WNNWA | Autumn-Winter 2015

We Need Not Walk Alone For bereaved families and the people who care about them, following the death of a child. Autumn | Winter 2015



INSIDE this issue Autumn | Winter 2015 FEATURES 6 The Holidays: Before and After by Cathy Seehuetter 8 Flying over Grief by Alan Pedersen 10 There is Strength in our Differences by Debbie Dullabaun 15 Welcome to TCF by Tanya Lord 16 Health Promotion in Grief: When sleep does not come by Coralease Ruff PhD, RN 18 Healing Through Arts and Crafts by Gail Lafferty and Kathy Rambo 22 What Would Wendy Do? by Karen Soltero 25 Those Who Know by Georgia Cockerham 26 To Other Grandparents by Bonnie McGuire 28 One Tough Mama by Alice J. Wisler 30 Thoughts from a Sibling on the TCF National Conference by Jordon Ferber 32 Memories from the 38th National Conference in Dallas, Texas 38 Assistance for Bereaved Parents Whose Only Child/All Children are Deceased by Kay Bevington DEPARTMENTS 4 A Message from the Executive Director 5 A Message from the Chief Operating Officer 21 Dear Dr. Gloria 24 Dear Dr. Heidi 36 News from the National Office 40 TCF Patron Donations 44 TCF Board of Directors and Staff The views presented within this magazine represent those of the authors and do not necessarily represent those of The Compassionate Friends. Cover photo: © Leonid Ikan/fotolia.com, Inside cover photo: © Silvano Rebai/fotolia.com Back photo: © Itan1409/fotolia.com We Need Not Walk Alone|3

A Message from the Executive Director Maybe you are a little bit like me. You don’t need a clock on the wall or a calendar to know that the holidays are fast approaching. Some of us just feel it in our bones; others notice that they begin to brace themselves for what lies ahead. Do we grieve more this time of year? I don’t think our grief is any bigger, but the things that trigger our pain are multiplied for many of us. Everywhere we look we see celebration, but for many families whose children have died it is a struggle of survival. Our hope at The Compassionate Friends is that you reach out to us for additional support should you need it this holiday season. In addition to our nearly 700 local Chapters where you can attend regular meetings, you can find support 24 hours a day, 365 days a year by visiting our website (compassiontefriends.org) and our many Facebook pages. Our online support groups offer the opportunity to connect with others in our chat rooms. Our partnership with the Open to Hope Foundation (opentohope.com) will provide you with a library of articles and archived television and radio programs featuring top grief professionals and others who have experienced a similar loss. The Compassionate Friends has been a lifeline for millions of grieving families over our 46-year history. Our organization is the largest in the world helping bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. We remain a strong organization because through the support and personal care we offer so many have found hope again. There is hope for all of us because together we are stronger than when alone, and together we share the love for all of our children gone too soon. We learn to laugh again; we find new ways to find meaning and joy in the memories again. We do this because love lives on. Blessings, Alan Alan Pedersen, TCF Executive Director 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

A Message from the Chief Operating Officer © rustamank/fotolia.com As I write this article, I’m grateful for the opportunity this publication provides for me to again thank the many people involved with The Compassionate Friends. All of you who work tirelessly and give of your time in memory of your precious children, grandchildren and/or siblings are amazing in your generosity and your giving hearts. Our 2015 Conference was hugely successful this summer in Dallas, Texas, due in large part to the efforts of Conference Committee Co-Chairs Joan Campbell and Crys Kelly. Both of you gave so much of yourselves to this Conference, and it showed tremendously. I applaud you and all of the members of our Conference Committee – each one of you on the Committee left your mark and your involvement was a gift to TCF. My sincere wish is that you feel your Conference experience was the best you could have had in memory of your children. I was also very grateful for the chance to meet so many more people during this year’s Conference, and I greatly appreciated the opportunity to learn about your children. Thank you for sharing them with me. I also want to recognize the 2016 Conference Chair, Anne Castaldo, and her Committee. I’ve already had the pleasure of meeting everyone and starting our work; Anne has hit the ground running and is doing a terrific job. And to the Committee - you’re a wonderful group of people with so much to bring to the Scottsdale Conference, and we’re very grateful for your involvement! Our Regional Coordinators, Chapter Leaders and Steering Committee members continue to give of themselves throughout the year, even as they juggle busy lives and their own challenges. Please know we do see all that you do and recognize how important you are to the families TCF serves. Within TCF, our Board of Directors, my counterpart Alan, and our National Office staff continue to demonstrate their commitment to our mission every day, and I learn more each day from them all. For all of you reading this issue, we hope that the contents of our magazine provide you with support and comfort as the holidays draw near. If you’re interested in participating in a local Candle Lighting event on December 13th, please don’t hesitate to contact us at the National Office and we’ll assist you in finding the one closest to you. If there is anything else we can do for you, please let us know. Wishing you peace this holiday season. Lisa Lisa Corrao, TCF Chief Operating Officer We Need Not Walk Alone|5

© lily/Fotolia.com The Holidays: Before and After by Cathy Seehuetter Before 1995, I loved every aspect of the winter The children had a small tree in each bedroom; holidays; pretty much the only thing I did like Nina even hung lights on her daybed frame! The about winter. I thoroughly enjoyed Thanksgiving; house was aglow with holiday lights, and our a day set aside to simply gather with beloved electricity bills were off the charts! family, eat scrumptious food until you nearly But the joviality of the holidays ahead ceased to implode, and be grateful for all your blessings exist on May 11, 1995. While on a vacation in throughout the prior year. However, Thanksgiving Orlando, our beloved daughter Nina was killed was a distant second to my absolute favorite one… in a car crash caused by an alcohol-impaired Christmas! To illustrate, one Christmas tree in driver. Our vivacious, beautiful 15 year old our home would never be enough for this crazy- with the incomparable smile and the promising about-Christmas lady! There was the decorative future, was taken from her family who loved her “fancy-schmancy” tree that only I was allowed to so, on a Florida freeway, far from our home in touch; the downstairs family room tree covered Minnesota…on my birthday. Any of the joyous with ornaments that I gave my children, Lisa, Amy, family celebrations to come vanished with Nina Nina and Dan, each Christmas from babyhood on that heartbreaking day in May, and our lives on up (I chose each one special to represent their from that point forward became that of “before” individuality at that particular time in their lives) Nina died and “after” Nina died…we were changed and was the family favorite, by far. One year, we irrevocably. even donned the artificial palm tree with lights and Those first numbing holidays-the “afters”-would ornaments and dubbed it the “Bahama Mama” tree. never come close to resembling the winter holidays 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

of “before” her death. In my naivety, I felt that Nina would year, we have a special meeting where we share ways to not want us to change anything those first winter holidays make it through the holiday season. Though there are many, without her. The family gathered for that nightmarish I would like to share just a few that seem to be popular with Thanksgiving where I could find absolutely nothing to be our TCF family. grateful for. The empty chair seemed to taunt me as if to say “Why did you even try?” Yet, I remained steadfast and 1) What works for one person may not work for another. plodded through December shopping until I dropped with If these are the early days, months and even years since your the futility of it all, yet pushed on to pick out the just-right loved one died, perhaps nothing sounds doable, and that is gifts and decorated a Christmas tree or two. I even baked perfectly okay. We all grieve differently and therefore will spritz cookies just like Nina and I had done each year find different ways to cope. As I always say, take what looks before. However, this year they had a noticeably saltier taste, like it may work for you and throw away the rest. Only you laced with my own tears. know what that is. My fruitless attempts to keep Christmas as it was “before” 2) Use the “5-Minute Rule.” Many well-meaning people were emotionally exhausting and, of course, unsuccessful, are going to invite you to their holiday events; they are and took its toll on me trying to be helpful because they think you “need to get for weeks thereafter. Therefore, when the out of the house and think about something Those first numbing holidays-the “afters”-following holiday else.” You and I know would never come close to resembling theseason came, I recalled that it doesn’t work that way, but unless the unbearable one they have lost a loved one, they truly cannot winter holidays of “before” her death.of ‘95; I didn’t push understand. Try not to put unreasonable away the heartache expectations on yourself because you don’t want to hurt and try to normalize someone else’s feelings. If you are invited to a holiday an anything-but-normal holiday. I don’t even remember happening that you do not want to attend, the “5-Minute that Thanksgiving enough to write about it, and didn’t Rule” worked for me. I explained to the host that I never try to muster up the energy to take on the now arduous know when a tsunami-sized wave of grief will bring me to responsibilities of Christmas. I gave in to my sorrow my knees, but that I would wait until 5 minutes before I completely. Only one of the artificial trees came out of was to leave for the party and how I was feeling at that very its box, but looked so woeful without a bulb or light on it moment would dictate whether I could attend or not. Also, for weeks that we finally just put it away for the season. once there if sometime during the party I had an upsurge No sugarcoating that Christmas…no false masks of of overwhelming grief, I would quietly leave the festivities, merriment that year…like the winter’s snow, we just let the season melt away. As we began to settle into the fact that our holidays and possibly not even saying goodbye. And I would ask that every family gathering would be tainted by Nina’s absence, they please realize what a difficult time this is without my and we would just do the best that we could with something loved one. Most will understand, but if not and they take that could never be the same, the thinkable happened offense, then that becomes their problem, not yours. Take again. On a very early Saturday morning in June of 2012, care of yourself! two policemen came to our door to deliver the devastating news that our son Chris had taken his own life. Though you 3) Let others know how they can help. There are good know of many others in TCF who had lost more than one of people out there who want to help you but may not know their children, you refuse to think that could happen to you how. There are many ways they can, but you will have to tell because the thought of it is too horrible to fathom. But it did them what those are. If you have other children and you still happen to our family again, and 17 years after Nina’s death, want to give them some kind of holiday, you might want we were back to square one…learning again to endure the the friend or family member to do some shopping for you. unendurable, and, of course, despite our double loss, the Make a list and ask them to buy and wrap the presents for holidays came anyway. you. Fighting the holiday crowds of cheery people is not what you need right now! Maybe they could bake cookies Over the years, as a member and in leadership roles with with your children; if that was a prior family tradition. the St. Paul Chapter of TCF, I picked up some ideas that Maybe your children would miss having a Christmas tree other bereaved families used to cope with the holidays. Each (continued on page 13) We Need Not Walk Alone|7

Flying Over Grief by Alan Pedersen This is the first article in what will be a regular would be accomplished in a historic, bright column featuring a person who has done or is yellow, 1942 Boeing Stearman biplane with an doing something that inspires me. I have set very open-air cockpit. This rare vintage plane was few parameters other than I want to highlight used to train Navy fighter pilots in World War unique stories of extraordinary things being done II. Gareth is Timmy’s dad and wants to use by those who have experienced the death of a this cross-country adventure to bring hope child, grandchild or sibling. and healing to him and to others who have experienced the death of a child. I drove an hour north of Philadelphia to the Van Sant Airport in Upper Black Eddy, Pennsylvania How does he intend to do this? He will be to meet and interview Gareth Williams. Gareth is landing daily at small airports along the way a pilot with over 700 hours of flight experience. inviting grieving parents, grandparents and He was getting ready to take off from the grass siblings to jump into the front seat and take a airstrip on this rural outpost for a coast-to-coast flight with him. “My hope is that the experience flight which would end in Ventura County, will help give others a chance to take a break California. from their grief, even if only for a brief time, and see the world from a new perspective,” he said. Gareth, however, isn’t an ordinary pilot flying an ordinary plane, and he certainly wasn’t Fate has a funny way of bringing people together, embarking on an ordinary flight. This mission and clearly Gareth and I were supposed to meet. 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

