Graceful Aging 2017 booklet

GRACEFUL AGING Stories by Larimer County Seniors Second Edition (2017)

About Graceful Aging What does it mean to age gracefully? How do people considered “senior citizens” cope with all the changes that aging entails to find meaning and fulfillment in their lives? With this collection of columns, many of which appeared in the Fort Collins Coloradoan newspaper under the sponsorship of the Partnership for Age- friendly Communities in Larimer County, a group of volunteers committed to sharing experiences of aging across generations invited local individuals to submit their stories, both uplifting and otherwise. Since the newspaper discontinued the series, the columns have been published on a web site, pafclarimer.org/graceful-aging/, where readers can learn more about growing older with dignity and grace, learning to live with the lemons of aging and turn them into lemonade, finding enriching outlets for their talents and skills as volunteers, and much, much more. We invite you to enjoy these widely varied writings, to tap memories as you read them and to find commonalities. If you are at the stage in life where you are living, or learning to live, with the joys and annoyances of aging, we invite you to consider submitting an article of your own. Contact Barbara Fleming, bff@frii.com, if you are interested.
 2

Miata Memories -by Fran Green “Arrive home at EXACTLY 5:30” was the mandate from my husband, Bob, on October 29, 1990. As I pulled into our driveway the garage door opened. There sat a beautiful blue 1991 Mazda Miata with a big red bow tied on it. Our son, Jay, Bob and my mother-in-law, Elsie, were belting out “Happy Birthday.” “What a great idea,” I thought. “He arranged with the Mazda dealer to let him borrow it for the night to take me out to dinner for my 47th birthday!” It took all three singers to convince me that it was mine. The next day I drove it to the Science Museum of Virginia where I worked. I could not stop looking at it. All day I peeped out a window overlooking the parking lot to make sure it was still there. I told everyone I was going to keep it forever. In 1991 our son Jay’s baseball team won the Virginia State Little League Championship. The team was flown to Florida to compete in the Southeast 3

Regional Tournament. Bob decided to take the Miata on its first long road trip. Bob is six foot three inches tall; getting in and out of it was not easy. Adding two tall, skinny preteen boys was even harder, but Jay and his friend Ethan found riding in it to be much more fun than losing their first game. After retirement we spent seven years living on the Outer Banks but continued visiting our Richmond friends. Of course I went back and forth in the Miata. During one visit I was driving my friend Kathy home. When I saw a “No Left Turn” sign I decided to ignore it. Only when I bumped over a curb and ended up in an empty parking lot did I realize that the road was at a 45-degree angle. We got to her house although I knew something major was wrong, and Kathy’s glasses had flown off her face and disappeared. The right front wheel was badly damaged. Bob had to drive four hours from the beach to rescue me the next day. Two years later, as I was lowering the convertible top, I noticed a glint of something metal. Under the hinge on the driver’s side I discovered the missing eyeglasses, intact. I refused to give up my 23-tear-old Miata when we moved to Colorado. I was confident it was healthy enough to come along. Our strategy, since Bob was not sure it would make it that far, was for me to leave one hour earlier than he and Barley. By lunchtime he had caught up with me; by dinnertime he had caught up with me again. We did this for 4

three days until we arrived safely at our new home in Fort Collins. After the move the odometer rolled over to 200,000 miles. The Miata was invited to spend winters in a neighbor’s garage in exchange for my looking after their house while they were away. When I retrieved car in April I noticed a fluid leak. It turned out to be brake fluid, leading to an expensive repair. A week later I noticed more leaks. Mechanics found three more leaks plus seepage plus torn parts. Repairs could range from $2,000 to as much as $12,000 for a total restoration. Time to lay my Miata to rest. 5

