Looking for Alaska

fall apart. And maybe that was the only answerwe'd ever have. She fell apart becausethat's what happens. The Colonelseemed resigned to that, but if theInvestigation had once been his idea, itwas now the thing that held me together,and I still hoped for enlightenment. sixty-two days after The next Sunday,I slept in until thelate-morning sunlight slivered throughthe blinds and found its way to my face. Ipulled the comforter over my head, butthe air got hot and stale, so I got up tocall my parents. \"Miles!\" my mom said before I even

said hello. \"We just got calleridentification.\" \"Does it magically know it's mecalling from the pay phone?\" She laughed. \"No, it just says *payphone' and the area code. So I deduced.How are you?\" she asked, a warmconcern in her voice. \"I'm doing okay. I kinda screwed upsome of my classes for a while, but I'mback to studying now, so it should befine,\" I said, and that was mostly true. \"I know it's been hard on you,buddy,\" she said. \"Oh! Guess who yourdad and I saw at a party last night? Mrs.Forrester. Your fourth-grade teacher!Remember? She remembered youperfectly, and spoke very highly of you,

and we just talked\" — and while I waspleased to know that Mrs. Forrester heldmy fourth-grade self in high regard, Ionly half listened as I read the scribblednotes on the white-painted pine wall oneither side of the phone, looking for anynew ones I might be able to decode(Lacy's — Friday, 10 were the whenand where of a Weekday Warrior party,I figured)—\"and we had dinner with theJohnstons last night and I'm afraid thatDad had too much wine. We playedcharades and he was just awful.\" Shelaughed, and I felt so tired, but someonehad dragged the bench away from thepay phone, so I sat my bony butt downon the hard concrete, pulling the silvercord of the phone taut and preparing for

a serious soliloquy from my mom, andthen down below all the other notes andscribbles, I saw a drawing of a flower.Twelve oblong petals around a filled-incircle against the daisy-white paint, anddaisies, white daisies, and I could hearher saying, What do you see, Pudge?Look, and I could see her sitting drunkon the phone with Jake talking aboutnothing and What are you doing? andshe says, Nothing, just doodling, justdoodling. And then, Oh God. \"Miles?\" \"Yeah, sorry, Mom. Sorry. Chip'shere. We gotta go study. I gotta go.\" \"Will you call us later, then? I'm sureDad wants to talk to you.\" \"Yeah, Mom; yeah, of course. I love