Back Street Heroes Issue 459, July 2022

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I’M SURE YOU KNOW ALREADY THAT THE NCC, THE NATIONAL CHOPPER CLUB, HOLD FOUR MAJOR RUNS A YEAR, ONE ON EACH OF THE FOUR UK BANK HOLIDAYS. THEY’RE TO VARIOUS DIFFERENT PLACES AROUND THE COUNTRY, HOSTED BY DIFFERENT COUNTIES (THE CLUB’S ORGANISED INTO COUNTIES – HERTS, BEDS, BUCKS, SHROPS, ETC.), AND ONE’S OFTEN TO PARTS FURTHER AFIELD, TOO (WALES, SCOTLAND, IRELAND, BELGIUM, HOLLAND, GERMANY, NORWAY, AND EVEN MACEDONIA).

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D uring my time working for A.N. Other hoped I’d be asked back one day (us bike journos’re like magazine, I was invited by the late, vampires, y’see*, we have to be invited in) so, when, last lamented Muz (RIP) of NCC Suffolk to year, Knocker from Essex invited me to the Club’s Easter their 40th anniversary bash at their own Weekend run that Essex were hosting at Cublington, I piece of land at Cublington in Bucks, and wasn’t going to miss it for the world. to this day it’s still probably the most professional set up for a weekend biker party outside Now, traditionally, the Easter Run has a reputation for of, say, Faro I’ve seen. I had a really good weekend (as the weather not being, how shall I put this, clement – in someone into custom bikes it was like being a kid in a the past they’ve had frost, snow, rain, hail, etc., but this sweetshop – it took me more than an hour just to walk year the weekend of our Lord Jesus’ return to the world across the bike park to put me tent up!), and always (or the festival of the pre-Christian goddess, Eostre, who was celebrated at the beginning of spring, take your 56 JULY 2022 *cept without the dislike of garlic and the aversion to sunshine

pick) was wonderfully balmy (during the day anyway, it headed for the bar – it probably only took me 20 minutes were still a bit nippy at night, lad) – the sun definitely of motorcycular distractions to walk the 100 yards or so shone on the righteous. to it, not a bad time I thought. I rocked up on the silly-sided Bandit on the Saturday, Saturday evening for the Club is traditionally patch and after being at Santa Pod on the Friday (see the article long-service awards night, and it was this I was looking elsewhere this issue), only got mildly lost (no sat-nav forward to seeing. Awardees ride their bikes on to the aboard the Bandit), and was welcomed by the Kent crew stage to get their patches, y’see, and although I’d long who were running the gate. BHS (snigger) pass in hand, I seen it done in photos in BSH over the years, I’d never searched for a likely spot to pitch, and ended up next to actually witnessed it in the flesh. The process starts with Andy and Marcy from Bucks who I’d met before, and so the playing of what’s become the Club anthem, Uprising warned them about my snoring. Tiny wee tent erected by Muse, and then as each rides on to the stage, just as at (lovely bike, the Bandit, but you can’t carry sh*t on it), I Faro, a different bit of ‘theme’ music’s played. Everyone

in the crowd’s behind it, and the atmosphere, as the Thankfully, as the bar at Club events doesn’t appear to front diamond lads get their back patches, and the old shut (I was talking to a guy at about 6pm who said he was hands get their long-service patches, is probably the on the 4-10 shift – that’s 4am to 10am), I was under the most emotional, feel-good atmosphere I’ve felt at a bike impression that the run out to Leighton Buzzard the next do. Two guys I knew, Knocker and Jimy from London, day left at 10am so stopped drinking (reasonably) sensibly were getting their big diamonds, and Mark from Surrey early, and wobbled only a tad unsteadily off to bed. It (whose bike we featured not too long ago) was getting actually (wisely) didn’t leave until 1pm, but I’m rather glad I his 10-year (and Porky his 40 year!) – congratulations to all didn’t know that, y’know? of them. There was also a band Saturday night, too, but I was so busy talking to people I knew they didn’t really By the time it’d formed up I was 100 yards down the register… sorry chaps! road, 10 mega-pixel daguerreotype in hand, and for 58 JULY 2022 the next half-an-hour or so I stood there, clicking away

as one top class custom bike (and trike) after another once the run’d returned, but there should be a pic’ of flashed past me. The run was something like nine miles, the winning bikes together somewhere – long forks were ending up in Leighton Buzzard town centre, but as I was flavour of the day, definitely. well behind the main body by the time I’d packed up me I’d like to thank Knocker and Greg from Essex for the camera, I opted to head straight to town. By the time I invite, and to all the Club who went out of their way to be arrived the run’d already, pretty much, got there, and the so welcoming to a lone wolf (okay, so, not so much wolf…. Cricket Club’s car park was overflowing with choppers. It more French Bulldog puppy really) like me. was good to see Flav and the lads from Bucks, who were While the Bank Holiday runs are invite-only, there are running the ‘park, and also to meet the legendary Nige a whole load of NCC events up and down the land that Bamber, and I really don’t envy Dorset, in their stripey you can go along to, to see the bikes – look through our trousers, who were judging the custom show, their task at events listings (starting on page 82 this issue) or go to all. Sadly, a third job of the weekend meant I had to leave www.chopper-club.com/public-events NIK

DID YOU KNOW THAT WIMPY BARS, THE HIGH STREET RESTAURANTS SO MANY OF US GREW UP WITH (AND THEIR AMUSINGLY NAMED ‘BENDER IN A BUN – STILL ONE OF THE GREATEST COMEDY PRODUCT NAMES EVER), DISAPPEARED IN THE LATE ‘80s/EARLY ‘90s BECAUSE THEY WE6R0 E BOUGHTJU,LYA202N2 D REBRANDED, BY BURGER KING? NO, NOR DID I.

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I, personally, have fond memories of the Wimpy is from an AJS EOS 125, and is far more sexy and swoopy than in Newmarket in Suffolk being, as it was, the you’d expect any stock 125’s tank to be; the oil-cooler’s from a place I used to have to hang out when I were Mini Cooper as they’re compact, efficient, and lots cheaper than a spotty yoof (something probably not helped a bike one’d be; the seat’s from the old faithful online auction by hanging around a place famous for selling house, as is the air-suspension unit burgers an’ chips actually now I come to think SPEC: beneath it (they have been having issues about it…) on pushbikes and ’peds ’cos I was a bit too obviously Suzuki Bandit 600 with it, and were talking about filling it young to go in the Rising Sun biker pub round the corner. Ah, engine (aftermarket with Tyre Weld, or similar, to try and the equally young (and probably equally spotty) girls I tried, and filters, Stage Three plug leaks); and the exhausts, made by failed, to get off with there… Dynojet kit, one- Gasoline Alley, are ceramic-coated to As I said, Wimpy Bars were famous for their Benders (yes, off ceramic-coated keep the heat down. you may snigger, you have my permission), but also for their exhausts, aftermarket Knickerbocker Glorys – a tall, layered ice cream sundae in windowed clutch Just about everything else was done a tall glass, eaten with a distinctive long spoon, made up of cover, Mini Cooper oil by Jimy, with help (no, not hindrance…) ice cream, cream, fruit and meringue, topped with different cooler, aftermarket from Terry – the actual building up, kinds of syrup, nuts, whipped cream, and often a cherry, lines), Gasoline Alley the modifying of parts that needed Speedshop HUC modifying, the electrics and, of course, Knicker Dropper frame, Suzuki GSX-R 1000 wheels/ and it’s probably these and, yes, the odd Bender, too, that’re brakes/forks/ the paint. The black base and silver responsible for my life-long racing snake figure. yokes (modified), flames were relatively simple, but the What, you may be wondering, does some fat bloke’s teenage aftermarket risers, Viking geezer, and all the knotwork, straight ‘bars, AJS desires, both for ice cream and, umm… other things, too, EOS 125 tank, have to do with the rather tasty (sorry…) Bandit 600 chop aftermarket sprung etc., was a lot more involved. They you see here in front of you? If you are wondering that, then seat, aftermarket rear decided on a Viking as Terry’s got quite I’m guessing you haven’t read the title of this article properly; mudguard, one-off into Norse culture of late, and the tank it doesn’t say ‘knickerbocker’, it says ‘knickerdropper’ – the battery box, one-off needed that little something, y’know? name of the frame, made by Gasoline Alley Speedshop (the Jimy’s powder-coaters of choice, RPA sissy-bar, one-off Bristol Motorcycle Powder Coating loom, aftermarket headlight/tail-light guys who took over the production of the Hard Up Choppers FINISH: Centre, blasted and baked the frame frames). The Knickerdropper, in case you’re not aware, is based Paint/flames/mural and any other parts that needed to be on their famous Wormburner, but’s two inches shorter in the by Jimy, powder- blacker than an MP’s soul and that, back to combat chain slap, and has a useful extra three inches coated by RPA Bristol pretty much, was that. of ground clearance. This particular one’s also been stretched Motorcycle Powder three inches in the backbone (as our American cousins’d put Coating Centre (0117 The Bandit’s been on the road it) to give it a slightly better stance. 9541 002 or www. for a few months now, and Terry’s bristolmotorcycle powdercoating.co.uk) done a couple of NCC runs on it. The chop, like Terry’s other bike, his VN800, was built by fellow ENGINEERING: It’s taken him a while to get used to NCC Londoner, Jimy – a man who, if you saw issue 448 about Frame/exhausts a hardtail after the plushness of the a year ago, you’ll know is a bit handy when it comes to building by Gasoline Alley VN, especially with the tribulations of (and painting!) customs, especially Suzuki oil-burner ones. Terry Speedshop (01303 the air-bag unit, but apart from that wanted something a little more hardcore than his VN, so he and 901164 or www. it rides beautifully, and sounds like Jim hatched a plan that involved said frame, a GSX-R1000 upside- the very Devil himself – in fact, the gasolineally speedshop.co.uk), bike built/all work by down front end and back wheel, and a host of choice aftermarket Jimy NCC London first words I said to him as he pulled parts, and stuff that Jim had lying around. The tank, for example, THANKS TO: up at Jim’s were: “Jeez, I bet your “Jimy for all his hard neighbours love you…” 64 JULY 2022 NIK work!”