OBITUARY FOR A BLUE MIATA The 1991 model blue Mazda Miata was born in 1990. It was a surprise gift to Fran Green from her husband, Bob, for her 47th Birthday on October 29, 1991. It died at the age of 27 with 204,000 miles, having traveled as far south as Florida and as far north as Vermont. In 2013 after living in Richmond, Virginia, and Corolla, North Carolina, it relocated to Fort Collins, Colorado. During its lifetime it survived a paint job, three convertible tops, and a few minor scrapes and bruises. In its old age, it could be said that it “shakes, rattles, but it still rolls.” On May 31, 2017, it rolled into Dellenbach Motors. Death was caused by a series of leaks, worn out parts, and the need for intensive medical care. Its life was sacrificed, along with a 2006 green Subaru Forester, for a 2017 blue Forester. A 2015 Subaru Forester survives it. Fran and Bob Green and Barley also survive. No service is planned at this time. May it rest in peace. It is destined for an afterlife with a Dellenbach employee who had previously owned a red 1991 relative. The Greens have welcomed a copper-red 2010 Miata into their family. 6

What Our Minds Let Us Be - by Pat Stoltey Old age is a relative thing. Some might consider me old at 75 (that’s three-quarters of a century, you know), but my mother made it to 97, almost to 98. At any age, we are what our minds let us be and we do what our bodies allow. My mom still played golf in her 70s. Her art projects were a favorite hobby until she was almost 90, when her hands would no longer hold a paintbrush. She worked hard to stay engaged and socialize with her neighbors in assisted living and later with her roommate and the caregivers in the skilled nursing facility. Determination and perseverance played a huge role in her life. Coming from a broken home with very little money, my mom graduated from high school at 16 and after waiting a year to meet the requirements, moved to Chicago on her own and entered nursing school. During World War II, while my dad was in the Army, Mom worked as a civilian nurse in an Army hospital. For most of the years my brother and I were kids, Mom and Dad farmed. My mother could handle a tractor just as easily as she could whip together the huge noon-time meal for my dad and the field hands. 7

She endured hip and knee replacements. At the end of 2012, when she was 94, Mom had a tiny stroke and was put on hospice. She didn’t like it when the nurses stopped her blood pressure medicine and the caregivers wouldn’t let her get up and walk, so she willed herself to get better. In April 2013, I moved my mom from her apartment into assisted living. She became a social butterfly until February 2015 when she fell in the bathroom and fractured her good hip. We used to consider a hip fracture the end of the road for the elderly. But even with the limitations put on her by the orthopedic surgeon Mom got better and returned to assisted living. A motorized wheelchair kept her independent. Mom paid attention to every bit of those never- boring 2016 election shenanigans, made her choice in November, and voted. Even though she didn’t watch each game of the Cubs’ march to win the World Series, she kept with the team. Current events and the latest world crisis were always on her mind and made for energetic conversations. All that contributes to the biggest lesson I’ve learned from my mom--we can find joy every moment of our lives, even during the hard times. I hope to follow Mom’s example as I grow older, taking 8

pleasure in the things I can still do and letting those other things go. I often said, “Mom’s a trooper.” I’d like that legacy for myself as well. Pat Stoltey is a local writer of crime fiction. Her fourth novel, a historical mystery titled Wishing Caswell Dead, will be released from Five Star/Cengage in November 2017. She lives in Fort Collins with her husband, Bill, Katie Cat, and Sassy Dog. 9

More, Not Less - by Norma Glad When I swim, I often counted how many of each of my four strokes I accomplish, so I could do the same number of each. Ice skating was another opportunity to count and even up the number of glides in each direction. I began balance therapy exercises, and counting each repetition seemed to come naturally. One day I said to myself: “No one besides you is keeping track of your exertions. Think of something else to say as you perform…” Almost immediately, these words came into my mind: Love in My Life! Love in My Life! Love in My Life! No, I’m not lacking love in my life. I’m very sure there are family and friends who love me. My new phrase brings to mind the many people and passions in my life who comprise my love life. I have been using the phrase delightedly since then while constantly asking myself what it means to me. I love the warmth it implies, gatherings of friends and family, including the warmth that comes over telephone wires and into my computer. I’m so glad I have been able to develop inner capacities to take in and give out love of several kinds. It implies to me recognition of the important place that love has had in my life, an assertion that I’ve carried on 10

