SCORCH - PANANAW Volume 3

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About the Cover You are mistaken, child. I have been merciful, and you have been blessed to live and die by my hands. Your anger is misplaced; hence, your wrath does not belong to me. Nevertheless, that does not render it unjustified. But what else can you mourn for but vengeance? Do you not have the audacity to question, coward? To whom does your tears belong? Why waste your time mourning for the dead, when it is already too late? Why have you not asked who is the grace of grief from, you ungrateful fuck? Do you really believe that everything will go back to normal? That the surge of happiness you enjoy will eventually plateau? Mortal, witness how you have been played and drown in the applause. Grief is not your enemy; I am your friend. I have been kind to you, I have embraced you ever since, child. I have always been there despite your denial—so save your anger for something else. For you survived, and I will struggle with you. You will be scorched by the flames of the truth but even more so by what you think is the truth. You are a fool to think that those who survived are the fortunate. Bastard, the unlucky are those who survived.



scorch PANÁNAW Volume III, Issue 1 The Official Literary Folio of CRESCIT, the official Senior High School Publication of De La Salle Lipa Copyright © 2020 by Crescit All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the Editorial Board, except permitted by Law. The Board reserves the right to edit and not publish entries for reasons of quality, relevance, aesthetics, and space. Any similarities to existing persons (living or dead), places, icons, and institutions are purely coincidental or were used in pursuit of creative excellence. For submissions, queries, suggestions, or feedback, reach us at crescit.pub@ gmail.com. Connect with us in www.facebook.com/crescitpub or at www.twitter.com/crescitpub for more updates. PANÁNAW is published by CRESCIT, the official publication of De La Salle Lipa Senior High School. 1962 JP Laurel National Highway, Lipa City, Batangas



Table of Contents 1 PROLOGUE I. StruAthLabVouAt TION 10 12 Letter from Judas 14 Calangitan 16 Jamais Vu 18 Bulong 20 The Beginning 22 Uling sa Mukha 30 Kapos 31 Pangungumpisal kay Padre Damaso 32 Hulagpos 34 Salamat 36 Tindahan ni Papa God II. StruYthSabTouEt MS 38 Letter from the Company 40 Dugo 42 Ang Tatlong Beses na ang Babae’y Magdurugo 43 Adobo 46 Bawal Umutang, sa Susunod na Lang 48 A Lucid Dream 50 Paano ba Gumagana ang Puso? 58 Kunduktor 59 Ang Pasikot-Sikot at Madugong Proseso ng Pagdaloy ng Dugo 60

III. truth about 62 SENSES Letter from Eve 64 Mahal kong Diosdado 66 Katuwiran 68 He Told me that this was Love 72 Rosas 77 Achilles’ Heel 78 Heaven on Earth Hurts Like Hell 79 Salamat, Paalam 80 Mahal kong Estella 81 IV. StruCthAaboRutS 84 86 Letter from Kian Delos Santos 88 Ayos Lang 90 Red Lines and Flat Lines 92 Kapag Umuulan 99 Of All 100 Act. 1 Encore 102 Shatter 104 You

V. StruCthAaboMut 106 108 Letter from Rodrigo 110 Gambit 112 Scripted 114 Again 116 Nang Malunod ang Isda 122 Mahal kong Taripa 124 An Epithet for Genius 126 Lied on Bed 128 Good Grief 130 Papadala VI. StruUthRabVoutIVAL 132 Letter from Edith Crown 133 Paano ka ______ 135 (Mabubuhay, Mamamatay)? Ang Mundo sa Perspektibo ng Isang Bulag 136 Asin 137 Consequence 140 Ang Paborito kong Damit 141 Subukan Mong Buhatin ang 148 Bato sa Iyong Rosaryo Mrs. Potato Head 150 Langit, Tubig, Impyerno 152

VII. StruEthLabFout 154 Letter from Adam. You. Us. 155 Baka Pinag-isipan 158 Devil in the Mirror 164 Mga Hindi ko Masabi 166 The Unperturbed Fame 167 Little 168 Biyahe Blues 170 Blank Canvas 175 Questions 178 Karagatan 180 The Life You Want 182 EPILOGUE 184

11 PROLOGUE scorch “Good evening, officers, I am Chief Inspector Ambrose Bosch.” “Right on time. Over here inspector.” The police officer lead the Bosch right up to the burned down house’s porch. Scene of the crime. “When did the fire start?” The inspector was straight to the job. Clearly experienced, based on how tall he stood and the air of confidence and authority surrounding him. He was unfazed despite the severity of the crime and the body count. He knew that whoever did this has to face the law. “According to witnesses, the fire started approximately at 20:00.” 20:00. The family who owned the house could still possibly have been awake when the asshole came in. The inspector glanced at his wristwatch. 22:13. Two hours and thirteen minutes. The perpetrator could have done so much in that amount of time. Change clothes, flee the city, destroy whatever it was he used to start the fire or, worse, do another crime. “Alright officer, give me the numbers.” The inspector commanded. “Yes sir. The fire of Mentiras Village killed 1. Male, 17, the son of family Verdad. 3 survivors. Mother, father and daughter, all injured but nonfatal.” The officer stated with a morose expression. No matter how long you have been in the force, you still would not be able to dodge the silent killer of a thought: “People were killed today.” “The survivors, have you questioned them, officer?” “Yeah but what they said doesn’t make sense. They were describing different people.” “Can you show me their statements please?” “Yes sir. Here they are” the officer says as he hands over papers from a folder he was clutching since the start of their conversation. scorch

