Marriage Manual - SUMMARY - Urdu Translation

A COMPREHENSIVE BOOK ON ISLAMIC MARRIAGE BASED ON QURAN AND SUNNAH BOOK-01 WrWitrtiettneannadnCd oCmompipleildedbyb:y: FAFYAAYZAZPAPASSHHAA APRIL 2023 Page 1 of 64

Preface The world today is plagued with a rising number of divorces, single mothers and a great number of spinsters. The fabric of our society has been tarnished due to myriad issues including customs and traditions, dowry demands and abusive relationships leading to a variety of socio-economic problems. In addition, it has also given rise to deterioration of values, morals and ethics leading to an increase in committing sins, Bidah and Shirk. Fake spiritual gurus, babas and peers are taking innocent and gullible parents for a ride. A majority of parents spend more time planning for the wedding than the marital journey. Parents endeavor to groom their children by providing them with the best of education in order that they are successful in their personal, academic and / professional life. However, very less thought is given to preparing them for marriage. A vast amount of time and wealth is invested in obtaining academic education. The aim of this education is to give someone a good start in life which will benefit them in later years. Good jobs are often associated with a better standard of life and more security. Academic education may cover a wide range of disciplines but usually neglects the spiritual nature of our lives such as understanding about our purpose of life, the signs around us, teachings of the prophets, moral fiber of our society, values and virtues such as respect, modesty, humility and piety. The need for this spiritual and moral education is amply demonstrated by the ills within our society. As we move more into a materialistic frame of mind we totally neglect our spiritual side leading to more disruptions within our personal and social lives. Religious guidance plays a vital role. It teaches us about the rights and wrongs; it encourages us to be of good character and actions; it teaches us about our purpose of life and what happens when we die; it teaches us about our creator and the relationship we should have with Him. Narrated by Anas ibn Malik: Allah's Messenger (saw) said: \"When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the Deen; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.\" In the absence of proper Islamic Education, the remaining half is at stake. Diplomas, Graduate and Post-Graduate Degrees, MBA's, PhD's and the like are obtained by studying at conventional and accredited institutions. Most students spend between fifteen to twenty years pursuing academic education but very less or no time is given for the pursuit of Islamic education. Page 2 of 64

Almost all academic subjects are available on the internet. How many students would like to complete their academic education by browsing on the internet? Would any student be regarded as qualified in science, commerce, arts or any other stream? Would the students who acquire knowledge on the Internet get employed without any accredited degree? However, a majority of Ummah automatically become ‘Deendar’ without studying a single subject on Islam. Marriage in Islam is intended to cater to multiple purposes which include, above all, spiritual tranquility and peace, cooperation and partnership in fulfilling the divine mandate. In Islam, marriage is considered a sacred and important institution that is based on the principles of love, compassion, and mutual respect. The Quran and Sunnah provide guidelines and rulings that are essential for a successful and fulfilling marriage. The rulings and conditions prescribed in an Islamic marriage are designed to ensure that the marriage is based on mutual love, respect, and understanding, and that the rights and needs of both partners are protected. By following these guidelines, couples can build a strong and lasting relationship that is built on the foundations of Islamic principles and values. Your feedback, opinions and suggestions are highly appreciated. You may reach me on [email protected] Fayaz Pasha Founder President, Life Partner Academy Page 3 of 64

Acknowledgement I have edited, compiled, and presented various separate articles along with some of my own articles and poems as one concise work in book form. The original contents have been expanded and complimented with other relevant information and details where considered necessary. The sole purpose of my effort is to convey this treasure to those who are seeking a life partner, is either engaged or married. First, I would like to thank each one of the authors for their contributions. My sincere gratitude goes to the chapter’s authors for their expertise which was valuable for compiling this book. Second, I also wish to acknowledge the valuable suggestions by the members of “Aasra Premarital Education Committee”; Mrs. Muneela Khanum, Mrs. Tasneem Bano, Mrs. Ayesha Siraj, Mrs. Arshiya Uzma, Dr. Ruhina and Mr. Mohammed Hidayathulla as well as my gratitude to Mr. S.S. Afsar Khadri for his dedicated efforts and assistance especially to the book committee. Last but not the least, I wish to express my profound thanks to Dr. Sajida Begum, Founder President of AASRA Women and Children Welfare Trust and Mrs. N.T. Abroo (IAS Retired) for their initiative to provide the much needed premarital education and for their kind support and guidance. May Allah make it a source of success for all of us in this world and in the hereafter. Fayaz Pasha Page 4 of 64

Knowledge We claim to be the chosen and the best and support it from the scriptures with all our zest Do we conform to what the Creator has said? Or, are we doing much of what the Society has fed? We are the best from birth till death in feasting as we enjoy to cook and eat the best with a boasting Some are proud to make the best biryani, haleem or fish the rest are glad to feast on these delicacies as much as they wish We have made ourselves a name and fame for a variety of dishes beyond this hobby we have nothing much to enhance our wishes Our ancestors were great thinkers, inventors, scientists and the like but we have stopped feeding our mind pretty much to the dislike We have been asked to increase in knowledge and become wise Alas! We have only been feeding and increasing our stomach size The first word that Allah said to our Prophet (saw) was to READ We have forgotten it today and we are more indulgent to FEED Shaikh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (rahimahullah) says “ Seeking knowledge for the sake of Allah is Worship Searching for Islamic knowledge is Jihad Teaching to those who do not know is Charity Reviewing and learning is like Tasbeeh The angels will lower their wings and even fish in the deep seas will pray and the reward will be the highest on the Judgment Day So, we need to reduce feeding the stomach and increase in feeding the mind And become the best of Ummah for in knowledge we are lacking behind. Fayaz Pasha Page 5 of 64

Marriage Counseling Prophet Mohammad (SAW) used to provide counseling on marital issues on a regular basis to couples. The most famous one was between his daughter Fatima and Ali (May Allah be pleased with both of them). Marriage preparation is “any intentional effort delivered before marriage that is designed to help couples form and sustain healthy marriages.” It is also known as premarital education and premarital counseling. The goal of marriage preparation is to educate individuals and couples about potential problems in marriage and provide them with information and resources to prevent or address these problems. Marriage preparation can take on many forms, for example: participating in premarital counseling, attending a workshop, reading and discussing a book about marriage, completing a relationship assessment, or utilizing a combination of these methods through a resource like this guide. A man came to Prophet (SAW) and informed him that he is planning to get married. The Prophet (SAW) asked him do you know her and does she know you? The man responded in negative. The prophet (SAW) said get to know each other first. It only makes sense to find out what is important to live a tranquil and happy life together. Page 6 of 64

Marriage in Islam Meaning and Importance of marriage: The original meaning of the word Nikah is the physical relationship between man and woman. It is also used secondarily to refer to the marriage contract which makes that relationship lawful. Ibn Uthaimeen defines the institution of marriage as: \"It is a mutual contract between a man and a woman whose goal is for each to enjoy the other, become a pious family and a sound society.\" The importance of Marriage in Islam can be seen in the following hadith: \"Man tazawwaja faqad istakmala nisfa al-imaan falyattiqi Allaha fiy an-nisf al-baaqiy.\" “Whoever marries has completed half of his faith. So let him beware of Allah regarding the other half.” Purpose and Goals of Marriage: Like anything a Muslim does, marriage should only be undertaken after gaining an understanding of all that Allah has prescribed in terms of rights and obligations as well as gaining an understanding of the wisdom behind this institution. Nearly all people and all societies practice marriage in some form, just as they practice business (buying and selling). Umar ibn Al-Khattab used to expel people from the Market place in Medina who were not knowledgeable of the Fiqh of buying and selling. Likewise, a Muslim should not engage in something as important as marriage without having an understanding of the purpose of marriage in Islam as well as a comprehensive understanding of the rights and obligations which it brings about. The desire of men and women for each other is an urge which needs to be fulfilled. If it is left unfulfilled, it will be a source of discord and disruption in society. For this reason, the Prophet (saws) ordered all men who are capable of meeting the responsibilities of marriage to marry: \"Man kana minkum dhaa tawlin, falyatazawwaj fa innahu aghadhdh lilbasari wa ahsanu lilfarji wa man laa fa as-saumu lahu wijaa.\" \"Whichever of you is capable should marry for it will aid him in lowering his gaze and guarding his body (from sin). As for the one who is not capable, fasting is his protection.\" (An-Nasaa'i - sahih) Page 7 of 64

The Prophet (saws) said: \"Ankihoo fa inniy mukaathirun bikum al umam yaum al-qiyama.\" \"Marry, for I will outnumber the other nations by you on qiyama.\" (Ibn Majah - Sahih) It should be stressed that the goal of marriage is not simply to produce any child that will live in the next generation. It is to produce righteous children who will be obedient to Allah and who will be a source of reward for their parents after they die. The Prophet (saws) will not be boasting before the other nations on the day of Qiyama with children of Muslim parents who left the path of Islam. Thus, it is the responsibility of Muslim parents to seek the means of giving their children the training and education they need not just to grow, but to succeed as Muslims worshipping and obeying Allah. This obligation may include migration (hijrah), establishing of Muslim communities and schools and other obligations. Rulings Concerning Marriage: What is the status of marriage in the Shariah? Is it obligatory or merely allowed? Some of the Hanafi scholars have broken this question down into different cases: FARD: If a person feels certain that he will commit something forbidden, if he does not marry and he has the financial ability to marry, then marriage is in his case fardh (the highest level of the obligatory in Hanafi terminology). WAJIB: If a person has the ability to marry and treat his wife properly and fears (strong probability) that he will engage in unlawful acts if he doesn't, then marriage in his case is wajib (obligatory). HARAM: If a person does not have the financial or physical means to marry or feels certain that he will not treat his wife properly then marriage in his case is haram (forbidden). MAKROOH: If a person has the means to marry, but feels strongly that he will not treat his wife properly, marriage in his case is makrooh (disliked). MUSTAHAB: If a person has the means to marry and has no fear of mistreating his wife or of committing the unlawful if he doesn't marry, then marriage in his case is mustahabb (preferred). This last opinion is widely regarded as the \"default\" (al-asl) ruling in this question, i.e. marriage, generally speaking is the preferred but not obligatory way and only becomes obligatory, forbidden, etc. in exceptional cases. Page 8 of 64

