["\u2018Why? Because he didn\u2019t give her leave?\u2019 \u2018No, much more than that. He intentionally delayed her thesis for over a year. And I think I can tell you now, he made a pass at her.\u2019 \u2018What? A pass?\u2019 \u2018He propositioned her. To approve her thesis sooner.\u2019 \u2018Dean Saxena? Seriously?\u2019 I said. \u2018He\u2019s like forty-five years old.\u2019 \u2018Forty-eight, actually. Zara put up with him for years. Stuck on because he controlled her final PhD thesis approval.\u2019 \u2018I can\u2019t believe it. Prof. Saxena taught us when we were in college, remember? Such a workaholic.\u2019 \u2018People have a different side to them when they have power over someone.\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s shocking. Zara never reported it?\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s not easy taking on your PhD guide. Throwing away years of work. Giving up your career maybe. She sent me an email in frustration once.\u2019 \u2018Email?\u2019 \u2018Yeah, a year ago. Wait.\u2019 He fumbled with his phone for a few seconds. \u2018Check your email,\u2019 Raghu said. I read the email Zara had written to Raghu. As I went through the contents, my mouth fell open. \u2018Sick. What a bastard,\u2019 I said. \u2018I felt the same at the time,\u2019 Raghu said. \u2018If Zara\u2019s career wasn\u2019t at risk, I would have personally reported him.\u2019 \u2018Anything else you would like me to know?\u2019 I said. \u2018Yeah, you know about Sikander, right?\u2019 \u2018Zara\u2019s stepbrother? Saw him at the funeral.\u2019 \u2018Yes, he hangs out with shady people in Kashmir. Zara was always telling him to take up a proper job.\u2019 \u2018What shady people?\u2019 \u2018She wouldn\u2019t tell me. You know how she was, you couldn\u2019t push her to tell you things. Especially her family matters; \u201coff-limits\u201d is what she used to say.\u2019 \u2018So how do you know?\u2019 \u2018I heard her scold Sikander on the phone a few times. Something about taking the right path. She would avoid talking or meeting him in front of me","though.\u2019 \u2018Fine, thanks,\u2019 I said. \u2018Anything else?\u2019 I shook my head. Raghu stood up to leave. \u2018You have my number. Please keep me updated if you can.\u2019 \u2018I will try.\u2019 \u2018Thanks. And let me know if you need anything,\u2019 Raghu said. The waiter arrived with the bill and Raghu settled it with his black Centurion American Express card. \u2018Would you like anything else, sir?\u2019 the waiter said to me after Raghu left. \u2018Three large whiskies, neat,\u2019 I said. I sat alone, drinking, with only Zara\u2019s memories for company.","Chapter 12 Four years ago \u2018Milk cake?\u2019 Zara said. \u2018Yeah. That\u2019s what Alwar is famous for. You have to try it.\u2019 After a three-hour drive, we had covered the 150-kilometre distance from Delhi to Alwar. Zara sat next to me in the cab\u2019s backseat, looking out of the window with great interest. \u2018What\u2019s that? A big fort?\u2019 She pointed ahead. \u2018That\u2019s my house,\u2019 I said. \u2018Really?\u2019 \u2018I wish,\u2019 I laughed. \u2018It is the Bala Qila or Alwar Fort, built in the fifteenth century by the king at that time.\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s beautiful! I hope you will show me around the city.\u2019 \u2018We have not come here for tourism. If your in-laws are here you can visit anytime.\u2019 \u2018In-laws?\u2019 She gave a happy giggle. \u2018Keshav, I know I tease you about this, but what you are doing is so cute.\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018Making this effort. To make me a part of your family.\u2019 \u2018You already are. But you remember what I told you? About how to act with my parents?\u2019 \u2018No.\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 I said, exasperated. \u2018Kidding. I do remember. But I am also going to be myself. If they have to like me, they better like the real me, not someone I pretend to be.\u2019 \u2018Zara, come on. These are parents. Some drama we have to do.\u2019 \u2018Oh, so I shouldn\u2019t wear my hot pants to sleep at night?\u2019 \u2018Zara, are you crazy?\u2019 I was aghast.","\u2018Ha ha, relax. Don\u2019t over-manage this. I am amazing with parents. They will love me, wait and see.\u2019 \u2018Their son does, too much.\u2019 I moved close to her. \u2018Don\u2019t even try,\u2019 she said, pointing to the driver. Zara adjusted her blue and white dupatta as she read the nameplate outside my parents\u2019 bungalow. Sh. Naman Rajpurohit, Advocate Mahanagar Karyavah, RSS \u2018You informed your parents about my coming, right?\u2019 Zara said, sounding just a little bit nervous. \u2018Of course,\u2019 I said, only partially truthful as I rang the bell. I had told my parents I was bringing a friend along for the weekend. However, only my mother knew it was a girl. Even to her, I hadn\u2019t mentioned Zara\u2019s name. I didn\u2019t want her prejudiced even before meeting her. Nor had I told my mother we were dating. \u2018A friend of mine wants to see Alwar,\u2019 is all I had said to her over the phone. My mother did express surprise over my friend being a girl. \u2018Yeah, she is doing her PhD at IIT,\u2019 I had said, trying to sound as casual as possible. Indian parents find it easier to accept an inter- gender friendship when it is linked to academics. I knew my parents would love Zara once they met her. I would then tell them about our decision to be together for life. \u2018Sorry, I was in the kitchen,\u2019 my mother said as she opened the door. \u2018Namaste, aunty,\u2019 said Zara, putting her palms together delicately. The bangles on her wrists clinked and caught the light. \u2018She\u2019s so beautiful,\u2019 my mother said. Zara smiled demurely. \u2018Maa, this is Zara,\u2019 I said, but I don\u2019t think my mother heard me. \u2018Come inside. It\u2019s so hot,\u2019 she was saying to Zara. \u2018Lunch will be ready soon,\u2019 my mother said, bustling away to the kitchen,","leaving Zara and me in the living room. Zara sat on a sofa, her eyes scanning the walls, filled with Rajasthani paintings and framed pictures. She saw a few photos of my father with political bigwigs. \u2018Is that the PM?\u2019 she said. \u2018Yeah, he was a CM then, though.\u2019 \u2018Wow, your father seems connected.\u2019 \u2018Senior member of the RSS. As senior as married men can go, frankly.\u2019 \u2018Meaning?\u2019 she said, surprised. \u2018Top positions in the RSS are usually only given to bachelors.\u2019 \u2018Wonder why. Maybe it is a way to choose the wise ones. If you are truly smart, you remain a bachelor,\u2019 Zara said and laughed. She walked up to the wall to take a closer look at the pictures. I imagined her in this house after we were married. We would sit in the lawns. She would chat with my mother and father. Maybe a baby or two would arrive on the scene. I wondered what to name them. How about a name from both sides, like Kabir? I looked at Zara; she looked so vulnerable in this large room, with her hands clasped behind her back like a little girl. And I felt happy that she was here, finally, in my home. \u2018You were a cute kid.\u2019 She peered at a black-and-white photo of me playing in a park. \u2018Thank you.\u2019 \u2018What happened later?\u2019 \u2018Shut up,\u2019 I said. She laughed again. \u2018Sorry, sorry,\u2019 my mother said as she re-entered the living room. She dabbed at the sweat on her face with her sari pallu. \u2018Are you hungry?\u2019 \u2018No, maa. Sit down and let me introduce you both properly,\u2019 I said. \u2018Yes, beta,\u2019 my mother said, looking at me fondly. She perched on the sofa, patting the seat next to her, and Zara came and sat with her. \u2018Maa, this is Zara, my friend from Delhi. Zara, this is my mother. I am her only son, she is my only mother.\u2019 Zara folded her hands again and smiled. \u2018Zara as in\u2026?\u2019 my mother said. \u2018What\u2019s your full name?\u2019 \u2018Zara Lone, aunty.\u2019 \u2018Oh,\u2019 my mother said and fell silent. Then she spoke in a rush, to","compensate for her discomfort. \u2018You are beautiful, beta, are you a model?\u2019 Zara\u2019s eyebrows went up a little even as she smiled. \u2018Maa, come on,\u2019 I intervened. \u2018She got PhD admission at IIT straight after B.Tech. Very few people get that.\u2019 \u2018Sorry, I meant it as a compliment.\u2019 Zara said, \u2018You have a beautiful home. I love all the pictures on the wall.\u2019 \u2018Thank you, beta. Look, how well-mannered she is,\u2019 maa said to me. \u2018What? And I am not?\u2019 I said. \u2018Boys don\u2019t know how to talk. I always wished I had a daughter,\u2019 my mother said. She then turned to Zara. \u2018Where are Lones from?\u2019 In India, people have to know where you come from. Only then they feel comfortable enough to talk to you. \u2018I am from Kashmir, aunty. Srinagar. Moved to Delhi more than ten years ago.\u2019 \u2018Kashmiri? Oh,\u2019 maa said. She stretched out the \u2018oh\u2019, as if I had brought a Martian home. \u2018It\u2019s in India only, maa,\u2019 I said, my tone sarcastic. \u2018I know. See, boys don\u2019t know how to talk.\u2019 She gave Zara a conspiratorial look. Then to me, she said, \u2018Have you shown your guest her room?\u2019 She was referring to Zara as \u2018your guest\u2019, not \u2018your friend\u2019 or even \u2018Zara\u2019. Not the best start. \u2018I\u2019ll do it,\u2019 I said. \u2018Good,\u2019 maa said and turned to Zara. \u2018You want to see Alwar today or tomorrow?\u2019 \u2018Whenever Keshav says we can go.\u2019 Maa looked at me, surprised by the \u2018we\u2019 in \u2018we can go\u2019. \u2018Only a few places in Alwar to see. Anyway, let\u2019s eat lunch. Zara, hope you don\u2019t mind, it\u2019s pure vegetarian.\u2019 \u2018Not at all, aunty. I love vegetarian food.\u2019 \u2018I thought you people like non-vegetarian.\u2019 When parents address your girlfriend as \u2018you people\u2019, it is definitely not a good sign.","\u2018The Rajasthan CM is visiting Alwar next week. I have invited him for a stop at home,\u2019 my father said. He removed his socks and placed them inside his shoes. He had come home at eight in the evening. Zara was in the guestroom, taking a shower before dinner. My mother was doing an evening aarti in the puja room. I felt she was singing her bhajans very loudly today, perhaps to re-emphasise her identity to Zara. This passive-aggressive stealth communication mothers do with their sons\u2019 girlfriends is a refined and deadly art form. My father and I sat in the living room. I hoped he would ask me something about my guest. However, he had only one thing on his mind. \u2018Can you stay back next week? It\u2019s the CM. Will be good for you to meet him, no?\u2019 \u2018I have work in Delhi, papa,\u2019 I said. \u2018What work? It\u2019s not like you have a real job.\u2019 I wanted to tell him I had a boss ten times worse than those found at \u2018real\u2019 jobs. \u2018I have classes, papa. Students will be waiting.\u2019 \u2018The CM of Rajasthan visits your home. You want to do tuitions?\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s what I do.\u2019 \u2018Are you going to apply for a proper job? In companies?\u2019 \u2018Yes, papa. I took what I could get for now.\u2019 \u2018If only you had done better in college. It\u2019s hard to explain to friends why my son couldn\u2019t get proper placement after IIT.\u2019 I trained my gaze down. We had discussed this a dozen times before. \u2018We have our Agrasen ji. He\u2019s pranth pracharak in Rajasthan. He owns a marble factory. He will give you a job if I ask him.