Marie Claire

Chanel Contos (second from right) with four people who have spoken of their experience of stealthing as part of the campaign to criminalise the act nationally (from left): Sam, Elena, Sienna and Abbie. Contos is the founder of Teach Us Consent and director of the Centre for Sex & Gender Equality at The Australia Institute.

“IT WAS CLEAR ELENA, 24, student HE NEVER CONSIDERED I was 20 years old when I experienced stealthing. HOW HIS I’d just met a new partner, and after a couple of DECISION dates he performed oral sex on me. Two days later, WOULD I developed STD symptoms. I booked in to get tested IMPACT ME” and I asked that he do the same. The next time I saw him, I hadn’t received my results yet and when I asked him about his results, he told me he didn’t get tested. Later that night, after I’d had a few drinks, things obviously got a bit heated between us and he started to take my clothes off. I stopped him and said, “I don’t think we should have sex until my results came back.” He replied, “Don’t stress, I’ve got protection. It’ll be OK.” So we agreed to continue having sex. It wasn’t until we were having sex from a position where I couldn’t see him that he told me, “I need to stop or I’ll cum.” I was confused because I was under the impression that he was using protection like we agreed. I stopped him and saw that he wasn’t wearing a condom. I asked him why he would do that after everything that had happened in the past week. It was clear that he never considered how his decision would impact me. I was numb. I was really scared at how comfortable he was gambling not only his sexual health but my sexual health and wellbeing just for his own perceived entitlement to sexual gratification. It was terrifying. It was one of the worst feelings I’d ever had. I felt that I couldn’t talk about it to anyone because I didn’t have a word to describe how violated I felt. It wasn’t until two years later that I heard the word stealthing for the first time. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief because it meant that the shame and the violation I had felt was justified and not just something I was making a big deal out of. In December, I was able to share my insights with Queensland Parliament both as a victim of sexual violence and as a psychology and criminology student. I reiterated the importance of delivering comprehensive sex education to school students, and the role this has on not only protecting victims, but also potentially limiting the likelihood of becoming an abuser. I believe if men had access to comprehensive sex education from a young age, we could teach them that their perceived entitlement to sexual gratification is not more important than another individual’s right to safety. Given the abhorrent attitudes of some towards rape, I am doubtful that highlighting victim experiences alone is enough to dismantle cultures of sexual violence. I suggested that we also look to perpetrators who take accountability for their past actions and now denounce sexual violence, to model appropriate behaviour in our community. Collaborating in this way might help shift the paradigm around sexual violence.

CAMPAIGN SAM, 21, student “I’VE LOST COUNT OF The first time it happened to me, I was 16. THE NUMBER I consented to safe sex for myself and it felt like a OF TIMES I’VE complete violation of my personal autonomy. At the EXPERIENCED time, I didn’t understand what stealthing was, but I had STEALTHING” a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. It wasn’t until I came across an Instagram post on stealthing that I finally realised what had happened to me. Having the language earlier might not have stopped it, but at least I would have known what had happened. All the times I’ve been stealthed there’s been a considerable power imbalance. I was seeing this guy who would take the condom off during sex because he said it “feels better”. When you’re naked in bed with someone who’s physically bigger or older than you, which is often the case in queer sexual dynamics, you feel so vulnerable that letting it happen can often feel safer than saying no. I consented to sex with a condom, then had that choice taken away from me. Homophobia forces queer kids into the closet, so they have nowhere else to turn to except dating apps, and within that there’s a really high level of vulnerability. In one of my past relationships, I told the guy I was seeing that I wanted him to wear a condom. He would tell me, “I’m on PrEP [an HIV preventative drug], it’s all good,” and kept pushing until I would eventually say yes. This happened for six months. Because of the coercion, I suffered from a number of minor health issues, although I’m thankful that I didn’t contract anything permanent. At school, I was never taught about power imbalances or stealthing. Not equipping kids with the knowledge they need to have healthy and safe sexual experiences is really debilitating. Queer people are often left out of the conversation when it comes to consent education in mainstream media. So as difficult as it was for me to share my story, I hope that by doing so I can pass my new language onto another queer kid. So he took the condom off without rape someone stemmed from two the objectives of the Teach Us Consent consent in order to satisfy his desires. things that have been ingrained campaign, because it is an act of This caused great distress for the victim in this man his whole life: sexual normalised violence. What I mean instantly, but it took the man eight years entitlement and the pressure to be a by this is that it’s a form of rape that is to realise that he had raped someone. “man” and “perform” in the bedroom. not understood by our society as rape He said he knew it was wrong because and, because of ingrained male sexual it felt wrong, but he didn’t know how I often get asked if a woman entitlement, it occurs at an unknown wrong. He said he would never have lying about being on the pill counts as scale without accountability. The good done it if he knew it was a crime. stealthing. Instead, this is a different act; news is that there is potential to stop it it’s one of reproductive coercion. en masse. That man did not wake up When he first put on that condom, Many people who have shared their in the morning and decide to inflict he did not know that he would be experiences of stealthing recount that violence on someone. He felt entitled taking it off minutes later. But when he right before it occurred, the perpetrator to do so because parts of society told had the urge to do it in the moment, asked if they were on contraception. him that he could. It can be eradicated he allowed his entitlement to another’s This suggests that the reason for if we make it clear that he cannot and body, his own sexual desires and pride stealthing is not to get a partner that stealthing is a criminal act. to outweigh his respect of another’s pregnant but because of sexual desires. health, choices and bodily autonomy. It’s incredible that laws around the The criminalisation of stealthing is country are overtly declaring this rape. That means that this decision to a natural progression after achieving marieclaire.com.au | 53

CAMPAIGN The ACT was the first jurisdiction to The Australia Institute and Dr male entitlement that spurs too many criminalise stealthing, in October 2021, Brianna Chesser from RMIT found to take that condom off, or betray their following a private member’s bill from that only 15 per cent of Australians sexual partner by never putting it on. ACT opposition leader Elizabeth Lee. knew what stealthing was. Once it Tasmania and NSW followed suit was explained to them, 81 per cent Stealthing is an act that occurs in June 2022. Victoria outlawed of Australians believed that it should when entitlement outweighs empathy. stealthing in August, followed by be criminalised in every jurisdiction. Law reform and awareness around this South Australia in November and in For a country that struggles to reach legislation can outweigh entitlement. December Queensland announced it consensus on most issues, this is will pass legislation in 2023 outlawing telling. I thank both these authors; Given that, I thank every survivor stealthing. This leaves Western we wouldn’t be here without you. who has chosen to be a part of this Australia and the Northern Territory. campaign. From a conversation with Language is one of the most loved ones, to sharing one of the most The point of changing the laws is to powerful tools for shaping culture. vulnerable moments of your life with set community standards, to reclassify Awareness around this deceitful act some of the most powerful people in the non-consensual removal of a from media, from conversations with the country, and to the individuals who condom during sex as wrong. friends, and from the law have the have told their story and spoken out ability to counteract that ingrained against stealthing with me in A report by Sienna Parrott from marie claire, thank you. “CRIMINALISATION ABBIE, 39, designer IS NOT ABOUT PUNISHMENT. The first time I experienced stealthing was more than IT’S ABOUT a decade ago. The man I was seeing didn’t want to use SOCIAL CHANGE” a condom and we were in the middle of an argument about it. Suddenly he pulled the condom off and penetrated me without warning. Seeing my shock, he started saying, “No, no, no. I’m not a bad guy.” I left immediately, knowing something awful had happened to me but not yet having the words to express it. I was stealthed again by another guy a few years later. Then my third and most recent experience was less than a year ago. The guy removed the condom without asking me, which I noticed immediately and this time became hysterical. Through tears I asked him why he had done it, but he just kept shaking his head and couldn’t answer me. How could he say to my face that he forgot I was a real person, that he had put his own pleasure over my own needs, boundaries and safety? Afterwards, I was a shell of myself, traumatised and shaken. I took myself to a sexual health clinic, where they recognised what had happened and took me to the sexual assault service for counselling. I was offered the chance to press charges, but I didn’t want to take it that far. Due to these and other experiences of sexual violence, I’ve often found it hard to be vulnerable and trust my partners to keep me safe. We hear a lot about the impact on men accused of rape, but we don’t really hear about the long-term effects on the people who’ve been raped. But I don’t want to be labelled as a victim or a survivor. I don’t want a label attached to me because of these incidents, just as I won’t let the actions of entitled, abusive men determine my identity or how I feel about myself as a person. Criminalisation, for me, is not about punishment. It’s about social change. There is so much power in language, and we need to shift the conversation. If “no means no” can enter common language off the back of a change in law and a campaign, then respectful relationships and affirmative consent can easily do the same. Prevention of abusive behaviour starts with early conversations about simply looking after each other in relationships. It’s about being present, communicating and making sure our sexual partners are comfortable, safe and having a good time.

