Empathetic Compassion (SelfScape Series 1)

Encounters with Your Sense of Empathetic Compassion Dingzeyu Li on www.unsplash.com A Journey of Reflection and Contemplation 1

Important Note: • Used strictly for educational and contemplative purposes. Meant for students for their self-understanding and self-development. • No direct or indirect commercial use. Not for profit use. • Users are requested not to forward or circulate this document. It is meant for their personal use only. • Photos are sourced from www.unsplash.com Dr M. Nadarajah Chair Professor Xavier Centre for New Humanities and Compassionate Studies Xavier University Bhubaneswar Odisha, India April 2020 Email: [email protected], [email protected] 2

Exploring Self-Scapes Do we understand ourselves? Do we know who we are? Do we critically examine our relationship with others? Do we realise the impact of our decisions and actions, across space and time? This journey, related to work on empathy quotient (please see link below), is used here as a basis for qualitative self-exploration, i.e. taking a closer view at oneself: to understand oneself better, one question or statement at a time. Below is a list of statements. Please read each statement carefully and mindfully and assess how strongly you feel by ticking under the answer you choose. There are no right or wrong answers or trick questions. This is strictly a conversation between you and your Self. Take time to read and tick your responses honestly/sincerely. The exercise will give you are a sense of who you are or whether you are empathically compassionate. When you are done, please do sit back and reflect on the statements. And your answers. Try to recall/remember the situations and decisions related to them and your answers. Examine your Self and your feelings. Explore the rich contours of your Self. Understand your self-scape. Are there areas to let go, change, or strengthen? Just to take note of? Do they make you comfortable or uncomfortable? At ease or stressed out? Become conscious of the layers of yourself? Clarity on who you are? Is it what you think you are? Take note of grey areas? Confusions? Or Contradictions? Have an internal conversation with your heart. – the “I and Me” talk. You can also sit with a dear friend, share and reflect. Or, it can be a group activity. Explore. Keep a diary or a notebook. Alex Povolyashko on www.unsplash.co 3

Statements to Reflect and Respond to Strongly Slightly Slightly Strongly Honesty/Sincerely Agree Agree Disagree Disagree 1. I can easily assess if someone wants to enter into a conversation. 2. I prefer animals to humans. 3. I try to keep up with the current global and local trends. 4. I find it challenging to explain to others things that I understand easily when they don’t understand it the first time. 5. I remember pleasant dreams most mornings. 6. I really enjoy caring for other people. 7. I try to solve my problems rather than discussing them with others. 8. I find it hard to know what to do in a stressful social situation. 9. I am at my best first thing in the morning. 10. People often get upset when I went too far in driving my point home in discussions. 11. It doesn’t bother me too much if I am late meeting a friend. 12. Friendships and relationships are just too difficult, so I tend to avoid or not to bother with them. 13. I would never break the law, no matter how minor. 14. I often find it difficult to judge if someone or something is sarcastic, rude or polite. 15. In a conversation, I tend to focus on 4

my thoughts rather than on what my listener might be thinking or telling me. 16. I prefer jokes that reveal a more profound truth. 17. I live life for today rather than the future. 18. When I was a child, I enjoyed cutting up worms to see what would happen. 19. I can pick up quickly if someone says one thing but really means something else. 20. I tend to have firm opinions about what is right and what is wrong. 21. It is hard for me to see how some things or words upset people so much. 22. I find it hard to put myself in somebody else’s shoes. 23. I think that good manners are the most important thing a parent can teach their child. 24. I like to respond to the needs of others immediately and mindfully. 25. I am good at predicting how someone will feel or act. 26. I am not quick to spot when someone in a group is feeling awkward or comfortable or excluded. 27. If I say something that someone else is offended by, I feel that that’s their problem, not mine. 28. If anyone asked me if I liked their haircut or dress, I would reply truthfully, even if I didn’t like it. 29. I can’t always see why someone should have felt offended by a remark. 30. People often tell me that I am very unpredictable. 5

