Coaching book

["\u25aa What has the report highlighted for you that you would like to explore further? Reality Check Reality is exactly that, encouraging understanding of the gap, if there is one. Probe deeply, get down to the root cause, blockers, and impact. Peel the onion and look in the ugly mirror if need be. Facilitate the transition from where they are to where they need to be. Challenge Limiting Beliefs. \\\"Face reality as it is, not as it was or as you wish it to be\\\". Jack Welch Now, explore their reality and the gap: \u25aa Where are you now? \u25aa Tell me about the progress you have made so far. \u25aa How do you remain focused when things don't go to plan? \u25aa What do you need to be doing less\/more of? \u25aa What do you notice from the report that is calling for attention? \u25aa What us the questions you want to ask yourself? \u25aa What questions don\u2019t you want me as the coach to ask you? If ready, explore options. Note: it is not the coach\u2019s role to provide options!! \u2013 What could you do? This may come as a surprise to some! Instead, explore, question and develop options together. Look at the pros and the cons of each. The coachee can decide on the best options for them and create decisions around them. Expand their frame of reference. \\\"If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you\\\". Fred Devito 91","Options and alternatives \u25aa What are your options? \u25aa What have you explored previously? \u25aa What is the upside\/downside of each option? \u25aa What have you seen others do successfully that you would like to explore? \u25aa What can you discount? \u25aa What could you possibly try that you dismissed before? Ensure actions and takeaway points are clear and a follow-up is in place to check and test progress. \\\"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen\\\". Nicholas Butler Will\/Way Forwards \u25aa Thinking about what we have discussed, what are the things that you will be doing to ensure achieve your goal? \u25aa What do you need to make happen to reach your goal? \u25aa What is your time frame? \u25aa What is the first thing you\u2019re going to change? \u25aa What is your priority? \u25aa What are you going to do when you \u201ccatch\u201d yourself doing a previous habit you said you would change? The Pomodoro Technique. Improving Commitment and Control The Pomodoro Technique was developed by a university student, Francesco Cirillo, who found, like many, that he struggled to maintain concentration on his studies and complete assignments on time. 92","Eventually, he developed a deceptively simple approach which involved breaking his day into short sessions of time (25 minutes) with a 5-minute break between sessions. Each session would focus on a task or a defined portion of a task. Each session would be monitored using a timer (he used a kitchen timer in the shape of a tomato \u2013 hence \u201cpomodoro\u201d) It relies on being able to maintain a degree of discipline for what are reasonably short periods of time. It works like this. 1. Create a task list and find a timer (most smart phones have one). 2. Set your timer for 25 minutes, allocate a single task for that session and focus on it until the timer rings. 3. At the end of the session, mark off one \u201cpomodoro\u201d and record progress or the task completion on the task list. 4. Take a five-minute break. After four pomodoros, take a longer 15-30 minute break. The 25-minute work sprints are the core of the method. It might be that for some they should start a with a shorter time session (15 minutes) and build up the duration of the \u201cpomodoros\u201d to this apparently optimal 25 minutes. Since it is estimated that the average attention span of an adolescent is estimated at 8 -10 minutes this might be good advice. Good Pomodoro practice often requires: 1. Understanding that complex tasks may need more than four pomodoros. In which case they should be broken down into smaller steps. 93","2. Combining small tasks that can be completed within one pomodoro. 3. Discipline \u2013 keep to the 25-minute timings. If you finish your task before the timer goes off, use the time for improving skills or knowledge. In the event of an unavoidable disruption, take your five- minute break and start again. The Circle of Influence - Improving Control Fig. 13 \u2013 The Circle of Influence as featured in Stephen Covey\u2019s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989) In his bestselling book the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989), Covey looks at proactive people who tend to focus on what they CAN do and can have some influence over, these individuals tend to have a positive mindset and look for alternatives. Reactive people tend to focus their energy and time on things that they perceive are BEYOND their control. Reactive individuals can maintain a victim and blame mindset. 94","The model is represented as 2 circles, the outer being the circle of concern. This could include a wide range of things such as \u2013 global warming, the economy, politics, the organisation you work for, attitudes in society and even natural disasters. The list of course is dependent on everyone\u2019s perception of each situation and circumstance. The more time we spend focusing on what we are concerned about, the more this shrinks our circle of influence. Imagine shrinking the inner circle inwards to almost a dot and the outer circle dominating. As a coach, the important factor here is the coachee has little they can do about these issues as they are outside of their direct influence and control. Spending time and energy on this area can create anxiety and frustration and ultimately lead to demotivation. The inner circle however is the circle of influence. This gives us an opportunity to focus our time and energy on what element we DO have some influence over, even if a small amount initially. This reduces our anxiety and feelings of helplessness and puts us back in control! For example, regarding global warming, you may choose to recycle more, not use single use plastics or even change your car to electric. Whatever it is you do, you are now INFLUENCING the situation. Your circle of influence now starts to increase, and your focus is positive and energising. Let\u2019s bring it back to personal effectiveness. We may see examples such as decision making or choices. They may perceive they have no influence over their career or personal life. This is where we might also notice interplay between other factors such as Risk Orientation and Confidence in Abilities, so it is important to explore other areas. 95","We always have a choice about where we focus our attention. On occasion when we are under pressure or stressed, we can slide very easily into the negative. We can control 3 things Actions, Inner Voice, and Focus \u25aa What are you concerned about right now? \u25aa How much time do you spend worrying about them? \u25aa From the things you are concerned about, score out the ones you CAN NOT influence in any way. \u25aa What other things are there that you can influence in your situation right now? \u25aa What actions are you going to set yourself around the elements you CAN influence? Visualisation \u2013 Improving all 4Cs. Visualisation is a powerful multi-sensory technique we can use with our coachees to create a strong mental image of a future event, or even to decompress and recharge themselves after completing a challenging event. Effective visualisation enables our coachees to practice in advance for an event, so they can prepare thoroughly for it. By aiding our coachees to visualise both the outcome and the steps they are going to take to get there, helps build the self- confidence needed to perform at their best. For example, one of your coachees has been asked to deliver an important presentation in a week\u2019s time. They tell you they are feeling nervous, and that they are worried about giving poor answers to the audience\u2019s questions, speaking awkwardly about the topic and forgetting key points. In this scenario, we can help our coachees to use visualisation to imagine that the presentation goes well, picturing themselves 96","speaking confidently and easily describing in detail their topic. Key Points! \u25aa Help your coachee visualise both the outcome and the process in as much detail and as many of their senses as possible e.g., what they see, feel and hear \u2013 including sensory information enhances the process of visualisation hugely. \u25aa Help your coachee visualise their response to different scenarios e.g., how they might respond confidently to challenging questions or situations \u2013 if presenting virtually, how might they respond to technical issues. \u25aa Encourage your coachee to repeat the process of visualisation often \u2013 repetition builds both experience and confidence. Reflective Practice \u2013 improving Challenge and Confidence Reflective practice is a way of studying our own experiences and turning it into knowledge. Reflection can be described as a form of problem solving or self-supervision. It could take place in the moment where something triggers the thought or after the event in some quiet time you set aside. Kolb\u2019s model of Experiential Learning (1984) is a great tool to help us reflect on our own practice. 