SOUTH AFRICA MAY 2022 What's A Musical ON TV HUN?BEST GENIUS STREAMING SERVICES ED SHEERAN’S OUT THERE! ASTONISHING SUCCESS For the GROWING MEATLOVERS! UP, NOT 6 TASTY RECIPES OLD NEW YOU GOTTA TRY! POLO GTI IS WWW.FHMSA.CO.ZA R47.00 REVOLUTIONIZED! 08190 Bl'aDqQuLHOeOHr a 9 771562 469000
IT’S GREAT TO BE A MAN FHM South Africa is published by Untapped World Publishing (Pty) Ltd in South Africa for South Africa. Material in this publication, including text and images, is protected by copyright. It may not be copied, reproduced, republished, posted, broadcast, or transmitted in any way without written consent of Untapped World Publishing (Pty) Ltd. The views and opinions expressed in FHM South Africa by the contributors may not represent the views of the publish- ers. Untapped World Publishing (Pty) Ltd as well as its employees accept no responsibility for any loss that may be suffered by any person who relies totally or partially upon any information, description, or pictures contained herein. Untapped World Publishing (Pty) Ltd is not liable for any mistake, misprint, or typographic errors. All prices shown are in ZAR. Any submissions to FHM South Africa become the property of Untapped World Publishing (Pty) Ltd. MAY 2022
CONTENTS 05/22 Jessica Ramirez p12 Lily Rage p64 Gotta risk it for the biscuit p30 Nissan’s New Navara p72 A Musical Genius p58 On the cover | Danielle Blaquera p40 Christina Wehry p86 04 FAME HUNTERS! 30 GOTTA RISK IT FOR THE 76 HYUNDAI’S N-DIVISION BISCUIT Expert tips to make yourself Pokes its crossover with an angry famous Has being risk-averse robbed us of a stick ride? 08 WORKING FROM HOME 78 GROWING UP, NOT OLD 50 THOSE WERE THE DAYS Top laptops for the hybrid era New Polo GTI is revolutionized! Why school days were the best 18 GIMME MORE GORE! days ever! 80 FOR THE MEAT LOVERS! Horror games you’ve gotta get! 58 A MUSICAL GENIUS 6 tasty recipes you gotta try! 26 WHAT’S ON TV HUN? Ed Sheeran’s astonishing success 94 TIPS FOR STARTUP SUCCESS Best streaming services out there! 72 NISSAN’S NEW NAVARA Advice on how to make it big in tech! Why bigger is way better! 3
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THE EXPERTS SPEAK Mark Cuban, Zack Teperman, Jordan Belfort aka The Wolf Of Wall Street and David Meltzer Give FHM Readers Some Advice! MAY 2022 5
a little older, thus getting served at the Horse and nose! Why was this impressive? Well, I finish the commitment? The panic was clearly and Jockey just around the corner from the tried to act all grown up but if I attempted visible on my face and my fair lady asked if I college was easy. Then I encountered grown-up to inhale those ghastly fumes I would end up had done this peculiar act before? I had done women and one in particular, Alison. With long coughing uncontrollably. My solution was some pretty hazardous stuff thus far in my life dark brown hair, she was a couple of years older to take a drag on my Marlboro, hold it in my like traveling on the London Underground on and dressed like a hippy. She was so cool that mouth for a short time, then blow it out with my own and had eaten a Vesta beef curry that she was the hottest human being that I had a confident swagger. When Alison and her my Mum had prepared from a packet without ever clapped eyes on. Considering that up to friend suggested one day that we go drinking kicking up too much of a fuss but cadging a lift this stage I had never had a real girlfriend, in a in Brackley, about 12 miles away, who was I home was in a different league! I didn’t even conventional manner where you at least hold to disagree? I was willing to bunk off treble have a ten-pence piece to ring my Mum and ask hands and snog, my love gauge was somewhat maths too. As I recall she summoned a nerdy her to pick me up, yet if this had been possible deprived of actual field data. My romantic life guy who had a car and lived that way to give us I figured that Alison would have disappeared was somewhat more promising when I was six all a lift there. The afternoon then comprised from my life forever. Then I reassured myself and Maureen Sullivan, who lived across the of drinking, laughing, looking into her eyes that the three of us, with Alison at the helm, street, promised to show me her tits every day from a distance, and drinking some more. would be home shortly. The gravity of the if I eventually married her. She broke my heart The local beer was allegedly brewed with the situation was of blackhole proportions when when she and her family moved to Australia nearby canal water and the potency led me to the girls shooed me away from their kerbside two years later. the conclusion that they had not bothered to pitch understandably stating the obvious that filter out the barge diesel and mud. Come late no motorist in the history of hitchhiking had Alison drank wine. How classy was that? And afternoon we were merry and penniless. The ever stopped and picked up three people, smoked too! I mean she really knew how two girls then announced that they would be unless, I suspect, the party was wholly female. to handle a cigarette in that she inhaled the hitching home. What the fuck was that? Wasn’t Gingerly holding my thumb out in the classic smoke and expelled it through her mouth the nerdy guy coming back with his wheels to pose, I waited, waited, and waited some more. MAY 2022 33
