CatholicCemeteryAssocation-FuneralGuide

Every Word, Every Action, Every Step, Every Journey,Should Lead UsCloser to HeavenCatholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 3

A FUNERAL PLANNING GUIDE from the Gate of Heaven Cemetery, Albuquerque, NM

May 29, 2017 My dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ, Of all the crosses we must bear in life, one of the heaviest is the loss of a loved one.Not only is the grieving process a painful one but we are also faced with making manyurgent decisions regarding funeral and burial arrangements. Nonetheless, we alwayswant to honor our beloved dead with dignified, prayerful and hope-filled funeral.Doing so brings us a certain consolation not to mention the many graces we receive byperforming one of the seven corporal works of mercy. The funeral rites of the Roman Catholic Church emphasize that Jesus Christ is theLord of Life, in whom and through whom and for whom all things came to be. Theoptions found in this helpful booklet all mirror our conviction that life is a journey,an important part of which is our passing from this life to eternal life. Just as in life,so in death do we journey to God the Father, in the Son and through the Holy Spirit.The Church celebrates the sacredness of this passage by offering prayers and liturgicalrites at pivotal moments along the way: the time of death, the vigil, the funeral Massand the burial. This journey of faith is not only for those who have died but also forus who remain, helping us to cope with our grief and renewing our hope in Christ’sresurrection. Pope Francis has given us a great gift by calling us to reflect more intentionallyon the mercy of God and the mercy we are called to offer one another. This Guide toFuneral Planning is meant to assist you in performing a corporal work of mercy andan act of love as you prepare to bury your dear departed. In it, you will find what youneed to know about burying your loved one prayerfully and with the dignity that he orshe deserves as a child of God. I want to assure you that all of us in the Archdiocese ofSanta Fe are here for you, offering our prayers, support and consolation. I am most grateful to the Board of Directors and staff of the Catholic CemeteryAssociation for their vision and wisdom in providing this wonderful resource. It is myhope that you will find it helpful in your time of need. Sincerely yours in the Lord, Most Reverend John C. Wester Archbishop of Santa FeCatholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 5

Mt. Calvary Cemetery, Albuquerque, NM

Table of ContentsIntroduction ............................................................................................................ ..........8Importance of This Booklet............................................................................................9 The Church Liturgy.........................................................................................................10 Death and the Catholic Church .......................................................................10 Order of Christian Funerals..............................................................................10 Vigil Service...........................................................................................10 Eulogy....................................................................................................11 Funeral Liturgy......................................................................................11 Rite of Committal..................................................................................12 Memorial Services.................................................................................12 Related Rites and Prayers.....................................................................12 Symbols within the Funeral Rites....................................................................13 Role of Cremation Within the Catholic Faith...............................................14 Church Liturgy Planning Worksheet..............................................................15 The Funeral Home..........................................................................................................16 Arrangements with the Funeral Home...........................................................16 Type of Final Disposition......................................................................17 Types of Services...................................................................................17 Memorial Items / Products...................................................................17 Necessary Paperwork and Documents................................................17 Role of the Funeral Home Throughout the Order of Christian Funerals ......................................................................18 Vigil Service...........................................................................................18 Mass of Christian Burial or Funeral Liturgy........................................18 Rite of Committal at the Cemetery......................................................18 Funeral Home Planning Worksheet...............................................................19 The Cemetery ................................................................................................................21 Cemetery Burial Options..................................................................................22 Ground Burial for a Casket...................................................................22 Indoor Crypt Burial for a Casket..........................................................22 Outdoor Crypt Burial for a Casket.......................................................22 Ground Burial for Cremated Remains.................................................22 Indoor Niche Burial for Cremated Remains........................................22 Outdoor Niche Burial for Cremated Remains.....................................22 Types of Cemeteries...........................................................................................23 Religious Cemeteries............................................................................23 Public Cemeteries.................................................................................23 District, Municipal or Land Grant Cemeteries...................................23 National or Veterans’ Cemeteries.........................................................23 Green Cemeteries..................................................................................24 Home Burials.........................................................................................24 Cemetery Planning Worksheet........................................................................25 Living with Grief ............................................................................................................26 The Benefits of Pre-planning for a Funeral Service................................................28 Glossary of Terms...........................................................................................................29 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 7

Introduction “If one member suffers in the body of Christ which is the Church, all the members suffer with that member” (1 Cor. 12:26). By virtue of our baptism, we are responsible for one another. When one of us is sick or lacking in basic needs, the Christian community comes to their aid. So too, when a member of the body suffers death, we are all called to ministry – to bring consolation to those who are grieving. This consolation is rooted in the hope of resurrection. “Christian hope faces the reality of death and the anguish of grief but trusts confidently that the power of sin and death has been vanquished by the risen Lord.”1 All of us, regardless of our place in the Church, are called to share in this ministry of consolation. It is the responsibility of the entire community. This is why the Church places great importance on the celebration of the funeral rites. We offer worship, praise and thanksgiving to God for the gift of a life which has now been returned to God. While the Mass is the principal celebration of a Christian funeral, the Church provides a richness of prayer throughout the grieving process. Prayers, with those who are grieving, the funeral vigil, final commendation, committal service, and various rites are intended to assist in the consolation of the living. Through these rites, the Church manifests that it cares for the deceased, those who were baptized, for catechumens, and for children who died prior to being baptized, whose parents would have wished for their baptism. “We know Not the Day nor the Hour. All too often we fail to prepare for our own death or that of a loved one.”2 As Christians, we believe that death is a transition, not an end. Thus, it is fitting that we prepare ourselves and our loved ones for a life in Heaven. This booklet offers information to help with these preparations. It assists those who are mourning, and are planning for the funeral of a loved one. It offers practical information to individuals who are making funeral arrangements for the future, as well as, an aid to parish ministers who provide a ministry of consolation. It is a timeless resource that offers general information which can be of assistance today or utilized in the future. For more specific and detailed information, you may contact your local parish, funeral home, cemetery, or legal adviser. You may also contact the Catholic Cemetery Association or visit its website at: www.asfcca.org. 1. Order of Christian Funerals Study Edition (1989); Liturgy Training Publications, Chicago 2. To Honor the Dead (1997); A Pastoral Letter from Archbishop Michael J. Sheehan, Archdiocese of Santa Fe8 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