97","Fig. 14\u2013 Kolb\u2019s Learning Cycle (1984) The 4-stage model encourages us as a coach to explore and draw conclusions from our own experiences. Experience, a coaching intervention for instance Reflective Observation \u25aa What was I trying to do? \u25aa What did I actually do? \u25aa Why did I do it in that way? Abstract Conceptualisation, explore initial thoughts in greater depth and challenge\/consider any change required. 98","Actively Experiment, putting your plan\/new concept or skill into practice. Then go around again if required. This of course can be used with your coachee too, especially around behaviour. \u25aa What do you know now that you didn't before? \u25aa What are you going to do with that knowledge? \u25aa How will you use it to drive you forwards? \u25aa What new habits do you want to create? \u25aa What do you anticipate this new insight will provoke? \u25aa What was I thinking about at the time? \u25aa What are your thoughts now? \u25aa What part did I play in this? \u25aa What difference will this make to your coaching practice? \u25aa What are you going to do if the same thing arises again? The Drama Triangle - improving Control. First described by Dr Stephen Karpman in the late 1960\u2019s, the Drama Triangle roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer, and their interplay vividly describe the common strategies people use to manage their fear and anxiety. Fig. 15 \u2013 The Drama Triangle and The Empowerment Triangle 99","Let\u2019s look at the mechanics of the drama triangle in a little more detail. \u25aa Victim \u2013 \u201cPoor me.\u201d Can feel trapped, helpless and victimised. \u25aa Rescuer \u2013 \u201cLet me help you.\u201d Good intention to help, creates dependency. \u25aa Persecutor \u2013 \u201cIt\u2019s all your fault.\u201d Critical Parent - Persecutors blame the Victims and criticise the behaviour of Rescuers. Again, as a coach, how do we ensure we do not get \u201cdrawn\u201d into the drama triangle, especially if we have a natural propensity to \u201crescue\u201d? Adult Ego State is important to stay grounded and objective. The challenge we can create as the coach is to develop self- awareness in the coachee and allow them to consider their part they play in situations and circumstances. \u25aa What role do you play in the Drama Triangle? \u25aa How well is this role serving you? \u25aa What can you do to change it? David Emerald\u2019s Empowerment Triangle \u2013 improving Challenge and Confidence David Emerald\u2019s Empowerment Triangle is a positive alternative to the Drama Triangle and an enabler, it taps directly into our passions and motivations and is action orientated. The three roles are described below: \u25aa Creator \u2013 Empowerment and outcome focused. \u25aa Challenger \u2013 Learning and growth, accountability and encouragement. (Alternative to the critical parent or Persecutor) 100","\u25aa Coach \u2013 Ask questions, listens, and supports. \u201cSeek first to understand then be understood\u201d Self-talk - Developing Control, Commitment, Challenge and Confidence You can learn to control thoughts and feelings by using Self Talk \u2013 especially when those thoughts are negative or represent anxiety. The narrative inside your head can influence what you do. When confronted by an event, some will use negative or conditional language. For instance, \u201cI don\u2019t think I can do that\u201d or \u201cI could do it but \u2026.\u201d Or \u201cI would do it if \u2026.\u201d. These indicate that your immediate response may be to think of ways you cannot do what is needed. This might convince you that the task is impossible or too difficult. If so, you may be unlikely to think of how you can do what is needed. Nevertheless, there may be others who, with the same abilities and background, can approach the task positively. With self-talk, you use positive language and proactive language inside your head to talk yourself through the anxiety. Examples include: \u25aa \\\"These feelings will fade away - they won\u2019t last forever.\\\" \u25aa \\\"I know how to control these feelings. I must concentrate on relaxing myself.\\\" \u25aa \\\"I will begin to feel better soon.\\\" \u25aa I will take this one step at a time. \u25aa \u201cNo-one is looking at me. I am not going to make a fool of myself.\\\" 101","\u25aa \\\"This is perfectly normal. I know what is happening to me\u201d? Self-Talk \u2013 Think of three positive statements which would work for you. They must be your statements. 1. 2. 3. Table 5 \u2013 Self-Talk Exercise; Think 3 positives. \u201cMost folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.\u201d - Abraham Lincoln Coaching supervision and understanding my own mental toughness. The practice of coaching supervision is focussed on enabling coaches to reflect on all aspects of their coaching work. This is to help the coaches identify their own mental approach, strengths, blind spots or opportunities for their continued learning and growth. There are three core functions of coaching supervision: \u25aa Developmental: Helps the coach refresh their knowledge, skills and extend your range of tools and techniques. 102","\u25aa Supportive: Helps the coach to reflect upon their own personal resilience, wellbeing and explore strategies that will enable them to deal with the demands of your work. \u25aa Professional Assurance: Helps the coach to explore the boundaries and dilemmas of their coaching work, ensuring ethical values and standards of the profession are upheld. Attending to these three aspects with a qualified and experienced coach supervisor not only helps coaches develop self-awareness and gain new insights and ideas for action, it boosts their confidence which strengthens their ability to work with others. Where can you find a Coach Supervisor? You could start by typing \u2018coach supervisor into your search engine. However, in our experience searching in this way is confusing and tiresome. The most useful way is again to turn to one of the professional coaching bodies e.g., the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC), The Association for Coaching (AC) and the International Coaching Federation (ICF). These organisations exist to professionalise coaching and amongst the many member benefits you will find amongst their web pages will be a list of qualified and accredited coach supervisors who have met their membership criteria. 103","5 WHEN MENTAL TOUGHNESS CAN BE A DISADVANTAGE AND WHEN THE MENTALLY SENSITIVE CAN THRIVE \u201c\u2026being \u201chighly sensitive\u201d is anything but positive to some.\u201d \u2013 Elaine N. Aron Sylwia Rybak Why might the more mentally tough struggle? One of the greatest challenges in using the mental toughness concept is dealing with the preconception that if you are mentally tough you will succeed at most things more than would the mentally sensitive. This arises because so many models in the world of people development produces output that labels or types people. People are far more nuanced than this and coaches are amongst those who understand that more than any other. It is true that a significant level of mental toughness can give us an advantage in many settings that are important in our life and our work. But it's not always the case and it\u2019s not as simple as that. In the first place, there are 8 factors which combine to produce and overall level of mental toughness. It is possible to be mentally tough or mentally sensitive (the opposite of mental toughness) on each factor. In many cases, a person who has a reasonable level of mental toughness might have a degree of mental toughness on, say, five factors and a degree of mental sensitivity on the other three. 104","So, many who are mentally tough will also have significant areas of mental sensitivity, like a fit person having a misfiring heart. Let us explore first why being mentally tough can be a problem. But there are three (perhaps four) reasons why the mentally tough can struggle despite their apparent advantage. We call these the three Is. All three are closely related to the extent the mentally tough (or the mentally sensitive) are self-aware about their profile and its consequences. We can consider: The Icarus Effect \u2013 believing you are good at most; With Control that might be believing you can tackle anything, when you really cannot. With Commitment that might manifest itself as setting too many or too unrealistic goals resulting in burnout. High levels of Challenge can mean taking too many risks, also getting excited by new opportunities and being easily distracted from the task at hand. Over Confidence can mean believing you have abilities which you don\u2019t possess and with interpersonal confidence, you can dominate others preventing them from contributing. Ultimately, they can attempt to succeed in situations where they cannot succeed. Like Icarus, they try to fly too high and get burned. The Intolerance effect \u2013 a failure to recognise that others are not like you and being intolerant of that gap, resulting in showing that intolerance \u2013 even when others bring other useful attributes to the party. This often results in creating issues in relationship with others, especially others on which you may depend for your performance. 