PROLOGUE 22 Statement of survivor 01 TRANSCRIPT OF MRS. VERDAD’S STATEMENT Cabutian Precinct MRS. VERDAD: We just finished dinner. After a couple of minutes, we heard glass shattering. I checked the front door, the sliding glass door was still intact so it was probably where the shattering was. You have to know that our house is just small. No second floor. Extremely thin walls. My husband who was in the living room, doing something for work, grabbed a bat. I told my daughter to stay in her room. My son was in the kitchen and the kitchen was in the furthest back part of our house. We got to the kitchen and there was a man standing by the middle. The whole room smelled of gasoline. Before we knew it he was rushing out of the door he so respectfully shattered and the room… was burning. We tried to save our son but there was so much fire so fast. OFFICER: Do you remember what the man looked like? MRS. VERDAD: He looked neat and proper, not someone who gets charged arson y’know? He had a neat haircut. Prim and proper. He looked unfazed. His eyes were wide, it was like he was aware of everything around him. OFFICER: How about his movements? Notice anything weird? MRS. VERDAD: He looked like someone who doesn’t waste energy on unnecessary movements. He looked like he knew what he was doing. Systematic, but with intention to kill. And oh! I almost forgot the most important thing. He said that his name was Adam. scorch

3 FACIAL COMPOSITE 0f “ADAM” suspect to the Mentiras Village Fire

PROLOGUE 44 Statement of survivor 02 TRANSCRIPT OF MR. VERDAD’S STATEMENT Cabutihan Precinct MR. VERDAD: I was in the living room, preparing for a report then there was glass shattering. My wife checked the front door– nothing. I decided to stand up, grabbed a bat and then checked the kitchen. My wife tagged along. Then there she was. The floor was wet, probably gasoline, based from the wretched smell. My son was there. In the kitchen. He was snacking on some chips. We always told him not to eat junk food before going to bed. OFFICER: Do you remember what the suspect looked like? MR. VERDAD: I don’t know how this helps because I’ll just be repeating what my wife has probably told you already. OFFICER: It’s part of the process sir. MR. VERDAD: Well, she had shoulder length hair. She was tall, neat, and looked very aware of her surroundings. Like she knew what she was doing. OFFICER: Wait, sir. You say that the suspect was a female? MR. VERDAD: Yes, why? Did my wife say otherwise? OFFICER: Just… uh… clarifying, sir. Moving on, did you notice anything weird in her movements? MR. VERDAD: Well, besides trying to burn our house down, there was nothing weird. She was fit. A little creepy though. She just stood there smiling at us. Sinister. I also think that she isn’t a proper criminal. OFFICER: How so, sir? MR. VERDAD: Well for starters, she screamed that her name was Adam. Definitely a weird name for a girl and definitely no proper criminal does that. scorch

55 PROLOGUE Statement of survivor 03 TRANSCRIPT OF MS. VERDAD’S STATEMENT Cabutihan Precinct MS. VERDAD: Um… I don’t really remember much. I wasn’t there the whole time. OFFICER: Ah, yes, I have been informed. MS. VERDAD: But… I didn’t stay in my room, like what my mom told me to do. I was curious like, what the fuck was happening. So I tailed my parents into the kitchen. OFFICER: So, did you see anything? Like the suspect, for example? MS. VERDAD: Yeah, but not entirely. OFFICER: Can you tell me everything you remember? What he- uh… what the suspect looked like? MS. VERDAD: I didn’t get a clear look at him like, just for a couple of seconds plus, my parents were in front of me. All I can remember is that he had a man bun. Like… Harry Styles but dirtier like… his hairstyle wasn’t intentional at all. Like he just didn’t have the time to get a haircut. You know what I mean? OFFICER: Im… guessing you didn’t have the chance to observe his movements? MS. VERDAD: Yeah, totally. I just had a glance at the man, that’s all. Also, he introduced himself before fucking leaving. He told us that his name was Adam. scorch

PROLOGUE 66 The inspector was confused for a moment. “So, their name was Adam?” “From what they said, yes. The suspect’s name is Adam.” Upon hearing this, the inspector nodded his head. He caught something quite odd. “Officer, did you happen to check the mail when you got here?” asked the inspector before rushing to the eerie mailbox, still erect despite the chaos behind it. In the mailbox was a piece of paper. A note. Burned around its edges– barely readable. Whatever happened here, Bosch and the officers knew what they had to do: find the truth. scorch

