Mannavsplaining vol. 5

VOLUME 5 AUGUST 2023 pmlaainnninagv.s FEATURING A FEW FRIENDS ON SPACE & Spacing

itniotrno. duc IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PLACE. THE PHYSICAL SPACE YOU CREATE IN. THE ROOM YOU PRODUCE FROM. THE BACKGROUND FOR YOUR PHOTO. EVERYTHING IS ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE, WHERE YOU WERE, WHERE YOU WILL BE.

isanpntaarocneya-'s SPACES ARE AMBIGUOUS. MY HOME MEANS A LOT OF THINGS FOR ME- I'VE SHIFTED SPACES OVER THE YEARS. MANY SPACES HAVE SEEN ME AND I'VE SEEN THEM. WALLS HAVE SEEN ME CRY, THEY'VE SEEN ME DANCE. THE WALLS HAVE SHARP NAILS, HOLDING UP MOMENTS SOMEONE DECIDED TO FREEZE IN TIME AND SPACE. FLOORS HAVE MY PAINT ON THEM, SOME HEAVY WITH THE FURNITURE THAT BURDENS IT. . SPACES ARE TEMPORARY, BUT THE MEMORIES YOU MAKE IN THEM ARE IMMORTAL. MAYBE CREATING SOMETHING WITHIN A SPACE IS THE CLOSEST WE AS ARTISTS CAN COME TO BEING IMMORTAL.

SOMETIMES YOU OUTGROW A SPACE, OTHER TIMES THE SPACE BECOMES TOO SMALL FOR YOU. THEY SAY THE SKY IS YOUR LIMIT. BUT IS THAT VASTNESS ENOUGH TO CONTAIN YOU? IS THE SKY'S MORTALITY NOT AN OUTRIGHT CONTRADICTION FOR YOUR IMMORTAL MEMORIES? SPACES IMPACT YOUR ART, AND YOU IMPACT A SPACE. YOU MOVE HOUSES, YOU GO TO SCHOOL, YOU GO TO COLLEGE. I CARRY THESE SPACES IN DIFFERENT PLACES WITH ME, NO MEMORY LEFT BEHIND. I HOPE YOU SHARE THE SAME SPACE WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE, NO ONE LIKES A HOUSE THAT CANNOT BE A HOME. I HOPE THESE POEMS, THIS ART THAT YOU'RE CONSUMING IN THE SPACE YOU'RE IN, IMMORTALIZES YOU WITH IT, YOUR MEMORY- A SPACIOUS VESSEL. FILL IT WITH CARE, THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH REAL ESTATE YOU CAN AFFORD.

s-inppparcalanecsaevs. SPACES ARE SO ARBITRARY; SOME IN YOUR HOUSE, SOME IN YOUR OWN HEAD. STORMZY RECORDED 'THIS IS WHAT I MEAN' ON OSEA ISLAND, OFF THE COAST OF ESSEX. HE SAID HE NEEDED TO ISOLATE HIMSELF FROM THE WORLD, FROM EXPECTATIONS, AND FROM HIS INNER DOUBTS AND DEMONS—TO REMIND HIMSELF WHAT FREEDOM FEELS LIKE. ALL HIS COLLABORATORS LIVED ON THE ISLAND WITH HIM, IN A RETREAT OF SORTS. ITS PRETTY COOL TO BE ABLE TO FUND THAT KINDA PROJECT. MOST OF YOU READING THIS AREN’T DOING THAT. SO WE’LL SCALE IT DOWN. I SPENT THE BEST PART OF THIS PAST YEAR, ALONE IN MY ROOM. IN A DIFFERENT CONTINENT. I DON’T HAVE LABEL MONEY. I JUST HAVE A LAPTOP, 6 HOURS A WEEK OF STUDIO TIME AT UNI, AND ALL THE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD. SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA FLUSH IT ALL OUT TO KEEP IT FRESH AND MOVING. CAN’T DWELL ON THE PAST, WHICH IS WHY YOU NEED TO BE PRESENT. (PUN INTENDED)

