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SOUTH AFRICA the MONEY JULY 2022 EXPERT Kari SCALE YOUR BUSINESS TO Nautique MAKE MILLIONS Celebrates Summer the 10th Hustle Bootyversary! LOVIN' OURFAV MUST-WATCH THE ORIGINAL MOVIES STEAMPUNK WWW.FHMSA.CO.ZA R47.00 THE STORY OF 08190 GABE NEWELL 9 771562 469000





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CONTENTS 07/22 Taylor Ekman p10 Sara Blake p64 Jamming Online p18 Back on Script p72 Finding Religion p30 On the cover | Kari Nautique p40 Lana Mae p86 04 SUMMER LOVIN’ MOVIES 50 TITANIC & ME 78 BLAST FROM THE PAST Our most memorable must-watch 4`PJLILYNJVUZJPLUJL :\\WYHZOPM[ZPU[VHUV[OLYNLHY ÅPJRZ 54 DEAR JULIE 80 DELICIOUS DISHES! 18 JAMMING ONLINE -PUKPUNSV]LPUHJYV^KLKWSHJL ,HZ`WYLWTLHSPKLHZ The best games to play now 58 THE ORIGINAL STEAMPUNK 94 THE MONEY EXPERT 24 SILENCE IS GOLDEN The story of Gabe Newell :JHSPUN`V\\YI\\ZPULZZMVYTPSSPVUZ 6\\YMH]VYP[LUVPZLJHUJLSPUN headset! 72 BACK ON SCRIPT 3 30 FINDING RELIGION BMW’s latest X3 restores order PUHMVV[IHSSZOPY[ 76 PUMP & PLUG ACTION 4J3HYLU»ZYL]VS\\[PVUHY`UL^ KYP]L[YHPUPZOLYL

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LSMOUOVMVIMINEE’SR Summer is a wonderful time, filled with late afternoon barbeques, trips to the beach and just a feel-good time all round. And as much as we celebrate summer, movies do the exact same. Some of the best movies out there embrace the warm colors of summer to bring us the best entertainment around. Every year we deliver you our favorite summer flicks, here is our updated list of must-watch summer movies in 2022. JULY 2022 5

Grease E.T. The movie that inspired a One of the greatest films of generation and the movie that all time and arguably Steven instilled the idea of the sum- Spielberg’s grand opus, E.T. mer holiday romance. Even 44 is a timeless film, in which years later, this feel-good flick one boy takes on the ultimate still remains a classic. Australi- summer project of returning an good girl Sandy and greaser a strange visitor back to his Danny fell in love over the sum- home planet. E.T. is so popular mer. But when they unexpect- that Netflix’s Stranger Things edly discover they’re now in borrowed so many elements the same high school, will they from it wholesale, but with be able to rekindle their ro- good reason. Nothing screams mance despite their eccentric 80s summertime in the US than friends? It’s a movie that has E.T. itself. Even if only because been copied but never better you watched it on repeat as a and the songs are to this day child, this one is sure to have some of the best put on screen. you nostalgic for summers Times might have changed in long-gone. 2022 but summer lovin’ will al- ways be welcomed in this all- Adventureland time classic. In the summer of 1987, a col- Point Break lege graduate takes a ‘nowhere’ job at his local amusement The movie that made every- park, only to find it’s the perfect one want to become surfers course to get him prepared for in the early 90s is still to this the real world. Starring Jesse day a classic film. With Patrick Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart Swayze giving us one of his this coming-of-age film is in best performances as the surf- the same vein as Superbad and er/bank robber Brodhi fight- Knocked Up and creates that ing against the system. In Los nostalgia for anyone working Angeles, a gang of bank rob- a crappy summer job. With a bers who call themselves The great soundtrack and a feel- Ex-Presidents commit their good story, Adventureland is crimes while wearing masks the perfect place to start to get of Reagan, Carter, Nixon and that summer mood going. Johnson. Believing that the members of the gang could be surfers, the F.B.I. sends young agent Johnny Utah to the beach undercover to mix with the surfers and gather information. Keanu Reeves is as lovable as ever in the role of Utah and this action-packed film still delivers after all this time. Guaranteed to make you long for the days of chilling on the beach with your buddies watching the sun go down on a glorious sum- mer day. Just avoid the horrible 2015 remake. 6 JULY 2022

