The South NRI Chronicle

NRI [Non- Resident Indian]: • A Non Resident Indian (NRI) is an Indian Citizen who resides in India for less than one hundred & eighty two days during the course of the preceding financial year, or • who has gone out of India or who stays outside India for the purpose of employment, or • who has gone out of India or who stays outside India for carrying on business or vocation outside India, or • who has gone out of India or who stays outside India for any other purpose indicating his intention to stay outside India for an uncertain period.

CONVERSATIONS WITH: 1. FLATMATES 2. two sisters 3. T.P ABDULLAh

A CONVERSATION: WITH MY FLATMATES 4 OF US ARE ETHNICALLY INDIAN, BUT RAISED AROUND THE WORLD: First of Three Series of --> FROM THE UAE the “Conversation with:” TO SINGAPORE. series where I interview three generations of Indian Immigrants.

S REARRANGED COUCHES; FAINT R&B TRACKS; C O C K TA I L S , M O C K TA I L S , AND ALL SORTS OF WEIRD CONCOCTIONS; SHITTYCIGARETTES; DIM LIGHTS; AND AN OPEN WINDOW.

Rearranged couches; faint R&B tracks; cocktails, mocktails, and all sorts of weird concoctions; shitty cigarettes; dim lights; and an open window. Very so often my roommates gather around our kitchen / living space, inviting over other flatmates and friends to lounge around. We discuss all matters society: politics, art, and what to make for dinner. The most recent conference was held on a Wednesday night, at 2300 – lasting approximately 3.5 hours which led to a sequential meeting the next weekend, that too lasting approx. four hours. We discuss our upbringings. 4 out of 6 of us are all ethnically Indian, but raised around the world - from the UAE to Singapore. Thus, the question of inner self-doubt (and societal- doubt) arises: “soooo, where are you reeealllly from?” Growing up outside India and what it means requires quite a bit of context starting with the most crucial part of any child’s life: schooling. Being called “Curry-Munchers,” and “Lice Factories,” are never good signs of a healthy childhood. From a young age, many Indian kids immediately try to disassociate ourselves from the culture, to appeal to the ‘white’ kids by pretending to be like them: asking for flail sandwiches over fulfilling, balanced thalis; refusals to wear ethnic clothing outside; pretending you don’t know your family when in public because you’re embarrassed they speak their mother tongue over English, etc. Being impacted from British Colonial practices which have now been ingrained in India’s ‘beliefs,’ much of our insecurity stems from other Indians within our communities itself. “I was born with it Grandma, I can’t correct my nose!” exclaims Rohan, complaining about the unjustifiable beauty standards his family puts him against. “But it’s the only way you can fit in,” retorts Grandma. Many Grandmas like Rohan’s, from a spectrum of ages too, believe in highly toxic ideals where we have to be fair, slim (but not too slim – as Rohan’s Grandma butts in again), masculine if you’re a man and feminine if you’re a woman. Such constructs are constantly projected onto us - when in reality, before the colonisations, India didn’t believe in a binary system where even the most commonly practiced religion, Hinduism, had Gods that were inter-sex, coming from a vast variety of backgrounds, etc. But somehow, across the path of time, the country and its people have turned to the complete extreme. Children begin wailing from a young age on how they don’t want to be dark-skinned, shrieking to be like their fair-toned cousins. And of course, the most responsible and reassuring response from their parents is that “Children who are born white become dark when they grow up, and children who are born dark become white when they grow up!” What Bullshit.

SELF- DOUBT

As you have come to learn so far, a dilemma is constantly occurring for expats. When clearly the answer is to concede and succumb to the opposing parties. We’ve been taught and conditioned to strip and shun away our Indian identities to accommodate and feel accepted to the Western gaze. However, surprisingly it is not the choice many of us from the younger generation make. We recognise the importance of welcoming our identities with the rise of social media and social awareness unlike the older generation where they feel they need to conform to societal pressure. Being Indian is a wonderful and beautiful thing, and being able to share that with other cultures is even more. Being Indian means to have large family gatherings once a month, being Indian means to be able to speak one or more of the 22 recognised, official languages of India and its dialects, being Indian means to enrich ourselves with food and grand clothing holding so much history, love, and labour. Being Indian means to be proud of being Indian, and unfortunately many of us aren’t given that freedom – and it’s time for us to start our examining, be it ourselves or our communities as a whole.