ANYWAY. THE SPACES YOU’RE IN CAN DO SO MUCH FOR YOU. THEY MAKE OR BREAK YOU. YOUR ENVIRONMENT DEFINES SO MUCH OF WHAT YOU DO, IT DICTATES YOUR DECISIONS. ROOM TOO COLD? TURN THE HEATER ON. CITY TOO SMALL? GET OUT OF THERE. EXPLORE THE WORLD. HAVE SOME FUN. TOO MANY THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD? FLUSH THEM OUT. SPACES INFLUENCE SO MUCH OF WHAT YOU THINK AND SO MUCH OF WHAT YOU’RE CAPABLE OF DOING. FILL YOUR SPACES WITH PEOPLE THAT MATTER. THOUGHTS THAT HELP YOU LIVE POSITIVELY. THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY.

KANISHK MADE THIS BEAT IN HONG KONG. I WAS ON CAMPUS IN LONDON WHEN THEY SENT IT. WORLDS APART, BUT WE WERE IN THE SAME CREATIVE HEADSPACE. 15 MINUTES LATER, WE HAD THIS. IT’S RAW, BUT IT’S REFLECTIVE OF MY OWN HEADSPACE. JAGGED AND BUSY, YET CAPABLE OF CREATING SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. MAYBE NOT TO YOU, READER. BUT TO ME, TO KANISHK, TO MANNAV. (SOUNDCLOUD LINK GOES HERE) LET PEOPLE IN YOUR SPACE. YOUR HEADSPACE. YOUR ROOM. COLLABORATE, CREATE, CELEBRATE. LISTEN TO THE SONG HERE

tapyrht. yasnicdali MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT ALBUMS EXCEPT FOR THE MUSIC ITSELF IS THE DETAILING OF HOW THE ART WAS MADE. FRANK OCEAN RECORDED CHANNEL ORANGE ON A BUDGET OF 3 MILLION DOLLARS, HE RENTED A MANSION AND ALL OF THE PRODUCTION, VOCALS AND MIXING WERE DONE INSIDE THIS MANSION. HE WROTE THE ALBUM IN THREE WEEKS, SO CLEARLY, THE INFRASTRUCTURE HAD AN IMPACT ON HIM. THE ALBUM SOUNDS LIKE IT HAD A MANSION BUDGET. THE BEATS ARE LARGE, EXPANSIVE, GROWING AND CHANGING AS THE SONGS PROGRESS. LIKE UNCOVERING NEW CORNERS OF A HOUSE YOU’RE ONLY KEEPING FOR A BIT. THE VOCALS ARE RICH AND CLEARLY TRAINED. FRANK OCEAN IS A MASTER OF CREATING A VIBE, AND WHERE HE WAS AT THE MOMENT CERTAINLY GAVE IT A PUSH.

KANYE WEST’S MY BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY WAS RECORDED IN HAWAII. PEOPLE WHO CAME INTO THE STUDIO WERE REQUIRED TO BE DRESSED IN FORMALS. ANYONE WHO WALKED IN HAD TO CONTRIBUTE IN ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. DISTRACTIONS WERE ELIMINATED, AND THE ENTIRE TEAM BEHIND THE ALBUM FOLLOWED A STRINGENT SCHEDULE OF WAKING UP EARLY, EATING BREAKFAST, EXERCISING AND THEN HEADING TO THE STUDIO. AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW THE ALBUM SOUNDS; EXTRAVAGANTLY PRECISE. NOT ONE MOMENT IS WASTEFUL, EVERY LYRIC HAS A PLACE, EVERY SONG IS LENGTHY BUT JUSTIFIED, AND NOT ONE VARIABLE IS RANDOM.

