FLAME - PANDEMYA

PANDEMYA FLAME Official Literary Foilio of The Review

FLAME The official literary folio of The Review, the official student publication of Northwestern University. All rights reserve © 2020 No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses.

ABOUT THE COVER A representation of students who continue to learn despite the current situation that the whole world is facing. This stands for the students who want to finish what they’ve started amidst the dilemma. A figure that symbolizes the hard work and perseverance driven by the flame of passion and dreams. CLARK JUSTINE A. GALIZA Lay-out Artist the cover

One’s weakness is they easily succumb to negativity. That is what I think, at least. Clinging on a thin strand of optimism, I was silently praying for another opportunity to come, for me to rebuild my dreams and straighten my future. There is something that is dragging me away from the stepping stones I have set for myself. It is a robust force that even most people around me could not defeat. At first, I was belittling how prominently this coercion would affect the entire human race, thinking it is just another minor setback that one can quickly get over. With just a little hocus-pocus, and there you have it, everything is back to normal. I know I was viewing things without scrutinizing and thinking scrupulously about possibilities, and of course, the consequences. I see what my eyes see but never saw what my other senses wanted me to see or feel. Opportunities left shattered after this pandemic came to the picture. Limiting human interaction, shutting down the economy on diverse nations one by one, and the most crucial thing makes us sick in a way we do not even understand or do not know how to get better. This pandemic has made everyone go on a roller-coaster ride of various emotions that an individual could not even handle at the same time. There is this fear that manifests inflicting to one’s mind that this could be the end of everything. Another is the anxiety that this pandemic could be a significant threat to one’s survival rate. The uncertainty on how one person should go on now in life was converted to virtual. The frustration and fatigue that one has as days go by, every time one works hard not to be left behind. It is cruel as it seems. Some were deprived of rights that are essential in surviving daily struggles. Some were robbed in terms of their right to choose, left with the only option they have to obey, although there are better options for them.

I have witnessed how some people mourned over jobs and opportunities they have lost due to the current situation. I have seen as well how they bitterly let go of their valuable things in exchange for money that can suffice their daily needs. I have heard countless agonizing stories of people who chose to end their pain. I was alarmed. As day by day, I have come to realize that I am also losing hope. I could not fight anymore. I have become weak as loneliness slowly owned me. I feel so dejected sometimes. The less I have contact with strangers I used to see at school and by the sidewalk, the lonelier I feel. I saw myself being strangled by countless worries, heavy burdens, numbness, and frustrations I feel. I was trying to grasp for air while I am unclear with my muffled voice, asking for help. At this moment, my vision became blurry as negativity rushed in. Is this the end? However, I was wrong; I was brought back to my consciousness, panting heavily. I was snapped back to my senses. I realized it is no longer the COVID-19 that most of us are putting up against. What the pandemic brought, the struggles, instead of becoming an opportunity, became a reason to succumb to negativity. I realized…we are as well fighting against ourselves. ZENITH KIN P. AGCAOILI Editor-In-Chief

It is only a few weeks away before this year ends. However, it seems like a lot of things have happened and changed. Through the past months, we have undergone nationwide lockdowns, social distancing, and community quarantines. Today’s Zeitgeist has strongly driven the point of human lives’ fragility. What was thought to be just an outlier in a time not too long ago has now become the norm, or what we now refer to as the “new normal.”Yet, this “new normal” should have been just an aberration before the age of Covid-19. Who would have thought that our world--as we know it-- would come to a screeching halt in March. The quarantine and lockdown came one after the other, and we were all deprived of time to finish up all of our businesses. Private and public establishments closed down; schools shuttered; and we were all left gawking at a computer, tablet, or mobile phone screen if we wanted to check on one another. The education we have received from school could not have been more crucial than any other time. We also have shifted to a new learning system. The phrase “too near yet too far” had never felt more apropos than during the last nine months. However, as we have done before, we persist; we struggle; we survive, and we adapt. This year, we bring you this edition of our literary folio titled, “PANDEMYA” which translates as pandemic; the outbreak of the deadly disease also knows as Novel Corona Virus 2019 (COVID-19). These literary works shall inspire you or make you relate to all the experiences we have had during this time of our lives. I hope that the literary pieces you are about to read will give you LIGHT in the darkest of times. Stay safe, Northwesternians! Together, we will get through this. It might be stormy now, but rain does not last forever. KEISHEY AIANA H. BONOAN Literary Editor

