How-To-Raise-The-Children-To-Be-Good-People-For-The-Nation

Ethical Guide For Children And Teenagers How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation Dhamma Talk by Phrabhavanaviriyakhun (Phra Phadet Dattajeevo) The Writers And Thinkers For World Peace Association Moral Development Thru Education Foundation www.kalyanamitra.org

How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation www.kalyanamitra.org

Copyright © 2 0 0 5 by The Writers And Thinkers For World Peace Association, Moral Development Thru Education Foundation. Cover Picture : Copyright © by Steven Roden All Rights Reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronics, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior and express written consent of the publisher. ISBN 9 7 4 - 9 3 6 0 7 - 8 - 8 Published by The Writers And Thinkers For World Peace Association, Moral Development Thru Education Foundation 16/19 Moo 6., Khlong Sam, Khalong Luang, Pathumthani 12120, Thailand. Tel. (662)831-1711-2 Fax (662)831-1714 E-mail: [email protected], [email protected] Dhamma Talk by Phrabhavanaviriyakhun Written by Phra Treetep Chinungkuro Translated by Uthai Raviwongse, Chonnakam Kiatpramam Edited by Jenny Michaels, Uthai Raviwongse Pictorial by Pusit Poodsongkram Cover Design by Thada Wongkunanon Book-shape Design by Santad Saksakom Artwork Advised and Printed in Thailand by Create Zone Co., Ltd., Thailand Tel. (662)883-1515-6 Nation Library of Thailand Cataloging in Publication Data How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation. — Bangkok: The Writers And Thinkers For World Peace Association, Moral Development Thru Education Foundation. 2005 222 p. 1. Raise Children 2. Good People First Edition 2005 www.kalyanamitra.org

Contents Acknowledgem ents VI About Ajahn Tawom Chaijak X XI Preface XIV Introduction 1 1 Qualifications of Good Children 2 5 How to raise children to be good children 8 The nature of parents 9 Qualifications of good children 10 Qualifications # 1 “Mai Sab” 14 Qualifications # 2 “Mai Ngo” Qualifications # 3 “Mai Lang Num Jai” 19 2 W h ere D oes C h ild ren ’s G ood B eh avior C om e 21 22 From ? 23 How do habits occur? 23 The four factors in life 27 Responsible duty and job 30 Feeding time can plant habits for kids “Food” from parents can also plant childrens’ habits 30 Dishes have an influence on childrens’ habits Parents Have To Be A Prototype For Children To Repeat Thinking, Speaking and Doing m “How To Raise The Children Contents T o Be Good People For T he Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

3 How To Plant Habits In Children So They Will Become Disciplined And Responsible (Mai Sab) 33 What are the lessons to train the children in to become disciplined and responsible? 33 Talking Behavior 34 Punctual Behavior 40 Cleaning Behavior 49 Organizing Behavior 50 Dhamma Rule Behavior 53 4 How To Build The Habits Of The Children To Be Sincere And Clever (Mai Ngo) 63 When You Respect The Lord Buddha You Are Clever 69 When You Respect The Dhamma You Are Clever 85 Why Are We Clever If We Pay Respect To The Bhikkhus? 91 Why Are We Clever If We Respect Education? 97 Why We Should Meditate Faithfully To Increase Intelligence (Mai Ngo) 100 Why Are We Intelligent If We Respect Being Careful? 105 Why Respecting Welcoming And Greeting (B at-T i-S an - Tan) Is Clever (Mai Ngo) 110 5 How To Plant Habits Into Children To Be Generous (Mai Lang Num Jai) 119 What is patience? (O d-Ton) 120 How does patience cause generosity? 120 How do you teach children to be patient? 120 Three types of pride 126 “ How To Raise The Children Contents To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

What are the drives that we should be provident 129 towards? Train children to be provident towards their desire drive to use drugs and alcohol 129 Train Children To Be Provident Towards Sexual Misconduct 135 Train Children To Be Provident Towards The Desire Drive Of Money 138 Train Children To Be Patient Towards The Desire Drive Of Compliments 143 6 What To Do To Make Your Children Good All The Way Through 147 Train The Children To Build Up Being A Good Person 1 4 9 How To Build Up The Good Person 150 Qualifications Of Persons Who Build Up The Good Person 1 5 0 Appendices 153 A About Phrabhavanaviriyakhun 156 B Meditation for Beginners C The Dhammakaya Foundation & its principal 162 overseas centers 170 180 Glossary 182 Bibliography Sponsors “ How T o Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