Gate of Heaven Cemetery, Albuquerque, NM The Importance of This Booklet Planning a funeral is an extensive process and is often times overwhelming to thoseinvolved. It is common for people who are grieving to feel confused and overcome by all thatgoes into planning a funeral. Many people are unfamiliar with the requirements associatedwith planning a funeral service. They are aware that they will need to choose a casket or urn,that a service must be performed, a final resting place needs to be selected, and a headstonechosen. However, the writing of eulogies and obituaries, arranging for music and floralarrangements, preparing guest registers, choosing prayer cards, planning services and rites, arejust some of the matters that can be easily overlooked. Funeral guidance helps to educate andsupport families during a time when they are faced with many uncertainties. The Church Liturgy, The Funeral Home, and The Cemetery each play a vital role inhelping to provide families with a meaningful, faith-filled funeral service. Because each hasa significant function to perform, collaboration between the three is extremely important.To assist families in managing the information that needs to be communicated, this bookletexplains the role of each in three separate sections. Included at the end of each section areplanning worksheets for organizing information that will be needed for The Church Liturgy,The Funeral Home, and The Cemetery. Also, included in the booklet is information ongrief support and the importance of pre-need planning.Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 9

The Church Liturgy DEATH AND THE CATHOLIC CHURCH At the very center of the Catholic Faith is the Paschal Mystery. That Jesus’ life, death and resurrection gives us hope that we may also rise from death to new life. As members of the Catholic Community we believe that Jesus rose from the dead, in dying He destroyed our death, and in rising from the dead, He restored our life. The Catholic Church assures us that we are not alone during this time. We, as part of the larger church community, are called upon to help our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. We are tasked with a great responsibility and thankfully, the Catholic Church lays out specific guidelines for us to follow. The Order of Christian Funerals offers beautiful ceremonies to celebrate the life of a loved one. Families are encouraged to be actively involved in the process of planning the Funeral Liturgy in accordance with their parish. Many parish communities offer a list of readings and musical selections and may urge family or friends to be actively involved. For a detailed list of readings and musical selections visit www.asfcca.org. ORDER OF CHRISTIAN FUNERALS The Order of Christian Funerals was approved by the National Conference of Bishops as a guide detailing the Liturgical Rites of the Catholic Church at the time of death. The Order of Christian Funerals outlines a three-part structure consisting of: • The Vigil Service • The Funeral Liturgy • The Rite of Committal While the preference of the Church is to have a traditional casket burial with the body present for all services, there is an understanding that circumstances may require alternative services. The Church offers acceptable alternatives for these situations. We believe death is the end of our time on earth and entry into eternal life with God. The rites laid out by the Order of Christian Funerals reflect and strengthen this belief. The celebration of these funeral rites serves as a powerful reminder of God’s mercy and seeks to bring consolation and hope to family and friends at a time of grief. VIGIL SERVICE The Vigil Service, is the first funeral rite for the deceased. Many times it is referred to as the Wake, or in our community, the Rosary. It usually, and preferably, takes place the day or evening before the Funeral Mass. The service is usually lead by a priest, deacon or lay minister at the funeral home, church or in some cases in the family home. This is a time for family, with support from the church community, to gather in prayer for the soul of the deceased. Traditionally, the complete Vigil Service has come to be replaced with the simple praying of the Rosary. While the Rosary is a powerful devotional prayer that plays an important role in the faith of many Catholics, it alone does not fulfill the Liturgical Rites. The Vigil Service may follow a structured format which includes Introductory Rites, the Liturgy of the Word, the Prayer of Intercession and a Concluding Rite. An acceptable alternative to the Vigil Service devotions, would be to substitute The Liturgy of the Hours (Morning or Evening Prayer). Appropriate music should be included at the Vigil Service.10 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

EULOGY 11 If the family is considering a eulogy, it is important to consult with the parish to receive prior approval. Typically, the best time for a eulogy is during the Vigil Service; however, after consultation with the parish, a eulogy may be scheduled for a different time during the Funeral Rite. The eulogy should be brief and concentrate on remembering the life of the loved one, highlighting his or her virtues and qualities. A eulogy should not be used as an opportunity to preach about one’s particular faith and beliefs, call others to convert, or to evangelize. FUNERAL LITURGY The Funeral Liturgy is the main celebration of the Catholic community for the deceased. This is a time to gather with family and friends of the deceased to give praise and thanks to God. The Funeral Liturgy can take one of two forms: • Mass of Christian Burial Mass of Christian Burial is celebrated only in a sacred place. This includes the church or, in some cases, the Catholic cemetery chapel. A Mass cannot be celebrated in a Funeral home chapel or at graveside. • Funeral Liturgy Outside of Mass The Church offers this alternative service when a Mass is not celebrated. This prayer or scripture service can be celebrated in a funeral home chapel, cemetery chapel or at graveside.Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

