SDA Kinship - CONNECTION - March/April 1999

fi HfiTI ffiNMarch/April 1999Vol.23,No.2 UI

SDA KINSHIP Who ure ore...INTERNATIONAL, INC. Seventh-dayAdventist Kinship International, Inc. is a support group which ministers to theKINSHIP BOARD I spiritual, emotional, social, and phl,sical well being of Seventh-dayA&entist lesbians, gay I men, bisexuals, and thet families and friends.President: Darin 0lson SDA Kinship facilitates and promotes ttre understanding and affirmation ofVice President: Yolanda Elliott homosexual and bisexual Adventists among themselves and within the Seventh-daySecretary: Charles Shobe Adventist community through education, advocary, and reconciliation.Treasurer M ike McLaughlinConnection Editor: Ben Kemena Founded in 1976, the nonprofit organization was incorporated in 1981 and has a board ofPublic Relations: John tdwards 15 officers and 10 regional coordinators. The current list of members and friends includesChurch Liaison: Donald treeman well over a thousand people in 16 countries.W0myn's C00rdinator: Jacquie SummertonKamp'99 Coordinator Jim Chilson SDA Kinship believes the Bible does not condemn, or even mention, homosexu- ality as a sexual orientation. Ellen G. White does not parallel any of the Bible texts,MEMBERS.AT.TARGE I which are often used to condemn homosexuals. Most of the anguish imposed upon God's children who grow up gay or lesbian has its roots in a misunderstanding of Membels-at-LaIge: Marge Doyle, Greg Cox, Larry what the Bible says. Whitford, Lee Stover Cam pus Coordinator: Greg Cox Kinship operates solely on contributions from its members and friends. lVlember Wellness: Larry Whitford SDA Kinship supports the advancement of human rights for all people.SUPPORT STATT I Support Kinohip 0ffice Support: Hal lobe Kinship depends on you. Kinship is supported solely by contributions. Help us lnformational Services; John Wieland reach out to more gay Adventists by making a tax-deductible donation to SDA Kinship International. Please send your check or money order to the address below.CONNECTION SIAFT I SDA Kinship, P.O. Box 7320,Laguna, Nguel, CA92607 , (949) 248-1299. Contributors: Peggy Campalo, Jim Chilson, Phillip, J. Vicki Shelton Ben Kemena, tditor, Walt Elias, layoutINTORMAIION I Region 1 Sandy M ann (404) 633-8447 Region T Brian Costa (503) 292-5098 the Connection is published 6 times a year by Seventh-day I0bed Vasquez (401 ) 521-931 Reg ion 4 Adventist Kinship International, lnc. Principal office: P.0. Box Eruce Harlow (773) 338-2389 Region 8 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA 92607; (949) 248-1299, U.S, Catherine Taylor (413) 772 2348 Roland Anderson (209) 339-81 1 3 Subscriptions are $25 for bimonthly issues, and $1 5 for Region 5 and KinNet additional subscriptions. Foreign subscriptions are $40, Region 2 Floyd Poenitz (972) 41 6-1 358 Region 9 Yolanda Elliott (41 0) 531-5382 Lee Stover (626) i91-8608 Submissions of letters, articles, pictures, art, and graphics are Region 5 welcome. lnclude your name as you want it published, address, Ben Kemena (303) 321-533i Region 10 ((inship Canada) and telephone number. lf an item is to be acknowledged or Brent tehmann (604) 469-6976 returned, please include a self-addressed, stamped envelope, Some Connection contributors have chosen to remain Region 1 3 (l(inship Germ any) anonymous. Pseudonyms from this issue appear at the bottom HADlnfo@ aol.com of this page, lhe Connection reserves the right to edit manuscripts for length, syntax, grammar, and clarity. Address all Visit our submissions to the Connection, P0, Box 7320, Laguna Niguel, Web Site: CA 92607. nquiries and article submissions may also be http:i/www.sdakinship.org/ e-mailed to sdakinshipoaol,com Pseudonyms: , Walt Elias, Donald treeman, Phillip, J. Vicki Shelton, Lee Stovs, ard possibly others. the mention or appearance of any names, organizations, or photographs in this publication is not meant to imply a fact or statement about their sexual orientation or activity, Subscription requests or address changes must be sent to Subscriptions, P0. Box 7320, Laguna Niguel, CA 92607, (949) 248-1 299. The Kinship mailing list is confidential and used only by Kinship officers, The mailing list ls not sold, rented, or exchanged for any purpose. @1 999 Connection. All rights reserved, Reproduction in whole or in part wrthout permission is prohibited.0PlNl0NS EXPRESSED HEREIN are N0T NECESSARILY IH0SE 0F SDA KINSHIP Member of the Gay and Lesbian Press Association. Printed in the U.S. on 100% recyclable paper, lf you aren't out, please concider it, others will gain courage from you,

SDA Kinship International Board Meeting Summary26-28 February 1999 Altadena, California USAKinship Board Meeting was graciously hosted by Region 9 Kinship members.Board Meeting is divided between general reports and focused work-group discussions as the Board attempts to meet chal-lenges within Kinship. General r.portr *\"re prererted to the Board by Darin Olson, President of Kinship and by MikeMclaughlin, Treasurer of Kinship.Darint report made particular mention of Kinship member growth iwnitRheAgdiovnen2ti-st also the host region for Kinship thoseKampmeetin g 1999. The organization has an ongoing relationship clergy and continues to nurturerelationships. Darin made an appeal to \"regional development\" as one of Kinship's most important orgatizational goals.Mike's report made particular mention of growing financial stability within the organization. While the need for continuedfinancial support is necessary to fund projects, the financial situation has improved since 1994. Mike made a special appeal tothe Board for continued financial