Acknowledgements Before beginning, The Thinkers And Writers For World Peace Organization would like to thank you and “Ahnumotanaboon” (share our merits) with every one of you who gave us support for this project, and assisted in planning, organizing and producing this work on how to build up Dhamma for people at all times. This cohesive planning that guided us to make the unified effort to spread the Lord Buddha’s Dhamma helped to catapult our organization since 2001 to the motivated group it is today, where our combined efforts assist us in illum inating others with the teachings of Phrabhavanaviriyakhun (Phra Phadet Dattajeevo). The knowledge from his enlightened teachings has been gathered from many sources and assembled together to generate these concise Dhamma teachings for all people to study and incoiporate into their lives so that they may live more happily. These Dhamma teachings apply to all family members whether they are fathers, mothers or children. vi “ How To Raise The Children T o Be Good People For The Nation” Acknowledgements www.kalyanamitra.org

Because the problems that teenagers now face are so serious and widespread it is of the utmost importance for all of us to get together and become involved to help solve them as promptly as we can. The critical dilemmas of teenagers can be resolved presently with the earnest efforts of all who are involved with them such as members of their families, their temples and their schools. Not only are the teachers of their schools educators but everyone involved with the children are also their instructors. It is imperative that their parents are considerably knowledgeable with regards to how to raise the children to become fine upstanding persons. They must obtain this knowledge from the foundational teachings of the Lord Buddha. There is one example of such a person, who is Mr. Tawom Chaijak. He is the Director of the middle school at the Mattayomtanbinkamphangsaen School, Nakompatom Province. He created the program entitled, “Our Warm Family Community Will Be Strong,” where parents and children alike were given the assignment to read the book, “How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The N ation.” After that he invited all parents to attend a workshop centering on how to raise their children to be good persons. The school then instituted yearly workshops “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nalion” www.kalyanamitra.org

for every parent. It has been guaranteed that after 3 years of these reading assignments and workshops, the findings have concluded that most problems that were present in the children before the workshop was founded have been eradicated. For an example, in the past, many 8th graders consistently cut classes. Since the program began, no cutting has been reported and the class attendance has been 100% . These lessons have aided the teachers as to how to motivate the students, and have assisted the parents in discovering how to raise the children in the precise manner. These teachings have reached into the very hearts of the parents to instruct their children in what is correct and necessary. In mid April 2 0 0 5 , Ajahn Tawom Chaijak became authorized to attend meetings between Thailand and Australia on the subject of “The Role Of Religion In Times Of Peace And Conflict.” By the combined efforts of The Science and Culture of UNESCO and International Outlook, they encompassed a direct aim to fervently prevent innocent people from becoming the targets of conflicts. If we want universal peace, it must stem from individual inner peace first. Ajahn Tawom Chaijak initiated the subject by presenting the progressive Dhamma teachings from the text, “M an’s Personal Transformation” to high school students “How To Raise The Children Acknowledgements To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

and teachers. Representatives from all the varied religions of many countries were present. In addition to that, he presented the teachings from his “Our W arm Family Community Will Be Strong” program in folders, since the work had not been book bound yet. All attendees at the meeting were very pleased that the school incorporated the Dhamma teachings into their curriculum to train and develop students, teachers and parents successfully. From that paradigm, we obtained the doctrines to print in the book, “How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation,” so that the societies of the world would know the value of the Dhamma teachings expressed by the Lord Buddha. This way we may learn how to correct the problems of teenagers based on the Dhamma approach. This is necessary because every nation o f every language and culture is facing the dilemmas of teenagers universally. This book will display the teamwork of all who supported each other and worked together to be a part of the process of creating and sustaining world peace. October, 2005 “ How T o Raise The Children Acknowledgements To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

Every morning Ajahn Tawom Chaijak instills how to perform the good deeds into the students by prayer, meditation and sharing the merits. The teacher instructs them consistently each day at the Mattayomtanbinkamphangsaen School. The father and the daughter take a test together entitled, “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People.” The picture from the first test in the program from 2003 is entitled, “Our Warm Family Community Will Be Strong.” About Ajahn Taworn Chaijak • Director of Mattayomtanbinkamphangsaen School, Nakompatom Province, Thailand. • President of The Moral Development Thru Education Foundation. • Member of The Senate Sub-Committee on Religion, Thai Senate. • Honorary Advisor for the Senate Committees on Education, Religion, Art and Culture, Thai Senate. • Honorary Advisor for UNESCO. X “ How To Raise The Children R -fe To Be Good People For The Nation” Acknowledgements www.kalyanamitra.org

