365 Emotions Book Final Layout

to reconnect with our spiritual beings that have we let the rain droplets touch the scalp of our heads to rewake us from wishful thinking for a flashback walking on the surface of tinted aqua blue summer pools with a glimmer of light at the ending horizon of silver linings where joy sparks to light a torch for a sight of the faint words, “happiness” from a distance in reach, it appears with heat distortion but its motivational speech pushes us forward to execute some “sorcery” a surge of the pure desire in wanting to not worry in expensive pain, it will soon come to fruition because any and all freedom starts off as a “naïve” dream... 150

been disconnected due to productivity... the bravery to walk away in a world of idealized infinite gives at the hands of express convenience we default to amazon’s speed in prime on a highway straightaway race with a nonstop 24/7 agenda, expecting every aspect of life to occur instantaneously to be comforted, to be rich, to be happy like we’re at a store’s register to checkout love as if it’s a packaged material product to come all immediately in one day or less... e-commerce leasing retail therapy to stuff the empness of an inner void with srtyofoam balls a pollutant depleting more than the mattress safe under the bed for useless objects 151

using up one’s love tank to the bottom of the barrel to lose the meaning of care aged from the posionality of people-pleasing at the delayed pace of “i will’s...” to feel that i can’t give you any more of what i don’t have... because i’ve realized i spent too much me in a “made-up heaven” where we have forgotten to talk about the truth of our sacred peace an opportunity cost of not truly seeing the beauty in who i am ...i walked away... becoming okay with being selfish in a compassionate body... 152

knowing i can’t pour from an empty cup... but i did... leading to a year-long worth of a thousand cries in heartbreaks with glass shards from inside raining over my head pinning my face to the dirt i delve into the mulfaceted inner tensions of why i care more for others than myself a mind stuck in the earthly realm of helping everyone else, but oneself... repeating the historical sins of the white savior complex in the present time again hoping to save and liberate everyone else, but oneself... an overcompensation that masks an unconscious weakness in self-careforming unrequited love forgetting the care needed to foster my own soul to see the true ghost that carries my spirit ‘cause too busy chasing an “honorable sacrice” until it’s my worst torture... sometimes the heart tricks the mind so my gut can take the lead to guide the way 153

so what does freedom really mean? when my world collapsed, everything clicked like the “big bang” sound of a “breaking twigs...” as my emotions became spilled milk, topping the melng coffee table sinking into a desolate space within a shimmering silver cup... reflective darkness... my angst fueled with caeine in a dripping phin filled with gas floating space to f with thea and l in l stars scars below gravity zero ' i finally decided to rell my empty cup... to deeply understand the sacred mantras of the monk meditating to medicate when even on fire upgrading my dna’s holistic perspective on life with meditave data and codes in the words “if we are not trying to be puried ourselves, who are we to cleanse anything and anyone else?” 154

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance internal purfication is meant to detox externally... ‘cause inner peace creates peace in the world pivong my search for love to within to prioritize something i once gave up ...the i in self with the rejoice of accepng my humanity as a human being before doing before having in essence, i wasn’t becoming who i strived to be because i was too attached to who i’ve been as it took a lot of bravery and courage to face the strife in saying, “let’s go our separate ways” i finally made some sort of peace by walking away freedom is near from the old me 155

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance 156

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance goodbyes with grief is displaced love freedom is close 157

on the gloomiest of days ...the worst visceral pain in heartaches floods the body’s palace with unidentified species from the emotions’ safari with a common paralysis in a cave stapling any movement for progress down dimmed to keep “illegal” dreams lost in a nighare’s forestry being stuck by our sight when wanting to be freed by our vision as if our shadow-self was chained by illegality to fuel the craze of mold in darkness making the formidable wilderness the destination where we fail our rst trek to the moon of love when reaching from the top of f a l l i n g mountainous timber wood in the name of deforestation fallen inner dynases damage the soil’s fertility – holding a grudge in vain closing in on a stroke a calligraphy brush sweeps hurng dust on the page with poetic stories in stellar penmanship characters illustrating the rarest lotus blooming most beaufully in the deepest and thickest mud to learn the places with the most hurt often has the most talent for an unfair chance at prosperity 158

