RAGNI VOL 2 eBOOK

VOLUME 2 By Amarjit Singh

Amarjit Singh’s first best-selling novel, Mitti Dee Khushboo (Smell of the Earth), followed two young lovers as they struggled to come and stay together in Punjab, India. His depiction of the authentic culture of this rural northern state of India had readers falling in love with the characters and the beautiful details of the countryside. Now, the author has returned with Ragni, an epic love story filled with suspense, anticipation, and non-stop twists and turns as we embark on the journey to complete a love story that has taken many centuries and lives to fulfill. The history, landscape, and spiritualism of India and other cultures and countries are all skillfully woven through this tale of supernatural wisdom, reincarnation, and ultimately, the absolute power of love. - Amarjit Singh [email protected] www.ragni.org ©2021 by Amarjit Singh All rights reserved. No part of this book maybe reproduced without written permission from the author, Amarjit Singh. Ragni is a work of fiction. All incidents and dialogue, and all characters with the exception of some well-known historical figures, are products of the au- thor’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Where real-life histor- ical figures appear, the situations, incidents, and dialogues concerning those persons are entirely fictional and are not intended to depict actual events or to change the entirely fictional nature of the work. In all other respects, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author is fully responsible for the book content and Smith Printing is responsible for the printing of the book only. Library of Congress Number: TXU1-807-833 ISBN: 978-1-949565-47-8 Printed in the U.S.A. by Smith Printing, LLC Ramsey, MN 55303 (800) 416-9099 • www.smithprinting.com

CHAPTER 1 M “ a’am, may I come in? It’s rather serious,” the warden said as she knocked on the principal’s office door. “Of course. What is it?” she asked. “It’s Ragni, ma’am. She’s missing again.” The principal took off her glasses, put her hand to her head, and closed her eyes for a moment. This was too much. “You know what to do to look for her. Ask the students; I’ll contact the security guards,” she said in a tired voice. As the boarding-in-charge left, she rested her eyes again. She wouldn’t take any action just yet. Perhaps the girl would show up sometime in the night. It was only five o’clock in the afternoon. She refused to let it spoil her evening. In the dorm, word was spreading like wildfire that Ragni had escaped again. The girls openly talked of an involvement with a boy, and snickers, gossip, and all sorts of wild rumors bounced from one room to the other. Suddenly, Anita was besieged with questions, first from the boarding-in- charge, then from the other curious girls in the boarding house. Through it all, she remained silent, trying to protect her friend. The next morning, the boarding-in-charge checked in on Ragni’s room and found her still missing. After receiving the expected news, the principal 1

had her assistant summon all the security guards who had been on duty the previous day. While waiting for them to report to her office, the worry she had put off the day before came flooding over her. In all the years she had been principal of the school, she had never run across a case like this with Ragni. She wondered what she would tell Ragni’s parents. She wondered if she had been too harsh on the girl, and this was her way of retaliating. And she wondered how on earth Ragni had gotten out of the compound without alerting the guards. She was terrified of how Ragni’s father was going to react when he heard the news. He was one of the highest-ranking police officers in the state, and it could very well mean the end of her job. Worse, she still didn’t know where the girl was or if she was even safe. Soon her worry turned to anger. She would have no choice but to expel Ragni if and when she returned. While she genuinely liked and admired Ragni and her work as a student, she could not allow her to make a mockery of this institution. There was too much at stake, and she knew all the students would be waiting and watching to see how she was going to handle this situation. If she were not firm, it would mean the end of her control of the discipline of the school. All the guards were gathered in her office with tired, miserable looks on their faces. One by one, she questioned them as to whether or not they had seen any trace of the missing girl. “What about you, Ram Prakash?” she barked at the guard. “I was not on duty that day. My shift started at ten o’clock that evening. Word has it that she must have left earlier in the day since she didn’t attend any of her afternoon classes. Since that afternoon in your office, I have not seen her,” he said, fearful of the principal’s temper but also confident that he was safe from blame this time. She stared at him hard, thinking that perhaps Ragni had somehow bribed him to let her out, but she saw no sign of deceit in his eyes. 2

Turning her terrible wrath on the guard at the outer gate, Babu Ram, she asked, “You were on duty at the outer gate. She would have had to pass by you to get out. What have you to say for yourself?” “Ma’am, I have worked that gate for the last twenty years. I take pride in recognizing every face in this school. I know that girl, and I know I would have recognized her if she tried getting past me while I was on duty,” he said, standing at strict attention. “If she didn’t go out that gate while you were on duty, then tell me how she got out?” the principal shouted. At the Government College for Women in Chandigarh, the dean was sweating it out. The buses with all the students and props arrived the night before for the festival, but the major event they came for, the drama competi- tion, was going to have to be canceled if Ragni didn’t pull out some kind of miracle and show up. Before they left Jullundur, she had tried a couple of other girls for Ragni’s part, but there was too little time for them to memorize the lines, and none of the other girls played the part as well as Ragni. The mood of the K.M.V. College in the rehearsal room was one of great disappointment. The girls tried walking through the play at the dean’s insistence, just in case Ragni showed up, but the players were lackluster in their actions. The dean read Ragni’s part off a script, but it wasn’t the same. In other parts of the room, the other schools’ musicians, dancers, and mono actors ran through their parts, and even though they weren’t directly affected by Ragni’s absence, their energy level seemed to be lower as well. Across town at the military airport, Ragni was landing with the airmen from the 18 Squadron. A security officer from the base picked her up and drove her to the Government College for Women, but finding where her school was 3

rehearsing among all the other colleges took nearly an hour. Finally, one of the school security guards escorted her to the correct room. As she walked in, everyone in the whole room stopped what they were doing to watch her enter dramatically. Then suddenly, Anita began to applaud as if welcoming a celebrity, and in a few moments, the entire room was giving Ragni a standing ovation, partly mocking her but also genuinely glad to see her. The dean of drama was in the middle of reading Ragni’s lines. When she saw her walk in, she did a double-take before breaking out into a great smile of relief. “Ragni! I thought we were going to have to cancel our performance. Never mind telling me what happened; you can do that later. Take over your part for me.” Handing the script to an assistant, the dean shouted to the cast, to take it from the top. A wave of confidence surged through the whole cast as well as everyone else in the rehearsal room. They began practicing with a renewed faith that they would do well in the drama competition. Later that evening, the auditorium was filled to capacity with students and parents. The master of ceremonies came out onto the stage to announce the first performance. “Welcome to the evening portion of the Punjab Intercollege Youth Festival. Tonight we will feature the first section of the drama competition. The first performance will be given by the Home Science College, entitled Whose Hand Is This? and directed by Dr. Shama.” The curtain rolled back to reveal what looked like a white hand floating and running loose along a black background. The girls in the front row of the audience laughed and screamed and hid their faces. The play was a horror story about a demonic hand running amuck, killing people. The play was entertaining, but after the initial shock, the novelty wore off. When it was over, it still drew enthusiastic applause. When the curtain closed, the K.M.V. prop crew scrambled madly to set up the cardboard sets for their play, while the Home Science College’s crew pulled 4

theirs off. Ragni, in costume in the wings of the stage, stood in ready silence with Anita, who was playing the part of her old father in the play. Out front, the emcee started their introduction. “Next, we have Kania Mahan Vidhalya College of Jullundur, the winner of the Drama Shield for the festival for the past six years. They will be presenting Hawaily, a play written by the main character in the play, Ragni Kaur and directed by Miss Sood.” As the curtain parted, the set revealed the front of a great mansion with rounded onion domes and tall rounded doorways. Made to look several stories high, it was obviously the mansion of a very wealthy individual. Surrounding the great house was a tall, black iron gate with pointed spikes. Watching over the grounds was a pugnacious-looking security guard in a khaki uniform. Scowling at the audience, the “guard,” one of the tallest girls in the school, wore a uniform padded at the shoulders, a turban, long mustache, and beard. The edges of her eyes were painted with red makeup, indicating the guard was a morphine addict. Carrying a rifle, the guard had an ammunition belt strapped over his shoulder and strutted back and forth as if looking for trouble. As the play unfolded, it was revealed that Bachani, played by Ragni, was a poor lower-class girl whose father (played by Anita) worked in a factory for the rich man who lived in the mansion. While working on an assembly line, his hands were caught and mangled in a machine, resulting in a double amputation. The rich man’s company paid his hospital bills and gave him a few hundred rupees but offered him no pension. Unable to work to support his three children, he now walked the streets looking for work with Bachani, his eldest daughter. Hungry and poverty-stricken, Bachani wore a tattered maroon ankle skirt, a white shirt, and ragged chunni. Her face showed the effects of experiencing too much hunger and unhappiness. Bachani had tried to do housework for some of her neighbors, but when one of them was robbed, and the thief couldn’t be found, the blame was placed on her. She was shunned in her own neighborhood, and now, desperate for food, she went to the rich 5

section of town in hopes of finding some work. Summoning up all their courage, they approached the guard standing in front of the mansion. “What do you want?” he snorted contemptuously. “Please, sir,” Bachani said, “my father and I have not eaten for two days. I have two younger brothers and sisters at home that cry because they have no food to eat. Can you please ask the owner of the mansion if there is any work for us?” Staring at the old man’s stumps where his hands once were, he said, “What can you do? You’ve no hands.” Then, eyeing Bachani lecherously up and down, he began to think his boss would reward him if he could get this pretty young girl inside his mansion. “What’s your name?” he asked her gruffly. “There may possibly be some work, but you must go inside alone,” the guard said, sneering. “No! You must not go in there alone,” her father pleaded, knowing very well she would be raped. “Talk some sense into your father’s head, girl. It’s up to you. I don’t care one way or the other what you do. Starve to death for all I care,” the guard said, turning his back on them. “Father, I must...” she said regretfully. The guard let her inside the gate while pushing her father back with a sadistic laugh. Powerless to stop her, all he could do was hover by the iron gate and wait. Once inside, there was screaming and commotion. Off to the side of the stage, dramatic music played while her father fell to the ground weeping. Moments later, Bachani came walking sadly from the mansion, her dress torn to shreds and her hair mussed up. As she passed the gate entrance, the guard grinned, rocking on his heels, but there was anger and fire in Bachani’s eyes. Going to her father, lying in a heap near the gate, she shook his shoulder. 6

