Smartlife - January 2017

www.smartlifesefton.co.uk The Magazine For Southport Smarties Follow Us On Facebook: Smartlife Sefton A New Chapter, New Verse, or just the same Old Story? Follow Us on Twitter: @smartlifesefton Ultimately you write it. Email: [email protected] The choice is yours.” Smartlife contains self-help articles for Mental and Physical Health. The information is not advice, and should not be treated as such. You must not rely on the information in Smartlife as an alternative to Legal, Medical, Financial or any other advice from an appropriately qualified professional. If you have any specific questions about any Legal, Medical, Financial or any other matter you should consult an appropriately qualified professional. If you think you may be suffering from any Medical Condition you should seek immediate Medical Attention. You should never delay seeking Medical Advice, disregard Medical Advice, or discontinue Medical Treatment because of information in Smartlife. You should never delay seeking Legal Advice, Disregard Legal Advice, or Commence or Discontinue any Legal Action because of information in Smartlife.40

Welcome to Smartlife 7. Using a Recovery Program to try to become perfect. Most of our life has been spent trying to be perfect. This has Smartlife is the new magazine designed for the people who been a fruitless goal. Instead we need to learn how to attend SMART Recovery in Southport. The magazine is free for become more human. regular Smarties (people who attend SMART regularly) . 8. Confusing Self-Concern with Selfishness. Self-concern is I produce this magazine alone at the moment by using articles different from selfishness. It does not exclude others; it that I have found while surfing! I would like to get some more is inclusive. Part of our self is concerned with cooperating people involved with doing this so that the magazine would be with and pleasing others. These desires are natural and more consistent at being produced every two months, where at healthy, when they are balanced with personal integrity. the moment if something from the universe blocks my way I loose direction and the magazine suffers and everything goes 9. Playing futile self-improvement games. Recovery back to stage 1 instead of bounding forward like it should be, or requires honesty. Playing games with ourselves is I would like it to. dishonest and doesn’t address our problems. It is instead a sophisticated strategy to avoid dealing with our If you think that you could help me by contributing articles, problems. Avoidance is ultimately destructive to the puzzles, recipes, quotations, pictures, poems – anything you’d process of recovery. like to share please email: [email protected], or via www.smartlifesefton.co.uk or on Facebook, messages can be 10. Not getting help for relationship troubles. Dysfunctional left on both sites. It’s not just contributors that are needed but relationships are one of the top three causes of relapse. also people that could help with researching and generally looking for stuff to go into the magazine, any help will be 11. Believing that life should be easy. Life is difficult. The gratefully received. sooner we are initiated into this reality, the sooner we learn how to deal with life on its terms rather than waste Feedback about the magazine will be gratefully received as long our time looking for the easy way. as it’s not abusive and is being given with good intentions. 12. Using a Recovery Program to handle everything. I hope you enjoy reading it and some how it helps you along the Recognizing our need for additional help is an indication way. Good Luck with your journey that we are working a good program. Best Regards 39 Lesley Rimmer SMART Recovery Facilitator2

12 Things That Mess Up Inside This Issue: RECOVERY Welcome To Smartlife 2 Avoiding Relapse through Self-Awareness and Right Action Inside This Issue 31. Believing addiction to one substance is the only problem. 4 Tips to Help You Do What Matters in a Self-Kind Way 4-72. Believing sobriety will fix everything. Recovery begins Recipe: Minced Beef Goulash 8 with breaking the bonds of addiction. But this is only the first step on a long journey. Recovery is ultimately about Start Over 9 recovering our spiritual, or true, self. Local Spy Club (Puzzle) 103. Pursuing recovery with less energy than pursuing addiction. We should pursue recovery with the same Chit-Chat-Catch Up 11 tenacity and enthusiasm that we had when we were drinking or using other drugs. 8 Techniques for Self-Acceptance 12-154. Being selectively honest. Recovery requires rigorous If You Think You Are Beaten 16 honesty. No less will work. We are as sick as we are secretive. Recovery is like a salvage operation… we are Famous Poet (Puzzle) 17-18 recovering our lost self. The Butterfly 185. Feeling special and unique. Humility is the spiritual foundation of recovery. To feel worthy, we do not need Avoidance Hierarchy 19 to be unique. People who do best in recovery are those who surrender and follow suggestions. Bertie The Beagle 20-216. Not making amends. To develop a strong spiritual Avoiding Bitterness – The True Cost of Resentment 22-24 foundation for recovery, it is essential that we accept full responsibility for our harmful and hurtful behaviour and The Rat Race 25 that we attempt to repair the damage that we have caused in our relationships with family, friends and loved SMART Recovery 26-31 ones. A Little Boy’s Meeting with God 32-3338 Urge Surfing: Beat Cravings and Relapse with a Mindfulness 34-36 Technique SMART Recovery Meetings 36-37 12 Things That Mess Up RECOVERY 38-39 3