RITE OF COMMITTAL The Rite of Committal is the last of the three funeral rites. It is the last act of the community of faith in caring for the body of its deceased church member. This rite is usually celebrated at the place of burial and led by a priest, deacon or lay minister. It can take one of two forms: • Rite of Committal This rite is celebrated at the conclusion of the funeral liturgy, immediately following the Mass of Christian Burial. • Rite of Committal with Final Commendation This rite is used when a Final Commendation does not take place after the Funeral Liturgy or when there are no other services before a burial. MEMORIAL SERVICES There are often situations where funeral services cannot take place with the body physically present. In these situations, having a memorial service would be an appropriate choice. A memorial service is held when the burial or cremation has already taken place. Perhaps a death occurs out-of-state and family members are unable to attend, they may wish to have a local service. In addition, memorial services are often held on the anniversary of death. RELATED RITES AND PRAYERS The Order of Christian Burials includes a set of rites and prayers that are not as widely known. They are beautiful additions to the Vigil Service, Funeral Liturgy and Rite of Committal. However, they are optional and may not be offered due to timing and circumstances. They follow a simple pattern including an invitation to prayer, short scripture, response, prayer and a blessing. • Prayers after Death This rite occurs very soon after the death. It offers families a time to gather and acknowledge that God is present to them. • Gathering in the Presence of the Body This rite usually occurs at a first visitation for family and offers a second prayerful moment. • Transfer of the Body to the Church or to the Place of Committal The final closing of the casket can be very emotional for the family. This rite offers a moment of spiritual support. For more information and guidance on these rites, please contact your local parish and speak with your Pastor.12 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

SYMBOLS WITHIN THE 13 FUNERAL RITES Baptismal symbols play an important role throughout our Catholic Faith. The same is true for the Funeral Rites. Those symbols include: • The Paschal Candle/Easter Candle The candle is present near the casket, in the church. The candle represents the risen Christ, as a symbol of light (life) dispelling darkness (death). • Holy Water Holy water may be used by the priest at the beginning of the Funeral Mass and at the cemetery to bless the final resting place. It represents the saving waters of our baptism. • The Pall A white cloth representing the baptismal garment is placed on the casket before Mass. The pall is also a sign of hope, of the resurrection, of new life beyond this life. Its use also signifies that in the eyes of God all are equal. A flag is not used to replace the Pall during the Funeral Liturgy. • Cross Often, a Cross is placed on the casket which reminds us of Jesus’ death and His resurrection. It is a sign of hope for our own resurrection. • Bible A bible that is placed on the casket is a sign that the faithful live by the word of God and that faithfulness leads to eternal life. • Dove Doves may be released at the cemetery, after the Committal Service, as a symbolic representation of new life, hope, renewal and peace. • Incense Incense may be used during Mass as a symbolic representation of our prayers, for the deceased, rising to Heaven.Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

ROLE OF CREMATION WITHIN THECATHOLIC FAITH Cremation is permitted in the Gate of Heaven Cemetery,Catholic Church; however, it is preferred Albuquerque, NMthat cremation take place after thefuneral rites with the body present. It isimportant to note the cremated remainsshould always be treated with the samegreat respect given to the human body.Therefore, the Church is very clear onits requirements regarding crematedremains.• Do not scatter cremated remains• Do not divide cremated remains• Do not keep cremated remains at home In keeping with the teachings of theChurch the cremated remains must beburied in a timely manner. If you arecurrently in possession of crematedremains and would like information on acost-effective placement, please contactthe Catholic Cemetery Association at(505) 248-1532 or visit our website atwww.asfcca.org.Remembering the dead, caring for their tombs and prayers of suffrageare testimony to confident hope, rooted in the certainty that death doesnot have the last word on human destiny, as humanity is destined for a lifewithout end, that has its root and its fulfillment in God. Pope Francis Angelus, St. Peter’s Square, November 2, 2014 Gate of Heaven Cemetery, Albuquerque, NM14 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

CHURCH LITURGY PLANNING WORKSHEET (Please visit our website www.asfcca.org for a complete list of readings and music)PARISH: VIGIL SERVICE: Location: Presider: 1st Reading: Reader: Resp. Psalm: Gospel: Eulogy (if applicable): Rosary Leader (if applicable): Music: FUNERAL LITURGY: Location: Presider: Assistant Ministers: 1st Reading: Reader: Resp. Psalm: 2nd Reading: Reader: Gospel: Music:COMMITTAL SERVICE: Location: Presider:Music:ADDITIONAL RITES REQUESTED:NOTES:Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 15

