9 Tenets

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 96 Chapter 15: Encouraging Healthy Relationships and Rewarding Positive Behaviors “Stop trying to love men. Start trying to understand them.” - Teal Swan Healthy reciprocity can be thought of as an energetic concept. It’s not exactly tit-for-tat. It’s not doing something for someone and expecting a certain thing back. These things must be inherently understood before you ever enter a romantic relationship with someone. Expectations and roles should be clear from the start. If they are not, be sure to bring them up with the communications skills you’ve acquired so far. What you don’t want is to make your romantic relationship seem transactional. Approaching your romantic relationships transactionally will make them feel like some form of trade, work, or performance rather than a natural and pleasant interaction you have with someone, which is what I presume you want if you are reading this book right now and not a book on how to charge for nudes, or how to be a golddigger, or what website/payportal to use for clients. The goal here is to get all of the benefits you think you’d get from selling pussy, i.e. money and freedom, PLUS a better lifestyle, PLUS a genuine relationship. The goal is to approach your relationships from win-win angles; win for you, win him, win for your future children, win for [almost] everyone. The only people NOT winning in this scenario will be people that are not playing with you fairly, not cooperating, and not willing to understand you. We want the best for them too, we just need clear boundaries. This means not doing things you don’t want to do, it means letting go of your people-pleasing hoe tendencies, it means cutting out the complicated people once we’ve come to the conclusion they give us more headaches than they do pleasure. The following five sections will help you identify and encourage positive attitudes and behaviors – humour, role-fulfillment, honesty, relationship security, sustained sensuality, and clear communication.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 97 Section I. Be slightly happier, gigglier, and sillier than your man. Contrary to “feminine energy” advice you hear from mediocre dating coaches, you don’t need to communicate about every single little feeling you have to be perceived as “feminine” by a man. It won’t make him see you as more feminine. It will annoy him. The truth is you need to learn to self-regulate and find healthy outlets for your emotions. Settle your emotions with yourself in a journal, through art, or voicing out your concerns into a voice recording. Listen back at yourself. Most of the time, as you listen to yourself, you’ll laugh at how ridiculous you sound at a time when your emotions take over you. Vent to your friends, your mom, your therapist, or even a stranger. Do NOT expect your man to be your emotional tampon, especially if you want him to be a good masculine figure in your life. The only exception will be if there is an emotional issue that arises from some specific thing he does or says, or if you genuinely need his reassurance and feedback for something because you respect his opinion on that specific thing. For the most part, you should be slightly happier, gigglier, and sillier than your man. He’ll stick around if you bring some light and humor into his life. It is also a lot more fun to be the lighter, less serious person in your relationships. This will require a humorous outlook on life and situations. Watching and listening to comedians or funny podcast hosts a few times per week will help you with this. It can also be helpful to vocally mimic the comedians. You can do this while driving, or while doing some housework. Play the recording or the podcast in loud volume. Follow along with your speech, mimicking their words, tone and style. This will expand your range of expression, it will get you out of your head and your pettiness, and it will place you in a different, lighter, more fun mood. Humor is your mental immune system. In your interactions, give a man a little slice of life of your reality – lighter and more fun than what he is used to.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 98 Section II. Following his lead Yes, you should always follow his lead; IF and only IF, he has successfully met all of your screening criteria, he’s a man with a plan, and he has good taste. In general, you’ll want a guy that knows what he wants. Ultimately, these are the types of men who will most happily feed you, share with you, and bring you into their lives. If you want a guy of value to make you a priority in his life, you have to make him a priority as well. This means structuring your life in such a way that you have flexibility with your activities, so that when his leadership desires and behaviors arise in the form of a call or invitation to you, you can be there to receive him. This does not mean you should drop everything you are doing for the sake of spending time with him, nor does it mean you should be at his beck and call, but be wise with your time and remind yourself that having a good relationship is a priority, and that you must actually invest time into to your relationship for it to develop. When he gets an instinct or inclination to do something, you WANT to be the one he reaches out to because he knows that you VALUE him enough to be there. So enough with the childish games of trying to make yourself seem scarce. Be scarce, but make sure he knows you carve out time for your relationship because it matters to you, too. He will appreciate meaningful availability from you. If you reject him enough and don’t make time or space for him, he will take this as a sign of disinterest and he’ll look for other women to fulfill his masculine leadership drives with. So make time for him and let him take you along for the ride. Section III. You do not need to make him jealous on purpose. Secure men know you are valuable, they know you are attractive, and they know you have options. Going out of your way to make him jealous is low-status behavior. It is a turn-off for secure men. A man that has reliably shown you he is consistent, honest, and committed to

