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over-commit myself, leaving less energy and time for clients, projects, taking care of myself, and family. As a result, I am scaling way back on the commitments I’m making to do interviews and other things. For this reason, I am going to cancel our upcoming interview. My apologies for the long delay. It’s taking me some time to learn how to properly manage my time. I wish you all the best in your work, and know you are doing great things to help people. With love, Aziz There, I’d done it. I’d said no when I wanted to. Good for me. I felt surprisingly relaxed and calm sending that. In the past, I would have either just done the interview or said no but felt absolutely freaked out and guilty afterwards. I was giving myself a pat on the back later that day when I got this provocative response. Hi Aziz Thanks for letting me know. I can relate with scaling back as I too have been taking on too much lately. Like you I am giving more time to myself. Here's the thing though. I am now left with a big hole for this month's interview series. Worse, I have told my readers, my list, my family, nearly everyone I know I'm interviewing you. They are going to think one of two things: I'm a big fat liar or you're a complete asshole. Either way, it doesn't look good for both of us. So I'd like to suggest I email you 8-10 questions and you email me back your responses. I don't need the answers until the 28th of this month so you have plenty of time to fulfill your commitment. I'll be in touch soon with the questions. Regards

XXXX That’s when the feelings came in. My first response wasn’t guilt, it was anger. I was responsible for his interview series? But he was the one who bounced it back and rescheduled it most recently. I made a commitment and he feels entitled that I answer 8-10 email questions? That will take way longer than the interview! Implying that I’m an asshole if I say no? Grrr! So, I took a step back and just felt my breath. I tuned into my heart and found the fear and guilt underneath the anger. I should do it. I said I would do it. I should just do it and make it short and get it over with. But then I felt something deeper. A commitment to live life on my terms. To move towards what enlivens me and away from that which doesn’t serve me, even if I can’t rationally explain it, even if it makes others upset sometimes. Once I reconnected to myself, I was less triggered. I was also clear that I would not participate, since I did not owe him anything. This was a free interview I was giving to help him grow his business and audience. So, I responded with compassion and brevity. I’ve often found that less explanation is better. Hi XXXX, I’m flattered that you have shared with so many people : ) Unfortunately, I will not be able to answer those questions via email. I’m sorry you feel concerned about how people will respond. My sense is that if you tell them the truth and are vulnerable, they will still like, love, and appreciate you. I wish you all the best, Aziz Maybe he’ll dislike that response. Maybe he’ll think I’m patronizing or condescending to him. Maybe he’ll tell all his friends, family, and fans that I’m a complete asshole. That’s OK. I feel at peace, and I feel respect and love for him. I want the best for him. And I am not responsible for how he sees me, and how he manages his feelings.

TOO SOON A little while back I began working with an amazing tech team that helps people build complex online courses. I was creating my opus of a program, Confidence University, and I wanted it to be the most dynamic, engaging, and effective program it could possibly be. To make this happen, I sought the guidance of a consultant who specialized in creating these kinds of courses. I purchased his online training program and found it very informative. I told him so, and we decided to work together on Confidence University, with his team managing all the back-end technology. We had our first few meetings scheduled and I was buzzing with excitement. This program was going to be so powerful and was going to be able to reach so many people. Until then, I often had to turn people away who couldn’t fly out to attend one of my live events or be in my ongoing Mastermind program. My other online training programs were not responsive or interactive at all, so it didn’t capture the highly effective element of engagement and accountability that made coaching so effective. But Confidence University was going to have all of that, and be accessible anywhere in the world. It was going to be a key step in me carrying out my mission to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence all over the world. Our first meeting went great, and he helped me make some key decisions about how to structure the program. I began laying out the material, eagerly anticipating our next meeting. Then I received this email: Hi Aziz, I'll be back in New York at the beginning of the week. I am currently at infusion con and I'm speaking at Memberuim on Friday. I do have one favor to ask you. Would you mind shooting a quick testimonial for me? Actually let's push the limits lol Can you shoot two short ones? One about the course and one about the value you've gotten from our strategic calls. That would be amazing and thank you very much Sincerely,

M My initial reaction was one of surprise. A video testimonial? We had barely started working together. I enjoyed our initial meetings and had benefited from his course, but we had barely gotten started. The main project of Confidence University wasn’t even underway, and I had no idea what it would be like to work with this tech team. It was a clear no for me. But then… Enter the voice of the approval seeker: What if I say no and he gets upset with me? What if it manifests as him not giving me his knowledge, or secretly sabotaging our project together? What if he’s mad at me? “Feh!” I said, waving my hand through the air. Enough of that nonsense. I opened up my computer and sent this email: Hey Mike, I like the bold ask. A bit too soon. I appreciate the beginning of working together here, but don’t feel ready to offer official feedback yet. I’ll finish putting together the course plan, then we’ll get together and figure out the scope of work and discuss moving forward. If all goes well, and I love our work together, I will be more than happy to shoot some testimonials. Thanks, Aziz

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Aziz is a psychologist, author, and coach who is internationally known as the world’s leading expert on confidence. Through his coaching, books, videos, and online media, he has helped thousands of people break through shyness, social anxiety, and self-doubt to create richer, happier, more confident lives. What is most remarkable about Dr. Aziz is his own personal struggle with self- doubt and social anxiety. After reaching a low point in his own life, he made a powerful decision to do whatever it would take to get the confidence he always wanted. This lead to a passionate pursuit of studying confidence from every source, including books, audio programs, seminars, and a doctorate degree in clinical psychology from Stanford and Palo Alto Universities.