“Father, Father! Let’s go. I have two hundred rupees. We can eat. Let us go from this wicked place. Father—Father.” But it was too late. He had died from grief, hunger, and frustration. Crying, she fell over his body. Down the street, a young man had seen all of this and came to comfort Bachani. Carrying a hammer, he explained that he was a stone breaker, a lowly job that entailed breaking stones for paving the streets. He was a university college graduate but had been unable to find any kind of work except break- ing up stones. Holding a poster that he tore off of a wall, he showed it to the crying Bachani. “Little sister, I understand. Don’t cry. Look.” He showed her a poster put out by a youth federation. It was a picture of a poor man holding a gun to the chest of a fat, rich man. The word Revolt was printed in large red letters. “Someday, the poor, exploited, and abused will rise in anger and unity and overthrow the cancerous tyranny that drains our country’s lifeblood. Those who have killed, raped, and abused the poor will have to pay—and when that day comes, then you will get your revenge. Although you have suffered at the hands of an oppressor today, do not think your body is sold. There is nothing for you to feel ashamed of. When we overcome, you will be able to walk with your head high,” he said. Then, walking to the side of the gate where the guard couldn’t see him, he picked up a stone and hurled it through one of the windows, shattering it. The guard came running out with his gun drawn and ready to fire, but the young man was far away by then. All he saw was the crying Bachani holding her dead father. The curtain fell, and off stage, faintly at first, could be heard voices chanting, “Revolt! Revolt! Revolt!” louder and louder, until it became a thunderous throng chanting and rocking the auditorium. The crowd burst into applause, growing until it became a standing ovation that would not cease until Ragni and the rest of the cast came out from behind the drawn curtain for a bow. There were two more performances that evening and four more the following night, but the play by K.M.V. College remained etched in the judge’s minds. 7

When it came time for the announcement and distribution of the awards, it was no surprise to anyone that K.M.V. won for the seventh year in a row. Nor was it a surprise that Ragni took the State Shield for best actress of the festival. The evening ended with a verbose speech by the governor of the state, and, afterward, all the girls came to congratulate Ragni on her performance. The drama dean congratulated and thanked her too, but quickly left her to be alone with her friends, not wanting to bring up anything about where she had been. Her reputation as a drama coach had been preserved, and, for that, she was willing to forgive and forget anything the girl could have done. After a late meal in the school’s dining room, Anita and Ragni went to their assigned room in the dorm. Locking the door, Anita pulled a pillow out from under the covers, plopped it on the foot of the bed, and rested her elbows on it, settling down to hear about Ragni’s adventures. “So, tell me about what happened in Banglore!” she said excitedly. “How did you know where I went?” Ragni asked in surprise. “The day you got back from Bhatian, I saw a piece of paper with Kanwar’s address on it. I figured that’s where you went. What else would you risk so much for? Anyhow, don’t worry, I didn’t say anything to anyone. I had a feeling you’d show up at the last minute for the play even if no one else did. Last night, Dean Sood tried getting me to do your part, and they were going to try and get Sushma to play my part of the father, even though she didn’t look right—she’s a little too chubby. But it didn’t work out—I couldn’t remember your lines.” Ragni laughed at the thought of Sushma paying the part of the father. “No, Sushma wouldn’t have made a very good old man. No one would have believed she was starving!” “So, tell me already—how did you get to Banglore?” Anita asked impatiently. “Well, remember when I had you ask Sushma to come to my room? I had her bring me one of her mother’s saris. I changed into it, put my hair up in a 8

bun, and put on lots of makeup and a pair of sunglasses. I looked like one of the instructors and walked right past that old guard, Babu Ram. He always think he’s so smart. I walked right past him! Then I took a plane to Delhi and another to Banglore. It was wonderful seeing Kanwar again. He bought me this new suit as well as some others,” Ragni said. “What happened at night? Where did you sleep? Did anything happen, like, you know...” Anita pried. “We stayed in a hotel together, but, well, of course, we’re going to wait until we get married,” Ragni blushed. Trying to change the subject, she said, “I saw Hermanjit—he looks so handsome in a uniform.” Her ears perking up and forgetting about Ragni’s adventures, Anita started pumping for more information about Hermanjit. “Did you salute him for me? Did he remember who I was? What’s his address? Did he say anything about me?” she said all at once. “Yes, I saluted him for you, and he said he remembered you. He even said he thought you were cute. I had a picture of you in my wallet that I gave him, and before I left, he gave me one of his for you. Here, I have it in my purse,” she said as she got off her bed and rummaged through her purse for the photo. While she was looking, she continued, “He told me that soldiers don’t make the best boyfriends—they’re always away.” “Huh!” Anita said. “If he catches my arm, that’d be the end of it for me,” she swooned. Taking the picture from Ragni, Anita stared at it for a moment, then set it on the bed and thought again about Ragni’s predicament. “Ragni, the principal is really going to give it to you good when you get back. I think she may try and call your dad. From what I gathered from the boarding-in-charge, she is furious with you. You’ve only got one chance to get out of this—you’ve got to get Dean Sood to speak to her on your behalf. They’re good friends, and the principal listens to the dean. You won best actress and helped us take the State Shield. That’s got to count for something!” 9

Not wanting to think about it just now, Ragni turned over on her bed and sighed, “We’ll see, anyway, it’s getting late. See you in the morning.” She turned off the light, and they went to sleep. At one o’clock that morning, the wind was blowing a storm in from the west. A thick layer of fog covered everything in a murky gray blanket that blew like a wispy demon through the buildings and trees in Chandigarh. The hostel shudders flapped noisily, and outside, the metal sheds that protected the girls’ bicycles rattled, sounding like thunder in the distance. A cold, clammy wind rushed through a small opening in the window and circled the room like a flock of frantic bats trying to find their way out. “Jaswant has been murdered!” Ragni screamed at the top of her lungs. Almost falling out of bed, Anita knocked the table lamp off the nightstand and fumbled with it until she was able to turn it on. “Ragni, what’s wrong? What’s going on?” She was startled and still half asleep. Sitting up in bed, panting and holding her hands to her face, Ragni yelled, “Kanwar’s brother has been murdered! I saw it all in a dream! It was real. I tell you!” “Calm down! Here, let me get you a glass of water,” Anita said, trying to soothe the panicking girl. “Now, slow down and tell me what happened.” “It was outside the old temple in Bhatian. Someone hiding in the bushes tried to kidnap Moheeni; Jaswant tried to protect her and helped her escape successfully, and they shot a bullet through his chest and killed him. They’re supposed to get married in ten days! I was supposed to be at the wedding, and now he’s dead. I know it’s true! Every time something happens to some- one close to me, I know it! I have to call Kanwar somehow, and the college 10

dorm has no phone.” She frantically got out of bed and started putting on her coat over her nightgown, working herself into a frenzy again. “Wait a minute—I’ll go with you. This is crazy,” Anita mumbled as she got out of bed too. The strong wind blowing outside had knocked the power lines down, and the hallway was dark. No one was in the school office, so they didn’t have access to those phones. They started leaving the school grounds when the security guard stopped them at the gate. “Where are you going, and where is your I.D.?” the guard asked suspiciously. “Please, sir, it’s an emergency. I have to make a phone call. I’m not a student here; I’m with the festival,” she said, showing him her student I.D. “Oh, if you’re not a student here, that’s okay. I’ll let you out and help you get a cab,” he said. When their cab pulled up to the massive seventeen-story phone exchange, they ran to the front desk area where the operators were. Giving the number and the prepayment, Ragni was directed to one of the booths in the rear. One of the guards at the airbase answered, and her call had to be routed through Wing Commander Multani’s office for security clearance. The assistant at the security booth rerouted her call through to Kanwar’s barracks. “Ragni, are you okay? Did you get to the college in time for your play?” Kanwar asked, wondering what the emergency was. “Kanwar, all is fine with me, but you must listen to me,” she said hysterically. The cracking and popping of the poor phone connection made it difficult to hear her, but he could tell there was definitely something wrong. “I received a telegram just now. Your brother and Moheeni have been badly injured. You must go home as soon as possible.” Anita gave Ragni a confused look. She hadn’t received any telegram, but Ragni just shook her head at her. She knew she had to make up some kind of 11