105","For example, it\u2019s not uncommon for those with a high level of Control to say, \u201cI can do it, why can\u2019t you?\u201d \u2026. and all the while you could be doing a perfectly good job but it\u2019s not as good as they can do. The highly committed will often look down those with less drive and commitment. Those with a high level of Challenge will similarly dismiss those who don\u2019t want to change or do new things at the same pace as them. It can be very damaging when someone with a high level of confidence in their own abilities dismisses another\u2019s abilities. Those with high levels of Interpersonal Confidence can dismiss others abruptly sometimes to the point of becoming verbal bullies. Ultimately, they can alienate others by treating them indifferently or even badly. A key mistake when we are all dependant on the support and contribution of others. The Icon Effect \u2013 There is no doubt that being mentally tough on some or all the 8 factors can give rise to an advantage in many settings. Your attributes can appear exceptional, even superhuman, to others. They can be respected, even admired. They can also be overawed and become reluctant to engage because they feel inferior. They can be intimidated by the mentally tough without the mentally tough seeking to do that. This is of course a question of emotional intelligence (as might be intolerance of others) None, all, or some of these effects can occur within an individual. The key of course, is to develop self-awareness about you 106","level of mentally toughness and reflect on its implication for what you are doing, what you are seeking to achieve and how you will engage with others to be able to optimise things for everyone. The downsides are summarised in this image. Fig. 16 \u2013 Why can the mentally tough struggle? On reflection, all this might point to a fourth I \u2013 Ignorance. Ignorance about who you are and how you impact society, at your work and at home. We would argue that, if there is a superpower here, it is this self-awareness about your mental approach to events. It matters for both mental toughness and mental sensitivity. Not easy because your mental approach is largely invisible, it\u2019s in your head. You can\u2019t see it and others can\u2019t see it. So, the superpower to enable you to be a great coach is to become self-aware about your mental responses when things happen to you and around you, making \u201cthe invisible, visible\u201d. 107","And, in time to be able to help others, clients, to understand their mental responses so that you can optimise their impact and you can support them to manage the downsides that we all can possess. Ultimately it is useful to remember that coaches can just as easily be working with the mentally tough to help them optimise as they might be with the more mentally sensitive. This can be especially true in areas such as executive coaching where the coachee might well have achieved their role because of their mental toughness. That same mental toughness may now be an explanation for their underperformance. As we have noted elsewhere, this can be a little more complex because most people have aspects of mental toughness and mental sensitivity in their profile. We can look at this more closely identifying what we might explore with each of the factors. The potential downsides for each mental toughness factor. Being mentally tough is seen as something that enables us not only to thrive through difficult circumstances and bounce back if necessary but also as something that gives us strength and willingness to leave our comfort zone, to experience and to explore. This is all true, however the very same strength may sometimes blind us or trigger behaviours that may not necessarily be supportive, both for the mentally tough person and for the people around him or her. How is it possible? To understand this better let\u2019s have a look through certain components of mental toughness. 108","Life Control Mentally tough people demonstrate a high sense of agency and can-do attitude. Those two sources of inner strength may at the very same time blind them or lead them into performing that sooner or later will get them tired and frustrated. Why? Well, mentally tough individual may tend to take on tasks and responsibilities that could be performed by others. This can lead not only to overload such a person, but also teaches helplessness of the people around a mentally tough person. How is it happening? If we do not give a child a chance to learn to solve simple tasks, if we are constantly taking over or even try to prevent possible difficulties, the young person will not learn to deal with the reality of the world or will always expect someone to do or solve things for him. It is similar in a work situation - a mentally tough leader may tend to micromanage and take over when others don\u2019t step up \u2013 because \u201cI will do it better or faster\u201d or \u201cI am the only person who know how to do it\u201d. Again, it will not teach the employees anything but to wait for others to step in, more likely for the leader to take over or at least dictate solutions. And in the end, it is the leader who is exhausted and overwhelmed. It is also possible that mentally tough people might find it difficult at times to realise that others aren\u2019t as \u201ccan do\u201d in their approach as them or who are not as positive in approach as them. This can negatively affect relationships and cooperation. This may even lead to such a person being seen as bully and intimidating. Another thing that a mentally tough individual needs to be 109","aware of is whether he or she can notice his or her own weaknesses. And finally, even strong people need to give their friends a chance to pamper them and let them rest. Points for reflection if you work with a mentally tough individual: \u25aa may micromanage. \u25aa take over even when it\u2019s not necessary. \u25aa block others development \u25aa might find it difficult at times to realise that others aren\u2019t as \u201ccan do\u201d. \u25aa might be seen as intimidating or bullying. \u25aa may present a lack of understanding for those who have otherwise. Emotional Control On one hand, the ability to manage emotions allows a mentally tough person not to show emotions, not to be provoked but on the other hand, this poker face may negatively affect the perception of such an individual. For many people not showing your feelings means you are cold and difficult to \u201cbe read\u201d and therefore inaccessible. For the very same reason mentally tough individuals may appear insensitive or disinterested. That may also cause difficulties in communication, especially with those who are more mentally sensitive and need to express emotions, talk about emotions and communicate via emotions. The world of ambiguous emotion may also be difficult for a 110","mentally tough person. If something is not either good or bad it may appear as incomprehensible. Points for reflection if you work with a mentally tough individual: \u25aa difficult to be read and understood. \u25aa appear insensitive \u2013 may show no emotion at all. \u25aa stress others with whom they work \u2013 can appear impassive or unenthusiastic. \u25aa nothing seems to affect them \u2013 can appear disinterested. \u25aa may have difficulty in communications. \u25aa may face difficulties in facing ambiguous emotions. Achievement Orientation Everybody wants to be seen as consistent and trustworthy and that is how a mentally tough person would usually perform and behave. However, a mentally tough individual, when trusted with key or demanding tasks, can deliver results whilst simultaneously brushing off obstacles. In doing so, they may \u201cbruise\u201d others on the way to success. Since achievement is the priority, it may become a blindfold for other people\u2019s feelings and needs, making them less cooperative or willing to work with the mentally tough person next time. This could eventually diminish their effectiveness. Sometimes when a person is so focused on achieving one may miss something that may be far more important \u2013 people around, relations, one\u2019s health condition, etc. - or will not notice that the task has long been obsolete or