Ang sining ay isang paraan ng pagpapahayag ng damdamin, saloobin, kwento at pangyayari. Bagamat ito’y hindi tuwirang pagpapakita ng mensahe, naidadaan ito sa pamamagitan ng tula, maikling kwento, sa mga larawan at maging sa pagguhit. Sa mga malayang paraang ito ang siyang bumubuhay sa kamalayan ng bawat isa – kabilang na ngayong panahon ng pandemya. Naging isang paraan ng pagtakas sa reyalidad ang paggawa ng sining. Dito’y malayang nakakalakbay sa iba’t ibang dimensyon ng mundo at paglakbay sa mga lugar na hindi kayang marating ng tao. Sa pamamagitan ng sining, naisasandalan natin ang ating lungkot at alinlangan, naiiwan natin ang ating mga poot, naisasabit natin ang ating mga ngiti at naririnig ang ating mga hinaing. Sa mga araw na parang tinalukuran na tayo ng pag-asang makaahon, at sa mga araw na nararamdaman natin ang nalalapit na paggunaw ng mundo, winawagayway pa rin ng sining ang layunin nito sa ating pagkatao. Muli, hindi nito tayo binigo, dahil saksi ang mga letra at linya, kulay at litrato, at maging ng bawat pahina ng librong ito. DYAN RAE G. RAPACON News Editor

Pandemya. It is just one word but seemed to be powerful that it can attack more than one continent. It is just one word that can affect millions of people from all over the world. A totally unexpected and fearful situation is what we are all facing right now. This pandemic is challenging us in different ways. We are fighting a battle, hoping that everyone gets to win. We are praying that we will not be stab from the back as we face the unseen antagonist. No, we should never stop fighting. Difficulties exist in this pandemic, and it is easy to let negative thoughts and feelings stress us. Everyone is affected by the crisis as suddenly there are rapid changes in our living. Everyone is working remotely; students do homeschooling. Everything that is happening around us brought us so much fear, coupled with uncertainty. Endless thoughts of negativity can ruin our productivity every day. Feelings of loneliness and depression seem never to go away. We somehow want to find an escape to this feeling of unending struggle. We want to look for a place to shout our loudest silence. We want to find a voice that can remind us that we are not lifeless. We need to find that voice to let us know that we can still fight. Many of us may still be drowning, but we hope that all of us choose to find the chance of survival. If you are feeling afraid, know that you are not alone. Exploring this folio and reading the pages, you will get a chance to acquaint yourself that you are not the only one who feels that way. Discovering the hidden feelings in between verses, covered by beautiful words, would probably make you feel less isolated and realize that it was not only you who felt alone in these trying times. Yes, reading this collection of poems and stories from our passionate editors, staff and contributors may somehow fade your grief, lighten up your battle, and encourage you to look at the brighter side. Every word in this folio voices different stories of struggles and believing that there is hope. And despite the threat of the pandemic, sharing these pages with you is our way to comfort your battles and give you more inspiration. The thousand words in this issue can make you wonder and aim to give you faith in the future. We are excited to share this folio with you. JOAN JESUSA B. VELASCO Adviser

pandemya

THE REVIEW EDITORIAL BOARD AND STAFF doitarordiaalnd staff A.Y. 2020-2021 Editor-In-Chief: Zenith Kin P. Agcaoili Associate Editor: Pamela V. Tadeja Managing Editor: Jezreel Larry R. Caunca News Editor: Dyan Rae G. Rapacon Literary Editor: Keishey Aiana H. Bonoan Features Editor: Charisse Sophia A. Raquinio Sports Editor: Kristene Claire O. Lazo Layout Artist: Clark Justine A. Galiza Website Manager: Mark Lester A. Caletina Lead Photojournalist: Jonh Lloyd Aquino Lead Graphic Artist: Therese Daphne P. Padayao Lead Cartoonist: Russel Joy L. Pascua Cartoonists: Alvin R. Bartolome Rexmith H. Pugyao Staff Writers: Jessie G. Felipe Jr. Brittany Lei Maquiraya Staff Graphic Artist: Paula Nica P. Alipio Staff Cartoonists: Rommiel Josh P. Castres Hanna May C. Gabriel Staff Photojournalists: Mark Lawrence Asuncion Dyna B. Cariño Rejeane Jireh G. Coma Miles Faith Gift D. Quemquem Mark Angelo B. Reyes Adviser: Prof. Joan Jesusa B. Velasco