the values I was taught, and an acceptance of the love from others which has enriched my life. These four words encourage me to keep on wanting to give tangibles and intangibles to those around me who are needful. The phrase seems to crowd out many habitual negatives which have haunted me most of my life: I’ll never make it, I should have done something else, I’m sure to get it wrong…… LOVE IN MY LIFE is a great substitute for all of these. “Love in my life!” is a great accompaniment as I walk to the mailbox, or anywhere else. The phrase has sometimes taken new forms in my daily rounds. When I’m out in nature I find myself repeating “Beauty in my life! So much beauty in my life!” It’s especially meaningful when the sun is shining. One day a friend used the word ‘joy.’ It was a natural: “Love in my life – and joy!” Now the phrase accompanies me as I swim, skate, exercise and live with love in my heart. It helps me be in this very moment rather than wonder what I’m going to wear, whom I should call first when I get home, what will they say. Here’s the latest version: This morning my mood is down but I’m not, because there is Love in My Life! Deep breaths are a great accompaniment to 11

Love in my Life. I encourage everyone, young and old, to find a phrase that works to enrich daily life. Norma Glad is a member of Congregation Har Shalom in Fort Collins. She is a certified yoga instructor and leads chair yoga classes at the Fort Collins Senior Center and at her residence. 12

When to Stop Driving -by Renate G. Justin “Arthur, we think it is time for you to stop driving.” “Why? I am a fine driver.” “We observed you driving in the wrong lane yesterday, putting yourself and others in danger.” “Poppy cock.” So it went until we finally took my husband’s car keys from his night table while he was asleep. Promptly he used a spare set and took out his Oldsmobile. His family had to drive the car away and not tell him where it was to stop his driving. He was furious--a scenario often repeated, as I knew from my family medical practice where I was consulted about the driving ability of older patients. In order to save my son and daughter from a similar scene, I gave my car away when I started to forget names and at times familiar words. I decided to use the Fort Collins Transfort system to get around, a challenge at times. Surrendering car keys is a life-changing moment. In Fort Collins, giving up driving means no more evening entertainment, no plays, concerts or late night movies, no quick run to the grocery store. No Sunday outings except on foot or with friends. 13

Bus service is, on most lines, hourly, with long waits if you have to take more than one bus to reach your destination. In winter sidewalks are covered with snow, and there is no service evenings or Sundays. From my personal experience, as long as you can walk to the bus, it is possible to plan daytime outings. Errands take longer but can be accomplished. A real plus is that the bus drivers in Fort Collins are uniformly helpful, cheerful and always ready with a friendly greeting. How can we tell when the time has come to make the drastic change from private to public transportation? There are no easy tests to evaluate mental or physical ability. Most people become more forgetful as they get older, and their reaction times are prolonged. At what point those factors represent a danger to driving ability is difficult to determine. Many older adults limit their driving, -- not at night, not in bad weather, not in Denver traffic -- but does that make them safer on the road in Fort Collins? Drivers over 75 have more non-fatal crashes than younger drivers, most frequently because of failure to yield right of way or obey traffic signals. Men have more accidents than woman. Older drivers have more fatalities than younger drivers because they are frail and therefore sustain serious injuries more frequently. Predictors of accidents are: 14

1. Falls in the past two years 2. Visual and cognitive deficits 3. A history of previous car crashes 4. Effects of medication Getting lost and near misses, often only witnessed by the driver and not reported, also are predictors of future problems. Family members, family physicians, even license bureau personnel are reluctant to mandate the difficult change in lifestyle ‘no driving’ represents in spite of the fact that 14% of 75-84 year-old drivers and 20% over 85 have some cognitive impairment, not taking into account visual, hearing and mobility impairment. The complexity of evaluating an elderly person for adequate functioning becomes clear if you consider that the act of braking a moving car involves: 1. Motor skills, muscle strength 2. Balance and normal reaction time 3. Adequate cognition Both AAA and AARP have classes for older drivers; most driver-education agencies give road tests to evaluate driving skills. In all honesty, just as we know when it is time to retire, we also know when it is time to stop driving. Each individual knows how often he or she forgets words, can’t remember names, makes errors in typing or falls asleep in front of the television. It 15