VPAORLT. VV,I OYRI DOENLIUDAT’TVHSIEAVEYEFWLI‘NYTHRILSOYIHN’L.EEEDAI RTL…RAYUAGANNHDDINWKGEHAEETPNTTHHAIST, 1 MY original premise was that you could make doing it in the RAF in the ‘70s. It’s also fairly time-consuming, a set of girders using more or less ordinary and needed doing four times originally but, with the input hand tools, although ‘ordinary hand from the Bright Ideas Club of northern England, it became tools’ would include things like a surface a fairly basic exercise that needed doing 12 times… which is plate, a height gauge, and some reamers. tedious and leads to complaints. Somewhere along the way though, it’s become apparent that I’m probably going to need at least two At the same time, I broke my lathe some time ago and have more pairs of girders, and the tricky part of making these is yet to fix it, partly due to choice paralysis over the exact way the pivot tubes – you need four of identical length, the ends to go about it. The options’ve narrowed down to making need to be dead square, and the internal diameter needs to a new leadscrew or fitting a ballscrew and a DRO. In the be reamed to suit the bushes. That’s a fairly basic exercise in meantime, the lack of a functioning lathe’s been holding up a what my Dad calls ‘metal detail’ from his years as an aircraft few other projects, so if you’ve been following the Facebook apprentice in the ‘50s, and was called ‘metalwork’ when I was page, you might have seen that I bought a cheap Chinese lathe. I’ve heard all sorts of horror stories about them but, JULY 2022 65

VPAORLT.VVI on the other hand, there’re a lot of people on YouTube and from the chuck to the tailstock and, frankly, buying a 7”x10” elsewhere using them to good effect. After a certain amount or a 7”x12” because it ‘takes up less space on the bench’ is a of hunting around, I elected to buy a 7”x14” one from Vevor decision you’ll come to regret. (Fig.1) who advertise online – just do a search for ‘7x14 mini lathe’, and you’ll be plagued by their advertising for months It’s probably worth coming back to the subject of lathes to come. The various packages they sell are a little confusing, in more detail at some point, but the one thing I knew I was and the value of the add-ons is debatable. The main thing to going to need for the girder forks was a centre-steady. This is because the pivot tubes are 1¼” in diameter; the spindle 23 67 note is that it’s unlikely to cut steel straight out of the box, bore of the lathe is only around 7/8” (maybe 20mm?); the and you’ll need a certain level of knowledge before it will pivot tubes are going to be something over 8” long; and you but, essentially, once you’ve adjusted the gibs (slidey bits) for don’t really want to be machining anything without support the minimum of play, set the tool height and, if you’re using more than two-and-a-half to three of its diameters from the that nice set of brazed carbide tooling that you bought with chuck, and 8” is definitely more than 3¾”. The problem is it, you’ve put an edge on the tools with a diamond hone, that the available centre-steadies not only don’t look like it’ll happily cut steel. My 7”x14” was £390. I ordered it on a they’d cope with the 1¼” diameter of the pivot tubes, let Sunday, and it was delivered on the following Tuesday to give alone the two-and-a-bit inches OD for a headstock, but also you some idea. seem to be priced at around £70, and I’m reluctant to spend money at the best of times. One of the most valuable things you can have on a lathe is usable length, and it’s also one of the cheapest things you At this point let me add that I’d made a start on the jig for get when you’re buying a mini lathe. The 7” part refers to the forks, got the positions of the lengths sorted, and was the diameter of the biggest thing you can theoretically spin working on the widths when I realised the most accurate way in the chuck, while the other number relates to the distance to set that up was by machining the ends of the pivot tubes, 66 JULY 2022

knocking up some ally spacers, assembling it all on to a piece plug-welding it would keep any distortion down. The locating of 10 or 12mm bar, making some tabs to go on the end of that, piece was welded to the nut in the same way, and drilled and and welding the tabs to the jig, so I needed a centre-steady. tapped to M10x1.5mm (Fig.5), and the top plate drilled with a clearance hole for a fixing bolt. Centre-steadies either have brass ‘buttons’ that rub on the work to steady it, or small ball bearings on the end of some With the base made, I fitted a 3½” hole-saw in the lathe’s slotted steel fingers. I ordered some 8mm brass rod off the chuck, and measured the height above the base (Fig.6). A internet, and bought some 12mm threaded rod to make the bit later on I drew up the rest of it in Sketch up (Fig.7) – the 45 89 fingers. The idea is to drill the ends of the fingers at 6mm, shape might look a little over-involved, but it’s easy to mark and turn a 6mm shoulder on short lengths of brass to locate out accurate hexagons with a pair of dividers, and setting in the hole and be retained by a dab of grease. I made the the ‘fingers’ at 90 degrees to the centre of the edge of the foot of the centre-steady from 6mm steel plate, after taking hexagon means they’re pointing in the right direction. I cut some measurements off the bed of the lathe (Fig.2) – the out a 6”x6” square of 5mm plate, and marked a centre line topmost piece was cut to avoid the triangular way, and sits on it, then I sat it on the base with a welding magnet to keep on the flat surface of the lathe bed with 25mm hanging over it vertical, aligned the scribe mark with the pilot drill of the the flat rear edge of the bed; the locating piece was cut to hole-saw (Fig.8), and spun the chuck by hand to find the the same length, but sized to fit between the ways; a ‘nut’ centre for marking everything out. With that done, I could that went on the bottom of the locating piece which was scribe a circle from the point I’d just established, bisect the sized to clear the stiffeners on the underside of the way centre line, and mark off my hexagon from there, extending (Fig.3); and I used a piece of 25mmx10mm as a guide for the the two lower ‘sides’ to meet the base (Fig.9). rear edge of the top plate, and drilled the top plate so I could plug-weld the two pieces together (Fig.4) in the hope that Having cut out the first blank I used it as a template for the second, to avoid repeating all the geometrical malarkey, and JULY 2022 67

PVAORLT.VVI drilled them with a pilot hole as a pair. It takes quite a long time for a 3½” hole-saw to chew its way through a piece of 5mm plate, and I did consider chain drilling the hole, but that would’ve meant filing the edge, and I had a hangover. With the first side holed by the saw (Fig.10), I cut off three 100mm pieces of 12mm threaded bar, and ran two nuts on to each. Taking the side plate, that didn’t yet have a hole in it, and 12 10 13 11 laying it flat, I located another M12 nut on the pilot hole, then 14 arranged the three fingers at 120-degree intervals, using pen marks made in the centre of each of the three sides, and the M12 nut in the centre (Fig.11). Laying the second side on top after using a square to align it (Fig.12), I welded it to the three outermost nuts on the fingers. At this point it was going to take another half-an-hour to make the hole in the remaining plate (Fig.13), and I still had to machine the ends of the fingers and make the brass buttons, so I checked the Honda Cub shocks were going to work, width-wise, and went home (Fig.14). Next time I should’ve finished the centre-rest and used that to finish the jig. MR. BRIDGES 68 JULY 2022

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IF YOU WANT TO GIVE ME SOMETHING GIVE ME A KEY AND I’LL FIND THE LOCK IT FITS IF IT TAKES ME THE REST OF MY LIFE THE BARD DONLEAVY (QUOTED IN THE BOOK OF HORN) PART THREE H orn and Alyss with them. No! You stay here.” garters’s tipped me off. I think you studied the scene “But they’ve all got pistols,” wailed have a special client coming, Fatso – below them; he with a kinky customer whose tastes you detachment, she with Alyss. know. She’s dressed up like that to mounting temper. “Aw, pretty little popguns like that make sure he outbids everyone else, The Fat Man’s four isn’t she? Ah, I see by those little bearers set down his litter with won’t hurt Horn! Just bounce off.” piggy eyes I’m right, aren’t I? And obvious relief, the fifth was vaguely He ambled down the slope. When now you’re going to tell me who it guarding Corah. is. Oh, by the way…” He turned to “Horrid little iron hoofs,” hissed he saw the approaching figure in the the youth who was guarding Corah. Alyss, venomously. “Holding my long coat, the colour drained out of “You can let her go now, sonny.” The sister prisoner! That fat slug! Shoot the Fat Man’s blubbery jowls with guard stepped closer, reaching down ’em all, Horn!” the speed of dipped litmus. In the for his gun. Corah drew a sharp Horn was looking at Corah, in her June sunshine, he began to shiver. breath. lace cap and apron, the short black The five catamites looked at Horn as frock flounced with petticoats, her they might a legend come to life. He “Oh, don’t be a foolish lad,” legs long and glossy with a black included them all in a broad sweep murmured Horn, infinite sadness in sheen, looking, somehow, curiously of the Winchester 73’s barrel. his voice. “I could put a 44:40 slug at ease in a leafy English lane. over her shoulder and through your “Bloodthirsty little sod,” he choked. “You,” he said, “behave yourselves boat-race without even aiming. It’s “This can be sorted out without any and you won’t get hurt. You,” the not worth getting your head turned violence. Besides, Horn doesn’t kill barrel sank inches into rolls of to ketchup for this gross bastard, is from ambush. You ought to feel blubber, “obese one, are going to it?” sorry for those poor little lads, can’t give me some information.” He rub shoulders with a toad without cradled the gun in the crook of his The boy seemed to agree. Slowly, getting a bit slimy… nothing a good left arm, pointed towards Corah’s he relaxed, stepping away from the dose of Baden Powell couldn’t sort captor. “Now, butter mountain, girl. Then his eyes opened wide with out. I shall go down and remonstrate about this girl-auction you’re surprise, his head turned thirty planning. There’s something a little degrees and fell forward into his too straightforward about it for you. face. Alyss, the broken branch in her Not sneaky enough. And seeing Corah kitted out in her fishnets and JULY 2022 71

hands, stood with her chest heaving, to see if they’ve any spare clips. hair had been cropped to an even swelling the fabric of her shirt. You should enjoy that. And I want stubble all over. a word with you later about raising “Oh, hello sis,” said Corah. all this Cain when I told you to stay “Ha! Colonel Horn,” he crowed. Then many things seemed to put.” “Look what I’ve got!” happen at once. “Jeremy!” shrieked one of the litter bearers, whipping “Oooh,” whispered Corah, patting “How the heck did she get up out his gun and aiming it at Alyss. her hair. “Masterful, isn’t he? Are there!” wondered Horn. The Winchester barrel came down in you and he…?” a blurred arc, and a bullet ploughed “Especially in those heels,” added into the ground. The youth clutched “Yes!” hissed Alyss. “I mean no! I Alyss. “Is that …?” his broken wrist. The Fat Man found mean I’m working on it. Hands off!” his voice. She trotted over to collect guns. “Le Greque. Yes. That’s him.” “Get him!” he howled. “Kill him!” He stepped forward, cupping his Horn pivoted on one foot, his left “Now,” said Horn, lifting one hands to his mouth. “Oh, put it boot driving into the solar plexus of wobbly jowl with the gun barrel. down, Greek, you won’t use it unless the guard behind him, clipping at “Which Nick the Greek?” someone’s got their back to you. his exposed neck as he jack-knifed Come down, Corah. This one’s all over. The long rifle whipped out to “He’ll kill me if I tell you,” whined mouth and trousers. He won’t hurt catch the one nearest the litter flush the gross one. you.” He took another step forward, on the temple. He dropped without which seemed far enough to the a sound. The toe of his right boot “I’ll kill you if you don’t,” replied Greek. Raising his middle finger in sent the last one’s pistol flying, and Horn with sweet reason. salute, he pulled Corah back, out the rifle, held in both hands, came of sight. Almost immediately, there up under his jaw, lifting him clear “S-S-S-Stravros Arslikapopolous,” came the sound of an engine firing. off the ground. The one with the stammered the Fat Man at last. broken wrist flew at him, brave and “Horn!” wailed Alyss. “He’s crazy with rage but, one-handed, “Hummph,” grunted Horn. “So getting away! And your motor’s back Horn stamped the rifle stock on his he’s about again, is he? Well, fat one, in town!” forehead. He fell over on his back, you’re going to have to disappoint the imprint of two screw heads him, aren’t you?” “Your sister must get her kicks between his eyes. from being kidnapped,” said Horn, Horn turned back to the Fat Man. “But, but …” disgustedly. “I am really beginning He had scarcely broken a sweat, and “I’ve got the guns, Horn,” said to have had it up to here with your his horns’d risen a mere inch, but he Alyss, meekly at his side. family.” was a terrible figure to the quivering ‘“But that’s the least of your They leaned on the rail, the wind mass on the litter. worries. It was chucking out time lifting their long hair. At the end of “Now,” he said, pleasantly. “before at Tone’s a few minutes ago and all the bridge, under one of the boxy I bring you into intimate contact the lads are on their way here, well towers, by the old notice directed at with this gun barrel, without benefit tanked up, and expecting a show. intending suicides, the Land Rover of Vaseline,” (at this the Fat Man’s And you won’t have anything to stood, the Sunbeam in the back, the trembling trebled), “who’s the special show them, will you? And all your guns chained to the rack. A terrible client?” boys spark out and bereft of their distance below them, the heavily- The Fat Man swallowed hard. shooters, too. Tut, tut. Oh dear, how wooded slopes of the gorge dropped With difficulty he croaked: “Nick the sad.” down to where the river, at low tide Greek.” “Horn! No! You can’t leave me to now, eeled its way between the wide, “Nick the Greek,” scoffed Horn. those animals! Please! I appeal to shining expanses of mud. Horn “There are half-a-dozen Nick the you!” gazed down at it. Greeks. That won’t do.” “No, you don’t, fatso. You One of the felled youths groaned. never did. I wonder what their “This was once the second richest Horn walked over to him and imaginations will come up with? city in the kingdom,” he mused. caressed his hairline with the gun They do a nice line in tar and “Wealth built on the filthy trade of barrel. feathering, of course.” slavery. Cash on the nail. The place “Alyss!” he called, sharply. “Collect The Fat Man’s strangled squeaks where Jim Hawkins met Long John the peashooters. And pat them down were interrupted by a shout from Silver. Now it’s a ruin, a skirmishing the hilltop. Horn and Alyss looked ground.” up to the spot from which they had recently watched. Corah stood at “Do you think the Greek will turn the top of the slope. Gripping her up at the gathering, with Corah?” by the hair and menacing her with Alyss asked, laying a hand on his a butcher knife was a bullet-headed arm. man whose beard and remaining 72 JULY 2022