THE FUNERAL HOME FUNERAL HOME Funeral homes, or mortuaries, play an important role in the funeral planning process. They are the facilitators for communication with the church and cemetery. Their professional staffs are trained to understand and guide families through the maze of options and decisions that must be made. They possess the knowledge and experience to help families understand the different burial and cremation options available, to explain the value of different offerings and to help create meaningful services as outlined by the Order of Christian Funerals. The funeral home takes care of arranging for removal of the body from place of death, obtaining required legal documents, preparing a loved one for viewing, helping to plan services, and transporting the deceased and mourners to the final resting place. Because the funeral home plays such a vital role, a family’s first step would be to select a funeral home, if one has not already been chosen. The moments after the death of a loved one can be overwhelming and families may not know how to proceed. The situation surrounding a death can vary. Some of those situations are listed below. • Death at an institution When the death occurs at an institution, such as a hospital, or nursing home, the medical staff will pronounce the death and assist in contacting the funeral home. • Death at home, under hospice care Many people with grave illnesses are under hospice care in the comfort of their own home. At the time of death, the family will contact the hospice facility. The facility will arrange for a medical professional to go to the home and pronounce the death. They will also contact the funeral home on the family’s behalf. • Unexpected death at home or elsewhere (in-state) If the death is unexpected, call 911. The police department and emergency personnel will take the appropriate steps under the law. In some cases, a representative from the Office of the Medical Investigator (OMI) may decide that there are no questionable circumstances and will allow the body to be taken to the funeral home, without any further investigation. However, depending on their initial findings, OMI may decide that the death is suspicious and will require additional investigation. If this is the case, the release of the body to the funeral home will take place at a later time. • Death out of state If the death happens outside the State of New Mexico, a local funeral home should be contacted. They will coordinate with an out-of-state funeral home or facility that specializes in arranging and transporting the deceased. If the body is to be transported, embalming will be required. Transportation can then take place by land or air, depending on the family’s wishes. Families may instead choose cremation. If this option is chosen, a family may work with the transporting facility to have the deceased cremated and then transported. Please note that cremated remains can only be mailed via the United States Postal Service®. FedEx® or UPS® will NOT accept or transport cremated remains. ARRANGEMENTS WITH THE FUNERAL HOME The next step is to prepare for the meeting with the funeral director. When the funeral home staff picks up the deceased they may schedule a conference time and recommend items to bring to the meeting. Depending on the type of services being requested these items may include: • Clothing, including undergarments. It is recommended that clothing be long-sleeved and covers around the neck area. Shoes are not necessary. • Jewelry or personal items may include, earrings, necklaces, wedding rings, cufflinks, etc.16 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

• Recent photograph which may be used for the obituary and is helpful in preparation of the body. • Military discharge paperwork referred to as document DD214. If this document cannot be found, the family or funeral home may contact the Veteran’s Administration for assistance. • Decedent’s full name, Social Security Number and date of birth. • Names of survivors, a list of pallbearers and honorary pallbearers or urn bearer and honorary urn bearers. • Names of organizations or associations that the deceased belonged to, such as police or fire department, Knights of Columbus, Legion of Mary, etc. The funeral director will meet with family members, usually the legal next ofkin or the deceased’s legal representative. During the meeting a blueprint for thefuneral services will be created. One can expect the funeral director to discussand/or schedule the:• Type of Final Disposition The funeral director will ask if the family has selected burial or cremation for their loved one. The family will be given options for each type of disposition including but not limited to: u Burial of body • Full traditional casket burial with or without viewing • Immediate or direct burial u Cremation • Full traditional services, with body, then cremation • Cremation with memorial services following • Immediate or direct cremation • Type of Services The funeral director will then explain the various service options and funeral ritesavailable to them. The director will help arrange the date, time and location of eachservice, which may include, visitation, Vigil Service, Mass, Burial, and other servicesas requested. They may also discuss reading options, music and other detailsas necessary. If the family has planned an open casket viewing, the director willdiscuss clothing, bathing, hairstyling, make-up, and other cosmetic preparations ofthe deceased. • Memorial Items / Products The funeral director will also discuss a variety of products, the most importantbeing the casket or urn. There are many choices available, made from differenttypes of materials and can vary in cost. It is important to note that the family mayhave the option to provide these items themselves. For instance, when opting fora cremation burial, families may choose not to purchase an urn. Instead, they optto use a treasured vessel like a cherished jewelry box, or a valued cookie jar. Thesetypes of containers offer a personal and sentimental touch. Other memorial items will be offered such as obituaries, flowers, memorial prayercards, pamphlets, music, video tributes, releasing of doves, military honors, etc. • Necessary paperwork and documents The funeral director will ask for vital statistic information in order to prepareimportant paperwork such as, death certificates, permits, authorizations, SocialSecurity notifications, and filing insurance claims. If the deceased is a veteran,they may also assist in requesting veterans’ benefits, such as burial in a NationalCemetery, a headstone if buried in a private cemetery and a United States burialflag. Lastly, the director will discuss the funeral home contract, pricing and form ofpayment.Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 17

