Po13_15_Ally_Pally

No Country for AldredThe 2015-16 Fantasy Met League hauls itself wearily over the finish line andthrows away its spikes en route to the pubHow sad! Another largely forgettable season of game theory and horse trading is at an end.In suitably shambolic fashion, and not to build up the suspense or anything, Jacob has won theleague, thanks to Mark George only putting five ladies in his final team, the clot.However, Jacob didn’t win the last fixture...

The Deadly Baker’s Dozen does the Business!‘Fix’ allegations latest scandal to rock athletics Manager Team Men Women + TotalDan M Dan's Deadly Baker's DozenJacob H Jacob's Crackers 45 117 6 168Angela H Angela's GrindersRebecca P Piggs in muck 62 103 165Jonathan H Hopkin's HamphibiansJoe M Joseph's Starlings 62 99 161Sam T Thompson's Tanlines Take TwoLeigh J Goonballs 42 109 151Jerry O I only need one legClaire S Sliwerski's Slippers 70 74 6 150Chris H Hartley's TartsChris S Shipley's Shower Of... 39 109 148Jane H The DependablesMark G Mark's Miracles 64 84 148Emilia Best of the restGabi J I'd rather be cycling 55 89 144Gavin Parish Acme Mud & SulphurAdrian L Mud, Sweat and Beers 35 106 141Kris M Kris's Cross-Country Kick-FinishRachel N Mud Sharks 48 93 141Martin P Potter Luck!Jessica V Beet Routes 28 103 131Alison H Harrow's Wheelbarrows 39 89 128Izaiah T-F Izaiah's Triers 43 84 127John M Charge of the McKnight Brigade 54 73 127Kim B Kim's Cross Country Kings & Queens 15 109 124Sue R This Time 68 56 124Rich M It's just ten 800 reps in the mud 40 78 118Matt C Matt's multi terrainers 59 52 111Tim N Counting from the end 38 73 111Dom J Slippery Mudders 23 87 110Jonathan L The fastest runner in the world 23 86 109George S Fush n Cheeps 39 68 107 Isn't there a marathon round a car park I could bePhil H running? 27 79 106Gareth M Forlorn to Run 50 55 105Cathy J Jeremiah's Jumping Jesus Lizards 37 68 105Brian B Brian's Lions 47 52 99Jesper L Jesper's VespasOllie P Boggers 52 43 95Paul M Godolphin-CCCPZac Float In AC (Finish Line Of A Track Is Not A Cloakroom) 35 45 80Gavin Evans Born to RunMark K Team CABAB 47 25 72 26 49 75 24 46 70 12 55 67 23 43 66 34 23 57 19 38 57 29 22 51 15 16 31 15 16 31 12 16 28 22 5 27 15 11 26 18 2 16 11 11 0

What went down at the PalaceThanks to an anonymous tipoff* a few players got wind of the fact that popular pick Cathy J wasn’trunning on Saturday. Jacob wasn’t in on the gag, and it cost him his third win of the season, not thatanyone’s complaining (except possibly Jacob).*Ok, it was CathyLooking at the scores, with most people’s ladies’ teams scoring way more highly than their men’steams, it seems our ladies are more reliable and have a much more settled pecking order than ourmen.What happened at the top of the leagueLeague standings TotalJacob H 575Mark G 536Gavin Parish 499Sam T 496Dan M 495Just when I was beginning to think he might be some sort of genius, Mark George didn’t bother tocheck the special ‘eight ladies’ rule for the final fixture. Doh! Female equality came back to bite himas Jacob opened up a forty-point gap to win his third straight title, blast his eyes. Gavin Parish justheld on to third place from a fast-finishing Thompson.The sack race: what happened at the bottomLeague standings TotalPhil H 132Zac 123Mark K 121Gavin Evans 110Well, Gavin may not know his way round Trent Park, Regent’s Park, or, indeed, any other part ofLondon, but he certainly knows his way to the foot of the table. He’ll be getting a wooden spoon atthe XC awards evening, possibly with bits of curry on it, depending on whether I can be bothered towash it between now and then.None of the bottom three changed their teams for the final fixture; Phil did change his team (and putin the correct number of women) and still did fairly horribly.