Preface Each day The Writers and Thinkers for World Peace Association are able to relate to you that it doesn’t matter what newspaper we pick up or what country’s situation we analyze when reading, we will discover that every country is facing the two biggest problems that are shaking most of our population. They are the increasing troubles between teenagers and families, and the businesses that are leading us down the evil paths of sordid pleasure. All countries are facing these problems continually. When these situations occur in every country in this manner, if we don’t urgently rectify them, new problems of global proportions will be evident in the immediate future. We now see that the problems with teenagers stem back to the failure of each culture to be an exemplar of basic goodness. With that said, what would happen to our future on a global level? Therefore the critical subject of discourse among each country’s population at this time should be “The Way To Raise The Children To Be Good People” before it is too late for all. xi “How To Raise The Children T o Be Good People For T he Nation” Preface www.kalyanamitra.org

Our co-w orkers, along with our volunteer staff gathered pertinent information from the sources of the Vice Abbot of Wat Phra Dhammakaya, Phrabhavanaviriyakhun (Phra Phadet Dattajeevo), where we studied and researched over 500 pages and spent more than 2 months assembling the text in an easy to read and easy to understand version. Many volunteers assisted with the translation into English and the designing of the book cover until we were finally able to successfully print this book. Today each and every one of us is relieved and happy that the completed work will be a useful guide to many people. Every one of our volunteers and staff who have created this book are very confident that this text has the finest Dhamma teachings and the expressions of truth on how to care for children to become the most outstanding persons for future societies. It will additionally be useful for persons in preparation for starting a family, for parents searching for the qualities of good children and most importantly for the ways to raise the children to become the finest persons in society. Also of interest, this work includes information on how to raise good children based on religious Dhamma principles. Hopefully every individual who reads this book will have confidence and joy in discovering customs and methods “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Pieface www.kalyanamitra.org

that are superior. Also we hope it will aid all of us in our quest for peace throughout the entire world, by changing the way that we raise our children to become the most exemplary persons, directly from the hands of their parents. The Writers And Thinkers For World Peace Association, Moral Development Thru Education Foundation October, 2005 www.kalyanamitra.org

Introduction Many people may wonder about “The Way To Raise Children To Be Good People,” and what is meant by that phrase. The definition is one that government examiners and parents alike should research thoroughly until they can discover the conclusions relating to following 3 subjects: 1) How do you create good persons with fine qualities? 2 ) Where does the commencement of good behavior in children come from? 3 ) How do you rear the children to become good persons? From that point on, each country’s government officials should disclose the results by dispensing the knowledge to parents and evaluating the levels of resulting information from successfully steadfast parent who have experimented with and yielded successful results. If a fruitful amount of parents pass this trial, it means that the future of XIV “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

that country will be exceedingly promising. I presume that if we develop this premise regarding taking good care of our children, most problems regarding children will cease to occur and the tribulations with teenagers will lessen. This will result because parents will know the rules and regulations concerning raising their children. Parents will be educated and prepared, and therefore fully able to complete the task. Children will reflect the fine qualities of the parents who will be completely capable of taking care of them. These children will then grow up with both healthy bodies and great minds. But the problems of today are largely a consequence of parent’s lack of edification with regards to caring for their children and raising them to be good persons. We are able to witness this in our human society as our teenagers grow and their problems are continuing to arise at an alarming rate. The rates of divorce have dramatically increased as well. At this point, I can relate that with regards to raising a family properly, many family members love each other but lack the necessary skillful preparations to be accomplished parents and are unable to distinguish between having a child and how to be an exemplary parent. These are very different matters. xv “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Naiion” www.kalyanamitra.org

The result of the inability to separate these two subjects creates a situation of incomplete groundwork of the parents. This is exemplified by the common complaint of our grandparents, who have always stated that, “They know how to have babies but they don’t know how to raise them. ” When parents don’t know how to raise their children or when they don’t know what good qualities of children mean, they can’t find the sufficient resources to investigate this subject matter so they can teach their children. In the end their children will grow up to be carefree without aim, destination or goals. When the child grows s/he may turn out to be an irresponsible person who has no regard for other people’s feelings, or no consideration for any damage they might cause. They will clearly be teenagers who cause problems for society. If you inquire as to the initial source of their difficulties, you will discover that the children merely were responding to those who have created kamma. This was due to care from parents who did not know right from wrong. These parents simply lacked preparation for parenthood. Hence, all of the problems follow like links in a “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Introduction www.kalyanamitra.org

chain such as, “Children have babies.” This implies, for instance, that teenagers who are still in school may ask parents for allowance money to bring to school, but instead they have an affair. This results in pregnancy, leading to further impending dilemmas. The children then try to correct the problem by having abortions. Illegal abortion clinics spring up all over and they continually come into existence. At the same time a child who is bom to parents who are still young are like a testing ground. This problem then spirals at an alarming rate. The problems of teenagers are but a reflection to let us witness the failure of properly raising children and these troubles will continue to escalate, resulting in more problems for the whole society. In some countries we observe teenagers cruelly assaulting and abusing others at bus stops, in the streets, at shopping malls and all around. It does not seem much different from the criminals in Hollywood movies. Some of them use weapons like knives and guns, trying to kill the opposing gangsters. They do any and everything against the law. Sometimes innocent bystanders get hurt or killed in the crossfire. At night we hear about teenagers sprawling all over the streets littered with the nightlife of bars, motels and prostitutes. It does not even matter how strict the laws are, m www.kalyanamitra.org

