He Said Preview

SHE WAS WORTH IT ALL 185 “Listen to Alexandra you little bastard,” Mom said. “I told you I did not want to hear that name around here again and since you chose to ignore what I said I’m gonna beat your silly ass longer.” Lacy screamed and tried to keep his mouth shut but the pain was too much, so he kept jumping around and looking around the room at the others wondering why no one said or did anything. Randy was looking at Lacy with a shocked look on his face because he had never seen someone jump around and scream like that before. Marcel and Horace grinned as Gus dropped his head and looked away with a look of discomfort on his face. Alexandra and Odessa were pleading with Mom, saying they thought he learned his lesson. “I say when a lesson is learned, not you two. I should beat your asses too for letting Horace get hurt,” she said, then she threw the belt across the room and told Randy to pick it up and put it away. She looked at Lacy and said, “Now you know what a beating feels like. As long as you’re in this house you do what I say when I say it or I’ll beat the tar out of you. DO YOU HEAR ME?” “Y, y, y, ye, ye, ye, ye, yeeeess,” Lacy said. “Good! Now get out of my sight. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night, but first, you get your ass over there and apologize to Hor- ace.” Lacy moved quickly over to Horace and apologized. Horace said, “You better apologize.” “C’mon Lacy,” Odessa said. Lacy went with Odessa and Alexandra to their bedroom. They got some cold towels to put on the areas of Lacy’s body that were exposed and got hit with the belt to calm the stinging since it was his first time. As the sisters were helping Lacy, he kept thinking about that dream where he was being chased by many men and how they wanted to hurt him. He thought the people in the house that wanted to hurt him were like the people in the dream that chased him, and Odessa, Alexandra, and Gus were like the bushes that he jumped into for safety. The sisters saw that he was staring into space and asked what he was thinking about, but he just said nothing. “Lacy, I know when you’re thinking about something,” Alexandra said. “Please tell us what you’re thinking.”

186 LACY WESTON “I don’t want to be here,” he said. Both sisters looked at each other, then Alexandra said, “Lacy, I’m sorry. If I could take you away from here to a better and safer place I would, but I just can’t and neither can Odessa, but maybe one day.” “Esta said one day,” he said. “One day I will take myself out of here and never come back. Everyone that hurt me will have a life of hurt and everyone that protected me will have a good life.” “Did we hurt you Lacy?” Odessa asked. “No,” Lacy said. Odessa started crying and looked at Alexandra. “Keep your voice down Odessa,” Alexandra said. “We don’t want Mom coming in here starting up a mess so she can pick one of us to beat to get out her anger.” “You’re right,” Odessa said. “Is the pain still bad Lacy?” Alexandra asked. “Yes. It feels like when I burned my finger on the stove but it’s all over my body.” “Somebody needs to beat her like she beat you,” Alexandra said. “Don’t make no sense for her to treat a child like that.” “Why doesn’t she ever beat Horace, Marcel, or Randy?” Lacy asked. “Because she treats them special and lets them do what they want,” Alexandra said. “Why?” Lacy asked. “I don’t know why,” Alexandra said, “but it will hurt them when they are older because other people will not let them get away with being spoiled brats. They will learn the hard way.” “The hard way?” Lacy asked. Alexandra said, “I mean they will meet people in their lives that will not let them get away with acting like that. If they tease others like they tease you those other people may punch them in the mouth or beat them up bad.” “They are older than me but act younger than me,” Lacy said. “Hahaha,” Alexandra and Odessa both laughed softly when they heard what Lacy said.

SHE WAS WORTH IT ALL 187 “Yes, they act much younger than you Lacy,” Odessa said. “You are very mature for your age.” “What does that mean?” Lacy asked. Odessa said, “Mature means ahead or grown-up. You’re ahead of them with your thinking and how you behave. You act more responsible and re- spectful than they do, which makes you seem like an adult at times.” “I can’t wait to be an adult,” Lacy said. “I will not act like Marcel, Horace, or Randy and I will treat children good and not spank them.” “I have a good feeling you will be a good father Lacy,” Odessa said. Alexandra said, “You will be a good father Lacy. A really good fa- ther.” Lacy smiled happily as he looked at both sisters. “You look sleepy Lacy,” Odessa said. “Are you sleepy?” she asked. “Yes,” Lacy said. “Okay. Time for bed,” Odessa said, “so let’s get your teeth brushed and pajamas on. You can have a bath in the morning, okay?” “Okay,” Lacy said.