ROLE OF THE FUNERAL HOME Rosario Cemetery,THROUGHOUT THE ORDER OF Santa Fe, NMCHRISTIAN FUNERALS The funeral directors and staff may continue toassist the family throughout The Funeral Rite, whichmay span a few days. Their roles and responsibilitiesmay vary depending on the type of services thefamily selected. Generally, their responsibilities maybe as follows: • VIGIL SERVICE Funeral directors will set-up for the Vigil Serviceat either the funeral home or the Church. They willbe responsible for placing any flower arrangementsnext to the body of the deceased, handing outprayer/memorial cards to family and friends,making announcements, etc. They will remain atthe Vigil until the end of the Service. • MASS OF CHRISTIAN BURIAL OR FUNERAL LITURGY The funeral director will make sure that the bodyof the deceased is transported to the Church forMass of Christian Burial or Funeral Liturgy. Prior tothe Mass, at either the funeral home or the church,the funeral director may gather the immediatefamily around the casket to the make the sign of thecross over the forehead of the deceased if this hasnot been done previously at the Vigil Service. Thecasket will then be closed for the final time. ThisRite offers the family a moment of spiritual support.The funeral director will ensure that the active andhonorary pallbearers are prepared and understandtheir responsibilities. They will also continue toguide and support the family. At the conclusion ofthe liturgy, the funeral director will direct everyoneto their vehicles to begin the funeral procession tothe cemetery. • RITE OF COMMITTAL AT THE CEMETERY Upon arrival at the cemetery, the funeral directorwill lead everyone to the graveside and instruct thepallbearers to carry the casket or urn to the gravesite.Once everyone has gathered at the gravesite, theleader will begin the Rite of Committal, whichincludes the final prayers, blessings and music. Ifthe family has chosen other celebrations to occur atthe gravesite, the funeral director will assist in its’coordination. This may include releasing of doves,military honors or organizational presentations. Theservice usually concludes with the lowering of thecasket or urn into the earth. The funeral home’s role does not cease whenservices conclude. They will follow-up with familiesto ensure that all necessary documents have beenprovided and completed. They are also a goodresource for grief support.18 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

FUNERAL HOMEPLANNING WORKSHEETType of Funeral: Traditional CremationType of container: Casket������ Metal Wood Other Wood Urn Metal OtherServices Requested: Vigil Service Mass Graveside Service Memorial Service Parish: OtherPresider:Assistant Ministers:Cemetery:Location:MEMORIAL ITEMS: Sign-in book Pamphlets Thank-you cards Video Tribute OtherBIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATIONLegal Name of Deceased:Date of Birth: Date of Death: City and State of Birth:Social Security Number:Father’s name:Mother’s maiden name:Marital Status: Married Single Divorced WidowedName of Spouse:Highest Level of Education: 8th grade or less H.S. Diploma GED PHD Some College Bachelor’s Master’s N/A Veteran Military Status: Active Retiree (20+ yrs.)Military Branch: Army Navy Air Force������ Marines Coast GuardCatholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 19

OBITUARY PLANNING WORKSHEETPERSONAL INFORMATIONMEMBERSHIPS/ORGANIZATIONSPRECEDED IN DEATH BYSURVIVING FAMILY MEMBERSSpouseNames of Children and SpousesNumber of Grandchildren: Number of Great-Grandchildren:Other family membersPALLBEARERS / URN BEARERS In Lieu of Flowers/Donations Requested NOTES:20 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

THE CEMETERY The Order of Christian Funerals and the tradition of caring for the remains of thedeceased continue at the location of their final resting place. It is at the burial locationthat the Rite of Committal Service prayers are recited. Cemeteries offer families placesto bury their loved one’s body or cremated remains with the respect that should begiven to the vessel of the soul. They are places where family and friends can gatherto recall the life of the deceased. A place where gravesites are memorialized withheadstones that forever tell the story of a life lived. In addition to these engravedheadstones, some cemeteries offer online memorials where family and friends can postobituaries, stories and pictures that illustrate the deceased’s life journey. Each of thesecemetery memorials live on for all future generations; generations that seek to recalltheir past in order to understand their present and appreciate their future. Prior to a cemetery burial there are various decisions, authorizations, and paymentsthat the family may need to complete with the cemetery even if a pre-need purchasewas previously made. For instance, some families may wish to witness the loweringof the casket/urn or to discuss music at the gravesite, etc. A meeting with cemeterystaff allows for families to discuss such details. Typically, the funeral director willcontact the cemetery regarding burial services, however, it is ultimately the family’sresponsibility to ensure that a burial has been scheduled with the cemetery at leasttwo days before the service. Gate of Heaven Cemetery, Albuquerque, NMCatholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 21

CEMETERY Mt. Calvary Cemetery, BURIAL OPTIONS Albuquerque, NM Most cemeteries offer a variety of options for theinterment of casket or cremated remains. • Ground Burial for a Casket In-ground burials typically involve the opening andclosing of the burial space and the placement of an outercasket liner (if required by the cemetery). Ground burialscan be purchased as a single space, for one burial, or canbe purchased as a double depth gravesite, for two burials.A headstone is the memorialization option for a groundburial. • Indoor Crypt Burial for a Casket An indoor crypt, allows for year round visitation in anindoor, temperature controlled building. However, forsecurity purposes these buildings will usually have setvisitation hours. This option requires the deceased to beembalmed prior to burial. Crypts can be purchased for upto four burials. Name plaques, bronze lettering or cryptfront engraving are the typical form of memorializationfor indoor crypts. Families may also have the option ofadding emblems, pictures, vases or votive lights to thecrypt front. • Outdoor Crypt Burial for a Casket Families who like the option of a crypt but prefer anoutdoor setting, may choose burial in an outdoor crypt.This is the same type of sealed chamber used in theindoor crypt; however, the crypt has been incorporatedin the design of an outdoor building. Memorializationoptions for an outdoor crypt are similar to those of anindoor crypt and will require embalming of the body. • Ground Burial for Cremated Remains Ground spaces for the burial of the deceased’s crematedremains are very similar to a casket burial. It requiresthe burial space, a liner for the urn and the opening andclosing of the gravesite. Headstones are usually the choicefor memorialization. • Indoor Niche Burial for Cremated Remains An indoor niche, allows for year round visitation in anindoor, temperature controlled building. However, forsecurity purposes these buildings will usually have setvisitation hours. This option allows for glass front niches,whereby, the urn can be seen, as well as, any mementosthat may have been placed in the niche. If the niche has amarble or granite front, memorialization will be similar tothat of a crypt front but on a smaller scale. Niches can bepurchased for more than one burial. • Outdoor Niche Burial for Cremated Remains Outdoor niches are constructed much like an indoorniche. However, because the niche is exposed to theoutside elements, glass fronts are not typically available.Memorialization for outdoor niches are usually anengraving on the niche front or a plaque that is attachedto the front of the niche.22 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