“Of course. He’d die for a chance running late because of you.” and the fly on his faded red flannel to make it look as though he’s put “Ooof! Who’re Hermoup and combinations, and let fly at the one over on me, no matter what surface of the moat, busily giving the risks.” He laughed harshly. “To Balfour?” his crotch its morning scratch at the think I trusted the bastard once! “They’re the two filthiest, same time. Finishing, he slammed Believed it when he said he was a and bolted the door, and marched friend. I should have remembered; disgustingest, most chauvinistic into Hermoup Lally’s room, beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” slobs ever. You’ll love ’em. They’re swigging from a bottle of poteen as good old boys, even if they ain’t too he went. Choosing her moment, Alyss swift.” moved in close to him, her hip The tall house’d once been the Hermoup lay spark out on the locking into his, rotating gently epitome of Georgian splendour. Now floor, the deep creases either side against him. She took one of the it was a fortress. There was still blue of his face rising and falling with big hands and put it on her breast, glass in the inner doors, but the his stentorian snores. An empty red tucked the other behind her, around basement area’d become a moat – biddy bottle was gripped in his paw, her buttocks, then wrapped her rumour had it that sightless fish and and his long-johns were frayed at arms around his neck, and stood up albino alligators lurked beneath the arsebone, elbow and crotch. He’d on tiptoe. “Take me,” she whispered. detritus that bobbed on the surface. given up the struggle towards his sleeping bag with half a yard to go. Horn stooped down and picked Behind the raised drawbridge, her up over his shoulder, and started Balfour Both’s bursting bladder Balfour dug a set of horny yellow to trot back to the Land Rover. impelled him from his slumber. toenails into his ribs. His nose Black fingernails skritching in his twitching at the closeness of the “This isn’t what I meant!” cried matted, plaited beard, he lurched other’s feet, Hermoup was instantly Alyss. barefoot through the kitchen. One awake. wall was piled high with cornflake “We might see packets, their ‘best before’ date “Grch! I didn’t do it! In any case about the pleasures twenty years past. Every utensil I’ll clean it up!” of the flesh when in the room was rimmed with you’ve learned to a crust of dried milk and sugar, Balfour knuckled some crust from behave yourself. the floor scuttled with discarded his eyelid. “Ere,” he growled. “what’s Right now it’s time bottles and broken plates. Balfour a Royal Enfield?” to go and meet up Both unbolted the back door, with Hermoup “Gaaar,” muttered Hermoup, eyes and Balfour. I’m full of tendrils of hair. “an old Brit bike.” JULY 2022 73

“Nar,” came the rejoiner. “It’s high, grilled windows. Ranged on patch he wore over one eye. “That where the Queen keeps her chickens. the wall, like trophies, were rows of reminds me,” he said. “Do you still Hor, hor, hor!” metal and wooden signs, all bearing have half a pair of matched shotguns variations of the same message: on your rack, Colonel Horn?” Hermoup expectorated, violently. ‘Persons Wearing Leathers or M/ “Missed,” said Balfour. Cycle Helmets will NOT be Served’. “Yes,” said Horn. “Still half a pair.” Outside, three shots rang out, ‘No Motorcyclists. Thank You’. ‘Bog interspersed with clangs on the Off, Bikers’, etc. Each was carefully Horn slid in behind the wheel, and huge bell which hung over the labelled with the name and location started the Land Rover’s engine. “Have drawbridge. of the establishment from which it’d you set the man traps?” he asked. “By Odin,” muttered Hermoup, been liberated. trying to stand up. “Horn’s signal.” “Yeah,” said Hermoup. “And Balfour peered through the Leaning on their stands, and cancelled the milk and turned off the shutters. throwing elegant shadows, were gas. Let’s go.” He and Balfour, the “Yer, it’s ’im. And that must be the two 650cc pre-unit Tritons, one in brightwork of their Tritons blazing salt Lee-Enfield mentioned on the deep red livery, the other in lovat in the sun, were contrastingly Rayjo. Ecky thump, get a look at the green, mythical beasts and strange resplendent in originals heavier with bristols on this. Put yer teeth in, we symbols boiling across their tanks muck than any articles of clothing got company.” and around their guards and frames. Alyss’d ever seen. The steel tips of Alyss walked about the house, The room plainly belonged to the their boots were visible under the marvelling as if in wonderland. machines – it’d been set aside for peeling leather. The depths of depravity to which them, and everything else there the male of the species can sink if reflected and echoed their presence. “Damn, lessgo!” howled Balfour. left on his own were new to her. “Wanna git bugs in ma teeth!” Every corner was piled with empty In pride of place on the wall was a bottles, engine parts, forks and framed magazine page. It seemed to “Well,” said Horn. “Sic Transit frames, discarded tyres or green and have been inscribed by the author. Gloria Mundi.” crawling socks. Drifting in and out ‘For Hermoup, Balfour, and the of the rooms, she caught snatches of Norris Boys, ride safe, Bros, Ixion.’ “Waas that mean?” the men’s talk from the kitchen. “Gloria Monday gets travel sick.” “D’you remember that D7 of mine? Lost in thought, Alyss turned, and He let out the clutch and, with the It only had three gears, of course, but sagged back against the wall. two Tritons splendid as outriders, it could go into reverse because it was moved off through the desolation of a two-stroke. I told you to rev it up, “See what I mean?” said Horn the once-grand city. and you hit the back garden wall and to his two friends. “Nosey as an landed in next door’s goldfish pond.” anteater. Well, little girl, I suppose The bridge was impressive. The gulf “I thought it had four gears?” you want to know who Ixion was?” between England and Wales yawned “Nah, the D14 I had had four beneath them. Alyss squealed, and gears.” “Sacre bleu, you startled me,” clutched his arm when Horn told her “Remember it? I remember its said Alyss, recovering and with a it’d never fallen down yet. number, MEM 350R, it was a reg.” trace of defiance. “And I know who She was asleep, her head on his lap, “I remember that 200cc single…” Ixion was. Classical mythology was by the time they jolted up the steep, “Triumph Tiger Cub …” my father’s hobby. Ixion killed his narrow lane to Gwlym’s farm. The “…that I borrowed that time and father-in-law to avoid paying the night was dry and starhung and threw down Fryerning Lane Hill! It bride price. He was bound in the smoky with the smoke of a hundred all went earth, sky, earth, sky, earth, underworld to a burning wheel fires, pricking the blue darkness sky, nurse.” forever because of it.” across the mountain meadows. A “Which was your Bantam, Horn?” rut in the road woke the girl as they “I never had a Bantam, did I? Horn raised his eyebrows. “Quite approached the farmhouse. She sat Started off on a 250cc. A C15.” right. Which was why an old up, blinking sleepily, aware of the Alyss opened a door and gasped. Peterborough priest took the name subdued throb of excitement outside, She was in a shrine. The parquet when he wanted to write Motorcycle of the whispers of recognition in flooring shone with a rich glow in Reminiscences. Anything else?” the dark as they rode by, of some the sunlight streaming through the dangerous magic being generated. 74 JULY 2022 “Yes,” said Alyss, with more courage than she felt. “He made love “Where are we?” she asked. to a cloud in the shape of a goddess, “The Solstice Fair,” said Horn. and that’s how he fathered the Centaurs.” TO BE CONCTHINRUIESDC…HTAHLELILSARTIPE ILLUSLTORAUTISIOENLSIMBBY The three men exchanged glances. Balfour fingered the velvet pirate

JULY 2022 75

1FA3CIROUNTY As featured in BSH last year, the 13County Fair’s being held again this year on the weekend of 9-11th July at Honnington Farm, Vauxhall Ln, Southborough, near Tunbridge Wells (TN4 0XD). The Fair’s kind o’ a retro-chopper event, with non-retro choppers welcome too, obviously, and has been reckoned to be a bit of an underground, Trip Out-style bash that’s got a good rep’. Tickets and more info’ can be had from their website at www.13co.co.uk RIP DAN NMM SUMMER RAFFLE The National Motorcycle Museum has Museum in its workshops, and is quite announced details of its summer raffle, stunning. Dan Kinsella passed away and first prize is a 1959 BSA Gold Star recently. He was born in January DBD34 Clubman! The bike, just about the Tickets cost £2 each, and’ll be 1997, and was taken from us on most famous café racer ever, has been distributed via subscription copies of the 18th March following a collision fully restored by the National Motorcycle specialist press, but can also be purchased with a van. He was a loving, on-line by visiting www.thenmm.co.uk caring young man from a family FTRINIUDMTPHHIS! of bikers, and even after death We’ve been contacted by Alan who’s he’s still caring by being an looking for his old Jubilee Edition Triumph organ donor – four people’ll’ve a Bonneville, TKU 333S, which he sold years better life because of him. ago, and would quite like back. It still appears on the DVLA website so someone’ll have it squirrelled away somewhere, He leaves behind his partner, perhaps for a project, perhaps for restoration, so if you have it, or know where it is, can Eden, parents Paula and Paul, you give him a shout or a text on 07836 554160. and brother Kieren, and we’d like to offer our condolences for their loss. Dan Kinsella RIP 76 JULY 2022