Cj Doropan contributors John Alday Ghianne Alonzo Novelyn Watson Jeanell Gorospe Reymarc Jericho Opelac Kashen Sarmiento Saoit Kayelene Caacbay Daniel Domingo Mark Dio Palcon John Eiell Domingo Crystell Ivy Ferreras Carlito Felipe Jr. Andrea Mae Bolo

ILALAMAN 01 ABO kabanata UNIVERSE OF LOVE AS THE MOON, SO BEAUTIFUL ML QUARANTINE THOUGHTS NO ONE’S FRIEND HE CAN NEVER BE MINE ESCAPE FROM NO ESCAPE FASCIMILE POETRY OF LOVE SCARLET LETTERS 02 SAVE ME! REALITY FLAW...LESS I MATTER IG STORY BLASTED THY HOPE RISE THE ESTEEM FOR LGBT GREAT WAVE OFF KANAGAWA THE GIRL I JUST MET WHITE AS SNOW YOUTH: REVITALIZING ENVIRONMENT ACTION IMAGINATION CORONA BULLET VOICELESS

03 PADAYON PICTURESQUE MISERY KABATAAN: KATALISTA NG PAGBABAGO HADE’S TOUCH BACKSTABBER CHERISH BLEMISH FEED BLUE SKIES GDBYS friEND TO MYSELF WHO ALWAYS FEEL UNLOVE &UNWANTED PROCRASTINATION RELATIONSHIP AESTHETICS 04 MISTERious: Unknown LOOK! WHAT I FOUND OPPOSE IT UTOPIAN REALITIES KABATAAN PILIPINO, KABATAANG GLOBALISADO CAPTAIN’S HOOK MULAT NA ANG MATA RAIDROPS SUN ROMANCE WITH THE DEVIL TO WHOM SHOULD I TALK TODAY PINAGTAGPO 05 PANDEMYA US(ED) kabanata 7 W’S AND 1H DEAR SOMEONE MAGHINTAY KA EXPERIENCES AND LESSONS LEARNED FROM COVID-19 PANDEMIC LONELY WALK THE SIGNATURE ILLUMINATE GROWING LDR SHE’LL NEVER KNOW LIES TURN TO SCARS

kabanata KABANATA 1

Umuulan. Dama ko na ang malakas na hangin na nagmumula sa nakabukas na bintana sa hilagang bahagi ng aming tahanan. Nasa kalagitnaan pa lang ng Mayo ng mga panahong iyon, ngunit unti-unti nang umiiksi ang umaga at humahaba ang gabi. Madalas na rin ang pagkulimlim ng langit sa pagdungaw ng dilim. “Muli na namang nadagdagan ang bilang ng kaso ng COVID-19 patient dito sa bansa, mula sa bilang na labinlimang libo’t apat na pu’t siyam, umakyat na sa lampas limanlibo’t limang daan ang nagpositibo sa COVID-19…” Napailing ako sa ulat mula sa radyo. Lalo lang nadadagdagan. Ika-labingpito ng Marso, araw ng Martes, sinimulan ng bansa ang pagpapatupad ng lockdown sa iba’t ibang bahagi ng Luzon at ibang parte ng Visayas matapos maitala ang kauna-unahang kaso ng COVID 19 patient sa bansa. Ipinagbawal ang paglabas ng bahay, pinaigting ang curfew sa mga barangay, sarado ang mga ibang establisemyento at maging ang mga paaralan. Biglang tumahimik ang bansa mula sa mga humaharurot na motorsiklo at kalampag ng jeep sa rush hour. Kumonti ang mga taong naghahabol ng oras sa time in, may checkpoint at ang mga mahuhuling nagmumumuni kuno sa mga kalsada ay pinapatawan ng karampatang parusa.