In the literalist school of thought, marriage is considered fardh 'ain an absolute and individual obligation. Among the evidence they cite are the following verses from the Qur'an and hadith of the Prophet (saws): “Wa ankihoo al-ayaamaa minkum wa as-saliheena min 'ibaadikum wa imaa'ikum in yakunoo fuqara'a yughnihimu Allahu min fadhlihi wa Allahu wasi'un 'aleem (22) Wa lyasta'fif illadhina laa yajiduna nikahan hatta yughniahumu Alahu min fadhlihi” “And marry off the single among you and among the righteous of your male and female slaves. If they are poor then Allah will supply their needs from His generosity. And Allah is expansive, knowing. And let those who do not find marriage, hold back until Allah grants them of His generosity.” An-Noor:32-33 The following hadith of the Prophet (saws) seems to be a blanket \"order\" to all those with the capability to get married: \"Yaama'shara ash-shabaab man istataa'a minkum al-ba'a falyatazawwaj.” \"\"O young men, whoever among you has the ability, let him marry.\" Bukhari & Muslim The opinion that marriage is - overall - preferred (mustahabb) seems to be the strongest opinion. Ibn Uthaimeen further points out that if a person desires to be married, it becomes even more important. He said: \"Marriage in the case of desire for such is preferred over superogatory acts of worship, due to the many good results and praiseworthy effects it has.\" Also, it is clear that there is a collective obligation (fardh kifaya) on the Ummah as a whole to promote, defend and facilitate the institution of marriage. If marriage suffers from neglect or, for example, unreasonably high dowries which force people to postpone marriage too long, it is a collective obligation on the Ummah to come to its aid and to ensure that as many people as possible live within the context of a marriage. Also, if the Muslims come to have too many single women because of the abandonment of polygamy, it becomes a collective obligation on the Muslims to address and correct this situation. Page 9 of 64

Prohibitions: The categories under which it is forbidden to marry are:  Forbidden Due to Blood Relations  Descendants due to a relationship with a woman no matter how distant (a man's daughter, granddaughter, etc.)  Ascendants of women no matter how distant (mother, maternal and paternal grandmother, etc.)  Descendants from his parents no matter how distant (sisters, half sisters, sisters children, etc.)  Siblings of male and female ascendants no matter how distant (paternal and maternal aunts, great aunts, etc.) Permanently Forbidden Because of Marital Relations  Wives of ascendants no matter how distant (father's wife, grandfather's wife, etc.). Consummation is not required; the mere completion of the marriage contract makes this marriage forbidden forever.  Wives of descendants no matter how distant. Again, the mere marriage contract is what is considered here with or without consummation.  Ascendants of wives (such as the mother-in-law) whether consummated or not.  Descendants of wives (step-daughters and their children) only if the man consummated the marriage with the wife in question. The phrase \"under your guardianship\" is mentioned here only to portray the usual case and not as a condition. The ruling holds whether the step-daughter was ever under his care or not. This is the opinion of the majority of scholars. Permanently Forbidden Due to Breast Feeding The verse actually mentions \"mothers\" and \"sisters\" by breast feeding. From these two, the other can be derived based on the hadith of the Prophet (saws): Page 10 of 64

\"Yahrumu min ar-radhaa'a maa yahrumu minan-nasab.” \"Breast feeding makes forbidden what is forbidden through blood relations.\" Muslim Women included in this Category:  His female ascendants through nursing. This includes the woman who nursed him and her mother, etc. The husband of the wet- nurse is considered the \"cause\" of the milk involved. So, for example, if a girl is nursed by a woman, that woman's husband becomes forbidden to her just as her own blood father is.  Descendants through nursing. The man who is the \"cause\" of the milk is forbidden from marrying the one his wife nursed or their children, etc.  Descendants of \"parents\" through nursing, i.e. \"sisters\". One cannot marry any of the children (either by blood or nursing) of the wet-nurse or her husband.  Siblings of ascendants by nursing, i.e. brothers and sisters of the wet nurse or her husband. This does not include their children (\"cousins\" by nursing). Note the following important point as stated by Ibn Uthaimeen: \"The relatives of the child that is nursed, except for his/her children, has no relation to the breastfeeding mother [or her husband] and there is no effect on them from that nursing. So it is allowed for a boy's blood brother to marry his brother's wet nurse or her daughters. However, the children of the child who was nursed will become like the children of the wet nurse and her husband in the same way that their father (the one originally nursed) was a \"child\" (by nursing) to those two.\" Forbidden for temporary reasons: The last category of women a man is forbidden to marry is those forbidden for temporary reasons. If the reason ceases to exist, marriage between them becomes lawful. They include the following:  While being married to a woman, a man cannot marry her sister or any of her aunts. The first was mentioned in the verses previously mentioned and the second is mentioned in the following hadith: \"Inna an-nabiyya nahaa an yajma'a baina al-mar'ati wa 'ammatihaa wa baina al-mar'ati wa khaalatihaa.\"  The Prophet (saws) prohibited joining (in marriage at the same time) a woman and her Page 11 of 64

paternal aunt or a woman and her maternal aunt.\" Bukhari & Muslim  If a person divorces his wife three times, it is not allowed for him to marry her again unless and until she marries someone else (not as a trick to get back to him), consummates that marriage and that marriage is subsequently legally ended.  Any woman if a man already has four wives.  Marrying a slave girl when one is already married to a free woman.  Marrying a woman who is already married or who is in 'idda. A woman in 'idda due either to death or divorce is not allowed to marry until it is finished.  A woman upon whom a man has made li'aan unless he confesses that he lied. Al-li'aan is where the husband accuses the wife of adultery but cannot bring witnesses so he swears that it occurred and the two are separated after the wife swears that she is innocent. He can never marry her again unless he confesses that he was lying.  A woman who is not a Muslim, a Jewess or Christian. Marrying women of the book: As regards marrying women of the book (Jews and Christian), the strongest opinion is that it is allowed but not preferred. However, for such marriages some conditions have been laid down for its permissibility:  She must be chaste ('afeefa).  She must not be from Ahl Al-Harb (those peoples who are at war with the Muslims). It is reported that Ibn Abbas stated: \"It is not allowed to marry the women of the People of the Book if they are from the people fighting Islam.\" Page 12 of 64

Spouse Selection Selecting a spouse is one of the most important decisions in life. The most essential thing you can do to get ready for selecting a partner and getting married is to first develop yourself to make sure you are prepared for marriage, and then to select someone who is also prepared and who is compatible with you. The more we thoroughly investigate in as scientific and systematic a way as practical the compatibility with our future spouse, the more likely we will choose wisely and have a happy marriage. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said regarding the selection of a spouse: \"A Spouse is selected on the basis of four things: 1) Wealth 2) Beauty 3) Family (Reputation) 4)Religion So you select your spouse on the basis of 'Religion'....\" There is another Hadith where Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has said regarding Spousal characteristics: Husband better have precedence over his wife in four things: 1) He better be taller than his wife 2) He better be more educated than his wife 3) He better be more wealthy than his wife 4) He better be elder than his wife Wife better have precedence over her husband in four things: 1) She better be more beautiful than her husband 2) She better be more religious than her husband 3) She better be more obedient than her husband 4) Her family better be more reputable than her husband's family\" The above mentioned characters are not obligatory in Islam. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said that the above mentioned characters are better for a good marital life. The signs or characteristics related to selecting a spouse discussed below should be taken together, not treated in isolation. When determining the physical attractiveness of someone, you look at the composite of all parts. Just because they have one or two attractive features, Page 13 of 64

does not make a person attractive. Some qualities are more important than others are. Some blemishes and imperfections are acceptable, as long as the whole is still beautiful. No one will completely or perfectly meet any one sign, let alone all of them, but a satisfactory minimal accomplishment in each will be necessary for a successful marriage. Some of the signs may seem like common sense or unnecessary, but ways of selecting a spouse and conditions considered important for marriage vary greatly from cultures and individuals. Bio-Data: When applying for a passport, an individual is required to submit an application form providing all necessary details about self and family as well as a Police Inquiry Report clearing the individual from any criminal involvement. In case of an application for personal, housing or a vehicle loan, documents such as a copy of the passport, a copy of the salary certificate, a copy of the bank passbook, a copy of the employment contract, statement of the bank account etc. are required to be submitted. We do not hesitate to provide true facts and required documents for the aforesaid purposes. However, at the time of selecting a Life-Partner for our children, we do hesitate to ask or to provide full information as it may be necessary. One of life’s most important obligations is fulfilled more or less based upon our assumptions and presumptions in certain aspects of the proposal. A majority of marriage proposals in Asian countries are fixed by marriage brokers who are mostly women and some men. These marriage brokers do not have an office and are not registered. They move from place to place and house to house and carry a bag or a briefcase with some photographs and a single page resume of the prospective brides and bridegrooms. Some of these brokers are uneducated and in most of the cases, they provide only partial information, some lies and some fabricated facts or fantasies in order to finalize the proposal as they are merely concerned about their fee more than the suitability of the couple. In a number of such proposals, parents proceed with the information provided without any further investigation. These match-brokers have produced more miss-matches in the society leaving many parents and spouses in dismay after the marriage. Further, the non-availability of comprehensive details about the bride or bridegroom and their families has only exacerbated the problem. Relationships that are established by force or based on assumptions, fantasies, false and deceitful facts will sooner or later end up sour leading to broken families, conflicts with spouses and in-laws, or divorces. Page 14 of 64