TRUTHS, LIES, AND PREJUDICE The next morning as everyone got ready for school, the sisters were in their bedroom speaking about which one would pre- tend they were sick so they could stay home with Lacy that day. They knew Horace was not able to go to school that day due to his injury and thought Lacy would probably get another beating if he was cornered between Mom and Horace’s personalities. As they were hav- ing that discussion, Mom called Odessa to her room and told her that she needed to stay home that day to care for Horace since he was sup- posed to rest and take it easy. It turned out that Mom got called into work and wouldn’t be able to stay home that day. Odessa told Alexan- dra the news and they both giggled. Alexandra placed her hand on Lacy’s head and told him the angels must have been looking out for him because it was a blessing that Mom got called into work. She said she needed to get ready for school and told Lacy to relax be- cause it was going to be a really good day. Odessa gave Lacy a hug and told him she was with him and not to worry at all since Horace would stay in his room or on the sofa to rest. Lacy hugged Odessa and said he was glad she was staying with him. After everyone left for school and Mom went to work, Odessa made breakfast for Horace and Lacy.

SHE WAS WORTH IT ALL 189 Horace ate while lying on the sofa watching TV, and Odessa and Lacy ate at the dining room table. After everyone ate, Horace took a nap and Odessa and Lacy played games, listened to music, and she taught him a little bit about addition and subtraction. Lilly picked everyone up from school that day since Mom was supposed to drive the carpool that day but couldn’t. By the time they got home, Odessa had already cleaned the house and made dinner. Odessa liked cleanliness and Lacy would follow her around, watching how she cleaned so he could learn how to do it. After the others finished homework, had dinner, and started watching TV, Mom came home. She went straight to Horace to check on him and asked him if Odessa took good care of him and fed him well. He said yes even though she and Lacy were in her room all day playing while he laid on the sofa. Odessa quickly jumped in and said Horace wanted to watch TV so she let him watch whatever he wanted and she and Lacy didn’t use the TV at all. Mom kissed Horace’s head and said, “You just rest, Mama’s home,” as she gave a half-smile to Odessa. She said she had a long tiring day at work because she didn’t plan on working that day so she didn’t eat before she went to work. She said she just snacked throughout the day, so she was very hungry. After she ate dinner, she went to her room, closed the door, and slept for the rest of the night because she had work the next morning. Mom told Alexandra to stay home to care for Horace the next day, and that day was similar to the day before. The following day, Horace was able to go to school, and as days and months passed, Lacy had stopped thinking about Esta and much more about how Odessa and Alexandra cared for him and how Gus always treated him fairly. He also thought about being an adult and wanting to learn all he could at nursery school by watching and listening to the other children, but more importantly, listening to and watching the teacher and the other teachers and adults he would interact with each day. He got along fine with the other children and had great fun with them, but he saw adult life as a fascinating thing and liked speaking with all of the adults. One day when Mom picked him up from nursery school, the teacher

190 LACY WESTON told her that Lacy interacted well with others but he wanted to spend more time with adults than the children. Of course, the idea was thought to be that he liked speaking to adults because he got along with Odessa and Alexandra and related to older people better. When asked why he liked speaking to adults and spending so much time with them, he said there was so much to learn, and adults were the best people to go to if he wanted to learn about being an adult and having a good life. The teacher told Mom that she told Lacy to spend more time with the children playing and talking, but Lacy wanted to stay with her and hear about the work she did at her desk and what she did to get that job. When Lacy and Mom left, she told him there would be no more questioning of teachers and other adults at the school and he was to only speak with other children. He said okay. Since he knew he could get in trouble if he continued speaking with the teacher and other adults and that he would get punished, he played with the chil- dren and watched the adults’ interactions as best he could. One day, Lacy was climbing up the ladder of a slide at school and saw Mom walking toward his teacher and wondered why she was there. She told him if he got into trouble at school she would string him up by his thumbs and beat his little black ass in front of everyone, so he was a little scared. He hadn’t gotten into trouble but still, he was concerned. A boy climbed up the slide from the sliding end and was at the top when he saw Lacy on the ladder of the slide. “You’re in my way, now get off the slide,” he said to Lacy. Lacy looked up and said, “You went the wrong way. You’re supposed to slide down not climb up.” The boy said, “If you don’t get off you’ll be sorry.” Lacy said, “You’re going the wrong way and the teacher said not to climb up the slide and to use the ladder.” BLAM! The boy kicked Lacy