I learned only a few weeks earlier about Williams and his The next several hours Fly-Hope-Dream foundation which he created last year to would include talk about honor his precious 12-year-old son Timmy who died in our grief journey, The March of 2008 of pulmonary hypertension. While Gareth Compassionate Friends, didn’t profess to possess any special knowledge about how Fly-Hope-Dream, and to survive grief, he explained to me how he has begun to see how we might be able a connection between the grief journey and the experience to work together in the of flying. future. Gareth is a man of deep faith with an “Stand up close to the Empire State Building and you really incredible heart and won’t be able to see very much of it,” he said. “But fly over I was inspired by his and circle the Empire State Building at 1000 feet and you compassion and kindness. will see it in all its majesty. Grief is kind of like that, when you are up close to it, it is all you can see. When you walk “I haven’t quite figured through grief and move forward it is like flying above it; it is still there and the same size but your perspective greatly it all out, Alan,” he said. Timmy, Gareth’s son changes the view.” “After four to six weeks of As I said, fate is uncanny, and the irony wasn’t lost on working my way to California and taking dozens of fellow Gareth or me that his journey was set to launch the day after I was already scheduled to fly into Philadelphia to speak at bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings for rides, I will The Compassionate Friends Regional Conference in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. In a matter of minutes, it became have a clearer picture of exactly how I want to build this clear that his journey would begin with me as the first bereaved parent to hop into his beautifully-restored airplane foundation. I want to use my airplane and compassion to and take the first ride. be helpful to others in grief.” I told him, “Enjoy the journey A beautiful sun and blue sky greeted me on this 75-degree October day as I met Gareth and his son Isaac. Before long and be open to the fact that you have a unique opportunity we were soaring 500 feet above the beautiful Delaware River taking in spectacular views of the changing leaves to be able to bless those you touch and to be blessed by dotting the tree-lined hills of Eastern Pennsylvania. The experience of the wind in my face coupled with feeling as them.” free as a bird was something I will never forget. Gareth allowed me to take the controls and for a few minutes, While we were finishing up a late lunch, Gareth received a with his gentle guidance, I was a pilot. It is hard to explain text message from a woman whose daughter died in a car the empowerment and pure exhilaration I felt while at the accident just seven months ago. She had heard about his controls. journey and wanted to know if he would be willing to take her for a flight. Of course, he responded that he would be honored to learn more about her daughter and share his son Timmy tomorrow while they both take off on a journey to fly over grief. To learn more about Gareth Williams and his amazing flying machine, you can contact him at: Fly-Hope-Dream.org and www.facebook.com/Fly.Hope.Dream Alan Pedersen with Gareth Williams We Need Not Walk Alone|9

There is Strength in our Differences by Debbie Dullabaun © anatoliil/fotolia.com After years of being employed in the business world, I So in the words of my son (and I haven’t a clue as to where happily retired to become a full-time mother to our son, he got this), “We always have to help the people.” Out of the Dale Lee Dullabaun, III, born August 23, 1992. After his mouths of babes come the instructions we should always untimely and devastating death in 1998, I began to work in follow. I remain committed to TCF, following Dale III’s his memory with several non-profit organizations including instructions to help the people. As I look at TCF’s mission the American Red Cross and the Domestic Abuse Response and its many successes, I see also the potential to extend the Team, a local program in partnership with the Los Angeles reach of TCF to the segments of our society with whom we Police Department. have not yet fully connected. I was therefore honored when asked by TCF Executive Director Alan Pederson and last None of this would have ever been possible had I not year’s Board President Chuck Collins to help launch and been taken by the hand to my first TCF meeting. I didn’t chair TCF’s Diversity Commission. go back there for a while; I just couldn’t believe there were all of these people in so much pain. But when I did, Why is this important? Over the years I have attended many I was glad TCF doors were open to me. After receiving TCF Chapter meetings, National Conferences and other so much support in those early years, I eventually was TCF gatherings. When I walk into such gatherings, I often able to begin giving back by serving as treasurer of TCF quickly notice that I am among the few grieving parents or National Conferences in 2004 and 2012, and from 2011 to siblings present who are not white. As an African-American 2013, serving as TCF’s Regional Coordinator for Southern woman who has been married for 26 years to a white man, California. and as the mother of a biracial son, I am not uncomfortable 1 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

in such settings. But other members of TCF minorities grievers in the Dallas area and the other focusing on the might not be nearly as comfortable: the African-American local African-American community. Furthermore, financial community, Latinos and those of other racial and ethnic aid was provided to 20 local families to attend the Dallas groups; single parents in grief; grievers in challenging socio- Conference. economic circumstances, and those of varying lifestyles We believe the results were excellent and well received, and cultural traditions. All these and we look forward to working grievers hurt just as we active TCF with the conference committees members hurt, and we need to in Scottsdale and other cities in reach out and help welcome them the future to improve and expand to our TCF family. We can do the diversity effort at our national that by actively encouraging and conferences, while planting the promoting diversity within our seeds in conference cities that will organization. hopefully grow into ongoing local I believe we at TCF must create efforts to build diversity. a welcoming and hospitable Looking forward, the Diversity climate, but most of all provide Commission is now expanding a foundation of understanding. its focus beyond conferences to This foundation has to have a address the need for and benefits broad reach, filtering through the of diversity and inclusiveness entire organization. throughout the country at the Starting in September 2014, my Chapter, regional and national fellow commission members and I came together Debbie with her son, Dale Dullabuan, IIIlevels. For example, we hope to begin an ongoing active process of helping steer TCF to make the commission a resource to TCF Chapters, toward those who need us but have not yet received the Regional Coordinators, the National Office and the Board love and support our wonderful organization provides. Our of Directors, responding to requests for information and commission members initially include Jacquie Edwards- guidance as issues arise that touch on such topics as race/ Mitchell, serving in memory of her sons Kareem Anthony ethnicity, languages, faith and lifestyles. We understand Edwards-Mitchell and Kevin John Mitchell; Mercedes the daily, ongoing commitment that Chapter leaders and Marquez, serving in memory of her son Jose’ Alberto; Regional Coordinators bring to TCF, and the commission Steven Stott, serving in memory of his sister Stacey Diane wants to stand with you to help with what can sometimes Stott, and Nivia Vazquez, serving in memory of her son Jose be complex challenges of serving all those in our diverse Francisco “Yoito” Barreto Vazquez and her siblings Teresita communities. Vazquez Amadeo and Miguel Angel Vazquez Amadeo We are developing new ideas for consideration by the board, This fall, we have been joined by Gary Clark, serving in and we are seeking new supporters within TCF. We have memory of his son Travis Wayne Clark, and Mary Trujillo, made it our top priority to ensure all are included while serving in memory of her son Michael. they grieve remembering that “We Need Not Walk Alone.” As your Diversity Commission members, we are proud to By encouraging diversity, we hope to see an expansion in represent an organization that is making a commitment to demographic participation here at The Compassionate inclusiveness and seeking to build an extended family that is Friends. We welcome suggestions, encouragement and more representative of our society as a whole. financial support. If you would like to be part of our effort to take TCF into every corner of America, please contact Our team developed and presented proposals to The me. Compassionate Friends Board of Directors to reach out in a very visible way at last summer’s national conference in Debbie Dullabaun, The Compassionate Friends Diversity Commission - Dallas. With the board’s support, and in close cooperation Chair, [email protected] 818.516.2420 with the Dallas Conference Committee, two off-site pre- conference events were held: one for Spanish-speaking We Need Not Walk Alone|1 1

New Merchandise to show your support of The Compassionate Friends 1 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone New merchandise available through the National Office: Black Men’s Polo (available in sizes S-3XL) $ 40.00 Blue Women’s Polo (available in sizes S-3XL) $35.00 Navy TCF Cap $18.00 Khaki and Navy TCF Cap $10.00 Blanket $15.00 Umbrella $10.00 Water Bottle $4.00 For more information or to place an order, please contact the National Office at 877.969.0010.

(continued from page 7) at home. And as we light each candle in memory of them we share their love and light with each other and the world and you are agreeable that as long as you don’t have to put “…that their light may always shine.” To learn more about it up you want them to have one and they could decorate it TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting and locate a program: for you. There are many ways you can ask for help and take http://www.compassionatefriends.org/News_Events/ advantage of their good will; it will make things easier for Special-Events/Worldwide_Candle_Lighting.aspx you and they will feel good that they have helped. Each subsequent holiday gentles down the hurt a little more, and a time will come, though different for each of 3) Find a way to include your loved one in the holiday us, that some of the joy of the holidays will return. You are season. Whether it be their picture with a candle next to it, being thought of by your TCF family who has walked this their own special little Christmas tree (trimmed with items difficult path before you. We are wrapping our arms around reminiscent of their lives and/or butterflies, dragonflies, you filled with understanding and caring hearts this holiday birds, feathers and angels honoring their eternal life); a season and always. scrapbook on display, a special time set aside to share remembrances, a stocking that family and friends can fill Cathy Seehuetter’s 15-year-old daughter, Kristina “Nina” Westmoreland, with notes of their memories; or any other way that feels was tragically killed by an alcohol-impaired driver on Cathy’s birthday right to you. It lets family members know that you want while her family was vacationing in Florida in May of 1995. In June of them to be remembered and hear their name…that they are 2012, her 39-year-old son Chris, a St. Paul police officer, died by suicide. still alive in your heart and always will be. She has been very involved in The Compassionate Friends as a Chapter Leader and newsletter editor for the St. Paul Chapter; then a member, 4) Attend a TCF Worldwide Candle Lighting program in secretary and vice-president of TCF National Board of Directors; conference your area. Held the second Sunday of each December at 7 chair for the 2011 TCF National Conference in Bloomington, MN, and PM in each time zone, this has become a treasured tradition Regional Coordinator for Minnesota. She was honored to receive TCF for our family. It is a time to step away from all the holiday Recognition Award in 2015. She is a published author and workshop commotion and focus solely on those we wish were here, presenter. Without the assistance of TCF and the friends she has made and remember with others who are missing their beloved there, she doesn’t know how she would have survived this difficult journey. children, siblings and grandchildren too. If there isn’t one in your area you can have your own private remembrance When a drunk driver killed my daughter, Allison, at age 19, it was a monumental effort to just breathe much less think my mind and body could survive. I was so dysfunctional that I lived every day in just my pajamas. Going to my first support group meeting of The Compassionate Friends, I pulled a pair of jeans and sweatshirt over my pajamas. I listened as each parent spoke of their child and their grief. I heard those whose child died months ago and those whose child died years ago. These were living, breathing people in the same room with me and not just names and stories in a newspaper or book. It’s 14 years later and, on occasion, I’ll wear a pair of pajamas under my clothes when I go to a meeting just to remind myself of where I was and how far I’ve come in this journey I share with others. Barbara Reboratti, Allison’s mom TCF Quakertown Chapter We Need Not Walk Alone|1 3

Save the Date for our © Paul Matthew Hill/fotolia.com 39th Annual National Conference July 8-10, 2016 Hope Rises on the Wings of Love THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS 39th Annual National Conference July 8-10, 2016 Scottsdale, AZ The Compassionate Friends’ 39th Annual National Conference is coming to Scottsdale, Arizona on July 8-10, 2016. Next year’s Conference will be held at The Fairmont Scottsdale Princess at 7575 East Princess Drive, Scottsdale, AZ, 85255. Room reservations will open on January 4th, and the room rate will be $129.00 per night. Please note that each attendee will only be able to reserve two rooms. If your group needs to reserve a larger block of rooms, please contact the National Office to make arrangements for your reservations. Conference registration will open on February 1, 2016. Please visit www.compassionatefriends.org for more information. 1 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Welcome to TCF by Tanya Lord © Africa Studio/fotolia.com Did you walk through these doors We want to see the pictures Scared and desperate for hope Here their name spoken aloud Are you here for the first time We want to hear the memories Struggling to find ways to cope The sad, funny and the proud Have you been here before Whatever your reason And found that sliver of light Whatever brought you here The one that seemed impossible We are a special kind of family In the darkness of grief ’s night One that understands each tear Have you finally found peace There is one profound truth From a place deep within That we compassionately live by Do you come to share their love Love lives on forever and ever From where it has always been Love did not and will never die Here we wish to listen In a world gone so chaotic To the stories held so dear Where stability has been thrown We want to share the laughter Know that here among all of us And the hidden, darkest fear You need never walk alone © Tanya Lord We Need Not Walk Alone|1 5

