Getting out of Your own Way - 10p 0119 Final

GET CLEAR // MASTER FEAR // MOVE FORWARD Getting out of Your Own Way! DEBORAH GUY SKRILOFF CROSSING BRIDGES COACHING For the Personal Side of Your Professional Life. 

Welcome As I’m writing this I am so excited to welcome each  In our work together I will strive to live up to my person who will read it.  I understand what a quality name, to be brave in the pursuit of my life’s decision it is to intentionally make significant work, to speak and live by eternal truths, to be a changes in your life.  When you choose to work with teacher and a guide and to create a safe and me, I know it is because you are seeking to gain empowering space that will enable you to do clarity, master your fears and move your life the same.  forward.    I understand what it’s like to realize that fears Whether that movement is focused on personal, and behaviours that no longer serve you have professional or financial goals, improving one or been haranguing one or more areas of your life more relationships, or a complete life overhaul,  I and the tipping point when you realize you are know and understand the path ahead, the bridges finally ready to get out of your own way and on that need to be crossed and the joy and with the life your soul intended.  satisfaction that awaits.    I am so happy to be on this journey with you.    Take this work seriously and you’ll emerge from it understanding where, up until now, your My last name, Guy, is French for Guide, my first emotions or fears have undermined you and how name is the name of the brave warrior, woman, and to master them so that you are able to create prophetess from the scriptures,  Deborah. increased freedom and live the life your soul intended.    Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]

Baby Steps The first part, the dismissive mode, we'll tackle to Success here.  The second part we'll tackle in the next article.   As you read through this work, you may come across a principle that you 'already know'. I believe in constant, concrete, courageous For our purposes, we'll define 'knowing baby steps toward your goals over blowing up something' as a  principle that you know, not your world with grand fleeting gestures. This because you've heard it before but because approach has proven to create the greatest you've put it into practice and are reaping it's momentum and success for my clients.  And rewards.   It is something that you are living on even though, sometimes, even those baby steps a consistent basis in your own life professionally can feel like a stretch,  don't worry -  I've got and personally.   your back.   The first baby step is to put you on your guard If you don't 'know' it at that level then I invite you against a few games your fear can play on you. to consider that you truly don't know or Now is a good time to address a couple of destructive thoughts that come and often stay. undertand the principle.  I invite you to dig in and can bog us all down from time to time if we are not careful. “Whatand ask yourself the following instead:   can I learn from this?” Double Edged Sword: Stinkin' Thinkin' When you ask yourself “What can I learn from this”. You will find that there are at least a  couple great answers to that question. One thought that can undo us is this one: Q: What can I learn from this?  \"I Know this already!\".  This is a clever one because your fears use it to pull double duty.  A:  I could learn something completely new. First, it enables you to be dismissive and give yourself a pass. So, instead of taking the time A:  I could learn to look at a lingering problem to apply what we say \"we know' in our lives.  with new eyes and solve it once and for all. We skip it.   A:  I could learn how to further refine a concept Secondly, we can also use this thought to beat I may already be familiar with. ourselves up when we say \" I know this already, why can't I just do it?\"   A: I could learn that I still have much more   practice ahead of me before a concept, that I Tricky, isn't it? As it can block us on at least two know, agree with, and see the value of, is more fronts, we'll need a two-pronged approach to fully integrated into my life in a beneficial way. tackle it successfully. Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]