support from Board members.Focus groups comprised more than 80% of Board Meeting time and include the following brief oudine of repors and generalthemes:1) Regional DevelopmentChairperson: DarinOlsonIssues were discussed with respect to supporting regional development, and specifically, regional coordinators.Actions:a) Development of a resource handbook for regional oordinators which will include Kinship bylawsb) Commitrnent of Kinship leadership (president and vice-president or designee) to visit regions in 1999-2000c) Support ofregional coordinator conference callsd) Development of a directory listing of board members and regional coordinators (share with Kinnet)e) Development of a regional coordinator \"orientation session\" at either Kampmeeting and/or board meetingf) Possibility of a \"regional coordinator\" meeting yearly2) MemberWellnessChairperson: Larry WhitfordIssues were discussed expanding the scope of\"wellness\" beyond \"safer sex\" discussions to include a broader base and concept ofwellness.Focus of interest include: preventive health care informationa) Safer sex workshops for men and womenb) Exercise classesc) Kampmeeting health fair - which may include general health care assessment andd) Therapeutic touch Connection . NIarch/April 1999

SunshineBY PHITLIP Editor's note: Pbillip is a pseudonynt for a Kinsbip my aunt's lipstick. Dad began to sense my indiffer- nrember Witb his permission, Phillip bas allowed us ence and on occasion mentioned to my mother to print bis story. As mucb as possible, Phillip's story is that I was a sissy. This was something I couldn't in his own words. understand. Whenever you knew that I was gay before I married but it I remember a traumatic experience thatmeet a gay person, was something I didn't accept as being part of happened when I was around three years old. My me. I don't know whether it was caused by 21-year-old cousin was very fond of fussing over you know they genetic factors, pre-natal or post-natal causes; I me and taking me around with her to differenthave a story to tell. just know that I didn't deliberately choose to be places. One day she set me on the kitchen table and disappeared into the bathroom. When she Here is one such gay. I've been told I was a sweet, blue-eyed kid came back out, her breasts were exposed and her story with blond curly hair. My Oma (grandmother) nipples were smeared with jam. I felt choked with fear. I burst into tears and screamed. Waving my often called me her \"Sunshine.\" AII anyone could l' see was this kid with a ready smile fo) everyone. \"Dad ... mentioned to my But something happened which caused me to withdraw into a sullen world where that bright, .::y.\":.:\":'. .^ i.lii':.'.' . . untarnished smile vanished into hurtful distrust. And the struggle is still continuing. arms about, I distracted her from forcing herself My dad, a tall handsome man with jet black onto me. Sheer bolts of fear flashed through my hair and piercing blue eyes, thoroughly enjoyed outdoor life. Dressed in his old army Breat coat head as I sobbed, wanting to go home. This and slouch hat, he would often take his dogs and rifle and go hunting in the forest surrounding our isolated experience affected me so much that home. Or he would drive to a nearby river, take whenever I saw a baby being breast fed, I would the fishing rods out ofthe trunk and cast a few shake with fear and would run out of the room. lines. Back then he was a wonderful dad, someone I've only recently been able to recognize that this I looked up to. I enjoyed riding on his shoulder, was an episode of abuse. The bright happy smile that I presented to the world gradually began to and feeling his unshaven face rubbing against mine. I would scream with laughter and playfully fade. push him away. But something happened which fu I grew older I learned that I was hearing- seemed to put a distance between us. impaired and the distance between me and dad Dad adored my mother, who was a loving, devoted wife and mother. Due to circumstances increased. I was frequently told to say words unknown to me, we shared the house with my properly without much help. Faced with a harsh world, I retreated into a world of books, dreams of grandparents and I guess that was a strain for her a better life and wanting to be loved and accepted. So I sensed very early that I was different. since she is a fiercely independent woman. An excellent cook, she taught me how to cook. Often Like many others, I was reared in an we would sit at the piano and I would try to Adventist home where we had worship twice a day imitate her playing. Later I taught myself to read and attended church every Sabbath, often staying there until late in the afternoon. It was a very music and play the piano. My dad tied to get me strict environment where the woman from Batde interested in boys' toys, like match box cars, a tiny Creek and her books were constantly referred to. pedal car, ball games and even taking walks with My early concept of God was clouded with fear him in the dark, green forest. I enjoyed the walks, but was very frightened when he raised his rifle and uncertainty. It seemed to me that He would and fired at some object or animal. I would hide pounce on me every time I did something wrong in the shelter of his great army coat. In spite of and punish me. I felt that I had to be good in my dad's efforts, I was always more attracted to dolls, high-heel shoes and smearing my face withConnection . [,4arch/April 1999

