WNNWA | Winter-Spring 2012-2013

Winter 2012 / Spring 2013 u Thoughts on the Tragedy u What?! at Sandy Hook u An Open Letter to Grieving Friends u Not Even a Feather u Voicing the Horror u Getting Unstuck: Finding Hope Through Grief u TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting® u Baby, Can You See Me? u Book Review u Lessons of a Big Sister A Parent’s Guide to Raising u My Brother Bill Grieving Children u Bereavement by Drugs u TCF National Website Honored u TCF 36th National Conference WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 1

FROM THE EXEC’S DESK TCF Updates and News This is an exciting time for The Compassionate Friends! Additionally, The Compassionate Friends was highlighted in an Major changes are being planned to help the organization meet extensive USA Today article. our very important vision that everyone who needs us will find USA Today has a readership of 3.2 By Pat Loder us, and everyone who finds us will be helped. million readers daily. The story was also run in other Gannett publications around the country. The Board of Directors, along with the staff, regional coordinators, and other stakeholders, are working on a new Identity theft is another matter of growing concern for Strategic Plan that will be the blueprint to guide the organization bereaved families. We are aware that, sadly, identity thieves for the next five years. Some awesome initiatives have been have been targeting children who recently died and filing income discussed for inclusion into the plan—initiatives that will allow tax returns claiming the child as a dependent.This can deny us to be there to extend our reach to even more bereaved parents, the rightful parents of their deduction, causing further pain siblings, and grandparents long into the future. at an already difficult time. We’ll be working to see what our organization can do to stop this appalling practice from affecting Let me tell you about some of these exciting initiatives. bereaved families. Our great country has a diverse population, and we want to make sure we are reaching out in all areas to bring help to people We continue to upgrade and expand our public website with who need our services, to locate more chapters in inner-city our monthly webinars, online support community, and additional areas, and to reach the ever-growing older population and those content. In fact, I am very proud to announce that recently who have had miscarriages and babies born still. GoodTherapy.org named our national website at the very top of We are seeing more chapters offer Spanish language support the 10 best resources on the Internet in 2012 for grief and loss. for the Latino population, and we are translating more brochures We continually look for ways to expand our website. One way into Spanish. Prior to the 2012 National Conference, we began is by making available on-demand videos of past conference a program offering a special extended time period for a Spanish keynote speakers to give you the opportunity to see their language workshop and sharing session for Latino parents, siblings, wonderful presentations. We will also be adding training videos and grandparents. We also respond to e-mail referrals in Spanish to our leadership site. through qualified bilingual Latinos who also share the same culture, thus providing an atmosphere of natural bonding. These initiatives In addition to our highly regarded website, we have almost help round out the Spanish language section of our website and our 47,000 people from all stages of the grief journey who follow our Facebook page devoted to grieving Latino family members. Facebook page to discuss the question or thought of the day, and We understand that to be a strong and vital organization, we we also offer Twitter and LinkedIn as means of support. Recently, need to do a more effective job in making quality training more our nation collectively mourned when 20 small children and 7 easily accessible and affordable to our chapter leadership. This adults were murdered in Newtown, Connecticut. Upon hearing is why, beginning in March, we will be offering more Chapter of this horrific tragedy, many of us were rocked to our core, often Leadership Training Programs (CLTPs). With a new regional revisiting painful parts of our own grief. The death of every child, CLTP concept, we will bring leadership training to the chapters no matter the age, is a tragedy for those left behind to mourn. The instead of asking that leadership members travel to a training Newtown shootings certainly were a reminder of the great need program in a large city. To provide our chapter leaders with for an organization such as TCF to be there, offering strength and important training, regional programs will consist of one-day hope after the death of a child. intensive courses held on Saturday. In a recent letter to the chapters, I advised the leadership that As you can see, we’re working very hard to accomplish a lot the Board of Directors passed the bylaw amendment to bring for our membership and to help our chapter leadership, without into the organization a chief operating officer—a COO. Having whom none of this would be possible. a COO in place and sharing the administrative duties will allow me more time to work with other organizations and on public We are turning a new page in the history of this great awareness initiatives. Here are a couple of exciting examples: organization and bringing it to the next level. Together, we can Recently, I flew to Los Angeles to be on the Ricki Lake truly make our vision a reality, that everyone who needs us will Show to talk about The Compassionate Friends and the death find us, and everyone who finds us will be helped. v of a child. The Compassionate Friends name was heard by a million viewers. Pat 2 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

Winter 2012/Spring 2013 Vol. 36, No. 1/2 Features Departments What’s It All About? Thoughts on the Tragedy at Sandy Hook From the Exec’s Desk We Need Not Walk Alone is By Cathy Seehuetter.......................... 4 By Pat Loder ..................................... 2 the national magazine of TCF Responds to Newtown .............. 4 Ask Dr. Gloria ................................. 7 The Compassionate Friends, a mutual TCF Patron Donations.................... 16 assistance, self-help organization Not Even a Feather TCF Foundation Donations............ 16 offering friendship, understanding, By Deb Robinson............................... 5 Friends, Caring and Sharing ......... 17 and hope to bereaved families TCF Board of Directors.................. 28 following the death of a child. The Voicing the Horror TCF Chapter Support..................... 29 Compassionate Friends provides By Anita Byars .................................. 6 highly personal comfort, hope, and For Brothers and Sisters support to every family experiencing TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting® Ask Dr. Heidi ................................... 7 the death of a son or a daughter, a Lessons of a Big Sister brother or a sister, or a grandchild, By Wayne Loder ................................ 8 By Karla Levering............................. 10 and helps others better assist the Baby, Can You See Me? My Brother Bill grieving family. There is no religious By Amparo Atencio............................ 9 By Carole Renee Hasz....................... 11 affiliation, no individual membership fees or dues, and all bereaved family Bereavement by Drugs Book Review members are welcome. By Philippa Skinner .......................... 12 A Parent’s Guide to Raising Grieving Children Visit TCF on the Net What?! By Tony Benjamin ............................. 13 By Dr. Phyllis Silverman and For further information, Madelyn Kelly visit The Compassionate An Open Letter to Grieving Friends Friends on the Internet at By Wesley Merritt.............................. 14 Reviewed by Heidi Horsley............... 19 www.compassionatefriends.org. Getting Unstuck: Finding Hope The Compassionate Friends Through Grief Poetry now offers an “Online Support By Beth Marshall .............................. 15 Tell Me What to Say Community.” For more information, By James Eugene Batchelor.............. 31 select the Online Support TCF National Website Honored...... 21 Community button on TCF’s home page. TCF 36th National Conference....... BC TCF’s Facebook page can be The views presented within this magazine represent those of the authors and do not necessarily represent reached through the link on the those of The Compassionate Friends. home page of our national website. Facebook members can also go to: The Compassionate Friends/USA. Cover photo by Louise Foreman in loving memory of her son, Will. Louise is a member of the Fairfax, Virginia, Chapter of The Compassionate Friends. WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 3

oughts on the niece, or nephew first died. That can be especially true when Tragedy at Sandy Hook it was a sudden and unexpected death. You may feel increased depression and even physically ill. You might have flashbacks ~By Cathy Seehuetter to the time of their death. This is not uncommon at all, and happens often in cases such as this. I recall our first chapter By now, you are all sadly aware of the great tragedy that meeting following 9/11 and the Columbine shootings. Nearly all who attended those meetings felt these unspeakable occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, tragedies very deeply and also physically. Connecticut. Our hearts are heavy, and we are stunned by this cruel loss of the lives of not only adults, but of twenty It helps to talk to others about your feelings, especially to innocent young children. There really are no words to someone else who will understand. That is why the meetings describe adequately how I am feeling, and I am sure that your following 9/11 and Columbine were so invaluable. We all thoughts and feelings echo mine. learned that we were not alone in our feelings, and just knowing that was comforting. This horrific tragedy is despicable, no matter the time of year, but it also only added to the difficulty of the holiday Pay close attention to how you are feeling and take season for many of us. I feel like a pall has fallen over the especially good care of yourselves. Our immune systems nation, and we wonder how something so unspeakable could take a pounding when we are stressed, both emotionally and even occur, even in the darkest of minds . . . physically. Get enough sleep; take naps if you need them; take vitamins; make healthy eating choices; exercise to get I want to mention that sometimes when something so those endorphins flowing. Do what you need to do, and be tragic happens, is very public, (on all the radio and TV gentle with your fragile hearts and psyches. stations, Facebook, and elsewhere), and everyone is talking about it—like the school shootings in Connecticut now—it I would also recommend (I am doing this for myself) can profoundly affect those of us who have had someone very taking breaks away from the glare of the media. The close to us die; in this case, especially children. It can bring stations have been bombarding us with news about this you back to the time your child, sibling, grandchild, stepchild, tragedy, and I believe it is in our own best interests to do other things, such as watch a movie, read, get some fresh e Compassionate Friends air, anything to turn the attention away from the constant Responds to Newtown noise of such a horrific event. We know what happened. I don’t think we need the constant reminders and pictures. From the moment on December 14 that news filtered We know all we need to know; that a terrible, horrible crime was committed. We know there are families who are through the offices of The Compassionate Friends about devastated by what has occurred, and we know the difficult the tragedy in Newtown, TCF has responded and made journey that lies ahead for them. preparations to help the community and the relatives left behind to grieve. My prayers continue for all affected. We who have lost loved ones know the difficult road ahead for the survivors. I The National Office sought and received donations for am just stunned by all of this, so much so that mere words its emergency fund, which was designed to help chapters are inadequate. facing emergencies such as this. While plans have not been cast in stone as We Need Not Walk Alone went to TCF National began working immediately, brainstorming press, TCF National has already done the following: aired how the organization could best help the families and the the webinar “The Nation Mourns and Together We Heal” community. Donations continue to come in for TCF’s (available for on-demand viewing on TCF’s national emergency fund, which is used in situations like this to help the website); shipped 6,000 “Forever in My Heart” blue and chapters cope with any shortfalls in bereavement materials and white silicone butterfly wristbands to be distributed at to benefit the families in ways deemed most helpful to their grief no charge to the families and townspeople of Newtown journey. To donate, go to www.compassionatefriends.org and with a promise to ship more when needed; and created click on “Donation.” Fill in the donation amount and on the next online the “Newtown Remembrance Book of Love,” page, in the comment box, write “Emergency Fund.” Those who which allows all who wish to post a caring message to are able can help in this manner, but all of us can think about the do so. The book will be presented to Newtown in the secondary victims left behind to live with this sorrowful event future. Nearby TCF chapters are also making preparations and, if you are a prayer, this is something we can do as well. to help the families when they feel ready to venture to chapter meetings seeking grief support. v For those of you with smaller surviving children who, no doubt, will be fearful and questioning about the school shootings, I especially like a quote from the incomparable Mr. Rogers that a very good friend of mine made me aware of. It is not only helpful for children, but I think for us as well: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, (Continued on next page) 4 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

Not Even a Feather mom was who she was meant to be. A love so intense that it could physically hurt! ~By Deb Robinson I was probably overly protective when he was a little boy, BBacking out of the garage, I checked the big rock that but I wanted to do it right and watch him grow to be happy. I absolutely loved being his mom. When Brian left for basic we laid down to protect the killdeer eggs. Oh no, where are training ten days before his eighteenth birthday, I held my they, and where is she? Frantically, I threw the truck into breath. I tried not to let my anxiety and worry seep into him, park and jumped out. There was nothing left behind the rock but he knew me so well. but a tiny indentation where the perfect little eggs had been tended to by their mom. Not even a feather. They can’t just “Mom, what’s wrong? You don’t sound happy. Come disappear! . . . I guess they can. I bent over to touch the little on, you can tell me. Is Dad okay? You’re not sick, are you? gravelly nursery and was surprised at how rough and cold Maybe you could use one of those power naps you’re so the stones were. That poor bird worked so hard to keep those good at! Yeah, that’s probably what you need! Gotta go, I baby bird eggs safe. She just wanted to give them the best love you, Mama.” chance that she possibly could. That kind of devotion doesn’t come along every day. It’s so lonely being on high alert when These phone calls made me work even harder to keep it seems some people get to go to bed at night and just assume my voice cheerful so that he wasn’t distracted going into that all will be well in the morning. Poor little thing probably combat. Sometimes, as I look back, it feels like every breath stayed awake all night trying to keep her eggs safe! and action I took were to protect him. Oh, maybe I was too protective, and he didn’t learn to fend for himself. No, I think I could’ve told her that it doesn’t matter how much we moms just do that. My mom did. stay awake or diligently on guard . . . it doesn’t always work. You just end up exhausted . . . exhausted. Strange as it seems, Heading out one last time to check for any sign of the we really don’t have much control as we “flap our wings” killdeer or her precious, perfect little eggs, I sat down on the and take on the world. Other people don’t seem to have to rock that we thought would protect the little family. It can work so hard to raise and keep their children. Okay, deep all go away with no warning. You don’t have to see or hear breath Deb, you are not a bird. I sure do talk to myself a lot anything, and it’s all just gone. It really makes no sense that lately, but it seems safer than telling people that I went into a something that loved, protected, and nurtured can just . . . crying fit because some lowly bird eggs and their mama were poof! Even if I understood how it could happen; I am still missing! Yikes, I scare myself sometimes. stumped about why? Little birds should not be gone. Brian should still be calling. v When we saw her flailing wings and heard her squawks a few weeks ago, it took two of us to finally spot four Deborah Robinson lost her only child on February 15th, 2012. perfect eggs. For weeks we watched her sit during 90 degree She is a retired para-pro, and lives with her fiancé, Dave Block, days, 40 degree nights, high winds, heavy rain, and even in Deckerville, Michigan. Deborah became widowed when thunderstorms. It seemed she’d blow away as the wind her husband died from an Agent Orange–related cancer after whipped around her . . . but still she sat. There was a perfect serving in Vietnam. Her son, Brian, suffered from post-traumatic view through the front window to see her chewing out other stress disorder following two deployments to Afghanistan birds, squirrels, the mail carrier, and anything that dared to and Iraq. He died from an accidental prescription drug overdose come near her precious eggs. at age 27. I wonder if I did everything I could’ve to save Brian . . . (Thoughts on the Tragedy at Sandy Hook, continued from previous page) He took all of my energy, time, and love. I really would try it again, but that’s not a choice I get to have. Maybe if my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will I’d moved him in with us and monitored him really, really always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially closely . . . I still wonder what would’ve happened if he’d in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words, and I gone to live in a group home with more supervision. Possibly, am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many that would’ve been the perfect situation to get him back on helpers—so many caring people in this world.” v track. Maybe, just maybe, if he could’ve stayed at the VA hospital for, like a whole year, the routine would’ve retrained Cathy Seehuetter’s 15-year-old daughter, Nina, died on Cathy’s him to . . . to what? To not overdose, to not seek drugs when birthday on May 11, 1995, the victim of a drunk driver; and her he had lost control over that part of his brain, or maybe to 39-year-old stepson, Chris, died by suicide on June 2, 2012. Cathy stop having seizures that racked his body like an internal is Minnesota’s regional coordinator, as well as the St. Paul chapter earthquake? I guess no one has that kind of control over leader and newsletter editor. She previously served on the TCF someone else. No, not even a mother who felt that being his National Board of Directors, and was the conference chair for the 34th TCF National Conference held in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 2012. She is married and has four surviving children and five grandchildren, of whom she is incredibly proud. WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 5

HVootirhcrienogr to the intensity of the stigma one is subjected to from the circumstances surrounding the cause of death. Lots of charts ~By Anita Byars and numbers is exactly the way to get to me. It is just how my brain works and how I can make sense of the world. Needless On a bright Spring day, I got an e-mail from our chapter to say, when Dr. Feigelman started presenting the results from their survey showing that parents whose children died leader, Cathy, that said something like, “Anita, I just reserved from overdose suffered a stigma very similar to that suffered the room at the hotel for the TCF national conference in Costa by parents whose children had died from suicide, he had my Mesa. Are you going to room with me? I have checked on full attention. He articulated so many things that I have been flights, and they still look a little high. We can watch them for thinking but did not know how or when to say. a while before we book.” Hmmmm I thought to myself. These days, I sometimes have trouble making decisions; hence, the The second half of the workshop was conducted by “Hmmmm.” I didn’t hesitate long before I committed to go. I Beverly, who focused more on resources to get help and had been thinking of attending a TCF conference, and Cathy how to reach out. She covered other details, but I was on and I had been discussing it. It was a perfect opportunity to information overload. Luckily, their book had just been go, and she had already done all the hard work. We booked published, so I purchased it on the spot and Dr. Feigelman our flights, we registered for the conference, and I had my signed it, “For Aron, Jesse, & all the other loved children that days scheduled off. I was getting pretty anxious leading up left us before their time. Best Wishes, Bill & Bev.” to the conference. I had lots of thoughts whirling: Why don’t I just stay home? I’m needed at work. I’m not going to feel As I read the book, I knew that this was a subject matter comfortable around all of those people. These thoughts just I was interested in. I needed to talk about it. I needed to hear fell in with the usual litany of things swirling around in my from other people who could validate my feelings. I needed head about how I couldn’t possibly be doing the right thing, to figure out a way to stop blaming myself. I thought a lot so I ignored them as best I could and proceeded with packing about how I could accomplish this for myself. It did not make my suitcase and getting to the airport. sense to dedicate the subject matter of a meeting to this. Some people would feel alienated, and some people might not want The travel was tiring, and the time difference was hard to to share in the broader group. I know that I hesitate to speak get used to, but the conference was an amazing experience. sometimes for fear that I will alienate or, worse yet, scare the It was so great to be there with Cathy and the Plotkins. They pants off some other young parents who still have growing were like anchors for me. If I ever felt like I was drifting, and developing children. The full story with all of the details one of them would be there. Knowing that I would see them is not for the faint of heart. for lunch or dinner gave me the little bridges to home that I needed to help me feel comfortable going off to workshops Even I felt uncomfortable in the world of those of us who on my own. All of the workshop leaders were great, and each have traveled the path of addiction with their children for workshop impacted me in a very positive way. A workshop years and years and suffered the emotional and financial that intrigued me from the beginning was titled “Dealing ravages that accompany it. But now, I want to hear it all. I with the Distinctive Bereavement Needs of Parents That want to hear it all, and I want to tell my entire story. I want Lose a Child to a Drug Overdose.” What a mouthful! Could to tell it because I want to stand up for myself against this this be right? Do we have something unique that should stigma. And I want to stand up for all the other parents who be discussed? The room was pretty full, and I was a little have endured people saying asinine things like, “It was late. Still, I saw a seat toward the front and took it. I was probably for the best because he just would have been a lot of enthralled with every word from there on out. trouble for you if he had lived longer.” But most of all, I want to stand up for myself against the stigma that I am placing on The workshop leaders were William and Beverly myself. I need to talk about this, and I need to hear from other Feigelman. William, a sociologist, and Beverly, a clinical parents about their journey. I want to clear a path to allow social worker, are from New York. Their son died from myself to let go of some of the blame, and forgive myself for suicide after a cocaine binge. Dr. Feigelman presented the not being perfect . . . for not being able to prevent something first half of the workshop, explaining statistics and results that was never in my control. from an extensive survey they’d conducted of bereaved parents. They developed a stigma scale to assign a number So I sent an e-mail to a few folks. I said I would like to meet at my house on a Thursday night. I was surprised when someone said yes. Then someone else said yes, and then someone else. Oh, my goodness I was so thrilled! And nervous! On that night, six people joined me. It was a good group, and I can say that it was one of the best things I have done for myself in these seven years since Aron died. I won’t go into details out of the same respect that I would request for my own privacy, but there are some really fantastic parents (Continued on next page) 6 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