There is always another level of mastery to reach So instead of thinking “This won’t work for me”. when we ask the question: “What can I learn  I invite you to get and stay curious.  Ask from this?”  Asking this question creates a yourself instead: “How can this work for me?” curious mind. When you become curious, you are inviting and training your brain to engage in You are used to thinking about your life in one creating new ways to think about things you way and you may not think that some of what think you already know.   we'll discuss will apply to you.   Doubting Your Doubts The thing is, continuing to think the way you have in the past, won’t get you where you The second destructive thought to watch out for want to get to in the future. Asking yourself is encircled in doubt.  That thought is: “This “How can this work for me?” Trains your brain process won’t work for me.”   When we say ‘This to start thinking more creatively and becoming won’t work for me’, we are giving up before open to other ways to tackle situations you’ve we’ve even begun.   previously been unable to tackle.    Your mind will innovate if you direct it to. I promise. This is what I know.   Reasons my clients give for hiring me I am unique just like you, and just like you I am human, and while I am unique, also just like you, I Resolve an overwhelming problem in my am no more special than any other human on business, with a partner or colleague. the face of the earth and neither are you  (yep, Gain clarity and momentum around the it's true! and that's really good news, here's why.) next best steps for me.   Decide on, or Strategize, a Career Move These are eternal human-centred principles, Create a path, out of crushing debt, to they work for all humans. That includes you.  financial security and wealth building  That’s really good news because I can say Pick up the pieces and redesign my life with confidence that this will work for you too! following tragedy, divorce, rehab. Carve out space in my career for a You may not believe me right now and that’s personal life, a family. okay.  I invite you to allow only that it might Increase Confidence  possibly be true that this could work for you.   Decide if I should stay in a relationship or move on. You don’t have to believe it 100% to move Figure out how to address family issues forward.  Be willing to meet me at the place I saw My friend/sibling/collegue transfer where it is not outside the realm of possibility their life in a matter of months. When I that what has worked for others will also work asked them what they were doing, they for you.   gave me your number. Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]

ITS ACTUALLY NOT YOUR FAULT I've got a hunch that if you are here it is because you are frustrated with the lack of direction or, what's beginning to feel like the wrong direction, in one or more areas of your life. And you, like me, want to create a life intentionally and by design instead of by default.  You want to gain the clarity needed to raise yourself and by extension, raise the level at which you are showing up for your own life and perhaps in the lives of others.    You are also realizing that the desire, even the nagging desire to do something, on its own, isn't enough to get it done.  You may be finding that you attempt to start but often falter, and not finish, the things that you know are important to your life's journey but can't figure out why. Or,  or if you have an inkling as to why you've had trouble moving beyond that point into taking corrective action.   It's not your fault. What's preventing your progress is something that is actually trying to do something useful in a very arcane way.   I can explain it like this.  At our core, is our natural pull to grow, expand and discover how far we can go.  And yet, at all times there is an opposite force working really hard to keep us from doing just that.   It is our body's instinct to protect us.  It's the primary tool to accomplish this is the thing that has worked from the beginning of mankind - Our own fear of harm of hurt. Our 'protector' is not trying to prevent our growth as much as it's simply working to keep things the same.  Same is predictable. Same is familiar. Same is safe.    Its why people stay in debt, or in relationships or in a career even when it's no longer in anyone's best interest.  And  'same', when your soul longs to expand also feels soul-crushingly, like 'stuck'.   It is the pull of our natural desire to expand pitted against the pull to keep things the same that causes the stress, anxiety, longing and angst. Before we are done, you'll understand how to map out an area for growth and expansion and clearly identify the areas where your fear will attempt to prevent,  and likely succeed, in preventing that growth, unless, together, we intervene and learn to satisfy both.   Freedom is just ahead.  Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]

It's a weird thing to say, I know, but this one time..  Don't Trust Your Instincts.  As you work with me you'll soon We  interpret that discomfort as but emotionally and mentally as experience that making our instincts telling us not to be well.   changes to the way you brave, not to put ourselves out currently show up for one or there.  So what do we do instead? Commit to reframing more areas of your life will move We pull back. discomfort as progress.  you beyond your comfort level. Celebrate it! When you move beyond what Instead of moving forward, we go When you go to the gym or you you are comfortable with you back to all of our old ways a to have a really hard workout you will begin to experience - drum what is comfortable and get sore after.   That's a good roll please - being un- effectively, we quit on ourselves.   sign. That’s how you know comfortable.  That discomfort there's growth. stokes your fear.  And your The Biology of Change  You're changing your muscular survival instincts kick in. makeup. You're altering the Whenever you are creating positive structure of your physical body. If you were entering a cave  change in your life, whether it’s You know that change is and heard a growl from inside learning a new skill,  or a new way happening.  you'd become  ‘un-comfortable’. of thinking ,  it’s not going to be Is it comfortable? No. But,  is it Your heart rate elevates  and comfortable. Discomfort  is worth it? Yes! your instinct would be to get out created right down to the cellular quickly and you would be level. The same thing is going to justified in doing just that.   happen here. You will be When we change we are literally challenged and your brain However, this is not a cave. changing our biology.  We are actually might be a little bit There is no reason to run away, creating new neural pathways in 'sore'. But remember, when we shut down, or start a fight (find our brain; generating new grow,  increased discomfort in fault) even though these are hormones and chemicals in our our bodies is our signal that we natural human responses to bodies. We are  altering our bio- are on the right track!  discomfort and, yes I'll say it, chemistry as we form new habits fear.  and new ways of thinking and new I invite you to begin to practice ways of being in the world.   getting excited by it.  When we get uncomfortable,  Celebrate it! . \"I'm freaking out our instincts often are that So, yes.  Change is scary and it's a bit right now. Woohoo! I'm something ‘bad’ is happening or uncomfortable,  not just physically  outside of my comfort zone!\" about to happen.   We mis- I'm growing!\"  Trust your growth takenly believe that something is and change, even if you're sore. wrong.   Move toward discomfort, not away.     Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]