order to earn his good will. I had to be different, and when I heard the word rights movements who appeared on extra good to get to heaven. This later \"homosexual,\" although it came as a TV To cope with my internal stress, became a constant source of discour- shock, it fully fit the feelings that I agement. trverything else in the world and perhaps to help me feel more was \"worldly\". And \"worldly\" things had. I was afraid of sports and so manly, I took up smoking. This o-n.eSveexn wpaesopdleefi-nitewleyretalbooook.eOd ndotwwon excused myself from them. One of my eventually caused me to be fired from occasions, I was thrashed by my irate friends, remarking on some behavior my job. which I found amusing, said only mother when she caught me \"playing,, with my brother's genitals. She belted me and said the police put people in \"We married, and our wedding night jail for things like that. That stuck in my head and I was riddled with guilt. Part of my childhood was spent growing up on a dairy farm. Every now and then we would drive 50 miles to the nearest big ciry and spend the queers liked that kind of thing. I Life was a struggle. I mingled with day shopping. Once, when I was silently told myself, I know I'm queer, straight guys, did the same things that almost 12, I wandered down to the but I cant help it. I just felt so iso- they did, tried to play football with beach to wait for my parents. A lady them. I joked about gays, too, inwardly clad in a brief bikini was lying on the lated. Lonely. My self-esteem plunged hating myself for doing so. My mother to rock bottom. wrote to me, saying it was unnatural sand, but I scarcely looked at her. I was for me to be spending so much of my captivated by the sight of the life- After academy, I attended college for one year. It was very difficult for time witi my triends. Not knowing guard. He was handsome and well- me to mingle in the communal what to do, I began to think that built, and just looking at him thrilled showers they had there, so I got up maybe if I got married I would no me. very eady to shower in order to avoid the company of others. I dated girls, longer have this gay orientation and be No one warned me of the changes but it was more like having a friend to attracted to men. I came to firmly that would occur with my body and as talk to. If I was furned down, hot tears burned my eyes, because I felt they believe that this would solve my these changes became obvious it could sense that I was different. I left problem. While working for the college and went to work for the health food industry I had met a caused me to be alarmed and I won- dered if God was indeed punishing church-owned health food industry. lovely young lady and decided that the me. A friend of mine from church told me what was happening, and it was Back then it was still taboo to even answer to my dilemma was to marry indeed a relief to discover that he was mention homosexuality. Doing so her. Besides, I badly wanted to please going through tlle same changes. I my parents and feel good in front of my peers. \"I tried to date girls but there was nothing\" We married, and our wedding night was spent in a classy hotel sleeping on our own sides of the bed. Although there were various evidences became attracted to him and it was that I was different and I once acci- would have led to rejection, perhaps dentally left a gay newspaper in the always a pleasure to be near him. even the loss of my employment and house, I didn't talk to my wife about? When I was fourteen, I was sent to a bring shame on my family. Being my struggles, because I honestly boarding academy in a neighboring insecure and sensitive, I just couldnt believed they would go away. Instead, state where I spent the next six years. talk about it-not to anyone in my my gay orientation grew stronger. A There I found myself attracted to family, not to my friends and espe- year after we married my wife was several guys, Feeling guilry, I tried to cially not to my pastor. It was some- pregnant, and I stumbled into a gay date girls but there was notling. thing I could never look anyone in the club, an activity which I continued Something wasnt right. Even when a eye and talk about; it was too shameful from time to time. The gay rights well-thumbed copy of Playboy was to mention. movement became prominent, and I passed around, I couldnt find any- I honestly believed that I was the eventually left the church because thing there to arouse my curiosity. It only Adventist in the whole world there was no \May I could reconcile my disgusted me. who had homosexual feelings. Putting orientation with what the church It was a very painful process to on a mask, I buried the secret deep fully acceptmyself as a gay man- All dcwn inside me. But I admired the through rny Iife I just knew that I was courage of some people in the gay Connection . [/arch/April 1999

dream which was instrumental in then with another pastor. For a while bringing me back to church and giving this offered me hope that I could reallytaught. From time to time, I would my heart to the Lord. I was able to change and be \"normal\" as a hetero-earnestly plead with God. I just sexual man. My hope of change wascouldn't understand it all. I felt movee,rcwoomrkeinsgmtookginegthe-r. just Him and dashed, as time went on and I found I still had the that my attractions were still as strongcondemned and knew that the Bible as ever. But the small ray of hope that wrong concept of God, thinking I had I wasnt alone in this began to grow insaid it was a sin. But I couldn'r help it. my mind and helped me to fully acceptIt was natural for me to feel that way. to be perfect in order to be saved. This myself as a person who happened to be Finally, after eight years, and with was changing, but ever so slowly. Prior gay. I was still disheartened and discouraged over not being able totwo children in our family, I decided I to being re-baptized the pastor came change. But my concept of God washad to tell my wife that I was gay. to visit me at my home and I revealedInwardly, I was terrified about how shewould react. So, I wrote out what I was to him my struggle not only with smoking but also with homosexuality. I could sense his discomfort with thegoing to say. Fear tingled up and downmy spine as I watched her read my aaaanote. She responded by saying, \"No \"This was my introduction to Colin Cookbmatter what, I still love you.