(Voicing the Horror, continued from previous page) ASK Dr. Gloria who come to our TCF chapter. We are Dr. Gloria Horsley, MFC, CNS, PhD, is the parents who cared for our children, and founder and president of the Open to Hope we did everything we could for them. Foundation, an internationally known grief We fought for them with everything we expert, a psychotherapist, and bereaved parent. had, and we love them fiercely even today. I still wish I understood why Gloria cohosts the Internet radio show some stories with these battles have Open to Hope, at www.opentohope.com, happy endings and ours ended in this horrific journey. Until someone figures it and has authored a number of books out, I hope we can continue this sharing. and articles. She will be answering your We planned another date on a Sunday questions related to loss, grief, because some people could not make the short notice that I provided for that and recovery for the bereaved adult. Thursday. Again, I was amazed and thrilled with the sharing on this day. I Please send your question to: was reminded that it is possible to be Dr. Gloria Horsley a good, loving parent and still end up in this nightmare. If this group is any c/o Catherine Patillo, WNNWA, kind of typical cross section, I would P.O. Box 526194 have to say that it is more the norm that good, loving parents can end up here. Salt Lake City, Utah 84152-6194 Why have I been telling myself all these E-mail: [email protected] years that it must be some deficiency particular to me that caused my son to Question: make some really poor life choices? When I hear the stories of these amazing Recently I have become concerned about bereaved parents of mentally ill parents, I hope that someone out there children becoming the targets of blame and criticism. My son suffered through thinks I belong in that group. I want to years of clinical depression before his death. We did everything we could to try stop identifying myself as an obviously and help him. Do you think I am being too sensitive? bad parent. I want to start identifying with the way I perceive all of the parents Answer: who are sharing their stories with me because they are obviously good parents No, I do not think you are being too sensitive. In watching the news and and good people. reading online articles, I have had some of the same thoughts and concerns regarding family members, especially mothers whose mentally ill children have These two meetings have been such a committed crimes, or who have died by suicide. Diagnosis of mental illness is success that we have decided it is worth often not clear until the child leaves home and can no longer cope. This is often it to make meeting a regular occurrence. after the age of 18 when, as adults, a person with a mental illness may not seek I’m not certain how long this will last treatment or may self-medicate, leading to a possible overdose. Let’s face it, in or what will happen next, but I know the end it does not matter how our children died, but how they lived. We raised this is an important grief milestone for them from babies, loved them dearly, and tried desperately to help them when me. I have taken a small step forward it was needed. Thanks for your concern for others, and God bless all parents, by voicing the horror that follows me siblings, and grandparents, especially those whose loved ones are struggling around every day. v with a mental illness. v Anita is the proud mom of one son, We Need Not Walk Alone Now Accepting Advertising Aron, who died of a drug overdose in 2005. She started attending We Need Not Walk Alone is now accepting Compassionate Friends meetings at the Cincinnati East Chapter and is currently paid advertising for grief-related information active on the steering committee of the and products. Houston Inner Loop Chapter. Ads are available in 1/4-page, 1/2-page, and full-page sizes, and are accepted in high- resolution PDF format only. For additional information, including pricing, please call 877-969-0010, ext. 308, or write to [email protected]. v WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 7

Sherry Rivers Leonard: My wife and I went to our first Compassionate Friends candle 2012 Worldwide Candle Lighting of TCF of Toledo Bend in Zwolle, Louisiana, where more than 385 attended light meeting last night (it was our first meeting ever). What a gift The Compassionate Friends to be surrounded by people who Worldwide Candle Lighting® Grows understand what we are going through. I sat and talked until I could ~By Wayne Loder, Public Awareness Coordinator barely stay awake. We laughed and cried and shared openly about our It’s an understatement to say that “We want to thank every person beautiful daughter’s life and death. It who helped on any level to make seems that the capacity to listen from the holiday season is challenging for the Worldwide Candle Lighting® those who have lost a child is almost families forced to face it after the happen,” says Patricia Loder, TCF/USA as large as my capacity to share death of a beloved child. There are Executive Director. “Without you, so about my precious child’s life. Thank decorations, parties, gifts for other many bereaved parents, siblings, and you to all of the . . . Compassionate children—and all at a time when the grandparents would not have a special Friends who cared enough to reach family is least able to psychologically day during the holidays to remember a out and embrace us with their love. handle the stress. beloved child or sibling.” Sheri: This, our first memorial The Compassionate Friends Here are just a few comments we ceremony, was very meaningful Worldwide Candle Lighting® is a spotted on our TCF/USA Facebook and emotional. I am grateful to The symbolic way to show love and support Page or in the Remembrance Book on Compassionate Friends, grateful for one another in addition to honoring our national website: that I found this organization, and the memories of the children we grateful that I have such wonderful have lost. Illuminating tens of thousands Barb: Thank you, Compassionate friends to share my journey. of candles around the world shows that Friends, for giving us this very grief has no political boundaries and we special night to celebrate our love Anonymous: It is so sad to realize how are united. for our children. With the holidays many parents experience the painful coming, it is so hard to not dwell on loss of their child. All of these The 2012 16th Worldwide Candle the emptiness, but try to think how mothers and fathers understand Lighting® continued the global path much happiness our child brought how devastating it is. I will never of growth as we received information us, whether it was for a short time stop missing my sweet daughter on 629 services worldwide, which or many years. If I never had my and I am grateful for the support I included 149 services from 17 countries child in my life, I would not have the have received from the genuinely outside the United States (as well as pain and emptiness from losing her, compassionate friends I have met every state). Our website showed the but for the happiness and joy she since she died. We are a family. Our international aspect of the event as we brought to my life . . . I will endure candles light up the world with love welcomed visitors from 85 countries the pain. She will forever be loved that never ends. who left over 5,300 posts in our and remembered. Remembrance Book honoring children v gone, but never forgotten. 8 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

Baby, Can You See Me? During my hiatus, I sat on a huge rock at the halfway point to the Gentlemen’s Watering Hole in Rugby and heard the ~By Amparo Atencio call of doves overhead. It was an uphill walk on the way back to the trailhead, punctuated by the rustle of the water when I The culmination of all the training runs . . . the throng of like- came across small rapids. The River Boardwalk at Ijams Nature Center eventually led me to a natural quarry with only the minded people . . . the crack of the starting pistol . . . ah, race sounds of my footsteps to accompany me. At the University of day jitters! Nothing could motivate me more than the start of a Tennessee Arboretum, I stood absolutely still, watching a deer 5K, 10K, half-marathon, or triathlon back in the day. That was serenely nibble on leaves and enjoy the sun as much as I was. then. Back then, I never looked up. I never noticed the blueness A misty orb appeared over my mouth and heart in a picture that of the sky. I never noticed the vastness of the stars. I never paid was taken of me at Obed Wild and Scenic River, kisses from attention to the sunrise. I never saw the craters of the moon. Tony. I watched the miniature fish in the water by a fishing dock That was then. at Clark Center Park before I leaned back to watch the fluffy clouds above. This day, my grief consumed me as my sadness That changed at 5:25 a.m. on August 8, 2011, when I carried across the water and my tears fell without ceasing. received the news that my son, Tony James Phillips, had drawn Other nights, I saw the moon as a crescent, a tiny sliver, and his last breath at 22 years, 10 months, and 5 days. Unwilling even in its full glory. The majestic skies revealed planets and to believe my new reality, I spent the next year dazed and constellations that I had never noticed before, when I didn’t confused, still not looking up. In my haze, I continued to put look up. Riding a horse in Townsend, my guide and I were one foot in front of the other: going to work, going to school, surrounded by a menagerie of butterflies along the trail that and yes, even laughing and socializing, presenting the image of flew in a cluster beside us for several breathtaking moments. a strong woman. As reality set in and the haze lifted, I cracked. I dangled my feet over rocks at the Sinks in the Great Smoky Like shards of broken glass and jagged rocks, the pain of my Mountains as I basked in the sun. I stood in awe, looking into forever-changed future pierced my heart, my soul, my mind the spectacular gorge for miles in the horizon of Big South beyond endurance. The cracks in my facade grew larger, as my Fork. I stopped midway across a tall walking bridge in Stearns, focus and concentration disappeared. A perpetual sob lodged Kentucky, to watch the dragonflies hover over the still waters in my throat, even as keening wails escaped from it. My lack below. Butterflies with blue wings, some yellow, and orange- of memory grew even worse. Finally, I raised the white flag of black ones fluttered along my walk at Elkmont. The Blue Ridge surrender and admitted that I had lost my way. I was derailed Parkway leading to the scenic Tail of the Dragon on Highway from my linear grief journey and accepted the journey for the 129 revealed more majestic vistas and billowing clouds. circular path that it is. With the compassion and support that I needed from my management, I took a hiatus from work. I It was at the Tail of the Dragon, on the anniversary of Tony’s started to look up. death, that I laid some of his ashes along his beloved route. I drove through S curve after S curve until I finally found the I started to look up with the realization that Tony now perfect spot, shaded by a massively tall tree. I rested against the possessed knowledge that I did not have. In life, he had turned tree with his ashes on my lap and then plunged my hand into to me for wisdom so many times. Now, I would turn to him. the bag, feeling bits of bone and ashes sift through my fingers. Serenity washed over me when I sensed his energy in the skies As I gently poured out his remains at the base of the tree, a as I looked up. Among the twinkling stars, one shone brightest honeybee landed next to me and crawled through the ashes. Its of all. I asked, “Baby, can you see me?” Another night, the stars tiny wings dipped—my “shout-out” from Tony! Through my over the quiet sky enveloped me like a blanket, and I felt the tears, I stroked my heart with my hand that was covered in his peace that only a mother can feel when she embraces her child. ashes, wanting to absorb him in any way I could. Time passed “Baby, can you see me?” in solemn minutes until I had to acknowledge that I could not sit against the tree until the end of my days, and I slowly gathered That began my foray into seeking gems from Tony in the myself up to continue the journey home. I received one more natural beauty of East Tennessee. Energy only changes form “shout-out” on the way, although this was a man-made one. Too and does not cease to exist, and so I know that his spirit lives awesome to ignore, this sign was that of two contrails from jets on. Gems come to me on the wings of butterflies, in the chirping that had flown in opposite directions, forming a huge letter “T” of birds, in thunderclaps and flashes of lightning, in the warmth in the blue, clear sky! of the sun. Every living creature, every rustling breeze, every whisper of leaves, every gurgling stream carries his spirit. Yes, baby, I hear you—you are letting me know that yes All the goodness and beauty that surround me on my walks indeed, you can see me! v encompass the good, the true, and the beautiful of my Tony. When I see a butterfly, or a squirrel, or a honey bee, or a deer, I Amparo Atencio lives in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, and is a believe these are my “shout-outs” from Tony! I rejoice and send technical training specialist for a government contractor. Tony him a silent message back: “I will never forget; I will never stop Phillips, her only child, was murdered in 2011. She is a member loving; you will never be harmed again.” And then I ask, “Baby, of the Knoxville HOPE Chapter of The Compassionate Friends. can you see me?” I know that he can. WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 9

BEREAVED SIBLINGS her sock, greedily grabbing a toe or two in the process. I escaped around the corner to hide it in one of the front rooms. Lessons of a Big Sister Sometimes it went into a drawer, other times behind the potted plant, and if I was feeling mischievous, two steps up on the ~By Karla Levering stairs. As I boisterously hollered for her to begin her search, Kathryn would walk the trusty IV along like her sidekick to There was a game we played when we were little, my find the Pooh Bear sock. Just before I was ready to burst with anticipation, she’d wheel around the corner holding the prize sister and I. It had a certain set of rules and unique above her head like a gold medal winner of the Olympics. characteristics. Our playing field was the living room, our teams were Kathryn vs. Karla, and our referee was Rapidly dividing cells seemed to be her demise, going our mother, who watched us closely, peppering us with by the alias of “cancer.” To her six-year-old sister, this word disapprovals to slow down. It didn’t seem like much next to meant more than “abnormal cells dividing without control.” the neighbor’s soccer game in the backyard, but it was our To me, the word cancer meant shots and blood. It meant game, and we could play it together. To keep her feet warm “tubies” sticking out from my sister’s chest like a tangle of while she sat receiving her fluids, Kathryn wore bright yellow greedy snakes. It meant the sickly sweet chemical smell that Pooh Bear socks, two sizes too large and perfect for slipping permeated everything. It meant long nights filled with yelling, off. I would slink around the edge of the couch and she would vomiting, and crying. Cancer meant death. But Kathryn never pretend not to see me as my hand jolted forward to snatch let cancer define her. Her bald head was beautiful, and she proudly revealed her scar to anyone brave enough to look. Watching Kathryn’s battle was the hardest thing I will ever (Continued on next page) ASK Dr. Heidi Question: My big brother died last October, the month of my daughter’s birthday. Since his passing, my friends have told me I’m not the same. How do you get back to being yourself again? Seems like everything I once enjoyed was wrapped up with my brother somehow. I’m trying to look past the pain and go on and put on a bright smile, but when I asked my husband if I was different, he said, “A lot,” but that he couldn’t pinpoint as to how I’ve changed. My brother helped raise me, being eight years older. It just seems like some part of myself died with him. Does anyone else have these feelings? Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, is a bereaved Answer: sibling as well as a psychologist. She is the executive director of the Losing a brother or sister is a lot more difficult than many people realize, and Open to Hope Foundation, it has not even been a year since your brother died. We are not the same after a sibling dies; we are profoundly changed. Your brother was part of your past; cohost of the Open to Hope radio program, you grew up together and had a shared history. There are things he knew about www.opentohope.com, an adjunct professor you that nobody else knows. It sounds like you were very close, as he helped at Columbia University, and a national board raise you. It’s normal to feel like a part of you has died with him. It takes awhile to move through the severe pain after this kind of loss. You will never be back member of The Compassionate Friends. to your normal life, but you will create a “new normal” and eventually go on She will be answering your questions to incorporate him into your life in new ways and to reinvest in life again. One of our roles as bereaved siblings is to keep our brothers’ and sisters’ memories related to loss, grief, and recovery for siblings. alive for our friends, relatives, and children. Your daughter will remember her uncle through the wonderful stories you share about him. Many siblings feel Please send your question to: the same way you do after a sibling death; you are not alone. Try not to be too hard on yourself during this first year. You hurt so much because you loved him Dr. Heidi Horsley so much. Right now take it one day at a time. Surround yourself with supportive c/o Catherine Patillo, WNNWA people, and reach out to others who have lost siblings and understand what you’re going through. Your brother lives forever in your heart, and you will P.O. Box 526194 always be his little sister. v Salt Lake City, Utah 84152-6194 E-mail: [email protected] 10 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

My Brother Bill Life at my home was not going well, and I was suffering my own losses with Bruce’s alcohol addiction. I finally had to ~By Carole Renee Hasz quit my volunteerism because I could not go out at night and leave my children alone with him. Bruce went into recovery Dear Bill, twice, and I think you won’t be surprised to know that he goes I am writing this to you in hopes that in your afterlife, you in and out of his reality till this very day. know how much I loved you. I am glad that we were able to spend a weekend at the I was reading a pamphlet at church one Sunday when shore while I was renting a house for a week in Cape May, I saw there was a need for volunteers to co-facilitate New Jersey. I know that life got very hard for you some time bereavement groups. Bill, I was nervous . . . I didn’t do much after that. You were such a support to me and my children, public speaking at the time, and the thought of dealing with Jimmy Jr. and Renee. They loved you also. I think you’ll be all the survivors’ grief made me feel uneasy. I got up the very proud of me that I told a few of our relatives I didn’t nerve to call, though, and get more information. want them to say anything bad about you, because you were a good brother to me and good uncle to my children. Of course, there was a tremendous need for volunteers . . . How many people like to sit in a group and talk about the My heart went out to you when you started losing your dead? I think you could find the humor in that. I considered dexterity. You suffered, and knowing this allows me to live it for a while, and then decided it would be a real way to without you, because I know you are not in pain anymore. My personally grow and help a bunch of people along the way. life will never be the same without you, Bill. I miss you, my What a journey I was in for. I knew I’d never really gotten brother. I love you, Bill. v over Jim’s sister, Nancy’s death. Years later, training and volunteering in bereavement helps me in a small way to Carole lives in Ogdensburg, New Jersey, with her son, James M. move through the days without you on this earth. Laird Jr. Her daughter, Renee Marie Laird, resides in Pennsylvania. Carole is a former volunteer as a bereavement So I enlisted in the bereavement training with the church facilitator of Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha Parish in Sparta, New through the diocese of Newark. I remembered you were Jersey, and belongs to The Compassionate Friends Morris Area a CCD teacher way back in high school. This part of my Chapter of New Jersey. journey lasted about seven years. yellow Pooh Bear sock and know that not only have I made (Lessons of a Big Sister, continued from previous page) myself proud, but that I’ve made my big sister proud. v do. But Kathryn knew how to look fear in the face. That girl Karla Levering is a senior at Olentangy Liberty High School. had guts. She is a member of the Knox County Chapter of TCF and lives in Powell, Ohio, with her parents, Ken and Suzanne, and her Kathryn taught me how to live. She had every reason younger sisters, Kristen and Kelly. Karla’s older sister, Kathryn, to quit, but her spirit was never broken. No matter what was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at two and half years old, and hardships I may face today, I know I can conquer them; that after six years of treatment, passed away. Karla has learned many was the legacy Kathryn left me. When the time comes for me lessons from her big sister that she has applied to her own life, to face my own struggles and my core is exposed, instead of and she hopes Kathryn would be proud. losing my morals or standards to overcome the struggles, I will be strong and brave, just as Kathryn taught me. When WNNWA Now Available Online the smoke fades and facades are broken, the strength of a person is exposed. I was given a gift; I had six precious years Courtesy of The Compassionate with my sister to learn the secret to life and to figure out the person I wanted to be. The bitter reality of a life cut short has Friends, you, your family, and matured me quickly, but has also kindled a fire that is now friends can now read the We the center of my beliefs. I have been humbled by Kathryn Need Not Walk Alone magazine but at the same time, inspired. If my big sister could muster online without charge. To sign her way through six years of treatment, I know I can tackle up for free access to this and calculus, petty high school drama, and maybe even college future issues online, go to applications. Even though Kathryn’s life was predetermined www.compassionatefriends.org to be fleeting and bare, she filled it with the most life, love, and laughter of anyone I’ve ever known. Kathryn showed and click on “National Magazine me true tenacity and endurance under the strains of adversity. Sign-Up” at the top of the page. One day, when I am faced with my own set of hardships, I will be able to look back to Kathryn’s example, which has WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 11 pioneered the way for me. I know I can conquer my future challenges and in the end, I will be able to hold up my own