Intentions As Rasulullah saw said, “Innamal a'malu bin niyyah.” Meaning , “The deeds depend on the intention.” Unfortunately, these are some of the (unmentioned) reasons that some parents conceal when deciding to marry their children.  Our son is frivolous and we hope that he will learn his responsibilities once he gets married.  The mother is old and sick and we need a woman (daughter in- law) who will look after the household chores.  As we have all male members in our house, we need a daughter in-law who will take charge of all household responsibilities.  During childhood, it was agreed upon to marry the cousins and so we wish to fulfill that promise.  We might get a good business deal or a project if we marry our daughter to x, y or z.  The boy is a “green card” holder and our daughter will be very happy with him abroad.  The boy is a businessman or son of a business tycoon and our daughter will be happy.  We need a male heir in the family.  We may get huge dowry as the girl’s parents are very rich.  The boy or girl is a celebrity. Page 15 of 64

Forced Marriages The Quran (4:21) refers to marriage as a mithaq (i.e. a solemn covenant or agreement between husband and wife) and enjoins that it be put down in writing. Since no agreement can be reached between the parties unless they give their consent, marriage can be contracted only with the free consent of the two parties. The Prophet (SAW) said: \"The widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until their order is obtained, and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained.\" (Al Bukhari) This aspect is greatly emphasized by Imam Bukhari. He, in fact, gave one of the chapters in his Sahih (book of authentic traditions) the significant title: \"When a man gives his daughter in marriage and she dislikes it, the marriage shall be annulled.\" Once a virgin girl came to the Prophet (SAW) and said that her father had married her to a man against her wishes. The Prophet gave her the right to repudiate the marriage. (Abu Dawud). 'Truly Allah has totally forbidden disobedience (and the subsequent hurt) to mothers, burying alive daughters, with-holding the rights of others, and demanding that which is not your right.' (Hadith Muslim 4257. Recorded by Mughirah b. Shuba). With these simple words our Beloved Prophet (saws) expressed so much that should convince any Muslim person seeking to force a marriage upon a daughter (or son) that what they are intending is not only terribly wrong, but also in direct opposition to the true spirit of Islam. At first glance, it looks as if it is ammunition to be used against the daughter who does not want to accept the proposed husband and is going against her mother's wishes, but further insight reveals there is far more to it than that. It is quite clearly NOT the right of the parent to enforce a marriage; and Muslim parents are NOT allowed in Islam to withhold the rights of their daughters. One could even make out a case for extending the interpretation of the phrase 'burying daughters alive' to refer not only to the desert practice of being rid of infant girls by putting them face down in the sand shortly after birth, which hardly applies to our situation today - but the practice of 'burying them alive' in a forced marriage. What could be more like being buried alive than being forced to share a bed and distasteful intimacy with a completely unwanted spouse? Page 16 of 64

Components of a Marriage Proposal An ultrasound is recommended for a pregnant woman in order to determine certain statistics about the age, sex, and level of development of the fetus and to determine the presence of birth defects or other potential problems. Similarly, a comprehensive marriage The biodata should serve the purpose of an ultrasound and provide answers to most of the questions that usually remain either unquestioned or unanswered. The foundation of all relationships is established upon trust and this can be done only via honesty. This difficult exercise would assist in knowing the strong and weak traits of both spouses and their families. In a majority of the cases where something has been found or discovered that was not previously disclosed, mostly woman were left with untold misery, insults and lifelong endurance from pain and suffering. Parents or guardians should never try to cover or hide any facts under the false assumption that after the marriage everything will be all right. They should strive to provide and seek full information so that the relationship is established on a foundation of truth and honesty. Normally the construction of a building is laid out into a few stages such as preparing the building plan, laying of foundation, construction of the building and the finishing stage. Similarly, the components of the marriage application form have been laid out into four stages based on the progression of the proposal as under:  Stage-1 Profile & Spouse Preferences  Stage-2 Looking at a Prospective Spouse  Stage-3 Additional Stipulations  Stage-4 Finalization of Proposal Stage-1 At this stage all information pertaining to the individuals are required to be provided. This would enable the prospective spouse and parents to have adequate details which they may aspire to know. At the same time, it also spells out the spouse’s preferences and thus enables the parents and the individual getting married to make an appropriate choice. Page 17 of 64

Personal Data: This section provides some crucial data about the individual. In certain proposals where the girls’ parents made elaborate arrangements to invite the boy’s parents and relatives to see their daughter has left them in shock and the girl in embarrassment when the boy’s parents have called later to say that the girl’s height is one or two inches less than the boy’s height and therefore unsuitable for their boy. It may not be the exact reason for disqualification but they might have sensed something else by visiting the house or during the conversation. Had all information been available at the initial stage itself, it would have been more feasible for the parents to take a decision before visiting the family to see the bride. Similarly there are other aspects like age, marital status, complexion, physique etc. which may jeopardize a proposal at the eleventh hour of finalization. Educational & Occupational Background: It is possible that the wealthiest individual can go bankrupt one day but the affluence of education is always an asset to the individual, his family and to the nation. There are a number of cases where parents have married off their daughters to emigrants settled in various countries with a hope that their daughters will lead a successful and a happy life. In many a case it was unfortunately discovered after the marriage that their Son-In-Law either had a simple job abroad contrary to what was stated before marriage or was not eligible for a family visa and in a worst case scenario, it was discovered that he already had a wife. This segment provides vital information based on which the parents and the individuals seeking marriage would base their selection. It is therefore essential to have documentary evidence regarding Education and Occupation. Health background: This information is unfortunately neglected in most of the proposals:  It is only after the marriage that it is learnt about a serious sickness or disease is discovered in the boy or girl.  It is only learnt when the couple are unable to have children and the husband or wife is diagnosed with infertility problems.  It is only learnt after pregnancy that the child will be abnormal due to some genes that were carried by the couple who were first cousins.  There have been even worse case scenarios where it was discovered that one of the couple was infected with HIV. Page 18 of 64

Wouldn’t it be wise for parents and the individuals seeking marriage to scrutinize this aspect and avoid future trauma and pain? Religious & Social Background: The Prophet (saws) has said that anyone who selects a mate based on anything other than their piety is doomed to failure: “A woman is sought in marriage for four things: her beauty, her wealth, her social status and her religion. So try to get one who is religious, may your hands be besmeared with dust! (if you fail to heed).” When any of the following is discovered after marriage it may lead to frustration, serious arguments and even divorce:  One of the parents is affiliated to a certain Islamic Group which is not desirable by the other parent.  One of the couple does not observe the Islamic obligations  The daughter-in-law wouldn’t like to wear the hijab (veil) but the husband and in-laws insist upon wearing it.  The daughter-in-law wants to continue with her education or employment and the husband or in-laws do not wish the same.  That the husband is an alcoholic or a drug abuser. Providing these details at the beginning stage will help parents and the individual getting married to evaluate further, before making the final decision. Lifestyle & Hobbies: What if one spouse is a complete introvert and totally hates to socialize? What if the wife learns that her husband is a chain smoker? What if the daughter-in-law is forbidden from wearing jeans that she loved all her life? What if the wife is totally useless in the kitchen? What if the husband or wife is a TV or a computer addict? Well, the above segment deals with some of these points that may become one of the causes for an unhappy or a failed marriage. Family background: This section provides an outline about the family and its members. The fact that whether it is a nuclear or a joint family, whether both parents are living or a guardian is taking care, whether the brothers and sisters are married, educated, etc. etc. Page 19 of 64

Spouse Preferences: When children throw away an ice-cream cone which is not of their choice, a pair of shoes or a set of clothes that they don’t like, parents try their best to fulfill those desires as they love their children. Marriage is a stage when those loving offspring grow up and are ready to choose their life partner. Parents should consult their children and evaluate the spouse preferences. These are some of the essential facts that your loving child may wish to express about her/his preferences for a spouse. Narrated by Abu Huraira: Prophet (saws) said, “A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! How can we know her permission?” He said, “Her silence (indicates her permission).” Stage-2: Looking at a prospective spouse: After the marriage proposal has passed the first stage of acceptance by both parents and the individuals intending to marry, the boy can look at his prospective bride and the girl also has the right to look at her prospective husband. The Prophet (saws) said “Go and look at her (the woman you are considering marrying) because this will help your time together to be strengthened.” (Ahmad) The purpose of this look is to determine whether they would like to marry that person. Once the acceptance of marriage has been pronounced, it is no longer permissible for them to see each other. Stage-3: Additional Stipulations: In a proposal where all the aforesaid information is provided and acceptable to both parents and the individuals getting married, a few more clarifications would be beneficial before proceeding further. Instead of discovering something against the expectations and adding frustration at each stage of the celebration, it would be better for both parents to express what is desired, planned or expected during the marriage celebrations. This stage would help parents on both sides to understand and extend their cooperation as may be required. Page 20 of 64

Engagement The view of the scholars is that the engagement is prescribed for one who wants to get married. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal” [al-Baqarah 2:235] And it was narrated that the Prophet (SAW) got engaged to ‘Aa’ishah (RA). (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4793). And in al-Saheeh it also states that the Messenger (saws) got engaged to Hafsah (RA). (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4830). But in Islamic sharee’ah there are no specific practices that must be followed with regard to the engagement. What some Muslims do, announcing the engagement, having a party to celebrate and exchanging gifts, all comes under the heading of customs which are permissible in principle, and none of them is haraam except those which sharee’ah indicates are haraam like the exchange of rings between the engaged couple, a custom which is known in Arabic as “dublah.” Another un-Islamic tradition is the use of a gold ring by the groom; this was prohibited by the Prophet (saw). Silver rings are allowed for men and women, while wearing gold ornament is allowed for women only. The tradition of trading rings is borrowed from other societies, and Muslims are told not to imitate non-Muslims in such traditions. This custom goes against sharee’ah for the following reasons: Some people think that these rings increase the love between the spouses and have an effect on their relationship. This is an ignorant (jaahili) belief and is an attachment to something for which there is no basis in sharee’ah. This custom involves imitating the non-Muslims such as Christians and others. It is not a Muslim custom at all. The Prophet (saws) warned us against that when he said: “You will inevitably follow the paths of those who came before you, hand span by hand span, cubit by cubit, until even if they entered the hole of a lizard, you will follow them.” We said, “O Messenger of Allah, (do you mean) the Jews and Christians?” He said, “Who else?” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-I’tisaam bi’l-Kitaab wa’l-Sunnah, 6889; Muslim, al-‘Ilm, 6723). And the Prophet (saws) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Libaas, 4031; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 3401). Page 21 of 64

