GUIDANCE CONNECTION-13&14

Issue no. 13 & 14, March 2022 Parenting is never about perfection. It’s all about CONNECTION. 1

Source:https//How to Let Go and Let Your Child Grow Up - WeHaveKids “Good Parents give their children Roots and Wings. Roots to know where home is, Wings to fly away and exercise what's been taught them”- Dr. Jonas Salk Letting Your Child Grow Up As children advance in school How to Let Go of Your Child There is no one way to or enter college, parents are confronted with the reality of tackle and move through stages of your child's devel- the child growing up. The parent is suddenly faced with opment. Every child requires different parenting, and letting go of that parental attachment they held from every parent will do their best based on knowledge, birth. This notion of \"letting go\" can create levels of anxie- experience, and available parenting tools. The follow- ty most parents have not prepared for, in an intensity they ing are basic tips to assist parents as they move did not expect. Many report experiencing feelings of through the difficult transition of letting go, when mourning and loss. When the time comes, it is much easi- that time comes. Starting early will help create a er said than done to break the parent-child connection good foundation upon which you can build successes and begin the establishment of a child's autonomy and at each critical stage of your child's development. independence. Learn to recognize the difference between your child's needs and your own. Set boundaries for your- Letting Go at Each Stage of Your Child's Development Cer- self; practice giving your child space to grow. Give tain events in your child's development mark the times your child a chance to master tasks alone and learn when you must let go and allow your son or daughter to from mistakes. Trust that the values you've instilled take another step toward becoming a free-standing hu- will inform their decisions. Acknowledge that you've man being. Whether it's the end of breastfeeding, the first done your best as a parent and that the hands-on day of kindergarten, going away to college, or a wedding phase of parenting does come to an end. Treat the day, letting go can be difficult for a parent. The teenage letting-go process as a transitional loss and grieve years are probably the most difficult, as you have less and accordingly; see a family therapist if necessary. As less control over your child's developing autonomy and your child matures, build a new relationship with need to make his or her own decisions. Your teenaged them that is less about dependency and more about child begins, in earnest, to move away from their depend- mutual respect, admiration, and a celebration of a ency on you. budding, capable young adult. Develop social, recrea- tional, and self-care activities to help distract from the life-long focus of parenting your children. 2

Overparenting: Recognizing Your Own Dependencies and Needs Becoming aware of the reasons behind your need to be a parent to your child indefinitely is a good place to begin your letting-go process. Sorting out those mixed feelings that prevent you from letting go is the first step toward understanding and conquering one of the most painful parts of par- enting. It requires looking within. Your emotional struggle could be due to a dependency on your child. In my work coun- seling parents, some have spoken about the strength of the \"love bond\" between parent and child, a bond that supplies the parent's need for love, affection, and companionship. They admit how this bond affects their ability to separate from the child, causing emotional conflicts and disruptions in their personal and professional lives. Signs of a Parent's Dependency on the Letting Go Creates Parental Guilt and Internal Conflict Parent-Child Bond The conflicts noted above are experienced by many par- • Delays in using a sitter to care for the ents, especially mothers. In these instances—most often child. occurring during the child's early development—feelings of guilt, conflicting loyalties, and internal struggles to • A frequent need to \"reconnect\" or check make sacrifices can overwhelm a parent. on the child's welfare at daycare, school, or college. The truth is, there is no other love that compares to the love a mother or father has for a child. Nothing can re- • Being unable to socialize or vacation away place the bond that comes with caring for and pro- from the child for long or extended periods tecting that child. Thus, a parent is operating out of pure of time. love, reciprocated by the child, which creates the in- tense, unexpected love bond that is hard to break. It's • Relationship conflicts stemming from de- no wonder parents have a tough time letting go and al- creased intimacy and quality time between lowing the child to become independent, no wonder a parents. parent experiences such an overwhelming flood of emo- tions and protective love when a teenager enters col- • Delayed weaning of child from your bed to lege. his own bed. This flood of emotion is only exacerbated by increased • Conflicts about obligations to career or reports in the media of violence in public school class- commitments to shift work, especially rooms, on college campuses, and in places of recreation where basic childcare or breastfeeding is which add to the gut-wrenching fear parents experience interrupted. when faced with having to let go of their children. My parents gave me the greatest gift anyone could ever give: They believed in me. —Jim Valvano 3