\" But notknowing how to handle this situation tapes and the Quest Learning Center.\"thrust into her hands, she made thingsdifficult for me by \"spilling the beans',to my parents, her family members,some church members and several topic. He quiikly told me he would changing and that kept me hanging onfriends. This only caused me much never say a word about it to anyone. because this became \"news\" to me. This only reinforced my belief that Iheartache. Being afraid to approach had to overcome being gay. I still had darkvalleys to gothe church and with no one offering through. Other times the mountains I still wanted help. It had to come loomed high and threatening aboveme much-needed help and support, I me. There were cliffs that were from somewhere. Earlier that year, my impossible to climb on my own.plunged deeper into a pattern of mother had sent a letter with a clipping attached to it and I had kept Sometimes there was nothing to hangcompulsive sexual behavior (addiction) it. It was a list of boola and materials on to, the nearest edge way above mewith anonymous gay men. Often after or too far below. One pastor who for marriages and relationships, but it counseled with me said that because ofleaving such an encounter, I would sit the fall of humankind, we are brokenin the corner of the sofa, bunch up my was the last item, about changing from in all areas, including sexually. Godfists and groan from deep inside me, homosexuality to heterosexuality, that sees us as very broken people whoGod, please help me! caught my attention. At the time, I I still firmly believed that I was the found that highly amusing, but Ionly Adventist to feel this way. But one need healing . Because of that he\"I stiil wanted help. It had to come suggested that maybe God is not too rigid when it comes to having mo- nogamous relationships with anotherfrom somewhere. \" man. Healing and acceptance came to me slowly. Gradually I accepted myself as a gay man who is loved by God. I tried, in some small way, today while browsing through a gay decided to keep the paper. Now,I explain how wonderful God's love was I to me as a gay man. When someonebookstore I discovered rr\"*r it\"* searched the phone book for the name wrote negative comments about \ at the bottom of the list and dialed the homosexuals in an Adventist publica-about a group of gay Ad\"ventists who tion, I wrote back that God's love was -thad met together in the United States number and asked about this list of(Kampmeeting).A ray of hope dawned books and where could I find the tapes for all, including gay people. Since Iin my mind, but then I dismissed it, listed at the end. I was told to contact had signed my name, there were somesince it was far away from these the conference office and ask for the nail-biting moments as I waited for marriage counselor there. This \ /as my negative comments. There were none,shores. introduction to Colin Cook's tapes and but about six months later my mother the Quest Learning Center. I began wrote and said I had brought shame The mid 1980's brought the dread counseling with a pastol based onnews about AIDS and its impact on on the whole family by writing thatthe gay community. It was a scary and these tapes and other materials, and letter. Although this lack ofacceptancestressful time. One night I had aConnection . [,4arch/April 't999

was shattering to my self-esteem and I come from not going to gay clubs or suggest that in order to change one'sbecame very discouraged, I continued being intimate with a close male friend. orientation a gay person should marry. Ito accept myself as I am, a gay man. It doesn't come from being gay or straight. Nor does it come from falling myself firmly believed that I couldThis was very liberating, and for the change, but it was like telling a leopardfirst time in my life I began to feel like on my knees and telling God all my to change his spots. Even during aa normal human being. needs and what pleases me, or going to painful marriage, the rainbow of hope I still had some hard lessons to church and reading the Bible. My salvation comes from just accepting still shines and it reminds me thatlearn, but I believe God was patiently healing does come from the Creator ofdrawing me closer to Him with eactr Jesus as my Savior and believing that us all. At times when everything appearsexperience. During this time I learned His death and resurrection was for me. to be impossible, God turns a hopelessmore about Kinship, where I found That's all we need to do to be saved. situation into something beautiful for? acceptance and love that I couldnt find Over the past couple of years, I him. My concept of God has changed. Ii an)'where else. Although still living have found litde support in my church view Him now as I first did with my ownwith my wife and children, I experi- or among its members to meet the father when I was a small child. Heenced love with another man. But the needs of gay men like myself. However, became someone who is willing to greetrelationship fell through. I