SHE WAS WORTH IT ALL 191 in the face with his cowboy boots, knocking Lacy’s glasses clear off his face, and Lacy flew off the ladder and onto the ground. The boy started laughing and calling Lacy four-eyes. Lacy found his glasses and put them on, then looked over his shoulder to see if Mom was watching but she wasn’t, so Lacy sped up the slide ladder and grabbed the boys leg and yanked him off the slide. The boy went sailing to the ground. As the boy hit the ground, Lacy asked him how that felt and if he liked it. As Lacy was telling the boy to never kick him again, he noticed Mom and the teacher running toward him. His heart started racing and he began to shake a little as he thought about being strung up by his thumbs and getting his little black ass beaten in front of the class. “What’s going on here?” the teacher asked. “I, see, he, I was on the slide and he kicked me off and…” “NO, we just saw you pull him off the slide Lacy, so don’t make up stories,” the teacher said. “Yes, but that was after he kicked me off,” Lacy said. The teacher said, “You should have told me what he did and I would have spoken with him, but you handled it your way and got caught so you cannot use the slide for the rest of week.” Lacy’s eyes widened be- cause he realized he was being punished but the boy was not. “What’s that cut over your eye Lacy?” Mom asked. Lacy said it was from the boy kicking him in the face. The teacher said, “I didn’t see anyone kick you but I saw you pull him.” Mom said, “He didn’t do that to himself so both boys should be pun- ished, not just one.” WOW! Lacy could not believe what he was hearing. She actually believed him and stood up for him. Lacy stood a little taller and appeared more confident knowing he wasn’t on his own in this. The teacher asked the boy if he kicked Lacy and the boy said, “No, Lacy’s lying.” “I am not lying,” Lacy said, “and you better tell the truth.” “Or what Lacy?” asked the teacher. Lacy looked at Mom and the teacher and said, “He’s lying, just ask the other children.” The teacher called the children over and right away

192 LACY WESTON many children said it was Lacy’s fault and that the other boy did noth- ing to Lacy. Then, a little black girl who kept to herself that no one played with except Lacy said Lacy wasn’t lying, and the boy started it by going up the slide the wrong way and kicked Lacy in the face. The teacher put her hands on her hips and looked very upset. She said, “That’s just one child that says Lacy is telling the truth but many other children say the other boy is telling the truth. So, I must believe most of the children that say the other boy is telling the truth.” Mom said, “Come on Lacy. Get your lunch pail and let’s get out of this prejudiced place. You do not need to be in a filthy place like this.” As Lacy walked with Mom he looked over his shoulder and waved at the girl that said he was telling the truth. He felt sorry for her because she would be alone without anyone to play with since he was leaving. The other children went back to playing and she just stood there wav- ing back at Lacy. “You should have knocked the hell out of that boy Lacy. Next time someone does something like that to you, you better make sure they learn not to do it again or I’ll tear into you. Do you hear me?” she asked. “Yes,” Lacy said. Lacy was confused and had a question but wasn’t sure if he should ask now or wait. He was bursting and couldn’t wait. “Do you mean if Marcel or Horace do something to me I should fight them?” “NO! That’s not what I said got damnit! I’m talking about these rac- ist sons a’ bitches we got runnin’ around here. I dealt with that shit all my life and you will too if you don’t knock hell out of one of em’ when they pull shit like that boy did. That teacher knew that boy was lying and he chose you to kick because his parents raised him not to like black people. You could see it in his face as he looked at you,” she said. She went on and on and on about how she grew up in the South and black people were treated like dogs - spit on, beaten, stabbed, hung, shot, dragged behind cars, and thrown in jail all because they had dark skin. “I’m sick and tired of it. Just sick. Do you hear me?” “Yes,” Lacy said. They got into the car, and as they drove she kept talking about how wrong people like that were and how it needed to stop.

SHE WAS WORTH IT ALL 193 “That’s how Martin and Malcolm died,” she said. Lacy had no idea who those people were but he was not going to ask. “JFK too, he liked black people so they killed him.” Lacy wondered how someone could name their child JFK.

NURSERY SCHOOL “Even Jesus,” she said. “They hated him so they killed him. What’s this world coming to?” she asked. Lacy didn’t have an answer to that question, but she kept talking so he thought maybe she forgot that she asked him a question. That suited him just fine because he didn’t want to get in trouble for not having an answer. She drove all the way to the dance studio, upset and mention- ing the words racism, slavery, Hitler, immigrants, rich people, poor people and how the world judges people. When they got to the dance studio, she raced out of the car so Lacy raced out too because he thought she was late, but once they got inside she told Amando the whole story. They didn’t even dance that day. They sat in his office talking about what happened and she shared stories with him about the South and he shared stories with her about Cuba. They both spoke about that word racism and poor and rich people. When they finished talking about the racism word, Mom asked Lacy to go into the dance area of the studio and wait there while she and Amando talked privately. “Okay,” Lacy said. After their private conversation, they came out and danced for a few minutes, then Mom and Lacy had to leave to shop for groceries and pick everyone up from school. When they left the dance stu- dio, it was as if Mom and Lacy had a different type of connection that seemed better than before. After grocery shopping and after all of the chil- dren were picked up from school, Mom explained to everyone what hap- pened at nursery school as they drove home. She said Lacy would not be