SIENNA, 24, climate researcher I first heard the term stealthing when my jurisdiction [ACT] criminalised it in October 2021. However, it wasn’t until I began researching it with The Australia Institute’s Centre for Sex & Gender Equality that I started to understand the intricacies of this form of sexual violence. It was also through my work as a researcher that I was able to reflect on my own experience. My [then] partner and I had agreed to use condoms because I was between contraceptive pills. He never put one on. The next day, I had to take the morning- after pill. I remember feeling violated and upset because our agreement hadn’t been respected. But without the language and education about stealthing, I couldn’t validate these feelings. Now I understand that stealthing is defined as the misrepresentation about condom use during sex. It can be both the non-consensual removal and failing to use a condom when it was agreed to. There are so many barriers to stealthing survivors coming forward, including the legal ambiguity. A research report I co-authored with Dr Brianna Chesser found that 56 per cent of Australians didn’t know whether stealthing was explicitly criminalised where they live, which emphasises the need to increase community awareness. Stealthing is criminalised in six out of eight jurisdictions in Australia. It’s such an intricate form of sexual violence because you have consented to protected sex, but it’s only when the conditions change that it then becomes assault. All the ambiguity around stealthing compounds the existing barriers that sexual assault survivors face. Because it often falls through the cracks of our legal and educational systems, a lot of survivors, myself included, don’t initially recognise stealthing as sexual assault. Fortunately, thanks to Chanel’s advocacy and the success of the Teach Us Consent campaign in changing the national curriculum, now when stealthing is criminalised in any jurisdiction it automatically becomes part of the curriculum for consent and respectful relationships education. So in those six jurisdictions, it’s mandatory the curriculum teaches young people about stealthing. I wanted to share my story, both as a survivor and as a researcher, because I finally understood that what happened to me was wrong. I’ve seen first-hand that increasing awareness about stealthing can lead to law reform and ultimately create cultural change. PHOTOGRAPHY BY CORRIE BOND/VIVIEN’S CREATIVE. STYLED BY HOW CAN YOU HELP? WHAT TO DO IF IT’S JORDAN BOORMAN. ADDITIONAL STYLING BY STELLA MORISON. HAPPENED TO YOU HAIR BY VANESSA COLLINS/RELOAD AGENCY. MAKEUP BY LEI TAI/ In WA, the Law Reform Commission’s final VIVIEN’S CREATIVE. PRODUCTION: ROBYN FAY-PERKINS. report on the state’s sexual assault laws is If the content of this story has affected you, there due to be released in July 2023 (affirmative is help available, including survivor mental health consent and stealthing are in the scope support and legal reporting. of the review). The NT is yet to move to Full Stop Australia (national phone and online criminalise stealthing. Write to the federal counselling for survivors), 1800 385 578, fullstop.org.au. Attorney-General and urge the government The Survivor Hub (youth and survivor-led grassroots to harmonise stealthing laws. WA and NT organisation), thesurvivorhub.org.au. residents, put pressure on your local federal NASASV (support directory for sexual assault member to criminalise stealthing in your services and reporting organised by jurisdictions), jurisdiction. Make your voice heard. (03) 5025 5400, nasasv.org.au. marieclaire.com.au | 55

The of It’s all caviar, Cristal and Chanel bags on Instagram, but some influencers in the Emirates city are selling sex to fund their lavish lifestyles

SOCIETY o her hundreds of thousands of followers, the influencer personifies the hallucinatory extravagance of a luxury Dubai lifestyle. Regularly posting pictures of champagne, couture outfits and private jets, peppered with motivational quotes and the occasional bikini shot, she claims to work in the fashion industry. But to a businessman who introduced himself as a friend of a friend, her real job seems quite different. “Do you pay for presents? 4000 euros. Yes or no,” she replied almost instantly after he sent her a private message on Instagram. “I had 10,000 last night. Do you think you’re so famous and handsome that you get a discount?” Drawn by winter sun, non-existent income tax, relatively loose pandemic restrictions and easy-to-obtain visas, thousands of influencers have arrived in the past few years, flooding social media with posts extolling the glamorous possibilities of life in the emirate. They depict a world in which beach-club visits, Bollinger and oysters by the dozen are weekday fare, and evenings are spent with the world’s ultra-rich, which now includes the thousands of Russians who have poured into the city since the war in Ukraine began. In late 2022, they were joined by football fans from across the world who wanted to stay in Dubai while going to World Cup matches in neighbouring Qatar. For a gleaming city of glass and steel that 70 years ago did not have electricity or running water, the aspirational imagery is marketing dynamite. Yet all is not quite as it seems. More than a dozen interviews with influencers, sex-buyers and the people around them have revealed that some of these influencers are funding marieclaire.com.au | 57

their lifestyles by selling sex for Billionaire in the emirate but the practice is thousands of dollars a night. The more Roman everywhere. popular they are on social media, the more they can charge. “Because they Abramovich And lately – according to several have many followers they are paid is said to be more, and they are paid with flights, house hunting. jewellery, bags ... and of course cash,” said one influencer with close long-time Dubai expatriates – sex work knowledge of the situation. “A ‘famous blogger’ will charge at least $US5000 seems to have grown more visible, a night minimum, but it goes up to $10,000, and for a weekend out of The price, she said, was $A1000 particularly in the smarter parts of the city it will be about $20,000.” an hour or $1800 for longer. Another town. A female reporter sitting down Often, she said, influencers will respond to messages from men on woman, of Eastern European origin, in one of the city’s high-end rooftop Instagram and agree to go to dinner or fly out to meet them. Then they will be said she could bring clients to the bars earlier this year was almost paid for sex. “It’s very easy,” she said. apartment she had in the hotel immediately told by the waitress Social media has become a crucial part of the way the United Arab complex, where rents can reach to join an older man sitting alone Emirates pitches Dubai to a global audience. The Emirati government has $9000 a month. As the women in the corner. rolled out the red carpet to influencers. It pays many of them for their support, danced, or circled the pool trying to “It’s definitely increasing,” said and some of the influencer elite have been given “golden visas”: renewable pick up clients, a pimp strolled around one expat businessman. “You can’t 10-year residencies. – genially greeting everyone. “What’s know these days if it’s a normal girl The result is a portrayal on social media of Dubai as a sanitised, the plan tonight?” he asked one or if it’s a working girl.” He said he ultra-consumerist wellness haven. Even the architecture of the city itself regular. “Need anything, any girls?” recently met a woman in a bar and is geared towards Instagram – the 150m-high Dubai Frame might have There has always asked for her been designed to be a social media backdrop. been prostitution in “SOMETIMES THEY’RE number, only to be Dubai, just like STAYING AT A FIVE-STAR told he had to buy On a weekday afternoon everywhere else her an expensive last year, at the pool of a in the world. While HOTEL BUT DON’T present first. five-star beachside hotel, the UAE is an HAVE ANYWHERE TO an all-day bacchanal “A lot of these was under way. Women in bikinis made of little more than Islamic country, and GO THE NEXT DAY” girls are pretending gold chains gyrated and giggled, slopping champagne everywhere, Emirati culture is to live this life but or writhed around in the pool. Every nationality in the world seemed to be traditionally very socially conservative, they don’t really have the cash,” said there, filtered through a specific pair of demographics: the women were the sex trade has thrived. Locals make one expat who works closely with almost all in their late teens or early twenties while the men were older up less than 15 per cent of Dubai’s influencers. “So they are getting paid and rounder. population. The rest are expats. in bags or things like that. Sometimes “It’s the United Nations of Dubai,” laughed one businessman, as a Selling or buying sex is illegal they’re staying at a five-star hotel but dark-haired Brazilian sashayed by, making eyes at him. He got up and asked her for her number. Within minutes she had replied to his text asking her to dinner. “We can arrange it but I’m here on business,” she said, adding that she did not have a place to meet. “Only outcall.”