Health Promotion in Grief: When sleep does not come by Coralease Ruff PhD, RN Dear Coralease, Since my son died seven months ago, I can honestly say I have not had a single night of good sleep. I feel worn out all the time. It is affecting my ability to do my job and I seem to have no energy for anybody or anything as I can barely accomplish the basics of life. My husband on the other hand seems to sleep a lot more than he ever has in his life. Yet he also has lost his energy and his will to get very much done. Is this lack of sleep for me something I am just going to have to live with? I have two surviving children and the thought of trying to live the rest of my life feeling exhausted seems doverwhelming, can you help me? Cindy Portsmouth, Ohio Dear Cindy, © Niki Love /fotolia.com Thank you for your comment. First, I want to say how sorry I am, for the death of your son. The feelings of tiredness, exhaustion, lack of energy, inability to get things done, and feeling overwhelmed are common characteristics of normal grief following the death of a child. These feelings tend to lessen over time. Slowly the energy and focus return. In the meantime, exercise is very helpful in increasing energy, elevating the mood, and enhancing sleep. Complete the exercise workout 3-4 hours before bedtime, to prevent any interference with sleep. 1 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Sleep disturbances, common in early grief, can also leave awaken at least once during the night. Just relax, turn over us feeling exhausted. Here are some strategies to enhance and go back to sleep. The addition of white noise (sounds sleep. Begin with preparing the sleeping room. First, remove introduced via a recording or other instrument like an the TV, laptop, smart phone and other work related items. electric fan) helps keep silence or noises from becoming The light from these items interferes with the production disruptive. Earplugs can also lessen these distractions. If of melatonin, the sleep hormone. If you use the laptop or you awaken and cannot get back to sleep in 10-15 minutes, watch TV in the evening, be sure to turn it off at least an do not try to force it. Just rest in bed and enjoy the feel of hour before bedtime. The room should be cool, dark, and your soft pillow and bed covers around you. To keep from quiet. Some grieving individuals may feel chilly. A warm watching the clock, turn the clock face away from your cup of herbal tea or a warm bath will warm the body and line of vision. Give yourself the gift of time out, awake or socks will warm cold feet. asleep. Some of the tried Second, establish a sleep The feelings of tiredness, exhaustion, and true anecdotes to routine that begins with lack of energy, inability to get things induce sleep include a consistent awake time done, and feeling overwhelmed are warm milk, herbal teas, and sleep time. Strive common characteristics of normal grief and counting sheep from for going to bed no later 100 backwards. Another than 10 pm daily. It is following the death of a child. technique is the use of helpful to wind down specialized sleep DVDs, for sleep, physically and which use head phones to mentally. Separate the enhance the sound. busy day from sleep Avoid naps during the time, by clearing your mind of thoughts, worries, pent up day to help ensure better rest and sleep at night. If you need feelings and the common “To Do List,” by writing all of it, a nap to get through the day, do so in the early part of the on paper. Don your favorite sleepwear, play relaxing music, day and keep it to 20 minutes or less. light a candle, or use an essential oil such as lavender for When sleep deprivation threatens your ability to perform added ambiance. The second part of winding down is to activities of daily living, it may be necessary to consider relax the body physically. Contract and relax each body sleeping pills as a short-term solution. Remember most part from head to toe. Slow deep breathing calms the heart sleep medicines have side effects and can become habit- and further relaxes the body for sleep. Gentle mind-body forming. exercises, like yoga or tai chi, are great sleep enhancers. This established sleep routine must be practiced on weekends as It is helpful to use natural behavioral strategies first, and well as during the week. give them several weeks to work. Finally, try not to fixate on sleep. This draws attention to the sleep issue, resulting in a Dietary intake of caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol can disrupt self-perpetuating problem. sleep. When used during the day, consume these stimulants before the 5 pm evening meal. Consider also that many Coralease Ruff, PhD, RN is a bereaved parent and Professor Emeritus medications may cause sleep disturbances especially antihistamines, cough preparations, and some prescription at Howard University in Washinton D.C. A long time member of TCF and founder of the D.C. Chapter, she is a former member of the Board of Directors. Coralease is a frequent presenter of grief workshops and drugs. If using them try to take them early in the day. currently teaches a Death, Grief, and Bereavement course to graduate and Some of us get to sleep easily but awaken in the middle undergraduate nursing and health professional students. of the night, unable to get back to sleep. It is common to Through TCF I found hope. I found that I did not have to live my life with that horrible pit in my stomach. I found that I would eventually remember my son’s life before I thought of his death. Mary Lemley, Christopher’s mom Connecticut Regional Coordinator We Need Not Walk Alone|1 7

© kuleczka/fotolia.com Healing Through Arts and Crafts by Gail Lafferty and Kathy Rambo make teddy bears out of my son’s clothing. I could not find anyone that was willing to make the teddy bears for me. It Each of us grieving the loss of a child, grandchild or sibling took me about a year after the death of my son to finally discovers ways that help us face our pain, deal with it and realize that I could make them myself. I found a pattern that try to heal. We are all different in how and when we do this I liked and started sewing. It was so therapeutic to just be and there are no timetables. around his clothing; touching, smelling and creating these bears. I made at least 30 teddy bears out of his clothing Some find that reading and learning more about grief and the 2nd Christmas after his death I gave every family is most helpful, others find that talking about grief and member, including his cousins, a teddy bear.” sharing their loss with others is most helpful. For some of us, we have found that working with our hands and feeling Gail Lafferty: “When our son, Max, died in 1995 in the fabric of our child’s shirt, handling the buttons on the a pickup truck accident, a kind soul told us about The shirt or the softness of their blanket connects us with our Compassionate Friends. A couple of months later we loved one in a very special way. attended a TCF meeting. I knew there was help there and I met many compassionate people who have become We are Kathy and Gail, two bereaved Moms who have close friends. Almost 20 years later, I am still involved in found that working with crafts and sewing projects has been The Compassionate Friends organization. As a member helpful and healing in remembering our sons. of this group, I have been Chapter Co-Leader, Treasurer, serving now as Co-Regional Coordinator, and coordinate Kathy Rambo: “I lost my 19 year son, Jason, 14 years ago in the Worldwide Candle Lighting for our area. I have been a car accident and attended my first TCF meeting shortly a seamstress and a crafter for a long time and held onto all after. As part of the Livonia Michigan Chapter, I have served as Co-Leader and am now serving as Co-Regional Coordinator for the state of Michigan. I have always been a crafter but after Jason died I looked around for someone to 1 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

of Max’s things because one day I knew I would want to do We recently worked with the National Office to launch something special with them.” Crafty Corner as a new closed Facebook page. This page Chapter Craft Day: Since our Livonia Chapter members will allow those interested in sharing ideas and learning were asking for more than one Chapter meeting, we started new ways to create memory items a place to connect. If you a “Craft Day” in 2007 as an additional meeting one Saturday would like to join our Facebook page, please send a request each month. We started by using some of our ideas to make to: TCF - Crafty Corner. memory projects and soon This comment was shared with us recently about how members were bringing important Crafts can be to our ideas to the group as well. Our Craft Days became a The wonderful thing about giving healing after the loss of our very healing experience for child, grandchild or sibling: people a creative way to express “The wonderful thing about all of us as we made beautiful grief is that crafts provide a way to giving people a creative way items out of clothing, to express grief is that crafts blankets, pictures, buttons express thoughts and emotions that provide a way to express and trinkets. you do not have words for. thoughts and emotions that you These meetings are still going do not have words for. Craft strong as they are more making can be a coping tool relaxed as we help each other with the crafts, talk about our and enhance problem-solving and resilience. Making crafts children during the time and enjoy a cup of coffee and a engages your mind and gives many people a break from donut. It has truly been an honor for us to lead this group. their grief for a while. So many times getting a break from grief is a very welcome thing.” Crafty Corner: A new experience at the National Conference this year was the Creative Cafe, which included Gail’s 18-year-old son, Max, died in a vehicle accident in 1995. Shortly after her son’s death, Gail joined her local TCF Chapter. She has served the two of us creating and leading the “Crafty Corner.” as treasurer and co-leader, co-chaired TCF’s National Conference in Attendees could make a craft in memory of their child Dearborn, is a Co-Regional Coordinator for Michigan and coordinates the using the supplies provided. Each person could come to the Worldwide Candle Lighting for the Chapter. “Corner” when time allowed and take a break from the grief Kathy’s 19-year-old son, Jason, died in a car accident in 2001. She joined work they were doing. They chatted with other bereaved TCF shortly after the death of her son. She served as co-leader from parents, grandparents and siblings about their loved one 2010 to 2013 of the Livonia, MI, TCF Chapter, and is now Co-Regional while making a project in memory of them. The Crafty Coordinator for Michigan.  Corner was a wonderful success and we are excited to make it even bigger next year at TCF National Conference in Scottsdale, Arizona. Three weeks after my son, Andrew, died in 1986, my daughter and I attended our very first TCF meeting. Numb and crying, we sat and listened to the stories being shared by other families. We continued to go even though the pain was unbearable and the tears constantly flowed. It was four months later we attended our very first national conference. It was there my daughter found a friend and became part of the sibling group, and I found a new family that cared, understood, and listened to my story with compassion. Now, 29 years later, my TCF family has grown and I now pay forward the love and compassion that was once shown to me that very first meeting. If I help at least one more family, I have reached my moment of hope. Bobbi Milne, Andrew’s mom Eastern Pennsylvania Regional Coordinator We Need Not Walk Alone|1 9

Our thanks to our 2015 National Conference Sponsor and National Office Sponsor Do you know someone who deserves a TCF National Award? We are currently accepting nominations for our 2015 awards, which are presented at our National Conference. Everyone currently serving in a position on your Chapter Steering Committee, as well as Regional Coordinators may nominate a Chapter Leader for the Chapter Leadership Award. Nominations for all other awards, except the Corporate Friend of TCF may be submitted by Chapter Leaders, Regional Coordinators, National Staff and the Board of Directors. Below are the award names and attributes of each award recipient. • Simon Stephens Award: This award is given to someone who has made significant contributions that have fostered and furthered the philosophy of TCF by practicing or promoting its mission and goals. • Chapter Leadership Award: This award is given to a member who has made outstanding contributions to furthering TCF’s mission. • Recognition Award: This award is given to a member who has contributed outstanding service to TCF at a national level over a period of years. • Professional Service Award: This award is given to a professional psychologist, counselor or other practicing professional who has contributed greatly in the areas of supporting, assisting or educating others in accordance with the mission and goals of TCF. It is not necessary that this award be given every year. • Corporate Friend of TCF: This awarded is given to a corporation that has generously financially supported TCF. The Board of Directors, ED and COO will nominate potential recipients for this award. If you know of someone you’d like to nominate for any of the above awards, please submit their name, contact information and, if a Chapter Leader the name of the Chapter they oversee, along with a written description detailing why they deserve to receive the award. Please send all submissions to the attention of this year’s Award Nominations Chairperson, TCF Board member Bob Burt at [email protected], or by mail to the TCF National Office, P.O. Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696. All submissions must be postmarked by April 1, 2016. Please contact Bob via email if you have any questions. 2 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Dear Dr. Gloria, Our four-year-old daughter, Jenny, died recently after battling cancer for a year. I am upset with my sister-in-law because she keeps telling everyone who will listen that her niece’s death is the worst thing that has happened to her. She was of no help when Jenny was in treatment as she said that it hurt too much to see her darling niece so ill. Now, rather than supporting her grieving brother, my husband, she mopes around my in-law’s home wiping tears from her eyes. Sincerely, Bobbie Dear Bobbie, It sounds like your sister in-law is clueless about the impact the death of a child can have on a parent. My sister-in-law had some of the same issues when our son was killed. It annoyed me, but I decided to let it go when I realized it wasn’t about our son or me. The fact is that some people have what are called narcissistic tendencies. Your sister-in-law may fall into this category. Narcissists under stress become so self-focused that they have difficulty seeing the plight of others. They view themselves as being highly empathetic as they feel so deeply about their own needs. The best thing to do in a situation like this is to try to forgive and forget. If you don’t do it for yourself do it for your husband and parents in-law. Dr. Gloria Dr. Gloria Horsley, MFC, CNS, PhD, is the founder and president of the Open to Hope Foundation an internationally known grief expert, a psychotherapist, and bereaved parent. Gloria cohosts the Internet radio show Open to Hope, at www.opentohope.com, and has authored a number of books and articles. She will be answering your questions related to loss, grief, and recovery for the bereaved parent/grandparent. Please send your questions to: Dr. Gloria Horsley, c/o The Compassionate Friends, PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 aa The Compassionate Friends was recommended to us by one of the pastors that helped us with River’s funeral services, he was kind enough to print us a list of local Chapters and bring it by. We looked up the chapters near us. Due to scheduling issues, we ended up at St. Paul’s chapter. We were able to meet the parents of other children who had very different experiences but felt the same heartache that we did. There were so many people who were so supportive and welcoming, we felt comfortable sharing our son and his life with them. We were in a place where our feelings were always understood. Deanna Wheeler, River’s mom St. Paul Chapter We Need Not Walk Alone|2 1