I sit with my Mom and her Sister and we go back and forth about their upbringing in Saudi Arabia where they then moved back to India. They speak with nostalgia in their voices, laughter of reminisces, and serious conversations about the stark differences of society both countries offered. We begin in our living room after breaking our fast for Ramadan and praying together as a family. My father and brother are preparing to head off to the gym and my cousins (all below the age of 10) run around, screaming at one another. The ambiance is less than favourable but this is our normal. Conversations with: T: So, when did you guys move to Saudi Arabia? *Children shriek as one of them breaks down the others attempt Two Sisters at a profound art sculpture made of plastic cups. N is on her phone trying to find a video to show L.* L: When I was three. T: So N wasn’t born yet? L: No, not yet. T: Tell me a bit about your upbringing in Saudi. N: It was really reaaally nice – I loved my childhood in Saudi. Wait, I can’t find this video. L: We lived in a compound, it was filled with Upapa’s (My Grandfather) colleagues. It was a factory, a company compound – lots of Mallus here and there. L: We had a very close-knit community, because in Saudi Arabia it was kind of like that. You have a very close-knit community or you are… alienated. So, Upapa had a group of friends who made a club, called ‘Obhur Cricket Club.’ T: And they played Cricket? *N proceeds to show the Reel to L about a video she found funny and both of them laugh. T does not understand the heavy Malayalam and watches them giggle.* L: Not quite. Every weekend we would gather together and play games or just- N: We had a whole series of games. N: Once in a year, there was scrabble, carroms, chess. *In Malayalam* Lots of games like that and outdoor games as well. L: We started off small scale, but then we started renting out huge auditoriums and venues for- *Both speak side-by-side* N: We played Badminton, Cricket, Football – L: dancing, and all that stuff. N: It was really organised and *In Malayalam* it was really nice. In between, I was thinking of doing something like that in Kozhikode (our hometown in India). It was like 20-30 of us families who lived around Jeddah. L: We used to meet up. N: It was initially only Cricket, but then it branched out to a lot of

Life in Saudi Arabia indoor games and outdoor games. There were separate mens and womens – L: Mens wing, Ladies wing. N: Mixed Doubles. L: They used to have a committee where they used to organise everything. N: There were kids also. It was a major thing: we would have proper rounds like quarter, semi-finals, finals… and winners! We had a whole prize exhibition ceremony, gifts and prizes and all that. It was so nice. L: And you know at that point, there were a lot of Mallus in Saudi, right? T: So, the club, you guys were all Mallus? N: Yeah, you could only get in if you were Mallu. T: What were your days like there? L: Was it Friday or Thursday? Where Mummy (Grandmother) and we would go out with the Ladies to go to Bawadi (Mall). N: Thursday Morning Shopping, where only Ladies would go shopping to some mall, have something to eat and come back. We would take a taxi and go. Mummy used to say all the time - *In Malayalam* “It’s like you lot are salt in curry.” T: What does that mean?? N: Like how you put salt in curries – always there. T: *LAUGHS* L: And then eventually Mummy started working, no? She had a school. But she used to always keep herself busy with something or the other. N: And then we moved to the other flat. And that was when she started the school right? L: Wait then where did they run the school there though?? N: It was this little – in A Auntie’s living room, they ran it like a small school, no? *Laughs* L: It didn’t start off as a ‘school’ school. It started off as babysitting and then they developed it into a school. L: And at that time, there was no such thing as getting a certificate or anything like that – it was very casual. Kids would come in, do Year 2 or something with Mummy and then they would go to the ‘Big’ school.