SOCIETY GETTY IMAGES. COLLAGE BY LESLEY JHOTY. WORDS BY THE SUNDAY TIMES / NEWS LICENSING. Russian President IN 2021, THOUSANDS content that breaks these guidelines THE WOMEN PICTURED IN THIS STORY ARE IN NO WAY ASSOCIATED WITH THIS FEATURE. Vladimir Putin (left) OF MILLIONAIRES when we become aware of it. We met with President encourage anyone who receives a DM Mohamed bin Zayed SETTLED IN THE EMIRATE. [direct message] containing sexual Al Nahyan last year. PROPERTY PRICES ROSE solicitation to report the message itself in-app. That will allow us to don’t have anywhere to go the next BY 20 PER CENT review it and take action on the day.” He believes the increase in person who sent it.” influencers selling sex is partly due to working visas. Once in the UAE, they the wave of super-rich who moved to must also obtain a $5400 licence Because so much of the soliciting Dubai during the pandemic. In 2021, from the government and commit takes place online, it falls into a grey thousands of millionaires settled in to rules including not “offending” zone that is difficult to monitor or the emirate, according to New World Emirati values. police. Plenty of people who do not Wealth, a South African research sell sex post bikini pictures online, firm. Property prices rose by an Some of the most successful have or ask their boyfriends to buy them impressive 20 per cent. been granted a 10-year renewable a bag for their birthday. residency. Rights groups point out They have been joined by the that Emirati women are unable to Complicating matters further, Russian ultra-rich, who fly in on automatically pass citizenship to their the language is sometimes indirect. private jets and have bought up children, and stateless Bidoon people Several of the women spoken to for luxury properties. Billionaire in the UAE have struggled for years this article talked about requiring Roman Abramovich has reportedly to obtain Emirati nationality. “presents” from men. been seen house-hunting on the Palm Jumeirah. One marketer, who did not want to But for many, there’s little stigma be named, said, “It is a circular thing. associated with it. “Some of these The UAE has not joined the They live in Dubai so they have good bloggers are working girls,” shrugged West in supporting sanctions against content with luxury goods and a party one influencer over lunch at an oyster Russia over its invasion of Ukraine, lifestyle. And the government wants bar. “But it’s normal, no? You want instead attempting to toe the line of to keep them there so they are something, you pay for it.” “neutrality” while encouraging an end promoting Dubai.” to the war. In October, the Emirati President Mohammed bin Zayed The authorities have taken some al-Nahyan met with Russian President measures. Police have arrested several Vladimir Putin in St Petersburg. people for trafficking and prostitution in the past year. If convicted, sex Many of the influencers moving workers face six months in jail. to Dubai have taken advantage of policies that make it easy for a range A spokesman for Meta, which of nationalities to apply for remote owns Instagram, said, “It’s against our rules to sell sexual services on Instagram and we will remove marieclaire.com.au | 59

She’s just finished a sell-out world tour, has nine million Instagram followers and her new TV show, Wellmania, launches in March. As Celeste Barber sets her sights on sending up the wellness industry, the comedian talks body-shaming, self-love and why her fans deserve to be seen PHOTOGRAPHED BY GEORGES ANTONI STYLED BY NAOMI SMITH INTERVIEW BY ALEXANDRA CARLTON 60 | marieclaire.com.au

INTERVIEW “I do like the way I look. I’m happy with myself and looks have never been my currency anyway” OPPOSITE PAGE Missoni Mare dress, $1020, at sylviarhodes lingerie.com.au; Jets bikini top, $120, and bottoms, $100, au.jetsaustralia.com; Barber’s own anklet (worn throughout). THIS PAGE Melissa Odabash swimsuit, $470, at sylviarhodes lingerie.com.au; stylist’s goggles.

INTERVIEW “I was never sexy and cool. If you weren’t super-duper hot from birth, then step aside. I found my audience and I think they’re sick of stepping aside” he first thing I want to tell Celeste Matteau bikini top and Barber when her face pops up on bottoms, $145 each, Zoom for our marie claire interview matteau-store.com. is that Liv Healy, the character she plays in the upcoming Netflix comedy- drama Wellmania, is me. “No, seriously, I think you stalked me,” I cry. “Liv is a food writer and that’s my main gig. She’s loud and she looks like a normal woman. And she’s interviewed Miranda Kerr repeatedly. She is me.” Barber, bless her, is kind enough to indulge me, and agrees with a laugh that Liv certainly does seem like me. But she’s had plenty of practice. Having women of my generation – late 30s and above – telling her that she really, really gets them is something that happens to the New South Wales- based comedian and actor every day. You could see it in the audience at the final shows of her recent sell-out Fine, Thanks stand-up tour, which finished at the Sydney Opera House after blazing across 53 cities in the US, Europe and Canada. Her encore performance on home soil was filled with women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and up – mums, sisters, best friends, dressed in nice frocks and comfy sneakers – who roared with relief and release at the jokes that spoke directly to their lives: motherhood, sex, mental health and having a tummy that hangs over your jeans. You can see it in the comments on her Instagram, where her fans regularly post things like, “You’re in Baltimore – we should have a wine!” or “God I love your sense of humour, it matches mine!” And you see it when fans comment on her famous #celestechallengeaccepted posts – the shots of herself aping the unrealistically perfect poses of models and celebrities. A woman who looks like me, in a pair of raggedy undies with a dinner plate covering up her boobs – who doesn’t relate?

marieclaire.com.au | 63

This, perhaps even above her whip-quick wit, “I love that they they’re like, ‘I’m here to have perfect dramatic comic timing and big, stage-filling, a laugh, feel seen, lose my mind and then go back vaudevillian entertainment skills, is 40-year-old to my life,’” she says. “These women, they go through Barber’s superpower. She gets women, particularly a lot. And I am really happy that I get to scream and generation-X women. She talks to them, not at them cheer for them.” or over them or about them. “My audience – they are Easy connection like this wasn’t always so me,” Barber says. “They’re women of a certain age straightforward for Barber. Growing up on the who are allies to everyone – NSW North Coast, she was sort of placeholders for their diagnosed with ADHD at husbands, for their kids. “These women, the age of 16, a relative rarity To their families they’re they go through in the 1990s, especially for girls. everything but out in It meant she found learning and the world? They’re a lot. And I am concentrating and everything to pretty invisible.” really happy that I do with school a real challenge. “I was so embarrassed. I didn’t If there’s one thing Barber isn’t, it’s invisible, and she’s get to scream and want anyone to know,” she says. inspiring a generation of cheer for them” Performing was her solace. “I women to follow suit. “I was didn’t have many mates at school never sexy and cool. I mean for a really long time. I’d just go I’m super sexy and super cool to the drama room or I’d dance.” now, but we just weren’t really allowed to be if it And in time, she says, she began to realise that being wasn’t our currency. If you weren’t like super-duper “loud and dramatic was kind of cool.” hot from birth then step aside. I found my audience More than nine million Instagram followers later, and I think they’re kind of sick of stepping aside.” and those kids who thought Celeste Barber was the She sees it as a privilege to be able to give these weirdo at school must be giving themselves a bit of women a moment to let go of their responsibilities guilty side-eye, because it turns out that being loud and just laugh – whether it’s for a few seconds on and dramatic is definitely cool. The Instagram Instagram or for a full season of television, as “celebrity dupe” posts that shot Barber to worldwide with Wellmania. fame – starting with the moment in 2015 when she 64 | marieclaire.com.au

INTERVIEW OPPOSITE PAGE Matteau swim top, $250, and bottoms, $145, matteau-store.com; Elsa Peretti for Tiffany & Co. cuff, $3700, tiffany.com.au. THIS PAGE SIR. dress, $460, sirthelabel.com; Elsa Peretti for Tiffany & Co. necklace, $10,100, tiffany.com.au.

INTERVIEW “You can’t win. They hate what you do one day, then you’re the greatest thing in the world the next day” Bec & Bridge dress, $300, becandbridge. com; Elsa Peretti for Tiffany & Co. earrings, $12,100, and necklace, $10,100, tiffany.com.au. OPPOSITE PAGE Nina Ricci top, $545, at parlourx.com; Matteau bikini bottoms, $145, matteau-store.com.

