LITERARY FOLIO: Triad

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I Chapter 3 Ironically life attains wonders we cannot decipher. A ride with twists and turns that go in sync whilst being pursued by this innate feeling of unrecognized emotions. I held the white sheet of silk over my abdomen in hopes of giving me comfort with the accumulated tension of the room. The soft humming sound of the machine attached unto me incorporated with our silent thoughts stood as the screaming voice. “You need to rest Blue, I didn’t mean to startle you like that.” Red uttered in hopes of breaking the invisible strain between us three. “As much as I want to strangle him at this very moment, he has a point Blue. But you need to eat these later, okay? This is mom’s way of saying “get well soon.” Yolo replied as he placed the dishes that were cooked by tita Yana on the bedside table. 93 I TRIAD

Chapter 3 I I smiled and nodded as I realized how lucky I am to have these two, Red and Yolo, men who stood as my confide within every step that I have taken growing up. Their eyes held an intense emotion of concern and love that even the tiniest prick of a needle was to hurt me they would put their life on the line just to protect me. They both slowly rose from the couch situated in front of the bed and kissed the temples of my forehead before leaving the room. “You need to be strong Blue. We’ll see you at school.” Red stated and mouthed, “I love you” before closing the wooden door. Lost in a train of thought, I wonder what has triggered my state. I know I did nothing too strenuous to be put in the hospital. But why does my body feel weak and when I move ever so slightly on this bed, my joints ache. I held my wrist and realized that I did indeed change like Yolo said, I lost weight. Should I be concerned? Not a minute too soon, a soft knock was heard by the door. “Come in.” I spoke hoarsely. TRIAD I 94

I Chapter 3 Alas I am greeted by a woman of pale skin with faint wrinkles present on her forehead, my mother. Whom she is accompanied by a very familiar face, our family doctor, Dr. Guzman that stood right behind her as she entered the room. “Anak, you remember Dr. Guzman right? He said your results are in since they took a test on you while you were asleep upon arrival this morning.” “Should I be concerned with the results, Doc?” I murmured. Instead of being greeted with the usual smile that he offers ever since my father got confined here, I was met with a grimace that held one too many unspoken secrets. His eyes were a swirling whirlpool of sadness and doubt that even I started to grow anxious of what I was about to find out. “Blue, anak, you’re sick.” He paused with hesitance dripping from his voice. “And it is gradually worsening.” He spoke slowly as if he were talking to a youngling who needs answers to many of their queries about life. 95 I TRIAD

Chapter 3 I “No, I’m not.” I spoke clearly, not believing the words that were coming from his mouth. “Look, I’m healthy. I can move, eat, breathe, and drink. I’m perfectly fine Dr. Guzman, it’s not April fools. Don’t joke around like that.” I laughed nervously as I tried reaching for an apple from the basket only to be stopped by my mother who held a stern look. Her eyes started to pool and it felt like with one wrong move her tears would eventually cascade, this pains me. “Stage 3, Acute Myeloid Leukemia, Blue. We will start your chemotherapy next week. I know you have knowledge regarding your diagnosis because you know about your father. ” Dr. Guzman verbalized. This cannot be.. Yes, of all people I am very much well aware of the most fatal form of leukemia cancer. That one disease that took the life of my father. Where I witnessed how the cancer cells rapidly spread within him causing multiple organ system failure. My father was a strong man for he fought the hardest, but even then, not all battles give a prideful win. A sudden throbbing ache was felt on my chest and a continuous surge of tears fell where even if I tried to resist with all my might, I couldn’t. I feel like the world is against my favor. My brain cannot decipher what I have been told. TRIAD I 96

I Chapter 3 Why was I blind of the symptoms? Why must I be the one suffering this fate? Words kept streaming inside my head. I don’t know what to feel or say or anything. Why.. A swift scent of lavender then engulfed my senses only to realize that my mother wrapped her arms around my fragile being, assuring me that everything will be just fine. And in that simple glimpse of hope was what I held unto despite the journey that I am about to face. Everything will be just fine… 97 I TRIAD

