Women's View Magazine March 2022

VOLUME 16 | ISSUE 3 MARCH | 2022 Inspiring, educating, empowering and celebrating women in our community MAGAZINE ThWiniglds More inside: Of Business and Benevolence The Campos Sisters Raising Boys, Raising Girls Differences, needs and what works Resources to turn to Support for the Karen Chandler Trust Enthused with the Environment Yard and garden tips; mushroom magic Lucky libations and Irish Cuisine Drink recipes from Paddy’s Irish Public House Edibles from the Emerald Isle It’s A Woman’s World: Falcon

Close Letter from the Editor VOLUME 16 ISSUE 3 As a young mom, I loved to read Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice PUBLISHER Sendak to my kids. A true children’s classic, the tale of Max and the wild Bill Bowman, F & B Publications beasts he tames was one my daughters loved to hear again and again. [email protected] While make-believe, the story that unfolds as Max gets sent to bed EDITOR without supper for threatening to “eat his mom” is one that realistically Crissy Neville happens in homes everywhere and every day. To get back at her for [email protected] the punishment, Max runs away — on a boat — to the home of the wild things, inhabited by beasts which do some threatening of their own. PRODUCTION MANAGER/ Donning wolf-life pajamas, fearless Max hypnotizes the beasts who GRAPHIC DESIGNER declare him the wildest thing of all. A wild rumpus ensues, but, as it is Dylan Hooker with kids, Max soon bores of the game and decides to sail back home, where he finds his supper waiting —and still hot! [email protected] Although Max misbehaves, he OPERATIONS DIRECTOR discovers his mother still loves Paulette Naylor him and forgives his misdeeds. This book’s timeless message is [email protected] one of parental love, rooted in God’s love for us. MARKETING REPRESENTATIVE Linda McAlister We are all wild things at heart, aren’t we? The Women’s View [email protected] Magazine March issue explores Wild Things, from the natures of DISTRIBUTION DIRECTOR/ people, children to adults, to the SALES ADMINISTRATOR curiosities and wonders of good Laurel Handforth ol' Mother Nature. We celebrate St. Patrick’s Day by featuring food [email protected] and drink recipes you will surely want to try and local difference MARCH CONTRIBUTORS makers which once you learn Bridget Gibbons about, you will love to support. Lynne Smith Great stuff, but if you are like me, the greatest thing Angela Berry Lewis lies in always finding the proverbial supper waiting, Jelia Coleman-Hepner and still hot! Amy Stidham Are you interested in writing? Consider contributing an article or pitching a Patrick Gibney story idea to WVM. We want to elevate your voice. For more information, email Parker Poole 2 | M [email protected]. Be sure to like us and leave comments Allison Davis on our Facebook page. Mary Miller 2 | MARCH 2022 Audrey Hasslocher Susan Cooper Williams Crissy Neville WOMEN'S VIEW MAGAZINE 208 ROWAN ST. FAYETTEVILLE, NC, 28301 PHONE: 910-484-6200 FAX: 910-484-9218 Women’s View Magazine is for, by and about women in Cumberland County. Published by F&B Publications in conjunction with Media Marketing Management. ©2022 by F&B Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction or use of editorial or advertisement without permission is strictly prohibited. Various vector sources credited to © Freepik and © Vecteezy. Association of Community Publishers

Inside 4 WOMAN'S SPOTLIGHT March Pamela Story is a Cumberland County Schools social worker of high merit and with even higher motivation when it comes to helping others 45 through her career and community service. 8 10 12 14 5 AN IRISH FEAST Bridget Gibbons knows how to plate up the perfect Irish meal. Ready 18 your taste buds for these recipes taken straight from the Emerald Isle and served up in her Sandhills kitchen. 20 28 8 THE CALL OF THE WILD Contributor Lynne Smith reminds us that even if we sow those wild oats, we can still turn our eyes towards heaven. Once we do, we will find God waiting for us and willing to forgive. 10 FRIENDS FIGHTING CANCER A beach music festival this month provides the perfect opportunity to remember the late Karen Chandler, a popular local musician who lost her battle with breast cancer in 1999. Come out, enjoy live music and support the nonprofit trust started in her name. 12 OUTDOOR ALMANAC Gardening expert Amy Stidham writes the first of what will be her quarterly feature on all things yard and garden. With spring in the air, it’s time to get back outside. 14 SERVE AND SIP Get to know the female mixologists from Paddy’s Irish Pub. They share their favorite Paddy’s drink recipes with you, too, just in time for St. Paddy’s Day! 17 POETRY PAGE Local poet Parker Poole is back. The Fayetteville native and Catawba College graduate has poetry published in two North Carolina anthologies. 18 BUSINESS AND BENEVOLENCE Meet the Campos girls, sisters by birth and business partners by choice. Their creative endeavors are making a real difference in the lives of Cumberland County kids. 20 THE MIGHTY MUSHROOM Allison Davis from Apple Crate Naturals shares a starter guide to the six most popular, best-researched and wild mushrooms native to North Carolina. 22 RAISING BOYS Boy moms can unite behind the wise words of contributor Mary Miller. An experienced mom to two boys, now men, Mary teaches workshops on what works in raising sons. 25 RAISING GIRLS Not to leave out the girls, contributor Audrey Hasslocher shares her experiences as a mom to three girls. Learn about the unique needs of girls in this informative and reflective read. 28 IT’S A WOMAN’S WORLD, FALCON Welcome to Falcon, the small eastern Cumberland County town where “people working together” is the motto and history the hallmark. 2022 MARCH | 3

SWopomtlaignh'st premier professionals dedicated to as a chance to learn and grow. helping all students graduate college Dealing with and helping schools Pamela Story and career ready. cope with the loss of students from suicide as a member of the district A staff report CN: What is your educational and trauma and loss team is the biggest professional background? work challenge I face. Sadly, this is C umberland County Schools becoming more prevalent than in social worker and Fayetteville PS: I am a proud graduate of E.E. years past. native Pamela Story was Smith High School, North Carolina recently recognized as The North Central University and the University CN: Please share some about Carolina Homeless Liaison of the Year of North Carolina School of Social your family life, hobbies and any from the North Carolina Homeless Work at UNC-Chapel Hill. I have held community involvement activities Education Program of the North a variety of social work positions in important to you. Carolina Department of Public other fields and have been with CCS Instruction. She was also named The for almost 30 wonderful years. PS: I am the proud mother of an adult National Homeless Liaison of the Year daughter who resides in Denver, from the National Association for the CN: Please describe a typical day on Colorado, and two wonderful adult Education of Children and Youth. your job. What do you most enjoy bonus children, one who attends Women’s View Magazine Editor about your work? Hofstra University and the other Crissy Neville held a Q&A with one who lives in Alexandria, Virginia. Pamela to learn more about her PS: As a member of the student I love popcorn, sweet tea, driving many achievements. services team, I can say there is really my red Volkswagen convertible not a typical day in the school system. Beetle, reading and anything to do CN: Please share with WVM Hosting and attending meetings and with elephants. readers your name and profession? consultations, responding to crises, Can you give us details about supporting students, parents and Service to my family, church, and the your specific job or role here in staff, visiting schools, coordinating Fayetteville community is enjoyable Cumberland County? events and helping to ensure to me; I currently serve on a variety of compliance with federal mandates boards and commissions including are just a few tasks that take up the Cape Fear Valley Board of my time. Trustees, the Cumberland County Public Library Board, the Boys and Growing up, one of my dad’s pet Girls Club, The Find-A-Friend Advisory names for me was “Little Busy Bee.” Board, the Communicare Board and Not much has changed, I am still the Salvation Army Advisory board. little, and I still like to stay busy. I am grateful for the opportunity to work in this role at this appointed time in my life. It is a position that allows me to make a difference in the lives of children experiencing homelessness through no fault of their own. I work with an outstanding team of school social workers, educators, mentors and community partners. PS: Hello, I am Pamela Story. I serve CN: What are any challenges you as a member of the wonderful CCS face in your line of work? student services team in the roles of social work coordinator and homeless PS: Because I try to see the glass as liaison. The system serves over 50,000 half full rather than half empty, I strive students and is one big family with very hard to approach life’s challenges 4 | MARCH 2022