Mamma Mia! Caddyshack Yes, it’s another musical on the ESPN once called this the fun- list, but no one can deny the niest sports movie ever made feel-good summer vibes of this and it’s no wonder when you rom-com set in the beautiful look at the star-studded co- Greek summer scenery and lots medic cast. Chevy Chase (be- of singing and dancing. An in- fore he went all weird), Rodney dependent, single mother who Dangerfield and Bill Murray owns a small hotel on a Greek deliver some of their best work island is about to marry off the in this whacky 80s comedy. At spirited young daughter she’s an exclusive country club, an raised alone. But, the daughter ambitious young caddy, Danny has secretly invited three of her Noonan, eagerly pursues a mother’s ex-lovers in the hopes caddy scholarship in hopes of of finding her biological fa- attending college and, in turn, ther. Pierce Brosnan and Meryl avoiding a job at the lumber Streep shine in this updated yard. In order to succeed, he Broadway play. If musicals are must first win the favor of the not to your liking then watch elitist Judge Smails, and then this with the sound off as even the caddy golf tournament just the beautiful Greek vistas which Smails sponsors. The will brighten up your day. old saying of “they don’t make them like this anymore” has EƉŽĂŽƟŶŽ͛ŶƐĂsůĂ>ĐĂĂŵƟŽ- Ŷ never been more true when it comes to Caddyshack, a silly Chevy Chase’s second appear- over-the-top comedy that will ance on this list and arguably put a smile on your face. his best role ever. Clark Gris- wold was an 80’s icon, a bum- WBeerenkiee’nsd at bling idiot who always seemed to get himself and his family The 80s just did summer com- into crazy situations. And in the edies right and with Weekend days before the National Lam- at Bernie’s the classic run of poon name became an absolute good 80s summer vibes con- joke (not the good kind), Na- tinue. Two friends are invited tional Lampoon’s Vacation was for a weekend to a luxury is- a classic summer holiday mov- land with their boss. The boss ie. The Griswolds drive from gets killed and nobody seems Illinois to a California amuse- to notice, except for the two ment park. Along the way, they friends. In order not to become run up against car problems, suspects of murder they treat the death of a family member, the body as a puppet and make and more, but the often unreal- people believe he’s still alive. istic Clark is determined to give The killer wants to do his job his family the perfect summer so when he is informed that vacation. Regardless of how the stiff is still alive he’s got to bad your summer holiday is, it shoot him again, and again, and could never be as bad as the again. The premise is as silly as Griswold’s. one can get, but isn’t that the magic of summer? JULY 2022 7

Jaws Dirty Dancing When Spielberg’s first feature Nobody puts a baby in the film came out, it sent panic corner and nobody can perfect throughout real-life America this all-time classic dancing- as people quickly changed inspired love story. Patrick their summer beach trip plans. Swayze and Jennifer Grey Even though the panic resided deliver fantastic turns as star- through the years, Jaws still crossed lovers Johnny Castle remains one of the greatest and Baby. The dancing is epic movies of all time and set off and the soundtrack is an all- a streak of copycat “killer ani- time classic. Expecting the mal” films. IT features amazing usual tedium that accompanies performances from Richard a summer in the Catskills with Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw her family, 17-year-old Frances and is still one of the creepiest ‘Baby’ Houseman is surprised movies to watch on a summer to find herself stepping into the night on your beach holiday. shoes of a professional hoofer Yes, the shark looks as fake and unexpectedly falling in as can be, but the tension and love. I challenge anyone not to drama this film creates has yet get into it during the final dra- to be recreated over 40 years matic dance scene, it’s impos- later. sible. Of course, as with most classic 80’s films, it received a M&ŽaƌŐrsĞhƫalŶl Ő^ĂƌĂŚ ramke in 2017 that was dread- ful. Stick with the classics kid. When Sarah Marshall dumps aspiring musician Peter Bret- ^ƚĂŶĚLJDĞ ter for rock star Aldous Snow, Peter’s world comes crashing Arguably one of Stephen down. His best friend sug- King’s best adapted to mov- gests that Peter should get ie novels stars a young Will away from everything and to Wheaton, River Phoenix and fly off to Hawaii to escape all Keither Sutherland is one of his problems. After arriving in the greatest coming of age sto- Hawaii and meeting the beau- ries ever told. Gordon “Gordie” tiful Rachel Jansen, Peter is Lachance reads in the newspa- shocked to see not only Aldous per that his friend Chris Cham- Snow in Hawaii, but also Sarah bers has died. This takes us to Marshall. Starring Jason Segel a flashback to the summer of as the down-on-his-luck Peter, 1959, when Gordie, Chris, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a their friends were 12 years old wonderful comedy set to the and went looking for the body backdrop of some of the best of a missing boy in Castle Rock, summer scenery Hawaii has to Oregon. Along their journey, offer. And don’t miss out on the they meet more challenges fantastic Russel Brand as the than they could have anticipat- sleazy rock star Aldous Snow. ed and all do a lot of growing up. Stand By Me perfectly cap- 8 JULY 2022 tures the innocence of young boys going on adventures out into the wild.