Go Easy on Yourself: SMART RECOVERY MEETINGS4 Tips to Help You Do What Matters in aSelf-Kind Way atby Henrik Edberg SOUTHPORT COMMUNITY “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, FIRE STATION deserve your love and affection.” Buddha ALBERT ROAD SOUTHPORT PR9 0LH “People throw away what they could have by insisting on SUNDAY at 2:30pm perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where and they will never find it.” FRIDAY at 6:30pm Edith Schaeffer DOOR IS OPENOne common way to get things done, to achieve and to FOR HALF AN HOURmotivate yourself is to be kind of hard on yourself. BEFORE THE MEETINGTo set very high standards for yourself that you want to stick to NO LATECOMERS ORevery time. PEOPLE UNDER THE INFLUENCENow, this way of going about things can indeed help you to ALLOWED.accomplish big things in your life and to get things done everyweek. 37But it comes at a price.Three negative things about taking this position towardsyourself are: You Tear Your Self-Esteem Down. As you achieve things you tend to tear down your own self-esteem at the same time. So you feel less and less like you deserve success.4

Pick one area in your body that seems most affected by And frustration and being angry can become more and moresensations of craving and focus deeply on these sensations common as you fail to reach those very high standards.as they pass by. To keep your mind from wandering,describe the sensations you experience in your chosen part  You Suck The Fun And Excitement Out Of Things. A hardof the body as they arise (for example \"my arm is kind ofitchy, now it’s almost like a pins-and-needles sensation just or harsh attitude towards yourself has a tendency to makebelow my elbow in my inner arm…It feels warm too now…\") things that used to be fun and exciting less and less so. This attitude does instead over time turn those things into justNext move to another affected part of the body and repeat work that you may start to dread because you fear failure orthe focused attention there, and then repeat with another not meeting your high standards.part of the body. After a while, you will notice that thecraving will have passed by.  You’ll Perform Worse And Worse. As your self-esteem goesBy learning a new way to experience cravings you learn a down you’ll feel less motivated to tackle the tasks andvaluable skill in overcoming them, and as you learn to projects in your life. As the fun and excitement goes out ofexperience your cravings in a mindful way, without judging many of the things you do procrastination tends to becomeand without giving in, you will find that in time the frequency more and more common. Plus, the work you put in becomesand intensity with which you experience them will diminish. less energetic and focused and so the results aren’t that good anymore either. SMART RECOVERY I used to take the harder and harsher path. It did help in some MEETINGS ways. But it wasn’t worth it.TUESDAY and SATURDAY So what can you do if you feel that you are maybe too hard on yourself or you beat yourself up quite often? 10:30am-12:00am Here are 4 tips that helped me to become kinder towards AMBITION SEFTON myself, to get more of the most important things done and to 8 CHURCH STREET feel better about myself and my life. SOUTHPORT PR9 0QT 1. Remind Yourself Of The Negative Effects Of This Attitude.36 To just remind yourself of how damaging being hard on yourself has been is in my experience a very effective way to replace the old habit with going easier on yourself. 5

