Forums Field Guide 07.30.20_PAGES

LEGATUS FORUM FIELD GUIDE God is entrusting to you the task, at once difficult and uplifting, of working with Him in the building of the civilization of love. Pope St. John Paul II



Sharing collective wisdom BACKGROUND and business knowledge, Forums are a trusted A Forum is a small group within a chapter that provides resource for insights on a “deeper dive” into the Legatus experience. real-world problems and providing peer-to-peer Each Forum group meets at least once per month feedback. and begins with prayer and reading the confidentiality statement, followed by short updates from each member and discussion. Sticking to this simple format is important and keeps the group on track. Confidentiality is key and means that members do not share what is said in the group with anyone, not even their spouses. Introduction.......................................................................................... 2 Roles & Responsibilities................................................................... 3 Confidentiality..................................................................................... 4 How to Get Started............................................................................ 5 Stages of Forum Development...................................................... 8 Pitfalls to Avoid................................................................................... 8 Keys to Success................................................................................... 9 1

As iron sharpens iron, LEGATUS FORUM FIELD GUIDE so one person sharpens another. What Is a Legatus Forum? Proverbs 27:17 • Legatus Forums are groups of 6-12 Legates mutually accountable and confidential, using “iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17) as a guidepost. • F orums are a trusted resource for insights on real-world problems and providing peer-to-peer feedback. • A Forum meets regularly to share collective wisdom, insight and business and personal knowledge. Why a Forum? • Forums allow for peer relationships to flourish in a private setting. • F orums provide a trustworthy resource for peer discussion from a Catholic perspective and in prayerful concern for each other. • F orums establish a secure environment of confidentiality and trust to share business, personal and family experiences. • F orums take the Legatus experience to a deeper level as members experience spiritual growth and hone interpersonal skills. • Forums are like having your own personal board of directors. • Chapters with Forums experience higher retention and increased participation. God sends us friends to be our firm support in the whirlpool of struggle. In the company of friends we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal. St. Maximilian Kolbe

“It is a confidential, close-knit group that discusses where your faith, your work, and your family converge... You have conversations in that Forum you could never have outside of it. In fact, that is the bedrock: the number-one prevailing rule is unbending confidentiality.” Mike McCartney Genesis Chapter Roles and Responsibilities At the time of formation, it is important to discuss with the group that the Moderator position rotates among members. A plan for succession should be discussed. A maximum of 2 years is recommended as it allows the group to stay fresh and prevents any one person from being at the helm too long. The Moderator creates and maintains a safe environment to ensure confidentiality, keeps the presenter and members focused and takes the lead. They also publish the meeting schedule, ensure meeting notices are sent, prepare the agenda, track attendance and assign a prayer leader and timekeeper. Being a Forum Moderator is a unique opportunity to be a leader among your peers while allowing for personal growth and connecting with your peers in a way you may never have imagined. T he Facilitator (Moderator). • Not treating everyone equally. A member who is responsible for leading the Forum • Not being mindful of body language and facilitating the meetings. It is important to note that the Moderator must act as a member first and nonverbal cues from less talkative members. and a leader second. • Letting a dominating member overrun Responsibilities include: your leadership. • Maintaining focused discussions. • Being unreceptive to constructive feedback. • Enforcing agreed-upon norms and bylaws, and/or Addressing Conflict. delegating meeting details and/or retreat details. • C reating and maintaining a safe environment • Address conflict head-on and immediately. Failure to do so will result in lingering tensions to ensure confidentiality. among the group. • Assuming the lead in keeping the presenter • Say just enough to get your point across. and members focused. • When stating what happened, be specific • Publishing the meeting schedule, ensuring meeting and factual. Do not speak in generalities notices are communicated. or exaggerate. • P reparing the agenda, tracking attendance • A ddress the problem and how the other person may remedy the situation from and assigning prayer leader and timekeeper. your own experience. • U se “I” statements; do not speak for other Pitfalls to Avoid as a Moderator members of the group. • Stopping at the surface and not diving deeper. • Do not judge. Listen openly. • Leading your Forum members to an answer. • Be attentive to your own body language • N ot working through conflict or preventing when listening. it from surfacing. 3

Confidentiality is key Confidentiality and means that members do not share what is said 1. C onfidentiality is a pillar of the Forum experience in the group with anyone, and may not be compromised. not even their spouses. 2. At each meeting, review the commitment to confidentiality. To help members realize that even seemingly innocuous comments qualify as breaches, give examples of how confidentiality can be broken. 3. Statement of Confidentiality. Without trust and openness, it is impossible to achieve a functioning Forum AND it is virtually impossible to have trust and openness without confidentiality. Maintaining confidentiality requires that we do not reveal what is stated or transpires at a Forum meeting at any time – to anyone – anywhere. Not to friends in whom a member has great trust or even to a spouse. Confidentiality is essential and forever binding. A breach of confidentiality usually means expulsion from the Forum. 4. Confidentiality Breach. A. A breach in confidentiality usually results in expulsion from the Forum. B. The group may decide to grant an exception and allow the member to remain; however, such an exception should be rare. Allowing exceptions will dilute the integrity of the confidentiality clause thus resulting in a low-trust Forum environment. C. Many breaches may be seemingly innocent and unintentional; however, it is important to note that these are still breaches. A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he that has found one has found a treasure. There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend, and no scales can measure his excellence. A faithful friend is an elixir of life; and those who fear the Lord will find him. Sirach 6:14-16