TYPES OF CEMETERIES Whether a family is seeking to make pre-need or at-need arrangements,for a cremation or casket burial, there are many types of cemeteries tochoose from. However, not all burial options may be available at allcemeteries. • Religious Cemeteries Religious cemeteries are non-profit entities owned by a religiousorganization. Catholic families are encouraged to seek burial in a CatholicCemetery. These cemeteries are an extension of our parish communities.They offer a Christian setting that testifies to our Catholic faith and anenvironment that inspires reminiscence, prayer, and healing. The Archdiocese of Santa Fe has three perpetually cared for, CatholicCemeteries. Each are consecrated burial grounds. This means thatthe property of each cemetery has been ceremoniously devoted to theministry of burying the dead and will always be maintained as a cemetery.If you would like more information on the Archdiocese’s perpetuallycared for cemeteries visit: www.asfcca.org. Both pre-need and at-needburial options are offered at these locations. The Archdiocese of Santa Fe also has numerous parish cemeteriesthroughout. Parish cemeteries are typically not maintained by paid staff.Individuals and the church community are usually the caretakers of thesecemeteries. If you wish to locate and learn about a parish cemetery nearyou, contact your local church. Parish cemeteries may or may not offerpre-need purchase opportunities. • Public Cemeteries Public cemeteries are for-profit cemeteries and are owned eitherindependently or corporately. Public cemetery grounds have not beenconsecrated. However, during a Rite of Committal Service, the gravesitewill be blessed by the Priest or Deacon. Catholics who choose to be buriedin a public cemetery, can find locations through local funeral homes,talking to friends, family members, or searching online. Both pre-needand at-need purchase options are usually available at these cemeteries. • District, Municipal or Land Grant Cemeteries District, municipal or land grant cemeteries are cemeteries owned bythe city, county or land grant. These types of cemeteries exist in manyAmerican cities, however, depending on the size of the municipality, thecemetery may be full, sold out, or dedicated to the burial of residents whodie destitute. These cemeteries are not consecrated grounds; however,the gravesite will be blessed by the Priest or Deacon during a Rite ofCommittal Service. To find a municipal cemetery in your area, contactyour local town clerk or city hall or by searching online. Note that pre-need purchase options may not be available at these cemeteries. • National or Veterans’ Cemeteries National or Veterans’ Cemeteries are government-run cemeteriesfor the burial of veterans, their spouses and dependent children. Formore information on burial eligibility, please contact the Veterans’Administration. If you would like burial in a veterans’ cemetery, informthe funeral home and they will assist you in making those arrangements.It is important to provide the DD214 document in order to schedule aburial. Burial in a veterans’ cemetery includes a plot, opening and closingof the grave, perpetual care, a headstone, and military honors, at nocharge. These cemetery grounds are not consecrated. Note that pre-needpurchase options are not available at these cemeteries. To locate Veterans’Cemeteries near you visit the following website: www.cem.va.gov.Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 23

• Green Cemeteries Mt. Calvary Cemetery, In addition to a traditional Albuquerque, NMcemetery, families may opt fora burial in a “green” or “eco-friendly” cemetery. In a greenor eco-friendly burial, the un-embalmed body is placed in abiodegradable casket or a clothshroud and then lowered intothe grave. Outer casket linersare not used in these types ofburials and headstones optionsvary from flat wooden plaques,native plantings, or namesand dates written on natural,indigenous rocks. Thesecemeteries are not consecrated,but the gravesite would beblessed by a Priest or Deaconduring a Rite of CommittalService. Both pre-need andat-need purchase options maybe available at these cemeteries.More information and locationson green or eco-friendlycemeteries can be found byvisiting the following website:http://kinkaraco.com/pages/green_cemetery-list • Home Burials If you live in a rural area youmay be allowed to bury a lovedone on your own property. Thistype of burial is referred to as ahome burial. Laws and rules onhome burials vary throughoutthe State’s counties. In somecounties, home burials are notallowed. Therefore, if a homeburial is being considered, itis extremely important thatfamilies check with their localmunicipalities to inquire aboutthe regulations that governhome burials. Typically, privateproperty is not consecratedhowever, the grave will beblessed during a Rite ofCommittal Service by the Priestor Deacon. Prior to choosinga home burial, families shouldconsider that if the property islisted for sale, the burial mustbe disclosed and could becomean obstacle and hinder thetransaction.24 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