but we still observe that most of the customers are very young, and many are still students. However they continue to spend their parent’s money on nightlife and drugs, and never fear the law. Some of these perpetrators are as young as 13 years old. This reflects a continuous life cycle that the children are bom into where the families have these problems and the kids grow up to be problem teenagers. They then turn into the parents that lack the skills to care for their children and teach them to be honorable. The predicaments of one generation persist and they rapidly are passed on to the next generation. I do not hold all of the children responsible who are the recipients of these dilemmas but at the same time I reflect upon how to “ stop” this family cycle. The problems of the family lay the groundwork for the problems of the teenagers and the dilemmas persist through to the next generation of teenagers. I think that many people discuss this topic regarding the beginning of a new life cycle that gives rise to a new life with fine qualities from the beginning, and continues to reflect the good qualities of the family. They also discuss how to raise children the righteously, where parents care “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Introduction www.kalyanamitra.org

for them and never abandon them, and where everyone in society gives them opportunities and supports them. All of us share similar goals regarding the future of a decent society, with upstanding moral support, where we as a society can aid in solving the problems of teenagers and families together until they finally disappear. From my concerns about how to raise the children to be good persons, it had the power to propel my heart and fuel my strength to try to discover a method to remedy all of the troubles. My attempts involved researching historical information, personal experiences from parents, and much additional data regarding this topic. I began to do research in bookstores and I discovered that most of the books only contained information on how to take care of the children in terms of their health. There were other books that covered how to train the children to be smart and clever. There were yet other texts instructing parents on how to raise the children to become rich. These books were very exciting indeed, but the book I was searching for was regarding how to raise the children to be good persons. It was a very difficult pursuit. So I began to think that I should explore the source of this subject matter, accumulate the data, and then write an instructional guidebook on how to raise children to be XIX ' i # - ■­ “ How To Raise The Children T o Be Good People For The Nation” Introduction www.kalyanamitra.org

good persons. I continued on my quest nonstop to research this topic, while always keeping the aim focused on the doctrines of the Lord Buddha’s teachings. I had the fortunate opportunity to study it thoroughly through continuous Dhamma talks on how to raise good persons from Phra Dej Phra Khun Phrabhavanaviriyakhun (Luang Phaw Dattajeevo), the Vice Abbot of Wat Phra Dhammakaya of Thailand. I spent all of my time continuously studying Dhamma with him for 6 full years. I then discovered a special progression while intensely studying Buddhism, “Every time you begin to study Dhamma, it seems like the Lord Buddha throws back the same question, which is, ‘H ow does one accomplish this ? ’ Thus it leads us to discover the Dhamma within ourselves. ” I myself do not understand why I feel this way, however a very many of us admit to feeling that way as well. While studying the Dhamma continually, I have the opportunity to meet and converse with a vast amount of people. These persons of varied backgrounds have different ages, occupations, diverse experiences, and countless emotions. They converge at Dhammakaya Temple to ■ S .* A “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation” — Introduction www.kalyanamitra.org

practice meditation. Some are successful in life, some are just beginning to build their lives, some are students, some are trying to find out about life, and all of those people are the foundation of my work. I am determined for them to become my witness so that they will bring the Dhamma that I share with them back home and help them to remedy their family situations. In time I began to pull my thoughts together, and I realized that Wat Phra Dhammakaya is a central station for the problem solving of our society. The finest noble person to embrace all of the dilemma and aid in their resolve is Phrarajabhavanavissudh (Phra Chaiyaboon Dhammachayo or Luang Phaw Dhammachayo), the Abbot and President of W at Phra D ham m akaya and his V ice A bbot Phrabhavanaviriyakhun (Luang Phaw Dattajeevo). Both of them have been very kind to me and gave me the opportunity to study the subject of how to raise fine children for many years. For the lengthy time that I observed their work, I discovered that from sunrise to sunset, they both have to continually respond to many issues such as how to manage the temple, how to build the temple, and how to solve visitors’ problems. It seems as if neither of them have enough time to rest. There bedtime is usually at midnight. “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