\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t want to work in some family-owned marble factory in Rajasthan, papa.\u2019 \u2018Why? At least you will be a real engineer. Better than giving tuitions.\u2019 \u2018It should be a multinational. At least a top Indian company. Otherwise, what is the difference?\u2019 He shook his head in disappointment. He stood up and began to twist his upper body side to side, to crack his spine. I said, \u2018Let me know the exact time the CM is coming. I\u2019ll come down for a few hours if I can.\u2019","\u2018Oh, you are bigger than the CM now? You will come down once you know the CM\u2019s exact time?\u2019 Papa sat back on the sofa. \u2018I just meant instead of staying the whole week.\u2019 Zara opened the door of her room. My father heard the sound. \u2018Someone is upstairs?\u2019 he said. \u2018Yeah, papa. I told you I am coming this weekend with a friend.\u2019 \u2018Did you? Staying here?\u2019 \u2018Yeah. Just for the weekend. Wanted to see Alwar.\u2019 Zara came out of her room and took the steps down to the living room. She wore a simple lemon-yellow salwar kameez. With her damp hair and bare face she looked more beautiful than ever. When my father saw her, his jaw dropped. He whispered to me, \u2018This is your friend?\u2019 \u2018Yeah. She\u2019s doing PhD at IIT.\u2019 \u2018But\u2026\u2019 Before papa could say more, Zara had reached us. \u2018Namaste, uncle,\u2019 Zara said. Papa stood up, more in shock than out of respect. My father folded his hands. No words came out of his mouth. Why do so many Indian men get tongue-tied in front of women? Zara had listened to me. She wore a full-sleeved kameez, which covered her wrists and most of her neck. I had given her strict instructions not to show any skin. She said I made my parents sound like the Taliban. She didn\u2019t get it. Parents need one measly reason to hate their child\u2019s choice. Strike one, doesn\u2019t dress conservatively enough, game over. \u2018Papa, this is Zara. Zara, my father,\u2019 I said. My father gave the briefest nod. He sat back down. The three of us sat in the living room, which had become so silent the clock\u2019s ticking sounded like a hammer being struck on the wall. My father, who had been lecturing me in full flow a few seconds ago, had zero words to say right now. \u2018Zara is doing her PhD at IIT Delhi,\u2019 I said, \u2018in big data networking. Computer science.\u2019 My father nodded and smiled, but his vocal cords remained on strike. Zara initiated some conversation. \u2018You are a lawyer, uncle?\u2019 \u2018Hmmm\u2026\u2019 my father gave an unhelpful grunt in response. \u2018You have your own practice?\u2019 Zara said. \u2018Used to. Now full-time Sangh,\u2019 my father said. Wow, finally the man","had spoken. \u2018Sangh?\u2019 Zara said. \u2018RSS. You know RSS?\u2019 \u2018Yes, Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh.\u2019 \u2018Where are you from?\u2019 my father said, the must-ask question for all Indian elders. Maybe parents should just insist on address-proof or a copy of the Aadhaar card when they meet their child\u2019s friend for the first time. \u2018I live in Delhi. But Kashmiri, originally.\u2019 \u2018Oh,\u2019 my father said. \u2018What\u2019s your full name?\u2019 My father feels it is totally normal to have a conversation that sounds like a cross-examination. \u2018Zara Lone, uncle,\u2019 she said. My father absorbed her last name with the help of a long, deep breath. Yes, she\u2019s a Muslim, papa, relax. They don\u2019t bite, I wanted to say. \u2018I have to talk to his mother,\u2019 my father said, and stood up. He went to the puja room. The bhajans stopped. I heard incomprehensible voices that suggested a serious discussion. \u2018Everything okay?\u2019 Zara said to me. \u2018Yeah, why?\u2019 I smiled extra-bright. \u2018Nice salwar kameez, by the way.\u2019 I sat at the dining table having tea with my parents the next evening. Zara was out on her own, shopping in the street market in Alwar. \u2018Your father wants to know why you have brought this girl home,\u2019 my mother said. I turned to my father. I wanted to know why he had to route what he wanted to know from me through my mother. \u2018Papa, she wanted to see Alwar. And I thought she will get to meet you too.\u2019 \u2018Why do we have to meet her?\u2019 my father said. \u2018It\u2019s nothing, right?\u2019 my mother said. \u2018I told your father. She is just a friend who wanted to see Alwar. You offered your home as it is safer. So many crimes against women these days.\u2019 \u2018Yeah, but\u2026\u2019 \u2018But what?\u2019 my father said. \u2018She is a good friend, papa.\u2019","\u2018Good friend? Who has girls as good friends?\u2019 my father said. Normal people, I wanted to answer but didn\u2019t. \u2018You bring a Kashmiri Muslim girl home and we can\u2019t even ask questions?\u2019 \u2018Why are you getting angry?\u2019 my mother tried to pacify her husband. \u2018IIT has students from everywhere. She seems like a decent girl. She will see Alwar and leave. Why are you getting worked up, Rajpurohit ji?\u2019 \u2018Your son brings a Muslim girl home and you are not concerned?\u2019 my father said. I couldn\u2019t tell exactly what my crime was. That I had brought a girl home or a Muslim home? Maybe both. \u2018Why, beta? Is there anything to worry?\u2019 my mother said in her most soothing voice. Worry? Zara and I together counted as a \u2018worry\u2019, I guess. \u2018Maa, didn\u2019t you say she was beautiful?\u2019 I said. \u2018Yeah, so?\u2019 my mother said. My father gave her a dirty look; how dare she call a non-Hindu beautiful? \u2018She\u2019s intelligent too. She\u2019s doing a PhD from IIT. On big data networking. Cutting-edge stuff.\u2019 \u2018Big data what? Like data package?\u2019 my mother said, genuinely confused. I need not have mentioned Zara\u2019s thesis topic, I guess. \u2018She\u2019s passionate about social causes. She\u2019s not materialistic. Wants to do something for Kashmir once she finishes her studies. She is respectful\u2014\u2019 I said before my mother interrupted me. \u2018That\u2019s good. But why are you telling us all this?\u2019 Both my parents were by now staring at me with horror. I took a deep breath. \u2018I like her, maa,\u2019 I said. \u2018What?\u2019 my mother said, as if I had admitted to necrophilia or something. \u2018I like Zara. She likes me too. We want to be together.\u2019 \u2018See,\u2019 my father screamed. He stood up from the dining table. \u2018I am your father. Not an idiot. I could sense it the moment I saw her.\u2019 \u2018Together? You want to marry that Muslim girl?\u2019 my mother said, finding her voice again. \u2018I want to be with Zara, maa, who happens to be a Muslim. And five feet three inches tall. And fair like Snow White in the fairy tale. How do all these","stupid superficial attributes matter?\u2019 \u2018Being Muslim doesn\u2019t matter?\u2019 my mother said, her eyes and mouth making three round Os on her face. My father retorted with the same clich\u00e9d line millions of Indian husbands use to palm off responsibility. \u2018Go, love your son some more. First he graduates last in class. Then he can\u2019t get a job. And now he wants a Muslim girl. Tell me this is not because you have spoilt him.\u2019 My mother reached me in a flash and whacked the back of my head. She hadn\u2019t done this to me in fifteen years. \u2018Ouch.\u2019 I rubbed the back of my head. A Rajput mother\u2019s whack can really hurt. \u2018Have you lost your mind? You want to marry a Muslim girl?\u2019 she said, as if I had just requested for seed money to start an online cocaine shop. \u2018Kashmiri Muslim,\u2019 my father added, to rub it in that Zara was somehow worse than just a plain vanilla Muslim. \u2018Papa, she\u2019s an educated girl from a good family in Delhi.\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s people like her who threw Hindus out of Kashmir,\u2019 my father said. \u2018What? Zara has a blog to promote peace and unity in Kashmir,\u2019 I said. \u2018What are you even talking about, papa?\u2019 \u2018Blaw \u2026 what?\u2019 my father said. \u2018Blog. She writes on the internet about Kashmir and the need for peace there. Talk to her and listen to her views.\u2019 \u2018I am not speaking to these Kashmiri Muslims about Kashmir. Just tell me when she is leaving our house,\u2019 my father said. He walked up to the sofa and sat down in a huff. He sulked as he switched on the TV. A news channel came on. To make things worse, the prime-time debate was about stone- pelters attacking the Indian Army in Kashmir. \u2018Look at them, ungrateful people. Our Army keeps them safe. They throw stones at our jawans and shield terrorists.\u2019 I stomped across and stood in front of the TV. \u2018I don\u2019t know the Kashmir issue too well. But I am sure it is not as simple as people just being ungrateful,\u2019 I said. \u2018You refuse to see sense.\u2019 \u2018Papa, Zara and I love each other. This is not about some stupid politics.\u2019 \u2018Love?\u2019 my mother screamed from across the hall. \u2018Your papa is right.","You should get your brain checked.\u2019 \u2018Move away from the TV,\u2019 my father said in a gruff tone. \u2018No, papa, talk to me. Tell me what is wrong with Zara, apart from her religion?\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t want to talk about this. Please send her back.\u2019 \u2018If Zara was a Rajasthani Rajput, you would be fine, no?\u2019 \u2018Don\u2019t talk back to your father, or I will give you one more slap,\u2019 my mother hissed. I turned to plead with my mother. \u2018Maa, please look beyond her religion.\u2019 \u2018How? Will anyone in our khandaan look beyond it? Tell me honestly, at the wedding, what will people be talking about?\u2019 \u2018Is that it? Gossip at the wedding ceremony?\u2019 My father made a tch-tch sound. \u2018It\u2019s not just that,\u2019 my mother said. \u2018The problem is you do not care about your father. And that is what hurts him.\u2019 Maybe I just imagined it, but I heard a sniffle from my father. When parents decide to do a full-frontal emotional assault, nothing is off-limits. Crying dads and slapping moms are a routine part of how Indian kids are hammered into shape and manipulated to give up on things they really want. \u2018How is this about papa?\u2019 I said. \u2018He\u2019s in the RSS,\u2019 my mother said. \u2018Already his rise is limited because he is married. But they are still considering him for a more senior position.\u2019 \u2018So?\u2019 I said, confused. \u2018Now you will bring home this Muslim girl. What will people say?\u2019 \u2018How is it connected? Isn\u2019t RSS just a social organisation? To promote Indian nationalism? That\u2019s what they say all the time.\u2019 \u2018See, I told you. He doesn\u2019t care,\u2019 my father said. \u2018He will marry a terrorist, I tell you.\u2019 \u2018Terrorist?\u2019 I shouted. \u2018She\u2019s an IIT student.\u2019 \u2018Shut up,\u2019 my mother said. \u2018Enough is enough. I got fooled. You ask her to leave tonight itself.\u2019 \u2018Tonight?\u2019 I said. \u2018Yes,\u2019 my mother said. \u2018It\u2019s not even safe to drive back to Delhi at night,\u2019 I said. \u2018Your father can arrange an RSS worker to accompany her. Can you,","Rajpurohit ji?\u2019 My father nodded. \u2018And you stay away from her.\u2019 \u2018But maa\u2026\u2019 \u2018Or stay away from us,\u2019 my father said. \u2018Maa, this is not fair.\u2019 I turned to my mother. \u2018I will burn myself if you marry her,\u2019 my mother said. \u2018Call a worker, Rajpurohit ji.