What Would Wendy Do? by Karen Soltero © Ivelin Radkov/fotolia.com For most of my life, I lived in a box. Not a real box. I didn’t grow up on the street surrounded by cardboard. I had made my own, 2 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone carefully stacked around me in rows, built up, year after year into a solid shape that hovered around me like an aura. Sharp corners, crisp lines and strings of words that I had applied to myself and they included a lot of shoulds and musts and don’ts and can’ts. I’m a rule-follower. What rules? Oh, the ones I applied to myself. I never had a curfew in high school, mostly because my parents knew I would never sneak out, never drink and never lie about where I had been. And it wasn’t the parenting, though we had excellent parenting, because my sister did ALL of those things. I was just, as they say, a goody two-shoes. In my early college and post grad years, I remember starting to see friends or other students sporting bracelets, usually those woven ones, with the letters WWJD on them. It stood for What Would Jesus Do? According to Wikipedia, Christians “…used the phrase as a reminder of their belief in a moral imperative to act in a manner that would demonstrate the love of Jesus through the actions of the adherents.” The bracelets were supposed to help you remember to be a better person, to make wise choices. I didn’t need a personal relationship with Jesus or a bracelet around my wrist with a jumble of letters to tell me what NOT to do. It was really the other way around. During a Southern California fall, on a chilly night just before Halloween, my younger sister, Wendy, was killed during a random robbery in her car, on a quiet block in Hollywood. In the time it takes a young girl with a gun on a quest for money to say “give me your wallet or I’ll shoot,” and then shoots anyway, just because, I lost my only sibling. Wendy was the opposite of me. If there was a rule to be found, she was going to do her best to break it. Not because she was contrary by nature. She was warm and engaging and you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who didn’t get along with her. Her world just simply didn’t have walls. There are a million stories I could relate that would illustrate this statement, but for now, here’s one. It was in 1999. I was in grad school and Wendy was an undergrad student. We lived together, in a little house in Los Angeles. It was late afternoon on a Sunday and Wendy was still in her bathrobe. My dog was curled up on Wendy’s lap, her tiny nose tucked into the folds of the dark green terry cloth monstrosity that was

probably in desperate need of a wash. The start of the little crazy,” or “I’d love to, but I’m afraid,” I’d look down at Golden Globe awards was on TV. my invisible macramé bracelet and say, “Okay, Wendy, you “I’m headed to school,” I said. I had a project due. “I’ll be win, I’m doing it your way.” back later.” What Would Wendy do got me on a plane by myself for a “Okay,” she said. “I might go to the Golden Globes.” There solo vacation to London in 2007, which to this day, was one was no sarcasm in her voice. of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had. It got me to open a business in an industry I knew little about. It got me “Right. Let me know how that goes.” There was a lot of to give in on days I needed to get stuff done, and to stay in sarcasm in my voice. my bathrobe until dinner time. I came home about four hours later to an empty It connected me to her in a way It got me to stand up for myself in moments when it’s far more house. Then I got a text from I hadn’t expected and connected Wendy, on my brick of a cell me to life in a way I had never comfortable for me to keep phone. She had done it. She quiet. What Would Wendy Do? also left me once stranded at a had pulled an old formal dress from a school dance out experienced. house in the Hollywood Hills with a party full of crazy actors of her closet and driven to Hollywood. Later, when she came home, she would tell me until 4 in the morning in days before Google Maps and iPhones so I couldn’t call a cab that she walked right in like she was supposed to be there. A few days after, she would produce photos with a handful because I couldn’t tell them how to find me. of television celebrities and in most of them, she’s got this crazy face on and is gesturing at them with a “look who I’m This isn’t just about Wendy. It’s is about me, about you, with” expression. about all of us. It’s about understating that our siblings (and children) are always with us. It’s about getting comfortable After Wendy died, I was shattered. To be honest, I still with the things that make you feel like you’re wearing a too pick up pieces of myself every now and then and try to tight pair of shoes. It’s not about breaking all of the rules, stick them back on. I came apart, and as I put myself back because there’s a “No Way!” in all of us and it’s there for together, over days, and weeks and years, the pieces fit a reason. But there’s also a “maybe,” and a “why not,” and differently. My rules hadn’t stopped Wendy from dying, all kinds of other wonderful words that make pathways they didn’t stop me from grieving, and the box they had built had failed to keep me safe. Yet, I still clung to them, instead of boxes. as if they gave me structure, helped to keep the pieces together. I still do, a lot of the time. Some days we all need a circle around our wrist, really or imaginary. A daily reminder that some rules are meant But somewhere along the way, maybe four years after to be broken, that some boxes are meant to be opened. Wendy died, when I was most struggling with how to keep That an experience, good or bad, is just that, a wonderful, her in my life as the years fell away, I thought of those What magical experience. And that life, for as long as we have it, Would Jesus Do? bracelets. I suddenly realized I needed is meant to be lived. one. But mine would read, WWWD. What Would Wendy Do? When choices in life would come up, some little and Karen Soltero is a bereaved sibling, having lost her younger sister Wendy in 2000, when Wendy was shot and killed during a random robbery attempt in Hollywood, CA. Karen has been an active participant in The Compassionate Friends, attending both local Chapter meetings and some big, I started to ask myself that question. There was National Conferences. Karen works hard on a daily basis to keep the something immediately reassuring when I discovered that spirit of her sister Wendy alive - by celebrating her, talking about her, I always knew the answer. It connected me to her in a way commemorating birthdays and anniversaries and always working hard to I hadn’t expected and connected me to life in a way I had make sure that even new friends have an opportunity to get to know her. never experienced. If my gut reaction to Wendy’s answer was “No Way!” then I stuck to my guns. But if I thought to myself, “that sounds a We Need Not Walk Alone|2 3

Dear Dr. Heidi, I am a 22-year-old, living at home, and my only sibling died 3 years ago of a drug overdose. When my brother died, I was in college, but after his death, I transferred to a local university and moved back in with my parents. My parents love the fact that I live with them, and don’t want me to move out. I worry about my mom, and feel like she depends on me to support her and cheer her up when she is having a bad day. I am getting very tired of living with my parents, and want to get my life back, but I feel they have become very dependent on me. Sincerely, Still Living at Home Dear Still Living at Home: It is not uncommon for bereaved siblings to move home, after their sibling dies. We often feel like we need to “be strong for our parents” and we worry about them. When my brother died, I was in college on the west coast, and transferred back east to be closer to my parents. I spent a year living near them, but eventually realized that I needed to move back out west to pursue my dreams, and live my life fully. It sounds like living with your parents is taking a toll on you. If you are spending most of your time taking care of your parents, you are not taking care of yourself. You might need to sit your parents down, and tell them how you feel. If they are not supportive of your decision, you may have to do it anyway. Although it may initially be hard on your parents when you move out, they will eventually adjust to being empty nesters. Moving out does not mean you will never see your parents, but you do need to set healthy boundaries. You are only in your twenties, and this is the only life you will have, you need to live it to its fullest. Hopefully, your parents will understand, as they were once single, and in their twenties too. Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, is a bereaved sibling as well as a psychologist. She is the executive director of the Open to Hope Foundation, cohost of the Open to Hope radio program, www.opentohope.com, an adjunct professor at Columbia University, and a national board member of The Compassionate Friends. She will be answering your questins related to loss, grief, and recovery for siblings. Please send your question to: Dr. Heidi Horsley, c/o The Compassionate Friends, PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696. As a bereaved stepfather, our local Chapter did not have someone to share my experiences with the loss of my stepdaughter. Through workshops and sharing sessions for stepparents at TCF National Conference, it was possible to learn how others have dealt with issues along our unique grief journey. The bottom line is, the more we can learn from others, the more it will help our own bereavement, which in turn will enable us to help the more newly bereaved parents that will follow. This is the continuum that Rev. Simon Stephens envisioned. Ralph Goodrich, Lauren’s stepdad North Carolina Regional Coordinator 2 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

© Georgia Cockerham Those Who Know by Georgia Cockerham The circle forms as each walks in. Our monthly meeting gathers again. Sorry for the reason we all are here. And grateful for an understanding ear. We say our name and that of our child. Share circumstances beyond our control. At first–so hard to think and then talk. Don’t want to be here. Turn back the clock. Deep grief, raw pain, all come seeking why? Many ask why their child had to die? The answer, we learn, is not to be found. A simple question, and yet so profound. Inconceivable loss. Why did we not know Our child could die before we would go? Sitting together, we are Those Who Know. Understanding your cry—“How can it be so?” Here you’ll find others among Those Who Know. Navigating life broken – no longer whole. As the amputee learns to move without limb, We will help you to start living again. As years go by, meetings come and go. From our loss of one many more we now know. Zach, Jessie, Sean, Kyle, Kevin and Ron Different ages and causes, but all now gone. Lee, Steve, Sandy, Chase, McCaleb, and Jeff, You guide us in helping those new to this test. In remembering you we give what we can, Believing that, someday, we’ll hold you again. The meetings helped us and we’re here again, As new bereaved parents in a fog, walk in. We are living proof that you will survive. We are Those Who Know—our children have died. Georgia Cockerham, Zach Ward’s mom, TCF Northwest Coast Chapter Leader and Oregon Regional Coordinator. This poem and painting are from Georgia’s book Why? Why? Why? and are dedicated to all TCF meeting facilitators who, after receiving help themselves, continue to help others. We Need Not Walk Alone|2 5

© iriskasazonova/fotolia.com To Other Grandparents by Bonnie McGuire made to you, and it breaks the promises you made to your children. You don’t believe you can’t help. But you can’t. But Dear Grandma, Nana, Grandpa, Papa– you should try anyway. That’s the rule. Try anyway. Your children will live the rest of their lives without their beloved, You are not alone. Your grandchild has died. You want to perfect, wanted, and needed child. And in some ways, so die. You want to hurt the person who did this. Even if it’s will you. Your children are no longer the sons or daughters G-d. You want to sleep. You want to sleep for a year and you knew. They are, but they aren’t. They’re not as whole. wake up and find out that it’s all not true. You want and They are mourning in ways that you always feared. “What need it to be far away in time. You want to lay still. You want if something happened to . . . how could I live?” And they, to be busy. You want to scream. You want to cry all of the your children, your babies, your beloved, perfect, wanted, time. You want to fix this. You’re the grandparent. You have needed children are living without the great love of their life experience. You are the fixer. You want to do it all, the lives, your grandchild. Their son. Their daughter. way you’ve always done it all. You have all of those years of success behind you and fewer years ahead of you. You want How can this be? How can such wrongness exist? How can to make those years matter. You want to make the world this be? How can you, Grandma, fix this? Grandpa, how can better for your children, even for just a minute if that’s all you fix this? That’s your job, yes? that can be made better, as they mourn their child. Your grandchild. You will not be ok, ever again. They will never be ok. You are trying. You are getting up and trying to help. You are And you can’t do any of these things. You don’t know how trying to light the sky. You have permission to weep in the to walk, talk, or think for long minutes or hours or even car on the way to their house. You have permission to talk days. Your disbelief overpowers belief. The unreality of about your sadness. You have their ok to talk about the losing your grandchild defies the rules of the world and the natural order of time. It breaks all of the promises 2 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

grandchild who was stolen. You do. You have some strength You have permission to forget days and what you were left. You do. Don’t let it go. It’s what you do. You cannot going to do that day. As long as you try. You do not get fix it, but you can try, and you will try. That’s what parents to succumb. You do not have permission to do that. They do. They protect and love. They watch over their children. need you. You need to be needed now. If ever you had a job, They fix what’s broken. They heal what’s wounded. They are this is it. There is no harder job. Except theirs. Their job is there every day forever. Even when what’s broken can’t be harder. They have to live. And you have to help them. That’s mended and when what’s wounded can’t be healed. your job. You want to die. Don’t. You have to help them. They need you. They really do. You are the grandparents. You will do this. You will do the un-doable. Even knowing it won’t help, you’ll do it anyway. Please know you are not alone, Grandma and Grandpa, You will say the unthinkable and the unspeakable. And Nana and Papa. You are not. There are other grandparents you will never, ever recover. You will survive in a broken, who are living in the dark water, too. They are not disfigured kind of way. But, you are the grandparents. You breathing, either. You are not alone. Sadly, so sadly, you are are sad and angry, but you will fix dinner and help with the not alone. Don’t give up. Please don’t give up. If ever your other grandchildren. You will try, every moment of every children needed you, it’s now, more than ever. Don’t give up. day, to help. Because what your children are living through Not yet. Not now. Not today. is worse than what you’re living through. It’s hard to fathom, but it’s true. It’s so, so sadly true. Love, Claire’s Grandmother Connect with Other Bereaved Parents, Grandparents, and Siblings Everyday on TCF’s Online Support Community The Compassionate Friends offers “virtual Chapters” through an Online Support Community (live chats). This program was established to encourage connecting and sharing among parents, grandparents, and siblings (over the age of 18) grieving the death of a child. The rooms supply support, encouragement, and friendship. The friendly atmosphere encourages conversation among friends; friends who understand the emotions you’re experiencing. There are general bereavement sessions as well as more specific sessions: Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 9:00 - 10:00 AM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 8:00 - 9:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Bereaved Less than Two Years Parents/Grandparents/Siblings No Surviving Children 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 10:00 - 11:00 PM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Bereaved More than Two Years Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Parents/Grandparents/Siblings 10:00 - 11:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Friday Saturday Sunday 10:00 - 11:00 AM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 8:00 - 9:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Survivors of Suicide 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST 10:00 - 11:00 PM EST 9:00 - 10:00 PM EST Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Parents/Grandparents/Siblings Parents/Grandparents/Siblings 10:00 - 11:00 PM EST ©Arndt Vladimir/fotolia.com Parents/Grandparents/Siblings 9:00 - 11:00 PM EST Pregnancy/Infant Loss Visit www.compassionatefriends.org/Find_Support/Online-Community/Online_Support.aspx for more information and to register. We Need Not Walk Alone|2 7