excuse so Kanwar would believe her. There was a pause on the other end of the phone, and all she could hear was the hissing of the phone. “Are you sure this isn’t one of your wild schemes to get me out of the base so you can see me again?” he said suspiciously. “Kanwar, please! This is no joke! You must go home now! You must believe me!” she sobbed and shouted through the phone receiver. “Okay, okay, I believe you. Thank you for calling. I’ll see if Captain Multani will let me go home. I’ll talk to you later—goodbye.” Putting on his boots and the rest of his uniform, he threw some clothes into a duffle bag and ran to Wing Commander Multani’s bungalow. He wondered what could have possibly happened to Jaswant. He hoped it wasn’t anything too serious—he was to be married in the next ten days. “Wing commander, sir, I’m sorry to disturb you at this hour, but it seems my brother has been badly injured, and my presence is requested back home. Can I have a few days to go back and see if I can help straighten things out?” Kanwar asked as Wing Commander Multani stood at his door in his nightclothes. “Yes, of course. Let me give you a pass so you won’t have any problems getting home,” he said, going to the desk in his living room and pulling out some paper to write a note. “There is a transport plane leaving in about two and a half hours for the base in Pathankot. It’s a forty-five-minute drive from Pathankot to Bhatian. You can take a Jeep from there. I’ll call on the wireless to give you clearance for the flight out of here. This second pass will give you authorization to take a Jeep once you arrive. Good luck!” the wing commander said. Kanwar arrived in Pathankot a little before noon and got a Jeep without any trouble. As he arrived in Bhatian he noticed a few police Jeeps blocking off the roads while they milled about the village; many were carrying rifles 12

and automatic weapons. Kanwar was stopped at a number of checkpoints, but as soon as they found out his name and checked his military I.D., he was waved through, although no one would tell him what had happened to Jaswant. Everyone he questioned told him that he would get details from the senior superintendent who was waiting at his house. It took forever to travel the few miles from town to his house. He had never seen the town in such a tangled mess. As he arrived at his house, there were scores of police officers with their Jeeps parked all along the yard and in front of his driveway. Hundreds of people stirred and mumbled with each other, all with concerned looks on their faces. He had to leave his Jeep several yards away. Parking it on the side of the road, he pushed his way through the busy throng, a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. He saw Moheeni with a bandage on her left leg, swollen eyes, and her long hair messed up. She was in deep pain; there were dark circles under her blue eyes. As soon as she saw Kanwar, she held him in her arms, and a cloud of tears started flowing down. 13

CHAPTER 2 W “ ell, of course, you have to do what is best for the whole school. I realize the reputation of the institution is at stake here, but you should have seen her. She’s such a wonderful actress—I think that her performance ranked among the best the festival has ever seen—not to mention the fact that she wrote the play. I know that if it weren’t for her, we wouldn’t have won the State Shield again. Please, isn’t there some way we can keep her? Some reprimand you can issue short of expelling her? If we lose her, another college will surely benefit from our loss!” Dean Sood pleaded with the principal. Torn between her desire to keep Ragni and doing what she knew was right for the whole school, the principal tapped a pencil on her desk, wishing that just this once, she could make an exception, but knowing that she couldn’t. “I know what keeping Ragni here means to you and to the prestige of your department. Personally, I like and respect her very much, which makes it that much more difficult to do what I must do. I cannot allow my personal feelings to stand in the way of running this institution as it should be run. You’re my friend, and I know what this means to you, but please try and understand my position. If I don’t punish Ragni, it won’t be long before every other girl that ever thought of making trouble here would be testing me. I am strict for their own good. They came to this school to get the best education we can possibly give them. And if they fail, we are partly to blame for not 14

guiding them to the best of our capabilities. I cannot make exceptions for especially gifted and talented students. I must uphold my decision. I’m truly, truly sorry.” As she left the office, Miss Sood saw Ragni waiting outside the principal’s office. She hesitated, wanting to say something to Ragni; she opened her mouth, thought better of it, and rushed off, visibly upset. Ragni knew she had tried to speak in her favor, but from the way she left, Ragni knew her fate was sealed when she entered the office. “Well, where did you escape to this time,” the principal asked with an icy glare. Ragni was about to answer, but the words wouldn’t come out. All she could do was hang her head. She knew the principal wouldn’t understand where she had gone or why. Waiting impatiently and realizing she would get no answer from Ragni, she slapped her pencil on the desk and called for her assistant on the intercom. “Please check to see if there are any patients in the infirmary. If there are none, have the nurse come to my office at once. This girl is going to be watched non-stop until her parents come to get her!” she ordered tersely. Turning to Ragni, she said in a low, threatening voice. “You promised me you wouldn’t leave the school anymore! Where is your honor? I trusted you! Why did you do it? Didn’t you think about the consequences when you left?” “Ma’am, I... ” but Ragni could say no more. She hung her head again, ready to accept whatever punishment was due to her. After another pause, the principal realized she was not going to continue. “At least tell me what time it was when you left.” “It was noon, ma’am,” she said in a small voice without raising her head. “It was Babu Ram, then, wasn’t it,” she said, tricking Ragni into naming the guard under whose watch she escaped. “Didn’t he even ask you for your I.D.?” 15

“No, he just opened the gate, and I walked through,” she confessed. “Get Babu Ram up here right now!” she yelled into the intercom. By now, the nurse had arrived outside her office door. “There are no patients in the infirmary?” she confirmed with the nurse. “No, ma’am.” “Do you know this girl?” the principal asked, pointing to Ragni. “Yes, ma’am. That is Ragni, the first-year drama student,” the nurse replied. “Well, you be careful of her wonderful acting. She’s already escaped twice. If she gets out this time, it’ll mean your job. I have contacted her mother. Her parents will be here later this afternoon. Until they arrive to pick her up, you are not to let her out of your sight! She will be with you in the infirmary, and you will escort her everywhere she goes—to the dining area, to the recreation room, even to the bathroom. Do you understand? If she gets away from you, you’re fired!” the principal shouted, jabbing the air with her finger. “Yes, ma’am, I understand,” the flustered nurse said as Babu Ram knocked on the door. He was barely inside the room when the principal tore into him. “You told me she couldn’t have left! You said you recognized all the students! She just told me she walked right by you, and you even opened the gate for her! Maybe your eyesight is failing you these days!” she screamed at the poor guard. With a furrowed brow, he searched for an answer. Suddenly it occurred to him. “I know how she did it! She disguised herself! Now I remember—there was a young woman dressed in a sari wearing a pair of sunglasses. I thought she was one of the new instructors. The way she was dressed, no one would have recognized her!” he said triumphantly, casting an accusing stare at Ragni. Turning to Ragni, the principal informed her, “From now on, you are no longer a student at this school. You are permanently expelled. You will 16

remain under the nurse’s guard at all times until your parents pick you up. Now go!” The nurse had Ragni walk in front of her so she could keep an eye on her. “Why do you cause such problems? I am old and don’t need these kinds of worries,” the nurse complained. “Oh, come on. I don’t like this any more than you do. Just wait a few hours, and you’ll be rid of me,” Ragni said as they walked back to her hostel room so she could pack up her belongings before going to the infirmary. When they were settled in the infirmary, she informed the nurse, “I need to go to the bathroom.” “Wait. I’ll go too and wait outside.” Later, they went to the dining hall. A notice had been posted on the bulletin board telling of Ragni’s expulsion. As they entered, Ragni was congratulated by her fellow students for winning the best actress award at the festival and for helping the school secure another State Shield. Other students, jealous of her, stood aside and smiled to themselves over her expulsion. All the girls wondered why the nurse was shadowing her. Some of them approached Ragni and taunted her, asking why she needed a nurse to follow her. Returning their barbs, Ragni joked, “Don’t you know important people always have bodyguards?” which elicited laughter from some of the girls. Before returning to the infirmary, Ragni said goodbye to all her friends. Ragni spent a few hours in the infirmary with the nurse before being called to return to the principal’s office. While waiting in a chair outside the office, Ragni’s mother approached. She paused and looked at Ragni before walking into the office without saying a word. “I received your message to come immediately. What has happened?” Sukhbans Kaur asked the principal. 17

“Ragni disappeared again,” the principal explained. Exasperated, Sukhi said, “I’m so sorry. I apologize for her horrible behavior. I don’t know what to do about it—she’s almost a grown woman. She was always so well behaved until she came to college. I have avoided telling her father for fear it would break his heart, but now I have no choice.” The principal spoke on Ragni’s behalf. “Ragni is so talented. She won two prizes at the youth festival. Sometimes, I get so mad at her, but when she accomplishes things like this, I just can’t stay angry at her. At the same time, I have to think about the rest of the students in the school. What can I do? This kind of behavior affects all of the other girls. I don’t want to lose her as a student here—academically, she’s one of the brightest students I’ve ever seen. But if she stays here, my job and the reputation of the school will be in jeopardy.” “I understand,” said Sukhbans. “We’ll find another school for her.” “Where will she go?” the principal asked sadly. Khalsa College is near our home. She can be a day scholar, and I’ll make sure that she has a police escort to and from school. Every minute of her time will be accounted for.” Sukhi shook her head sadly. “I can’t believe this is the same girl.” “Well, she still shines—she’s special. She’s just going through a difficult time in her life. I hate to lose her,” the principal said. They called Ragni into the principal’s office. “Well, where were you?” her mother asked. “I went to see Aunt Rajinder again,” she lied. “What? Again? I told you not to go there without permission!” “I had a bad dream. I’m sorry. I couldn’t control myself,” she said in a small voice. 18