does not take superior intelligence to translate those failings to the steering wheel of a car. Which one of us elders has not made excuses when we ran a red light or ignored a stop sign: “It happens to everyone sometimes,” or “I was thinking of something else.” We don’t really need our family members, our physician or the police to tell us that our skills have deteriorated and that we might hurt someone by insisting that we are safe drivers. In the long run, it is up to each individual driver, as he or she ages, to hand over the car keys to the young grandchild and say: “The time has come for you to take over.” Perhaps, once we have driver-less cars, the transportation problems of the elderly will be solved. We will be relieved of having to make the difficult decision at what age to give up our mobility and independence, to surrender our car keys. Dr. Renate Justin was a much loved family physician in Fort Collins. She died on June 30, 2017.
 16

On Aging Gracefully -by Barbara Fleming A recent issue of AARP Magazine features all kinds of ways for people over 50 to avoid aging, to get, as one article puts it, “younger every year.” Perhaps staving off aging works for some people, at least until it catches up with them (which it will), but in my experience, embracing aging, reaping its benefits, is infinitely more rewarding. I choose to age as gracefully as I can. I cannot claim that I have consistently aged gracefully. I have learned through considerable experience, though, that for me resisting the course of nature is not worth the effort it takes. So graceful aging means learning to accept the inevitable and to live around it, being grateful for life’s blessings, and finding productive ways to use my skills to enrich my own life and perhaps to benefit others. Graceful aging means being able to step away when the time comes. One day a person is in the thick of things, making decisions, carrying responsibilities, doing tasks that seem important, interacting with other busy people. Life has structure and purpose. But then we pass the torch, leaving the decisions and the tasks to others, even knowing they will be done differently. Grace needs to rise to the fore then, allowing that different is not wrong, just different, and that a life stage has passed. 17

Graceful aging means accepting the exigencies of aging—which can, admittedly, be frustrating to say the least—with courage and adaptability. For me, it means selecting only commitments which I am sure I can fulfill without undue stress or fatigue. It means adjusting my schedule to leave space in my days to rest and relax. Graceful aging means living day by day but planning and hoping for more days to come. Grace does not have space for fretting about what lies ahead. Practicality is important, of course; I have done the legal paperwork. And then, as aging makes possible, I have let it go and kept going. I still have living to do. Graceful aging means knowing what brings pleasure and how to find it. It can be, for me, as simple as an afternoon of friendly bridge with compatible people who know it’s just a game. We all have different ways of seeking pleasure, even though they might not be the same when we age as they were in youth. Pleasure could be physical activity, travel, social gatherings and more. Whatever brings pleasure in the aging years, however, requires adaptation to attendant limitations. Paul Newman was still racing cars well into his seventies, but I’m pretty sure he adjusted for age-related changes in his reactions and vision. 18

Graceful aging takes the body’s changing needs into account, deals with them, and “leans in,” if you will, to enjoy the moment. No one can suppose that it is simple or easy to age gracefully, or that it happens without an investment of emotional energy, but I believe it is worth the reward—a degree of serenity, opportunities to learn and grow, a lifetime of good memories, the flexibility to choose what to do and how to do it, and the satisfaction of living each day as richly as possible. For me, that is enough. Barbara Fleming is a local author. She has published several books on the history of Fort Collins and contributes a weekly column to the Coloradoan.
 19