BUILDING A SETTING FOR ART IS ESSENTIAL TO THE ART. I’VE SPENT MY WHOLE CAREER ON THE NOTES APP. I’VE LEARNED TO CREATE ENDLESSLY ON ITS GREYSCALE. I SORT ALL OF MY POEMS BY DATE, I BELIEVE IN COMING UP WITH A CONCEPT BEFORE I EVEN BEGIN WRITING. I PREFER BEING AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AT THE MOMENT AN IDEA STRIKES BECAUSE THAT’S WHEN YOU CAN SQUEEZE THE MOST OUT OF IT. LIKE BEING CAUGHT IN BETWEEN THE TRAIN AND THE PLATFORM AT A LOCAL STATION DURING PEAK HOURS. MY FRIENDS COULDN’T EVEN SEE MY BODY FOR THE MOMENT I WAS TRAPPED, I WAS A FLOATING HEAD. THAT FLOATING HEAD IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT IS HOW I WRITE AND CREATE AND DIRECT. I CAN’T BE RESTRICTED FOR TOO LONG.

O/MIunotwvwinaargrd,d. TODAY IS YOUR TURN TO SPEAK I MAY HAVE PEAKED IN HIGH SCHOOL - IS BOREDOM UNHAPPINESS? I’VE WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT MY WHOLE LIFE, WHICH ONE? EVERY ONE. I FORGOT HOW TO WRITE I THINK I PACKED IT AWAY IN A PLASTIC BAG SOMEWHERE WHILE SHIFTING IT? WORDS, ALL MY WORDS I THINK I LOST THEM.

I FORGOT HOW TO WRITE I THINK I PACKED IT AWAY IN A PLASTIC BAG SOMEWHERE WHILE SHIFTING IT? WORDS, ALL MY WORDS I THINK I LOST THEM. I’D ASK YOU TO HELP ME FIND IT, BUT THERE’S SO MANY BAGS AND BOXES AND SUITCASES SHIFTING IS A PARTIAL LOSS OF IDENTITY; MOVING OUT MEANS MOVING YOUR INSIDES AROUND. DO YOU THINK YOU'LL EVER FIND THEM? PROBABLY NOT BUT IT HASN'T BEEN SO HORRIBLE WITHOUT THEM I THINK I'LL BE FINE. BUT NOT WHOLE, ONLY OKAY - THAT'S TOLERABLE.

tsrohwoeambmlu-inei. FOR THE FIRST NINETEEN YEARS OF MY LIFE, I LIVED IN A HOUSE MADE WITH MEMORIES. MY GRANDPARENTS HAD BUILT A HOME THERE BEFORE ME, AND THEN, SO HAD MY PARENTS. IT ONLY FELT NATURAL TO CREATE THAT FOR MYSELF. BY THE TIME MY FAMILY AND I MOVED OUT, I HAD FILLED THE HOUSE WITH MUSIC AND BOOKS. MY BEDROOM, ESPECIALLY, SAW THE RISE AND FALL OF ALL MY DIFFERENT INTERESTS - A FORGOTTEN BOX OF YARN IN THE CORNER, THE PEELING POSTERS OF PLANETS, MY OBSESSION WITH GOLDEN SPIRALS, AND MY SHORT- LIVED FORAY INTO K-POP. MY CHILDHOOD HOUSE WAS WHERE I STARTED WRITING FOR THE FIRST TIME, WHERE I STARTED PAINTING, LEARNED HOW TO PLAY THE PIANO, AND UNDERSTOOD WHAT IT MEANT TO CREATE SOMETHING WITH MY OWN HANDS.