parodied Kim Kardashian Barber finds all of it mildly irritating, but splayed improbably on only mildly. “Cancelling” or being reprimanded by a mound of dirt wearing faceless strangers doesn’t worry her particularly. nothing but a bra, briefs, “I like running my mouth off. I do it a lot. I’m fishnets and stilettos – are quick-witted – it’s one of my favourite things about bombarded not only by fans me,” she says with unapologetic confidence. “I don’t but by celebrities who seem like that I feel I can’t do that as much, and yeah I do to delight in Barber’s “good feel like I censor myself sometimes.” She pauses. “But sport” pillorying. Sharon then other times I don’t give a fuck and I operate Stone leaves regular from a place of already being cancelled. I mean good laughing emojis, while luck to them. You can’t win. They hate what you do Gwyneth Paltrow writes one day, then you’re the greatest thing in the simply “I can’t …” in which world the next day.” one can imagine the Oscar-winning star and Wellmania, which hits Netflix in March, could goop mogul is speechless be described as all the Celeste Barber goodies rolled with mirth. into one package: relatability, heart, laughs and a character who has no interest in censoring I ask Barber if she’s anything that comes out of her mouth. Inspired proper friends with serious by the novel of the same name by Australian writer A-listers now. “Yeah, I am,” Brigid Delaney and co-produced by Barber and she quips with a snort that writer Benjamin Law, it introduces us to Australian suggests she isn’t going to food writer Liv Healy, who is living a life of spill too many beans. “But in outrageous decadence in New York before my mind, I think I’ve always been? Like in my mind, [popstar] Pink and I are total mates. We’re not – she’s not someone I know – but I think we are.” It’s quite possible she could become friends with Pink should their paths ever cross. Barber says she doesn’t really get starstruck around famous people, with one exception. “Do you know the person I got most starstruck with?” she asks. “[Model] Jennifer Hawkins. I met her a hundred thousand years ago and made an absolute fool of myself. She went to shake my hand and I thought it was at a height where she probably wanted me to kiss it. And I went to kiss it and my friend who was with me was like, ‘What are you doing?’ And yeah … what was I doing?” One celebrity who is unlikely to ever offer her hand for Barber to kiss is Emily Ratajkowski, with Barber revealing late last year that the model had blocked the comedian after Barber took a shot at her message of “don’t objectify me” combined with pictures of her flawless, naked derrière back in 2021. Barber shrugs it off. “Slow news day,” she says. But the exchange was notable because it was one of the rare moments when “the internet”, in its famously savage and unforgiving way, seemed to go on the attack with Barber. “I think … your ‘lighthearted’ jabs cross the line into an old-school anti-sex feminism and end up shaming women,” scolded one commentator. “Tried so hard to be a feminist you’ve circled back around into misogyny,” insisted another. marieclaire.com.au | 67

INTERVIEW CLOCKWISE FROM cracked up. “It just broke us out of [the stress of ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHY BY GETTY IMAGES; COURTESY OF NETFLIX AND INSTAGRAM.COM/CELESTEBARBER. HAIR BY BRAD MULLINS/VIVIEN’S CREATIVE. LEFT Barber on the the scene],” says Fong. “We just had so much fun.” MAKEUP BY FILOMENA NATOLI/VIVIEN’S CREATIVE. MANICURE BY JOCELYN PETRONI. PROP STYLIST: KIRSTEN STANWIX/BA-REPS. PRODUCTION: ROBYN FAY-PERKINS. runway at the 2020 Melbourne Fashion Like Liv, Barber has succumbed to health fads. Festival; in a scene After having open heart surgery at the age of 25 to from Wellmania with fix a hole in her heart (“At the risk of sounding too JJ Fong; and one of dramatic, I nearly died – it was fucking ridiculous,” her famous “#celeste she told InStyle magazine in 2019), she decided to challengeaccepted” invest in a series of colonics, but skipped the part Instagram posts. where she was meant to fast and cleanse beforehand. “It was the most painful thing in the world because a health crisis forces her to re-evaluate her life. I was – literally – full of shit,” she says. “It sucked.” The show is objectively hilarious. Barber has the most extraordinary comic timing and is even Today she sticks to less-invasive wellness funnier when she moves than when she’s a still activities: she gets up early and walks her dog image on Instagram. when she’s at home, and on the road she does yoga to stretch out her body, and goes to hotel gyms But more than that, it’s about relationships. consistently. “Sometimes I’ll just sit in the gym,” “The heart of the show is family connection,” she deadpans. “But I go every day.” says Barber. The scenes with her best friend, Amy, played by JJ Fong, as well as her onscreen mum Barber admits she still feels the pressure to look (Genevieve Mooy) and brother (Lachlan Buchanan), a certain way. “That body-shaming industry, it’s big are poignant in their realness. Like so many of us, and it’s strong,” she says. “I’m just a woman in the Liv instantly reverts to being a smart-arse teenager world and a child of consumerism. I might get some the moment she’s around her baby boomer mother. [cosmetic] work done some day, but people probably Her friendship with Amy has the easy camaraderie won’t even know. That being said, I do quite like of two women who’ve known each other since the way I look. I’m happy with myself and looks high school, but as the series progresses the have never been my currency.” security of that friendship is challenged. “I hope people watch it and laugh and fall in love with For the foreseeable future, the hotel gyms are Liv – who is so exciting and dynamic and off the table and Barber is looking forward to some full-on and wrong,” says Barber. time at home with her family – her two boys and Api Robin (known to all Barber fans as “hot husband”). Fong confirms that behind-the-scenes Barber is Her boys watch her on TV or online but are exactly how she is on every other platform where her completely unimpressed by their mum’s fame. fans encounter her. “We were doing this one scene “I say to them, ‘Hey! You ask your friends’ mums that was quite a hard scene, and it was at the end how cool I am!” she says. of the day and we were all tired,” recalls Fong. It wasn’t coming together, lines were going awry and Overall, that kid with the learning disabilities everyone seemed a bit over it. “She had a lot of and no friends figures that things have come together dialogue and we had to walk down this corridor. pretty nicely. And if it all falls apart tomorrow? If So there we were, walking, walking, and suddenly somehow the fans find someone else they like more she stops. She turns. And looks at me. And says, or the “cancelled” axe falls and this big, wild ride ‘I think I just got my period.’” The two women comes to an end? “I’ll just go and be regional manager of Witchery,” she says, laughing. Wellmania streams March 29 and Celeste Barber, Fine Thanks streams April 12 on Netflix 68 | marieclaire.com.au

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So REBRANDING MENOPAUSE

TALKING POINT Ageing is in, and A-list gen Xers are making bank on midlife health. But can Hollywood really give menopause a makeover? Vivian Manning-Schaffel finds out In October last year, against an Instagrammable certainly seems to be; according to a recent background of autumnal floral arrangements, trend report from the Global Wellness Summit, Australian actor Naomi Watts (pictured opposite) the business of menopause is projected to be introduced The New Pause, the inaugural a $US600 billion market by 2025. menopause symposium in New York. As founder Gen-X celebrities are digging into a piece of and chief creative officer of Stripes, a brand promising the menopause pie behind the scenes, too. Gwyneth “menopause solutions from scalp to vag”, Watts was Paltrow, Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, Glennon there with Alisa Volkman, co-founder and CEO of Doyle and Abby Wambach have all chipped in to The Swell, a “fast-growing community for the 40-plus raise $US28.5 million for Evernow, a telemedicine that is hellbent on reimagining how we age”. company that can help you text your way into a US media personality Katie Couric, who is 66 medical consultation for hormone replacement and past menopause, introduced a series of doctors, therapy (HRT), aka menopause replacement therapy scientists, writers, thinkers and a (MRT), without an appointment or fitness expert. Humorist and actor physical examination. Tennis star Jill Kargman took the stage to rev Serena Williams’ venture-capital things up. For $US150 ($220), firm Serena Ventures is a vocal participants could hear the latest, investor in actor Judy Greer’s Wile, greatest information on how a plant-based supplement brand that menopause impacts women’s health offers powders and tinctures to ease while a fuck yeah! vibe permeated perimenopause and menopause the room. symptoms. Both Greer and Williams The menopause-wellness space appear on Instagram to endorse the is poised for its moment in the products: “I’m all about game spotlight, with Watts’ symposium changers,” says Williams. part of an ever-lengthening string of Though actor Julia Fox just gen-X-celeb-led business endeavours proclaimed that “ageing is fully in,” aiming to help change “the change.” menopause can feel like a distant A few days after The New Pause event, event so easy to underestimate when State of Menopause CEO and former you’re preoccupied with a quarter-life What Not to Wear reality television “I WAS DESPERATE FOR crisis or Saturn return high jinks. host Stacy London gathered a HELP. I WOULD’VE Quite frankly, society makes ignoring selection of thought leaders in a BOUGHT, TAKEN OR this phase of our lives – and people ress-facing brain dump about the DONE ANYTHING” without the means to physically defy burgeoning industry for The CEO the toll of it – really easy. Trust me, Menopause Summit. Burgeoning it – Stacy London (above) I’m in the throes of it right now. marieclaire.com.au | 71