\u2019 The doorbell interrupted our conversation. My father stood up and opened the door. \u2018Milk cake, anyone?\u2019 Zara\u2019s cheerful voice filled the room. \u2018One more hour,\u2019 I said, checking Google Maps on my phone. \u2018And you should be in Himadri.\u2019 Suketu, one of the RSS workers in Alwar, was driving us in his Honda City to Delhi that night. Rajpal, an adolescent volunteer, sat in front with Suketu. Zara and I were in the back. \u2018What is this sudden job interview that came up?\u2019 said Zara, slightly breathless from all the hurry. \u2018It is OLX, you know the second-hand goods website?\u2019 I said, making things up as I spoke. I had just seen an OLX ad banner a few kilometres back. \u2018What\u2019s the job?\u2019 \u2018Coding, what else?\u2019 \u2018Oh. And they wanted to interview you on a Sunday?\u2019 \u2018Yeah, tomorrow morning. Their CEO is in town or something.\u2019 \u2018Bhaiya, I bought a second-hand mobile phone on OLX,\u2019 Rajpal piped up. \u2018Works pretty good.\u2019 Okay, so these morons in front were listening to our every word. \u2018Which brand?\u2019 Suketu said. \u2018Redmi,\u2019 Rajpal said. \u2018Keshav bhaiya, if you get a job at OLX, tell us about the best deals first.\u2019 \u2018Sure,\u2019 I said. \u2018Sunday? The CEO is meeting you?\u2019 Zara said. \u2018For a coder job.\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t know, Zara. Why are you interrogating me?\u2019","\u2018It\u2019s just a bit strange. This was my weekend to meet your parents as your girlfriend.\u2019 \u2018You did meet them.\u2019 \u2018Weren\u2019t you going to talk about us?\u2019 \u2018Can we discuss this later?\u2019 I pointed to the people in front. She ignored my signal. \u2018Did they not like me?\u2019 \u2018Are you mad? Didn\u2019t you hear my mother? She called you beautiful.\u2019 \u2018Doesn\u2019t necessarily mean likeable.\u2019 \u2018They liked you. Of course, they liked you. You want to stop for dinner at the border dhabas? Suketu bhaiya, let\u2019s make a quick stop.\u2019 \u2018You are acting weird,\u2019 Zara said as we walked to a jute charpoy in the dhaba. We had stopped at Rangeen Dhabha, one of the last open-air eating places before the urban chaos of Delhi took over. Suketu and Rajpal went to use the toilet, allowing us a moment of privacy. \u2018Zara, I was thinking. Why don\u2019t we go through your parents first?\u2019 \u2018But I thought we decided to start with your folks.\u2019 \u2018Yeah, but we could do it the other way too,\u2019 I said, and flipped over the laminated menu. \u2018You want to try gobi paranthas?\u2019 \u2018Did you chicken out?\u2019 she said in a lowered tone. \u2018I am not chickening out, okay?\u2019 I said, my voice loud. \u2018Yeah, bhaiya, don\u2019t eat chicken here. Not safe.\u2019 Rajpal had returned from the washroom.","Chapter 13 \u2018Stop being so self-conscious,\u2019 Zara said as we reached Westend Greens, a super-upscale farmhouse-only neighbourhood located along the Delhi\u2013 Gurgaon border. We had taken an Ola; the mobile app made taking a cab to anywhere easy. The IITian-founded Indian company was already valued in billions. Why couldn\u2019t I think of an idea one-thousandth of this level? Why couldn\u2019t I even get a proper job? Or make a proper tie knot? \u2018This tie has a life of its own,\u2019 I grumbled. \u2018The suit was unnecessary. You are only meeting my family. It\u2019s not an interview.\u2019 \u2018They see me in a suit, they believe I am a professional. Otherwise, the moment I mention IIT tuitions, it is over.\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s not tuitions. You are faculty in a cutting-edge test preparation centre,\u2019 Zara said. When Zara put it like that, my career didn\u2019t seem as horrible. That is why I loved her. She saw the best in everything, including the pretty ordinary me. A watchman opened the gate as our Wagon R entered her mansion. \u2018This is your house? And you still live in a tiny hostel room?\u2019 I said, as I noticed a garden the size of a volleyball court in front of her half-acre bungalow. \u2018I love my room. 105 is my life.\u2019 \u2018You can have a good life here too.\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s much better to be on campus. Commuting is a pain. Okay, final checks, mister. Ties, belts, shoelaces and nerves? All good?\u2019 Zara pinched my nose. Have I mentioned that? She was always pinching my nose. Most annoying.","\u2018Can I serve you some more gosht?\u2019 Safdar said in his thunderous voice. We were seated for lunch on chairs that resembled the thrones in mythological TV serials. Safdar was at the head of the eighteen-seater dining table. He was wearing a black bandhgala, with two gold bracelets and a Rolex watch on his left wrist. His French beard was dyed black. His wife, sitting to my left, had said little so far. Her pink silk salwar-kameez, dupatta half covering her head, and her diamond and jade necklace, which probably cost as much as one of the small apartments they keep advertising on the Dwarka\u2013 Gurgaon Expressway, spelt upper-crust. Her hair looked naturally black; I figured she was no more than a decade older than Zara. \u2018No, sir, I am quite full,\u2019 I said. Even though I didn\u2019t eat much meat, I had made an effort to do so today. I had to fit into Zara\u2019s family. \u2018So, Zara tells me you and she have a lot of dosti,\u2019 Safdar said, eating his biryani with an ornate fork and knife. Unlike idiot me, Zara had already spoken to her parents and prepared them in advance. Hence, unlike the electric shock I had given my mother and father, Zara\u2019s parents seemed calm. At least they hadn\u2019t threatened suicide yet. \u2018We sort of, kinda like each other,\u2019 is what she had told them. Unfortunately, for native Hindi speakers like my parents, there was no equivalent word for \u2018sort of\u2019 or \u2018kinda\u2019. I don\u2019t think my father was a sort of, kinda guy anyway. \u2018Sir,\u2019 I said as I cleared my throat to speak. \u2018You don\u2019t have to call me sir.\u2019 \u2018Can I call you uncle? Or Mr Lone?\u2019 \u2018Uncle is fine. So tell me about your dosti.\u2019 \u2018We have known each other for almost three years. We met on campus.\u2019 \u2018And our daughter never told us. What do you think, Zainab? Zara joined PhD in IIT for her dost?\u2019 Mr Lone said and laughed. Zainab only responded with a half smile. \u2018Uncle, I graduated from IIT within a year after Zara joined.\u2019 \u2018I am joking. Anyway, what do you do now?\u2019 I got a sinking feeling. In a small voice, I said, \u2018I am faculty at a test prep company.\u2019 \u2018Test prep, as in?\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s pretty hi-tech, dad. They are working on apps to do test preparation. Keshav is part of it,\u2019 Zara said.","Zara had made it all up. The only hi-tech thing Chandan Arora probably ever did was to order his gutkha online. \u2018Like an education startup?\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018Huh, yeah, uncle,\u2019 I said. \u2018It\u2019s bricks and mortar at present, but we are going to go online.\u2019 \u2018Good. I think of investing in internet companies sometimes too,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018People care much more about Apple phones today than apple orchards.\u2019 Everyone laughed. I liked Zara\u2019s dad. At least he made an effort to have a proper conversation. \u2018I heard you are one of the top fruit exporters from Kashmir,\u2019 I said. \u2018God has been kind.\u2019 Zara brought us back to the main topic. \u2018So, as I told you, dad, Keshav and I like each other.\u2019 \u2018I can see that,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018We need your blessings,\u2019 Zara said. \u2018Oh,\u2019 Safdar said, surprised. \u2018Zainab, see these app-making kids of today. How they ask their parents directly.\u2019 \u2018You know, dad, I am always frank with you.\u2019 Safdar laughed. \u2018Of course. So what do you want me to do? Meet his parents?\u2019 \u2018No,\u2019 I burst out. \u2018What?\u2019 Zara looked at me surprised. \u2018Sorry, Zara, I should have told you. But, uncle, my parents are not supportive of this. I\u2019m sure you can guess why.\u2019 \u2018When did this happen?\u2019 Zara said. I continued to look straight at her father. \u2018Uncle, I love your daughter very much. I will do anything to make her happy. Please bless us. My parents won\u2019t. But we need at least one side to be with us.\u2019 \u2018But, Keshav\u2026\u2019 Zara said and then lapsed into silence. Safdar let out a huge breath. \u2018Well, parents are important. I must say, even I wasn\u2019t too happy when Zara said she wants to be with you.\u2019 \u2018Because I am a Hindu?\u2019 \u2018Yes, but I am not that old-fashioned.\u2019","Relief made me stammer. \u2018Th \u2026 thank you, uncle.\u2019 He nodded his acknowledgement. \u2018Yeah, so anyway, we can take care of that,\u2019 he said. After lunch, we moved to the garden. Zara\u2019s father and I sat on a swing. Zara played with their dog Ruby, a German Shepherd who wanted to snooze in the sun more than run after Zara. Zainab had retired for a nap. Zara came up to us panting and sat on the swing as well. Safdar spoke to me again. \u2018So, tell me, what is the situation with your parents?\u2019 \u2018Yes, even I want to know, Keshav,\u2019 Zara said. I told them, censoring all the anti-Muslim comments, about the conversation I had had with my family in Alwar. \u2018Ah, so that is why we left Alwar early,\u2019 Zara said. \u2018You went to Alwar?\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018Casual visit. Well, until I was kicked out.\u2019 \u2018Nobody was kicked out,\u2019 I said. It is hard to hear negative things about your parents, even when they are against you. \u2018So they hate Muslims?\u2019 Safdar laughed. I looked at him, surprised. \u2018No. They have a few Muslim friends. But to have their only son marry a Muslim\u2014that\u2019s too much for them.\u2019 \u2018You want to see a person\u2019s true prejudices? Ask if they will marry their children into a community,\u2019 Safdar smiled. \u2018They are nice people. Trust me, they are just scared. They love me. They will come around. Just, right now it is difficult.\u2019 \u2018What do you suggest?\u2019 Zara said. \u2018We get married. Then I convince them. They have little choice then,\u2019 I said. \u2018You want me to let Zara marry you without meeting your parents?\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018You can meet them if you want to. It will only make things worse.\u2019 Safdar sat back. \u2018If you ask me, you guys should end this,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018We can\u2019t,\u2019 Zara and I said at the same time. Safdar looked at Zara and me. \u2018Please help us, uncle,\u2019 I said.","He stood up and paced around the swing twice. \u2018Say something, dad,\u2019 Zara said. \u2018It will have to be our way. We can do a nikaah.\u2019 \u2018Whatever,\u2019 I said. \u2018We can give you the shahada in a ceremony before or even during the nikaah.\u2019 \u2018Shahada?\u2019 I said, hearing the word for the first time. Safdar turned to Zara. \u2018Your dost doesn\u2019t know? Yet he loves a Muslim girl.\u2019 \u2018Dad, what is this shahada business? I don\u2019t think we need to\u2026\u2019 \u2018Of course we need to,\u2019 her father broke in. \u2018His parents will disown him. Let\u2019s do things properly from our side.\u2019 \u2018But what is shahada?\u2019 \u2018An oath,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018Dad, please. This is all too old-fashioned.\u2019 \u2018Old-fashioned?