does not make sense anymore. There is also a risk that mentally tough person will not notice that the costs associated with completing the task are too high 111","and that continuing will do more harm than good, and the only solution is to\u2026 stop. Withdrawing and letting go can be extremely difficult for mentally tough people. Points for reflection if you work with mentally tough individual: \u25aa may miss doing things which are more important if too focused on task. \u25aa can be intolerant of those less committed. \u25aa can overwork. \u25aa may be taken for granted \u2013 the \u201cwilling horse\u201d. \u25aa can be anxious until delivery is achieved. \u25aa frustrated if effort is not recognised. \u25aa may overachieve in one task at the expense of another. \u25aa may bruise others while achieving. Goal Orientation \u201cI know what I want\u201d and \u201cI know what to do first\u201d is a feeling that sometimes keeps us going but on the other hand that is also something that may deprive a mentally tough individual of a broader perspective and looking beyond what is planned and strictly defined. It leaves no room for spontaneity and introduces a feeling of unease or even anxiety if something goes out of plan. Being so goal oriented may also mean the risk of taking on too many goals without checking if they are all achievable. This can be an issue when accepting goals on behalf of others who may not be as goal driven as the mentally tough individual. It may also mean taking on work too hard and overriding signs 112","of fatigue. Mentally tough individuals may also be prone to intolerance towards those who are not as committed as he or she is. Points for reflection if you work with a mentally tough individual: \u25aa may overcommit! Especially when making a commitment for others \u25aa can fail to see that others aren't motivated in the same way. \u25aa may \u201cmanage by numbers\u201d \u2013 focusing on \u201cwhat\u201d and missing \u201chow\u201d. \u25aa may struggle to prioritise goals. \u25aa one reason why poorly planned performance often fails - many dislike goals. Risk Orientation \u201cLeave your comfort zone\u201d, \u201cExperience\u201d, \u201cDevelop\u201d, \u201cTake your chances\u201d,\u201d Be ready for a change\u201d. Those may sound like advertising slogans, but these are often thoughts that accompany a mentally tough person in risk orientation. So, on the one hand the mentally tough individual\u2019s preferences for change and variety may mean that he or she would bring lots of new ideas and initiatives. On the other hand, others with whom the person needs to work and who prefer a more stable and less changeable life may find this stressful and respond poorly to the enthusiasm for change and challenge presented by a mentally tough person. That may also mean that a mentally tough individual may not create a stable environment aa well as a sense of security for those who need it due to their mental sensitivity. 113","A mentally tough person could become bored with prolonged spells of routine activity \u2013 even where these are important. Similarly, he or she might be easily distracted by new and interesting opportunities and can fail to complete existing tasks. On occasion this positive outlook can lead to too much risk and too much challenge and not necessarily end well. Points for reflection if you work with a mentally tough individual: \u25aa can take on too much! \u25aa will take on too much risk \u2013 can sometimes fail. \u25aa can be tempted by every new opportunity \u2013 not finishing the last one. \u25aa may not assess risk and opportunity well enough. \u25aa easily bored with routine \u2013 will often create too much change. \u25aa may provide unsafe and too fickle environment for people around. Learning Orientation What behaviours can be unfavourable in terms of learning? First, learning requires purpose and mentally tough individuals may sometimes go into a kind of a frenzy of learning with no real purpose. The individual may learn and try to develop a new solution just for the purpose of doing it without even noticing that the solution or the project is complete. It may become an obsession at some point. Never finishing, always improving. That may also mean being less tolerant of those who are less willing or less open to learn. If you do not have a certain goal for your learning frenzy that may also lead to drawing the wrong 114","conclusions. Points for reflection if you work with a mentally tough individual: \u25aa may be obsessed with learning for learning\u2019s sake. \u25aa may be intolerant of those who are less open to learning. \u25aa may be frustrated by those who do not \u201csee\u201d what they see \u2013 sometimes because they don\u2019t keep up. \u25aa may draw the wrong conclusions from events. Confidence in Abilities The inner power that comes from within, from knowing self- worth is priceless. But as a mentally tough person may be proud of himself and convinced about his values it may not necessarily mean it will prevent him from stumbling. The very first thing is the lack of awareness of the impact on most others who may have a lower sense of self-belief than the mentally tough individual. It may lead not only to awkward situations but also to a lack of understanding or perception of the mentally tough person as arrogant with a high sense of superiority. Self-confidence is one thing, but a feeling of superiority is another thing entirely. Such an attitude may be overwhelming or intimidating, especially for those who are mentally sensitive in this area. Points for reflection if you work with a mentally tough individual: \u25aa can take on too much. 115","\u25aa can be intolerant of those who aren't as able. \u25aa can be seen as arrogant. \u25aa can be perceived as bullies. \u25aa can fail to see own weaknesses. \u25aa can believe they are right even when they are wrong. Interpersonal Confidence The ability to find oneself in a group, build relationships, and set boundaries are extremely important in everyday life. However, sometimes what we would like to call assertiveness, coping in a group may be perceived as aggressiveness, or it may prevent less confident people from speaking out. It happens because people with a high level of interpersonal confidence may dominate discussions \u2013 possibly intimidating others. And since talking and shining might become a priority for mentally tough individuals, listening and focusing on others might be difficult. Mentally tough people may also tend to interrupt or seem uninterested. Points for reflection if you work with a mentally tough individual: \u25aa will get one\u2019s own way \u2013 even when others are right. \u25aa can be seen as \u201caggressive\u201d and as \u201cverbal bullies\u201d. \u25aa will orally dominate others. \u25aa can rely on the \u201cgift of the gab\u201d. \u25aa will interrupt a great deal. \u25aa can be poor at listening. All the situations described are threats that may or may not occur. The human being is more complicated and depending on what other characteristics, experiences, or habits the person has, certain behaviours may arise. 116","The key issue here will be building awareness around how it functions in the environment, what influence do I have, what it does to me and how I can act in order not only to bring the greatest benefit to myself but also for those who are close to me. Where the mentally sensitive may have some advantage. No doubt being mental sensitivity is more of an exciting roller coaster ride than being mentally tough. It brings resource costs \u2013 it is hard work to be sensitive \u2013 but also it brings clear and present gifts. The sensitive individual has a different window through which to gaze on the world. It is neither better or worse \u2013 but it is distinct, and it is different. Looking at the 8 factors, individuals can have a varied profile of sensitivity and toughness and these unique profiles provide the colour and texture of a human being. However, it is possible to make some generic points about the mentally sensitive approach to the world and these are briefly discussed below. They can usefully be added to a coaching conversation and explored as points of advantage. The more mentally sensitive can be more aware of the difficulties they face in making their way through life. Fluency in reading emotions Depending on their profiles, many sensitive individuals inhabit an emotional landscape. They arguably have access to a broader spectrum of emotions and feelings and are more likely to perceive nuances in the emotional domain. This ability might be somewhat masked as they may be slightly overwhelmed by their own inner life and therefore may, 117","at times, not be able to fully utilise their emotional spotlight. Their emotional literacy may be similar to those who are mentally tough, however, how they manage their own emotions may affect their ability to act in a way that is