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Then a car slowed, and my heart missed a beat, and spoke gracefully about her dogs and how just maybe I would get home in time for tea. As she bred them albeit not as obliquely or crudely I turned to make for the passenger side door the as my earlier ride. This was altogether a more vehicle kept on going and pulled into the layby pleasant experience and she offered me lemon where the girls were smiling broadly. I don’t sherbets along the way. As she bid me farewell know what came over me but like Usain Bolt, at a busy roundabout (the ideal hitching point) I made up the distance, grabbed the rear door she reminded me that her favorite canine was handle and I was in along with my much prettier sweet-tempered, intelligent, and easy to train and college chums. I had, like the famous Susan Jeffers I should seriously consider having one. I affirmed quote, faced the fear and done it! From then on that I would although forty-one years later I in for the next four years, I was a hitching junkie, haven’t got round to fulfilling this particular thumbing to several far-flung parts of the country promise. to visit friends and follow my football team Notts County. The following accounts are probably not The big juggernauts were the best. Climbing up in chronological order albeit collectively they the metal ladder to the cab after the hissing of the illustrate the variety of people I met, the scrapes I hydraulics had brought those kings of the road got into, the ones I avoided but more importantly to a shuddering standstill was pure theatre. The how a relatively bashful adolescent was exposed height afforded the best view ever, but the inside to life in an era that didn’t seem to rely on a was just as captivating. Many had purpose-built continual reckoning of the inherent threats or cabins with a TV and single bed and the magic of vulnerability. the open road coupled with the freedom to set up camp virtually anywhere was, for a short time, ‘Ash can man’ picked me up in Bagshot, Surrey a compelling career choice. My all-time favorite en route to Bristol to see an old school friend was a mega truck that had around eighteen gears in a flatbed lorry, dropping me at Membury that the driver magisterially played like a church Services between junctions 14 and 15 on the M4 organ. The only thing I regretted was never motorway. A pretty ugly-looking chap, he took eating a Yorkie bar when aboard one of these great delight in talking about his exploits with incredible workhorses. numerous women and his preference for the ‘Ash Hitching a ride to Luton Town football club was can’. My own hitching etiquette required me to relatively easy and I arrived hours before the 3pm nod enthusiastically to whatever my purveyor of kick-off. Chatting to some of the County fans a free ride was chuntering on an about even if I resulted in being offered a lift on the supporters didn’t actually grasp the full meaning. When it club to the Northampton turn off on the M1. dawned on me that he was describing putting his The day got progressively better as we thrashed “you know what” in the not so usual “you know the Hatters 1-0 before I gladly climbed aboard where”, I was incredibly grateful to see the signs a comfortable coach that was surprisingly for the petrol station and restaurant. Funny how surrounded by a posse of police motorcyclists. losing my virginity some years later (with my As we left, the bricks started to bounce off the Julie in Mayrhofen, Austria) encouraged a more large coach windows as several home supporters libertarian perspective on such matters. bade us farewell. This was 1980 and football Cocker Spaniel lady was quintessentially British hooliganism was still at its peak. I was dropped MAY 2022 35