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I Chapter 4 No matter the circumstance, life will continue. People mingle amongst themselves with delight while others are silently facing battles unknown to the human population. But with the way an individual handles much of the obstacles they may face, provide colors to the knowledge one may bring until the day their souls leave this world. I can’t be sick. I have dreams that I want to be fulfilled. I cannot accept my fate. This isn’t happening. I don’t want to be like this. I can’t even go out and live my life. I want to be normal. I want to act like everything is fine. Can somebody tell me that this is just a nightmare? It could not be. I can’t. “We’re home, Blue. Remember what Dr. Guzman told you. And here, anak the list of the do’s and don’ts that we need to follow.” “Okay, mom.” I responded weakly. I browse all the things that I must not do. And it’s tearing me while reading that I cannot go out and I cannot be with anyone outside. This sucks and the silence is slowly choking me. 99 I TRIAD

Chapter 4 I “Anak, I have to get your other medications in the hospital. I’ll be back, okay?” I just nodded and there’s something in my mind saying that it’s a good chance to sneak out and go to school. Just this once, I want to be normal. I don’t want to think that I am sick. Just this once… As I entered the gates of the school, I was greeted by a beaming Red and Yolo who couldn’t contain their excitement and took me in a big-near death experience-bear-hug. “You can let go of me now, I can’t breathe!” I complained trying to catch my breath. “I’m glad you’re back, Blue!” Red exclaimed, still holding a tight grip on my shoulders. “Let go Red, she’s still healing.” Yolo warned. “She’s mine anyway, only I can heal my Blue.” Red uttered with pure pride and arrogance dripping from his words. TRIAD I 100

I Chapter 4 If only you knew Red… “We better go to class, we’ll be late.” I started to immediately break off any sign of fight between the two. Yolo glared at Red but did not hesitate to walk off on the trail leading to his classroom. I started to pace fast enough towards the pavement that leads to our college, away from Red. But this only motivated him to run and catch me faster. “Slow down Blue, what’s the rush?” He questioned as he grabbed my wrist clearly out of breath. I admire Red for being the man who can truly love with no restraint. With sincerity and confidence, he is not afraid to proudly claim who he is head over heels for. As I stare intently into his brown orbs, I am suddenly reminded of the warm autumn breeze and the feeling of contentment under his grasp. But fear slowly consumed my entity. “Red, listen, we need to talk.” I uttered. 101 I TRIAD

Chapter 4 I “I’m listening, Blue, what’s wrong?” He replied evidently worried. “I-I think,” I stuttered. “You think? What?” Red states his eyes full of concern. “Blue, whatever may be bothering you please tell me.” His hand slowly held onto my cheek. The warmth that continuously reassured me of the successful trials that I have overcome. The warmth that felt like a cozy winter morning drinking hot cocoa by the Christmas tree. The warmth that you seek upon the comfort of your bed after a long stressful day. And the warmth that chose to stay despite any hefty riptides that may come. Red simply just felt like home, my warmth, my comfort. I will surely miss this. I will miss him. “You were never worth it.” I stated, forcing myself to keep my voice from wavering. He was left dumbfounded, obviously hurt but he ignored it. His hand then slipped from my cheek and used the back of his hand to feel my forehead. TRIAD I 102

I Chapter 4 “I think the medications are getting to you Blue.” He laughed. “You silly, do you want to go home? I’ll drop you off so you can rest more.” “Red, I’m serious. What we have between us I want to end. You’re too much to handle Red and you know what I realized? That this is a result of my irrational decisions, a mistake.” I voiced trying to maintain a straight face whilst holding back my tears. “Blue, you can’t end this. You won’t.” Red uttered as he held a tight grip on my hands. “You can’t expect me to let you go just because you think that loving me was a mistake. That only gives me more reasons to love you harder Blue. You may be an emotional wreck when watching sappy romantic movies, you may be weird when dipping fries with ice cream, you may be a perfectionist when it comes to arranging your clothes, and you claim to hate sweets but would eat them rather than the fruits that your mom gives you.” I hate Red. I hate how he knows me like the back of my hand constantly reminding me of my worth which makes this more difficult to do. My eyes are starting to blur fast. “Stop.” I whispered helplessly. 103 I TRIAD

Chapter 4 I “Blue, you may be difficult to understand at times and even if you were written like one of Shakespeare’s literary pieces, I would choose to genuinely comprehend you through your vocabulary.” Red assured me with sincere honesty. “I love you, Blue.” I couldn’t bear the pain of what I was about to say. My surroundings were becoming a haze and my brain could not think straight. I was too weak to resist my cries and thus I did what I had to do, walk away from Red. But he held onto my wrist, a significant warning that told me Red will not let me go despite any woe. But I have to do this, I have no other choice. I slapped Red. “I never loved you Red, stop hallucinating.” I uttered with all the courage that I had left. He stood still as he gritted his teeth and let go of my wrist. His eyes held an intense emotion of pain as he stared at me silently in disbelief. His cheek started to swell due to the impact of my slap but before regret consumed my consciousness, my feet took me away from his embrace as I ran home. TRIAD I 104