reknit the rip holes in the cheek’s quilt of pearl smiles too rekindle a laugh with radiant sunshines to cherish life’s presents this me beyond festive holidays from your presence to mine an equilibrium between the different universes that collide in this galaxy’s unique hell “man-made” to comfortably embrace the silence in space like the hugs we never held materializing the wind vortex of stories being told between the mulverses of nature while a solar eclipse aligns to impregnate us with a buddha seed of reawakening using the art of thinking to form a philosophy on life to not let our visions be connected to our weaknesses as me freezes the snowdrops that bleed in with the falling ower petals of sakura printing pink ink into the yellow apricot papers for a golden orangish feel during peach seasons an exchange of cultures through uits to nd love on earth than anywhere else to finally value the abstract art of splattered paint om a once daunng adolescence showing how we receive gifts in the most painful ways throughout life at our dead ends revealing a heaven that illuminates the truth of god with me in how happy memories don’t die 159

life goes on to show goodbyes with grief is displaced love with no place to go when already in pain, rain sprinkles even more sorrow into our thoughts to stay asleep while lighng strikes the body’s store tenderness for us to unlock the next level of strength in overcoming our endless battle with dark clouds in overwhelming imperfections at our weakest trying to embrace the true beau of inner grayish hues left to sit in pints within the basement gray but beautiful like god’s tears of joy om the sky above – a water dance for inner revelations turning the rain into a rainbow healing the climatic weathering of emotions with an arch of joy soothing mellow souls that swim in the water to tango like black swans on the summer lake with a clear mind under clear skies, the very question resurfaces the pond like ponyo to ask how do we truly hold ourselves when we’ve been groomed our whole life to be held since birth? 160 freedom will come

a parable showing distance through space me and existence strengthens love rec ing and atoning my past wrongs so i can uncondi onally hold myself when all was said and done …i feel the gracious humili of holding my own hand… sacri cing the gazelle in me to give birth to an inner lion roar with a dragon’s re breath my loved ones in-person to above om a bird’s eye view so proud because i’m proud as the world con nues to rotate the globe we see the map’s treasure where obstacles provide opportuni es sending you o imperfectly a heavenly paradise for kings alike as you stay by my side a spirit of support for eternal life 161

we are like flowers 162

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance let ng go of the self-blame a kiss on my forehead to sleep a kiss a kiss on my forehoenadmtyo bsoleoe-pboo for ease a kiss the red lips ck on my boo-bstoaoinfogrloesassoever my cheeks the red lips wckith a perfume stain gloss osvteerncmhyaicrhpeleukgsging my nostrils om a nosebleed with a perfume everytshteinngchsaafierlypwlurgagpipnigngmmyenostrils om a nosebleed inside mama’s arms – the owl’s nest everything sawfeitlhy awrfaamppiilniagr msneuggling comfort om the womb like withinasifdaemmiliaaamrwaasw’nrsmuitgahgrbmllhianosntgk–ecctootchbmoeuafroornriwettoxl’tsotonmetshttehesewlf-oimmbagliinkeed replace in the basement room a wawrmithblhaontkcecotozcybwoumairtrohnitetthoxheterltysooltohveteosueclhf-itmhaatgwinheidsperrespilnatcoethine tbhreeebzaesoeumteonfttrhoeotmundra’s window cozy motherly love with the so touch that whispers into the breez“efoorugtivoef ytohuertsuenlfd…ra”’s window “forgive yourself…” 163