One Tough Mama by Alice J. Wisler “You are Wonder Woman. You know that, don’t you?” The nurse in the recovery room kept her eyes on a drowsy Daniel but I knew that she was addressing me. Me, the mom with an 11-month-old son in a stroller, a child of unknown gender in my belly, and four-year-old Daniel in the hospital bed, about to wake up from his third radiation treatment. I only smiled. “One tough mama,” she said. “You are amazing.” My daughter would have smiled at me had she been in the room, but she was in first grade learning to write about her brother Daniel. He and I like to read funny books. He has a boo-boo in his neck. Daniel opened his eyes and looked around the room. “I had a nice nap,” he said. The nurse and I laughed. This scene is only a memory now, a memory I have recalled over the 18 years. © kinscott/fotolia.com Eighteen years ago I did not think that I was a wonder woman. I was merely doing what any mom with a kid with cancer would do—one foot in front of the other, moving forward. It was a season of getting my three kids to where they needed to be when they needed to be there. For Daniel that meant getting him to radiation 2 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

treatments every day at 6 AM for three weeks, and to the They have grown used to me, they know me. I’m the mom hospital once a month for week-long cancer treatments. who collects watermelon and tells the story of how Daniel Tears? No. Sentiment? Who had time for that? I was one stored leftover watermelon in his hospital bathtub after the tough mama. Fourth of July. I’m the one who searches for rainbows after every thunderstorm, keeps Curious George books in a dusty Eighteen years ago I was 36, and believed that if you prayed bookshelf and uses Daniel’s phrases—like, “A spider for a pet! I have a spider for my pet!” and Daniel wisdom—”I hard enough and dreamed big enough, you would never know why they call it a parking lot, because there are LOTS have to live a life of heartache. of places to park.” When Daniel died at age four, people told me that they My kids don’t mind didn’t know how I did tears in the sauce. But it. They used words like Eighteen years ago I did not think that they also know that brave and strong and I was a wonder woman. I was merely I won’t become sad inspiring. when they head off to But now I wonder if they doing what any mom with a kid with college or leave home would understand that cancer would do—one foot in front of the for a dingy house with 18 years since my little boy’s body could no other, moving forward. a group of boys before completing high school. longer fight the battle, They know I value the I’m a crumbling mess. I “normal” things kids get to do as they grow older and find cry because at Home Depot a tool set has been reduced to their paths. I cherish them and that they get to grow up, 1992, the year Daniel was born. There’s a car in the parking fall down, get up, and try again. (and am grateful that the lot with Dan on the license plate. middle child did graduate eventually.) Days before my Daniel’s birthday (he would be 23 August This is who I am, this is the life of one tough mama. 25th), I am reduced to an ache so large that I wonder if the years have stitched up my wound at all. I recall his death Alice J. Wisler (TCF Wake County, NC) is the author of several novels and and his birth and the four tiny years between the two events the devotional, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort as I prepare dinner for the living. in Heartache (Leafwood Publishers). She teaches grief-writing workshops both online and at conferences. I stir the spaghetti sauce with blurry eyes. Tears splatter onto the counter. My other children are 25, 19, and 18. The wonderful parents at The Compassionate Friends who were a little further down the road than me put their arms around me and gave me hope that I would survive. Nancy Juracka, Lance’s mom Northern California Regional Coordinator We Need Not Walk Alone|2 9

© Ann Lary Thoughts from a Sibling on the TCF National Conference by Jordon Ferber This past summer marked the 13-year anniversary In 13 years, I have only written one joke about of the death of my brother Russell. He was 21 my grief, and I only wrote it just this year. I tell years old, and not a day goes by that I don’t think audiences, “I go to a support group for bereaved of him. This year was also my 10th national TCF siblings…and that is a great sentence you can use conference and it was easily the most impactful if you ever want to get out of a conversation. In my experience I have had at any of the conferences I experience, that should be followed by you being have attended. alone with your thoughts again.” Let me just say that I was not open to the Getting the acknowledgment and understanding conference being something that was going to be that only another bereaved sibling can provide has helpful to me, let alone actual TCF local chapter kept me sane. But as helpful as attending my local meetings. As I have often said, the irony of the group has been--and it honestly has been just about position I find myself in these days is not lost the only thing that has helped--it was truly at the on me. Initially, I went to the local TCF chapter conference that I started to rediscover myself. meeting because my parents kept mentioning that After my brother Russell died, I was lost…I was there was a sibling group. I figured all I would have broken. I had lost a part of myself. I literally didn’t to do is come once, and we would never have to know how to be myself anymore…not without my talk about it again. The joke was most definitely on brother to counterbalance me. I literally had to me, as my parents do not even go to TCF group relearn just how to be…how to exist. It was at the anymore, and I have been running my local siblings national conferences that I started that learning group for the last six years! process. TCF saved me because I finally had a place to talk And it didn’t happen in any of the workshops. It about it and I had a need to talk. I am a comedian was outside the workshop that I found myself. It and a New Yorker, so I come from a long line of was in the lobby of the hotel…it was in the bar… over-sharers. As a comedian it was surreal to be on in the butterfly boutique… and in line to get some stage presenting a version of myself to an audience picture buttons of Russell made. that did not reflect at all what I was going through. 3 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

It was in the aback, usually asking me something along the lines of, in-between “Well, that sounds about as depressing as anything. Why times that I would you want to go to a whole convention of sad people? found myself in Doesn’t it make you feel sadder to be surrounded by so situations where much grief and brutally reminded of your own?” I was able to be The truth is exactly the opposite of this kind of statement. It social. People is more depressing to be around people who don’t acknowl- who I talked to edge my struggle…who don’t ask me about my brother… wanted to learn who don’t ask how I’m doing…who don’t let me express who I was and myself the way I can when I am at the conference. Being in who my brother a hotel completely populated with people who “get it” is a was. I got to talk breath of fresh air. It is heartwarming and beautiful, and it about my life in is one of the only times all year that I get to feel as close to Jordon with his brother, Russell a way where I Russell as I want. And the moment the conference is over, I already can’t wait until the next one! didn’t have to explain anything, and I didn’t have to wonder how long before the person in front of me was going to try Jordon’s 21-year-old brother Russell was killed in a car accident in 2002. and change the subject. I was able to connect to other people He has been the facilitator of his sibling group at the Manhattan Chapter in a way that I hadn’t been allowed to do. It was in these of TCF for the past six years and has written often for the sibling page of moments that I was able to reconnect with myself again. his Chapter’s newsletter. A professional stand up comedian, he is a unique public speaker and a frequent contributor to the sibling panel for parents. It’s always been strange to me that when I tell people that I’m going to my bereavement conference, they seem taken We Need Not Walk Alone|31

Memories from the 38th National Co 3 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone

onference in Dallas, Texas © Ann Lary We Need Not Walk Alone|3 3

Generously sponsored by 2015 Walk to Remember Pam Bennett-Santoro and John Santoro from 2th0e15PaWualalkRtosRinema SemanbteorroSpFoonusonrdsation 2015 Walk to Remember Sponsors 3 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

© Ann Lary We Need Not Walk Alone|3 5

News from the National Office © magdal3na/fotolia.com TCF Holiday Appeal Our Holiday Appeal will be arriving in mailboxes in the coming weeks, please consider showing your support of TCF through a gift to this important fundraising effort. Aside from our National Conference, the Holiday Appeal is TCF’s biggest income producer all year, and raises vital funds that support TCF’s operations throughout the year. Donations can be made by responding directly to our mailing, or online at www.compassionatefriends.org. Donations can also be made by calling the National Office at 877.969.0010, or filling out the envelope that is included in this magazine, enclosing your donation and sending it back to the National Office. Please indicate that this donation is for the Holiday Appeal. On behalf of the families we serve, thank you. We thank our generous Sponsors of the National Office © Oleksandr Dibrova/fotolia.com Barbara and Tom Doreen and Pat Kathy and Chuck Ann Khadalia Manhattan Allen Cappelaere Collins in memory of Chapter Priya Khadalia in memory of in memory of LT in memory of in memory of their James Stallings Valerie Cappelaere Tiffanie Amber children Delaney, USN Collins Pam Bennett- Sue and Karl Linda and Ben Linda and Ben Santoro and John Snepp Wallace Wallace Santoro in memory of in memory in memory of in memory of Dave Snepp Benjamin Carl Michael Duane Paula Rosino Wallace Wallace Santoro 3 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

An Update from the Director of Chapter Services by Terry Novy October 15, 2015 is TCF’s debut date for “The Chapter too. The following areas are Leadership Newsletter”. The Newsletter is for all Chapter in need of a Regional or a Co- leaders, Regional Coordinators, newsletter editors, steering Regional Coordinator to support committee members, treasurers, and all who are involved a large state/area: another RC for in chapter meetings. The Chapter Leadership Newsletter Southern California, Southern will be sent to your email on the 1st and the 15th of each Georgia, Northern New York, month; for those who need a mailed copy please contact the Western Ohio and Northern National Office. We welcome your emails, questions and Wisconsin. We are in need of a feedback, many of your questions will likely turn into topics Regional Coordinators for Illinois, Iowa, Indiana, Nevada for future issues. If you have new members in Leadership and Utah. If you are interested please call 877.9869.0010 or please send their name, email address and chapter affiliation email me at [email protected]. to: [email protected] so they Starting a Chapter of The Compassionate Friends is a included in this valuable resource. wonderful way to honor the memory of the child(ren) who Do you know who your Regional Coordinator (RC) is? led you to TCF meetings and the friendships that you and The National Office has recruited the largest ever Regional others have shared as you’ve traveled a very difficult road. Coordinator Team to better support TCF’s nearly 700 Or it is possible you may have heard of The Compassionate Chapters. Your local Regional Coordinator is actually the Friends and feel there is a need for a Chapter in your area. liaison between the National Office and TCF Chapters. Starting a Chapter of The Compassionate Friends is a Your RC is available to facilitate a meeting or attend a rewarding experience and a labor of love—one in which special program if geographically possible. They will offer TCF’s national organization is ready to walk with you every a Chapter Leadership Training Program in your state. And step of the way. Please contact me for more information. lastly always be a there to support and lend a hand. TCF The holidays can be such a busy time for everyone. If you currently has 60 Regional Coordinators on the team who are out of town for the holidays, please contact the National all have Chapter experience and work directly with the Office with a temporary Chapter contact telephone number. National Office. If a Chapter is gifted with funding please I wish you all a peaceful Holiday Season. remember to financially support your Regional Coordinator Welcome New TCF Chapters: #2467 TCF of Bellingham ~ Bellingham, WA Chartered ~ 8/13/2015 #2462 TCF of Norton, KS ~ Norton, KS Chartered ~ 6/22/2015 #2468 TCF of Ontario ~ Ontario, OR Chartered ~ 9/22/2015 #2463 TCF of Mount Olive ~ Flanders, NJ Chartered ~ 6/25/2015 #2469 TCF of the Ohio Valley ~ Martins Ferry, OH Chartered ~ 9/24/2015 #2464 TCF of Western Oklahoma ~ Clinton, OK Chartered ~ 7/21/2015 #2470 TCF Monadnock Chapter ~ Peterborough, NH Chartered ~ 9/28/2015 #2465 TCF of Allen County ~ Scottsville, KY Chartered ~ 7/28/2015 #2471 TCF of Brattleboro ~ Brattleboro, VT Chartered ~ 10/5/2015 #2466 TCF of Mooresville ~ Mooresville, NC Chartered ~ 8/12/2015 Our thanks to the following Chapters for their generosity (Gifts received between May 16 - September 30, 2015) Circle of Hope ($1,000-$2,400) #1303 Pomona-San Gabriel Valley Circle of Friends ($50 - $199) #1317 Northwest Suburban Chapter Chapter #1179 Southwest Suburbs/Cleveland in memory of their children in memory of the children of the Pomona- Chapter San Gabriel Valley Chapter in memory of their children Circle of Caring ($500-$999) #1169 St. Paul Chapter #2419 TCF of Central Georgia #1354 Fort Worth Chapter in memory of their children, grandchildren in memory of their children in memory of their children and siblings and siblings gone too soon #2216 TCF Lake Area Keystone Heights #2128 TCF of Johnson County in memory of their children Circle of Support ($200-$499) in memory of their children #2462 TCF of Norton, KS #1158 Manhattan Chapter #2299 TCF of the Washington, IN Area in memory of their children in memory of their children in memory of their children We Need Not Walk Alone|3 7