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 99 plans is someone whose word you should trust. Believe him when he tells you he doesn’t like you doing certain things, within reason. Comply to his boundary requests. Actively catch yourself when you’re about to engage in some sort of jealousy manipulation behavior, like posting some other guy your story, or telling him about the eye-fucking your boss gave you this morning, or telling him something awesome your ex did for you. You have the power to not say these things. It is not necessary to tell him these things for him to continue to be attracted, committed, and invested in you. Healthy jealousy should and will arise organically from him seeing you interact with others as you normally would in your regular day-to-day interactions, and from your naturally nonchalant way of being. Likewise, you should not be impressed or turned on by his attempts to purposefully make you jealous. It is a low-status behavior. It should be a turn-off. Healthy and normal jealousy will organically arise when you see him interacting with other women in his regular day-to-day interactions. Your attraction will be sustained from his natural range of choices and his nonchalant way of being. For some people, toxic jealousy-inducing manipulation is part of the attraction process. For the most part, you want to distance yourself from engaging in and rewarding this type of behavior, especially if you want to get on to using your energy for higher, more enjoyable endeavors. Both people should be secure. Otherwise, discard and move on. Section IV. Using physical touch and sensuality to encourage honesty When he is being vulnerable or honest with you, lay your head on his lap, brush your hand through his hair, give him some type of physical reassurance. This serves as a green light for him to continue doing what he is doing. It gives him validation that he is doing it right, and that you are very much attracted to what he is sharing with you. Reward him physically by at times

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 100 massaging his neck, his temples, his back and other areas where you know he‘s tender and stiff. This positively increases attachment between you. When you want to be the one to be honest and vulnerable, especially about something sensitive or taboo, you’ll want to slightly increase the sexuality of your touch. If you have something you want to take off your chest, some dirty little secret, some saucy story; tell it to your man during foreplay. While you’re straddling him and maybe playing with his hair, massaging his neck, rubbing his back, teasingly licking his dick – confess to him. Use a playful, sexy tone. Give cheeky smiles as you recount your stories and insert pauses during which you leave some tension. In these moments of tension, do something that your man really likes; lick or nibble on his ear, touch his dick while looking down at it and back up to his eyes, hold his dick in your hand as you continue your tale. This is some POWERFUL shit that will help you and your man feel more intimately connected, more authentic, and more mutually seen. He will associate your honesty, your voice, your truth with his arousal. This practice will reveal a deeper, sturdier layer of your sexual, personal, and spiritual connection, and make your bond stronger and more meaningful. Section V. Verbal Communication Tips to Handle Misunderstandings If you find a smart man that fulfills the physical, emotional and logistical facets of attraction for you, assume you both have the same degree of understanding and intelligence when it comes to your dating situation. Communicate more explicitly with words when you get an impression of misunderstanding or a boundary-cross using these three components: 1. Limit - Without blaming, say what specific words or actions made you uncomfortable or crossed a boundary, or state the thing you think was misinterpreted and that you wish to make a correction. 2. Vulnerability - Without villainizing, say that the action/words made you feel scared, threatened, devalued, confused or misunderstood.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 101 3. Request for understanding - Without giving orders, suggest to him the way you’d prefer to handle the given situation, clarify what was actually meant to be communicated, and give him the chance to clarify what he meant. The point here is to assert boundaries without aggressiveness and without judgement.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 102 Part III. Diving Deeper What you will learn about in Diving Deeper: ❖ Men’s role in sexual accountability. ❖ Breaking away from the addictive grip of erratic sexual behavior. ❖ Coming to terms with death and change. ❖ Embracing the new.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 103 Chapter 16: Men’s Role in Sexual Responsiblity “He really loved talking about policy and really loved to help the world, but also couldn't stop rawdogging random women: ‘Yeah let's talk about the economy. Oh wait, hang on one second. Hi, how are you? Please turn around.’” - Chris D’elia’s impression of Bill Clinton Condoms break. Condoms slip. Condoms can be compromised. Birth control fails. If you do not want a child yet, you’ve GOT to be a pull-out KING. Women will lie out of their teeth that they are on birth control to try to trap you. They WILL chase you down for child support if you do not willingly agree to fatherhood. Leaving a woman as a single mother sucks ass for all 3 parties involved; for you, for her, and most of all, for the kid(s). When a woman has sex with you, she is putting all of her trust in you; Trust in you to pull out if you’re not in a place to have a child; Trust in you to be there for her if you get her pregnant. Why are some women whores? Only whores abort. Because there are men who compensate them better for being whores than for being mothers. Excerpt from actual conversation with interviewee:

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 104 “I asked him why he was willing to pay for trips, to take me shopping, to expensive restaurants all the time, but he wasn’t willing to help me support a child HE helped create. His answer: ‘Because it’s cheaper.’” How dare she get pregnant and expect me to be a father? She’s asking for too much. When a woman gets pregnant by a man with this mentality, what happens to her? She is either: A) Silenced and left to fend for herself, B) Mutilated and unable to fulfill her most innate desire, or C) Killed. You don’t want women to be whores? Stop demanding they be whores. Only fuck women with whom you have a strong mutual attraction, with whom you have a healthy and mature dynamic, with whom you’d gladly have children with if your pull-out or birth control method fails. Does a woman being with you mean she has an added layer of protection and quality of life? Or is it costing her some form of safety or a decrease in her joy? Does it mean you‘d wholeheartedly and happily embrace your role as a father if you got her pregnant? If not, why are you fucking her? Does it mean she’d wholeheartedly and happily embrace her role as a mother if you got ger pregnant? If not, then why are you fucking her? Are you counting on her to go against her nature and kill her child? Are you assuming she’d attempt to raise the child on her own? Are you assuming she’d find someone else to provide for YOUR children?

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 105 Are you expecting her to whore herself out to men that are not you, so they can help YOUR genes progress? Another man has very little incentive to give proper fathering to children that are not his. Children suffer when they do not have good fathers. A good father makes life so much better. If you are not called to be a father to your children, or the woman you are fucking is not ready for motherhood, abstain and focus your energy on a worthwhile project. If you happen to be fucking someone and do not yet want to be a father, or you know she still doe snot want to be a mother, pull out and cum on her face, her tits, her ass, or anywhwre that‘s not her pussy. Cum in her when you know you deserve it, when you‘re happy with yourself, when you love her and she loves you, when know she‘d be a good mom, when you know you both have the right tools and resources, when you know you’d be the best dad you can be. Why rape? Why coerce? Just be attractive. It’s not that hard. It’s a lot more fun. The truth about abortion is that is has been abused and overused. Women’s strongest defense to keep abortion accessible is the possibility of rape. Rape would not happen if men were taught how to actually be attractive to women. It‘s not that hard. All you need is a good exercise regimen, good hygiene, good social skills and a fun lifestyle. If you don’t have any of these things, why are you not working on developing these areas? The magic is in having the woman‘s attraction be based on something real and long-lasting, not just tricking her for a night or a few. Abortion would not happen if women were taught how to identify and inspire good character in men. This is a much more subtle, taboo and paradoxical feat than you‘d think, which is the message I hope I’ve conveyed in this book; a simultaneous encouragement to keep our legs

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 106 closed and out of reach for the wrong men, and making ourselves the biggest sluts for the right ones. Calling men to compassion, and women to sanity.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 107 Chapter 17: Handling Loss and Grief “All grief passes gradually into quiet, tender joy.” David Richo When you are grieving, know there is nothing wrong with you. Imagine a world where people die and no one cares; that’s a world of psychopaths. You don’t need therapy for loss and grief. Acceptance comes next. Energy comes and goes in waves. It can be triggered by a statement, object, person, memory. It’s natural for grief to go on for a couple of weeks. It takes time to get used to. It’s as if a part of you has been torn away, leaving an open wound. It’s natural for it to take a while to heal again. It’s part of the package of being on Earth – the polarities of closeness and separateness. Grief gradually recedes on its own in the following months. If your grief persists for longer, you might be stuck in a cycle of suppression. If you wish to stay healthy, don’t suppress what you feel; release it. Suppressing grief is not going to work, it will just drain you. Grief lasting longer than a few weeks or months is ego-generated, self-inflicted suffering. You have other issues to deal with about you, not the person you lost. There are three reasons why you might be holding on to grief for longer than necessary: 1. You believe the person is not in a better place, as if their destiny depended on you. This way of thinking is unhelpful, and it sends negative thoughts in the person’s direction. Practice seeing the other person not as a soul that is lost forever without hope, but as being in a good place. Think of them as being in heaven, in paradise, at a place where they are well-taken care of.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 108 You have no evidence whatsoever that they are in a worse place. Do you see them in a dark realm – lost, lonely, hopeless? See them in a state of higher consciousness, surrounded by love and light and celebration and party and fun. If it’s a child you’ve lost, what is your image of that child? Do you see them as disadvantaged, poor, and victims? If so, shift that. See them as healthy, happy, well-attended to, well-taken care of. If it’s a partner who left you, think of them as being happier, calmer and healthier without you. This is often where the ego comes in. If you’re unwilling to see them as happier, healthier and calmer without you, it’s an ego thing. You don’t want to imagine them in a better place. But you indeed can. It is entirely possible that they live a good life without you. As you see the people you lost this way, it reflects back onto you with supporting and loving energy. Pity, on the other hand, is not love; pity is ego. When you send positive, loving thoughts in their direction, you feel better too. It can take some time to recondition. Catch yourself when you feel pity or despair for the people you lost. Replace these thoughts with statements such as “I love you”, “May you find peace.” This will relieve both you and the person you have in mind. 2. You lost yourself. You find no purpose with yourself. This too is an ego thought that neither helps you nor them. If you believe you can’t experience joy without another person, that is not only lack of self-love, it’s active self-hatred. Whenever you think things like “I miss you” and “I’m nothing without you”, this is actually a form of self-hatred. You need to start thinking about your capacity to experience joy, fun, calm, confidence and happiness autonomously, independently, just with yourself, by yourself, for yourself. Send yourself love and appreciation. Shower yourself with it. Give yourself respect. Give your body and your being attention and approval. Send yourself some more love. Shower your whole body