Living With Hope - by Carole Crane The call came from my internist when I was in a business meeting. My internist told me I had breast cancer. She said, “We will work it out together.” I knew I had someone beside me. All my life I religiously had annual mammograms, including a few false alarms. Given that no one on my mother’s side had cancer, I wasn’t supposed to get it. At 67, I expected another false alarm. But it was cancer and an uncommon type at that – triple negative. Driving home, I seemed to be on automatic pilot, trying to convince myself that the diagnosis was a mistake. My much-loved husband, Myles, was a wonderful support. He was with me all the way, from the first meeting with the oncologist and the other physicians (I did need him at the doctors’ appointments to help me remember what they said), through all the tests, the lumpectomy, the radiation treatments and the aftermath of that, the support group, the hospital Navigator program, and the emotions of my cancer journey. I was busy— going from one appointment to another, working, and getting tired from radiation, although Myles and I had good times at my radiation appointments five days a week. We did jigsaw puzzles, talked to the other patients and heard their 20

stories, ate snacks and laughed. It was good to laugh. I discovered a lot of support in Fort Collins for women with breast cancer—support groups, neighbors, friends, relatives, and service providers. The caring from physicians, nurses and other hospital staff was wonderful. Everyone I encountered taught me about hope, positive attitude and maintaining a sense of humor. So many kind people walked with me through this time in my life. I was overwhelmed by the generosity, graciousness, and good wishes. Inside I was somewhat of a different Me than the one on the outside. I cried, didn’t sleep at times, wondered what all this meant, and questioned my future. With all that, I also knew I would fight, and fight I did. Myles made sure I ate the right foods; I went back to exercising as soon as I was able; I continued working every day; I prayed; I had loads of hope; I found inner strength. And by the time all the treatments had concluded I had gotten back my confidence and spirit until… December, 2014, just three years later, when I participated in genetic testing and learned I had a defective gene, BRCA1. A mammogram revealed another, but different, cancer in the same breast as before. This time I was a different Me inside and out. Myles and I made some tough decisions about treatment. I chose to have a mastectomy and 21

hysterectomy and decided not to have reconstruction nor take the customary five years of pills. Unlike the first time, I started this second journey with confidence, hope, spirit and fight. I discovered that hope is a powerful weapon against fear and sadness. I will never let go of it. Carole Crane has over 20 years experience providing individual career consulting, corporate outplacement, executive coaching and retirement counseling.
 22

Holy Smoke! -by Libby James I feel lucky. My four children are now AARP eligible, ranging in age from 52 to 57, and all of them have arrived at incredibly interesting intersections in their lives and careers. I feel so fortunate to be able to watch as the action unfolds. All are married. Each family has produced three offspring, now between the ages of 27 and 11. Their parents currently have satisfying, exciting jobs that are keeping them challenged and engaged. But, as the song says, “The times, they are a changing.” And before very long, it’s a reasonable gamble to say that all or most of my children will be doing something different. It will happen because of outside forces, such as company buyouts and changes or it will happen because they decide to make a change. My kids worked hard and have been successful enough that they are now in a position to make some life decisions based on factors beyond simply generating income. All but the very youngest of their children will be out of high school by this time next year. Five are already college graduates and another will be in 2017. Three are in or contemplating college, numbers 10 and 11 will graduate from high 23

school in 2017 and the “caboose” will be a middle- schooler next fall. I believe these parents of my grandchildren are in enviable positions. Yet they are at a time in their lives that while invigorating, are complicated and possibly terrifying. They have spent decades in their careers but are at least another decade away from retirement. Three of them have years of experience in the business world. In varying degrees, because it is impossible to generalize about any of them, they are ready to broaden their horizons, to do something different, to put to use their hard-earned skills and expertise in new ways. They have the luxury of making their own choices. But before they do, they will have some nitty-gritty decisions to make about how and where they want to live and work. Big house? Small house? One house? Two houses? Big city? Small town? Travel frequently? Stay close to home? Based in the U.S? Based overseas? Work for someone else? Start a business? Become a consultant? Get involved with volunteer work? That’s only the beginning of a list I think they are going to need to make. When I turned 50, I remember thinking, “Oh. I guess I’m getting old.” But now 50 seems young to me and I chuckle as I hear my kids talk about aging. It seemed strange to me when Jamie Lee Curtis, age 57, was congratulated by a radio interviewer who 24

praised her for the way she was handling “the aging thing.” My children all have a zest for life and—to a greater or lesser degree--a gambler gene that will influence what they decide to do with the rest of their lives. The rocking chair isn’t even close for this crew. I’m staying tuned. Libby James is the author of several children’s books. She writes for the North Forty News and is an award-winning runner. 25