Mahr In the first era of Islam, marriage was a simple affair, without pomp or ceremony. Any expenditure incurred in its performance was quite minimal, and not a burden on either family. Indeed, the Prophet (saws) stated: 'the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.' (al-Haythami, Kitab-ab-Nikah, 4:255). Nowadays, much difficulty and hardship can be caused by the setting and giving of dowries, bride-prices and Mahr - not to mention enormous wedding feasts and celebrations in some cultures which bring a most unreasonable financial burden on the families concerned. Financially crippling celebrations are totally in opposition to the spirit of Islam, and are not necessary. They are purely a matter of the culture of certain regions. No Muslim should feel obliged to continue these un-Islamic traditions, or be embarrassed about breaking with their old cultural traditions. It is very important that Muslims themselves realize that there is an enormous difference between dowry, bride-price and Mahr. Many books and articles on the subject confusingly use the word dowry to mean Mahr, but in fact the correct word for dowry is jahaz, and its function is totally different. What is Mahr? The Mahr is a compulsory part of an Islamic marriage contract. The other words for Mahr generally used in the Qur'an are sadaqa and ajr, meaning “reward” or “gift to the bride” in which there is profit but no loss, and faridah, literally that which has been made obligatory, or an appointed portion. Allah commanded: 'Give women their faridah as a free gift.' (4:4) (Unfortunately the word is frequently incorrectly translated as “dowry”). Allah says in the Qur'an: (Wa aatoo an-nisaa'a saduqaatihinna nihlatan){And give the women their dowries with a good heart} An-Nisaa:4 It is a gift of money, possessions or property made by the husband to the wife, which becomes her exclusive property. It is an admission of her independence, for she becomes the owner of the money or property immediately, even though she may have owned nothing before. It has nothing to do with either of their parents, except that a husband might need to take a loan. This should only be done with the intention of repayment. It is also intended as a token of the husband's willing acceptance of the responsibility of bearing all the necessary expenses of his wife. Page 22 of 64

Even if the wife owned no property or money of her own before her marriage, she is given this money or property when she marries so that she commences her married life in her new status with money or property of her own. The wife gives herself and her services to her husband, and in return he gives her property to herself, even if she had nothing before, and pledges that he will maintain her. Muslim women are placed in charge of the internal arrangement of the household, while Muslim men are responsible for its financing (even if the wife earns her own money subsequent to her marriage). The Prophet (saws) gave each of his wives a payment of Mahr, ranging from token sums, and the granting of freedom from slavery when being made a wife, to the payment of 400- 500 dirham. His wife Umm Habibah's Mahr consisted of 4000 dirham, this sum having been fixed by Najashi, the Negus (a Christian ruler) of Abyssinia. (Abu Dawud, Kitab an-Nikah, 2:235). There was in fact no fixed upper limit for Mahr. Allah required the provision to depend upon the circumstances of the husband: 'The wealthy according to his means, and the straitened in circumstances according to his means. The gift of a reasonable amount is necessary from those who wish to act in the right way.' (2:236). In a famous case, the second Caliph, Umar b. al-Khattab, once gave a public sermon in which he asked the congregation to refrain from fixing heavy Mahr, and stated that the Prophet (SAW) had declared no-one should give more than 400 dirham. A woman immediately stood up and challenged him, quoting the verse 4:20 from the Qur'an: 'But if you decide to take a wife in place of another, even if you had given the first a heap of gold (Quinter) for a dowry, you shall not take the least bit back.' Umar went back to the minbar and withdrew his words stating 'the woman is right, and Umar is wrong. Whoever wishes may give as much property as he wishes to give.'(Ibn-Hajar al-Athqalani,Fath-al-Bari, 9:167). Who owns the Mahr? Can it be refused? The Mahr is owned solely by the wife. The husband is not allowed to refuse to pay his wife a proper Mahr or faridah. The settling of the payment is obligatory. 'Women are lawful to you….provided that you take them in marriage and not fornication. As to those through whom you profit (through marriage), give them their faridah as appointed.' (2:24). Page 23 of 64

The same applied when marrying Jewish or Christian women (5:5). If a Muslim man married someone 'whom his right hand possessed' (i.e. a slave or prisoner of war), the Mahr was to grant her freedom and other payment was not required. Caliph Umar (RA) ruled that if a woman had excused her husband his Mahr, but later demanded it, the husband should be compelled to pay it on the grounds that the fact that she demanded it was a clear proof that she had not remit it of her own free will. The case of a woman whose husband died before fixing the amount of the dowry or consummating the marriage was brought to Abdullah b. Mas'ud. He ruled that she should be paid according to the Mahr of women of like status to herself. The Shafi School rules that a wife may refuse to consummate the marriage if the husband agreed to pay the Mahr immediately, but did not do so. She may have the marriage annulled. How much should the Mahr amount be? It is un-Islamic for a Muslim woman to set a huge demand for herself, with the intention of deterring suitors of humble means. Islam does not require husbands and wives to come from the same social strata or income brackets - although this may often seem to be advisable. Islamic compatibility is based on religious faith and mutual respect, not on money, caste (another Hindu custom), class, background, nationality, etc. It is just as un-Islamic to demand a huge Mahr, generally beyond the husband's means, based on the intention of checking the husband from ill-treating his wife, or wrongfully divorcing the wife without cause, or preventing him from remarrying another later - the reasoning being that in cases of divorce the woman can demand the full payment of the Mahr. The fixing of a substantial Mahr for the above purposes rests on the supposition that the Mahr has to be fixed at the time of marriage, but not handed over until divorce - which gives it a supposed 'deterrent' value. This is unlawful in Islam, for in this case the wife has no use or ownership of the Mahr during the time of the marriage. If the prospective husband is not a wealthy man, a generous wife may choose to accept a very small Mahr, but this has to be her own free choice. She should not be coerced or have pressure put on her in any way. Some of the Prophet's female companions accepted their husbands' conversions to Islam, or memorizing of ayah of the Qur'an, or giving education to others as their Mahr. Page 24 of 64

The Mahr has to be fixed taking into account the bridegroom's position in life. That is, it should not normally be more than he is easily able to afford, whether it be a lump-sum or some article of value. Jurists have different views on what the minimum amount should be, but all agree that it should be substantial enough for something to be bought against it. In other words, any amount which is sufficient for a purchase is acceptable as Mahr. The husband may be loaned money by his father or family, but it must be repaid. In the case of Nabi Musa (the Prophet Moses), when he left Egypt for Madyan he married Safura the daughter of the Prophet Shu'ayb RA. His Mahr mu'ajjal was settled and paid off by binding himself to grazing his father-in-law's cattle for ten years without wages. Presumably Shu'ayb (RA) had paid Safura on Musa's behalf. A good woman might agree on a low Mahr if she wishes, or none at all, according to the circumstances of her husband. Once fixed, it is fixed, and legally binding - so it is good practice to have it written down and witnessed on a document. The wife should take advice on her decision, and not be blinded by emotion, or coercion, or fear, or family pressure. If any person pressurizes a woman into a decision she might not have otherwise made, that person will be held to account in the life to come, even if he 'got away with it' on this earth. One recorded hadith suggests that 'the best woman is the one whose Mahr is the easiest to pay.' (al-Haythami, Kitab an-Nikah 4:281). However, it is sensible for a wife to accept a reasonable Mahr, as this becomes her own property as stated, and is hers to keep should the marriage fail and end in divorce. Under what conditions is it payable? There are two main ways of properly presenting Mahr to the bride. The first way is to hand it over in full at the time of marriage, in which case it is known as Mahr mu'ajjal, or 'promptly given Mahr'. (Notice that, The word is derived from 'ajilah, meaning 'without delay'. This was the accepted practice during the time of the Prophet (saws), and the amount fixed was generally quite minimal. In the case of Fatimah and Ali, Ali informed the Prophet (saws) that he had nothing to give her. The Prophet (saws) reminded him of a coat of chain-mail he had been given. It was still in his possession, although in a dilapidated condition and worth less than four dirham. The Prophet (saws) suggested he gave that to Fatimah, and this was done. The second way of presenting Mahr is to defer it, to hand it over to the bride after a certain period of time, the duration of which must be specified, fixed by the man and agreed by the Page 25 of 64

wife. This has to be settled, with witnesses, at the time of the marriage. This form of Mahr is known as Mahr muwajjal. (the word implies 'in a period of time'). The five major schools of Islamic jurisprudence all agree that delay in handing over the Mahr, whether in full or in part, is lawful provided that the fixed period for payment is not indefinite. This method should never be used as an excuse to willfully postpone the payment. A definite date should always be fixed, witnessed, and adhered to. It should certainly not be left 'hanging' in case the marriage breaks down and the couple comes to consider a divorce - because of the inevitable emotions, bitterness, arguments, hostilities and financial problems involved at that time. If the husband died, or they got divorced, the Mahr debt must be paid up immediately to the widow before his inheritance or other financial settlements are considered. It is her property, and not his. Repayment of Mahr in cases of khul (divorce) A khul is a situation in which a wife sues for divorce even though the husband has not driven her to it by his unreasonable behavior.  If there is no good reason for a wife wishing to divorce her husband, but it is a case in which she simply wishes to terminate the marriage with no particular legal grounds against the husband, the husband may agree to grant her the divorce if she returns all or part of the Mahr. This has to be agreed between them.  If the wife does have genuine grounds for divorce - such as cruelty, mental cruelty, breaking of the marriage contract, adultery, desertion, incurable insanity, long-term imprisonment, abandonment of Islam - and then the divorce is not khul but a normal talaq, in which the wife has as much right to instigate proceedings as the husband. In these cases, she most certainly does not have to hand over any of the Mahr.  If the wife has genuine grounds for divorce, but the husband refuses the divorce, she may then approach lawyers for khul, and appoint an Imam to act for her. It is sensible to do this as well as having a professional lawyer. She is not required to pay back any of her Mahr. Indeed, the lawyers may demand some further compensation for her if the husband is guilty. (She may have to prove his guilt, and should gather as much evidence beforehand as she can - such as signed and witnessed statements of witnesses, photographs of injuries sustained, etc). Page 26 of 64