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 109 and be overflowing with love, time, attention, space awareness, respect. Shower yourself with attention. Engage in hours and hours of this. If you believe you are nothing without another person, you’ve completely lost yourself and you are far away from reality. You need to get back to reality. Make small gifts for yourself. Treat yourself to fun activities. Pursue your hobby. Learn to live again. Your experience with the person was a beautiful illusion while it lasted, but nothing is forever. Everything and everyone comes and goes. “You will reunite after you leave your own body. You can reunite if that is what you want, and it can be a happy reunion. Nobody and nothing is ever lost within infinity.” - Fred Dodson 3. You have not yet forgiven the other or yourself. There is still something unspoken, unsaid or unforgiven in either of you for some kind of misdeed. Write out or speak out everything you want to say to the person. Say everything you think you failed to say. Speak or write until you have nothing more to say – until it’s all out of your system. You may think that others do not hear you, but consciousness as well as thoughts do not adhere to the laws of space and time. They travel across space and time. It’s an illusion to think that others do not know or do not hear you. It’s one of the illusions that cause sadness – the illusion of separation. Speak with the intention of forgiving yourself and others. Speak until all unsaid things are said. Then, you naturally let go because your attention is no longer stuck and no longer preoccupied. It’s like a confessional. In this case, the confessional is toward the other, as if they were around you. This practice can save you a lot of money from a therapist. Just express it. Confess to it. Let it be known.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 110 Chapter 18: Overcoming Sexual Addiction “Attempts to control take you out of control.” There may be some disempowering identity patterns that you are holding onto. You might be vaguely aware of them, but cannot seem to break through them. You’re fully aware that something is quite wrong. Where do you go from there? 1. You pinpoint and diagnose where the tensions are playing out physically. In the case of sexual addiction (often accompanied by some form of substance abuse), there is usually tension in the jaw, calves, and pelvic region. Jaw pain is heavily associated with sexual frustration. Put a spotlight on these tensions. Consider working with a personal trainer or a physical therapist, and getting regular massages in order to manage and reduce these physical tensions. 2. You pinpoint and diagnose the psychological energetic entanglements below your threshold of awareness. Sexual frustration manifesting as jaw pain is a symptom of oral fixation. This can take the form of a compulsive need to have things in your mouth, e.g., vapes, gum, dip, cigarettes, joints, blunts, bongs, drinks, straws, fingernails, dicks, etc. A practical behavioral approach to dealing with oral fixation in a more healthy manner is bringing fruits, finger food, a nonalcoholic beverage you enjoy, cards, a painting kit or board games with you to places where you might be exposed to alcohol, drugs, or the potential for promiscuous sex. Instead of partaking in the harmful addictions, put your hands and mouth to use with the things you brought. A pomegranate is a great thing to bring, because cutting it, removing the seeds, eating it, and cleaning up all require time, energy and focus. Consider leaving once you are done eating, drinking your beverage, and/or once you’ve finished a few rounds of the game or activity you brought with you.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 111 People with oral fixations often engage in counterphobic behavior, where they actively seek out to engage in high-risk activities, e.g., manic driving on the way to meet up with someone for indiscriminate and meaningless sex, drinking to be able to feel looser for sex, etc. People who engage in counterphobic behavior are actually afraid of the objects they believe they love, i.e. their sexual playmates, the alchol, etc. Such behavior may be socially celebrated in the vision of sex as gymnstic performance, or as an act of fearless shallowness or disdain of social norms. Oral fixation often manifests itself as sarcastic, sadistic, extraverted, overcompensating, and emotionally aloof personality types. Ruthless cruelty toward powerless men, weaker females or children is a counterphobic behavior also associated with oral fixation. Over-the-top public swaggering, which is walking, talking and behaving in ways that make you seem really confident and important, is another tell-tale sign of addiction related to oral fixation. You’ve been holding onto your tensions and entanglements for so long that you stop noticing them and you start living with them. It is dangerous to numb your discomforts using drugs, alcohol and sex with people who don’t give a shit about you. Your entanglements drift into the background and influence every single thing you do. The results are often hellish. Nevertheless, there is a certain utility you derive from your addiction. In the case of sex addiciton, it serves at least two purposes: 1. To keep actual intimacy at arm's length. “Somebody loved me enough to hook up with me. Somebody found me attractive enough to put their genitals in my genitals. Doesn’t get more intimate than that, does it?” This is a lie. The physical act alone is not actual intimacy. It’s a substitute. Real intimacy can cause an addict a lot of discomfort. You know you’re messed up. You know you’re fucked up. So you do it again to get another fix, each time crawling deeper into a hole that is more difficult to get out of than it was to get into.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 112 2. To give you a sense of control. Your entanglements have ran you for so long that sex makes you feel free. It can make you feel uninhibited, more attractive, more lovable. You may feel a big pressure to be perceived as someone who is attractive and sought after. So you do it over and over again to feel like you have a handle on yourself, even if it’s hurting you. The truth? You’re using your addiction as if it were a magical perfume. You think that drugs, alcohol and meaningless sex are the things keeping you emotionally stable. You think you need these things to feel acceptable and loved. The truth is your addiction is a crutch. It’s a gambit and a gimmick. It’s unsustainable, and the deteriorations in your health and sanity will begin to creep up. You’re afraid of what would happen if you let yourself be yourself. You think there is nothing of value at your core without these things. You think you need to put on a show for other people. The truth? You’re being inauthentic. Any addiction – sex, drugs, gambling, alcohol – has as its main goal keeping you out of touch with your actual thoughts and feelings. When you’re being inauthentic, it suggests insecurity. Secure people without addictions will sense that insecurity. People with similar or complementing addictions will sense that insecurity. You might feel ashamed and judged around someone secure. You’ll be less likely to form a connection with someone secure, because you’re trapped in your bubble of denial. You might feel more accepted by someone with a similar or complementary addiction. If they are not on a path of transcending as well, they will enable you, and drag you down further into your hedonistic hell-hole. What is so bad about your true self that you can’t show it? Drop the song and dance. You are hot. You are fun. You are smart, kind and interesting. Why are you still spraying on that tacky perfume? You don’t need it anymore. Trash it. Let people perceive your natural pheromones. Let people see you.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 113 Exercise: Ask yourself the following 13 questions to asses your purpose for wanting to read a book on having a good sex life, and your reasons for being sexually active: 1. What are my motivations for getting good at this? 2. Am I fulfilling some form of cultural expectation? 3. Am I doing it to fill a void? 4. Am I attempting to push real intimacy away? 5. How might shame and guilt be affecting my actions? 6. Am I able to be honest? 7. What meaning am I assigning to sex? 8. Am I doing it because I actually enjoy it? 9. Do I care about the person I am sleeping with? 10. Does the person I am sleeping with care about me? 11. Do I feel a secure bond with the person I am sleeping with? 12. Does having sex with this person feel special? 13. Does having sex with this person feel like a sacred experience? When you confront your demons, don’t look at them as an inherent failing of you as a person. Awareness is just the first step. Diagnose the issues, and then do the opposite of what you are used to doing. Bring weaknesses forth to start to release these things without shame and without guilt.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 114 Chapter 19: Potential-Increasing Exercises “On the other side of ‘scary’ is ‘glory’.” Julien Blanc Section I. Engage in many medium level risks for growth. The fastest way to increase your energy and engagement is to frequently take medium-level risks. ● Low-level risks are regular things you can do daily without much thought or worry of outcome. They are not exciting or thrilling. The reward is not extraordinary either. ● High-level risks are things you shouldn’t do often, because the potential costs are high. The reward can be huge [sometimes], but you’re against all odds and potentially putting yourself in danger. There is no need to put yourself in danger. ● Medium-level risks are things that are slightly out of your comfort zone that you could do or take steps toward achieving within the next 24-48 hours. You feel giddy at the thought of taking a medium-level risk. The reward is typically worthwhile. Though there are unknown variables, the potential costs are manageable. This is where you could make the most growth. If you know the facts of any situation, it’s easier to take risks. Know the best-case and worst-case consequences. Understand and accept them before taking the risk. Ever so slightly stretch beyond your comfort zone. Choose a risk that won’t cause you sleepless nights, but will still keep you awake during the day time. Maybe there’s something you’ve been meaning to say to a colleague, but have kept it hidden because it’s risky. Maybe you are risking your reputation or the peace. But it’s been on your mind. Not saying it is low risk. Saying it is high risk. Medium-risk, then, is saying it in a softer, buffered way. Or saying it in bite-sized chunks, one part now, the other later. Not saying it will