N: And there were a lot of kids too – so many kids. You Mummy used to used to teach occasionally as well also. say all the time, *In L: When I went to India to study, I used to come back for Malayalam* \"“It's like vacations and I used to help out. you lot are salt in N: There were a lot of Ethopians, Arabs – it was quite curry.\"” the diverse group of people. L: But basically, it was a very much of a bubble. We there – Tawaf and Umrah. never really interacted with the locals, not with much of L: I used to love the car rides to Makkah. an external community. N: I don’t think we realised how blessed we were; it was N: But school was a good exposure, there were Indians all taken for granted – because of how difficult it is to- from all parts of India. I had this friend when I was in school, I used to always *My Father butts in amongst this all* see her with yellow palms, like YELLOW and I asked her F: *In Malayam* Basically T, everyone says the Past about it one day and she said it’s because her mother was the best and easy. ‘The olden days were so good.’ used to make her put Manyale (Turmeric) on her face everyday! *Laughs* *Laughs and leaves.* L: That was our external exposure I suppose – otherwise, L: But in a way he’s right, we were ‘innocent’ so to say. it was all a very comfortable bubble. We didn’t have worries, tensions, and stress and all that T: Did that come naturally? Or do you think Upapa and – we had ‘clean’ minds. Mummy made it that way? T: What about when you guys would go back to India? N: I mean, it was how life was at that time - just how it Did you feel a difference? was in Saudi back then. L: I definitely felt a difference. Basically with how you L: Upapa had a lot of Pakistani colleagues and stuff like are here, you are within your own family, you are not that, we used to mingle with them a little bit. expected to conform to certain standards of society N: In fact, I get all my stuff (for her Bridal Design shop; and all that. When you go to India, you are under a lot of Pashmina) from my friend, Huda, who’s in Karachi – she’s Upapa’s colleagues daughter. L: But yeah, we had a very very good childhood. N: We used to go to Makkah when we were around

How Only the Good Things Were Given to the Men -– the Good Mangoes Ended Up in the Men's Plate !



scrutiny. When you are here, you only have your direct family somewhere. *Laughs* to answer for, otherwise over there you have a lot of people T: Like C uncle used to ask me all the time when we stopped to answer to. buying things for all the cousins: “Why didn’t you buy us L: l moved back to India when I was in Year 9, the rest of the anything?” *Laughs* family still in Saudi. That was a big change… but I got used to L: Yeah, they turned it (from being an act of kindness) to an it… But that is always there, when you stay in your own home, expectation. you are okay; when you go to India, how do you feel? Lots of pressure from everywhere, no? T: How was it moving from Saudi to India to the UAE? Did you And when we go to India, people see us and the ‘style’ we walk feel that they were similar- in and people like to say things. I remember A auntie asking B L & N: Oh no, they’re so different! auntie if whether Mummy prays? Because you know she used L: When I first came here, I was shocked to see women in the to come with these extravagant hairstyles. tills. *Laughs* N: Oh! Really? T: Oh! Is it only men there in Saudi? L: Yeah! Before I got married, A auntie asked me. *Laughs* N: I think it’s changed now in Saudi but it was aways very… Because she was the fashionable one that came from outside, cocooned. No women really working or driving but you know, no. Everybody else is in India. we were totally okay with it because we grew up seeing it. It Because we’re living outside, it always happens where we didn’t strike as us being ‘oppressive,’ or ‘why is it like this over have a lot of expectations. This has become a meme now here? Why? Why? Why?’ We grew up seeing it as it was. But but before coming to India, we would buy kilos upon kilos of now it’s completely changed and a lot of my Saudi friends things for people back home. It’s like money is pouring from No no, that's only a recent trend that started. Abayas were never a thing then. Everyone wore Salvars. say that they liked the older – the progressive stuff is good – but they say it’s changed too much. Lots of concerts and music – change that they don’t particularly. L: But it depends also, we probably don’t know how our Non- Muslim friends felt also. N: Yeah, for sure, they must’ve had different experiences. L: Like Abaya was compulsory over there for us. We had to wear it whether you were Muslim or Non-Muslim. We were okay with it but when we went back home (India) we used to remove it, no? And in the UAE, everything is so modern but not so much Saudi. N: Inspite of it being such a rich country too. *Children scream* N: Please go to the other room. *Children retort a loud “No” and laugh around* T: Going back to the previous point we were talking about, a lot of people back home now wear the Abaya, was that

cultural contrasts in nations always a thing when you guys first moved to Saudi? L: No no, that’s only a recent trend that started. Abayas were never a thing then. Everyone wore Salvars. L: Something else I noticed in India was how the girls were always put down; the girls were always in the background. The boys would eat first, and then the girls ate Round 2. How only the good things were given to the men – the good mangoes ended up in the men’s plate! But you know, Umama (Great Grandmother), she was widowed at a really young age… 25… her boys were her priority. They are the ones who take care of her and this is how she ‘paid’ them back… by giving them the best of what was there. So we kind of grew up seeing that. And we took it to be that that’s how everything was meant to be; that was the misconception we had. I realised that that’s not how it is for every house until D auntie married into our family. She really couldn’t understand why men and women were sitting different – we are a family so we should sit together. But E uncle’s (Great Grandmother’s brother’s family) house wasn’t like that. Everyone sat together, our house always did this from way before. N: I mean, we were also a really big family; a lot more people – everyone can’t sit at the table at one go either. The men liked to have it together, the women liked to have it together. L: But the boy preference is definitely there. N: But it’s also changing a lot. When I started the shop (her Bespoke Bridal Brand; Pashmina), I heard a lot of things. But I was just like I’m really not going to bother but because of that, all the girls now are all doing something or the other. I remember F auntie coming and telling me, “because you started this, there’s hope for our girls too.” L: They don’t tell us all this most of the time but our cousin keeps telling us that the three of us (my mom and her two sisters) have done something. They’re following now but that’s the biggest problem of being there is society and its pressures. You either follow the herd or you’re seen as someone who’s ‘modern.’ Something they don’t like. T: But like, Islamically - the Religion doesn’t really believe in what our society says, you see that with Khadijah (RA) an-