© James Thew/fotolia.com Assistance for Bereaved Parents Whose Only Child/All Children are Deceased by Kay Bevington “My only child died and I am finding I do not ‘fit in’ as who have endured the death of a child and have surviving others in our support group often talk about their surviving children than those whose only child/all children have died. children and/or grandchildren.” “All of our children died There is also more support available for those parents who and there is just no one who can relate to our loss and have surviving children. grief.” “Other bereaved parents try to ‘fix me’ by saying I Unfortunately, there are a few chapter leaders and support am young and can have other children since our only child group members who feel, think and will say that ALL died.” “I feel I am the only person who has no surviving bereaved parents are alike. This only alienates those children, my parents are deceased and I have no siblings.” bereaved parents with no surviving children, as it does not “I am truly alone as my spouse is deceased, my only two validate their uniqueness. When there are NO surviving children are deceased, and I was an only child.” “Who is children in the family it forces the bereaved parent to find going to be there for me when I age and have no surviving a new and completely different focus, purpose and identity. children?” “How do I plan and what do I do with all my There is absolutely no one in whom the bereaved parents child’s possessions and mine since there are no surviving can invest their time, energy, resources and love. One child children to care about these items?” These are comments does not take the place of another BUT a bereaved parent we often hear from many bereaved parents who now have still has the identity of a parent when there are surviving no surviving children. Parents generally feel and think they children. Bereaved parents with no surviving children are unique in their grief as there are more bereaved parents have no one with whom to celebrate the holidays or special 3 8 |We Need Not Walk Alone

events. There is no one who will call to wish you a Happy that publishes a periodical and networks bereaved Father’s or Mother’s Day; there is no one who will be there parents who have no surviving children by the age of the to assist when there is surgery, an illness or a major decision deceased child and/or cause of death. Alive Alone also to make. There is nothing current that is occurring in a has a Facebook page where thoughts, quotes, poems, and child’s life that you can relate to others with or about your ideas that benefit now childless parents are posted on a child/children. People become daily basis. There very uncomfortable when you is also discussion share about something that that occurs occurred when your child was When there are NO surviving children in amongst the Alive alive. Everyone becomes silent the family it forces the bereaved parent to Alone parents. and “The Elephant is in the Alive Alone has Room.” find a new and completely different focus, a database of purpose and identity.The grandchildren issue is ‘veteran’ bereaved parents who are also another major issue as the qualified to present now childless bereaved parents a program about being now childless at support group reach middle age or older. Everyone, including those who chapter meetings and conferences. More information can have had a child die and have surviving children, begins to be obtained about Alive Alone on their website: www. share the photos and wonderful events that are occurring alivealone.org. If you do not use the internet, Alive Alone in the lives of their grandchildren. For most now childless can also be reached by writing to Alive Alone, PO Box parents there were no grandchildren when our only child/ 182, Van Wert, OH 45891. In Loving Memory is an all children died and never will be. Grandparents beam and organization that plans conferences for now childless are so proud of those wonderful grandchildren, and rightly parents. The next conference will be held at Fair Lakes so. However, people often fail to realize that this fantastic Hyatt Hotel in Fairfax, VA April 7-10, 2016. More details experience will NEVER be one for the now childless about this conference may be obtained at the website: www. bereaved parent to experience. InLovingMemoryConference.org. You may also write to In It is important at bereavement support group meetings and Loving Memory, P.O. Box 2163, Reston, VA 20195. conferences to address the unique needs of bereaved parents The Compassionate Friends is planning on offering a as well as discuss the likenesses on grief journeys. Parents variety of workshops for now childless parents at their who experienced the death of an infant have different needs National Conference in Scottsdale, AZ this next summer than those who had a teenager or adult child. Suicide, July 8-10, 2016. murder and addiction-related deaths need to be addressed as these are different experiences than those who had a Kay Bevington, mother of Rhonda, an only child, is the founder and editor child die of a disease or accident. Those bereaved parents of Alive Alone. Alive Alone, Inc. is a bereavement support organization with no surviving children also have unique needs. Special that ministers to the needs of those bereaved parents whose only child/all programs at support group meetings and conferences need children are deceased. Alive Alone publishes an international periodical to be presented so that these parents ALL realize that even which is composed of articles that address the specific topics pertinent to though their differences are unique, once addressed, they those now childless parents. Kay and Rodney Bevington also network with can THEN relate to others with the similarities in grief. parents whose children died of a similar age or cause of death. There are There is additional online support for now childless parents no support group chapters. Alive Alone also provides presenters at support and two organizations that minister primarily to the needs group meetings and conferences to educate others about the unique needs of now childless parents. The Compassionate Friends has of now childless parents and to minister to those parents who have no a closed Facebook group that is monitored by Joannie surviving children. Kemling, Pam Rayner and Lisa Ridge. Various topics relating to only child/all children deaths are discussed. Kay is a retired public school educator and bereavement specialist who has Alive Alone, Inc. is an international support organization worked with funeral homes prior to her retirement. We Need Not Walk Alone|3 9

With sincere gratitude and deep appreciation, we acknowledge the © believeinme33/fotolia.com generosity of the following individuals and organizations for their gifts to The Compassionate Friends. Your commitment and support are essential to fulfilling our mission. The following patron donations were received between May 16 - September 30, 2015. 4 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Simon Stephens Founder’s Terena Miller Valdone Knepa Elizabeth Barbera Circle ($10,000 +) in memory of Cody M., Dayne H., Linn in memory of Gediminas Valskys in memory of Jay Jimenez L., Kale P., Kade P., Jace J., Brandy Jo Christine LaFore Jackie and Tony Barnette Carol and Dale Dullabuan, Sr. A., Rod S., Mark B., Chuck G., Monte in memory of Jason and Christian LaFore in memory of Jessica Barnette in memory of Dale L. Dullabuan, III G., Blake S., Holly L., Kristen, Blake R., Joyce Margarce William Baron Estate of Rolfa F. Rogers Kalin E., and Lanni W. in memory of Jessica Loverich in memory of Thomas Ward Baron in memory of Rolfa F. Rogers NCM America’s Movie Network Donors from Maryland Charity Gail Bartley Marianne and Michael Madoff on behalf of Pamela Schanuel Campaign in memory of John David Stacy in memory of Tyler Madoff Becky and Anthony Sciotti Andrea and John Meigs, Jr. Connie Bartram Marlene H. Zeibig Revocable Trust in memory of Christopher A. Sciotti in memory of Alexandra Nina Meigs in memory of Samuel Cardin in memory of Marlene H. Zeibig Mary and Ken Seibert Rosina Mensah Cindy Becken Nationwide Insurance in memory of Samantha Seibert, Roger in memory of Kofi A. Mensah, Jr. in memory of Daniel Becken South Shore Anesthesia Associates, Beene and Shirley Beene Thomas Miller Deborah Hart Bennett Inc. Linda and Ben Wallace in memory of Mark Edler in memory of H. Hart Bennett in memory of Richard J. Mirabile in memory of Benjamin Carl Wallace Alice-Lynn and Richard Newman Mr. and Mrs. Don Berry and Michael Duane Wallace in memory of Arielle Lynn Newman in memory of CT State Trooper Robert The President’s Circle ($5,000- Maura and Dave O’Neil Berry and Roxanne Berry $9,999) Circle of Support ($200-$499) in memory of Jeff O’Neil Kristi and Rich Berryessa Kathy Rambo in memory of Brian Richard Berryessa Donors from Independent Charities Harry Baertschi in memory of Jason Rambo Bruce and Patricia Bertrand of America in memory of Marjorie A. Baertschi Pam Bennett-Santoro and John Santoro in memory of Erica Reneé Bertrand and Sue and Karl Snepp James and Toni Ballard in memory of Paula Rosina Santoro LCP Bryan Pahl Bertrand in memory of Dave Snepp and William in memory of Nicholas David Ballard Carl and Ann Schoenhard Pamela Birkenfeld Eubanks Marcus and Sara Beth Balters in memory of Erin A. Schoenhard in memory of Daniel Spellman in memory of Joshua Timothy Balters Dr. Bob and Donna Shampo from Bob and Mary Blain Circle of Love ($2,500-$4,999) Benjamin Moore & Co. Cudahy Veterinary Clinic in memory of Daniel Blain, Benjamin Bravelets in memory of Austen A. Shampo Blain, and Brian Blain Barbara and Tom Allen Bristol-Myers Sqibb Matching Gift State Auto Insurance Company Gus Blank in memory of James and Jessica Program Audra Stinchcomb in memory of Eric Blank Stallings Ronald Byrd in memory of Marie Stinchcomb Mona Blumstein Loralie M. Austin in memory of Erika Lynne Byrd Billie and Tim Taylor in memory of Emma Blumstein in memory of Brandon M. Austin Doreen and Pat Cappelaere in memory of Cody Curtiss Taylor Bethany Boccella Pfizer Foundation in memory of LT Valerie Cappelaere Techset, Inc. Mary Ann Boling Delaney, USN Donors from United Way in memory of Steven Matthew Boling Circle of Hope ($1,000-$2,499) Suzanne Cassel Cindy and Rick Yotti Dr. Serena Bordes in memory of Greg Cassel and Alex in memory of Christopher and Matthew in memory of Robert James Bosso Joan and Bill Campbell Baranowski Yotti Cattleya Born in memory of Lesley Michelle Campbell, Cheer To Art LLC in memory of Caitlin Elizabeth Meagan Marie Robinson, Baby in memory of Kelli Ridenour Circle of Friends ($50-$199) Rosenbaum Hunzicker, Baby Stehman, Cindy Kay and Fred Cooke Janet Bowers Houston, Markus Gabriel Hall and in memory of Morgan Elizabeth Cooke Laila Abdelraouf in memory of Tony Mike Bowers Emilee Nickole Robinson Rosemary Dooley in memory of Kareem Elseify Dan and Bonnie Boyum Kathy and Chuck Collins Amanda Drummond Charlotte Addington in memory of Michael Boyum in memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins in memory of Preston Drummond in memory of Mary Shawn Addington Frieda and Bill Braun Laura Ronda Kitty Edler Godefreida Alfred in memory of Keith J. Donnelly in memory of Olivia Laura Castro in memory of Mark and Rich Elder in memory of Jason James Alfred Ina and Terry Brende Coralease Ruff Jacquie Edwards-Mitchell Gloria and Merv Allen in memory of Connor Dean Tharp in memory of Candice (Kandy) M. Ruff in memory of Kareem Edwards-Mitchell in memory of Lloyd Stuart Allen Dorothy Brennan and Kevin John Mitchell Helen Allen in memory of Jenne Guyette Circle of Caring ($500-$999) Mark Gedlinske in memory of Jeremy Allen Tresha and Terry Brenneman in memory of Justin Lee Clayton and Marta Alvarez in memory of Lucas Brenneman Mary and John Bell Michael Negus in memory of Michael Anthony Alvarez Cynthia and Leonard Broderick in memory of Susan E. Bell Dorene Goryeb Donors from Amazon Smile in memory of Jamie Jo Broderick Peggy Ceballos in memory of Gregg T. Goryeb June Anderson Fernandez in memory of Alex Michael Fisher and Julie Hemenway in memory of Thomas A. Anderson Gayle Brown John Harris Stebbins in memory of Matthew Boudreaux Ron and Cathy Andes in memory of Michael Moskowitz Cord Blood Registry Chris and Jay Huberty in memory of Christopher Andes Theresa Brown in memory of Baby Boy Whited, in memory of John David Huberty Sandy Androckitis in memory of Mickey Lyn, Leila Yeley Nathan Huang, Charolette Brandow, Impacting Leaders in honor of Jennifer Cook and Gump and Kris Brown Adi Jambotkar, Siya Deo, Aron and in memory of Hank Sasser Roberta Archibald William and Theresa Bruggeman Abigail Chou, Caitlyn Barksdale and Jimmy W. Ingram in memory of Scott C. Seifert in memory of Thomas Wayne Tamara and Alexander Woods baby in memory of Grant Ingram and Beverly Armstrong Bruggeman and Michael Vincent Mary Denien Rhonda Hennigan in memory of Chrissy Lindquist, Harry Bruggeman in memory of Gary Robert Denien Robin Jens Lindquist, and Donnie Peitz Maureen Budinger Family and Friends of Ryan Malcolm in memory of Ty Jens Dorinne Armstrong in memory of Scot Richard Schulz in memory of Ryan Malcolm Patty & Mark Johnson in memory of Lydia Kamilah Bunn Fike Corporation in memory of Matthew Wallis Johnson Angel and Steven Augugliaro in memory of Neve Faith Washington Gloria and Phil Horsley Ann Khadalia in memory of Kanani Augugliaro Jerry and Nancy Burkhardt in memory of Scott Horsley in memory of Priya Khadalia John and Judy Austin in memory of Derek S. Burkhardt Gay Kahler and Brian Janes Martha and Ira Kirschbaum in memory of Summer Rae Austin in memory of Laura Michelle Travis in memory of Melissa Kirschbaum Peggie L. Avila (continued on page 42) Samantha Knowlton Coleman in memory of Aaron Mario Avila and in memory of Baby Emma Grace Hayley Devon Turner We Need Not Walk Alone|4 1 Janaan Lapka in memory of Robert B. Lapka and Chelsea Marie Lapka Tanya and Glen Lord in memory of Noah Thomas Emory Lord