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 115 not get the energy moving. Saying it too bluntly will only cause upset. So you find the medium sweet-spot. Takeaway: Take a lot of medium-level risks. Stretch your ability to try new things bit by bit. Medium-level risks stretch your sense of aliveness and skill. Section II. Expanding your Range of Expression For fun, create a meta-ironic cringe persona of yourself. I want you to throw out any idea you have about yourself being “introverted” or “outgoing” or “quirky” or whatever else. Right now, give yourself a new name as part of the exercise. If you have a crazy name, name yourself something simple. If you have a simple name, name yourself something crazy. The idea here is to take a step out of our usual identity, to test the waters, and to transcend limits we may not be aware of. I want you to think of yourself as this new persona. If you meet a stranger, introduce yourself with this new name, and try the following: If you typically dress with neutral colors, try adding a pop of color. If you dress bold with colors, ground yourself with something neutral, or all white, or all black. If you typically dress conservatively, show some figure or some skin. If you typically dress really sexy, dress like a preppy conservativge girl, challenge yourself to show no skin, or wear something baggy. If you always have your hair up, wear it down. If you wear it down, wear it up. If you rarely put on makeup, follow a tutorial for a look you like and wear it for a day. If you wear makeup regularly, wear no makeup for a day. If you usually go out in heels, wear sneakers or cute sandals.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 116 If you usually go out in sneakers or sandals, wear heels or wedges. If you are always loud, tone it down and be more relaxed. If you are always relaxed, tone it up. Speak higher and share more. If you usually approach relationships in a sexually charged style, try to slow it down. You get the idea. Being attractive is not always about peacocking or being a loud, crazy, outgoing person. A “boring” persona is not what bores people; it’s the repeated exposure to the same thing over and over again that becomes unexciting. For this reason, exercise your ability to change it up. Stretch your expressive range, which expands your range of options, therefore your sense of freedom. A willing person who has the power to choose what she wants, who has the power to act in any way she needs or pleases, is attractive. And that energy radiates out. People feel it. People feel deliberateness in your actions. People feel intention. Some people will be unable to identify what it is about you that draws them to you. It is precisely your ability in range of expression. It is contagious. It is powerful. Section III. Playing a Character If someone else was in your body, how would they act? Would they be more confident? Would they be more self-secure? Would they be bolder? Stepping into that version of yourself might mean taking on new traits. Here is a way you can approach this process: Imagine a character that would behave in the way required to get the result you want. This approach exercises your imagination and gives you results without much effort or will-power on your part. How would you behave if you were playing this character? What are the internal reasons you would behave in this manner? Try on traits you think would be fun and cultivate them. Gradually go from character to character, trying on new shoes and strange ways of being. Try everything until you arrive at something that jives with your personality. Then, your