ONE SUMMER DAY, WHEN I WAS OLD ENOUGH, MY PARENTS TOLD ME I COULD PAINT MY ROOM ANY COLOUR I WANTED. I CHOSE A BRIGHT BLUE INSTANTLY, WHICH BECAME THE BACKGROUND OF ALL MY ZOOM MEETINGS. MY BEDROOM WALLS SHONE WITH THE LIGHT OF THREE HUNDRED GLOW-IN-THE- DARK STARS, ACCUMULATED THROUGHOUT THE YEARS. THE DOOR MARKED MY HEIGHT, IN THE HANDWRITING OF A FIVE YEAR OLD, SLOWLY BECOMING MORE LIKE MINE. THE HOUSE ITSELF, HAD SEEN ME SCRATCH MYSELF AND TRIP AND FALL. THE HOUSE ITSELF, HAD SCUFF MARKS, FROM THE TIME I TRIED TO ROLLERBLADE INSIDE IT. THERE WAS A PAINT STAIN ON MY FLOOR FROM THE TIME I HAD TRIED SPRAY PAINTING, THAT NEVER CAME OFF NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRIED. THERE WERE DENTS ON THE WALL FROM THE TIMES I HAD THROWN SOMETHING AT IT OUT OF BLIND RAGE. I HAD CRIED A MILLION TIMES IN THAT HOUSE. IN MY CHILDHOOD HOUSE, I HAD SURVIVED SOME OF THE HARDEST TIMES. I HAD CELEBRATED EVERY BIRTHDAY. THAT HOUSE SAW MY 2014 SLEEPOVER DISASTER, THE FIRST TIME I SNUCK ALCOHOL OUT OF MY PARENTS’ CABINET, AND THE FIRST TIME I KISSED SOMEONE.

I LEARNED THE CONTOURS OF THAT HOUSE, WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE IN HARSH RAIN OR GENTLE SUNSHINE. I LEARNED THE CREAKING AND THE SHADOWS AND THE WAY COOL TILE FELT AT THREE IN THE MORNING. AS A CHILD, I WOULD OFTEN BLINDFOLD MYSELF AND WALK THROUGH THE HOUSE, SO I COULD NAVIGATE IT WITHOUT LOOKING. IF ANYONE MOVED SOMETHING, EVEN BY HALF AN INCH, I WOULD KNOW EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. MY CHILDHOOD HOME WAS A GREAT HOME. IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD, IT WAS A HOUSE YOU WOULD WANT TO GROW UP IN. IT WAS A STEREOTYPICAL CHILDHOOD HOUSE, ONE THAT YOU WOULD SEE IN MOVIES - FULL OF LAUGHTER AND ALWAYS NOISY.

THE YEAR THAT I TURNED NINETEEN, MY PARENTS DECIDED THE NOISE WAS TOO MUCH. THINGS WERE ALWAYS IN DISREPAIR, OR ON THE VERGE OF IT. THEY SAID WE WOULD BE BETTER OFF MOVING SOMEWHERE ELSE THAN TRYING TO FIX ALL OF THAT. SO, WHEN I LEFT FOR MY ANTISEPTIC, COLD COLLEGE BEDROOM WITH NOTHING BUT A STRING OF LIGHTS, I KNEW I WOULD NEVER COME HOME TO MY HOUSE. PEOPLE MOURN OTHER PEOPLE ALL THE TIME, WHETHER THEY’RE DEAD OR WALKING AROUND. MOURNING A PLACE IS THE SAME TERRITORY. I MISS THE SOUND OF THE DOOR UNLATCHING WHEN I TURNED MY KEY. I MISS SITTING ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR AT 3 IN THE MORNING. I MISS THE SOFT GLOW OF THE AFTERNOON AND THE QUIET. I HAVE NEVER DECORATED ANOTHER BEDROOM AGAIN; I DON’T THINK I WILL FOR A LONG TIME. SOMETIMES, I FIND MYSELF FORGETTING THE LAYOUT OF HOW EVERYTHING WAS. I DON’T REMEMBER WHERE THE DINING TABLE WAS, FOR EXAMPLE, OR HOW MY BOOKS WERE ARRANGED IN THAT SHELF ABOVE THE SOFA.

MY NEW HOUSE, WHICH HAS A LOT OF THINGS IN IT, STILL FEELS EMPTY. NOT LIVED IN. I FIND MYSELF WONDERING, OFTEN, WHAT I AM ACTUALLY MOURNING FOR WHEN I THINK ABOUT MY HOUSE - THE PLACE OR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED INSIDE OF IT. THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF PLACES, THAT YOU CAN’T SEPARATE ONE THING FROM THE OTHER. I’M GRATEFUL FOR THE EXPERIENCES THAT I HAD, AND HOW FORGIVING MY HOUSE ALWAYS WAS. I’M GRATEFUL, THAT EVEN FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME IN MY LIFE, I WAS ABLE TO BE IN THAT PLACE WHERE I COULD LEARN TO BE MYSELF, IN MY CHILDHOOD HOUSE.