By Laraib Ghaffar I wonder if someone could explain this in words. No not What Is Family? at all, it is not easy to hold the weight of words describing family love. Yeah but someone can do the job nicely! The A family isn’t necessarily about blood relations-it’s one who has departed from his family members or the a group of people that function as a unit. Often, one who is unable to see the beautiful faces of his par- but not always, this includes parents and children. ents and siblings. The one who has pulled up stakes from his family will surely realize later, that he has lost some- Family can also mean all the descendants of a thing worth caring. They all can feel the importance of common ancestor. Some people consider their Mother love in it's intense form. They can realize the im- friends like family. However, when we speak of portance of father's intimacy and the confidence of shar- family love, the love you have with your friends ing tales with one's siblings. might or might not fit, depending on what type of relationship you have. Though sometimes out of anger and wrath we behave unfriendly but it does not mean that we don't care for You Can’t Always Choose Your Family each other. Family quarrels are bitter things but are of least importance. We should not care about these few You typically choose the person you want to start bitter memories but rather we must think about the ex- a family with when you’re an adult. You might isting love within our family members. choose children to adopt or bring into your family. Actually, a family is the building block of a society. Many But children have no choice about who is in the families when combined give rise to a social network. family group. You don’t get to choose your sib- lings, and you certainly don’t get to choose your If the building block of a society is scattered then imagine parents. Despite these limitations, family love still the bitterness that spoils the whole society! But if the flourishes. It isn’t always healthy love, but it is a family members are linked to each other with the strong deep connection, nonetheless. bonds of love and intimacy, a prosperous society will be developed. What Strongly Affects One Family Member Affects the Others Family members are amongst those few people in this present day world, who will genuinely worry about you. When one member of a family experiences a pro- They will always be there for you, to fall back upon when found loss, the other members of the family are you have been disillusioned with the outside world. usually affected by that person’s distress. A family Though at times it feels that they are interfering too member who has lost their job or a friend typically much in your life, it's only because they care for you. If expresses their emotion in some way, whether sometimes you feel bad about them, do focus on your they intend to or not. Their behavior might mistakes and errors and be sorry for them. change, and they may have less capacity to man- age daily living. The other family members feel the In family life, love plays the role of a magic bullet which effects directly or indirectly. helps you to overcome all the difficulties that come across your path. You are able to share all your sorrows \"There's no vocabulary for love within a family, and pleasures also with people who really love you and love that's lived in but not looked at, love within care for you! The love of your family is your ultimate con- the light of which all else is seen, the love within fidence and strength, so take care of your family mem- bers and truly love them before it's too late and you have which all other love finds speech. to repent on your carelessness. This love is silent.\" 4