\u2019 Safdar\u2019s nose went up an inch. \u2018How dare you call it old-fashioned? You have any tameez left, or not?\u2019 Zara shrugged and sat on the grass with Ruby. \u2018Sorry, uncle, I am fine with any tradition. I just didn\u2019t know,\u2019 I said. \u2018This girl is mad,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018Extra-modern for no reason.\u2019 \u2018But what is this oath, uncle? Shah-what?\u2019 \u2018Shahada. It\u2019s simple. Just a couple of lines.\u2019 He raised his palms and murmured something in Arabic, \u2018l\u0101 lil\u0101ha lill\u0101 ll\u0101h muhammadun ras\u016blu ll\u0101h. There is no god but God. Muhammad is the messenger of God. To make you one of us.\u2019 \u2018Us?\u2019 \u2018A nikaah can\u2019t happen unless both bride and groom are Muslims. You have to convert,\u2019 Safdar said. Maybe I was giddy from the swing, but I swear I felt the ground move beneath me. \u2018Would you like some tea? We have wonderful Kashmiri kahwah,\u2019 Safdar was saying, as if the kahwah came free with the conversion. \u2018Trust me, I didn\u2019t expect this turn of events,\u2019 Zara said, cupping my face.","I took her hands in mine and kissed the inside of a wrist. \u2018I can\u2019t convert, Zara. Please understand. I love your religion, but I can\u2019t convert. My parents will kill themselves.\u2019 \u2018So don\u2019t.\u2019 \u2018How do we marry?\u2019 I said. \u2018Under the Special Marriage Act. The Indian Constitution allows it. People from any two faiths can go to court and marry. No religion, no caste drama. Just the way it should be.\u2019 \u2018We do a court marriage?\u2019 \u2018Yeah, if you can\u2019t convert.\u2019 \u2018And your parents will also not come?\u2019 \u2018Forget come. I will get disowned too. And my dad will also send thugs from his warehouse to beat us up. So filmi, no?\u2019 Zara raised her eyebrows comically. \u2018I am serious, Zara. We can\u2019t be parent-less on both sides. That\u2019s not a good start.\u2019 \u2018So convince your parents.\u2019 \u2018Can\u2019t.\u2019 \u2018Convert.\u2019 \u2018Can\u2019t.\u2019 \u2018So we have to give them up for the sake of our love.\u2019 \u2018Zara, what are you even saying?\u2019 \u2018Nothing.\u2019 Zara freed herself from my arms. \u2018I am trying my best, Zara.\u2019 \u2018Is this your best? I don\u2019t think so. I don\u2019t see you telling your parents, \u201cThis is my girl and that\u2019s that\u201d.\u2019 \u2018They are my parents, Zara.\u2019 \u2018That they will always be. But the way we are going\u2026\u2019 She stopped mid-sentence. \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018Nothing. Good night.\u2019 My phone rang in the staffroom. I picked it up.","\u2018It\u2019s Safdar. Can we talk?\u2019 \u2018Keshav!\u2019 came Chandan\u2019s loud call. \u2018Come to my office.\u2019 His fat stomach reached the staffroom before he did. I covered the phone with my hand. \u2018Chandan sir, I am on an important call. Give me five minutes?\u2019 \u2018Important call? What? Being interviewed by other coaching centres?\u2019 he said, one eyebrow raised. \u2018Sir, family,\u2019 I said, moving away from Chandan. \u2018Yes, uncle, how are you?\u2019 Safdar came straight to the point. \u2018Zara says you are not comfortable converting to Islam.\u2019 \u2018No, sir, I mean, I would, sir, but my parents won\u2019t be able to take it.\u2019 \u2018So forget Zara. Stop meeting her.\u2019 \u2018But, uncle\u2026\u2019 \u2018Stop means stop. I opened my heart to you. You betrayed us.\u2019 \u2018Betrayed?\u2019 \u2018Your parents threw my daughter out when she came as a guest. I welcomed you into the family. But you don\u2019t want to respect our wishes.\u2019 \u2018Uncle, it\u2019s about one\u2019s religion\u2026\u2019 \u2018Enough,\u2019 he said, interrupting me. \u2018You went to PVR with Zara yesterday?\u2019 \u2018Yes, sir,\u2019 I said, wondering how he knew. \u2018And she came to your apartment afterwards?\u2019 \u2018Zara told you?\u2019 I said. \u2018No. I have people who track you. And if need be they will hurt you.\u2019 \u2018Hurt?\u2019 \u2018You are just a kafir. Taking advantage of my precious daughter. Leave her alone, or it won\u2019t be good.\u2019 \u2018Are you threatening me, uncle?\u2019 I said, just to be clear. \u2018I don\u2019t threaten. I display kindness, and when betrayed, I take action. For my family\u2019s honour, if necessary, I will draw blood.\u2019 The word \u2018blood\u2019 sent shivers down my spine. Chandan Arora walked into the staffroom again and shook my shoulder. \u2018If your loving family call is over, let\u2019s talk work?\u2019","\u2018That wasn\u2019t cool, Keshav,\u2019 Zara said. \u2018I know,\u2019 I said, taking a bite of the falafel kebabs in her friend Sanam\u2019s kitchen. We were at a New Year\u2019s Eve party at Sanam\u2019s aunt\u2019s house. Even though Zara and I hadn\u2019t officially broken up, our relationship was beginning to resemble a war zone. We rarely met. When we did meet, we didn\u2019t talk anymore, we argued. Somehow we ended up at the same topic\u2014 we have no future. I didn\u2019t want to convert or disown our parents. Zara couldn\u2019t believe I wouldn\u2019t fight for us. At the party, I had told Zara I wanted to talk to her alone. Sanam\u2019s kitchen was the only quiet place we could find in the entire house. \u2018You drunk-dialling me every week is bad enough, but how could you call my dad?\u2019 Zara said. \u2018I didn\u2019t realise it. I searched for Lone on my phone and ended up dialling his number.\u2019 \u2018And since he picked up, you felt it was okay to yell and abuse?\u2019 I avoided eye contact with her. I looked at all the party food kept in aluminium foil trays near the stove. Three days ago, too many drinks and an accidental call had meant Safdar Lone heard some wonderful abuses from his almost-had-been Rajasthani son-in-law. I had screwed up, and had no excuses. Still, I remained stupidly defiant. She continued to stare at me. I smirked. Yes, I could smirk at Zara then. I didn\u2019t know how much this girl meant to me. Or that I would be pining for her years later. However, at that time, stupid me couldn\u2019t care less. \u2018Your dad deserved it,\u2019 I said. \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018Didn\u2019t he threaten me and tell me to stop meeting you? I told you he called me at work.\u2019 \u2018Did I stop meeting you? Did I, Keshav?\u2019 \u2018No,\u2019 I said sheepishly. \u2018Didn\u2019t I give you enough chances to think about what to do?\u2019 \u2018Yes, but you have started avoiding me now.\u2019 \u2018Because you have no answers for us. It\u2019s better we stay away from each other then.\u2019 \u2018Just like that?\u2019","\u2018Not just like that. It\u2019s hard. Super hard. Keshav Rajpurohit, I left that scholarship from MIT for you. Joined IIT just to be close to you. You think it is just like that for me?\u2019 \u2018Oh, so now I am supposed to feel guilty? Give up my parents and God because you gave up a scholarship?\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t like your tone, Keshav.\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t care.\u2019 \u2018Fine, then. I will go hang out with my friends. You are the one who pulled me aside.\u2019 \u2018Go wherever.\u2019 \u2018I am leaving. Keshav, I know it sounds kiddish. But can we, like, officially break up?\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018We kind of have already. But, like, let\u2019s be clear. From now on, no contact.\u2019 \u2018Zara? Are you mad?\u2019 I said. \u2018I was mad. I\u2019m coming to my senses now.\u2019 \u2018I got drunk and called your dad. Big deal. What do you want me to do? Say sorry? I will.\u2019 Zara shook her head. \u2018It\u2019s not just that. It\u2019s more. Anyway, no point going over it again. We are done. Bye.\u2019 \u2018Zara,\u2019 I called after her, but she had already left the kitchen to join her friends. At least on that day, I had too much pride and ego to go after her. And, yes, she was right. I didn\u2019t have answers. Just as I had no measure of how desperately I wanted to be with this girl. Someone was shaking me by my shoulder. \u2018I am never coming to pick you up like that again,\u2019 Saurabh said, continuing to shake my shoulder, switching off the past videos playing in my mind. \u2018Huh? Oh, Golu. You are here. You are my jaan, Golu.\u2019 I ruffled his hair as I came back to my senses and the present moment. Apparently, I had had a bill for ten whiskies at Social, which Saurabh","had paid for last night. One of the waiters had used my phone to dial his number when I passed out at my table. \u2018I saw their conversations. Between Zara and Raghu. Full-on love,\u2019 I said, as if that justified my alcoholic meltdown. \u2018They were dating. Of course, they will have such conversations. When will you stop this Zara business?\u2019 \u2018What will I stop? God only stopped it. I didn\u2019t convert. That\u2019s why he punished me. Took her away. Right when she wanted to get back.\u2019 I felt like crying again. Saurabh noticed and spoke again. \u2018Shut up. Take a shower. Teach your class. Move on,\u2019 Saurabh said, a rare strictness in his voice. \u2018Did you know, Prof. Saxena made an indecent proposal to Zara?\u2019 \u2018Your IIT dean?\u2019 \u2018Yeah, Zara\u2019s guide. I have an email in which Zara says everything he did. I have to meet that bastard,\u2019 I said. I stood up and walked to the bathroom. \u2018No meeting anyone,\u2019 Saurabh screamed from behind. \u2018Focus on work.\u2019 \u2018I will finish my classes first, Golu. Relax,\u2019 I said, splashing water from the tap on my face.","Chapter 14 \u2018Laxman, you will get out. It just won\u2019t happen so soon,\u2019 I said. I had come to meet Laxman in Tihar Jail, in west Delhi. An undertrial, he was allowed to see visitors during designated hours. \u2018Sahib, my wife is alone. There is no income,\u2019 Laxman said. \u2018I am sorry, Laxman,\u2019 I said. \u2018Help me, and I will help you.\u2019 We sat in the meeting area, a dingy room with several rickety chairs. \u2018What can I do for you?\u2019 Laxman said. \u2018I want to know who used to come to meet Zara at the hostel.\u2019 \u2018Her parents, not much though. Once in two months.\u2019 \u2018And?\u2019 \u2018Raghu sahib. Once a month he would visit Delhi. He would come to pick her up and Zara madam would leave for a few days.\u2019 I sucked in my breath sharply. \u2018And?\u2019 \u2018Prof. Saxena, sometimes.\u2019 \u2018When?\u2019 \u2018It will all be in the visitor\u2019s book. I think he came around three times last month.\u2019 \u2018Did you hear them talk?\u2019 The watchman shook his head. \u2018He would go to the common room. Zara madam would come there. Sahib, when will I be able to go back home?\u2019 \u2018Yes, what can I do for you?\u2019 Prof. Saxena said. He sat at his desk, face partially hidden by piles of files, books and a super-computer with a gigantic CPU, probably used to make big data models.","\u2018I am Keshav Rajpurohit, sir. Alumnus from here. Graduated five years ago.\u2019 Prof. Saxena had thin grey hair on his head that looked like it hadn\u2019t met a comb since he had graduated. His paunch remained hidden under his desk. He did not look up from his computer. \u2018I am not looking for assistants right now.\u2019 Students lined up to work with Prof. Saxena, in the hope of a recommendation when they later applied to US universities. A nice reco letter from him could help research students earn a full fellowship at an MIT or Stanford. \u2018I don\u2019t want to be your assistant,\u2019 I said. \u2018So, why are you here?\u2019 he said, eyes still on the monitor. \u2018I want to talk about Zara Lone.\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 he said, looking at me for the first time. \u2018She did her PhD under you, right?\u2019 He stared at me. \u2018I am sorry. Who are you again?\u2019 he said. \u2018Keshav Rajpurohit. Batch of 2013.\u2019 \u2018And how are you related to Zara Lone?\u2019 \u2018She was a close friend.\u2019 \u2018Really? Close friend?\u2019 Prof. Saxena said. \u2018You are her ex-boyfriend, aren\u2019t you? My other students told me you were the reason she gave up a wonderful scholarship at MIT.\u2019 He leaned forward in his chair, forearms on the table. \u2018Yes, sir,\u2019 I said, clearing my throat. \u2018The point is, I found her body. When I went to wish her on her birthday.\u2019 \u2018You are the boy who broke into the girls\u2019 hostel?\u2019 I nodded. \u2018She had a fianc\u00e9, right? I\u2019ve met him, he\u2019s PGM from here. Raghu Venkatesh.\u2019 PGM referred to President\u2019s Gold Medal, given to the topper of the batch. Of course, Maggu Raghu had scored straight 10 GPAs\u2014grade point average\u2014in all semesters, ensuring the \u2018nerd of the batch\u2019 medal belonged to him and nobody else. \u2018Raghu is from my batch as well.\u2019 \u2018Doing really well. Sequoia Capital funded his artificial intelligence","company. Many Silicon Valley companies want to invest. A true IIT Delhi success story.\u2019 Unlike me, a true IIT Delhi failure story. \u2018I am aware. Sir, do you know anything that could help solve the murder of Zara Lone?\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 His chair creaked as he sat up straight. \u2018The watchman did it. We all saw the news. Terrible.\u2019 \u2018The watchman didn\u2019t do it, sir.\u2019 \u2018Really?\u2019 \u2018Yes, sir, a hundred per cent sure he didn\u2019t.\u2019 \u2018Who are you? The police?\u2019 \u2018No, sir.\u2019 \u2018First that inspector, what\u2019s his name, Rana bothered me. Wanted to send his team all over campus. Thankfully, he became quiet since they got the watchman.\u2019 \u2018Why didn\u2019t you allow the police to come to campus and investigate?\u2019 \u2018This is a place where people study, not some criminal interrogation zone. I told him to get lost. And I am sorry, but you are wasting my time too.\u2019 \u2018I am helping the police, sir. Since they are not allowed here. I just have a few questions for you.\u2019 \u2018What nonsense. You may be allowed on campus as an alumnus, but you can\u2019t go snooping around. I can bar you from entry.\u2019 \u2018No, you won\u2019t,\u2019 I said, in a calm but firm voice. My sudden defiance startled him. \u2018Is this how you talk to your teachers? Please leave.\u2019 \u2018Is it true that you propositioned Zara?\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 the professor said, his face turning white. Even though he kept up a defiant posture, his lips trembled. \u2018You delayed her thesis. Asked her to sleep with you.\u2019 \u2018That\u2019s nonsense. I am going to call security and have you thrown out.\u2019 He picked up the intercom in his room. \u2018Don\u2019t make that mistake. I can say what I am saying to the media as well,\u2019 I said. \u2018Like they will believe you. The person who breaks into women\u2019s hostels!\u2019 he scoffed, still on the phone. \u2018Hello, security? Send some people to my office please. Yes, unwanted person.\u2019","Acting as if I no longer existed, he went back to work on his computer. I opened email on my phone and after a couple of moments, said, \u2018Check your inbox.\u2019 \u2018Why?\u2019 Prof Saxena said even as he clicked his computer\u2019s mouse. He opened the email that I had forwarded to him. His mouth fell open as he read it. To: Raghu From: Zara Hey Love, How are you? So far away from me in Hyderabad. Today is one of those days I really, really wish you were here. I tried calling you. Your secretary told me you are in meetings all day with people who have come from San Jose. Well, good luck with that. Hope they go well. Call when you can? I really need to talk. I have already told you about the creepy feeling I get from Prof. Saxena. You also know how many times he has asked me out for coffee. What I haven\u2019t told you are a few more things he has done. I thought they were inadvertent or harmless, but it has happened too often now. For instance, he often comes up behind me and touches my hair when I am working on the computer. Two days ago, he put his arm around my shoulder when I showed him a printout. When I wriggled away, he said, \u2018Why don\u2019t we get closer? Intimacy always helps people connect.\u2019 Raghu, I felt so creeped out, I wanted to jump out of his office window. I don\u2019t know why I didn\u2019t tell you about it right then. I guess I thought it was a one-off. But today, he did it again! I went to show him an Excel sheet on my laptop, and he kissed my right cheek and said I looked like a Kashmiri rose!!! Then I am not sure, but I think he pulled my hand towards his \u2026 oh gosh maybe he didn\u2019t mean to, but Raghu, it was gross! I wanna quit, but how? What do I do? I am so confused. Call me soon. XOXO Z \u2018This is utter lies,\u2019 Prof. Saxena said, his voice quivering. \u2018It\u2019s an email from your research scholar who has been murdered. The PGM fianc\u00e9 is witness,\u2019 I said. \u2018I don\u2019t know what you are talking about.\u2019 \u2018Hostel registers show you visited her eight times in the last three months. I don\u2019t think you have ever visited any other student in their hostel.\u2019","Someone knocked on Prof. Saxena\u2019s door. \u2018Sir, you wanted us to come?\u2019 the institute security officer said as he walked in. Two other guards stood behind him. \u2018Actually,\u2019 Prof. Saxena said, \u2018we are fine. You can leave.\u2019 The security officers gave us confused, irritated looks and left. \u2018What do you want?\u2019 Prof. Saxena said to me. \u2018Before we get into that, we all know what you want.\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018Padma Vibhushan. You might even get it soon.\u2019 \u2018Because I am the best in my field. I could have gone to any university in the world. I chose to stay in India.\u2019 \u2018How noble of you,\u2019 I said. \u2018But imagine the news: Prof. Saxena harassed his PhD student. They will give you a special Padma then?\u2019 He put his head in his hands. It is amazing how amiable people become when the power balance shifts against them. \u2018What do you want? Really?\u2019 Prof. Saxena said. \u2018I am only trying to solve Zara\u2019s murder.\u2019 \u2018Okay. So what? You think I did it?\u2019 \u2018I didn\u2019t say that. But did you? Did you, you bastard?\u2019 It felt strange to talk to a faculty member like this, yet oddly satisfying. \u2018What? I didn\u2019t kill anybody. What are you saying?\u2019 I stood up. I leaned forward and grabbed his shirt collar. I said, not very coherently, \u2018You creep. Zara wanted to come back to me. You troubled her. Harassed her. And I don\u2019t know what else. Now you sit here like an innocent geeky professor.\u2019 To make up for my inarticulate speech, I slapped Saxena hard across his face. I held on to him, wanting to slap him again and again. However, he began to whine. \u2018Please leave,\u2019 Prof. Saxena said. \u2018Don\u2019t hurt me.\u2019 \u2018Did you kill her?\u2019 \u2018No. Please let me go.\u2019 I released my grip and sat back. He put a hand on his heart. \u2018I have never hurt a fly in my life. Why would I kill her?\u2019 \u2018Maybe you thought she would reveal the truth about you once she had her PhD degree, something you couldn\u2019t delay anymore. Maybe you got","scared, went up to her room and killed her.\u2019 \u2018No, I swear on my kids, no,\u2019 he said. He pinched his throat like an eight-year-old. I stood up. \u2018If you did, better admit it. Or else, I will come back with the police.\u2019 He shook his head, and still pinching his throat, he said, \u2018I swear, I didn\u2019t do it.\u2019 \u2018I\u2019ll see you soon, asshole,\u2019 I said. I slammed the office door behind me and left. \u2018The dean?\u2019 Saurabh said, walking on the treadmill at the lowest speed possible. I had finally convinced him to come to the gym with me. \u2018Can you believe it?\u2019 I said. \u2018That bastard dean. You read the email, right?\u2019 \u2018I did. I have two things to say,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018What?\u2019 I said, and increased the speed of his treadmill to four kilometres per hour. \u2018Slower, bhai.\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s fine. Your heart rate should go up. You weighed yourself? How much was it?\u2019 \u2018Ninety-five point five.\u2019 \u2018That\u2019s too much, Saurabh.\u2019 \u2018I am working on it. One day I will have a six-pack like you. Actually, I do have one. It\u2019s just hidden under some tissue.\u2019 \u2018That tissue is called fat. And it is not some tissue, it is a lot of it. Anyway, now say the two things you had to say.\u2019 \u2018Fine. One, what my brain says, and the other, what my heart says.\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018Brain says, I really wish you would stop pursuing this. Even Rana said, \u201cIdeally, stay away\u201d.\u2019 \u2018Screw the brain. What does the heart say?\u2019 \u2018The heart says,\u2019 Saurabh said and stopped the treadmill. \u2018Wait, my heart is actually racing too fast.\u2019 \u2018You just started.\u2019","\u2018I know, just pacing myself. Anyway, bhai, my heart says, this is so freaking interesting and intriguing. Really? The dean of students at IIT Delhi, top quant prof in the world, might have murdered a student?\u2019 \u2018He swore on his kids, but he\u2019s a smartass. He could be acting.\u2019 I lifted a ten-kilo dumbbell and handed it to Saurabh. Saurabh found it too heavy and went to replace it with a two-kilo one. I shook my head. \u2018Bhai, my body is tender. You can\u2019t push it so much, so fast. Anyway, what will you do next about the dean?\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018I will meet his wife. Try to find out if he wasn\u2019t home that night.\u2019 \u2018She will tell you?\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t know. I have no other way to find out.\u2019 \u2018Hmmm\u2026\u2019 Saurabh started doing bicep curls with a weight that a toddler could pick up. Both of us looked at each other in the gym mirror. \u2018I want you to come,\u2019 I said. \u2018Me?\u2019 Saurabh said, surprised. \u2018Yeah. Observe everything. Ask any questions if you like, and later give me your view.\u2019 \u2018You want me to come? For something my brain says you should stay away from?\u2019 Saurabh laughed. \u2018Yes.\u2019 I grinned. \u2018Why do you think I would do that?\u2019 \u2018Because between you and me, it is all about the heart. I love you,\u2019 I said. I sent a flying kiss through the mirror and winked at him. \u2018Oh dear. Profs or students, you IITians are all creeps,\u2019 he said, finishing his set. \u2018Prof. Saxena is not at home,\u2019 said the lady who opened the door. \u2018Mrs Parminder Saxena?\u2019 I said. \u2018Yes?\u2019 Mrs Saxena said. She adjusted the dupatta over her nightie, Delhi\u2019s official housewife dress. I took out my alumni card. \u2018I am Keshav Rajpurohit. Ex-student here. This is my friend Saurabh. May we come in? It is you we want to talk to.\u2019","\u2018Me?\u2019 \u2018This is regarding Zara Lone. Prof. Saxena\u2019s student who died.