I Chapter 4 Pain will truly change individuals. Their perceptions and beliefs alter the way they handle relationships with those that they encounter. Pain is a constant reminder of what must be avoided and pain is present to acknowledge those lessons in life. The four walls of my room have become a daily monotonic view. With pictures placed upon shelves that only seem to give this room color and life. My eye caught a certain picture that I know held one too many core memories. It was a picture of Red, Yolo, and I as we snuck out to a spontaneous trip to Baguio with only 500 pesos as our allowance. I vividly remember how we all enjoyed that night even with just coke and Frank’s burger as our meal. Despite the scolding we received once we returned, I could definitely say that it was all worth it. At least, I got to experience that before I leave. A sudden soft knock echoed through the room followed by my mother who graced me with her presence. “How are you feeling, anak?” She asked as she placed a freshly cooked pasta on my bedside table. “Good mom, you know you don’t have to keep bringing me these. I can’t finish them.” I uttered remembering a certain someone who used to offer me different foods. 105 I TRIAD

Chapter 4 I “I know but you better eat, anak for you to gain energy. Health is wealth, anak.” She replied with a wink as a genuine smile plastered on her face. “On a serious note…” She trailed off. “I informed your professors about your condition and they understand why you are planning on dropping your course. I also told them to be discreet when others ask about you. But it already has been two weeks anak, Red and Yolo won’t stop asking about you. I’m running out of excuses, this is tiring.” I can’t believe it has already been two full weeks. I have been so engrossed in watching sappy romantic movies wishing that I could be that normal teenage girl living her best life not worrying about an attached death trap within. But even then Matty Whittier from Everything, Everything fought against her sickness and decided to follow what her heart desires. Though I feel like my life will end up like Hazel Grace Lancaster from The Fault in our Stars except that I’m the victim of death, ironic. “Let them be mom, I don’t want them to know about this. If they ask again, tell them I went on a year- long vacation with Tita Grace in Canada.” I replied in hopes that she’ll accept my pleas in being silent with my sickness. TRIAD I 106

I Chapter 4 Drastic physical changes are evident upon me ever since the kickstart of my chemotherapy which worries me if Red and Yolo witness a fragile twig named Blue. “Anak, walang sikretong hindi mabubunyag, remember that. You need to tell them sooner or later.” Mother states before leaving my room. Truth may prevail mom, but for everyone’s sake, I will stay silent. Yolo’s POV “Mr. Rodriguez, another 50 out of 100 on your examination. This is so unlike you. Imagine being a University Scholar for 4 straight years with top notch performance only to drop down for no reason.” Professor Anton states whilst shaking his head. “Wake up Yellow, you’re graduating next year. Make the most out of your studies.” I can’t blame Prof. Anton for being disappointed with my performance lately. I’ve been in the clouds and yet I just can’t bring myself to focus. Running low on sleep whilst scarcely consuming food may have to do 107 I TRIAD

Chapter 4 I with why I’m not myself for the past few days. Two weeks since the encounter with Red and it still left a big impact upon me. Not knowing where it all went wrong. Two weeks ago… “Health is our greatest investment in business called life..” Prof. Anton trailed off as a sudden knock echoed through the room. A fuming Red was seen at the doorway. “Excuse me sir, may I have a word with Yellow Rodriguez. It’s an emergency.” Red uttered. With Prof. Anton’s permission I followed Red. His body seemed tense and rigid. I wonder what got him all bothered like this. As I silently followed his footsteps, his trail led to a small park at the back of the school. “What is so important that you have to pull me outside Red?” I asked, clearly annoyed by such inconvenience. Red turned around to face me. His eyes were red with tears and I cannot decipher the emotions that’s swirling through those orbs of his. As I was about to ask… TRIAD I 108

