I really need a friend. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Summer, 1937 A beautiful new nurse came today. Her name is Cassie. I haven’t seen many women in my life, but gosh is she pretty. She has a daughter, too. Maybe that is why she likes me so much. She says she is working here while her husband is in the war. War is stupid, but it gave me Cassie. She probably thinks I’m disgusting, just like all the other people. She is just too nice to show it. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Summer, 1937
Cassie took me outside today! She is my new favorite nurse. She takes Calvin and me outside a lot now. She has even gotten Calvin to start being happy again. I had missed him so much. But, today she took us to see a band. They were good. I had never really heard music before. She brought her daughter along too. She sat and my lap and played with my face. I liked her; too bad I will never have kids. Cassie also called me handsome, and I blushed like an idiot. Well, I am one. She knows my language, too. I can say much more words now, which is really exciting. Oh I hope Cassie stays. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Summer, 1937 So much for my luck, Cassie left today. She was crying, and I knew I was too. I could feel the hot tears stream down my face when she told me she had to go. Her husband was coming home, and he needed her. What about me? I needed Cassie. So, why couldn’t I have her? Life is so unfair. I told her I loved her when she left, and her daughter too. I don’t care about Calvin, now. I hurt too much to. Oh why does it always have to be me? I was already damned with this disease, why did everyone have to leave me? Why didn’t God just kill me if he knew my life would be horrible? Why
me? She kissed me, on the cheek. She gave me a necklace. Couldn’t she realize all I wanted was her? Warm Springs Insane Asylum: 1965 Owen Marsh came. I still haven’t forgotten Cassie, although it has been 20 years. Owen is very kind, a bit old, like me. But, he is kind and generous nonetheless. He even got me a wheelchair again. He insisted over and over again, that he would take me outside by himself. I was so tired of sitting around all day. I hadn’t been outside since Cassie left. I missed the big cars, the clean air, the flowers, and the bright blue sky. I missed it all. Owen comes even on the days that he is off to see Calvin and I. I try not to grow too attached; I can sense he won’t stay long with me. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: 1967 I was right. Owen left. He stayed longer than the others, and always did stuff with us. But, he is gone. There is not much more to say. I guess we all get too old. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: Christmas, 1977
Calvin was taken away today. I never knew he would leave. The person who stuck with me all these years was going to a different home. He was going without me. I looked at him pleadingly; all he did was give me a sad smile and a light wave. Tears were evident on his face; they were present on mine, too. I’ll miss you Calvin. You are the first and the last, my forever friend. The one who kept me sane all these years. I’ll miss you Calvin, I promise it. Warm Springs Insane Asylum: January 1977 This will be the last time I ever write in this diary. I am leaving my home today. They say I will go to a new home, a nursing home. How will I ever leave my only home? Then again, home is a feeling. All the people who had every made me feel at home left, so what home do I really have? I don’t.
Search
Read the Text Version
- 1 - 10
Pages: