WNNWA | Spring-Summer 2016

We Need Not Walk Alone For bereaved families and the people who care about them, following the death of a child. Spring | Summer 2016



INSIDE this issue Spring | Summer 2016 FEATURES 6 Support Groups Assisting Your Healing Process by Elizabeth Horwin 8 Stigmatized Loss by Sara Tagget 10 What Does Your Story Look Like? 12 Searching for Joy by Tina Zarlenga 14 Fighting for Our Cause by Barry Kluger and Kelly Farley 16 The Wisdom of Darcie Sims: Somewhere It’s Spring 19 LOVE by Pamela Hagen 20 In Loving Memory: Joe Lawley by Cathy Seehuetter 22 Death of a Child Creates Ambiguous Losses by Harriet Hodgson 26 The Language of Sisters by Karen Soltero 29 Healthy Grieving Feature by Coralease Ruff 34 A Grandparent’s New Normal by Jessi Winkler 36 2015 Worldwide Candle Lighting DEPARTMENTS 4 A Message from the Executive Director 5 A Message from the Chief Operating Officer 25 Dear Dr. Gloria 28 Dear Dr. Heidi 38 News from the National Office 40 TCF Patron Donations 50 TCF Board of Directors and Staff The views presented within this magazine represent those of the authors and do not necessarily represent those of The Compassionate Friends. Cover photo: © Zsolnai Gergely/fotolia.com, Inside cover photo: © Subbotina Anna/fotolia.com Back photo: © korionov/fotolia.com We Need Not Walk Alone|3

A Message from the Executive Director The More We Know That old saying “the more you know the more you want to know” is so very true when it comes to the subject of grief and loss. The Compassionate Friends was founded on a principle that really didn’t require our members to know much about grief. In general, it recognized that each of us was an expert in our own grief and could work through much of the process by sharing our loss with each other. This simple, yet effective support system has helped millions of grieving parents, grandparents and siblings for over 40 years, from all around the world, find the strength to keep moving forward in life knowing they were not alone. When the The Compassionate Friends was founded all those years ago, there was very little grief research or educational materials available to give our members as an additional avenue of support. When you talk to those who attended meetings in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s they leaned solely on the experiences of others because there was no internet to google answers and no Facebook to connect with someone who might have shared a similar loss. In our pioneering days, there were certainly no websites like Open to Hope and The Compassionate Friends dedicated to providing articles, television, radio, and webinars hosted by professionals focusing solely on the subject of loss and featuring mountains of information on the grief experience. Today, The Compassionate Friends hasn’t forgotten the core of who we are and what has successfully made us the largest grief organization in the world. But in addition to offering 700 local Chapters where we do things the old-fashioned way by shaking hands, hugging necks and sharing our experiences together, we have added an incredible library of resources to help all of our members learn more and better understand the grief they are going through. Through our website and our partnership with Open to Hope, our members have access to hundreds of articles on all types of loss and nearly every grief situation and challenge we encounter as we try to rebuild our lives. Our members have access to nightly online chat forums which allow them to connect with others. Our Facebook closed pages, which are specific to our member’s type of loss or circumstances, provide the opportunity to connect with an even wider audience of The Compassionate Friends. Social media and the creation of hundreds of hours of grief education resources and opportunities to share with each other in new and creative ways has enhanced our organization greatly. We will continue to expand and grow opportunities for all to find support in whatever format they are most comfortable. We Need Not Walk Alone is truly a reflection of the new balance we are striking between holding strong to the tried and true of what made The Compassionate Friends so strong, and the new technologies that provide additional opportunities to learn more about every aspect of the grieving process. This current issue is a mixture of personal experiences and professional insight. I hope you enjoy it. Blessings, Alan Alan Pedersen, TCF Executive Director 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

A Message from the Chief Operating Officer Dear Friends, It seems unbelievable to me that it’s been a year since I wrote my article right before the 38th Conference in Dallas. As we’re looking forward to the 39th Annual National Conference in Scottsdale that’s just around the corner as I write this, I always appreciate having the opportunity to thank the many people whose tireless efforts have made it the success we know it will be. To our Conference Chair, Anne Castaldo, it has been a joy to work with you and your wonderful committee throughout the year. Your energy, positive attitude and commitment has been so greatly appreciated, and I am honored to have worked with all of you these past months. At the risk of repeating myself, I have often said that wonderful things can be accomplished when a group of generous people put their minds and hearts together. We applaud all of you for making this year’s Conference such a special and healing experience for all who will be in attendance. One of the goals for last year’s Conference was to provide an environment that will aid in both mind and body, and Anne and her Committee have continued with that focus for this year’s Conference. You will note that there are a number of new activities beginning on Thursday and continuing through Sunday that have been carefully chosen to be unique, educational, creative, entertaining and enriching. We hope that you will decide to participate in one or all of these new offerings that are being presented at this year’s Conference. We’re especially honored to have Olivia Newton-John, Amy Sky and Beth Nielsen Chapman perform for us at our Friday Luncheon. Thanks in large part to the efforts of our friend Dianne Gray of Hospice and Healthcare Communications, we’re thrilled to have the opportunity to present what we know will be a wonderful and truly unique performance for our attendees. We’ve also not forgotten the importance of our mind-body connection in regards to physical well-being, and are again offering fitness classes of different kinds throughout the weekend, so please consider joining us, regardless of your fitness level. It’s very important to remember to take care of YOU, and we’re here to help you with that in every way while you’re with us. As is always the case, we also continue to look forward to the year ahead and our 40th National Conference in Orlando, Florida in July of 2017 at the Hilton Bonnet Creek. We have a terrific Conference Committee already in place and making their plans, while we’re also looking for more people to fill some open roles. If you’re in Florida and would like to be involved in any way with our 2017 Conference, please contact us at the National Office, we would love to hear from you. Please always remember that for all of you in Florida this is YOUR Conference, and we appreciate and encourage your participation in any way, even if it’s just to assist in an area or to volunteer your time. We’re always available at the National Office to answer any questions you may have. We also hope that this issue of WNNWA will continue to provide you with comfort and support that is matched by your experience at the Conference. If there is anything we can do to assist you, please don’t hesitate to contact us at the Registration area or at the National Office any time throughout the year. Lisa Lisa Corrao, TCF Chief Operating Officer We Need Not Walk Alone|5

© volgariver/Fotolia.com Support Groups Assisting Your Healing Process by Elizabeth Horwin that healing is a process, we begin to understand that this journey of loss and healing is part of the It was November 13, 1988 when I experienced the human experience on planet Earth. It is impossible most horrific, unthinkable and unimaginable event to live our life without loss, pain and suffering. I that changed my life forever. My son Michael, at wish it could be otherwise, but it just is not. age 16, died violently in an automobile accident. I’m sharing this with you because being a bereaved If we are to heal from our losses, two distinct parent for 27 years and working as a licensed processes must occur. The first is the mourning counselor, I have been in a position to assist process, grieving through the stages of loss which individuals and families with their healing process. include: shock and denial, bargaining, withdrawal, There are many ways to heal from our losses and depression, guilt, anger and finally acceptance. this article is about what I know to be one of the The mourning process is a feeling process. A most positive ways we can help ourselves live and willingness to feel and live through these emotions move through our healing process. is how we begin. The second process is action. How and what do we do to survive and go on with How do we heal from losses? After the shock and our life? Though these are two distinct processes denial of what just happened, there are very clear (feeling and action) depending on the individual ways that we have learned through the work and and the significance of the loss, they can dovetail research of leaders in the field, such as Elizabeth and occur simultaneously. The intensity of the Kubler Ross, on how to understand the process of grieving and healing. Once we understand 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

process is directly related to the significance of our loss. sibling. It doesn’t have to be that way. Every opportunity Healing is unique to each individual and there is no time that I have when meeting new people, I will ask them if frame that will assure that we’ve completed these processes. they know about The Compassionate Friends. I’m still We live in a culture that for the most part does not honor amazed that the majority of times they’ve never heard of these processes. Often when we experience a loss, people our organization. I would never have chosen to be part who we thought would support us, suggest to us to just get of this organization because the price of membership is over it and go on with our lives. This does not honor the horrific. Having said that, if you or anyone you know or healing process and if we do not embrace and work through love has experienced the death of the child, I encourage the healing process, our next loss will reopen the wounds of you to explore what The Compassionate Friends have to the loss that was not healed. offer and if you haven’t experienced this loss, be a friend What is available to us to work through the healing process? and take someone you care about, someone you love, that For some people it is reading every book they can find that has experienced the loss of a child, grandchild, sibling to a can help them understand what’s happening. For others, Compassionate Friends support group meeting. Know that it may be working with a grief counselor. And, for many, after our loss, the sooner we connect with people who have participating in a been there, who have walked in our shoes, the sooner the support group helps the healing can begin. most. Nothing will ever be the same after your The Compassionate Now after over 40 years Friends--this of studying human child has died, but you can heal if you have organization, its behavior, counseling the courage to live through the mourning leaders, its members- individuals with -understand and personal problems process and have the willingness to embrace implement the healing and challenges, and process through a assisting individuals in the healing process. their personal growth support system of over 650 chapters and development, it worldwide. Embracing is my opinion that support groups are pivotal, significant the mourning (feeling) process happens through monthly and essential for healing from life’s losses. Fortunately, meetings, regional and national conferences, publications there are support groups available to assist individuals, and online closed Facebook support groups. Embracing the families and groups with every and any challenge they may healing (action) process is forming friendships and bonds be experiencing. Support groups are successful if they are with people who understand your loss and will be there for focused on healing from loss. They are not successful if the you 24/7, participating in events that honor and remember individuals participating do not understand and embrace your child, grandchild, sibling through the Annual the mourning (feeling) and healing (action) processes. Candlelight Service, Memorial Walk and Butterfly Release. When Michael died, I didn’t know that there was an No loss in life will ever compare to the loss of a child. organization that had a support group available to me Nothing will ever be the same after your child has died, but called The Compassionate Friends. This organization at you can heal if you have the courage to live through the that time was in existence for nearly 20 years, but I didn’t mourning process and have the willingness to embrace the know. In my work I knew the value of support groups and healing process. Honor the process of mourning, of healing. had directed many people to them. Had I known there was Know that our children (with their awareness now) love us an organization that would support me through friendship, unconditionally and want us to honor them by enjoying the understanding and hope after Michael died, I am certain rest of our experience on planet Earth until we reunite with that my feelings of isolation, loneliness and abandonment them. would not have been as intense. Elizabeth Horwin is a Licensed Professional Counselor offering workshops, As I look back at my experience in dealing with Michael’s seminars and retreats to individuals, organizations and employers assisting death, I am certain that there are countless people that are them in dealing with and healing from life’s losses. She is a bereaved parent going it alone after the death of their child, grandchild, and spouse and the author of Love Never Dies. We Need Not Walk Alone|7

© icsnaps/Fotolia.com Stigmatized Loss by Sara Tagget My journey surviving a stigmatized loss started calling or stopping by to see how we were, posting seven and a half years ago when my eldest child thoughts and stories about Katrina on Facebook died by suicide. Katrina was 21 years old and about and listening to us. After a while, the support to graduate from college. It has been an emotional waned as everybody’s lives but ours, moved for- roller coaster of grief trying to understand Katrina’s ward. Although we understood that people didn’t decision and learning to live without her. know what to say, the silence of supportive voices The definition of stigma is: “a mark of disgrace and the absence of caring actions only served to associated with a particular circumstance, qual- further our stigma. ity or person.” A stigmatized loss for those of us in When someone dies in a stigmatized manner, peo- grief often brings with it experiences and feelings of ple tend to forget the life that was lived and instead shame, blame, hopelessness, distress, and reluctance focus on the manner of death. Those close to us stay to seek and/or accept help. silent because talking about subjects like suicide, Initially, in the aftermath of Katrina’s death, fam- murder or a drug overdose is a taboo topic. I didn’t ily and friends were supportive bringing us meals, necessarily have any expectations of my friends and 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

family; I was just trying to survive, but soon we noticed that know the signs and when the symptoms of the illness are many friends avoided us. subtle and hidden, how can you know? Like many who die We did have acquaintances who surprised us by being more by suicide, Katrina was highly functioning and the symp- supportive than some of our closest friends and family. Usu- toms of her depression were well hidden from us. ally the friends and acquaintances who stick with us have With a stigmatized loss, grief can be complicated because experienced a stigmatized loss within their own lives and there is always a cloud of distrust, suspicion and ignorance can relate to our pain. from those who don’t understand. I accept that there will Guilt, anger, and blame seem to be the three pillars of a always be people who may think that Katrina’s suicide was stigmatized loss. My days were filled with the question of my fault or that Katrina was a flawed person and deserved why. Why did Katrina do this? Why didn’t we know? I was to die. constantly second guessing myself with the “would have,” I have turned my grief into advocacy for mental illness “could have”, “should have” and “if only” game. Eventually, education and suicide prevention. My advocacy helps me to I had to work at accepting that I will never know all the continue being a nurturing mother by sharing her life. On answers to my questions. those difficult days, I keep going because I know that I am I have learned that feelings of guilt, shame and anger can the only one who can tell Katrina’s story as only Katrina’s scar us. In my situation, the biggest emotion was guilt. A mom can. Katrina has died, but she had a life that mattered, parent is supposed to protect their children and keep them and I am still Katrina’s mom, forever. safe. When Katrina left for college, I made sure to discuss the potential dangers and how to keep herself safe, but Sara became a bereaved parent when her daughter, Katrina aka Kara died suicide was not discussed because we didn’t know it was a by suicide. Sara’s grief has focused on advocacy for education about mental possibility. I wondered if I was a bad mother. illness and suicide prevention which led to co-founding the Katrina Tagget Feelings of guilt for those of us who have experienced a Memorial Foundation. Sara is a founding board member of the Maryland stigmatized loss are only exacerbated when people say, “you Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention where she must have known” or “why didn’t you know?” If you don’t chairs the Loss and Healing Committee. Sara is involved with her local TCF Chapter, TCF Patapsco Valley, and serves on TCF Stigmatized Loss Committee. Since our 17-year-old son Zack died without warning by suicide two years ago, I’ve learned that grief will simmer under the surface of all that we do for many years to come. We must continue to make a life on top of that undercurrent of loss. I think I will look back on these years and be so grateful for time we spent as a family, making intentional memories and attempts at joy despite the pain of losing our Zack. Even when joy is impossible to find, we grow in the attempt. So far, I only regret the times that we didn’t try. Leanna Leyes, Zack’s mom Bend, OR We Need Not Walk Alone|9

© jessicahyde/fotolia.com What Does Your Story Look Like? Here are four unique stories of grief, pain, tears and and congratulate The Compassionate Friends in creating discrimination. What does your story look and sound like? the Diversity Commission that will educate our grief Nivia’s story: Before 1993, I did not know the pain of losing community on this very important issue which, in turn, will someone dear and very close to my heart. But then, my also help us grow and become a part of our new selves. son José Francisco “Yoito” Barreto died in an automobile accident on June 6, 1993. What Jacquie’s story: From the moment our sons pain, what disbelief, what a difficult road to Kareem and Kevin died, TCF entered our travel, completely unbeknownst to me! Many lives. One of the nurses on duty in the messages of condolence were given to me emergency department was a bereaved and my family, but there were others that parent. She handed me a book and said when hurt so deeply and were so confusing that you get home please read this book because I could not appreciate or understand them. “he is going to need this,” referring to my Even in this life-altering experience, I was husband, John. confronted with diversity of religious beliefs Our journey started on the day we buried that came into contrast with mine and were our boys; we attended our first TCF meeting. much less respectful of mine: “If she was The next day, as we returned from the religious she would not be crying over her son´s death” first of many visits to the cemetery, I was was an example of this lack of respect. This statement informed by relatives that a woman had come by to bring will never leave my mind, both as a sad expression and us some books on bereavement and the organization, The as a learned lesson. People need to be in others’ shoes to Compassionate Friends. It turns out she was a parent from understand, acknowledge and respect diversity. I applaud the Manhattan chapter whom my mother had contacted about the meeting, and she just felt she needed to come to 1 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Brooklyn and give us a hug. Her name is Bea Barone, and to group from Oklahoma City. While skiing, one of the boys this day I am still amazed that she drove to Brooklyn, came hit a patch of ice and fell. Trying to avoid a collision, Travis to a stranger’s house in the middle of the day because she lost control on the ice and hit a tree, sustaining a major knew just how we felt... and for that I say thank you. brain injury. Travis was Medevac’d out of the mountains to a major trauma center, where he was on life support for five Steven’s story: Everyone’s grief journey is unique because days. Along with me and my wife, family and friends began YOU are the only person who has to make that journey. to arrive within the first days. As someone who identifies with the LGBT community, I One memory from that dark time is of a Hispanic boy do not think LGBT individuals grieve differently. There in the next ICU room. Like Travis, he too was in a coma. are some people who are trying to figure out who they are, When his parents came they had the same shell-shocked and when a loved one dies, not only do they lose a part of themselves, they question look on their faces I saw their own identity. I have in the mirror. Where we had family and friends When his parents came they had theasked: who am I without flocking to our side, they seemed to have no one. my sister? Would I be That scene has stuck with me for 19 years same shell-shocked look on their faces Ithe person I am today because of the contrast between our support or would I be someone system and the utter aloneness they must have felt. My wife and I attended our first meeting of The saw in the mirror.totally different? Compassionate Friends the week after Travis’s funeral. Later, when I became a Chapter leader, I followed the example of My sister Stacy died when those who first helped us. It was important to me that our I was 16 and she was Chapter treated everyone as though they belonged and that the first person I came “out” to. I did not understand my sexuality and I did not know grief. As I have hidden my sexuality, I notice people hide their grief. Telling people I am gay can end a conversation before it starts, just as when talking about our loved ones. You might not be near a Chapter that has meetings for we offered a safe place to share anything. sibling--the forgotten mourners--but there is a TCF siblings-only Facebook page where you can post how you The boy in the next room will continue to haunt me for the are feeling, as well as to see if there are any siblings in your rest of my life; wondering what the outcome was, what his area. The siblings-only page is very active; whenever you parents went through, whether they ever received the kind post, a sibling will respond with support and love. Grief of support that made a difference in our lives. Nineteen may change who you are but it does not have to define you. years later, this continues to drive my desire to fulfill the This is YOUR journey and no one can tell you how to do it. vision of TCF “that everyone who needs us will find us and everyone who finds us will be helped.” Gary’s story: On spring break in 1997, my 15-year-old son, Travis, went on a snow skiing trip with his church youth When my son Jim died in 2003, I knew I was a horrible parent. I had failed to save the precious lives of both my children, I blamed myself. Attending meetings and conferences of The Compassionate Friends helped us extend our friendships and a new reality bloomed in my personal circle of grief, I realized how my naivety, ignorance and isolation set me up for additional and unnecessary pain. By sharing and collaborating with other parents who shared similar losses, hope blossomed. Today I find new ways to parent my son and daughter while planting hope into the hearts of others. No Shame or Blame ~ Just Love®. Barbara Allen, Jim’s and Jessie’s mom Patapsco Valley Chapter, Ellicott City, MD We Need Not Walk Alone|1 1

Searching for Joy A survivor’s story of moving on, attempting to live again while anchored to the past by Tina Zarlenga © mimadeo/Fotolia.com Darkness arrives without her knowing as she sits if this will dislodge the sadness, she recalls the tear quietly mourning her thoughts. The shadows in as it slid down his face, devastating her further. the room fade into memories of the past, the place she often hesitates as she attempts again to push He died before her, in her arms as she cradled away the anguish in search of the joy she desires. him, saying goodbye while the shock clung to her breath. There were no words to console her; Avoiding all awareness of the mirror, she rejects his life was ending and all that swirled within her the image before her, no longer recognizing was an invitation to join him. who she has become, as the tears come calling again. Tired of stumbling regularly, she leans There was no time to question our lives in search into the hurt that betrayed her, longing for a of a remedy. No time to call in a team of experts breakthrough not cloaked in sadness. for help. When loss occurs everything is stripped away. Nothing arrives, just in time, no remedy to Fractured recollections are carved deep within, fix him, no lifeline to save her, the life they once cutting through the skin in a tattoo, scars shared flutters into a memory, and time continues engraved on your heart, casting a wound with slipping away. images engrained in her soul. Shaking her head, as 1 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone

A shell of her former self, she is empty, and the act of going wants joy; she wants to believe in joy again, allowing it into on is too overwhelming to bear, so she sleeps. But sleep is her heart without the fear that lingers so closely behind it. just another ruse in the mysteries of grief, waking in a fog, feeling happiness until the crash of reality sends you back to For so long she has muddled through her life, forcing the puddle you left behind earlier, back into the sorrow that the faded smile to appear, broken and set to burst as she echoes from the emptiness. attempts to get through one more day. Unwrapping sad stories and heartbreak that go on unnoticed, with the tears Using compassion to embrace this place of grief she begins of what was, she has to learn to move forward. her pursuit, seeking more love, true happiness and pure joy. But joy does not just appear, it must be discovered, I don’t remember how long it took or if there was a day unearthed beneath the debris that sadness has dragged in, that I started living again. I had fought against the current blanketing the life she once knew, as it masks all the dreams for so long, I did not notice when it changed directions. she previously held. I did not feel the embrace of joy when it first arrived, or the compassion around me when I let it in. It was a slow This new beginning was hers to catch, the time to uncover the melting of the iceberg, revealing a bitter taste of joy with its obscurity and allow in the light. Exploring her motivation, mixture of happiness and guilt, but it was a beginning. she unravels the softness that she has cultivated through grief. This kindness fills her heart, captivated by the beauty she had While searching for a reason to go on after losing their five-year old to be taught when stumbling through heartache. son Ryan, she discovered that giving back could actually save her. Tina The prospect of joy continues to intrigue her, commanding her attention to pursue the changes she needs to explore. She Zarlenga is married with two children, sharing stories of inspiration and hope, as well as her journey through grief with emotional essays of life on her website Unraveling My Heart the Write Way, http://www. unravelingmyheartthewriteway.com. Connect with Other Bereaved Parents, Grandparents, and Siblings Everyday on TCF’s Online Support Community The Compassionate Friends offers “virtual Chapters” through an Online Support Community (live chats). This program was established to encourage connecting and sharing among parents, grandparents, and siblings (over the age of 18) grieving the death of a child. The rooms supply support, encouragement, and friendship. The friendly atmosphere encourages conversation among friends; friends who understand the emotions you’re experiencing. There are general bereavement sessions as well as more specific sessions: Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 9:00 - 10:00 AM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 8:00 - 9:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Bereaved Less than Two Years Parents/Grandparents/Siblings No Surviving Children 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 10:00 - 11:00 PM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Bereaved More than Two Years Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Friday Saturday Sunday 10:00 - 11:00 AM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 8:00 - 9:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Survivors of Suicide 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 10:00 - 11:00 PM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Parents/Grandparents/Siblings 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST Pregnancy/Infant Loss ©Arndt Vladimir/fotolia.com 10:00 - 11:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Visit www.compassionatefriends.org/Find_Support/Online-Community/Online_Support.aspx for more information and to register. We Need Not Walk Alone|1 3

© Anuska Sampedro/fotolia.com Fighting for Our Cause by Barry Kluger and Kelly Farley Shakespeare’s The Merry Wives of Windsor, published in 1602, is cited as the origin of the saying: “Third time’s a charm.” What about fourth and so on? Well, like the Powerball, we keep hoping that the next one will be the winner. We are hoping that in the world of politics, of which we’re outsiders, the fifth is a charm. Jan. 18, 2016 marked the beginning of the 5th year to get Congress to amend the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to add loss of a child. Back in 2011, we began what was then known as The Farley-Kluger Initiative to recognize grief created by the loss of a child and its impact on the American families that know all too well the pain caused by the aftermath of having to bury a child. Over 110,000 petitions to Congress later, the hundreds of thousands of parents who lost children are hoping THIS is the charm. They say “you can close the door on grief, but it will peak in through the window.” As many of you know, grief is always lurking around the corner. And when it shows up, it’s usually fast and furious. The loss of a child is hard, it is the most devastating life event that can happen to a person. We know this because, like all of you, we too have lost children. In the years since, while we can never make sense of this tragedy, we seek solutions to help others 1 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

deal with their loss. That is what motivates us, inspires us train and invest in a worker for several years. That worker and gives us purpose. loses a child. He or she is forced to return to work after Under current law, workers get 12 weeks of unpaid leave a few days. The grieving parent suffers, his or her work to have or adopt a child, care for a sick family member or suffers, productivity goes down, the business stalls, the your own illness or care for an injured service member. person cannot perform and is fired and bottom line: tens of But when you lose a child, you get the customary 3-5 thousands of dollars are tossed out the window. Real dollars. days of bereavement leave and are forced to return to the Not to mention the cost of hiring and retraining…well, you workplace, still broken, still grieving. Work is the last thing get the picture. on your mind. You just need time. Time to figure out what Dickens said: “It was the best of times, the worst of times,” has happened to you and that’s what some and your family. Time to We know this because, like all of you, we people are telling us allow you to stand back about 2016, an election up after a devastating too have lost children. In the years since, year. Is it the best time, blow. We are not saying or the worst time, to the 12 weeks is enough while we can never make sense of this get legislation passed. time to fully grieve, but tragedy, we seek solutions to help others Theories abound but we do believe it provides deal with their loss. we like how things are time for the dust to settle lining up for us. a little and the long hard Time passes, people healing process to begin. get married, they have kids. There’s a story about former Unfortunately, thousands have been fired from their jobs President Lyndon Johnson that when he wanted to call for needing time. In 1993, this bereavement leave was not on senators and representatives to pass a civil rights bill, included. We believe it was an oversight, one that can and most of his staff counseled him against it. They said it was should be fixed. hopeless; that it would anger powerful Southern Democrats Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Christians, Jews, and committee chairmen; that it risked derailing the rest of Muslims, Whites, Hispanics, Asians, African-Americans, his agenda. To which, it is said, President Johnson replied, rich, poor all lose children. Death doesn’t look at the “Well, what the hell’s the presidency for?” demographics or the voter registration roles. Death does its I guess that’s our question to Congress. What the hell’s ‘job’ without any bias. Death just is. serving in office for, if not to fight for causes you believe in? So this begs the question: why is our effort not receiving Thousands of Americans families are asking the same. greater support? Some say it hurts businesses or introduces Erica’s father (1982-2001) is a veteran public relations executive, having more federal regulations. We understand that if you have served as a senior executive at MTV Networks, USA Network and Prodigy not personally had to bury a child, you cannot possibly Internet. He formed his own global PR agency in 1998 and in 2015, comprehend the depth of this pain. Most people cannot created a new advertising/creative firm, Kluger/Shipp here in Scottsdale. A passionate writer, he has penned over 200 columns for Gannett’s Arizona even allow themselves to think about such a possibility with Republic and is a regular writer for Huffington Post and CityBrand Media. their living children. This is about more than regulations He and fellow grieving dad Kelly Farley began the Farley-Kluger Initiative and impacts to business, it’s about compassion for those that in 2011, which has resulted in The Sarah Grace-Farley-Kluger Act, currently being considered in Congress. He lives in Scottsdale with his wife, have had to endure the reality of such a loss. Special Needs Attorney Hope Kirsch and their two Cockapoos, Farfel and So, let’s remove compassion and look at the numbers. Schmaltzie. FMLA-regulated business of 50 or more employees hire, We Need Not Walk Alone|1 5

The late Darcie Sims wrote hundreds of articles over the years on grief and loss which have been extremely popular and shared in hundreds of TCF publications. We Need Not Walk Alone is proud to honor her by featuring selections of her work in a new column titled “The Wisdom of Darcie Sims.” The Wisdom of Darcie Sims Somewhere It’s Spring It’s spring in some places now. And in some places it will be packed away (those holiday diehards!) and somewhere a winter for another couple of weeks (months?). Somewhere lawn mower is being readied for a new season. the tulips are beginning to push through the soft earth and somewhere the birds are returning to sing. Somewhere As spring approaches, we begin to shed our overcoats and the air is warmer, the breezes more gentle, the land begins stand in front of the mirror… examining the body for the to awaken from a frozen sleep. The trees are beginning to extra lumps we’ve accumulated during the hibernation bud and even the air smells fresh and clean. Somewhere season. We lace up our jogging shoes and make our way windows are open and the sound of the vacuum can be to the sidewalks, high school tracks and to the gym, eager heard, marking the beginning of spring cleaning… a ritual to strip away the added inches that came because it was given to us long before our forefathers set sail for a new dark and gloomy and food seemed to soothe and comfort world. Somewhere the last holiday decoration is being during the dark days of winter. Somewhere someone is planning a wedding, a graduation, a family reunion. © gitusik/fotolia.com 1 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Vacation brochures begin to appear and plans are discussed to make new ones. HA! I thought grief would end at some in anticipation of summer. point. The books all say it will… everyone else looks like Spring is the reawakening season… the great wake up call their grief has subsided… how come spring missed us?! for the earth. Somewhere, someone is answering that get up A season without hope is the ultimate in despair and I’ve call… greeting the new season with vim, vigor, and vitality. spent too many such seasons. Where does hope go and how There are smiles and renewed energy and hope seems to do I get it back? simply float on the softened air. Somewhere… all of that Hope is that elusive something that keeps us moving, even is occurring, but not within me. It’s still snowing inside my in the dark. We are only powerless when we have no hope, being. It’s still winter no vision, no faith in inside here and there aren’t any tulips about to Hope changes as we do and it can be so our own abilities. We burst open in my spirit. disguised that we may not recognize it, may be helpless at times. I’ve still got my snow but it can be found — in the moments of We may question the boots on and the sun arrival of spring but we hasn’t quite made it to our memories. are only truly powerless when we have no hope my world. It’s still winter no dreams… inside me… I wonder if spring will ever come. Don’t lose the hope! Search for it! Fight for it! Demand its Oh, there have been moments of spring in the past. Wonderful, warm fleeting moments; moments when I return. Hope changes as we do and it can be so disguised that we may not recognize it, but it can be found -- in the “forgot” about the pain, the emptiness, the despair, the grief. moments of our memories. We probably won’t ever have Moments when the world was right side up and the music totally happy lives again… We probably didn’t have that made me dance. But they were only moments and I’m kind of life anyway; we just thought we did. waiting for spring to arrive in me. Don’t let death rob you of the moments of joy still to be Hope… the major ingredient in spring, seems to elude remembered, and found. Don’t let grief rob you of those my grasp. Just when I think there might be some hope, a spring places where love and joy live forever in the heart. memory comes creeping across my soul and it’s winter again Somewhere it is spring… Deal with the anger, the guilt, the in my heart. It’s this lack of hope that seems especially cruel depression as it comes and then let it go as you can… so during springtime. I thought this winter inside me would there is room for joy to come again. Let hope come in… it’s end and I was looking forward to a more peaceful time in my life. I thought we would settle down, plant a garden spring. and live our life filled with memories and the opportunity I began to find hope in nature. In sunsets and gentle breezes. In lapping waves and the first flowers of spring. In thunderstorms and falling snow. But especially in creatures. In the exuberant affection of dogs and the less exuberant affection of cats. In hummingbirds at a feeder. In woodpeckers drumming the side of a tree. In the songs of robins. The wonders of the animal world give me hope. Peggi Johnson, Jordan’s mom TCF Piedmont, VA Chapter We Need Not Walk Alone|1 7

Our thanks to the 2015-2016 Board of Directors Glen Lord Barbara Allen Steve Schmeisser Nivia Vázquez President Vice President Treasurer Secretary Nashua, NH Ellicott City, MD DePere, WI Guaynabo, PR Bob Burt Steve Czirr Jacquie Edwards-Mitchell Hemet, CA Spring Hill, TN Brooklyn, NY Art Estrella Heidi Horsley Brian Janes West Covina, CA New York, NY Olathe, KS Ann Khadalia Tracy Milne Edgemon Steve Parker Sibling Representative Concord, CA Woodland Hills, CA Estero, FL 1 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

© memorystockphoto/fotolia.com LOVE by Pamela Hagen I was, still am- the best part of you. You are, will always be- the best part of me. LOVE Carried In the womb, Now cradled in the heart. LOVE Never ends… Moments Of Time—Held, Eternal, Remembered We Need Not Walk Alone|1 9

In loving memory and devastation of their deaths, the loss of dreams for their sons, and unashamedly cry together…and when any of them Joe Lawley would nod their head and say, “I understand”, they all knew that they truly did. Reverend Stephens said, “You are helping Sadly, the Compassionate Friends lost one of their founder each other in a way which I, and virtually everyone else, parents when Joe Lawley died on June 13, 2016. Joe was am unable to do, because of your shared experience; do you a charming, lovely and loquacious gentleman who took think it could work with other bereaved parents?” The names great pride in sharing the story of how TCF came to be and stories of other bereaved parents whom Rev. Stephens and the part that he and his wife Iris, and Bill and Joan encountered at the hospital were shared with Joe and the first Henderson, along with Reverend Simon Stephens, played in actual meeting of TCF, with six in attendance, took place its beginnings in Coventry, England. on January 28, 1969, in a small room at the hospital where Joe and Iris Lawley lost their son Kenneth to a car crash, and Kenneth Lawley and Billy Henderson died. Bill and Joan Henderson, lost their son Billy to cancer, three days a part, in May of 1969 at Coventry and Warwickshire It was decided that they needed a name for this group of Hospital. Reverend Simon Stephens was the assistant to the bereaved parents. And as Joe tells it, “The word ‘compassion’ Chaplain there. As he was standing with the group praying for had featured frequently in our conversation, and eventually Kenneth at his bedside, Reverend Stephens said simply, “If I can ‘The Society of the Compassionate Friends’ emerged. It help….I am here, all of the time.” He also made Joe aware of the sounded right then, and now in a slightly shorter form, it still Henderson’s whose son Billy was dying. After Billy died, Joe sounds right – perhaps even inspired.” And as the saying goes, mentioned to Iris about his death, and Iris suggested that they the rest is history. send flowers to Billy’s funeral. As Joe states, “We did not then know the significance of that act, but looking back, it might be Upon learning of Joe Lawley’s death, the UK Chair of said that The Compassionate Friends started there. Joan and Bill Trustees, Dr. Margaret Brearley, commented: “Joe and telephoned their thanks and we met for a cup of tea.” Iris, together with the Henderson’s and Simon Stephens, Reverend Stephens kept in close contact with Joe and Iris, created TCF in 1969 – now a worldwide group of caring Bill and Helen, and noticed how much comfort the Lawley’s organizations uniquely comforting bereaved parents. Their and the Henderson’s received from each other each time they shared companionship and informal mutual support in their met around one of their kitchen tables. Together, openly, overwhelming grief allowed them to turn outwards to seek they could share Kenneth’s and Billy’s lives, the sadness, pain other similarly grieving parents, with the result that literally hundreds of thousands of grieving parents have been given 2 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone comfort and friendship – and in many countries – all this inspired by their example and their words”. Glen Lord, President of the TCF/USA Board of Directors said, “In May of 1968 when Kenneth Lawley died, his father Joe Lawley’s life was forever changed. What Joe could never have seen is that on that same day his and his wife Iris’s choice to survive their grief, along with the support of the Henderson’s and Simon Stephens, would change the world’s life forever. Joe has now joined his Kenneth. Thank you, Joe, for all the love; thank you for changing my life; all of our lives are the better for it.” Alan Pedersen, TCF/USA Executive Director, added, “Joe Lawley’s spirit lives on in every corner of the TCF world because his compassion was the kindling that ignited our organization.” The Compassionate Friends/USA expresses their deepest condolences to Joe’s wife Iris and their daughters, as well as our entire TCF family in the United Kingdom. Written by Cathy Seehuetter

The Compassionate Friends Closed Facebook Groups The Compassionate Friends offers a variety of closed Facebook Groups. These pages are moderated by bereaved parents, siblings, or grandparents, and may not be accessed unless a request to join is approved by a moderator. These pages were established to encourage connection and sharing among parents, grandparents, and siblings grieving the death of a child, grandchild or sibling. TCF – Loss of a Child TCF - Loss to Homicide Moderators: Donna Goodrich, Dave Roberts, Cathy Moderators: Debbie Floyd, Dawn Wassel and Kathleen Seehuetter, and Goody Tendall Willoughby https://www.facebook.com/groups/407123299460580/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/924779440868148/ TCF – Loss of a Stepchild TCF – Loss of a Child with Special Needs Moderators: Babe Muro and Cathy Seehuetter Moderators: Colleen Hines and Donna Reagan https://www.facebook.com/groups/1615569958699734/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1150750608285413/ TCF – Loss of a Grandchild TCF – Loss to Long-term Illness Moderators: Betty Jeanne Farrel and Jennifer “Sue” Hale Moderators: Debbie Gossen https://www.facebook.com/groups/421759177998317/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/833665880062696/ The Compassionate Friends Sounds of the Siblings TCF – Loss to Mental Illness (for bereaved siblings) Moderators: Sherry Cox and Annette Swestyn Moderators: Tracy Milne and Keith Singer https://www.facebook.com/groups/1481781792114726/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/21358475781/ TCF – Loss to a Drunk/Impaired Driver TCF – Men in Grief Moderators: Michelle Arrowood, Robin Landry and Rebecca Moderators: Gary Odle and Mark Rambis Perkins https://www.facebook.com/groups/1614661475452607/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/858226880883307/ TCF – Loss to Miscarriage or Stillbirth TCF – Loss to Cancer Moderators: Libby Hall and Kelly Kittel Moderators: Kari Olson, Michelle Setzer and Rita Studzinski https://www.facebook.com/groups/1416535188654265/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/903539646362818/ TCF - Infant and Toddler Loss TCF – Loss of Your Only Child/All Your Children Moderators: Tiffany Barraso and Deanna Wheeler Moderators: Joannie Kemling, Tonja Knobel and Becky Barch https://www.facebook.com/groups/1511758585777339/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/976514755722145/ TCF - Loss to Substance Related Causes TCF – Crafty Corner Moderators: Barbara Allen, Mary Lemley, Diana Wittkopp Moderators: Gail Lafferty and Kathy Rambo and Karen Zaorski https://www.facebook.com/groups/663193450477232/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1515193738693712/ The Compassionate Friends Chapter Leadership TCF - Sibling Loss to Substance Related Causes (for anyone currently serving on a Chapter steering Moderators: Andrea Keller and Barbara Allen committee) https://www.facebook.com/groups/1516508415263760/ Moderator: Debbie Rambis https://www.facebook.com/groups/1422251371371148/ TCF - Loss to Suicide © lola1960/fotolia.com Moderators: Donna Adams, Leanna Leyes, Donna McGrew Anderson and Barbara Reboratti https://www.facebook.com/groups/100315106988458/ We Need Not Walk Alone|2 1

Death of a Child Creates Ambiguous Losses © Alex Staroseltsev/fotolia.comby Harriet Hodgson The car crash was bloody. A medical helicopter flew 2 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone my daughter to the nearest hospital, where surgeons operated on her for 20 hours. Their efforts failed. “I’m sorry,” the lead surgeon said. “As soon as we fixed one problem another appeared. Your daughter is brain dead.” My husband and I made the decision no parent wants to make: We stopped all life support and met with an organ donation representative. She wore a low-cut blouse, not appropriate dress for the situation, and every time she leaned over to point to something, her breasts were more exposed. It was an odd experience. Today, family members refer to this woman as “Mrs. Bosom.” As time passed, we appreciated our daughter’s planning even more. Thanks to her generosity, two lives were saved and two people can see. Although I’d experienced grief before, my daughter’s death stunned me. Two days later, on the same weekend, my father-in-law died. About eight weeks later my brother died. Six months later, my former son-in-law died from the injuries he received in another car crash. His death made our twin grandchildren orphans and we became their guardians. Our challenge, the greatest one we ever faced, was to care for the twins, and grieve for family members simultaneously. Because I’m a non-fiction writer, I turned to my occupation for information and comfort. During my journey I came across the work of Pauline Boss, PhD, Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota. Boss did the original research on something called ambiguous loss—unclear, unacknowledged loss that “defies closure.” If you’re the parent of a missing child you are living with

ambiguous loss. Family members whose loved ones died on touch. My current caregiving duties make me feel more out September 11th also live with it, and will do so for the rest of touch. of their days. Loss of purpose. “Who am I now?” is a question I often In her book, Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with asked myself. I didn’t know what to say when people asked me how many children I had. While I was raising my twin Unresolved Grief, Boss describes ambiguous losses as grandchildren my purpose was clear, to protect, nurture, “frozen grief.” There are two types of ambiguous loss, and love them. My purpose became less clear after the twins graduated from college and found jobs. Finally, I identified according to Boss, physical absence with psychological two purposes, caring for my husband and writing resources presence (lack of a goodbye), and psychological absence to help others. with physical presence, as with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. Loss of hope. I admit it; I lost hope for a while. Ambiguous loss is Ambiguous loss is exhausting. It goes Thankfully, the empty exhausting. It goes on feeling didn’t last long. and on, you don’t know how long it will last, on and on, you don’t know how long it My grandchildren (one family dynamics may will last, family dynamics may change, boy, one girl) helped change, there’s a lack of me find hope again, and problem-solving, and there’s a lack of problem-solving, renewed my enthusiasm no closure. You’re on and no closure. for the ordinary things pins and needles and the of life. In his helpful and pain seems unbearable. hopeful book, Living I found comfort in a When a Loved One Has Japanese proverb: To endure what is unendurable is true Died, Earl A. Grollman notes that life isn’t fair. “You must endurance. Bereaved parents like you and me suffer many find a way to live with an unfair life—to live without the one ambiguous losses. Since I’m a visual person, I sat down and you loved,” he writes. I learned to do this. made a list of them. What can you do about ambiguous losses? Start by making a list of your losses as I did. Learn more about this unique Loss of a future. My daughter was a composite engineer, form of grief. Talk with others who have experienced earned six special certifications, and an MBA. She managed ambiguous losses and find out what worked for them. Many three production lines in a manufacturing plant, received grief counselors recommend journaling as a healing step. outstanding reviews, and was assured of advancement in the Believe in yourself, because you’re probably stronger than company. Then she died. I lost a future with her. You have you think. I love what Martha Beck writes about grief in her lost a future and worse, family members and friends may book, Following Your Own North Star. not understand your feelings. They may even ask you not to When the compass reads grief, Beck says we need to mention your child’s name. remember that sadness is a form of healing. She thinks the Loss of friends. Grief is off-putting and most Americans people who follow the course of grief become stronger, don’t like to talk about it. After my daughter died some healthier, and have better coping skills. As she explains, friends stuck around and others slowly drifted away. Today, “Grief pushes us into ‘deep rest,’ weighing down our in the ninth year of life without my daughter, I am my muscles, wringing tears from our eyes and sobs from our disabled husband’s caregiver, and more isolated than ever. I guts. It isn’t pretty, but it’s nature’s way.” Our children would try to stay in touch with friends via email and social media, want us to be happy, and we can let happiness back into our but these aren’t the same as face-to-face meetings. lives today. Loss of a social life. Multiple losses erased my interest in Harriet Hodgson is the author of 37 books, including Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief, Lois Krahn, MD, co-author, Writing to Recover: socializing. I remembered something my mother once said: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life, Writing to Recover Journal, 101 Affirmations to Ease Your Grief Journey: Words of Comfort, Words “I want to crawl in a hole and pull the hole in after me.” of Hope, The Spiritual Woman: Quotes to Refresh and Sustain Your Soul, Like my mother, I wanted to crawl in a hole, stay home, and Help! I’m Raising My Grandkids: Grandparents Adapting to Life’s Surprises, ponder life. As the years passed, we resumed many of our and Happy Again! Your New and Meaningful Life after Loss. Visit www. social contacts. Still, there were days when we felt out of harriethodgson.com for more information about this busy author. We Need Not Walk Alone|2 3

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Dear Dr. Gloria, Last night I went to my first Compassionate Friends meeting. During the sharing session I told the group that I was having trouble facing my son’s mental illness and his death. For several years I have worked with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) where I learned about coping with our son’s schizophrenia. I thought I had it under control. Then the call came. It was a policeman telling me Ricky was dead. He was speeding over 100 miles per hour, lost control of the car and hit a tree. It has been three months and I seem to have lost all of my coping skills. I cry often, drink too much, and obsess over what more I could have done to save our son. While Ricky was alive I worked tirelessly to help him and others cope with their mental illness and I felt we were making progress. Now as I look at his death I wonder if this was suicide by car, a last desperate effort to escape his pain. Can you help? Sincerely, Ron Dear Ron, I am very sorry to hear about Ricky’s death, but I am glad you found The Compassionate Friends and I hope you will continue to attend meetings and visit their Internet Chat Rooms. NAMI is a wonderful organization and it sounds like you found that making sense of any loss is made easier by giving service. Three months is very early and I suggest that the service you need to give at this time is to yourself. The first year following the death is the most difficult as you have to go through the first of everything without him. Be patient with yourself. Crying is part of the process; I often hear men say that they wish they could cry more. Obsessive thoughts of how you could have made a difference are natural. Journaling, sharing feelings and getting light exercise are good ways to calm these thoughts and settle your mind. You should avoid drinking excessively and self-medicating as they dampen emotions making it difficult to face the reality of your loss. As time passes the questions of how and why he died will take on less importance, as in the end it is not how Ricky died, but how he lived and the memories of him that make you smile and rekindle your love. Also, please visit us at www.opentohope. God Bless, Dr. Gloria Dr. Gloria Horsley, MFC, CNS, PhD, is the founder and president of the Open to Hope Foundation an internationally known grief expert, a psychotherapist, and bereaved parent. Gloria cohosts the Internet radio show Open to Hope, at www.opentohope.com, and has authored a number of books and articles. She will be answering your questions related to loss, grief, and recovery for the bereaved parent/grandparent. Please send your questions to: Dr. Gloria Horsley, c/o The Compassionate Friends, PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 One of my favorite poems by Emily Dickinson begins: “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.” In the early years of my grief after my daughter Coty died, it was hard to imagine I would ever feel that flutter of hope again. Through The Compassionate Friends, I found others who had not only survived, but had built a new life in honor of their loved ones. I felt the rustling of those little feathers and knew that hope would live again in my soul. Kathleen Willoughby, Coty’s mom Loss to Homicide moderator We Need Not Walk Alone|2 5

The Language of Sisters by Karen Soltero © natara/fotolia.com I don’t expect it’s this way with all siblings, but Wendy and I could talk to each other about almost anything. We didn’t always agree; in fact it was often the opposite, but we could communicate in that way I always imagined only certain siblings possibly can – without fear of alienation, without risk. No matter what was said, we would always be connected, and even in the midst of disagreement, we would understand one another. We could talk about our parents and our shared history, we could talk about our friends, and we could talk about our fears. When she died, I knew I would never have that again. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what I would find. It was summer in Los Angeles and I had agreed to go to a conference. My mom had heard about an organization. “We should check it out, she said, the conference is in Hollywood. It is 10 minutes from your apartment so I can just come out and stay with you. See if we like it. See if it helps.” It sounded good to me. It was worth a shot, anything was worth a shot. Wendy had been gone for almost four years. I had been thrust into only childhood as a 26 year old. We were finally done with murder trials, the ones responsible put away for good. The driving purpose we’d had since her murder to see justice served was about a year and a half gone. I didn’t have a job or a direction. I had just turned 30, on the cusp of what was supposed to be the next decade, the next era of my life. I was living in limbo. The hallways were filled with people. On the first day, I sat by myself in the back of rooms filled with chairs. I sat in circles without talking. I drank too much wine in the lobby bar with my mom. I bid on some things in the silent auction and listened to speakers at a luncheon in the middle of a banquet room on Hollywood Boulevard and thought, this is not my life. In my life, Hollywood Boulevard means a crazy night out with Wendy that ends with her in the back of a tattoo parlor getting a tongue piercing. It means me laughing with her and she sticks her swollen tongue in a cup of ice from the convenience store across the street. That is my life. I don’t know what this is. 2 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

On the second day, I saw a workshop. “On Becoming certainly remarkable. And maybe these are all parts of the an Only Child After the Death of a Sibling.” That’s me, I why, but ultimately incidental to the biggest thing. thought, starting to wrap my head around my new normal. I have close friends, the ones I’ve know my whole life, the So I sat in the circle and a girl with impossibly long black ones I lived with in LA, went to college with, talk to every hair started to talk. About her sister Emily and how she single week, see all the time. They are all pieces of my heart, died in a car accident when she was only 16. How suddenly but Kim is a piece of my soul. We don’t need to talk every at 20, her life wasn’t the one she recognized anymore. Her week or even every month. We don’t see each other every name was Kim. She swore and laughed and talked with year, though we are getting better at that again. But I can Almost from the get go, we spokeher hands for the next hour tell her things that I can’t tell the same language. It’s that one ofand fifteen minutes. And anyone else. Can talk to her in ways I can’t talk to anyone else; something clicked. I felt a ways that are only like how I talked to Wendy. It doesn’t sisters. The one I thought wouldmoment of connection and matter if time has passed; we never have to catch up or reconnect, beyond recapping belonging, found a place free the facts of any missed time. We don’t share the same never exist again.of judgment and fear. Kim and I talked in the hall. I thanked her. The next summer, the conference was in Boston. This time family, but we share the same pieces of being a family, of I met more siblings and Kim was there again. Staying at losing parts of our family. We don’t share the same past, the hotel and not in my apartment was more inclusive, but our pasts are connected. We live lives we once didn’t and so I started to find more connections with brothers recognize as our own, and somehow, I think, that helps us and sisters from everywhere. Deep friendships formed, to recognize one another. Almost from the get go, we spoke ones that continue to exist outside of the conferences and the same language. It’s that one of sisters. The one I thought outside of our shared losses, but the one with Kim was would never exist again. something different. A place I never expected to find. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s as near as I can imagine We spent more time together that year, talked about the something could be. If my thought is this is only something challenges of holidays and she invited me to Raleigh for I can talk to Wendy about, I know that means that I can Thanksgiving. That following fall, I just up and went. It call Kim. It isn’t like having Wendy back with me, nor do was still too hard for me to be home with my own family so I imagine that it is like having Emily back for her. But it’s I welcomed the invitation to borrow hers. a consolation prize like no other. A gift handed over to us And we discovered new things. That I was born in April, from Emily and Wendy. Wherever they are, I imagine them the same month that Emily died, and that Kim was born sometimes together, looking on, laughing, and nodding in in October, the same month Wendy was killed. Kim and agreement at their genius. I are six months apart in age and so were our sisters. She Karen Soltero is a bereaved sibling, having lost her younger sister Wendy was 20 and I was 26 when the deaths happened but we had on October 28th, 2000, when Wendy was shot and killed during a random both been adults, living on our own, albeit in very different robbery attempt in Hollywood, CA. Karen has been an active participant ways. These things are all just the uncanny coincidences. in Compassionate Friends, attending both local chapter meetings and The fact that she purses her lips the same way Wendy did national conferences. She is also involved with the Brady Campaign for the when she’s thinking. The part where she is so much like Prevention of Gun Violence and has spoken about her sister at a number of events. Karen works hard on a daily basis to keep the spirit of her sister Wendy, not just in her features, but in her adventurous and Wendy alive - by celebrating her, talking about her, commemorating outgoing nature, the part where she tells me as much as she birthdays and anniversaries and always working hard to make sure that is wild like Wendy, that I am serious like Emily, these are all even new friends have an opportunity to get to know her. We Need Not Walk Alone|2 7

Dear Dr. Heidi, My son died in a boating accident last year, he was very close to his sister, Sarah. This loss has been devastating to me and my husband, but Sarah is acting like she is not impacted. She spends a great deal of time with her friends, and hardly ever cries in front of us. We are bothered that she isn’t more impacted by her brother’s death. Sincerely, Confused Parent Dear Confused Parent: Trust me, Sarah is greatly impacted by her brother’s death, even though it may not look like it. We become very good at hiding our grief, and crying in places where no one will hear us. It is devastating to lose a sibling, someone who you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. The death of a sibling is a difficult loss, it makes you feel different, and it’s a loss that most of your friends can’t relate to. Before going to The Compassionate Friends, I had never met anyone who had lost a sibling. Often bereaved siblings don’t grieve in front of their parents, because they don’t want to upset them, and they don’t want their parents to see them as dependent. I hid much of my grief from my parents, because I was told to “be strong for my parents.” As a parent, you can acknowledge the loss, letting your kids know how awful it must be to lose a sibling. Making statements such as, “I’m here if you want to talk,” or “It must be very difficult for you” can be very validating for bereaved siblings. Even if we don’t respond, we’ve heard what you’ve said and it means more to us then you will ever know! Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, is a bereaved sibling as well as a psychologist. She is the executive director of the Open to Hope Foundation, cohost of the Open to Hope radio program, www.opentohope.com, an adjunct professor at Columbia University, and a national board member of The Compassionate Friends. She will be answering your questions related to loss, grief, and recovery for siblings. Please send your question to: Dr. Heidi Horsley, c/o The Compassionate Friends, PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696. I found hope after meeting others going through the same nightmare dealing with the loss of their sibling. They gave me the strength and courage to allow myself to be vulnerable, to accept that I did not need to go through this journey alone. I found hope when I realized I could help someone else simply by sharing what has worked for me. As well, I found hope by hearing what has worked for others. Keith Singer, Lori’s brother Sibling Leader for TCF Staten Island Chapter 2 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

© andreaobzerova/fotolia.com Healthy Grieving Feature Healing Grief through Relaxation and Meditation - How Yoga Can Help by Coralease Ruff PhD, RN Hi Coralease, dogma practiced in yoga. However, yoga may be practiced in some religions. Yoga means union. We grieving parents My 21 year old daughter was killed in a car accident 14 need union and connection because we feel broken into months ago. I am so distraught; it feels as if my life is a million pieces. Generally speaking, yoga is a physical spiraling out of control. I don’t know where to turn or what practice that connects our body, mind and spirit into an to do without my daughter. My friend at work suggested that integrated whole person. Yoga consists of physical exercises yoga might help me. The only thing I ever heard was that (asanas) to release muscle tension, breathing techniques yoga is a religion. I am not looking for a religion, but I do (pranayama) to calm the stress response, and meditation for need help. Please tell me if and how yoga can help me with deep relaxation. This entire practice of yoga helps promote my grief. I am desperate. mind, body and spirit healing. Joan from Franklin, Tennessee In the early 1980’s, I explored yoga for stress relief following my father’s death, when my son was 6 weeks old and I was Dear Joan, enrolled in graduate school. It was a great stress reliever that took me through some very stressful times in my life. I have I am sorry for the death of your precious daughter. I continued to be involved with yoga through the years. understand some of what you are feeling after her death. We also lost our daughter quite a few years ago. I agree with Since that time, research has documented that yoga your friend. Yoga can be beneficial during grief. increases strength, flexibility, and balance; enhances Yoga is not a religion. There is no religious doctrine or immune function; lowers (continued on page 30) We Need Not Walk Alone|2 9

(continued from page 29) • Gently close your eyes and inhale deeply and exhale. • Set a goal (intention) for yourself, i.e. To feel better, blood sugar and cholesterol levels; and improves psychological well-being. One of yoga’s most prominent to get away for a few minutes, or to just relax. effects is stress reduction. • Begin with the breath which is an essential part Yoga is a vast discipline consisting of many types and of yoga practice. Slow deep breathing can also be variations, i.e. Hatha, Kundalini, Iyengar, and more recently practiced separately, whenever we feel overwhelmed Hot Yoga (Bikran). Each one has characteristic asanas, or angry. mantras, chants, and props all designed to heal the whole First, focus on the three part yogic breath. person.  Begin with the belly breath segment. Place both hands on the abdomen, just below the belly button Yoga is amazing—even if practiced only once or twice a with fingertips touching. Contract and relax the week, will produce tremendous benefits. More practice abdominal muscles. Inhale and relax your belly produces more benefits. I suggest starting with two or three by pushing forward with your belly muscles (your times a week, for 20-30 minutes. Even 5-10 minutes a day is hands should be pushed forward). Exhale and beneficial. As a word of caution, you are unlikely to notice contract the belly muscles, pushing in with your any big difference right away. The effects tend to be more hand to help your body get the idea. Repeat. subtle, but they will come.  The second part is rib expansion. Place your hands on the lower part of the ribcage with fingertips Here is a brief overview of how yoga works in grief. touching. When you breathe in you feel your rib cage expand. Your fingers will separate as you expand • First the breath, essential to yoga practice, is critically your ribcage on inhalation and come together on important during grief because we unconsciously exhalation. hold our breath and/or take fast shallow breaths. The  The third part involves the lungs where you feel the slow deep breathing of yoga extinguishes the fight or air rise to open the upper chest. flight response and calms the body and mind. Put it all together and intentionally inhale filling the belly, then the rib area and finally upper chest. Exhale slowly. • The poses (asanas) provide gentle stretching which Repeat. helps us feel where the tension and tightness are located, release it, and increase flexibility and strength. © Christopher Nuzzaco/fotolia.com • Mindful meditation helps us stay in the present— rather than dwelling on past regrets of “I wish I had,” 1. Anjali Mudra (hands in prayer position at the chest) is a or “If only.” It also stops us from worrying about the great centering pose to prepare for your practice. Sit cross- future, of which we have no control. Living in the legged in easy pose or legs outstretched. Close your eyes. present moment makes us aware of our pain and Take 3-5 slow deep yogic breaths (described above). sparks compassion to soothe our pain. These three processes work together to enable us to identify and cope with what we are feeling and experiencing in our grief. This process slowly facilitates healing grief. Here are a few simple poses designed to calm your nerves, relax your body, open your chest, nurture your being, and subsequently restore and heal your broken heart. • Find a quiet place free from distractions. Silence your cell phone and give yourself permission to take 5-10 minutes just for yourself. Wear comfortable clothing. • Sit comfortably in a chair with arms and hands resting comfortably in your lap (or lie on the floor, on your back, legs stretched out and relaxed and arms gently beside and away from the body.) 3 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

© f9photos/fotolia.com 2. Sphinx Pose Lie on your stomach with your elbows under © fizkes/fotolia.com your shoulders. Press your elbows into the floor as you press your heart forward towards your hands. Inhale and exhale 5. Cat Pose (Marjaryasana) Position on all fours and head slowly for 5 to 10 breaths. Then exhale and slowly release in neutral position. Inhale deeply, then exhale, round your belly and head back to the floor. Turn your head to one your spine toward the ceiling, making sure to keep your side, relax and lie quietly for 3-5 breaths. shoulders and knees in position. Release your head toward the floor, but don’t force your chin to your chest. Inhale, back to neutral “tabletop” position on your hands and knees. Or convert back to Cow Pose above. © fizkes/fotolia.com 3. Child Pose (Balasana) Kneel on the floor and sit back on your heels. Rest your forehead on the floor or a block. Curl into a ball with arms and hands on either side and relax into the posture. Breathe slowly and deeply for 5-10 breaths. © fizkes/fotolia.com © f9photos/fotolia.com 6. Legs-Up-the-Wall Pose (Viparita Karani) It can be done with a rolled up blanket under the hips or 4. Cow Pose (Bitilasana) Position on all fours with hands not. Keep the neck in a natural extension of the spine and and knees in a tabletop position, head in a neutral position open the arms to the side. Inhale slowly and deeply and and eyes looking at the floor. Inhale while you lift your sit exhale slowly and deeply. Stay in this pose for 10-15 breaths bones and chest toward the ceiling, allowing your belly and longer if desired. to sink toward the floor. Lift your head to look straight forward. This pose is usually paired with Cat Pose (below) on the exhale. Exhale, coming back to neutral “tabletop” position on your hands and knees. Repeat 10 to 15 times. (continued on page 33) We Need Not Walk Alone|3 1

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(continued from page 31) completing a few rounds of practice, you will find you are more calm and relaxed for short periods. The longer you © f9photos/fotolia.com spend in practice the longer you will feel calm. 7. Shavasana, also called Corpse Pose, is restorative. Lie I encourage you to explore yoga further. It is best learned on your back with your feet and legs from an experienced yoga instructor. Yoga classes can be slightly apart. Put your arms at your found through your local YMCA, community association, side and slightly away from the body or county adult education, parks and recreation with your palms facing upward and departments. Videos can be found on local TV stations fingers slightly curled. Close your eyes, and the Internet. Visit the www.yogajournalmag.com and relax. This is the traditional closing to google yoga classes to find a class in your city. Namaste (I most yoga practices. Relax here for at least 5 minutes, more if you have the salute the divine in you). time. End with shavasana, the corpse pose, Coralease Ruff, PhD, RN, and her husband, Willie which is where all of the previous poses became bereaved parents in 1997, following the get integrated. This is a basic minimum death of their 21-year old daughter, Kandy, in an to get started with a yoga practice to automobile accident in the Dominican Republic. help you feel better during grief. After For nearly 19 years, she has been involved in the Compassionate Friends Inc. at all levels including Chapter founder and Chapter leader, workshop presenter and member of the National Board of Directors. She has published her daughter’s life story and her grief journey in a book entitled, Her Light Still Shines. Hope arrived when I completed a meditative yoga session without crying. Hope arrived when I cried for the loss of a newer TCF member. Hope arrived during my stepdaughter’s wedding plans. Hope arrived the morning I woke up and the first thought of my son did not bring pain and instead brought a fragile smile with a sweet memory. Monica Colberg, Art’s mom TCF Minneapolis, MN Chapter Co-leader We Need Not Walk Alone|3 3

© Dasha Petrenko/fotolia.com A Grandparent’s New Normal by Jessi Winkler unconscious immediately, and breaking her neck. No, she hadn’t been in any pain. No, she didn’t suffer at all. They I’ve always heard there are moments that divide your life were airlifting her mother to Savannah because her injuries into two times: before and after. The day JFK was shot. The were too extensive for their hospital. No, she didn’t know day the Twin Towers fell. that her daughter was gone. I wanted all the details, to know exactly what had happened to steal my grandbaby For me, that day was September 12, 2014. The day my away from me, but I also wanted him to just shut up, to stop granddaughter died. saying those words…to stop making it real. Everything I was, and everything that made me, was I walked through the next week like a zombie, my skin cold shattered that afternoon. Swept away in one moment in and numb. I felt as if I had taken drugs or drank myself a small room off of the ER as the doctor tilted his head, into a stupor, but it was just the shock of grief. I kept telling clasped his hands together, looked me in the eye, and said myself that it would get better once we got past the funeral, softly, “We did everything we could, but I’m sorry. The baby once we were able to put Paisley and her mother to rest, and didn’t make it.” learn how to live without them. A wail rose in the room as his words hit home for all of us. Once again, I was wrong. Another grandmother fell to her knees. Her aunt folded in. I sat there, my entire body numb, and heard his words shout The day after the funeral I was filled with so much rage in my head over and over again until I fell forward and that I sat in the back pew at church with my hand clenched pressed my face into my hands to try and block it out. in a fist, rapping it against my thigh. I wanted to break something, to hurt somebody, to do anything to funnel off The baby didn’t make it. He gave us the details then; that the force of the impact had slammed her head into her car seat, knocking her 3 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

some of the rage and helplessness that was warring inside my eyes, and the last thing I think of when I close them at me. Sundays were the day that Paisley and her parents came night. Sometimes I imagine I can hear her tiny footsteps in over for dinner, and instead I couldn’t close my eyes without my hallway, or that I can feel her small body pressed into seeing her in the pretty white and pink casket, curled up in mine as we snuggle on the couch. There are days that I am her mother’s arms. able to block away most of the pain, and enjoy my day… After the rage died down for the moment, though it still laughing, and smiling, and making new memories. But the returns even a year later, the bafflement set in. How could pain is always there, like a broken rib that nobody can see, this be happening? People but that I can feel with every aren’t supposed to bury their breath. grandchildren. Not when I wanted to break something, to If there is a better or an easier, hurt somebody, to do anything I haven’t found it yet. I have they’re 16 months old and absolutely perfect. Not when to funnel off some of the rage and just found this new life I am they are so small and sweet forced to live in, one where my and pure. Not ever. It was helplessness that was warring granddaughter is nothing but a so ridiculous I could almost inside me. treasured memory that I carry laugh sometimes. It was like with me everywhere. I once a bad movie that I couldn’t read the phrase ‘it broke my get out of. My granddaughter heart into more pieces than was gone, and I had never once contemplated living in this it was made of.’ I think that sums up the pain better than world without her. anything else I have read. It crushed my heart into splinters, People tell you that it gets better, that one day you’ll be and even now that I’ve tried to pick up the pieces and put happy again. In a way they’re right, but at the same time them back together, it is no longer what it was before. My they are so very wrong. It isn’t better, or easier one year life was forever altered on the day Paisley died, twisted into down the road. It has just become my new reality that I’ve something I would have never imagined, into something I been forced to accept. I still live my life. I still work, and don’t like, but have to live. read, and cook, and go to church, and spend time with There are some wounds that people carry on their souls family. But the pain of not having Paisley is a shadow on that are too deep and raw to ever fully heal. The loss of a even the brightest of days. And there are harsh reminders grandchild is one of them. Those of us who are unlucky everywhere. Fall means the first day of school that she will enough to be in this club understand that. There is no never have, and Halloween costumes she will never wear. A judgment over angry words or days where you can barely little girl with long hair in a braid is an image she will never function. There is no condemnation of ‘You should be be. I will never get to take her for pedicures and lunches getting over it by now’ or ‘You really need to move on.’ We like I had planned, or spend too much money on her at are allies in this same war, and know there is no getting over Christmas. I won’t ever go to Grandparent’s Day at school it, or moving on. and have breakfast with her, or pin her artwork to my fridge There is just us, and our new normal. with a magnet. When a child dies, you don’t just lose the child. You lose the first wiggly tooth, and the first scored Jessi’s 16-month-old granddaughter, Paisley Arianna Winkler, was killed goal, and the proud graduate. You lose a piece of your in a horrible car accident, along with her mother, on September 12, 2014. family, and a piece of your heart. Jessi was a member of the Vidalia, Georgia Chapter, and finds great There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of Paisley. comfort and strength in the online TCF community. She has two surviving Sometimes she is the first thing I think of when I open grandchildren, Preston and Bre, who help her smile even on the bad days. Paisley is never far from her thoughts. We Need Not Walk Alone|3 5

2015 Worldwide Candle Lighting TCF of East Texas TCF Livonia Chapter TCF Livonia Chapter TCF of East Texas TCF Portugal TCF of East Texas TCF 3 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

TCF Houston Northwest Chapter TCF Portugal TCF Houston Northwest Chapter TCF St. Paul Chapter Join us on December 11, 2016 for the 20th Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting F of East Texas © Konstiantyn/fotolia.com TCF of Wabash Valley We Need Not Walk Alone|3 7

Sponsor the National Office The services provided by the National Office are free of charge to all who need them. In this spirit, we’re providing the opportunity for those who believe in our mission to show their support through their sponsorship of the National Office. Sponsorships are $250 per week, or $1,000 per month. Our sponsors will be displayed and remain on our website for each week or month of their sponsorship, featuring the loved one in whose memory or honor the donation is made. This past year, the staff of the National Office communicated with more than 634,000 bereaved parents, siblings, grandparents, family members, friends, professionals and chapters, via phone calls, e-mail and mail. TCF provides an Online Support Community with trained moderators, and a monthly e-newsletter is sent to over 20,000 people interested in TCF’s activities. In addition, TCF’s Facebook page communicates with more than 260,000 friends, and continues to grow. Your assistance is vital as we strive to provide help to everyone who reaches out to us. We thank our generous Sponsors of the National Office Sarah and Bob Cudahy Veterinary Kitty Edler Kitty Edler Polly and Mac Burt Clinic and Donna in memory of in memory of Moore and Robert Shampo Mark Edler in memory of Rich Edler in memory of Erin Burt in memory of Samuel James Austen Shampo Moore Our thanks to the following Chapters for their generosity (Gifts received between October 1, 2015 - June 15, 2016) Circle of Hope ($1,000-$2,499) Circle of Support ($200 - $499) #1927 Okaloosa County Chapter #1059 Billings Chapter #1199 Bridgeport Chapter in memory of their children in memory of their children in memory of their children #1625 Redwood Falls Chapter #1598 Nashville Chapter #1112 Madison Area Chapter in memory of their children in memory of their precious children in memory of their children #2068 TCF of Matsu Valley #2212 TCF Twin Forks/Hamptons #1158 Manhattan Chapter in memory of their children Chapter in memory of all their children, #2107 TCF of the District of Columbia in memory of all their children grandchildren and siblings in memory of their children #1419 Mesa-Tempe Chapter #2381 TCF of Tres Rios Circle of Caring ($500-$999) in memory of their children in memory of their children #1173 Arlington Chapter #1993 TCF of Rochester Area Chapter #1353 Tuscaloosa Area Chapter in memory of all their children, in memory of their children in memory of their children grandchildren and siblings #2434 TCF of Southeast Louisiana #1596 Verdugo Hills Chapter #1308 TCF Fairfax Chapter in memory of their children in memory of their children in memory of all their children, Circle of Friends ($50 - $199) #1850 Wolf Point Chapter grandchildren and siblings #1566 Abington Chapter in memory of their children #2168 TCF of Frankfort Kentucky in memory of their children in memory of their children, grandchildren #1188 Central Middlesex Chapter and siblings in memory of their children 3 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

An Update from the Director of Chapter Services by Terry Novy Chapter experience and work hand to hand with the National I couldn’t be more pleased with TCF’s 2016 Chapter Office. Your local Regional Leadership Training Programs (CLTP’s). I’d like to express Coordinator is the liaison my thanks to all of the program facilitators who have between the local Chapter and the donated their time to educate and reach out to the Chapter National Office. You can count leadership in their area. Special thanks goes to Ralph and on your Regional Coordinator Donna Goodrich and Ann Walsh who go above and beyond to present a Chapter Leadership facilitating numerous CLTP’s in their territory every year. Training Program in your state TCF Leadership Facebook Page: With over 600 members, and if geographically possible they will facilitate a monthly the closed Leadership Facebook page continues to be a Chapter meeting and attend a special event. I am proud to great resource. As new TCF Chapters are chartered the new work with TCF’s Regional Coordinator Team and hope that members in leadership are invited to join the Facebook you will reach out and get to know yours. page. It provides a variety of good ideas while our seasoned The following areas are in need of a Regional Coordinator: Chapter leadership answers questions. Thanks to all who Southern California, Southern New Jersey, Northern New contribute, this is a very positive place to network. York and Northern Washington. Chapter E-Newsletter: Thank you for all of the positive We are in need of Regional Coordinators for the state of comments from TCF Chapter leadership who love the Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Montana, Nevada, Chapter E-Newsletter! Our current circulations is over New Mexico, North Dakota, South Dakota, Texas and Utah. 3,000 and is steadily increasing. The National Office is able On-line Year End Reports ~ you asked for it and we are to network with all members of Chapter leadership, not working on it! One of the most common comments noted just the Chapter leader. Newly chartered Chapters receive on the 2015 Year-End Reports was “When is the National back issues and are automatically subscribed to this valuable Office going to have an on-line Year-End Report?” Stay resource. If you have any questions please email me at tuned, as the project progresses I will keep you updated. [email protected]. Do you know your Regional Coordinator? TCF’s Regional Coordinator Team consists of 52 members who all have Welcome New and Reorganzied TCF Chapters: #2484 TCF of Frisco City ~ Frisco, AL #2472 TCF of Beaufort County Chapter ~ Bluffton, SC Chartered ~ 03/24/16 Chartered ~ 10/27/15 #2481 TCF of Newport Beach ~ New Port Beach, CA #2473 TCF of Erie Pennsylvania ~ Erie, PA Chartered ~ 01/06/16 #2482 TCF of Clinton County ~ Breese, IL Chartered ~ 10/28/15 #2474 TCF of Holmes County ~ Millersburg, OH Chartered ~ 02/09/16 #2483 TCF on the Lake ~ Lakeport, CA Chartered ~ 11/02/15 #2475 TCF of Southeast Ohio ~ Logan, OH Chartered ~ 03/14/16 #2484 TCF of Frisco City ~ Frisco, AL Chartered ~ 11/09/15 #2476 TCF of Durham, NC ~ Durham, NC Chartered ~ 03/24/16 Chartered ~ 11/10/15 #2485 TCF of Central Texas ~ Gatesville, TX #2477 TCF of Brazos Valley ~ College Station, TX Chartered ~ 05/19/16 #2486 TCF of South Central Oklahoma ~ Marlow, OK Chartered ~ 11/12/15 Chartered ~ 06/15/16 #2478 TCF of Lincoln ~ Lincoln, NE #2487 TCF of Central Valley ~ Fresno, CA Chartered ~ 12/03/15 Chartered ~ 06/17/16 #2479 TCF of Juneau Alaska ~ Juneau, AK #1031 TCF of Volusia & Flagler Counties ~ Daytona/Port Orange, FL Chartered ~ 12/16/15 #1945 Treasure Coast Chapter ~ Stuart, FL #2480 TCF of Titusville, FL ~ Titusville, FL Chartered ~ 12/17/15 #2226 TCF of Brushy Creek ~ Round Rock, TX #2481 TCF of Newport Beach ~ New Port Beach, CA Chartered ~ 01/06/16 #2482 TCF of Clinton County ~ Breese, IL #2282 TCF of Fort Myers ~ Fort Myers/Cape Coral, FL Chartered ~ 02/09/16 #2382 TCF of the Woodlands Texas ~ The Woodlands, TX #2483 TCF on the Lake ~ Lakeport, CA Chartered ~ 03/14/16 We Need Not Walk Alone|3 9

With sincere gratitude and deep appreciation, we acknowledge the © believeinme33/fotolia.com generosity of the following individuals and organizations for their gifts to The Compassionate Friends. Your commitment and support are essential to fulfilling our mission. The following patron donations were received between October 1, 2015 - June 15, 2016. 4 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Simon Stephens Founder’s Monogram Communication Services Carol and Scott Davis Leslie Rolison Circle ($10,000 +) in memory of Glenn Graham in memory of Keith Davis in memory of Delaney Leigh Rolison Barb Halverson Kelly DeLine School District of Cudahy Carol and Dale Dullabaun, Sr. in memory of Mike Halverson in memory of Jacob Shafer Lisbeth and Douglas Schwab in memory of Dale Lee Dullabaun, III Heidi Horsley Brian Donohue in memory of Lori Ann Schwab Edrington Americas in memory of Scott Horsley in memory of Jack Donohue Mary and Ken Seibert Gloria and Phil Horsley Brian Janes and Gay Kahler Brandy Eddlemon in memory of Samantha Seibert and in memory of Scott Preston Horsley in memory of Laura Michelle Travis in memory of Jeffry Kelton Alexander Shirley and Roger Beene Thomas F. Kiesling Lisa and Christopher Kelley Ancient Order of Hibernians, Fr. Mr. and Mrs. Robert N. Shaffer Nationwide Mutual Insurance in memory of Jeremy Michael Kelley William Corby Division Fairfax in memory of Kelsey Ficks Company Lisa King Station, Virginia Lois and Don Sterba Jahanna and Tom Knight in memory of Kelly Elizabeth Baker in memory of Scott Andrew Beecham The President’s Circle ($5,000- in memory of David Knight Knights of Columbus, Council 8600 Andrea Thorne and Dennis Muzzi $9,999) Alfred N. Koplin Fairfax Station, Virginia in memory of Kelly Thorne Muzzi Northeastern Connecticut Chapter in memory of children lost to parents of GiGi and Ric Trentman Lynn and Jerry Clayton Jamie L.A. Pumpelly St. Mary of Sorrows Catholic Church in memory of Cecilia Trentman in memory of Justin Lee Clayton in memory of Jamie Alexandra Fairfax, Virginia Troia Foods Amy and Jeff Hubert Grimsley George Faulk in memory of Katrina Moseng in memory of James Kyle Hubert Northwest Suburban Chapter in memory of Hadley Lorg Donors from United Way Things Remembered in memory of the children of the Fike Corporation Taylor Weisleder Northwest Suburban Chapter of TCF Michele and Mark Fracasso in memory of Justin Weisleder Circle of Love ($2,500-$4,999) Phyllis, Larry and Greg Rosenthal in memory of Mark R. Fracasso David Woll in memory of Scott Rosenthal Nancy Glickman in memory of Keith Donnelly Kitty Edler Ross Rupp in memory of Jason Vance Glickman Michelle and Jim Young in memory of Mark and Rich Edler in memory of Tracy Lynne Rupp Sherry M. Haba in memory of Joshua T. Young and Firemen’s 5K Sandy and Peter Sears in memory of Steven M. Haba Kimberly D. Gant in memory of Phillip Dean, Brian in memory of Amy Marie Sears Edie and Pete Happe Collins and the Fort Worth, TX Chapter Shawnee Indians in memory of Roberta Louise Happe Circle of Support ($200-$499) children and siblings Carol Silverman Patty and Mark Johnson Erik P. Hoffmann and Nadezhda in memory of Mac Sandy Goldsmith in memory of Matthew Wallis Johnson A Butterfly’s Journey to a New Normal Kavrus-Hoffmann Sue and Karl Snepp Karen Kerner in memory of the children of ABJ and in memory of Anders Hoffmann in memory of Dave Snepp in memory of Zachary Goodman TCF Families Donors from Local Independent Pam Stephenson Capt. Robert Knetl Laila Abdelraouf Charities of America Sara, David and Blake Tagget Samantha Knowlton in memory of Kareem Elseify Mary Jo Peterson in memory of Katrina “Kara” Tagget in memory of Emma Grace Knowlton Aamaal Abdul-Malik in memory of Elsey Kirabo Mujulwa Richard Talomie The Hall Family in honor of Hamiyda and Ryan Pam Bennett-Santoro and John Santoro in memory of Joe and Daniel Talomie in memory of Elise and Rick Williams and John Butler Williams in memory of Paula Rosina Santoro Donors from The Benevity David Langer Erin Adams Karen Snepp Community Impact Group in memory of Sarah Elizabeth Langer in memory of Victoria Winchester in memory of Dave Snepp Randie Walton Mary Martin Sharon Ahnert in memory of Michael Peter Walton in memory of John E. Leao II in memory of John F. Ahnert Circle of Hope ($1,000-$2,499) Tanya and Glen Lord Barbara and Paul Albanese Circle of Caring ($500-$999) in memory of Noah Thomas Emory in memory of Douglas Paul Albanese Dianne and Richard Ammons Lord Joan Alexander in memory of Anne Ammons Barbara and Tom Allen Donors from Maryland Charity in memory of Eric Alexander, Bobby Joyce and Basil Andrews in memory of Jessica Stallings, John Campaign Klein, Roddy Toomin, and Josh Toomin in memory of Rhonda Andrews and Roger Thomson, William Andrews and Donna and Rod Mebane Roger and Marica Alig David Nunez Amanda Fancher in memory of Emma Mebane in memory of Daniel Alig Amanda Megan Aubinoe Patricia Antich Melissa Marantz Nealy Memorial Jim Atkinson in memory of Scot Huntington Aubinoe in memory of Marko Antich Fund in memory of Steve Fullen Diane and Dan Barry Judy Avrin in memory of Melissa Marantz Nealy John and Judy Austin in memory of Jim Anderson and in memory of Melissa Avrin Terena Miller in memory of Summer Rae Austin Tiffanie Amber Collins Marion and Manfred Bass in memory of Cody Miller, Dayne Harry Baertschi Giovanna Castro in memory of Glenn M. Bass Heble, and Linn Lucas in memory of Marjorie Ann Baertschi in memory of Olivia Castro Lynn and Mitch Baumeister Don Overton Toni and James Ballard Cigna Foundation Matching Gifts in memory of Matthew in memory of Josh in memory of Nicholas David Ballard Program John and Mary Bell Alan Pedersen Brenda E. Barnes Kathy and Chuck Collins in memory of Susan Elizabeth Bell in memory of Ashley Pedersen in memory of Jon Barnes-Klarner and in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins Juliette Blatherwick Olga Perry Vincent Joseph Cangro Vic Cross in memory of Edward Andrew Haffner in memory of Walter Howard Sheree Barnes in memory of Trey Cross Jan and Jim Clark Chattman, Jr in memory of Justin Barnes and Jamon Jean and Richard Dew in memory of Andrew James Clark Pfizer, Inc. Barnes in memory of Bradley Morris Dew Kay and Fred Cooke Maryann and Joe Pierzga Bonnie and William Baron Ellen and Patrick Donlon in memory of Morgan Elizabeth Cooke in memory of Jessica Lynn Pierzga in memory of Thomas Ward Baron in memory of Stephen Joseph Donlon Lois and Jay Coopeland Cathie Ridenour Leslie Barry Davidson Daniel Driscoll in memory of David Michael Copeland in memory of Kelli Ridenour in memory of Patrick Ross Davidson, Jr. in memory of Tiffany Barboza CT River Candles Joseph Rodio Karla S. and John Andrew Bell Pam and Bud Feldkamp Barbara and Roy Davies in memory of Brittany Rodio in memory of David Andrew, Thomas in memory of Chase Feldkamp in memory of Roy James Davies and Andrew and Melinda Sue Bell Mark Gedlinske Taylor Martin Davies in memory of Justin Lee Clayton (continued on page 42) Scott Gerba in memory of Bob Blanchard, Mary and We Need Not Walk Alone|4 1 Robert

(continued from page 41) Samantha Dye, Jared “Jarebear” Moss, Dorene S. Goryeb Irene Kostetsky Baby Girl O’Connell, Isabelle Snelson, in memory of Gregg T. Goryeb in memory of Daniel Kostetsky Nancy Bell Sutton Bruns and Baby Girl Bellisario- Larry Grayson Lora and David Krum in memory of Matthew Robert Bell Gottstein in memory of Donald Fisher in memory of Dylan and Gavin Krum Diana Bell-Curtis Paige and Steven Czirr Carole and James Grissom Carol and Rob Labarthe in memory of Clayton McDonnell in memory of Abby Czirr in memory of Kate Grissom in memory of Jeanna Davis Benjamin Moore & Co. Judy David and Doug Leavens Barbara Gross Carol and Larry Lamothe Suzanne and Bill Berry in memory of Andrew David Leavens in memory of James Stallings in memory of Mark Stephen Lamothe in memory of Marc Berry Angela and John Dazzo Ursula and Ron Hall Robin Landry Danny and Libby Berry in memory of Stephanie Dazzo Paterek in memory of Lisa Marie Hall in memory of Emily Anne Landry in memory of Shaun Berry and Luke Colleen and Mark DeVoe Kari Hamme Victoria and Michael Lane Hilton in memory of Brian DeVoe in memory of Nickolas Allan Hamme in memory of Brett Lane Terry and Georgia Blazevic Mary and Wayne Dietrich Margie and Hal Hankel Kay Turley and Roger Lavallee in memory of Bryce Blazevic in memory of Ashley Elizabeth Dietrich in memory of Pat Kelly and Matt Hankel in memory of Paige Mackenzie Johnson Deborah and Mario Boiardi Timothy Dillon Marie and Rod Harley Marie and Phil Levine in memory of Mario St. George Boiardi in memory of Ian Dillon in memory of Corrie Drayton Harley in memory of Peter Adam Levine Kathy Borck Cathia and Mark Duffy Denise Hayes Skip Lind in memory of Tami Borck in memory of Frank J. “Frankie” Hooker, Jr in memory of Tyler Brace Cohee in memory of Erik Lind Richard Bounds Dorothea and Stephen Dunham Ann and Mark Helfrich Reva and John Lizzadro Anne and Bob Bourne in memory of Brian Gregory Dunham in memory of Joshua George Helfrich in memory of James “Chris” Lizzadro in memory of Jonathan Bourne David Edelstein Mr. and Mrs. A. Carl Helwig Becky Logsdon-Dougherty Bravelets in memory of Brandon Edelstein in memory of Michael Helwig in memory of Darin Scott Hart LynnAnn, David and Zachary Brewer Roni and Jim Edgmon Jeffrey Hersh JoAnn Machon in memory of Benjamin Isaac Brewer in memory of Ryan Anthony Edgmon in memory of Ryan Christopher Hersh in memory of Madison Jo Gecho Mary Brickner Robbie and Frank Edwards Tim Hester, Sr. Virginia and Stephen Maguire in memory of Matthew John Brickner in memory of Alec Michael Williams in memory of Tim B. Hester, Jr. Jim Mahoney BMS Matching Gift Program Liz and Dan Einstein Lynda Holman in memory of Susan Mahoney J. Devon Brown in memory of Andrew Einstein in memory of Richie Holman Rita Malek in memory of Douglas Stuart Brown Amanda and Jay Englund Karen and Michael Horeth Barbara Manousso Mary Jo and James A. Brown in memory of Andy Englund in memory of Jordan Michael Horeth in memory of Robertinho Sunderland in memory of Glenn Brown Sue Ensley Howell Electric, Inc. Coimbra Anne, Jeff and Ryan Brubaker in memory of TSgt Kenneth Wayne Ensley in memory of Kenny Howell Jay, Christine and Megan Mauro in memory of Adam Joshua Brubaker Laura and Art Estrella Donors from IGive.com in memory of David Huberty Ross E. Bryan in memory of Brian Estrella The Irby Family Claude McKibben in memory of Becky Gleason and Paul Janice Feaga in memory of William James Irby in memory of Corey Soderstrom in memory of Travis Feaga Charlotte and Robert Irick Miriam and Kenneth McLellan Ruth Buckner Caroline K. Figenshu Janet Ivinson in memory of Donald and Mariyln in memory of Dominique Nicole Lynn in memory of Donna M. Kelly, Laura T. in memory of Thomas B. Ivinson, Jr McLellan La Torre Buckner Kelly, and Paula J. Kelly Robin Jens Lynn and Brian McNelis Sarah and Bob Burt Kristine Flannery in memory of Ty Jens in memory of Jordan Johnson in memory of Erin Burt in memory of Patrick Flannery Mickey and Barbara Johnson Maria and Brian Medina June and Ronald Byrd Helen Ford in memory of Sandy Johnson in memory of Brianna A. Medina in memory of Erika Byrd in memory of Thomas Stewart Ford Peggi and Jeff Johnson Gary Meier Betty and Donald Campbell Anne Forsythe in memory of Jordan McLeod Johnson in memory of Geoffrey and Gregory Meier in memory of David Campbell in memory of Kristin Partipilo Sandy and Jim Johnson Andrea and John Meigs Shane Canterbury Sara and John Franco in memory of Mark James Johnson in memory of Alexandra Nina Meigs in memory of Andrew Canterbury in memory of Tony Franco Michele and Steve Johnson Barbara J. Meislin Deborah Carlson Charlotte Drew and Scott Frewing in memory of Lindsay Marie Johnson in memory of Little Lady Lori and Anne in memory of Andrew Carlson in memory of Ella Hoelscher Olga Kaplan Ladd Diane Cassidy-Jaye William J. Fry in memory of Andrey Litvinenko Kent Mensing in memory of Katie Cassidy in memory of Christopher Read Fry Ruth P. Keeling in memory of Ryan Kent Mensing Dee and Richard Cervi Olivia and Ruben Garcia in memory of Cory James Keeling and Debbie and Bill Mercer in memory of Kimberly Ann Moret in memory of Lorenzo B. Garcia and all Hale Jennings in memory of Dustin Edward Mercer Susan and Gary Chan other children gone too soon Kathleen Kelleher Kathy and Steve Miller in memory of Rachael Reneé Chan Luisa and Peter Gasiewski in memory of Brendan Michael Cullen in memory of Samuel Miller Eleanor Lemann and David Cleveland in memory of Bert Adam Gasiewski Jary and Mike Kelley Johnin Mitchell in memory of Genevieve June Cleveland Kenneth Gawley in memory of Kim Kelley Kelley and John Molitor Sue and George Cobb Joan Gelb The Kelly Family Peggy Monarch in memory of Brent Cobb in memory of Lueza Wanda Jarkowski in memory of Guy Edward Kelly, IV in memory of Johnathon Monarch Elder Georgia and Bruce Cockerham Maxine and Paul Gilson - Sons of Kathy Kenst Polly and Mac Moore in memory of Zachary Owen Ward Verona Memorial Foundation in memory of Tyler Kenst in memory of Samuel James Moore Margaret Codan in memory of Michael Halpert Ann and Amrik Khadalia Claudia and Kevin Moutes in memory of Christopher Pereira Donors from Give With Liberty in memory of Priya A. Khadalia in memory of Benjamin Moutes Schoennagel De Anna M. Goodin Bob Kirk Yvonne Muro Kim Coggins in memory of Shawna Kaye Goodin in memory of Allison Kirk in memory of Alejandro Ovidio Muro- in memory of John Coggins, III Donna and Ralph Goodrich and Mike Deborah and Kenneth Knight Fuentes Cord Blood Registry Marshall in memory of Klara Morgan Knight Janet Neal in memory of Baby Boy Friesendorf, in memory of Lauren and Garth Marshall Betty and Stephan Koczan in memory of Josh Neal Abigail Torres, Byb Alstouhi-Mouawia, in memory of John Anthony Koczan 4 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone

JoAnne Nelson Norma Rollinger Diane Shihady Temple Beth Sholom in memory of Dianna Jene Nelson “Annie” in memory of Celeste Ann Kinney in memory of Mark Shihady Angie and TJ Tew Alice-Lynn and Richard Newman Karen and David Rosenthal Marti and Julien Shoemaker in memory of Adam Clark in memory of Arielle Newman in memory of Rebekah in memory of Dave Shoemaker The Kristin Rita Strouse Foundation Sharon and George Orff Beth Roth Marian and Blaine Shull in memory of Kristine Strouse in memory of Rachael Reneé Chan in memory of Leonor Ray Marie Roth in memory of her God daughter Kay Thomas and Timothy Harasek Ingrid and Rick Otter Ann and Marv Rubin Sue and Phil Simonson in memory of Elliot Grayson Thomas in memory of Ricky Otter in memory of Robert E. Dahmen in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson Robert Vaught Diane and Richard Panke Sara Ruble Melba and Glenn Smit Los Amigos Compasivos in memory of John Richard Panke in memory of Scott Michael Jessie in memory of Henry Charles Smit in memory of all their children Cookie and Sal Parisi Lucretia and Doyle Ruff Caroline Smith Nivia Vazquez in memory of Jennifer Marie Parisi in memory of Keri Young in memory of Steven Gerard Smith in memory of Jose Francisco “Yoito” Barbara J. Parsons Arlene and Robert Ruggiero Mary and Jeff Smith Barreto Daniel Pearson in memory of Brenda Joan Ruggiero in memory of Joseph “Tucker” Smith Leslie Sinclair von Wiesenberger in memory of Justin Pearson Clayton Samels and Paula Ignizio Anne, Jim and Ben Snively in memory of Zander von Wiesenberger Claudia and Steve Phillips in memory of Robert Clayton Samels in memory of Jacob Patrick Snively Nancy Wallace Briordy in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins Wilbert Schmidt Mark Snyder in memory of Daniel Wallace Rebecca Pinder Barbara Schrage Susan, Larry, and Hillary Sousa Deborah and Richard Warner in memory of Jana Elizabeth Pinker and in memory of Olivia Mary Katherine in memory of Nathan Sousa in memory of Joshua Warner Laura Kahler Cerone Rosemary Dooley Steven Warsaw Dila Pjeternikaj Patty & David Schwartz Rhonda and Thomas Steele and The in memory of Noah Warsaw Cheri and Gerry Plath in memory of Andrew J. Schwartz Dylan Creelman Memorial Trish and Matt Webb in memory of Mark Todd Plath Donna and Bob Shampo in memory of Dylan Edward Creelman in memory of Tanner Webb Marie Polega in memory of Austen Shampo Thomas Steele Colleen and Bob Weber in memory of Emily Munson Norman and Rose Sharp in memory of Christopher Steele in memory of Michael Weber Carmen and Jeff Pope in memory of Diana Sharp and Priscilla and Mat Summers Varda and Arnie Wendroff in memory of Tom and Christopher Pope Evangelina Hubik in memory of Jake Summers in memory of Lauren Michelle Wendroff Diane Reed Robert Sharples Nancy Swart and Ron Rachesky Sandra Werner in memory of Josh Reed in memory of Paul Sharples in memory of Eric Swart Rachesky in memory of Matthew Werner Carol Rhodebeck Diana and David Shelton Suzanne and Mike Sylvina Sara Jane White in memory of Steve Burge, Mel Heckert, in memory of Mindy Lea Shelton in memory of Stacy Sylvina Connell in memory of John William Warren, III Drake Heckert, Chuck Wachtel, Ryan Susan Shepard TCF of Contra Costa County Thomas Rosenbeck and Christa Elaine in memory of Lucas Goettsche in memory of their children (continued on page 44) Rosenbeck We Need Not Walk Alone|4 3

(continued from page 43) Sophia Altieri Cynthia Aubrey Sharon Baughman in memory of Ian Altieri, Adam Altieri, in memory of Griffin Aubrey in memory of Rachel A. Baughman JSue Williams Stacey Green and Haley Paff Judith Aurand Gloria and Michael Beal in memory of Bernard Calvin Williams Pam and Bob Altman in memory of Amy Louise Luepkes in memory of Ian Michael Beal Cynthia Wilson in memory of Angela Rose Altman Peggie L. Avila Bob Beaty in memory of Kenny Wilson Jason Altman in memory of Aaron Mario Avila in memory of B. Marshall Beaty, III Gwen and Don Wilson in memory of Aaron James Altman Cathy and Carl Baab Judy Beaudet in memory of Sarah Lynn Carmichael Sheri Amato in memory of Colden Bernard in memory of Ryan Beaudet Bohdanna Witiuk and Doug Cook in memory of Eric James Kalber Michelle and David Babin Brian Beaulieu in memory of Cameron Spencer Cook Donors from Amazonsmiles in memory of Nicholas Babin in memory of Brittany Beaulieu and Donna Wittmayer Nancy Amstad-Hite Randall Bachman Billy Beaulieu Maochun Ye in memory of Seth H. Martin Marcia and Bob Bailey Mary Beckenholdt Dee-Etta Young Marijon Ancich in memory of Rob Foster and Lynn Bailey in memory of Daniel William in memory of Jeffery James Jimenez in memory of Erin Carole Bailey Beckenholdt and Wanda Louise “Lu Denise Anderson in memory of Matthew John Bailey Lu” Nester Circle of Friends ($50-$199) in memory of Corey Anderson and Chris and Deanna Bailey Linda Becker Christian Anderson in memory of Solon Lawrence Bailey in memory of Devon Becker Dixie and Mike Aarstad Doris L. Anderson and William Theiler Bailey Perian Behnke in memory of Krystal Aarstad in memory of Bettye Rosenberg Renee and Earl Bailey in memory of Pamela Dolgos Nita and Paul Aasen K.K. Anderson in memory of Melissa Renee (Bailey) Renee Beisswanger in memory of Erik Aasen and David in memory of Barry Gordon Anderson Wolfram in memory of David D. Rouss Aasen Sarah and Ken Anderson Liisa and Mike Bakula James Belanic Lynne and Les Abcug Maureen and Roger Anderson in memory of Michael James Bakula Helen and Presley Belcher in celebration of Jeremy Marc Abcug in memory of Melanie Anderson Sandy Balbach in memory of her son Bob Abrams Sharon and Scott Anderson in memory of Rick Wm. Balbach Debra and Patrick Bell in memory of Marc Abrams in memory of Ashton Anderson Liana and Carlos Baldor in memory of Andrew John Donna Abrams Dawn and William Anderson in memory of Ana Maria Randall and Nancy Bell in memory of Cheryl Denise Rumpff in memory of Rachael Anne Anderson Sue and Robert Ballenger in memory of Marc Randall Bell Gina M. Accolo Linda Angelo in memory of Ben Ballenger Rosemary and Tom Benner in memory of Roxanne Harriet Accola in memory of Melanie Gehm Dianne Ballesty in memory of Scott Thomas Benner Charlotte Adair Mary Ellen Ankeney in memory of Peter Kevin Ballesty Roseanna Bennett in memory of Jennifer and Matt Adair Anonymous Donors Brenda Balmelli in memory of Rachael Michelle Bennett Frances Adams Michael Antoine in memory of Jordan Day Darlene Bensin in memory of Jason, Michael, and in memory of Zheng-Lee and in honor Marsha and Greg Bannon in memory of Becki M. Bensin Bryan Baughman of Helen Lin and her family in memory of Curt Bannon Andrea and Dennis Benson Judith H. Adams Ginny and Phil Anuszewski Theresa and Henry Baranowski in memory of Shane Lewis in memory of Michael David Adams in memory of all the children of the in memory of Rebecca “Becky” Baranowski Jean Berl Charlotte Addington Saratoga Springs Chapter Elizabeth Barbera in memory of Andrea Robinson in memory of Mary Shawn Addington Marge and Steve Anzalone in memory of Jay Jimenez Andrea Berman and Mark Karas Valerie Ahmuty in memory of Jenny Anzalone Sherrie Barfield in memory of Ella Rose Biggio and in memory of Shannon Collins Aon Foundation in memory of Brad Barfield Nicole Rose Berman Carol J. Aines Debbie and Jeff Appell Carol and Don Barkin Arline and Sol Bernstein in memory of Curtis Michael Rawson in memory of Dale Dullabaun, III in memory of Lisa Barkin Gootman in memory of Harriet Napoli and Pat Akerly Florence Arkans Deb Barland William Napoli in memory of Steven Akerly in memory of Rick Arkans in memory of Jospeh Barland Mr. and Mrs. Don Berry Carol Alexander Ruth and Glenn Armes Larry Barnard in memory of CT State Police Officer in memory of Stacey Ann (Alexander) in memory of Steven Glenn Armes in memory of Angela ‘Angy’ Barnard Robert Berry and Roxanne Berry Price Beverly Armstrong Rev. and Mrs. Jack L. Barnes Denny and Gary Berry Carol Alexander in memory of Chrissy Lindquist and in memory of Eddie Barnes and Greg in memory of Ben Berry in memory of Jessica Stebbins Harry Lindquist Skinner Joyce Berry Sherry Alexander Terri and Bill Armstrong Tom Barnes in memory of Scott Eric Miller in memory of Shawn Michael Green in memory of Mary Elizabeth Armstrong in memory of Terry Dabney Patricia and Bruce Bertrand Rich Alilire Ivy Armstrong Jackie and Tony Barnette in memory of Erica Renee Bertrand in memory of Rudy and Helen Alilire in memory of Nell Mae Strength in memory of Jessica Barnette and LCPL Bryan Pahl Bertrand USMC and Erin Burt Jackie Kay Armstrong Diane C. Barnsley Kay and Rodney Bevington Helen and Danny Allen in memory of Tommy Matthew Smith in memory of Edward Barnsley in memory of Rhonda Bevington in memory of Jeremy Allen Janet Artino Nancy Barras Mary Jane and Mark Biase Eric Allen in memory of Cody Walker Simms in memory of Dylan James Barras in memory of Christopher Biase in memory of Xavier Joseph Allen Karen and James Artuso Charlene and Stephen Barron Elizabeth Bibee Gail Bliss Allen in memory of Gregory Artuso in memory of Adam Barron in memory of Maddoc Colacurcio in memory of Garth Humberto Allen Patricia Ashton Gail Bartley Nancy Bielawski Henry Allen in memory of David Allen Ashton in memory of John David Stacey Francoias Blussean and Stephen in memory of Patricia June Allen Judy Assalone Denice Bartucci Bingham Jerry Allen in memory of Vincent D. Assalone Pat Barwood in memory of Sylvia Bingham in memory of Lyn Marie Allen Yvette and Robert Astrowsky Geary in memory of Kevin Barwood Mary Lou Bishop Marcia Allen in memory of Jeffrey Astrowsky Pauline Cleary Basil in memory of Timothy John Bishop in memory of Haley Allen Joy Atkinson in memory of John Francis Cleary Bill Black Donors from Allina Workplace Giving in memory of Nell Mae Strength Mimi and Merle Bauer in memory of Anthony James Black Campaign in memory of Heidi Lynn Bauer Amy, Brad and Garrett Almond in memory of Carlie Almond 4 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Kevin Blackburn Bette and Jack Brennan Faye and Jim Bundy Karen and Ken Carr in memory of Wesley James Blackburn in memory of Michael Thomas Brennan in memory of David J. Bundy in memory of Kevin Carr Susie Blackburn Marjorie Brewer Harriet Burak Luisa M. Carrion in memory of Robin Lynn Clark in memory of Douglas and Susan Brewer in memory of Michael Jonathan Burak in memory of Andre M. Carrion Mattingly Marjorie Yslita Brewer Linda and Terry Burk Alicia and Rodolpho Carrizales Rhonda Blankenship in memory of Douglas and Susan Brewer in memory of Joshua Burk in memory of Brian Estrella in memory of John Alex Blankenship Dorothy and James Briggs Laura Burnham Evelyn Casale Patricia Block in memory of Marcia Ann Briggs in memory of Darryl Anne Burnham in memory of Anthony S. Casale Katherine Bloom Shirley Brinegar and Linda Inchiostro Elisa Casella in memory of Kira Bloom and Maurice in memory of Bert Rich Kelley and Vince Burns in memory of Marc Anthony Casella Schiffer Joan Brinkley Smith in memory of Linda Schoemer Fischer Suzanne Cassel Mona Blumstein Ed Brochu and Daniel Fischer in memory of Greg Cassel in memory of Emma Blumstein in memory of Greg and Terry Shirley and Jim Burnside Ena Castro Suzanne Boehm Rhonda and Randy Brockhouse in memory of Kirk Burnside in memory of Deboarh Castro in memory of Nick Boehm in memory of Tommy Brockhouse Kim and John Burril Theodore and June Cathcart Lynn and Bob Boelk Sharon Brockway in memory of Jamie Wayne Darrow in memory of Theodore K. Cathcart, in memory of Chris Boelk in memory of Clinton Brockway Kathleen Burrous III (Todd) Mr. and Mrs. Bolduc Cynthia and Leonard Broderick in memory of Andrew Burrous Beverly Cavanaugh in memory of Barbara Bolduc Larson in memory of Jamie jo Broderick Patricia D. Burrow in memory of Holly Cavanaugh Mary Ann Boling Fernandez in memory of Allen Croix Carol Cavin in memory of Steven Matthew Boling Amy and Mark Brokering Laura and Bob Burrows in memory of Kelley Michelle Cavin Mary and Craig Bonda Leah Bronner in memory of Matthew P. Darby, Greg Janet Celly in memory of Stephen Holmgren in memory of Sigrid Anna Bronner Domonique, Anthony DeLisi-Conte, in memory of Eric Johnson Linda Bondra Sharon Bronsberg Steven DeLisi, Sean Quintiliani, Sheri Center in memory of Kirsten Brooke Bondra in memory of Brian Joseph Matthew J. Ferrara and Maggie DeLisi in memory of Meadow Center Marston Patricia and Conrad Boterweg Pat Bronstein Laurie Burstein-Maxwell Janet Chambers in memory of Scott Conrad Boterweg in memory of Kate Alison Bronstein in memory of Daniel Porter Maxwell in memory of Jennifer Chambers James Anibal A. Boucugnani Sandra and Tom Brooker Dennis Burt Rekha Chandra in memory of Maria-Victoria in memory of Daniel S. Brooker in memory of Erin Burt in memory of Nayan Chandra Boucugnani Joy and Chuck Brown Heidi and Larry Butler Paula and Frank Chapman Lynda Boucugnani-Whitehead in memory of Charles Christopher Brown Jacqueline and John Bylsma in memory of Nathan Alan Chapman in memory of Maria-Victoria Susan and James Brown in memory of Jed Bylsma Janet Chapman Boucugnani in memory of Andrew Adams Brown Lisa Cabe in memory of Jesse Greenberg Rachel Boudreau Linda Brown Sally and Richard Calabrese Lynette Charity Marty and Mike Bourland in memory of Brad Wildasw in memory of Kelly Ann Calabrese in memory of Beverly Joanne Charity in memory of Steve Bourland Peggy Brown Kathie and Gary Calandra Wendy Sue Charlton Beverly Bousson in memory of Jason Craig Brown in memory of J.D. Calandra in memory of Rose Elizabeth Charlton in memory of Whit Roush and Trevor Theresa Brown Kathie and Gary Calandra Ingrid Chartrand Mazur in memory of Mickey, Leila and Kenny in memory of John David Calandra (J.D.) in memory of Sonya Robert Bowdoin Cynthia Brown Coyle Gerald Caldwell Joyce Chauncey in memory of Christina M. Bowdoin in memory of Michael J. Brown in memory of Jeremy Caldwell in memory of Rick Chauncey Betty Bowen Inara Brubaker Carol and Ed Callahan Barbara and Eric Chazen in memory of Robert Bowen in memory of Erika Jane and Anora in memory of Megan Ashley Doyle in memory of Geoffrey David Chazen Karen Bowen Elaine Brubaker The Cameron Family Renauld and Anna Cherven in memory of Ryan Michael Bowen Bill and Terry Bruggemann in memory of Justin Michael Cameron in memory of Philip M. Cherven James M. Bowie in memory of Thomas Wayne Debbie and Charlie Camp Barbara Chiulli Dorothy Boynton Bruggemann, Michael Vincent in memory of Charles J. Camp (Joe) in memory of Philip Panetta in memory of Denise Lynne Sanders Bruggemann, and Geralyn Marie Mary Camp Bernie and Tom Chrismer Christina Bradley Bruggemann in memory of Zachary James Camp in memory of Carolyn Marie Chrismer in memory of Derek Scott Bradley Martha and Michael Brunet Jeffrey S. Campbell Julie Christensen Mary Jo and Keith Bradley in memory of Andrew Seth Burnet, Jennifer Campola in memory of Brian P. Estrella in memory of Margaret L. Bradley Mary DePeter and Gregory Moss in memory of Anthony “TJ” Campola Larry Christensen Mary and Vern Bradley Sally Bruno J and S Canfield in memory of Andy and Cameron in memory of Terri Bradley in memory of Jennifer Lynn Oliver in memory of Danica Christensen Jan Kameros Mr. and Mrs. Paul Brustowicz Janet and Julian Cannon Sharon Christenson in memory of Cathy Bradway in memory of Brian, Stefan, and Kyle in memory of Julie Cannon in memory of Pamela Molatore Baggett Joan Brady Brustowicz Ann Marie Capozzi Chaela Christianson in memory of James and Kimy Fissel Joanne Buckalew in memory of Michael V. Capozzi and in memory of Damon Vincent Vivian and Ron Bragg in memory of Stacy Buckalew Douglas Bucci Christianson in memory of Jonathan Bragg Joanne and Glenn Buehler Elizabeth and Virgil Carden Barbara Christoff Joan and Frank Brauch in memory of Kevin Anthony Buehler in memory of Tori Schooley in memory of Brian Michael Christoff in memory of Timothy Michael Brauch Jeanne Buesser Doris L. Carey Jane Chu Sheila and Leon Braunagel in memory of Danny Buesser, Randi in memory of Travis Dion Stone Michele Ciancola in memory of Kirsten Finkelstein, Nancy Garment and Joey Elizabeth Carfi in memory of Joseph Paul Ciancola, III Lynne and James Breiner Sachs in memory of Blake Carfi Heidi Cimilluca in memory of Matthew J. Breiner Vicki Bullaro Dawn Carlton in memory of Linda Fischer Dorothy Brennan in memory of Craig Bullaro in memory of Barbie Carlton Rebecca Clark in memory of Jenne Guyette Madelaine and George Bullwinkel Louis Carosa in memory of Justin Clark and Jason in memory of Gisa Bullwinkel in memory of Kevin G. Carosa Ryan Carron (continued on page 46) We Need Not Walk Alone|4 5

(continued from page 45) Diane and Robert Collicott Chris and Cori Cooper Tricia and Marsha Daniels in memory of Mandee Collicott in memory of Cassidy Linn Cooper Janet and Jim Darcy Tia Clarke Gordon Collins Ms. Eleanor M. Cordeiro in memory of Donna Dee Culler in memory of Matthew Gumberg in memory of Cynthia Lee Kessler in memory of Jared Robert Cordeiro Edith L. Darin Corinne Clay, Precision Well Drilling, Kari Jae Collins Maria Correia in memory of Janet Elaine Darin Inc. in memory of Damèon Marcus Collins in memory of Miguel Correia Reed Darsey in memory of Micholas Sebastian Ortiz and Pernell “Freedom” White Linda Corrigan in memory of Johanan Darsey Patti and Michael Clayman Ray and Eileen Collins in memory of Rob Corrigan Cynthia and Bob Daugherty in memory of Max Clayman in memory of Gavin Collins Deborah Cortes in memory of Abby Czirr David Clayton Barnet Coltman in memory of Adam James Cortes Pam and Bruce Dauphin in memory of Zach Clayton in memory of Robert Coltman and Eve Mr. and Mrs. Eddit Cortes in memory of Quian Dauphin Carol, Robert, and Kirsten Clegg Lorie Greenstein in memory of Edward Vincent Cortes Sue & Gus Davis in memory of Nic Clegg Linda Colville Maria Cota in memory of Stephanie Davis Deb Clements in memory of Ronald W. Necco, Sr. and in memory of Anthony R. Cota, Jr Marilyn Davis in memory of Darcie Saint Clements Brandon M. Necco Doris Cotton in memory of Stacy J. Davis Caterina Coccimiglio Mary Comly in memory of Bubba Cotton Patricia Davis in memory of Renee Coccimiglio Linda and Mike Commuso Patricia Cotton in memory of Brian Keith Weber and Barbara Cody in memory of Zachary Commuso in memory of Heather Marie Cotton Michael Davis in memory of Daniel W. Cody Susan Conley Leeann and Lester Cowden Sandi and Bill de St. Aubin Mr. and Mrs. E.B. Coggins, Jr. in memory of Brian William Conley Sharon and George Craig in memory of Timmy de St. Aubin in memory of Elizabeth Rose Coggins Jay & Audrey Conners in memory of Isaac Burle Craig Deborah and Gary Dearman Irv and Margo Cohen in memory of Leslie Ann Conners Cindy Cranfield in memory of Donovan Ray Dearman in memory of Alex Cohen Regina Connolly in memory of Jared Redden Martha deFord Carnes Ronald Cohen in memory of Michael Neal Greene Diane Crosby in memory of Gregory deFord Klein in memory of Jesse Ray Cohen Susan and Bryan Connolly in memory of Jill Marie Crosby Nancy Del Pilar Mary E. Cohn in memory of Ethan Patrick Connolly Margaret and John Cross in memory of Robert M. Del Pilar in memory of Jaynae Alyssa Littlejohn Carol Connors in memory of Colleen Fay Cross Theresa and Victor Del Regno Beverly Colbert in memory of Michael Connors Steve and Jean Cross in memory of Andrew C. Del Regno in memory of Matthew Colbert Carrie Cook in memory of Stacie Rae Cross Barbara DeLano Toni and Kingston Cole in memory of Jonathan Cook Lori Crossen in memory of Michael C. McManus in memory of Travis William Cole Doris Cook in memory of Nicholas Crossen Becky and Mike Delcambre Wendy and Tom Coleman in memory of Randy Madalene and Thomas Crouthamel in memory of Mandy Jo Delcambre in memory of Gabrielle Simpson Mary Cooley in memory of Thomas Crouthamel, Jr. Debbie DeLollis Cerminaro in memory of Patrick Adam Cooley and Annalise Crouthamel Cheryl DeLong Robert Colflesh Amy Cooper Lesly Crowder in memory of Kyle Moore in memory of Michael H. Mitchell, Jr. in memory of Jonathon Gottlieb in memory of Ryan Crowder Cheryl DeLong and Michael A. Colflesh Kathy and Tom Crowley in honor of Patricia, Will and Eric Moore in memory of Timmy Crowley Lisa Delong 4 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone Monica Csorny in memory of Justin Delong in memory of Lauren Marie Csorny Maureen DeMaioribus Barbara Culver in memory of Ann M. DeMaioribus in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson Mary Jo Dempsey Deborah J. (Hunter) Cummens in memory of Michael Joseph Furman in memory of Michael Jon Hunter Margie and Robert Denlinger Kathy Cummins in memory of Robert E. Denlinger, Jr. in memory of Ryan James Cummins (Rob) Sandy and Dick Cunha Jill Derickson in memory of Brett Shaad in memory of Debra Neidrauer Susan and Craig Cyr Debra Dermack Martha and Joe D’Agostino in memory of Melissa Ditta in memory of Liz Schermerhorn Shelley and Jerry Deromedi Bonnie Dahl in memory of Jennifer Deromedi in memory of Jeffrey Taylor Dahl Lynn and Charles Derrick Ms. Darnell Dahly in memory of Michael Derrick in memory of Shannon Kalamanski Joseph DeSantis Mr. and Mrs. John Dahmus in memory of Donnamarie and Joseph, Maria and Mark Dailey Jr. DeSantis in memory of Christopher Gene Dailey Deutsche Bank Americas Foundation Eileen Driscoll Dandan Walter Dever in memory of Bahija Dandan in memory of Joshua Dever and John Eileen Driscoll Dandan Strassder in memory of Bahija Dandan, Brian Sandra and Jon Devermann Sirotzke, Kurt Vavra, Ryan Pondelick, in memory of Matthew Ashcraft Bill Krawisz and Cassie Geary Lu and Gary DeVries Vickie and Denny Danford in memory of Mandy Wallenburg in memory of Brian Danford Cindy DeWolfe Alison Daniel in memory of Cammy and Kyle in memory of Corey Alan Morrow DeWolfe

Judy Dexter Joan Duggan Ana Esquivel-Ibarra Sharon and Tom Fischer in memory of Gage LaFontaine in memory of Julie Duggan in memory of Mateo Ibarra in memory of Jodi Lynn Fischer and Patricia Deyo Geno Duhaime Patricia Essenmacher Jeffrey Thomas Fischer in memory of Christopher Michael and in memory of Michael Anthony in memory of Megan Essenmacher Beth Fish Casey M. Deyo Duhaime and Andrew Martin Duhaime Joanne Estes in memory of Dan Wilber Jill and Ed DeYoung Donna and Torrey Duink in memory of Colby McCarthy and Cheryl and Bill Fisher in memory of Stephen R. Fava in memory of Austin Grant Duink Madelyn Weeks in memory of Jesse W. Fisher Lynn and Ron Dickerson Michael Duncan Dan Etheridge Yolanda Fishkin in memory of Ryan Hunter Dickerson in memory of Jon Ashley and Jamison in memory of Matthew Etheridge in memory of Sammy Fishkin Robin Didricksen-Read Michael Duncan Janelle and Fred Etoch Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Fitzgerald in memory of Evelyn Susan Didricksen- Sharon Duncan and Diane Kizer in memory of Evan Etoch in memory of Joseph C. Fitzgerald, Jr Read in memory of Daniel Duncan Ben and Nancy Evans Helen and John Flaherty Emily Dietz Malvina Durham in memory of David Emlen Evans in memory of Bridgette Flaherty in memory of Andy Dalton in memory of Felix Furman Kimberly Evans Penny and Manny Flecker Carol DiFelice Carole Dyck in memory of Jimmy Poffinbarger, in memory of 1LT Norman T. Flecker Barbara Dimmick in memory of Christopher Peter Dyck Nicole Johnson and Kealeigh Boznango Kathleen Flett in memory of Christopher Dimmick Darline Dye Cecelia Everet in memory of Kathleen Emma Flett Pat and Jim Dinsmore in memory of Sally Anne Dye O’Connor in memory of Cheryl Weigle H.R.H. Fleur in memory of Mark Dinsmore and Pat and Jeff Dyson Exxonmobil in memory of Errol Lewis Hughes Rachel Talbott in memory of Sawyer Reed JoAnne and Augie Fabietti Jill and Gerald Flingos Cathy DiNucci Dr. and Mrs. Ralph Eastman in memory of Thomas Fabietti in memory of Pamela Flingos in memory of Michael James DiNucci in memory of Ralph Michael Eastman Bernard Faller Victoria Flood Brigid and Jeff DiPaolo Sue Ebersold in memory of Robert H. Faller in memory of Kyle Moore in memory of Clairee Beth DiPaolo in memory of Allie Jana Ayers Ken and Jackie Fanion James Flotte Arlene L. DiPietro Judy Ebert in memory of Mark A. Fanion in memory of Jimmy in memory of Andrew Scott McDavid in memory of Christine Ebert and Jerry Fankhauser Eugene Flynn Joanne and William Dipp unborn son in memory of Ben Fankhauser in memory of Amy Braaten in memory of Adam Dipp Penny Ecord Carol and Michael Farina Joan Fogel John Dittmer in memory of Robert Don Knapp in memory of Vincent K. Farina in memory of Joseph Fogel in memory of Benjamin Dittmer Julie and Bill Edgar Brenda and Jim Farler Bernard Foldy Barbara and Chuck Dixon in memory of Michael Edgar in memory of Joshua Farler in memory of Holly Foldy in memory of Christopher Lee Dixon James Elder Roanna and David Farley Lois Follstaedt Susan Dixon in memory of Mark Edler in memory of Amber Boyd in memory of Patrick Maloney in memory of Jennifer Kristine Klocke Donna Edmiston Rosanna and David Farley Cheryl Ford Denise Doherty in memory of Paul Donald Edmiston in memory of Robin Baptista in memory of Chase Du Vall in memory of Meghan Collins Jimmy and Carol Egoian Gina Farmer Natalie and Troy Ford Ed Dominguez in memory of J. Blake and C. Egoian in memory of Barry Lee Farmer in memory of Janet Ford Lambert in memory of Brian Estrella Carol, Jimmy, Tisha, Whitney and Gloria Fava Brenda Forrest Eleanor and Ken Donatelli Cole Egoian in memory of Stephen Ronald Fava in memory of Sharon Burns in memory of Michael J. Donatelli in memory of James ‘Blake’ Conell Egoian Sharon Felder-St. Clair Nancy and Doug Fortier James Donnelly Colleen Ehret in memory of Michael Dale St. Clair, Jr. in memory of Jeffrey Brian Fortier in memory of Caitlyn Albrecht in memory of Brandt Koehler Jessica and Buddy Feldkamp Heather and Daniel Fosdick Kathleen Dougherty Kenneth Eichhorn in memory of Chase Feldkamp in memory of Ruby Danielle Fosdick in memory of Vincent Gabriel Rivera in memory of Adam Eichhorn Marilyn Feldstein Degie Foskey and Andrew Tyler Rivera Kathy and Dennis Einck in memory of Laura Feldstein in memory of Ryan Foskey Carl Douglas in memory of Brad, Brenda and Brian Carol Fenimore Gwen Foster in memory of Barry Douglas Einck in memory of Roma R. Jadick in memory of Tyler Brandon Godwin Joanne Douglas Linda and Tom Eisenmayer Mr. and Mrs. Richard Fennell Lynne and Roger Foster in memory of Katie Douglas in memory of Elizabeth Eisenmayer in memory of Richard Fennell Jr. (Ricky) in memory of Mark Jason Foster Caryl Dow Roxanne and Larry Ellis Martha and Dick Fenoglio Brenda Fox in memory of Justin David Chaboot in memory of Adam D. Ellis in memory of Judith Fenoglio Daw in memory of Freda Hopkins and Keith Denise and Randy Dowell Bill English Janet Ferjo Hopkins in memory of Victoria Dowell in memory of Scott English in memory of Daniel Paul Rains Susan and Gerald Fox Elaine and Paul Drack Ellen Ensel and Fenwick Anderson Dianne Fichter in memory of Bill and David in memory of Lisa E. Drack in memory of Lowell Ensel in memory of Michael Justin Hoggard Marilyn Frandzel Fr. Rodney Drake, M.D. Ronda and Tim Erbele Rosina and David Figanbaum Maria Franjul-Ruff in memory of James F. Drake in memory of Cassidy R. Erbele in memory of Terri Figanbaum in memory of Luis Lara Linda and Steve Dressler Barbara Erickson Larry and Lynn Fijas Danna Frank in memory of Jessica Lauren Dressler in memory of Macy Wray Erickson in memory of Frank Przybylak in memory of Dustyn Frank Cindy Driskill Margery Eriksson Antonia Filipiak Cheryl and Thomas Freiberg in memory of Kristin Rae Driskill in memory of Andrew Arvid Frederick in memory of Leon Carey Harwood, II in memory of Matthew Freiberg Brian Dubay and Emily Elizabeth Horne Andrea Filtzmoyer Karen Fried in memory of Seth Brian Dubay Mary Jeanne and William Ermatinger in memory of Karen Filtzmoyer in memory of Chloe Genevieve Fried Betty Dubinin in memory of Kathy Ermatinger Allison and Mark Finkelstein Jennifer and Jay Friedman in memory of Sara Elizabeth Dubinin Karen and Robert Erwin in memory of David Samuel Finkelstein in memory of Owen and Lani Friedman and 3 precious babies in memory of Jill Christene Erwin Jocelyn Fiorello Consorcia Friend Felice Debois Donna and Carmine Esposito in memory of Michelle Fiorello Joseph and Betina Frisone in memory of our daughters in memory of Carmine M. Esposito, III Judith Fis in memory of Donna Marie Frisone and Maria Josefina Frisone (continued on page 48) We Need Not Walk Alone|4 7

(continued from page 47) Mary and Howard Goetz, Jr. Phyllis Griggs Nancy Harber in memory of Howie Goetz, III in memory of Karl Griggs, Wendy W. in memory of Caroline Elizabeth Nicola Fritsky Glady and Pete Goicoechea and Geroge H.W. Harber in memory of Erik Andrew Nielsen in memory of Raymond Baptista “Tista” Sherry E. Grosky Mr. and Mrs. Robin Hardy Maureen and Dean Goicoechea Mary and Joe Gross in memory of Patricia in memory of 2 Lt Friedrich Fromm Larry Goitia in memory of Laura Gross, Luka Kell Joan Harmon Stephanie Fuller in memory of Brian Estrella and Jeff Hoxie in memory of Erin Pelster in memory of Robin Nicole Troupe Nancy Goitia Patricia J. Grosse Marcella Harms Paula and Larry Funk in memory of Brian Estrella in memory of Kristen Baltes Norman in memory of Jeff Harms and Janya in memory of Anna Lynn Funk and Lucy Harris and Thomas Gold Terry and Sherri Groves Eubanks Michael Austin in memory of William Gold in memory of Stacey Rakes Melinda Harnish Dawn Gadd Rita Goldfarb Cathleen and Dan Grzanich in memory of in memory of Jesse Gadd C. Gomez in memory of Clair Therese Grzanich Robert A. (Bobby) Harnish, III and Barbara Gaffney in memory of Brian Estrella Muriel Gunawardana Erin Mobley in memory of Jebediah Gaffney Noreen Gomez in memory of Desmond Gunawardana Pat and John Haro Kym and Rich Gaissl in memory of Laura Holtz Judy Gundling in memory of Brian Estrella in memory of Jason R. Arcaro Imelda and Wally Gonzalez in memory of Adam Gundling Patti and Carroll Harrison June and Bob Gallagher in memory of Genoveva (Jennie) Betty and Dennis Haaland in memory of Kaitlin Marie Harrison in memory of Thomas Brendan Gallagher Gonzalez in memory of Aaron Dennis Haaland Claire Harrison Debbie and Michael Galleher Judy Gorham Jeannie and Gary Haas in memory of Michael Raymond Harrison in memory of Adam Davis Galleher in memory of Darrell Gorham in memory of Steven Haas Sandy and Brian Harter Gary Gameson Roger Gosselin Mary Haas in memory of Nicholas Harter in memory of John Eric Gameson in memory of Jamie L. Gosselin, Butchy in memory of Ellen Haas Susan Hartness Carol and Robert Gantenbein Rodak, Rose Gosselin and Cheryl Rosemary and Daniel in memory of Randy Ladd in memory of Randy Allen Gantenbein Bassett in memory of Janice Haemmerle Lesa and Allen Hartranft Mr. and Mrs. James Garde George Govatos Krumanaker and Stephen Daniel in memory of Ryan Allen Hartranft Holly Garrett in memory of Laura Govatos Haemmerle Spencer Hatton Robert Lewis Garrett, III Rhonda and Jerry Gowey Cary Hagen in memory of Jed in memory of Robbie Lewis Garrett, IV in memory of Joseph Gowey in memory of Hagen Jeffrey James Rhonda and Shawn Hawkins Anne Gassere Rick Goyne Joy Hagens in memory of Dalton E. Hawkins in memory of Cameron Victor Gassere in memory of Kathryn Elizabeth in memory of Sean Murray Terry Hayes and Amelia Josephs Pamela and David Graham Pamela and Christopher Hagens in memory of Tyler Orsow and Tony Julie Gavito in memory of Evan Lloyd Graham in memory of Samuel Hagens Wagstaff in memory of Colter Gavito, Blake Patricia Gratton Pamela Hagerty Lisa and Brett Hebert Pressler, and Cassidie Casebolt in memory of David Gratton and Mary in memory of Katie Ann Hagerty in memory of Trent J. Hebert Pam and Tom Gay Elizabeth Gratton Mary and Dave Hagopian Beverly Hecht in memory of Pam and Tom Gay Linda Reynolds Gravley in memory of Nancy Kathleen in memory of Laura Hecht General Electric in memory of Geoffrey Emerson Reynolds Hagopian Linda Hedrick Mary Genrich Rev. Betty Gray Marge Halberg in memory of Austin Ray Hedrick in memory of Austen Shampo in memory of Ricky Tucker in memory of Michael Langer Lisa Heflin Dale H. Gersch Lori and Rusty Gray Irma Haldane in memory of Scott Jason Davidson in memory of Jasmine Johnson in memory of Aaron Matthew Gray in memory of Kenneth and David Jackie and Duane Joseph A. Giandonato Carol Gray Cole Haldane in memory of Jon Hegna in memory of Alissa Marie Giandonato in memory of Adam Scott Cole Sandra and Roger Hale Victoria Heilweil Martha and Bo Gibson Joann and Bill Green in memory of David H. Hale in memory of Neil Craig Heilweil in memory of William C. Gibson, III in memory of Peter Warren Green Elsie and Ron Hale Cindy and Barry Heiman Irene Gilb Brenda Green in memory of Ronald C.B. Hale and in memory of Alexis Heiman in memory of Renae Lynn Heim in memory of Laura Caroline Green Cailin Stone Helen Heins Alison and Jim Gillespie and Griffin Thweatt George Hall in memory of Amanda Heins in memory of Nickolas James Gillespie Gail and Leonard Greenbaum in memory of Lisha H Debbie and Doug Heitzenrater Pat and Len Gillespie in memory of Adam Ross Greenbaum Ann and Mike Hall in memory of Ryan V. Heitzenrater in memory of Kelly Ann Gillespie Milissa Greenberg in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson Gary Helfman Paula J. Gilligan in memory of Ethan Greenberg Marlene K. Halliday Valerie A. Hellinger in memory of Ryan James Gilligan Peter and Milissa Greenberg in memory of Karl D. Glass in memory of Matthew David Dion Rosemarie DeWeese Girard in memory of Ethen Greenberg Rita Halpern Jeanne Helmers in memory of Kaeli Amie DeWeese Greening Home Inspections in memory of Peter Halpern in memory of Betsy Helmers Michael Giuliano in memory of Jonathon Shanks Alice and John Hamilton Linda and Bob Marsha and Myron Glassenberg Thomas and Jeanne Gregory in memory of Danny Hamilton in memory of John Finley Morris in memory of Brian Glassenberg in memory of Timothy J. Gregory Lewis Hamilton Greg Henderson Nancy A. Gleim Pat and Bill Griffing Deborah and Phil Hammel in honor of Jim Rowland in memory of Ryan Huston Gleim in memory of Christopher Michael in memory of Jeremy Philip Hammel Katherine Henderson Anne and Thomas Glenn Griffing Janet and Frank Hanig Ricia Hendrick in memory of Lauren Rita Glenn Tatiana Griffis in memory of Adam Hanig in memory of Lisa Kay Mackinnon and Jean Glick in memory of D’Angelo Marquise Griffis Mary Ann Hanley Clint Mackinnon in memory of Joel Jeffrey Glick Mary Griffith in memory of Michael Hanley David Hendricks Peggy Glover in memory of Benjamin W. Griffith Teri Hansen in memory of David, II in memory of Jeri Glover Mary Griffith in memory of Anna Paulson Sharon Henessy Wendi S. Millard-Gockley in memory of Noelle Kyle Hanson in memory of Shawn Salazar in memory of Lily Jolene in memory of Chandra J. Hanson 4 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Delores Hensley Diane and Kurt Horning Annette and Darren Jackson Dorothy Jordan and David Ferber in memory of Nichole L. Hensley in memory of Matthew Douglas Horning in memory of Tatum Nicole Jackson Fayth Jorgensen Delores Hensley Myrtle Hotaling Jeanne and Wally Jackson in memory of Bruce and Janice Jorgensen in memory of Nichole Lee Hensley in memory of Jade Fallon Stanhope and in memory of Bob Jackson Dian and Fred Jorgensen (Boogie) Faith Jade Stanhope Mary Anne Jackson-Trumbull in memory of Michael Jorgensen Joby and Jack Herman Coralee Howard in memory of David Crim Jackson Joanne Joyner and Gray and David in memory of Luke Herman in memory of Clinton Jones Lynn and Bob Jacobs Meridith Roberta and Keith Herman Coralee Howard in memory of Brenda Marie Jacobs in memory of Chirstopher L. Meridith in memory of Robert Herman in memory of Clinton Michael Jones Dalene Jacobson Brenda Jung Janice and Harry Hess Donna Howard in memory of Derek Jacobson in memory of John Robert Kitchens, III in memory of Jessica and Amy Hess and in memory of Thomas “Tommy” Manu Jain Videki Donors from JustGive.org Carolyn Mullins Howard in memory of Kavita Jain Richard Kaeuper Janice and Harry Hess Lynn and Bob Howard Elizabeth and Michael Jarrett in memory of Donne Dee Culler in memory of Jessica and Amy Hess in memory of Amber Lynn Howard in memory of Michael Jarrett Candace Kain Hayes Sunday and Robert Hicks Rose Howard Sue Jarvis-Broxson in memory of Danny and Isabella in memory of Robert Dean Hicks, Jr. in memory of Ron Howard in memory of Biff Jarvis Anthony Kakis and Richard Anthony Hicks Stephanie Hrvatin Lori Jason and Steve Kennedy in memory of Anna Maria Kakis Kit Hill in memory of Alexandra Lynn Hrvatin in memory of David Jason Susan Kalcevic in memory of Amy Ballentine Holly and Ralph Hubbard Mary Javarey in memory of Matthew David Bybez Marguerite Hill in memory of Cory Larson Hubbard in memory of Nicholas Hendee Gloria and Erwin Kamrath in memory of Eric Thomas Hill Sherrill and Larry Huffman Mary Javarey in memory of Tami Jane Kamrath Hess Connie and Mark Hill in memory of Damon Dean Huffman in memory of Nicholas Hendee, Larry Rick Kapko in memory of Chad Matthew Hill Brickey Hughes Bradley and Michael Varone in memory of Brian Kapko Lisa and Jim Hills in memory of Heather Hughes Linda Jeffrey Connie and Will Kaplan in memory of Joseph John Harper Nelda Hughes in memory of Jonathan Jeffrey in memory of Daniel Kaplan Kathy and Doug Hinckley in memory of Jennifer Lynn Hughes Louise and Phillip Jenkins Robert Kaplan in memory of Allison Kathleen Hinckley Peterson in memory of Teresa Jenkins Carson Maddy and Cliff Kasden Sharron Hinebaugh Gretchen and Morgan Hullinger Sue and Jack Jerovsek in memory of Neill Perri in memory of Christian Hinebaugh and in memory of Jackson Jan Hullinger in memory of Robby Jerovsek Pamela Kaskela Grace Hinebaugh Candace Hulsey Linda Jervis in memory of Jeff Kaskela Beverly Hinsey in memory of Steven R. Hulsey, II in memory of Noah Jervis and Peyton Robin Katz in memory of Edward Y. Hinsey and Barbara Humbert Jervis in memory of Taylor Read Deborah A. Khiry in memory of Sean McDonald Ann and Grey Jewett Maxine and Walter Katz Elise Hobbs Katherine and Arthur Hunt in memory of Tre Chipman-Jewett in memory of Samuel Katz in memory of Myra Hedgepeth and in memory of David A. Hunt Deb and Bob Johnson Joel Kaufman Wyatt Hedgepeth Robin Hurdle in memory of Bo Johnson in memory of Joshua Wald Elsie Hobbs in memory of Noah Costa Bob Johnson Diane and Sam Kaye in memory of Wyatt and Myra Hedgepeth Kathleen and Edward Hurley in memory of Riley Johnson and Abby in memory of Kim Achillo and Michael Rochelle and Chris Hockwald in memory of Eddie Hurley Ruby Robson in memory of Brian Estrella Linda Husband Donald Johnson Paul Keefer Maureen Hodges in memory of Adam Husband in memory of Donald Jeffrey Johnson in memory of Theresa Lynn Keefer in memory of Bryan Jeffrey Hodges Barbara Husk Donald C. Johnson Pamela Kehinde Cole Harriet and John Hodgson in memory of Mark and Charles in memory of Donald Jeffrey (Jeff) Johnson in memory of Jeggan Cole in memory of Helen Hodgson Welby Gail Husveth Marilyn and Gary Johnson James “Bo” Kelley Norman Hoffer in memory of Joseph Mazzetta in memory of Kent Johnson in memory of Casey Kelley in memory of Randy Hoffer Martha Hutchinson Jan Johnson Erika and Jereme Kelley Joan and Dale Hofmeister in memory of Vernon Hutchinson and Kimberly Johnson, Ava, Lauren, and Linda and Peter Kelley in memory of Dennis M. Hofmeister Wilson Snodgrass Wravenna Johnson in memory of Jason Christopher Kelly Wendy Hogan Esther Wender in memory of Nathaniel Jacob Johnson and Sarah Ohearn in memory of Madelyn Alice Hogan in memory of Daniel Robinson Pamela Johnson Sharon and David Kelly Richard T. Holbrook Amy Hysell in memory of Lori Jean Campbell in memory of Katelyn Nicole Jones in memory of Michael R. Holbrook in memory of Robert, Julie and Amanda Amanda and Larry Johnston Mary Kelly Paula and Mike Holder Hysell in memory of Alexander and Brice in memory of Chad Prickett and in memory of Andrew (Drew) Holder Harriet Hytowitz Johnston Heather Kelly Mike and Paula Holder in memory of Mark Hytowitz Lucy and Steve Johs Shirley and Tom Kelly in memory of Drew Holder Daniel Ihnen in memory of Nicholas Johs in memory of Kristine Marie Kelly Jeanne Holes Miles Illinois Tool Works Foundation Marcia and Charles Jones Kathy and Ron Kelso in memory of Jimmy Holes Deborah Imlay Susan and David Jones in memory of Kevin Kelly and Dave Hollister in memory of Seth Imlay in memory of Eric Allen Jones Helene Kendall in memory of Leighton Williams Deb and Russ Imlay Megan Jones in memory of Stephen Kendall Carol Holm in memory of Seth Michael Imlay in memory of Johnnie Jones Mary Kenlon in memory of Erin Burt Judy Immel Megan Jones in memory of David Strand Candy and Tom Holtsberry in memory of David Immel in memory of John W. Jones and Karen Kennedy in memory of Justin “JJ” Jelinski Jean and Jerry Irving Vladimir Williams in memory of Cole Kennedy Janet Hooten in memory of Kara Lynne Irving Susan Jones Margaret Kennedy in memory of Bradley Jonathan Gill Beatrice Jackson in memory of Annalise Isabelle Jones in memory of John Thomas, Timothy Marilyn and Bruce Hoover in memory of Brian Wendy Jones Patrick and Daniel Michael Kennedy in memory of Michael Bruce Hoover Carolyn Jackson in memory of Janet An Jones in memory of Howell Stone (continued on page 50) We Need Not Walk Alone|4 9

TCF Board of Directors (continued from page 49) Carolyn Kochis in memory of Thomas Rosenkrauz Glen Lord Gay Kennedy-Horton Charles Kolb in memory of Daniel Andrew Peterson in memory of Chris Kolb President Art Estrella Christine Kenney Ellen and Tom Komadina Nashua, NH in memory of Steph Kenney in memory of Ann Michelle Komadina Barbara Allen West Covina, CA Susan and Richard Kerkering Tom and Josie Konzem in memory of Drew Kerkering in memory of Michelle Konzem Vice President Elaine Kerkezi Gloria Kopec in memory of Jason Michael Coughlin, in memory of Sean P. Campe and Joshua Ellicott City, MD Heidi Horsley Rhonda Mott, Kathie Doctor, and Susan R. Esformes Steve Schmeisser New York, NY Lande Marge and Bill Kosinski JoAnna Kerrigan in memory of Michael William Kosinski Treasurer Brian Janes in memory of Timothy M. Kerrigan and Mike and Linda Kosovec DePere, WI Olathe, KS Michael A. Kerrigan in memory of Lauren Ann Kosovec Virginia Kessinger Evelyn B. Kostenko Nivia Vázquez Ann Khadalia in memory of Clint Kessinger and in memory of Natalie Ann Kostenko Secretary Concord, CA Christian Cleveland Linda Kotalik Kathy Kessler in memory of Nicole Elizabeth Kerr Guaynabo, PR in memory of Joseph Matthew Kessler Rachelle, Brian, Jordan and Ethan Kotas Melitta Kewitz in memory of Jamie Lynn Kotas Bob Burt Tracy Milne in memory of Shawn Kewitz, Ryan Emich, Debbie Kozsdiy Hemet, CA Sibling Representative Steve Mell and Caprice Turner in memory of Aileen Kozsdiy Joann and Eugene Keyandwy Debra Kraal Steve Czirr Estero, FL in memory of Scott Eugene Keyandwy in memory of Austin Kraal Spring Hill, TN KeyBank Foundation Lisa and Dan Krall Steve Parker David Keyser in memory of Peter Joseph Krall Jacquie Edwards-Mitchell Woodland Hills, CA in memory of Daniel R. Ransom Keyser Susan and Harvey Price Shannon, Mark, Amelia and Tanner in memory of Mitchell Scott Krauss Brooklyn, NY Lisa Corrao Kiedrowski William E. Kuehn Chief Operating Officer in memory of Donna Dee Culler in memory of Timothy Allen Kuehn Alan Pedersen Cynthia L.W. Kimball Charles Kuntz Executive Director Mokena, IL in memory of Wayne Gordy Kitty, Adie, and Mark Kurtz Catherine King in memory of Michael Benjamin Kurtz dRoseville, CA in memory of Sean King Valerie and Robert Kurtz TCF Staff Donald King in memory of Jason © viperagp/fotolia.com Holley and Jon King Carla and Steven Kurzhals Terry Novy in memory of Jay Lawrence King Kathleen Kusior Director of Chapter Services Lisa King in memory of Dustin Linsler in memory of Wesley Dragos Andrea Kusters Curt McFarlin Sheila King in memory of Jason Andrew Kusters Executive Assistant to the Chief Operating Officer in memory of Jeffery D. King Cecilia Kwiat Joan and Michael Kirchner in memory of Matthew Allen Kwiat Cathy Seehuetter in memory of Jennifer Kirchner Young Patrice and Bernie LaLonde Executive Assistant to the Executive Director Pam and Jennifer Kirkley in memory of Ryon LaLonde in memory of Kristin Renee Kirkley Nancy LaMance Theresa Mendez Karen Kirn in memory of Trey Johnson Accounting and Database Coordinator in memory of Eric R. Stein Lee Ann and Rick Lamb Marti and Ira Kirschbaum in memory of Katie Lamb Sara Zeigler in memory of Melissa Kirschbaum Nancy and Dan Lamon Communications Coordinator Coleman in memory of Owen Lamon Carole and Joe Klug Donna and Tom Lancaster Darlene Lutka in memory of Joshua Adam Klug in memory of Shane Lancaster Receptionist and Administrative Assistant Leah Klusch Cindy and Patrick Landry and Cynthia in memory of Robyn Marie Klusch and Jeanne Ryan Paroline Marie Knape in memory of Vaughn Landry Program Assistant in memory of Mary Beth Schumacher Kelly and Ron Landsverk Roger Knapp in memory of Brittney Rose Landsverk Joan Ireland in memory of Eric Lorin Knapp Arlene Lane Executive Administrative Assistant Sharon Knapp in memory of Susan J. Lane and Charles in memory of Brad J.T. Knapp W. Smith, Jr. Correspondence for The Compassionate Friends Staff Richard Knight Lesley and Mark Lane should be sent to: TCF National Office, in memory of Hollie Marie Knight in memory of Andrea L. O’Donnell Donna Knight-Staton Stephen Lane 1000 Jorie Boulevard, Suite 140, Oak Brook, IL 60523 in memory of Ryan Norman Staton Judith Lange Joyce and Tom Knox in memory of Daniel Wm. Lange 5 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone in memory of Heather Knox Barber Terry Lange Jim and Sue Koch in memory of Scott Lange in memory of Jacob Koch