TALKING POINT If you’re a female, female-identifying or non- binary person who is lucky enough to make it to middle age, menopause will come for you. Your hair will thin, you will wake up drenched in sweat and you’ll call your mental acumen into question. Even if the spirit is willing, sex won’t be the joyride it once was because your vagina will become an arid desert. Your joints will hurt and you may fail to recognise your own body. Despite your level of wisdom, professional experience, accolades or whatever superpower you might bring to the table, there is strong data supporting the likelihood you’ll be forced to reinvent yourself professionally, leading to a crisis of confidence. Add that to the rigours of caring for children as well as your parents (if you have them), and you’ll be more tired and over it than you can ever imagine being at 28. After menopause ends, you’ll have a decent shot at developing cardiovascular disease (one of the leading causes of death for women) or a bone disease such as osteoporosis, as menopause speeds up bone loss by 20 per cent. Unlike their parents, the gen Xer or elder millennial has zero interest in suffering silently through this often annoying and sometimes debilitating transition. “Gen X is not interested in being middle-aged,” London tells me. “We have Botox, we have fillers, we go to the gym, we walk 10,000 steps, we’re going to live to be 90, so we are not making middle age a thing. We’re going to just extend our youth span.” She’s right – my peers have no interest in feeling their age. So when someone credible like London, Greer, Williams or Watts grabs a metaphorical megaphone and says they know of something that can help you stop sweating and get a good night’s sleep (or at least look as if you did), even the most jaded gen Xer could be convinced to buy in. London says she became CEO of State of Watts comes to Stripes with retail experience; Menopause because of the “horrible time” she had she founded Onda Beauty, a clean-beauty retail during her own experience with menopause. Initially, space, after developing a menopause-related skin the reaction to her professional pivot from some of condition in her 40s. During the pandemic, Watts her colleagues was lukewarm at best. “Everyone’s like, composed the pitch deck and cold-called Amyris You were in fashion! Why do something so unsexy?” (a company that only manufactures products with she remembers. “‘Unsexy’ has no place in the clean ingredients) to set up a meeting. The call judgement of this conversation. This boosted her confidence to start Stripes, was a massive personal crisis of which holds a patent-pending formula confidence. I lost my sense of identity and agency. I did not know what to do. “WE’RE SUPPOSED of a moisturiser containing ectoine TO BE INVISIBLE. I’M and squalane to plump skin and retain NOT DONE! I REJECT moisture, and sells a variety of I was so desperate for help I would have bought, taken or done anything.” THAT WOMEN ectoine-based moisturising skincare When Watts’ doctor told her she SHOULD FEEL solutions for the face and body, was going into early menopause at 36, THAT IT’S OVER” lubricants, a cooling spray and she felt utterly alone. “No-one else in a vaginal probiotic. my age group was talking about it,” – Naomi Watts Traditionally, showbiz and she told me during a press breakfast menopause don’t mix. Even with for Stripes. “I kind of tested the water with little jokes all the glitz and spritz, celebrities aren’t necessarily here and there about having oestrogen dips and stuff immune to ageism, especially if they are women. (See and they weren’t really met with, ‘Oh, yeah, let’s talk comedian Amy Schumer’s “Last Fuckable Day” sketch about that; I’ve got the same thing.’ It was isolating.” from 2015 if you need a visual for what it’s like for 72 | marieclaire.com.au

IMAGE BY CACTUS CREATIVE STUDIO/STOCKSY.COM . PHOTOGRAPHY BY GETTY IMAGES. CLOCKWISE FROM turn it out if I need to,” she explains, adding that this FIRST APPEARED IN THECUT.COM. TOP LEFT Judy Greer, Naomi attitude places her in a good position to recommend products like Wile’s to her peers. “If I’ve always been Watts, Cameron Diaz, Katie looked at as America’s best friend, isn’t it your best Couric, Drew Barrymore and friend you look to for help, advice and guidance? I’ve got you guys! I take this seriously.” Gwyneth Paltrow are some of the Hollywood A-listers Of course it helps to have a famous face attached working to change the stigma to a business but there are still some challenges with menopause branding and market definition. around menopause. “Menopause is a huge market in theory but you need a willing consumer, and so far that willingness is kind actors such as Tina Fey, Patricia Arquette and Julia of lukewarm. Either they don’t feel like talking about Louis-Dreyfus as they hit their mid-40s and 50s.) In it or there’s deep shame around the entire topic,” says recent years, Hollywood has eased up a bit on ageism, London. “This customer is no dummy. A celeb alone but if you ask London that is possibly just “because isn’t going to make them care about menopause.” we have the means to look younger than we really are”. The impact menopause can have on a woman’s Ultimately, celebrities such as London and Hollywood career can still be quite negative. Watts see these business ventures as their own way of sticking it to our culture’s rampant ageism. “We Even an actor of Watts’ stature gave the potential see ageing through the lens of the patriarchy,” says impact of founding a menopause business careful London. “We see ageing as being put out to pasture. consideration. “I’m not planning on giving up my You don’t matter. You’re not attractive. What if we day job,” she says. “While I still have fear about the shifted our perspective? I might not be on television stigma myself – even two years into doing a lot of anymore but you think that’s going to stop me from work on this – so be it. I plan to just keep walking making people feel better about themselves? Fuck through it and hope Hollywood is open to it as well.” you! That is the attitude I want us all to have because then that power ... becomes ours and not theirs.” Greer’s team also voiced concerns before she co-founded Wile. “If you’re an actress in her mid-40s Watts adds, “We’re supposed to be invisible and and you’re like, ‘Hey, I want to work with this brand disappear into the corner. [But] I’m not done! I hate about perimenopause,’ of course they’re going to be – I reject – that women should feel that it’s over.” like, ‘How’s toothpaste instead?’” she says. Fresh off the TV comedy Reboot, Greer, at 47, says she now Between press coverage, consumer confusion feels more empowered and beautiful than ever. “I’m and venture capitalists waiting to consider when and just really proud to say I’m getting older but can still where to invest, London feels that “it’s going to take more time to hone our skills and products to create this vertical in a way that makes it part and parcel of our everyday life, the same way period hygiene is.” But she remains enthusiastic about a menopause aisle at Sephora – eventually. “We’re not ready for that aisle because ... the menopausal population isn’t ready to ask where the vaginal-dryness products are,” she says. “But ... all of us are screaming so you don’t have to.” Placebo or not, if what they say can make the sweating stop, I’m listening.

Maria Thattil’s book is one she “needed – in every moment I lived through racism, assault, self- harm, homophobia, heartbreak and being boxed in to blueprints that tried to tell me who I should be.”

FIRST PERSON When former Miss Universe Australia Maria Thattil came out as bisexual on national TV, her world changed forever. Here, she reveals the courage needed to overcome her strict religious upbringing to tell the truth, and why it was the most liberating decision of her life T he first person I ever expressed my I thanked her for alerting me to this, told her bi-curiosity to was my former partner, to tell them it was a catfish and swiftly changed my a vulnerable admission made during our app preferences back to “Men” only. Afterwards I told relationship in the comfort of our bed as I my friend in confidence that it was actually my profile divulged my inkling that maybe I was also and that I didn’t want others to know that I was ... attracted to women. He was respectful and he listened curious. [It was] a curiosity explored only in my mind but – being in a monogamous relationship – I didn’t and within the confines of my phone, until one night want to open a dialogue around exploring that while in June the following year. committed to him. It was the middle of 2021 and I had just returned After becoming single, I toyed with the thought from the global Miss Universe competition. I had more, with the wildest expression of this curiosity moved out of my parents’ home, was living alone for resulting in me switching my dating app preferences the first time, and was single and thriving on a night out from “Men” to “Men and Women” in 2020. It was a with friends. Wearing bold red lipstick and a little black thrill to see same-sex matches come through, even dress strategically cut out in all the right places, that’s more thrilling to exchange messages with these women, where I met her. After a formal dinner event at a knowing that the conversation was occurring within Parisian steakhouse in Melbourne, two of my best a context where I knew they were attracted to me too. friends and I ended up at a random mansion party in I exchanged a few messages with two or three women an affluent suburb nearby. Rather than mingle with the before one night, in midst of the 2020 lockdown, when crowd gathered by the downstairs bar, the three of us one of my friends texted to tell me she thought I’d congregated around a grand piano in the foyer, playing been catfished. songs, singing and in our own world. It was getting late into the night, and after belting out a rendition of “My friend just messaged me telling me that “7 Rings” by Ariana Grande ballad-style to my best someone they knew saw a profile using your pictures friend on the piano, that’s when she approached me. on Tinder!” she wrote. With my best interests at heart, She complimented my dress and I happily shared she wanted me to know that the person who found my the label name, naively unaware of her intentions. profile messaged her friend asking, “Is Maria gay?” marieclaire.com.au | 75