IKŝĚno>ĂwƐƚW^ƵhŵatŵYoĞuƌ >ŝƩůĞDŝƐƐ^ƵŶ- shine We’ve all done stupid things during our summer holidays, Nothing says summer ad- that’s what summer holidays venture more than a roadtrip are all about. But when you across the country and in Lit- accidentally kill a man and tle Miss Sunshine the road trip try to hide the evidence, then takes center stage. When Olive you’ve gone too far perhaps. learns she has qualified for the And that’s exactly what hap- Little Miss Sunshine pageant in pened to the teens of I Know Redondo Beach, California, the What You Did Last Summer. As whole family makes a road trip they celebrate their high school from their home in New Mexi- graduation, four friends are co. The dysfunctional group go involved in a hit-and-run ac- on a road trip to help Olive ac- cident when their car hits and complish her dream, but, along apparently kills a pedestrian the way, they all end up com- on an isolated roadway. They ing together as a family in ways dispose of the body and vow that anyone who meets them to keep the incident a secret, might deem impossible. Look a year later somebody starts out for a wonderful dramatic sending them letters bearing turn by none other than Steve the warning “I Know What You Carrel, proving he is not just a Did Last Summer”. The 90s funny man, but can also convey was filled with slasher mov- some serious emotion. ies, yet this one was one of the best. Independence Day Clueless Not all summer mood movies are about finding oneself or Anyone growing up in the 90’s traveling to foreign countries. will have very fond memories Some movies like Independ- of Clueless. The prototype for ence day like to throw in some Mean Girls many years later. alien invading, Will Smith ass Cher has everything a high kicking action to liven up your school girl in a ’90s movie summer. On July 2, a giant alien could want: She’s popular, rich mothership enters orbit around and has access to all the cutest Earth and deploys several doz- clothes.When a new girl named en saucer-shaped ‘destroyer’ Tai moves to town and starts spacecraft that quickly lay school with Cher in Beverly waste to major cities around Hills, Cher decides to make Tai the planet. On July 3, the Unit- her social project. Soon, this ed States conducted a coordi- plan backfires when Tai be- nated counterattack that failed. comes more popular than Cher On July 4, a plan was devised and falls in love with Cher’s col- to gain access to the interior of lege-age ex-stepbrother, Josh , the alien mothership in space, just when Cher realizes she in order to plant a nuclear mis- also has a major crush on him. sile. It’s loud, it’s over the top If anything, you should watch and has loads of action, exactly this movie to see a young Paul what ever summer should have. Rudd, purely to prove that the It’s just missing a slap or two. man doesn’t age at all.

Taylor Ekman Model @taylorekman Photographer Kevin Talley | @KevinTalleyPhoto HMUA Misty Loggie | @mistyhmua 10 JULY 2022



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Such an absolute honor to have you I was given the opportunity to be featured to models? We are only our looks. Some on FHM! What are your plans this in FHM, duh! of the most intelligent people I know also year? This year I am focused on spending model! We don’t have “real jobs”. Not only time with family and friends. After two What would you say is your signature is modeling a real job, we also often work years of limited travel due to COVID, I look? A matching athletic set and a fresh full-time jobs in addition to modeling! We am hoping to explore new cities alongside pair of Nikes! don’t eat. You would be shocked at how friends and family! I also am bringing home many chips I can throw down at a Mexican a new puppy in September. I can’t wait! What is the fastest way to get a restaurant! smile on your face? A nice, full glass of What are you most looking forward Cabernet! Don’t judge. What is the best way to approach you to this year? Traveling! So far, I have New as an admirer? Be normal, haha. York, Kiawah Island, Jamaica, Florida, and What are some of your favorite Hilton Head on the docket! I can’t wait to outdoor activities? I love to hike! Where can our readers catch up with add more to the list! Growing up in North Carolina, I had access you and stay updated with your work? to some of the most beautiful mountains! If I stay most active on Instagram! Find me @ Top 3 best moments of your career? there is a good view, count me in! taylorekman. One of the coolest moments in modeling for me was actually going with my 3 ultimate deal-breakers when it We are so happy to have gotten to baby brother to watch him sign with a comes to men? Being rude to waiters. know you a little bit! Any last words modeling agency in NYC. It was such a Arrogance. You better be nice to your out there for our readers? I would say, proud moment! Another top moment as momma too! if any of you are ever on the fence about a model would be my first shoot. What a starting a new career or diving into a new hysterical moment to look back on – I was Never have I ever… Gambled in a casino. endeavor, never let age deter you. It is never so nervous! And no, those pictures will not too late to try something new. Better to try see the light of day. #awkward. Lastly, when Top 3 myth busters when it comes and fail than to never fail at all! 14 JULY 2022



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JAMMING ONLINE The best games to play now! 18 JULY 2022

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F1 22 So far in 2022, we’ve seen quite the change in the F1 land- scape, with brand new regulations as well as Ferrari returning to the top. So of course the brand new F1 game from Code- masters this year has also seen its biggest revamp in years. This is also the first year where new Codemasters owners EA has a big say on the final game. Yet the biggest question is, will this year’s iteration of the world’s most famous motorsport live up to the hype that its real-life counterparts have delivered so far? New Look, New Rules As is the norm in the majority of EA SPORTS yearly sports titles, expect to see all the latest car designs and liveries to match the real-life cars, but the biggest change from the gameplay is the new handling model that accurately replicates the feel of driving these new exciting F1 cars. If you’re an F1 game regular you’ll immediately notice the difference in han- dling, which is a most welcome change and challenge. You’ll also see all 23 F1 circuits featured, including the brand new Miami International Autodrome, with its iconic palm trees and 19 challenging corners. All of the tracks have a minor graphical overhaul to ensure that the tracks are as up-to-date as pos- sible. Another big addition is that of the Sprint races being added to 6 of the official tracks, now you can compete race weekends as officially as possible as the Sprint races adds an extra challenge to the race weekend. Although in career mode you will be limited to only the official sprint race options, in other modes you have the option to add a sprint race to your race weekend on any of the 23 tracks. New broadcasts options have been added as well to bring you closer to the full F1 TV experiences, including the formation lap that can be viewed as it would be on TV or you can participate in the formation lap yourself, with an added mini-game when you park your car in the correct start position. It’s a nice touch and adds to the drama of the sport. Pit stops have also a similar option, where you can choose between broadcast or participation, with the latter giving you a mini-game to make sure you get the best possible pit stop out there, but mess it up and you’ll lose valu- able seconds. For people that loved the story mode Braking Point in last year’s game, will be disappointed as there is no story mode this year, instead it’s been replaced by F1 Life, a new space for you to unlock and show off supercars, clothing, accessories, and more for the world to see. Currently, it feels a bit superficial and an opportunity for EA to press home micro- transactions, but we will see in time what they have planned 20 JULY 2022