“Did you ask permission of the boarding-in-charge or the principal?” Sukhban asked heatedly. “No.” “Get your things right now!” she said sharply. “You’re through here.” While her mother and the chauffeur loaded her bags into the car, Ragni said goodbye to her friends. Sukhi apologized again to the principal, “I’m sorry about the whole mess.” “Well, after she works things out at home, please know that I will give her another chance to come back to school.” While Ragni said goodbye to her friends, Anita approached her mother, “Ragni really isn’t a bad girl,” she told her. “I know, Anita, and I appreciate that you would stick up for her. But it’s time that she learned that when she breaks the rules, she must suffer the consequences. Don’t worry, she’ll be living at home, and you’ll be able to visit her.” After a tearful goodbye and hugs, Anita waved farewell, and Ragni drove off with her mother. When they got home, Mohinder greeted them at the door. As they got out of the car, Sukhbans was quick to explain, “Ragni has been in school all her life. After she gets her bachelor’s degree, she’ll be getting married, and I’ll never see her again. I’ve brought her home from school so we can have her here for a while, even if it’s just for a couple more years.” “I agree. You did the right thing,” Mohinder said, delighted that his daughter would be living with them for a while. Meanwhile, Sukhi flashed Ragni a look that told her not to blow the cover she had set up for her and that it was for her father’s sake that she didn’t tell him the truth as to why Ragni was really home. Ragni’s mouth hung open, but she tried to hide her dismay. 19

“Ragni won the best actress award at the youth festival, and her play won first prize in the drama competition,” Sukhi bragged. “We’re so proud of you! The best actress in all of the Punjab,” he said, hugging her. “Her principal didn’t want her to leave and begged me to let her stay,” Sukhi said, while Ragni grew nauseated over her mother’s lies. “We discussed the matter over the phone this morning. After coming back from a short trip, your mother decided that it would be best for every- one if you came home as soon as possible,” he said. “She was in such a hurry to have you come home. She must have really been missing you.” Ragni gave her mother a look of gratitude for sparing her father from the truth. Kanwar had a difficult time wading through the thick crowd surrounding his house. In the main bedroom, he found his mother with a doctor hovering over her. His eyes were red, and he was mad like an injured soldier. He had found out that someone had killed his brother, Jaswant. Unable to speak, his mother took Kanwar’s hand and pulled him close in an embrace, weeping. Looking up, the doctor just shook his head as he gave Kanwar’s mother an injection of Koramine to calm her down. The senior superintendent of police and two of his inspectors pulled Kanwar away from his mother. “Someone has murdered Jaswant and wounded Moheeni,” the superintendent explained to Kanwar. “Come, we must talk.” Kanwar had been bracing himself for the worst and struggled to maintain composure, but now he was in shock at what the superintendent had just told him. 20

“How did it happen?” “They were ambushed near the temple. According to Moheeni’s statement, Jaswant tried to protect her from the kidnappers; he was shot in the stomach and chest several times. During the fight, Jaswant held tight to one of the kidnappers and choked him to death. The kidnapper did not seem to be a local person, he may be from a different town and that is under investigation. When we were collecting evidence from the crime scene, the dead kidnapper’s finger had a ring with a cobra sign carved on it. We need you to come and make a positive identification and sign some papers; your mother is in no shape to do it.” “Yes, yes, of course,” Kanwar mumbled in a daze. On the way to the morgue, the superintendent asked Kanwar some routine questions about himself, his occupation, and his age, but Kanwar’s thoughts were on Moheeni and his brother. The two of them were to be married in the next ten days, and now he was dead. Why did it have to happen? When they reached the morgue, and the drawer was pulled open to reveal Jaswant’s lifeless body, Kanwar lost his composure and fell over the body, overcome by a deluge of tears. Seeing Jaswant dead made it all real. Weak and faint, the superintendent helped him to the Jeep and promised him that they would find the criminal and provide justice for the family, and he drove him back to his house. On the ride, he was oblivious to the masses of townspeople speculating as to who may have shot Jaswant. The police were everywhere asking questions. There were bloodhounds in the fields, sniffing for clues. Back at the house, he found Moheeni helping console his mother. Moheeni was injured in her leg and was instructed by the doctors in the hospital to stay there to recover. But her emotional pain was more than her physical pain. “Moheeni, how did this happen?” Kanwar asked. 21

“Around one o’clock this morning, it was Jaswant’s birthday; we were going to the gurdwara (temple) for a short prayer. Someone was following us from home and ambushed us. They were trying to kidnap me. Jaswant turned to confront our assailant and was shot twice in the stomach. He was still able to wrestle the gun away from the gunman, but not until he was shot again in the chest. Jaswant had managed to help me escape. An hour later, Shamsher, who was hunting in the area, found Jaswant. He immediately informed the police. They rushed Jaswant to the hospital where they declared him dead.” Kanwar thought to himself for a moment and then asked Moheeni, “This all happened last night and this morning? Did you send Ragni a telegram this morning very early, say about one am?” “No, how could I? I only found out myself later on when Shamsher came back. That wasn’t until about two this morning,” she said. Walking away, Kanwar was now confused as well as grief-stricken. How did Ragni receive a telegram that Jaswant had been killed this morning? She had called him at one-thirty, yet no one seemed to know anything about Jaswant’s death until five or six. Wandering around in a daze, he noticed an army of Jeeps and fifty or sixty of Kishan’s men, all tough-looking gang members, walking about as if helping the police patrol the area. The superintendent approached Kanwar again. “Kanwar, I know this is a difficult time for you, but perhaps you can help us by answering some more questions. We want to solve your brother’s murder as much as you do. The murder weapon was found under Jaswant’s body. It was a nine-millimeter pistol. We’re also going over a list of about two hundred suspects—anyone with any kind of a criminal record. Can you think of anyone who would have had any reason to kill Jaswant?” he asked. Kanwar thought for a moment before replying, “There is only one possible person— Dilawar quarreled with him at a gathering at Shamsher’s a few years ago, but I could never figure out what it was about.” 22

Kishan and Shamsher were nearby and agreed. “Yes, he pulled a gun on me that night too. He even shot at me, but Jaswant deflected his arm, and the bullet hit the ceiling,” Kishan said. The next day at noon, the huge funeral procession marched to the far north corner of the land where a funeral pyre was waiting. Kanwar led the way with the torch, and Ragni, who had come earlier that day with her mother, walked beside him. As the bearers rested Jaswant’s body on top, Moheeni limped to the pyre alone. Wearing her wedding dress, she spoke to him, tears streaming from her eyes. “Jaswant, my love, as your body now burns, so will my love for you burn forever in my heart, and I will never love another.” She touched his face one last time and fell on his body, weeping. Shamsher and Kishan helped her away as the priest came to the pyre and prayed. Kanwar then approached with the torch. Lighting it, he swore silently, If I live long enough, I’ll find your murderer and get revenge for you, my brother! The flames grew quickly, the hot wind pushing the crowd back as the wood snapped and popped, shooting sparks and flaming wood chips in every direction. The black smoke rose high, curling and dissipating in the air, the tall, yellow flames seeming to lick the clouds. Remaining until all the others had left, Kanwar stood transfixed, watching the rest of the flames die out. Ragni stayed by his side and was sitting on the ground near him. Turning away from the fire, he sat down beside her. “Ragni, how did you get that telegram so quickly about Jaswant?” he asked her. 23