L: Exactly, but because all the Imams are men, they don’t tell turns out he was Upapa’s college junior and he asked “are you the women their rights. Tippomoy AA’s daughter!?” N: Yeah, it’s a lot of patriarchal Religion more than the actual L: Upapa was very handsome. Poor Upapa, he still says all this religion itself. now but we call him show off, but it’s true. He got film offers- But Mummy and Upapa were never like that, they were always T: What! Wow! quite chill. Both of them were not like that. Like the only thing L: He was very good looking, very stylish. Upapa said no for me was when I asked to study abroad or Poor thing no, we’ll all reach that stage eventually but he must even in another state of India. be missing his younger days. He came from a very good fam- L: But technically, that was also because of societal pressure ily. Upapa’s father was very much a character, didn’t want his he said no. Because he was worried people would tell him that sons to do anything out of what was expected. At one point, his daughters would not get husbands. If a situation was to Upapa had to put his foot down for his brother. His brother arise, that would be the first thing all of would say. We had a was a national level player for Badminton and his father didn’t such a closeted childhood, you kind of go with the flow with want him to play this major game and Upapa walked out from whever you are but when you reach India, you’re overwhelmed home saying “if you don’t let him go, I won’t stay here,” and with all that’s going around. straight walked out of the house. T: Yeah, I feel that now, all my friends have all gone abroad to Upapa is also very proud of his langauge… Because at that study and that’s just how the student culture is in the UAE, time, people with his sort of fluency was very rare to find… which is why I never really thought it would be something ‘fam- Which is why he likes to speak in English all the time. ily’ would say something about. *Laughs* L: And there’s nothing wrong with that! But if you were in India, L: And he went to those kind of schools. And that time, school- I don’t think you would’ve gone. ing was very cultured, he learnt a lot about etiquettes. Very N: Yeah, you wouldn’t have. refined, lots of British influences in their schooling. T: Like when G uncle and H uncle talked to me on those occa- Upapa and his brothers were all a bunch of really gorgeous sions, I really couldn’t stand what I was hearing. men. Upapa’s father was really good looking. His father was a N: Hearing what? film actor too. L: Apparently G uncle had talked to her and said he has no N: Generally boys from Thalassery were all very good looking, idea how I ended up going abroad. The saying was that *In Malayalam* they won’t have money T: And H uncle had asked me to explain my course and when I in their pockets but they’ll have combs. said it was first a one year foundation, he immediately cut me *Laughs* off and told me to stop after and just come back to India to N: Basically good for nothings! study in the same university my cousins are going to (which T: And Upapa’s got the looks and the brains. was also the same university my mother and grandmother L: But he wasn’t very humble about it! That’s the only problem. went to). *Laughs* N: What! *Laughs* N: We used to love going to Thalassery (Upapa; Grandfather’s L: That’s how they are. And I think I would’ve also through the Hometown). same if I was there. L: We used to go by train and my god we loved the journeys. It N: I think that that’s what they’ve grown up with. To think out- was a lovely home… side the box is just not possible. I remember more of Thalassery than Kozhikode (Mummy; T: But at the same time, they’re older now – they’re full adults Grandmother’s hometown). The grand house, the grand now, they can think for themselves. house’s toilet problems. *Laughs* I used to hate the toilets L: Upapa was different because Upapa’s family came from a there because it was the Indian style ones where you have to very different background and they were in Calcutta. Culcut- squat down. And Upapa’s father heard that we were not using ta was really progressive and that time – still is. the toilets because of that and he built us a Western toilet. N: Upapa had double masters by then, an MA and MBA. And *Laughs* at that time, to study that much was some big thing. Because even his brothers didn’t study that much, he was the only one L: But other than that, we didn’t really have a traditional Indian who studied that much. I remember my senior in college was upbringing… Upapa was very modern and Mummy adapted to like “oh my, you’re AA’s daughter.” He’s heard of him, a man who that. We always wore Jeans and Skirts and an Abaya on top, studied that much so long ago, for my senior to be able to stuff like what you wear now. remember him. N: We only wore Salvars when we got to India. L: He was the cool dude of the family. J uncle says all the time I started my clothing store knowing I’d always do something right, from before, as children, they all used to look up to him. business. I mean, women don’t really work in our family but I He bought in a lot of things that was not there. did do an engineering degree nonetheless. N: Recently, there was this guy who came into my In-Laws place for some accounting thing and he’s from Thalassery,