FIRST PERSON FROM RIGHT Thattil with her family; on I’m a Celebrity... which aired in early 2022; holding the crown as Miss Universe Australia; and with her brother Dominic. She thanked me and left, but returned to continue the conversation. We continued to talk, but with my best friend pounding the piano keys beside us we couldn’t hear each other well. I found myself looking at her lips in an attempt to read them, but then I couldn’t stop staring at them. We moved to a discreet corner to “get away from the loud music” and continued to speak, maintaining intense eye contact, which was broken only when our sight would dart from each other’s eyes to lips. The tension was palpable. Powered by liquid Shortly after that night, I was confirmed to courage, I couldn’t ignore it. join the cast of 13 celebrities on season eight of the “Am I imagining that I am getting all the vibes Australian version of I’m a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of from you right now?” I said. Her lips curved into a Here! and was due to go away to film the production. smile and she leaned in to kiss me. Things happened So I left Melbourne for the bush, excited at the quickly, her hands moving from my face to my prospect of filming my first TV show. At the time, shoulders, around my waist, then my neck, mine I had received other offers for great shows but turned just wanting to touch her. My mind was screaming them down. I wanted my first introduction to the finally, but I couldn’t think, I just felt her. I can’t even country via such a wide-reaching national platform to remember how long we were kissing before one of my be one where I could be stripped back and have them best friends turned a corner on her search for me and see me for me, not Miss Universe Australia and not a her audible gasp interrupted the moment. Breaking character. Every celebrity cast on the show competes away, I was shocked to see my red lipstick all over her to raise awareness of and funds for a charity of their face – horrified to even imagine the mess on mine. I choice. I chose Minus18, a charity that aims to grabbed her hand and led her to the bathroom to clean improve the lives of LGBTQIA+ Australian youth. ourselves up but as soon as the door shut, she had me When I made the decision to support LGBTQIA+ up against a wall. She kissed my face and then moved youth like Dominic (my brother) and share their to my neck, sliding a hand up my thigh as I yearned stories, I did not expect that I would be in the thick for it to make its way under my dress. of my own. We were insatiable. I wanted to let “WHAT IF While filming the show, I shared things escalate further but there was many moments with my fellow cast a knock on the door that quickly broke SOMEONE SAW? members where I talked about the tension, so I scrambled to wet some WHAT IF THEY the bullying, discrimination and paper and clear my face. TOOK PHOTOS homophobia that Dominic faced, THAT END UP IN often getting teary because I knew “I have to go,” I said. that he was one of the lucky ones. For “But I just want to tell you A TABLOID?” every time that he survived being something,” she replied, holding on to my hands in a last-ditch attempt to get called a “fag”, being excluded by the me to stay. She wanted the escalation too. church or condemned by the beliefs that even our I left the bathroom, regrouped with my friends extended family held, other LGBTQIA+ young people and begged them to leave the party with me. Suddenly, had not. I cried in many conversations as I recounted fear and anxiety were running through my head. What my gratitude that my brother survived it and grew into if someone I knew saw? What if someone took photos an out and proud gay man, confident in his decision to and it ends up in a tabloid? What if the narrative is wear handbags and heels and love whoever he wants taken out of my hands? I had only just gotten back from to love, because he had shed the beliefs that doing so Miss Universe, was trying to navigate the in-between as would compromise his masculinity and chastity. I looked for my next big opportunity, and was trying to But I also cried because, internally, I knew I make sense of where I was at. This uprooted all of that. was still doing a disservice to myself. I cried for the I had just tapped into something that I tried to suppress woman who only months ago had left a party burdened ... and the sound of my heartbeat drummed up the by the weight of the judgement she feared in churches, anxiety as I wondered what might have ensued. schools and that mansion as she kissed another woman.

I cried knowing that despite all I had come to believe When I came out to my parents, I sat them and be an ally for, I was not showing up for myself. down and I explained to them that I was bisexual. So one day, I found myself in a private conversation “It’s OK, Maria, you don’t have to make it with a fellow castmate, who became one of my closest a big deal,” Dad said. The same ex-priest who initially friends. We were talking about men I had dated when it thought that his son being gay was a phase he needed came over me like an impulse. Under the blanket in a to guide him through, had grown into a man who treehouse in the most unnatural setting of a reality TV embraced his kids and came to believe that his set, I opened up about something that was most natural only right as a parent was to love them. to me. “I haven’t told anyone but I’ll tell you,” I said, My folks didn’t comprehend what bisexuality exhaling a deep anxious breath. “Growing up, I always meant [though] and it took several conversations thought maybe I was a little over many months and me seriously dating bi-curious. I only ever dated “IT’S NICE TO SAY IT a woman for the first time before they straight men. I just felt like it’s AND KNOW THAT started to understand it. But I loved that ‘easier’ to, you know, date men.” THERE’S NOTHING while they didn’t necessarily understand Then I told the story of that night sexuality in a fluid way, they tried – and in the mansion. “It just felt WRONG” that took them shedding the beliefs they natural,” I said. “I just want had rooted in religion, their upbringing and to break out of this and know generational attitudes – [in order] to show that it’s OK.” up for their daughter. Something about that [reality The night before the episode aired, TV] environment strips you bare I called Dominic, anxious about what the and draws out a raw vulnerability. reception would be to my public coming I found myself relating to out. We spoke on the phone until 2am. celebrities who I had only ever The little boy who grew up bound by the seen before through a TV screen, same beliefs that scarred much of his and baring my heart to them. young life with anti-gay sentiment was The castmate casually now a grown man who lovingly reminded GETTY IMAGES; INSTAGRAM/MARIATHATTIL. responded, “It’s OK. You can do me of why we call it “pride”. My bisexuality whatever. You can love whoever.” was no longer a part of me to hide but to I replied, “It is so nice to say it celebrate. I was ready to come out. and know that there is absolutely When I watched the episode, the nothing wrong.” scene of me coming out to my castmate I came home knowing that cut to a separate solo interview with me before the show aired there would Unbounded by Maria Thattil in a wooden interview room, ironically be a period of time where I could (Penguin Random House, $34.99) resembling a confessional. With a smile come out privately to family and and air of relaxation I said, “It just feels is out on February 21 and is available for pre-order now. friends first. bloody good to say it.” marieclaire.com.au | 77

NEW YEAR SAME ME With plenty of failed attempts from New Years past under their belts, three marie claire writers take on a resolution challenge for 2023 – with varying degrees of success 78 | marieclaire.com.au

CHALLENGE Screen queens Kendall Jenner and (from right) Solange Knowles; Anna Wintour; and a Paris Fashion Week guest. S ince the day I got my first mobile, at 13, 2011, so it’s One Direction who start blasting I’ve constantly been told, “You’re on your through my speakers. I am barely across the phone too much,” by everyone in my life. Sydney Harbour Bridge before I concede defeat But mostly my mum. “No. I’m not,” I’d and connect my phone. snap back, not glancing up from my Nokia 3210. I call Mum when I get home, cook dinner Several years and many phones later, I’ve come from a recipe that, yes, I googled on my phone to realise that maybe they’re right. Mostly because and respond to several texts and work emails, Apple iPhones rudely tell you your average screen all of which brings me up to eight hours. In a time each week, and mine sits at a shocking nine last-ditch effort to stave off the ninth, I leave the hours a day. “That’s normal in this job,” I protest offending object in my room while I watch TV. when I admit it to my colleagues. They are quick I decide an early night is the best course of to prove me wrong – pulling out their own phones action because, as my best friend points out, and announcing figures that were three to six hours “You can’t clock up screen time while you sleep.” less than mine. Showered, cleansed and “Are you even doing any glad I didn’t completely fail work?” jokes my deputy editor, on my first day, I hop into Mel. At least, I think she’s joking. bed. “Ughhhhh,” I groan, I take a very gen-Z approach when I automatically reach to work correspondence. We’ve for my phone. You see, all heard it said “that meeting every night I’m lulled could’ve been an email”; my THE CHALLENGE to sleep by the dulcet tones mantra is “that email could’ve DIGITAL of Kacey Musgraves or Ariana been a text. I can do 90 per cent Grande on the Calm app’s sleep of my job right from my phone!” DETOX remix series. Each song goes If it sounds like I’m trying for an hour. I text my friend: to justify my usage, it’s because Bree Player attempts “It turns out you can.” I am. I know nine hours a day The rest of the week is disgraceful and so as my to cut back her mobile I do better. I use my “I DECIDE AN EARLY resolution I agree to significantly phone screentime laptop in meetings, NIGHT IS THE reduce my screentime. buy Midnights on It doesn’t start well. I wake CD and put a ban early and, on autopilot, reach on TikTok. BEST COURSE OF for my phone. I check my texts, By Friday, ACTION, BECAUSE emails, Twitter and Instagram before I inevitably my daily average is five-and-a-half YOU CAN’T CLOCK wind up on TikTok. Before I know it, an hour and hours. And it’s underwhelming. I a half has gone by. My commute to the office is long found the entire experience stressful UP SCREEN TIME and I pass the time listening to Taylor Swift’s new and kind of bullshit. There’s no benefit WHILE YOU SLEEP” album, Midnights, on repeat. I’ve hit three hours to listening to a CD over Apple Music, of screentime and the day has only just begun. aside from adding to Taylor Swift’s album It doesn’t improve. Waiting for my morning sales. I get quicker answers by texting than coffee I absentmindedly scroll Instagram. First emailing. And using a laptop or watching television meeting of the day, I work off my phone. Several without my phone is hardly cause for celebration – calls and a cover-star interview later I’ve hit I’ve just traded one screen for another. six-and-a-half hours by home time. And so I give up on my New Year’s resolution Desperate to end the day strong, my phone stays a week into 2023. Which is great because I have in my bag and I press play on whatever CD is in my 287 DMs on TikTok. To quote Ms Swift, “I’m the car. Unfortunately, I haven’t bought a CD since problem, it’s me.” And I’m OK with that. marieclaire.com.au | 79