off and managed to get a connecting lift into positive side, he had picked up on my desire anticipated ten-day stint since we ran out of Northampton also known as the Bermuda to holiday with my mates and suggested that money. Beer and chips were aplenty and I Triangle of hitchhiking. I must have been we stay in his caravan just outside Blackpool, happened to lose a few coins on the Golden stranded there on at least four occasions, once offering to give my best mate Robert and I, a Mile on the penny slots and the Big Dipper at getting so weary that I entered a local police free lift all the way. Having learned not to look Blackpool pleasure beach when gravity pushed station and asked to spend a night in the cells a gift horse in the mouth I readily accepted and my ass into my mouth and my pockets full of where I was told in no uncertain terms by the in no time at all we were holed up in a shitty change scattered across the concourse below. I officer at the desk to Foxtrot Oscar. little number on the driveway of this enormous had done the no money gig before and getting A distant relative had visited my parents. I can’t fuck off house. Being joined by a friend from home, with Robert in tow and two suitcases recall his name or how he was actually related Hereford, who had played it safe with a return was going to be a doddle. Echo chamber mouth to me, but I do remember that he was a gob train ticket, the Enid Blyton parody of ‘3 kindly dropped us off somewhere on the M6 shite Preston North End supporter. On the drunks fill the chemical loo’ lasted shy of our where we promptly hid our baggage behind a 36 MAY 2022
road sign and stuck out our thumbs. When the old-style Roller pulled up and I climbed aboard. Godzilla when it was pumped into action with mini stopped we both felt that this may have It was like entering my Grandma’s lounge its choke extending beyond the rear bumper to be a gracious spurn but give the guy credit after she had paid top dollar on a new suite of on a cold winters day. This incredible piece he strapped everything in, and we were off. furniture from Owen Owen, except this had a of machinery glided like a ballerina executing As we edged home and passed the signs for steering wheel ably caressed by a charming old the most exquisite routine from Swan Lake. Northampton I breathed a sigh of relief. gentleman donning a cravat. I felt compelled On reflection, I think the owner was lonely as to wipe my feet and hang my coat up although before dropping me off at college he stopped at I always said that if I ever got picked up in a just as disorienting was the noise or the a pub, and he bought me a beer as we continued Rolls Royce I would metaphorically hang up distinct lack of it. My Dad’s cars in keeping our conversation about cricket, a sport I know my hitching thumb for good. In Adderbury, with most others of the day had engines that fuck all about. just south of Banbury my World Cup winners didn’t shirk from dominating the airwaves medal was presented when a gleaming white and our first car, a Ford Anglia, sounded like It is only fitting to conclude with a couple of near misses where I performed the hitchhikers MAY 2022 37
equivalent of a goal-line clearance both of which started in itch as his manipulation of this region of his body became very mundane circumstances. The battered old Land Rover almost industrial in scale. Once the penny dropped and all came to a screeching halt as the evening was drawing in and of my lemons lined up in the fruit machine of my mind, the the yeti of a driver reached over and flung the door open. A realization of what ‘all the way’ actually meant encouraged few pleasantries followed as he crunched the gears and tried me to complete my first bailout as traffic flow conveniently to light his cigarette. At one point I thought his beard was slowed. more likely to catch fire but in fairness, he juggled the huge steering wheel, that ought to have been attached to a boat, When I bought my first car in 1982 I did return the with igniting his roll-up. Then, without warning, he dropped favor although I was frankly disappointed with the lack of a gear, killed the lights, and drove straight over a roundabout conversation. I always believed that it was simply manners with such velocity that I instantly pictured the Roger Moore to engage with the person who had stopped to give me a free barrel role over a river in the James Bond film The Man with ride. On joining the police and having the discipline code the Golden Gun. Only did I briefly see the blue lights behind forced down my throat I guess I felt less inclined to risk in the wing mirror just prior to the thud of the vehicle hitting my career should I inadvertently pick up the next Boston tarmacadam on the opposite side causing my wisdom teeth Strangler, and so my hitchhiking days fizzled out. to protrude from my ears. He then calmly negotiated some nearby country roads, turning left and right and left again Today I always take a peek at a potential slip road, before pulling over and apologizing. His crime? Oh, nothing roundabout configuration, or layby just to carry out a to sweat the small stuff about, he was simply disqualified scene recce although I haven’t seen an extended thumb in from driving. years. Am I right in my initial assertion that life has got that more risk-averse? Do the majority of us still adhere to the As I approached the outskirts of Oxford on my way back five-second rule when food is accidentally dropped onto home to Bicester I gleefully told my temporary chauffeur the floor? Does anyone walk onto a pebbly beach nowadays that any roundabout on the ring road would be fine. He without Crocs on? When sitting in the back of a car do kids then calmly stated that if the circumstances were right he still wind down the window when Mum or Dad is driving at would take me all the way, coincidentally rubbing his crotch 60 mph to inflate their mouths like giant toads? If not what as he did so. Goodness he must have had one hell of an the hell has happened to the human race and perhaps most importantly of all, whatever became of you my sweet Alison? 38 MAY 2022