Eating and Entertaining the Irish Way By Bridget Gibbons Photo credit: Kathryn Tate Irish foodfocuses island, Ireland has an abundant the nickname \"Emerald Isle.” Be on what is supply of fresh seafood. Irish farms sure to use Irish butter in these locally available, are typically small by our standards recipes, too! For beverages, pass emphasizing root vegetables ― and self-sustaining, not focusing so out Harps Lager or glasses of potatoes, of course, carrots, turnips. much on one crop as is common Jameson, Paddy's or Teeling's Crops we raise as spring or autumn here in North Carolina. Corn is not over ice. vegetables ― cabbage, broccoli, grown, but wheat, barley and oats Brussel sprouts and lettuce all like are abundant. Almost every farm I have included the recipes for Ireland's cool, damp climate. One has a few sheep, cows and three to a special Irish meal of lamb, thing you won't see, however, is four horses. colcannon, steamed and lamb stew. No Irish farmer would browned vegetables ― Brussel make stew from a young lamb as Now for a special St. Patrick's sprouts, onions and carrots ― and stews are saved for less tender, less Dinner, start with appetizers of Irish soda bread. Finish this fine expensive cuts on meat. crackers, Kerrygold cheese and meal with a delicious dessert, smoked salmon with cream gingerbread with caramel sauce Pork is popular because it is tasty cheese. The Irish dairy products after it is cured and doesn't take are special, probably due to the and whipped cream, also known as much land to raise a pig. As an incredible grass that gives Ireland sticky toffee pudding. Enjoy! LEG OF LAMB Lamb and venison are regularly prepared in Irish cooking. Serves 8-10 Ingredients 1 leg of lamb, deboned and about 5 pounds 4 cloves of garlic, minced Olive oil Garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste Mint jelly, optional Mustard-Rosemary Sauce 4 cloves of garlic, minced 1/4 cup brown or Dijon mustard 1/4 cupfresh lemon juice 1 tablespoon fresh rosemary, smashed in a pestle or very finely chopped 1/2 olive oil or canola oil ½ teaspoon black pepper or to taste Instructions Butterfly the leg of lamb for ease of grilling. The best flavor comes with medium-rare ― reddish-pink inside, not red-red ― so get your grill as hot as possible. Brush with olive oil, and coat with garlic powder and pepper. Grill until the meat is slightly firm to reach medium- rare, or use an instant-read thermometer in the thickest part. Place on a preheated platter, cover with foil and a towel and let the meat rest 10-15 minutes. Vass resident Bridget Gibbons has Irish ancetstry from both her mother and father, going back to County Mayo and County Cork. Living on a farm with a menagerie of livestock and pets, she finds cooking at the end of the day relaxing. Her last WVM contribution was in the \"she shed\" article from September 2020. 2022 MARCH | 5

before carving. Cut the lamb in slices and serve with mint jelly or the mustard rosemary sauce, which you prepare by mixing the garlic, lemon juice and rosemary. Let it steep or rest for 30 minutes or more before adding the remaining ingredients. Whisk and note the mixture will separate, but don't worry; whisk again before serving on the sliced lamb. COLCANNON― IRISH MASHED POTATOES Serves 8 Ingredients Half of a large or one very small head of cabbage 6-7 large russet potatoes, peeled, cut into large chucks 1 cup milk ½ stick of unsalted butter, plus more for serving Small bunch of or about three green onions, tops only 1 teaspoon garlic powder Salt and pepper to taste Instructions Heat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Core the cabbage and cut into quarters or smaller and steam until barely tender. Take the steamed cabbage and cut it into pieces about the size of a quarter or a half-dollar. Steam the potatoes until very done, then mash with the milk, adding just enough to make them fluffy, not creamy. Sprinkle the mashed potatoes with the garlic, then mix in the cabbage and green onion tops. Place in a casserole dish, add the butter to the top and place in the oven until the top starts to brown. BRUSSEL SPROUTS, ONIONS AND CARROTS Serves 8 Ingredients 1 ½ pounds Brussel sprouts ½ pound or one small bag fingerling carrots ½ cup olive or canola oil 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon of each, dried parsley, sage and thyme 1 teaspoon each, salt and pepper 2 tablespoons honey Instructions Steam the Brussel sprouts and carrots until barely tender. Mix the oil, herbs, salt, pepper and honey in a bowl. Coat the sprouts and carrots and place them in the oven to brown. Roast for 25-30 minutes, tossing halfway through the cooking time. Serve immediately. 6 | MARCH 2022

IRISH BROWN SODA BREAD Makes 1 loaf Irish soda bread is traditional Irish bread. The dough for Using a spoon, make a little well in the center and the bread does not use yeast, but instead bicarbonate pour in about 1/2 cup of buttermilk. Add the butter of soda (baking soda) which is the rising agent here. or oil to the buttermilk. Beat with a fork to blend with The stores will likely have soda bread around St. the buttermilk. Slowly add the buttermilk as you mix Patrick's Day in the deli section. It will be easy to find with a stout spoon or your hands. Don't use an electric the white flour kind, possibly with raisins. But if you mixer; this is heavy dough. Add buttermilk until a stiff, have the time and want the authentic version, try this sticky dough, like biscuits, forms. It should not be the recipe given to me by Mrs. Bridget Gavin of County consistency of cake batter. Galway, Ireland. It also uses special flour. Wholemeal flour is called graham flour here in the U.S.; it is coarsely Sprinkle the batter generously with the self-rising flour. ground and has a nutty taste. Purchase it from Roll the mixture around in the bowl until coated. Place Whole Foods or on Amazon. I recommend the brand the ball of dough in the skillet and flatten or on the cookie sheet; slice across in the top (to let the Devil out, Hodgson Mill. according to Mrs. Gavin). Ingredients Bake for about 30 minutes, or until the bread sounds 3 cups wholemeal flour hollow when tapped. Serve with plenty of butter. This 1 cup self-rising white flour. bread reheats nicely in the microwave for breakfast, 1 1/2 teaspoons each of salt and baking soda wrapped in a paper towel. My husband is particularly 1 and 1/4 to 2 cups full-fat buttermilk fond of it with orange marmalade. 2 tablespoons melted butter or vegetable oil Butter or jelly for garnish, optional Instructions Heat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease a 10-inch iron skillet and place it in the preheated oven. You can also use a greased cookie sheet if you do not have an iron skillet. Combine the flours and leavening ― salt and soda ― in a large mixing bowl. Blend well with a whisk. directed on the box with the necessary ingredients. Bake as directed in either a square pan or, to fancy it up, in a large muffin or cupcake pan, so everyone has an individual cake. Top with caramel sauce. Caramel Sauce 1 cup sugar 1/3 cup water 1 cup heavy cream or half and half 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2-3 tablespoons butter pinch of salt STICKY-TOFFEE PUDDING (GINGERBREAD WITH Combine 1 cup sugar and 1/3 water in a heavy bottom saucepan. Heat slowly to melt the sugar, then turn the CARAMEL SAUCE AND WHIPPED CREAM) heat up and cook, constantly stirring with a wooden Ingredients spoon until the mixture turns light amber. Remove 1 box gingerbread mix from the heat immediately, and continue stirring, 1 teaspoon cinnamon adding in the cream, vanilla and butter. These additions 1 teaspoon ground ginger will cool and stiffen up the sauce; reheat in the pan over low heat, if and when desired. Combine the boxed gingerbread mix with the cinnamon and ground ginger in a bowl. Prepare as To serve, warm the gingerbread and spoon over the warm caramel sauce, top with sweetened whipped cream. Split the squares or individual cakes and put a bit of sauce in the center, then some over the top. This final touch makes it truly sticky, gooey and wonderful. 2022 MARCH | 7

