2020 Remembrance Ceremony booklet

Always Remember

ReCmereemmbornaynce Tuesday, September 22, 2020 I. Opening Message II. Responsive Reading:There Can Be Healing III. Candle Lighting Ceremony IV. We Are Not Alone V. Responsive Reading: Remember Me VI. Opportunity to Share VII. Closing Prayer Resources Suicide Loss Connections Support Group . . . . . page 8 Suicide Bereavement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 18 2

Opening Message Dr. Scott Mitchell President & CEO, SamaraCare Counseling ^] ETERNAL LOVE By: Alan E. Owen The blue skies turn to grey. No more stories. You've gone away. The echoes of your smile, Your kindness, your love. Everything that made life worthwhile Crashed down like a dove. But memories will never fade. Like a light that guides me, Your love, your beauty Will always find me… 3

Responsive Reading: THERE CAN BE HEALING Leader: We trust that beyond the absence; Audience: There is a presence. Leader: That beyond the pain; Audience: There can be healing. Leader: That beyond the anger; Audience: There may be peace. Leader: That beyond the hurting; Audience: There may be forgiveness. Leader: That beyond the silence; Audience: There may be the word. Leader: That beyond the word; Audience: There may be understanding. Leader: That through understanding; Audience: There is love. 4

CanCdlereeLmigonhyting As we light these five candles in memory of and in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, one for our love, and one for our hope. This candle represents grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you. This candle represents our courage. To confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to change our lives. This candle is in your memory. The times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, and the caring and joy you gave to us. This candle is the light of love. Day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you.We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us. And this candle is the light of hope. It reminds us of the love and the memories of you that are ours forever. May the glow of the flame be our source of hopefulness now and forever.We love you. 5

We Are Not Alone Leader:We are not alone in our grief, our tears and our memories. Audience: We reach out to one another with love, with understanding and with hope. Those we loved who have died unite us. Your pain becomes my pain. Your joy becomes my joy. Your hope is my hope. Some of us are far along in our grieving; other still experience grief so fresh and intensely painful that we feel helpless and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength; some of us are angry; some filled with guilt or in deep depression; others glow with inner peace. Whatever pain we bring to this gathering, it is pain we share. Even as we struggle to rebuild our lives we reach out to one another in love. We will share joy as well as pain. We will share peace of mind as well as anger. We will share faith as well as doubt. We will help one another to grow as well as grieve. We are not alone. 6

Responsive Reading REMEMBER ME To the living, I am gone.To the sorrowful, I will never return.To the angry, they were cheated. But to the joyful, I am at peace.And to the faithful, I never left. I cannot speak, but I can listen. I cannot be seen, but I can be heard. So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea... REMEMBER ME As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty... REMEMBER ME As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity... REMEMBER ME Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, Remember the close, loving times we shared; The times we cried; The times we quarreled; The times we laughed. For in these times that you gently remember me... I am not gone. 7

SSuCpoupnicnoierdctetiLGoonrssosup Suicide Loss Connections is a group which provides a safe space where people who have lost a friend, family member, or loved one to suicide can share openly about their feeling and experiences.This group also provides an environment of hope, understanding, and respect. The discussion is facilitated by: Sherry Bryant, LCSW & Dennis Bowling, PhD The support group meets on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month, via Zoom. For more information and to register for this support group, please visit: www.namidupage.org/suicideloss 8

Thank You Thank you for joining us for this Remembrance Ceremony. We hope you found this to be a helpful time of healing. As you leave here today, we hope that you will continue your journey by reflecting with some of the following poems and quotes we have included in this booklet. There is always someone to talk to at NAMI DuPage. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us! Patty Johnstone Support Programs Director [email protected] 630-752-0066 x205 9

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler ^] Whenever a death cuts across life, we are left with a certain incompleteness. We know that our loved one leaves much unfinished, unfulfilled, unsaid. There are yet other things we wanted to share with them and surely them with us. But what has been must suffice. What is and cannot be changed and must be accepted. We can only be thankful that we could know our loved one and partake in the journey of life with them, for that experience has enriched us all.