Give Yourself a Break - Don't Let Yourself Off the Hook.  There's something important that you want to I can only support you when you choose to keep accomplish, you keep putting it off and getting in showing up even when it’s tough. Give yourself a your own way and you're beginning to consider break? Sure! Of course! But don’t let yourself off that working with a coach could be the answer.   the hook. But you've lived with yourself for a very long time I invite you to be bold at the edge of your comfort and you are also concerned that you'll find a way zone where fear stands guard. What you will learn to get in your own way yet again.   will show you step by step how to do that. Along the way, you may feel like quitting. I may You are invited to consider that no person changes say something that ticks you off.  People don’t like only themselves, as they evolve their own life, it being lied too but they really hate being told the impacts their family, their friends, their community truth when it hits a sore spot or hits a little too and yes, the world. close to home. Phrases like “What the heck does You are invited to consider that each area of your she know, anyway?” may come to mind. life touches another. Career changes impact relationships. Life goals impact career.  It's one When our fear is on guard thoughts of doing eternal round.  things differently are quickly met with counter thoughts of  \"That's too hard, too risky, too crazy.. Again, you will feel challenged from time to time. too [fill in the blank]. \"What are you doing?!\" Depending on your goals, you will find yourself challenged to show up differently for your day, the Doubts set in.  We worry.  We become way you interact with people and perhaps how you overwhelmed or paralyzed or we tell ourselves: manage your time.   \"No biggie, I don't care.  It's okay with me that things stay the same\".   I invite you to dedicate this time to yourself as an act of self-care.  This is not selfish.  In fact, it is the This is further exacerbated if a person has opposite.  It is unselfish to take care of yourself so challenges with concentration, impulsiveness or is that you are able to be of greater service to the easily sidelined.  world.  You may need to take a break for a day or so - You don’t have to set out to change the world. Set vulnerability hangovers are real! If you need to, do out instead to develop your talents and skills and so, but don’t quit.  Put an appointment on your emotional maturity.  By becoming your very best calendar to return.  self and sharing your strengths in the service of others you’ll wind up changing the world anyway and for the better.     Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]

Your Past is not Your Future. Next Steps.  Outside of the fears associated with sudden loud Our First Conversation is about 90 minutes. noises and falling,  fears are formed in our life experience and since each person's experience is I take on a new client with great care and have unique to them, so too are their 'happy places', found that it is in my client's best interest to their comfort zones and the situations that trigger participate in an actual coaching session to get them.  past the best behavior, guardedness, and pleasantries we've mastered for brief social It follows then that, certain tasks and situations exchanges over the years and get some work that come easily to one person, may indeed be done. uncomfortable or even strike fear and dread into the heart of another. When you retain a life coach, consider that you will need to set aside at least 2 hours per week to Which is why you'll never hear me say, \"Come on! engage in a 45-50 minute session with your coach It's easy. Suck it up. Let's go\".  What's easy for me and complete any actionable items that result from may not be easy for you and the reverse is also that session.   true. I respect that.  Toward that end, I'll set aside 2 hours in my I work to support you in gaining clarity about, and schedule for this initial session and I invite you to do taking action toward, your personal life goals. the same. It's useful practice.  Along the way, you'll learn to master your fears and, if it applies, how to navigate your Our Initial Conversation is via phone. relationships, finances and career more effectively.   Research has shown, and my experience has been,  that when people are free to concentrate on their Two Conversation Approach thought patterns instead of how they are sitting, appearing, etc., they do better work and make I have a two Conversation approach in my initial faster progress in a life coach/client partnership. engagement with potential clients. This approach supports you in working with me for a bit before Time is the stuff of life, and a phone-based deciding to invest in a longer-term coaching approach eliminates the need for commuting, and engagement.  It provides an opportunity for us both the coach and client can get straight to both to gain a clearer understanding of your goals, work.  roadblocks and specific situation.  It allows us the chance to begin to formulate a path forward for If we both agree to move forward with a client/ you and to determine if my deep dive coaching coach retainer, video conference calls are also an approach is a good fit for you at this time. option.  Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]  