Of Prodigals, Pigs and a Promise By Lynne Smith Wild thing. than in Luke, chapter 15, in the Holy Bible. You have probably heard or read the story of the prodigal You make my heart sing. son. Two sons are blessed to be living a good life on their father’s estate when one day, the younger son You make everything groovy. decides he is no longer satisfied. With little regard to his father’s authority or feelings, he asks for his share Such goes the tune “Wild Thing” by the English rock of his inheritance. Why? So, he can run to a faraway band The Troggs. The theme continues here in the place on which he has set his heart. That younger March Women’s View Magazine. Oh, to be wild ― son wanted his way instead of his father’s, and untamed, not subject to restraint, uncontrolled, a despite what must have felt heartbreaking, dad let little reckless. Perhaps we have all lived that word in him have just what he wanted ― his way. one way or another. We have seen things happen we could not imagine in our wildest dreams. We get a What happened to that younger boy is a good wild hair or play our wild card. We are sent on a wild reminder of what happens to any child who goose chase. We claim wild horses could not drag demands their way rather than living on the good something out of us. We take a walk on the wild side, counsel of a wise father. After the fun, money and or maybe we sow some wild oats. friends run out, after the wild living has taken its toll, that beloved son finds himself in the middle of a It’s that last one that hits a little closer to home famine in a foreign country, starving for all the good for most. Who has not been guilty of living for things he once took for granted, things, his father oneself with little regard to tomorrow or to the once provided. He becomes so desperate that he consequences that will inevitably follow? takes a job feeding pigs. It has been said that “Sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you I can’t think of a greater example of some wild living longer than you want to stay, and cost you more Lynne Smith is a Fayetteville native who worships with her family at Snyder Memorial Baptist Church. She has a hard-working husband of 37 years, two sons who aim to be just like their dad, two God-given beautiful daughters and two very well-loved grandsons. She is in her seventh year serving as a Snyder MOPS mentor. 8 | MARCH 2022

than you want to pay.” Can I get a witness? But the BOONE TRAIL story does not end there because in that place (with the pigs), that boy “came to himself.” Perhaps, it MARCH MADNESS was only after he had come to the end of his rope, GET MAD ABOUT YOUR BODY! but thank goodness, he started to come to his senses. In that wretched place he had willfully and HOME OF THE 30-MINUTE WORKOUT deliberately created from his folly, the rebellious boy remembered the goodness of his father. No more CLASSES miserable person exists in the world than a child who has fallen out of fellowship with his father. That Monday - Thursday: child is even more pathetic than a child who never 5:30am/6:15am/8am/8:45am/10:30am knew that fellowship, for you see, that wayward child remembers. He knows what he is missing. And the 4pm/4:45pm/5:30pm/6:15pm memory of a father who loves unconditionally and Friday: patiently begins to draw such a child back to right thinking. 5:30am/6:15am/8am/8:45am/10:30am Saturday: This story is not as much about a wild, wasteful 8am/8:40am son as it is about that father ― that loving and compassionate parent. From a long distance away, Sassy Seniors: you see that good father saw his child coming home, not because he was ready to say, “I told you so” or Tues/Thurs 10 am • Sat 9:30 am “You did this to yourself,” but simply out of love and Buy a 6, 12 or 18-Month grace. He did not expect the child who broke his heart to now have to earn his forgiveness. He gave Paid in Full VIP membership. it. He had never given up hope. I am sure that father Get a 2nd one for a friend had been keeping watch, looking expectantly and @ 30% off and a T-shirt. praying earnestly for that one who had gone astray. DINAH GOODMAN Have you ever set your eyes on a distant land, one your father did not intend for you? Have you ever Master Coach Personal Trainer squandered your father’s good gifts because you wrongly believed something better was out there 3039 Boone Trail Ext. • 910-889-1155 awaiting you? If so, rest assured you are not the first child to break a daddy’s heart or take his kindness www.facebook.com/FitBodyBooneTrail/ and patience for granted. Biblical commentator 2022 MARCH | 9 Warren Wiersbe said, “The prodigal learned the hard way that you cannot enjoy the things money can buy if you ignore the things money cannot buy.” Money cannot buy forgiveness. Money cannot purchase a clear conscience. Money cannot buy the right relationship with your Heavenly Father or others. In this story from the Bible, this wise father offered his son what money could not buy, a way home, a second chance and a clean start. Just like the prodigal’s father, our heavenly Father sometimes leaves us in that place of our choosing, in that far away land, long enough to teach us what we refused to listen and heed the first time. Sometimes, some of us have to learn the hard way. We take the long way home. But once we turn our eyes towards heaven, we see our Father waiting. He promises. “The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise as some understand slowness. Instead, He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9 ESV Do you know the love of a good Father like that? Oh, the joy of being forgiven, the joy of returning home!

The Karen Csthoaryndler By Jelia Coleman-Hepner I n 2021, an estimated 1.9 million people were diagnosed with cancer, resulting in 608,570 deaths in the United States. Prevalent in all walks of life, cancer is a frightening disease with its effects weighing patients down mentally and physically. Meant for good, cancer's main treatments, chemotherapy and radiation, reap havoc on patients' bodies, causing weakness and fatigue. These regimes can overcome patients so severely that they cannot work or function normally. Thankfully, nonprofits like The Karen Chandler Trust help remove financial barriers for cancer patients here n Cumberland County. A well-loved local musician and used to create the organization community of cancer patients in single parent of two children, on October 6, 1999. Also known as Cumberland County. Its mission Karen Chandler passed away the Immediate Response Team, is to support cancer patients from an aggressive form of breast members of this organization and their families and promote cancer on August 4, 1999. Karen's go above and beyond to help community awareness. brother Mike Chandler and other cancer patients and their family members and friends immediate families. According to the organization's created the nonprofit website, KCT accomplishes its KCT in her memory to support \"It's not about us; it's about those mission by: other cancer patients. The we can reach, touch and help that • operating through a 100% Carolina-based 501 (o) charity are in desperate need,\" said Mike. assists with cancer's nonmedical \"Cancer is a bad disease, volunteer board, so that every costs such as rent, food, utility bills and outcomes are usually not dollar raised goes to assist and transportation. good; so many struggles and get local patients; behind financially, and we need • helping patients with rent/ \"Our purpose here is to help to help them.\" mortgage payments, utility cancer patients; that's what we bills, transportation costs, are all about,\" said Mike. \"And as Since its inception, KCT has groceries, etc.; long as I have breath in my given over 1 million dollars to the • skipping the \"Red-Tape,\" body, I will continue to give, which allows us to react give and give.\" After Karen's death, the funds from her trust were Fayetteville native Jelia Coleman-Hepner is currently a graduate student living in Raleigh. With a bachelor's degree in mass communications, she formerly worked for The Fayetteville Observer and The Paraglide. Business, relationships, parenting, entrepreneurship, events and women’s issues are topics she enjoys covering. 10 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2

quickly to help those in need; Karen was known to perform with children under 12 get in free. • holding annual fundraising her band, The Karen Chandler Band, around the city. Still, \"Bring your friends, family and events, which offer a format during her months of dealing pets,\" said Mike. \"We just want you through which we can with radiation and chemo, she to have a good time, and it's an educate our neighbors about became very sick and started to all-day affair.\" the hardships and needs limit performances, but her love of faced by local cancer patients; music didn't completely stop her Two requirements exist for cancer • and assisting patients until her death. patients looking for assistance with gaining access to the from the organization. An appropriate organizations \"I want people to remember her individual must be a resident of to apply for long-term as a strong single mother who Cumberland County and have public assistance. had a devasting disease but woke a letter from a social worker or up every morning and fought,\" a provider explaining that they Karen Chandler was known to said Mike. \"We were so blessed are being treated for cancer. To always put others before herself by the people in Fayetteville that volunteer or donate, call 910-578- and was considered a joy to the supported her during this time.\" 3382 or visit their website, local community. Like many other www.karenchandlertrust.com. cancer patients, she faced the The fundraisers and honorariums problematic effects of cancer and continue. This year, in honor of \"We pay patients' bills directly ― could not work. Many people ― Karen's memory, a beach music utility bills, mortgages, etc.,\" said families, friends and musicians festival will be held March 27, 1-7 Mike. \"We've been doing it for 22 in Fayetteville ― rallied around p.m., at Dirtbag Ales Brewery years now, and with the great her and started the first Karen & Taproom, located at 5435 outpouring of support from the Chandler benefit fundraiser to Corporation Drive in Hope Mills. Fayetteville community, I know we help with finances. can do 22 more.\" \"We want everyone to come out \"Funny story, we had our first and have lots of fun with the When people give time and beach music festival,\" said Mike. money to organizations like KCT, benefit at this spot called Our \"This event will have the best of shared Mike, they greatly impact the best musicians, and it's all the community, showing humility Place, owned by Steve Woolridge,\" about helping cancer patients.\" and selflessness that allows patients to know they are not shared Karen's brother. \"Guess The cost of admission is $20, and alone during difficult times. who was singing when I walked 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 11 in? It was Karen! How amazing is that?\"