Bereavement by Drugs: family and pursuing a counselling course, but everything I was A Personal Reflection doing was coming from this deep pot of grief and desperation, and it was exhausting me. They were truly wearying months. ~By Philippa Skinner Eventually, in November, two years after Jim died, I was Our son Jim died five years ago of a heroin overdose, guided to a charity in the UK called DrugFam, set up not long before by another mum who had also lost her son to heroin. at the age of 21. It was a total body blow for us. Although DrugFam was different from many other support groups in that he had messed around with cannabis when he was 16 or 17, they aimed not only to help families facing the nightmare of we believed he had moved on, and we didn’t know he was looking after loved ones with addiction issues in life, but also involved with drugs of any kind at the time of his death, let in death. Now, at last, I was able to meet and talk with other alone a drug like heroin. people who were experiencing many of the same emotions I was facing. We were able to support one another and talk about There is a whole lot I’d like to tell you about Jim; what our children or siblings in a safe place where we knew no one he was like, what he enjoyed, and there’s so much I could would judge either them or us. There were lots of tears, of write about the pain of losing him and the years of sorrow that course, but now I was not alone. What a relief it was to know followed. Here, though, I want to discipline myself to think about that all these terrible, confused feelings were not unique to me. one particular result of losing him in the way we did; the struggle with feelings of shame, stigma, and subsequent isolation. It became increasingly clear to me that if the stigma of drug death was going to begin to be lifted, people who had endured One year ago in this magazine, (Winter 2011/Spring 2012 it needed to speak out and tell others about their loved ones, edition), William Feigelman wrote about his research into the as a way of challenging commonly held preconceptions about specific needs of families bereaved by drugs. He highlighted drug users, and to help a wider group to understand. both the social stigma faced by such families and also the paucity of resources available to them to help them through their grief. For this reason, I wrote a book telling Jim’s story and my As I read his article, I found it rang true to my own experience. reflection on living with grief and the stigma of loss by drugs. In the UK at least, there was a gap in the market for such a When Jim died, though I was surrounded by much kindness, book. I had longed in the earlier days to read about how others I was unable to find specific support to help me in my loss. in our situation had survived, but had found nothing. So this Sadly, at that difficult time, I felt unable to contact groups such book became my contribution—a small beginning, but one that as Compassionate Friends UK or Cruse Bereavement, because has now reached out to many others bereaved in this way, as I had a dread that I would not be met with sympathy and that well as those who have suffered other kinds of loss. It is also, Jim would be judged. My gut fear was that no one would care of course, my memorial to Jim; my way of sharing him with about him because he had died of a drug overdose. I was afraid others and letting it be known how very proud I am of him. he and his family would be labelled and stereotyped. In my worst imaginings, I could hear voices saying things like, “The When I get the opportunity, I speak at meetings about Jim, world’s better off without people like him,” or “Well, it was his the wider issue of drugs, and the shame and stigma felt by the own choice to take drugs.” In other words, I feared judgement families of users, both in life and in death. I’ve been privileged of myself and our family and of Jim. to address the North Staffordshire Compassionate Friends and experienced genuine warmth and acceptance there, and not the At that time, it was very hard to walk into social gatherings lack of understanding I had originally feared. Above all, I share a of any kind, as my bereaved mind and soul struggled with the mother’s love and pride in a wonderful son. I find that many who anxiety that behind the kind and concerned faces were hidden hear me speak feel released to come and share their own hurts harsh and unloving words and thoughts. I loved Jim so much and pains that they have often held secretly for many years. This and knew what a lovely young man he was and how much is a huge privilege for me and a powerful way of continuing Jim’s potential he had, and I couldn’t bear the thought that on top contribution to the world he was part of for too short a time. of the wrenching pain of losing him, other people might be thinking badly about him. With others in DrugFam I am writing a booklet aimed specifically at helping those who have suffered a drug- or alcohol- Such tangled and painful emotions caused me to feel very related loss, to give them some pointers in their pain, so that they alone in those early months. Who could I speak to about such might know more of what to expect and where to turn for help as awful feelings; who could possibly understand? I wanted the days and weeks turn to months and years. I also volunteer for everyone to know how utterly wrong it was that Jim had died, the Bereaved Parent Support team at Care for the Family, another how special and loved he was, and that he mattered just as UK charity. There, I offer support and friendship to the parents much as any other young person who had died of any other who make contact who have lost loved ones through drugs. These cause, natural or accidental. are just small things one by one, but they are added to many other small acts being done in other places by other people I’ll Battling with such pain and not knowing where to turn, I probably never meet. Together, we can begin to make a difference found myself at the end of two years still deep in grief. It’s true and share our message that those who die from drugs are just that I was getting on with other parts of my life, caring for my (Continued on next page) 12 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

What?! A friend, shocked to hear about Kasriel’s death, suggested ~ByTony Benjamin that there should be a special word for the grief parents feel when they lose a child. He was right. Only when you have TOhe last place you want to be is in a room full of people, gone through such a personal tsunami can you understand how new and unexpected the feeling is. For those in the group where they divide you into the following groups: Only Child, who had lost their only child, the future seemed to grind Long-Term Illness, Siblings, Overdose—and my personal to a sudden halt, their genes crashing into an inconvenient favorite—Sudden Death. roadblock. I felt guilty that we had nine (yes, nine) more, as if somehow, like a long-ago Costco purchase, having children We had already gone around the wide circle of chairs, each in bulk had finally paid off. set of parents struggling to say their child’s name out loud, as well as the date and cause of death. These included: two But anyone who has gone through this will tell you that brothers who drowned on a Caribbean vacation, an eight-year- a child’s death—any child’s death—takes up a vast space in old girl thrown from a car crashed by a drunk driver, a teenager both your mind and your heart, a space that stretches across found hanging in a motel room, a fall from a hotel balcony, the whole, bleak horizon. The coordinates of this area may an asthma attack, cancer, murder, assisted suicide . . . who can become blurry over time, but the geography will always be listen to this stuff? The first time I heard this wrenching roll sharp, with seemingly impassable mountains and precipitous call, I cried; not for our son, Kasriel, who died at the age of 25 valleys that at times seem impossible to clamber out of. from an apparent drug overdose, but for the stifling pain that seemed to fill the air like a thick, suffocating fog. We were Yet while the pain for us is still raw, with good days and newcomers, here just weeks after the horror of that guided- bad, entry to this club does come with unexpected—I hate to missile phone call; others had been coming to this support say it—benefits: a loss of naïveté, a deeper range of emotions, group for years, some for decades. I have heard this recitation a focus on things that might actually matter, zero tolerance of names many more times since, but each meeting brings for petty squabbles, less fear of death, and a feeling that if several new ones to remind us that the hostilities continue. the worst thing that can happen to you has already happened, well, it should be clear sailing from here on. They say there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I think there is one One thing I do know: our lives will never be the same. more. I call it What?! This is like denial, but many levels Maybe with wear and tear, and the unpredictable erosion of higher, like the difference between first- and fourth-degree the years ahead, the What?! will be honed down to reveal burns. It’s where you begin to question the faulty cosmic some magical, spiritual, inner truth. MeanwhiIe, what I miss framework that suddenly screwed up and got it so wrong. most is Kasriel’s huge bear hugs and the matching smile we After all, a child’s death is something you read about in got each time he came to visit and, this may sound cheesy, the paper while eating your Cheerios. You say, How sad to but the fact that though he was a grown man, with a job, an yourself, and move on to see how the Knicks are doing. apartment, and a well-developed, fatal drive to fill some vast emotional hole, he still called me Daddy. v That’s why, for me, the What?! seems to overshadow everything else. It’s obvious the family they meant to target Tony Benjamin, originally from Leeds, England, is President is living somewhere in Queens or the Bronx, eating Chinese and Creative Director of Oxygen, a marketing and advertising takeout and watching American Idol, totally oblivious to agency, and Humble Films, a video and documentary production the fact that they narrowly missed the ax. Of course, once company. He currently lives with his wife, Sarah, and four of there’s a mistake like this, just like with City Hall, you their 10 children, in Brooklyn, New York. Tony and Sarah have can’t get anyone to straighten it out. One thing you learn participated in the New York Manhattan Chapter of TCF. over time is that while you may wish differently, death is not even a teeny bit temporary. Another thing you learn is (Bereavement by Drugs, continued from previous page) a lot of stuff about your kid that you never knew. We had no idea Kasriel had so many close friends or affected so ordinary folk with their own stories, loved by many people’s lives—or that so many people, besides us, many, and those who are left behind need the loved him. During the seven days of Shiva, our house was same understanding and compassion as any so full of lively youngsters that if you didn’t know there other bereaved person. v had been a death, you would have assumed it was a cool party. Of course, Kasriel was smart, loving, generous, and Philippa Skinner works as a counsellor, and a wonderful human being just like every child, of any age, she and her husband, Graeme, have three who dies prematurely. One family we heard of was so tired other adult children whom they are just as of idolizing their lost son to the point of sainthood, that they proud of! Philippa’s book, See You Soon: A agreed to have one evening where they talked about all the Mother’s Story of Drugs, Grief and Hope, things he did that drove them crazy. is recommended by Compassionate Friends UK and is available in the USA through Amazon, other outlets, and on Kindle. For more information, go to www.seeyousoon.me.uk, www.drugfam.org.uk, and www.careforthefamily.org.uk. WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 13

An Open Letter to things slowed down, and we were left alone to answer the Grieving Friends existential question of “Now what?” That was the moment ~By Wesley Merritt our hard grief work began. Dear Friends, You don’t know me personally, but I wanted to share This question is what brings me to this letter. Events over a few thoughts for your grief journey. While we are all in different stages, I believe one thing for sure—the passage the last few months have seen children taken from us. Violent of time, an open heart, hard work, and a choice to embrace hope will allow you to survive the most difficult losses. If acts like the Sandy Hook shooting and a local upstate New circumstances are right, you might also find a way to become more than you were before . . . more aware of human frailty, York car accident that recently killed two high school seniors more appreciative of small blessings, more able to love, and more compassionate toward all things, including yourself. are just two examples of events that have had great personal Please trust me in saying that grace will return. I have been in a similar place to where you are now. effect. One occurred in the place I chose to settle to further As I contemplate this letter, I am at the foot of Bromley my own journey of healing (New York Capital district), Mountain in the Green Mountains of Vermont. I am sitting in an old Adirondack chair next to a crackling wood fire. My while the other occurred in the area I lived, loved, started wife is next to me reading a book. My daughter Meghan, 16, son Zach, 11, and daughter Hannah, 8, are skiing and just my family, and where my own grief journey began (western waved to us with big smiles from the quad lift. The sun is shining brightly, and it’s unseasonably warm today. Spring Connecticut). The interesting point is that when I think about is just around the corner. As I take all of this in, the moment offers many blessings. I hear children laughing, and others this, we are all family regardless of where we live—while we enjoying this great day. Classic rock music is playing in the background. I see snowboarders in T-shirts. A young mother can’t all fully appreciate every nuance of one another’s pain, on cross-country skis just crossed my view. She is pulling an adorable two-year-old child in a wooden sled. This small we all share emotional proximity through grief, and that is girl is all decked out in pink. Her feet are up, she is wearing mirrored sunglasses, and her curly black hair peeks out from what bonds us together. below the hood. The sight of her reminds me of my own life years ago. This moment offers a cozy, peaceful respite in the So, family . . . a few suggestions for those of you who are midst of late winter. Spring is almost here. Life is good. I feel blessed to be at one with this scene and the greater universe all battling the pain of recent loss: around me. • Try to believe that hope exists despite the pain and We weren’t always able to feel this joy—12 years ago my 15-month-old daughter, Sarah, died in a tragic accidental confusion you may be experiencing now. You can choose to window fall while we were vacationing at a New Jersey beach. Sarah would be turning 14 this May, which is a fact grow and heal. You will get through this. Joy will return if that never really drifts too far from our thoughts. If you are anything like we were during that first year after Sarah’s you let it. death, the lull periods after people had gone back to their lives were the moments where we were hit square in the face • Try to focus on individual moments. Many of you likely with the grief of our loss. Things were at their worst when the funerals concluded, attention lessened, and the many feel wounded right now. Survival of the bad moments comes others who were so wonderful during the immediate window after the tragedy began to move on . . . while we were firmly through the understanding that everything changes . . . moment cemented to the tragedy. For us, the hardest time came when by moment. While you may hurt right now, try to hang on with the understanding that something will come along soon to buoy you up, and it will likely happen in the next moment. You may be familiar with the term “one day at a time . . .” For the grieving, shorten it. An hour, a minute, and if need be, seconds are what you may require. Have hope that pain is temporary and everything changes quickly. • Try to stay open: When wounded, a natural reaction for people is to close down and hide. Hiding helps us to ignore the pain and stay away from perceived harm. It is also natural that we deflect our pain by judging, blaming, or attaching the cause of our immediate pain to others. When people don’t act the way we think they should, or when someone says something to us that appears insensitive, our inclination may be to judge them. That action, however, works by closing our hearts so we do not feel the full range of emotion, a state that can become toxic over time. Openness, while not always easy, will help us to accept things as they are . . . acceptance will offer new ways to live, and ultimately show us the path to healing. • Try to feel—grief is a process: While you are inside your moments of pain and longing, cry. Let go. It’s all okay. Tears are cleansing, and the quiet moments after crying open doors to help us heal. At the same time, remember to hug others. Find support in friends. If needed, enlist a professional to listen without judgment. Walk in nature. Write in a journal. Paint something. Draw. Give. Breathe. Listen. Feel. Remember that amazing things happen when you sit and take in what is around you. Personally, we focus on both wind and the light as our source of eternal hope. (Continued on next page) 14 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

Getting Unstuck: The death of someone you care about deeply is one of life’s most difficult challenges. It’s easy to fall into a rut of Finding Hope Through Grief doing the same things day after day, leaving you lonely and feeling stuck in the sorrow. If you’re struggling to move ~ By Beth Marshall forward, would you consider trying something different to help break through the intense sadness? Hopefully, one of Every day I drive by a quaint antique shop. It might be my these ideas will help: imagination, but it appears to be the same charming furniture • Remember. Memories of your loved one’s life are outside every single day. In the morning the antique treasures treasured gifts to keep close in your heart. Take some time are carefully placed in the front yard, and every evening they to record memorable stories and save photos in a notebook are brought back inside. A few Coca-Cola chairs may have or journal. Remembering happier times is a beautiful way to been added since the turn of the century, but otherwise, it honor the person you’re missing, and allow some light into a seems the process is repeated every day. painful season of life. • Get Help. People who have been where you are now can be a great source of hope and encouragement. It might take a few visits to know if a support group is a good fit for you, but don’t give up. A caring group or maybe professional grief counseling will provide a safe place to process traumatic loss. • Find Hope. Regardless of your religious beliefs, deep sorrow often draws us to seek spiritual help. In my darkest season of loss, I realized I was drowning in the sadness. When I finally called for help, a friend offered to pray when I couldn’t find the words. Admitting your inability to cope and allowing someone to be strong for you can be a powerful turning point toward healing. Dr. Gloria Horsley, executive director of the Open to Hope Foundation, puts it beautifully: “If you have lost hope, we invite you to lean on ours until you find your own.” You don’t have to go through grief alone. v Beth Marshall is the author of A Time to Heal: A Grief Journal and a guest writer for Open to Hope, http://www.opentohope. com/ and The Grief Toolbox, http://thegrieftoolbox.com/. To find more encouragement, please visit http://atimetohealjournal.com/. (An Open Letter to Grieving Friends, continued from previous page) exists, joy is still possible. For all of this, we are able to live an authentic life, a life that is better than we imagined it could In answer to the question, “What now?” I am sorry that ever be after our loss. v I do not have a definitive answer. That said, I believe the ultimate answer lies within each of your hearts, within your Peace and blessings, spirit, and with the love you hold for your missing loved Wes one. Remember, while the past will not change, every new moment offers a new opportunity. The possibilities of your Wesley Merritt is a husband, father, executive, writer, public choices are endless, and they offer an amazing way for you to speaker, and soccer enthusiast. After the death of his daughter, celebrate the lives of your lost love. he underwent what he describes as a transformative grieving process that helped his family to survive, normalize, and In closing, let me just say that all of what I’ve offered transcend their situation. Since 2001, he has been an active above has been summed up through our own family mantra: board member/volunteer/public speaker for causes including “Embrace life.” To us, this means that we live differently bereavement and organ donation, and he is currently writing now, but we also celebrate with a wisdom and clarity we did a book about his experiences of hope and healing. He lives not have before Sarah died. We’ve had more children; we’ve in Upstate New York with his wife, three living children, and moved to undertake new pursuits; we dedicated ourselves with the spirit of his daughter Sarah, who offers a constant to causes (organ donation and grief support). We’ve decided source of blessing and inspiration. Wesley is affiliated with the to live in ways that embrace love and compassion, which Danbury, Connecticut, and Albany, New York, chapters of The has been borne from an understanding that while suffering Compassionate Friends. WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 15

With sincere gratitude and deep appreciation, we acknowledge the generosity of the following individuals and organizations for their gifts to The Compassionate Friends. Your commitment and support are essential to fulfilling our mission. The following patron donations were received between September 1, 2012, and January 31, 2013. Simon Stephens Founder’s Circle The Family of Bryan Brecheen Shane Canterbury Virginia Maguire ($10,000+) in memory of Bryan Brecheen in memory of Andrew Canterbury in memory of Kelly Lynch Gloria and Phil Horsley Georgia and Bruce Cockerham Carolyn and Scott Carlson Donna and Ben Manderachi in memory of Scott Preston Horsley in memory of Zachary Owen Ward in memory of Kin Josiah Carlson in memory of James Manderachi Lois and Jay Copeland Susan and Gary Chan David Martin The Presidents Circle in memory of David Michael Copeland in memory of Rachael Reneé Chan Maryland Charity Campaign ($5000–$9999) Paige and Steven Czirr Jonah Charney-Sirott and Leah Warner Pete Mather Funeral Service Foundation in memory of Abby Czirr and in memory of Michele Bash in memory of ENS Beth Anne Mather, USN Pfizer, Inc. the children killed in Newtown, CT Cord Blood Registry Julie Mathy Brian Charles Donohue in memory of Sophia Berdebes, in memory of Kevin and Brian Zivilik Circle of Love ($2500–$4999) in memory of Jack Donohue Edward Cronin, Kavin Govindarajan, and Miriam and Kenneth McLellan Carol and Dale Dullabaun Sr. Carol and Arthur Ehde Isabella Soleimanian in memory of Donald and Marilyn McLellan in memory of Dale L. Dullabaun III in memory of Pamela Ranae Lais Carol and Scott Davis Barbara Meislin Erik Hoffmann and Nadezhda Scott Frewing and Charlotte Drew in memory of Keith Davis in memory of Ann Ladd, and in honor of Kavrus-Hoffmann in memory of Ella Hoelscher Kent Davis Catherine Patillo and Pat Loder in memory of Anders Hoffmann and Ursula and Ron Hall Linda Decock Kathy and Steve Miller Neil A. Hoffmann in memory of Lisa Marie Hall, Mr. and Mrs. Mark DeVoe in memory of Samuel Miller Sue and Karl Snepp Onie Goebel, and Tiffany in memory of Brian Alexander DeVoe Polly and Mac Moore in memory of Dave Snepp Heidi Horsley Cis and Jes Dickson in memory of Lauren Paige Moore, The Grief Toolbox, Inc. in memory of Scott Horsley in memory of Chase Dickson James Leon Thronton, Barbara Martin in memory of Noah Thomas Emory Lord Jahanna Knight F. Rodney Drake, M.D. Boatright, and Norma Martin Jones The Spohler Foundation in memory of the children of in memory of James F. Drake Mt. Si High School Football Booster Club in memory of the children of Sandy Hook Sandy Hook School Dottie and Jim Edler in memory of Calder Carlson and Tanya and Glen Lord in memory of Mrs. Doris Kushner in honor of Curt Carlson Circle of Hope ($1000–$2499) in memory of Noah Thomas Emory Lord H. R. H. Fleur Sharon K. Muncy Marcia and Roger Alig Ellen and Richard Mirabile In memory of Errol Lewis Hughes Janet Neal in memory of Daniel Pritchard C. Alig in memory of Richard Jr. and Lynn Mirabile Helen Ford in memory of Joshua Brendan Neal Barbara and Tom Allen John Parachini and Hadley Boyd in memory of Thomas Stewart Ford Alice-Lynn and Richard Newman in memory of Jessica Lynn and in memory of Lyles V. Parachini Carolyn Friedlander-Haas in memory of Arielle Lynn Newman James Lee Stallings Helen Robinson in memory of Robin Carol Friedlander and Nuclear Electric Insurance Limited Joyce and Basil Andrews in memory of Dayton Robinson, Dayton III in honor of Thorpe Smith in memory of Rhonda Andrews and “Sonny,” and John Hubert Robert Christopher Friedlander Janet and Pat O’Donnell Jeanne Wright Phyllis, Larry, and Greg Rosenthal Peter Gasiewski in memory of Brian Patrick O’Donnell Denny and Gary Berry and Family in memory of Bert Adam Gasiewski Mary Jo Peterson in memory of Benjamin Berry in memory of Scott Rosenthal Holly and Kenneth Gawley in memory of Elsey Kirabo Joan and Bill Campbell Mickey and Steven Schmeisser in memory of Blake Andrew Gawley Pfizer Foundation in memory of Lesley Michelle Campbell in memory of Melissa L. and Maureen and Kenneth Gorman Phojoe CapitalOne Emily A. Schmeisser Maria Grau Carmen and Jeff Pope Sherease Clark Carol Silverman in memory of Evan Grau in memory of Thomas Hart and Kathy and Chuck Collins in memory of Marc Sandy Goldsmith Carole and James Grissom Christopher John Pope in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins Ellen and Thomas Steele in memory of Kate Grissom Wanda and Robert Praisner Kitty Edler in memory of Christopher P. Steele Adele Grubbs in memory of Stephen J. Praisner in memory of Mark and Rich Edler Pam Stephenson in memory of Alexis Grubbs Rose M. Rabin Timothy Ertz in memory of T. Michael Stephenson Marie and Rod Harley in memory of Natalie Rabin in memory of Nathan and Mitchell Ertz Patti and Bill Stuever Norma and Greg Henderson Pernell Ricks Exel North America, Inc. in memory of Clayton Marshall Stuever in memory of Greg and Robyn Henderson, Cheryl and Arthur Robison Mark Gedlinske GiGi and Ric Trentman and in honor of Jim Rowland in memory of Ryan Robison in memory of Justin Lee Clayton in memory of Cecilia Ann Trentman Lorraine M. Herson-Jones Linda Roden Alfred Koplin John C. Heveran in memory of Tony Newell Sandra and Tom McKinney Circle of Support ($200–$499) Robin Jens Maria I. Rodriguez in memory of Paul and Jason McKinney Tessie G. Acosta-Williams in memory of Ty Jens Beth Roth, MSN Open To Hope Faith Adams B. J. and Doug Jensen in memory of Leonor Fay Marie Roth in memory of Scott Preston Horsley Sharon and Scott Anderson in memory of John Jay Morgan Valerie and David Ruddle Jamie L. Alexandra Pumpelly in memory of Ashton Faye Anderson Barbara and Mickey Johnson in memory of Joseph Ruddle in memory of Jamie Alexandra Grimsley Renee and Earl Bailey in memory of Sandy Johnson Brian Sanoshy Debbie and Mark Rambis in memory of Melissa Renee Bailey Wolfram Peggi and Jeff Johnson in memory of Allison Sanoshy in memory of Tony Rambis Toni and James Ballard in memory of Jordan McLeod Johnson Jennifer P. Schneider Renee and Joe Rodio and Family in memory of Nicholas David Ballard Joseph’s Destiny Foundation in memory of Jessica Grace Wing in memory of Brittany Rodio Sherrie and George Barfield in memory of Joseph Matranga and Anthony Sciotti Kay Sheldon in memory of Brad Barfield in honor of Joseph Tobin in memory of Christopher Anthony Sciotti in memory of Barbara Sheldon Angie, Joe, and Paige Barton Debbie and Gene Kirby Karen Snepp in memory of Denver Parvin in memory of Casey E. Kirby (Continued on page 18) in memory of Dave Snepp Marion and Manfred Bass Ellen and Tom Komadina Nivia Vazquez in memory of Glenn M. Bass in memory of Ann Michelle Komadina TCF FOUNDATION in memory of Jose “Yoito” Barreto Vazquez Helen and Presley Belcher Shawn Lacich DONORS, 2012 in memory of Cally Belcher Theresa and David Langer Circle of Caring (500–$999) Libby and Danny Berry in memory of Sarah Elizabeth Langer The Ferrara Family Barb and Bob Adams in memory of Christopher Shawn Berry, Marie and Phil Levine in memory of Robert Adams Luke Shaun Hilton, Todd Tyler Christmas, in memory of Peter Adam Levine William Meakem Judy and Scott Barnes and Troy Harris Lillian Broox Manis Foundation in memory of Kevin and Roger Heaney in memory of Dave Barnes Heidi and Mike Brandon in memory of Lillian Broox Manis Diane and Daniel Barry in memory of Dave Snepp, and in honor of Diane and Keith Loder Paula Rosina Santoro Foundation in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins and Sue, Karl, and Karen Snepp in memory of Stephanie and Stephen Loder in memory of Paula Rosina Santoro James Anderson Anita Broaddus Pat and Wayne Loder Anne and Robert Bourne Jr. in memory of Amanda Brooke Little in memory of Stephanie and Stephen Loder v in memory of Robert I. Bourne III and Jonathan Bourne 16 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