The Marriage Contract Marriage in Islam is a contract. Thus, as in any contract in Islam, there are elements which are considered essential to its existence, called “arkaan”, the possibility of stipulations of different kinds, legal effects of the contract, etc. Each of these should be understood properly in order to ensure that the marriage has been performed in the proper manner and the rightful effects of the marriage are granted to each of the participating partners. There are ten conditions (shuroot) in this category. Some are agreed upon by virtually all the scholars while others are the subject of some disagreement. The woman is permissible to the man. i.e., that she is not one of those forbidden to him by relation, nursing or other existing and conflicting marriage. Some would consider this on of the arkaan (pillars) or one of the conditions for initiating the contract. In any case, this condition must definitely be met. The offer and acceptance is of a permanent nature and not temporary. All forms of temporary marriage are forbidden in Islam. If anything stated in the offer and acceptance indicates a temporary nature, the marriage is not valid. Two non-discredited witnesses: \"Laa nikaaha illa bi waliyin wa shaahidaiy 'adlin\" \"No marriage except with a guardian and two non-discredited witnesses.\" The witnesses must be two adult and sane Muslim men whose testimony has not been previously discredited and the marriage must be pronounced publicly. 1. The bride and groom are specifically identified and known. 2. Neither of the two contracting parties is in a state of ihram. 3. The marriage must be with a dowry (Mahr). 4. It does not have to be exactly specified nor does it have to change hands, but it has to be there (as explained in the previous chapter). 5. The parties and witnesses are not bound to keep it quiet. It is not allowed to make attempts to keep a marriage a secret. The universal custom of the Arabs before Islam was to have marriages very publicly where all around became aware of its existence. 6. Islam confirmed this practice and it is the only acceptable way of marrying. As we have seen, the Maliki School takes this so seriously that they separate the two parties permanently. Some other scholars said that it was a wrong practice, but didn't necessarily invalidate the marriage. 7. No party is on his/her deathbed. 8. The \"parties\" intended here are the bride and the groom. This is because of possible Page 27 of 64

injury to the heirs because of another person becoming entitled to inheritance. 9. The presence of the guardian or representative (wali) of the woman. 10. The wali is a Muslim man charged with marrying the one under his charge to a man who will be good for her. There is no disagreement that the first wali is her natural father if he is Muslim and that the last in line is the ruler. Between those two, there is some disagreement about the order but agreement that they come from the girl's father’s relatives - no one from her mother's side enters into the picture. The order, according to many is: father, paternal grandfather, son, grandson, full brother, paternal half-brother, and paternal uncle. The wali is an absolute requirement for a marriage, and any marriage done without him is null and void according to the following hadith: \"Laa nikaaha illa bi waliyyin wa as-sultaanu waliyyu man laa waliyya lahaa.\" \"No marriage can be solemnized except with a guardian and the ruler is the guardian of whoever has no guardian.\" Abu Daud & others (sahih) \"Ayyumaa imra'atin nakahat bi ghairi idhni waliyyihaa fa nikaahuhaa baatilun fa nikaahuhaa baatilun fa nikaahuhaa baatilun.\" \"If any woman marries without the permission of her guardian, then her marriage is void, then her marriage is void, then her marriage is void.\" Abu Daud & others (sahih) Page 28 of 64

Mutual Agreement (Prenuptial Agreement)  We make life insurance, vehicle insurance, investment insurance, fire insurance, theft insurance in order to secure our interests in case of any future eventualities.  An Employment Contract protects the interests of the employer and the employee.  A Construction Contract protects the interests of the Contractor and the Client.  A Rental Agreement protects the interests of the house owner and the tenant.  A Lease Agreement protects the interests of the Lessor and the Lessee. The Muslim Marriage (Nikah) is a Civil Contract which contains the basic ingredients of a regular everyday marital life. Unfortunately, this is the only Contract that is signed like a blank cheque. We do not take any precautions or measures to safeguard our Islamic rights as a spouse while entering into wedlock. The Muslim Society is inundated with marital problems and a majority of victims are women who are left with little or no choice. In marriages where some major factors related to income, health, religion, property, education, employment, spousal expectations etc., are discovered later to be untrue or assumed, marital conflicts deepen and ruin the relationship. A great deal of heartache can be avoided by a woman in her marriage if she, as the bride- to-be, agrees to and signs a carefully considered Prenuptial Agreement (also known as a Marriage Contract or Domestic Contract) that guards her rights before entering into wedlock. This is the crucial first step which will guarantee her rights throughout her marriage, because if problems should arise later on in the marriage, ignorance of the law will not be allowed as an excuse for the woman's failure to secure her rights. The Prenuptial Agreement can also guarantee a woman many of her Islamic rights, which can be enforceable by law. The Marriage Contract may therefore be made by both Spouses specifying certain conditions and emphasizing certain Rights & Duties of the Spouse provided that they do not contradict the Islamic Shariah. This will provide more strength to the conditions stipulated and safeguard the Islamic Rights of the spouse and lead to lesser conflicts thereby contributing harmony in the marital relationship. As these matters can have lifelong effect upon both spouses and their children, it is important that the stipulations be properly discussed beforehand and that both parties read this document carefully. This document must be in writing and signed by both spouses and be notarized. Any future marital conflict could be resolved by mediation and arbitration on the basis of the Prenuptial Contract Agreement (Marriage Contract). Page 29 of 64

The Marriage Contract must be completed and signed in triplicate: 1. The first copy should be given to the bride, 2. The second copy should be given to the bridegroom, 3. The third copy must remain deposited with the Imam/Qadi who countersigns the Agreement. The Marriage Contract may contain any number of additional details which the couple has agreed upon as pre-requisites to their married life. Some of the clauses that may be included in the Marriage Contract are mentioned below to serve as an Example of the Marriage Contract. The spouse-to-be should consult a qualified Islamic Scholar and a Muslim Lawyer to draft the Marriage Contract suitable to their requirements. Personal Details of bride and bridegroom Name, Date, and Place of Birth: These should be written in full and as entered on official documents, e.g., passport, driving license. Please ensure spellings are consistent. Address: Include full permanent address as written in official documents, e.g., passport, driving license, bank statements. The Prenuptial Agreement may contain any number of additional details which the couple has agreed upon as pre-requisites to their married life. Some of the clauses that may be included in the Prenuptial Agreement are mentioned below to serve as an Example of the Prenuptial Agreement. The spouse-to-be should consult a qualified Islamic Scholar and a Muslim Lawyer to draft the Prenuptial Agreement suitable to their requirements. 1. MAHR is the consideration for the contract of marriage between the parties. It may be in the form of money and/or goods given by the Bridegroom to the Bride in consideration for the marriage. It is an essential element of Muslim marriage and is exclusively reserved for the use of the female partner. Payment of Mahr could be immediate (prompt), or deferred. Full Amount of Mahr: Record the total value of the agreed Mahr, e.g., Rs.50,000 in cash, or xyz weight in gold. a) Mu‘ajjal (Immediate/Prompt): This means the total amount of Mahr payable by the Husband at the time of signing of marriage contract. b) Mu’wajjal (Deferred): This means the portion of the Mahr which is payable to the wife at a specified point in the marriage or at the time of dissolution of the marriage through divorce or death of the husband. Any deferred Mahr that remains unpaid at the time of dissolution becomes a debt against the former husband’s assets. Portion of the Mahr paid at the time of marriage: Enter the details of the amount of money and/or goods received as Mahr at the time of marriage. This does not include general gifts to the bride from the bridegroom and/or his family unless these be expressly included in (a) above as part of the amount of Mahr. Page 30 of 64

This is her Islamic right. Therefore the details of its payment should be set out very clearly in the Prenuptial Agreement The bride could settle an appropriate amount of dower to cover the demands of life after either a divorce or the husband's death, or she could arrange for an annuity, or a fixed monthly amount payable to her upon the occurrence of either of those two events. 1. Financial independence: According to Muslim Family Law, the responsibility for the wife's maintenance (nafqa) always remains with the husband. The Muslim law principle which has been jealously guarded and enforced by Muslim law courts is that a woman's property is hers alone. Consequently, any property which a Muslim wife contributes towards the 'family's assets' (i.e. all the property accumulated during the marriage) remains hers alone and is not subject to division or sharing by the husband in the event of a marriage breakdown (unless otherwise agreed upon between the husband and wife). In other words, under the Muslim Law, her 'Net Family Property,' remains hers alone and with no corresponding obligation to share with her husband (unless both husband and wife have agreed to share). 2. Education & employment: The wife has no obligation to support her husband. If she chooses to work, she will not be stopped from it and she will not be required to share that income for the family needs. Muslim women may restate their God-given Islamic rights to education and independence to work (employment, business, professions, etc.) in the Prenuptial agreement which could be used beneficially. Although in practice the husband may or may not approve of a wife either working or getting higher education. So it would be prudent for both the husband and the wife to be clear on this issue so as to prevent discord and unhappiness in the marriage. 3. Polygamy: If a woman does not feel that she could allow her husband to marry more than one woman at the same time, then Islam allows her the right to refuse him permission to do this at the outset of their marriage, however, she must indicate this preference in the Prenuptial Agreement or she will forfeit this right under the Islamic Law. Additional stipulations: The additional conditions that are stipulated prior to the marriage give either party a choice. If the conditions are violated, then they have a choice of either annulling the marriage or foregoing those conditions. These additional stipulations that are laid down before the marriage would protect all concerned from any misuse of authority and avoid any misunderstandings after the marriage. So couples may prepare these prenuptial marriage agreements, with their signatures on them and get them notarized (if necessary). Then the rights of couples according to their belief system will be guaranteed and practiced in any condition anywhere in the world. Page 31 of 64