I Chapter 4 He punched me. “What is wrong with you Red?!” I was beyond shocked that I couldn’t even contain my anger. “This is all your fault she ended it with me!” He shouted as he pulled me to the ground and hovered over me. “You brainwashed Blue into thinking that I stand as a bad influence in her life when all I ever did was love her unconditionally!” “Love her?” I deadpanned. “You completely changed her to being the woman that YOU WANTED her to be. You changed everything about her! Have you ever asked her how she felt when you took her in with your group of friends? Have you ever considered how she felt being exposed in another realm of being a drunkard? Encouraging her to wear what you wanted YOUR girls to wear.” “What do you know, Yolo? I turned her insecurities into something that would allow her confidence to shine. Why? Are you still jealous of the fact that she chose me over you?” He boldly questioned. “If she truly was confident about you two, why did she leave you Red?” I retorted back. 109 I TRIAD

Chapter 4 I He suddenly loosened his grip on my sweater as if he burnt his hands and stood up. “Nothing is ever right when you’re around Yolo.” Red uttered before leaving me helplessly on the floor. Bastard and his ego. “Hey, Yolo. Are you ready to go?” Angelina asked, waving her hand in front of my face. “You spaced out again.” She laughed. “Oh, sorry.” I replied realizing that everyone left except us two. I quickly gathered my stuff and left the room. “Let’s go grab lunch, you down?” Angelina questioned as she walked by my side. Angelina is honestly a genuine woman. She’s kind, smart, and very courageous, I must say. For she was very open about her feelings towards me. Many are indeed captivated by her and despite my rejections, she chose to stay by my side. But at the end of the day, she isn’t Blue. TRIAD I 110

I Chapter 4 “Maybe next time Angel.” I smiled. “I have somewhere to go before we start our next class, see you later?” “Sure Mr. Rodriguez, take care.” She grinned before walking through the gates of the school. I still feel uneasy. Blue hasn’t been coming to school and I doubt that the excuses her mother is making are true. She won’t answer any of my calls and texts. Red, on the other hand, is at the least of my priorities since I still have pride left in me. I wonder if Blue really is okay though. As I walk, I realize that I am already at the front porch of Blue’s house. With the courage that I could muster up, I knocked at their door. The familiar barks of Cupcake were heard as Blue’s mother opened the door, she was surprised. “Yolo, anak. What brings you here?” She asked as she carried Cupcake. “Good morning, Tita Melo!” I greeted. “I came by in hopes of talking with Blue if that’s okay with you?” “Oh, I’m sorry Hijo. Blue isn’t here because her flight to Canada was just yesterday. Her aunt Grace wanted to take her there for a break.” She explained. 111 I TRIAD

Chapter 4 I I could see that tinge of guilt within her eyes but I decided to go along with her. “Until when will she be there Tita?” I genuinely asked. “For about a year, anak.” She states as she gauges my reaction. “Red came by earlier this morning too asking for Blue. But just like you he is shocked. I know you two are concerned about her but don’t be because she went there to relax, she will come around anak I’m sure.” She smiled reassuringly. I am left speechless. Blue went for a year-long break outside the Philippines, leaving her studies in the process? There’s something off but I get the gist that Blue does not want to converse with Red and I. “I see Tita. Well, if she ever asks about Red and I please tell her that we are doing well. Hoping that she’ll answer our calls as early as possible.” I uttered. “Thank you for the time Tita, I’ll be going then.” TRIAD I 112

I Chapter 4 he curtains of her room covered the entirety of her window which indicates that no one is in there except her mother. Away from Tita Georgina’s eyesight I went straight to Blue’s window as I tried peeking through the curtain. But in dismay the fabric of the curtain was too thick for anyone to see through. What are you doing Yolo, you look like a crazy obsessed stalker. I felt Blue, ironic as it may seem. My appetite was way out of the window and thus with no other choice left I walked straight back to school. 113 I TRIAD

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Chapter 5 I BLUE’S POV A soft humming melody of chirps are heard through my bedroom window. Somehow it truly comforted me that I am still here, alive and moving. As I was about to pick up the fifth novel that I have been reading for this week, barks of Cupcake engulfed my hearing. “Yolo, anak. What brings you here?” I overheard from my window. Yellow? Why is he here? “Good morning, Tita Georgina! I came by in hopes of talking with Blue if that’s okay with you?” No. In haste I immediately closed the window in hopes that Yolo won’t be able to hear me in my bedroom. I’m too scared to even hear what he has to say. What if he finds out about my condition? TRIAD I 116