“’nak, isara mo na ang mga bintana diyan at baka abutan pa ‘yan ng ulan.” Si nanay, bagamat may kulubot na ang mukha at hirap na sa pagbasa ng maliliit na letra, kaya pa rin nitong tumanggap ng isang balde ng labada mula sa aming mga kapitbahay. “At magsaing ka na rin, tama na yang pagsusulat mo diyan at magdidilim na. Baka matulad ka sa aking pumipikit ‘pag nagbabasa,” sunod pa niyang utos. “Opo ‘nay. Malapit ko nang matapos ito. At kailangan ko ring tapusin ‘to para maaga akong makapunta kila Aling Maridet.” Isinara ko na ang mga bintanang nakabukas. Malamig ang simoy ng hangin, dinig mula sa loob ng aming bahay ang paghampas ng hangin sa mga punong nakapaligid sa amin. Plywood lang ang pader ng bahay. Tagpi-tagping yero na napuno na ng pantapal ang nagsisilbi naming silong. Maswerte na’t nakapundar na si tatay ng kaniyang sariling motorsiklo mula sa paextra-extra niya sa talyer at kung may nagpapapintura man ng sasakyan sa kanya. “’Nay, puwede kaya akong mamasukan kila Aling Maridet bilang kasambahay? Baka po kasi matagalan pa ‘tong lockdown, sayang naman po ‘yong puwede kong itulong sa inyo. At para na rin sana makaipon ako ng pambili ko ng bagong cellphone, kailangan po kasi namin ‘yon.” Pakiusap ko kay nanay. Ang pagsasara ng mga paaralan sa bansa ay naging isang dagok para sa isang tulad kong maralita. Naging isang pagsubok na ang pagtuklas ng bagong kaalaman. Pinapairal ang online class maging sa mga katulad kong wala na ngang maayos na kagamitan, hindi pa kalakasan ang signal dito sa aming lugar. “Okay lang naman anak, pero paano ang pag-aaral mo? Magiging sapat ba ang oras mo para sa mga kailangan mong tapusin?” pakli nito. “Gagawin ko na lamang po iyon tuwing gabi ‘nay.” Pagsiguro ko sa kanya. “Basta ‘wag mong pababayaan ang pag-aaral mo ‘nak ha? ‘Yan na lang kasi ang huling maipapamana namin sa ‘yo, ang maitaguyod ang pag-aaral mo.” Naiiyak ako sa sagot ni nanay ngunit hindi ko ito ipinakita sa kanya. Ako ang kanilang lakas kaya hindi ko maaaring ipakita ang kahinaan ko sa kanila.  

Artwork by Clark Justine A. Galiza

abo by Russel Joy Pascua Pandemyang nilalabanan ng mahigit kumulang na milyong taong nakikipagbakbakan. Sakit na hindi makita ng mga mata, ngunit kayang lutasan ng isip at disiplina. Nagsilabasan bagong mga batas, mga tao’y naging preso upang mailigtas. Kalabang hindi makita, nagsakripisyo mga propesyonal sa medisina. Ilan na ba ang kinuha ni Kamatayan? Ilan na ba ang naging abo at tumira sa isang boteng lalagyan? Hindi man lang nabigyan ng magandang libingan. Hindi man lang nasilayan mga ngiti ng yumaong kaibagan. Mga likidong dumadaloy sa mata’y unti-unti ng nagsisilabasan. Pandemyang pinagdarasal ng lahat, normal na pamumuhay gusto ng maisiwalat. Ngunit papaano kung ilan sa atin ay bato ang ulo? Atat na atat gumala, lumatkuwatsa’t nakikipagtalo sa gobyerno. Huwag hatiin ang asul, dilaw, puti at pula sa bandera, tayo’y magka-isa sa panahon ng pandemya. Isipin mo kaibigan gusto mo bang sinusunog ka’t nagiging abo na lang?