2. Go For More Human And Smarter Standards For Yourself. Cravings very rarely last for longer than half an hour and areMovies, books and the people around you may push standards generally briefer in duration.on you that are just pure fantasy or some kind of perfect dream. The trick is to forget fighting or suppressing cravings butBut life is life, not a fantasy or dream and to set such extremely instead to learn a technique that asks you to experience ahigh standards that no one can live up to just leads to what you craving fully so that you rob that craving of its power overmay see as failure and disappointment in yourself and in your you.life. MindfulnessInstead, relax a bit and accept that everything and everyone has Urge surfing is a relapse prevention technique based on theflaws and things don’t always go as planned. principles of mindfulness meditation. By paying great attention to what a craving feels like, by maintainingAccept that you can still improve things but they will never be awareness on the craving on a second by second basis andperfect. by avoiding passing value judgments about what you are experiencing (this is good, this is terrible, this will never endAnd realize that you won’t be rejected if things or you aren’t etc.) you learn to ride over waves of cravings and you robperfect. At least not by reasonably well-balanced human beings, these cravings of much of their power.like most people actually are in reality. To get started with urge surfing try these three steps:3. Focus On The Positive And Helpful Feedback In Setbacks.It is very common to be hard on yourself when you make a When you feel, a craving coming on,mistake or fail. sit down in a comfortable chair (ideally in a place where you won’tBut it is also a very destructive habit because it can magnify one be disturbed), put your feet flat onsuch event into something that makes you feel depressed for the floor and take a few deepweeks or makes you quit altogether. breaths to relax yourself. Close your eyes and look inward into yourSo when you are hard on yourself for a failure or mistake then body. Try to feel where in yourrelax a bit and go a bit easier on yourself. Remind yourself of body you experience sensations ofwhy this is a much better strategy to keep the motivation and cravings and describe to yourselfself-esteem up. what these cravings feel like in different parts of your body (for6 example \"I feel a tightness in my legs and my stomach is kind of jumpy…\"). 35

Urge Surfing: Beat Cravings and And ask yourself: What is one thing I can I learn from this situation?Relapse with a Mindfulness Technique How can I use what I learn from this to not make the same mistake again and to move forward in a smarter way?Trying to ignore or suppress your cravings doesn’t work verywell – the more you try not to think about having that drink 4. Celebrate Your Small Steps Of Progress.or hit, invariable the more you do think about it! If you are in the habit of only celebrating when you reach a big milestone or a perfect moment or two, then you may lose yourSo, you don’t ignore them… you fight them, right? motivation and feel like you are never happy or arriving where you want to be.Well, battling against your cravings doesn’t always work that So make a habit ofwell either. Sometimes your cravings are just too strong for celebrating your smallyou to fight, and you relapse. Other times you are able to daily and weeklyresist your urges for a while, but you find yourself spending a successes too.lot of time and energy each day engaged in an internal back This will help you toand forth debate about whether or not to give in to your keep the soul-tiringcravings – it’s like by resisting your cravings you feed them monotony away andwith your mental energy and in response they grow stronger help you to stayand occur with more frequency. enthusiastic instead of getting more and moreSo, if fighting against the craving doesn’t always work either unmotivated until you- what can you do?! may even consider quitting halfway to thatTry just going with your cravings using a mindfulness big milestone.technique known as urge surfing and you might find thatthough you still experience cravings, they no longer have the 7power over you they once did and you can literally glide overand down a craving as naturally as if you were surfing awave on the ocean.Urge SurfingAs the intensity of a craving builds it feels like it is going tokeep on getting worse and if you don’t give in to it, it will lastforever. In fact, if you can just wait it out it will peak inintensity after a few minutes and then gradually subside intonothingness; just as a wave crests and falls.34

Minced Beef Goulash As it grew dark, the boy realised how tired he was, and he got up to leave but before he had gone more than a About this recipe: A simple, yet incredibly hearty few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old woman Hungarian-inspired meal. Sautéed minced beef is and gave her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile simmered with macaroni, tomatoes, paprika, chilli ever. When the boy opened the door to his own house a and garlic. Enjoy with fresh bread. short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. Ingredients Method She asked him, “What did you do today that made you Serves: 4 In large saucepan, brown so happy?” He replied, “I had lunch with God.” But, 450g Lean Minced Beef beef, drain off any fat. before his mother could respond, he added, “You know 160g Macaroni what? She’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever Add tomatoes, onions, garlic, seen!” paprika, chilli powder, Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, 1kg Whole Plum Peeled macaroni and tomato puree, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look Tomatoes if desired. of peace on her face and he asked, 2 Teaspoons Paprika “Mother, what did you do today that 1 Tablespoon Chilli Powder Add water, a tablespoon at a made you so happy?” She replied, “I 80g Chopped Onion time, if mixture seems too ate Smarties in the park with God.” dry. But, before her son responded, she added, “You know, he’s Simmer until macaroni is much younger than tender. I expected.” 1 Clove Garlic, Finely Eat and Enjoy! Moral of The Story: Chopped God is everywhere. We just need to share 170g Tomato Puree our happiness and (Optional) make others smile to feel him.8 33