helpful to them or others. Caring and relations With an ability to notice those nuances, building relations is at the core for many sensitive individuals. Another individual is of great interest to them, and they are likely to understand their mental state. Empathy comes naturally to them. They will often be more understanding of the complexity of themselves and others. They act more spontaneously than their mentally tough friends, driven by an experiential and subjective core. Creativity Mentally tough and mentally sensitive individuals can both be creative and artistic \u2013 but perhaps in different ways. The more mentally sensitive simply see the world from a different perspective than would the more mentally tough. Typically, they are more intuitive rather than logical and structured with their creativity and curiosity. They can, however, be both. Given that organisations in the 21st century now place a premium on creativity as a means of dealing with change and the pace of change, the more mentally sensitive can have something valuable and important to contribute here. 118","They can bring insights and see potential for opportunities, which they might themselves not always recognise as such, that the more mentally tough might not spot. A coach might usefully explore how the more mentally sensitive can make that known and make it available. If there are relatively low levels of interpersonal confidence or life control (self-worth) this advantage may never appear. Similarly, in coaching the more mentally tough, the question might be \u201chow, if at all, do you recognise what some of your \u201cquieter\u201d colleagues can bring to you and your challenges?\u201d The emotional maelstrom that can occur in the sensitive means that they may experience and perform art, and the arts, from a more subjective and less traditionally analytic perspective. It is, among other things, thanks to the access to deep emotions as well as experiencing emotions that many of the most beautiful works of art of some of the greatest artists were created. 119","6 COACHING THE OUTLIERS \u2013 HOW TO APPROACH UNUSUAL CASES WHEN WORKING WITH THE MTQ? \u201cOutlier are those who have been given opportunities-- -and who have had the strength and presence of mind to seize them.\u201d - Malcolm Gladwell Zolt\u00e1n Csig\u00e1s Overall approach Let\u2019s start this chapter with a quick reflection on the definition of outliers, and how this definition should shape our approach of working with people who fall into these categories. Statistically speaking an outlier would be a factor whose score lies at the extremes of the scale for that factor. In terms of a normally distributed 1- 10 Sten scale, a score of 1 - 3 will indicate a mentally sensitive outlier. A score of 8 \u2013 10 will represent a mentally tough outlier. Showing one of the extreme values \u2013 a score of 1- 3 or 8 -10 will appear in 16% of the population. This is the statistical probability for each. The significance for each is that the characteristics associated with each extreme as likely to be very clearly demonstrated by those who have an outlier on that factor. It is probable that factor will have a significant effect on the mindset, behaviour and wellbeing of the coachee. Many coachees will have one outlier. Many will have two or more. When we talk about outliers, we can immediately bestow another label: \u201cthe average\u201d on everyone else. Sometimes we do 120","it consciously and explicitly, sometimes we do it unconsciously in an implicit manner. It\u2019s a language with which we need to be careful. Being labelled \u201caverage\u201d may invite other associations \u2013 boring, usual, predictable. This is not what this means. In fact, a better term would be \u201cnormal\u201d. 68% of the population scores in the middle range (Stens 4 -7). They are normal in the sense that they are like most people, they have a reasonable level of the factor which enables them to respond mentally somewhere between the extremes. They are also normal in the sense that these scores fall within a close proximity to the norm. The score achieved by the average person on the planet. We might use \u201ctypical\u201d or \u201ccommon\u201d or \u201carchetypal\u201d to describe this range. All have their limitations which can create issues for a coach. As coaches, we can pause here for a moment of self- reflection. How do we perceive those clients who show average scores? Do we consider them boring? Or safe to work with? How could this perception relate to our own mental toughness profile? (You may reflect on your Risk Orientation and Confidence in Abilities scores!) It may be worth spending some time on those questions, so we can approach our clients in a positive manner. The first challenge of a coach working with a profile \u2013 whether it is an MTQPlus profile or any other personality profile \u2013 is to keep the person in focus and don\u2019t lose their individuality when interpreting the profile. It important not to label someone whose scores\/profile runs straight down the centre of a Sten graph as an average, boring 121","Joe. The temptation is to think that because it is often more interesting dealing with those who have outlier scores. Every single score, and every combination has a unique story behind it and an individual meaning in the life of our clients. It may be more challenging and more time-consuming to find leverage points, or \u201caha! moments\u201d when working with average scores but facilitating the understanding of the scores and personal growth based on them is our job to do, whatever the scores are! So, learning point one: outliers may be interesting, or may be easier to work with but they should offer no more information regarding a client than a non-outlier value. All scores are beautiful! Learning point two: forget interpreting single scores. Although in this book \u2013 and even in this chapter \u2013 we are examining the meaning and implications of the scores of separate dimensions, we should never forget that the individual\u2019s mental toughness is described by the constellation of their scores. So especially in the case of working with extreme scores, we need to adopt a systemic approach! Be curious about how the \u201caverage\u201d scores may be interacting with the more extreme outliers, or how different outliers play together to create the unique thought patterns of your clients. A remark on boundaries: keep them tight and safe. What do we mean here? Boundaries of ethics and competencies. In the case of profiles where there are several outliers based on low scores, scores that indicate the state(s) of mental sensitivity may \u2013 and the conditional is important here \u2013 be signals of mental health challenges. These may arise from a 122","range of other factors, i.e., neurological, biochemical, etc., which don\u2019t come from a nurtured mental response. This is the province of the clinical psychologist, and the coach should be alert to the possibility that the client needs additional or alternative types of support. The MTQPlus is not designed as a mental health assessment tool. However extreme scores should raise your openness to the potential presence of issues in the life of the client. In these cases, if you spot any signals you may need to ask yourself two questions: \u25aa Am I competent enough to handle this situation in a way that benefits my client? \u25aa Is my process in line with the ethical guidelines of my profession? (Or the current contract under which I am operating with my client?) Ensuring the safety of your clients and you is a priority when working with outliers. So, learning point three: safety first. Adding to the note on psychological and process safety, my final suggestion is about ensuring the continuity of this approach. Consider discussing this process in supervision and be open to ask for expert advice on designing ethical interventions. Last but not the least: monitor the process with the client and refer the client to another expert (e.g., a therapist) if the boundaries of your competency or profession are to be breached. Coaching the outliers: is this about process or content or both? One thing to consider is whether the outlier score is the focus for the coaching activity or is it simply part of the overall picture, 123","influencing the process as we are likely to have a wider or different focus. As an example: If we are working with someone who has a low score on life control, are we working on specifically building a better sense of control for the client, or are we working on a broader brief e.g., career coaching with a client who has a distinctly mentally sensitive sense of life control? Whichever it is useful to remember that the factors do interplay with each other. It will nearly always be important to consider a particular outlier and its relation to other factors. Coaching the outliers: process This chapter will focus on the process