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Bl'aDqQuLHOeOHr a Model @danielleblaquera Photography by Ryan Dwyer | @letshoot PR Services @mainstreetproductions HMUA Bridget Martinez | @bridgetzglam 40 MAY 2022
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Such an absolute honour Collective as a one-stop for But let me curl up with my man to have you on the cover of future brides to find their glam watching a movie and let me get FHM! What has your journey team for their wedding day, and in a really good snooze – I’m in as a certified bombshell been most recently we just launched heaven! like so far? Thank you - I’m our Artist Management division really happy to be featured on the where I have a strong team of 3 ultimate deal breakers cover with FHM! I’m just your extremely talented hair and when it comes to men? (1) regular girl next door who’s really makeup artists that I now Complacency and laziness – it’s grateful for the opportunity to manage. I discovered that many a major turn off (2) Disrespect/ feature with you! of my peers are struggling to keep Cheating – I really pay close up with the growing demand of attention to how a person treats We are blown away by your our industry and I wanted to step and speaks to and about others. drive and professionalism, up and fulfil that need – as Artists It’s very revealing (3) Clinginess can you tell us what some of we just want to focus on creating – I really value my alone time and the things that motivate you gorgeous looks, not emails and independence and feel like it’s to stay on top of your game contracts! So, I’m really excited important to maintain a healthy are? Hands down, my Ohana - to be providing support for my relationship my family. They are by biggest peers in this way! I have huge supporters, and I just want aspirations for Pure Essence Where would you say is your to represent them and make Beauty Collective and my team! favourite place to be in the everyone proud! world and why? Honestly, it’s What is your favourite chill not a place. It’s with whom. As Top 3 best moments of your time activity? I’m a huge book long as I’m with loved ones I’m career? (1) When I dropped worm, I LOVE to read! I just home. all my college courses halfway finished ‘Untethered Soul’ by through the first semester and Michael Alan Singer and just What is currently playing on enrolled myself into Beauty started ‘Think Like a Monk’ by loop on your playlist? Kaskade School – I really had to prove Jay Shetty. That, or you can find – Love Like That myself to my parents with me in the gym. this move! (2) I left beautiful Where can our readers southern California and moved We are taking you out on your catch up with you and stay across country to Nashville, TN. ultimate date and we really updated with your work? The I didn’t have a job, or a living want to knock this one out only platform I’m active on is space lined up – I made it by for a the ballpark, what would Instagram - few months before my funds got that entail? Whatever we do, @DanielleBlaquera really slim. I had only enough to I absolutely LOVE it when my pay for next months’ rent or to man opens my car door! I don’t We are so happy to have go home. I decided to stay, that know what it is, but it absolutely gotten to know you a little same month I landed a gig going turns me on! I guess you could bit! Any last words out there on tour with a band doing hair say I’m a simple girl with simple for our readers? Thank you and makeup. Living on a tour needs! so much for having me on the bus wasn’t very glamourous but cover, it is truly an honor and I’m I got to travel and meet so many What are, hands down, your so grateful for the opportunity! people - It was a very unique absolute favourite things to For anyone who wishes to keep experience! (3) Opening up my do? Gosh this may sound silly, in touch and show support I’d bridal business earlier this year, but I absolutely LOVE to take like to invite you to join me on Pure Essence Beauty Collective. naps! It’s not very often I get to Instagram to keep up with all the I launched Pure Essence Beauty have a lazy day or rest these days. latest! Until next time 45
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