A Little Boy’s START OVER Meeting with God If you've started out in pursuit of your goal and you've tried with your heart and your soul, but somehow things got out of control --- Start There once was a little boy Over. who wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long When you've tried your best to do what you should and you thought trip to where God this time that you surely would, but once again, you didn't do well --- lived, so he packed Start Over. his suitcase with Smarties and a six- When you've worked so hard to find your way and you fought to win a pack Tango and victory each day, but one more time you went astray --- Start Over. started his journey. When he had gone When you've tried so hard to succeed and do the things that you know about quarter of a you should do, but once again you failed to come through -- Start Over. mile, he met an old woman. She was When the road to success seemed much too long and each thought of sitting in the park just failing was oh so strong and once again you gave in to wrong --- Start staring at some pigeons. Over. The boy sat down next to her When you've told your friends what you planned to do and trusted and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a them to help you through but soon discovered it's up to you --- Startdrink from his Tango when he noticed that the old lady Over.looked hungry, so he offered her some Smarties. Shegratefully accepted them and smiled at him. Her smile When you know, you must be strong, but your hope seems gone andwas so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he you're stuck in a pit that's not the time for you to quit --- start overoffered her a Tango. Once again she smiled at him. Theboy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating When the week seems long and successes few and you feel it’s theand smiling, but they never said a word. end and you're feeling blue, remember tomorrow is another day - -- Start Over.32 To start again means a victory's been won and starting over again means a race well run and starting over again proves it can be done So don't just sit there --- Start Over 9

Local Spy Club SMART Recovery isn’t designed to be a lifetime pro- gram – it’s designed to be used as a learning program The local spy club have a special code that takes months to a few years to complete. 12-step which allows members into the programs are life-long programs of support. specially hidden venue. You will not get a sponsor in SMART Recovery. When the spy turns up he utters a There is no labelling (alcoholic, for example) in SMART random number into the speaker, say Recovery 11, the speaker replies 6, to which the Remember: spy answers 3. This special sequence allows the spy in. People who get involved with mutual self-help groups A foreign spy discovered the location of the club but he tend to have better outcomes. didn't have access to the special code. During the There is no \"single right way to recover\" – just a evening, he took note of the codes used by the spies who \"right-for-you way\". \"There are many pathways to gained access with the following results: recovery. Recovery is self-directed and empowering. 1, 3, 5 Recovery is supported by peers and allies. Recovery 27, 11, 6 happens when you recognise the need for change.\" 9, 4, 4 The spy thought he had cracked the code and bravely DAB * Online * Mobile uttered 16 into the speaker. The speaker replied 7. What was the spy's final answer? (Answer bottom of page) 31 Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory. George S. Patton10 Answer: 5. The speaker replies the length of the initial number.The spy must then answer with the length of this number. Hence SIXTEEN = 7, SEVEN = 5.

\"If I drink now I’ll feel better temporarily but I’ll feel Smartlife Seftonmuch worse tomorrow.\"By practicing the ABCDEs in everyday life you gain a Supporting Recovery in Seftonpowerful weapon against irrational andcounterproductive behaviours. Chit-Chat-Catch UpHow Does SMART Recovery Differ from AA?As a free, community-based self-help program, SMART Don’t Stay at Home Alone on aRecovery falls into the same support category as AA, NAand other 12-step programs. MONDAY and THURSDAYBut though similarities exist, SMART Recovery is asubstantially different program than those based on the CALL INTO THE HEART & SOUL CAFÉ12 Steps. AND JOIN US FOR A BREW AND A CHAT.Some primary differences between SMART Recoveryand 12-step programs include: 2:30pm– 4:00pmSMART Recovery focuses more on a scientificunderstanding of recovery while 12-step programs are The Heart and Soul Community Cafémore centred around spirituality. 5 Scarisbrick Avenue, Southport PR8 1NN12-step programs teach powerlessness againstaddiction and the need for a higher power. SMART DOG FRIENDLYRecovery provides tools that empower a person to makebehavioural changes. For More Information Contact: Lesley 0773492180312-step meetings frown on crosstalk. SMART Recovery PRICE LISTmeetings are based on crosstalk. Pot Of Tea: £1.2030 Filter Coffee: £1.50 Speciality Coffee: £2.50 Sandwiches Various Fillings: from £2.50 Soup of the Day & Roll: £3.00 And main meals under £5 11

