A journey to 14th

A GUIDE TO 14TH Written by Lucien Joe Rutherford

For Naurasha Celestine Everleigh 14TH FEBRUARY 2022

For weeks they flirted and pretended and toed the line between enemy and friend, both knowing who the other was but neither admitting to it, both trying to gain something from this friendship but being uncareful, falling too deep without knowing.

If she had looked into his eyes at that very moment she would have seen the inferno that she had thrown him into. “I’ve always liked you.” He kept his distance because he wanted her too much. \"And ever since that day, I knew that you like another guy, and that he would sooner or later feel the same way I did.” Cutting ties with her was excruciatingly painful. “I just hoped that he would be stupid enough to let me have you,” he gasped. But how can he let her just walk away with a smile on his face and a slap on his back when every cell in his body is tied painfully to her, and he can’t breathe when he think of her being away from him. He could no longer pretend not to have been brought to his knees by her blows, and he could no longer avoid the sentiments that his heart forced him to feel. This unrequited love business was driving him crazy. It was a feeling that took you over, mind, body, and soul. Worse than a drug that tore apart your flesh and spirit, and without which you simply could not live.

She was afraid of giving in to that overwhelming, absolute, unconditional love, a love that had shown her the route to heaven, but which had also taught her how much one could suffer, to the point where even the sound of your own tears became deafening. There was love in her heart for a boy once before, and it was a love that consumed her entire being and blinded her from truth. It was a love that made her see things differently, that lifted a veil she didn’t know was there. She’d been enchanted by him, and fallen for him fast. But over time, it had withered away just as petals do. In place of love, a new feeling blazed away. After listening and getting to know more about you. Also, feeling a deep connection between us that goes beyond physical attraction. I’m beginning to feel for, so much more than the friendship that waited to grow with you. I'm not going to try and rush things. However, I don't want to wait until it's too late. And you have to believe me when I tell you that no one could ever be as beautiful as you are at this very moment, because I could never want anyone more than I want you right now.

And might be possible love will find you someday. Let the love grow itself. Because when we grow a tree we expect it to give fruits. But if it grows itself, the fruits will surprise us and give happiness unconditionally.

Only once in life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. He tell her things that he never shared with another soul and she absorb everything he say and actually want to hear more. He share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at him. When something wonderful happens, he can’t wait to tell her about it, knowing she will share in his excitement. She is not embarrassed to cry with him when he is hurting or laugh with him when he make a fool of himself. Never do she hurt his feelings or make he feel like he is not good enough, but rather she build him up and show him the things about himself that make him special and even beautiful. She can be herself and not worry about what he will think of her because he will love her for who she is. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in his heart to cherish forever. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but he find he is quite content in just having her nearby. Things that never interested him before become fascinating because he know they are important to this person who is so special to him. Which is you, Naura.

Naura, I think of you on every occasion and in everything I do. Simple things bring you to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. I open my heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening my heart, I experience a love and joy that I never dreamed possible. I found that being vulnerable is the only way to allow my heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares me sometimes. I found strength in knowing I have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. My only hope and security is in knowing that if you are a part of my life. You never know who's waiting for you and you never know when love is coming your way or who it might be. But I know I am in love when I can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than my dreams.

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. -JOE



I'm in love with you,\" he said quietly. \"Joe,\" she said. \"I am,\" he said. He was staring at her, and she could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. \"I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.\"

He may not be her first, her last, or her only. He loved before he may love again. But if he loves her now, what else matters? He’s not perfect —she aren't either, and the two of them may never be perfect together but if she can make him laugh, cause him to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most he can. That’s perfect. He may be thinking about her every second of the day, and he will give her a part of him—his heart. I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I promise I’ll always give you all the love I have in my heart and love you unconditionally, Naura.