Outdoor Almanac Spring Edition By Amy Stidham S pring is a time of renewal, wind and select plants with and structures from your favorite so how about a garden intoxicating fragrances that gardening resources. Pinterest reset? Take advantage of drift over the air. can also help! Be sure to check nature’s incredible health benefits • Plant tasty herbs and spices your budget; start small and plan by gaining a fresh perspective. that provide year-long work in stages. Visualize your idea, Gardens have a variety of uses, seasoning for your cooking make it manageable and create from growing vegetables and and refreshments. a quick sketch of what you want flowers and a lawn for playing to • Choose creative artwork to do. When you are ready to put just a shady place to sit. Why not tucked in or as a centerpiece. implement to earth, take note to try something new by stimulating • Add soft sounds or cast space your plantings out, taking all of your senses; think about sun shadows with chimes, advantage of sun and shade and color, texture, taste, fragrance, sundials, birdbaths and small ensuring the plants are easy to and sound to get the most out bubbling ponds. move around, reach, tend, water of your garden space. Start small and harvest. Check what you have and create a unique garden room, These things make the garden (try re-purposing) and list what beginning with these ideas. more pleasurable and promote you need, and then remember conversation and thoughtfulness. to shop local in nurseries and at Creating a garden room A few tricks to make your plant sales. Try thrift shops for garden visually appealing and unique and eclectic containers! • Look for variations in leaf color accessible include grouping Have fun and enjoy your new and bark, berries, flowers plants in odd numbers, using garden space. and seed heads that appear stands to raise plants to reachable throughout the seasons as heights, growing vertically on Gaining help from you plan for what to plant. a wall or trellis, hanging plants local resources that trail gracefully over the • Use complementing flower sides and planting edibles with Discover resources at your local and leaf color, shape and ornamentals. You’ll find that being North Carolina Cooperative texture for a bigger impact. outdoors is refreshing; don’t forget Extension office. Soil testing, a comfortable bench or lounge consumer agents, master • Encourage wildlife viewing chair so you can enjoy your new gardener programs, 4-H, of busy birds, butterflies and garden room! monthly classes and learning bees by planting waves of series, online resources and color, growing both host and Getting started with demo gardens await. Visit local nectar plants and those that simple steps gardens for ideas and plants produce berries and seeds. that grow well in the south and Before plowing into your new seek out local gardeners with • Have water features and garden project (literally), collect websites, podcasts, zoom classes nesting places available to inspirational ideas by clipping or social media posts about create a small habitat. pictures of gardens, plants, paths southern gardening. • Bring movement to the garden with tall grasses and long stems that bend in the A lifelong gardener and outdoor enthusiast, Amy Stidham settled here as a dual-military family. A Cumberland County Master Gardener Volunteer, NC Environmental Educator and former Therapeutic Horticulture Program Manager at Cape Fear Botanical Garden, she enjoys time with family and friends in the most restorative place she knows — outside in the garden. 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 12

Seasonal garden checklists seedlings you have started; • Get your compost going with they should be getting taller. 1/3 greens (green clippings March Be sure to have plenty of and veggie scraps, eggshells) light and air movement to and 2/3 browns (paper, • Keep an eye on the weather strengthen the stem and brown leaves.) and temperature to ensure prevent disease. that any small plants you • Plan your plant purchases at • Clean out and keep put outside can tolerate the your local nurseries. Stock will birdbaths filled. swings. The average last be coming in, and you’ll want frost/freeze is in late March to to make sure you can plant • Put out bird treats such mid-April, so keep your row and care for these tender as mealworms — a covers or frost cloths handy plants next month. bluebird favorite. to throw over tender growth. April May • Start seeds that are slow to bolt (flower and seed in • Test your soil; it’s free at your • Check your container plants’ warm weather) and plant in local Cooperative extension exposure to sunlight — succession every two weeks here in Cumberland County. leaning plants need to move for a longer harvest; good closer to light, and scorched picks for spring include salad • Check with your local plants need to retreat greens and root veggies. extensions to identify dates towards the shade. to plant or fertilize the grass. • Start to uncover your • Clean and fill your bird perennials that have any • Find out what kind of grass feeders and birdbaths to winter mulch. you’re growing; warm-season prevent disease. grasses should be greening • Prepare your beds for up soon. • Keep up with the weeding planting by adding so it won’t overwhelm some compost. • Weed and refresh mulch in your garden. garden beds. • Don’t prune any spring or • Start planting out summer summer flowering shrubs • Put out seedlings and be crops like tomatoes and now, or you will lose the sure to water; fertilize a few peppers and continue flower buds. If you missed weeks after planting and successive plantings of your pruning your trees in according to directions favorite vegetables. February, only trim off any dead, diseased or damaged • Plant herbs, spices and • Scout for pests that might branches now that it summer annuals. damage young plants like is March. cutworms, aphids, squash • Gradually move your vine borer. Throw some light • Check on any Indoor houseplants outside for the netting or row covers over warm season. plants to keep out pests. 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 13

The Luck of the Irish and what’s more, Libations! By Patrick Gibney inner Irish and a wee bit of luck State University, where she holds to create the featured libations at a straight-A average, having Paddy’s Irish Pub and The Church home, or come to Paddy’s, where recently made the Dean’s List. Entertainment Venue, 2606 these ladies, et al., put out the Raeford Rd Suite B, sit on a site “green” carpet four days a week. She is a huge Dwayne “The Rock” renowned for entertainment Johnson and Quentin Tarantino down through the years. If you Meet the Mixologists fan and plans to work in the movie have lived in Fayetteville a while, business when she completes her perhaps these past monikers Amanda Bruggenthies, college education. Her favorite ring a bell: The Redwood Club, affectionately known as “Janice,” place in the world is New Zealand, the 1950s-60s; Nashville Station, is a 27-year-old mixologist from and she hopes to live on top of a the 1970s-80s; and Wheelers, the Minnetonka, Minnesota. She is mountain one day, surrounded 1990s up until 2007. Today, Paddy’s also a classically trained violinist by mushrooms. Editor's note: See is an award-winning Irish pub and a licensed tattoo artist. A lover pp. 20-21, Kelsey! and one of the premier live music of the great outdoors, Janice has a venues in North Carolina. penchant for traveling and hopes Kali DeBoer, 40, is from to one day live in Bali, Indonesia. Rochester, Minnesota. Known Known for combining the time- Her greatest love is painting. She for her infectious smile and a honored tradition of hospitality has spent several years working great attitude, Kali is the proud with a sense of history and on this particular craft, and her mom of a beautiful little girl. She community, Paddy’s challenges immediate goal for 2022 is to credits her mother for teaching conventional thinking with a grow her art business. Her motto her how to be a good mom and sense of humor and modern is, “it’s simpler than you think.” a good human being. She is an Irish flair. The wait and bar staff ― avid reader and a huge Minnesota mixologists from all walks of life Kelsey Sheppard, 27, is from right Vikings fan. and many of them women ― are here in Fayetteville. When she’s among those bringing the best not mixing drinks at Paddy’s, she In the future, she hopes to travel of Paddy’s to Fayetteville. This can be found either playing her more. She has a special love for month, in honor of St. Patrick’s flute or buried in a textbook. A Puerto Rico. She considers life Day, they share here with you full-time college student, Kelsey too short to waste time being some of the pub’s most creative is a film major at North Carolina cocktail recipes. Channel your Patrick Gibney is the owner of Paddy’s Irish Pub in Fayetteville. The Irish-born musician moved here from Dublin, Ireland in 1987 as a high school exchange student and bought the then Nashville Station dance club 20 years later in 2007. Learn more at https://paddysirishpub.com/. 14 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2