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1A2dBa.mC,. ssw anaeidytth.utyhsaTouhIta,apIataunrwdnwt,deilaselwnprsdedilataleknthfdcaeorftnetdhawyatoeeutyoIfsui rnhroapmdlnrlaiofmnmnfoieeesthvreeieidnfrngtdyyottooourungifegaatutrheeaelsorw,tnifaooaftyny.thdthoeuirnneggoistthvoe,i tnolthmgearetawItpeilelrthwmeeiivlsehlseraiboern- , I know. I understand, Adam. Adam, my friend, the world is shi tty. I know. ttaho,binaougntsd.yoIBuBrusuutetnlyfdyouoeulricksjaeutansni’dttt cmkatheaanek’tpestydokuye’ooeuirnpeigmddpthooeiiisnnn.eggtrIsaahbllilketntoy.fowthYthioeunsygoeunsejehuaadsnvdettosnnbooeothtyibofnueegtectelatorn.bhfaoldedelon natihnero toGueanoqdbduo.ua.IltlIYyt’yotsou’upsrntamoonblatako kt,abilbjnoefuoguscthttiaeryyrcoouiutun,m,ffsoAitrhnataitdhntteeacdempl.ooeov.sseIsIniotbf’otis’tlyisltjoioeuvunserso tytlHaeannibtodmtoyu..youtouIy,fotau’thisalbtethtoledieaovocetikshnengrnowowti nlbaeedGylgioedev,e he doesMn’at ywbeanGtodyoudtooesexnisott.believe in you. God does not love you. Maybe o yadolusr.eauIdnsysTpheitoitansknkeaobttalyebtoh,oueuatsntidimtrta.eisgTtoohhtlwe.eetWAyoamolrulearnthlgeewufaimttrhedwttheiondtdh wosnwiownncge?hsokWicnheeaoswhbaauvleoftr,etotraeidedvdeyontehathvibseosa.rneydthmionnegethd- tst hhiioss.IwIedlIlok.ntn’owItwwilluaynnohudut erwyrt,souiltaalrnnlsddoaectIthhraeetatmliymtish’paaslsatescceurmdumee.i,ln,IagbnduthsateItittyo’cuthasinsheaafuvcfepce,ecbapetinevt ednth,asaIth.nadtthAteouryengouddh t by of

needed correcting so some thing has to be done, and you left me wi th no choice. no longeBr,eapndrepIarewdillforu nthaepowlogi techtichaullnyt,huarndt yokun.owThethiss:ouIl ywoui’llvefollolvoewd,you yaonudsterueskteids mweirthelyyouar dhaellfusdioonesthantotyoeuxicsatnnanotyymeortea, baannddothna.t Ithe wpeilrlsonnoat laentdyogua ithnerwdheunsht eaasvethneannudmbeainrgth cloolcdkspyuoluveoruizt,esanydou.I will le t you rus t Bu t jus t this once. If you find yourself baffled by predica- mamenentsdstha.t Ayous cIanknnootwbe, aarl,lItheshoepewyilolu efviendntutai mlley tpolaseteat tule, Ithemjusatnddomnaokt e dknoowi t bwyheynou.rsIeltf,wIill wgeillt wbeorsheerebetfo ormeedi tiagtee.ts be t ter, and if you cannot You have to change, Adam. The crowd a wai ts. Although, I cannot promise you, tha t we will s till be par t of the crowd. FWiorth thleovel,as t ti me Judas Iscariot