Artwork by Russel Joy Pascua

Universe of Love by Arthdal Photo from The Review

This caught me off guard. Should I step out and go take a risk? Will it be all worth it? Srsly love, fallin’ for you was unexpected. Saw your pretty stars sparkling ‘round you, and my solar system went into a total chaos. The milky way within me craved for you even more, the sweetness, the wholesome experience of being loved. Though, I must stay away from thee. You’re a blackhole, eventually will end up consuming my whole being and leave nothing. Should I go beyond gravity of forbidden love, take a risk to see what’s behind that dark hole within you, I’ll see if there’s a beauty that has been concealed and undiscovered. Love, though you do nothing but kill my hopes and happiness; still let me be your sun—let’s make it possible that darkness & light can both exist at the same time.

Your smile is like the Moon; it shines so bright Going to that “place” without you, it’s so lonely and dark Seeing you smile always makes my heart flutter – slight Talking, having fun, seeing you laugh always give me spark Every time we leave, I always ask myself when we will come back To the place where every time we enter, unpleasant things disappear You’re always there in my back Always lending an ear. I still remember the day when you wanted to see a lot of stars But sadly lady luck wasn’t on our side, the sky was cloudy The street was colorful due to the light of the cars Little did you know, I was praying that the sky clears up so badly I sometimes stroll around at night to see if the moon is round. The night is cold and dark, I wish you were around.

As the moon, So beautiful by 1412

Artwork by Clark Justine Galiza

ml Sa hero ka lang nag-iinspire, Pinagyayabang pa sa buong empire, by CJ Doropan Na ikaw ay naka-Epic, At ako nama’y sobrang pathetic. Naalala ko pa the day we met, Sobrang saya ko ‘coz I am your pet, Lungkot at takot ang nadama, Kiliti ng kiliti sa tabi, Sapagkat nag-iba ang pagsasama, Parang bulateng di mapakali. Di mo na ako kayang mapasaya, Alam mo bang gusto ko nang lumaya. Hatid mo’y tuwa’t saya, At di matumbas ang ligaya, Mas importante pa si Zilong, Pero bakit biglang nagbago, Kaysa sa relasyon nating so long, Pagmamahala’y biglang lumabo. Itigil ang pagra-rank, At pagtibayin ang relasyon like a tank. “Welcome to Mobile Legends,” ang dinig, Mahal ‘wag ng mag-classic, Pintig ng puso ko’y nanginginig, Kalimutan ang salitang Mythic, Sapagkat sa cp ika’y tutok, Huwag irason ang mga skin, At ako nama’y bulkang nais nang And treat me like a queen. pumutok. ML ay limutin, Masaya ka pagkat naka double kill, At ako’y muling akitin, Nakapatay gamit ang first skill, Dito lang sa aking piling, Oo! Expert ka sa wingman, At ML ay dapat ilibing. Pero nawala na ang iyong pagka- gentleman. Hindi kita pinipilit, Para ML ay ipagpalit, Wala na ang bigay na biyaya, Pero pag sobra na ang sakit, Pagkat mas gusto na niya si Miya, Iiwan kita kahit na mapait. Relasyon nati’y di na kasing tatag ni Balmond, At di na nagsashine bright like a diamond.

Quarantine Thoughts by leesungcole I was lonely before, but I feel lonelier now. Are these lonely thoughts worth thinking of? Sixty-something days staying inside the house, doing nothing but quarantining. Thirst for human interaction has turned into frustration. From what was once playful has turned to something insatiable. To be able, or disabled. Or to continue living, unlabelled. I admit, I’m scared to commit; for fear that it will all be counterfeit.

Artwork by Dyan Rae Rapacon

Artwork by Clark Justine Galiza

No One’s Friend by: Perseus You’ll be used You’ll be recycled You’ll be on your own You’ll be thrown Blame yourself for being too good Blame yourself for having complicated mood Blame your emotions Blame all your motions Do not blame someone You don’t have the right, you’re no one For every friend you make A breakdown will slowly take You will see them okay You will smile everyday As they fade away You are alone today Do not point out mistake For Heaven’s sake For you know who you are No one’s friend.