EPRLIOTEGRRAIDMEMR E WSCHHEIARMRTOITTYO EDITOR: The MCIA (Motorcycle Industry Association, along As in previous years, Wemoto’ve produced a NIK SAMSON with a broad range of organisations including charity T-shirt to contribute to various causes road safety and training experts, government such as the NHS and the Air Ambulance [email protected] departments, and respected associated service, and this year they’ve chosen another organisations, has recently launched the Elite very worthy cause, the Red Cross, to support 07884 052003 Rider Programme to increase the number of people in desperate need and, once again, riders undertaking post-test rider training, and to are asking for your help to spread the word. STAFF WRITER: motivate riders to ride considerately toward other The Wemoto charity T-shirts for the Red road users and the environment. Cross are available for pre-order at £12 each, DAVE MANNING and all profits from the sales’ll be donated To support it, they’ve launched an Elite Rider directly to the Red Cross. To order yours, go [email protected] Hub – a ‘one-stop shop’ where riders’ll be able to www.wemoto.com to find a wealth of information and support to DESIGN: improve their skills. The Hub contains information and contact details of the nationally available GARETH WILLIAMS post-test rider training schemes, with advice for riders, and links to book training, making it easier PUBLISHER: for riders to identify the most suitable post-test training opportunities. So, if you’re looking to be TIM HARTLEY a better rider, but don’t know where to start, visit www.eliteriderhub.co.uk SALES EXECUTIVE: FWEOMRALLDE’SBLIKAERRGMESETET OWEN HIBBERT Moto Advisor, a Facebook group for UK motorcyclists, [email protected] is attempting to beat the existing record for the world’s largest female biker meet. Taking place on 01507 529410 24th July, the world record attempt’ll be held at the Triumph Factory Visitor Experience in Hinckley, the GROUP global headquarters of Triumph Motorcycles. The ADVERTISING MANAGER: current record stands at 1,132 female riders who met at a single bike meet in Shropshire in 2017. SUE KEILY To get involved, contact the Moto Advisor DIVISIONAL Facebook group or the Triumph Factory Experience ADVERTISING MANAGER: on 01455 453088 or www.triumphmotorcycles. co.uk or just turn up on the day. ASHLEY JOHNSON CIRCULATION MANAGER: STEVE O’HARA MARKETING MANAGER: CHARLOTTE PARK PUBLISHING DIRECTOR: DAN SAVAGE COMMERCIAL DIRECTOR: NIGEL HOLE FREELANCE CONTRIBUTORS: TONY SMITH, LEIF, DANIEL ANDERSSON, ONNO ‘BERSERK’ WIERINGA, BOSUN, SIMON EVERETT, MICK GLAUB, MR BRIDGES, THE LATE CHRIS CHALLIS RIP, LOUISE LIMB, NEIL LIVERSIDGE, TREVOR DOWLING, RICK HULSE, LAUREN RADWELL EDITORIAL ADDRESS: BACK STREET HEROES, MORTONS MEDIA, MORTON WAY, HORNCASTLE LN9 6JR 0S1U5B0SC7R5IP2TI9O5N2S:9 WEBSITE: WWW.BACKSTREET HEROES.COM ENQUIRIES AND BACK ISSUES: 01507 529529 24hr answerphone ARCHIVE ENQUIRIES: JANE SKAYMAN [email protected] 01507 529423 &INSDUUPSPTLRYY as a base for the British Army – an amazing Independent publisher since 1885 space full of historic buildings on the canal. Industry & Supply, the biker print and merchandising Having trouble finding a retailers/suppliers, have moved to an amazing Their new 1,600 square foot showroom’ll copy of this magazine? new showroom at the historic Depot in Weedon be the hub for the business, stuffed full of Why not Just Ask your local (Northamptonshire), built in 1805 (Napoleonic times) vintage furniture, classic cars and motorcycles, newsagent to reserve you and containing their design studio, showroom, sofa and coffee area, stores and a copy each month? packing, and they’ll be hosting ride-outs and Distribution by Marketforce UK Ltd, 5 Churchill Place, Canary clubs that visit. Wharf, London E14 5HU. Tel: 0203 787 9001. Printed by William Gibbons and Sons, Wolverhampton. ISSN: 02679841. BSH is For more info’ on the new shop and/or their copyright to Mortons Media Ltd 2021 and all rights are reserved. products, go to industryandsupply.com No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The publishers accept no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts or photographs. If you send material to us for publication, you are strongly advised to make copies and to include an SAE. Original material must be submitted and will be accepted solely on the basis that the author accepts the assessment of the publisher as to its commercial value. BSH UK subscriptions £45.00, European subs £55.89, all other countries £67.89, from BSH Subs, Mortons Media Ltd, PO Box 99, Horncastle LN9 6LZ. USA subs $60 per annum from Motorsport, 31757 Honey Locust Road, Jonesburg, MO 63351-9600 and additional mailing offices. Periodicals postage is paid at Jonesburg, Missouri, USA. Postmaster: send USA address changes to BSH, Motorsport, 550 Honey Locust Road, Jonesburg, MO 63351-9600.

LWWUAUGTNGEDRAEPGRRELOIBCOAHFGS These Wunderlich waterproof luggage bags’re made from 100% waterproof, PU-coated 75d polyester, with sealed double seams, and’re ultralight, tough and built to last. They come in two sizes: an eight-litre, ideal for essentials like travel documents, smartphones and wallets; and a spacious 30-litre for clothing or camping gear. They have large main openings, reinforced roll-tops with side-release clips, and their blue colour makes finding things inside easy, too. They cost just £6.50 for the eight-litre version, and £9.50 for the 30-litre, and they’re available from Wunderlich’s exclusive UK partner www.nippynormans.com DGOUYN’MT ATERLTLINTA–LDEESAD MEN UOM-XALFOGOCNRKUDSM Guy Martin can’t sit The Magnum U-Lock range from still – he has to keep Oxford Products is made up of three pushing, both himself heavyweight security products awarded and whatever machine a Sold Secure GOLD rating. They’re he’s piloting, to the available in long (LK224) and short extreme. He’s a doer, (LK223) shackle lengths, with the Duo not a talker. That (LK225) having an additional extender applies whether he’s cable. They all have a 16mm shackle, competing in a self- two keys, and a double-locking supported 750-mile mechanism, and cost £54.99, £49.99 mountain bike race and £59.99 respectively. across Arizona; trying to reach 300mph in Get yours from anywhere that a standing mile on stocks the Oxford range or www. the 800-horsepower oxfordproducts.com motorbike he built in his shed; travelling HSLOIMO-DFISTKJ1E1ANS through Japan; Hood Jeans’ve gained a setting records for the solid reputation for good, world’s fastest tractor; protective bike jeans, and recreating the famous these slim-leg SK11s’re made Steve McQueen from seamless heavy stretch Great Escape jump; denim, meaning there’s no discovering the tell-tale stitching on the toil and sacrifice of the D-Day landings; or trying to cut the outside of the legs so they mustard as a Battle of Britain pilot. just look like ‘normal’ jeans. This is Guy Martin’s latest book, in his own words, on the last On the inside, though, they four years of his life that make the rest of us look like we’re in have a K-tech ‘Infinity’ Para- slow motion. Get it from all good bookshops or online retailers. aramid lining – the softest, most comfortable, and best 78 JULY 2022 protective fabric they’ve ever used, and an Airflow mesh for coolness and comfort. Available with or without hip and knee armour, they come in stonewash blue, dark navy or (very) black, and in waist sizes 30-44”, and in leg lengths of 28-36”, and cost a very reasonable £139.99 from anywhere that stocks the Hood Jeans range or www.hoodjeans.co.uk

These inflatable camping mats’re ideal for carrying on a bike as they pack down really small and fit easily inside rucksacks or panniers. They’re 6cm thick, 190cm (just over six feet) long, and 56cm (just under two feet) wide inflated, pack down to just 11cm x 25cm, and’re easily inflated by mouth so LOMO INFLATABLE doesn’t require a pump. They cost just £28 from anywhere that stocks the CAMPING MAT Lomo range or www.lomo.co.uk GCHORINISGDTOHNEAWLDRSOONNG–WAY DOAXKFOARRDAIR 1.0 Since the Stone Age, the Walkabout’s been an Aboriginal rite of passage; adolescent boys wander aimlessly through the bush With the rise in temperature caused by global warming, the heat when on a journey with no particular destination, to make the spiritual crawling through town can be brutal, but this Dakar Air jacket’s been transition from boy to man – a time for self-assessment and designed to keep you cool regardless. Full-length mesh panels (in the deep thought, to learn about himself without the influence of his front, rear and arms) provide welcome airflow even at low speeds, and elders, friends or family; a physical and psychological journey. a special removable waterproof liner, with a mesh inner, keeps you dry, Chris Donaldson isn’t of Aboriginal descent, but he set off from too. The chassis’ built from Oxford’s toughest HD POLY, welded (well, Belfast on his Moto Guzzi with the same determination, on a not actually welded…) to reinforced overlays using hidden structure journey of self-discovery, and ended up high in the Andes and, stitching to form a protective shell which comfortably exceeds the CE AA standard. 50-odd thousand Available in a cool grey camo (and a couple of other designs, too), miles later, they’re available in sizes S to 5XL, and cost £169.99 from anywhere that returned to stocks the Oxford range or www.oxfordproducts.com Belfast – an amazing adventure, fuelled by petrol (and golden syrup!), done before Google maps, mobile ‘phones and social media, all done with the best of Belfast humour. An excellent read, get it from all good bookshops or online retailers. SDWEMITECAHN/TOHURROCTTULSETSOMS The new small two-button throttle units from Demeanour Customs’re designed for older bikes that just need a throttle cable, and high/low beam and horn. They’re CNC-machined from alloy, come in sizes 1” and 7/8”th, and’re available in either brushed polished alloy or Ceracoat black. They also do one for the other end of the ‘bars with just the two switches. Prices start at £115, and you can get them by calling 01953 681308 or demeanourcustoms.com JULY 2022 79

Need to agree, or even disagree, with something you’ve seen in the mag? Heard a bloody awful joke you think we should groan at? Email [email protected] or send it snailmail to the address somewhere in the mag! This month’s Star Letter wins a Weise Stealth Hoodie, worth £139.99. The Weise Stealth looks like a classic hoodie on the outside, but inside it is fitted with CE armour and a tough aramid lining. Rated AA for protection, you can move from bike to street with style. More at thekeycollection.co.uk I’m currently looking for a back edition with the feature of my now bike. It’s a black 1976 Honda CB hardtail, reg SRN 334P, and was built around ‘95/96, and the guy I bought it off’d had it sat in his garage for 20 years unused. He said it was a feature bike just before he bought it off the bike builder, but had no idea when. Is there anyone out there who could help me find the issue it was in? I currently have it stripped to frame, and’ll be rebuilding, painting, and changing the parts that need doing, and then, hopefully, I can get it featured again! SCOTT JACKSON Sadly, we don’t have all the old issues here as some’ve gone walkies over the years. Anyone out there in BSHland have any idea? N. DEAR BSH, and wheels are chrome, frame’s black, and the other parts are dark grey. The intent is to keep Bought a BMW 1150 to go boring places me out of trouble for a while… although that quickly (work, basically), and thought remains to be seen! about selling my Harley, but then all my bikes’d begun with B. Hoping 2022 is a better year than ‘21 was. DAVID DUVALL That got me thinking, could I have alphabetical bikes? Obviously, I’ve got B and DEAR BSH, H covered, but what about the rest? Starting with an Alldays & Onions chop (look it up, All these people talk of long-fork chops… dudes), and ending with a Zenith digger, this is a long-fork chop! My XS400 is 12 feet it’s just the middle bit I might struggle long, with pretty much one-off everything! with – could cover K with a King Dick lowrider, obviously. More research needed, SAM methinks… and a lottery win, of course, my You, sir, are a madman – garage’s too small! well done! N. JON DEAR BSH, Mainly to take my mind of the bad bits in life, I’ve started building another bike just for the hell of it. I bought the bike, a 1957 Peugeot 325cc two-stroke with three-speed gearbox, on a whim, not knowing the history of the bike (boy, do I know how to pick ‘em!). It’s painted in army green, but looks original beneath the thick layer of green – the ‘bars DEAR BSH, These are my babies – the GSX-R11’s called Dunderheed (my mother used to call it that before she passed away), and it was dyno’d last October at 157bhp at the wheel (185 at the crank). The other one’s my Kawazuki which I built in 2018. I’ve just finished fitting a Pete Field turbo kit, and it runs 9psi boost which should equal 200-210bhp at the wheel! RAMSAY 80 JULY 2022