\u2019 Prof. Saxena\u2019s wife looked left and right, and then gestured us in.","Chapter 15 Over a cup of tea, I told Mrs Saxena what I knew about the case so far, leaving out Saxena\u2019s antics towards Zara for the time being. \u2018And that is why we are here. To talk to everyone who knew Zara. Until we find the real killer, the police won\u2019t let the innocent watchman go,\u2019 I said. \u2018But why talk to me?\u2019 said Mrs Saxena in a bewildered way. \u2018I hardly met her. Maybe once or twice when I visited Prof. Saxena in office. She seemed like a nice girl.\u2019 \u2018Was Prof. Saxena friendly with his students?\u2019 Saurabh said. Mrs Saxena looked taken aback. \u2018Not particularly. He\u2019s so lost in his work. He\u2019s not a friendly person in general. A bit grumpy always, if you ask me,\u2019 Mrs Saxena said. \u2018Did he ever go meet his PhD students in their hostels?\u2019 \u2018Never. He\u2019s the dean and their guide, why would he?\u2019 Mrs Saxena said, somewhat offended by my question. \u2018Mrs Saxena, sir went to meet Zara eight times in her hostel in the last three months,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s in the hostel register,\u2019 I said. \u2018I am sorry to tell you this, Mrs Saxena, but I think sir had an extra interest in Zara.\u2019 \u2018Extra?\u2019 she said, confused. At forty, Mrs Saxena had probably led a shielded campus life. Her idea of a controversy or scandal would be if the maid skipped work two days in a row. \u2018He wanted a relationship with Zara,\u2019 I said calmly. \u2018He propositioned her several times.\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 Mrs Saxena gasped. The whistle of a pressure cooker in the kitchen disrupted our conversation. \u2018Black daal in the pressure cooker?\u2019 Saurabh said, sniffing in the direction of the kitchen. I glared at him.","Mrs Saxena exploded. \u2018Are you insane? My husband? One of the world\u2019s best researchers in his field?\u2019 Then the cooker whistled again. Saurabh jumped up from the sofa. \u2018I\u2019ll go turn the gas off, Mrs Saxena,\u2019 he said. \u2018Two whistles are enough for black daal, right?\u2019 She nodded grimly. \u2018I am sorry to be the one to tell you, Mrs Saxena,\u2019 I said smoothly. \u2018This is hundred per cent nonsense. Hundred and one per cent. Is there any proof?\u2019 she said. \u2018If the news made you uncomfortable, the proof will make you even more so.\u2019 \u2018What is the proof?\u2019 I held out my phone to her. She read the email quickly and returned my phone. Saurabh came back from the kitchen. All of us sat in awkward silence for a few seconds. \u2018I am not here to spoil your marriage,\u2019 I said. \u2018Too late for that,\u2019 she said. She picked up her phone and called her husband. \u2018Come home,\u2019 Mrs Saxena said when he answered. \u2018No, right now. I said come home now. I don\u2019t care about the senate meeting. You come home now, Vineet.\u2019 She turned to me. \u2018What do you want?\u2019 she said. \u2018Your help. In finding out the truth,\u2019 I said. \u2018What truth? You have proof. You have ruined my life already.\u2019 I wanted to tell her that it was the professor who had ruined things, not me. However, I decided to stick to the agenda. \u2018Your husband might have killed Zara Lone.\u2019 \u2018What? Vineet? What is wrong with you guys? My husband was trying to have an affair? Is a murderer?\u2019 \u2018Please be calm, Mrs Saxena,\u2019 Saurabh said, \u2018and listen to Keshav.\u2019 \u2018Ma\u2019am, he had a clear motive. Zara could have exposed him once she received her PhD degree. He had the opportunity. He lives on campus. He could have stepped out from home at night and walked to Himadri. He could enter Zara\u2019s room through the window, kill her and leave. Before anybody","found out, he could have been back in his bed,\u2019 I said. \u2018You mean our bed?\u2019 Mrs Saxena said. \u2018Yes, ma\u2019am.\u2019 \u2018It is Vineet we are talking about. He went to IIT and Stanford. You really think he could do such a thing?\u2019 Mrs Saxena said. \u2018Did you really think your husband could be sexually harassing a PhD student?\u2019 Saurabh said. Mrs Saxena fell silent. \u2018Ma\u2019am, this may be too much for you. But we need to know the truth,\u2019 I said. \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018Did your husband leave home that night?\u2019 I said. Before she could answer, the doorbell rang. Mrs Saxena got up and opened the door. Prof. Saxena walked in almost in slow motion as he had a slight limp in his left leg. \u2018What the\u2026\u2019 he screamed when he saw Saurabh and me in his house. \u2018What the hell are you doing here? How dare you come to my house?\u2019 Mrs Saxena went up to Prof. Saxena. Before he could react, she hit him across his ear. \u2018Pammi!\u2019 Prof. Saxena said, hand on ear. Mrs Saxena deposited two more slaps in response. Hell hath no fury like a Punjabi woman scorned. \u2018They are lying, Pammi,\u2019 Prof. Saxena said, almost in tears. \u2018I know they are not,\u2019 Mrs Saxena said. Saurabh and I stood up to leave. \u2018We just had a few more questions for Mrs Saxena. We can come back later,\u2019 I said politely. \u2018No, wait,\u2019 Mrs Saxena said, \u2018ask me now. Vineet should be here.\u2019 We sat down again. Prof. Saxena continued to stand, hand on ear. \u2018Mrs Saxena, where was your husband on the night of February 8th?\u2019 \u2018What does a stupid wife like me know? He could have left for an hour while I was asleep.\u2019 \u2018No, Pammi. I didn\u2019t.\u2019 \u2018I gave up my career in California for you, Vineet, you slimeball. I was a senior consultant. All for your desh bhakti and research obsession. And this is what you do to me?\u2019 \u2018Pammi, nothing happened!\u2019","\u2018Because she didn\u2019t let anything happen!\u2019 Mrs Saxena said shrewdly, taking a step towards him with her hand raised. Prof. Saxena took a step back. \u2018Please don\u2019t hit me.\u2019 \u2018I will ruin you. You bloody creep.\u2019 She turned to me. \u2018What do I have to do? Should I sign a document saying my husband was missing that night?\u2019 \u2018No,\u2019 Prof. Saxena screamed and fell at his wife\u2019s feet. \u2018That would do it, right? Enough proof to put him away for life?\u2019 Mrs Saxena said. I shrugged. I had no idea. \u2018Whatever you give us we will submit to the police,\u2019 I said. Prof. Saxena continued to kneel on the floor. \u2018I beg you. Yes, I liked her. She was beautiful and smart. I became weak. But nothing happened. And I swear on you, I didn\u2019t kill her.\u2019 \u2018So, who did?\u2019 I said, even as his wife shrieked, \u2018Not on me. Don\u2019t swear on me, you dirty man.\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t know.\u2019 \u2018Boys, go to the police,\u2019 Mrs Saxena said furiously. \u2018Did anyone see me go to the hostel that night? Or leave my home?\u2019 \u2018I will say I did,\u2019 Mrs Saxena said. \u2018Ma\u2019am, you are angry now. We want to know the truth more than anything else,\u2019 I said. \u2018Can you please think in a calm manner and let us\u2014\u2019 Mrs Saxena interrupted me. \u2018How can I be calm? I left a two hundred thousand dollar-a-year job for this idiot. All for his \u201cprinciples\u201d.\u2019 I stood up to leave. \u2018We will give you some privacy. Let\u2019s go, Saurabh.\u2019 \u2018Sure, and ma\u2019am, just one more thing,\u2019 Saurabh said at the door. \u2018What?\u2019 Mrs Saxena said. \u2018Don\u2019t leave the pressure cooker closed. The black daal will get overcooked.\u2019 \u2018Dean Saxena?\u2019 Rana said, almost choking on his extra-hot, full-cream eight per cent-fat milk and hundred per cent-free latte at the Hauz Khas Starbucks. Saurabh and I sat across from him.","Inspector Rana put his cup down. He gave out a loud, Raavan-like laugh. \u2018Yes,\u2019 I said, in a steady voice. \u2018And you will agree there is enough evidence.\u2019 \u2018Yes,\u2019 Rana said and continued to laugh. \u2018So, why are you laughing, sir,\u2019 Saurabh said, still a bit afraid whenever he spoke to Rana. \u2018I\u2019m not laughing at you. The whole situation is so funny. That ass was being so righteous. Not letting me come to campus. Turns out he\u2019s just a tharki prof,\u2019 Rana said and laughed again. I stared at my cup of milk and waited for the inspector to finish giggling. He spoke again. \u2018From the watchman to the dean of IIT. Wow, just look at the class jump. The media will have so much fun with this.\u2019 \u2018So, we arrest him now?\u2019 I said. \u2018How does it work?\u2019 \u2018Not so simple. We definitely need the wife\u2019s testimony that her husband was out that night. Otherwise, I am not sure.\u2019 \u2018Not sure?\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s a masala media story, definitely. But releasing the watchman to arrest the dean? If we get this wrong, Delhi Police will be lynched.\u2019 \u2018So you won\u2019t arrest him?\u2019 \u2018Get me the wife\u2019s testimony,\u2019 Rana said. He checked his watch. \u2018I have to go. I have to get a haircut.\u2019 We saw Inspector Rana to his Gypsy. \u2018What about Zara\u2019s email?\u2019 I said. \u2018Only shows the prof was a pervert. I can\u2019t book him for murder for that.\u2019 I nodded. The inspector patted my back. \u2018Not bad though. Good work.\u2019 \u2018Maggi? Again? The maid has cooked gobi aloo and chapatis.\u2019 \u2018I am bored of the maid\u2019s food,\u2019 I said. We stood in the tiny kitchen of our apartment. I stir-fried peas, carrot and capsicum in a kadhai. I added garam masala to the vegetables and tossed","them around with a ladle. On the other burner, I boiled three packets of Maggi noodles. Saurabh saw the quantity in the vessel and added two more packets. I served out my improvised, value-added Maggi noodles in two bowls. We moved to the dining table and ate our one-dish dinner. \u2018So, Mrs Saxena declined, eh?\u2019 Saurabh said, slurping a long noodle into his mouth. \u2018Yeah. She had said it in anger. Later on, she must have reflected. Her husband might be a jerk, but she doesn\u2019t want him in jail for murder.\u2019 \u2018So no wife testimony.\u2019 \u2018Yes,\u2019 I said and refilled my bowl. \u2018If we have to get the prof, we need more solid evidence.\u2019 \u2018The noodles are superb, by the way,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018Thanks.\u2019 I blinked. \u2018You think Saxena could have done it?\u2019 \u2018If Zara could destroy his life\u2019s work, yes,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018He didn\u2019t show up in the CCTV footage of the hostel entrance. The only other way to come up is the mango tree,\u2019 I said. \u2018Yeah,\u2019 Saurabh said, \u2018and since the window was open, it means Zara opened it.\u2019 \u2018Yeah, she could have. She thinks, this idiot pervert has come up the tree to wish me. Fine, a few more weeks and I am free. She opens the window.\u2019 \u2018Then?\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018He enters. Kills her. Leaves. Back in bed. Cuddles up to his Pammi. End of story. Yeah? Totally adds up, right?\u2019 I said. Saurabh thought for a few seconds and then shook his head. \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018No. Not possible,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018What\u2019s not possible?\u2019 \u2018Limp. He has a limp,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018Did you see, he walked in so slowly into his house. Didn\u2019t he have a slight limp?\u2019 \u2018Did he get hurt recently?