as the secret tears for healing ow like the mekong river down the so landscape of my cheeks i con nue to fear the blame om others and especially myself… pain ng the room white, blank with the death wish of imposter syndrome …the killer of dreams, killing myself…the feeling of not wan ng to be born again… self-harm detrimental to the roots that ground the tree in i like the infected pulp for a root canal as the night owl hoots with a dis nct signature tone of concern telling me to listen and listen carefully with the eye of compassion through the heart …with o ears and one mouth… my eyes tell me to be brave in riding the emo onal turbulence of a rampant tsunami wave in my ancestor ’s name as boat people… we live 7 genera ons of hurt on a rollercoaster journey as nameless ghost… transient with bipolar disorders sprou ng om the warfare jungle roots of post-trauma c stress w with every sunny day , rainfall is bound to come like the abundance of a summer monsoon without rain, owers cannot grow embracing the lonely healing entangled within the eye of this hurricane of emo ons to put matters in one’s own hands in cul va ng traumas into a blissful haven 165

listen to your heart like the bluejay singing out of its nest to slay the thief of joy in comparisons unleashing the dragon of courage within the caves of the rib cage to use comparison as a tool to construct the founda on of inspira on for spiritual prosperi to face the fact we’re all human… bleed, of emo ons om cry , laugh to feel the uidi love, hate, grief as they’re des ned to coexist, our renaissance within is des ned to reawaken raw feelings drip liquid gold into the pot of soil within our body’s red roots becoming a superconductor to clear the blood blockages and circulate sacred energy be een the seven chakras that soon unlock elve a deep breath of oxygen for synchroniza on naturally disposing every instance of vulnerabili es being another ’s leverage knowingly let ng unspoken kindness be taken for granted to see through one’s true character 166

we experience the emotions of the four seasons ‘cause the answers are in how others treat a pure soul any me anyday… drawing the line of salt to revisit the feelings of my head underwater at my lowest but now it’s the rst me i feel like i can truly breathe …a sanctuary in peace… mindfully guillo ning the suppression of 365 emo ons – the complex pain, hurt, and blame… to let the heartache ee is to nally feel loved enough by one’s own self revisi ng the thoughts of forgiveness in secret my con dence transcends to repeat mama’s words as mine, “i forgive myself…” 167

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance rewriting the new paths 168

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the echoing of an inner gong wakes me up om the cultural hypno c social mechanisms brainwashed stormtroopers on a mission with “ the weapons of mass instruc on…” western colonial school strapping a chum bucket to my head – super glued like gum on hair eurocentric brain slugs chewing away at the core essence of visionary reimagina ons …eroding youthful, wholesome dreams… feeling deep distress with an unspoken ques on le lingering in uncharted territories when will we claim the idea of us deserving more than scarci ? is demanding ownership over our life too much of an ask? coming out of the constant search for love that made me most ill-equipped to love i was looking for light everywhere else but myself, forget ng my body is god-made light a lantern inside me meant to lead the way out of darkness towards understanding my consciousness is a musical composi on of light equencies bringing my own a osphere everywhere i go to break ee om the tone-deaf parrots heckling away the validi of my voice 170













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while acting as our savior get a job buy a house go to school buy a car then re re – does that not sound robo c? 178

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365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance cuctutitngngouotut thtehededaedawdewigeihgtht ofosfinsikniknigngsasnadnbdabgasgs the backpack of emo onal baggage i carry with love for my family , iends, and communi lled with bricks of broken variables to build the founda on for a scheduled takeo …delayed with no space to reach the moon or even land among the stars… laying one stone at a me, at mes, it feels heavier on my head than rougher on my hands a constant lingering fear of failure – the fearful truth hard to hold so i pray to not drop my agile glass of love om the space needle above spilling the blood of christ on myself when pouring for others staining a white tee with the chalice of white dope ‘cause “i’m a villain…” convinced this is me even when doing god’s work… 180

receiving a hundred signs a day , but i s ll ques on self… ‘cause held hostage at point-blank in the corner store during a robbery by fear the an cipatory love of ul mately not wan ng to let others down tears me down i end up using the last few dollar ssues to wipe my tears when staring through a shop’s window while the deep pain peeks om the boogie man who stalks me at every closet room door peaking the pressure bestowed upon me by me as a grown man with daddy issues… to sink with the sandbags of gi ed payless shaqs om dad, i ask, when will my soles dull out om the prolonged wear during the dura on of “jesus walks?” cut ng bits and pieces of me by the scissors of societal blades my shoes start to talk on their own with its mouth om my feet i choke on rain puddles when soaked and drenched by murky waters eezing my soulful soul as the ozen prune toes shrivel and shiver the teeth-chattering ques ons bombarding the innocent mind barely get ng the words across by the night me deadline 181