The journey I have been through is something worth remembering. Blissful moments worth cherishing filled my yesterday. Him, coming to my world made me feel blessed and glad. Life is short, yet his memory shall forever linger in my heart. Such as a memory that will always warm my cold nights and comfort my loneliness in my dark isolated room, especially when I do not have anything to do but to cry and pity my wounded heart. For the second time around, I was alone under the mango tree starring at the gloomy clouds and trying to hide the face of the moon when realization hits that…I better let him go of this stupid and foolish feeling of caring and loving. I’ve been pretending for too many years. I made him and everyone else believe that I am happy. I fooled my heart as well as my mind by believing he will love me in the end. I gave everything hoping to win his attention, his comparison, and hopefully his affection. Now, why do I still find myself as a loser! Why do I feel neglected and rejected! My bitterness is poisoning and destroying me now, putting me in complete quandary. So ironic from what I felt in the beginning when I started loving you. I told myself I will love you without any condition or compromise. But why am I still feeling this nonsense and monstrous feeling? Heartaches have ruined my life yet I’ve never learned. But again and again, the same old brand victim of some tragic circumstances in life. I cannot really have him for a lifetime. But I will hold on the beautiful things we shared. I will now let my heart rest, at least for the meantime. It is not that I am afraid of loving and losing, and of being frustrated again. But my anxieties are growing fast, and the fear of becoming insane and insensitivity are simply relentless disturbing me. I am tired of loving and waiting. I have finally decided. Will I like my decision? Will I be happy with its implication? It does not matter anymore! I have decided! HE CAN NEVER BE MINE!

He can never be mine! by: MIG Artwork by Clark Justine Galiza

Photo by Clark Justine Galiza

ESCAPE FROM NO ESCAPE by Jessie G. Felipe Jr. A catastrophic malady so melancholic could be How extraordinarily ungrateful we are fighting against The dead, the survivors, the fighters They’re all targets of fast communicative pandemic Is this a result of our greediness, and love of power? Or the repay of our resentment and wrongful deeds? If so, would it justify it, Since all are suffering from not countering it. The screeching of sorrow, Throbbing and reverberating all throughout WE, we are living in the realm of death We are the living dead Everything has changed The feeling, the viewpoint, all filled with sadness Will I offer myself as a sacrifice? So everybody could live normally?

Fascimile by Kristene Claire Lazo A perfect picture painted in canvas The tale they tell and share in broadcast No one knows the truth, only care about the dash The pain they had, thrown away like trash. The sorrow in the eyes and the cry of affliction Makes them want to be part of eviction No one seems to give appreciation To those kids who need attention. They are tired of portraying So they started blaming Kids are already crying When they have thoughts of separating. The product of a broken family Shattered the dreams of many It started inside their family, unfortunately Hearts get lighter when they live separately.

Artwork by Rommiel Castres

Artwork by Clark Justine Galiza

ofPLoeotrvye by Sophia Raquinio Through the caliginous of light I am once a fighter With those battles I’ve won I think I’m braver than before But then suddenly, you came And you brighten me up in my dusky world You tightly hold my hand And squire my journey With those scrabble moments You never left me Instead you possess me with your love And linger with care Together we will reach for our aspiration Building new memories, new laughter Calling for more throes with you Still you, always…

Ang Huling Buntong Hininga by Russel Joy Pascua Sinong mag-aakalang trahedya at delubyo na ang bumungad sa pagpatak pa lamang ng taon. Isang normal na araw nagbago’t nabalot ng katahimikan sa sanlibutan. Walang sino mang nagsilabasan, takot na takot sa banta ni Kamatayan. Mga trabaho nagsara’t lahat nagsiuwian. Tanging bubong ng bahay lang ang puwedeng silungan. Ngunit hindi lahat ay nakatakas sa bitag ni Kamatayan. Sa hindi kalayuan isang milagrong kamay ang magsasakripisiyong labanan si patay. Ilaan lahat ng oras sa ospital kulang na lang ibuwis na ang kaniyang buhay. Binabantayan lahat ng pasyenteng nag-aagaw buhay. Tinitiis malayo sa tatlong taong gulang na anak, tanging letrato lang niya ang dala sa pakikipagbakbakan. Sa bawat pagpatak ng oras, ngiti niya’y wagas, sapagkat kay dami niyang nailigtas. At sa wakas, makakauwi na siya’t makikita ang anak. Ngunit sa kanyang pag-uwi ay hinarang siya’t nawalan ng malay. Pagbukas ng mata’y konektado na sa makina ang kaniyang katawan. Ang milagrong kamay ngayon ay nasa bitag na ni patay. Paano na ang mga umaasang mabubuhay pa ng matagal? Kung ngayo’y isa na rin siya sa nag-aagaw buhay. Bayani kung tawagin, mailigtas lang ang kapwa sa panganib. Ngunit hindi lahat ng bayani ay makakaligtas at makakauwi. Tadhana niya’y hanggang doon na lang, anak na naghihintay hindi man lang makita’t mahawakan. Ang huling buntong hininga’y kaniya ng inalay sa Maykapal.