for this new mode. Overall F1 22 is another great F1 simulation, although many might be disappointed with some of Code- masters decisions on certain game modes. If you’re an F1 fanatic then you’ll find enough here to keep you racing throughout the season, especially with the MyTeam mode also receiving minor changes like custom liveries etc. F1 22 is a very good racing game that just falls short of being the ultimate F1 game. JULY 2022 21

Salt & Sacrifice After the enormous success of Elden Ring, many of us will be looking for that next Soulsborne fix, and Salt and Sacrifice be- ing the perfect game to jump into after you’ve had your share of The Lands Between. For those that missed the 2016 Salt and Sanctuary, the game is a 2D side scroller that captures every- thing that made the Soulsborne games so good. A variety of classes with loads of weapons and armor, set in a mysterious world where everything wants to rip your head off. Salt and Sacrifice, the second game in the series continues this tradi- tion but throws in elements from Capcom’s Monster Hunter for good measure to deliver a game unlike any other.  Death Will Be Your Friend In Salt and Sacrifice, you are a Marked Inquisitor, you’ll jour- ney through the western frontier: pursuing, hunting, and oblit- erating the Mages that roam the realm. Craft unique weap- ons and armor from the otherworldly flesh and bones of the Mages you destroy. A once-peaceful kingdom is plunged into chaos by encroaching tides of Mages, merciless embodiments of elemental chaos. The Marked Inquisitors, a doomed force of the condemned, once again mobilizes to stand against the existential threat of Magic. A buried secret threatens to bring an ancient empire to utter ruin. In a land plagued by powerful and twisted Mages, the condemned Marked Inquisitors take up the hunt. Much like the games Salt and Sacrifice are based on, you’re given tons of unique weapons and armor to craft throughout your adventure, each providing the opportunity for you to improve your character and make taking down the mages slightly easier. Each mage successfully hunted down will give you powerful crafting items to customize your char- acter and weapons. It’s a fun upgrade system that might seem daunting in the early hours of the game, but towards the end you’ll be a mage murdering machine. The world itself is mas- sive with various hub worlds making up the map as you trav- erse the vast open spaces filled with scavengers, secrets, traps, and powerful guardians. Although slightly confusing when you start off, the world itself is a puzzle for you to figure out, you’ll eventually know each area like the back of hand, especially when you’ve unlocked the numerous shortcuts and late-game abilities. The combat itself might not be as detailed or intricate as an Elden Ring or Monster Hunter, yet it still maintains a steady challenge throughout. Salt and Sacrifice also includes a 22 JULY 2022

PVP element, and although quite similar to invasions in Elden Ring, it does have a unique feature where you can kill enemies to create your own “monster” to help take down other PVP players. It’s a lot of fun and definitely adds to the overall ex- perience.  Salt and Sacrifice is a worthy successor to its 2016 older sib- ling and fans of the first game will find a lot to love here. If you’ve just come off Elden Ring, it might take some time to ad- just to the side-scrolling action of Salt and Sacrifice, but once you click you’ll have hours upon hours of Mage hunting fun. Salt and Sacrifice is a cracking game and one of the surprise hits of the year so far. JULY 2022 23

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Silence is Golden For years now the battle for the premium noise- canceling headset has been hotting up. With Sony leading the charge others have caught up with the Japanese giants. Apple’s recent Airpods Max headphones were excellent and Bose’s update to their legend- ary Quiet Comfort range has made the competition even more fierce. But has Sony just revealed the best ever noise-canceling head- set with their update to their still impressive WH-1000XM4 head- phones from 2020? Spoiler warning: the answer is yes. JULY 2022 25