\u2019 \u2018Not sure. Open your laptop,\u2019 Saurabh said. We searched YouTube videos of Prof. Saxena. Most of them were mega-boring talks at engineering conferences that could also double up as","videos to cure insomnia. In one, from a few months back, we could see him walking up to the stage. \u2018It wasn\u2019t just that day. He has a proper limp,\u2019 I said. Saurabh kept quiet as he browsed through a few more videos. \u2018He couldn\u2019t have climbed the mango tree,\u2019 I said after a few minutes. \u2018Yeah,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018It was so tough for me. If one of your legs isn\u2019t okay, impossible.\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s not Saxena,\u2019 I said and slammed the laptop shut. \u2018I better tell Rana.\u2019 I stepped away to call the inspector. Saurabh waited till I ended the call and came back to the dining table. \u2018What did he say?\u2019 \u2018That we are idiots. We would have made him look so bad if he had arrested the dean.\u2019 \u2018True. Anything else?\u2019 \u2018Just that. And a few affectionate Delhi abuses,\u2019 I said.","Chapter 16 I asked Prof. Saxena to meet me in Deer Park just outside the campus. This time he agreed immediately. He wore a blue IIT Delhi tracksuit with white stripes. He walked one step at a time, raising his left leg with effort at each step. \u2018Prof. Saxena, I know you didn\u2019t kill her.\u2019 He looked at me, surprised. \u2018What?\u2019 he said. \u2018Your limp saved you. You can\u2019t climb a tree.\u2019 \u2018I told you I didn\u2019t do it.\u2019 \u2018Prof. Saxena, neither did the watchman.\u2019 \u2018He didn\u2019t?\u2019 I told him about the browser history on Laxman\u2019s phone. \u2018Our country is strange. Keeping an innocent man locked up,\u2019 Saxena said. I nodded. \u2018Sir, the question still remains, who did it?\u2019 \u2018How would I know?\u2019 \u2018You knew her for years. You must have some theory.\u2019 \u2018Have you met Zara\u2019s family?\u2019 Prof Saxena said. \u2018Yeah. Her father and stepmother.\u2019 \u2018Her stepbrother?\u2019 \u2018Sikander? No. I heard about him a lot though. And I saw him at the funeral.\u2019 \u2018Listen, I could be accused of being communal when I say this, but, I don\u2019t get a comfortable feeling about Zara\u2019s father or her stepbrother. I find them shady.\u2019 \u2018Why? \u2018There could be violent fundamentalists in her family. Those who eliminate people at will.\u2019","\u2018You mean terror groups?\u2019 \u2018Well, now that you say it, yes.\u2019 \u2018Zara was far away from all that. You are basing this on something?\u2019 \u2018We were in the big data server room once when I heard her talk on the phone to her stepbrother. She mentioned guns.\u2019 \u2018Guns?\u2019 \u2018Something like, \u201cGuns are not the answer, Sikander\u201d.\u2019 \u2018That could be a general statement.\u2019 \u2018Trust me, it didn\u2019t sound generic. Her stepbrother seemed to be part of some group. Zara wanted him out of it. More details I honestly don\u2019t know. I felt scared, so I never discussed it with her.\u2019 We walked out of the park. The professor went up to his car and took the driver\u2019s seat. \u2018Anything else?\u2019 I said. The professor spoke after a pause. \u2018Pammi said something after the funeral.\u2019 \u2018What?\u2019 \u2018The parents didn\u2019t look as sad as you would expect. Not just the stepmother, but even her father. That happens, though. People can be in shock.\u2019 \u2018Thanks, sir,\u2019 I said. \u2018That\u2019s helpful.\u2019 The professor turned on the ignition of his car. \u2018It\u2019s amazing. You are trying to catch her murderer even though she wasn\u2019t with you anymore.\u2019 I smiled. \u2018Now I can see why she gave up her scholarship for you,\u2019 he said. His next words were almost lost under the noise of the car\u2019s engine. \u2018Ah, young love.\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t know what he meant,\u2019 I said, sipping cold soda. \u2018He just said that he finds the family shady.\u2019 Rana and I were on the terrace of Raasta, a bar in Hauz Khas Village. I had offered to buy Rana drinks, to compensate for the Saxena fiasco. Not that the inspector had to pay at any Hauz Khas bar anyway. He ordered a large rum and coke. I stuck to soda.","\u2018Shady? Like what? Cousins marrying uncles types?\u2019 Rana said. \u2018No, no,\u2019 I said, \u2018what are you saying? Saxena felt the family had connections to terror organisations.\u2019 \u2018These bloody Kashmiris! Anything is possible.\u2019 \u2018Zara was not a terrorist,\u2019 I said. \u2018She took me to peace rallies.\u2019 \u2018All surface bullshit. Inside, all violent,\u2019 Rana said. He turned to his left to check out a table where three girls had just arrived. One of them, around twenty years old, was wearing a short red dress. \u2018She doesn\u2019t feel cold?\u2019 Rana said, in a tone you only hear from Delhi men. I brought him back to the topic. \u2018Zara\u2019s father has a successful business. He left Kashmir because of the strife.\u2019 The inspector ignored what I said and continued to talk about the girls at the next table. \u2018These girls don\u2019t feel scared coming out dressed like this? Then they blame the police if someone squeezes their ass,\u2019 he said, eyes still on the girl in the red dress. I kept quiet until he had had his fill of leching at them. Finally, he turned to me and grinned. \u2018Sorry, what were you saying?\u2019 he said. \u2018I don\u2019t think Zara\u2019s father is associated with any terror group.\u2019 \u2018How can you say that? He could have sympathy for them. Pay them money.\u2019 \u2018His previous wife Farzana did have fundamentalists in her family. He hated all that. That\u2019s mainly why he divorced her.\u2019 \u2018Hmmm\u2026\u2019 Rana said. \u2018Anyway if this is a terrorism case, it is out of our hands. The Anti-Terrorism Squad will get involved. A far more senior officer will handle it. Not a chutiya like me.\u2019 I didn\u2019t know whether to nod, and thereby affirm that he was a chutiya. Or say, no way any other officer can handle it better than you, sir, and come across as a chutiya myself. I decided to sip my soda instead. \u2018Drop it,\u2019 the inspector said, squinting his eyes. \u2018If there are terror groups involved, they will kill you. Not worth it.\u2019 \u2018So, we never find out who killed Zara?\u2019 I said too loudly. The three girls at the other table turned to look at us on hearing the word \u2018killed\u2019. \u2018Maybe it is just a simple honour killing. None of this terror business,\u2019","Rana said, shaking his glass so the ice cubes would mix with the drink better. \u2018Honour killing? Zara\u2019s father killed her?\u2019 I said, shocked. \u2018Or had her killed. It does happen. I have seen cases.\u2019 \u2018Why?\u2019 \u2018She liked to fuck Hindu boys, no?\u2019 Rana said. My ears rang. All I wanted to do was take his face apart. To rip out the mouth that had uttered those words. It took all my strength to sit still. Bad idea, I told myself, to hit a policeman. \u2018Her parents liked Raghu. He was ready to convert too.\u2019 \u2018That Madrasi would become Muslim? Just to be with her?\u2019 Rana said, as if Raghu had agreed to a sex-change operation. \u2018Zara\u2019s father had asked me to do the same.\u2019 \u2018And you said no?\u2019 Rana said. I nodded. He slapped my back. \u2018That is my brave Rajput boy. No girl is worth leaving your God. Well done.\u2019 \u2018I couldn\u2019t. My parents would have committed suicide.\u2019 \u2018Of course. How dare they ask anyone to change their religion? I told you, they are strange.\u2019 \u2018The point, Rana sir, is this. They didn\u2019t hate Raghu, or Zara having a Hindu boyfriend. They actually liked Raghu for his success.\u2019 \u2018They liked that Madrasi because of his willingness to become Muslim.\u2019 \u2018Well, yes, that too. I don\u2019t see any grounds for honour killing.\u2019 \u2018You never know. Maybe the old man wanted her to marry someone else, a khandaani Muslim. Did you see, that old man didn\u2019t cry one bit at the funeral?\u2019 \u2018That\u2019s what Mrs Saxena said too.\u2019 \u2018That tharki dean\u2019s wife?\u2019 Rana said. \u2018Yeah, Saxena told me,\u2019 I said. \u2018Also, now that you mention this angle, Safdar had threatened me in the past.\u2019 \u2018When?\u2019 The inspector\u2019s eyes lit up. \u2018See, you didn\u2019t tell me this.\u2019 \u2018When I said I can\u2019t convert. He wanted me to leave Zara. He told me he can hurt me or have me killed.\u2019 \u2018He\u2019s just a goonda living in a farmhouse. The tharki dean is right. They are shady people.\u2019 As I processed Rana\u2019s words, the inspector turned towards the three","girls again. \u2018That one in the red dress. She wants it real bad tonight.\u2019 \u2018What makes you think you can investigate my daughter\u2019s murder?\u2019 Safdar said. His voice thundered through his giant porch. Saurabh and I had gone to visit him on a Sunday morning. I told him the story so far, until the point where we found Laxman and Saxena innocent. \u2018All this garbage about her PhD guide. What was the need for you to fish around?\u2019 \u2018Aren\u2019t you shocked, uncle? That her guide harassed her. Aren\u2019t you angry?\u2019 I said. \u2018I am angry with you. You won\u2019t leave my daughter alone even when she is dead.\u2019 \u2018I just want to find out who killed her.\u2019 \u2018Who are you? The police? Her family? Who?\u2019 I kept quiet. \u2018You and Zara had no rishta,\u2019 Safdar said through gritted teeth. \u2018Now get out of my house. And my dead daughter\u2019s life.\u2019 Safdar stood up, a signal for us to leave. \u2018Uncle, don\u2019t be agitated. It will only make things worse,\u2019 Saurabh spoke for the first time, his voice steady. \u2018Worse?\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018What can get worse? I have already lost my daughter.\u2019 \u2018What could be worse, uncle, is people talking about an honour-killing angle here,\u2019 Saurabh said plainly. Cute how he still called him uncle, all respectful even when accusing him of murder. \u2018What?\u2019 Safdar said, blinking. \u2018What is wrong with your dimaag? Who is this mental friend of yours?\u2019 \u2018He\u2019s my best friend. And he\u2019s not mental. He\u2019s quite smart. Please sit down,\u2019 I said. Saurabh smiled. Safdar sat down again. \u2018Uncle, why did you say no to Zara\u2019s autopsy?\u2019 I said. \u2018What? And let all those haramis cut up my little girl\u2019s body? Do you even know what they do during an autopsy?\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018They find out what happened,\u2019 I said.","\u2018What do they find out? More masala for the news channels?\u2019 Saurabh and I didn\u2019t respond. \u2018Did you see when she died how they feasted on the news. Nobody cared about Zara or her family\u2019s feelings. What else did you want? For them to discuss if she was raped or not?\u2019 \u2018She wasn\u2019t raped,\u2019 I said. \u2018Nothing like that happened. I saw the body first.\u2019 \u2018What if some lunatic TV anchor made it up? Do you know what the family goes through?\u2019 If Safdar was hiding something, he was doing a good job of it. \u2018Uncle, I am only asking this because the question may come up. Where were you that night?\u2019 I said. Safdar looked at me and spoke after a pause. \u2018At home. Preparing for her birthday party.\u2019 \u2018You have witnesses?\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018The entire staff of the farmhouse.\u2019 \u2018They are your staff. On your payroll.\u2019 \u2018Ask anyone. Separately. They will all tell you the same thing. Wait a minute, are you actually accusing me?