T: Why engineering? heard the moment I finished 10th. It kind of brainwashes you; your N: I have no clue. life’s purpose was to get married. L: It’s all part and parcel when you get out of school, you either I think I would have done it so much different if I had a little bit of do medicine or engineering. awareness. N: At that time, we were so dumb. Kids nowadays have so much T: But you know, I’m also the first grandchild and I don’t feel that counselling in terms of career. The kids in Year 12 right now are pressure… so different to when we were in Year 12. N: I suppose it’s because you’re in a different era now, an era with L: We had no clue, I was really like a fresh chicken. parents such as yours and grandparents such as yours. L: When I was your age, I was almost engaged. But at that time, it Mummy was visiting was also quite late and I only got it extended to such an age be- and she had taken cause I cried and cried. *Laughs* That’s how life is. Now I’m fine. a bottle to the Even then I was fine. I didn’t know any better. You don’t have any washroom (to wash independence at all, you basically go from one house to the other. ourselves) and some white woman looked *Kids rush into the room justifying their fight and their sides of at her and said “you the story, explaining the other’s diabolical plans that throws the bloody Indians. other under the bus. Lots of Pffts, Bams, and PowPowPows N: We did what our parents told us to do. The only one who amidst their descriptions. Both mothers sigh and we continue.* really did something different is one of my closest friends. She T: How do you guys feel about the current political climate in was very particular about her course. India? L: But she was raised in the UAE. N: It really is very sad… N: She wanted to do Visual Communication and who even does L: It’s bullsheeet. VC at that time? We never have even heard of the course at that time. I took Koyada once L: I simply studied literature. I took it because marriage was and one of my co- looming… I’m the first daughter and granddaughter from both workers exclaimed sides of the family. It had no purpose or direction. And it was describing it when I found out about my sister-in-law where it really shocked as a \"crunchy, me. Till then I was a buffoon. I had a rank of 5000 and she had a meat pastie with rank of 19,000, and they allowed her to study Architecture. And crunchy chicken that was when it struck me… They deliberately, if I had known… inside\" We were in such a cocoon… That’s how dumb we were. T: Do you think it was school or family? N (who currently lives in India with her family): I don’t know N: No no, it was because we were girls. *In Malayalam* They how the kids are going to grow up, in what sort of environment. I can just study whatever, it doesn’t matter putting any energy would rather they leave the country as soon as they can and I will to it, they’ll anyway get married and go. But still, study well. follow suit. L: And in my mind, I was only being raised to get married. I *Laughs* wasn’t really thinking about anything else. L: “You are not Indian, you are Muslim – go back to Pakistan!” N: I think you saw all of that when you went to India, I didn’t see But the thing is, it doesn’t affect us as much as the Muslims in the much of that because I was in Saudi until I was in 12th. North (of India). Because we’re from Kerala and the nature of our L: And I was the eldest granddaughter. It was the only thing I State’s politics, it’s not as bad for us. Our other sister always talks about how her friends in the North are feeling, N: The hate is very obvious there. We don’t really want to go to