of coaching. How could different outliers impact the different stages of the coaching relationship, and how does a coach address any issues which may arise? There are many stage-models of coaching (not to mention the debates around the necessity of such models) We will adopt a very simple stage model, the \u201cBME\u201d model. In this: \u25aa \u201cB\u201d stands for the Beginning, where we usually have the initial contact, relationship building and contracting for the process or for the session. \u25aa \u201cM\u201d stands for Middle, where the topic is explored, insights are born, and steps are formulated for continuing changes outside of the coaching relationship. \u25aa \u201cE\u201d stands for End, where the commitments are made and the session \u2013 or the process \u2013 is closed. The BME is simple enough to draw parallels with any other 124","coaching model, or even with non-staged approaches to coaching. There is one core approach that is effective with all outliers. Raise awareness of what the outlier indicates about their mental approach to what happens to them. That is, how do they think, in terms of that outlier, when an event occurs. Then to explore and identify possible behavioural implications for that outlier, ideally recognising any that are commonly demonstrated. Creating this awareness in the client is the basis through which they can consider their options, to re-evaluate choices and identify desirable differences in the future. Although mental toughness is a metacognitive personality trait, it manifests itself through behaviours and emotional responses. Using a process of cognitive behavioural modification, it is possible to impact on and change aspects of mental toughness. It is generally achieved gradually and steadily \u2013 one step at a time. Supported with careful reflection to develop learning, with purposeful practice both the outlier and overall mental toughness of the client may change too. There is a wealth of literature out there on providing feedback and how to confront the client. As with exploring any of the 8 factors, it is important to use observations for evidence. Don\u2019t just point at an MTQPlus report and suggest, from that, to the client what their challenges might. Use the report as a reliable starting point for a discussion about something that is otherwise difficult to see and understand. From these we can look at past situations to reflect on the 125","behavioural or emotional response. We can draw hypotheses and seek to conclude about them. If there is consensus this provides a basis for your intervention. Control In the beginning phase of coaching all the mental toughness dimensions are important. This is the stage when the coach and coachee set the boundaries of the relationship, and when they learn how to work together. To ensure the formation of an effective coaching relationship proper contracting is needed. And contracting is about control. Who can do what and how in the relationship and how we might be expected to behave when it is appropriate to challenge? A coachee with a high level of Life Control may try to exercise control through introducing exceptional safeguards (e.g., asking for their money back in case of non-achieving goals, being rigid in planning or availability, requiring excessive information about credentials and references etc.). This can give them a sense of power over the coach. Similarly, with a high level of Emotional Control, they may choose to reveal only what they wish to reveal in terms of their emotions or even true challenges and intentions. Sometimes, even testing the professional to see if they are \u201cgood enough to find the true person\u201d. On the other end, a client with low scores on the Control construct may turn up as a \u201cvictim\u201d, being reluctantly sent to coaching against her will, not taking initiative or responsibility in setting up the process and leaving everything to the coach. 126","The key to working with outliers of the Control dimension in the beginning is clear contracting. Let them feel that they are in charge \u2013 be agreeable \u2013 but stand up for your own needs without negotiating e.g., fees, business hours, ethics etc. Show strength (and courage) when dealing with clients with spikey profiles (i.e., with outliers in the profile). The client needs to understand that they are in control of what they bring, and the coach owns the process and how that is applied. When working with clients with low score outliers, be prepared to offer choices and be patient in waiting for their decisions. Let them make choices, even small ones e.g., offer them the choice of seating, setting dates, them taking notes etc. They need to experience that they have leverage in the relationship, and that their initiatives make a difference. Let them begin to sense their capability to control. In the middle and end stages, the outliers of the control dimension continue to bring these dynamics to the process. The coach can capitalise on the strong control beliefs as resources. Those with high score outliers will generally find ways to manage their environment, and this should be acknowledged. The challenge of high levels of Control are often down to the blindness of situations where there is no opportunity for real control. Clients may overestimate their influence or the number of options they have. The role of the coach in this case is to raise risk awareness. In the case of Emotional Control, however, the coaching process may face a major blockage: Clients who have high levels of emotional control are likely to mask their emotions, maintain 127","a high degree of poise and appear impassive or disinterested. Praising this approach can reinforce it. It can then be useful to explore the idea of vulnerability, exploring how the expression of authentic feelings can benefit the client. It might mean that the coach leads the building of a trusting relationship by opening themselves up to the client and showing how they can be comfortable with this. For clients with low scores, it is beneficial to raise their awareness about their options throughout the process. Show them that they do have control over more aspects of the situation than they had realised. Solution focused approaches, exploring past successes, exploring \u201cwhat did I do that worked?\u201d scenarios, \u201cwhat did your peers \/ similar people do?\u201d questions could also work well. With low levels of Emotional Control: providing emotional safety throughout the process is essential. Being non- judgemental and accepting, providing a safe place to express their emotions are important. Exploring typical emotional patterns and frequent reactions to others can be a part of the coach\u2019s approach. Experiment with creating \u2013 or even teaching \u2013 emotional control e.g., mindfulness exercises, identifying and naming emotions or exploring controllable links between thoughts, behaviours and emotions could also be helpful. (Remember the ethical boundaries!) In the case of the Control dimension, your professional alarm should switch on if you experience the following: 128","\u25aa Clients talking about extreme control needs \u2013 which may be a compensation for the lack of control in other areas of life. Symptoms of compulsion(s), repeated behaviour, maximalism that endangers normal functioning. \u25aa Clients not managing their emotions properly: not in touch with emotions at all (e.g., not showing emotions when their presence would be expected and not reflecting on them even if they are directly questioned). Or if the client is under the influence of radical emotions e.g., bursting into tears without any proper antecedents, triggers etc. \u25aa Clients not recognising their emotions and labelling them differently \u2013 \u201cI am not emotional. I am passionate. It\u2019s my passion that you see\u201d. \u25aa Clients experiencing a swing of strong emotions from positive to negative and so on. Consider bringing the case to supervision or referring the client to an alternative source of professional support e.g., therapist). Commitment An outlier value on the Commitment can either be a blessing or a challenge at the beginning of a coaching process. Clients with high scores on both factors can be committed to working in the coaching process, and will often bring goals, visions and energy to the process. If they have a high Goal Orientation and Achievement Orientation at the same time, then you are lucky as a coach! Your client will drive the process. This stands true for all other steps of the coaching engagement. You may look out for signs of over-commitment. Be aware that clients with high scores on both factors may put a lot on 129","their plate and could end up struggling with priorities, despite their high level of energy! In these cases, you can help them by highlighting this pattern and supporting them in selecting the priorities that serve them the most within the agreed time- horizon of the agreed coaching programme. If the client has a strong outlier score in Goal Orientation and a lower score in Achievement Orientation, then the over- commitment risk is high at the beginning of the process. You should not be surprised to see them giving up some of those goals later and fail to try or persist with interventions the coach may have introduced. To prevent this, you may probe their achievement orientation directly with questions (e.g., \u201cwill you have energy to tackle all those goals?