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SALVATION - 01 14 Calangitan tMKnn dgam mapaynaaagaiwuaalnggnluiialylsanmaignanmanw.bgingbasituaalansgaahnbtkdnaabiaaaaaaIS“mndatlgsmtsTnabadaahaiiadunnabnsbiakasiglgy,taumgunana’pnmotnraangouaayanilgaipugnbbakolmgbasapiaalginnai.tlgbnaa,ogiatiH-naaigml.atiaanbsrnMgnniwwpoynauao.dtrosmuidilNnronntanlolingbguaaiandimmnygtnimiiunmnahsgasaoCmgsiaaialaalyyuiakinmnaltauanaanlaa,lgaa.sggiatsipnaknnatoraaAaanggipnsanrnsairgnnacioAtaginlaraaknoaanwarnispawnng”taa,bariaggnskaaamgimstlnawngib-iaasanaauggsaadtwnmgitlpunliauaagiyiaengarm.tnasrskiaoPanbakkpaaragauoiaabdpsmnlwawnaaaiaangnlngyaynaaikgtnbgoigonnsaa-kanlgann.psistnaaisPaiaAaaiyntaya,naaaabnnantgsp.nglaangagiamenagnrsgrklkiygtgaitboabaoanonmiAsnunmnsipanainainaulyalanaisadabnrronmnasaaupigt.lrgglhaailaaiMknansmrabsaamigatiaaaymngamigkA.aitlmmaoyuNinoininnanrtgaaoaanadggrnktssngiaataamamri,annikaatkswnggawinaaialiaraathagkgniiu.ltlartaaiaikwSmainynnnbnaigaaay.iognaiaynnnagMstagg.anags “Aling Anastasia!” sinagkoanninyaaKnsiguynamgsaadtaamtaigtaapybahawitnaanndggi sbtiuyigmalanawanlaainglagnmoananndggamhgiaulymsakaaklsiananmgiyiataopn?agnkganpganitsi.aAnabna,! nAgnaoynong nayanlugmya-ri k ismaannbgieyssaatnnigggaHnahniaananadk.mi. nIosayanunglaitanlruaanmwgagalyaagbnaaalsignnsgugmskaabbnoainyhgaanyagnngbi akaklaiunnrigyaanAnnsgiaamstliagnsagiakA.aPpniiantsbatasaohsikaayikttoausnnaggmkpaoulalsinsagumpaa-ng lhg siaikittnindggaagomnonlgg.itBpiNbaernaaan’kgsttoiaidtbg,aumrangarmaoiilt.naaNa,aanbanngkagggiptikaasuu,asralnoiatng.ya.KymnSaaiaalttaallaaobankionigabngnignbigbapgase’pmatnlaiitgbntaaaaggnngrmgagamr“ggaJaapusrlodaaanapmgsoia”atnynnngaagannnlngoagagolksulbaaam,hlsamuiumglalaunaltitngbdaaninsnnagglssaniaabsaadpnp’utuaagisriboogtae..innNnguaghs-a s iya sa gitHniannagnakpanniiylaansigabliankgurAanna,sntaaskiaat.inHgianldaiastilnaankaahnigriatpi asanmsagpaaguklaapt.nakatayo lamang sa albular“y‘Wo.ag kang gagalaw!” sigaw ng kapulisan, habang nakatututok ang kanilang baril nkHAgsm iaaiyleygtnaasiaamliuyyhhbsoaamaan.kbrbagaoialy“PnnApbnugHgoanatnsuasgkninuadsugakygoankaoaitsnngatnasitdanbnuas.apgatgaGukaanittlgaisgaoataakbkannnaairtatgosnapanmwgnkaak.aaakpgaAlksasaanaalamnyaitsyogaynaaatolgagka.intakanIDasnpgog.iidatni“yanyaNnuogogabsnwany.”opgnagaaAgrtnutkiisinalhtayaatigag.paapnBaw.saalaNinsiiggmrnigaiyligtankbaani.insnugktiNiypuinntpaaasaignanonannlgggluniigaynhpgminonugagiaosmbAaasaomtaanannblragaabgiannsnapbtHgggaassisuniritayiik?daalamakaA.a’tysiNtgyuk!k”aanngitwiaiAgpantskiuankaknolllagogiablss?bsasinaiia?ntggtaiiastwnai g scorch

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SALVATION - 02 16 Jamais Vu horm upeonpncsoakdsriinrotoegwwlAynyso;pyuhHoi;iesiuorsrmpceipfynoaoegcussetis,hatieilrteietnneorttcoaocedh.iaiseAabshneqditms,uedeeiuevpestemearddneisnadogn.rbdBionuiulf.irfrnin.cdsHuitnlethgtleoodfoladekrisskvhnibnoeuefsostyyhaoaenundritncaathnesnedcetagikload.nySi,n.opTgmeiclrethhionianlplg.eshAsaitslatmenhadoerassdtdr,op That blew your fucking fuse. T hiendirmge, mphteibomrlhienatfYeopgrorsynulooaenulltatldissynahtosgmlooiyngudohat,uttaailtosysuhnymfi.ofmeYourorrieaunblaroaumenrnaeeutt.hfesuYeminmdopg.uienrirsgveh,disieanfaugcvereyyni.assWnefiddei,rtfhayr,neonfduretoitrmmiact.iegnY.rceiYietno,fguhtreisanwwnsuesafaslitrgsmu,atyereorheduilmyicno,utlnonaddmreaabmugaenns.tt-- t loovldedyoyuoutRhaeanptdlhyyein’olglu,mshhaeokcueolendvsreoerltyeutdhrnyinoigtutbwoeoitt.theHrc,ihshaegr’almlzeminmagk,eeht ioytonrueigyrshedta.nwJduosirttdwpsu.aHintc.etuinresidstdeedetphlyat; hhee R brienastehainngdOsrdleodpwleyea,dtt.hdaotwmna.dSeomyoeuiprrlaatciiodn, aalnwdawrmortshe,epnlciaunmt.bYeoreudr tyeoaursarnadnwderryealnudlleydoutor sleep. eA tgchaiinn,ghdeOeleonpockaensmdscobaruteh:rnitnhingelgyretiphnredisfilfeefesorhfednoaftrytkoonuyerosusch.aenedk.chill. Now, teardrops run down your face, Another blown fuse. hyoimurfsourfhfeAirsisnhegoc.lolonwd bvoarwrsa.gYeooupwene-rfeirbeadl.liWstiicth, yyeotuthr evoaiccceubrsoemdbsacrudminmg tehreelryogolmos,syeoduotvierrade cyyuoouumwtbheiatrhtediHhf,iyeysooatupouuplforcavohlleaafchonhirdmeidth,.eyeovweuhrbyisutphteiynrosgutwocioylluofulad.llHnionetppbllraaiccnaegt.eAysolyrueorausde; ylafltltiorisesdwtr,eiwkllee, ahhkeieminn.esHdis,etasd.niHdsaeerntme-lelsd No one can blame you. He beguiled many others too. Then strike three happened. down youNrofamceo;rneofnireewcoourklds aanndd narotnilelewryerbel.asts. Just the usual quiet, but now, no tears run Again, he stands there; he looks only slightly bemused. There he was, watching you as you died. Murdered by sorrow and time. All is well, he says. All is well. Yet it was never seen. and rereaIds;tyhoisu’allslloipasthhoedit,roinmoannecew?aIyt’soar afuntoilteherer.lationship. Capitalise the male pronouns scorch