“I never received a telegram,” she admitted. “I saw what happened in a dream. I knew it was real, but if I told you it was a dream, I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. I saw the whole thing.” Kanwar stared hard at the ground. His thoughts were divided, part of him wanting to know who the killer was so he could take revenge, and the other part wanting to share the love and strong inner-connection with Ragni. “What happened?” he asked. “The killer was wearing a dark mask of some kind. I couldn’t see who it was. He was waiting for Jaswant and Moheeni as they left the house; he followed them to the old temple grounds where we used to go.” She went on to explain what Moheeni had already told him and how she had awoken from her dream and rushed to call him. Kanwar was deep in thought. He looked at this strange, beautiful girl and wondered how she could be so closely connected with him and his family. Trying to change the subject and offer him some good news, she told him, “I’m living at home in Amritsar now. Aunt Rajinder sent my mother a telegram letting us know about the funeral. We’ll be staying for another day or so.” “Why are you living at home?” he asked. “I’ll be going to Khalsa College in Amritsar from now on. I guess they didn’t like the idea of my taking little vacations from K.MV.,” she said. Kanwar was very mad and upset about who killed his brother. He was missing him dearly and in deep thought. He tried to laugh with her over the thought of all the commotion she caused. Kanwar smiled for the first time since returning home. Standing up, he offered her his hand. When she stood up, he wrapped his arm around her and said, “Come on, let’s take a walk. There’s a time for everything, and now let’s just have the ease of each other’s company while 24

we have the chance.” They stopped in front of her aunt’s house. “Goodnight; I will see you tomorrow.” She was sad also. It was already dark; she took a shower and went to bed without saying goodnight to her mother and aunt. She didn’t feel like eating anything. The whole town was quiet and sad over Jaswant’s death. Ragni removed the curtain from the window to see that a star was shining in the dark blue sky. She was halfway to sleep when a crystal-clear, white light started emerging in her room, followed by that voice she had come to know. “You are always, have been, and always will be a divine part of the divine whole and a member of the body. The act of rejoining the whole and returning to GOD is called Remembrance. You actually choose to remember who you  really are or to join together with the many parts of yourself to experience the all of you, which is to say, the all of God. Your job on the earth is not to learn (because you already know) but to remember who you are and to remember who everyone is. That is why a big part of your job is to remind others also. “They can also remember. All of the wonderful spiritual leaders have been doing just that. It is the only purpose of your soul. You may now ask me the question that is on your mind.” “Why is the world in the shape it is in?” The question came from some- thing other than her, and she gasped. “Wait a minute, is that my question?” Ragni said subconsciously. “The answer is no; I emitted in you because this is a very common question among the humans.’’ “Why did you choose me? When there are numbers of spiritual human beings in the world with more divine power and experience?” “Yes, we do have others but very few. We chose you because your soul is very mature and pure; transmitting energy is much easier and faster when the soul is pure, as I told you before.” “Please continue,” Ragni murmured, only half-conscious. 25

“Of all the questions asked of God, this one is most often asked. From the beginning of time, humans have asked it. You think that if God is perfect and loving, why would God create death, starvation, sickness, war, earth- quakes, tornadoes, deep personal pain, and worldwide chaos. The answer to this lies in the deeper mystery of the Universe and the highest meaning of life. God does not show his goodness by only creating perfection. God does not show his love by not allowing you to show yours. You cannot love until you know the absence of love. A thing cannot exist without its opposite.” “To answer your question further, the world is as it is because it could not be any other way. Earthquakes, floods and natural disasters are but move- ments of the elements from one opposite to another opposite. The whole birth/death cycle is part of this movement. These are the rhythms of life because life itself is a rhythm. It is a wave, a vibration in the very heart of God. God doesn’t choose these natural disasters to happen. God does not choose deep personal disappointments and sad experiences for you. God observes you having these experiences. God does nothing to stop them because it would block your free will. And would deprive you of the God experience. Do not condemn all you call bad in the world. Ask about what you have judged as bad and how you can change it. Life exists as a tool of your own creation, and all of its events present themselves as opportunities for you to become who you are. The masters who have walked this planet know that there are no victims in the Universe, only creators.” As soon as the voice stopped, Ragni was wide awake. She opened the window and watched the white light merge back with the Universe. Stars were shining in a dark blue sky. She noticed the clock on the wall; it was four o’clock in the morning. She was a tall figure in her silky gown, her long black hair hanging over her shoulders, as she stood in front of the window looking where the heavenly light was disappearing. Her heart was calm; there was no fear. She stepped in front of a mirror and saw her glowing beauty. She was still feeling the energy that she thought had left her body a few minutes ago. She washed her face, sat on the bed, and fluffed a pillow behind her back as 26

she leaned back against the headboard. She concentrated on going into deep prayer and touched the heart of Kanwar with her two soft hands. Her medita- tion centered deeply on easing his pain and him living a long life. She did the same thing for Moheeni and Kanwar’s mother; a few minutes later, she was in a deep sleep. A few days later, before he was to leave, Kanwar sat down with a maid named Preete, who helped his mother with the cooking and cleaning around the house, and he gave her special instructions. He told her how to contact their doctor and send a telegram to him if his mother were to get sick. He gave his and his boss’s address in case of an emergency. He talked with the farmworkers Amlee and Jakhar and gave them complete instructions about contacting the vet if any of the animals fell ill. He detailed the responsibilities of the farm to them and demanded that they avoid all different kinds of fights and be responsible in the absence of Jaswant. He met all of the senior police officers of the crime unit and gave them his and his boss’s telephone number as his contact information. Finally, he went to Moheeni’s house to find out how she was feeling. She was in really bad shape. She had lost weight, and dark, black rings had formed under her eyes. She had lost herself. The maid told Kanwar, “She has not eaten for many days.” He moved forward, took hold of Moheeni’s hands, and hugged her. “Please take care of yourself.” She was crying, and there were tears in Kanwar’s eyes also. They held each other for a while. Kanwar cleared his throat and asked, “Is Dilawer responsible for the Jaswant’s death?” “I know deep down in my heart Dilawar still loves me, and most likely he would not think of doing something like this,” Moheeni said. “I strongly believe that the men who did this are not from this area. Who would have the motive to kidnap me? This could most likely be my brother’s enemies.” She wanted to share more with him but decided not to. Kanwar was slightly relieved to hear that it may not be Dilawar, but he was determined to seek revenge on whoever committed this crime. 27

CHAPTER 3 One week had passed since Jaswant’s death, and Moheeni was hardly eat- ing anything. She couldn’t handle the pain of being separated from Jaswant. She was filled with self-hatred for escaping while Jaswant was left alone to fight their attackers. She wanted to die and be with him. She couldn’t sleep; opening the window and looking at the sky, she was overcome with the feeling that Jaswant was going to knock at her door and come strolling in like he used to. She felt like she was going insane. She asked God why he took him from her. The maid tried many times to knock on her door and give her something to eat, but Moheeni yelled at her a few times, and she didn’t dare to go back. Kishan was the only one who can try. “Moheeni, please, open the door. I want to talk with you,” Kishan said, knocking on the door. “I don’t want to talk with you; leave me alone.” The pain was evident in her voice. “Oh, sister, open the door, please.” He felt so much pain for his sister; after their parent’s death, he became both father and brother. He felt guilty for hurting her. There was no answer. “Moheeni, I am not going to move, even if I have to stay here all night.” He heard her voice at the door. 28

“Brother, what do you want to talk about?” The door was half-open, she was standing with the help of the wall, her face was pale, and her hair hadn’t been combed for many days. Dried tears stained her cheeks, and she had lost a lot of weight. When Kishan saw her, his heart fell apart. He tried to move towards her to give her some comfort. “Who is this cobra?” she asked before he could touch her. “What do you mean, Cobra?” Kishan was confused, but he couldn’t get an answer. “Brother, you are the murderer of my fiancé; I cannot live without revenge. I have the same blood as you have in your veins. You took my love away from me. What is the purpose of my life? I cannot live without Jaswant.” She pulled herself back from the wall, opened a drawer in her nightstand, and picked up a pistol. She held the barrel to the right side of her head. “Moheeni, look at me. I am sorry, but I promise I will kill the murderer. Please, put the gun away.” She started crying, and as soon as she reached to wipe away her tears, he jumped at her and held the barrel up. The gun went off, but the bullet hit the ceiling. The explosion of the gun shattered the calmness in the atmosphere. A bird that was sitting in a tree on their lawn flew away. Moheeni was sobbing and hitting her head against the wall. Kishan was holding her and wracked with grief over not protecting her fiancé. She couldn’t sleep. By five in the morning, she went into the washroom and took a shower. Afterward, she put on a salwar kameez (Punjabi female dress). She put on her leather shoes, covered her head with a cream-colored shawl, and put her pistol in a small leather handbag. She went to the stable, saddled her horse, and rode away. She went to the gurdwara (Sikh temple) for prayer, hoping to find peace in her heart. Outside the temple ground, she tied her horse to a tree. She washed her feet with the running water there and entered the temple complex. As soon as she entered, the priest recognized her. The priest wore a white turban and had a long, white beard and white dress. He was sitting in front of 29

the Guru Granth Sahib (Sikh Holy Book). His eyes were closed. As soon as he saw Moheeni, he beckoned her to come closer. He understood the pain of this young lady. “How are you feeling, beta (daughter)?” The priest looked at her as she moved closer to him. “Baba Ji, the pain is sharp. I cannot sleep. I do not know how I can handle this separation? I lost my appetite. I am lost.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she hung her head down. The priest closed his eyes while stroking his long white beard. “Beta, when we lose our timing and rhythm of the inner dance, we diminish our creativity. It’s similar to the negativity of a devouring or rejecting parent. In order to survive in the world, we readjust our inner-timing and rhythm. The process of reclaiming our own inner-timing and rhythm is the process that leads us to our creativity. Reclaiming creativity includes the mind, body, emotions, and soul learning to live together within us. Imagine an inner world without domination of one over the other. Chaos is the creative process that leads to change. Creativity during a crisis can equal intimacy. It is the art of standing in chaos, going deeper into the void, feeling the pain—finding life under the pain and despair—expressing the pain in concrete form, letting go of all the walls, and entering into a new part of ourselves by touching ourselves in our deepest wounds. Drop all of your boundaries and embrace the pain by going inside of it and finding life, passion, and beauty in the chaos. Express life, passion, and beauty in form. The contact made there will create freedom, and a precious life-giving, life-affirming form of intimacy with the self will emerge. This process means entering into the underworld, unconscious, formlessness, and the unknown. Creativity is the art of expressing one’s self.” The priest opened his eyes and looked at Moheeni, who was sitting quietly and listening to every word he said. Moheeni felt like an angel had come from heaven and was massaging her soul. She sat silently for quite a while before speaking. She finally broke the silence and said, “Baba Ji, I am feeling a little better.” She touched the priest’s feet for a blessing and left the temple complex. 30