DEAR BSH, school dinners, but bigger plates), ideal for mopping up the excess of the previous night’s beverages. A A few words about this year’s Bum In The Mud! The rumble of motors making their way over lazy morning was spent wandering around the site, meeting folk and discussing their wheels, the flatlands of Essex could be heard from early and taking the opportunity for a little retail Friday morning, as riders crossed to Mersea therapy in the shopping lane. Island for the return of the Bum In The Mud rally. Having been denied this well-established In the afternoon, the bike show was held season-starter for the past two years due to outside the marquee, and an eclectic mix of the dreaded bat flu, rally-goers were keen two- and three-wheeled vehicles were on to meet up and make up for missed drinking parade. Among the many of note were Ian’s and partying time. Unusually, for this rally on mad V-Max with custom frame, huge real wheel, the Essex coast, the weather was fair – even nitrous and turbo - apparently, he only gets 40 Sol made an appearance, and more than one miles to a tankful! It won Best in Show. John partygoer was seen to discard their won Best Chop with his Attitude Cycles’ Sporty, and Roxy got a trophy jacket and expose bare for her L-plated skin to the rays. custom. The diversion of a ‘Wedding’ took place in the main marquee after, and the happy By Friday evening the couple paraded around the site on a trike, wedding site was filling up with gown and best suit flapping gently in the breeze – riders from all over the happy looking pair! country, many having travelled hundreds of miles to sample After a relaxing afternoon in the sun, a hearty island life. A range of traders’ stalls and evening meal in the dining hall set food retailers were doing a brisk trade, but everyone up for the Saturday night not as brisk as the bars, though, as a very entertainment. FyreSky blasted the determined effort to drink everything on marquee, and Blackwater pounded offer was made by the assembled masses. out the sounds in the main hall. The vibe was brilliant with all the bars busy, Music was offered in the main hall and and small parties kicking off all over an outside marquee, so you had a choice the site. The evening was rounded of entertainment to massage your ears. off by Dead Horse in the main hall, B4 kicked things off, followed by Biscuit providing more anarchic sounds for Club, in the main hall. In the marquee those still standing in the wee hours. 90% Proof blew the roof off with a A fantastic weekend put on by the storming set, with many a nodding head and ever-chirpy Piglet and the BITM crew. Roll stomping feet as they played through a set of on next year! rock classics. TREVOR Saturday was greeted by the delicious wafting JULY 2022 smell of the traditional full English in the dining hall (a bit like 81



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Binton, Stratford-upon-Avon, 18-19th June: Straightliners at More info from 07508 309779 or 29th June: Chopper Club Warks (CV37 9TU). More info Dishforth Airfield, Dishforth, Facebook. Leicester’s Bike Night at the from Facebook. Yorks. More info from 07921 25th June: NCC Somerset’s Bull’s Head, Hinckley Road, 15th June: Royston & District 712266 or www.straightliners. Cheddar Custom & Classic Leicester (LE9 9JE). More info MCC Show at the Eternit events Bike Show at the Riverside Inn, from Facebook. Sports & Social Club, Whaddon 19th June: Rickman Enthusiasts Cliff Street, Cheddar, Somerset Road, Meldreth, Royston, Herts Day at the Sammy Miller (BS27 3PX). Tickets £3. More JULY (SG8 5RL). More info from Museum, Bashley Cross Rd, info from 07584 560129 or roystonmotorcycleclub.co.uk New Milton (BH25 5SZ). More Facebook. 1-3rd July: Wycombe MAG’s 16-19th June: Estonians MCC’s info from 01425 620777 or 25th June: Bikes at the Chinnor Bike Dayz at a site on Barnstormer Rally at Catto Farm, sammymiller.co.uk Keys at the Cross Keys, the B4009 Lower Icknield Way, High Lane, Northallerton, N. 19th June: Polish Bike Day at The Street, Redgrave, Diss, Princes Risborough, Bucks (HP27 Yorks (DL6 3FT). More info from the Ace Cafe, London. More info Norfolk (IP22 1RW). More info 9BB). More info from Facebook. 07928 428322 or estoniansmcc@ from www.london.acecafe.com from 01379 779322 or www. 1-3rd July: QRRA One Aim Rally hotmail.co.uk 19th June: Globe MCC’s Bike crsskeysredgrave.co.uk at the Kennel Fields, Faversham 17-19th June: Ride ‘Til We Rot Show at the Great Harwood 25th June: Defunct MCC’s Road, Faversham, Kent. More info Society’s Rotters’ Piss-Up at the Showground, Whalley Road, Bike Show at the Strawberry from www.qrra.co.uk Breighton Ferry, Breighton, Yorks Great Harwood, Lancs (BB6 7TD). Gardens, Offerton, Stockport, 1-3rd July: Punta Bagna (YO8 6DH). Tickets £12. More info Tickets £5 camping or £2 non. Gtr Manchester (SK2 5BS). More Chopper Show at Courcheval, from Facebook. More info from Facebook. info from Facebook. France. More info from Facebook. 17-19th June: Race the Waves 20th June: Straightliners Top 25th June: Tribe Ayrshire 1-3rd July: Future MCC’s at Bridlington Beach, Bridlington, Speed Monday at Elvington MCC’s Ride-In Bike Show at Clay Pigeon Rally at the South Yorks. More info from www. Airfield, Elvington, Yorks. More the Scottish Assault Course, Wingfield Social Club, High backfirepromotions.com info from 07921 712266 or www. Newmilns Road, Galston, Rd, South Wingfield, Alfreton, straightliners.events Ayrshire (KA4 8PA). More info Derbys (DE55 7LX). Tickets £15 17-19th June: Yorkshire MAG’s 22nd June: Bosun at Brighton from Facebook. on gate. More info from 07813 Farmyard Party at Dunscombe Ice-Cream Ride at Madeira Drive 25-26th June: Straightliners 992431 or loopy_lisa100@ Park, Helmsley, Yorks. More info from 6.30pm. More info from at York Raceway, Melbourne, hotmail.com from yorkshire.mag-uk.org Facebook. Yorks. More info from 07921 1-3rd July: Piss Edds MCC’s 17-19th June: Sarum Bikers’ 24-26th June: Leeds Custom & 712266 or www.straightliners. Pickled Liver Custom Show Summer Solstice Rally at Classic Bike Show at the Gotts events at Castle Cary Rugby Club, Choppers Café, Burbage, Park Golf Club, Armley Ridge 26th June: AJS Owners Brook House Field, Castle Cary, Marlborough, Wilts (SN8 3RT). Road, Leeds (LS12 2QX). Tickets Club Day at the Sammy Miller Somerset (BA7 7PF). Tickets £15. Tickets £22. More info from £20. More info from Facebook. Museum, Bashley Cross Rd, More info from pisseddsmcc@ 07734 749513 or Facebook. 24-26th June: Chopper Circus at New Milton (BH25 5SZ). More hotmail.com 17-19th June: Midge Biter Rally Andelfingen, Switzerland. More info from 01425 620777 or 1-3rd July: Bear Town Bikers’ at Stornoway Golf Club, Lady info from www.hurricanesmc.club sammymiller.co.uk Bearly Standing Rally at Lever Park, Stornoway, Isle of 24-26th June: Inner Circle RRC’s 26th June: Prescott Bike the Harrington Arms, Leek Lewis (HS2 0XP). More info from Goosin’ the Fox Rally at the Fox Festival at Prescott Speed Hill Road, Bosley, Macclesfield, Facebook. & Goose, The Street, Greywell, Climb, Gotherington, Gloucs Cheshire (SK11 0PH). Tickets 18th June: Dirt Diggers at Hamps (RG29 1BY). Tickets £18 (GL52 9RD). More info from £15 prebook or £20 on gate. the Eddie Wright Raceway, prebook only. More info from www.prescottbikefestival.co.uk More info from 07712 873737 or Normanby Road, Scunthorpe, Facebook. 26th June: Triton & Cafe Racer [email protected] Lincs (DN15 8QZ). More info from 24-26th June: Chaos ’22 at La Day at the Ace Cafe, London. 1-3rd July: Birmingham & scunthorperaceway@viginmedia. Rue Du Chemin le Roi, Pleinmont More info from www.london. Wolverhampton TOMCC’s com Point, Guernsey. More info from acecafe.com Thunderbird Rally at Monckton Facebook. 26th June: NCC Kent’s Frames Recreation Centre, Pinfold Lane, 24-26th June: Ragnarock Rally & Flames Custom Show Penkridge, Staffs (ST19 5QP). at Silloth RUFC, Silloth, Cumbria at The Railway, Bow Road, Tickets £25. More info from (CA7 4AX). Tickets £20 prebook Wateringbury, Kent (ME18 5EB). 07508 447892 or niksephton@aol. or £25 on gate. More info from More info from Facebook. com or Facebook. 07736 461239 or Facebook. 26th June: Big Bike Sunday at 1-3rd July: Misfits MCC’s Nuke 24-26th June: Summer Solstice Skipton Auction Mart, Gargrave the Monkey Rally at a site near Rockfest Rally at Southam Rugby Rd, Skipton, Yorks (BD23 1UD). Hartlepool. Tickets £15 prebook Club, Kineton Road, Southam, More info from 07960917483 or or £20 on gate. More info from Warks (CV47 2DH). More info [email protected] Facebook. from Facebook. 26th June: Reading CMA’s 2nd July: Diamond Day NCC 24-26th June: Shoulder of Doctor B’s Custom & Classic London Custom Bike Show at Mutton MCC’s Shoulder of Bike Show at High Close School, the Ace Cafe, London. More info Mutton Rally at Amber Valley Wiltshire Rd, Wokingham, Berks from www.london.acecafe.com Rugby Club, Lower Somercotes, (RG40 1TS). More info from 07968 2nd July: Tiger MCC Somercotes, Alfreton, Derbys 335796 or Facebook. Kilmarnock’s Ride-In Bike (DE55 4NQ). Tickets £20 prebook. 26th June: Motorcycle Show at Show at Kilmarnock Rugby More info from 07753 380170 or Beachside Holiday Park, Hayle, Club, Queens Drive, Kilmarnock, [email protected] Devon (TR27 5AW). More info Ayrshire (KA1 3XF). More info 25th June: Harley-Davidson Day from Facebook. from Facebook. at the Red Lion Truckstop, A45 27th June: Cassington Bike 2nd July: Somersham Wheelie Weedon Road, Upper Heyford, Night at Cassington, Oxon. More Fun Day at Somersham Playing Harpole, Northants (NN7 4DE). info from Facebook. Field, Main Road, Somersham, Ipswich, Suffolk (IP8 4DF). More info from 07733 226898 or Facebook. 84 JULY 2022