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SALVATION - 03 18 Bulong Hindi na kailangan ng mabubulaklak na mga salitang magpapatamis ng ka- lagiman. Hindi tumutubo ang bulaklak sa dilim. Hindi na kailangan ito para maniwala dahil gusto la- mang paniwalaan ng tao ang nais nitong paniwalaan. Totoo bang mayroong Tagapakinig sa itaas o isa rin lamang ito sa mga katha- ng-isip para mapahimbing ang tulog? May pakialam ba ang mga ulap at hangin sa bawat katagang binubulong? Talaga bang ang lunas sa kawalang kasiguraduhan ay ang iyong mahigpit na pagpikit, pagkapit at pagbigkas ng mga salitang papuri sa Kanya? Tayo’y nag-iisa. Pawang Tayo lamang ang nandyan para sa ating sarili. Gaya ng gamot na nariyan lamang para bigyan tayo ng pag-asa na tayo’y gagaling. Pero hindi. Kaya anong silbi ng pagdarasal kung hindi naman pala papakinggan? Tangina. Paano mo nasabing ang Diyos ay iyong kasama? Hindi ba’t umugat sa iyong aksyon ang hinaharap at walang katotohanan ang mga tadhana? Katangahan at kamalasan ang dahilan ng iyong kahirapan; tiyaga at suwerte ang dahilan ng iyong tagumpay. Iyon lamang ang kasagutan at wala nang ibang may hawak ng iyong kapalaran. Paano ka nagtitiwala at naniniwala nang walang kasiguraduhan? Nang walang katunayang mayroon ka ngang pinaniniwalaan? Nagbubulag-bulagan? Hindi ba’t hindi naman nagkakaiba ang iyong paniniwala nang walang ka- tunayan at ang hindi makatarungang bulag na paniniwala? Patapon. Madaling maniwala sa gitna ng paglambing ng araw sa bawat araw ngunit naka- susuklam ang katahimikan sa tuwinang pighati ang nararamdaman. Subukan Mo akong bigyan ng mapanghahawakang tinig sa tuwina ako’y nanghihina nang sa gayon ay matahimik ang aking pangungulila. scorch

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SALVATION - 04 20 The Beginning HTAehlNdemeGaavtanerrredaetneo,ndspooaaffrwotEarodbkmeeidnatd—nhe—enaf;orpHuradireteamordefiadsidetts,eoisnaehdecedereee.ded;d; . TheTTmeoAmaosnpbeteraapyntiedHonntithm,secliuowtrhroieotmroseiatdtany,k——geliipatdeioprnprpgetlceeiidnxoetupdosritsbdopietia.tebe?.ide. Take a bite—evil is not aAGsd“blaaPamdadlny,ad,msIoyyrsoahb’usao’lbryles,opmjxtluoe—islardtksy,du”.eortlautibrot—elyudbnbteefhoheblodosl.elddr.p! ent, donning a devilish The man gaped at the forbidden tree. Vindicated, you SsAhimfatlepl“rlbAyaelb—wl,eeygienonfuosyorhrmlaeevvnbeoeielramtn, dmncooeoce—ekrlscoeinrn‘fMyuog.teleramr,”cnyeidta! nsaIedadndmaielnedag,mesgriarn.iknneenrr!i.’ng above in pure The man was reluctant. I guess, iAIttilgOsMiLtasthozahlA,neer“e“IdkDeY,cfssliwomieooeenuanhemsytrTe!ooda,rehw’Yrd,Ot,eeSonhoIsloufomredtaodna’—vmmoNarseon,lbi—aiifnhlcsunadhMko’idtmsidwdmteaaeoysefnynfrepvrdpe,aoaeeisloeientrrolfbnwascyyEsttde,e”ineavmtalioheIsfsfninoeecsahe,r.ihyasncabonckrmtoouhimebrcyryaree!c!regm.tomdolyoeyt.!r.nhyte,”. serpent. The woman was broken from her trance. Eve, my good girl—T“yaWokueoPrmaasbraodinuto,el,nsomumfrygeellm,yo,mreyyvmao—iycuetgInoaortarooyes.,k”da,tylhtooheutasmtae’srofipartve,eonpcrtrl?eosvnmetroi.r!ked, rejoicing in its A foToTAhl,hehcedreweewevodiaml,si!banHrncoaebkr’dientn,bat—tehee,etnhbmeueaastmenredihenaawgsdaaifnsnohclilnoooslnwltotreewudnm..t.ent! “If IAwtHoeHrpuemiwstoahpninltaieatn,my,lwueHastceshipgoisreuamrsnfecotclemotd,ue—idtnsttt—h,hieetinncwagjopoouaytlb,dHiHlbiietmeyw‘otTahfhsisneginkrBniiennignngi.ginn.ngi;ng’” scorch