8 Techniques for So: Self-Acceptance A - \"My co-worker took credit for my work\"Happiness is determined by our level of self-acceptance. That’s Leads to:something I’ve been learning and believe more and more, and B – Belief oriented thoughts like: \"I can’t believe thatas I’ve learned, it affects everything in our lives. they would do that to me. I’ll never get promoted now. I can’t stand getting treated like this. I need a drink andI’m going to share some techniques that will help you learn how after the way I was treated today I know I deserve it.\"to accept all of yourself — the “good” and the “bad”. A couple ofnotes, though: It’s B - what you think about A (the activating event) that leads to C - you getting angry and drunk.You don’t need to do these techniques all the time. Try one ortwo out, see if they help, then perhaps try another one or two, This is where D and E come into play.etc. Find what works for you. D = Disputing Your BeliefsThese are variations on a theme. Some of these may seem E = Find More Effective Beliefs To Replace Irrationalrepetitive, like they’re very like others on the list. That’s OK. They Onesare just slightly different ways of approaching things, and doingone for a week and then another similar one next week can So, given the example above D =help round out your understanding. \"It is only one small project. Though it is unfortunate that I did not get the credit I deserve it probably won’tThe Techniques affect my chances in the long run.\"Practice Relaxed Awareness. What is relaxed awareness? As \"I am really disappointed right now; I don't like getting treated like this but I can stand it.\"opposed to constant distraction, or concentrated focus, relaxedawareness is a soft consciousness of our thoughts, feelings, pain, \"I don’t need a drink; I just really want one.\"self-rating and judgment, etc. It’s an awareness of our existence,and the stream of phenomena that is occurring at this moment, And E =including thoughts and emotions and outside stimuli. To \"I am upset now but I will feel better tomorrow.\"practice: close your eyes for a minute, and instead of pushingthoughts away or trying to focus on your breath, just softly \"I do not want to drink, even though I feel like it rightnotice your thoughts and feelings and body. You might see now, because I am trying to remain abstinent.\"negative thoughts or emotions — that’s OK. Just notice them,watch them. 2912

You learn skills at meetings and you improve on them Don’t try to turn them into positive thoughts or push themthrough homework and daily practice exercises. away. You can do this practice for 5 minutes a day, or up to 30 minutes if you find it useful.Read on below for an example of a SMART RecoveryTool you’d learn with the program - the ABCs. Welcome What You Notice. When you practice relaxedThe ABCs and the ABCDEs awareness, you’ll notice things — negative thoughts, fears, happy thoughts, self-judgments, etc. We tend to want to stopProponents of Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (a the negative thoughts and feelings, but this is just a suppression,forerunner of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) believe an avoidance, a negating of the negative. Instead, welcomethat we can change our behaviours by changing the way these phenomena, invite them in for a cup of tea, give them awe think – and we can do this first by learning our hug. They are a part of your life, and they are OK. If you feel badABCs! about how you’ve been doing with exercise, that’s OK. Hug the bad feeling, comfort it, let it hang around for a while. They areThe ABCs: not bad, but are opportunities to learn things about ourselves.A = Activating Event (something happens) When we run from these “bad” feelings, we create more pain.B = Belief (what we think or believe about the Instead, see the good in them, and find the opportunity. Be OKactivating event) with them.C = Consequences (how we respond) Let Go Of Rating Yourself.Although we may think that activating events lead toconsequences, for example: Another thing you’ll notice, once you start to pay attention, is self-A - \"My co-worker took the credit for my work.\" rating. We rate ourselves compared to others, orLeads to: rate ourselves as “good”C – \"I got so angry. I stopped at pub/store and bought a or “bad” at differentbottle of wine.\" things, or rate ourselves as flabby or tooA doesn’t cause C, A only causes B – and its B which skinny or ugly.causes C… which is a good thing, because though you This is not a verycan't change how the world treats you, you can change useful activity. Thathow you think about the world! doesn’t mean to let it go, but just to notice it, and28 see what results from it. 13