Even though she was still missing him a lot, the pain’s sharpness had dulled with the passing of time. Moheeni had buried herself in her studies at school. Staying busy was the only thing that kept her from going insane with grief. But now that she had completed her master’s degree, she came to a crossroads. She had to make a decision about what to do with the rest of her life. Kishan had been good to her for the past year, coming home during her vacations so that she wouldn’t have to be alone in the big house. Now that she was finished with school, he wanted to help her get on her feet. He worried about her. When he saw her on her school vacations, she was so different from the young sister he knew before. Her bold, aggressive self was gone and was replaced with a subdued, pensive person. She would go out for long walks and horse rides around the farm by herself but always avoided the area where they were attacked. “Sister, it’s been a long time. I wish you’d let me help you. That engineer that I told you about a long time ago is still single. Would you be interested in meeting him?” Kishan asked after dinner one evening. “Thanks, that’s very thoughtful. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past few days, and I’ve decided to look for a job in one of the cities,” she answered. Kishan frowned. “That’s what women who can’t get married do—women who have no hope in their lives, who are old and unwanted. You are young and beautiful. There are so many men who would gladly devote their lives to making you happy. Why would you want to throw that all away?” In the past, comments like that from Kishan would have warranted a screaming match from Moheeni. Instead, this time, she answered calmly. “I really appreciate what you’re trying to do for me, but I feel like all I need right now is more time to myself. If I’m ever in the mood to get married, you’ll be the first to know,” she said light-heartedly. 31

Not happy with what she said but appeased with her diplomacy, Kishan grunted a reply. “Yes, you do that. Just let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll find the best man for you.” Excusing herself from the table, Moheeni went outside to ride her horse. She felt a little sorry for her brother. He truly wanted to help make her happy, but with all the changes she had gone through, she had to re-evaluate her whole existence and all of her values. She wanted to explain so many things to him, but she knew it wouldn’t help matters. To her, being married wasn’t everything. If she were to marry another man, there would be no love in her heart. Their lovemaking would hold no emotional value for her; it would only be a physical act to satisfy a marital need. She didn’t want or need this. No, she believed her romantic life was over. She knew that she was luckier than some women, for, as they say, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But she felt that part of her life was over and that she needed to do something with the rest of her life that would benefit others in some way. She thought about happiness and wondered if she would even recognize it anymore. She thought about basic life questions—like why some people live while others die, what happens after death, and where we come from. As she approached the southern end of their land, she paused to watch the sunset. The deep, orange orb looked like another planet looming over the bushy, green trees. Down by the river, she could see the long-legged, white cranes wading in the eddies. As she stood in the tall grass, her stillness seemed to merge and flow with the tranquillity of this little patch of nature. The cranes glanced up at her with cautious eyes but then accepted her presence. She suddenly noticed something moving stealthily, almost imperceptibly, out of the shadows of the trees toward the river bank. The cranes looked up for a moment and, seeing what it was, went back to their fishing. Moving carefully so as not to startle it, she watched a single doe, sloe-eyed and graceful, come to the river to drink. The next day while looking through the newspaper, a want-ad caught her eye. It was a posting for a history teacher and boarding-in-charge at K.M.V. College in Jullundur. She promptly sent her letter to the address listed in the ad, and a few days later, she was invited for an interview. 32

“Your resume is impressive, Miss Moheeni,” the principal said, looking over Moheeni’s file folder once again as she sat in her office, “but there are a few more questions of a more personal nature that I feel I must ask you if you wouldn’t mind?” “Yes, of course. Please feel free to ask me anything,” Moheeni replied. “Our last boarding-in-charge and history teacher resigned because she got married. For this reason, I was actually hoping to hire someone who was a little older and less likely to leave us to get married. Do you mind if I ask if you are planning to be married any time soon? It would be difficult for a married woman to live and work here.” Taking a deep breath, Moheeni turned away from the principal, remembering that fateful night over a year ago. She explained how she had been engaged and what had happened to Jaswant the night before their wedding. “From that day on, I have spent a lot of time thinking not only about my life, but about my generation. I am still trying to find answers, but one thing I can assure you of is that I have no intention of marrying. That part of my life is over. I’m neither bitter nor unhappy; I just know that the only thing I want right now is to help others. This teaching post and the position of boarding- in-charge would give me the opportunity to help these young women, to give them something of myself. I realize that I don’t have any experience teaching history, but I truly believe that I would excel at this job. The principal listened, entranced with the young woman’s story. Although Moheeni didn’t fit the mental picture she had of the person she wanted to fill the position, there was something about her words and her sincerity that touched the principal’s heart. She knew without a doubt that Moheeni was perfect for the job. The two women sat in silence as Moheeni’s words lingered in the air. The principal told her with confidence, “I believe you are the right one for this school. The pay is modest, but there are other compensations— your own bungalow, separate from the hostel with meals included. Plus, the 33

intangible rewards of teaching. Welcome to K.M.V. College!” she offered her hand in congratulations. Moheeni moved to the college staff bungalows a few weeks before the start of school so that she could acquaint herself with the campus and become familiar with some of the other instructors. She found a good friend in Miss Sood, the dean of the drama department. Although Miss Sood was a little more than ten years Moheeni’s senior, she was still young and attractive, and they found a number of things they had in common. When she was Moheeni’s age, she was engaged to an air force pilot, but shortly before their wedding, he was killed in a crash. She, too, vowed never to marry, and up to this point, she had kept her promise, devoting her time and efforts to working with students instead. Over the course of their conversations, it turned out they had another thing in common— they both knew Ragni. When Moheeni listened to Miss Sood lamenting her loss to Khalsa College, she suggested that she talk to the principal again. After all, an entire year had gone by, and perhaps, with a little effort, the principal could be persuaded to take Ragni back. Moheeni even offered to take full responsibility for Ragni. Miss Sood agreed that she didn’t have anything to lose and that she would talk to the principal the following day. “Come in, Miss Sood,” the principal greeted her friend and colleague. “There’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately, and I’ve wanted to talk to you about it,” the student dean said. “It’s about Ragni.” The principal drew back and nodded. Ever since she had to expel her, it was a source of misgiving for her as well. Miss Sood continued, “It’s been a year since she left. A lot can happen in one year in terms of a student maturing and learning how to follow the rules. I’ve missed having Ragni in the theatre department, but I must confess my 34

missing her is not unselfish. I don’t have to remind you that Khalsa College took the State Shield in drama at last year’s youth festival and that it was Ragni’s play that won the contest for them. It’s the first time K.M.V. has lost to Khalsa College.” “I know. I’ve been thinking about it all very seriously. Not only for the loss to the institution, but the whole matter left me unsettled. I would love to give her another chance, but I’m worried about her behavior,” the principal explained, trying to weigh both sides of the issue. “There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about. It turns out that the new history instructor, Moheeni Kaur, is a close friend of Ragni. She has offered to take full responsibility for her if Ragni comes back.” “Okay,” the principal agreed. “I’ll write to her parents today offering to let her come back.” “Why not send Moheeni personally?” Miss Sood suggested. After considering it for a few seconds, the principal nodded in agree- ment. “It’s all in your hands. Good luck.” “Welcome, Moheeni. It’s so good to see you again. Congratulations on earning your master’s degree,” Sukhbans Kaur said as she gave Moheeni a hug and invited her into the house. They hadn’t seen each other since Jaswant’s funeral, and Sukhi noted the change in her. She seemed less bouncy and cheerful but, at the same time, more mature and sure of herself. Sukhi was impressed with the way Moheeni carried herself. “Ragni and her father have gone out for a walk around the compound, but they should be back shortly.” Moheeni didn’t waste any time explaining why she had come. After telling Sukhi about her new position as boarding-in-charge and history teacher, she 35

informed her of Miss Sood’s desire to have Ragni back at K.M.V. and that the principal had agreed to give her another chance. “I would accept full responsibility for Ragni and would be her boarding- in-charge,” Moheeni finished. Sukhi had, in fact, been considering sending Ragni back to K.M.V. During the past year, Ragni’s behavior had changed dramatically. She still excelled at her studies, but she hadn’t disobeyed her family or disappeared on any more unexplained trips. But there was another reason Sukhi was considering returning her to K.M.V. College. In the past year, the borders of the Punjab had been experiencing a wave of violence between police and drug smugglers. Several had been killed on both sides, and the state was running short of good men and solutions as to how to handle the volatile situation. Mohinder Partap Singh’s record as Inspector General of Police revealed him as the champion they were so desperately looking for. And he received notice of a promotion to that city to take charge in July, just another month away. She could take Ragni with her to Chandigarh, but that would mean another transfer of schools. She debated leaving her in Khalsa College as a boarding student or sending her back to K. M.V. College. Now that she would have not only a close friend but also Moheeni watching over her, she decided K.M.V. was the right choice. Explaining their situation to Moheeni, she said, “I agree with you, Moheeni, but the final decision will have to be Ragni and her father’s. At that moment, Ragni and her father walked through the front door. “Didi Ji (title of respect for an older sister-like person),” Ragni cried and ran to give Moheeni a hug. Moheeni explained the situation to Ragni while her parents made comments in favor of the idea of Ragni returning to K.M.V. Ragni knew that Sukhi had never told her father the real reason she left K.M.V. College. I.G.P. 36