Artwork by Russel Joy Pascua

Breathe this Life by taladreams Have you seen the air? Isn’t it fresh? Have you seen the rain? Isn’t it cold? Have you seen the rainbow? Isn’t it bright? Like an air from above My mind keep dancing from its whistle Like a rain brought by the clouds My body keep playing like there is no tomorrow Like a rainbow in the sky My life has no color The melody inside my head was all broke All I have to do is to start all over again Like from the start I used to buy all the stuff I need happiness to build myself Friends to create my character And mind for me to be smarter I laid down on the floor I looked at the ceiling and closed my eyes My tears began to drop like the rain I lost everything I had I feel craziness inside my head This life I built will be rebuild I quickly get up and run Standing in front of my mirror, I looked at myself, and asked why. Why this life needs to be broken? Why this heart is not working? Millions and billions of people but I am alone.

This life broke me many times This mind didn’t help me to make decisions This heart always choose two How to escape this life I have? Could I leave my footprints in the sand? Could I drown myself in a tub of tears? “You can! You can! You can!” The next day I woke up, I accidentally lost my memory But this is the time to find myself again, Writing, playing instruments, and graphic designing are my passion These passions serve as my energy I tried to pray before doing anything else Finally, He reminds me to just breathe and take it easy Now my life is in you I will never turn back and leave you Always run the race to be with you. A thanksgiving from my heart, I will offer to you This life is yours, And will always be yours I can now feel the air Fresh air from you I can now dance under the rain Brought by clouds and move with melody I can now see the rainbow from the sky That give color to my life. Artwork by Rommiel Castres

Photo by: Russel Joy Pascua

scarlet letters by: snakespeare I sent you hundreds of love letter, alongside my beating heart. What you did was, you sent it back, with a scar embedded on it. Saying, ‘We ain’t Romeo & Juliet, to play scarlet letters.’ Exactly, because... it should be the story of you & me.

Photo by John Alday

Photo by John Alday

kabanata 2

Noong gabing iyon, laking pasasalamat ko dahil hindi umulan. Ngunit ginabi na ako sa pagpunta kila Aling Maridet para magpasa ng mga requirements. Binaybay ko ang madilim na eskinita. Tanging ang flashlight lamang ang naging liwanag ko sa daan at ang kabilugan ng buwan. Alas syete y media na, mahahabol ko pa ang alas otsong curfew. Nagsimula nang lumabas ang mga tanod sa aming barangay. Sila kasi ang nagbabantay sa mga pasukan dito sa amin. “Iha, gabi na. Bakit nasa labas ka pa?” tanong sa akin ng isa sa kanila. May hawak na pamalo at flashlight sa magkabilang kamay. “Pupunta lang ho ako sa computer shop nila Aling Maridet, Mang Nestor.” Ikli kong sagot. Higit sa limang tanod ang laging nakabantay sa mga kalsada sa aming barangay. Hanga rin ako sa tatag nilang magbantay sa umaga hanggang gabi para lamang sa aming kaligtasan. Hindi ko nga lang mapigilang malungkot minsan dahil may mga tao pa ring matitigas ang ulo at hindi maintindihan ang sakripisyong ginagawa ng ating mga tagapamahala. Pumasok na ako sa computer shop. Bilang na lang ang mga nasa loob, mga katulad ko ring naghahabol ng mga aralin, ang iba nama’y nagpapalipas oras lamang. “Hello my dear Steven! How are you? Oh me? I’m fine, no worry. No COVID here in our barangay. Yes! Yes! I... I...” saglit niyang inangat ang kanyang headphones at tumingin sa akin. Si Aling Vangie, kapitbahay namin na tubong Bicol, nangangarap pa ring makapunta ng Estados Unidos kahit hindi na kayang itago ng kolorete ang kulubot na balat nito. “Iha, ano nga ulit ingles ng nakalimutan?” tanong niya sa akin.