CHALLENGE T hey say misery loves company. But comfort enough? For a while, I’d had my doubts as I pull up to tonight’s function about the so-called “solo travellers” and those who sans a companion, I’m starting to define the perfect morning as alone time in a cosy wonder if it’s solitude that loves cafe. But as I clutch my drink like an emotional sadness. It’s a Friday night and my colleague support blanket, perhaps getting reacquainted has bailed, leaving me to fly solo at an with myself is the answer to my solo slump. intimate cocktail function. Dateless at The next day, I consult Google for an answer to the eleventh hour, I fire off a few desperate my solitude-induced angst. “Fear of being alone” I messages, before recruiting my brother to type into the search bar, before diagnosing myself be my companion. I let out a sigh of relief with a case of “autophobia”. Empowered by this as I slide into my taxi. Although it turns new information, I prescribe myself the only out my sudden solace is available treatment: exposure fleeting, as halfway therapy. I grab a towel and a through the car ride he book and head to the beach. texts: “Hey! I’ve been held On a quiet stretch of sand, up at work. Don’t think solitude and I reach our first I’ll make it tonight.” Shit. stalemate: sunscreen application. The car comes to a With no-one to assist me, I jarring stop. “Here THE CHALLENGE use a degree of contortion to we are,” my driver slather a heavy layer of SPF 50 “THEY’VE ASSUMED tells me through ALL BY onto my back. Scanning the MY BROTHER IS MY the rear-view MYSELF beach, I watch as clusters of HUSBAND, AND IN mirror. I saunter families set up umbrellas and A DEFENSIVE PANIC up to the Harriet Sim gets pass around snacks. It feels ABOUT MY SINGLE woman at the comfortable with as though I’ve turned up to entrance, who a romantic restaurant on STATUS, I DON’T glances over my being alone Valentine’s Day. I’ve never felt CORRECT THEM” shoulder before lonelier. With a wet towel hung checking me off over my shoulders like a losing the list. “So your boxer exiting the ring, I return husband couldn’t make home defeated. As I walk in it tonight?” I pause, confused. They’ve the front door, I feel a tightness across my back. assumed my brother is my husband because of I twist to look in the mirror. Burnt red shapes CLOCKWISE FROM the shared surnames. In a defensive panic about mark my skin in a pattern that could only be my single status, I don’t correct the mix-up. “No, likened to an abstract painting. I’ve been ABOVE Haley Lu he can’t make it,” I reply, instantly regretting it. branded a singleton. Richardson in The White Lotus; Reese Witherspoon in Having just ranked incest as a better- My attempt at solitude didn’t leave me Legally Blonde; sounding alternative to solitude, I head straight to restored and full of clarity as I had hoped. Aubrey Plaza in the bar. It’s here, somewhere between the first and Instead, it gave me a glimpse into a life without The White Lotus; and second cocktail, that I realise I have a problem. love. A life without someone to text when you Renée Zellweger in make it home safe, without someone to share Bridget Jones’s Baby. I’ve always loved company. What’s the point of life if you have no-one to share it with? No-one a knowing glance or to laugh with at the office to share your appreciation for the new season of politics. They say that if you’re lonely when you’re Emily in Paris? To laugh about the night you alone then maybe you’re in bad company. But if broke your shoe and were forced to distract the we are born alone and we die alone, then maybe bouncers from your bare feet? Or the moments there’s nothing wrong with recruiting a few where words fail, but simply having company is friends to help you along the way.

Chantel Jeffries and (from right) Alessandra Ambrosio; Olivia Wilde; and Hailey Bieber love a workout. Sorry, I can’t come to brunch! I have a …” Faced with this challenge, I was ready to take my I stop to think of a good excuse. Dentist love of Pilates to the next level – or so I thought. appointment? Hmmm, unlikely on a Sunday. Migraine? No-one believes that. With time off work and energy to burn, the first week was easy. But week two saw a different Food poisoning? Yes! reality when my summer break Feeling slightly guilty about came to an end. I tried fitting lying to my friend, I shake it off classes in before work, which and pull on my workout clothes. saw me sheepishly arrive at It’s not that I don’t want to go 11am looking more sweaty to brunch. Eggs Benedict and a mess than Pilates princess. coffee the size of a beach bucket I may have is exactly what I’d love right now. THE CHALLENGE overcommitted to the But when you’re a busy working P I L AT E S Pilates dream, but as gal and you take on a Pilates a very competitive challenge, there simply isn’t PRINCESS double Virgo, time to socialise. giving up wasn’t It sounded easy. Complete Samantha Stewart an option. Instead, 20 Pilates classes in 40 days. I canned all social But throw in work, pre-booked signs up for a relentless engagements for travel plans, friends and workout challenge the next fortnight. family commitments and Eat, sleep, Pilates, repeat suddenly I’m 20 days in and became my life. I was officially falling short of my goal. a hermit, albeit a healthy one. I’ll be the first to admit I piled But then the pain set in. on the lockdown pounds during the great At one point, I had five consecutive days of stay-at-homeification. Red wine and frequent classes. I was limping around the lounge room PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEFANO DELIA/HBO; COURTESY OF HBO; GETTY IMAGES; SHUTTERSTOCK. Messina ice-cream orders became my solace in a and groaning with the effort of sitting down and time of chaos – and I was totally fine with it. But standing up. My social life was nonexistent and as I rang in the New Year, I decided it was time now my boss was being fed questionable excuses to become a healthier version of myself. I bought so I could WFH. I even rainchecked my an Apple watch and new workout gear, and grandmother in my quest for abs. vowed to commit to daily hot-girl walks. It was crazy – and it was all me. My instructors A week in, my New Year’s resolution ground to reiterated the importance of taking rest and a halt when the rain hit. There I was, stuck inside recovery days but the clock was ticking once again, with my watch telling me I’m a lazy and I needed to reach the finish line. bitch. After scrolling through TikTok one wet On a cold, wet Sunday morning, morning, I made my way onto Pilates-Tok and my muscles aching, I stuck my final “EAT, SLEEP, PILATES, was entranced by videos of women living the gold star next to my name. There REPEAT BECAME dream: going to reformer class decked out were no fist pumps or fanfare, just MY LIFE. I WAS in Lululemon, nails glazed, hair blowdried pure relief and exhaustion. Suffice OFFICIALLY A to perfection and little-to-no plans other than to say I took the next few days off. HERMIT, ALBEIT A coffee breaks and shopping. I wanted in on that. HEALTHY ONE” I booked a class and I was hooked. It turns out the saying “too much off a good thing” also applies I adored the full-body workout, the uplifting to exercise. While I’m proud of environment, the music and the energetic myself for completing the challenge, instructors. The classes left me feeling fabulous a relentless pursuit of fitness at the and strong, both mentally and physically. In TikTok cost of your work and social life speak, I became a fully fledged Pilates Princess. doesn’t seem all that healthy. marieclaire.com.au | 81

C U LT U R E YOUR FIX OF FILM, MUSIC, ART & BOOKS HA MOMEN VING A WELCOME TO T CHIPPENDALES NICOLA Peltz Beckham is out now on Disney+ The American It-girl, model and actor is just getting started Daughter of billionaire Nelson Peltz and model Claudia Heffner, and recently married to Brooklyn Beckham, there’s no denying Nicola Peltz Beckham has a charmed life. Growing up with six brothers, she played a lot of ice hockey before discovering drama at 12. “To be honest, I didn’t really like school. Drama class was the only thing I loved, and I had to beg mom to let me try acting,” she tells marie claire. After much pestering, Peltz Beckham’s mother relented and took her to meet a manager in Manhattan. “I begged this woman,” she says with a laugh. “I told her, ‘You’re going to ruin my life if you don’t take me on.’ And she said, ‘Can you dance?’ No. ‘Were you in your school play?’ and I was like, ‘Girl, no, nothing.’ I think she took me [on] because she felt sorry for me.” It paid off. Peltz Beckham has worked steadily since 2006, appearing in 2014’s Transformers, the Bates Motel TV series and more recently as Dorothy Stratten in the series Welcome to Chippendales. “I was really excited to play her. I took voice lessons and did a lot of research. And I even dressed like her for my audition. I tried to do everything to bring her to life because I’ve never played a real person before.” This year will see Peltz Beckham make her writing and directorial debut with the film Lola James. She’s both nervous and excited. “I hope people love it because I’ve put so much heart into it. It’s definitely scary putting something you’re so close to out there.” – By Bree Player