ŝīĞƌĞŶĐĞŝƐƐůŝŐŚƚ͕ LJĞƚƐŝŐŶŝĮĐĂŶƚ Throughout the last few years, Sony has cles between noise canceling and ambient changed the game when they released their aware settings and the second is the power award-winning WH-1000XM3 and WH- button that also stands in for the Bluetooth 1000XM4’s onto the world. For years Bose pairing. Anyone that has owned a WH- was the king of silence, but Sony stole that 1000 model before will feel right at home. title away from its main competitor with The USB-C charging port and 3.5mm head- some excellent cans. Now in 2022 Sony is phone jack is also present as per previous set to keep that crown with the release of models. The new redesign is not only for the WH-1000XM5, yes Sony does need looks though, it actually plays two crucial to work a bit on their naming for these. So roles in delivering the ultimate headphone the question is, what sets these apart from experience. First being the curvier design their predecessor? Well in terms of specs allows for wind-drag reduction, which and performance they mostly do the same eliminates that annoying distortion when as the iteration before, just better. The first out and about on a windy day. The second thing fans of the Sony cans will notice is is the doubling of the microphones points the new slick design, this first visual up- housed in the headphones. This provides grade in years and a welcome one. After the onboard noise-canceling processors two generations of largely-identical over- more audio data to analyze and improve ear headphone designs, the WH-1000XM5 active noise canceling performance with, as headphones are a significant departure well as doubling the amount of beamform- from their predecessors. The best way to ing mics near a user’s mouth for calls up describe the WH-1000XM5 headphones is from two on the WH-1000XM4s to four on that they’re a bit curvier than their prede- the WH-1000XM5s, massively improving cessors. It’s all a bit tidier, a bit sleeker and call quality.  a bit more modern. Sadly once again they are not water-resistant but that is a mi- Fortunately, even with all these additions, nor query. Yet the new design means they these headphones are actually lighter than cannot fold into itself as per the previous the previous model, as well as using ABS models which make them slightly less port- plastics that are made of recycled car parts. able than before. Fortunately, that’s where So not only is your new headphones lighter, the bad news stops, as the new design is they are also eco-friendly. Yet the biggest more comfortable, allowing for hours upon question still remains, are they better at hours of usage without getting that typical noise canceling than the WH-1000XM4 headphone fatigue. There’s ample padding model? The simple answer is yes, the more around the ears, and the cups twist and piv- complicated answer is yes, but only slightly. ot to suit all sizes, with just the right amount The WH-1000XM4 already effectively of clamp pressure exerted from the band wiped out low-frequency sounds, but the to keep them in place without squeezing XM5’s work harder at the higher frequency or hurting your head. That headband now zone. That’s in part thanks to the new 30mm smoothly extends too, rather than using the driver design that, while smaller than the stepped extension of earlier versions. The 40mm design of old, makes use of a high controls on the cups themselves haven’t rigidity dome and soft edge to take some changed much either, with the smart touch of the bite off of higher-pitched sounds. context-aware auto controls present, there What this means is that now your new pair are also two physical buttons, one that cy- of headphones are even better at canceling 26 JULY 2022

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out the noise from outside, something we must in almost every department. Yet if you own a say did not expect as the WH-1000XM4 was pair of WH-1000XM4’s then the upgrades already excellent in this category. Of course, might not be as significant as you would’ve noise canceling isn’t the only trick up the po- hoped, considering the new pair comes in more ny’s sleeve. Location Awareness is back and expensive than the previous model. So if you better than ever, with the headphones being own a pair of Sony’s then you might want to able to learn your daily routines and automati- hold off for now. However, if you’re in the mar- cally adjust the settings without you having to ket for new active noise-canceling headphones do anything. If the headphones spot that you’re then it’s a very easy decision to make, the Sony sitting still at home, they might jump to a less WH-1000XM5 are the best in the business and intense level of noise cancellation compared to will guarantee you hours of wonderful, wonder- while you’re sitting in the office, based on your ful silence. preferences. And if you’re out for a walk, it may pipe in more exterior audio to keep you safe while crossing the street. A more immediately useful and intuitive feature is the fact the WH- 1000XM5’s will automatically pause audio when removed from your head, thanks to a hid- den sensor in the ear cup. Leave them off for a little longer, and they’ll automatically switch off completely, saving your battery life. You’ve also got the option of connecting to two devices at once, switching between the two depending on what’s happening on each, such as to prioritize a notification. Worth the Upgrade? There is no question that the new WH- 1000XM5 is without a doubt the best noise- canceling headphone on the market, improving JULY 2022 29

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FINDING RELIGION IN A FOOTBALL SHIRT.  By Ian Kirke | Twitter @ianjkirke Confusion can be irritating, infuriating, and isolating. On the flipside, celebrat- ing uncertainty – whilst acknowledging that a lack of answers can be temporar- ily debilitating – can often lead to exciting discovery and personal growth. Not wishing to sound too much like a motivational speaker, I nonetheless confess that not knowing what I don’t know is generally a wonderful opportunity to slay the dragon of ignorance. I write about things that have puzzled, surprised, and over- whelmed me!  Religion has stumped me for most of my adult life, and now seems as good a time as ever to understand why.  JULY 2022 31

Apologies for the gobbledygook in advance that has shaped my view on life, what I do with red neighbors across the river Trent who, let’s but I believe that I don’t believe. Since belief it (especially on a Saturday) and how I spend say, have enjoyed significantly more on-field is a fundamental part of religion, I think that my money – often for little return. My enduring success, notably from around about the time I this clumsy definition of my present position faith is wrapped up in my football team – Notts became an ardent Notts fan.  accurately frames my confusion. Logically, County – a team that has fallen so rapidly from since I don’t believe – and evidence of this grace that I often question why I keep the This disclosure, although cathartic, wasn’t stance will follow – I suspect this makes me an faith, when despair and disappointment are moving me any further forward on my quest atheist, yet I celebrate religious festivals, got the usual outcomes. However, I keep the faith to solve the riddle of religion. I needed help. married in church, and make a beeline to sacred season after season. I guess most people don’t Following a series of rejections, false trails places when I travel the world. So on reflection, get it. It’s more than just a game. My roots, and patiently waiting – all the hallmarks of the does this make me a confused agnostic? To my rock, memories, especially of my late dad, initial stages of confusion – I held out, and sure add to the turmoil, I do believe that I have and what could have been. The latter is more enough fate (or maybe persistence) led me to faith. A faith that is so strong that it has been about choice – exercised as a youngster – when pastor and bible teacher Ron Bailey. I knew the an integral part of me since I was a kid. A faith I chose the black and white stripes over our path of inquiry I wanted to follow but first, I 32 JULY 2022