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365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance but s ll …genera ons of pover in america and the motherland to be 25 years disconnected wi essing the family loan sharks cowardly running up on other people’s pockets making the concept of survival perplexing to think, is that the only way to live? does it take being a monster to actually kill the monstrous system? and so i think, what were our people really like before coloniza on? laying and contempla ng to yearn for genera onal eedom not wealth… is that a greedy ask om a poor , brown, asian boy? am i sel sh to desire something i never had? am i asking for too much when it was never designed for me? i soon come to the conclusion that i am red of living poor not because pover does not encompass happy memories but because pover ins lls complex chronic systemic stress reinforcing nancial traumas in our rela onship with money with the knowing that pover doesn’t discriminate but why does it skew towards the darker complexion of the color spectrum of our so-called rainbow world so then i ask can we heal the deep cuts of these wounds? and the reluctant answers whisper: i am red of gh ng a system, i am red of battling myself, i am red of only being only a number in the board game of life with no chance to win 184

and my dented heart of gold starts to see deeper than my eyes… to know our worth is more than the white printed money murdered trees shredded, painted green... wi essing the barring of powerful thoughts ‘cause power is forbidden in melanated hands life, liber , and the pursuit of happiness … to me now only looks like wild res making the sky gray and the moon “blue” turning my reali into a hell-bent survival of my dystopias… a life me’s downfall of hell pouring ashes to feel a par cular way ..i feel gray… but a record of yesterday with black rainfall is not a forecast of tomorrow with a glimpse of light, i nally chose to re-route the source of energy to myself watering my soul to give it the proper nutrients to organically prosper past any limi ng ceiling ‘cause where energy goes, it grows, especially outside the pot outside the “hood” in mately woven with an interbeing for enlightenment in eedom making the mind greater than space seeing without eyes, knowing without mind… i let white supremacy dismantle itself… ‘cause i fully trust the beau of faith in fate …life’s nature even behind barbed wires… 185

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance collage poetry notes 4: condence and trust soon the sleep of exhaustion relieves the moments of despair to remember we let the rain droplets touch the scalp of our heads to rewake us om wishful thinking i finally made some sort of peace by walking away om the old me life goes on to show goodbyes with grief is displaced love with no place to go to let the heartache free is to finally feel loved enough by one’s own self when will we claim the idea of us deserving more than scarcity? as the bible states, “a prophet is not welcomed in their own land” i let white supremacy dismantle itself... 186

inner thoughts on paper 4: dreams don’t sleep self-love shines beauty deserve more than scarcity don’t sell our dreams cheap 187

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance letter 5: forever in our favor (older daniel to younger daniel) dear daniel, how are you? It’s been a while since we’ve written from when you last disappeared into the hibernation mist the smokey transitional phase to adulthood is unpredictable through the universal turmoils of covid chaos a sandstorm of diasters manufacturing our realies and dreams towards heartaches in heartbreaks like bloodstained ower petals with emotions being bottlenecked, we hit rock bottom of depression so i write you in hopes we’ll weather the downpour of sadness as the true warriors we are confiding 188

my feeLings to you as a reciprocal conversation on paper never found elsewhere than you and i voicing a lOve that never fades like how smoke rises with me it molds and shapes to reVeal the insecurities of hurting a fall deep down i thought would kill me to live life paralyzed by fear but rather a shock to see my reality to embracE the good in hurting...the other side of the coin dispelling the negative connotations of suering with a wholehearted embrace as every failure is just a temporary posonement for success and failure is not the opposite of success but rather part of it in fact, none of us know who we truly are unl we truly fail... because great adversity is not the ending but the start of being planted but when we fail we conflate the sllness of stagnation with our life being downhill when in actuality , this pause still vibrates beyond the eyes for us to think like the motion of earth’s tectonic plates that keeps us grounded as a wild water bualo standing sll in the rice field wilderness ...strong even if the fall still hurts every single day like a wisdom tooth le to sprout its roots deeper inward within the soil of our gums our fall took us towards a detour of self-discovery like the natural beauty of leaves falling from the vine that held us together through the self-reflection 189