(continued from page 41) Denise Deming Virtudes Gomez Erwin and Gloria Kamrath in memory of Eric Paul Deming in memory of Chloe Giroud in memory of Tami Jane Kamrath Hess Thomas Burkhart Lynn and Charles Derrick De Anna M. Goodin Marla Kelley in memory of Andrew Ryan Burkhart in memory of Michael Derrick in memory of Shawna Kaye Goodin in memory of Matthew Sheldon Thorne Denise Campbell Vicki and Gary Druchniak Grace United Methodist Church Mary Kelly in memory of Marty Campbell in memory of Jefrey Druchniak Carol Gray Cole in memory of Heather Kelly Thomas Campbell Sharon Duncan and Diane Kizer in memory of Adam Scott Cole Virginia Kessinger in memory of Josie Campbell in memory of Daniel Duncan Pat and Bill Griffing in memory of Clint Kessinger and Kathy Cannone Michael Dunning in memory of Christopher Michael Christian Cleveland in memory of Justin Cannone in memory of Laura Samuel Griffing Ann Kimtantas Dawn K. Carlton Martha and Al Durrell Pam Grove in memory of John Charles Kimtantas in memory of Barbie Carlton in memory of Linda Fischer in memory of Helen Michelle Grove Cassandra King Anne and Jeff Castaldo Jim and Carol Egoian Robert Gwizdala in memory of Robert Julian White in memory of Tony Brown in memory of J. Blake C. Egoian in memory of Charles Thomas Heather Kleiner Cathedral Women’s Club Dennis and Kathy Einck Gwizdala in memory of Loyal Price Marilyn Chernin in memory of Brad, Brenda, and Brian Mary Haas Kathleen Kocher in memory of Jodi Lyons Einck in memory of Ellen Haas in memory of Matthew Kocher Rebecca Clark Ellen Ensel Elsie Hale Richard Koeteeuw in memory of Justin Clark and Amanda in memory of Lowell Ensel in memory of Ronald C.B. Hale and in memory of Richard I. “Rik” Koeteeuw Kwick Jan and Cliff Ewing Cailin Stone Michael and Linda Kosovec Victoria Clark in memory of Glenn Ewing Bonnie Halenda in memory of Lauren Kosovec in memory of Kimberlely Hope Clark Wendy Fahrenholz in memory of Ryan Edward Halenda, Debbie and Vince Kozsdiy Debra Close in memory of Kenny Wiggins Peggy Diane Pair, and Linda Carol Pair in memory of Aileen Kozsdiy in memory of Carrie Ann Lindsey Kay and Frank Failla Elizabeth Haney Muriel Kreeger Robert Colflesh in memory of Emily and Lauren Failla in memory of Christian Edward Haney in memory of Rhonda Kreeger in memory of Michael A. Colflesh Jackie and Ken Fanion Frank and Janet Hanig Ronald Kubista Bill and Marion Collins in memory of Mark A. Fanion in memory of Adam Hanig in memory of Glenn Kubista in memory of Kathleen Collins, Doug Brenda and Jim Farler Harbor Capital Advisors, Inc. Deborah Kurtin Clancy, and Lyn Clancy in memory of Joshua Farler Spencer Hatton in memory of Jared Kurtin and Jessica Richard Collins Dick and Martha Fenoglio in memory of Jed Hatton Pastron in memory of Jessica JoLinn Collins in memory of Judy Fenoglio Daw Julie Hauck Diane Lambillotte Frances Colyer Janice Ferguson in memory of Matthew Renzelmann in memory of Philip Lambillotte and in memory of David John Testo in memory of Tracy Ferguson Giugler Mrs. Betty T. Hawkshaw Jean Dennis Susan Connolly Andrea Ferraro in memory of Dennis B. Hartman Dave and Dee Lancour in memory of Ethan P. Connolly in memory of Alisa Ferraro and Paul Donna Heller in memory of Rachel Lancour ConocoPhillips Comanpy Gagnon in memory of Leslie Blair Whitley JoAnn and Joe Landers Hope Cook Stephen Finn Delores Hensley in memory of James Landers in memory of Sam Cook in memory of Raimie Catherine Finn in memory of Nichole L. Hensley Betsy and Whitney Lane Chris and Cori Cooper Donald Floyd Mark and Connie Hill in memory of Keith Donnelly in memory of Cassidy Linn Cooper in memory of Rhianon Barlow in memory of Chad Matthew Hill Terry Lange Carol Cormier Donna Flynn Barbara and Ron Hinds in memory of Scott Lange in memory of Gregory Scott Cormier Gretchen Flynn in memory of Mark Whitehill Jason Latham John and Cheryl Cox in memory of Brendan C. Flynn JoAnne Holt in honor of Helen Robinson in memory of A.J. Tally Maria Franjul-Ruff in memory of Robert Schultz Marie Calla Quartell Elke Crow in memory of Luis Lara Elizabeth Horwin in memory of Linda Fischer in memory of Tina Crow and Cynthia Averil Fraser in memory of Michael Jay Leach Huy Le Fyffe in memory of Errol L.C. Fraser, Jr Kathy Hoverman in memory of Henry Viet Hoang Le Lois Donelan Crumbacher Stephanie Fuller in memory of Matthew Hoverman Kathy Leard in memory of Brian T. Donelan and in memory of Robin Nicole Troupe Amy Hysell in memory of Elinor Minju Brannon Brian E. O’Donnel Jerry and Pat Galinski in memory of Julie, Amanda and Bob Judith Lee Oscar Cubillos and Ledda Moraga- in memory of Korin Christa Galinski Hysell in memory of Danielle Kristen Lee Hope Gary Gameson Harriet Hytowitz Marion J. Leonard in memory of Yves Cubillos-Moraga in memory of John Eric Gameson in memory of Mark Hytowitz in memory of Damon Asa Leonard Dave and Sharon Curson Kim Garcia Donors from IGive.com Cheryl Levine in memory of David C. Jones II in memory of Bryan Bamba Deborah Imlay in memory of Charlotte Bishop Paige and Steve Czirr Jean Garvey in memory of Seth Michael Imlay Cheryl Lichtenthal in memory of Abby Czirr in memory of John Garvey Judy Immel in memory of Dena Zucker Delaine Daoust Anne Gassere in memory of David Immel Carol Lieberman in memory of Tigerlily Bridges in memory of Cameron Victor Gassere Janet Ivinson in memory of Daniel Lieberman Vegie Darden James Gastineau in memory of Thomas B. Ivinson, Jr. Skip Lind in memory of Stephanie Ann Settle in memory of Laura Jeffry Jackson in memory of Erik Lind Edith L. Davis Julie Gavito in memory of Justin and his cousin Nancy Lipton in memory of Janet Elaine Davis in memory of Colter Gavito, Blake Megan Jackson in memory of Brian Chris and Frank De Francesco Pressler, and Cassidie Casebolt Lori Jason and Steve Kennedy Anja Loeffel in memory of Joseph De Francesco GE Foundation in memory of David Jason in memory of Christopher William Loeffel Gary and Deborah Dearman Lisa Ghrigsby Beverly Johnson Jean and Rolland Lorenz in memory of Donovan Ray Dearman in memory of Kierstin Makaila Kosic in memory of Caitlin Elizabeth in memory of Susie and David Ed and Judy deBrabander Sue Ann and Gary Gibson Rosenbaum Gisela Lujan in memory of Mark J. deBrabander in memory of Emily Ann Gibson Pamela Johnson in memory of Mariana Lujan Robin Ann Dellarmi Karen and Dale Goeke in memory of Lori Jean Campbell Linda Magnussen in memory of Jed Christian Dellarmi in memory of Robert B. Lapka and Donors from JustGive.org in memory of Tim Magnussen and Delphine DeMauro Chelsea Marie Lapka Little Larry Magnussen in memory of Peter Johnson 4 2 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Jacque and Kevin Maher Microsoft Giving Campaign Matching Morgan Family Foundation Mary Nesgoda in memory of Cpl. Jarrod Maher Gifts Bonita Morlese in memory of Kevin and Nolan Keane Rita Malek Robin Miller in memory of Dwayne A. James Donors from Network For Good Sally Maligas in memory of Carly Beth Morrison Renee Ann Morosky Mary Neuhoff in memory of James Paul Maligas Toby and Sharon Miller Kevin and Claudia Moutes in memory of David, Kristine and Barb Mangold in memory of Brendan John Miller in memory of Benjamin Moutes Diane Neuhoff in memory of Ken Leadingham Rose and William Miller Patricia F. Muehl Pat Nigro Steve Mann in memory of Heather Kris Munsch in memory of Joey Nigro, Jr in memory of Terry Dabney Joanne Minkey-Crouch in memory of Blake Trisha and Jim Nycz Wayne Mansur in memory of Daniel Stephen Minkey Shane and Vicky Murdock in memory of Lisa Angela Nycz in memory of Blaize Curtis Mansur and Stacey Anne Minkey in memory of Bobby Murdock Oak Grove E.S. Faculty and Staff Linda March Jerry Minkin Cheryl Murphy Jen Odegard in memory of Mark Bevilacqua in memory of Jason Minkin in memory of Patrick J. Murphy, Jr. in memory of Christopher Spears Mercedez Marques Kathy Mitchell Ann Murray Bill O’Keefe in memory of Jose Alberto in memory of San Mitchell and Brad in memory of Briana Canales in memory of Elizabeth Whidden Yolanda and Randy Marsh Mason Sheila Murray Donna Olsen in memory of Stephanie Lauren Marsh Mr. and Mrs. Richard Mitchell in memory of Lucas Murray, Shane in memory of Kenneth Stuart Mack Jeff Martin in memory of William Alexander Lewis Dobbins, Ricky Lawrence, and James Harlene Oren Lisa Marzano Mitchell Christmas in memory of Larry Oren in memory of Alexandra Mueller Tammie Mitchell Tetsuo and Elinor Najita Mr. and Mrs. George Oswald Claire and Jim McCoy in memory of Michael H. Mitchell, Jr. in memory of Mie Kim Najita in memory of Steven Oswald in memory of Amy Lynn Sturgill “Mikey” Tere Nance Sara Pagano Judy McDonald Christine Moncheck in memory of Alexandra Nance in memory of Kimberly Frances Pagano in memory of Darren Kyle McDonald in memory of Andrew Thomas Ruth Neitzel Mitzi M. Parke Joel McKay Moncheck and Jenna Butler Parlette in memory of Stephanie Ruth Battle in memory of Allen Hugh Parke in memory of Anna Kathryn Newton Mary Lou Moon Betty Nelson Myrna R. Payton Elizabeth McMahon in memory of Marc Moon in memory of Mark Stephen Nelson in memory of Michael Anthony Conn in memory of Courtney Ann Moyer Lydia Moore Judy and Bruce Nelson Gary Pelletier Diane McNealy in memory of Nicole and Victoria in memory of Brian Nelson in memory of Evan Hanes Pelletier in memory of Lisa McNealy Gonzales (continued on page 44) Be still. © Rozmarina/fotolia.com Close your eyes. Breathe. Listen for my footfall in your heart. I am not gone but merely walk within you. - Nicholas Evans We Need Not Walk Alone|4 3