And if I was honest, you remind me of all the gentle things in life. Like tea, when it’s cold. And big sweaters to live in. You remind me of all the safe things in life, like a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on. You remind me of all the reasons to take a chance, like when things seem out of reach, and a place seems so far away. You remind me of all the beautiful things in life, like the sky when the sun sets, and the way your face lights up when you smile. The feeling of loving her and being loved by her welled up in him, and he could taste the adrenaline in the back of his throat, and maybe it wasn't over, and maybe he could feel her hand in his and hear her loud, brash voice contort itself into a whisper to say I-love-you as if it were a secret, and an immense one.



Sometimes he want to say, “I love you, but…”. Yet the “but” takes away the ‘I love you’. In love their are no ‘buts’ or ‘if’s’ or ‘when’. It’s just there, and always. No beginning, no end. It’s the condition-less state of the heart. Not a feeling that comes and goes at the whim of the emotions. It is there in our heart, a part of our heart…eventually grafting itself into each limb and cell of our bodies. Love changes our brain, the way we move and talk. Love lives in our spirit and graces us with its presence each day, until death. To say “I love you, but….” is to say, “I did not love you at all”. I say this to you now : I love you, with no beginning, no end. I love you as you have become an extra necessary organ in my body. I love you as only a boy could love a girl. Without fear. Without expectations. Wanting nothing in return, except that you allow me to keep you here in my heart, that I may always know your strength, your eyes, and your spirit that gave me freedom and let me fly.

I realized I’m in love. It's always been right in front of me...

I realized that this life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. I hate to say it, most of them, actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, naura? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about. You never know who's waiting for you and you never know when love is coming your way or who it might be. \"But how do you know you love her?” My friend asked. I know because love isn’t when you like everything about the person. It’s more than that. Love is when no matter what happens between you and that person, you will always do anything for their happiness and safety. You could stop talking with them for years. But if you saw them at gun point, you would take that gun put it to your own head, and demand that they shoot you instead of them.

Love, I mean real love, is something you can’t explain. You just love someone but you don’t know why. I can tell \"Oh I love her sense of humor, her kindness, her crazines, I love the way she is and all” and it’s true, but I can’t really explain why I love you. It’s just something you feel in every inch of your body, something that fills up your heart. And this is how I feel about you and for you, Naura. \"But how can you love a person who is not whole?” Because you, like the moon, are not only beautiful when full, in all of your fractions and phases and ivory white pieces, I love you. I love you for so many reasons, big and small. And all of them are wonderful. I love you for all the special qualities that make you one of a kind. The only one in the world for me. I love you for the things you do that bring such special meaning to my life. I love you just because I do. Because now, in the deepest part of my heart...A place where there was nothing before. There is love. You were an unexpected surprise. The defining moment. The collision of stars that slammed into me hard and sent my neat little world plummeting into the ocean. I never expected it to be you, you know? But it is you. It’s all you, Naura. And now there’s no turning back.

In all honesty, I do not know how to express or analyze the conflicting emotions that have surged like a storm through my heart everyday. I only know that first and foremost in all my thoughts has been the glorious confirmation you have me since we met again-without effort, unconsciously, as of course–of all I have ever thought of your mind and heart. You have the greatest soul, the noblest nature, the sweetest, most loving heart I have ever known, and my love, my reverence, my admiration for you, have increased everyday as I should have thought only a lifetime of intimate, loving association could have increased them. Naura, you are more wonderful and lovely in my eyes than you ever known. And my pride and joy and gratitude that you should love me with such a perfect love are beyond all expression. With this book, this confession, and me, I’m being serious with my feelings. And I’m serious about you. Nurturing, Providing, and loving you passionately. May that be, my number of responsibilities. As one to the end, forever more. That's how long I desire, our love to last for. Providing for you many and joyful memories. In hours of darkness, as well as brightness. I plan to supply for you. For your love for me and happiness, is all that matters to me. So, Naurasha Celestine Everleigh will you be my girlfriend?

The end WRITTEN BY LUCIEN JOE RUTHERFORD