They generally sleep for only 4~5 hours, and they again arise to face more of the same problems on the following day. There are indeed a multitude of problems from the smallest to the most monumental. I have had the opportunity to hear them. The 2 Luang Phaws give everyone guidance from their centered minds, which turns the recipient’s thoughts around to ponder the very problem, and they offer the receiver their support. They assist them in any way they can. It reminds me that for each problem, no matter how difficult it is, there is always a method to resolve it. For example, the varieties of difficulties include illnesses of parents, not enough funds to care for them, marital discord, estate inheritance litigation, hopelessness in life, suicidal tendencies, business difficulties, bankruptcy, and a great many other manners of complexities that both Luang Phaws must encounter each day. The persons who come to visit them are either unable to help themselves or are ill~equipped to uncover a way to help themselves. All of these problems would cause extreme pressure to a regular person, and perhaps more than an ordinary person could endure. But both Luang Phaws have seemed to manage their duties expertly at this level for “ How To Raise The Children Introduction To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

more than 30 years. Even with reference to the level of my aims and goals to try to unearth the resources to write this book, while continually being exposed to the vast array of pictures and their accompanying stories that reached me from both Luang Phaws, it absolutely stirred my emotions and caused me to worry about them. I realized that they must face these people daily and help them to deal with the vicissi­ tudes of their lives. Concurrently I feel that I am not intellectually up to that task. In the meantime, another feature that causes me to wonder as well as evoking surprise is that there is an ocean of kindness dwelling inside both of Luang Phaws’ minds. I wonder, how can this be? They remain cool and calm despite having to handle all of these peoples’ sufferings, which they are able to accomplish in the noblest fashion. From my observation, most of the visitors we receive have serious faces that reflect the pain and suffering in the depths of their hearts. When these same guests depart from the temple their expressions reflect happiness and comforted minds, as their troubles seem to have been relieved. There appears to be a wonderful magic that both Luang Phaws seem to possess. xxm “ How To Raise The Children Introduction To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

And now we advance to the wonderful surprise that I discovered at Wat Phra Dhammakaya, a temple that has become a cornucopia of information. It is also the center for realizing the vital essentials regarding how to raise our children to become good persons. From my many years of incalculable experiences that I witnessed, heard and became familiarized with, I can now proudly say that, “A ll o f the Bhikkhus are the persons who recognize how parents can actually take care o f their children in a manner that will foster good persons. ” In view of the fact that at the conclusion of my search, I received the summation from our Vice Abbot’s teaching, I learned that, “Teenagers who grow up in the human life cycle with the fine qualities to assist us in producing decent societies from one generation to the next, must be endowed with the following 3 qualifications: 1 ) Mai Sab: Mai Sab denotes the purity of a person who is disciplined, responsible and not harmful to anyone. Those possessing mai sab follow rules, never misbehave and practice the 5 precepts. 2 ) Mai Ngo: Mai Ngo denotes the cleverness of a “ How To Raise The Children Introduction T o Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

person who can rely on himself or herself from a very early age. They can be responsible for all of their duties, are self sufficient, and they are Samma-Ditthi. 3 ) Mai Lang N um Jai: Mai Lang Num Jai denotes a person who knows how to help and share with others to be happy without any troubles. They are ego less, generous and always think of the betterment of others.” Phra Treetep Chinungkuro President of The Writers and Thinkers For World Peace Association. October, 2005 “ How To Raise The Children To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org



Qualifications Of Good Children All parents hope that their children will be “ good kids,” which may include being well educated, skilled, talented, well behaved, and ethical, have good self esteem, are mature, independent and never needing to beg for anything, and being a useful member of society and the world. www.kalyanamitra.org

To raise children in such a manner, parents must know: “How to raise children to be good children.” Parents who can raise children well are those who know: 1 ) How to be good children. 2 ) How to raise children to be good. Once parents realize the answers, they will have a standard with which to raise children. They hope in their minds that they will dedicate w holeheartedly and continuously their best effort through the formative years to produce such outstanding adults. Unless the parents know the correct method to accomplish this, there will be more of a chance that they will raise the children carelessly. The outcome is that those innocent children could be raised mistakenly. The two factors for parents to utilize when raising children are the most crucial ones: 1 ) Children Are Bad Or 2 ) Parents Don’t Know How To Raise Them Before proceeding to discuss these two factors, there’s a case study about an angry mother. After reading her “ How To The Raise Children Qualifications O f Good Children To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

story, ask yourself if you have ever experienced this kind of situation or not. Ten years ago, there was a temple staff member going to visit his hometown, in Ang Tong province. While walking along the Choa Praya River, near his home he saw a 30 year old mother cruelly whipping her son. The child who was a mere 4 -5 years old and not yet even in kindergarten riled and cried, but the mother went on beating him heavily. After the temple staff member witnessed this incident, he thought that the mother beat the boy because of her own anger. He thought this was detrimental to the child. This child subsequently might be influenced by his mother’s emotions and become a hot-tempered adult later on in life. The temple staff member decided to talk to her by paying his respects and asking her, “What did your child do? Why do you have to administer such a serious p unishm ent?” The mother answered angrily, “He doesn’t w ant to be good so he has to be beaten.” The temple staff member wanted to help both the child and the mother by assisting the mother to think rationally and to teach the child sensibly, and help her “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Qualifications Of Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