31. I enjoy being the centre of attention at any social gathering. 32. Seeing people cry doesn’t really upset me. 33. I enjoy having discussions about politics. 34. I am very blunt, which some people take to be rudeness, even though this is unintentional. 35. I don’t find social situations confusing. 36. Other people tell me I am good at understanding how they are thinking. 37. When I talk to people, I tend to talk about their experiences rather than my own. 38. It upsets me to see an animal in pain. 39. I can make decisions without being influenced by people’s feeling. 40. I can’t relax until I have done everything, I had planned to do that day. 41. I can easily tell if someone else is interested or bored with what I am saying. 42. I get upset if I see people suffering on TV programmes in distant places. 43. Friends usually talk to me about their problems as they feel comfortable. 44. I can sense if I am intruding, even if the other person doesn’t tell me. 45. I often start new hobbies, but quickly become bored with them and move on to something else. 46. People sometimes tell me that I have gone too far with teasing. 47. I would be too nervous about going on a big rollercoaster. 6

48. Other people often say that I am insensitive, though I don’t always see why. 49. If I see a stranger in a group, I reach out. 50. I usually stay emotionally detached when watching a film. 51. I like to be very organised in day to day life, and often make a list of the chores I have to do. 52. I can tune into how someone else feels rapidly and intuitively. 53. I take calculated risks. 54. I can quickly figure out what another person might want to talk about. 55. I can tell if someone is masking their genuine emotion. 56. Before making a decision, I always weigh up the pros and cons by myself or the suggestion of friends. 57. I don’t consciously work out the rules of social situations. 58. I am good at predicting what someone will do. 59. I tent to get emotionally involved with friend’s problems. 60. I can usually appreciate the other person’s viewpoint, even if I don’t agree with it. Below is a list of statements. Please read each statement carefully and note how frequently you feel or act in the manner described. 1. When someone else is feeling excited, I feel good. 2. Other people’s misfortunes do not disturb me a great deal. 3. It upsets me to see someone close to me is hurt. 7

4. I remain unaffected when someone close to me is happy. 5. I always enjoy making other people feel better. 6. I have tender, concerned feelings for people less fortunate than me. 7. When a friend starts to talk about his\\her problems, I consciously steer the conversation away to something else. 8. I can tell when others are sad even when they do not say anything. 9. I find that I am “in tune” with other people’s mood. 10.I do not feel sympathy for people who cause their own serious illness but do help them. 11.I reach out to hug when someone cries. 12.I am not really interested in how other people feel. 13.I get a strong urge to help when I see someone who is upset. 14.When I see someone being mistreated, I do not feel or act. 15.I find it silly for people to cry out of happiness. 16.When I see someone being taken advantage of, I speak up for him or her. [Source: Based on https://psychology-tools.com/test/empathy-quotient] Please Note: Used strictly for educational and contemplative purposes. Meant for students for their self- understanding and self-development. No direct or indirect commercial use. Not for profit use. Users are requested not to forward or circulate this document. It is meant for their personal use only. Thank you. 8

56. Before making a decision, I always weigh up the pros and cons by myself or the suggestion of friends. 57. I don’t consciously work on the consequences of social situations. 58. I am good at predicting what someone will do. 59. I tend to get emotionally involved with my friend’s problems. 60. I can usually appreciate the other person’s viewpoint, even if I don’t agree with it. www.vhv.rs/ 9

Below is another list of statements. Please read each statement carefully and note how frequently you feel or act in the manner described: a) When someone else is feeling excited, I feel good. b) Other people’s misfortunes do not disturb me a great deal. c) It upsets me to see someone close to me is hurt. d) I remain unaffected when someone close to me is happy. e) I always enjoy making other people feel better. f) I have tender, concerned feelings for people less fortunate than me. g) When a friend starts to talk about his\\her problems, I consciously steer the conversation away to something else. h) I can tell when others are sad even when they do not say anything. i) I find that I am “in tune” with other people’s mood. j) I do not feel sympathy for people who cause their own serious illness but do help them. k) I reach out to hug when someone cries. l) I am not really interested in how other people feel. m)I get a strong urge to help when I see someone who is upset. n) When I see someone being mistreated, I do not feel or act. o) I find it silly for people to cry out of happiness. p) When I see someone being taken advantage of, I speak up for him or her. [Source: Adapted from: https://psychology-tools.com/test/empathy-quotient] 10

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How Deep Into Your Self Are You Willing To Go? PublicDomainPictures, www.pixabay.com 12