belongings. Hoping to spend her twilight years living on her own secluded island, she describes herself as “single as a pringle,” with the motto “it is what it is.” mad at trivial things. She plans to Theresa. Generous and kind, she Tabitha Avina, a 32-year-old continue living life to the fullest harbors a deep appreciation for mixologist, is another Fayetteville and hopes to look back in old age the environment. native. She has been with the with no regrets. Paddy’s organization for over Katherine “Katie” Golden, 27, is two years. The proud mom of a Melisa Ann Simmons is a 40-year- from Roanoke, Virginia, and has beautiful little girl, Tabitha refers old mother of two beautiful worked at Paddy’s for over two to her daughter as “my greatest girls. Originally from Nashville, years. Katie’s hero and best friend accomplishment.” Her heroes Tennessee, she has been at is her dog, Layla. She dislikes rude are her dad and her sister, whose Paddy’s for over a year. An avid people and hockey players but work ethic and integrity are major gardener, Melisa plans to attend finds great comfort in Jamaican sources of inspiration. horticulture school and eventually tobacco and Chick-Fil-A. open a nursery or floral shop. At Paddy’s, Tabitha loves meeting Her favorite holiday destination is She is a trained cosmetologist and people from all over the world, Italy, her favorite movie is Avatar, a world-class juggler. She plans and she hopes to open her own her most loved book is The Giving to travel all around the U.S. one establishment one day. She Tree and her hero is Mother day, even if it means selling all her dislikes liars and thieves, and when it comes to expressing herself, she is no shrinking violet. Her strong will, positive energy and endearing sense of humor make her a formidable presence behind the bar. She lives by the motto, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Paddy’s Smoked • Add ice-craft ice cube, Irish 69 Old Fashioned Jameson, and water. Stir. 2 ounces Empress Gin 2 raw cane sugar cubes • Garnish with cherry and ½ ounce lemon juice 2 – 5 dashes Angostura Bitters orange swath, if desired. ½ ounce simple syrup 2 ounces Jameson Dash of Prosecco IPA Caskmates • Rim glass with swath ½ teaspoon still water before filling. Instructions Luxardo maraschino cherry and • Shake all ingredients and strain them into a orange peel swath, optional • *Smoke once all in glass, oak or hickory recommended fluted glass. Instructions • Top with Prosecco and garnish with a lemon twist. • Muddle sugar and bitters *For directions on how to add smoke to a cocktail, see https:// 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 15 and coat inside of the glass www.whiskyadvocate.com/ with the mixture. make-smoked-cocktails-at- home/.

Elvis Isn’t Dead Instructions • Mix all ingredients. 2 ounces Skrewball whiskey 1 teaspoon peanut butter Shake and strain into powder a coupe. 1 ounce half-and-half • Garnish with slice bacon. ½ ounce banana liquor ½ ounce crème de cocoa *A coupe glass is a type of 2 dashes Aztec chocolate stemmed champagne glass bitters with a shallow bowl used to hold sparkling wine and other drinks. Red Goddess cranberry for garnish, optional 2 ounces Kettle One Vodka 1 ounce cranberry juice Instructions 1 ounce mint tea • Mix all ingredients, and ½ ounce raspberry lime syrup strain over crushed ice. Rosemary, mint, and • Garnish if desired. Verbal Kent orange peel, for garnish 2 ounces Jameson Irish Instructions Whiskey • Dry shake the 1 ounce Licor 43 ¾ ounce lemon juice ingredients. ¾ ounce simple syrup • Add ice and shake again. ¾ ounce egg white • Strain into a chilled 1 teaspoon apricot marmalade coupe glass. Aromatic bitters and an • Top with three dashes of aromatic bitters and an orange peel twist. Paloma Instructions • Combine and shake 1.5 ounce Cazadores Reposado all ingredients. ½ ounce St. Germaine • Strain and pour over ½ ounce lime juice ¾ oz rosemary syrup crushed ice. 3 ounces grapefruit juice • Garnish with rosemary Rosemary and grapefruit for garnish, optional. and grapefruit twist, if desired. Specials for St. Patrick’s Day The Irish Redhead your choice 1.5 ounce Irish whiskey Instructions ½ ounce lemon juice • Add ice and shake. ½ ounce lime juice • Strain and pour over ice. 1 ounce grenadine syrup • Top with your favorite Lemon-lime soda of lemon-lime soda. The Irish Apple Instructions 1.5 ounces Irish Whiskey • Shake all ingredients 1.5 ounces apple Juice ½ ounce lemon Juice with ice. ½ ounce simple syrup • Strain into a coupe glass and serve. 16 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2

Runaway By Parker Poole But for the price of parking and an extra tank of gas just off the off-ramp you would not be here this morning in this illicit city slaloming down Church Street between undergraduates and racks of vintage clothing. But the highway north promised more than your own main street today and you have hours to kill and a thirst for change. Here different construction workers tear up the pavement and different bookstores threaten to explain Haiku. Different angles of the sun at noon make the shadows shorter and less dark. Enough of dark shadows for a while. Here the streets are paved with a kind of gold like freedom and you may wander off the map until dinner time and then drive home singing with the radio you wild and dangerous pirate. 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 17

Girls Who Care Girls Who Share The Campos Sisters By Angela Berry Lewis Giving Back Warm Hugs one child at a time through holds everything together. Her is a 501(c)3 nonprofit run community outreach services. willingness to “work for” the girls by Cheyanne and Cali Why? Because our world depends at times just shows that when Rai Campos, ages 15 and 13 on them.” titles are put aside to complete respectively. The young teens, the a mission, anything can be youngest of five Campos children, “So, what makes Giving Back achieved. Mom also does the are students by night and Warm Hugs different?” they scheduling and drives the girls to entrepreneurs and philanthropists said, repeating an often-asked their appointments. Plus, she is by day — and all other times. question. “Well, that’s pretty a master coordinator, overseeing simple. We’re going to make a both the business and the charity, No, those descriptors difference in the lives of children to include social media and web aren’t backward. and change their world. And, management. She’s a modern- in return they will grow up and day Wonder Woman who is The girls are homeschooled in the change our world.” loving, gracious and hilarious! evenings so that they can operate their charity along with another In addition to corporate sponsors The Campos girls say they want brainchild, Fizzy Friendz Bath which include Walmart, Dirt Bag their giving back to feel like a Bombs, during the day. The girls Ales, PWC, Superior Bakery and tight, warm hug you would get describe themselves as vessels a host of others, the girls have from your mom or your grandma, who want to make a difference for committed to using a portion that lets you know that you’re not underserved children — the kids of their own earnings for their alone and everything is going to who don’t choose the unfortunate charity, Giving Back Warm Hugs. be alright — hence the charity’s circumstances they find them- What earnings, you ask? Proceeds name. One of their first acts of selves in. Cheyanne and Cali Rai made from making and selling kindness was when Cheyanne understand that some families are Fizzy Friends Bath Bombs — donated a coat to her school’s struggling and sometimes school more on that in a minute — and coat drive at age six. clothes, good shoes, a warm coat also from acting and modeling, or other supplies get put at the other pursuits of the industrious While Cheyanne and Cali Rai bottom of the list when it comes Campos sisters. are responsible for the day-to- to household finances. day operations of their business Beautiful inside and out, the and their charity, they are also Explaining their mission, the Campos family is like many supported by their loving family. siblings stated, “It's simple. other families. Their mom, When the girls see a need in their We’re here to change the world Andres Campos, is the glue that community, they talk to each Angela Berry Lewis is a Department of the Army civilian. She loves to read and listen to music in her spare time. 18 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2