“I look around the room and see guys who are peers on many levels, but mostly we are tied together by our strongly held Catholic faith. There is absolutely nowhere else in the world where I can go on a regular, long-term basis to experience the love and support that I get from these wonderful guys.” Mike Sullivan Denver Chapter How to Get Started Annual Retreat. A Forum retreat will fortify your group. 1. O btain support materials from Laura Sacha [email protected] or (216) 990-5761 • T he first retreat is typically done after about 1 year of meetings. Subsequent annual retreats 2. Recruit 6-12 Legates interested to learn more. are scheduled 6 months to a year in advance to assure 100% attendance. 3. Hold an informational meeting (usually the morning after an event) where Laura or another Forum Trainer • T he retreat can be a mixture of social, spiritual will speak to your group. and Forum business. It can be a time to review Norms and Bylaws, assess what is working 4. D ecide who is all-in. Assess the members and what may need adjustment. who are to join a particular Forum to ensure there are no business conflicts. • R etreats can be overnight, can last from 4 to 24 hours to a couple days. 5. F acilitator/Moderator: Determine who will lead the Forum for 1-2 years. • Spouses are not part of the retreat; however, it is customary that the closing dinner includes spouses. 6. D ecide on meeting time, day of month, location(s) for 12 months. • T he group should do whatever is necessary • Locations should be carefully considered to provide to assure every member can comfortably attend. for the optimum environment for confidentiality. • F ull and 100% participation is mandatory 7. Forum members should schedule topics, presenters and the financial component, as well as the time for the year. component, should be carefully considered when planning a retreat. 8. Establish Norms & Bylaws M embership A. Member Commitment and Attendance It is wise to close the Forum group and only add new • 1 00%-member attendance is expected. members according to the norms of that particular Forum group. While this may seem harsh, someone missing from the group impacts the Forum and then their reentry • Introducing a new member to the Forum, the following month is disruptive. after a rhythm has been set and relationships have deepened among the Forum members, may disrupt • If a Forum decides to deviate from this, decide the intimacy of the group and members may find on the maximum number of allowed absences. themselves back to Stage 1 level of intimacy with the newcomer. • L ate arrival and early departure are also disruptive to a Forum. Decide on the “penalties” for such • A lternatively, encourage the prospective newcomer violations. to garner participation from other chapter members and create their own Forum group. • Set rules on no cell phones, no calls, no emailing and no texting. • Members must be all-in for the allotted time. B. Confidentiality is paramount. 5

Wherever you have Forums 9. Follow the process, follow the process, follow the process. flourishing, you have a solid Did we say – follow the process? chapter. Our data tells us that if you’ve got a 10. A genda. vibrant Forum, it will be Successful Forums follow a clearly-defined meeting structure. foundational for your chapter. A. Begin on time. B. Welcome everyone. C. K eep track of the time. Allow 5-10 minutes for mingling, coffee, conversations. D. O pening Prayer. Volunteer or assigned. You may want to rotate who leads prayer and/or reads a devotional. F. Confidentiality revisited. Remind and reinforce importance. G. Addressing Issues. • Is there anything keeping you from engaging fully today? • S ome issues may be resolved outside the Forum and it might be more ideal to do it that way. • O ther issues may need to be raised in the Forum if they affect the Forum as a whole. Remember when “clearing the air” do not speak for the whole group or even others with such statements as “we feel” or “others feel the same way.” • The goal is to have a clean slate each meeting. H. Member Updates (uninterrupted). This is a quick account of life since last Forum. • 3-5 minutes each. • S et a timer to keep on track. It is important that no one monopolizes this time. • N o questions and no advice. Updates provide continuity for the Forum. They allow members to share new and ongoing issues. • F rom the updates, the Forum identifies potential topics for exploration. • Issues and opportunities can exist in the categories of business, family and personal. • Communication starters. Guidelines for Sharing Your Update • Take no more than time allowed.