wanted to know about his journey.  brother and I needed to be committed given a crying baby being christened in church and Born in the Potteries of Stoke-on-Trent, half the respective endearing underdog status of wondered if this religious grab was evidence both teams. Yet Ron was moved in a different of early indoctrination. Although, from my a mile from Vale Park – the home of Port Vale – direction, even though it wasn’t immediate.  own experiences, the ceremonies seemed Ron quipped, “We could clearly hear when they nonetheless right even if I was less convinced scored!” An easy tap-in for me – “So not often “My father was a precision tool maker, by the divinity deed. Ron continued.  then!” Ron regained the lead – “Lots of us grew and my mother was a freehand painter in the up thinking the club’s full name was Port Vale potteries. We had no church connections. “I don’t think there was ever a time in Nil!” We had broken the ice.  Apart from one Sunday school class I never my life that I didn’t believe in God. I don’t went to church. At grammar school, we had know where that came from. It was just an Unlike my journey though, Ron’s football religious education lessons. Shortly afterward assumption that there was a God and I prayed heritage pretty much ended in his formative I was confirmed. I had been baptized as a at night.” Joining the choir Ron “absorbed” the years although his brother remains a passionate baby but that wasn’t of any significance to me. lifestyle of the Anglican Church although he Vale fan to this day. Funny how commitment Like you, I was, and continue to be, curious.” I was keen to add, “It was almost like a spectator can touch and take hold, or was it that both his reflected for a moment. I had witnessed many JULY 2022 33

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sport. I looked and learned but I was a rebel!  never ask the question ‘why?’ I didn’t think there was anything “But I am interested in know that there are animals that expected of me. This all changed make tools, so that doesn’t make when I saw a Billy Graham film religion, and I think it says humanity unique, but I don’t based on his Harringay Crusader. something else. There is a verse know of any that have a sense of I responded to his message in that obscure book in the bible their origins, curiosity, or sense realizing that Christ had died – Ecclesiastes – ‘God has put of destiny.”  for me. If the bible was true, he eternity in their hearts,’ and it is paid the penalty for my sins and my conviction that human beings Returning to my earlier that required a response from are interested in their origins disclosure Ron accepted the me. If someone saved your life and ultimate destiny.” This challenge – “You say you are a you don’t just walk away.” Was observation echoed my calling. confused agnostic. Amongst there a similarity of belief in both Notts embodied my origins and scientists, there are very few that of our journeys? A significant Meadow Lane was often my would call themselves atheists. trigger point that mapped out a retreat when life threw a curve Indeed, when the Atheist Society lifetime of conviction? Without ball at me. A place where I could put up slogans on buses even the intervention of my dad at be in a crowd but, if I chose to they were forced to say – ‘there that precise moment in my life be, alone in my thoughts. Our is probably no God.’”  who knows how different my ultimate destiny? Back into the future would have been. My English Football League and the There are several religions Notts County journey had been reclaiming of our place in history in the world. Are they all significant and like Ron, I just – the oldest football league club correct or are some further couldn’t walk away.  in the world! Ron added, “This up the league?  notion is expressed in other “They can’t all be correct. Following a career principally religions, but there is some seed Logically you cannot have two in the corporate world of finance, which needs, I think, a point of opposing statements which deny Ron spent three years at bible reference and I don’t think that is one another, and they both be college before becoming a pastor an accident.”  right. Logically they could both and preaching in over twenty  be wrong.” I found this disclosure Ron added, “I also think refreshingly candid but confusing countries. Now a local we have an instinctive moral too, although I had little measure elder at the New Covenant code – not that we necessarily since I wasn’t familiar with any Christ Church in Bracknell, his obey it. The conscience is like a religion save a smattering of commitment to serving God has spiritual smoke alarm. When it Christianity by reason of birth. spanned sixty years.  goes off the body reacts to it.” I However, Ron did concede that had lost count of the times that I there were important insights in Can you have faith without had experienced that feeling and almost all religions.  religion?  Ron’s metaphor was uncannily Smiling, Ron responded, “Yes, accurate.  “I am a Bible Christian and I think you can to a degree. I my first point of reference – my have faith without religion.” “Putting all of these things ultimate court of appeal – is the Well, I wasn’t expecting that! side by side I have an instinct Bible.” He then outlined the He continued, “I belong to a to ask the question ‘why?’ One construction of the scriptures non-conformist church. There of the failures of modern-day using terms I had heard of but are no rituals, I don’t know what culture and science, with which I never fully understood. “It saint’s days are when and I don’t am fascinated, focuses upon the contains two separate books – do anything for lent.” This guy question of ‘how?’ I am interested the Old Testament or Covenant in space, time, and particle and the New Covenant. Two physics but these disciplines JULY 2022 35