other to figure out how they can how to make bath bombs and 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 19 help. Once they’ve decided on taking entrepreneurial courses at an idea, they tell their mom, who Fayetteville Technical Community often says, “Lord, help me!” and College so they would understand then they all get to work to bring how to run a business. Their the idea to life. instructor, Kent Hill, has taken them under his wing and truly While Andrea’s exclamation become a trusted mentor and may sound like an exasperation friend. The girls’ business sense plea, it was the earnest prayer has even caught the attention of back in 2012 of the Campos kids, FTCC’s President, Dr. J. Larry Keen. four sister and one brother but They’ve definitely made quite an particularly Cheyanne, according impression on the Fayetteville to their mom, that got the ball vending scene, as well, with their rolling and got Giving Back Warm items featured at Dirtbag Ales Hugs started. The entity became Farmers Market this past summer an official charity in 2018, with and inside the Junior League bay Cheyanne and Cali Rai leading the at the Holly Day Fair in November. charge. Find their products at a few local boutiques, too. They’ve done some amazing things in their short lives. Serving The sky is the limit for the Campos the community since 2012, girls. They’ve been able to grow the girls have done everything their charity and their business from food drives to distributing because of hard work and a Christmas toys and holiday willingness to learn. They have no meals. Their annual signature fear when it’s time to jumpstart event, Shoes for the Soul, is an one of their ideas, including event where shoes and socks are planning new product launches provided to children who attend and working to get their bath one of Cumberland County’s bombs into major retail spaces. Title 1 Schools. They also knit hats to benefit cancer patients at The lessons to be learned from UNC Chapel Hill in honor of their Cheyanne and Cali Rai are simple grandmother who passed away yet so profound: Help whoever from cancer. Plus, they sew prom you can, wherever you can, dresses to give away to girls who however you can. Why? Because can’t afford to buy them. our world depends on it! Unfortunately, COVID-19 Want to support the Campos negatively impacted the amount girls and their endeavors? Shop that Giving Back Warm Hugs AmazonSmile.com instead of received in donations. Fortunately, Amazon.com and select Giving these young ladies weren’t Back Warm Hugs Nonprofit swayed. They knew that they as your \"supported charity.\" needed a way to earn money to When you do this, Amazon will help children in the community then donate 0.5% of the price and fund the charity. One day, of your eligible AmazonSmile. while running bath water, Cali Rai com purchases to the charitable thought of making bath bombs organization of your choice. in different shapes that smelled Donations are also accepted: good and didn’t leave a ring Giving Back Warm Hugs NP P.O. around the tub. The bombs also Box 48564 Cumberland, NC 28331. have a hidden treasure inside! From this idea, not only was their Find out more about this youth- Fizzy Friendz Bath Bomb business run business and nonprofit at birthed but also a new way for http://givingbackwarmhugs. the girls to fund Giving Back com/, www.facebook.com/ Warm Hugs. FizzyFriendzBathBomb, www. instagram.com/fizzyfriendz/and This was definitely another “Help www.FizzyFriendz.com. Me Lord!” moment for Andrea but the girls got to work on learning

A FUNGUS AMONG US By Allison Davis D id you know mushrooms all of them. Many mushrooms have been used have close lookalikes that can the ring-like markings resembling throughout human be poisonous. Even though you a turkey's tail. This species history for food, clothing, tools and can find resources to help you has been used in traditional medicine? But most recently, the identify mushrooms like foraging medicines for years; some fungi are cropping up everywhere guides, classes and regional online continue to use it today. Studies — from coffee to chocolate and identification communities, you show these specimen have even to skincare — with claims should never touch or eat any immune-boosting properties about their mystical properties. mushrooms that you find unless and have been useful in fighting Magical claims are also backed you've verified that they're safe to certain cancers. Another health by dozens of studies supporting collect and consume. benefit of the turkey tail is the their ability to improve immune potential to improve gut health. function, reduce inflammation, While all medicinal mushrooms They contain a great amount protect against cancer and more. share similar compounds, each of fiber, a great aid for healthy variety has subtle differences digestion. Many of these interesting fungi and unique benefits. New to' live across North Carolina. If shrooms? Here's a starter guide to Chicken of the Woods This you're thinking about going the six most popular — and best- mushroom can be easily spotted out on your own and foraging, researched mushrooms native to in the woods due to its large size some precautions should be North Carolina. and clusters of bright yellow- considered. Researchers estimate orange colors. This edible species that over 3,000 different species Turkey Tail The turkey tail is sometimes considered a of mushrooms grow in North mushroom is a crusty, thin, hard delicacy in certain parts of the Carolina, so it's unlikely that fungus that grows on the sides of world and is even said to taste like you'll be able to find and identify trees. It earns its name through chicken. A great meat substitute for almost any dish, this particular Allison Davis is the wellness manager at Apple Crate Naturals. Working in the natural industry for 11 years, she loves bringing the newest and best products to Fayetteville. 20 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2

mushroom is both saprotrophic for cooking and medicinal use. form. Reishi is used to help and parasitic to trees and can Maitake is found in late summer enhance the immune system, always be found on the base of a to fall and forms around the reduce stress, improve sleep and living or dead tree. roots of dying or dead oak trees. lessen fatigue. It is intensely flavored and rather Oyster Named for its oyster- easy to cook.This mushroom is Morels These mushrooms are shaped cap, this species grows also used medicinally to treat some of the most highly desired year-round in temperate forests cholesterol, Type 2 diabetes and ingredients among chefs and and produces a cluster of huge certain cancers. This species can mushroom enthusiasts due to flushes on the sides of hardwood be identified by its \"leafiness\" and their inability to be cultivated. trees. Able to survive the hottest brown tones with a lighter base. Normally found in wooded areas summers and coldest winters, in warm and wet conditions, this the oyster is probably one of the “Lion’s mane may species varies in appearance most versatile mushrooms when be our first smart but are all distinguished by their it comes to temperature. It is also honeycomb exterior and white one of the most widely consumed mushroom. It is a and hollow interior. *Beware when mushrooms globally; this safe, edible fungus hunting for morels as they have a particular fungus has a smooth deadly doppelgänger that's more texture and a hint of seafood that appears to reddish-brown to yellow and are flavor when cooked. confer cognitive not hollow inside. benefits on our Lion's Mane Facts about this aging population.” Mushrooms have myriad benefits; mushroom: it has no look-a-likes, I promise they don't taste as bad and all forms are edible. Lion's Paul Stamets as you might think! If you are mane is mainly found in the fall in interested in experimenting for the Southeast, growing on lifeless Reishi Although this mushroom yourself, many of these fungi hardwood trees. You can tell this is technically edible, it has a bitter come in convenient powders, pills, species apart from others due to taste and is rather tough. Used tinctures, coffees and even fresh its tendency to produce a single for over 2,000 years in China and from the grocery store. clump of spines resembling a Japan, reishi can be identified by lion's mane. It typically has a crab- its large, dark, glossy exterior and Foraging for mushrooms is an like flavor and offers a range of wood-like texture. exciting hobby. Always check with health benefits such as reduced your doctor or pharmacist before inflammation improved cognitive starting any new regimens, and and heart health. remember foraging is a fun way to get outside, get some exercise Maitake (Hen of the Woods) This species is mainly used for and tap into nature. Have fun and This mushroom species carries medicinal purposes and is often happy foraging for wild things! features that are both desirable taken in liquid, capsule or powder 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 21

words or less,” an insight I found very useful. For example, I would say, “Get the pencil for me.” rather than, “Sam, I know you want to be my helper. Will you please hand me that pencil on the floor?” The former always got the swiftest response. Raising Boys When I asked my eldest son A Visit to the Man Cave one thing he thought was most helpful in raising boys, he said ABy Allison Davis boys in my classes learned boys need to experience natural n enigma is a person or best through visual and consequences. Whenever thing that is mysterious, manipulative exercises. possible, boys should not be puzzling or difficult to rescued. Boys who struggle need understand. As a mother of two In his book, The Wonder of Boys, their mom to walk alongside boys who are now men, this is Michael Gurian lists common them, letting them experience how I define my sons. I admit mistakes that society makes struggle and the exhilaration of I have made many mistakes in rearing and educating solving a problem independently. during the 40 years of trying to boys. This resource helped me Show empathy and support, understand my boys, but after tremendously. I learned boys need but don’t rob your sons of the talking with other boy moms and their energy redirected at times experience of being a problem reading extensively on the subject, and require physical breaks. The solver. For example, our second I know I have plenty of company. most eye-opening on the list was son wanted a motorbike. His dad that boys and men experience and I thought he was too young My first trip into the “man cave” “verbal flooding.” to have one at 12. One Saturday, was the five years I taught school, he was very quiet for a long time back before I even had my boys. In his book, How the Brain Learns, in the backyard. (Boy mom tip: If During my first year of teaching, I author Dr. David Sousa states, they are quiet, you better check to realized I was unprepared for how “The male brain best processes see what was going on). He had boys learn differently. Through information when using five taken the motor from an unused sheer trial and error, I found the lawn mower and attached it to his bike frame. He was riding his “motorized bike” around the yard! See what happens when your son is denied. If he truly desires, he will turn into a master problem solver. This experiment was great training for his life as an adult. Because we women generally enjoy peace, quiet and order, we may tend to squelch our sons by demanding the three continuously. Don’t misunderstand; boys should learn manners and cleanliness, but they must also have times to be dirty and make noise. My boys rode ATVs in Georgia, which involved a lot of red clay mud. I put a five- gallon bucket right outside the back door, and they dropped their muddy jeans before they entered the house. When wash time Mary Miller is a retired Cumberland County School teacher who is passionate about conducting workshops on parenting boys. She and her husband Dwight, the former Chief Financial Officer at PWC, recently relocated to Georgia to be closer to their two boys, sweet daughters-in-law and six grandchildren. 22 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2