A few questions that a bride/groom can discuss/include in the Pre-marital Agreement:  Do the father- and mother-in-law and the husband’s brothers and sisters have the right to enter my room with or without permission?  To what extent should I obey them with regard to my clothing, cooking, childcare, keeping house and going out of the house?  Do the In-Laws have the right to interfere in our marital life?  Do they have any rights with regard to our work, where we live, education and the like?  Do I have to ask their permission to visit my family?  Can a husband stop his wife from visiting her parents, and threaten her with divorce if she visits them?  How often should she visit them in normal circumstances? What if they are ill and old and need she to look after them? What if a couple have only daughters and no sons?  A man might ask that his bride not interfere with his obligations towards his parents.  The couple might agree that each spouse will not disclose marital issues to others, and that they will follow Islamic guidelines for resolving problems.  Income of husband and wife both will be pooled together in one account operable by each one individually with mutual consent.  None of them will have a right to physically hurt each other or maltreatment by in-laws.  Wife will not work to earn money without the consent of husband.  In case of a dispute, husband and wife will appoint one person each to arbitrate between them.  Husband will not ask wife to stop her Islamic practices like Hijab.  If anyone indulges in Haram (what is forbidden), it will be an acceptable ground for divorce.  In case of any spouse's death, the surviving spouse will be responsible for the distribution of inheritance according to the Islamic law.  Family will not move out to another country without mutual agreement.  Husband is the leader of the family who will run the family in consultation with the wife.  Both husband and wife agree to discuss all issues that arise in their marriage and arrive at mutually agreeable conclusions. Differences of opinion concerning a point of Islamic practice will be referred to the Quran and Hadith.  Wife will be permitted to visit her parents subject to any conditions mutually agreed upon between the spouses.  That a certain percentage of the husband’s income will be spent for his parents.  Whether the spouse-to-be wishes to live separately after the marriage.  That any major discovery of a false statement will be a deciding factor to annul the marriage.  Either spouse desert/be absent from the marital home for more than 60 days unless by mutual agreement.  Misuse /interfere with the wife’s / husband’s property. Page 32 of 64

These additional stipulations that are laid down before the marriage would protect all concerned from any misuse of authority and avoid any misunderstandings after the marriage as well as give either party a choice. If the conditions are violated, then they have a choice of either annulling the marriage or foregoing those conditions. To be enforceable by law, a Prenuptial Agreement must also comply with the laws of the country (as distinct from the Islamic Law of the Shariah) in which it is drawn up and signed. This will guarantee that the agreement will be legally binding on both the husband and the wife, and should problems later arise, the spouse will have protection under the law of his or her own country. In Asian countries where a woman is mostly required to stay with her in-laws, there are certain occasions or circumstances when she may be needed at her parent’s house such as the two major festivals (Ramadan & Bakrid), wedding of her siblings, sickness of her immediate family members or any special occasion. These are the times when both the families and the spouse usually get into arguments and misunderstandings. It would thus be better to mention certain conditions in the Prenuptial Agreement or Marriage Contract such as: We are very cautious while entering into a commercial transaction and ensure that we have a legal document to protect our rights in case of any disagreements or breach of contract. However, we forego our rights and do not consider it necessary to have a legal Agreement for the marital journey. A breach of contract in a commercial transaction would lead to a financial loss. However, marital problems affect the spouses and their families leaving behind an emotional or psychological trauma and sometimes become the cause for the death of a spouse. Instead of being lost in helplessness, hopelessness, and self-pity in depression; panic, regretting or seeking help for marital problems, it would be wise to draft a Pre-marital Agreement with certain conditions that are acceptable between you and your would-be spouse, agreeable by both families and have it legalized by a Notary. Page 33 of 64

A Grand Wedding and a Ruined Marriage A majority of the following would have celebrated a grand wedding. The wedding plans would have been perfect. However, some matters that weren’t thought of before the wedding have ruined the marital journey. A brief summary of various online questions pertaining to post- marital problems is mentioned below:  My husband has been out of work since 2002. He wakes up at 3, 4, and 5 in the afternoon. He has even woken up at 8 or 9 o’clock in the evening. He then plays on the computer all night and goes to bed at 6 or 7 in the morning.  my sister’s husband does not like my sister coming to her parents house and her sister and brothers going to her house, he now wants to move far away but my sister is not willing because he does not treat her properly, and the situation is coming down to the divorce stage.  I am married to a woman who cannot have children. After two years of marriage she wants to have children by means of in-vitro fertilization, but I do not want to have any children.  My husband does not let me work or study, but I think that I am able for that. Does he have the right to prevent me from working or studying? He is not listening to me and that hurts my feelings.  I married my maternal cousin a month and a half ago, and I do not feel happy with this marriage, because she does not show much respect to me and she goes out of the house a lot to visit her family, and she does not obey me in some matters. One day she said: I want separate accommodation. My mother says: If you live with your wife in a separate house I will never enter your house, and neither will your brother or anyone else in your family. Now I am in a bad situation.  I received a proposal for a person who was not at all good looking and even physically very slim. I was asked about the proposal, I asked two questions, is the person good by his nature and educated. That was it about my inquiry for him. I got married in January. When I looked at him for first time 20 yrs older than me and also learnt that he carried a genetic disease.  I was married to an epilepsy patient. Me and my mother was not informed by the wife`s parents that their daughter was an epilepsy patient, After two months of marriage she got her epilepsy fit.  I was married when I was 15 years old and my husband left me after 10 months of our marriage (he didn’t divorce me) and never turned up till date.  My wife has asked to stop keeping relations with my family. According to her, their presence in our life only causes problems for us. Page 34 of 64

Premarital Medical Check-Up Marriage is a significant event that allows two partners to build social, emotional, psychological and healthy relationship and establish a sound family comprising of healthy and happy children. Negligence and reluctance to undergo the medical tests can lead to many health problems. If one of the two partners is carrier of any genetic, infectious or blood transmitted diseases, the marital journey would be marred with mental, psychological and financial stress. Premarital medical checkup must also be encouraged among blood-related spouses to avoid the risk for hereditary diseases. Premarital screening would benefit both on a national and communal level and limit the spread of aforesaid genetic and infectious diseases, reduce financial burdens and promote healthy marriages. Premarital HIV Testing is mandatory in about 18 countries. A few countries including India have proposed law mandating premarital HIV testing and few countries have voluntarily opted for HIV testing. Premarital Medical Check Up can be done at least six months before the wedding that includes some of the following tests: 1. Blood test routine and hemoglobin analysis to check if there are any blood abnormalities, for an example, Thalassemia trait. 2. Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate (ESR) is conducted to know about the inflammation process. 3. Blood type and Rhesus factor test, to know the possibility of baby’s blood type. The blood type and rhesus test are useful for the fetus. 4. Complete Urine Test, to monitor kidney function and other disease that is related to kidney or urinary tract. 5. Blood sugar test is conducted to monitor the possibility of diabetes mellitus. 6. HBSAG test is conducted to know the possibility of Hepatitis B. 7. VDLR/RPR test is conducted to know the possibility of syphilis disease. 8. TORCH test is conducted to detect the infection caused by Toxoplasma parasite, Rubella virus, Cytomegalo virus (CMV), Herpes virus which can cause defects on fetus and premature babies. Page 35 of 64

Nikah The assembly of Nikah is addressed with a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-Nikah) by the Muslim solemnizing the marriage. In many societies, customarily, a state appointed Muslim judge (Qadi) solemnizes the Nikah ceremony and keeps the record of the marriage contract. However, any trustworthy practicing Muslim can conduct the Nikah ceremony, as Islam does not advocate priesthood. The documents of marriage contract/certificate are filed with the mosque (Masjid) for the record. Prophet Muhammad (saws) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have the marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly, to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility. The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with praise to Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that “There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad (saws) is His servant and messenger” is declared. The three Quranic verses (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage. The Muslim solemnizing the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for the bride, groom, and their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah). Marriage (Nikah) is considered an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations. Page 36 of 64

Wedding Celebrations Weddings are celebrated around the world in great variety. Most weddings are traditional, some simple, some extravagant, some unusual and a few are even weird. Apart from the customary venues, weddings have also been celebrated in submarines, in mid-air, on a football turf or a baseball court, in barns, museums, parks, a zoo, a beach, atop mountain peaks, via internet, mobile phones, telephones and even at a toilet and a cemetery! Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations. Simplicity: Now-a-days, the crux of the wedding celebration is to spend lavishly in order to make the event, the talk of the town. The aftermath of such a wedding leaves the bride’s parents (in Asian countries) with a trail of debts. Prophet Muhammad (saws) considered simple weddings the best weddings: 'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed\". (Mishkat) Invitations: Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: 'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out\". (Mishkat) Attendance: It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation. Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: \"And he, who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and his Prophet\". (Ahmad & Abu Dawood) Wishing the couple: It is a customary habit to shake hands or hug and wish “Mabrook”. However, it is better to read the following Dua while congratulating the couple: “Barakallahu lak, wa baraka alayk, wa jamaa baynakuma fi khayr.” May Allah bless you and shower his blessings on you and bring you together in goodness. Page 37 of 64