Deeper Dive  However, it is only outside of your comfort zone that you learn the skills that create the Let's have, what I promise will be, an life and relationships you desire.  Ask yourself extraordinary, in-depth first conversation.    if it's time, finally, to focus on, and invest in, getting out of your own way and on with your We'll use our time to take a deeper dive into best life, the life your soul intended.    your goals and begin to resolve any roadblocks or fuzzy thinking that is I promise that you will acquire and use, with preventing you from moving forward in your increasing mastery,  the tools, and skills you'll professional or personal life.   need to create clarity, master fear, and move your life forward.  We'll lay out a coach-supported plan of action based on your goals, your budget, Trust and Taking Action and your timeline.   A solid coach/client relationship is built on Deciders Trust and Taking action to move your life forward.   Partnering with a life coach is a decision to engage more fully in your own life and I have taken the first step by offering to set finally address the one ore two areas that aside a significant amount of my time to are hampering your happiness.  meet with you because I trust that if you decide to take me up on that offer that you You'll learn I reward decisiveness.  Keep are serious about wanting to make significant reading and reap the reward.  changes in your life, finances, career and/or relationships in partnership with a coach. Possible Second Conversation and Beyond I am so excited for you and this next phase of your life!  After our first conversation, we'll either decide: not to move forward,  that it would be best for you take a different approach, and I'll suggest a couple of alternative resources,  or,  we'll decide that working together would be an excellent fit for your specific situation and goals.   If it's the third option, I'll invite you to take a day or so and consider if you are genuinely ready to take this next step to engage in a life coach/client working partnership.  It may feel scary - stepping outside of your comfort zone always does. Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]

Next Step  Be on Your Guard and Show Up.  The step after you've scheduled your appointment and completed your questionnaire becomes the one that your feelings may try to make you feel is hard.  The next step is: Show Up.  Even though, you'll consider cancelling. You'll tell yourself you're too busy.  You'll worry about cost. You'll tell yourself things are 'not that bad'.  You'll tell yourself you're not ready.  That's fear talking. When we step out of our comfort zone, our fear steps up to reign us back in with what ever means it has at its disposal.  It loves to distract us from the things that can change our life because they feel so unfamiliar. I understand.  I invite you to consciously allow yourself to feel or think anyway you want to about this upcoming appointment and still keep the appointment.  I invite you to show up for yourself.  You'll be glad you did.  I will call you at the number you provided and at the time you selected.    Tip for Defeating Distraction  A few minutes before the appoint, please place This is an opportunity to have someone focused yourself in an environment where you can speak freely exclusively on you and your life for an extended and are not open to being distracted by your period.  Plan to also be 100% present at this time. surroundings.   At home, a private office or conference room would be I promise to create a save space for our appropriate examples. Having a notebook and conversation.   I've got your back and I am something to write with may also be of benefit to you. sincerely looking forward to speaking with you.     Avoid the temptation to schedule your session during a Sincere and Fearless Best Regards,  commute where you are driving or need to pay attention to directing, entering or exiting a mode of Deborah transportation or when you are solely responsible for the care of a child.  Get a sitter. It will be worth it.   Deborah Guy and Raise Oneself Institute, LLC | All Rights Reserved.  www.RaiseOneself.com | [email protected]