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 117 self and this character will meet in the middle space, and you’ll feel a more powerful, sharper, more solid sense of being. Warning: Giving up disempowering parts of your identity can feel like a death. Be clear about the stuff you want to achieve. Accept that this may require a change of personality. You are not a helpless victim of your history. Move forward, renewed. Section IV. Energy Cultivation We typically think of our soul as something lofty, lighter and higher than us. And we think of our body as something denser, heavier, lower than the soul. How can we bring the soul to Earth, and the body to Heaven? You can think of yourself as a tree. The pain you experience is like roots, that ground you into Earth. The beauty you experience is like the branches and the leaves, that bring you closer to Heaven. You ground your soul deep into the Earth, so that your tree can be sturdy and nourished. You cultivate your personality upward, so that your tree can be flourishing and fruitful. You need the strong roots to have depth and integrity. You need the beautiful branches and leaves to be truly alive. To bring your soul closer to Earth, ask yourself these questions: 1. What makes you enthusiastic? 2. What do you admire? 3. What are things that you like? 4. What are you looking forward to? 5. What would you not mind experiencing? 6. What do you have positive expectations about?

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 118 7. What do you like about yourself? 8. Do you enjoy turning problems into opportunities? 9. What do you like about others? 10. What are some nice things in life? 11. What good things do you sense will happen in your life? 12. What do you create? As you ground your soul, you’ll find more things to look forward to. Positive expectation will be your norm. Many joyous events will happen. To bring your body closer to Heaven, ask yourself these questions: 1. What beautiful things have you seen? 2. What beautiful things have you heard? 3. What beautiful things have you felt? 4. What creative things do you do? 5. What have you created during your life? 6. What beautiful thing can you imagine? 7. What are some new ideas you have? 8. What music brings tears to your eyes? 9. What artistic skills have you cultivated? As you enter these energies, you may find that not as many people are able to perceive you. You can choose to enter these states temporarily, so you can transcend yourself. You know you’ve transcended limits when you’re ready to accept power, and to invest in the betterment of the whole. You can then use this heightened spiritual energy to determine the best way to