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SALVATION - 05 22 Uling sa Mukha Naging tatak na ng umaga ng Linggo ang simbahang puno ng tao hanggang sa alwasan. Iyong mga tao? Linawin natin at bansagan natin silang mga nananampalataya. Naroon ulit ang magkaibigang pala-simba. Magaganda ang himig at saulo ang lahat ng dasal. Bukod doon ay mukha lang din nila ang tanging magaganda. Saulo rin nila ang lahat ng tsismis sa eskuwelahan. Mga hinayupak. Ang iba naman ay nakatayo sa tabi—kada segundo ay sinisiringan ang dalawa. Panay ang puna sa masasamang ugali. Ngunit pagtapak mamaya sa labas ng simbahan, mas tanda pa nila ang tsismis kaysa sa homiliya. Talaga namang walang liban ang elitistang pamilya. Bawat miyembro ay pinapalamutian ng mga bagong damit, sapatos, at alahas. Ang kanilang balat ay niyayapos ng kumikinang na ginto. Laging nakaupo sa pangatlong hanay, hindi sa kadahilanang nais nilang buong pusong magpasalamat. Nais lang nilang maging isang manikin sa harap, patikim sa mata, kung baga. Kita mo yung manang na iyon? Gaano kaya kabigat ang kaniyang pasanin at kanina pa siyang nagdarasal? Kapansin-pansin ang nakapintang lugmok sa kaniyang mukha ngunit mas kapansin-pansin ang pulang rosaryong unti-unting dumudulas sa kaniyang palad. Ay. Tulog lang pala. Uy, sister! Balita ko raw ay humihingi ka nanaman ng abuloy para sa simbahan at indulhensya. Kaya pala may allowance ka nanaman. 6:55 AM. Hingang malalim. Hinga paloob, hinga palabas. Isang oras lang ang tiya-tiyagain mo kasama ang mapagkunwaring mga nilalang na hinihintay ang iyong salita at basbas. Isinuot ko na ang aking abito at pinagtagpo ang aking mga palad. Ilang saglit lamang ay kumalembang na ang batingaw habang umaawit ang koro. Marahan akong lumakad papuntang altar habang nalalanghap ang maruming hangin na nakapalibot sa akin. Sa pagdipa ng aking mga kamay ay iwinika ko nang buong kabanalan at pagpapanggap: Sumainyo ang Panginoon. scorch

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24 hanggang saan ang iyong prusisyon para sa kaligtasan?

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SALVATION - 06 30 Kapos Simbang gabi na naman. Hay. Binalin ko ang tingin ko sa paligid at pinagmasdan ang napakaraming tao sa simbahan. Pang-ilang gabi na kaya nila? Ako kasi, gusto ko ikumpleto para nga naman sa matutupad kong hiling. Sabi raw kasi, pag nakumpleto mo ang siyam na gabi ng simbang gabi, tutuparin ni Lord ang hiling mo. Ang ganda ng simbahan na ‘to—ang ganda ng bahay mo, Lord! Yung iba’t ibang kulay na sumisilip sa durungawan, yung mga pintura sa kisame na bumubuo sa imahe nilang magkakapamilya. Para bang sobrang aliwalas ng pakiramdam na nakatingin sila saiyo sa itaas. Kita ko sa mga mukha ng mga tauhan dito, basang basa sa bawat sulok na bumubuo sa mga balat nila na umaasa sila sa liwanag na parating. Ramdam ko ang kanilang gunamnam sa Iyong pagdating, Panginoon ko. Lumabas ako sa simbahan saglit pagkatapos makadali ng siguro ilang daang tao rin para makahinga ng mabuti, umupo ako sa labas nito at namahinga. Hindi ko napigilan ang pagbuntong-hininga ko. Rinig ko na ang sigawan ng mga kampana na nangangahulugang tapos na ang misa. Pumikit ako. Pinakiramdaman ko ang yakap ng malamig na hangin na bumabalot sa gabi, at mahina kong sinabi ang matagal ko nang hiling. Lord, patira naman sa bahay mo. scorch