I Chapter 5 After a little while of hiding under my sheets out of fear, my mother went inside my room and caressed the top of my head. “Anak, you know Red was here this morning, and Yolo was here just minutes ago. They’re very worried about you. Are you sure you want to keep this a secret? I’m feeling kind of guilty because I know they are only concerned for you.” She told me in a gentle manner. “Yes, mom. I’m very sure of my decisions. I want to keep things this way. I don’t want to be a hindrance to their daily lives once they know of my condition. I don’t want to change how they see me. I don’t want to be seen as weak and I want them to always remember me with the memories we had – happy ones.” I tried hard not to cry. It’s very hard to hide away like this, especially when all my life, they were all I had. “Doctor Guzman is coming to check you. Endure, Blue. It will get better soon. You have to be here until next year. You’re coming back from Canada, remember?” She uttered and went to the door to pick up our ringing doorbell. That must be Dr. Guzman. “How are you feeling Blue?” Dr. Guzman genuinely questioned. 117 I TRIAD

Chapter 5 I “Honestly, I feel weak and my bones are aching Dr. Guzman. The pain is way worse than before.” I uttered. A moment of eerie silence occupied the atmosphere. I began to tremble as I can sense that an underlying bad news is ready to pounce anytime soon. Dr. Guzman looked at me with sadness in his eyes. He opened his mouth but was unsure of how he wanted to construct his words. “Just be straightforward with me Doc. Don’t worry I can handle it.” I assured him whilst smiling weakly. “To be honest, Blue, your body is not responding with your current chemotherapy.” He paused, gauging my reaction. “And your body is declining which is why you feel weak. In your condition, I suggest that chemotherapy is no longer an option anak. But there is one last option that we can resort with which is the Bone Marrow Transplantation. The only problem here is…” “The donor and the money.” I spoke whilst cutting him off. “Yes Blue.” He agreed. “We both know this will cost millions.” TRIAD I 118

I Chapter 5 As soon as I heard the last option, I realized that the only real route that I have right now is to accept that I’m dying. Accept my fate and that this is my finish line. My body can only withstand so much as days pass by. Everyday feels like I’m slowly walking into the pitfalls of my lifetime whilst accepting that my battery is draining to its limit. Everything is temporary and eventually will soon vanish into thin air someday. I spent my days writing poems and letters for my loved ones. Creating poems that give courage, hope and inspiration to those unfortunate people like me. I was writing my very last letter and it was for Yolo. I just realized lately that everything he said was true. I don’t have to change myself just to fit in someone’s perspective of what should be the standard of this world. I am me and everything about me is precious because it is my identity. I have to embrace every flaw and insecurities that I have within and turn them into something that would empower me to become the woman who loves herself. But it’s far too late, I am already at the brink of death. Although, at least I learned my lesson and through these words I would have the chance to share it with people. We only tend to realize everything and regret the step we made at the end. 119 I TRIAD

Chapter 5 I But risk is always better than regret. And in my life I’m grateful that I gained experience and enjoyed the happiness I could encounter. It may not be right that I kept secrets and lied to those who are dear to me but if I were given another chance in this lifetime, I would choose not to do it again. I soon felt hazy after writing my last letter. I can’t seem to stop trembling as I grew anxious of my senses. Not knowing what to do I immediately dialed the first person in my call logs. “I….can’t…breathe…” Words that left my mouth before I passed out. YOLO’S POV I was in a deep conversation with my inner mind when my phone suddenly rang. I saw on the screen that it’s Blue. I immediately answered the call. My heart beats so fast as I hear the weak voice of Blue. “I….can’t…breathe…” It breaks my heart after hearing those words from her. I rushed and went to their house. “Tita, whe…where is Blue?” TRIAD I 120

I Chapter 5 “She is in her room, what happened Yolo?” I didn’t have the time to answer Tita because I ran into the room of Blue and I found her lying on the floor with papers and a ballpen that were scattered. I immediately carried her and checked his pulse. I couldn’t contain my tears because her pulse became weak. After Tita saw the situation she called an ambulance. We rushed her to the nearest hospital. “Check her vital signs.” “Doc, the patient has no pulse, the blood pressure is 80/60 mmHg.” “Code Blue, Code Blue. Faster.” Hearing those words from the medical team made me confused and asked Tita Melo. “Tell me the truth, Tita. What happened to Blue. Is she sick these past few months? Is that the reason why she is not attending school? Why did you hide her? Please tell me the truth, Tita.” 121 I TRIAD