pw(Tafdiowistsuhhotnyrraiddaenr),





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tsnhpoearceei.s WHEN I WAS 16, I WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE A CLOSING SPEECH AT THE CONCLUSION OF MY HIGH SCHOOL’S LITERARY FEST. SPEECHES ARE FUN. I HAD ONE CAREFULLY PREPARED, PEER- REVIEWED AND PRINTED OUT. AT THE LAST MINUTE, THE HEADMASTER OF MY HIGH SCHOOL CANCELED IT AND NEVER SPOKE TO ME DIRECTLY OF HIS DECISION. I GAVE HIM SIDE-EYES UNTIL SCHOOL SHUT DOWN. IT WAS A PETTY MOMENT, ONE I HAVEN’T THOUGHT ABOUT UNTIL I WAS REMINDED OF MY REACTION TOWARDS THAT DECISION: I STARTED TAPING UP MY POEMS ON MY CLASSROOM WALLS. I PLANNED ON EXPANDING TO THE HALLWAYS UNTIL THE ENTIRE WORLD UNEXPECTEDLY SHUT DOWN IN 2020. HIGH SCHOOL WAS A TERRIBLE PLACE, EVEN PHYSICALLY. I FELT TOO LARGE FOR THOSE WOODEN BENCHES THAT FELT LIKE RESTRAINTS. I DIDN’T FIT IN THOSE UNIFORMS, NO MATTER WHAT SIZE I WORE. I FELT LIKE EVERYTHING HAD CONSEQUENCES, I WAS WRONG.

I DON’T KNOW WHY MY HEADMASTER DID WHAT HE DID, I ALWAYS FELT A BIAS AGAINST ME FROM HIS END, I WONDER IF HE REMEMBERS ME. I WONDER WHY I’M STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS. I WANT TO KNOW WHY RESENTMENT LINGERS. THERE IS NO PLACE TO CREATE, IS WHAT I’VE DISCOVERED. MONTHS AFTER THAT INCIDENT I WENT AND STARTED AN OPEN MIC POETRY COLLECTIVE WITH TWO OF MY BEST FRIENDS. WE PROVIDED A FREE SPACE TO ANYONE WHO WANTED TO SHARE THEIR WORK, SOMETHING I DIDN'T HAVE THE SPACE TO DO JUST A YEAR AGO. THE END GOAL IS ALWAYS TO BREAK IN. SPACE NEEDS TO BE MADE. SPACE NEEDS TO BE FORCED, SPACE NEEDS TO BE BROKEN INTO SHAPE. THE SPACE TO CREATE NEEDS TO SUIT YOUR NEEDS, NOTHING LIKE IT IS PREEXISTENT.

cbprhibeyldi.oitgsr, a THE LOVELY ANANYA ARORA. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING THE BREVITY OF THE THEME, THE DEPTH OF MY SITUATION AND THE GRACE WITH WHICH YOU WRITE. THANK YOU FOR OPENING UP THE FIRST VOLUME OF THIS MAGAZINE THAT ACTUALLY HAS A THEME, IT FEELS SO MUCH MORE SOLID BECAUSE OF YOUR INTRODUCTION. HERA, MY BEST FRIEND, MOTIVATES ME LIKE NOBODY ELSE, THANK YOU FOR SHARING WITH THE WORLD. THANK YOU KANISHK FOR THE LOVELY MUSIC. SWAMINI, SHATTERED MY HEART WITH HER ESSAY, COULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER GUEST FEATURE TISHYA, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND PERSPECTIVE, I VALUE IT GREATLY. AND THANKS TO ME, MANNAV, FOR PLAYING CURATOR, FOR KEEPING THE SHOW RUNNING, FOR TRYING MY BEST, FOR ALWAYS MAKING SOMETHING CONSTANTLY, I CREATE THE NOW.