After realising that self-rating repeatedly causes you pain, you’ll The recovery program is based on scientific principlesbe happy to let it go, in time. and evolves as scientific understanding evolves.Gratitude Sessions. Wake up in the morning and think Many of the exercises are based on Motivational Interviewing Techniques and Cognitive Behaviouralabout what you’re grateful for. Include things about yourself. If Therapy.you failed at something, what about that failure are yougrateful for? If you aren’t perfect, what about your There is no formal religious or spiritual component toimperfection can you be grateful for? Feel free to journal about SMART Recovery, though many group members willthese things each day, or once a week if that helps. hold private beliefs.Compassion & Forgiveness For Yourself. As you notice The SMART system teaches recovery tools for behaviour change. In support meetings, you discuss and practicejudgments and self-rating, see if you can turn them into these tools and skills.forgiveness and compassion. If you judge yourself for notdoing well at something, or not being good enough at SMART Recovery is a non-profit entity and meetings aresomething, can you forgive yourself for this, just as you might free.forgive someone else? Can you learn to understand why youdid it, and see that ultimately you don’t even need forgiveness? Southport has 4 meetings at 2 different venues - theIf we seek to understand, we realise that we did the best we Southport Community Fire Station (Sunday at 2pm andcould, given our human-ness, environment, what we’ve Friday at 6pm) and at Ambition Sefton (Tuesday andlearned and practiced, etc. And so we don’t need to forgive, Saturday at 10:30am).but instead to understand, and seek to do things that mightrelieve the pain. SMART Program Foundations SMART Recovery is based on a 4-Point Program:Learn From All Parts. We tend to try to see our successes as Building And Maintaining Motivationgood, and the failures as bad, but what if we see that Coping With Urgeseverything is something to learn from? Even the dark parts — Managing Thoughts, Feelings And Behaviour’sthey are parts of us, and we can find interesting and useful Living A Balanced Lifethings in them too. To improve yourself across these 4 domains, you learnSeparate From Your Emotions. When you are feeling new skills and ways of thinking about yourself and the world.negative emotions, see them as a separate event, not a part ofyou, and watch them. Remove their power over you by 27thinking of them not as commandments you must follow orbelieve in, but rather passing objects, like a leaf floating past14

In Addiction Recovery, people who get involved with you in the wind. The leaf doesn’t control you, and neither docommunity self-help programs tend to have better negative emotions.outcomes than those who go it alone. Talk To Someone. This is one of my favourite techniques. WeAA and NA are two of the best-known community self-help groups, but not everyone feels comfortable with get so in our heads that it’s difficult to separate our thoughtsthe 12-step program and its spiritual underpinnings or and emotions, to see things clearly. Talking through these issuesdisease model philosophy. with another person — a friend, spouse, co-worker — can help you to understand yourself better. Use the talking techniqueFortunately, you have other options and many together with one of the above techniques.pathways can lead to lasting recovery. If the 12 Steps As you learn self-acceptance, realise that it is always available todon’t feel right, SMART Recovery is another support you, and you can have it no matter what you do. You can learn,group to consider. create interesting things, make connections with others, with self-acceptance at the centre of that. I feel that it can changeWhat Is SMART Recovery? everything you do, if you practice.SMART Recovery is a free, community, science-basedmutual self-help program for people seeking abstinence 15from drugs, alcohol or non-substance addictions.So, if you don’t want to be heading to a free AAmeeting, you might consider trying a free SMARTRecovery meeting. Best plan is to try both. There is noproblem with attending both meetings.SMART Recovery Quick FactsSMART Recovery is designed to help people strugglingwith any kind of addiction and can also be useful foranybody’s Mental Health.26