and Medita on of vipassana a delayed-choice for tender care beau fully de es the speeches of the faces on green paper there’s so much joY in you and i le to be discovered with an over deliverance in compassion through passionS our journEy to meet our best selves is ongoing and we have yet to meet i tell myseLf and you this when in crisis, everything will be okay… we will truly learn how to hold ourselves and smile within: by being willing to be a Failure to know success by being willing to be alone Forever to enjoy companionship by being willing to be broke fOr wealth by being willing to be sad for happiness by willingbtyo baecicnegpwt idleliantghttoobe sad for happiness apbpyRweiclilainteg tloifeaccept death to appReciate life “to be loved and lo“vtEo baet tlohveedhiagnhdest means to lose all the thlionvgEs watethcaenh’tiglhievset wmietahnosut” persontowle…osleoouVtrhseeelptvheeress…omnowstetoloVlosee all the things we can’t live without” to lose the the most becauseabneitcdawouiuslerl…ceotvebhmeceeirednecyloeakwmubloasriesbatbacgshtoneiaERuticdnstawanouyacioiusotleterlwu…bbarceiunneotvelthdmecoeriwredsdnueylwsooieksetnh…wmbhlhsoa’reeitsbaotnadacgshtouswaERuriilnotmssetanersycacliurosovtoeyotcewumbhnsbaraiu…nneebaaltdsoossrwdsuuwsoytitsehtnohhhsei’ueettnardarswuwilotmneirsnncursoeysocrmhn-aeubaaspossuytpthoreiuitzrreuwninnesr-up prize our delayed gra oucra doelnaywedillgraall bcea woonrtwhiltlhaellwbaeitw…orth the wait… especially when weespcehcoiaolslye wtohesnit wcoemchfoorotsaebltyo wsititchomthfiosrtsaabyliyngw,ith this saying, 190

“don’t let what you’re good at de ne who you are, who are you“diofny’toulectawnh’tatdoyowu’hraetgyoooud’raet dgeoondeawt?h”o you are, look past the cloudwshtoo arree eycotu iinfwyaorudcfaonr’tydoou wtohaatskyoyuo’urersgeolfo,d at?” “theloskoyk pisasbtetahue cfulolu, dissnt’ot riet?”ect inward for you to ask yourself, keep yoyuoruhreknaeuedmpubypoe“yuryotrohuouhernneensgakudfymkauniibnpsegarbysbeooaauenulcnweagauffuykaslniesn, –gdaissrnbeya’eaotlcmwuai,taus?ys”deso–dnr’eytaosmul,esedpon’t sleep Daniel LuuDaniel Luu the other sidtheeoofththere sciodienotfotohkeucsoin took us tIowLaOrdVs aEdIteMotwLoauYOrrdSVosEfaEsLedlFeMft-oduYFirsOScooEfRvsLeeErlFyfV-dFEisOcRoRveEryVER 191

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance Chapter 5 a chance for 192

joy 193

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance it’ s oIkta'ys otokabyetoselbeshselfish my emo ons in the mo on were never “too sensi ve…” feeling incompetent to not recognize “failure is only a gment of our imagina on” becoming the incep on of “nice” as if i learned everything a little “too late” on the clock to st stream in gng out op a blood rive r owi ly i v ing every ounce of love uncondi onal fain ng deep into an alternate dimension like in ni castles where bodies disappear to run suicides geometrically on a leash in circles om the dark in the dark a coward chasing the concept of me – a social construc on of something that never existed but man-made as a distrac on – an illusion made up of real human experiences in memories making me ponder as a dog, if i’ll ever make it back to the reali i hated in this dream of a world an eye drooping staring contest against the blue light rays of the physical clock’s existence 194

losing vision of the light beam connec ons our intellect innately has with the concept of eedom so i had to pause and ask, who was i really racing this marathon against? …myself or the world… being at peace with the world and at war with myself rather than at war with the world and at peace with myself it goes to show that love with anything and anyone including self isn’t always fair… 195

