Silvia Preview

RANDOM FEMALE SYNDROMES 287 outside. How I long for my team of Sherpas right now.

288 A Broad Abroad Syndrome TREATMENT As with Too Many Great Orgasms Syndrome (which is something we just made up, but wouldn’t it be awesome?), most people suffering from A Broad Abroad Syndrome enjoy themselves immensely. Buy a book and a plane ticket, throw caution to the wind and only come back when you run out of money or discover that the country you’ve landed in doesn’t allow women to drive or shoot their mouths off.





CONCLUSION



The Syndrome of All Syndromes: Being Female by Silvia Bajardi HE SYNDROME OF ALL SYNDROMES is—at least for the Tmoment—incurable. Symptoms and signs The first cases date back to the very origins of the human species—ever since scientists decided the universe was created by a “big bang,” not a “huge pregnancy.” Although it is a congenital syndrome, transmitted sexually, Being Fe- male Syndrome worsens over time and results in a series of additional symptoms, which are presented in this book. Fortunately, many girls develop an uncontrollable resilience and a strong sense of humor, which will come in handy because one can only cry so much without getting dehydrated and going broke buying tear- proof mascara.

294 The Syndrome of all Syndromes: Being Female Some parents who understand the challenges that children with Being Female Syndrome face, pray for a male from the start. In some cultures, families go even further by either trying to solve the problem with abor- tion or disguising female infants by drawing tiny mustaches on their faces and bathing them in Axe Body spray. Among modern societies, some par- ents turn to IVF to choose the sex of their unborn child, assuring a world full of men; the straight ones will be confused and lonely when they can’t find mates. For the 51.5% of the population who suffer from this syndrome, cop- ing requires a host of nuanced skills. Sufferers must learn to communicate in a way that is gentle (and often silent), pretending to be content at all times. This is where the phrase “faking it” really comes from. They will also have to learn how to dress in a way that is pleasing but not too pleasing to the male gaze—e.g., a French maid’s outfit, only in flannel. If by acci- dent, a woman becomes the object of unwanted attention, she must learn the art of apologizing for something that is clearly not her fault. There have been several approaches to the treatment of this syndrome, the most successful of which was giving women the gift of invisibility, especially once they dare to develop wrinkles or their own thoughts. If women are an issue, why not erase them entirely? There’s a reason it’s called “History,” right? Other social remedies have ranged from the exclusion from most fields of study or professions, lower salaries, and manspreading so wide that women simply don’t have space to exist in public. Mysteriously and through centuries, the syndrome has created insub- ordination and a FU attitude. Instead of resigning themselves to their con- dition, many women have established a relationship of solidarity and sis- terhood, talking about their lives, laughing at their situations, and occa- sionally even attempting to overthrow the patriarchy.

RANDOM FEMALE SYNDROMES 295 TREATMENT The cure for this syndrome is to step fully, bravely, humorously into your femaleness and to invite your sisters, mothers, daughters, nieces, and friends to do the same. Reading this book is a good start.



About Us: The Syndrome Project THE SYNDROME MAG is a non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness of gender equality issues through humor and satire. The Syndrome Mag features funny memes on social media that are based on current news and commentary from a female perspective, and is also an online magazine with real stories and other content shared by women. The Syndrome project started in Italy in 2012 and has since become a global phenomenon. Because we are committed to creating space for a variety of voices and points of view, we are able to bring together a pow- erful community of women—women from diverse cultural, racial, ethnic and professional backgrounds, ages, religions, and sexual identities and orientations. Above all, The Syndrome Mag is a safe place for women to express themselves in a world where they are often controlled, limited and deprived of their rights by others.

Authors Silvia Bajardi As an Italian landed in the New World, she realized that “having the syndrome” was a constant for all women around the globe. She tried to cure it by founding the American chapter of the Syndrome project, and overcame her imposter syndrome complex by declaring her- self: “The Directress.” Charlie Syns is the founder of the Syndrome project in Italy. She laughs, cries, gets excited, laughs, gets emotional, dreams, works, yells and laughs again… All at the same time. Adina Gillet spent most of the 90s in high tech until she had her first low tech pregnancy. She exited the high-tech world to focus on keeping her two human children alive, and to nurture her third child—Improvisa- tional Comedy. 20 years of comedy naturally led to her next career as a Hypnotherapist. Is this bio boring because you are getting very sleepy… that’s it, just relax… Andriana Variantzas is a Greek Montrealer whose love of arts and the written word dates back to learning to color within the lines. A former retail servant whose full-time job is currently stay-at-home mom. There really should be a union for this... the hours are in-toddler-able. Barbara Cicalini “Luckily brains outlast beauty, so I still have something for the world to notice.” Bernice Jing Ye Dancer. Standup comedian. Made in China, she came to the US by herself at the age of 21 when she barely spoke English. 15 years