occasions in which God entered into a unique I have two incredible children and once and reciprocal relationship with disciples had a beautiful wife. She died of cancer creating a sense of belonging. The New at fifty. Why should anyone turn to Covenant is a new bond with God made religion when they lose a loved one so possible through Jesus Christ.”  early in their life, let alone a child?  “That is the ultimate question and there are no “For me, there is another kind of proof of slick answers to that one.” I remained passive. the general trustworthiness of the scriptures. My silence was intentional – I wanted to Ron War brings out the worst and best in people. to fill this vast void that had left me icy cold I’ve been to Auschwitz twice and cried my way towards the notion of a benevolent God let through the place. An unbelievable horror.” alone any religion that could stand up to this Ron then untangled humanity from the rest of level of scrutiny.  the animal kingdom, which only slaughter for food or protection, by acknowledging that we “I start from the opposite side of that are the only species who kill for dominance, question.” He paused before adding the most leading him to the conclusion that there is horrific personal experience, “I lost my son something inherently defective within our to a drowning incident in South Africa when genetic makeup. “I believe that is what the he was twenty-two. He was brilliant. Having Bible calls a sin.”  been to Oxford he had just accepted a full scholarship to Harvard.” Ron didn’t have to, Using a powerful modern-day descriptor but he continued, “We have seven children. Ron reflected upon the Lord of the Rings My daughter, in her mid-forties, is profoundly author J.R.R. Tolkien – a catholic – in which handicapped. She only has two words, “Hello” one of the infamous rings was dedicated and “Apple,” I think because her name is to the human desire for power. Given the Abigail, and she possibly thinks her name dysfunctional prowess of mortals Ron is Apple. I am not without pain. I haven’t pondered a recent news report about the breezed through life.”  use of drones. “I was watching a piece about the use of drones for getting help to isolated My clumsy attempt to spark some form of people. Then a later newsfeed carried a sanctimonious bidding in the grief stakes was story about the same technology being used humbly disassembled by Ron who elegantly in warfare.” Ron’s conviction was that this summarised my original position as – if this is craving of power was a uniquely human how God behaves how can I believe? Indeed, characteristic, before concluding, “The Bible why would I want to believe? Spot on. Pray is, in my opinion, the only thing that tries to continue.  give an answer to this dilemma.”  36 JULY 2022

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Returning to his unequivocal faith Ron concluded that How do you respond to the Karl Marx quote, God’s love was beyond explanation or description. “Why “Religion is the opium of the people”?  did this happen to me? I don’t know. But I believe that one Ron immediately stumped me, since I thought this day I will and, in the meantime, I trust – another word for statement would catch him off-guard. I was utterly wrong! faith – in God.”  “I think there is a lot of truth in what he said.”  Although disappointed that this revelation left a He continued, “This is why I don’t think of myself as being chasm of conjecture, for a brief moment I felt envious. religious. Often religion is another expression of power, Having recently attended the funeral of a friend’s son I used to control people.”  couldn’t disentangle my own reflected grief in attempting to answer the terrible question – what if this happened to Returning to his Christian faith Ron qualified his me? How could I process it? And would the rest of my life assertion, “At its heart, Christianity is a relationship be dedicated to this impossible question at the expense of between two people – the one who needs saving and the everything else that is important and beautiful in my life? one who is the savior. You cannot apply that doctrine to Being able not to make sense and to await an answer had the masses.” Ron declared that sometimes that power had its obvious benefits. Yet I couldn’t shake off the sense of to be confronted.  frustration in not knowing the answer.  Providing a poignant example, Ron spoke of the Ron, no doubt sensing my anxiety, brought a welcome not-so-glorious days of the British Raj on the Indian modicum of levity, “You speak of having faith in Notts subcontinent which nonetheless prohibited the Hindu County. Faith is when you put your whole weight behind custom of burning widows on the funeral pyre of their something. Putting all of your eggs in one basket.” Then deceased husbands.  he asked me a fundamental question, “Would you risk your life on Notts?” Of course not was my response. I was keen to push this philosophical inquiry “Then you have hope in Notts – which is nonetheless further and remind Ron of the legendary presumption legitimate – even if it is a hopeless hope.” He had seen our contained within The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, latest result, hadn’t he?  a wonderfully irreverent science fiction series created by Douglas Adams, first aired on BBC radio in 1978, that 38 JULY 2022