Mr. Singh and his wife agreed to let Ragni return to K.M.V. College, which delighted Ragni and Moheeni. “He is a good man! You have no proof, no reason whatsoever to even think of him like that!” Dilawar’s mother said forcefully to the investigating officer. It had been almost two years since Jaswant’s murder, and no clues as to the identity of his killer had surfaced. Dilawar was the main suspect, but he had disappeared shortly before the accident, and even his mother had not heard from him since. The police continued to question her every few months, and she was insulted at the idea that he was a suspect. She was a tall, proud figure, respected by the police, who in many ways found her intimidating. Backing off the front porch, the officer who had been sent to question her apologized with great respect. “Sorry to upset you like this, ma’am, but I’m just following orders.” As the officer returned to the Jeep and drove off her property, she stood in the doorway glaring after him. Kanwar’s life as an air force pilot was taking shape. He was the youngest squadron leader in the air force unit stationed in Srinagar. Sword Arms or the 51 Squadron is a fighter squadron of the Indian air force, based in Srinagar air force station.  The squadron was under the western command of the Indian Air Force. Kanwar had his own on-base bungalow two doors down from Hermanjit’s, and while he shouldered added responsibilities, he also had more freedom. He was flying fighter jets now, patrolling the sensitive China-India border to the Himalayan Mountain Range. But as far as the air force was concerned, his 37

priority was playing field hockey. The air force always boasted of having one of the strongest teams in India. When he wasn’t flying jets, he was practicing hockey and being relieved of the more menial tasks that other officers were subjected to. The air force coaches unanimously recognized him as their best player, with Hermanjit a close second. The best players were selected from the 51 Squadron, Sword Arms, to play against the Olympic team preparing for the summer games. Although all thirty-three spots on the Olympic team had already been filled, these matches gave Olympic hopefuls the opportunity to bump a member from the current team. Kanwar and his air force team members were preparing for just such a match. During a break in the action, Kanwar surveyed his surroundings. He stood in the valley of one of the most beautiful places on earth, the garden known as Kashmir with Lake Dal providing a floating city of houseboats. Forming the backdrop was the highest and most spectacular mountain range in the world, the white-capped peaks connecting the heavens and earth. He thought of how life had given him everything he ever desired—a woman who loved him dearly, the life of a pilot of which he had always dreamed, and the chance to play the game he loved. He looked at the Hima- layan Range behind the city and breathed the crisp mountain air that kept the valley cool even in the hot summer months, and he believed there could be no more idyllic a place than this. In spite of all this, he was not satisfied. There was a restlessness in his heart that would not let him enjoy the beauty in his life until Jaswant’s murderer was found and put to justice. Blood ties ran deep in the Punjab, and he was not immune from this. His honor as a Sikh and as a man demanded that he avenge his brother’s death. The prestige of his family depended on it, and Jaswant would not rest until his killer was punished. Until this was taken care of, nothing else would give him satisfaction. At the same time, he realized that murdering his brother’s killer would ruin the lives of both his love and his old mother. He was determined to bring the killer to trial to face the consequences. 38

“Come on, Kanwar. You look half asleep. The big game is tomorrow, and we’ve got to get ready for those guys,” Hermanjit yelled as he ran up to his friend. “Sorry, you’re right. My mind was somewhere else,” he answered, refocusing his attention on the practice. The next afternoon, the stadium in Srinagar was rocking with thousands of soldiers and fans cheering the Olympic team and the best of the air force. The heavily favored Olympic team opened with a furious rush, overpowering and catching the air force team off guard. In the opening minutes, the Olympic team scored their first goal. Shaken and reeling but not ready to give in, the air force team regrouped and steadily fought back. By the end of the game, they were outplaying the Olympic team. If not for the spectacular play of the Olympic goalie, the best in all of India, the air force team may have pulled off a win. The lone goal was the only score of the game, despite the brilliant offensive play by Kanwar and Hermanjit, and the pride of India held on to their unbeaten record. After the game, the Indian Hockey Federation director and the Olympic coach visited the air force locker room to congratulate them on their fine exhibition. As he left, he asked to have a few words with the air force coach alone. The men spoke briefly behind the closed doors of the coach’s office, and they emerged smiling and shaking hands. The next day, Kanwar and Hermanjit were called to the coach’s office. “Yes, sir?” Kanwar said as he entered the room. “First of all, I wanted to congratulate both of you on your fine play yesterday. We aced the best in the world, and if it weren’t for their goalie, we would have beaten them. But that’s not what I called you in here for. Yesterday after the match, the Olympic coach and the director of the Indian Hockey Federation had a talk with me. There are two players on the Olympic team they want to replace, leaving room for two new men. They want you two to help 39

represent India in the coming Olympic games. Are you interested?” he asked, smiling. Kanwar and Hermanjit just looked at each other with widening grins, their excitement growing with the realization of what the coach had just offered them. Ragni was now in her junior year at K.M.V., and her friendship with Moheeni had grown stronger over the past year. Given the freedom to see Kanwar when he was able to visit on leave, Ragni became the ideal student. Trusting Moheeni, the principal had given her free reign in handling Ragni. As long as no scandalous reports or complaints reached her office, she was content to allow things to continue. Later in the year, Ragni received a letter from Kanwar. It read: Ragni, Lots of love to you. I’ve been planning to write more often, but the hockey practices have been more intense lately. Hermanjit and I have been spending more time training with the Olympic team, and the air force has been very good in accommodating our needs. N ext Saturday, I will be flying one of the jets from Srinagar to Delhi for training to participate in the 26 Jan. festivities at India Gate, New Delhi. On 15 December, exactly at noon, I will pass over your boarding house and will wave as I go over. Perhaps, I’ll see you there. I dream of you often and miss your smiles and kisses. All my love, Kanwar Saturday arrived, and although it was December, the sun was warm, and most of the students were outside on the school’s courtyard lawn catching some of the rays. 40

“Anita! He’s coming! I can see his plane in the distance. Hurry—he’s coming fast and will be over us in a few seconds!” Ragni said as she ran out of the dorm room onto the balcony. The thrill of watching the speeding jet roaring in like a rocket, and knowing Kanwar was piloting it, made Ragni forget about her fear of air- planes. Her heart jumped a beat, and cold shivers ran down her spine as he swooped down close to the campus and passed in an instant, leaving a wake of deafening thunder shaking the ground and rattling the iron balcony railing. All the girls on the lawn shielded their eyes from the sun and watched the jet as it careened through the air, banking a steep turn and coming in for another pass. Waving and cheering, Ragni could barely contain her excitement as he came diving in toward the hostel building. This time he came so close she thought he would tear off the antennae on the top of the building. The girls all cheered and waved, wondering who this daring pilot could be. As he flew past the campus and started his bank, he did a triple barrel roll, the sun gleaming off the wingtips. By now, Ragni’s exhilaration started turning to panic and terror. The old fear of airplanes had come over her now, and she wavered, reaching for something to grasp on to before she fell. By now, Kanwar was screaming in for another pass, this one even lower than the previous one. As he blasted over the school, the girls screamed and covered their heads with their hands as the tailwind from his jet kicked up dust and papers in its wake. Instead of banking for another turn, he rocked his wings as if waving goodbye and continued flying straight south for Delhi. Laughing and cheering, Anita turned to Ragni. “Oh, Ragni! Wasn’t that exciting?” But Ragni was on the floor of the balcony, out cold. “She seems to be fine. I think it was just a case of getting a little over- excited. We’ll keep her for the evening, but I’m sure she’ll be okay,” the young doctor reported to Moheeni in the lobby of the hospital. 41

When Moheeni picked her up the next day, the nurse pulled Moheeni aside. “Last night, while I was making my rounds, I heard screaming coming from her room. When I went in, it was obvious that she was having a night- mare. I woke her and asked what was wrong, but she said it was only a dream and insisted she’d be fine. The doctor thinks she’ll be alright, and so do I, but it might not be a bad idea to keep a close eye on her for a couple of days.” The next day at Moheeni’s bungalow, Ragni was playing a sitar on the porch while Moheeni read a magazine. “I’ve never heard that tune before—I like it. What’s it called?” Moheeni asked. Continuing to play, Ragni replied, “I don’t know. I learned it in a dream I had last night.” Seeing the confused look on Moheeni’s face, she explained, “Some- times when scientists or scholars can’t find a solution to problems, they somehow find the solution in their dreams. That’s how I learned this tune. It came repeatedly.” Wrapping a shawl around her shoulders and taking a sip of tea, Moheeni asked, “What kind of a dream was it?” Ragni set the sitar aside and revealed her long dream to Moheeni. After listening to Ragni spell out the details, Moheeni shook her head and stared at Ragni in disbelief. After a silence, she turned to Ragni and asked, “How is it possible?” 42