ended up me with a warm hug and I could hide in once I connected to the Internet, I the fold of his robe when I feel a littlegoing back to my lifestyle of clandes- found better support (includingtine sexual addiction, while maintaining Kinnet). I have made some wonderful threatened. A God of love, someonemy connections with the church. But friends. Some of my \"e-mail friends\" willing to bend down from His throneeach experience left me increasingly have become like family to me. and to listen to my whispered cry foruncomfortable. My marriage has been hurt and it help.Then several experiences caused has been verydifEcult. Presently, I have My life as a gay man, even whileme to change my thinking and focus on decided to remain committed to my married to my wife, has brought methe Lord. First was a work-related wife and children. The pain is still closer to a loving God. And if He canaccident. I injured my neck and later there; the scars remain. One of the accept me by being my friend and lovingneeded major surgery. Then there were fallen monuments that has to be rebuilt me, cannot the church do the same? Vlong months of rehabilitation and is one of trust. Never for a momentefforts to get back into the work force.Finally, there was termination of myemployment from an Adventist hospi-tal, where I had so much loved work- What Mattersing. In my despair, I did go to gay clubsto escape my problems, but that onlycaused me to realize that there was My father asked me if I am gay. My lover asked, Do you love me? I asked, Does it matter? I asked, Does it matterlmore to life than this. So I turned to He said, No, not really. He said, Yes.the Lord because, even though I knew I said yes. I told him,I loveyou.that He accepted me as I was, I just He said, Get out of my Iife. He said, Let me hold you in my arms.wasn't comfortable being addicted to For the firsttime in mylife somethinganon)'rnous sexual encounters with I go* itmattered. matters.strangers. I turned it over to Him andsaid that it was His job to help me My boss asked if I am gay. change this addictive behavior. AI- Iasked, Doesitmatter? My C.od asked me, Do you love yourself.) though I still believe that a monoga- He said, No, not really. I said, Does it matter? I told him yes. He said, YES. mous relationship with another man He said, You're fired, faggot I guess itmattered. *I said, How can I love myselfi I gry.I may be acceptable to the Lord, I have Myfriend askedifl am gay He said, That is the way I made you.i decided to remain married. I am Nothingwill ever matter again. committed to my wife and children, and if necessary,Iamprepared to live acenibate life. I said, Does it matter? He said, No, not really To the Lord3 gloryl have been I told himyes.freed from the addictive sextial beh*v-ior for nearly t\ro years now. Mind you, He said, Dont call me your friend.I still have hassles. It's easy to feel the I guess itmattered.pull of places and ponder giving intosexual addiction. But the Lord hasstarted a good work in me and has notgiven me up yet. My salvation doesnt Connection . March/April 1999

Ihe InvitationBY JIM CHILSON '|hI osKer*pw-eheotihnagve never attended a Kinship P.ggy Campolo, our Sunday evening (uly 18) t maywonderwhy I, as the kelmote speaker, will address the issue of partici- ,aI Kampmeeting Coordinator, would spend so much pating in corporate worship with people who I might wish that we were not there. She will time and energ'y planning for one week thisJuly. address what we can do to aid our churches in Or you may wonder why Kinship commits so becoming welcoming congregations. Many people, gay and straight, see a di- much of its resources making sure that tlose who chotomy between sexuality and spirituality. want to attend are able to do so. Or you may Christianity has fostered this concept over many years. Many of us have come from backgrounds wonder why those who have attended a where sex was either viewed as \"dirqr\" or beyond earthly realities. In my years as chaplain of a local Kampmeeting want to return again and again. Adventist elementary school, the children were There are good reasons for all of these. taught that if their body was the temple of God, then their sex organs were \"the most Holy Place.\" Kampmeeting provides a safe, welcoming Chris Glaser, one of our seminar leaders this year, will make it clear that we cannot be spiritual Kampmeeting this environment where we are free to be the people people until we come to accept our sexuality as ayear promises to be gift from God to be enjoyed and celebrated. He God intended us to be. If you are likc me, your will discuss the special gifts that we have and will a marvelous and direct us to our \"coming out\" as a sacrament. work associates and neighbors rarely encourage memorable event, Speakers from t}re Adventist church will also Be sure to attend ! your living as a gay person. They don't want to participate. Some will lead Bible studies, others will share insights from their particular fields. know who you are currendy dating. They don't While we cannot advertise their names, we look forward to their presentations. They come to want to see the pictures of the love of your life learn from us and we from tllem. displayed in your work area. Kampmeeting week Plenty of time will be given to social interac- tion. While we may benefit from the meetings and provides a time and place that allows us to be messages, it is time around the dining table, traveling with one anotheq sight-seeing, or ourselves regardless of how \"out\" we are at home watching a movie that really helps to form bonds or work or church. and friendships. Affirmation is one of