Trooper Tips

Trooper Tips Okay, soldier. Listen up. We have some hard work to do to get to the other side of this mess that we are in. We have been injured in battle and our wounds could be lethal if we are not careful. We must keep moving toward safety. It may seem out of reach at times.You may feel unable to continue. You will suffer an unimaginable pain. You may want to give up. But I promise you this, my trooper friend. If you just push ahead and keep your eyes focused on the light in front of you, you will get to safety and you will recover. You have a warrior spirit in you. You must summon that warrior now and stand up. Collect your senses. Make your best effort. Rise above the pain. And find the determination and strength to survive. There is a new life waiting. We will begin with 10 Tips followed by a worksheet to guide you through questions that will help you heal. There is also a trooper tip mantra for each of the ten tips. LET’S GO!

TEN TOP SURVIVAL TIPS TO DO RIGHT NOW 1. Find ​reality a​ nd ground yourself there. Plant your flag. Do not budge. Build a shelter there and furnish it with comfy things that bring comfort. 2. Find a h​ igher power​ and begin a dialogue. Practice gratitude. Build a relationship with this divine being and lean on them. Ask for help. Trust it. 3. Find the ​navigational tools​ to locate the first two things on this list. Develop strength and faith. Feed your hope. Discover facts --they lead you to truth. 4. Find your t​ riggers a​ nd one by one, wade into them and stand your ground. Don’t let the abuser steal these parts of your life. Reclaim them. Build new memories and connections around them. 5. Find m​ eaningful activities​ to fill your time. Helping others will help your own healing. 6. Find s​ olitude​ to sit with your feelings. 7. Find n​ ew things:​ new habits, new foods, new music, new style, new habitat, new job, new friends, new interests. These changes your environment and external factors which in turn change the inner self. 8. Find your ​inner child a​ nd nurture her/him. Discover how they are feeling. Help them feel better. Self-parent. Talk to them and protect and reassure them that everything will be okay. 9. Find f​ orgiveness ​in your heart for the one who broke your heart. 10. Find a ​tribe​. A support group. People who have experienced something similar and understand what you are experiencing. Narcissistic abuse is real and a special niche of healing with it’s own language, processes for healing, etc

PERSONAL INVENTORY OF IDEAS INSTRUCTIONS: ​Answer the three questions as honestly as you can to facilitate progress in that specific area. Then read the trooper truth mantra out loud three times. Do this morning and night. FIND REALITY 1. Name three truths that give you power. 2. Name three lies the narcopath told you. 3. What is real? Name 5 things. Imagine them near you now. Trooper Truth:​ I will stand in reality and not give in to cognitive dissonance. FIND A HIGHER POWER 1. How do you connect with a higher power, source, supreme being, or spiritual practice? 2. Share a time when you asked God or your understanding of God to help you. 3. Identify at least two obstacles that stand in your way of connecting with the source of everything divine being to strengthen and guide you. Trooper Truth:​ God (​ Spirit, Universe, Supreme Being . . .) ​is love and I am loved and I will find strength in that love. FIND NAVIGATIONAL TOOLS 1. Name 3 ways you make yourself feel better when you are having a difficlt moment. 2. Identify 3 negative coping skills you may have that need to be modified or stopped entirely because they are not healthy.

3. Discover three new modalities for healing and make effort to try at least one of them Trooper Truth: I​ will learn to care for myself using as many different healing tools as I can. FIND YOUR TRIGGERS 1. When I begin to feel panic, anxiety, or increased inability to manage my emotions, what were the events that triggered it? 2. What small steps can I introduce that will help me gradually overcome the trigger event? (Example: ​Music is a trigger, but I will discover new music not imprinted on me by the narcissist, and I will begin listening to it a few minutes every day and increase it with time.) 3. What childhood wounding may contribute to the trigger thus making it more powerful, and how can I heal that wound so I am not bound to it? Trooper Truth:​ I do not have to be a slave to emotional thinking that trigger unpleasant feelings because I choose to take back my life. FIND MEANINGFUL ACTIVITIES 1. What are the things that bring me comfort and joy? 2. How can I help others and thereby help myself? 3. What are effective ways to schedule the activities and follow through with them. Trooper Truth: ​I will find joy, help others, and make time for self-care. FIND SOLITUDE AND PEACE 1. Spend time every day being reflective, in meditation, and listening to your own voice. 2. Sit with your sadness, your grief, your loneliness and give yourself permission to feel it, let it wash over you, then put it away. 3. Learn to love yourself, forgive yourself, and care for yourself and your inner child. Trooper Truth:​ I accept my solitude and embrace it as a time to grow and become stronger.

FIND NEW THINGS 1. Discover new things 2. Don’t surrender to fear of change. 3. Make your space belong to you and clean it from any memory or triggers. Trooper Truth:​ I am brave in my search for the new and will not allow fear to paralyze me. FIND YOUR INNER CHILD 1. Talk to the young version of yourself with kindness, understanding, patience, encouragement, and love. 2. Learn to self-parent and teach your child self what he/she needs to know to be healthy and happy. 3. Be your own best friend and protect the inner child within from any thing and anyone who might cause harm. Trooper Truth:​ My inner child is wounded, so I will comfort her/him and nurture them to health. FIND FORGIVENESS 1. It is not your fault even when your narcissist blame shifts, creates cognitive dissonance, gaslights, projects their own shame, denies reality, becomes hostile, and ghosts you. 2. They are not evil.They are damaged and mentally disordered. They are incapable of being what they need to be for you. Accept that, let them go, and forgive them. 3. Forgive yourself for staying so long, not seeing what they were, being trauma bonded and addicted to them, and having such a difficult recovery. Trooper Truth: F​ orgiveness is a virtue and by forgiving myself and the narcissist, I am able to heal and move forward. FIND A TRIBE 1. Recovery cannot be successful without help. Build a support network of others who understand N-PTSD, trauma bonding, abuse trauma, and narcissism. 2. Follow protocol when discussing your healing with others by respecting boundaries and having clear expectations. 3. Show gratitude for your helpers and lean on them until you can lean in.

Trooper Truth: ​My tribe gives me strength and validation, and I have much gratitude for their support.