Chapter 5 I “Anak, it’s been very hard for me too. But it’s Blue’s decision not to tell anybody about his condition. He was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia Stage 3, anak.” I held Tita because she broke down and cried so hard. But my mind is also busy processing all the information I heard. “I also don’t want to lose Blue. She’s too young to experience this kind of agony. After all these months, I stand strong besides her but deep inside it’s killing me day by day. It’s painful to accept that she’s dying and I can’t do anything to save her.” I was so shocked and everything seemed so unreal. Tita Melo burst into tears and I could feel the pang in her heart. I could feel the greatest love of a mother. She’s been there alone besides her daughter. All she has is Blue. She is the center of her life. She is doing everything for Blue. We witnessed how Tita Melo raised Blue. She did everything for Blue to give her a perfect life even without his father. She completed the empty space of a father’s love and Blue appreciates her mother that much. A moment of silence and the mourn and agony of Tita Melo became louder and filled the four corners of the emergency room. TRIAD I 122

I Chapter 5 “Time of death, 11:11 am” I held Tita Melo who couldn’t control herself from breaking down. I was blankly staring at the hospital bed where Blue is lying. All the information was rejected by my mind. I went near her. “Blue, wa…wake up! I know you hear me! It’s not joke time, Blue!” Nothing compares to the pain we are feeling right now. All this time, I don’t have any idea that she’s suffering. I have no idea that she is fighting against cancer. It’s like my heart stopped beating. “I am sorry but the cancer cells have been spreading rapidly around her body. And her body couldn’t contain and fight it. Please be strong Ms. Melo.” “Thank you for everything, Dr. Guzman.” 123 I TRIAD

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Epilogue I Sinister, stormy clouds loomed overhead like a thick blanket, locking out what little illumination the sun had provided. Droplets of rain started to gravitate towards the meadow where perennial plants of different kinds grow in delight – contrary to what is held within this land. Melted candle wax are seen upon the tombstones that lie across the one below me. Nostalgic of the moment that took me here years ago, one that I did not expect would happen again. 17 years ago… “Mom, will dad ever wake up again?” Blue murmured as she stared intently at her father’s coffin with tears pouring from her innocent eyes. As much as it pains me to watch my daughter grieve over her father’s death, I needed to remain strong for the both of us. “Not anymore anak.” I painfully spoke. “He’s now happy in heaven with Papa Jesus.” TRIAD I 126

I Epilogue Even from all the crying, I reassured Blue that things will turn out all right. I pulled her close to my chest as I tightly embraced her. “Mom, I don’t want to be sick like Dad.” She spoke as she held unto my face. “I don’t want to leave you crying too.” Her words comforted the throbbing ache I have been feeling ever since my husband got confined at the hospital. Blue came as an unexpected blessing into our lives. I’m sure her father is already smiling from above. “Thank you anak.” I smiled whilst trying to restrain myself of the tears. “Mama will always love and cherish you no matter what. And even if your papa is not around anymore, he adores you in every possible way because you are his Blue.” “I love you mom.” Blue murmured as she pulled back and left a peck on my forehead. A strong tight grip then lugged me back to reality. A crying Red and Yolo caught my attention. 127 I TRIAD

Epilogue I “Condolences po Tita.” Red uttered as he took me in for an embrace. “This happened too soon.” As a mother, I felt Red and Yolo’s pain. I can’t blame them for they literally grew up alongside Blue. Yolo stood still behind Red not knowing how to react hence I pulled him in for a hug to somehow help soothe the sadness. RED’S POV To stand within a field of souls that have gone into their distinct destinations, I never expected that I would come back to attend the burial of the woman whom I considered as my safe haven. Lilies and orchids surround her coffin as Blue lay peacefully in her white cotton dress. Upon the sight of her resting face, I can’t resist my tears knowing that I won’t be able to witness those lustrous eyes of hers anytime soon. Ones that held so many emotions when engulfed with passion. Even if it means eating her favorite sandwich during lunch time or winning a game of chess or simply even watching a sappy romance teleserye on TV. I can’t help but wish for more time with Blue, when will time be within my favor? “Blue, I miss you.” I sadly spoke as I gripped the edge of her coffin. “I should’ve continued to pursue you despite your massive trials in pushing me away.” TRIAD I 128