CHAPTER 4 M “ oheeni, I received a telegram from Kanwar yesterday. He may be coming to visit me, but he doesn’t know when,” Ragni said as they walked on the lawn of the campus between classes. “Don’t worry about a thing; I’ll take care of it. Do you have any idea when he might arrive?” “No, he just said he’d be flying through to Delhi and was going to try to stop on his way up to Adampur Base if he had the time,” Ragni explained. “If he comes, I’ll have him come to my bungalow,” Moheeni said. “That sounds great! Well, wish me luck. I’m going to music class to give a sitar recital for an exam. I’m going to play the same tune I played for you back at your bungalow the day I got back from the hospital,” Ragni said as they reached the entrance to the theatre building where her music class was being held. “Is it an important exam?” Moheeni asked. “It will count for most of our grade for this portion of the semester, but I’m confident it will go well.” “Well, good luck then, and I’ll see you after class. Maybe we can have lunch together,” Moheeni said, waving to Ragni as she headed for the administration block. 43

Passing the inspection room, Moheeni entered the connecting administration office, where all the guests checked in before visiting any of the students. “Good morning, Sharda,” Moheeni said to the office clerk in charge of registering visitors. “I’m expecting a relative sometime today. He’ll more than likely be in an air force uniform. His name is Kanwar Singh. He may also be looking for Ragni. If he shows up, will you please send him to my bungalow, and don’t worry about the meeting slip. I’ll fill out a pass for him right now,” Moheeni said, picking up a pen as the clerk handed her a blank pass. “Very well, ma’am. If someone fitting that description comes here, I’ll send him right over,” Sharda said. After a light day of classes, Moheeni returned to her bungalow. Moments later, Kanwar’s Jeep pulled up to the outside gate. “You’ll have to park in the visitor’s lot over here to the side,” the guard instructed Kanwar. Pulling into the lot, he parked and went to the administration office to sign in. As he walked in through the glass doors, Sharda looked up and greeted him, “May I help you?” “Yes, my name is Kanwar Singh.” “Oh, you must be Moheeni’s cousin. She’s been expecting you. She gave me a pass for you. Would you like to follow me to her bungalow?” Sharda said, smiling. “Uh, yes, of course,” Kanwar said, unsure of what was going on but not wanting to wreck his good fortune. The last time he tried to see Ragni, he hadn’t even made it past the glass doors, and now he was being personally escorted through them. In the past, Moheeni had arranged for him and Ragni to meet off-campus, so he assumed she had also arranged this. The young clerk smiled at him as she walked with him across the campus lawn. It was uncharacteristic for her to have allowed him in so easily, without having 44

him produce any identification, but seeing such a handsome figure, she lost her sense of procedure and assumed he was the party Moheeni wanted to be admitted. “Here is Moheeni’s bungalow,” she smiled. “If there’s anything else I can do for you, let me know.” “Thank you very much,” he said as he went up to the door. As he smoothed his turban, he glanced back at the girl walking back to the administration building. She was smiling at him, and he gave an awkward nod in her direction before knocking on the door. “Kanwar! It’s good to see you. Come in!” Moheeni said, giving him a hug. “It’s good seeing you too, Moheeni. Thanks for arranging things for me to get in. I wasn’t sure how that was going to work,” he said. Moheeni laughed softly, “No problem. So tell me, how long are you here for this time?” Frowning, he answered, “I had a terrible time getting here. Traffic from the air force base was delayed for an hour. I was hoping to see Ragni for at least an hour, but now it looks like I’ll only be able to stay a few minutes. Then I have to get back to the base and fly back to Srinagar—orders, you know.” Moheeni’s face dropped. “It would take at least fifteen minutes to get Ragni out of her class, plus she’s giving an important music recital—but I can try to get her out.” “No, no, it wouldn’t be the right thing. By the time she got here, I would have to leave. That would tear her up—you know how emotional she gets. She would try and make me stay longer, but I just can’t. I can’t tell my command office that I’m leaving late because I am going to see my girlfriend. It’s a little different when you’re skipping out of a boarding house—the worse they can do is expel you. If I skip out on air force orders...No, it’s probably best if I just 45

leave without seeing her this time. She sent me a telegram last night recon- firming my visit to see her, but it’s just not going to work out. Could you please tell her that I’m sorry, but I’ll have to catch her another time?” “Sure, no problem. You’re right, of course,” Moheeni said. While she listened to Kanwar, she felt a strange feeling in her heart, like sparks jumping off flint and still trying to ignite some dry tinder. It was a stirring she hadn’t felt in a long time—ever since Jaswant’s murder. Ever since she and Jaswant had become lovers, she looked upon Kanwar as her brother-in-law. Now that Kanwar and Ragni were probably going to be married someday, she thought of Ragni as her sister-in-law. Even though Jaswant was gone, and their marriage was never official, she still considered these two her family. Perhaps that explained the feeling of closeness that she had for Kanwar. As they chatted about past things, Kanwar noticed a change in Moheeni. She used to joke around with him before, but she seemed much more serious today. Perhaps it was a depth that he had never noticed before. She no longer seemed to relate to him as just a younger brother but seemed to see him as an adult, an equal. “Have you heard any news about the investigation of Jaswant’s death?” he asked. Looking down, Moheeni momentarily fought the tears back. “No, they are still looking for clues but have not turned up anything yet.” When she collected herself, she looked at Kanwar, who was deep in thought. Seeing Kanwar as an adult brought back memories of Jaswant. She felt a surge to embrace him and had to pinch herself to remind her that he was not Jaswant but his brother. She realized for the first time how much she missed being held and kissed by Jaswant, and it seemed so close now. Fighting with her emotions, she had to tell herself over and over that this was not Jaswant, but his brother, and he belonged to Ragni. 46

“Are you alright, Moheeni?” Kanwar asked, seeing Moheeni fight back tears. His voice broke the cruel illusion that was tearing her up inside. “Yes, please excuse me, Kanwar. I guess I was just thinking of Jaswant for a moment. I’ll be okay in a second,” she said, brushing away her tears. “Well, I guess I’d better get going,” he said, rising. “Wait, I have something for you,” she said, getting her purse. Handing him fifty-one rupees, she said, “Here, a gift from your sister- in-law.” “Oh, you don’t need to do this,” he said, slightly embarrassed. “No, please, take it. It will make me happy,” she said. Giving him the gift as a sister-in-law helped remind her that she was, indeed, the elder sister and that this was young Kanwar. It helped bring her back to reality. As she handed him the gift, she felt the shaky feeling in her heart mending. As he was about to leave her bungalow, she said, “Kanwar, remember, you have two responsibilities: your country and your girlfriend. Both are important and need to be cared for in different ways, but both need attention and care. Don’t neglect either of them.” Nodding, he said, “Yes, please tell Ragni I love her and will get back here when I can. The air force is transferring me to the Chandigarh Air Base ina few months, so I will have a lot of opportunities to see her. Kashmir is a beautiful place for sightseeing. If you can help her sneak away during the Christmas holiday for few days before I leave the base, it would be fun, and she can relax about all these missing moments. “It is a very good idea. I will let her know.” After giving Moheeni a hug, he left the compound. 47

After her music class was over, Ragni came to Moheeni’s bungalow. “Did he come yet?” she asked anxiously. “Oh, Ragni—come in,” Moheeni said at the door. Ragni was disappointed when she realized he wasn’t in the bungalow. “Have a seat here, next to me, Ragni,” Moheeni said as they entered her living room. “I have to tell you something, but before I do, I want you to promise me that you’ll control yourself and listen to me in a calm and mature manner,” Moheeni said, looking at her with a point-blank stare. This was the first time Moheeni had ever talked to her like this, and she realized she meant business. Surprised, Ragni became silent and listened to what Moheeni had to say. “I’m going to tell you something, but I want you to hear me out. Please, wait until I have said everything I want to before you say anything.” Then drawing a deep breath, she began, “Ragni, loving someone is not just getting what you want from the other person. Love requires patience and under- standing of the other person’s needs. If you are going to marry Kanwar, you are going to have to understand his life and the rules he must live by.” “Kanwar was here already, but he couldn’t stay. He only had fifteen minutes, and by the time we would have gotten you out of class, it would have been too late. He felt it would have been harder for you to have seen him for one or two minutes and then have him leave, so he said he’d come back when he had more time to spend with you. He had orders to report back to Srinagar, and those orders had to be followed. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you; it means he has a commitment with the military he must fulfill first. He wanted me to tell you he loves you,” she said. Ragni was looking down. Tears started rolling down her cheeks, but she remained silent. When she didn’t say anything for a while, Moheeni moved next to her on the couch and put an arm around her. 48