“It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.” Pope St. John Paul II • Be open and transparent. • A fter the member updates, the discussion segment of the Forum is the most significant. • Take risks and come out of your comfort zone. Topics and presenters are planned in advance and set for the year. Ideas may come from • Be vulnerable – not superficial. previous member updates or suggested discussion topics. • During this time, you are not only providing an update to your group, but also “checking in” • Outside individuals can be invited to talk on a topic; with yourself. It is an introspective exercise as well. however, they are only present during their presenta- tion and may not be present for member updates Guidelines for Listening to Updates or any discussion following their presentation. • LISTEN. This is an opportunity to practice • R emember: urgent problems take precedence active listening skills. over pre-planned discussions. Some Forum meetings will not get to the discussion segment • Listen with your head and heart. because the agenda was parked. • Do not interrupt. Do not ask questions. J. Recap. Insights. No advice. Do not give advice. • A void trying to fix, cure, heal, convert or control • Dialogues are not part of the update. other members. Parking the Agenda • S hare personal experiences that will provide • Sometimes during the member updates, possible insights and alternatives. Set action items for next meeting if needed. a serious issue arises that does need immediate attention and requires more than the standard • Confidentiality is reinforced. 5 minute uninterrupted update. In this situation, the group can “park the agenda.” The group then K. Watch your time. begins to focus on the member with the issue • Discussion should last for approximately 1 hour. and discussion takes place. • G ive a 5 minute warning before the end • Remember—advice is never to be given. of the session. Shared personal experiences and active listening are best for providing support to your fellow Forum L. E nd promptly. Some guests may linger member. or have questions, but close the session on time. I. D iscussion. M. C losing prayer. Spontaneous or prepared. This is led by a presenter that changes each Volunteer or scheduled. month to “present” on a current event, faith question, work problem, personal challenge. It is an opportunity to sharpen skills on listening, feedback, and respecting different viewpoints. The agenda flexes as the group determines what is most important. 7

Each Forum group meets Stages of Forum Development monthly at the minimum and begins with an opening 1. Form prayer and reading of a A. M embers get to know each other but avoid conflict. confidentiality statement, followed by short B. Role of the Leader: Provide direction on roles updates from each and responsibilities, how meetings work, agenda, member and discussion. and facilitate development of their own ground rules. 2. Storm A. M embers may push boundaries and attendance may waiver. B. T hey must come together to confirm their “why” and decide how to move forward. C. As they get more real, conflict might emerge. D. Role of the Leader: Help members get clear on what a Legatus Forum is, is not, why they joined, why it matters to the mission, and how the Forum works. 3. Norm A. Members begin to gel as a Forum, trust, and candor increases. B. Members help each other and ask each other for help, listen to understand what their issues are. C. R ole of the Leader: Listen, observe, facilitate more and direct less. 4. Perform A. Members know and follow protocol. B. Attendance is consistent and all are engaged and committed. C. Role of the Leader: Reinforce the positive, challenge the group to keep growing in openness and commitment. Pitfalls to Avoid 1. Weak Leadership. Fuzzy agendas that do not stay on track and ignore allotted times for member updates or topic discussions are all warning signs that your Forum may be headed toward derailment. 2. Low attendance and poor punctuality will weaken a Forum. A Forum can revert to Stage 1 when these rules are broken and/or disrespected. 3. M any things can lead to diminishing trust among members of the group. Once trust declines and is not salvaged or regained, the Forum declines.

Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 4. S uperficial presentations will be obvious group, the members should determine how to members of the Forum and will lead to lack many meetings a member can miss and still of trust and a willingness to be vulnerable. remain in the group. 5. M embers must be willing to attest that their Forum • W hy is attendance that important? It speaks to meeting is the very best use of 2 hours of their time the level of commitment a member is willing each month. to give the Forum— which then reflects their level of respect for other members and their 6. If they cannot make that statement, correctional willingness to participate. actions must be implemented. B. Punctuality 7. C onsistent adherence to the structure and avoiding these pitfalls is necessary and it is the Facilitator’s • Keep to the schedule. responsibility to lead this charge. • M embers are more likely to remain committed 8. A ll members share responsibility for effective when they know the meeting will start on time meetings and the Forum’s continuing health. and end on time. The more a member puts into a Forum, the greater the benefit. • Incorporating a coffee & conversation time at the beginning of each meeting of allows an Keys to Success opportunity for casual greeting and interaction. 1. Leadership. C. Electronic devices. The Facilitator must ensure the Forum abides by the Norm and Bylaw, creates a safe • P hones and electronic devices should be environment and models the way. turned off and/or disabled during the meeting. 2. Confidentiality. • M embers should commit to not checking texts, The members must be confident that any emails and calls during the meeting. information shared in the Forum will be held in complete confidence. 4. Membership. The Forums must be free of conflicts of interest. 3. Commitment. This includes in business, among families and The members must be present, on time and available. if there are any integrity issues. A. Attendance. 5. T opics. • 100% attendance is expected. Over time, there should be a healthy variety • When creating the Norms & Bylaws for the of personal and spiritual topics. Keeping the Forum fresh and up to date will keep it from getting stale and keep members engaged. 9