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance a delayed realization of harsh truths when stuck on a cruise seasick of self through the bubbling rainbow waters of a car spa to wake me up from autopilot in the tracfic of carpool lanes an express path postponing the realization that age is only a number for any relationship even the one we’re building with ourselves like “the one that got away” , thinking it’s “too late” to start when it’s only late if we never start... a story of regret that hits when the blind shots from a driver smack the back of our head the clamoring call from god in the moment of death to expose us to a concussion of a tumor our truest insecurities of not living life – a pain of regret superseding the pain of discipline as if the true self of my body’s spirit was sent a world away from earth for a spiritual awakening harnessing life lessons in silence from the greatest teachers in life who teach without speaking never spoken but soon to be known, be present to seize the moment to rise a testament to our integrity if we can truly pracce the physics of happiness with nothing while acting as our savior 196

self-love alters the hated reality that continues to sit in blissful ignorance no more painkillers with the blue pill to amputate the emotions of my heart rebuilding myself from scratch from the ground up in past trenches to nonviolently conquer the mind’s battleeld for conquest a pawn in this world transioning to its royales to claim its rightful throne as a king wearing the crown chakra with gracious humility and compassion to speak 5 5 5 wisdoms with tenacity an unwavering so-spoken voice at the preacher’s door to enter the dharma door mindfulness for joy blessings – revisting “the word” at the beginning of biblical a catalyst for new beginnings within oneself at 11:11 for 1 1 1 mes like a hundred signs a day to condently claim that selfishness in self-care is the start of service to the world an invitation of like-minded energy to build new revolutionary powers behind the scenes 197 while acting as our savior

my path forward became my steps backward my steps backward were requisites for my steps forward a re-evaluation of my needs, desires, and dreams to no longer waver at the questions of my “underrated” self-worth stepping away from the perfeconist in people-pleasing that leads up to the undesirable fancy procrasnation to now resituate my dependence on others to the self-autonomous being of me finding myself in a dream to build myself in reality even if it took 4 4 4 times a beautiful soul never forgotten in a predatory world with an underdog redemption by a visionary in the making at the crossroads of destiny, i confidently choose me without guilty self-prioritizing dwelling in the present for my past and future to live for me, happily; to embrace my flaws, wholeheartedly believing in myself is loving all of me unconditionally – aspiring to inspire everything i touch 198

a family tree wilng to rebloom like life’s growth so listen to the beat of pulsating thud sounds from the orchestrated raindrops on roses where the heart runs faster than the feet to know it’s never too late to reflect on the dreams of what it’s like to touch the skies because in this moment, it’s not wrong to be selfish in a world of self-preservation as i learn life’s intricate technique of bathing and soaking in happiness my lost soul as a slave to the movement begs the question “why do i follow other people when i was clearly made to lead” “undocumented” greaess from the inner light in being pure to indelve deep within the joys of mental fitness like a high-ve catching a hand, i’ll be the one to catch myself this me, every me till the end... 199

365 Emotions: The Poetic nature of survival thirvance a red fox spirit the most radical thing you can do is walk a w a y ... ‘cause sometimes it’s best to leave what you love to see the other side of love to be frree like the doves in the morning sunlight where isolation leads to elevated elevations in epiphanies a brave acceptance of a one-way ight from our “mutually” toxic relationships distancing yourself from the washed-up beach you never wanted to see by birth now claiming your worth through gaudy independence where it becomes a godly protest against the status quo for a spiritual transformaon into a fox endings – choosing to be alone while being at “home” revealing the truth that goodbyes make us l o n e l y but partings begin new meetings and beginnings happen because of 200