FRIENDS, CARING AND SHARING March 12, 2013, 8:00–9:00 PM EST—Copyright Laws You Should 2013 National Conference—Boston, Massachusetts Know Before You Tackle the Chapter Newsletter or Website: If you have ever A fabulous event is promised during this year’s fourth of July weekend when wondered if you should or shouldn’t place an article, picture, poem, or story The Compassionate Friends converges on the great city of Boston for its 36th in your chapter newsletter or on your National Conference. Great speakers and entertainers will be combined with a chapter website, you don’t want to miss myriad of talented workshop presenters. The conference will run from Friday, this webinar! Presenter: David Bea, TCF Attorney July 5, to Sunday, July 7, and will also offer preconference events. On Thursday, July 4, a Chapter Leadership Training Program will take place, along with a For more information or to register Spanish Language Workshop and Sharing Session. In the early evening several for the webinars being conducted meet-and-greet opportunities will be available. especially for chapter leadership, visit The Compassionate Friends Board of Directors Election Slate leadership website. The TCF Board of Directors has approved the following slate of candidates for Chapter Leadership the 2013 Board of Directors election: Training Program Steve Czirr Dale Dullabaun Brian Janes We understand that to be a strong and Spring Hill, Tennessee Los Angeles, California Olathe, Kansas vital organization we need to do a more effective job in making quality training Ann Khadalia Steve Schmeisser Nivia Vázquez more easily accessible and affordable to Concord, California DePerre, Wisconsin Guaynabo, Puerto Rico you. That is why, beginning in March, we will be offering regional Chapter From the above slate three people will be elected. Candidates were selected Leadership Training Programs (CLTPs). based on their TCF activities and involvement; distance from their immediate With a new regional CLTP concept grief; time and energy to work with the board and public in the implementation of we will bring leadership training to the goals of the organization; skills in the areas of particular interest to the board’s your area instead of having you travel future development; and geographic location. Chapter delegates will receive to a training program in a large city. ballots in March. Regional programs will be intensive one-day-only Saturday courses, Webinars providing you important training to help improve your chapter and get you back The National Office continues to host monthly webinars for the public. Many in to your very important and busy lives in leadership are viewing these webinars to learn about different grief reactions and a timely manner. thus learn more about what their chapter members are dealing with on their grief journey. I also understand that some chapters are viewing the webinars at chapter In addition to the regional CLTPs meetings and using snippets from the webinars to discuss as meeting topics. We being offered, we will once again have certainly hope you are finding these useful. Upcoming webinars include: a one-day Chapter Leadership Training Program in conjunction with the 2013 February 21, 2013, 8:00–9:00 PM EST—Children’s Grief in Today’s World: National Conference. A registration This webinar will provide caregivers a look into the world of grief occupied by brochure for the conference CLTP is young children. The focus will be on elementary-age children, the many ways they contained in this mailing. The conference experience their grief, and how to provide the care and support needed, not just in the training will be conducted by staff. moment but in the years to come. Presenter: Hazel Woodward **Important Reminder** March 21, 2013, 8:00–9:00 PM EST—Death from Substance-Related Causes: Moving addiction from a moral model of ignorance and persecution to a disease Chapter Year-End Reports for model of compassion and science, the death of our children need not be swept under the 2012 calendar year need to be the rug of judgment and ignorance. Addiction takes our children in many different completed and returned to the National ways—illness, accident, overdose, suicide. Bringing the disease of addiction into the Office along with the chapter’s annual light of hope and healing, we are safe to open more deeply to the broader truths of membership fee by March 1, 2013. If losing a child to addiction. Presenter: Barbara Allen you need assistance in filling out For more information on these webinars, or to register, visit The Compassionate the form please call your regional Friends website, www.compassionatefriends.org, and click on “Webinars.” coordinator or Sara Zeigler or Terry Novy at the National Office. In addition to the public webinars being offered, we will be presenting some wonderful leadership webinars to aid you in running a successful chapter. Upcoming (Continued on page 21) leadership webinars include: February 19, 2013, 8:00–9:00 PM EST—Managing Challenging Behaviors in Chapter Meetings: In this webinar we will discuss the challenging behaviors that occur in groups and learn from practical experience how to deal with those behaviors. Presenter: Wendy Resnick WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 17

(Patrons, continued from page 16) Henry Allen Sharon R. Barger Rose Mary and Ralph Billiter Sandy and Peter Sears in memory of P. J. Allen in memory of Brad Meisenbach in memory of Amy Marie Sears Lois Alperstein Judy and Dave Barkdoll in memory of Carrie Lynn Billiter Georgia and Hank Sheer in memory of Ethan Ross Alperstein in memory of Dana Barkdoll Joan Binkow in memory of Erin Sheer Christy Alred Brenda E. Barnes Charlotte Bishop Marian and Blaine Shull in memory of Christopher Sean Alred in memory of Jon R. Barnes-Klarner in memory of Benjamin Bishop Sue and Philip Simonson Pam and Bob Altman Diane Barnsley Mary Lou Bishop in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson Marilyn and Chester Amedia Jr. in memory of Edward Barnsley in memory of Tim Bishop Christine and Stephen Spiro in memory of Christian Avery Amedia Bonnie and William Baron Deborah and George Bjurstrom in memory of Logan Gentry Mr. and Mrs. Darryl Anderson in memory of Thomas Ward Baron in memory of Benjamin Bjurstrom Susan and John Stanfield in memory of Randy Asprey and Dennis Barrett Lind and Roy Black in memory of Kelly and Erin Stanfield Nathan Anderson in memory of Paul Anthony Barrett in memory of Christopher Black Studio Gaia Community June Anderson Charlene and Stephen Barron Georgia and Terry Blazevic in memory of the children and teachers of in memory of Thomas A. Anderson in memory of Adam Barron in memory of Bryce Blazevic Newtown, CT, and in honor of Jeanne Carter Mary and Eric Anderson Gail Bartley Theresa Bleemke Louann, Scott, Tyler, and Joe Tedrick in memory of Christian P. Anderson in memory of John David Stacy in memory of Paul Shane Brough in memory of Bobby Brayer Maureen and Roger Anderson Kathryn Bartus Joan and Fred Bliss Irene and Robert Thornton Sheree Anderson Sonya Batten Dr. Patricia A. Block in memory of Patrick Shinoda Thornton in memory of B. J. Caldwell in memory of Aaron S. Lopp Mary and Richard Bodnar Linea and David Toepel Cathy and Ron Andes Mimi and Merle Bauer in memory of Micheal Lee Gagnon in memory of Kevin Mackey Kris Andrews Molde in memory of Heidi Bauer Suzanne Boehm Melani Travioli in memory of Kelly Andrews Rochelle Bauer Paula and Leo Boghosian Jo Ann Turner Linda Angelo Sharon Baughman in memory of Jason R. Boghosian in memory of Deanie Turner IV and in memory of Melanie Gehm in memory of Rachel Baughman Mary Ann Boling Gable R. Connors Sandra Antrim Sandy Baumann in memory of Steven Matthew Boling Julie and Don Uhles in memory of Jimmy Andrew Antrim in memory of Colette Baumann Martha and Dennis Bombardier in memory of Adam Wade Uhles, and in Nancy Anwyll Gloria Debra Beal Libby and Jim Bonafino honor of Melissa Uhles in memory of Deborah Louise Anwyll in memory of Ian Michael Beal in memory of A.J. Robert Vaught Marge and Steve Anzalone Sheila Beall Jean Boone Daniel Weese in memory of Jennifer Anzalone in memory of Stevie C. Beall in memory of Naomi Boone Willie D. Wickman Anna Apanel Robbin Beasley Kanisha Borden in memory of Geoffrey Deemer Wickman in memory of Teresa Alyss Johnson in memory of Sean Thomas Cannon Jerre Denning Boren and Chris Sanseverino Debbie, Jeff, Katie, and Matt Appell Judy and Claude Beaudet in memory of Carol Boren Owens and Joanne and Bruce Wilhelm in memory of Dale Dullabaun III in memory of Ryan A. Beaudet David Boren Shirley A. Williams Stacy and Jim Arellano Cindy Becken Melissa Bornstein Kathleen Willoughby and Babs Deacon in memory of Brian Scott Arellano in memory of Dan Becken in memory of Timothy Richard Herman in memory of Coty Micklo Jeffrey Armstrong Jean Becker Jan and Jim Bothun Janet Winn and Joseph Seiter Gloria Arney in memory of Bruce D. Becker in memory of Amber Dee and in memory of Jenna Winn, and in honor of in memory of Dallas Arney Mary and Doug Bedore Megan Maree Bothun your family members who have passed Karen and Dale Arnott in memory of Joel Bedore David Boudreau Loretta and Jerry Winters in memory of Laura Kay Arnott Aaron Beiler in memory of Matthew David Boudreau in memory of Don Bruce Winters Nicoletta Ascari and David Tory in memory of Mervin Jay Beiler Delores Boughton Carol and Carl Wojciechowski in memory of Max and Nicholas Tory Renee Beisswanger and Phillip Rouse in memory of Katherine and in memory of Adam Wojciechowski Rita Ashton in memory of all those who lost their lives in Mary Kay Boughton Merle and Donald Young in memory of Rachel, Emily and Katie the tragedy in Connecticut on Dec. 14, 2012 Marty and Mike Bourland in memory of Sean Young Judy Assalone Virginia Beitzel in memory of Steven Michael Bourland Linda and Doug Zick in memory of Vincent D. Assalone Jacki Belanger Mary Bradley in memory of Ellen Anne Zick Ann and Jim Atkinson in memory of Danielle A. Belanger Mary Jo and Keith Bradley Amy Ziegelbaum in memory of Steve Fullen Marilyn and Jim Belanic in memory of Margaret Louise Bradley in memory of Ben Ziegelbaum Judy and John Austin in memory of Katie Belanic Ronald Bragg in memory of Summer Rae Austin Debbie and Patrick Bell in memory of Jonathan Bragg Circle of Friends ($50–$199) Judy Avrin in memory of Andy Bell Jessica Braithwait, Katie Silva, and A Little Lifetime Foundation in memory of Melissa Rose Avrin Karla and John Bell Sarah and Rachael Rufenacht in honor of remembering the short lives of Cathy and Carl Baab in memory of David Andrew and in memory of Whitley Ann Peterson all our beautiful children in Ireland in memory of Colden Thomas Andrew Bell Anna R. Brandon Nita and Paul Aasen Jerald L. Babel Nancy Bell Mickey and Rusty Branum in memory of Erik and David Aasen Carole Babush in memory of Matthew Bell in memory of Brian Brenckman Lynne and Les Abcug in memory of Susan Lynn Babush Benco Dental Supply Norma and Carl Braun in memory of Jeremy Marc Abcug Virginia Badillo Kathy and Daniel Benkert in memory of Aimee Chii Hung Braun Laila Abdelraouf in memory of Henry Anthony Badillo in memory of Elizabeth and Michael Benkert Sheila and Leon Braunagel Cindy Abernethy Marjorie and Harry Baertschi Faye and Randy Bennett Mary Bredemeier in memory of Catherine Ann and in memory of David Harry Baertschi in memory of Kimberly Bennett in memory of Henry Warren Bredemeier Leah Marie Abernethy Claudia Baggerly Andrea and Dennis Benson Bette and Jack Brennan Linda Acuff in memory of Jess A. Baggerly in memory of Shane Lewis in memory of Michael Thomas Brennan in memory of Kathi Kieffer Davis Carole and Henry Bailey Jan and Don Berry Marjorie Yslita Brewer Sally and William Adams in memory of Matthew John Bailey in memory of CT State Trooper Rober Berry in memory of Douglas and Susan Brewer in memory of Susan G. Whitaker Carole Baird and Roxanne Berry Mary and Jerry Brickner Sherri L. Adams in memory of Justin Baird Joyce Berry in memory of Matthew J. Brickner in memory of Paul E. Adams Ellen Baker in memory of Scott Eric Miller Cindy and Lou Bridgewater Charlotte Addington in memory of Joseph Hunter Green Patricia and Bruce Bertrand Dorothy and James Briggs in memory of Mary Shawn Addington Sandra and Gary Balbach in memory of Erica Renee Bertrand and in memory of Marcia Ann Briggs Sharon Ahnert Allison Ball and Laura Lippincott LCPL Bryan Pahl Bertrand USMC Jennifer and Tom Briggs in memory of John F. Ahnert in memory of Ashley Michelle Renee and Roy Betker in memory of Sgt. Casey T. Briggs Albany County Bereaved Parents Lippincott-Griffith and Dean Lippincott Holly and Steve Beumée Leah Bronner Support Group Sue and Bob Ballenger in memory of David Tate Beumée in memory of Sigrid Anna Bronner in memory of Canjon James Aumiller, in memory of Ben Kay and Rodney Bevington Sharon and Jim Bronsberg Beverly Rene Walker, and Pat and Rob Bambino in memory of Rhonda Kay Bevington in memory of Brian Joseph Lucas John McKinley Kim and Derrick Bandelier Rashmi Bhatnagar Sandra and Thomas Brooker Glenn Albaum in memory of Benson Walker in memory of Tushar Bhatnagar in memory of Daniel Steven Brooker in memory of James Vandewater III Marlene and Ken Banwart Judith Billings Wriston Joy and Chuck Brown Rebecca L. Albrecht in memory of Rick Banwart in memory of Rodney Robinson Billings in memory of Christopher Brown Tanya Fuller Alexander Karen Brown in memory of Dustin James Alexander in memory of David A. Allbery (Continued on page 20) 18 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

BOOK REVIEW • BOOK REVIEW • BOOK REVIEW A Parent’s Guide She has walked this journey with her to Raising Grieving own grieving children and made it, and she knows you can, too. It is an honor Children: to recommend this book not only to Rebuilding Your bereaved parents and children, but to professionals and students who are Family After working with grieving children. After the Death of a reading A Parent’s Guide to Raising Grieving Children, you will feel better Loved One equipped to help your children honor, remember, and incorporate their ~By Dr. Phyllis Silverman deceased family member into their and Madelyn Kelly lives in new ways. ~Reviewed by Dr. Heidi Horsley The authors of this groundbreaking book are both outstanding in their Are you raising grieving children? a journalist, was killed in the Iraq War. own right. Dr. Phyllis Silverman has Concerned for her two young sons, received many awards for her work Do you wonder if they’ll be okay? Madelyn went looking for ways to and is recognized internationally as a If so, you are not alone! One of the help them and came across Phyllis’s leader in the field of bereavement. She biggest questions my parents had research. Eventually, the two met and is the co-principal investigator of the after my brother died was how to help the idea for this book was formed. pioneering Harvard Child Bereavement their three surviving daughters cope Study, and her books include Widow to after the loss of their only brother. I Dr. Phyllis Silverman is also no Widow: How the Bereaved Help Each wish that this groundbreaking book, stranger to grief and loss, she has been Other and Never Too Young to Know: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Grieving working with thousands of grieving Death in Children’s Lives. Children, had been available to my parents and children for decades. parents at that time. Filled with Her understanding concerning the Madelyn Kelly is a writer and invaluable information, this book is a impact of grief on children comes television news producer, and the must-have for anyone who wants to from her many years of research, as mother of two sons. Her husband, help their children not only survive, the project director of the Harvard the writer/columnist/editor Michael but thrive after loss. Child Bereavement Study. From start Kelly, was the first American journalist to finish, this book is all about helping to be killed in the Iraq War, in 2003. A Parent’s Guide to Raising parents raise grieving children. She edited a compilation of his work, Grieving Children offers valuable Things Worth Fighting For: Collected information about how your child’s As the executive director for Writings. v age impacts their ability to understand the Open to Hope Foundation and death, where to get help for your co-host of the Open to Hope radio Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, LMSW, MS, is a children, and how to handle your program, I highly recommend this bereaved sibling, as well as a psychologist. teenager’s emotions. Filled with book. Dr. Phyllis Silverman is one She is the executive director for the personal anecdotes and compelling of the most respected leaders in the Open to Hope Foundation and cohost stories, children share their darkest field of grief and loss today. She is of the Open to Hope radio program. memories, their saddest thoughts, and not only academically gifted, but she She serves on the national board of their emerging hopes. cares deeply about grieving parents The Compassionate Friends, and is and their children and has devoted an adjunct professor at Columbia The book is written by two experts her life to helping people find hope University. all too familiar with the world of grief after loss. Madelyn Kelly is a gifted and loss. Madelyn Kelly’s life took a writer and is the best breed of expert. This book is published by the Centering tragic turn after her husband, Michael, Corporation, and can be ordered through their website at www.centering.org, or by calling 866-218-0101. Free shipping is offered to TCF chapters and members. WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 19