TCF Board of Directors (continued from page 43) Lucretia Ruff in memory of Keri Young Glen Lord Teresa Perez DeAnne and Arnie Rummel in memory of George Ignacio Guerrero, Jr. in memory of Brad Rummel President Mrs. Cora M. Perrone Judy Rummler in memory of Kenneth F. Perrone in memory of Steve Rummler Barbara Allen Nashua, NH Ms. Mildred Pesta Mr. and Mrs. Jim Rush Vice President in memory of Anthony Joseph Pesta in memory of David Louis Rush Art Estrella Bill Peters Tammee Russell-Goldenberg in memory of Scott Peters in memory of Joshua Russell Ellicott City, MD West Covina, CA Shirley and Leonard Peters Nan Sandford in memory of Mari L. Peters Prill in memory of Michelle Sandford Steve Schmeisser Heidi Horsley Claudia and Steve Phillips David Sarafin Treasurer New York, NY in memory of Tiffani Amber Collins in memory of Jonno Russell DePere, WI Sally and Jack Police Chuck and Jo Saulisberry Brian Janes in memory of Michael Brent Police in memory of Tracy Ralph Saulisberry and Nivia Vázquez Olathe, KS Ellen F.M. Posner Danielle Carpenter Secretary in memory of Lauren Eileen Green Karen Saullo Ann Khadalia Lori Power in memory of Christopher Michael Saullo Guaynabo, PR Concord, CA in memory of Justin Kyle See Anita K. Scarola Karen Protiva in memory of Linda Fischer Bob Burt Tracy Milne in memory of John A. Protiva Gwen Schmidt Hemet, CA Sibling Representative Tawfik and Siham Ramadan in memory of Kelly and Kris Schmidt in memory of Raniyah Ramadan David and Peggy Schreck Steve Czirr Estero, FL Bill and Kimi Raspanti in memory of Denise Schreck Spring Hill, TN in memory of Chris Raspanti Dorothy Schroeder Steve Parker Carole Reese in memory of Evan Schroeder Jacquie Edwards-Mitchell Woodland Hils, CA in memory of Tania Trepanier Patricia Schumacher Brooklyn, NY Samuel Reeves in memory of Anthony Joel Wells in memory of Michelle Reeves Vickie and Norm Schuring Alan Pedersen Lisa Corrao Bette Resis in memory of Michael J. Schuring Executive Director Chief Operating Officer in memory of David Scott Wherry Suzanne Schutze John and Jean Richards in memory of Stephen Paul Schutze dRoseville, CA Mokena, IL in memory of Daniel Joseph Richards Mr. and Mrs. Dania Shaheen Kevin Riley in honor of Jeff and Marty and their TCF Staff in honor of Tammy Tenney beloved Brian Carole A. Robinson Leonor Shahid Terry Novy in memory of Stacy Jo Tague in memory of Khalid M. Shahid Director of Chapter Services Sandra Rodriguez Norman and Rose Sharp in memory of Palmer and Rhett in memory of Diana Rose Sharp Theresa Mendez Debra Romans Cliff and Joni Accounting and Database Coordinator in memory of Brett Hatch in memory of Rose Block Shatz Lois Rosenberg Shell Oil Company Foundation Sara Zeigler in memory of Tyler Scott Rosenberg Ken and Lee Sherman Communications Coordinator Evelyn Rossetti in memory of Karin Jane Sherman in memory of Orpha Mackay Darlene Lutka © viperagp/fotolia.com Receptionist and Administrative Assistant Although very apprehensive about support groups in general and this one specifically, we attended our first Joan Ireland meeting. It was so difficult and I couldn’t even talk Executive Administrative Assistant for months...but I remember one dad telling about a concern he had...which happened to be the exact Cathy Seehuetter concern I had expressed to my husband on the way Administrative Assistant to the meeting...and I was hooked. Just finding people who truly understood was quite literally life saving. Ryan Paroline Program Assistant Karen Pinsky, Eric’s mom Ohio Regional Coordinator Correspondence for The Compassionate Friends Staff should be sent to: TCF National Office, 1000 Jorie Boulevard, Suite 140, Oak Brook, IL 60523 4 4 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Beverly Schumpert Bowser Dr. and Mrs. Wallace Tsang We Need Not Walk Alone in memory of Jarred and Lyndon in memory of David N. Tsang and Schumpert Karen “K.T.” Tsang To have material considered for publication, send to: Alan Silberman Michael and Sharon Turner Donors from eBay Foundation in memory of Michael Cory Turner [email protected] Employee Engagement Fund Eileen Van Fleet or TCF National Office, WNNWA Susan Silverman in memory of Michael Karol PO Box 3696 in memory of Karen Lee Silverman Patricia Via Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 Phyllis and Tony Simas in memory of Ethan Myers in memory of Danielle Simas Manu Videki Executive Director Chief Operating Officer Mary Ann and Ralph Simon in memory of Kavita Jain in memory of Sean Emmett Simon Jennie Villanueva Alan Pedersen Lisa Corrao Sue and Phil Simonson in memory of Tommy R. Villanueva in memory of Kyle Davis Simonson Rich and Karla Vogel Designer Ginny and Walter Simpson in memory of Bailey Vogel Sara Zeigler in memory of Greg Simpson Nancy Voss Don and Donna Smith in memory of Brett and Scott Voss TCF National Office in memory of Andrew Smith and Olivia Annie Wallace 1000 Jorie Blvd, Suite 140 Goodbar in memory of Michael Duane and Marketa Smith Benjamin Carl Wallace Oak Brook, IL 60523 in memory of Virginia C. Smith Joyce Wallsmith (630) 990-0010 Roland and Michaelle Smith in memory of Jesse Wallsmith (877) 969-0010 Stephen Smith Tim and Diane Walsh in memory of Ronnie Gaspard in memory of Jaron Brooke and Kyle (630) 990-0246 fax Mr. and Mrs. Bruce Sokol VanderHoek in memory of Alex Sokol Lorraine Walter [email protected] Molly Sparger in memory of Cassandra Leigh Walter www.compassionatefriends.org in memory of Linda Louise Fischer and Daniel Thomas Walter Jacquelyn Springer Jeanne Walz One complimentary copy of in memory of Damon Springer, Cpl in memory of Kelly Thompson and Carl We Need Not Walk Alone Jonathan Blair, and Anthony Klinker Walz Kimberly Stahle Susan Wareham is sent to bereaved families who contact the in memory of Kian Iian McDonald in memory of Michael Wareham National Office. To receive future issues, please Rosemary and Steven Steinberg Richard and Deborah Warner use the subscription form in this issue or visit The in memory of Abigail Rachel Marder in memory of Joshua Warner Zelda Stern Sue Weaterford Compassionate Friends website at in memory of Michael Y. Stern in memory of Kris Weatherford www.compassionatefriends.org. Midge Stines Rod Webber in memory of Brian Stines, Kelly Stines, in memory of Michael Richard Webber Copyright © 2015 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. © viperagp/fotolia.com Kevin Sessions, and Beckey Ann Miller Gloria Weiss All rights reserved. We encourage the reprinting of Jean Stives in memory of Julie Sharon Pryor and individual articles, unless specified “one time only,” but ask in memory of Alec Stives Jerilyn Marcy Okin that proper credit be given to We Need Not Walk Alone. Mary Ellen and Dennis Sullivan Nancy Wells This magazine is not to be reproduced for distribution in memory of Christopher Shawn Yost in memory of Alexis “Lexi” Wells without written permission from the National Office. Michael and Suzanne Sylvina Robert and Martina West in memory of Stacy Marie Connell in memory of Serena West We Need Not Walk Alone|4 5 Lisa Szymanski Greg and Pam Whitaker in memory of Catherine Ann Szymanski in memory of Darcey Whitaker Costello Alisa Taylor Lynn Williams in memory of Alex Krestensen Taylor in memory of Kyra Jean Williams Sybil Thackerson Jo Ann Williamson in memory of Paul Thackerson in memory of Joshua King The Benevity Community Impact Sandra Williamson Group in memory of Christopher Williamson Robyn Thieme-Sklar Sue Ellen Wilson in memory of Teilor Booth White in memory of Stephanie Jean Fiorino Nancy Thomas Annette Womer in memory of Tyson Robert Gibson in memory of Brad David Womer Nancy Thompson Muriel S. Woodburn in memory of Andrew Thompson in memory of Troy Thomas and Debbie Diane Tobin Rudd in memory of Pamela Roberson Ean Woodbury Barbara Toth in memory of Lauren Woodbury in memory of Matthew J. Corvese Colleen Zarach Rosalinda Tovar in memory of Charlie Zarach in memory of Jovani Tovar Andrew Zelmanowitz Donors from United Way TRUiST in memory of Adam Zelman Charlynn and Cliffor Tryon Linda Zick in memory of Christopher Boulanger, in memory of Ellen Zick Shane Vickers, Tracy Williams and Wendy Williams

The Compassionate Friends Closed Facebook Groups The Compassionate Friends offers a variety of closed Facebook Groups. These pages are moderated by bereaved parents, siblings, or grandparents, and may not be accessed unless a request to join is approved by a moderator. These pages were established to encourage connection and sharing among parents, grandparents, and siblings grieving the death of a child, grandchild or sibling. TCF – Loss of a Child TCF - Loss to Homicide Moderators: Donna Goodrich, Dave Roberts, Cathy Moderators: Debbie Floyd and Kathleen Willoughby Seehuetter, and Goody Tendall https://www.facebook.com/groups/924779440868148/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/407123299460580/ TCF – Loss of a Child with Special Needs TCF – Loss of a Stepchild Moderators: Collen Hines and Donna Reagan Moderators: Crystal Downey and Babe Muro https://www.facebook.com/groups/1150750608285413/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1615569958699734/ TCF – Loss to Long-term Illness TCF – Loss of a Grandchild Moderators: Pam Adams and Debbie Gossen Moderators: Betty Jeanne Farrel and Jennifer “Sue” Hale https://www.facebook.com/groups/833665880062696/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/421759177998317/ TCF – Loss to Mental Illness The Compassionate Friends Sounds of the Siblings Moderators: Sherry Cox and Annette Swestyn (for bereaved siblings) https://www.facebook.com/groups/1481781792114726/ Moderators: Tracy Milne and Keith Singer https://www.facebook.com/groups/21358475781/ TCF – Loss to a Drunk/Impaired Driver Moderators: Michelle Arrowood, Robin Landry and Rebecca TCF – Men in Grief Perkins Moderators: Gary Odle and Mark Rambis https://www.facebook.com/groups/858226880883307/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1614661475452607/ TCF – Loss to Cancer TCF – Loss to Miscarriage or Stillbirth Moderators: Kari Olson, Michelle Setzer and Rita Studzinski Moderators: Libby Hall and Kelly Kittel https://www.facebook.com/groups/903539646362818/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1416535188654265/ TCF – Loss of Your Only Child/All Your Children TCF - Infant and Toddler Loss Moderators: Lisa Ridge and Vicki Woods-Ozias Moderators: Tiffany Barraso and Deanna Wheeler https://www.facebook.com/groups/976514755722145/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1511758585777339/ TCF – Crafty Corner TCF - Loss to Substance Related Causes Moderators: Gail Lafferty and Kathy Rambo Moderators: Barbara Allen, Mary Lemley, Diana Wittkopp https://www.facebook.com/groups/663193450477232/ and Karen Zaorski https://www.facebook.com/groups/1515193738693712/ The Compassionate Friends Chapter Leadership (for anyone currently serving on a Chapter steering TCF - Sibling Loss to Substance Related Causes committee) Moderators: Andrea Keller and Barbara Allen Moderator: Debbie Rambis https://www.facebook.com/groups/1516508415263760/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1422251371371148/ © lola1960/fotolia.com TCF - Loss to Suicide Moderators: Leana Leyes, Cathy Seehuetter, Donna Adams and Barbara Reboratti https://www.facebook.com/groups/100315106988458/ 4 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone

Subscription and Patron Form We Need Not Walk Alone The Compassionate Friends, Inc. · 1000 Jorie Boulevard, Suite 140 · Oak Brook, IL 60523 ☐ Yes, I would like a subscription to We Need Not Walk Alone, the national magazine of The Compassionate Friends, published triannually. $20 USA, $30 Foreign Countries. ☐ Yes, I would like to make a Patron donation and receive a subscription to We Need Not Walk Alone. As a Patron, I understand that I will be assisting TCF in the promotion of the positive resolution of grief and the fostering of emotional and physical health of bereaved families following the death of a child. ☐ Simon Stephens Founders’ Circle $10,000 or more ☐ Circle of Caring $500 to $999 ☐ President’s Circle $5,000 to $9,999 ☐ Circle of Support $200 to $499 ☐ Circle of Love $2,500 to $4,999 ☐ Circle of Friends $50 to $199 ☐ Circle of Hope $1,000 to $2,499 $ Total Enclosed Send Subscription to: Name Make check payable to: The Compassionate Friends, Inc. or include your credit card information ☐ Visa ☐ Mastercard ☐ Discover Address City State Zip Account # Patron Donation is ☐ in memory of ☐ in honor of CVC Code Exp Date Signature Thank you for your support. We Need Not Walk Alone|4 7

PO Box 3696 · Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 Nonprofit Return Service Requested U.S. Postage Postmaster: Dated Material, please deliver promptly PAID Oak Brook, IL Permit No. 251 Live through the hurt … so that joy can return to warm your heart! This is the season of light, for it is the season when we remember that once we loved and were loved. And that is the greatest light and memory of all! - Darcie Sims