child not to be hurt unnecessarily. So he asked the mother, “Have you ever taught him how to be a good boy?” The mother was speechless from that question. She replied, “Never!” The question worked, and the stick was slowly lowered down. The temple staff member went on asking, “ You have never taught him, so how could he know how to be good? How about this? I ’m interested in Dhamma study and I go to temple quite often, however, I still can’t tell what is involved in practicing to be a good man. Could you explain to me how to do th a t? ” “ How To The Raise Children n i js tv To Be Good People For The Nation” — Qualifications O f G ood C www.kalyanamitra.org

The mother was speechless again and replied, “ I couldn’t explain that either.” I replied, “ Sister, we are mature, but we still can’t tell exactly how to be good. Why bother with your little child?” After the conversation, the temple staff member paid respects to the mother and went on walking. The mother stopped beating the child and took him to bathe at the river. From this case study, parents might realize that raising children to be good people is not easy at all. The important issue is: Is it that the children don’t want to be good or that the parents don’t know how to raise the children to be good? The Nature of Parents Our grandparents knew the heart of Buddhism so they recommended the way to raise children effectively to us. The first thing is the target. We have to know, “W hat will we teach them to b e ? ” If we don’t know what we will want them to be, there are more chances to lose track of teaching them. “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

The disadvantages will be passed onto the innocent children later on. Generally, when parents have babies, they’ll hope that the babies will “not be bad.” This hope will be there from when the children are babies until they develop, grow and mature. This is the nature of parents. Since giving birth to a baby, parents hope that the baby will be safe during delivery. Then from newly bom age until 6 years of age, another hope is that the child will not be handicapped. If the child has slow physical devel­ opment, the parents will be unable to sleep or eat well. If the child speaks slowly then the parent’s inclination will be to speak for the child. At 6 -1 2 years of age, parents will hope that the child will not be naughty, will pay attention in school, and will want to be good. If the child can meet their expectations then the parents will be happy. At 1 3 - 1 8 years of age, parents don’t only hope that their teenager will not misbehave or be naughty but that they will also have high grades at school and will not be interested in all divisive activities such as gambling and drugs. At 1 9 -2 2 years of age, after graduating college they “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

will look for a job and work. Parents hope that their young adults will be talented and hired by a reputable company so that they can earn enough money to take care of themselves well, without resorting to association with gangsters. If the children pursue their lives according to the parent’s wishes then the parents will be quite happy that they raised the children well. That is the natural hope of all parents that their children would turn out the way they had hoped. When the children are mature and ready to get married, parents hope that they will have a warm family without any kinds of problems. If there are problems then the mother will have a broken heart. When the children are 3 0 -4 0 years old, they are pretty stable in their lives. Parents should be able to let go of all the worries regarding their children, but in fact parents will always have a small hope that their children could have a better life, get promoted in their job, be a Prime Minister, etc. The hope of the parents is always of this nature and never ending. It is like this for every generation. The most important factor is that parents try to raise their children “ How To The Raise Children Qualifications O f Good Children To Be G ood People For T he Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

the way they want them to be throughout each phase of their upbringing. The parents try to raise them with the fundamental qualities to apply into their future until they can be successfully independent. Qualifications Of Good Children Our grandparents understand the qualifications of the Lord Buddha through three factors: 1) Pra Borisuthtikoon (purity). 2 ) Pra Punyatikoon (cleverness). 3 ) Pra Mahakarunatikoon (kindness). “ How To The Raise Children Qualifications O f Good Children To Be Good People For The Nation” www.kalyanamitra.org

They used these factors as the main guidelines for raising their children. These factors can be translated by the following: 1) Mai Sab (from pra Borisuthtikoon). 2 ) Mai Ngo (from pra Punyatikoon). 3 ) Mai Lang Num Jai (from pra Mahakarunatikoon). If parents can plant these basic seed factors in childrens’ minds, they’ll grow up in the big wide world and be happy. They can develop their lives and work effectively by themselves. Our grandparents define each qualification in the following manner: QUALIFICATION#! - “MAI SAB” Mai Sab is a person who is disciplined, responsible and not harmful to anyone. There are 2 kinds of Mai Sab: 1) Mai Sab Nai Tahng Lok (W orld). 2 ) Mai Sab Nai Tahng Dham (Dhamma). Mai Sab nai tahng lok means people who follow the rules of family, society, and law. For example, our kids never misbehave, are never naughty, never break the mles, or harass others. They always “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

go to school, finish all the assignments, and they have a nice manner. Mai Sab Nai Tahng Dham means people who practice at least 5 precepts of Buddhism, and are not harmful to anyone. For example, our kids never look for revenge, never steal, never have sexual misconduct, never lie, never drink, never take drugs, and never smoke. People who don’t practice the 5 precepts of Buddhism will have a higher risk for becoming harmful people. QUALIFICATION#2 - “MAI NGO” Mai Ngo is a person who is smart enough to rely on h im /h erself and is also be able to help others. “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