the key goals of Kinship It is not uncommon to feel emotional rurmoil and Kampmeeting. Often time in our lives, u,e are when Kampmeeting concludes each year. Leaving simply tolerated. Sometimes we are pitied. an environment where you are welcome, valued, and loved is not easy. But the memories and the Instead of sending the message that gay people are personal growth are yours forever. I hope to see you in Baltimore Suly 18-25) this summer. sick or in some other way defective, Kampmeeting, Jim Chilson is Kinship Kampmeeting Caordinator through its programming and activity nurtures a and is active in Kinship Region 2. Jim has served in various Adventist ministerial capacities. Those with gay life in a spiritual context. Kampmeeting points specific questions about Kampmeeting may wish to to the unique gifts each one of us brings to life and living. Instead of being merely tolerated, contact Jim through the Kinship office or by email at Kampmeeting reminds each one of us that the [email protected] Y world would be such a lesser place without us. Many of Kinship's members have had diffi- culty accepting themselves because they were taught that being gay was an \"abomination\" to God. This has left many with feelings of angst against God or the church. Kampmeeting tries to avoid religiosiry while emphasizing spirituality. There is a difference. The spiritual affirms that each one of us has value and worth. As recipients oflove and grace, we can share kindness and ocoumrspealvsessioannwd iethacohnoethaenro.thTehre-spairnitduanlurrteucroegnizes that God's ideal for us is to reach our fullest potential as human beings related to each other in love, We celebrate the inclusiveness of God that excludes no one.Connection . March/April 1999

Wedding Hastens New thought long and hard about whether or not to come to the wedding. He finallyDay for Gays and Lesbians decided to attend when it was pointed out to him that he did not necessarilyBY PEGGY CAMPOLO feel that he, or for that mattel Scripture approved of every single other weddingID' .ieservdesral of mine got married to I was glad that our church pews months ago. I went were arranged in a circle that night, he had ever attended. because it gave me such pleasure to He admitted that he always hadtheir wedding with a sense of peace look at the faces of those who hadand joy. This union would honor our come to the wedding. I had been told trouble reconciling himself to secondLord because tlese two Christians that a number of gay and lesbian marriages of divorced people on Scrip- people there were not connected to tural grounds, but that in such cases hehad given their lives to God individu- any church. Indeed, many of them had been willing to allow Christian did not believe a \"regular\" church friends to interpret Scripture and followally before pledging themselves ro the Lord's leading in their own way, and existed that would have them. I had not withheld his friendship or hiseach other. prayers and good wishes for their lives watched them survey the wonderfulThe ceremony had been planned mix of single-s and families, homo- together. fu he had gone to those sexual and heterosexual, in the weddings, so he came to this one. Iwith care. The church was filled with church. Their facial expressions plainly said, \"I cant believe this is would that there were more like him infamily and friends. Candles glowed in happening.\"the twilight and the air was sweet with the church. There were older homosexual One close relative of that couplethe scent ofroses. couples at the wedding who me embodied for me much of the conflicting I shared the joy of my two gay afterwards that, mixed with their joy emotion attending that night. She hadfriends, but I also shared their sorrow that this day had come, was a bitter come without her husband, and he was very angrywith her for not joining himSome people who mattered very sadness that there had been no way in staying away. She greeted the newly- for them to make such a public weds with a smile on her lips and tears inmuch to them had refused to come to her eyes. She had been torn apart by commitrnent years ago. \"It isnt too having been asked to make a crueltheir wedding because they did not late,\" was my comment to each of choice.approYe of this commitrnent cer- them. I thanked God that night for our I reflected upon the cruel choicesemony. My friends' knowledge that that homosexual couples face. Do they pastor, a man who loves God, God's remain in the church, the body of Christthey might never again be accepted by that they love, or go to be part ofa people, and the Bible too much to culture which accepts their commitmentsome of the people they had loved all accept a status quo where homosexual to each other, but not their God or atheir lives did not allow their joy to be Christian way of life? Must they live atull. people are condemned to live without lie, never telling their Christian commu- the opportunity to declare publiclyI was sad and angry that, as we sat before God that they value each other nity who they really are o! having enough to make a life-time commit-listening to the organ play, we had to ment. He stated in his homily that, revealed themselves, later lie about their were it not that he felt what he was sexual orientation and say that theyworry that someone might choose to doing was in accord with the teach- \"prayed it away?