(Patrons, continued from page 18) Suzanne and Henry Cassel Roxann and Rick Coleman Mary Ann and Dick Dalling Maggi Brown and Rick Martinec in memory of Gregory Edward Cassel in memory of Thomas Dalling in memory of Bobby Alexander Sally Cassidy in memory of Bob Coleman, Rusty Coleman, Vincent J. D’Andrea Theresa Brown in memory of Daniel Cassidy and Shawn Hampton in memory of Vincent “J. D”Andrea Jr. in memory of Michael “Mickey” Lynn Janet Celly Diane and Robert Collicott Sharon Danenberg Cynthia Brown-Coyle in memory of Eric Johnson in memory of Mandee Collicott in memory of Eric Danenberg in memory of Michael James Brown Lynn Chadwick Gordon R. Collins Ro and Anthony D’Angelo Inara Brubaker Rekha Chandra in memory of Cynthia Lee Kessler and in memory of Anthony D’Angelo in memory of Erika Jane and in memory of Nayan Chandra Mildred Cohen Sandi Darling Andra Elaine Brubaker Michelle Chapin and Family Linda Colville in memory of Lisa Diane Darling Leah Brumer in memory of Braden Schoelen in memory of Ronald W. Necco Sr. and Reed Darsey Paul Brustowicz Janet Chapman Brandon M. Necco Tammy Daughenbaugh in memory of Brian Brustowicz in memory of Jesse Greenberg Mary Comly in memory of Jenna Daughenbaugh Brenda Bryan Anna and Renauld Cherven Linda and Mike Commuso Leslie Barry Davidson in memory of Rodney Mor Gara in memory of Philip Michael Cherven in memory of Zachary Commuso in memory of Patrick Ross Davidson Jr. Judy and John Bryant Debra L. Chesney Joy and Charles Compton Ms. D. Stone Davis in memory of Cory Bryant in memory of Travis William Zelm in memory of Todd Charles Compton in memory of Amy Malone Davis Mary Bucek Barbara Chiulli Susan Conley Marilyn and John Davis Maureen and Paul Budinger in memory of Philip Panetta in memory of Brian W. Conley in memory of Stacy J. Davis in memory of Scot R. Schulz Bernie, Tom and Kyle Chrismer Donna and Marvin Conover Angela Dazzo Faye and Jim Bundy in memory of Carolyn Marie Chrismer in memory of Micha Lee Conover in memory of Stephanie Dazzo Paterek in memory of David J. Bundy Larry Christensen Sharon and James Cook Catherine DeAngelis Juanita Bundy in memory of Andy Christensen in memory of James Boyd Cook Jr. in memory of Thomas Patrick Gilbane, in memory of Joseph C. “Joey” Bundy Kathryn Christenson Kay and Fred Cooke Gabriel Adam Lynch, and Sharon and Dan Bunkelman in memory of Rolf S. Christenson in memory of Morgan Elizabeth Cooke Shannon Marie Gilbane in memory of Jacob “Jake” Bunkelman Chaela Christianson Francine Cooper Deborah and Gary Dearman Harriet Burak in memory of Damon Vincent Christianson in memory of Josh Robertson and in honor in memory of Donovan Ray Dearman in memory of Michael Jonathan Burak Dean Christman of Patrick Michael Cooper Jayne Debenedictis Caroline Burns in memory of Nathan M. Christman Joanne and Bill Cooper in memory of Bill Higgins Eleanor P. Burns Barbara Christoff in memory of Bennett and Kathryn Cooper Theresa and Victor Del Regno in memory of Mark T. Burns in memory of Brian Michael Christoff Kenneth Cooper in memory of Andrew C. Del Regno Charlotte and James Burns Caroline Christopherson in memory of Sarah Jean Cooper Hermine W. Delany in memory of Edward James Burns Jane and Irwin Chu Laurie Cooper and Howard Fankhauser in memory of Brendan Delany Vassallo Shirley and Jim Burnside in memory of David Chu in memory of Colin Fankhauser Rebecca and Michael Delcambre in memory of Kirk Burnside Patricia Church Eleanor Cordeiro in memory of Mandy Jo Delcambre Kim and John Burril in memory of Chase Daniel Church, USN in memory of Jared R. Cordeiro Robin and Bart Dellarmi in memory of Jamie Wayne Darrow Carol Cibulskis Chrys Cosbey in memory of Jed Christian Dellarmi Patricia D. Burrow Patricia A. Cinquegrana Robin Costa Kathy and Larry DeMarco in memory of Allen Lee Croix in memory of John David Bartholomew in memory of Noah Samuel Grindstaff Costa in memory of Karen Michelle DeMarco Daniel Busch Cinquegrana Marco Costales Denise and Mike DeMoss in memory of Joshua S. Busch Joann M. Clair in memory of Kevin Daniel Costales in memory of Dustin DeMoss Janine Busch Woytowicz Jeannie and Tersh Clark Susi Costello Margie and Robert Denlinger Sr. in memory of Benjamin Mathew Busch in memory of Scott Clark in memory of Tigerlily in memory of Robert E. (Rob) Denlinger Jr. Stephanie Butka Rebecca L. Clark Maria Cota in memory of Michael Donnelly Butka in memory of Justin Clark and Patricia and Michael Cotton Debra Dermack Jennifer Lease Butts Amanda Kwick in memory of Heather Marie Cotton in memory of Melissa Ditta Carrie and Chris Byrd Maureen and Dan Clarkin Ginny and Tom Coursey Shelley and Jerry Deromedi in memory of Shawne Phillips in memory of Kevin Clarkin in memory of Daniel Patrick Coursey in memory of Jennifer Deromedi Lisa Cabe Class of 2000: Marci, Molly, Jody, Maggi, Carol Cowherd Lynn and Charles Derrick in memory of Alex Cabe Carla, Liz, and Alyssa in memory of Kenneth Alan Witt and in memory of Michael Derrick Martha Caesar in memory of Victoria M. McGraw Mich McClellion Joseph DeSantis in memory of Dan Caesar Joni Claymon Cheryl and John Cox in memory of Joseph P. DeSantis Jr. and Doris Cafferata in memory of Andrew Claymon in memory of Anthony Joslah “A. J.” Tally Donnamarie DeSantis in memory of Michael Cafferata Lynn and Jerry Clayton Martha and Paul Cox Akiko and Richard Deutsch Sally and Rick Calabrese in memory of Justin Lee Clayton in memory of Lorelei Marenghi Deutsche Bank Americas Foundation in memory of Kelly Ann Calabrese Jane and Patrick Cleary Sharon and George Craig Judy Anne Dever Kathie and Gary Calandra Deb and Bruce Clements in memory of Isaac Burle Craig in memory of Joshua Dever in memory of J. D. “John David” Calandra in memory of Darcie Saint Clements Cindy Cranfield Sandra and Jon Devermann John Califano Sandy Coady in memory of Jared Redden in memory of Matthew Ashcraft Carol and Ed Callahan in memory of David Joseph Coady Melissa and Douglas Crennan Jill and Ed DeYoung in memory of Megan Ashley Doyle Chris and Andy Cocozzella in memory of Violet Heinze in memory of Stephen Ronald Fava Anne Calvey in memory of Marc Anthony Cocozella and Lisa Crossan Sherri Deyoung in memory of Annie Lois Kortsch Casey Schulman in memory of Chad Michael Crossan in memory of Joseph DeYoung Sherry Cameron Mr. and Mrs. Ernest B. Coggins Jr. Lesly Crowder Lynn and Ron Dickerson in memory of Andy Cameron in memory of Elizabeth Rose Coggins in memory of Ryan Crowder in memory of Ryan Hunter Dickerson Ann Campbell John Coggins Jr. Kathy and Tom Crowley Mary and Wayne Dietrich Janet and Julian Cannon in memory of John Coggins III in memory of Timmy Crowley in memory of Ashley Elizabeth Dietrich in memory of Julie Evanne Cannon Laurie K. Coghlan Camille Cullen Emily Dietz Barbara and Cal Carithers Ronald Cohen in memory of Darlene Louise Haymond in memory of Andy Dalton Diane Carlin in memory of Jesse Ray Cohen Andi Culotta Carol DiFelice in memory of Joan Tamburro Dolores Cohill in memory of Sophia in memory of Rhiannon Lee McCuish Marie and Mark Carlsen in memory of William “Billy” Cohill Jr. Camille M. Cunningham Timothy Dillon in memory of Mark Clarence Anders Sharon and Butch Colbert in memory of Patrick Farrell in memory of Ian Christopher Dillon Akira Carlsen in memory of Lionel and Anna Colbert Marion N. Curka Pat and Jim Dinsmore Barbara Carlton, LCSW, CEAP Betty Cole in memory of Paul Curka in memory of Mark William Dinsmore in memory of Leigh Carlton in memory of Joe LaPrade Lois and Chris Curran Ethel DiPaolo Lou Carosa Carol Gray Cole Pamela Cusick Brigid and Jeff DiPaolo Marlene and Frank Carson in memory of Adam Scott Cole in memory of Jason Adelsberg in memory of Clairee Beth DiPaolo in memory of Glen Carson Pam and Don Cole Cynthia Cutcliff Ann Dix Carrie and Rich Caruso in memory of Peter Daniel Cole, and in memory of Jonathan Cutcliff in memory of Philip Dix in memory of Tony Cabrera in honor of all those affected by the CyperGrants, Inc. Barbara and Chuck Dixon Fran Casabona Newtown tragedy Rebecca Cyrier in memory of Christopher L. Dixon in memory of Elizabeth A. Cyrier in memory of Patrick Casabona Jr. Jeanne Czel (Continued on page 22) in memory of Erik Czel 20 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

(Friends, Caring & Sharing, continued from page 17) TCF Website Chapter E-mail Addresses We continue to upgrade and expand our public website with our monthly webinars, Online Support Community, and In reviewing the Year-End Reports that have been additional content. In fact, I am very proud to announce that returned, we have noticed a lot of chapter leaders are using recently GoodTherapy.org named our national website at the their personal e-mail addresses for chapter business or there very top of the 10 best resources on the Internet in 2012 for is no e-mail address listed. The e-mail address for the chapter grief and loss. is posted on the national website as a chapter contact point. We suggest that each chapter establish a free gmail or yahoo Soon we will be making available on-demand videos of e-mail address, for example: [email protected]. past conference keynote speakers to give you the opportunity This will eliminate the necessity of personal e-mail addresses to see their wonderful presentations. being posted to the website, allow all steering committee members to have access to the box so timely responses can New Chapters be given, and the e-mail address can remain with the chapter even if the chapter leadership changes. We welcome the following recently chartered chapters: In addition, we do like to send out important notices to our TCF of South Los Angeles ~ Los Angeles, CA chapter leaders via e-mail but we find that approximately a TCF of Metro Milwaukee ~ Milwaukee/Wauwatosa, WI quarter of our chapters have not supplied us with an e-mail address and we have a large bounce rate when we e-mail some- TCF of Christian County ~ Pana, IL thing to our chapters. Please, please, please keep us advised TCF of Corry ~ Corry, PA of your current chapter e-mail address! We would like to be able to provide electronic balloting for our chapters during the TCF of Southwest Arkansas ~ Lewisville, AR Board of Directors election, but we need valid e-mail addresses. Setting one up for the chapter as indicated above means that Sponsor the National Office for a Week e-mail address could service the chapter for years to come. An opportunity to spotlight your child on the national Awards Committee Notice website exists when you “Sponsor the National Office for a Week.” As a way to support the free services provided by the It is time to nominate those whom you’d like to see receive National Office, your sponsorship of $150 (we accept up to a 2013 leadership award. For the first time, those in chapter two sponsors each week) allows you to have a picture of your leadership (serving on a chapter steering committee) will child, sibling, grandchild, relative, or friend on the home page be able to nominate a person they’d like to see receive the of the national website and a picture and story about your Chapter Leadership Award. loved one on an inside page. Call 877-969-0010 for details. v In addition to the Chapter Leadership Award, given to a TCF National Website Honored member who has made outstanding contributions to furthering as 2012 Top Internet Grief Resource TCF’s mission, you may nominate someone for the Recognition The Compassionate Friends national Award, given to a bereaved parent, grandparent, or sibling who has contributed outstanding service to TCF at a national website at www.compassionatefriends.org has level over a period of years; the Simon Stephens Award, given been named by Good Therapy.org as the top to someone who has made significant contributions that have resource on the Internet for 2012 for people fostered and furthered the philosophy of TCF by practicing or experiencing grief and loss. The Compassionate promoting its mission and goals; and the Professional Service Friends was first in GoodTherapy.org’s list of Award, given to a professional psychologist, counselor, or other ten best resources, which was announced just practicing professional who has contributed greatly in the areas after the new year began. of supporting, assisting, or educating others in accordance with the mission and goals of TCF. The announcement stated that “among the criteria we used to select our top 10 websites are quality and depth of content, If you know of someone you’d like to nominate for any presentation, and functionality.” of the above awards, please submit their name, contact information, and, if a chapter leader, the name of the chapter “This is a true honor,” said TCF Executive Director they oversee, along with a written description detailing Patricia Loder. “We have worked very hard to make our why they deserve to receive the award. Please send all website easy to navigate, but filled with grief support submissions to this year’s Award Nominations Chairperson, materials, which include our Online Support Community TCF Board member Georgia Cockerham, at 1365 Chetco (chat), our Spanish language website, our leadership site, Avenue, Brookings, OR 97415. All submissions must be plus many pages created to specifically support the bereaved postmarked by March 1, 2013. Please e-mail Georgia at parents, siblings, and grandparents who make up The [email protected] if you have any questions. Compassionate Friends.” Good Therapy.org., which calls itself “an advocate for ethical therapy,” described TCF’s website as “a wealth of information about healing grief.” v WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 21

(Patrons, continued from page 20) Mayra Engel Eugene Flynn Joyce and John Garofalo in memory of Adam Robert Engel, and in in memory of Amy Braaten Deryl Ann Dobson honor of Spencer Francis Carr Diane and Eric Fody in memory of John E. Garofalo Jr. in memory of Sean LeGate Dobson Melanie and Gregg Englert in memory of Jessica Lynn Fody Joan Dodson in memory of Braxton Lane Bernard Foldy Frances Garris Arlene and Galen Doll Barbara G. Erickson in memory of Holly Foldy in memory of Bryce Corey Doll in memory of Macy Wray Erickson Janet Folley in memory of David, Doug, and Michelle Gleyre Doll Heidianna Erickson-Brown Sharon Fong in memory of Justin Gleyre Doll in memory of Ehron Alan Erickson in memory of Stephanie Renee Fong Diana Garris Eleanor and Ken Donatelli Karen and Bob Erwin Claudia Forde Evelyn and Norman Gaudrault in memory of Michael J. Donatelli in memory of Jill Christine Erwin in memory of David Stephen Forde in memory of Paul Gaudrault Bevy Donegan Donna and Carmine Esposito Nancy Fortier Kristie and Mike Gaydos in memory of Doris Kushner in memory of Carmine Esposito in memory of Jeff Fortier in memory of Jessica Simonds, and in honor Vicky and Gerald Donegan Janelle and Fred Etoch Lynne and Roger Foster of Jammie and Michelle Simonds in memory of Clinton Wayne Donegan in memory of Evan Etoch in memory of Mark Jason Foster Mary C. Gaydos Kathy Dougherty Donna Evans Claire M. Fox-Subin Barbara Gearty in memory of Vincent Gabriel Rivera Jr. and in memory of George Evans in memory of Bill Fox in memory of Shane Patrick Gearty Andrew Tyler Rivera Kathy, James, and Brian Evans Michele and Mark Fracasso Tom W. George Joanne Douglas in memory of Melanie Ruth Locklear in memory of Mark R. Fracasso Jr. Dale Gersch in memory of Katie Douglas Elizabeth and Carville Evering Beth and Tom Fragasse Sue and Dom Gervasi Keith Downen in memory of Catherine E. Evering in memory of Donna Fragasse in memory of Gregory Gervasi in memory of Adam Troy Downen JoAnn Everson Marilyn Frandzel Maxine and Wade Gibbons Amy G. Doyle in memory of Benjamin Everson in memory of Esther Frandzel in memory of Wadine and Jason Gibbons in memory of Emilia F. Doyle Jan and Cliff Ewing Averil Esther Fraser Peggy and David Gibson Helena Dozier in memory of Glenn Ewing in memory of Errol Fraser in memory of Paige Gibson in memory of LaMont Eugene Mitchell Leslie Eyster James Fraser Gichner Systems Group Shirley and Chris Drake in memory of Chad Eyster in memory of Glen R. Fraser in memory of Bran Oswin Engler in memory of Kevin C. Drake JoAnne and Augie Fabietti Debra and Dustin Frazier Sandra Gillen Ursula Draper in memory of Thomas Fabietti in memory of A. J. and Cobin Lee Frazier in memory of Darryl Penton in memory of Andy Womack Frank Failla Sue and Charley Freml Paula Gilligan Cindy and Tommy Driskill in memory of Emily and Lauren Failla in memory of Chad Freml in memory of Ryan J. Gilligan in memory of Kristin Rae Driskill Bernard Faller Betsy and Bob Friedl Mr. and Mrs. Al Giordano Vicki and Gary Druchniak in memory of Robert H. Faller in memory of Drew Lawrence in memory of Deanna Rose Giordano in memory of Jeffrey Druchniak Connie and Greg Famularo Michelle Fries Peggy and Alan Gitersonke Brian L. Dubay in memory of Brendan O’Neill Lisa Frost in memory of Holly Ann Odom in memory of Seth Brian Dubay Kate and Bob Fandetti in memory of Nate Freeborn Michael Giuliano Joan Duggan in memory of Scott and Ryan Fandetti Peggy and William Fry Rachel and Bill Gleiberman-Kowalczyk in memory of Julie Duggan Brenda Farler in memory of Christopher Reed Fry in memory of Sammy Carlson Geno Duhaime in memory of Joshua Farler Matthew Fryer Anne and Thomas Glenn in memory of Andrew Duhaime Gloria Fava Stephanie L. Fuller in memory of Lauren Glenn Debbie and Dale Dullabaun Jr. in memory of Stephen R. Fava in memory of Robin Nicole Troupe Therese Glowacki Websters in memory of Dale Lee Dullabaun III Janice and David Feaga Rose and Jim Fulmer in memory of Charlie Glowacki Marilyn and Elvin Durand in memory of Travis Feaga and in memory of Mark William Fulmer Velma Goertzen in memory of Paul Burton Durand Kathrine Evering Paula and Larry Funk in memory of Beth Battis Janice Durand Donna and Arliss Fedje in memory of Anna Lynn Funk, Mary and Howard Goetz Jr. in memory of John A. Durand Susan Fedor Michael Austin, and all those who died in memory of Howie Goetz III Carole and Peter Dyck in memory of Jay Kaiser at Newtown, CT Marlene and Fred Goldberg in memory of Christopher Peter Dyck Pamela Feldkamp Marilyn and Glenn Futrell in memory of Elliot Goldberg Pat and Jeff Dyson Nancy Feldman in memory of John Robert “J. R.” Woodfin Rita Goldfarb in memory of Brian Wayne Drake Jr. in memory of Lance Alan Cohen Dawn Gadd in memory of Jeff Goldfarb Hawes Stephan Earl Jane Felixson in memory of Jesse Thomas Gadd Jerri and Jim Golis Donna and Ralph Eastman Martha and Dick Fenoglio Jane and David Gadd in memory of Cory C. Golis in memory of Ralph Michael Eastman in memory of Judith Fenoglio Daw in memory of Lindsey Gadd Noreen Gomez Robert Eberhart Iris Fetterman Barb and Tim Gaffney in memory of Larua Holtz in memory of Kenny Eberhart in memory of Joshua Fetterman in memory of Timothy J. Gaffney Jr. Rebecca Gonhue Judy and John Ebersberger Dianne V. Fichter Margaret Gahl in memory of Blake Alan Gonhue in memory of Katherine Ann Ebersberger in memory of Michael Justin Hoggard in memory of Vince Gahl Michelle Gonzalez Sue Ebersold Brenda and Orange Fields Kym and Rich Gaissl and Family in memory of Alyssa Gonzalez in memory of Allie Jana Ayers in memory of Jordan John Fields in memory of Jason Arcaro Mary Ellen and Leroy Good Penny Ecord Janet Fields Michael A. Galgano in memory of Devon Ransom Knight in memory of Robert D. Knapp in memory of Zach Fields June and Bob Gallagher DeAnna M. Goodin Michele Longo Eder Antonia Filipiak in memory of Thomas Brendan Gallagher in memory of Shawna Kaye Goodin in memory of Benjamin Alan Eder in memory of Leon C. Harwood II Linda Gallagher Donna and Ralph Goodrich Julie and Bill Edgar Allison and Mark Finkelstein in memory of Tracy Philip Kildebeck in memory of Lauren Bartley Marshall and in memory of Michael Edgar in memory of David Samuel Finkelstein Carolyn and Gerald Gamble Garth Michael Marshall Patricia and Charles Edgar FirstGiving in memory of Cathy A. Gamble Barbara and Barry Gordon in memory of Joseph A. Edgar Kathleen and Ben Fischer Kathleen Gandarillas in memory of Jonathan Matthew Blank Donna and David Edmiston Teri Fischer in memory of the Newtown/ Kathy and Dick Gordon in memory of Paul D. Edmiston in memory of Donny Alan True Sandy Hook angels Althea and Tom Gorenc Wayne Edwards Kathy Fisher Teresa and Peter Gant Judy Gorham in memory of Cheryl Edwards Stine and in memory of Amy Marie Fisher and in memory of Molly Gant in memory of Darrell Gorham Marilyn Edwards Roger R. Dolloph Jr. Carrie Garcia Dorene Goryeb Carol and Jimmy Egoian Suzanne and Lanny Fisher Olivia and Ruben Garcia in memory of Gregg T. Goryeb in memory of J. Blake C. Egoian in memory of Rocky A. Fisher in memory of Lorenzo B. Garcia George Govatos Mary Ehmann Auger Esther Fitch Jacquelyn and Kevin Gardenier Rhonda and Jerry Gowey in memory of Eric R. Ehmann in memory of David and Fred Fitch in memory of Heather Marie in memory of Joseph Engel Gowey Colleen Ehret Margie Fites Gardenier-Hagan Sally and Joseph Grablick in memory of Brandt Michael Koehler in memory of Richard Steven Bianchi Jean Koebel Gardner in memory of J. Ryan Wecker Christine and Andrew Eickstaedt Lorraine Fixler in memory of “Chuck” K. Gardner Marilyn and Tim Grace in memory of Kaylen Arthur Eickstaedt in memory of Matthew Jacob Fixler Shawnna and Vernon Gardner in memory of Megan Candice Grace Debbie Elkins Becky and Kevin Flash in memory of Owen Briles Gardner Mona Graham Becky and Richard Engborg in memory of Michael Cade McDaniel Kim and Insuk Garner in memory of Glenn Graham in memory of Andrew Engborg Suzanne and Richard Graham in memory of Samantha Graham Betty Gray in memory of Ricky Tucker Terri Grayson (Continued on next page) 22 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