Banish dull moments, but not reflective ones - by R. Gary Raham Seventy-year-old male introverts confined to book- encrusted basements rarely succeed in quests for health and happiness. As a writer, I also spend lots of time wallowing in the mangrove swamp of my own mind, hoping to be ambushed by clever ideas. But I’ve learned to take off my hip boots now and then to explore some of the many real-world options available to seniors in Northern Colorado. Regular bouts of pseudo extroversion lead to serious dividends: exposure to new ideas, new human contacts, and a chance to enjoy Colorado’s great outdoors, to name just three. And that last option often leads to reflective moments that make my personal swamp more sublime. For example… If you are male and fifty plus, you may enjoy playing tennis to start your day. Youngsters (50-59), geezers (60-69), and super geezers (70 and above) meet at either Rolland Moore Park or CSU tennis courts (depending on the season) every day of the year. (Contact Richard Aust at rlaust@q.com for more information.) 26

My wife joins other women and men who like to run, jump, and throw things—like javelins and shot puts. They meet on a semi-regular basis to practice, often at CSU’s outdoor track on College, and participate in Senior Olympics and Masters Track and Field. They build strong friendships along with rigid muscles. (See www.coloradomasterstrackandfield.club) Colorado State, through their Adult Fitness program, also provides access to their track and weight room facilities for a modest monthly fee (http:// www.hes.chhs.colostate.edu/outreach/adultfitness/) If you possess itchy teacher genes, you may enjoy volunteering for the City of Fort Collins Master Naturalist Program. After a six-week training program, you will qualify to lead nature programs to entertain and educate adults and children in the town’s natural areas. (https:// naturetracker.fcgov.com/) Larimer County also has a similar program (http://www.larimer.org/ naturalresources/volunteer/). Rock, mineral, and gem enthusiasts can join the Fort Collins Rockhounds’ Club (www.fortcollinsrockhounds.org). During the summer they take many field trips, usually in Colorado and Wyoming, and they hold a gem and mineral show every March. The Western Interior Paleontological Society (www.westernpaleo.org) based in Denver provides those interested in fossils many opportunities for programs and field trips. 27

If you’re the artsy type, look into volunteer opportunities with the Fort Collins Museum of Art (http://www.ftcma.org/) or the Loveland Museum (http://www.lovelandmuseumgallery.org/volunteer/). Writers might want to consider The Northern Colorado Writers (NCW) and the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI). See www.rmcscbwi.org and www.northerncolorado writers.com. Published authors may join the Colorado Authors league (www.coloradoauthors.org/) So, after a day hunting fossil ammonites or discussing Paleo-Indian discoveries at the Lindenmeier site north of Wellington, I return to my basement and wade back into my mangrove swamp. But now I see the glitter of ideas on every rain- soaked bush with new clarity. The air smells fresher. Even the mosquitoes of daily life buzz with a certain perverse charm. I love to see potentially dull moments burnished to shiny, if sometimes imperfect, gems of reflection. Gary Raham rites for the North Forty News and is the author of several educational books about science.
 28