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 119 re-engage, and apply your newfound energy in a more grounded, more accessible, more human way.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 120 Content Summary ❖ Do not entertain men you are not attracted to and do not put yourself in isolated environments with them. This will eliminate rewarding unattractive men for unattractive behavior. It will also encourage unattractive men to become more attractive (through looks, behavior, lifestyle, etc.) ❖ Know who and what you’re looking for. ❖ Know what will be required of you. ❖ Choose men who are very into you. ❖ There are enough men to go around for every woman. We all have wildly varying tastes. ❖ Avoid alcohol and hormonal birth control. These things negatively impact your appearance and your behavior. You do not need to harm yourself to fuck a man that shouldn’t be reproducing. ❖ Being selective will bring you more sexual and emotional satisfaction (because you are not selling yourself short, nor are you compromising your tastes, nor are you using sex as a manipiulative bargaining chip). ❖ Be picky about where you go, and who you isolate yourself with to ensure you are acting out of actual enjoyment, not blind submission. ❖ Only fuck men you find attractive, that find YOU attractive, that are smart, considerate, kind towards you, themselves and others. ❖ Recall the affirmations. Do you more clearly see yourself in them? I hold truth and integrity to the highest regard. I am radically honest and reliable. I value these traits in others. My personality is developed enough to amuse myself and others while I am sober. I enjoy pursuing fun and helpful hobbies. I have sex only with men that are self-developed, attractive, financially responsible, and have a an undeniable love and respect for me, themselves and others. My actions arise from my

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 121 own free will, and from inspirations that are greater or higher than my current limits. I allow and graciously receive unexpected gifts and acts of kindness from others.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 122 Epilogue Jeanie is an independent escort transitioning out of trafficking. She is based in Las Vegas, Nevada. I met her in a chance encounter outside of a nightclub in Dallas, Texas. She was arguing with her date, and asked if I could get her to a safe accommodation. On the way back, Jeanie shared some of her stories with me. We’ve stayed in touch. We’re penpals. She is one of the biggest reasons I’ve managed to complete this book. The following is a letter from my exchanges with Jeanie: [details have been edited, omitted, and added to protect Jeanie’s identity.] He was about to cum. I asked if he wanted to cum on my ass. I saw a moment of hesitation, almost disappointment in his eyes, like he really was about to waste his sperm cumming on my ass. “Yes, I would love to cum on your ass.” I turned around. He came on my ass. Two weeks later, I expected to do the same thing we did last time; no condoms, a lot of tongue, passion, and him cumming on my ass. Something about this time felt insanely intoxicating. I had a piece of gum in my mouth. He told me to spit it into his. He swallowed it. He made me feel nasty and I loved every second of it. I was on top. His dick fit me perfectly. In a moment of pure hedonistic ecstasy, he came inside me. “Great, 18 years with a guy that swallows gum.” We laughed. We watched some Space Dandy. Two weeks later, two red lines on the stick. ‘Jeanie, you need to abort”’ ‘Jeanie, we were drunk and stupid’

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 123 ‘Jeanie, this child was created out of lust, not love. This is not how I want to bring a child into the world’ ‘Jeanie, if we had found out later in the pregnancy then I would reconsider, but it’s so early and we have the chance to stop it now’ ‘Jeanie, this was a big mistake. I’m really sorry.’ I begged for him to consider other options. ‘Jeanie, I am willing to give you anything for you not to go through with this pregnancy.’ A life reduced to fucking dollars and cents. Money meant more to him than a life. I was alone. I was weak. I didn’t have the support of the person I needed the most. This was my personal hell. I was five weeks, five days in. I regret my “decision” to this day. I hesitate to even call it a decision. I thought I loved the man I was with. I wanted the child. On the day of the procedure, I had to initial a document to confirm I was not being forced into the decision. I struggled, because I was being coerced – through threats of abandonment by the child’s father, not to mention my fear he‘d have me killed if I kept it. I wanted to go to the police. I couldn’t. My boss and coworkers from my normie job encouraged me to abort. They said I was “too pretty” and “too smart” to have a child under these conditions; that I deserved better. “Would he actually abandon us?” I didn’t want to take the chance he would. I thought about the effects of fatherlessness on children. I thought about all of the memes on Hoodville about single moms and little Aiden. He drove me to the clinic. They didn’t let him in. I cried hysterically for 4 hours in the waiting room, arguing back and forth with the nurses about