CEMETERY PLANNING WORKSHEET (Please visit our website www.asfcca.org for additional information)CEMETERY NAME: Ground Casket for Two ADDRESS: Indoor Casket Crypt for Two PHONE: Outdoor Casket Crypt for TwoBURIAL SERVICE TYPE: Ground Cremation for Two Ground Casket for One Indoor Casket Crypt for One Indoor Cremation Niche for Two Outdoor Casket Crypt for One Ground Cremation for One Outdoor Cremation Niche for Two Indoor Cremation Niche for One Outdoor Cremation Niche for One GRAVESITE LOCATION: Section/Building: Row/Tier: Space: LOCATION OF COMMITTAL SERVICE: Graveside Chapel Witness LoweringMEMORIALIZATION ITEMS: Headstone Emblem Flat Flower Placement Program Upright Electronic Votive Candle Vase Niche Crypt Ground Photo Photo FrameNOTES:Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 25

LIVING WITH GRIEF A TIME FOR GRIEVING…Ecclesiastes 3:4 Death is a certainty and is the passage to our promise of eternal life. Nonetheless, the death of a loved one, be they family or friend, brings a suffering and pain that we never could have imagined. In an instant, a special person is gone, leaving an empty place in our lives and our hearts. The Funeral Rites have now concluded and the days ahead may find us in a state of numbness, disbelief, anger, overwhelming sadness and emptiness. These reactions are part of the grief process. While there are many feelings that grieving people share, each person’s experience with the loss of a loved one is unique. It is important that each person allow themselves to mourn in their own time and place. The journey of coming to terms with the reality of death has just begun. It can be frightening and lonely, yet enlightening and strengthening. It is a journey that does not have to be taken alone. Psychologists and researchers have done studies on grieving and studied the various stages or phases of grief and most agree on the following five stages: • Denial Denial is often the first stage of grief. We find ourselves in a state of shock. Denial is a coping mechanism of dealing with the reality of the loss. It allows us to function during the moments of intense pain. • Anger Once we have had to time to process the reality of the loss, we often find ourselves in a state of anger. It is not uncommon to be angry at ourselves, family, friends, doctors or even the person who has died. It is important to remember that underneath this anger is deep pain. • Bargaining Prior to a death, we may find ourselves trying to negotiate for more time. This may continue after the loss. We will find ourselves asking “Why?” or “What if…” This is a normal process of trying to cope with the death. Guilt is often associated with this stage. We may feel we could have done something more to prevent the loss. • Depression When we realize how much our life will change we may find ourselves in a state of depression. The realization of not having this person in our lives can be overwhelming. It is normal to feel a sense of weakness and desperation. • Acceptance Acceptance does not mean we are okay with them being gone. We will never be the same. Rather, we come to accept that our reality has changed. Holidays and special occasions will be celebrated differently, relationships with family and friends may change. However, we will learn to appreciate those differences and accept those changes, grateful to have shared a life with that person and find ways to honor them. Rosario Cemetery, Santa Fe, NM26 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

SURVIVING GRIEF Most people will experience all or some of these stages and may pass through themmultiple times. It is important to allow the process of grief and not expect it to be on atimeline. Positive ways of coping with grief may include: • Staying physically healthy, by eating well, getting enough rest/sleep • Making sense out of what happened, derive meaning from it, and put it into a context. • Honoring the loss by finding ways to carry on the legacy of the person. This could include art, activism, prayer or community involvement. • Staying functional at work and daily activities, but allowing time to reflect on the loss. • Don’t judge your feelings: allow them to be valid in your own mind. This will go a long way toward relieving tension and helping you stay on track toward healing. • There are numerous grief support groups available. These support groups meet regularly and can be found by contacting your local cemetery, funeral home or parish offices. The Archdiocese of Santa Fe’s Family Life Office offers support and resources to help individuals through the grief process. Their website address is: http://www.archdiocesesantafe.org/Offices/ FamilyLife/FamilyLife.html. • Much has been written on death, dying and grief. There are numerous resources available. Contact your local library or bookstore. There are many online resources as well. • Some may take comfort in talking to family and friends. Often they are experiencing the same feelings and can share what has helped them. • Some may have more difficulty in processing their grief. If this is the case speak to your healthcare professional. They may suggest counseling or therapy. Many will eventually move to a place of acceptance where memories are not overwhelming. Rather, they are welcomed and comforting reminders of our loved one. Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes in the one who sent me has eternal life and will not come to condemnation, but has passed from death to life. John 5:24Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 27