\" ings ofJesus and Scripture, he wouldcome and disrupt this beautiful time. not be conducting the ceremony. To be celibate because God hasAnd most of us were aware that the At the reception, I had an demanded it is one thing; but to do so interesting conversation with a person because oftradition or fears ofotherpastor marrying my friends was who cares deeply for each of t.lle people is quite another. The church tells young men getting married. Unlike its heterosexual young people not torisking censure and contempt from me, he did not believe that their squander the gift of their sexuality, but to union was allowed by Scripture. He save it for marriage. Should we not offersome in the Christian community, was glad that they had not given up on church, nor the church on them, as much to homosexual young people?perhaps even within his own congre- but he was troubled. This man had I have never read the Bible as muchgation. or studied it so hard as I have since the issue of justice for homosexual people But that evening, the Lord let the has become my ministry. And as I readjoy conquer the fears. There were somany reasons to celebratel It hadlong been my prayer that a way wouldopen for gay and lesbian couples topublicly pledge their lives to eachother in both the church and theworld. Any sorrow I felt because thisceremony was not legally recognizedwas overshadowed by joy because thatevening at our church, God's peoplewere leading the way rather thanfollowing the way of the world. Connection . March/April 1999

about our Lord's life on earth, it is impossible for me to same gender marriaga, and have presented their dialogue, Two Sides of a Christian View of Homosexuality, at denominationalimagine Jesus selecting and using the Scripture passages that gatherings and on college campuses acrws the cluntly. Peggt is aso many use to condemn my lesbian sisters and gay brothers\" scheduled speaker for 1999 Kinship Kampmeeting. Jesus systematically broke the purity code of the Old This article was reprinted with permission of the author andTestament time after time. publisher It was originally published in Dialogue. a publication of The Bible tells us that he touched dead people, that heallowed a menstruating woman to touch him, and that he the Brethren-Mennonite Council for Lxbian and Gay Concernsmade it clear that it is the words that come out of person'smouth that make him or her unclean; no, as the Old Testa- (Box 6300, Minneapolis, MN 55406). Vment purity laws say, what a person eats. \"God, are you real ?\" I would that those Christian leaders who so easily invitetheir listeners to condemn, exclude or otherwise inflict pain The litde child whispered, \"God, speak to me\"upon homosexual people would ponder the 15th chapter of And a meadowlark sang.Matthew And I love Mark 7:1-8, where Jesus condemns But the child did not hear.those who, by honoring tradition, abandon the command- So the child yelled,ment of God to love, which is so clearly set forth in John 1 3 - \"God, speak to me!\"34,35. And the thunder rolled across the sky But the child did not listen. Romans 1 is the passage that most people use to con- The child looked around and said,demn homosexual relationships, but they are taking it out of \"God let me see you\" And a star shone brighdycontext. But the child did not notice. fu *y friend Ralph Blair of Evangelicals Concerned so And the child shouted, \"God show me a miracle!\"clearly states: (Paul is ridiculing pagan religious rebellion, And a life was bornsaylng the pagans knew God but worshiped idols instead of But the child did not know.God. To build his case, he refers to typical practices of thefertility cults involving sex among priestesses and between So the child cried out in despair,men and eunuch prostitutes such as served Aphrodite at \"Touch me God,Corinth, from where he was writing this letter to the Ro- and let me know you are there!\"mans,\" Whereupon God reached down And touched the child. Paul is NOT talking about anlthing remotely resem- But the child brushed the butterflybling the loving union blessed at my friends'wedding. away It is not the Bible, but fear and unbiblical tradition that And walked away unknowingly.stand in the way of Christians loving, accepting and demand-ing justice for our gay brothers and lesbian sisters. The Bible (anonymous) tells us that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Peoplewho fear homosexual people must begin by loving them inthe Lord. Jesus makes it clear in the Mark 7 passage thatloving one another takes precedence over trrdition. Deep in my heart, I believe that the issue of homosexual- ity, Iike the issues of slavery and the liberation of women before it, is one that the church will look back upon with regret and deep sorrow. Part of my ministry is to hasten the day when marriage partners will be judged by the quality of their love, commitment and social responsibility, rather than their gender. Peggr Campolo, a writer and editor is a member of-Evangelicak Concerned a national organization that promotes understanding of homosexuality and the good news of God's grace. An American Baptist, she serves on the national council of Welcom- ing and Affirming Baptists and is committed to working for justice for GLBT people, especially within the church. Pegg is the wife of Dr. Anthony \"Tbny\" Campolo, a well known evangelical speaker (who has led Weeks of Prayers, etc., at many Adventist academies and colleges). Tbny and Pegg personally disagree on the issue ofConnection . March/April 1999