SHE WAS WORTH IT ALL 195 going back there and would not continue nursery school at all and just start kindergarten when the time came. Lacy liked the connection he and Mom had that day, but the thought of not being at nursery school meant being with her in the mornings and he thought she might get upset with him like before and he would get into big trouble. Marcel said, “You’re so lucky Lacy. I wish I didn’t have to go to school.” “Don’t speak that way Marcel,” Mom said. “You are good in school and you are going to be great in life so keep practicing.” “If a boy kicked me in the face I’d stomp his lights out,” Randy said. “Boys at school call me names like darky, tar baby, and burnt crisp. When I chase them, they stop teasing because they know I’ll break their face.” “Really?” Alexandra asked. “Okay, now Alexandra, let him talk,” Mom said. “Yeeahh. Let me talk Alexandra. You’re not as dark as me so you don’t know how much worse it is for me since you are so much lighter. And Odessa, you are so light no one even knows you’re black so you really don’t know what it’s like.” “How do you know what I go through?” Odessa asked. “When peo- ple see me with any of you they call me tar baby lover, nigger lover, jiggaboo lover, and white trash, so I get it too.” Mom said, “Listen, we all get it, and if any of you haven’t gotten it yet you will, and when you do you will never forget what it feels like.” Gus was quiet as he usually was and just listened. Once they got home, Mom went to the bathroom and then stayed in her room to rest while Odessa and Alexandra put the groceries away and the boys started their homework. Lacy couldn’t wait to ask the sis- ters what the word racism meant and when he did, Alexandra asked where he heard that word. He said he heard Mom and Lilly say it a long time ago and he heard Mom say it again today as they left the

196 LACY WESTON nursery school. He told her that he tried asking Esta a long time ago too but he didn’t understand it back then. “Alexandra, I think you should explain that to Lacy and I’ll keep putting the groceries away,” Odessa said. “Racism,” Alexandra said. “All of the people in the world belong to a tribe or group of people but over time we stopped calling those groups, tribes. There is the African tribe or group, Asian tribe or group, Hispanic tribe or group, Anglo tribe or group and so on. There are many African tribes or groups and we came from one of those African tribes. Today we don’t say tribes, we say race. You are originally from people of the African race. Now, I don’t like the word race when speak- ing about groups because the word race means competition and you only compete or get into a competition to see who is better, you or the other person. Racism is when a person or tribe, group, or race of people believe they are better than another race of people because they believe their race of people is more valuable and superior or above the other race of people. That’s racism. When people believe their race is above or better than any other race they might do many things to prove them- selves like hurt people of the race they believe is beneath theirs or that they feel is less valuable than theirs.” “Wow!” Lacy said. “Now I know why Mom said people died and got hurt in the South because of racism. Is there a race that we believe is not as valuable as us?” “What’s us?” Alexandra asked. “What do you mean?” Lacy asked. Alexandra asked Lacy what his race was to see if he remembered what she said earlier. Lacy said, “You said I originally came from one of the African tribes.” “Correct,” Alexandra said. “So, what race of people did you come from originally?” she asked. “African people,” Lacy said. “But you were born in America so that now makes you American but you have African blood in your veins so you are American with African descent. Or, you are American but come from Africa. Don’t ever forget that because

SHE WAS WORTH IT ALL 197 each tribe, group, or race of people in America came from somewhere else except the Indians who were already here. You will learn more about the Indians in school but make sure you don’t forget that you are American with African descent or origin. All other races of people in this country are proud of where their people came from and their origins so there is no reason why you should not be proud of yours.” “Okay. I’m American with African blood in my veins and I come from African people.” “Right! You got it Lacy.”

FIFTH BIRTHDAY “I’m sure glad you explained that Alexandra, because I would have just said it’s when one race of people believe they are bet- ter than another race of people.” Lacy said, “That’s a good answer too Odessa. Right Alexandra?” “Hahahahaha,” Alexandra laughed. “Right, I’m glad you didn’t ex- plain it. Yeah Lacy, her answer is good too, but we better get our home- work started,” Alexandra said as she turned to Odessa, “so we have time to play with Lacy outside before we make dinner.” “Good idea,” Odessa said. As the day continued, the sisters got their homework done, played with Lacy, made dinner, and prepped for the next day. The house remained pretty calm. Mom woke up from resting and had dinner and enjoyed some TV after everyone else went to bed. Some months passed and it was Lacy’s fifth birthday. Esta usually bought Lacy’s birthday gifts but with her out of the picture, the sisters decided to make peanut butter and sugar cookies for Lacy and let him try to ride Alexandra’s bike since he wanted a bike. Mom bought Lacy a yellow outfit with short pants and a jacket for him to wear to church. He was excited about all of the surprises but he could not wait to try and ride Alexandra’s bike. However, when it came time, the bike was much too big for him. He couldn’t sit on the seat but he was able to hold the handlebars and put his feet on the pedals. He took to riding a bike like a fish to water. On his first try, he rode clear down the street with the sisters following close behind, but he didn’t know how much