\u201d) or may invite them to self-reflect on similar previous cases (\u201cHas it happened to you before, that you set too many, or too ambitious goals and had challenges in achieving them?\u201d \u201cHave you ever had an experience when you could not deliver everything you have promised? (For you or others)?\u201d) At later stages of the coaching process, this over-commitment may bring in similar dynamics: big goals, great ideas and challenges in working out the details. To handle this, you may bring up the concept of \u201cbeing good enough\u201d, and explore what would be a good, but still feasible step (plan, action etc\u2026) to achieve at a given point in the coaching? If the client has a high outlier score in Achievement Orientation but a lower score on Goal Orientation, then you may find that they like being very busy. Doing things, but not always prioritising, or not always aligned to a goal that could matter to them. From the perspective of the coaching process a strong outlier score of Achievement Orientation is more of a positive than a 130","challenge. You may experiment with challenging your clients to more ambitious goals, into which they could pour their energies. They are more likely to enthusiastically give them a go. Overall, extremely high scores on the Commitment scales can be seen as a resource in a coaching process. As a coach your responsibility is to make sure that these resources are used properly. If the outlier scores are on the other end of the scale, then we need to proceed with caution. In the case of Goal Orientation, a minimum score could surface as a \u201cI have no goals \u2013 just drifting\u201d behaviour or mindset. The client may be sent to coaching or may have the insight on their own behaviour. They may need support in finding directions and priorities for their current situation or life altogether. Whatever the content of the coaching process, the coach may need to support them in finding feasible visions, and goals for them, regardless of the stage of the coaching. That is, helping them to identify their sense of purpose. What should they be doing and why should they be doing it. You may experiment with a stronger outcome focus for them: explore the expected outcomes of situations, planned actions etc. Help them to identify factual, emotional, relational results of the scenarios being discussed. While talking about these, search for \u201chooks\u201d: results that they like that they can attach themselves to. Support them in forming goals from these outcomes. Look to the future with them! If the low score is on Achievement Orientation, then we may expect to see a client with low levels of energy or just plain 131","disinterest. It may manifest itself as quickly fading enthusiasm. As there is no prospect of change without invested energy your focus as a coach could be on creating an \u201cenergy basis\u201d for the client. Exploring how they take care of their own needs. Starting even from basic needs like diet or sleeping, then on adopting energising habits. Exploring how do they complement themselves? How do they handle compliments from others? How do they celebrate their successes \u2013 regardless of the magnitude of the achievement? Raise their awareness regarding these positive routines and habits and reinforce their regular application. In some cases, you\u2019ll find that a low achievement orientation is more about fear of success or self-sabotage than an overall lack of energy. In this case the relationship to success, or success in a specific field of life needs to be examined. Could this be a result of a personally significant failure from the past? A negative self- belief that the client is not allowed to be successful. When raising these topics proceed with care and attention. Not just with the client and the relationship, but in relation to the boundaries of the coaching relationship. We are not there to practice therapy, but we may stumble upon topics and dynamics that may require a therapeutic approach, rather than a coaching one. In the case of the Commitment dimension, your professional alarm should switch on if you experience the following: \u25aa Client giving an account of very low levels of energy e.g., it is challenging for her to get out of bed and do standard daily activities. 132","\u25aa Low levels of energy associated with strong negative emotions of emptiness, sadness etc. \u25aa Clients talking about having no goals, or no directions in their life in general, again with negative acceptance, resignation. Consider bringing the case to supervision or referring the client to a different helping professional e.g., therapist. Challenge In general, high levels of the Challenge construct can again be welcomed by the coach. It indicates openness to experiences, curiosity, courage and willingness to experiment with changes \u2013 all important vehicles of a self-development journey. Let\u2019s look at the factors. We start with Risk Orientation. Describes the extent to which the individual will stretch themselves, enjoy new experiences, opportunities, settings, and will explore outside their comfort zone. They will readily see events as positive, carrying opportunity, which others with similar abilities and backgrounds might find threatening. Clients with high levels of this factor may be prone to take too much and too many types of risks even at the same time. This can easily result in failing to deliver whatever the goals are. Preoccupation with the new or the unknown, can become a self-sabotaging mechanism. The thrilling experience (sometimes of failure) can take away the joy of \u201cboring success\u201d. If discovering things about themselves, they can be easily distracted by the next discovery and fail to address properly what has already been uncovered. The excitement of spotting opportunity can also mean that they will see a lot of opportunity 133","for themselves which is difficult to prioritise as most will be appealing. When supporting these clients, the coach could bring ideas of safety, reality and feasibility into the conversation. The coach can play the devil's advocate for safety, helping the client to recognise where risk exists and what can be its consequences. This embraces bringing up the topic of self-care as well. Exploring the psychological needs behind the \u201cthrill of the new\u201d and supporting the client in finding safe avenues to fulfil those needs are usually helpful. Similarly supporting the client to prioritise their discoveries and to make plans that address each in turn can be a core element of a coach\u2019s role here. Helping them to focus on a plan before they move to another carries the prospect of making progress. There is the potential here for exploring the interplay between this factor and the Commitment construct. At the other end of the Risk Orientation scale, we may find clients who take avoid risk, are uncomfortable with change, find dealing with new ideas, new people (including the coach) and new settings to be uncomfortable. They prefer things to remains the way they are, the unknown seems threatening to them and can be stuck in their comfort zone unwilling to experiment or to change. In the beginning the coach may need to push the limits in contracting: challenging for bolder outcomes, out of the box solutions etc. Especially where the client seeks to do the opposite. During the later phases of the process, we may see clients \u201cjust talking\u201d about scenarios or potential solutions, but not 134","committing to actions and experiments to translate their insights into real life changes. In these cases, the coach may need to explore how the client can be persuaded to make changes. For example, to agree on \u201chome assignments\u201d \u2013 actions that the client can do between coaching sessions. To make this work however, there are two cornerstones to be requirements: safety and consequences. The client should leave their comfort zone gradually, maintaining a sense of safety and security to prevent them from doing something that could discourage them even more. Explore what would make the situation safe or perhaps acceptable to the client. Explore whether there are others who can become potential supporters etc. When we talk about consequences, we mean being open about \u201cwhat happens if you don\u2019t make it, or it doesn\u2019t work?