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 124 not wanting to do it, but needing to. They asked me to leave if I wasn’t clear on my decision. “Could I maybe change his mind?” The next morning, he insisted I just had severe anxiety, that abortion wasn’t that bad, and that I just needed to relax. He made me down 2 Xannies with 2 glasses of wine. Mind you, I had NEVER taken Xanax. I felt numb. I gave up, with an eerily similar feeling to the giving in and dissociation that happens during a moment of rape or molestation. With a very limited and poor set of choices ahead of me, I initialed, adding in big blue letters, “ALL ABORTION IS COERCION.” They didn’t let him into the room with me. I didn’t cry in front of him when I walked out. I went back to work the next day. I’ve moved on. I’ve learned to close my legs, and demand MORE and BETTER from men. I’ve met God more closely. I was told an abortion was a chance to improve my life. I believe that if abortion would not have been allowed by law, if the law had protected our child as a human, Michael and I would have been a lot more careful. Michael and I would not have considered aborting. Michael and I would have a little baby right now, and we’d be together. I believe Michael was numbed, dumbed down, and disconnected because of his drug habits. I fell into it with him. I believe that if Michael was clean, he’d be a great father. I wonder where his head is at now, and I wonder if he’ll ever see things my way.”

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 125 Afterword Stories like Jeanie’s are why I wrote this book. I weep for Jesus at the cross every month. I never understood what his sacrifice meant, until it dawned upon me. I am angry, and I am hopeful that one day abortion will no longer be percieved as a necesity, that it will be abolished, that women will be honored, that fathers will be present, that life will be cherished. I’m not here to promote victimhood or religion, but to bring some reality and groundedness into the situation, so that men can keep in mind that when a woman tells a man she wants a commitment, it’s for the protection of her wellbeing, of their children, the continuation of his genetics, and the beauty that a life well-tended can bring into the world. This book is for the life-affirming woman who loves children, who believes fathers should be present, delighted and supportive, and who believes that all life, including her own and the potential one that is conceived in love, is meaningful at all stages. My aim is that, as she reads these words, she can meditate on the feelings and insights that may arise within her, so that she can gain a deeper understanding of herself, her situation, and that she can continue to grow beautifully and be a source of light for others. This book is also for the authentic man who wishes to understand himself, women, and life on a deeper level, who has a drive to build a legacy and a better society. My hope is that he will gain a more tender compassion for himself and for women, a more grounded appreciation of the bond between men and women, so that he too can make

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 126 empowered and life-affirming choices in his love life and beyond, and be an influence of light for others. My hope is that this book has been a sort of comprehensive manual on life-affirming dating practices and philosophies. The intention is to bring light to our unconscious behaviors, to reduce the incidence of antagonistic, coercive, and manipulative sexual tactics that both men and women engage in, to reduce the incidence of unwanted pregnancies, and to eliminate the perceived need for and use of medically unnecessary abortions. The book has lightly touched upon the role of alcohol, drugs and healthcare paradigms in relation to the predominant narratives of dating and sex in the West. The goal is to become aware of these dynamics, and improve upon our blindspots so we can transcend and bring greater joy into our lives. The abortion abolition I call for is NOT in relation to the instances in which there are issues with fetal development or the pregnancy is deemed unviable. It is about instances in which a healthy child is concieved within some type of conensual sexual dynamic, with mutual understanding of the potential consequences of fucking, whether the resulting pregnancy was consciously intended or not. I have decided not to suggest solutions through extensive legislative changes, though abolishing aboriton would be a significant deterrent toward impulsive sexual behavior on part of women, and a significant deterrent for couples considering cutting their child’s life short. Compelling to kill, and killing, should be a criminal offense. Coercion through threat of abandonment must be addressed on a personal, intimate level. Fatherlessness is the biggest indicator of delinquency, abandonment issues, and at the root of many of America’s modern problems.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 127 The teachings in this book promote self-responsibility, discernment, maturity, integrity, and awareness. I hope men and women will apply the suggestions provided for operating within the current sexual narrative in the United States and other Western nations, which is one of “choice.” The human suffering brought about by coercion, abortion, and fatherlessness is not ameliorated by mere “choice”. It’s time to explore and integrate the anatomy of humane choice, from the first eye-fuck to the bedroom, making Heaven of our time on Earth.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 128 THE END

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 129 Connect With the Author Email: [email protected] Instagram: @natvivoni Leave a Review If you enjoyed 9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity, leave a review on your platform of choice to help spread the message far and wide.

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 130 References [Coming Soon]

Vivoni/9 Tenets of Good Sex and Sanity/ 131 Further Readings and Other Resources Books: Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life By Telling the Truth - Brad Blanton Levels of Energy - Fred Dodson Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High - Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler Power of Grace: Recognizing Unexpected Gifts on Our Path - David Richo The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now - Meg Jay The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us - Ross A. Rosenberg Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Aboriton Addict - Irene Vilar Channels, Websites and Podcasts: Elly Arrow (Prostitution Abolitionist / Nordic Model Advocate) - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWlLdZ24IfDIPxth02Nt8Xg Owen Cook (Attraction and High Status Communication Coach) - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCD4xqm6vJ3K4ntppsE1jL4g Abortion Abolition - https://freethestates.org/