Who’s won the cup?Just to make things extra foolish, I came up with THREE possible scoring systems for the final fixture.One was selected at random and is currently in a sealed envelope in my underwear drawer. Even Idon’t know what it is.I emailed all the cup managers before the last fixture and told them to expect one of the following: 1. Your highest scorer divided by your lowest scorer. Eg if you get the best runner (20 points) and the back of the scoring C-team (1 point), that's 20 divided by 1 - so 20. In the event of a tie, second-best divided by second-lowest, etc. So you need to have a good spread of runners throughout the field! 2. Sunday League scoring: your runners get points according to their field position. (Eg if Chris Hartley comes 140th overall, he nets 140 points). No-shows and A teamers get 1000 points each, lowest total score wins! 3. Aggregate time! I really hope it's not this one, because that would mean a lot of maths. No shows and A-teamers are given the same time as the slowest person in the overall field.In fact, the maths for the last one wasn’t too bad (it turns out there was a guy slogging round AllyPally for 1 hour and 4 seconds at the weekend. I wouldn’t like to smell his socks.)My current plan is to open the envelope and find out which scoring system we ended up with (andhence, who actually won) at the cross country awards night on 13 March.What I can reveal is the finalists’ scores: Manager Cup 1 Cup 2 Cup 3Chris S 4Gavin Parish 4 6011 08:51:21EmiliaMartin P 6.666667 8614 10:30:00Tim N 6936 09:59:22Gareth M 2.5 8720 10:39:32 6.666667 6274 08:48:57 2.857143 10562 11:22:36(*Emilia scores highest on Cup 1, by second-highest/second-lowest scorer)So, it’s either Chris Shipley (who made it all the way round the course on Saturday, bless him), Emilia(who made it all the way round in a pair of road shoes apparently) or Tim (who hasn’t shown up allseason, as far as I can recall).Well done to those three and commiserations to the other finalists. Now I have to make sure I don’tlose that envelope.

Most Valiant PloddersSeason totals:Chris Hartley 2534 Colette Monahan 1826Ben Wolfe 1168 Ula Cartwright-Finch 1264Sam Thompson 830 Alice Hosking 876In a distinctly unexciting development, Chris proves to be the Jacob of MVPs, scooping his thirdstraight gong for the men. Big Bad Ben Wolfe huffed and puffed round all five courses to finish adistant second, while Tanlines Thompson picked up a third place as bronzed as the bottom half of hislegs.On the ladies’ side, Colette wins herself a lucky dip in the McKeown medal bag on the back of fiveextremely impressive races. It was a great debut season for Ula C-F, who quickly established herselfas a smart pick and finished a good few points clear in second place, ahead of the ever-dependableAlice Hosking (variant spellings made a right bloody mess of my spreadsheet this week).Flaky Lurchers and shameless gamesmanshipCaptain Cathy J would seem to be an ideal candidate as she left 25 team managers hanging thisweek. On the other hand, she was a good sport and basically stopped Jacob from crowning hisseason with a win. Hopefully, she’ll be back running again soon, but in the meantime, she’s inlurchers’ corner.Joining Cathy in the doghouse are Jacob Phillips, Paul Mercer, Ed Adams and Allan Whatmough (seecover of report). Allan probably gets let off as he’s volunteered to supply home-brewed prizes forthe League and Cup winners.For a brazen attempt to bend the rules, I think it’s worth mentioning Captain Chris ‘Oops, I pickednine men again’ Hartley, who emailed me at 12:15 on Saturday from the course at Ally Pally, to saythat he’d like to take Jacob P out of his team (after just having spoken to Zac and found out hewasn’t coming). Needless to say, I wasn’t having it.So good they’re badJonathan Hopkin managed another fine run at the Palace, leaving 15 managers with a Hopkin-sizedheadache and no points to boot. Some of you also picked that Dan McKeown guy (Martin Potter, I’mglaring in your direction. How did that turn out for you?)

Player profileName:Dan “man flu” MadamsCross country pedigree:He’s generally got a note from matron but in times of extreme adversity (egthere’s a danger of us not winning the Met League vets trophy), he’s prepared tocome and get stuck in. Or at least, get stuck.Sanity of picking him for your team:How can I put this delicately? I’d be prepared to give pretty long odds againsthim challenging for MVP next year. Still, he showed up on Saturday, so maybeit’s the start of a Dan Madams renaissance.__________________________________________________________________________________Thanks very much one and all for playing this year and congratulations to our winners and MVPs!__________________________________________________________________________________Don’t forgetThe Heathside XC evening of back-slapping and nepotism is scheduled again for the evening ofSunday 13 March, after the Finchley 20.We’ll celebrate a season where we were unceremoniously stripped of our Met League Division 1championships for women and old men. On the plus side, we picked up a gong for having the fastestold ladies, so that’s something.More importantly, I’ll be dishing out the Fantasy League prizes, so make sure you’ve got theevening free!