3) Present Vision - Future DreamChairperson: Ben KemenaIssues were discussed appreciating the changing dlmamics within and outside of the SDA church. In addition, dream-sharingfor the future was discusied.Actions:a) Contacting former Kampmeeting speakers to inform them of ongoing Kinship outreachb) Consider joining \"religious roundtable\" of the National Gay and Lesbian Thsk Force O{GLTF) byJdy 1999c) Consider position of general \"outreach coordinator\" to regularly correspond with: i) gay ecumenical organizations ii) gay-SDA outreach groups iii) review this issue with membership at Kampmeeting 1999 iv) facilitate communication with SDA campus Gay-Straight alliancesd) Closer connection between Kinnet and the Kinship websitee) Spreading the world of Kinship beyond traditional borders (particularly other Christian publications)f) Remember the \"international\" in Kinship particularly to include Canada, Germany, and Australia/New Zealandwhen--ever relevant4) College Scholarship ProgramChairperson: MargeDoyleThe scholarship program is moving from dream to reality and should offer monies to students this fall. At the present time, thebudget for this program is $2500/year.Actions:a) Establishment and scope of a scholarship review committee i) establishing a criteria to excuse committee members who might have conflicting interestsb) Applications have already been received and will continue to be receivedc) Expansion plans for the program as money becomes available5) World Wide Web SiteChairperson: John EdwardsIssues were discussed in terms of streamlining the website and making it more user friendly as an information resource andpublic relations tool.Actions:a) New material for consideration to the website coordinated throughJohn Edwards, public relations coordinator who wouldalso notify office manager, HalJobe, and Connection editoq Ben Kemenab) Standardize regional web pagesc) Links to other organizations will be reviewed periodicallyd) Closer coordination between Kinship and Kinnet via the website i) Consider changing Kinnet format from \"list-serve\" to \"bulletin board\" type format to be discussed (note: Floyd Poenitzwas unable to attend board meeting, therefore, many detailed discussions regarding Kinnet will be discussed at a latertime with his input.)e) Shawn at Global Web Strategies (website producer) introduced6) Young Adult OutreachChairperson: Gregg CoxIssues were discussed regarding new forums to reach specific younger age groups. Connection . March/April 1999

Actions:a) Kinship will continue to nurture an outreach to gay young adultsb) Young adult outeach will be co-ed at this time and for ages 18-29c) An electronic forum will continue development with moderators and support from Kinship leaders coordinated throughthe Kinship website.d) Forum style (list-serve versus bulletin board versus ?) or the \"young adult outreash\" -themreufosrteb,emcaonoyrddineatateildedwditishcuthsesionsKinship website and Kinnet (note: Floyd Poenitz was unable to attend board meeting,regarding Kinnet will be discussed at a later time with his input)e) Website advertisements to be placed in periodicals catering to gay audiences7) Kampmeeting 1999Chairperson: Jim ChilsonMA aforyrmlaanldp. reTsheenrteathioanvewbaesemnasdigenrieficgaanrdt inpglanKsammapdmeeefotirng199-9 th. site and speakers -wilflobrle1n9d99spKiarimtupaml eanedtinsgociinal Baltimore, activities. Kampmeeting whicha) Participants will include Adventist guest speakers, Peggy Campolo and Chris Glaser.b) Kampmegting will beheldJuly 18-25,1999 at the Homewood Campus ofJohn Hopkins University in Baltimore.c) Flyers and detailed information will be available no later than May.8) Women's OutreachChairperson: Jacquie SummertonIssues with respect to the involvement of women in Kinship discussed and considered at length.Actions:a) Physical me-eting discussed as a priority....activities to be considered among women by Kampmeeting 1999. i) Ideas include: Palm Springs meeting April 2 000 (Dinah Shore Golf Toirrnament *eekend) and/ir East Coast gathering(Rehoboth, Provincetown).b) Gender sersitive leadership priority. When Kinship leadership visit regions or attend significant meetings, etc., everyattempt should be made to make sure both a male andTemale repiesent Kinship.9) Special ProjectsChairperson: Mike MclaughtinIssues with respect to \"getting the message\" of \"Kinship\" better communicated to more people was discussed at length.Actions:a) Making Kinship membership special for members_ i) special book, text, or resource mailingsb) All board members committed to financially supporting Kinship at a level of $5/month (or more)c) Mailing an \"introduction and contact\" brochure about Kinshiplo SDA educators, pastors, and health care professionals (ithas been several years since a broad mailing has been undertaken)d) Committmeni to making Kinship \"mor? visible\" i) a public relations group presentation ro be considerede) Press announcements of Kinship activities like Kampmeeting 1999 to gay press andmedia coordinated byJohn EdwardsKinship Board Meeting w_as ho_sted by Region 9 -- and many board members were hosted in the homes of Region 9 Kinshipmembers' Furthermore, Jesse Martin and-his partner, James Murphy, hosted a lovely social gathering at theiihome forKinship members to meet Board members. Board Meeting was hbsied at the home of Lee S-tover* aid included finelyappointed meals and a_\"take over\" of every room in his home! On behalf of Kinship, Darin Olson extends his personalappreciation to Jesse, James, Lee* and many other members in Region 9 who made-Board Meeting pleasant anf successful.Finally, Board members are recognized for their commitment to the organization. Nearly all Board members travel at theirown time and expense to attend Board Meeting. On behalf of KinshipfDarin Olson extends his personal appreciation for allBoard members who have been willing to commit this energy and support to Kinship.* pseudonymReport by Ben Kemena, Knship Board member in attendance.Connection . l\,{arch/April 1999