2-3rd July: Summer Nationals 8-10th July: Tomintoul 16th July: Chopper Club 22-24th July: Druids MCC at Santa Pod Raceway, Airfield Motorcycle Gathering at Newcastle’s Custom Show at Ireland’s Farmyard Bash at Rd, Wellingborough, Northants Tomintoul, Banffshire, Scotland. Rockcliff RFC, Lovaine Avenue, Booleigh, Nurney, Kildare, Eire. (NN29 7XA). More info from More info from 07740 647962 or Whitley Bay, Tyne & Wear (NE25 More info from Facebook. santapod.co.uk Facebook. 8RW). Tickets £1 or £10 camping. 22-24th July: Memorial Classic 3rd July: Staffordshire Bikers’ 8-10th July: Dragstalgia at More info from Facebook. Car & Bike Show at the Anglia Breakfast at Tittesworth Santa Pod Raceway, Airfield 16th July: NCC Mercia’s Bike Motel, A17, Fleet Hargate, Lincs Reservoir, Mere Brook, near Leek, Rd, Wellingborough, Northants & Car Show at Alcester Rugby (PE12 8LT). More info from Staffs. More info from www. (NN29 7XA). More info from Club, Birmingham Road, Alcester, Facebook. staffsbiker.co.uk or Facebook. santapod.co.uk Warks (B49 5QF). Tickets £2. 22-24th July: MAG 3rd July: Italian Bike Day at the 8-10th July: NOTAS MCC’s More info from 07898 276253 or Aberystwyth’s Motorcycle Sammy Miller Museum, Bashley Bits & T*ts Bike & Trike Rally Facebook. Rally at Aberaeron Rugby Cross Rd, New Milton (BH25 5SZ). at Salhouse Lodge, Vicarage 16th July: Helter-Skelter 101 Club, North Road, Aberaeron, More info from 01425 620777 or Road, Salhouse, Norfolk (NR13 Chopper Show at Dreamland Ceredigion, Wales (SA46 0DY). sammymiller.co.uk 6HD). Tickets £20 prebook or £25 Margate, Marine Terrace, Tickets £15. More info from 3rd July: Classic Motorcycle on gate. More info from 07737 Margate, Kent (CT9 1XJ). More 07592 049518 or Facebook. Day at Crich Tramway Village, 602776 or Facebook. info from Facebook. 23rd July: NCC Sussex’s Innit Crich, Matlock, Derbys (DE4 8-10th July: Barflys Bikers’ Rally 16th July: Snatch MCC’s to Winnit Custom Show at the 5DP). More info from www. at the Lower Lode Inn, Bishops Custom Show at The Tap, Ferry Bull’s Head, The Strait, Boreham tramway.co.uk Walk, Tewkesbury, Gloucs (GL19 Rd, Eastham, Birkenhead, Wirral Street, East Sussex (BN27 4SG). 3rd July: Honda Bike Day at 4RE). More info from Facebook. (CH62 0AU). Free entry. More info More info from Facebook. the Ace Cafe, London. More info 9th July: Straightliners at from Facebook. 23rd July: Edinburgh from www.london.acecafe.com Smeatharpe Airfield, Devon. 16th July: Free Spirits MCC’s Custom Show at Easthouses 3rd July: Brooklands More info from 07921 712266 or Custom Show at Kidsgrove Miners Club, Easthouses Rd, Motorcycle Show at the www.straightliners.events Cricket Club, Clough Hall Rd, Easthouses, Dalkeith, Scotland Brooklands Museum, Brooklands 9th July: 666 Garage’s Kidsgrove, Stone-on-Trent, Staffs (EH22 4ED). More info from Rd, Weybridge, Surrey (KT13 Autojumble at Woodside Farm, (ST7 1AN). Entry by donation. Facebook. 0SL). More info from www. Curridge, Thatcham, Berks (RG18 More info from 07890 092405 or 23rd July: Salisbury MC&LCC’s brooklandsmuseum.com 9JU). More info from 07388 [email protected] Centenary Motorcycle Show 3rd July: Harpenden Charity 656936 or Facebook. 16th July: The McRoughleys at Salisbury Rugby Club, Bike Fest in Harpenden, Herts 9-10th July: 13County Fair at Show at Matt Williamson & Sons, Stewards Bungalow, Castle Rd, (AL5 2HU). More info from Honnington Farm, Vauxhall Ln, Closeburn Industrial Estate, Salisbury, Wilts (SP1 3SA). More Facebook. Southborough, Tunbridge Wells, Closeburn, Thornhill, Dumfries info from Facebook. 3rd July: NCC Suffolk’s Custom Kent (TN4 0XD). More info from (DG3 5JA). Tickets £5. More info 23-24th July: Straightliners & Classic Bike Show at the Five www.13co.co.uk from Facebook. at Weston Zoyland Airfield, Bells, High St, Rattlesden, Bury 10th July: Baston Car & Bike 17th July: British Bike Bonanza Weston Zoyland, Bridgwater, St Edmunds, Suffolk (IP30 0RA). Show at Grimsthorpe Castle, at the Sammy Miller Museum, Somerset (TA7 0LZ). More info Free entry. More info from 07989 Grimsthorpe, Bourne, Lincs (PE10 Bashley Cross Rd, New Milton from 07921 712266 or www. 511351 or Facebook. 0LY). More info from Facebook. (BH25 5SZ). More info from 01425 straightliners.events 7th July: Boston Bike Night in 10th July: Indian & Victory Bike 620777 or sammymiller.co.uk 23-24th July: NCC Notts Boston Town Centre, Boston, Day at the Ace Cafe, London. 17th July: ‘70s Bike Day & Ogri Custom Show at Newark Rugby Lincs. More info from Facebook. More info from www.london. 50th Birthday Special & VJMC Club, Kelham Rd, Newark, 7th July: Krazy Horse Bike acecafe.com 40th Anniversary at the Ace Notts (NG24 1WN). Tickets £10 Night at Krazy Horse, Lamdin Rd, 10th July: Straightliners at Cafe, London. More info from weekend or £6 Sunday show. Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk (IP32 Elvington Airfield, Elvington, www.london.acecafe.com More info from Facebook. 6NU). More info from krazyhorse. Yorks. More info from 07921 712266 17th July: Mods & Rockers 24th July: Staffordshire co.uk or www.straightliners.events Meet Up at the Village Hall, Bikers’ Breakfast at 7th July: West Norfolk MAG’s 10th July: 21st May: Route 11 Tilney St Lawrence, Norfolk (PE34 Wolverhampton Airport, Bike Night at the Coach & Diner’s Harley Day at the Route 4RF). More info from Facebook. Halfpenny Green, Crab Lane, Horses, Lynn Rd, Tilney All 11 Diner, A11, Attleborough, 17th July: Caister Custom & Stourbridge, Staffs (D7 5DY). Saints, Norfolk (PE34 4RU). Norfolk (NR17 2PU). More info Classic Bike Show at the Kings More info from www.staffsbiker. More info from west-norfolk- from route11kitchen.co.uk Arms, West Road, Caister-on-Sea, co.uk or Facebook. [email protected] 11th July: Straightliners Top Norfolk (NR30 5AQ). More info 24th July: Trike Day & Sidecar 7-10th July: Apocalypticus Road Speed Monday at Elvington from Facebook. Sunday in aid of NABD at the to Ruin. More info from www. Airfield, Elvington, Yorks. More 17th July: Rochdale Classic Bike Ace Cafe, London. More info road2ruin.co info from 07921 712266 or www. & Car Show at Falinge Park, from www.london.acecafe.com 7-10th July: Rock & Bike Fest at straightliners.events Falinge Road, Rochdale, Gtr 24th July: Route 11 Diner’s Carnfield Hall, South Normanton, 15-17th July: HDRCGB’s Triple Manchester (OL12 6JE). More info Triumph Day at the Route Derbys (DE55 2BE). Tickets Rally at the Langley Sports from Facebook. 11 Diner, A11, Attleborough, £40. More info from www. Club, Priory Lane, Eastbourne, 17th July: Waterlooville Norfolk (NR17 2PU). More info rockandbikefest.co.uk Sussex (BN23 7QH). Tickets MCC’s Fossils Charity Bike from route11kitchen.co.uk 8-10th July: Unwanted MCC’s £15 members or £20 others. Run from Horndean Technology 24th July: Seaton Bikers’ Cock-Out Rally at the Rockbar, More info from 07751 364063 or College, Barton Cross, Day at Seaton Esplanade, Shobnall Sports Club, Shobnall Facebook. Horndean, Hants (PO8 9PQ) at Seaton, Devon. More info from Road, Burton-on-Trent, Staffs 15-17th July: 4Fs MCC’s 9.30am. More info from www. Facebook. (DE14 2BB). More info from 07761 Summer Party at Trimley Sports waterloovillemotorcycle.club 27th July: Chopper Club 931226 or unwantedmcc@aol. & Social Club, High Rd, Trimley St 20th July: Mablethorpe Bike Leicester’s Bike Night at the com or Facebook. Martin, Felixstowe, Suffolk (IP11 Night at Mablethorpe, Lincs. Bull’s Head, Hinckley Road, 0RJ). More info from Facebook. More info from Facebook. Leicester (LE9 9JE). More info 86 JULY 2022 from Facebook.