went something like this – to in purgatory – rather like the with my childhood need to ask believe in God you need faith, National League?  the question “why,” a phrase so whereupon as God appears the consistently and often annoyingly need for faith immediately ceases Finding it difficult to disguise uttered by my own children resulting in God disappearing his amusement at this analogy during their formative years. in a puff of logic. Ron smiled Ron responded in his usual I had to admit that these early and nodded his head eagerly in effervescent manner, “Of course, years were probably the best response, acknowledging the I don’t believe in purgatory years of my life and writing had cleverness of this observation.  because there is no trace of that given me a second chance to pose in the biblical revelations – that those spectacularly innocent and “I would want to examine is a Catholic dogma.” I stood thought-provoking questions.  what he means by logic because corrected!  you cannot disprove the Returning to his earlier existence of God by logic. It is “I think that for some people admission of his avid interest in not possible in logic to prove the football is a religion. It consumes particle physics Ron concluded non-existence of something. That them. A thing of passion.” I was with a joke, “An atheist and God is an axiom of logic.” As I mulled clear that Notts County had not were having a conversation when over this apparently convincing consumed me, but I couldn’t the former declared, ‘We don’t retort Ron had me smiling again, argue with the second-half of his need you anymore since we have “It’s an interesting anomaly to match analysis.  all of the answers. We know me as to why so many people exactly what happened as a result who say they are atheists, like the “I am interested in so many of the big bang. If we have the actor and broadcaster Stephen things; however, the Bible is a right dirt ultimately we will be Fry, for example, get angry about unique book because it finds able to create life!’ God simply something they don’t believe in!” me where I am – it really speaks replied, ‘Get your own dirt!’”  I guess that was me told!  to me. There are other books with amazing insights but, in my I began this journey with a Isn’t religion just like opinion, the Bible does this so certainty that religion and God football – our cultural consistently – and this reliability were things that don’t logically heritage often preordains makes it believable.”  exist. I met Ron and found that what we should believe, and we shared many of the same like football, we generally In summing up his conjecture attributes  keep to one team throughout Ron disclosed a fascinating our lives?  insight into his logic – “So I – a spirit of curiosity, a I reasserted this statement believed, then I thought about frequency to ask the question by reminding Ron that as a things with strict logic and “why” and a keen sense youngster I had a stark choice having made a leap of faith then of humour. Although our – Notts County or Nottingham it is only logical to me that I want individual trigger points at Forest and some would argue to know God and serve him. which we discovered our own that I made the wrong decision. Thus, my God does not disappear interpretations of faith vary, our But then again, I had stayed in a puff of logic!”  conviction was not that much loyal since. My supplementary different. However, I am still to question followed, asking Ron “Atheist, Professor Alice be convinced of many things – to consider the simplicity of Roberts, has written a book and that isn’t a bad position to be unwavering allegiance, and called ‘The Little Book of in. I also discovered that God was querying why those that didn’t Humanism’ that proposes that alive and kicking in Ron, as is my believe in religion were often, the key questions we need to faith that in the not too distant for example, destined to exist ask are the ‘how’ ones. I believe future Notts County will be this is a denial of human nature back where they belong – in the as we are innately curious about English Football League!  things.” We are – and I am! Perhaps I have reconnected JULY 2022 39

Kari Nautique Celebrates the 10th Hustle Bootyversary! Model @kari.nautique Photography by @rlbphoto88 HMUA @beautybymichellev Agency The Looking4Larry Agency | www.looking4larry.com PR LSA | @leo.alderman @lsapublications Written by Alex Watkins 40 JULY 2022

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2012: Kari Nautique is named the Playboy The #HustleBootyTempTats supermodel Cyber Playmate of the Year. She tweets brand has certainly expanded exponentially out that she wants a temporary tattoo of from its humble roots as a hysterical the “Heyman Hustle” website’s logo so conversation between Playboy’s sexiest she can wear it to the beach in a thong. digital superstar and the disruptor of WWE legend Paul Heyman, co-founder of the sports entertainment industry. The New York City’s Looking4Larry Agency, current #HustleBootyTempTats supermodel retweets Kari’s comment and adds a roster includes the World’s Most Beautiful hashtag. Athlete, Paddleboarding Champion (and #HustleBootyTempTats #supermodel mother of four kids) Jala Sue; International Film Festival Best Actress Laura Petersen; The modeling business would never be 2022’s hottest new supermodel (as named the same. by FHM) Summer Soderstrom; Pam Anderson’s heir apparent to the claim 2022: Victoria’s Secret has abandoned of being the Queen of the California the “Angels” concept. Sports Illustrated’s Beach Blonde Bombshells, Miss Lynnie annual Swimsuit edition is no longer the Marie; fitness champions and female home for the most beautiful bikini, body empowerment gurus Whitney Johns and paint, body tape and swimwear models in Ali Lee; and – as just confirmed by FHM the world. Instead, it’s a politically correct, UK – the newest addition to the roster, all-inclusive showcase that has left the top “The Beauty From Budapest,” London- of the supermodel world wide open and for based swimwear and lingerie sensation the taking. And that’s where Paul Heyman’s Borbala Kreutz. disruptive “anti-influencer” influencer brand #HustleBootyTempTats has seized the To celebrate the 10th “Bootyversary,” Kari moment and climbed to the very top of the Nautique was photographed exclusively analytic and metrics charts for the always- for FHM and the Heyman Hustle website trending “supermodel” category. at a $25,000,000 USD estate in Lake Las “The #HustleBootyTempTats supermodel Vegas, Nevada. “This is what I’ve dreamed brand has taken on a life of its own,” Kari of doing since I was a little girl,” Kari exclaimed during FHM’s interview with gushed. “It may sound funny to say, and the breathtaking beauty. “We take the even funnier to read, but I want to be an work very seriously, but we never take inspiration to a whole new generation of ourselves seriously. I think that’s the key to little girls who want to grow up to be a the success of the brand. We do it all with #HustleBootyTempTats supermodel!\" a wink and smile, and you can tell we are having the time of our lives creating this We here at FHM can't think of any higher content!” aspirations! 46 JULY 2022



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