places like Delhi because we’re scared of what would happen to us if we were to walk around. All of us cover (i.e. the Hijab), so it’s really easy to identify us as Muslim… T: Did you cover when you were in College? L: Yeah, I covered. But for school, I had to remove. I was in an Anglo-Christian school. N: It was Christian run. That’s still how it is now, they’re still quite strict on that (policy). T: I wonder why… Because, technically, in the Bible, women are meant to cover like when they pray, or have long hair. L: See the way you think, we did not think at that time. “Why are you not letting me cover my hair?” No – it as more like, “Remove? Okay! Remove!” *Laughs* T: Enda Ma! *Laughs* Do you guys have anything to comment on your experiences being an NRI? N: Well, when I wanted to use the loo, I used to carry a bottle! (for the lack of bidets or handshowers) There was this instance when I lived in the UK, Mummy was visiting and she had taken a bottle to the washroom (to wash ourselves) and some white woman looked at her and said “you bloody Indians.” T: WHAT! N: And there’s this other story when I used to work in a Tele- Marketing firm and I was the only Indian there. I remember I took Koyada once and one of my co-workers exclaimed describing it as “crunchy, meat pastie with crunchy chicken inside!” *Laughs* L: I don’t know, maybe at some point it would be nice to actually settle down somewhere… I don’t really see myself settling down anywhere… N: But you know I think that’s what makes us very different to North Indians I guess, perhaps just our family or what but all my North Indian friends, they always have that agenda of getting a passport or settling down, whereas we’re all like *In Malayalam* How many years has it been since you guys have been in the misogyny - at its finest



UAE or us in Saudi and still you don’t get a citizenship. And they L: A lot of it, I learnt from my colleagues. At one point you have look at that, where they can get the nationality – that I feel like to ask, and if you’re not going to ask, you’re not going to get we, Malayalis are not both- it. What’s the problem in asking, it’s just a matter of telling L: Malayali Muslims. your boss you’re worth more. And when I started asking, the N: Malayali Muslims are not bothered. I remember a friend of increments started happening. And now I tell my TAs (Teaching mine, she’s Hyderabadi, she was in the US, and her husband’s a Assistants) that all the time now. pilot. And now she’s here and she was saying “How can you live in *Laughs* this country for so long when you know you’re not going to get N: And it’s a stereotype as well, people know we, Indians, will citizenship or a passport? Why would you want to live here??” work more than we get paid. Other people won’t do that. They’ll They all think of the future. We come from business families so do exactly what is said in their job description. that’s where the difference lies. For them it’s apna apna, for L: They won’t step one step outside. We have this pleasing us… we don’t really think that way because there’s a sense of mentality where we feel like we need to prove ourselves all the security for us in that way. And that is their main goal: to settle time which is really stupid. down somewhere… and we don’t have that at all. And it affects your relationship with your colleagues as well T: And in a way, they were right to think that. We never when you do that. You’re given empty praises by your bosses, really thought our citizenship would be threatened, *Laughs* but for what and for what cost? generations upon generations have lived in India and now the N: “Always that L, always sucking up! Always!” security for our Citizenship is being threatened by the very *Laughs* same government because of our Religion… crazy. L: T is like that. She can put her foot down and say no for sure. L: Yeah… But when it comes to her work, she has this mindset of always needing to prove herself. Whatever she does, she’s always doing *Silence falls in the living room while the kids in the other room too much – she should know when to cut off! laugh and shriek* T: Uhmmm, anyway! L: And her high school teachers said the same thing, the teach- L: But yeah, I mean in terms of living in the UAE. I always notice ers told me – she needs to know when to switch off. When the different between my colleagues and I, especially in my first something’s done, you need to stop but she will feel like it’s not two years of working. I see it in a way of being inexperienced, up to the mark. like when I talk to my colleagues – they leave home by the time T: Anywaaaayyyy! This isn’t about mee! they’re 18 and become independent – they’ve worked in almost *Laughs* every category I can think of. T: I saw somewhere that there was this guy, Indian, he teaches N: Yeah and that was what I was saying, we weren’t brought at this school and he teaches for Primary and he’s overqualified up to think you should think about your career – careers were for the job, way more credentials than his colleagues but the never in the picture. reason why he teaches the younger kids is because of his ac- L: At one point they live on their own, they find their partners, cent. they build a life here, there, and everywhere. *In Malayalam* L: It’s really racist here. At T’s previous school, I was friends with We don’t have all that; you move from one house to the other. T’s friend’s mother. K auntie - Indian. She told me she went in for Finished. And that also someone is chosen for us. an interview and they told her the salary, the bare minimum – a N: Nothing out of total free will. math’s teacher for year 3 or 4… 3000 AED. And they told her L: There’s someone else doing all the calculations… upfront that the English teacher, who was white, has 10,000 AED manipulations… I feel I’ve developed a lot in my first 2 years of for a salary. If K auntie was ready to understand that aspect of work, because I was really utilised a lot at work since I didn’t the pay, then only she can come for the job. They say this so that know I could say no to things. they don’t come in later comparing salaries and ask for more. N: I feel that all is so much part of our Indian-ness. The same grade teacher but for English and she’s white. L: We think we can be over-utilised and it’s okay. Indian teachers are the best because they’re dedicated. They’re N: Even when I was working for that firm, I used to do so much dedicated to the children and what they teach. The Indian that was out of my job description because I was willing to teachers at your previous school were like that – even if the pay please, I didn’t mind doing all the extra work; none of my other is horrible. colleagues did it but I wouldn’t mind?? And that says a lot about N: Oh my god, it’s 1100 and the kids are still awake. *In our culture. Malayalam* Children, start getting ready for bed! You all need L: And then you realise, no matter what you do, you are not to wake up for Suhoor! going up in anyone’s opinion – you’re still the same; you’re still *N ushers the kids to go upstairs and L starts switching off the that Indian lady – who’ll do anything and everything and you’re not rising up in the ranks. lights in all the rooms and picks up any obstacle of toys and N: I remember my boss had promised me a bonus because I was paper cup sculptures from the floor. I am left alone, watching doing so well, *In Malayalam* and now I’m thinking why did I the two women pack everything away until the noise and chaos never ask for it… I was very docile, he literally told me he would dies down, awaiting the next day to start with just as much and I sat there thinking “oh, he didn’t give it to me, okay, it’s fine, he didn’t give it to me.” sound and conversation.*