If You Think You Are Beaten The Rat Race If you think you are beaten, you are. So, you work from nine to five or eight to four If you think you dare not, you don't. If you’re really unlucky you work some more If you like to win but think you can't, Then as you work, your day comes to its end You dash to town and have a good spend. It's almost a cinch you won't. There’s all you need at your fingertips If you think you'll lose, you're lost. From fashionable clothes to burger and chips When you’ve had enough of the busy street For out in the world we find You stagger home to rest your feet. Success begins with a fellow's will. Then of course, you socialise if given the chance Discos, movies or dinner and dance It's all in the state of mind. Life can be fun but each day is, much the same If you think you are out classed, you are. Little hope of adventure or claim to fame. You've got to think high to rise. There has to be more to You've got to be sure of your-self before life than living like this Why not find out, You can ever win the prize. and give The Rat Race Life's battles don't always go a miss! To the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later, the man who wins 25 Is the man who thinks he can. STARTING TODAY, I NEED TO FORGET WHAT’S GONE, APPRECIATE WHAT STILL REMAINS, AND LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT'S COMING NEXT.16

 Secondly, consider how you're doing at not forming new Famous Poet resentments today. It's never made sense to me to go digging for past resentments if we continue to live in such a way as to When complete, each of the seven rows will contain a develop new ones today. common seven-letter word.The key to not developing new resentments is to deal with things All the words have the same third letter, and all theas they happen. Through the course of recovery, we become more words have the same fifth letter (and is not the same asaware of what we're feeling and what we need. We learn to set limits the third letter).and boundaries with others to ensure that we are protective ofourselves and to let others know when they hurt us. The first column will give you the name of a famous poet.Do I Have to Forgive? (Answer bottom of page)Many of us get hung up on the idea that releasing resentment HR Ymeans we have to forgive those who hurt us. I have learned thatforgiveness can be selfish. If I forgive those who harmed me in the T RDpast, I am not in any way condoning what they did. I am not sayingit was okay. I am saying that I am sick and tired of feeling hurt or MR Dangered by them. E RDI've also learned that the hardest person to forgive is me.Maintaining resentments against myself was an unhealthy form of NX Tself-control. The prospect of forgiving myself left me fearful that Imight repeat past mistakes. I have learned that self-acceptance and O TEforgiveness offer me far greater self-control. PN L Life is very interesting... in the end, some of your greatest pains, If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. become your greatest strengths. Go out and get busy. Drew Barrymore Dale Carnegie24 Answer: Therapy, Steward, Emerald, Leeward, Inexact, Operate, Toenail. The poet is T. S. Eliot. 17

The Butterfly I have consistently found that becoming free of the past holistically improves health.When he was a small boy, he had loved butterflies. Oh, not to net andmount them, but to wonder at their designs and habits. Letting GoNow a grown man with his first son to be born in a few weeks, he We're afraid to let things go because that means we have to bringfound himself once again fascinated with a cocoon. He had found it at them out into the open. Many of us remain afraid of expressingthe side of the park path. Somehow the twig had been knocked from our negative emotions because we've always associated them withthe tree and the cocoon had survived undamaged and still woven to unhealthy behaviour. We learned as children that when people arethe branch. hurt or angry they behave hurtfully.As he had seen his mother do, he gently protected it by wrapping it in We came to not only deny ourselves the right to express ourhis handkerchief and carried it home. The cocoon found a temporary emotions, but many of us do not even tolerate feeling them.home in a wide-top mason jar with holes in the lid. The jar was placedon the mantle for easy viewing and protection from their curious cat Counsellors call it \"dissonance\". It means we maintain distancewho would delight in volleying the sticky silk between her paws. between what we know and what we feel through avoidance.The man watched. His wife's interest lasted only a moment, but he We slowly come to accept that we cannot run from ourselvesstudied the silky envelope. Almost imperceptibly at first, the cocoon without paying a high price. It gets harder as we go because themoved. He watched more closely and soon the cocoon was trembling weight is cumulative. There comes a time for each of us when wewith activity. Nothing else happened. The cocoon remained tightly can no longer run or hide. I encourage folks to act before thisglued to the twig and there was no sign of wings. happens. Doing this work with a counsellor or sponsor is much more manageable when we choose to than when we're forced to.Finally, the shaking became so intense, the man thought the butterflywould die from the struggle. He removed the lid on the jar, took a Resentments and Resolution in Recoverysharp pen knife from his desk drawer, and carefully made a tiny slit inthe side of the cocoon. Almost immediately, one wing appeared and Looking at both our shortcomings and the skeletons in our closetsthen outstretched the other. The butterfly was free! could lead many of us toward relapse. My advice to those approaching this part of the journey is twofold:It seemed to enjoy its freedom and walked along the edge of the ma-son jar and along the edge of the mantle. But it didn't fly. At first the  First, make sure you have an excellent support system in placeman thought the wings needed time to dry, but time passed and still and that you're accessing them frequently. You'll need them tothe butterfly did not take off. deal with the skeletons and the changes you seek to make.18 23