It’s Unconditional Love -Mary Elizabeth Dean Healthy family love is unconditional. No matter what Building Family Love the other family members say, do, or feel, you still love them for who they are. You might have completely Healthy family love is a choice that starts with the parents. It different opinions and political views. You might isn’t something that happens without thought and dedica- strongly disapprove of something another family mem- tion. There are several ways to build healthy family love ber does. You might even have to remove yourself throughout the lifespan of the family. from the family situation. In a sense, they are still your family and always will be. Encourage Healthy Development and Independence You Face the Challenges of Living Together As your child gets older, they develop new skills and abilities. They have more opportunities to explore their world as they Living in a family unit usually means sharing a living develop the independence needed to choose their activities space. Privacy is limited because of your proximity. You outside the home. As a parent, you need to encourage their must share certain belongings, such as dishes, appli- development into an emotionally strong, healthy adult. Give ances, and furniture. You compete for the other family them the tools they need to learn. Give them support as they members’ attention. What’s more, to keep that space find their own identity. peaceful, each family member needs to respect the rights of the others to whatever degree is possible. Value Each Family Member For example, an infant is a member of the family, but No family member is more important than any other. Each they aren’t capable of understanding how to respect family member is valued as the unique person they are. other family members. The more mature that person Show each family member that you appreciate them every gets, though, the more they need to be mindful of how day. Tell them you love them. You can also show them your their behavior affects others. love through gestures, facial expressions, and touch. You Have Family Traditions Be Kind Nearly every family has traditions. Family traditions Kindness is sometimes undervalued. Kindness, though, is a may relate to holidays, but they can also be associated hallmark of healthy family love. Not hurting others unneces- with other special days, situations, or rites of passage. sarily must be balanced with self-esteem for authentic kind- If all the family members follow the traditions of the ness. Be kind as a family member. If you’re an adult, encour- family, everyone knows what to expect. However, age your family members to be kind to each other. when something disrupts a family tradition, family members may feel disappointed or even distressed. Make Time for Each Other You Share Family History A family that lives under the same roof but spends no time together doesn’t have the opportunity to develop and main- Families comprised of parents and their biological chil- tain healthy family bonds. If the parents are so busy with dren share a history that goes back generations. Even if their adult lives that they ignore their children, the family a child is adopted, they share their family’s story. The can’t be healthy, and the children suffer. Give your family history of the family influences the current relation- members enough of your time to enjoy a strong connection. ships between family members, so it’s important that everyone resolves old hurts and misunderstandings to Practice Forgiveness have healthy family love. When you don’t forgive a friend, it’s easy to let them drift 5 out of your life. However, when a family member has wronged you, it’s much more difficult to give up that rela- tionship. You need to forgive your family members to re- establish healthy bonds after the conflict has been resolved.

SOURCE:A Guide to Parenting During a Pan From TV to smartphones to social media, our lives are dominated by 24/7 media their media use. Parents, help your children balance their online and off -line liv • Screens should be kept out of kids' bedrooms. Put in place a \"media curfew\" at mealtime and bedtime, putting all devices away or plugging them into a charging station for the night. • Excessive media use has been associated with obesity, lack of sleep, school problems, aggres- sion and other behavior issues. Limit entertain- ment screen time to less than one or two hours per day. • For children under 2, substitute unstructured play and human interaction for screen time. The opportunity to think creatively, problem solve and develop reasoning and motor skills is more valuable for the developing brain than passive media intake. • Take an active role in your children's media ed- ucation by co-viewing programs with them and discussing values. • Look for media choices that are educational, or teach good values -- such as empathy, racial and ethnic tolerance. Choose programming that models good interpersonal skills for children to emulate. • Be firm about not viewing content that is not age appropriate: sex, drugs, violence, etc. Mov- ie and TV ratings exist for a reason, and online movie reviews also can help parents to stick to their rules. • The Internet can be a wonderful place for learn- ing. But it also is a place where kids can run into trouble. Keep the computer in a public part of your home, so you can check on what your kids are doing online and how much time they are 6 spending there.

ndemic (reedleyschool.edu.ph a exposure. Despite this, many children and teens have few rules around ves! Create Your Personalized Family Media Use Plan: • Discuss with your children that every place they go on the Internet may be \"remembered,\" and comments they make will stay there indefinitely. Impress upon them that they are leaving behind a \"digital footprint.\" They should not take ac- tions online that they would not want to be on the record for a very long time. • Become familiar with popular social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You may consider having your own profile on the social media sites your children use. By \"friending\" your kids, you can monitor their online pres- ence. Pre-teens should not have accounts on so- cial media sites. If you have young children, you can create accounts on sites that are designed specifically for kids their age. • Talk to them about being good \"digital citizens,\" and discuss the serious consequences of online bullying. If your child is the victim of cyberbully- ing, it is important to take action with the other parents and the school if appropriate. Attend to children's and teens' mental health needs promptly if they are being bullied online, and consider separating them from the social media platforms where bullying occurs. • Make sure kids of all ages know that it is not ap- propriate or smart to send or receive pictures of people without clothing, or sexy text messages, no matter whether they are texting friends or strangers. • If you're unsure of the quality of the \"media di- et\" in your household, consult with your chil- dren's pediatrician on what your kids are view- ing, how much time they are spending with me- dia, and privacy and safety issues associated with social media and Internet use 7