(Patrons, continued from previous page) Carol Sue Hansen Theresa Hill Lynn and Bob Jacobs Georgena and Charles Green in memory of Kerry Kim Hynds in memory of Brenda M. Jacobs Pam and Steve Green Teri Hansen in memory of Kevin Douglas Hill Emily Jaffke Gail and Leonard Greenbaum in memory of Anna Paulson Deb Hilmoe-Jurgens and Wes Jurgens in memory of Robert Scott Jarosz in memory of Adam Ross Greenbaum Kyle Hanson in memory of Chase Michael Hilmoe Manu Jain Videki David Greetham in memory of Chandie Hanson Behm Sandy Hinckley in memory of Kavita Jain in memory of Megan Jeanie and Peter Hany in memory of Craig Lea Hinckley and Stanley J. Jakubaszek Craig Gregory in memory of Russell John Hany Jordan Cone in memory of Jodie Nicole Jakubaszek Jeanne and Thomas Gregory Edie and Pete Happe LaVonne Hirabayashi Mary Javarey in memory of Timothy J. Gregory in memory of Roberta Louise Happe in memory of Deanna Lutz, Carol Lutz, and in memory of Melissa Rourke Liu Sharon Griener Nancy and Wayne Harber Patricia Lutz Torres Janet Jenkins in memory of Nicholas Hawkes in memory of Caroline Elizabeth Harber Gay Hock in memory of Alan Jenkins Pat and Bill Griffing Sarah and Robin Hardy in memory of Merry Dianne Hock Cathie and James Jetton in memory of Christopher Michael Griffing in memory of Patricia Mary Hardy Harriet Hodgson in memory of Melissa Jetton Mary Griffith Marcella Harms in memory of Helen Hodgson Welby Bob Johnson in memory of Noelle in memory of Jeff Harms Norman Hoffer in memory of Riley Johnson Joan Griffithe Sally Harper Gwendolyn L. Johnson and Family in memory of Cheryl Swanson and in memory of Alvin Stevens III in memory of Randy Hoffer in memory of Antonio F. Cid Gary Griffithe Marilyn and Ron Harris Michele and Steve Johnson Lynne and Ray Grigsby in memory of Phil Harris Joan and Dale Hofmeister in memory of Lindsay Marie Johnson in memory of Brian Joseph Grigsby Karen and Don Harrison Pam Johnson Charlene and Larry Grimmett in memory of David William Harrison in memory of Dennis M. Hofmeister in memory of Lori Jean Campbell in memory of Trena Lee Grimmett Doris and Robert Hartman Marie and Ken Hofmockel Patty and Mark Johnson Mary Grinavic in memory of Melissa Ann “Hartman” Cino in memory of Douglas A. Hofmockel in memory of the Sandy Hook children and in memory of Christine Grinavic Colleen and Jim Hassert Lisa and Del Hohman too many others Norma Gronewold in memory of Ashley Hassert in memory of Darryl Hohman Rebecca and Chris Johnson Barbara Gross Bernadette Hatok Paula and Mike Holder in memory of Jasper Johnson in memory of James Lee Stallings Betty T. Hawkshaw in memory of Andrew “Drew” Michael Terry and Andy Johnson Mary C. Gross in memory of Dennis B. Hartman Holder Jr. in memory of Brian Husted Johnson in memory of Laura Gross Colleen Hayes Mary Hollingsworth Amanda and Larry Johnston Robert Grossi Othell and Bill Heaney in memory of Amy Hollingsworth Blasi and in memory of Alexander Russell and in memory of James Grossi in memory of Kevin and Roger Heaney John Hollingsworth Brice Donald Johnston Robin and Bobby Grubbs Ozge and Trent Heck Lynda Holman Lucille and Steve Johs in memory of Robby Grubbs in memory of Luke Heck in memory of Richard Holman in memory of Nicholas Johs Helen Gruber Cheryl Heffernan Janet Hooten Megan Jones in memory of Neil Molberger Jackie and Duane Hegna in memory of Bradley Jonathan Gill in memory of John William Jones V K. Joy Grubmeyer in memory of Jon Hegna Carol D. Horbelt Susan and David Jones in memory of Melanie S. Grubmeyer Tim Heiberger in memory of Paul Robert Horbelt in memory of Eric Allen Jones Martina M. Grundy in memory of Jessica Leigh Heiberger Karen and Michael Horeth Susan Julian Cathleen Grzanich Vicki Heilweil in memory of Jordan Michael Horeth Nancy and Frank Juracka in memory of Claire Therese Grzanich in memory of Neil C. Heilweil Diane and Kurt Horning in memory of Lance John Juracka Alberta Guyet Cindy and Barry Heiman in memory of Matthew D. Horning Tom Kalette in memory of Philip Andrew Miller IV in memory of Alexis Heiman Inez Horwitz in memory of Jon Blackmon Betty and Dennis Haaland Jeannette Held in memory of Matthew J. Horwitz Jan Kameros in memory of Aaron Dennis Haaland in memory of Don Dill Hospice Foundation of America in memory of Cathryn Bradway Mary and Harold Haas Ann and Mark Helfrich Betty and Charles Hottenstein Gloria and Skip Kamrath Pat Haas in memory of Joshua Helfrich in memory of Tracy Elizabeth Hottenstein Leigh and Mike Kane and Family in memory of Kristine N. Haas Amy and Michael Helm Denise and Wendell Hottmann in memory of Shannon Kelly Kane Sherry Haba in memory of Jonathan Helm in memory of Matthew Hottmann Olga Kaplan in memory of Steven Martin Haba Linda Helsel Steven E. Houser in memory of Andrey Litvinenko Rosemary and Daniel Haemmerle in memory of John Finley Morris in memory of Kevin Kapp Robert Kaplan in memory of Janice Haemmerle Mr. and Mrs. A. Carl Helwig Coralee Howard in memory of Alison Ruth Kaplan Krumanaker and in memory of Michael Helwig in memory of Clinton Michael Jones Belinda and Doug Karge Stephen Daniel Haemmerle Barb and Bill Henderson Elizabeth Howard in memory of Doris Kushner Valerie Haenn Beverly Hendricks in memory of Renée Bynum-Caldwell and Karen and Mort Kass Edie Hagstrom in memory of Christopher Hendricks Baby Girl in memory of Matt Kass in memory of Kate Johnson David Hendricks Christine, Jay, and Megan Huberty Maxine and Walter Katz Jay Hale in memory of David Hendricks II in memory of John David Huberty in memory of Samuel Katz in memory of Adam Nation Ames Deborah Henry Delois Hughes Carol Kauffman Bonnie Halenda in memory of Justin Henry Sean Huling Marilyn Kaye in memory of Ryan Edward Halenda Delores Hensley Candace Hulsey in memory of Melody Ann and Ann and Mike Hall in memory of Nichole Lee Hensley in memory of Steven R. Hulsey II Daryn David Kaye in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson Joby and Jack Herman Virginia Humphreys Mary Clare and Robert Kearney Tamara Hallis in memory of Luke Herman in memory of Walter “Dude” Humphreys in memory of Clare Kearney Church in memory of Shayler Hallis Nena Herrick Russell Hunter Ruth Keeling Barb Halverson in memory of Steven Michael Herrick in memory of Jonathan Ray Hunter in memory of Cory James Keeling in memory of Mike Halverson Barbara Hertel Huntington County Community Erika and Jereme Kelley Lynda Hamel in memory of Natalie Joy Voisine-Hertel Foundation, Inc. in memory of Matt Thorne and in honor of Barbara and Reg Hamer Janice and Harry Hess and Family Karen Huper Hershal and Marla Kelley in memory of Paul A. Hamer in memory of Amy Gwynn and in memory of Cory Michael Sivertson Huper James Kelley Alice and John Hamilton Jessica Lynn Hess Joni and Bruce Hupke in memory of Casey Kelley in memory of Danny Hamilton Linda Hess in memory of Hannah Hupke Lisa Kelley Lewis Hamilton in memory of Brian Hess Linda Ihnen in memory of Jeremy Michael Kelley in memory of Matthew Arnaldo Hamilton Tim B. Hester Sr. in memory of Troy Joshua Ihnen Sandra Thomas Keller Deborah Hammel in memory of Tim Hester Jr. Bonnie Ingram Debbie and Joe Kelly and Family in memory of Jeremy Philip Hammel Eric Hicks in memory of Paul Leland Rodgers in memory of Guy E. Kelly IV Margie and Hal Hankel Sunday and Robert Hicks Kathy Ingram Adam F. Kempa in memory of Matthew Hankel in memory of Robert Dean Hicks Jr. and in memory of Anaya Cheyenne Wilson in memory of Chris Kempa Ruth and Scott Hanna Richard Anthony Hicks Interior Design Fair Helene Kendall in memory of Stephen Hanna Joe and Sherrie Higginbotham Desiree and Joe Irby in memory of Stephen Michael Kendall Ruthie and Kent Hannegan in memory of Bethany Joy Higginbotham in memory of William James Irby Dan Kenevan in memory of John Hannegan Debra A. Hight Charlotte J. Irick in memory of Brian T. Kenevan in memory of Joey Irick, Jeffrey Irick, and Margaret Irick Bahr (Continued on page 24) Jean and Gerald Irving in memory of Kara Lynne Irving David J. Isenberg in memory of Richard Isenberg WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 23

(Patrons, continued from page 23) William Kuehn Lorraine LiVecchi Diane and Dominic Mark in memory of Timothy Kuehn in memory of Michael Jason Martinez in memory of Alena Rose Mark Juan Kenigstein Michele S. Kurlander Donna Livingston Sheldon Markel in memory of Danny Kenigstein in memory of Lori Phillips in memory of D. J. Livingston Veronica and George Marosi Gay N. Kennedy-Horton Kathryn A. Kurtz Reva and John Lizzadro in memory of Kristine Marosi in memory of Daniel Andrew Peterson in memory of Michael Benjamin Kurtz in memory of James “Chris” Lizzadro Yolanda and Randy Marsh Karen Kenny Valerie and Robert Kurtz Barbara Loechle in memory of Stephanie Lauren Marsh in memory of Michael Kenny in memory of Jason Kurtz in memory of Christoph Hughes Rita and Paul Marth Pamela, Kevin, and Cheyenne Kenyon Tiffany and Lucas Kyle Pamela Logan in memory of Christopher Marth in memory of Nick Packard in memory of Matthew Kyle Theresa and John Logan Betty S. Martin Kathy Kerdus Audrey Labiche in memory of Sean Patrick Logan in memory of Ernest D. Rutland Sr. in memory of Erin Elizabeth Aune in memory of Mark Anthony Labiche Ann and Rick Loggins Sharon Martin Kerdus Dickman Chris and Mike LaFore in memory of Minne Victoria Wickham Sheila and Richard Masterson Susan and Richard Kerkering in memory of Jason and Christian LaFore Becky Logsdon-Dougherty in memory of Richard Masterson in memory of Drew Kerkering Lee Ann and Rick Lamb in memory of Darin Scott Hart Mary Anne and Joe Mattero Dianna and Hossein Keshari in memory of Katie Lamb Nancy and John Logue in memory of Peter Martin Mattero in memory of Michelle Keshari Kubischke Barbet S. Lamberg Camille and Louis Lombardo Martha and Ralph Maxwell Dianne Kessler in memory of Christopher A. Lamberg in memory of Jennifer Lombardo Robin May-Davis in memory of Donna Munch Nancy and Scott Lambert Margery and Anthony Longo in memory of Sara May Joyce and Gordon Kidd in memory of Brad Douglas Wildasin in memory of Chris Marie Longo Nancy and Marty Mayer in memory of Rick Koschkee Carol and Larry Lamothe Carole Lopez Carol and Leon Mazzio Carole L. Kies in memory of Mark S. Lamothe in memory of Marcos Enrique Lopez in memory of Leon Mazzio Jr. in memory of Ian and Daniel Kies Donna and Tom Lancaster Barbara and Clyde Lord Anna and Mark McCarthy Cynthia Kimball in memory of Shane Lancaster in memory of Sharon Lord in memory of Michael Sasso in memory of Wayne Gordy Patricia and Ronald Landman Kathy Lord Dale McCarthy Marti Kimball Kelly and Ron Landsverk in memory of Gabrielle Lord in memory of Justin K. McCarthy in memory of Lisa Ruth Kimball in memory of Brittney Rose Landsverk Jean and Rolland Lorenz Jane and Steve McCartney Ann and Don King Victoria and Michael Lane in memory of Susan and David Lorenz Noreen and Sean McCaulley and Family in memory of Edward White King in memory of Brett Lane Kim and Charles Loutsch in memory of Eric Roth Catherine King Terry Lange in memory of Amy Lynn Loutsch Norma and Ralph McClay in memory of Sean King in memory of Scott Lange Peggy Lovering in memory of Todd Alan McClay Kiana L. King Linda and Rich Langway in memory of Lee Lovering Barbara McClenahan Peggy and Bill King in memory of Jeffrey Langway Kristi Lovett in memory of David C. McClenahan in memory of Kate Mackura Janaan Lapka in memory of Mandy Lovett Wendy McCloskey Sheila King in memory of Chelsea Marie Lapka Loving Moms in memory of Macie Grace McCloskey in memory of Jeffery D. King Janis and Lance Larson in memory of Katie, Joe, Christopher, Sharon and Bob McComb Robyn and Mark Kingery in memory of Kyle Larson Shane, Nick, and Danny in memory of Andi McComb in memory of Christopher Kingery Josy LaSala Penney and Gary Lowmiller Mary McConnell Bob Kirk in memory of Michael Stingone in memory of John P. Michael Jr. in memory of R. C. McConnell, and in memory of Allison Kirk LaSalle University Abby Lupton in honor of the families of Newtown, CT Marti and Ira Kirschbaum in memory of Jonathan and in Joyce and Mark McCullough in memory of Melissa Kirschbaum Coleman honor of Greta Reichert in memory of Timothy Lupton-Stegall in memory of Kyle W. G. McCullough Gloria and Mike Kissel Jenny Lawing Debbie Luthart Barbara McDonald in memory of Kimberly Kissel in memory of Matt Lawing in memory of Billy Luthart in memory of Sean Christopher McDonald Cheryl Kleehammer Joan and Jim Lawrence Karen Lutzer Judy McDonald in memory of Trinity Jane Isaacson in memory of Susan Lawrence in memory of Adria Horning in memory of Darren Kyle McDonald Brenda Kline Nancy Le Marie and Joseph Luzzo Ruth and Michael McDowell in memory of Brad Kline in memory of Ericka Knoll and in in memory of Joseph Anthony Luzzo in memory of Paul Lyndon McDowell Cathy Knapp honor of Lincoln Dollinger Mark Lynch Amanda McEver in memory of Russell Knapp Alan Leary in memory of Monica Lynch Joseph McEvoy Raida and Roger Knapp in memory of Ryan Leary Dr. Edward Lynn in memory of Nicholas Josef Guasco Jr., and in memory of Eric Knapp Renée and Hervé LeBoeuf in memory of Maggie Lynn in honor of Nick Guasco Sharon Knapp Kristin and Arnold Lee Patty and Paul Mace Debbie and Buddy McFadden in memory of Brad J. T. Knapp in memory of Scott Lee and Steven Wright in memory of Michael Richard Mace in memory of Keith Allen McFadden Georgiann Knauer Ellen Lee Jayne MacKay Mary Jo and Michael McFadden in memory of Steven Geracimos in memory of Stephen F. Lee in memory of Gracie MacKay in memory of Brian McFadden Mr. and Mrs. Ken Knight Linda and Samuel Leibig Patricia and John MacMillan Nancy McGehean in memory of Klara Morgan Knight in memory of Debra Ann Sheehan Leibig in memory of Sean D. MacMillan Susan and Jeff McGranahan Richard Knight Dr. Irving Leon Leonardo Madriz in memory of Ian McGranahan in memory of Hollie Marie Knight Elaina Leonard in memory of Kareem Sabbagh, and Sandra and Jim McGrew Wendy Knoble Leslie Lerner in honor of Paz and Henry Sabbagh in memory of Greg McGrew in memory of Nick Knoble in memory of Michael Anthony Bonito Jacque and Kevin Maher Barbara McIntosh Sandra Knup Moya P. Leuty in memory of Cpl. Jarrod Maher in memory of Eric Daniel Breazeale in memory of John S. Williams III in memory of Janice Leuty Jim Mahoney Barbara and David McIntyre Connie Koch Susan and Robert Levy in memory of Susan Mahoney Josh McIntyre in memory of Daniel Edward Koch in memory of Chandra Levy Bob Malkowski Rhonda, Jeff, and Emily McKenna Pamela Kokomoor Brenda Lewis in memory of Tom Malkowski in memory of Tracy Ragan McKenna in memory of Zachary Henry Kokomoor Jan and Steve Lewis Stephen Malley Diane and Duncan McKenzie Leanne Konawalik in memory of Daniel Lewis in memory of Kevin Malley in memory of Ryan McKenzie Marcia A. Koomen Mariella and Sheldon Lewis Peg and Steve Malloy C. A. McKibben Allan Korsower in memory of Giulia Lewis in memory of Margaret Mae Malloy Christy McKiernan in memory of Sgt. Jason S. Korsower Carol Lieberman Catherine Manchesi Beverly and Mike McMurphy Debbie A. Kozsdiy in memory of Daniel Lieberman in memory of Thomas D. Manchesi in memory of Robin Lynn McMurphy in memory of Aileen Kozsdiy Tina Liepins Barbara and Bob Mangold Marcia and Frankie McQueen Rita and Toly Kozushin in memory of Tyler James Liepins in memory of Ken Leadingham in memory of Trina Marie McQueen in memory of Sarah Kozushin Skip Lind Bonnie Mantyla Theresa and Kenneth McVearry Dan Krall in memory of Erik Lind Maria Marcellino in memory of Paul Albert McVearry in memory of Peter Joseph Krall Erica Lindemann in memory of Terry Marcellino Daniel L. Meadley Susan and Harvey Krauss in memory of Amelia Grace Sperry Mr. and Mrs. Salvatore Marcello Mardy and Tim Meadows in memory of Mitchell Krauss Laura Lindsay in memory of Jennifer Marcello-Murphy in memory of Christopher Meadows Mary Krill in memory of Morgan Meredith Rohde Joan and Joel Marcus Maureen and Frank Medeiros in memory of John Jerome Krill and Carol and Will Little in memory of David Marcus in memory of David J. Medeiros Joel J. Krill in memory of Cash Newell Julia Marie Janine Krzyzkowski in memory of Tadd Mitchell Hogland (Continued on next page) in memory of Elizabeth A. Krzyzkowski 24 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