Thoughtful Aging - by Janice Whitaker In 1992, after raising children, teaching in public schools, and moving fifteen times because of my husband Bill’s 30 years of military service, we settled in a large Texas city and began second careers thinking we would never move again. We spent most vacations visiting our parents and our children and grandchildren in other states. We saw the difficulties our parents had as they aged and thought about how their last years might have been better in other circumstances. When I retired in 2005, I thought about how I wanted to spend my remaining years. Gardening was my main interest; I spent many hours pursuing that interest until the Texas heat and my body told me that it was time to quit. About that same time, our daughter’s family moved to Fort Collins. After we visited them, I talked my reluctant husband into giving up his Texas activities and friends to move close to our daughter, convinced her that her family wouldn’t be our main source of entertainment, and convinced my outdoorsman husband that Colorado had many opportunities for adventure. We became permanent Fort Collins residents in 2010. We were welcomed at our new church and encouraged to join Fort Collins Newcomers Club. We volunteered at The Food Bank for Larimer 29

County and joined book groups. Bill hiked, led hikes, and volunteered with The Nature Conservancy and Poudre Wilderness Volunteers. I volunteered with Poudre River Friends of the Library. Still thinking long-term, I searched for activities I could enjoy throughout my elder years. I joined a group of women who meet twice monthly to share knitting projects. Now one of my favorite hobbies is knitting baby beanies for newborns. I learned to play Scrabble, joining Northern Colorado Scrabble Club where I met many interesting people and learned the protocols for tournament Scrabble. No longer confident driving after dark but wanting to play several times each week, I formed daytime Scrabble groups. We now play on the first and fourth Fridays of each month for fun, and a dozen of us play in a Scrabble marathon tournament where records are kept and prizes are awarded every six months. Perhaps the biggest challenge in the move we made was finding a home where Bill and I could age in place. We had some definite ideas about what we wanted, and our realtor pointed us to a patio home community where we could have a home built to our specifications. Because our parents found stairs and narrow doorways an obstacle to their decreased mobility, we wanted all the activities of daily living to be on one floor with wide hallways and doors. 30

We also wanted an open floorplan with space to entertain along with yard maintenance and snow removal available and good walking trails. We feel blessed that this challenge is now a reality and hope that we have many years ahead to enjoy our home, family, friends of all ages and the greater community.
 31

Moving makes you wiser - by Judy Warner Moving makes you wiser. Now that the last box has been emptied, we have a few minutes to reflect on the moving experience and all it entails for the aging population. An enormous amount of emotions have been encountered by both of us. Oh, the good-byes were painful. I planned on going back to the independent living facility after a month or two. However, it has only been a few days and I decided to make a quick phone call to tell a dear friend how much I already missed her and her husband. Within few moments, she let me know how much things have deteriorated since our move. The dreaded rent increase letter has been received with rates increasing 3.5% monthly. Also, the hot water has been sporadic in working dependably. They have had to heat their water or wait for their much desired showers. So their feelings of frustration and unimportance have heightened. As far as our new apartment, it has been a source of joy and frustration. I can't figure out who designs these places or what they were thinking at the time. The ceilings are 9 ft. high. I surmise to make them 32

more soundproof. However, this means the cabinets are hung very high. They don't seem to believe in shelves in lower cabinets or under cabinet lights over the sink either. The shower head is so high, it could easily water the jolly green giant. Yet, there are times when we honestly feel like it is a wonderful gift with new appliances, granite countertops, and even a nifty, electric fireplace which creates heat and/or sets a mood. I see the relief on my husband's face now that we can save some portion of our retirement income instead of tremendously straining our funds. I wonder if this is how teenagers feel as they leave the safety and comfort of their family's home to venture out on their own. I will never regret our decision to go into Independent living, we've learned so much about an age group we knew little about. I think we also learned so much about each other. Judy Warner is a homemaker and entrepreneur who created a successful business called Secret Shopper 33

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Many thanks to each contributor to our Graceful Aging series. Every story that was shared has enriched our readers and helped the Graceful Aging team highlight the wide variety of experiences of aging for Larimer County residents. Thanks also to the Fort Collins Coloradoan for publishing several of these articles in 2015 and to the Partnership for Age- Friendly Communities for underwriting this booklet and providing space on their website to continue this project through our blog, pafclarimer.org/graceful-aging/. The series continues to flourish with monthly personal stories of aging.
 34

This project is sponsored by 35