I Epilogue The day she chose to leave me still stands as a vivid memory. I was shattered that I lost control of my rationality that even Yellow got caught up in my anger, a mistake I solemnly regret. I felt a tight grip on my shoulder. A once beaming Yellow has now been replaced with a mask of evident sorrow. “She’s now gone Red.” He spoke as his voice started to waver. “We should have reconciled before any of this happened.” His eyes started to water. No words left my mouth as I too can feel his pain. To lose someone as special as Blue meant losing the person who completed our trio. I faced Yolo and took him in for a hug whilst rubbing his back. “It’s okay Yolo.” I reassured him. “Think about it this way, Blue isn’t suffering anymore. She’s free of the pain she chose to fight alone. And sometimes we must accept the decisions she makes because we have nothing else left to do.” “Reeeddd!” Blue whined. “An ant bit me here, masakit!” She complained whilst pointing at her arm where an evident bump is forming. 129 I TRIAD

Epilogue I Mas malaki ka ba sa langgam?” I asked completely amused by her reaction. “You’re mean.” She pouted. “Masakit na nga eh.” “I’ll kiss it.” Yolo volunteered. “Mom said the healing process of a wound is faster through a kiss.” He proudly states as he puckered his lips. Before I could even protest, Blue’s expression wrinkled up in disgust. “Kadiri ka Yolo.” She states whilst moving away from Yolo. I grinned. “You’ll be fine Blue, strong girl ka diba?” I assured her. “Thank you Red.” Blue states as she leaned in for a hug only to be stopped by Yolo’s hand. “What’s this? A group hug without me?” He protests as he squeezed himself between us two. TRIAD I 130

I Epilogue With mischief as the prominent factor of my thoughts, I pushed Yolo away as I aimed for Blue’s cheeks and lightly pecked it. Blue was stunned as she held her cheeks – she blushed. “I win.” I uttered with pride. An annoyed Yolo then started to chase after me as I ran away from his touch. “RED!” He shouted. “How dare you kiss Blue first?! Come back here you pesty twig!” I stuck my tongue out whilst giggling. “You can’t catch me slowpoke!” I smiled like a madman. I did not realize that I was under a trance, reminiscing yet another memory of our triad. For in front of me was Blue’s tombstone with no one else in sight. The clouds above started to steer away from the monotonic color of the weather. The sun started to peek through which somehow felt like an implication that Blue is now at peace. A befallen orchid lay in front of where I stood. I picked it up and decided to put it where Blue is placed. 131 I TRIAD

Epilogue I “Before I bid my goodbye’s,” I spoke trying to resist the waterworks. “I love you Blue, with all that I am. I still can’t comprehend everything that is happening right now. It feels surreal now that you’re gone. But know that I will never forget you. How can I? You became an entity I never wanted to lose.” With a heavy heart I stood up and left the cemetery. As I drove home, I can’t help but simply feel empty. My mind was blank and my eyes were already tired of crying that even my tears decided to give up. “Oh anak, I’m glad you’re home. Are you okay?” My ever so loving mother asked as I walked through the door, her eyes full of genuine concern. “Trying to be okay mom.” I uttered tired. “I understand anak. Pahinga ka na.” She spoke as she hugged me. With my energy completely depleted, I nodded and hugged my mother back before going straight to my room dozing off into a sleep with thoughts of Blue. TRIAD I 132

I Epilogue 6:05 AM As the rain cascaded through the windowsill, a buzzing noise woke me up from my slumber. Tita Melo flashed through my cellphone screen. “Hello, good morning Tita.” I uttered. “Good morning anak.” Tita Melo greeted. “Sorry I know it’s very early in the morning, but I have something urgent to show you and Yolo.” “What may it be Tita?” I questioned worried. “Is everything okay po?” “Yes, yes. It’s just…” She paused looking for the right words to say. “Something that you boys need to find out.” Before I even got to ask about what Yolo and I needed to find out she immediately stated, “It’s Blue.” 133 I TRIAD

Epilogue I Without hesitance I told Tita that Yolo and I would be on our way and ended the call. It felt like cold water drenched my entity with anxiety boiling within. I called Yolo and hence without a minute too soon he came running through our front yard. “Red, I don’t know why but I’m feeling quite antsy. I even feel the urge to poo even though I don’t want to.” Yolo spoke as we walked the street towards Blue’s household. His eyes were puffy and dark circles have formed underneath them. “You’re not the only one Yolo.” I uttered trying to maintain my cool. What must we need to find out that Tita Melo called that early? I wondered. As we approached the familiar garden where Blue, Yolo, and I played during our childhood years, Yolo went straight for the doorbell. Tita Melo opened the door and signaled us to enter. “What happe…” Yolo was cut off by Tita as she handed us a folded piece of paper with Blue’s initials written on the bottom righthand corner accompanied by ‘To: Red & Yolo’. TRIAD I 134