came, I usually had a 3-to-4-inch is a good stress reliever and will We didn’t have problems with accumulation of red clay in the calm the atmosphere. Separation energy drinks; they were too bottom of my bucket. That’s how for a while might also help. A expensive. Both boys played on boys roll. You will “buy” respect good strategy for older boys is sports teams, had yard chores and from your boy if you share and to communicate your respect helped their dad with projects. experiment with him as he makes for their opinion and delay your One spring break, when lots of a mess. response. My younger son, now a teens went to Florida to party, father himself, suggested that the our boys reroofed our house with Boys like to spar, which is both role of a parent gradually changes their dad. As soon as they were natural and healthy. It wasn’t from that of a regulator to a coach old enough, they had summer unusual for my two sons (three as the child ages. jobs with a demolition company years apart) to be sitting quietly in in town, so TV and video games the den watching TV one minute Part of being a boy is taking risks weren’t much of a problem, either. and wrestling with each other and making stupid, impulsive Once they showered and ate the next. The problem comes decisions. Physical danger is dinner, they watched a little TV with confrontation. Sometimes difficult to judge ― boys should and went to bed. boys’ activities will naturally have some risk, but none to cause escalate to conflict. They need to permanent damage. These ideas Boys need ways to initiate learn ways to back down from are difficult for mothers to accept themselves into manhood. Our it and save face. It’s not a good because we are natural nurturers. culture is lacking in this area. idea for a mother to go “toe to Mistakes help teach us all good They need to know that life can toe” with her son without giving lessons. Shaming is not helpful. A be hard, they are generally not in herself and him a cooling-off few practical things a mother can control, and their lives are not all period. “How about thinking do for her son(s) are cutting out about them. Parents who make about it for a while?” is a good energy drinks, creating ways to a plan for their boys with that in question. If you have little boys, get physical exercise, and limiting mind may not, on the surface, a run around outside the house screen time in general. present as loving, caring parents. They are, however, doing the hard work to raise men. My advice for all moms is to read all they can about these enigmas we call our sons. Prepare yourself to parent a human that will be very different from you from the outset. My “boys” are in their forties now and daddies in their own homes. Your efforts to raise a “man” will carry over to future generations. I have been blessed to see my boys become strong men, good husbands and great daddies to our six grandchildren. It’s great to sit back and watch them work. 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 23

Recommended Books for Raising Kids Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish For Boy Moms • Learning Like a Girl: Educating Our Daughters in • Wild Things: The Art of Raising Boys by Stephen Schools of Their Own by Diana Meehan • The Princess Problem: Guiding Our Girls through James and David Thomas the Princess-Obsessed Years by Rebecca Hains • The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian • The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic • Boys and Girls Learn Differently by Girls with Courage and Confidence by Rachel Simmons Michael Gurian • Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the • Wild At Heart by John Eldridge New Crisis for Girls by Leonard Sax • What a Son Needs from His Mom by Cheri fuller • American Girls: Social Media and the Secret • The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson Lives of Teenagers by Nancy Jo Sales • Helping Kids Help Themselves by Perry Good • Bringing Up Girls: Practical Advice and • Up To No Good, The Rascally Things Boys Do (A Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women by Dr. James Dobson compilation of short stories) • The Conscious Parent’s Guide to Raising Girls: • Hear our Cry: Boys in Crisis by Paul Slocumb A Mindful Approach to Raising a Strong, • Smart Boys by Barbara Kerr and Sanford Collins Confident Daughter by Erika V. Shearin Karres * • Raising Cain by Dan Kindloo recommended for parents of elementary- • That’s My Son by Rick Johnson age girls • Making a Child Mind Without Losing Yours by Parenting Podcasts Recommended by Dr. Kevin Leman Parents Magazine • The Blessing by John Trent and Gary Smalley • How the Brain Learns by Dr. David Sousa • Good Inside by clinical psychologist Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., aka Dr. Becky For Girl Moms • Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully- • Motherhood in Black & White Co-hosts Kaanji Irby and Tara Campbell proof Girls in the Early Grades by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert • Zen Parenting Radio by Todd Adams and Cathy • Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Cassani Adams Every Father Should Know by Meg Meeker • Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving • That New Mom Life from the editors of Parents the New Crisis for Girls-Sexual Identity, the Magazine and Parents Latina Cyberbubble, Obsessions, Environmental Toxins by Leonard Sax • The Mom Hour with Meagan Francis and • Playful Learning: Develop Your Child's Sense of Sarah Powers Joy and Wonder by Mariah Bruehl • You're Wearing That? Understanding Mothers • The Band of Mothers by Shayna Ferm and and Daughters in Conversation by Tracey Tee Deborah Tannen • The Mother-Daughter Book Club by Heather • Wow in the World with Shayna Ferm Vogel Frederick • Awesome With Alison by Joy Cho • Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your • #RaisingAthletes with Erin Clune 24 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2 • Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting by Lisa Damour, Ph.D., and Reena Nina

The Joy of Raising Girls By Audrey Hasslocher T he story of my upbringing share this personal story to girls is preparing them to navigate and my mother’s role in show that good mothering is external and internal challenges it is one of abandonment a daily choice. It is a compilation successfully and independently. and heartache. As a little girl, I was of parenting choices we make We must provide them with placed into foster care and lived with our children that defines solid core values, a sense of self, with several families. I carried with motherhood. confidence, cultivated skills and me an internal confusion of the optimism for their future. This role and meaning of a \"mother.\" Not to downplay the importance is our goal but getting there I was seen more as a dependent of the father, but the mother seems like an endless road. and less as a daughter to my bears the most significant So, I won't pretend that any of many foster mothers. As I grew responsibility within a household. this is easy; in fact, it gets more into a young woman, the yearning A woman navigates the intricacies complicated after our girls begin for a mother never stopped. and difficulties of raising children transforming into little women. while juggling all her surrounding That complication is puberty. Fast forward to today, I am now responsibilities that include her a mother of three girls — a teen marriage, social circles and more. The Power Struggle and two toddlers — and I am still Moms of girls have to learn how With girls, you can expect power figuring out the complexities of to handle these complex struggles. Power plays are the root motherhood. I took the lessons creatures who have big emotions of most arguments and stress I learned from a motherless and face overwhelming peer between mothers and daughters. childhood and turned them into pressures, body image concerns The age comes all too soon when a mothering mission. I knew what and stresses of adapting to girls go from adoring their moms not to do as a mother and instead societal expectations. and wanting to be just like her to made daily choices to give my competing with and challenging girls the mother they deserved. I A mother's responsibility in raising her. This juncture in a young Audrey Hasslocher is a Coast Guard veteran, U.S. Army wife, girl mom of three, MBA grad student and regular WVM contributor. She owns a boutique digital marketing and communications agency helping clients build an amazing digital presence and give their brand wings to fly. Freebird Communications, www. freebirdcommunications.com, @freebirdcommunications. 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 25