Conversations with: T.P ABDULLAH

T.P Abdulla: Husband, Father, and Grandfather. An eccentric, young, wise soul sits down with me, retelling his stories of the past. From moving from Calcutta to Thalassery to Saudi Arabia to Kozhikode, he recounts his tales of growing up in diverse environments and how it impacted his family, friends, and himself. Crossedleg,elegantlysatwithacupofPayassam, I was born in Thalassery, my Grandfather recounts 1951. And my father’s his young, spirited tales business was in Calcutta – of moving from Calcutta a textile business. We have to Thalassery to Saudi Liberty cloth house, Liberty Arabia to Kozhikode. I Tailoring, Liberty Catering… begin by speaking about And we were brought up in the premise of my work Calcutta. I did my schooling and without any prompts, in St. Thomas’ school: he begins his story. Primary, Boys, and then Higher Secondary. Those were the lovely days. My school was basically a Christian Missionary school where we had normal lessons and scriptures. We went to the Church every morning, got baptised. It was all very systematically done; they were rigid about it. The convent education is very unique. Part of the syllabus was also etiquette: how to behave with other people, how to talk, how to eat. By 1960, my father constructed a house in Thalassery and my mother wanted to settle back home but I continued. I passed out from SSLC, which is the school leaving certificate in India, and joined Brenned College in Thalassery for a Pre-Degree course of two years. Then I did my graduates in English Literature. I then did my Post Grad in MA Literature – completed in ’75. After, for almost one and a half years, I was doing business with an uncle of mine… that was a disastrous experience because a lot of money was swindled by him… A year after that, 1976, I went to Calcutta where I did an MBA, and once completed, I immediately got married in October 22nd 1978. We had a short honeymoon in Mahabalipuram and a few other places. A year after that, my oldest was born. And then, I was seriously thinking about moving countries – Saudi Arabia.