There are 2 kinds of Mai Ngo: 1) Mai Ngo Tahng Lok (W orld). 2) Mai Ngo Tahng Dham (Dhamma). Mai Ngo Tahng Lok means people who have talent in the way that: 1 ) They can rely on themselves from a very young age. They can help themselves by passing their grades without copying from anyone else (no cheating on exams). 2 ) They can be responsible for the duties of their work such as finishing all the assignments that parents ask them to do without repeating any steps, e.g.: such as housekeeping. Whoever has these two factors in life has Mai Ngo nai tahng lok. “How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For T he Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

Mai Ngo Nai Tahng Dham means people who have talents that can be classified as right-w rong, good-bad, proper-im proper, useful-useless for yourself and others (Sam m a-Ditthi or right view). There is an important reason why kids should have Dhamma talent. We could test this ability with these sim­ ple questions: 1 ) W hat’s the difference between wrong, mistake, and bad? 2) W hat’s the difference between right, good, and proper? It’s not easy to answer these questions unless we learn Dhamma talent, which might be used more often them real life talent. 1) W hat’s the difference between wrong, mistake, and bad? Real life talent is just average talent, which is mostly about earning for survival. It cannot classify the complicated meanings for “bad” in detail but Dhamma talent can. “W rong” is the destruction that happens because of stupidity. We don’t really know that it is wrong because our mind is weak or pretending to be ‘N go’ and end up “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

performing the wrong deed. “M istake” is the destruction that happens because it was done unintentionally. The conscience was too weak so destruction happens without bad intention. In fact, we might want to make it better. “B ad” is the destruction that is done consciously. We already knew that destruction would occur, but we still did it anyway. Pretending to be ignorant about it results in more suffering, more sins, and more blame from others. This is why practicing children should develop real life talent as well as Dhamma talent. It is very important because it is basic to the proper development in their daily lives. 2) W hat’s the difference between right, good, and proper? We knew the classification of bad already. Now it’s time to learn the classification of good. How does is it get classified in terms of Dhamma talent? “R ight” is whatever we did either with intention or not, without any destruction, harmfulness, or suffering to others or ourselves. Then it only leads to usefulness. “Good” is a deed that we already knew was the right thing to do and did it carefully with confidence. The more “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For T he Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

we do well the more it leads to a happier life and mind. After we are done we are so happy. “Proper” is something that we should do. If we don’t do it, it is fine, but by doing it, it is better, so we do it. If parents can teach children to be able to classify the good and the bad this much, then the children will be truly brilliant because they have both real talent and Dhamma talent. QUALIFICATION# 3 - MAI LANG NUM JAI Mai Lang Num Jai is knowing to help and share with others to be happy and without any troubles. “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

There are 2 kinds of Mai Lang Num Jai: 1) Mai Lang Num Jai Nai Tahng Lok (W orld). 2) Mai Lang Num Jai Nai Tahng Dham (Dhamma). Mai Lang Num Jai Nai Tahng Lok is a person who is not self-centered but always thinks of others. For example, before making any decision, we think of the following results for others such as colleagues, friends, and every person in the world. It is being generous and not thinking only of yourself. Mai Lang Num Jai Nai Tahng Dham is whether rich or poor, we still think of donating, giving, and returning the best to respectful persons and others. Why do we need to share? Not being harmful and not being a stupid person is enough, isn’t it? Many people understand that being unharmful and not stupid is enough because they don’t cause any trouble to anyone. In fact, those are not enough because we have to live with many others in society. For example, when parents come back from work tired the children just ignore them and never offer any refreshments to them. Is it Sab (undisciplined and irresponsible)? It is not *sefei6-- “ How To The Raise Children T o Be G ood People For T he Nation” Qualifications O f Good Children . www.kalyanamitra.org

because it isn’t wrong in Dhamma rules. Is it N go(stupid)? It is not because it isn’t in a school exam. Is it good? It is not good because it is lacking in generosity (Lang Num Jai). When he/she grows up, h e/ she won’t know how to share with others. Besides, he/sh e may take advantage of the family and others. There’s a story of a mango tree. There’s a mango farm owner. He spends a lot of money for good soil and plants. All the mango trees are treated carefully with total attention to have nice production for consuming and selling. All the trees produce good mangoes for him except for one tree that never produces anything for him, even if he takes care of it so well. Finally, he has to get rid of that tree. That tree can be compared to a person who never does harm to anyone, but never gives anything to anyone either. Generosity should not be overlooked at all. If parents don’t teach kids to share and give to others, it’s hard for others to share and give to their children as well. It’ll be hard to ask for help from anyone when he/she has trouble if he/she has never been generous to anyone at all. “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation\" Qualifications O f Good Children www.kalyanamitra.org