RANDOM FEMALE SYNDROMES 299 later, she is a US citizen, an advocate for gender equality through her day job as a leader in tech, and in relentless pursuit of freedom. Betsy Hunt is a humor writer and Italian>English comedy translator. She studied Sketch comedy and Satire at the Second City. When Betsy is not eating pizza, she enjoys thinking about pizza, googling “pizza near me” and ironing her favorite pizza eating shirt. Caitlin Huson is a writer living in the Pacific Northwest. In her work, she explores the human condition through her lens as a former Army brat, an expat-repat, and a perpetual middle sister. Cecilia Calado wanted to be God when she was a child, but she was told that position had already been filled. She has a couple of novels in Portu- guese, but the Nobel Prize still eludes her. Denise Thiery was raised in a household where competitiveness meant who could get the biggest laugh. She developed a blended sense of humor from both parents: her father’s love of words and puns and her mother’s knack for risqué double entendre. Erika Livingstone is a little goth girl who defied the odds and survived to adulthood intact. If she is not gaming or writing, she’s probably asleep. Or swearing for no apparent reason. Erin Sanchez is a writer, storyteller, and business coach. She feels funny about writing in the third person but also derives some odd pleasure from it. Frankly Frankie is a counselor who has lived in the USA, Canada, UK, and occasional NFA. She describes herself as a parent, wife, friend, drink- ing partner, gutter girl and risk taker (but only after too much gin).

300 Conclusion Giugi Carminati is a feminist focused on the intersectionality of oppres- sion, and a woman’s advocate. As attorney, blogger, public speaker and hobbyist author she spends her time either fighting the patriarchy or ex- plaining it to all who will listen (and many who won’t). Janet Livingstone is a multilingual world-traveler who loves humor, na- ture and a good drinking session with her crazy-warm-hearted Slavic friends. Shortcut to connecting with any married woman worldwide? Ask her how she feels about her mother-in-law. Jasmine Eftekhari writes because not everyone has the fortune to live in hell, or as everyone else calls it, “the Middle East.” Katherine Shaw is a recovering Type A personality. Always the overa- chiever, she reached her midlife crisis 10 years early. Writing and humor are a life-long passion for Katherine, primarily because she’s too lazy to go skiing. Katherine Wilson is an actress and writer living in Italy. She goes on Ital- ian TV regularly to “explain” US politics and culture from an American perspective, a job that requires multiple espressos, proseccos, and talented make-up artists. Kelly Benson is a twenty-something tall drink of angsty-depression with a quick wit, an impressive cancer survival streak, and a face for radio. Kiki Prottsman is a computer science educator, as well as the author of several books. She is also well-known for thinking up new and creative ways to humiliate her teenagers; such as breathing, existing, and waving to them in front of their friends. Laura Hamilton’s background is mostly in digital marketing, advocacy, comedy, and finding ways to duplicate meager sums.

RANDOM FEMALE SYNDROMES 301 Laura Magnani never shuts up (she tries but must always say what’s on her mind). She never leaves the house without red lipstick or cynicism. Leigh Anne Jasheway is a comedy writer, comedy teacher, stand-up comic, humorous motivational speaker, and SLUG Queen. She sleeps with three wiener dogs to scare men away. It’s totally working. Lynn Colwell is a Jill-of-all-trades and master-of-absolutely-nothing which is fine with her, out-of-the-box thinker who spent her working life trying to have as much fun as possible while getting paid for it. Megan DeBell is a doctor, writer and ambitious home cook who once mimed delivering a baby in an improv class. Her literary inspiration is John Irving crossed with Pema Chödrön. Mary Purdy, MS, RDN, is a dietitian and author of the book “Serving the Broccoli Gods: True Tales from a Nutritionist on a Quest.” Her writ- ing has been featured in many food and nutrition based publications, as well as humor magazines. She has also performed some of her work at live story-telling and literary events in Seattle where she resides. She was con- ceived in Cambodia. Mille Anemone is classically unclassy, in that, she cries at work for causes she's passionate about. An early adopter of new technologies, but some- how can't stay up to date on the latest memes. Born at the crossroads of your basic millennial and intriguing gen Z(er), she is happy as can be! Natasha O’Rourke is a mom, a wife, and a creative director, but those are very limiting labels. She is also a cheese lover, karaoke performer, horrible TV enthusiast, misophonia sufferer, and a dog person. Nicole Borke is a mom, wife, student advisor. Nicole started life on a

302 Conclusion hobby farm in British Columbia, Canada. Here, she gained an education on critical matters such as how to discriminate between goat turds and black jelly beans at Easter egg hunts. Noga Tal is a hybrid American-Israeli, currently living in Tel Aviv and working in tech for corporate America. She decided she was a feminist at around 7-8 years old and hasn’t looked back since. Salomé’s is very busy dealing with her multiple personalities: usually, the cynic fights with the human rights activist while the pole dancer does her nails. But they all have one thing in common: make them laugh; give them food and they'll be yours. Sujata Agrawal moved to Seattle from Bombay, India in 2015. She works for nonprofit organizations helping to give voice to their mission. Since taking on the challenge of moving to another country alone, her favorite yoga pose has switched from “worrier” pose to warrior pose. Tashi Farmilo-Marouf is a mother of five, artist and writer. She tries to float down from the clouds every once in a while, to do something prac- tical, like write poems. Vedma grew up in Czechoslovakia, got married in Slovakia, and now is stranded in these United States of America.

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