“HOW COME SAUDI ARABIA?” As soon as I finished my studies, I was looking to get a job somewhere to Gulf. I got married in 78, and was just waiting for my visa. And then I was thinking of moving to somewhere maybe in Dubai, or Saudi Arabia. “BUT WHY SPECIFICALLY THE GULF?” Because there was opportunity, everybody was going when we were landing that was a beautiful experience there, opportunity was there in galore. I didn’t want because something which I’ve never seen before to go for business, because we had a couple of bad because Jeddah was glittering at that time. I was experiences before I completed my studies. So in fact, watching through the windows: beautiful. It was almost I thought, I’ll take a dip into a company and then start like in Dubai, the airport was in the heart in the heart of working for them. And in between, my first daughter the city. After two years, it (the airport) moved out to a came into the equation in ’79. In ’80 March – no, far off place. February – I went to Saudi Arabia. Everything was ready, waited for the delivery and it was my first ever outing to I had a friend of mine who came and received me. I Saudi Arabia. was a total stranger to the city, no relatives in Jeddah. Haroon, was who received me and I went with him to I took a flight from Mangalore to Bombay, and from his house, had dinner. Bombay, there was a flight which was going via Karachi. It was my first ever experience – on PIA: Pakistan First year itself I went for Hajj. It was very outdated back International Airlines! And in Karachi, we went out for then. just a trip within the city and then came “OUTDATED IN THE SENSE…?”back and that night, we flew to Saudi and Outdated in the sense that there were hardly any facilities. We had to make our own tent, start living there, no toilet facilities – it was all in the open air and I did not go to the washroom for five days. My constipation problems started because of that! “DID YOU TRAVEL ALONE? We had to bring our own cooking ranges, our DID YOUR WIFE own groceries, everything needs to be thought about. And I went almost every year. ACCOMPANY YOU?” I was alone. It was a lonely trip. But that day itself, I was dropped into a bachelor’s pad of 16 people; there were four bedrooms, each bedroom had four people. Four. I stayed there until my wife came; one tear approx. Then, I started looking for a job. At that time what happens is the moment you land, you cannot go and hunt for a job, you have to wait for the resident permit. It takes at least two-three weeks or maybe one month before you get it. So, till that period, I was inside and I had nothing to do, just ate and slept, that’s all you can do. You cannot go out also, because the passport is given to the authorities for preparing the visa. And I had all these unknown characters in the flat. They go to work and come back and by rotation, we had one person in charge on the daily.





Once I got my resident permit, and I started looking for a job. It was very difficult to get a job because mostly Indians work there as a typist or secretaries which I’m not very familiar with it. I was a qualified person and they said, “Oh, if you are qualified doesn’t make a difference in this country.” Fortunately, I had an opening in a small establishment, where I worked for almost one or two months as a part timer Accountant and Secretary. Then one of my flatmates, he was working with Saudi Cables and told me there was an opening and asked, “why don’t you apply for it?” Saudi Cables was one of the biggest Cable companies in Saudi Arabia where I worked for almost 23 years. I started my career as an Accountant and progressed gradually to become manager, then general manager, and so on – it was a long journey. Very interesting. The people and the company were very, very cooperative. They were very happy with me. So, I had a lot of promotions and reached a senior position. By the time it was 2002, my first granddaughter was born, and my second daughter was about to get “HOW COME?” married – so I said, “okay, now it’s over,” because the family Staying alone, cooking alone – it’s going to be difficult at that age. Because the company wanted me to complete some of the projects. Once I finished those “WHY DIDN’T YOU GO RIGHT things, I put in my resignation and when I came back to India, the hung ono my visa for AWAY WITH THEM (THE FAMILY)?another year, so that I could come back after a sabbatical. The company wasn’t willing to WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO let me go. The company was very good in that way where STAY A YEAR EXTRA?” they recognised people, gave people a lot of opportunities. When I came back, my second when I heard that they were seriously considering it. We went daughter got married… that was… a very bad experience… through the very, very difficult time. Immediately after she got married, she met with an accident And in 2010, we started looking for a husband for my youngest where she went for Umrah… and she lost her husband… daughter. I met my now infamous son-in-law, who is also her mother-in-law, her father-in-law, and her brother- based in Dubai. His family is into business, and that marriage in-law. It was a very unfortunate accident. And because culminated to 2010. After that, we had frequent trips to Dubai my company maintained my visa for another year, where and Abu Dhabi because now I had two daughters based in the they were hoping I would come back – I was able to fly to UAE. Now, every year we have one or two visits to the UAE and Saudi in time of distress when she was going through a we occasionally travel to Europe or Asia. trauma. I should thank the company for that, you know, for maintaining that visa, really, helped me a lot. Otherwise, So, these are part and parcel of my life and I’m now very happy, the process of getting a visa and traveling at that time was all settled down. And Alhamdulillah, this is my story. going to take me at least one week minimum. And not only that, it was during Eid, all offices were closed. She was in Medina, we stayed there for two to three days. By the time it was 2002, my first granddaughter was born, She was the only surviving member of the party. It was a and my second daughter was about to get married – so I said, very dark moment for us. And for the next six months, you “okay, now it’s over,” because the family wanted to go back know it was a very, very difficult time for all of us thinking to India. So, for one year I was all alone – it was frustrating. about what was going to be the future. And then, God sent somebody, because the big thing that my now son-in-law and his family came forward and said that he’d get married to me daughter. It was the biggest relief… I almost cried