28-31st July: Rock & Blues 31st July: NCC Cambs’ Custom 11-14th Aug: Yorkshire Rock 14th Aug: Staffordshire at Coneygrey Showground, Bike Show at the Iron Horse & Bike Show at Squire’s Bikers’ Breakfast at JCB, Pentrich, Derbys. More info from Ranch House, High Street, Market Café Bar, Newthorpe, Yorks Rocester, Uttoxeter, Staffs. www.therockandblues.com Deeping, Cambs (PE6 8EB). (LS25 5LX). Tickets £25 More info from www. 29th July: Gravesend MCC’s More info from 07539 873952 or prebook. More info from staffsbiker.co.uk or Facebook. Pat Mahoney Bike Night Facebook. yorkshirerocknbikeshow.co.uk 14th Aug: Smokin’ to Sammy’s at The Cock, Henley Street, 12-14th Aug: Wiltshire Alliance Two-Stroke Day at the Sammy Luddesdown, Gravesend, Kent AUGUST Rally at Salisbury Rugby Club, Miller Museum, Bashley Cross (DA13 0XB). More info from Castle Road, Salisbury, Wilts (SP1 Rd, New Milton (BH25 5SZ). Facebook. 1st Aug: Straightliners Top 3S). More info from 07783 054858 More info from 01425 620777 29-31st July: Hot Rod Hayride Speed Monday at Elvington or Facebook. or sammymiller.co.uk at the National Shooting Airfield, Elvington, Yorks. More 12-14th Aug: Minotaurs 14th Aug: Vintage & Classic Bike Centre, Bisley, Surrey (GU24 info from 07921 712266 or www. Brotherhood’s Monster Bash Day & WSRA (Speedway) at the 0NY). More info from www. straightliners.events at the Dog & Duck, Dorking Ace Cafe, London. More info from hotrodhayride.co.uk 4th Aug: West Norfolk MAG’s Road, Horsham, West Sussex www.london.acecafe.com 29-31st July: Halfway Heroes Bike Night at the Coach & (RH12 3SA). More info from 14th Aug: Barrel Bikers MCC’s Leathered in Lincs Rally Horses, Lynn Rd, Tilney All www.minotaurs.co.uk MCC’s Custom & Classic Bike at Cadbourne Parva, Caistor, Saints, Norfolk (PE34 4RU). 12-14th Aug: Charity Bike & Trike Show at the Cruik Lincs (LN7 6DR). More info from More info from west-norfolk- Show at the Crossways Inn, Barn, Bradwell Abbey, Milton www.halfway-heroes.co.uk [email protected] Bridge Rd, Scole, Diss, Norfolk Keynes, Bucks (MK13 9AP). Free 29-31st July: West London 5-7th Aug: Slappers & (IP21 4DP). Tickets £15 weekend entry. More info from www. Harley Riders’ Burning Budgie Trollops’ Ray’s Memorial Rally or £10 days. More info from barrelbikers.co.uk or Facebook. Rally at Beaconsfield Town at a site in Lincolnshire. More 01379 742547. 19-21st Aug: Gasoholics Pre- FC, Windsor Rd, Beaconsfield, info from 07871 6753506 or 12-14th Aug: FEW MCC’s Evo & Chopper Show at St Bucks (HP9 2SE). Tickets £20. slappersandtrollops@outlook. Fairly Well Endowed Rally Macaire, near Bordeaux, France. More info from 07747 005199 or com at the Crow Edge Community More info from thegasoholics@ www.westlondonharleyriders. Centre, Sheffield Road, Crow gmail.com co.uk 5-7th Aug: Yorkshire MAG’s Edge, Holmfirth, Yorks (HD9 19-21st Aug: Herts Bikers MC’s 30th July: Calne Bike Meet Yorkshire Pudding Rally at 7TS). Tickets £15 prebook. Armageddon Rally at Letchworth at Calne, Wilts. More info from Escrick Park, near York. More info More info from 07980 870031 or Rugby Club, Legends Lane, www.calnebikemeet.com from yorkshire.mag-uk.org Facebook. Baldock Road, Letchworth, Herts 30th July: Interesting 5-7th Aug: MC Rottum’s 12-14th Aug: IX Legion MCC’s (SG6 2EN). Tickets £20 prebook or Motorcycle Show at the Summer Breezer at the Star, Rally at the Corus Sports & £25 on gate. More info from 07543 Queen’s Arms, Celtic Way, The Street, Steeple, Essex (CM0 Social Centre, South Ave, 524146 or Facebook. Bleadon, Weston-super-Mare, 7LF). Tickets £18 prebook or £20 Dormanstown, Redcar, N. Yorks 20th Aug: Iron Horse Metalfest Somerset (BS24 0NF). More info on gate. More info from 07855 (TS10 5LZ). Tickets £15. More at the Victoria Bikers’ Pub, from Facebook. 452044 or Facebook. info from 07576 472277 or Whitwick Lane, Coalville, Leics 30th July: Calne Bike Meet 7th Aug: Suzuki Sunday at the [email protected] (LE67 3FA). More info from www. at Calne, Wilts. More info from Ace Cafe, London. More info 13th Aug: Dorset NCC’s vicbikerspub.co.uk Facebook. from www.london.acecafe.com Dorset Chopper Show at the 20th Aug: Women in 30th July: Bikes at the 7th Aug: Exeter Charity Red Lion, Winfrith, Dorset (DT2 Motorcycling Exhibition at Keys at the Cross Keys, Motorbike Show at the Queen’s 8LE). Tickets £4. More info Tutbury Castle, Castle St, Tutbury, The Street, Redgrave, Diss, Head, Pinhoe Road, Exeter, from Facebook. PLEASE NOTE Burton upon Trent, Staffs (DE13 Norfolk (IP22 1RW). More info Devon (EX4 7JQ). Tickets £3. CHANGE OF VENUE 9JF). More info from Facebook. from 01379 779322 or www. More info from Facebook. 13th Aug: Nailers MCC’s 20th Aug: Hullaballo 2.5 at crsskeysredgrave.co.uk 11-14th Aug: Gothic Bikers’ Custom Show at the Spanker Newmarket Harley-Davidson, Oaks 30-31st July: Medusa MC’s Uprising Rally at Sherbrooke Inn, Spanker Lane, Belper, Drive, Newmarket, Suffolk (CB8 Show Us Your Ride at Kennel Scout Camp, Mansfield Lane, Derbys (DE56 2AT). Tickets £3. 7SX). More info from Facebook. Fields, Homestall Road, Calverton, Notts (NG14 6HP). More info from 07841 990368 or Faversham, Kent (ME13 0SF). Tickets £25. More info from Facebook. Tickets £10 or £5 show only. 07706 655357 or Facebook. 13th Aug: Specials/Custom More info from goldie6669@ Bike Day at the Red Lion, The hotmail.com or Facebook. Green, Cassington, Oxon (OX29 30-31st July: Straightliners 4DN). More info from www. at York Raceway, Melbourne, bmrco.wordpress.com Yorks. More info from 07921 13th Aug: Reunion of the 712266 or www.straightliners. Rockers at Hoveton Village events Hall, Stalham Rd, Hoveton, 31st July: Scooter Ride-In at Norwich, Norfolk (NR12 8DU). the Sammy Miller Museum, More info from 07810 273600 or Bashley Cross Rd, New Milton Facebook. (BH25 5SZ). More info from 13th Aug: CCW Ceredigion’s 01425 620777 or sammymiller. Ride-in Custom Bike Show co.uk at the Rhydypennau Inn, Bow 31st July: Sports Bike Special Street, Aberystwyth (SY24 & Brazilian Motorcyclist 5AA). More info from Facebook. Festival at the Ace Cafe, 13-14th Aug: Straightliners at London. More info from www. Smeatharpe Airfield, Devon. london.acecafe.com More info from 07921 712266 or www.straightliners.events JULY 2022 87

Send pics of your bike, your lady, your bloke (but not your dinner, this isn’t Facebook) to [email protected] LEFT: Blimey, that Patsy McCardle’s got good legs for an older gentle- man, hasn’t he? BELOW: Dale’s 1984 Shovel’s been custom- ised with new fatbob tanks with reversed sides, a kicker as well as its electric starter, candy red paint, and a fair few more bits, too BELOW: “Not a rally game, we RIGHT: Apparently this is the did it to liven up the campsite a last Valkyrie bar-hopper built bit – bathtub slalom in Tomintoul” by American Cruisers? Noooo, by William Pitt (the much, much don’t stop building ‘em chaps, younger!) they’re ace! ABOVE: Damn, Nic Hatton’s found our secret lair! 88 JULY 2022

LEFT: Wonderful post- apocalyptic techno bike by Paul Clarke, sent in by Rob Norton RIGHT: Michael’s café’d-up ZX- 7R… eee, when I were a lad, we called ‘em ‘streetfighters’ BELOW: “That’ll never go round corners with those ‘bars on it!” Jacob’s 2020 Harley Low Rider S with a few tasteful mods I’d be worried if my ‘Arley chop broke down and this lot turned up to help, wouldn’t you? What the well-dressed Suzuki chop rider’s wearing these days… Rain and Denbigh’s chop, pic by Dave J at Screaming Images

Send pics of your bike, your lady, your bloke (but not your dinner, this isn’t Facebook) to [email protected] LEFT: Tidy oil-boiler ABOVE: This is Nick’s Fattie that he’s owned Suzuki spotted by for the last sixteen years, racking up some 57k Gibbo miles – like your style, Nick! ABOVE: Is this BMW a streetfighter or a café racer? You decide! RIGHT: Ryan and his Softail Standard, auditioning for the Littlewoods catalogue… BELOW: Frank’s bike, built by him and Tony Groom before Tony upped and sodded off to Spain. It originally had a CBR lump, but now runs an XS650 engine 90 JULY 2022

IHRHEEAVRASVEOOROREEFCLESFHZ‘,TEIHISBPHWEEUAENLTLGAIETOUGXSNLOYAAEN’N.GI,DDAEUORTHOR T he Russian acronym ‘Gulag’ stands for ‘Chief the super-liberal Guardian printed an article Administration of Corrective Labour Camps’. entitled ‘Should climate deniers be allowed Solzhenitsyn spent years in the Gulag network of to speak on the Today programme?’ In 2020 forced labour camps, Stalin’s main instrument of the London School of Economics printed a rant saying that climate political repression, after writing a letter to a friend change ‘sceptics’ abuse freedom of expression – the article targeted in which he criticised the Soviet regime. I read the former Daily Telegraph editor Charles Moore, whom it castigated The Gulag Archipelago when I was 15 and, lately, while working in as ‘a trustee and director of the male-dominated Global Warming the garage, I’ve been listening to it again via the audio-book version Policy Foundation’. Mr Moore not only committed the sin of speaking on YouTube. the truth as he saw it, but he also then compounded it by being It’s a book everyone should read, but one of Solzhenitsyn’s male, and associating with other males. What an evil man he must lesser-known works is just as important, though – a short essay you be, to say and do such things. If you find this unbelievable, you can can find online entitled ‘Live Not by Lies’. I’m not going to quote find these articles online, along with one published by Reading from it because you need to read it in full, but if I did quote from it, University entitled ‘Should we tolerate climate denial?’. The author’s I’d not be doing it, or you, justice. It’ll only take you five minutes, conclusion, of course, amounts to ‘No, they must be silenced.’. Note so why do I recommend it? Because Solzhenitsyn sets out in plain the language; ‘climate change denier’ has been lifted straight from language what a people must do if they wish to resist the tyranny ‘Holocaust denier’, to imply guilt by association. and brainwashing despots seek to impose. We even have such people in MAG. After publishing articles by We, all of us, are seeing a prison built around us. It’s not a Gulag Lembit Opik and Ian Churchlow questioning the reality of supposed on the Soviet model, at least not yet anyway. It’s what I call the man-made global warming, we got an email insisting we should ‘unfree society’, and it manifests itself in a myriad of ways. It’s a stop questioning the narrative favoured by Greta Thunberg & Co. society in which a vocal and determined minority impose their will ‘The science is settled’ insisted the writer pompously, oblivious on the majority with the active or passive collaboration of society’s to the irony of his own argument, because as any scientist will tell institutions, including legislators at every level, from parliament you, nothing in science’s ever final – there’s always the possibility down to local parish councils, employers, professional bodies, and of finding out more. When I started O-Level Physics, age 13, our even schools. Refuse to go along with their narrative, and you’ll find teacher taught us that atoms consisted of neutrons, protons and yourself no-platformed, pilloried on social media, cancelled, on a electrons, and that was it. Then somebody upset the apple cart disciplinary, fired, and unable to get work. You won’t even be able by finding a quark, and they’ve been finding more sub-atomic to spend your own money unless Big Brother approves of what you particles ever since. Who can say then, with honesty and certainty, want to buy. Think I’m kidding? Check out Ross Clark’s book ‘The that the science of global warming has nothing more to discover? War Against Cash: The plot to empty your wallet and own your I’m agnostic on global warming, but one thing I do know is that it’s financial future – and why you MUST fight it’. You will be able to pay perfectly insane to write off the trillions in national wealth that we’ve taxes, of course, and there’ll be ever more of them. invested in internal combustion-engined vehicles, and the economy The woke thought police are destroying free speech. Say the that surrounds them, when our total emissions, not just those from wrong thing in the wrong place, in the wrong person’s earshot, vehicles, make up less than one per cent of all global emissions. and you’ll find the Police knocking at your door to ‘check your Free speech is important, not simply as a principle or as an thinking’. I can hear you saying: “Liversidge’s finally lost the plot,” but that’s what happened to Harry Miller. After making a comment academic concept, it’s the air we all on Twitter deemed ‘transphobic’, they called on him declaring their need to live, not just exist – without it intention to ‘check his thinking’, and warned him they’d recorded we’ll lose everything that matters to us, including the bikes and cars we all love. If the woke and the greens have their way, we won’t even be free to argue otherwise. I’m a member of MAG, and the Free Speech Union. If you value freedom, and love motorcycling, I beg you to support both. his tweet as a ‘non-crime hate incident’. Have your bike stolen or CMNHEAAIGLIRFNM.ALATIVNIOENRASILDGE your garage burgled, and you’ll get a crime number at most – that’ll be the sum total of police involvement or activity. Say something of which the wokerati disapprove, though, and the full force of the law will descend, especially in Scotland – the Scottish Government’s CENTORARCLCO-AONLFTLFA0ICC1T9E2M6MA8GA4GA4T0-U6K4 .ORG Hate Crime Act has even criminalised ‘hate speech’ in private conversations in the home. The woke are on a modern-day McCarthy-style witch-hunt. Foremost amongst them are the so-called greens – only they know TO JOIN YOU CAN CONTACT CENTRAL OFFICE, YOFOIUUNRDOWRMEEEBVESETINITNTEGS/SFBACYLCVOEIBSSOIETOTINOKG how to save the planet, and they’re determined to silence anyone VISIT OUR WEBSITE (WWW.MAG-UK.ORG - PAGES. who dares disagree. Think I’m exaggerating? As far back as 2009, CLICK ON ‘JOIN MAG’) OR SIGN UP AT A LOCAL MEETING OR MAG STAND. JULY 2022 91