“I WANTED C U LT U R E TO ENSURE EVERY LOOK “I STARTED BY WE CREATED COLLECTING FOR MARGOT THOUSANDS WAS BOTH OF IMAGES. STRIKING AND I’VE NEVER UNEXPECTED” DONE SO MUCH RESEARCH FOR A FILM” “MARGOT IS THE GOLDEN AGE A DREAM TO DRESS. SHE Babylon’s costume designer Mary Zophres tells how she dressed LOOKS GOOD the all-star cast of one of the year’s most anticipated films IN EVERYTHING AND WAS OPEN It’s set in 1920s Hollywood, with a cast including Margot Robbie, Brad Pitt, TO TRYING Li Jun Li, Olivia Wilde, Samara Weaving and Phoebe Tonkin, but costume ANYTHING” designer Mary Zophres knew she wasn’t simply dressing people – she was creating a world. With Babylon centring on the transition from silent films to the age of sound, the biggest challenge for Zophres was avoiding the stereotypes of the time. “We didn’t want anyone to be dressed too cliché. I challenged myself to steer clear of flapper dresses, headbands with feathers sticking out and anything you’d find on Amazon when looking for a fancy-dress costume for that era.” marieclaire.com.au | 83

C U LT U R E BOOK CLUB What’s the best piece of career ...WITH AMY TAYLOR advice you’ve received? My father told me we make Meet the hotly anticipated new Melbourne author our own luck. I like to believe ahead of her debut novel, Search History that luck can be made through dedication, consistent practice SELF-HELP and a bit of bravery. Most challenging moment – LORRIE MOORE in your career thus far? Dealing with impostor This short story syndrome, perfectionism and collection is set up the crippling what-will-they- like a tongue-in-cheek think moments. I try to thank self-development these thoughts for their concern, book. The first time dismiss them and move on, I read it I laughed, though it isn’t always easy. cried and absorbed What’s the most rewarding part of your job? it in awe. There Hearing from people who have is no-one who connected with my work. writes quite like Best response you’ve had? Lorrie Moore. When people say they related to something they read in my work. BIRD BY BIRD NIGHT To me that’s a sign that I’ve AND DAY succeeded in connecting the – ANNE LAMOTT character with the reader. – VIRGINIA WOOLF What’s on your bucket list? This book is a gift Seeing my book adapted for the to any writer. It’s Both a romance and screen or being published in The hilarious, reassuring a social comedy that New Yorker or The Paris Review. and sympathetic to the lays bare the ironies plight – though Lamott of the time, this book Search History (Simon and still dispenses a dose rarely gets a mention Schuster, $27) is out May 2. of tough love when necessary. There are in comparison to so many books about Woolf’s other works, writing; this was the first but I adored it and that truly illuminated the process for me. I still return to experience it again every so often. THE HIT LIST Indulge your senses this month with our immersive round-up SEE LISTEN WATCH JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING GLORIA BY SAM SMITH MAGIC MIKE’S LAST DANCE If the sinfully sexy track “Unholy” is any With a global live show, two films and a TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT indicator of what’s to come, Smith’s new documentary, the Magic Mike franchise A kaleidoscope of colour is set to take over album, Gloria, will be the ultimate hot-girl- invites you to save the last dance for the Sydney’s Capitol Theatre, with the dazzling summer anthem. Add his fourth studio final instalment. Enjoy the Super Bowl album to your playlist from January 27. of stripping, in cinemas from February 9. reimagining of a modern classic. From February 11 to April 16.

MAN OF THE MONTH HUGH JACKMAN PHOTOGRAPHY BY SCOTT GARFIELD; ERIK TANNER/CONTOUR BY GETTY IMAGES; MARY ZOPHRES/2022 PARAMOUNT PICTURES; EMILIO MADRID/CONTOUR RA BY GETTY IMAGES; TRISTRAM KENTON; The Academy Award-winning were saying that Laura is probably the I remember getting that one. But my COURTESY OF WARNER BROS. PICTURES. WORDS BY BREE PLAYER; HARRIET SIM. actor talks to James Mottram greatest living actor we have going. dad was very English. He had a bunch about mental health, being a So if all I was told was there’s a movie of others like, “Buck your ideas up!” clown and daggy dad dancing with Laura Dern, I’d probably say yes, Things like that. Just really English. right there. Is it true you were a birthday clown? You scored a phenomenal hit with There’s a scene where you get to Yes, and I can tell you – an eight-year- The Greatest Showman in 2017. How dance. How did you approach that? old’s birthday party is the toughest does that feel looking back on it? I ran it with my daughter. She’s a really audience I’ve ever had to face. A kid The end result is beyond anything good dancer. And I said, “I’ve got to once yelled out, “This clown is crap!” I literally could have imagined or do the sort of bad dad dancing, like to his mum, who was drinking out the hoped. I have to give it to Michael embarrassing. And there’s something back with the other adults. I brought Gracey, the director: everything that in the script about a hip sway.” I said, out this carton of eggs, I smashed one happened he predicted. He’d say, “How about this?” And she goes, “You and the kids laughed … I just gave “I’m telling you, this is going to be don’t have to worry about being the them eggs and let them chuck ’em at that movie you’ve got to watch!” nerdy dancer. Just roll the camera me! That was it. I took off my red wig, I used to say, “Dude, tone it way down! and you’re good to go!” which I’d hired … I still haven’t given Lower your expectations!” But he As a parent, are there ever phrases it back. And I never did it again. I said, was absolutely right. And I’m thrilled. you’d hate to hear yourself saying “This isn’t worth $50!” That was my I see what it means to people – to to your kids? low point! parents who watch their kids [perform I don’t ever want to say, “I’m very it]. It means a lot and I’m thrilled. disappointed in you, young man.” The Son is in cinemas February 9. Your new film The Son is such a devastating story, dealing with teenage depression. How draining was it to make? I think it’s still working its way through me – as we talk about it and relive it and understand it. And when I watched it, I found myself very emotional. I’m not just talking about the story. I think it was a process that required a lot of, I guess, trust and revealing [of oneself]. Has it changed your attitude to mental health? Oh certainly. And to other people; it gave me a lot more empathy. It made me understand. Also things in my family from the past ... it really made me think a lot about a lot of these things. But ultimately what I feel [the writer-director] does so well is take you out of any feeling of judgement about people going through [depression] and realise there’s just so much unknown, and that we need to walk in the shoes of people going through things rather than judging. How did you feel when you learnt you were co-starring with Laura Dern? I was talking with a good friend of mine – I’m gonna out him here – I was talking with Bradley Cooper. And we marieclaire.com.au | 85

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY JEDD COONEY/VIVIEN’S CREATIVE. Source Unknown LET’S GET top, approx $105, PHYSICAL sourceunknown.com; St. Agni skirt, $379, Kickstart the year ahead st-agni.com; Uniqlo socks, with a wardrobe refresh. $14.90 (pack of three), Embrace cool, clean, crisp uniqlo.com; Onitsuka silhouettes, then don’t miss Tiger shoes, $160, our activewear shopping onitsukatiger.com; Anna Rossi Jewellery ear cuff, edit, with tips on how $69, and bracelet, $59, to embrace the new annarossijewellery.com; Swarovski ring, $195 (set athleisure code. of two), swarovski.com. marieclaire.com.au | 87



HIT OPPOSITE PAGE RESET Miu Miu top, $1000, miumiu.com; Max Mara skirt, $785, and shoes, $1425, au.maxmara.com; Tiffany & Co. bangles, $18,800 each, tiffany.com.au. THIS PAGE Gucci dress, $11,000, gucci. com; Tiffany & Co. bangles, $9850 and $18,800, and Elsa Peretti for Tiffany & Co. ring, $1050, tiffany.com.au. With the main festivities behind us, crisp shirts, oversized fits and cutaway styles are keeping us cool for the lingering days of summer PHOTOGRAPHED BY NICOLE BENTLEY STYLED BY NAOMI SMITH

Chanel dress, $7720, and top (underneath), $3860, 1300 242 635. OPPOSITE PAGE Valentino shirt, POA, valentino.com; Celine by Hedi Slimane top (underneath), $940, and jeans, $1750, celine. com; Miu Miu briefs, $455, miumiu.com.





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HOT SHOT Courtside fashion calls for classic clean lines, tennis whites and the signature sporty accents of Polo Ralph Lauren. Game, set, match! PHOTOGRAPHED BY JULIAN SCHULZ STYLED BY NAOMI SMITH

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