\u201d. To facilitate risk taking the coach may call the attention of the coachee to the fact that in not taking agreed action, the client actively contributes to the maintenance of their current issue. The other factor is Learning Orientation. This describes the extent to which the individual reflects on and learns from all experiences and outcomes \u2013 good and bad. Give that reflection and learning from that reflection is the core of coaching. This is a key factor. Clients with high levels of Learning Orientation will enjoy self-reflection and learning. But they may do so to the extent that this is what they enjoy but don\u2019t always get around to applying what they learn. 135","This is again a resource which can help the coaching process. There are however some potential challenges that need to be managed during that process. During the beginning of the coaching process a possible challenge is to avoid a \u201cjust learning\/just understanding\u201d contract. In such an agreement the coachee only wants to learn something about themselves but may not set out the application of this learning, or the way how they intend to apply this learning change behaviour, or some other desired outcome. If this is the case, then intervention should focus on exploring and inviting tangible results for the coaching process. Questions like \u201chow would you use that knowledge?\u201d; \u201chow would that make a difference?\u201d, \u201cwhat options would this learning open to you?\u201d could stem the coachee to a practical outcome. In the later phases of the coaching, we may experience overthinking leads to wrong or inappropriate conclusions being drawn from reflection. Overcomplicating things might be one outcome which makes development of a plan very difficult. Another potential challenge is balancing the learning about themselves and others. As clients with a high score in this dimension are eager to learn about themselves, they may end up attributing external outcomes to their own influence \u2013 taking responsibility for events and situations in which they have little involvement. A general issue is to find the balance in what needs to be learned from the current events of the client through self- reflection. Sometimes it is more productive to let go of certain things. 136","Where there is a low level of Learning Orientation score, then coaches may be facing a different and very significant real challenge: a client who may be reluctant to reflect or learn new things about themselves. Especially where the learning comes from examination of a setback or failure \u2013 often the richest source of learning. If this is the case, and it cannot be changed then the whole coaching methodology may not work for given client. If the clients\u2019 openness to learn about themselves is low, then we need to reinforce this capability first. This might be achieved through other factors if these are of a sufficient level \u2013 Confidence in Abilities, the Commitment factors and the Control factors. Exploring issues of responsibility and accountability, seeing the world in all its complexity, and discussing change in general could be good starting points for a conversation. Note: I am consciously using the term conversation here, as these interventions \u2013 if our contract with the client enables them \u2013 may be closer to teaching or counselling than to coaching. (NOTE: of course, this depends on our choice of definition for coaching). Simply put, our best shot as a coach in such a case is to raise awareness regarding the importance of learning, and to show the client that learning through self-reflection gives them more possibilities in their life choices. To do so you may need work in the here-and-now with the client, exploring how the coaching relationship is affecting them, what can they learn from this and how this may be transferred to actions to enhance this relationship \u2026. to produce results that are more quickly recognised than most. 137","In the case of the Challenge dimension, your professional alarm should switch on if you experience the following: \u25aa Client giving accounts of excessive risk-taking, behaviours that would damage the client or others around the client. (A special case of such behaviour would be substance abuse.) \u25aa Client giving accounts of extreme risk-avoidance. Avoiding risks that one would consider \u201cnormal\u201d e.g., going on a hike, crossing a crowded square etc. \u25aa Clients not being open to learning about themselves at all: not taking responsibility for their own actions \u2013 or not accepting the fact that certain events may have resulted from their actions. Consider bringing the case to supervision or referring the client to a different helping professional e.g., therapist, counsellor. Confidence The last domain of mental toughness is Confidence, which has two factors: Confidence in Abilities and Interpersonal Confidence. Confidence in Abilities describes the extent to which the individual has self-belief in their abilities \u2013 particularly their knowledge and their skills. Without this, individuals may well possess these abilities but not have the confidence to use them or, incorrectly, think their abilities are inferior in some way. A mentally strong outlier in this dimension is someone who has an extreme level of confidence in their ability to achieve their goals and deal with whatever is thrown at them. With such an approach we as coaches may rarely meet them 138","as clients. (Remember: interpret the full profile of an individual, not just a single dimension!). Besides being an advantage on which the coach can build, such a score has a downside as well: an inability to see their own weakness. Clients with such high scores may come across as arrogant, \u201cknows all\u201d, blaming people. Coaches must avoid judging them. The coach might need to gently remind them of their own humanity: that they have weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and to help them accept that addressing these can be beneficial to them in the long term. How can we develop if there is nothing to change for good? The low level for Confidence in Abilities means exactly the opposite: a belief about low self-efficacy and lack of skills. Regardless of the topic, in these cases the coach could take extra steps to positively change these beliefs. Without this, the client will hardly spring into action. How can this be done? Detailed exploration of past successes and personal contributions to group achievements could be a good starting point for a discussion. Those with low levels of Confidence in Abilities can downplay their achievements and dismiss them as flukes or \u201cnot really significant\u201d. Similarly (role-playing) exercises within the session, in which the client can safely experiment and receive positive feedback from the coach are recommended as well. As home assignments the client may be asked to collect positive feedback and compliments from peers and stakeholders. A good exercise is to get the coachee to ask people who know them well to write three positives about their abilities and provide an example of when that was evident, putting this into a sealed envelope. This can be opened in a coaching session and discussed. A detailed reflection on the successes and positives 139","can trigger the process of change. In some cases, an extreme negative belief regarding self could be rooted in single traumatic events. If this is the case, then acknowledging their influence, and then processing them \u2013 with proper professional support \u2013 could be a very effective next step. Clients with high levels of Interpersonal Confidence score can again be a challenge in coaching. Although they are perfectly capable of expressing themselves, and this facilitates the coaching relationship, they may hide behind their often highly skilled oral abilities - saying a lot while revealing nothing. The coach\u2019s stance should be of gentle confronting: inviting the client to express themselves in simpler terms. The point is of course not to decrease the expressive abilities of the client, but to support them in getting closer to their real messages, and to move them from the domain of talking to actions. Again: it is a useful resource for the coach in that these clients can readily talk about themselves and the situations in which they have been. A specific change might be that they dominate a conversation to the point that they do not necessarily listen to the coach and what the coach can offer. Clients with low levels of Interpersonal Confidence may come across as shy, withdrawn people \u2013 especially in social situations. They may be withdrawn in the coaching situation as well. As discussion is the main avenue of this profession, the coach could do two things in dealing with this challenge. On one hand the coach may directly contract the development of communication skills \u2013 and through this Interpersonal Confidence \u2013 perhaps through role-play or 140"]