“Forget po, Aling Vangie.” Sagot ko. Hindi kalakihan ang computer shop nila Aling Maridet. Nasa anim lang na unit ang mayroon sila, minsan ‘yong iba hindi pa gumagana, ngunit sapat lamang iyon para magamit ng ilang mga mag-aaral sa amin. “Yes! Ang galing mo ineng!” sambit niya at bumalik na siya sa kaniyang kausap. “I forget, yes, I forget to tell mother, you, about you. Yes!” Halata ang galak sa tinig ni Aling Vangie. Napangiti ako. Bumalik na ako sa aking ginagawa at malapit nang mag-alas otso. Isinaksak ko na ang flash drive. Umiilaw. Agad kong hinanap ang mga kailangan kong ipasa sa araw na ‘yon. “Hoy mga bata, ikaw Vangie, malapit nang mag-alas otso. Tama na ‘yan at umuwi na kayo. Wala akong pambayad ng limang libong multa sa curfew, ha.” Paalala ni Aling Maridet sa amin. May katabaan at hindi katangkaran si Aling Maridet, maiksi at kulot ang buhok, bagama’t lubog ang mga mata dahil sa pisngi nito, mabait siya’t may puso sa kapwa. Kita ko ito noong tumakbo ang asawa niya bilang kapitan ng aming barangay. Nagmadali na ako sa pagpasa ng aking mga requirements. Maraming beses nang naging hinaing ang signal sa amin. Maski na anong network ang gamitin. Usap-usapan noon na magpapatayo na sila ng cell site dito sa amin na sasakupin ang ilang malalapit na barangay dahil isa ito sa mga proyekto ng nanalong alkalde sa aming lungsod. Ngunit lumipas na ang mga buwan, at taon, umaasa pa rin kami sa mga kakaunting sulok sa aming barangay na mayroong magandang signal. Kaya laking tuwa namin nang maisipan nila Aling Maridet na magpatayo ng computer shop. Hindi man kalakasan, naging sapat na iyon para magsilbing isang instrumento para sa aming mga pag-aaral.

7:45. Please see attached file for the documentation of our research project. Sent. Tapos na naman ang isang linggo ng pasahan. Kailan kaya matatapos ‘to? Napatitig ako sa kawalan, nag-iisip kung saan na papunta ang lahat ng ito o kung may pupuntahan pa ba. “Iha,” si Aling Maridet. Hindi ko na namalayan ang paglapit niya sa ‘kin. “Naipaalam mo na ba sa inay mo ang alok ko sa’yo? Kailangan kasi namin ng puwedeng magbantay dito sa shop kahit hindi naman maghapon basta lamang mabuksan para sa mga ibang mag-aaral at kahit sa mga simpleng gawaing bahay lang.” “Opo Aling Maridet, pumayag na po siya. Sabihan niyo na lang po ako kung kailan ako puwedeng magsimula.” Pagsisiguro ko sa kanya. “Ora mismo iha!” excited niyang tugon. Pagkaraan lamang ng ilang minuto’y lumabas na kami ni Aling Vangie sa computer shop kasama ng ilang pang mga kabataang naglalaro na aking nadatnan. “Sa tingin mo iha,” pagbasag ni Aling Vangie ng katahimikan sa aming dalawa habang kami’y naglalakad, “kailan kaya matatapos ito, no? Parang kailan lang ang saya pa ng mga batang nagtatakbuhan dito sa kalsada ng mga gantong oras, ngayon, halos nababalot na ng takot at dilim ang bawat sulok ng ating lugar, paano pa kaya sila sa Maynila, no?” isang buntong hininga ang tumapos sa mga tanong ni Aling Vangie.

Artwork by Rommiel Castres