THE BENEFITS OF PRE-PLANNING FOR A FUNERAL SERVICE “All too often we fail to prepare for our own death or that of a loved one. We seem to leave the inevitable to the responsibility of someone else. As Christians who believe in everlasting life and the dignity of the person, it is most fitting that we look at death as a friend rather than an enemy. Since we know not the day nor the hour, it behooves us to plan ahead.”3 Before Jesus, death was the absolute end point of a human’s existence. After Jesus, human death became a transition to another phase of our lives -- as a soul without a physical body. Our spiritual existence is intended to continue in the presence of our Father in Heaven. This is what we live for here on earth and what we plan for when we speak of pre-need planning. FUNERAL AND BURIAL PRE-PLANNING YOUR LAST ACT OF LOVE Some funeral homes and cemeteries offer the advantages of pre-need planning. Pre-need arrangements are those planned and purchased prior to death, often years before the need arises. Making these decisions ahead of time, relieves family and friends from making them at the time of need when they are in a state of grief. Pre-planning for cemetery and funeral home arrangements are typically two separate transactions. At the cemetery, individuals have the opportunity to choose and pre-pay for the burial space location, memorialization, casket or urn liner and opening and closing. At the funeral home, pre-planning offers the ability to choose the type service, preparations, transportation, casket or urn, and other merchandise. It is important that all pre-planning arrangements be shared with loved ones. They will need to know the name of both the cemetery and funeral home, as well as, what items have been prearranged. All contracts should be kept in a safe place and stored with other important documents. Pre-planning a funeral and burial can provide peace of mind and alleviate financial burden for family. Benefits include: • Significant cost savings Funeral costs can be managed more easily if plans are made and paid for long before they are needed. Families are able to choose the items and services they wish based on today’s cost. As we find in other aspects of our lives, costs rise year after year. Making these arrangements now can lead to significant savings. • Personal choices Many people have very strong feelings about their final services; however, they may feel uncomfortable talking about their wishes. Pre-planning makes sure these wishes are known and family members are not left having to make these difficult decisions. • Flexible Payment Options Usually, at a time of immediate need, all payments must be paid, in full, prior to services and a burial taking place. This may cause financial hardship. Pre-planning and pre-paying can ease this burden. Many funeral homes and cemeteries offer a variety of pre-need payment options. • Personal satisfaction and peace of mind Perhaps most importantly, you and your family are left with peace of mind knowing that your wishes are known, will be carried out, and have been paid. More and more families are recognizing that pre-planning funeral and burial arrangements demonstrates love and thoughtfulness toward their family members. It is a thoughtful decision that reduces the stress of uncertainty when death occurs. It offers one final gift, a last act of love. 3. To Honor the Dead (1997); A Pastoral Letter from Archbishop Michael J. Sheehan, Archdiocese of Santa Fe.28 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide

GLOSSARYAt-need: Refers to arrangements made at the Legal Next of Kin: The nearest blood relativetime death. of a person, including a surviving spouseBiodegradable Casket: Casket designed to Legal Representative: A personaldissolve back into the earth. representative with legal standing (as by court appointment or executor of a trust or will)Cloth Shroud: Cloth used in place of acasket. Liturgy of the Hours: The official set of prayers marking the hours of each day,Crypt: The dry, sealed chamber that holds sanctifying the day with prayer. They are alsoa casket. Crypts are usually single or double, referred to as Divine Office or Canonical ofholding one or two caskets. There are some Hours.crypts that can hold up to four caskets. Thefront of the crypt is usually a granite or marble Lowering device: Device used tofront. automatically lower a casket into a grave. If there is no device, pallbearers must lower theDouble depth gravesite: Two ground casket using straps.burials in one space, one above the other. Adouble depth burial may include 2 caskets, Memorialization: Permanent marking oftwo cremated remains, or one casket and one gravesite including marker, plaque, headstone,cremated remains. etc.Embalm: The chemical process of slowing Niche: The dry, sealed chamber that holdsdown the decomposition of the body. an urn is known as a niche. Niches are usually single or double, holding one or two urns. TheEmblem: A decorative item which can be front of the niche is usually a granite or marbleused to personalize a niche front, crypt front front.or a headstone. Online Memorials: Electronic tributes.Eulogy: An informal speech rememberingthe deceased. Opening and Closing: The preparation of digging the grave (opening) and then closingFinal Commendation: The final farewell the grave after the casket or urn has beenby the members of the community, an act of placed. There are typically fees associated withrespect for one of their members whom they opening and closing a burial site.entrust to God. Outdoor Crypt: A crypt is a dry, sealedFinal Disposition: The final resting place. chamber that holds a casket. The outdoor crypt is usually incorporated in an outdoor building.Headstone: Item which memorializes the Crypts are usually single or double, holdingdeceased person(s) and marks the one or two caskets.location of burial. Outdoor Niche: A niche is a dry, sealedHonorary Pallbearers: Individuals who chamber that holds an urn is known as a niche.participate in the procession leading the The outdoor niche is usually incorporated incasket. an outdoor building. Niches are usually single or double, holding one or two urns.Honorary Urn Bearers: Individuals whoparticipate in the procession leading the urn. Pallbearers: Individuals who carry the casket.Hospice care: End of life care often in the Perpetual Care: The everlasting maintenancehome or in an institution under medical of cemetery buildings and grounds.supervision. Pre-need: Arrangements made prior to death.Indoor Crypt: The dry, sealed, concretechamber that holds a casket which is located Urn: The container in which crematedwithin a building. remains are placed.Indoor Niche: The dry sealed chamber Urn Bearers: Individuals who participate inthat holds an urn which is located within a the procession and carry the urn.building.Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide 29

Acknowledgements Contributors: Deacon Keith Davis Leah DeTommaso Kim Montoya-Hopkins Agustín J. Villegas III Photography by Andrea Wilson Photography and Steven Martinez Graphic Artist and Illustrator, Jon Sanchez, jonsanchezcreative.com Design by Christine Carter Envision Graphics30 Catholic Cemetery Association - Funeral Planning Guide



Rosario Mt. Calvary Gate of Heaven499 N. Guadalupe St. 1900 Edith Blvd. NE 7999 Wyoming Blvd. NESanta Fe, NM 87501 Albuquerque, NM 87102 Albuquerque, NM 87109(505) 983-2322 (505) 243-0218 (505) 821-0800 w ww.asfcca.org