31 SALVATION - 07 Pangungumpisal kay Padre Damaso k umpisalBaaysnbaosoanngnAiyboripl o27a,k1o88P9a.dIrteo, spaopaangkgaatkaiknog amygnaakgaksaaslaalnaa. nA;ng huli ko pong nn higanapdgaiagkdsoinslNitayanaankgnaosg’kityiihtbaipank.oadyaiakpoiabndiggaipnka.atAptwulatamu. lHdkuionkPdaaindkaronepgkoukunsiwgneasindntyooananngagmsasik’nytgaanndgaalnnaagwkdaaawsmaapldaaagsmkaaitntatnniniikyaaapl,aos d mnpiegteroirosontmnoaraakyskaaNyomanakdagiaomknsaapiisngnaatnalaaangttaiahmnpkiionoawsa,d.agnilaaapgaaaknkdagoasppaOlaaatgDaliitkisoyoaotnsisnankaghotai,anphkdoiinins.dkgNoimpapanianiginatiomgiw.ianHahgliaankldaupkinaoptreaasnaisttaPoobasainahngigkninuhnonuioglyinonagngsoMapnaaagkhyiiknnaapal bHanarkaaiaibpnnwaad.gwniHsaniaipakpnmNaadnrraaiaaignpnabsangiasnabginyunagmani?stpgogaAiapagalnaaitnntunoggyhngmuogapnkdgikgogaaka,spoppana’ltamagadmntaarioraaneint.gknuAgatpkumnlaooyigiounknkbagoa,n’tmbykaaaaokaknagakodnykonigaal.gaukmspouaeappprmaoapnnapagtaaekmkyraoomanykaaiot.gsnPbuatuamiagmnsoagoabdtgkaensoyaaansnktaaoiikktnoooana,nnlgpagynaialidgalaarhatneay.gt sa Padre, makasalanan ako pero walang pakiramdam ng awa ang mundong ito. Pero teka, bakit ba ako nangungumpisal sa taong makasalanan din naman? scorch

SALVATION - 08 32 Hulagpos b p naaankaauntngaukpmdiKKnapnaaaapgpinlaaapgsgnaoignydkaouanmnwnmuoamm.yoabnpgaga-hainasaaigspaibiwlniabamkigkuakanna,ggskihanniaglnnatingryggaoadasnniasgymiosnaonyanonngngngpsiakyigmaa-sibkasaali.pyhAaaannnlaggnmpaknaanntgaoimmnkidaaloinbg,uanhntaiintakidnnuignnbgaat?aanmga nibS niaagytuboaarnlaagsdgikyoaaaPnknsauiagyanbnapdaousunamkaghanikil?niraaPanypkaagaganikktbiaaygasta?iainngphugoarsswaibdkaamo?nnSuggaratilaunininymoagtnnkimggotbiyanuotihynsaaagyny,lagikw?suHainnnagaansgmagbagatiaynaksnagudgskiukalinmamnoaaidtynaap?ynaaMgnmpalamaannna,gghmabakalaoilnaa?ynkaga Siya ba ay panghabambuhay? Sigurado ka bang sa susunod na buhay, pipiliin ka pa rin ba niya? sa amaiknignpgadBgimabgdaoimbn—aahgpasiilnm. auplaagabnangtmaainsaannggplaanhgakt ansgalmagyaupmauruu-gpoanrgonagngbimnughaatyanaot ninganlaagiayaannng ttianoinpgonhginNpdaaignakgkaioknpagkiipniliialginianlan?ng:aaknigngakdiinbgdikbresdaepnasniygaalm, kbaat.aIlitninuahtaayna, aktokbaabaabnagihlaahnapt anrgaaskainisgang anaynaggin-miuisdaaty?uoNtNkuagtlgoapkmnaagnammngagaalminhbgabalapinnaakgnaogksagnoi?gagkispianigtonntagsmamkaggaatnasityaakapnsoig?spNaangngtuaakkkaoilnatg?nAlaanmhgiaspbauakghaplaiaynygaatgwmkaloaamnbgaatnnayoiloanlnaanngg Naprapraning lang yata ako. aodaraalhisnildlaaannwggSaatanyab.omaSagiamyaaylau,irklkiaanaspyganamgakkaomagbnuaaakntmaaaswaaknlaaasninitgoaannym.gbKuliannamydibaopi’t.gaIlystiaaliinnnnainddsaaihnhaaidnkl aoakwadniagnbwigbganDabnaiaymkloaosanalmainngugaolltiPigaaannapmgga.dkgAaaamtingauudnmhiggaa.npnagg- Lumaki ako sa pamilyang Katoliko. katabsiayleigmtapYrraeun,nbsgaiysguaomemhis.aitmulboag.kMadaar-aLminignggoa,nngagndaagrualsaatlnpaasriatDi etuinwainngg angaakhaatunl,uhyaapnuknoa;n, scorch