(Patrons, continued from previous page) Donna and Bob Morris Ellen and Charles Oakley Vicki and Pete Pellerito Dorothy Meehan in memory of Jim Morris in memory of Dale T. Oakley in memory of Annemarie Pellerito in memory of Darcy M. Wood Paul Russell Morris Marianne and Bill O’Connor Debbie Pemberton Kathy Melish in memory of Mark Russell Morris and in memory of Kelly Ann O’Connor in memory of Eric Pemberton in memory of Michael Melish Michael Benjamin Hutchinson Winnie and Joseph O’Connor Kathy Pender Anne and John Mell Marilyn Morrison in memory of Brian P. O’Connor in memory of Michael Pender in memory of Nancy Bodenstein Mr. and Mrs. Henry O’Donnell Sherry Lynn Pendleton Pam Mendoza Nancy, Rudolph, and Mike Morrison in memory of John Patrick in memory of Monica Lynn Compos Pendleton in memory of Nikki Mendoza in memory of David Morrison “J. P.” O’Donnell David Perkins Rosina Mensah Jeanne and Tom Morse Jean and John O’Donnell in memory of Carol Perkins Shelton in memory of Kofi A. Mensah Jr. in memory of Jennifer M. Jacobi in memory of Christopher O’Donnell Sara Perkins Betty and Del Mercure Helen and James Moseley Shirley and Dennis O’Donnell Barb and Steve Perlowski in memory of Carrie Ann Mercure in memory of Erika Lynn Moseley in memory of Paige Gibson in memory of Donna Hoffman Gary Metcalf Ina Sylvia Moses Connie and Darrell O’Kelley Rayna Perpetua in memory of Jonathan Metcalf in memory of Eileen Ruth Moses in memory of Maureen Nicole O’Kelley in memory of Robert Maiolie Jr. Jo Ann Metternich Mike Moss Judy and Harvey Olitsky Barbara Perrin in memory of Craig and Michael Metternich in memory of Morgan Moss in memory of Aaron Samuel Olitsky in memory of Eric Perrin Nahma Sandrow Meyers and Sandra Moss, MD Damaris Olsen Bill Peters William Meyers in memory of William Branfield in memory of Steve Anderson and in memory of Scott Peters in memory of Isaac Jacob Meyers Nancy A. Mower Hans Zimmerman Jane Peters Irwin Michelman in memory of Barbara Alice Mower Teresa and Lauren Olson in memory of Darrell Peters and in honor of in memory of Elizabeth Ann Michelman JoAnn Mozelewski in memory of Thomas Wayne and the babies of Newtown, CT Susan and Doug Miduri in memory of Amanda Davis Anne Michelle Olson Shirley and Leonard Peters in memory of Nicholas Morret Marybeth and Bill Mueller Christine and Robert Onges in memory of Mary Peters Prill Becky and Tom Mikowski in memory of Gretchen Mae Mueller Renee Ordino Barb Peterson in memory of Peyton Alese Mikowski Leigh and Randy Mulanax in memory of Ann Marilyn Staudt in memory of Eric Garsow Jeanne Miles in memory of Zach Mulanax Doris O’Reilly-Dillon Lisa and Dan Peterson Camilla Miller Sandy and Jeff Mullen in memory of Heather Dillon in memory of Daniel John Ramirez in memory of Timothy Turner and Cecilia Mullenbach Leida Orosz Mary Peterson Marlin Polen in memory of Sarah Ann Mullenbach in memory of France Orosz in memory of Jennifer Peterson Jane and Richard Miller Stella Murillo Karen O’Rourke Michael Petrizzo Marilyn Miller Alana B. Murphy in memory of Carrie Scott Ortiz in memory of Michael David Petrizzo in memory of Scott Allen and Don Murphy Helen and Ronald Orr Sharon and Bill Pevsner Jeffery Lee Miller in memory of Jessica Lee Murphy in memory of Kristine Orr in memory of Jeffrey J. O’Brien Robin C. Miller Julie and Patrick Murphy Laura M. Orsban Cathie Pfaff in memory of Carly Beth Morrison in memory of Ryan Patrick Murphy in memory of Christopher J. Davis in memory of Jeremy Pulcinella Sharon and Toby Miller Laurie Murphy Debbie and Gary Orsburn Ginny and Bob Picking in memory of Brendan John Miller in memory of Dustin Ross Murphy Sue and Ulysses Ortiz in memory of Jeryl Sherri and Brian Miller Elsie Murray Sylvia Ossorio Patricia S. Pike in memory of Corey B. Miller in memory of Errol Fraser in memory of Trinka Micol Baggetta in memory of Chuck and Paige Pike Tracy Milne Timothy M. Nadolny Carl J. Ostoin Benjamin Pilson in memory of Andrew G. Milne Art and Mary Narverud in memory of Jim Ostoin in memory of Dana Pilson Nadine Mims Mary Neary Ken Ostrow Judy Pinsonnault Joanne Minkey-Crouch in memory of Aidan Neary in memory of Christy Ostrow in memory of Nicholas Pablo in memory of Daniel S. Minkey Norma Neeley Betty and Merlin Oswald Carla Pizzoli Johnnie and James Mitchell Cathy and Robert Neeson in memory of Tessie Jo Oswald in memory of Nicholas King in memory of Derek J. Mitchell Betty Nelson Mary Anne Owens Judie and Skip Polio Michelle Mitchell in memory of Mark Stephen Nelson in memory of Mary Kay Owens and her dad in memory of J. Michael and Carol in memory of Rani Ann Mitchell Judy and Bruce Nelson Mary and Donald Paahana Judith Pollock in memory of Brian Nelson in memory of Jeffrey James Paahana in memory of Beau Pollock Beling Mr. and Mrs. Richard Mitchell Nancy Nelson Linda and John Pace Sue and Ken Porizek in memory of William Alexander in memory of Mark Whitehill in memory of Keith A. Pace in memory of Jeffrey Michael Porizek Lewis Mitchell Elvina Nesbitt Rao Palagummi Nancy and Russ Porter, USMC (Ret) Laurie and Richard Mobilio in memory of Jeni Nesbitt Blake in memory of Padmapriya Palagummi in memory of Thomas Christopher Porter in memory of David F. Mobilio Connie and Steven Newton Steven Palley Nancy H. Posner Nancy and Richard Moeller in memory of Steven L. Newton Jr. in memory of Jeremy Palley Shirley Potter Betsey and Robert Mohlenbrok Nancy Nicholas and Ralph Blackwood Mary and Ted Palmer in memory of Christine Potter in memory of Michael Robert and in memory of Ryan Michael Nicholas in memory of Mark Christopher Palmer Salvatore Praga Thomas Andrew Leyla Nickerson Donna and Chuck Paltsios in memory of Nick Praga Debbie and Bob Monahan in memory of Devon Burgess in memory of Jennifer Helen Paltsios Cheryl Pressly in memory of Carly Jo Monahan Paul Nied Diane and Richard Panke in memory of Angela Pressly George Maria Monahan in memory of Maria Nied in memory of John Richard Panke Manya and Orvis Preston in memory of Tommy Monahan Dawn and Michael Nieft Andre Parhamovich in memory of Robert Preston Judith Monks Pat Nigro in memory of Andrea S. Parhamovich Valerie Preston in memory of Marc Anderson in memory of Joey Nigro Jr. Karen Parker and Marni Schapsen in memory of Marcus Kin Preston Debra and Victor Montemurro Sue and Frank Nisenfeld in memory of Derek Finan Suzanne Preudhomme in support of the families of the in memory of Andrew Nisenfeld Mary Ellen and Glenn Parker in memory of Donna L. Preudhomme, and Sandy Hook School tragedy Etta and Chuck Nissman in memory of Robbie Parker in honor of Donna Dorros and Cynthia B. Moore in memory of Jeffrey Nissman Beth Parrish Bruce Preudhomme Judy and Otis Moore Tammy and Marcus Noble in memory of Matthew Orr Michael Price in memory of Karen Moore Hayden in memory of Jeremy R. Barowsky Barbara Parsons in memory of Mark E. Price Lydia Moore Angela and Robert Norbeck in memory of Robert D. Parsons Arlene Priest in memory of Nicole and Victoria Gonzales in memory of Adrienne Norbeck Tara L. Patris in memory of Marc Priest Barbara, Ed, and Kia Morawetz Kyle David Nordlinder Gail and John Patrissi Layton Priest in memory of Christopher Morawetz Linda and Jerry Novotny in memory of Michael John Patrissi Debra Prosise Maria Morgan in memory of Peter Novotny Alice Pau in memory of Bradley Hogue Prosise in memory of Jessica Ashley Parker Linda and Paul Nowaczek in memory of Kiran Healy Karen Protiva Loretta and Robert Morin in memory of Erin Nowaczek Doris Pavlichek in memory of John A. Protiva in memory of Michael Anthony Mary Jo and Michael Nowobilski in memory of Stephanie Nicole Pavlichek Camille and Donald Pryber “Tony” Morin in memory of Michael Nowobilski Jr. Myrna Payton in memory of Mark Balster, and in Linda and Larry Moris Lois Nyman in memory of Michael Anthony Conn honor of Rev. Donald and Marian Balster in memory of Larry Matthew Moris in memory of Sharon and Larry Nyman Denise and Alan Pedersen Bonita Morlese Joan and Bob Nypaver in memory of Ashley Marie Pedersen (Continued on page 26) in memory of Dwayne A. James in memory of Theresa Marie Nypaver WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 25

(Patrons, continued from page 25) Kimberly and Danny Replogle Katherine Rodgers Jean and Don Safreed The Ptaszek Family in memory of Killian Allen Replogle in memory of Jesse M. Rodgers in memory of Rachel Anne Safreed in memory of Matthew Adam Ptaszek Gwen Rice Michelle Rodgers-Babin and David Babin Mary and Scott Sahling Mary and John Puchnick in memory of Sean G. Rice in memory of Nicholas Babin in memory of Troy Dale Schultz in memory of John J. Puchnick Shirley Rich Brinegar Marina Rodriguez Nancy and Alan Sallman Rozanne and John Puhek in memory of Bert Rich in memory of Daniel M. Cole in memory of Jonathon Sallman in memory of Timothy John Puhek Richard French, Inc. Leslie Rolison Barbara and Evan Salop Linda and Stephen Quinn in memory of Stephanie and Stephen Loder in memory of Delaney Leigh Rolison in memory of Dr. Robert Bauer in memory of Samantha Quinn Karen Richardson Bettye and Sam Rosenberg Edith Salton Marion B. Racine in memory of Megan Richardson in memory of Michael Rosenberg Dr. and Mrs. Michael Salwitz Doreen and Patrick Raftery Thelma Richardson Karen and David Rosenthal Susan Sammons in memory of Coleen Marie Raftery Kyla and B. J. Richter in memory of Rebekah in memory of Jared Lee Sammons Sonia Rajagopalan Pat Richter Barbara Rosner Lucinda and William Sanders in memory of Jasper Haggist in memory of Jonah Bethge in memory of David Rosner in memory of Christopher Lee Sanders Pam and Ed Ramspott Melody Ann Ridgeway Joyce Ross Nina Sanders in memory of Joseph and in memory of Christian R. and Lauren Rossi in memory of Susan Sanders Beverly Ramspott and Gene Kaup Justin R. Green Vincent Rossi Patti Santiago Kathy and Dan Rausch Mr. and Mrs. John Ridley in memory of Douglas M. Gratton in memory of Jason Michael Pette in memory of Max Benjamin Rausch in memory of Justin Ridley Sandy and Whit Roush Martha and Mike Santoro Ellen Rieger in memory of John Whitney Roush III in memory of Paula Rosina Santoro and Carol Raymond in memory of Ethan Everett Martin Coralease and Willie Ruff the children of Newtown, CT Cheryl Rinda in memory of Candice “Kandy” Monique Ruff Louise and Mark Sargent in memory of Geoffrey Michael Rau in memory of David C. Bill Lucretia Ruff in memory of Jeffrey and Jonathan Sargent Selina Rivera in memory of Keri Young Valerie Sari Barbara Read in memory of Joey and Ricky Nunez Alfredo J. Ruiz in memory of Andrew Sari Rosemary and Roger Rivers Jill and Robert Runke Mr. and Mrs. Martin J. Scafidi in memory of Adam Christian Greiner in memory of Gregory Scott Rivers in memory of Amanda Runke in memory of Daniel M. Scafidi Gail and Jeff Roberts Libby and Jim Rush Lynn and Steve Scartozzi Renee Reavis in memory of Claire Aubrey Roberts in memory of David Louis Rush in memory of Chrissy Scartozzi Jennifer Roberts Lorna Russell Ruth and Dean Schaffer in memory of Reagan Isaac Reavis in memory of Dave Snepp in memory of Jake Pavao in memory of Kevin P. Schaffer Mary and Vic Roberts Christine Russo Betty and Roger Schambow Elisabeth and Greg Reed in memory of Joshua Evan and in memory of William F. Pyra in memory of Roy G. Schambow Craig Matthew Roberts Jeanette L. Ryan Bernadette Schendel in memory of Kevin Michael Reed Nancy Roberts in memory of Ryan McCray in memory of Ashley Marie Schendel in memory of Dave Snepp Marlene and Thomas Rybicki Eric A. Schmidt Linda and Stephen Reed Roco Rescue in memory of Eric Rybicki Gwen and Keith Schmidt Jane Ewers Robinson MaryLynn and Dan Saande in memory of Kelly Linn Schmidt in memory of Stephen Ryan Reed in memory of Richard Douglas Robinson in memory of Aleeza J. Saande (Continued on page 28) Marianne and Sam Reeves in memory of Michelle Ala Reeves Kathleen and Tom Regan in memory of Brian Regan Remembering Our Children in memory of our children Nancy and Jerry Renard in memory of Greg Renard Joe Replogle in memory of Keith and Kurt Replogle 26 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 27