Entertainment: Some weddings, in spite of the glamour are so insipid due to the fact that those invited including some close relatives, drop in at the time of Nikah and leave immediately after the dinner. The hosts should plan some entertainment (as is permissible by Islam) during the event and the invitees should also try to spare some time to share the joy of the wedding ceremony. The Prophet (saws) said: `Publicize the marriage; celebrate it in the mosques; sound the tambourines to mark it!' (Tirmidhi.) Al-Rubayyi bint Muawwidh narrated: `The Messenger of God (saws) visited me the morning after my marriage was consummated. He sat on my bedding while some servant girls of ours began to play tambourine and sang eulogies of my ancestors who had died at the battle of Badr. Then one of them said: \"And among us is a Prophet who knows what tomorrow brings.\" But he said to her: \"Stop that, but say what you were saying before\".' (Bukhari). Amir ibn Sa'd said: After finding Qaraza ibn Ka'b and Abu Mas'ud al- Ansari at a wedding where girls were singing, I said: \"Is this being done in the presence of you two who are companions of God's Messenger, and were present at Badr?\" They replied: \"Sit down if you wish and listen along with us; or go away if you wish, for we have been given permission for amusement at a wedding.\"' (Nasa'i) Since marriage is such a joyful event for the whole Muslim neighborhood, playing tambourines and having decent and allowable singing are recommended during the celebration. According to Aishah (r.a), it is a sunnah of the Prophet (saw) to announce a marriage and to make it in the mosque. Once, Aishah (RA) organized a wedding feast for a woman who wed a man from Al-Ansaar. The Prophet (saw) advised Aishah (RA) to do some entertainment due to the tradition of Al- Ansaar. We must keep in mind, however, that the marriage celebrations should not violate any Islamic law. The word entertainment in the Islamic context should not be misinterpreted. People who attend the celebrations should not mix in any un-Islamic way. Both men and women should wear proper Islamic dress during the celebration, and the songs they sing should not contain any obscene words or words that violate the Islamic code of decency and manners. Islamic standards must be upheld regardless of the type of occasion one is participating in. Page 38 of 64

Some people have begun practicing traditions which are completely against Islamic teachings. The tradition of bringing a musical band and female dancers to dance before men is prohibited in Islam. Wedding Reception (Waleemah) The Waleemah is a food reception to make the marriage public. It is offered by the parents of the married couple, by their friends, or by the newly married couple themselves. Friends, relatives, anodfneighbors are usually invited. The companion Anas reported that the Prophet (saw) saw a trace of yellow on Abd Ar- Rahman Ibn Auf, and asked what is this? He answered: \"I got married\". Then, the Prophet (saw) said, \"May Allah make it a blessing for you. Have a waleemah, even with only a sheep.\" [Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Maalik] A groom should not feel obligated to have an extravagant marriage celebration, as this is a financial burden which could leave him in debt for years to follow. This could in turn discourage men from getting married. Marriage is an occasion for presenting the new family with gifts by relatives and friends. Gifts that are given with sincerity and consent strengthen the love between people. The Prophet (saw) said, \"Exchange gifts, strengthen your love of one another.\" [Tirmizi] One should always keep in mind the real reason behind giving gifts to strengthen the mutual relationships between people. Therefore, gifts should be affordable and given to others voluntarily. Unfortunately, most have forgotten this and the gifts have become burdens on those who give them; this weakens relationships between people instead of strengthening them. People today write down what others have given them and the prices of such presents and then feel obligated to buy that person a gift equal in value. This is completely un-Islamic, and it does not follow the teachings of the Prophet (saw). Some vary in their social positions and have different financial statuses, and feeling obligated to buy a gift equal to that presented would soon end close relationships between people of different economic backgrounds. This will in turn build social barriers. Finally, congratulations are offered to the bride by the women around her and by her Page 39 of 64

relatives and friends; the groom is congratulated by other men. The best of congratulations is that reported by Abu Hurairah that the Prophet (saw) said to people who got married: \"May Allah make it a blessing for you and a blessing to you, and bring you together with all that is good.\" [Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Al- Hakim] Marriage is a sacred bond between two people. It binds not only the hearts of two persons, but two distinguished extended families. Indeed, a good start in a whole new life as a husband and wife will serve as a strong foundation for the coming future. Customs and Traditions:  Many customs as regards engagement are contrary to the Sunnah. In fact, many are against the Shariah and are regarded as sins. A verbal proposal and answer is sufficient.  To unnecessarily delay Nikah of both the boy and the girl after having reached the age of marriage is incorrect.  There is nothing wrong in inviting one's close relatives for the occasion of Nikah. However, no special pains should be taken in gathering the people from far off places.  It is appropriate that the bridegroom be a few years older than the bride.  If the father of the girl is an Aalim or pious and capable of performing Nikah, then he should himself solemnize the marriage.  It is better to give the Mahr Faatimi and one should Endeavour to do so. But if one does not have the means then there is nothing wrong in giving less.  It is totally un-Islamic for those, who do not possess the means, to incur debts in order to have grandiose weddings.  It is fallacy to think that one's respect will be lost if one does not hold an extravagant wedding and invite many people. What is our respect compared to that of Rasulullah ((SAW))?  The present day practice of the intermingling of the sexes is an act of sin and totally against Shariah.  There are no engagement parties and Mehendi parties in Islam.  Great care must be taken as regards to Salaat on occasions of marriage by all - the bride, the bridegroom and all the participants.  It is un-Islamic to display the bride on a stage.  The unnecessary expenses that are incurred by the bride's family in holding a feast have no basis in Shariah.  For the engaged couple to meet at a public gathering where the boy holds the girl's hand and slips a ring on her finger is a violation of the Qurãnic law of Hijaab.  It is un-Islamic for the engaged couple to meet each other and also go out together.  Three things should be borne in mind when giving one's daughter gifts and presents at the time of Nikah: Page 40 of 64

 Presents should be given within one's means (it is not permissible to take loans, on interest for such presents)  To give necessary items  A show should not be made of whatever is given.  It is Sunnah for the bridegroom's family to make Waleemah. To delay Nikah after the engagement is un-Islamic. Note: In Waleemah, whatever is easily available should be fed to the people and care should be taken that there is no extravagant show and that no debts are incurred in the process. Some Customs:  In imitating Western methods sheepishly, Muslims have adopted many customs which are un-Islamic and frowned upon.  Some examples are:  Displaying the bride on stage;  Inviting guests for the wedding from far off places;  Receiving guests in the hall;  The bride's people incurring unnecessary expenses by holding a feast which has no basis in Shariah. We should remember that Waleemah is the feast arranged by the bridegroom.  It is contrary to Sunnah to hope or demand presents and gifts for the bridegroom, from the bride's people. We should always remember that our Prophet ((SAW)) did not give Áli (R.A.) Page 41 of 64

The evils of dowry system The custom of giving dowry (jahaz) is not part of Islam, although it actually seems to be on the increase among several Muslim cultures, notably those of Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi origin, even when they have settled abroad in European countries. In fact, it is a practice which has never been sanctioned by Islam and is not prevalent amongst Muslims of other cultures. It seems to be in imitation of ancient Hindu culture in which daughters were not given any share in the family property, but were given payments, part of which might be in the form of household goods, as a measure of compensation. Islam granted daughters a rightful share in their family property and inheritance. A 'bride-price' is either an amount of money, goods or possessions given to the bride by the bride's family at the time of her marriage, in order to attract a good husband for her. It would in effect become the property of the husband or his family upon his marrying her. This is a totally un-Islamic practice. In Islam, women are not 'owned' by their families and should not be 'traded with' in this manner. It is an insulting practice. An amount of money demanded from the bridegroom or his family by the bride or her family, usually the bride's father, without which the daughter will not be given in marriage. In the jahiliyyah society before Islam, this money was regarded as the property of the girl's guardian. The matters of fathers giving the bride gifts of money or property, or paying for an enormous wedding feast, or providing a home, or setting her up in her home with furniture and household effects are left to the discretion of the people involved in Islam. The Prophet (SAW) himself saw to the marriages of his four daughters. He gave his daughter Fatimah (RA) various gifts when she married Ali b. Abu Talib, but there is no record of his having given anything to his other daughters on the occasion of their marriages. Had such gifts been a recommended Sunnah, he would surely have given the others gifts as well. Moreover, the gifts given to Fatimah were extremely modest household articles - a sheet, a leather water-bag, and a pillow stuffed with grass and fiber. Nothing could be more un-Islamic than ostentation. It is ridiculous to attempt to justify flamboyant displays of wealth in lavish gifts or feastings by citing the Prophet's extremely modest gifts to Fatimah (RA). Many parents consider giving dowry as their love, obligation and responsibility. However, understanding the concept of dowry and its impact on the society becomes crucial in the wake of suffering and deaths caused by this evil system which is mother of all evils. Page 42 of 64

Marriage as a financial transaction: Young married women are particularly vulnerable. Customarily, they go to live in the house of their husband’s family following the wedding. The marriage is frequently arranged, often in response to advertisements in newspapers. Issues of status, caste and religion may come into the decision, but money is nevertheless central to the transactions between the families of the bride and groom. The wife is often seen as a servant, or if she works, a source of income, but has no special relationship with the members of her new household and therefore no base of support. Some 40 percent of women are married before the legal age of 18. Illiteracy among women is high, in some rural areas up to 63 percent. As a result they are isolated and often in no position to assert themselves. Demands for dowry can go on for years. Religious ceremonies and the birth of children often become the occasions for further requests for money or goods. The inability of the bride’s family to comply with these demands often leads to the daughter-in-law being treated as a pariah and subject to abuse. In the worst cases, wives are simply killed to make way for a new financial transaction, that is, another marriage. What’s your choice? There are Muslims who may need some help in order to meet the wedding expenses as they are financially poor. However, there are also Muslims who are financially strong but spiritually weak and want to utilize every reason and opportunity to increase the BAGGAGE that is against the Shariah Laws. Beware of the following reasons that support and promote the dowry system and nullify the very essence of performing the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw) which is Marriage. These said and unsaid wishes have only created more obstacles and problems in the Society: 1. Allah has blessed us with wealth and we are happy to give as much to our daughter. 2. We will give what is normally given to a daughter in a wedding. 3. We have no demands but if they wish to give, it’s up to them. 4. We can’t afford but we have to take loans on interest in order to fulfill our parental duty. 5. If we don’t take anything, what will the society think as if our son has some defect or drawback? 6. The family hands over a big list of items that includes a mouse trap to a house trap. Page 43 of 64