I see you are upset, and so am I, but I don't want to ruin a perfectly peaceful night; I am not going to argue with you any longer.” This strategy always results in her coming to me 15 minutes later to apologize for her rude comments, explaining she didn't mean them and was just upset. Cultivate Interests & Talents The teen years are when individuality comes to the forefront in a child’s life. My 13-year-old makes it known she has her own personality, attributes and desires in life, as she should. As hard as it is, I have to accept my daughter is not a carbon copy of me. In times past, I constantly compared the two of us and would get upset when she wouldn't respond to situations in the same way as me. It bothered me that she did not share my same passions, interests or reverence for something. I pushed my values and dreams on her even if she was against them. What helped me was to recognize her uniqueness and penchant for different skills such as writing fan fiction or designing digital anime storyboards. My goal changed to the healthier perspective of cultivating her unique interests and talents and helping her learn the values needed — self- discipline, honesty, etc., —to drive her forward. woman’s life represents the most showing her the example helps Encourage Success challenging of stages. The proper her follow your lead. Success will look different in handling or mishandling of this every young lady's life. It was only period often determines the I have taken a new approach that within the past two generations mother-daughter relationship for has helped tremendously this that society began telling young years ahead. past year. When my teen meets girls they could be anything they me with grunts, complaints wanted to be. Having toddlers The best advice in navigating this or snarky comments, I instead and a teen forces me to be flexible stage is to be the leader in the meet her with grace and think in defining success for them. For relationship. You may wonder of something kind to say or do. my two-year-old, it's my clapping how does being the leader in Before, I would say something and cheering when she can count a power struggle squash the sarcastic and demand politeness. to five. For my three-year-old, it conflict? Simply put, you lead and She took this for aggression, and could be telling her she is a strong set the tone of your arguments. we would be in yet another power superhero when she traverses A daughter will follow your lead struggle, which ended with one the monkey bars. With my oldest, in reactions, respect and conflict of us storming off in anger. When complimenting her natural management. Establishing times like this happen, I now say athleticism and beautiful singing the tone first and consistently to her something like this: “Look, voice works. More in-the-moment 26 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2 encouragements exist, but the

real work is telling them they are on the right path when things are hard or don't feel successful. I say to my girls that it's okay not to understand or not be first right now. It is part of the journey. I must be careful not to let them feel defeated because others might be glad to make them feel like failures one day. Listen to the Girl Chatter constant desire well into their Society isn't kinder these days, What is the parents' response teen years. but at least I can hope that the when we ask our girls how school cruel world won't exclude my was? It is always the same answer Note, the external praise is great, daughters from equal paying — \"good.\" Girls don't want to leave but at the end of the day, we want jobs, high levels of education or it at just that. They want to know our girls to look in the mirror and family choices. I want to think that you care about their lives, no love who they see that no matter that my daughters and I have so matter how frivolous or silly the what, they are worthy. Dads are much more in common, bringing conversations. Communication the first step in helping girls gain us closer together. I want them is essential to your daughter. Her their confidence and value. to know I am someone who friends, her problems and her walked in the same shoes and concerns are her entire world. The Future is Now figured it out, and that they can If you listen to her now, she My husband and I talked about perhaps learn from me and save will always feel she can share how the generation gap is closing themselves from a few mistakes. her life with you as her life gets fast between millennials and But regardless, as mothers, it is more complicated. Instead of a our young kids. His parents were our job to let them know they are one-word answer, I found that born in the early 1950s, seemingly always loved, and we are here for I'm in for a wild ride of details, and realistically a different world. them, no matter what. feelings and situations they think they have navigated well or 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 27 understand. I found my girls listen to my feedback and want to be validated, especially when I agree with what they said or their role in the melodrama. They also like to hear what we understand about a situation, like when I explain that her friend who is acting out may have a tough home life. Such insight seems to help her better navigate social situations and build sympathy and fewer judgments. Girls Need Dad's Approval As much as girls love and adore their moms, they thrive on dads' kisses and praises. Not a day goes by where the girls don't run to their dad and say, \"Look, daddy.\" They want to show off something they did, wore, made or are proud of. They look to their dad for approval and confidence-building. Daddy always looks, and no matter how small, he acts excited and praises their masterpieces. Their little faces gleam with pride and joy! This desire and need for praise and assurance from their father never goes away and is a

It’s a Woman’s World Falcon By Sarah Cooper Williams T he little town of Falcon, the “Old Culbreth Store,” farmed was to represent the tents used in population 268, is a hidden and ran a turpentine business revivals and to be a place of prayer gem in the northeast corner near Starling’s Bridge on the and interdenominational worship. of Cumberland County that Black River. In 1893, Starling’s Today the Octagon Tabernacle extends east into a small section Bridge was still without a post continues to be a place of of Sampson County. You will find office and had not been officially community prayer meetings, Falcon when driving down NC named because another one weddings and special events. It is Highway 82. Via I-95, Fayetteville existed in the county with exactly listed in the National Register of is 18 miles to the southwest. the same name. Historic Places. Waterways are other landmarks; the town is situated on the west Thankfully, when William’s son In 1900, after Mr. Culbreth’s wife side of the South River, a tributary Julius visited the store and was miraculously healed of a of the Black River and part of the heard from the clerk about serious illness, he started The Cape Fear River watershed. the post office issue, he looked Falcon Camp meeting. Hundreds down at the counter and saw of people arrived on horseback While visiting Falcon, you’ll find a box of “Falcon” fountain pens and buggies to hear the Word of no stoplights, no stores to buy on the shelf and suggested God preached under the huge food or gas, and most certainly that the name should be, what tent. A building was erected soon no traffic jams but what you will else, Falcon. On April 29, 1893, afterward and used for many find is an endearing little town Falcon became the name of the years. However, today a modern with a rich Christian heritage post office and our little town building is home to the Falcon and history. in Northeastern Black River Camp Meeting, known as one of Township of Cumberland County. the oldest camp meetings in the With the arrival of the William United States. Culbreth family in 1882, this tiny After the death of his parents, farming community’s destiny Julius Culbreth continued the In 1902, two years after the first changed forever to one of mission work of his father. His mission camp meeting, Julius Culbreth and ministry. Mr. Culbreth, a was to establish Falcon to be a opened the Falcon Holiness Civil War veteran from Sampson place for those of the Christian School, a private school and County, began buying land in the faith in the Holiness tradition. the first rural high school in area in 1878. In time, he bought In 1898, he built the Octagon Cumberland County. This was a total of 930 acres of land in and Tabernacle, also known as the an excellent school for boarders around the area with much of it Falcon Tabernacle, with salvaged and local students. The school’s being in the present-day town of wood from trees uprooted by a subject offerings were quite Falcon. He owned and operated tornado. This octagon building impressive with debate teams, Sarah Cooper Williams was raised on her family farm in Falcon as a fourth-generation resident. A retired Cumberland County Schools music educator, she taught for over 30 years and continues to work with children and adults at her church, Northwood Temple in Fayetteville. 28 | M A R C H 2 0 2 2

drama club, music, band, art Falcon is a small Culbreth Memorial Pentecostal and more. town with a Holiness Church. big heart that In 1909, the Falcon Orphanage The town is also home to opened its doors to provide a endeavors to simply the beautiful J.O Humpries place for homeless children. live out its motto Memorial Park which serves Years later in 1965, the Golden to be a “people as a community hub for adults Years Nursing Home opened working together.” and children alike. The residents its doors to care for the elderly. — descendants of the original Today, Falcon Children’s Home Falcon is the birthplace of the Falcon residents, retirees, small and Family Services provides Pentecostal Holiness Church and business owners, farmers, a home for children who, for is the home of the North Carolina educators, workers and residents whatever reason are unable to Conference of the Pentecostal of Falcon Children’s Home and live with their parents in a regular Holiness Church. others who love small-town home setting — and has done life — enjoy the walking trail, so for 112 years. The Royal Home green space, picnic facilities and is an addition to this ministry for playground equipment. unwed mothers and their babies. I was raised in Falcon and also The Falcon Christian Academy is Here you will find a Christian chose it as the place to raise a new private school on the scene ministry school for pastors and my three children. I cherish the for elementary through high Christian educators as well as a history of my upbringing and the school students. It operates summer youth camp for children life-long friendships birthed and on the campus of Falcon’s and teens. Other beacons of the nurtured here. It is a wonderful Children’s Home. Christian faith in Falcon include place to visit and an even better Antioch Baptist Church and the place to live. 2 0 2 2 M A R C H | 29

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