\u2019 \u2018Some people might. Honour killings do happen,\u2019 I said. \u2018What nonsense,\u2019 he scoffed. \u2018I didn\u2019t see you distraught or in tears. At the funeral. Or any other time.\u2019 \u2018I am not an emotionally expressive person in public. My little girl\u2026her room is still there, just as she left it. I step in and I cry alone. Don\u2019t you dare say I don\u2019t feel pain.\u2019 \u2018Maybe you do. But if\u2014\u2019 \u2018What \u201cif-if\u201d you are doing? I didn\u2019t do anything. I am not the kind of a person who can hurt anyone, forget killing my only daughter.\u2019 \u2018You threatened to kill me,\u2019 I said. Safdar locked eyes with me. We continued to stare at each other for a few seconds before he spoke again. \u2018You think you can just accuse me of killing my own daughter? And people will believe it?\u2019 \u2018So is that it? You didn\u2019t do it because I can\u2019t prove it?\u2019 I said. \u2018Can you prove it?\u2019 \u2018Let\u2019s go, Saurabh.\u2019","I stood up to leave. Saurabh followed me to the garden. We passed the swing, where Zara\u2019s father had told me to take the shahada. I almost expected Zara to be there, running behind Ruby. I walked fast as I didn\u2019t want to cry. \u2018Stop,\u2019 Safdar\u2019s voice came from behind us. I turned around. I expected to see film-style ruffians waiting to thrash us at their master\u2019s command. However, Safdar was standing there alone. \u2018Come in,\u2019 he said. Saurabh and I froze. I wondered if he would take us to a dungeon and feed us to hungry crocodiles he kept in a secret pond. \u2018Follow me. Let\u2019s talk in my study,\u2019 he said. Safdar\u2019s study, like the rest of his house, had a nawabi opulence. Expensive silk carpets from Kashmir adorned the wooden floor. One side of the room had a giant teak study table and oversized leather chairs. A black leather sofa set occupied the other end. Bookshelves with hundreds of books covered an entire wall. Safdar, Saurabh and I sat on the sofas. \u2018How much do you know about Sikander?\u2019 Safdar said to me. \u2018Zara liked him a lot,\u2019 I said. \u2018She was always nostalgic about growing up with him in Srinagar. She said he was a simple boy, too innocent.\u2019 Safdar gave a sneering smile at my last word. \u2018And? What else?\u2019 he said. \u2018You discouraged Zara from keeping in touch with him.\u2019 Safdar sighed. \u2018I did discourage her. Because Sikander is a member of T-e-J,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018What\u2019s that?\u2019 I said. \u2018Tehreek-e-Jihad. A separatist group in Kashmir.\u2019 \u2018Separatist, as in?\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018Like actual terrorists?\u2019 \u2018Depends on who you ask,\u2019 Safdar said, rubbing his hand on his thigh. \u2018I don\u2019t understand,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018The Indian government thinks T-e-J is a terror group. T-e-J and its supporters think they are working to liberate Kashmir.\u2019 \u2018Liberate it from what?\u2019 I said. \u2018From India,\u2019 Safdar said.","\u2018And do what? Make their own country?\u2019 \u2018Well, T-e-J wants Kashmir to join Pakistan. Some other groups in Kashmir want independence. There are so many of them, more than twenty maybe.\u2019 \u2018Twenty? Why so many?\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018It\u2019s usually because leaders of one organisation fight over power. They break away and make their own group.\u2019 \u2018Power is more important than being united for their cause?\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018Of course. Who cares about Kashmiris, anyway? You think if twenty organisations truly cared about Kashmir, the valley would be in this state?\u2019 While understanding Kashmir was interesting, I had to get back to the topic. \u2018Uncle, sorry, but how is all this connected to Zara?\u2019 \u2018I fear,\u2019 Safdar said, \u2018Zara became involved with T-e-J too, because of Sikander. Something happened. And so they\u2026\u2019 Safdar stopped mid-sentence and sighed again. \u2018You should have told the police this. So they could find out what really happened,\u2019 I said. \u2018And have them label my daughter a terrorist?\u2019 \u2018Zara could not have been a terrorist. She was a smart, rational person who believed in debates and activism. She hated violence,\u2019 I said. \u2018How will you convince anyone of that? Her own stepbrother is part of a terrorist organisation. She went to Pakistan. It\u2019s apparently there on social media. Enough for those media vultures.\u2019 \u2018Pakistan?\u2019 Saurabh said. I remembered Zara\u2019s Instagram posts from last year. She had visited a literature festival and posted pictures from there. \u2018You mean her trip to the Karachi Literature Festival?\u2019 I said. I opened Instagram on my phone. She had posted three pictures from the litfest a year ago. The first picture was a selfie as she sat in the audience at a Fatima Bhutto session. The second showed the entrance of the litfest, with the \u2018Karachi Literature Festival\u2019 sign. The third showed her in a silhouette, at Clifton beach at sunset. Her long hair was blowing in the wind. The dim light hid most of her face. I remembered how I had called her after seeing this","picture, begging her to take me back. I forced myself back to the present moment. \u2018You mean this trip?\u2019 I said. Safdar took my phone as I continued. \u2018Zara used to attend literature festivals all the time. She went to the one in Kasauli, Bangalore and Kolkata too. In fact, I went to the one in Jaipur with her five years ago.\u2019 \u2018I have not seen these,\u2019 Safdar said, his voice soft. He gently touched the pictures on the screen to make them larger. \u2018How did you get them?\u2019 \u2018She posted them on Instagram. For all to see,\u2019 I said. Safdar wiped his tears. \u2018I miss my girl. So much,\u2019 he said. Unlike at the funeral, Safdar seemed vulnerable and weak. \u2018So, help us. In finding out who did this to Zara,\u2019 I said. He shook his head. \u2018You don\u2019t understand. We are Muslims. People start with a doubt. Even both of you. You felt I could have killed my daughter.\u2019 Saurabh and I looked at each other. \u2018Everyone is a suspect, uncle. Until we find out who did it,\u2019 I said. \u2018If the police link Tehreek with Zara\u2019s killing, she will be branded a terrorist. And me too. A rich Muslim businessman has to be a terrorist sympathiser, right?\u2019 \u2018Are you?\u2019 I said, my face expressionless. He looked at me, surprised. \u2018Have you lost your mind? I absolutely hate these extremists. They have ruined my state. Their actions taint all the good Muslims in the country. They killed my daughter. Forget giving them money, I will pay to get all of them killed,\u2019 he said, his voice filled with anger. Saurabh and I remained quiet. Safdar spoke after composing himself. \u2018What can I do, anyway, for you or anyone else to stop suspecting me? It\u2019s not like I know anything. They did what they did.\u2019 \u2018Uncle, you mentioned that Zara\u2019s room is still as it used to be,\u2019 I said. \u2018Yeah.\u2019 \u2018If it is okay, we would like to search it,\u2019 I said.","Zara\u2019s room in her father\u2019s house had more square footage than our entire Malviya Nagar apartment. It had a four-poster teak bed in the centre, with an elaborate blue embroidered silk bedspread, and several framed pictures on an enamelled sideboard. The antique furniture in the room made it resemble Rajasthan\u2019s top heritage hotels. Apart from lighter curtains, her room had not changed much since I had last visited several years ago. The intricate carpet, with a pattern of zinnia flowers woven into it, was still there. \u2018We clean her room every day,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018She still lives here.\u2019 I scanned the framed pictures. Most were from holidays with her family. One was of her and Raghu, holding hands at India Gate. I saw one of Zara as a child. She was standing next to her father, a little boy and a woman in a traditional Kashmiri kaftan. \u2018Is that Sikander?\u2019 I said. \u2018Yeah. And that\u2019s my ex-wife, Farzana,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018It\u2019s the only picture from the past that I allowed in this house.\u2019 I noticed the six antique closets. Zara kept her clothes and other belongings here. \u2018Uncle, is it okay if we open these?\u2019 I said. Safdar nodded. Saurabh and I divided three cupboards each between us. I opened the first closet. They held Zara\u2019s clothes. I recognised a red and white floral print salwar kameez that I had gifted to her on our first anniversary as a couple. I felt like a trespasser as I fumbled through a box of accessories, comprising necklaces, earrings and hair clips. \u2018What do you expect to find?\u2019 said Safdar, only mildly curious. \u2018I don\u2019t know,\u2019 I said, as I moved to the second cupboard. \u2018Never done this before.\u2019 The second cupboard held her undergarments. I shut it and moved to the third, which had handbags and shoes. \u2018Anything?\u2019 I said to Saurabh. \u2018Just clothes, clothes and more clothes,\u2019 Saurabh said. Zara had four cupboards full of clothes. Forty-five minutes later, we had rifled through all her closets apart from the one with the lingerie. \u2018You checked that?\u2019 Saurabh said, pointing to that cupboard. \u2018Nah. I don\u2019t think we should,\u2019 I said. Saurabh glanced sideways at Zara\u2019s father. Safdar was checking his","phone, bored with our pointless exercise. \u2018Uncle, excuse me,\u2019 Saurabh said. He pointed to the second cupboard. \u2018Can we check this one?\u2019 \u2018Do whatever. If I stop you, you will doubt me. Shameless you are, going through my dead daughter\u2019s stuff,\u2019 Safdar said, still busy with his phone. \u2018Sorry, uncle. We just\u2026\u2019 Saurabh said before I shushed him. I opened the second closet again. It had boxes made of canvas kept on various shelves. The boxes were filled with bras and lace underwear. Saurabh lifted a few garments from a box. \u2018We don\u2019t have to go through this,\u2019 I said. \u2018Fine,\u2019 he said, placing the contents back in. I pushed one of the boxes back into the cupboard. It hit something hard at the back of the shelf. \u2018What\u2019s that?\u2019 I extended my arm deep inside. I touched a keypad. \u2018There\u2019s a safe,\u2019 I said. \u2018Pull it out,\u2019 Saurabh said. Safdar noticed. \u2018What happened?\u2019 \u2018Uncle, there\u2019s this little Godrej safe,\u2019 Saurabh said. He tried to pull out the iron box from the cupboard. He couldn\u2019t. Safdar walked up to us. \u2018I remember this. She bought it online. She said she wanted to keep some jewellery and money.\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s bolted to the back,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018Yeah, of course. I got it done,\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018Do you know the keypad code, uncle?\u2019 I said. Safdar shook his head. \u2018There must be keys,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018I don\u2019t have them,\u2019 Safdar said. We searched the entire room for an hour but couldn\u2019t find the keys either. \u2018We will have to break it open,\u2019 Saurabh said. \u2018How?\u2019 Safdar said. \u2018It\u2019s just a small safe. Any hardware guy with a metal cutter can do it,\u2019 Saurabh said."]
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