The consequences of indulging in the Un-Islamic ritual of dowry system have added more social evils such as: 1. Corruption has become a part of life just like breathing, eating or sleeping. 2. Disputes over dowry payments have lead to an increase in bride burning and suicides. 3. In order to meet the dowry demands and wedding expenses, parents get involved in Ribah (Interest) which is considered as waging a war against Allah and his Prophet (saws). 4. Inability in arranging the required finances results in delaying the marriage ultimately leading to more Fitnah in the Society. 5. An insufficient dowry leading to verbal or physical abuse by the In-Laws has only created more room for the rising divorces. 6. Finding a suitable match for a daughter without a handsome dowry has become a tedious Job for the parents. 7. Parents are forced to sell their properties in order to arrange the required dowry. 8. Children have become pawns to this evil practice resulting in broken families, lack of Interest in education, unemployment, involvement in crime and other anti-social activities. After knowing about the above social evils, would you: 1. Be a proponent or an opponent of the Dowry System? 2. Would you like to be a part of the problem or be part of the solution? 3. Would you like to put an end to this evil practice or allow it to spread more? The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice. Page 44 of 64

Rights and duties Islam teaches that the relations between the spouses should be based on tranquility, love and mercy. These are very important concepts in Islam. These three summarize the ideals of Islamic marriage. It is the duty of the husband and wife to see that they are a source of comfort and tranquility for each other. They should do everything physically, emotionally and spiritually to make each other feel happy and comfortable. They must care for each other. They should not inflict any harm or injury, neither physically or verbally, on each other. Given the importance attached to marriage in Islam, it is necessary for those aspiring to get married to know their rights and duties under the institution. Knowledge of these rights shapes people’s expectations and prepares them emotionally and mentally for the relationship. Rights of Women in an Islamic Marriage: Long before other civilizations resolved the issue of whether or not women had souls or should be entitled to basic human rights, Islam gave rights and freedoms that were considered revolutionary to women more than one thousand four hundred years ago. (FOMWAN 2002). The Qur’an states: “Women have the same rights as men. Baqarah 2:228 and the hadith emphasized this: O people it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you (Last sermon of Prophet Muhammad (saws).” The right to Education The Muslim woman has a right to education, as the search for knowledge is enjoined on both men and women as a religious duty. This is very important because without knowledge, the act of worship is deficient and likewise the ability to contribute to family and societal development. Parents are responsible for their children’s education. The husband is supposed to teach his wife or provide for her to be taught. The Right to Choose a Husband The Muslim woman has a right to choose her husband whether she is a virgin, a divorcee or a widow. For the virgin who is often a young girl, parental guidance in the choice of a husband is recommended but her consent is necessary. A hadith related by Ibn Abbas shows that a young girl once complained to the prophet (saws) that her father gave her in marriage to a man she did not like. The Prophet gave her the option of dissolving the marriage. The Maliki School of Islamic jurisprudence allows the father to give his daughter Page 45 of 64

out in marriage under certain conditions, to protect the interest of the girl. Right to Humane Treatment The Qur’an as quoted earlier enjoins love, humane treatment and mercy for the wife. Live with them (women), on a footing of kindness and equity. AI Nisa 4:19. Marriage Contract A wife has the right to make stipulations in her marriage contract, which will safeguard her interests provided such requirements are lawful within the Shariah. An example may be the right to work outside the home. The Right to Retain Identity The Muslim woman is recognized as a person in her own right who can enter into a legally binding contract. She retains her identity on marriage and retains her father’s name. Role models in Islamic history such as Aisha bint Abubakar, the Prophet’s wife retained her fathers’ name. Economic Rights: The right to own property Women in Islam have the right to own property and other moveable or immoveable assets and dispose of these as and when they wish. Right to a Mahr marriage gift One of the conditions for making a marriage valid is the Mahr marriage gift, which the husband gives to his wife. The Qur’an states: (And give women (on marriage) their dower as a fine gift.) Surah Al_Nisa 4:24. The Mahr could be money or any asset and it is for the exclusive benefit of the wife and not her family. It is her right to use or dispose of it as she deems fit. Other conditions for a valid marriage are consent of the partners, and witnesses from both. It is recommended that a marriage is accompanied by publicity and a modest feast Walima. The Right to Work outside the Home The primary responsibility of the Muslim women if she has children is to ensure that she gives them proper upbringing – tarbiyyah – and makes her home an abode of peace and comfort. She also has the right to work outside the home if this will not affect her primary responsibility. Asma the daughter of the first Khalifa Abubakar worked outside the home as did many women in Madina. The Caliph Umar appointed Shaffa’a bint Abdullah bin Abd shams as a supervisor and administrator of the market in Madina (the equivalent of a minister in contemporary times. Page 46 of 64

The Right to Undertake Economic Activity The Muslim woman has the right to undertake economic activities. The Prophet’s (saws) first wife Khadijah was a wealthy business woman. Madina also had Muslim women merchants. Among them is Quaillah Umm Bani Atmara. Legal Rights: Right to Maintenance The Muslim woman is entitled to maintenance from her husband. This includes provision of shelter, feeding, clothing, education and security no matter how wealthy she may be. If, however, the wife contributes financially or by other means to the maintenance of the family, it is considered as an act of charity which will earn her reward from Allah. Right to Fair Treatment under Polygamy Islam allows a man to marry more than one wife but only if he is able to do justice between them. For those who cannot, they are enjoined to marry only one. Polygamy is the exception rather than the rule. The Quran makes justice a pre-requisite for polygamy. The Prophet (SAWS) said: whosoever has two wives and does not deal equitably between them shall come on the day of resurrection with half of his body paralyzed. (Abu Hurayrah). The Quran also states: You are never able to be fair and just as between two women even if it is your ardent desire. But turn not away from (a woman) altogether, so as not to leave her (as it were) hanging in the air. If you come to a friendly understanding, and practice self restraint, God is forgiving, most merciful. Political Rights The Right to Participate in Governance The Muslim woman has a right to vote and be voted for, to hold and express political opinions in public and private. Right to Consultation The Muslim woman has the right to participate in decision-making at the household level as a mother, wife, sister and in the larger society as a citizen and member of the community. Non-Material Rights: A husband is commanded by the law of God to:  Treat his wife with equity. Page 47 of 64

 Respect her feelings, and to show her kindness and consideration.  Not to show his wife any aversion or to subject her to suspense or uncertainty.  Not to keep his wife with the intention of inflicting harm on her or hindering her freedom.  Let her demand freedom from the marital bond, if he has no love or sympathy for her. The Husband's Rights: The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of her mate. She may neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better than the Qur'anic statement which describes the righteous people as those who pray saying: \"Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the joy and the comfort of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness.” (Al-Furqan: 74) This is the basis on which all the wife's obligations rest and from which they flow. To fulfill this basic obligation:  The wife must be faithful, trustworthy, and honest.  She must not deceive her mate by deliberately avoiding conception lest it deprive him of legitimate progeny.  She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband's right, i.e. sexual intimacy.  She must not receive anyone in his home whom the husband does not like. She may not accept their gifts without his approval. This is probably meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion, gossip, etc., and also to maintain the integrity of all parties concerned.  The husband's possessions are her trust. If she has access to any portion thereof, or if she is entrusted with any fund, she must discharge her duty wisely and thriftily. She may not lend or dispose of any of his belongings without his permission.  With respect to intimacy, the wife is to make herself desirable: to be attractive, responsive, and cooperative.  A wife may not deny herself to her husband, for the Qur'an speaks of them as a comfort to each other. Due consideration is, of course, given to health and decency. Page 48 of 64

 Moreover, the wife is not permitted to do anything that may render her companionship less desirable or less gratifying. If she neglects herself, the husband has the right to interfere with her freedom to rectify the situation and insure maximum self-fulfillment for both partners. She is not permitted to do anything on his part that may impede her gratification.” Page 49 of 64

Role of Parents and In-laws Wife’s Parents: The wife’s parents are required not to be too intrusive in their daughter’s family affairs. They ought to understand that too much pampering of their daughter, inviting her too frequently and for lengthy periods after the marriage may sometimes lead to conflicts and disagreements with her spouse and her in-laws. It also deprives her, the opportunity to understand and adjust with her new responsibilities and build up a close relationship with her in-laws. Parents and her siblings should restrain themselves not to incite or provoke her rather encourage her to tackle her situations with forbearance. For the Husband’s Parents: An employee who is hired by a company is made to sign an “Employment Agreement” that clearly specifies his duties and responsibilities as well as his remuneration, entitlements, benefits, holidays etc, etc. This contractual agreement safeguards both the employer and the employee in all respects during the employee’s tenure with the company. The employee is put on a “Probationary Period” for a minimum of three to six months initially. During this period he gets to know his job, his peers, his environment, his basic duties and responsibilities and all other matters related to his job. He is provided with the required orientation and guidance so that he understands his job well. Similarly, in Asian Countries where most of the women are required to live with their In- Laws after marriage, the daughter-in-law starts a new life in a totally new environment and has to live with people whom she does not know well. The family members would have different attitudes, lifestyle, habits, etc, etc. Under these circumstances, it is of utmost importance that the daughter-in-law be given a minimum period of three to six months as probation in order to understand the family and its environment. She should be provided with all necessary help, encouragement and cooperation so that she feels comfortable in the new environment and gets acquainted with the people around her. However, in most cases the daughter-in-law is ridiculed, given orders, commanded, and has to face criticism, disapproval, and condemnation for various reasons. Her independence and choices are suddenly suffocated. She is left bewildered. Thus, the saga of agony begins. Under such circumstances, suppose her husband too denies cooperation with her, she becomes a victim of despondency. Page 50 of 64