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Beyond Surviving: SUGGESTIONS FOR SURVIVORS (condensed version) By: Iris M. Bolton » Know you can survive; you may not think so, but you can. » Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but that all your feelings are normal. » Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. » You are not crazy, you are in mourning. » Remember to take one moment or one day at a time. » Find a good listener with whom to share. » Call someone if you need to talk. » Don’t be afraid to cry.Tears are healing. » Give yourself time to heal. » Remember, the choice was not yours. No one is the sole Influence on another’s life. » Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece. » Give yourself permission to get professional help. » Be patient with yourself and others who may not understand. » It is common to experience physical reaction to your grief, e.g. headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep. » The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing. » Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. » Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving. 12

THE COURAGE TO GRIEVE By: Judy Tatelbaum Another misconception is that if we truly loved someone, we will never finish with our grief, as if continued sorrow is a testimonial to our love. But true love does not need grief to support its truth. Love can last in a healthy and meaningful way, once our grief is dispelled. We can honor our dead more by the quality of our continued living than by our constantly remembering the past. 13

LIGHT A CANDLE By: Paul Alexander And I will light a candle for you To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew Like a beacon in the night The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way Oh, today I light a candle for you. The seasons come and go, and I’m weary from the change I keep moving on, you know it’s not the same And when I’m walking all alone Do you hear me call your name? Do you hear me sing the songs we used to sing? You filled my life with wonder, touched me with surprise Always saw that something special deep within your eyes And through the good times and the bad We carried on with pride I hold on to the love and life we knew And I will light a candle for you To shatter the darkness and bless the times we knew Like a beacon in the night The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way Oh, today I light a candle for you 14

I DON’T KNOW WHY By: Iris M. Bolton I don’t know why… I’ll never know why… I don’t have to know why… I don’t like it… I don’t have to like it… What I do have to do is make a choice about my living. What I do want to do is to accept it and go on living. The choice is mine. I can go on living, valuing every moment in a way I never did before, Or I can be destroyed by it and in turn, destroy others. I thought I was immortal, that my children and my family were also, That tragedy happened only to others… But I know now that life is tenuous and valuable. And I choose to go on living, making the most of the time I have, Valuing my family and friends in a way I never experienced before.

REMAIN By:Anthony Miller How long has it been, Since I have heard your voice? Perhaps too long to know, we never had a choice. Why do I still feel you, With me every day? Are you my burden, Are you here to stay? Life is simple, life is hard, Both of these are true. In good times and in bad I will never lose love for you. Thank you for your gifts, Although you did not have long. You’ve touch many in your time, And for you I’ll remain strong. 16

LIFE IS BUT A DREAM By: Paul Hayward I am lying next to you, awake now while you sleep, For death has just released me, yet in your dream you weep. If only you could see me, so peaceful and serene, But you must live a little more and carry on the dream, A dream from which one day you'll wake and see me by your side, And know for sure that I'm still here and that I never \"died.\" So now go on, be strong and look for me in wondrous things, In the quietness of starlight and the warmth that sunshine brings, And hear my voice to calm you, to say that it's all right, For I'm only here beside you, whispering in the night. Of course you'll cry, you'll miss me, your very soul will ache, But I am here, a breath away, waiting for you to wake, So know that life is just a dream of love and fleeting pain, And know I'm waiting by your side to love you once again. 17

Suicide Bereavement Some of the experiences of bereavement might include: • Feelings of guilt and failure that it was not prevented • An unrelenting need to ask why, to try and make sense of and understand why it happened • A sense of shame and stigma, that other people will think negatively of the bereaved family and friends. Sometimes this can result in feeling alone and withdrawing from others What do I tell others? Some people find it difficult to tell others about the cause of death and choose not to do so. Initially this may be easier. However, it may result in experiencing a sense of unease and distance in relationships with others.This may lead to a lack of support and a sense of isolation. Being as open and honest as possible is recommended. 18

Some Things That May Help • It is important not to expect too much of yourself in the early stages. • Some may feel there were many things they would have like to have said to the person but were unable to because of the suddenness of the death. Exploring these feelings may be helpful. • In a family, it’s important to communicate with one another while at the same time having respect for each other’s way of handling the experience. How Can I Support Someone? What we have learned from bereaved people is that they need compassion, recognition and validation of their experience. In summary: • non judgmental support • an opportunity to tell the story, sometimes over and over again • a safe and supportive environment to be listened to and heard • to express their grief in their own way www.supportaftersuicide.org.au 19

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