Avoiding Bitterness – The man was worried and called up his neighbour who taught high school science. He told the neighbour how he had found the cocoon, The True Cost of Resentment placed it in the mason jar, and the terrible trembling as the butterfly struggled to get out. When he described how he had carefullyResentment is best understood as pain and/or anger that we carry made a small slit in the cocoon, the teacher stopped him.with us from the past. Its what folks refer to as their \" baggage.\" \"Oh, that is the reason. You see, the struggle is what gives the butterfly the strength to fly.\"By taking up room in our hearts and mind, resentment can limit ourperspectives and what we allow ourselves to receive in the here And so, it is with us. Sometimes it's theand now, including good relationships. In this light, the past is struggles in life that strengthen us thenever truly over. As from time to time we relive it. most.Resentments can be triggered when what we're experiencing Author Unknownconnects us to feelings we've buried. We feel overwhelmed whenthis occurs: Sometimes a memory surfaces and at other times we Avoidance Hierarchycan't make the connection, we only know that our emotions aredisproportionate to what we're faced with. If we choose not to Construct a ladder of places or situations that you avoid. At the top of therelease and seek resolution, we create a cycle of triggering and re- ladder put those which make you most anxious. At the bottom of the ladderstuffing. put places or situations you avoid, but which don’t bother you as much. In the middle of the ladder put ones that are ‘in-between’. Give each item a ratingResentment Is Toxic from 0-100% according to how anxious you would feel if you had to be in that situation.\"HOLDING ON TO RESENTMENT IS LIKE DRINKING POISON ANDEXPECTING THE OTHER PERSON TO DIE.\" Overcome your anxiety by approaching these situations, starting from the bottom of the ladder.Resentment can create and perpetuate unhealthy expectations,insecurities, and fears. It becomes part of the lens through which SITUATION ANXIETYwe judge others and ourselves. (0-100%)In a sense, resentment is almost literally toxic: 19 Burying feelings often culminates in anxiety Anxiety has a negative impact on the body (most notably within the gastro intestinal system)22

Bertie The Beagle Now 5 months old the little guy is maturing Welcome to Bertie the very well although very Beagle the place where you mischievous just like can enjoy a bit of doggy puppies should be. Fully humour and visit interesting vaccinated and places with Bertie the learning simple Beagle, Smartlife Seftons 4- commands like sit, stay, legged mascot. here, Bertie is well onto his way to being able to Born on Monday 8th August go out and about to Bertie at 5 months old the lemon and white Beagle interesting places. puppy is one of seven Bertie at 3 weeks old puppies born. All were male One place that you can meet Bertie and experience a little pups, six were tri-colour and bit of puppy therapy is the Heart and Soul Community Café one was lemon and white. on Scarisbrick Ave, Southport on a Monday and Thursday afternoon.Two weeks later my father took me to see the puppies. Thelady fetched two puppies for us to see one tri-colour and Pick up the next issue of Smartlife to see what adventuresthe other lemon and white, both looked like fully grow this Beagle has been up to.Guinea Pigs and very light in colour. After a chat it wasdecided that I would stake a claim on the lemon and white The Word Beagleone and his name was going to be Bertie. Beagle Means \"Loudmouth\" in French Beagles are known for being very vocal, with barking, bayingI visited Bertie a couple more times to get some photographs and howling. According to Paw Nation:of him as a very young pup and the left it for three weeks \"In fact, it is believed the name 'Beagle' comes the Middlebefore going to pick him up to bring him home. French 'bee gueule,' literally 'wide throat,' but more poetically translated as 'loudmouth.'\"20 21