I Epilogue “You both must read it.” Tita Melo calmly spoke. “It’s about time you know of the truth.” Yolo was hesitant upon the paper he was holding but I patted his back assuring him that it will be okay. Hence, as he opened the letter the familiar intrinsic handwriting of Blue was displayed neatly upon the lines of the paper. Her fist few words already left an aching pain upon my chest, Yolo and I both know we’d be bawling our eyes out after this. My knights, As the princess that completed our trio, I just wanted to simply thank you for being the confide a woman deserves throughout her endeavors in life. Men who stick by their words and men who know how to listen to every drama that come pursuit no matter how useless it may be. I truly am the luckiest woman to live if I say so myself. 135 I TRIAD

Epilogue I Red and Yolo, by the time you receive this letter I don’t know where I’ll be. Honestly speaking, I’m already attached to a machine with tubes that are solely keeping me alive. Why you ask? Well Stage 3 Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Hence, the reason why I haven’t been attending my classes as I needed to. I wanted it to be discrete because involving you two would only cause so much strain on your workload and I never wanted that. Yes, I am aware of how unfair this is and it would be selfish for me to say that I care for you two, but my actions recently say so otherwise. You both had the utmost right to know – I apologize. It would pain me seeing you both cry. But know that wherever I may be, I am safe and completely happy. As I wrap myself with the memories of our journey growing up together, I can’t help but feel emotional for the love I have for you two and how you reciprocate it a thousand-fold. Maybe, somewhere, if our stars ever align once again, I hope we’ll be the happier version of our triad. I may not be there physically to assure you both how grateful I am, but know that I’ll always be here, above, watching over you. Fight for your dreams my dearest Red and Yellow. With all my love, Blue TRIAD I 136

Editorial Board and Leads Editor-In-Chief tadeja, Pamela V. Associate Editor jornacion, Leyn S. Managing Editor rapacon, Dyan Rae G. News Editor urmeneta, Aaron paul c. Literary Editor maquiraya, brittany lei Features Editor ang, sophia louisse Sports Editor hernandez, david jonathan l. Lead Layout Artist foronda, lucky jastine d. Lead Graphic Artist galiza, clark justine a. Lead Cartoonist pascua, russel joy l. Lead Photojournalist sison, john reygie a.

Staff Members Andres, Micah Gabriel, Hanna May C. Membrere, Emar Jabez D. Aquino, Jonh Lloyd Gigato, Aela Jane S. Menor, Aian Mark Baccay, Kathleen Aubrey V. Gutierrez, Cedric James Paras, Iommi Arabella Baltazar, Leihzelie Jharlayne Ilustre, Jan Patrick Y. Ragasa, Christian Jan Bartolome, Alvin R. Jacinto, Earl John G. Sina, Daniel Bulanadi, Roussel I. Juan, Larissa T. Solsoloy, Louise Julius Vince Buted, Donald Cristopher B. Lagoc, Justine Von B. Tabigne, Daphney P. Chan, Angelina Julie G. Lamar, Shaika Tambio, Lorie Jane R. De Broe, Irma Lapitan, Frances Kyle T. Viernes, Reniel John De La Cruz, Jeanette Aira G. Lucas, Shairah Joy Foronda, Aletha Janine D. Mayo, Janeah Cassie C. Adviser | prof. joan jesusa b. velasco Contributors Arkitektong manunulat Kaycee Valorozo LJP Ayi Aquiquotes Louela Mabini Strawberryjam Baylon, Jamie A. Culibangbang MC.G Jerryan AE Aurlevior Jaenmarie Ramil Moshi

FLAME The Official Literary Folio of The Review About the Cover TRIAD — three people in a frame of a guy. The colored blue eyes that talk a great deal when words failed; the red eyes that lie in the things that were unseen; and the yellow scars that symbolizes strength and survival. These characters represent the impulse to connect, leading them off to their well-worn path. Lead Cartoonist I Russel joy l. pascua