33 SALVATION - 08 s pNpadakuaaitonlrsa’ewongnrgaaenrnsesmi;pylgiaaeahAmn.tgiotygNpeaoanygain-kisaksi.aamsatwPasasainieananlrg.notkaabgonkhe,agaasdshneiaissin.wtaMma’ktaigaaiaksinrplaoaa,.;amnhKhn,iiianhinkyydidaaani’instdnisnhiaiiyyg‘inynaagondnanalikialbnanonolaaiai-ngsabliiiikunwnboauoganknnlraogaasasgsstao-aaianmgPplaianaun-nhgsllgiuaespinnnn-ago-oggaod-onaankntapeaiwkyyaKoiaans,yrtkuoiasnantsyaaogatmPsykkoaiiaannnmbhatbuiiyptoitaloiaaPnnnnnioygglnaaito. At ito na nga. together,”“Gwiokdahsaasabmoiunnndi yPoaudrtewAo rtnogele.tHheinr,dainndawpihgailtaHn enihDasepinuttutomgaewthaern,ahnegwmilalhkieneap. Lumapit siya sa akin at bumulong. “Mahal, hindi ko alam kung sinong panginoon ang nakarinig sa mga hiling ko para makasama kita rito ngayon, pero alamin mo at tandaan mo ito: kahit hindi ako naniniwala na may kabilang-buhay pa tayo pagkatapos ng buhay na ‘to, pag dumating ang oras na mali ako, ikaw pa rin ang tanging hahanapin, pipillin, at pakakasalan ko.” ginhawa,Ibyaognknuas,nkgaatiaynakgahni.nihintay ko. Iyon ang paglilinaw na aking hinihiling. Hindi pa knuaggnkginaakanaaotkKaaaoilnlnaaggalamtitntoaiin,lyiau.antPutgeakrlsaooignymaanbaiiniyksnaoani.nygHansianeinyndagai rlkpayoinongpanakdaainnkkauisnnmaaasmkaalabaaiinblaaintintgsogaaannakakkisniuong.sguhpminapnaaignta.gmMabyinaa.slNaanmguknansiiyit,assanalaa kl uambaa,poatdsHaahubilmanliagntapkonooamta, anptgearppooasdnakdhoininliggsamkaoalwpataaknniannrggagmmadngaaamnsagalnimtkagnoagasniapgliintbaaanhwgaayityaokgnant.iiHtyilain.ndgihdaanhgiilnsga Kaya’t eto na. Sigurado na ako. s ickness a‘Nndaning thaenaultnhg,itnoahkaovenianPdadtroehAorldn,el kung handa ba akong tanggapin si Dein in Buong puso’t kaluluwa kong matapang na sinabi, Opo, Father. scorch

SALVATION - 09 34 Salamat Hindi ka tunay sa akin ngunit nagpapasalamat ako sa himbing ng tulog na regalo mo sa aking mga nananampalatayang mga mahal sa buhay. Hindi ka man nagpapakita ay nagpapasalamat ako sa imahe ng kinabukasan na nagpapakampante sa ulira nilang isipan. Salamat sa pag-asang sila lamang ang makararamdam. Sapat na sa akin ang makita silang papalayo nang papalayo sa kabaliwan sa bawat bayo ng rosaryong kanilang dinarasalan. Salamat sa pangakong buhay walang hanggan. Sa ganitong paraan ay hindi na sila mangangamba kapag pinag-uusapan ang halaga ng buhay. Salamat, munting panginoon. Pinananatili mo silang buhay. Ngunit gaano man kahaba ang prusisyon, wala pa ring diyos ang iiral sa akin. Subalit, sasabihin kong tunay ka sa taong binabangungot ng impyerno at naghahanap ng kapayapaan ng langit. scorch

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SALVATION - 10 36 Tindahan ni Papa God Eto na naman ang mga naghihimutok na mamimili. Ang daming reklamo pero balik pa rin nang balik. Isa na diyan si Aling Rosita na nag-iinit na sa galit. Nasaan daw si Papa God? Andami raw niyang ginugol na oras para sa kanya ngunit hanggang ngayon, nganga. Nasaan na raw ang mga santo’t anghel na laging hinahaplos ng kaniyang panyong may mukha ng itim na Nazareno? Oh Santo Peregrine! Bakit ngayon ka pa nang-indian? Libo-libo na raw ang kanyang nagastos para lamang sa mga kandilang itinitirik para sa kanila. Nasaan na raw si Mama Mary? Halos mamaga na raw ang kanyang labi sa kahahalik sa paa ng kanyang mga rebulto. Apat na taon siya nang matutong magdasal, pito nang magkamuwang. Ngayon, si Aling Rosita ay animnapu’t anim na taon na, suking-suki pa rin sa tindahan ni Papa God. Ngunit ngayon, sa kaniyang pagbabalik, hindi lamang galit ang laman ng kanyang puso— Pagmamakaawa. Pighati. Lumuhod siya at kinausap ang magtitindang matagal na niyang binibilhan. Papa God, maaari bang mai-refund ang aking buhay dati? Noong panahong ako’y malusog pa. Noong panahong kaya ko pang buhatin ang dalwang makukulit na bata gamit ang aking mga bisig. Maaari po bang ibalik ko sa inyo ang ibang problemang pasanin, ang ibang mga bagay na pinagsisisihan ko? Hindi ko naman po sila binili sa inyo. Bakit po parang mas mabigat pa sa aking mga pinamili ang inyong isinukli? Maaari po bang umutang muna ng pantustos sa mga gamot na aking kailangan? Alam kong ako’y inyong naririnig. Patawarin n’yo sana ako sa dami ng aking reklamo’t hinihingi ngunit kung hindi man mapagbigyan ang aking mga daing at hiling, maaari bang bigyan ninyo na lamang ako ng kaunti pang oras upang mapaghandaan ang aking kamatayan? scorch

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