Therefore, a person who is lacking in sharing and giving will be gotten rid of like that mango tree. So parents should teach children to share and give to others as well as to teach them not to be harmful or stupid, from the foundational three qualifications. In summary, parents should have an aim to raise children not to be harmful, stupid, or lacking in sharing and giving to persons, which are the basic foundations of their lives. When they grow up, they will be able to develop their talents and other good behaviors easily and will also live proudly. “ How To The Raise Children To Be Good People For The Nation” Qualifications O f G ood Children www.kalyanamitra.org

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Where Does Children’s Good Behavior Come From? If you ask how to raise a child, what is the answer? The short answer is by planting good habits for further development in order for the children to grow up with proper habits. You should plant into your children, “What do they have (w hat h a b its )? ” The answer is the foundation of the habits, which are: 1) Mai Sab. 2) Mai Ngo. 3) Mai Lang Num Jai. www.kalyanamitra.org

Why are these three habits the foundation of the good person? These three factors are the foundation to support the good Dhamma. It will develop more in the future and they will be able to grow to reach their full potential. In comparison to good lands and fields, they are filled with plenty of good soil and can produce good crops and good food yielding bountiful outcomes. These three factors are creating a strong positive support to grow plentiful Dhamma in your children. How can we train children to be disciplined, responsible, clever, pure, kind and generous? The theory to lead our children to have good qualities is not an easy one to lead to accomplishment. But our grandparents worked hard to learn and study until they found out how to be disciplined, responsible, clever, pure, kind and generous from Buddhism. Buddhism is a religion to teach people to be so great in the Dhamma so that they can totally be free from all kamma, evil and sins. Because of this, whenever we study Buddhism, there’ll be questions automatically asked such as, “How “ How To The Raise Children Where Docs Children’s Good To Be Good People For The Nalion” Behavior Come From? www.kalyanamitra.org

can this good Dhamma occur in ourselves?” From this issue, it becomes a lesson to train the person’s habits, which starts with an easy question, which is hard to answer: “How do habits occur?” Regarding Buddhism, habits come from “repeating thinking, speaking and doing.” Repeating thinking, speaking and doing in the right way leads to “good habits” and that person becomes a “good person.” Repeating thinking, speaking and doing in the wrong way leads to “bad habits” and that person becomes a “bad person.” Our grandparents realized these facts and then followed with another question, “For their whole life, what do we have to keep repeating thinking, speaking and doing about? How many are there of them? And what are they? m The answer is that there are 2 ways to answer these questions: 1 ) The Four Factors In Life “ How To The Raise Children Where Does Children’s Good To Be Good People For The Nation” Behavior Come From? www.kalyanamitra.org

First Factor: Food Since we were bom until we die, we have to repeat thinking, speaking and doing about food before anything else. For example, when waking up or before going to work or school, we have to think about what we are going to eat. Even monks have to think about where they will go to get food offerings. Second Factor: Clothing Every morning, we have to think about what we should wear each day. When going to the mall, we have to think about which dress we should buy. Third Factor: Residence When it’s raining or when there is sunlight, we have to think about where we should be. We also have to think about where we could sleep at night. Forth Factor: Health If we get sick, we have to think about which medicine we should take or where we should go to see a doctor. Therefore, the four factors in life are the “ How To The Raise Children Where Does Children’s Good To Be Good People For The Nation” Behavior Come From? www.kalyanamitra.org

first thing we repeat thinking, speaking and doing every day. 2 ) Responsible Duty And Job If we have a duty as a parent, the thing that we have to repeat thinking, speaking and doing for the rest of our lives is how to take care of our kids. So there are 2 things that we keep repeating thinking, speaking and doing for our whole lives. Other things are not repeated this much. Feeding Time Can Plant Habits For Kids: It’s unbelievable that feeding has an influence on childrens’ habits. When feeding mothers let babies repeat thinking, speaking and doing in the right way, then the baby will have good habits. While the mother is giving the children milk the children will develop good habits. If the children have repeat thinking, speaking and doing in the negative way, then the children develop bad habits. There are 3 examples of children who received the milk from their mothers in different ways, which resulted in different habits. “ How To The Raise Children Where Does Children’s Good To Be Good People For The Nation” Behavior Come From? www.kalyanamitra.org