Dr. Aziz is the author of the best-selling books, The Solution To Social Anxiety and The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, as well as over a dozen e-books, including 5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence. He is the host of the podcast Shrink for The Shy Guy and the YouTube show, “The Art of Extraordinary Confidence.” Dr. Aziz is most passionate about his direct work with individuals and groups in coaching programs and weekend seminars. To find out more about all of the resources Dr. Aziz offers, go to SocialConfidenceCenter.com. Dr. Aziz lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife and two boys. To find out more about his personal story and inspiring journey to confidence, visit the “About” section of the website listed above.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

BOOKS:

5 Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence This e-book contains powerful and proven techniques used by the world’s top psychologists and coaches to help you overcome your fears and self-doubts. Whatever area your lack of confidence is impacting, this e-book can help you. It gives you the basic tools and strategies you need to start mastering your confidence today. To download your free copy today, go to http://SocialConfidenceCenter.com The Solution to Social Anxiety In this inspiring, breakthrough book, Dr. Aziz guides you on the path out of social anxiety into lasting confidence. You will discover why you feel anxious around others, and the exact steps you need to take to develop social confidence in all areas of your life. To get your copy today, visit http://SocialAnxietySolution.com The Art of Extraordinary Confidence This book playfully and ruthlessly sheds through the stories, excuses, and self- doubt that holds you back, showing you the core reason you aren’t taking bold action in life: fear. Dr. Aziz expertly guides you through any fear that is in your path so that you can live with more boldness, power, confidence, and freedom. To learn more about this book, visit: http://SocialConfidenceCenter.com

CONFIDENCE TRAINING PROGRAMS: The Confidence Unleashed System In Dr. Aziz’s complete confidence system you will discover the world’s most powerful tools for overcoming fear and anxiety, eliminating self-doubt, and taking bold action in the world. Discover how to boldly speak up at work, confidently approach attractive strangers, and be the most powerful and confident version of yourself in dating, business, and your social life. To learn more, visit http://ConfidenceUnleashedNow.com The Confidence Code In this program, you will discover exactly how to unlock your social skills and conversation mastery. Learn how to feel relaxed talking with anyone, always know what to say next, create engaging and memorable conversations, and join group conversations. The more you master conversations, the more successful you can become. To learn more, visit http://YourConfidenceCode.com

30 Days to Dating Mastery This step-by-step program will help you take you from feeling stuck and shy with women to a place of bold confidence and freedom. Through daily Strategy Sessions you will discover how to see yourself as attractive, overcome approach anxiety, confidently ask women out and get dates, and really enjoy dating and connecting with women. Each day you have a specific mission which helps you take action and rapidly build confidence so you can start getting dates and find attract the woman you’ve always wanted. To learn more, visit http://30DaysToDatingMastery.com

COACHING PROGRAMS AND LIVE SEMINARS:

Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind Program This is an exclusive 1-year program that is limited to a small number of people. It includes weekly group coaching calls with Dr. Aziz, Mastermind retreats, access to Dr. Aziz’s Confidence Library, and VIP passes to all his live seminars. To learn more, visit http://ConfidenceUnleashedNow.com/mastermind Supremely Confident Conversation Master Weekend Intensive In this 3-day event you will master your ability to comfortably and confidently talk with anyone. You will discover how to easily start conversations with anyone in a completely relaxed way, always know what to say next to keep the conversation going, and become more dynamic, charismatic, and engaging. Most importantly, you will learn how to comfortably be your authentic self so you can enjoy connecting with others at work, in dating, relationships, and life. To learn more, visit http://SocialConfidenceCenter.com/Events Unlimited Dating & Relationship Confidence In this 3-day immersion event, join with Dr. Aziz to radically increase your confidence in your love life. Through exercises, coaching, and taking action in the world, you will discover how to let go of any fears that block you from approaching those you find attractive, initiating relationships, and deeply connecting with others. You will also learn how to create fun, exciting, and deeply fulfilling relationships by being your most authentic self. To learn more, visit http://SocialConfidenceCenter.com/Events The Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough Weekend Intensive Join Dr. Aziz in a life-changing 3-day LIVE event where you will discover how to instantly activate feelings of power and confidence so you can handle any situation in your life. You will also learn how to rapidly eliminate fear, social anxiety, and self-doubt so you feel comfortable in your own skin no matter what, and finally stop worrying about what others think of you once and for all. People leave this event feeling more bold, free, and powerful than ever before. To learn more, visit http://SocialConfidenceCenter.com/Events