TCF Board (Patrons, continued from page 26) Craig Siegman Phyllis Stemmons of Directors Jayne and John Siever in memory of Amy Ann Bartelmey and Amber Schmitter in memory of Tom Siever Stephen Hough Patrick O’Donnell Roxanne Daugherty Sim Susan and Gray Stephens President Ann and Carl Schoenhard in memory of Levi Jones in memory of Thomas Stephens in memory of Erin A. Schoenhard S. Nancy Simches Zelda Stern Westland, MI Barbara Schrage Daniel Simon in memory of Michael Y. Stern in memory of Olivia Mary Katherine Cerone in memory of Daniel Simon Jr. Gwen, John and Amy Stetson Georgia Cockerham Peggy and David Schreck Mary Ann and Ralph Simon in memory of Tyler Browne Stetson Vice President in memory of Denise M. Schreck in memory of Sean Emmett Simon Martha and Homer Stevens Brookings, OR Joan and Richard Schroeder Ginny and Walt Simpson in memory of Elizabeth Ashley Stevens in memory of Carl and Jack Schroeder and in memory of Greg Simpson Barbara Stoddart Steve Schmeisser Kyle Kozar Pat and Bob Simpson in memory of Mark James and Treasurer Sharon Schulte in memory of Teresa A. Simpson David Michael Cash DePere, WI in memory of Bryan W. Schulte Richard Simpson Ruth Stoller Janet and Jonathan Schultz in loving memory of Earl Thomas in memory of David Jay Stroller Nivia Vazquez in memory of Karl Goldstein Steven W. Skeeters Jacqueline Stone Secretary Paula and Bob Schultz Anna and Edward Sklodowski in memory of Michael Latraverse and in loving memory of Jeff and Melissa Cleaves Lorraine and Craig Skrzypecki Joseph Conlan Guaynabo, PR George Schumacher in memory of Finley Skrzypecki Robin and John Stopa Vickie and Norm Schuring Carmela and Tom Slivinski in memory of Lexy Stopa Patricia Loder in memory of Michael J. Schuring in memory of Francesca Slivinski Peggy and Lewis Strader Executive Director Suzanne Schutze Gail and Stan Slobodien in memory of Christopher Lewis Strader in memory of Stephen Ryan Schutze in memory of Robert Slobodien Diane and Phil Strahm Oak Brook, IL Janet Schutzman Melba and Glenn Smit in memory of Carly Ann Strahm Tenpenny in memory of Julie Friedberg in memory of Henry Charles Smit Lorna and Richard Strudell Barbara Allen Patty and David Schwartz Donna and Don Smith in memory of Miles Leo Daniel Ellicott City, MD in memory of Andrew J. Schwartz in memory of Andrew J. Smith Mary Ann and Terry Strupczewski Pamela Sciascia Erin and Kevin Smith in memory of Michelle Strupczewski Joan Campbell in memory of Joseph Sciascia in memory of Jeremiah Copeland Bobbie Stubler Waxahachie, TX Jonathan Scilken Janet and Robert Smith in memory of Nicholas Stubler in memory of David Scilken and in memory of Kristi Mildred Smith Wainscott Mr. and Mrs. Russell Stutts Jr. Chuck Collins Marshal Dritch Judith and Hodges Smith in memory of Russell R. Stutts III Fairfax, VA Deborah and Tim Scott in memory of Tyler Leger Demet and Taclan Suerdem in memory of Justin Stewart Scott Mona Smith in memory of Sevi Suerdem Steven Czirr Lourdes Secola Paula and Joel Smith Andrew Sugrim Spring Hill, TN Cathy Seehuetter Sandi and Parker Smith Laura and Gerald Sulkowski in memory of Nina Westmoreland and in memory of Andrew Thomas Norcross in memory of David Sulkowski Dale L. Dullabaun Jr. Christopher Seehuetter Valerie Smith Marjorie Sullivan Northridge, CA Sandi and Fred Seitzer in memory of Nikolaus Wayne Smith in memory of Christopher and Joan and Stewart Senator Patricia and Bertram Snead Peter Sullivan Heidi Horsley in memory of Stephen Senator Nancy Snedaker Norita Sullivan New York, NY Judy Seyler in memory of Jeffrey Ray Call Jr. in memory of Capt. John T. Spolsky in memory of Brian John Davidson Thomas J. Snieg Diane Sutton Glen Lord Lorrie Shafer Elizabeth Snyder in memory of Jason Michael Spuzzillo Nashua, NH in memory of Eric S. Schalow in memory of Matt Snyder Irene and Fred Sutton Mil and Rick Shanley Marchelle Snyder in memory of Jim Sutton Tracy Milne, Sibling Rep. in memory of Randy Shanley in memory of Daniel Patrick Snyder Laura and Steve Swain Bonita Springs, FL Rose and Norman Sharp Debra Sokolow in memory of Fredrick Drey Meine in memory of Diana Rose Sharp in memory of Anton Sokolow-Nikolic Nancy E. Swart Alan Pedersen Marylou and Rick Sharp Mary and Marty Solmon in memory of Eric Swart Rachesky Roseville, CA in memory of Josh Sharp in memory of Gabriel Solmon Kay and David Swartzendruber Janet Sharpe Dianne, Daniel, and Joshua Solomon in memory of Sara Kay Swartzendruber Correspondence for the in memory of Bob Terraglio, John Yodice, in memory of Zachary Solomon Suzanne and Michael Sylvina Board of Directors and Matt McAfee Helen and David Solomon in memory of Stacy Sylvina Connell should be sent Madeline and Robert Sharples in memory of Philip Solomon Barbara and Thomas Szerensits in memory of Paul Sharples Donna Sophier in memory of Mark J. Szerensits to the board president at Cliff Shatz and Joan Block in memory of Sean Sophier Carol and Steve Szuchy [email protected] or in memory of Rose Shatz Susan and Sal Souto in memory of Michael John Szuchy mailed to 37758 Marquette, Linda and Gene Shaw in memory of James Grant Souto T. Rowe Price Global Matching in memory of Steven Shaw Marie and JR Speece Gifts Program Westland, MI 48185. Vicki Sheckman-Raske Roberta Spencer in support of Barbara and Tom Allen in memory of Todd A. Sheckman in memory of Dr. Robert F. Spencer Richard Talomie v Barb and Greg Sheehy Lue and Donald Splittorff in memory of Joe and Daniel Talomie in memory of Todd Seth in memory of Brandon Splittorff Gerry and Eliot Taratoot Diana and David Shelton Rose Marie and Gene Sprando Jr. in memory of Andrea Johanna Taratoot in memory of Mindy Lea Shelton in memory of Richard and Rebecca Sprando Marilyn and Quirt Taylor Cindy and Jim Shepherd Kate Springs in memory of Sra. Robin A. Taylor and in memory of Adam Shepherd in memory of Sean Michael Collins Sra. Corey Vaughan Linda Shively Bonnie and Jerry Stafford Peg Taylor in memory of Jessica Irene Fernandes in memory of Joseph William Stafford in memory of Jamie Marie Hannig April Shiver Kristen Stafford Patricia Taylor Cox in memory of Doris McEarchern Kushner in memory of Jesse and Dale in memory of Sandra Taylor Marti and Julien Shoemaker Julia Starkey Karen Taylor Good in memory of David Hilton Shoemaker in memory of Carson Starkey in memory of Christopher Wibeto Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Shores Georgianna Starz Roe and Tiho Teisl in memory of Johnathan K. Shores in memory of Christopher Starz in memory of Christopher Teisl Willadean and JL Short Myra Steinberg Peggy Telg in memory of Danielle Lee Short in memory of Dirk J. Olson in memory of Michael Seth and Don Shutt Deborah and George Stellings Christopher Allan Telg in memory of Jeffrey S. Shutt in memory of Joseph Isaac Kathy Tender Ron Sibley in memory of Scott Potthoff in memory of Laurie Jean Sibley J’Nell and Dennis Sidwell (Continued on next page) in memory of Alaina Marie Sidwell 28 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

(Patrons, continued from previous page) Hope and Michael Tyler Ike Weatherly Annette and David Womer Tennyson Family Foundation in memory of Mike Tyler in memory of Brandon and Cameron Weatherly in memory of Brad David Womer in memory of Jill Ellen Tennyson Audrey and David Tysdale Arlene Weaver Muriel Woodburn Lyn and Irv Teven in memory of Michael Tysdale in memory of Roger Weaver in memory of Troy Alexander Thomas in memory of Doris Kushner Katharine Uhle Rod Webber Ean Woodbury Beth and Larry Thayer in memory of Raymond John Uhle in memory of Mike Webber in memory of Lauren Woodbury The Staff of Thomas Miller Elementary Union Valley United Methodist Church Colleen and Bob Weber Jennifer Worthington School United Way Donors in memory of Michael Weber in memory of Cyndy Geissler in memory of Thomas Andrew Haynes, and Ida Weisleder Beverly and Jim Wright in honor of Janice Haynes Gregory Urda Linda and Rudy Weissberg in memory of Rhonda Andrews Rose and John Theis Jr. in memory of Isaac John Urda and in memory of Rudy Weissberg Ruth and Dean Wright in memory of John C. Theis III Tristan Taylor Hawkins Mark Weiss Julie E. Wynne-Martin Michelle and Rob Theroux Judy and Leonel Urdaneta in memory of Or Oved-Weiss in memory of Eric Scott Russell in memory of Matthew Theroux in memory of Carmen Cristina Urdaneta Yvonne and Rob Weiss Bill Wyre Anne and Bill Thompson Lois and Dilawar Uthman in memory of Gregory Phillip Weiss in memory of John A. Wyre in honor of Kathleen and Ben Fischer of in memory of Laila Uthman Joan and Stan Weiss Mary Yakas West Hartford, CT Marguerite Vacca in memory of Jonathan P. Weiss in honor of of Newtown, CT Carol Thompson in memory of Michael Vacca Peggy Wells Kay and Gary Yanka in memory of Sarah Kathryn Thompson Rosemary Vaccaro in memory of Rachel Mary Rutledge in memory of Eric L. Yanka Gary Thompson in memory of Eric Quarato Esther H. Wender, MD Lucie Yanney in memory of Jamie Robert Gonzales and Diana and John Vagianos in memory of Daniel Robinson in memory of Mina R. Yanney Ricky Anthony Thompson in memory of Nicole Vagianos Varda and Arnie Wendroff Renae Yedinak Lucille and Paul Valliere in memory of Lauren Michelle Wendroff in memory of Benjamin Lee Kleeves and Nancy Thompson in memory of Christopher P. Valliere Irwin Werbowsky Michael David Yedinak in memory of Andy Thompson Steve Van Horn in memory of Isabelle Grace Jordon Mary P. Yepsen Robin Thompson in memory of Daniel Van Horn Judy Werner in memory of Nate Yepsen in memory of Christopher Todd Brown Victoria Vandewater and in memory of Michael Werner Ann and Ford Young William Thompson Wilfred Hitchman Howard West in memory of Kendall Young in memory of Mrs. William Thompson in memory of James L. Vandewater IV in memory of Karianne Baklarz Gleason Marlene and Steve Young Robin and Don Thomson Marie Vangen and Ron Louks Corinne West Frassa in memory of Whitney Marie Young in memory of the children killed in Newtown, CT in memory of Ronnie Louks in memory of Sean West Michelle and Jim Young Karen Thorsen Brenda Vasbinder David Wethe in memory of Joshua Taylor Young Maria Thulion Bonnie and Gary Vick in memory of Amy Wethe Pam and Doug Young in memory of Erin Nicole Ruchotzke in memory of Micheal Vick Linda Wetzel in memory of Davis Young Karen and Alan Thursby Jennie and Edgar Villanueva in memory of Christopher Wetzel Hillary Zahm in memory of Sara Beth Thursby in memory of Tommy Villanueva Deborah Weyand in memory of Allie Grimsley Judith Downs Tinelli Theresa C. Vining in memory of Michael A. Weyand Ilana and Andy Zalkin in memory of Malcolm “Mike” Ross Virginia Mason Medical Center Nursing Charlene Whilden in memory of Michael Benjamin Zalkin Debra Tinker and Charles Enos Resources Dept. in memory of Holly Whilden Prohowich Barbara Zankel in memory of Matthew Tinker Enos in memory of the Sandy Hook victims Camille and Hugh White in memory of Justin Zankel Kim and Joel Tiss Al Visconti in memory of Hugh White Jr. Karen and Ronald Zaylik Carol and Bob Titus in memory of Krista Marie Visconti Nancy and Ron White in memory of Brian Ludlow in memory of Susan Titus Watt Mary and V. Robert Vitolins in loving memory of Keith Coleman White Suzanne Ziegler Diane Tobin in memory of Laura M. Vitolins Patricia and Walter White in memory of Kristi Leigh Ziegler in memory of Pamela Roberson in memory of Randy Carter White Barbara Zinman Lin and Sol Toder Gladys Capacetti Vives Stephanie and Robert White in memory of Allison Weingarten in memory of Nan Eileen Toder in memory of Johanna White Mary Joyce Zonfrillo Sue and Ed Toland in memory of Richard Vives Kitty Whiteside in memory of Michael A. Zonfrillo III in memory of Amy Su Toland Clara and Clifford Vogt in memory of David Meredith Barbara Zornes Elizabeth and Robert Tolley in memory of Dave Snepp, and in honor of Gina Ann Whitsel in memory of Corey Reynolds in memory of Alan Clark Tolley Sue, Karl, and Karen Snepp in memory of Matthew David Campagna Carolyn Zurawski Martha and Carl Tomanelli Julie and Larry Vogt Jennifer and Gerald Wickham in memory of Charlie Kontos in memory of Kristin Underkoffler in memory of Grant Vogt in memory of Minnie Victoria Wickham Mandy and Bill Tomz Beverly Voorstad Becky and Dan Wieder v in memory of Alan Slater and Drew Baldree in memory of Mieke Danielle Voorstad in memory of Lisa Wieder, and Patricia and Lawrence Toole Judy Wade in honor of Rachel Earls TCF CHAPTER in memory of Daniel L. Toole in memory of Jim Roush Linda Wilburn SUPPORT 2012 Carmela Millie Torre Mary Lou Wagstaff in memory of Orbie DeWayne Wilburn in memory of JoAnne Walegir in memory of Sarah Margaret Wagstaff Barbara and Jim Williams Circle of Caring (500–$999) Diane and Tim Torrel Nancy Wallace Briordy in memory of Gregory Dean and Mobile Chapter (Mobile, AL) in memory of Victor C. Torrel in memory of Daniel Wallace Kimberly Dawn Williams in memory of all their children Connie and Charlie Townsend Alice and Reuben Waller Debbie Williams in memory of Shane Anthony Townsend in memory of Jonathan H. Waller in memory of Christopher R. Williams Verdugo Hills Chapter (Glendale, CA) Bridie and Paul Tracy Leslie Walsh Pamela Williams in memory of all their children, brothers in memory of Paul Tracy Jr. and Molly and Robert Walsh in memory of Meredith Williams and sisters, and babies Thomas Tracy in memory of Drew Walsh Sandy Williamson Peggy and Tim Trant Lorraine Walter in memory of Christopher Williamson St. Paul Chapter in memory of Ryan Matthew Trant in memory of Daniel Thomas Walter Sally Wilmeth and Terry Geurkink (St. Paul/Maplewood, MN) Travelers Matching Gifts Jeanne and Robert Walz in memory of Jenni and Kyle Geurkink in loving memory of their children, Christina Trejo in memory of Kelly Jeanne Thompson and Karen and Ken Wilshe siblings, and grandchildren Olivia Trigerous Carl Walz in memory of Jason Wilshe in memory of Victor M. Trigerous Jr. Bill Warner Phyllis A. Wilson TCF Katy TX Chapter Connie and David Truelsch in memory of Austin Vickers Warner, and in memory of Eric D. Killinger (Katy/Houston, TX) in memory of Rebecca Truelsch in honor of Trae Warner Sue Wilson Mary Lee and George Truesdale Deborah Warner in memory of Allie Tease Circle of Support in memory of Scott Truesdale in memory of Joshua Warner Nancy and Daniel Wisley ($200–$499) Jane and William Truffa Georgia and John Warren Melissa Wogomon in memory of William Truffa Jr. in memory of John David Warren Karen Wolf Nashville Chapter (Nashville, TN) Phyllis and Arthur Tuber Iris Warren in memory of Brad Wolf in memory of Matthew Brandon Sooy in memory of April Warren Page Kim and Randy Wolken Circle of Friends ($50–$199) Mr. and Mrs. Garry Tuttle Sheryl Watling in memory of Adam Wolken Abington Chapter in memory of Troy A. Tuttle in memory of Nicholas Jay Watling Katy and Kent Womack (Abington/Jenkintown, PA) Kathy D. Twitty Gwen Watson in memory of Andrew Womack TCF of the District of Columbia in memory of Matthew A. Watson (Washington, DC) Lois Weatherford in memory of Beth Ann Thomas v WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 29

Your world has shattered and will never be the same again. But you are not alone. We invite you to visit www.opentohope.com, the world's largest online grief and loss support community, with over one million yearly visitors. Founded to help you find hope again during one of the hardest times in your life. Inspirational stories of life, loss and hope:  4,000+ articles, written by authors who have experienced a loss like yours  500+ Open to Hope TV and radio programs, hosted by mother/daughter team Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley & 150 YouTube videos  New Books! Bereaved Parents, foreword by Pat Loder & Signs of Hope from Heaven, foreword by Bill Guggenheim  International Grief & Loss Calendar  A place for you to share your stories www.opentohope.com Subscription and Patron Form WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE The Compassionate Friends, Inc. 900 Jorie Blvd., Suite 78 / P.O. Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 [Quantity subscriptions are available. Contact the National Office toll-free at 877-969-0010.] ____ Yes, I would like a subscription to ____ Yes, I would like to make Patron Plan* We Need Not Walk Alone, the national a Patron donation and receive a magazine of The Compassionate Friends, subscription to We Need Not Walk ( ) Simon Stephens Founder’s Circle published triannually. Alone. As a Patron, I understand $10,000 or more that I will be assisting TCF in the ( ) President’s Circle 5,000 to 9,999 ( ) $20 U.S.A. promotion of the positive resolu- ( ) Circle of Love 2,500 to 4,999 ( ) $23 Canada (U.S. Dollars) tion of grief and the fostering of ( ) Circle of Hope 1,000 to 2,499 ( ) $30 Foreign Countries emotional and physical health of ( ) Circle of Caring 500 to 999 bereaved families throughout the United States following the death ( ) Circle of Support 200 to 499 of a child. ( ) Circle of Friends 50 to 199 *Annual subscription to magazine included $____________________ Total enclosed Send subscription to: Make check payable to: Name ______________________________________________________________ The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Address ____________________________________________________________ or include your credit card information: City___________________________________ State ______ Zip ______________ o Visa o MasterCard Exp. Date _________ Patron Donation is o in Memory of o in Honor of ___________________ Account No. _____________________________ CVC Code _______________________________ (3-digit code listed on the back of your credit card) Thank you for your support. Signature_________________________________ 30 • WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE

Tell Me What to Say WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE ~By James Eugene Batchelor Editor Catherine Patillo You know I’ve lost a loved one and you see my grief is strong Copy Editor You hope to bring me comfort and Deborah Wiseman you fear to speak no wrong To have material considered for publication, We’ve all heard horror stories send to: of when people say wrong things And we’ve all heard testimonies [email protected] or [email protected] or Catherine Patillo, WNNWA of the bitterness it brings P.O. Box 526194 It’s often someone close to us, Salt Lake City, UT 84152-6194 they mean to say their best THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS But then speak something hurtful Executive Director and now they feel distressed Patricia A. Loder We rehearse the words we want to say TCF National Office so deep within our heart 900 Jorie Blvd., Suite 78 But when our turn approaches P.O. Box 3696 we stumble from the start Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 So let me help you out my friend, Phone: (630) 990-0010 I’m here today for you Toll-Free: (877) 969-0010 And I’ve found some words of wisdom Fax: (630) 990-0246 from the sorrow I’ve gone through E-mail: The fact you’re here brings comfort, [email protected] you need no longer fear Website: It’s enough to say you’re sorry and www.compassionatefriends.org enough to show you care And as the days and weeks go by One complimentary copy of We Need Not Walk Alone is sent to and months turn into years bereaved families who contact the The grief may start to weaken National Office. To receive future issues, please use the subscription form in this issue or visit but it always will be there The Compassionate Friends on the Internet at So call once in a while www.compassionatefriends.org. or just visit for the day Contact the National Office Because those simple acts of kindness for information on quantity subscription prices. Are more than words can say Copyright © 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. v All Rights Reserved. We encourage the reprinting ~In memory of Ethan of individual articles, unless specified “one time only,” but ask that proper credit be given to We Need Not Walk Alone. This magazine is not to be reproduced for distribution in its entirety without written permission from the National Office. WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE • 31

THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS, INC. Nonprofit P. O. Box 3696 U.S. Postage Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 PAID Return Service Requested Oak Brook, IL Postmaster: Dated Material, Please Deliver Promptly Permit No. 251 Boston, Massachusetts Home of The Compassionate Friends 36th National Conference July 5-7, 2013 Most people who have a child, or a sibling, or a grandchild die feel alone. Many have never met another person walking the same path. That’s why Compassionate Friends national conferences are so incredible to attend. No one is different. Everyone has lost a child, sibling, or grandchild and has had their life turned upside down. Some will be further along in their journey while others will just be starting. A TCF National Conference gives you the opportunity to open up about your loss and to learn from others. Here’s some of what you can expect from this year’s National Conference: • Four Outstanding keynote speakers: Greeting you will be Dr. Heidi and Dr. Gloria Horsley of TCF and Open to Hope and Phil Horsley, chairman of TCF Foundation; Tina Chery who, after the murder of her son Louis, created the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute with a mission to create and support an environment where families can live in peace and unity; Ken Druck, bereaved parent, founder of the Jenna Druck Foundation, and one of the nation’s pioneers in personal transformation including healing after loss; Bill Hancock, director of the Bowl Championship Series (college football), author of Riding With the Blue Moth and father of Will who was killed during the January 27, 2001 crash of an airplane carrying members of the Oklahoma State University men’s basketball team. • More than 110 workshops covering most areas of grief after the death of a child • Complete sibling program • Friday evening special entertainment • Remembrance Candle Lighting • Sharing sessions, hospitality rooms, meditation room, butterfly boutique, full bookstore • A Challenge Grant is available to double your donations in support of the conference. See national website for details! • Fourteenth annual Compassionate Friends Walk to Remember • Much, much more! A recent note from Donna: TCF functions are the only places I feel that I can totally be myself. I don’t have to apologize for crying, being sad, being mad, etc. Thanks to all the wonderful people that make these conferences possible. For all the latest information including registration information and online reservations for the host hotel, the beautiful Boston Sheraton, visit www.compassionatefriends.org>News_ Events> 2013_National_Conference_Boston