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CLASSIFIED bacacecsskorisestreetclhotehrionegs INSURANCE JULY 22 95

PART 2 OUTSIDE THE CONTROL BUILDING TERRY WAS WITH SOME OF OUR FELLOW FERRY TRAVELLERS, POINTING AND LAUGHING AT ME AS I EXITED THE BUILDING WITH ARMS FULL OF DISCARDED CLOTHING, AND HIS CACKLE FILLED THE WAITING AREA – A SOUND I WAS GOING TO GET VERY ACCUSTOMED TO HEARING ON THIS TRIP. were beckoned on board, and a sweaty- WE looking deckhand waved us towards him. “Park your bikes as close to the side as you can, and tie them to the loops on the side – ropes and rags are on the floor.” With that, he went off to deal the rest of the vehicles nothing journey-threatening so I climbed aboard as the boarding behind us. I looked at the mess ferry doors opened up to the road to Europe. of rags on the floor and selected a couple of choice items to protect my bike from damage. Terry’d somehow found a It was a short two-and-a-half hour hop to Hoogveen on the sleeping bag, and was busy wrapping it around a rope. I found A28, a nice, smooth road through the flatlands of northern a rope that was already tied at one end to the hook on the Holland, close to the German border. The road may’ve been side of the ship – there was no way I could see to release it, smooth, but my backside was soon screaming for a break as so I assumed it’d be good enough. Side-stand towards the the single seat on the Yam started to disappear up the very loop, I put the rags over my seat, pulled the rope as tight as I crevice it was supposed to be supporting. We pulled over at could through the matching loop on the deck, back up over a a roadside café for a stretch and a bite to eat. The residents footrest, and through both loops once more. I tied it off with of the Nederlands have a very good command of English as the only knot I knew (reef knot), twice for good measure. a rule, but I was puzzled when the waitress asked: “Why have By the time I finished lashing down the Yam, he’d also you laid your bike over on the floor?” A quick glance out of the finished securing his GS. I glanced over and it was clear all window confirmed that my XS was nonchalantly resting on the those years spent lashing straw bales on to bouncing trailers surface of the car park, looking for all the world like a stranded hadn’t gone to waste; an intricate webbing of rope secured his insect, with handlebars scraping the ground, and footrests Suzuki, and there was no way it was going to budge. I gave the reaching for the sky. I made my way outside to right my fallen XS a cursory shake, it felt safe. “That ain’t going anywhere,” I steed and as I heaved it up, saw that the side-stand hung limply said to myself, and we made our way off the car deck up to the down – the lug holding it’d given up when I leant the bike’s ship’s bar, settling in for the seven-hour crossing to The Hook. weight on to it, and’d gradually detached from the bottom rail, The bar had its usual mixed bag of clientele; families with letting the bike slowly crumple to the floor. I found a nearby uncontrolled kids screaming and tearing around, old couples post to lean it against – this was to be the ritual every time we drifting around Europe in motorhomes, teens heading for stopped now, as the lug was completely loose from the frame Amsterdam, ripe to be ripped off in the cafes and bars, and us. and useless. I bungeed the now redundant stand to the frame, We were the only bikers on board that crossing, and we found and wandered back to the café and, as I entered, I was greeted a booth, stacked our helmets and jackets to stake claim to the by a cheer as Terry led the applause from the customers who’d table, and headed to the bar. All they had was Amstel beer… been enjoying my trials through the windows. ah, well, when in Rome, etc. A couple of beers (and a lukewarm steak and ale pie) later, Posteriors rested, we set off for the remainder of our we were both fast asleep in our booth, lulled off by the gentle journey to the small hamlet of Hoogveen. Before long we rocking of the ferry and the peaceful screams of small children. Six were seeing homemade signs pointing us in the direction hours later, the announcement came that we were approaching of the rally venue, and several large groups of very serious- our destination, and passengers should start to make their way looking bikers passing in the opposite direction (I admit to to the car deck. Our belongings were collected, and we made feeling a bit intimidated by them). We soon arrived, and were our way below decks. When we returned to our bikes, it looked greeted at the gate, in immaculate English, by the orange cut- as if the XS’d had a drink, too – somehow it’d slid down (in spite down crew. We were signed in, given our prized rally badges, of my excellent lashing-down) and was at a 45-degree angle, and directed to the campsite. What greeted us blew us away. It gently rocking on one footrest. The side-stand’d flipped up, was totally opposite to the traditional UK rally we were used to; and it was only the ropes preventing it lying flat on the deck. it was like a small village – hot showers, restaurant, brick bogs, Terry started cackling when he saw this, pointing his finger at and three huge halls for the evening’s entertainment. Our my sad-looking wheels, almost dancing with glee as he studied proximity to Germany was obvious as patch-wearing German my attempts at securing the Yam. “Your knots are undone,” he clubs were everywhere, happily mixing with the Dutch clubs, exclaimed. “It’s only the loop at the end of the rope that’s kept it slapping each others’ backs, and greeting other members off the floor.” Then, once more, he descended into fits of giggles like old friends. The soundtrack to this scenario was the deep before eventually helping me to get my bike upright and untied. and constant ‘potato, potato, potato’ of big vee-twins being I inspected it for damage (a graceful arc of a scratch on the tank ridden around the site, and Terry and I felt totally out of place, caused by a bolt protruding from the side of the ship, gear lever not least because we weren’t wearing what seemed to be a bit bent upwards, and handlebars raked forward), but there was compulsory leather chaps and studded wristbands. 96 JULY 2022 TO BE CONTINUED… TREVOR DOWLING

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T his was my first OVER THE LAST with saying that otters have slightly rally in nine WEEKEND OF APRIL, moist tits! So, there we were, in yet months, due to I WAS COMPERING another field, trying to ensure that the the privations marquees were set up as per the site of the pandemic ON THE MAIN plan I’d submitted with the licencing having put the STAGE AT THE applications and, once the corner mockers on so many events once INTO THE VALLEY pegs of the marquees were in place, again, and though I’d been looking RALLY AND, ON Mandy and I began putting up our own forward to getting back to rallies, THE SATURDAY colossal tent, which was to be our home and entertaining the finest audiences AFTERNOON, I and office for the next five days. The on the planet, I feel no shame in PRESENTED MY rain started as we pulled the tent out admitting to being somewhat less FIRST SMACKED- of its bag, and by the time we’d got the excited about the prospect of a ARSE COMEDY bugger up we were soaked to the skin, return to camping! SHOW OF THE YEAR. and my back and knees were screaming I quite enjoyed camping at events out for Gabapentin and Oramorph! (NB. even throughout the 1980s and erected for you on arrival at the event. When Khyam claim that a tent is ‘Quick the early 1990s when my camping (For further info see their Facebook Erect’, it ain’t necessarily so!) kit consisted of a 1960s single-pole page.) At least now I wouldn’t have canvas tent, a piece of tarpaulin for to go through the torture of crawling The following day we returned to a ground sheet, six tent pegs, and about in the wet grass, pushing pegs the site where Mandy and two other a lightweight sleeping bag with the into the ground on arrival and, on the volunteers set up more than 100 tables same tog rating as a dishcloth. In those Sunday, all we had to do was roll up and 600 chairs in the marquees, while I days I could happily sleep naked in our sleeping bags and leave! However, put in place the 70-plus new signposts a snowstorm as long as I was pissed despite having the luxury and relative I’d made at home earlier in the week, enough. By the latter few years of the comfort of ready-made camping, and and moved eight water points to allow 1990s, though, the relentless march of the great pleasure of introducing some for our new security dog zone around arthritis’d forced me to upgrade my kit excellent bands and presenting an epic the perimeter. to include a modern two-man tent, and comedy show, by the time we got back a somewhat more robust sleeping bag, to Manchester I was really feeling the By 2pm we had 40-plus volunteer though I was just as likely to crawl into effects of a weekend camping. I’m sure marshals on site, each of them them at silly o’clock in the morning and many older readers’ll understand when beavering away like the heroes they grab a couple of hours’ kip, still wearing I say the cold and damp’d seeped deep were to get the site set up and ready wet clothes. Over more recent years into my bones, and was making itself for the arrival of over 2,000 bikers. the whole camping thing’s grown to be known with every movement. Those so damned painful and uncomfortable who’ve never felt such torment should By Friday lunchtime, when the that I now thoroughly detest it, even consider themselves fortunate, and gates officially opened, the number when we have the opportunity to use should pack as much joyful foolishness of volunteer marshals’d doubled, but the trailer tent I bought six years ago. into their lives as they can before the we were still well short of the 125-plus Unfortunately, it’s currently in need ravages of age and infirmity come we usually had working on the event. of new wheels so, as Into the Valley knocking and demanding restitution! I’d estimate the average age of our approached, I contacted Jake at Carry volunteer marshals to be about 45 Nowt Camping – a lovely chap who, for Just three days after our return years old and, this being a fundraising a reasonable fee, will supply you with a from ITV, my lovely wife Mandy and event organised by the National good-sized tent and furnishings, ready- I were in a field near Knutsford to Association for Bikers with a Disability, meet the guys who’d be setting many of them suffer from disabilities up the two huge marquees and six and medical issues of their own. By the smaller ones for the 29th You’ve Been end of what proved to be an utterly Nabbed Rally. I’d been working on fabulous event, you could feel the pain organising this event since December, and fatigue emanating from many of and not one single aspect of it’d the marshals as they picked litter and been straightforward so far – some began disassembling the event. regular suppliers of infrastructure, and many traditional trade stands, hadn’t I’m writing this article exactly one survived the economic despair of the week after getting back, I’m just pandemic, and absolutely everything’d getting my pain levels back to normal, significantly increased in price due and I know for a fact that many of our to the runaway inflation caused by marshals’ve suffered similarly, or even the Westminster clowns. To say that worse, for their efforts, and it’s worth my stress levels were extremely high mentioning here that none of us receive would be an understatement, on a par any pay for these efforts. 98 JULY 2022 So why write this article? If nothing else, it’s a plea to all rallygoers to treat volunteer marshals with the respect they’ve earned and truly deserve! It’s also a plea to the hearts of some younger, fitter, bikers to volunteer to help the NABD with its 30th anniversary You’ve Been Nabbed rally in May 2023 by contacting Tina via secretary@ thenabd.org.uk because I, for one, don’t mind admitting: “I’m getting too old for this shit!” RICK HULSE

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